The mare who laughed

by sykko

Bad days and unfunny jokes (edit)

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That night, the Mare Who Laughs orders her thugs to smuggle the bodies of the three reporters into their apartments and have the locks jammed shut while she edits all three videos. In the morning, she places the three video cassettes into simple parcel envelopes and addresses each to a different TV station. Sitting at a vanity, she massages her cheeks until her smile turns into a neutral expression. She smears tan makeup on her coat and slips a plain blonde wig over her mane. Pinning up her tail, she attaches blonde extensions to it. For the final touch she scrapes some of the makeup off her flanks in a simple hopscotch pattern. "Not very flamboyant, but it will do", she chuckles.

Picking up the envelopes, she walked out of her office and turns to several henchponies, "Secure passage to Whinnyapolis and get me several magical restraining rings, I've got some wonderful plans for the future!" She heads out for a few hours dropping off the envelopes at three different post offices and walking around town listening to the gossip. Making her way back to the warehouse where several of her henchponies met her carrying a body bag.

"We found a way to get you to Whinnyapolis, though you may not like it.", a henchpony said, "You'll have to pretend to be a dead body headed for the morgue there. A couple of the boys will meet us at the train yard with the magic restrainers."
Taking off the wig, her mane went poofy as the unnaturally wide smile spread across her face. Unzipping the body bag, she took out the corpse of a stallion and propped it up next to her. "Don't worry old chum, stiff upper lip! I bet you seeing me like this makes you get stiff! I've heard of scared stiff, but this takes the cake!", she joked while laughing. When the henchponies just coughed nervously, she yelled, "You colts wouldn't know funny if it kicked you in the fucking nuts!" She crawled in the body bag as several of the henchponies donned jumpsuits and caps disguising themselves as railroad workers. Zipping the body bag up, they loaded it on a wagon and set off towards the freight train bound for Whinnyapolis.

That night as the train stopped at a checkpoint, one of the henchponies unzipped the body bag hiding the Mare Who Laughs and helped her out of it. As the door opened another henchpony said, "Come on boss! The army is doing a check on all the body bags. Don't worry, we secured a carriage for you." The group quietly scrambled away from the train and down to the road. They helped her into a waiting carriage. "We'll be nearly to Whinnyapolis by tomorrow evening."

"Good good!", the Mare Who Laughs cackled hoarsely as her mane hung limply, "I have some ideas to die for! Heeheehee-hahaha-hoohoohoo!"
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Back in Ponyville, Monochrome had taken over Twilight's basement laboratory, much to her chagrin. Coolers were stacked up all around the laboratory filled with hundreds of blood and tissue and blood samples from the victims of the Manehattan attack. Monochrome sat at the desk, his head laid on his notes as he slept. He would twitch or mumble incoherently as his dreams were filled with the horrifying sights, sounds and smells of the war eight years ago.

Upstairs Twilight was talking quietly with Celestia who had come to visit. "Something's not right with Monochrome, Princess.", Twilight said, "He barely sleeps and when he does, he thrashes about mumbling before waking up covered in sweat."

"Twilight, Monochrome fought in the Diamond Dog War eight years ago.", Celestia explained, "Though he only served for a year, he saw and did some pretty terrifying things. When a pony goes through something like that, it changes them and leaves a permanent wound on their mind. I wouldn't want to meet a pony who's okay after that. You should visit a veteran's hospital, there are entire wings filled with ponies who cry hours at a time, others tremble constantly and others retreat completely into their own minds becoming catatonic. On one of Monochrome's first tours, nearly his whole squad was killed in an ambush."

"Survivor's guilt combined with PTSD!", Twilight gasped, "I read something about those two disorders a few months back." She ran to a shelf and pulled down a copy of psychological disorders and mental illnesses volume three. Plopping the book down on a table, she opened it to the section on survivor's guilt as Celestia walked over a read over her shoulder.

"Survivor's guilt.", Twilight read out loud, "Individuals dealing with survivor's guilt are often wracked with feelings of intense guilt or regret after witnessing the death of family members, friends or innocents to sickness, violence or accidents. Individuals most commonly affected are caretakers, rescue workers and soldiers. Common symptoms are self-blame, depression and thoughts of self harm or suicide. In extreme cases individuals may become violent or swear oaths of vengeance."

Twilight quickly flipped to the section on PTSD and read out loud, "Post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), sometimes called war shock or battle fatigue is caused when an individual is a victim of or witnessed or made to participate in violent actions. Common individuals suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder are soldiers who have seen combat, law of enforcement officers who are forced to engage in violent altercations with criminals or witnessing particularly gruesome come scenes especially involving foals, survivors of domestic or foal abuse, survivors of rape especially victims of sex slavery, rescue workers witnessing the death of innocents especially if the dead are foals or the elderly/infirm and survivors of serious accidents, cave-ins or fires. Common symptoms of PTSD are insomnia, reliving the traumatic events in the mind, depression, migraines, anxiety or other nervous conditions, thrill-seeking or participating in dangerous actions, thoughts of self harm or suicide. In extreme cases individuals may display violent actions(common for soldiers that have experienced combat who are startled or placed under extreme mental stress), schizophrenia, dissociative personality disorder, complete personality change." Twilight raised her head and her eyes widened in an epiphany moment. Snatching up the book, she ran down to the basement with Celestia on her heels.

Reaching the sleeping Monochrome, Twilight raised a hoof and tapped him on the shoulder, "Monochrome, I-URK!"

Monochrome snapped awake his mind still in the war, lunged at Twilight and screamed, "DIE DIAMOND DOG!" Pinning her to the floor, he pressed a hoof into Twilight's throat choking her.

Celestia immediately recognized what was happening and shouted, "AT EASE SOLDIER!"

Monochrome snapped back to reality, seeing Twilight coughing and gasping. He stared at his hooves seeing them covered in blood, a tear ran down his cheek. When Celestia walked forward slowly, he screamed scrambling away in fright and huddled in the corner trembling.

Twilight rose from the floor with a help from Celestia. She walk over to Monochrome, extending a hoof and said, "Monochrome, are you-"

"STAY AWAY!", Monochrome screamed in panic and horror, "I'M A MONSTER!" He hid his face in his hooves, his sides heaving as he wept bitterly.
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As the carriage carrying the Mare Who Laughs and her henchponies began reaching the outskirts of Whinnyapolis a henchpony said, "So boss, what's the plan?"

The Mare Who Laughs mane became a pompadour as she giggled maliciously. "I have something in mind so beautiful and delicious that it will put a smile on everyponies faces!", she cackled as her eyes burned with malicious light, "Just tell the boys to keep to the industrial district."

After they reached Whinnyapolis proper, the carriage was ditched in an abandoned building. The Mare Who Laughs hastily cobbled together a disguise from soot from a nearby fire barrel and some clothes taken from a homeless ponies that the henchponies beat to death before dumping their bodies down a ponyhole.

The Mare Who Laughs set up a new headquarters in an abandoned sugar refinery. The next day her steamer trunk was brought to her. She sent out henchponies to get city plans and copies of building permits. When they were delivered to her, she laid them out in her new office combing them over. Her mane went poofy as she drew smiley faces over a candy factory, a makeup manufacturer and an asylum. She double checked the building permits for the candy factory and the makeup manufacturer.

Passing the building permits to some henchponies, she said, "Find out who owns them and inform the owners that a business mare wants to buy into their companies!", she laughed maliciously. Tapping a hoof on the city grid, she turned to another group of Henchponie, "Go inside and disguise yourselves as dis-orderlies. See who is significantly pliable." When the henchponies didn't laugh her mane became limp and hatred burned in her eyes. "Laugh! It's a funny joke!", she said hoarsely with a chuckle. The henchponies laughed nervously. She threw her head back in hoarse malicious laughter, "The next time I tell a joke that you don't laugh at, I'll carve you a smile so wide your head falls off!"

A muscle twitched in her cheek as her mane became poofy. She shooed the henchponies off. After the henchponies left she began to laugh uncontrollably, "HAHAHHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahhaaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! It looks like I'll be expecting a visit from a princess tonight!" She set up the old rickety office chair in the corner and waited for night. Once it got dark, she leaned back in the chair and let herself drift to sleep.

Luna was drifting through the dream aether, calming the nightmares of terrified and traumatized ponies so she could help them sleep well, when she came across a strange dream. She dove into the dream and found herself in a constantly shifting maze. As she trod through the maze, statues and shrubbery sculptures leered down at her with unnatural smiles as laughter echoed from everywhere. "It seems somepony was expecting me and thinks to lay a trap.", she rumbled in her throat. "If thou thinkest that thou can wrestle with us, then thou art most mistaken! This is our realm and we reign supreme here!", she called out in the royal voice.

Luna was answered by intense malicious laughter and the sickly sweet stench of decay. "Very well, knave. If thou seekest to test thy mettle against us, then let us show thee a taste of our power!", Luna shouted in the royal voice. With a flap of her wings, she dispelled the maze into a black plain.

Soon the plain was replaced by the streets of Manehattan, filled with dead bodies of ponies whose faces were twisted into rictus smiles. One by one the bodies began to rise surrounding Luna. "Why couldn't protect us princess?", the first freshly risen body said with an unnatural smile. "Why didn't you save me princess?", an unnaturally smiling filly asked. Soon the bodies began asking, "Why didn't you save us?"

"ENOUGH!", Luna shouted, spreading her wings dispelling the bodies, "Show thyself, knave!"

The cityscape fell away into a small dark room that had a studio door with three laughing faces on it, a sign hung off it reading, "Enter your royal hiney-ness".

Luna slowly opened the door revealing a lone room with a spotlight in the center turned away from her. "We know a trap when we see one, knave.", Luna hissed, "Thy attempts are petty and foalish." A wall appeared behind Luna and rushed up shoving her into the room. "Very well! We shall play the game for now, jackanape.", Luna growled, the anger slowly growing in her.

Luna slowly stalked around the mirror, she saw a pink mare inside crying. When the pink mare saw Luna she began to shout and beg with silent words as she pounded on the mirror. Luna reached a hoof to the mirror to break it when the pink mare recoiled in horror pointing a hoof. Luna snapped around to three solid white mares with green manes walking up to her laughing. The first one’s mane hung loosely, the second one’s mane was poofy, the third one’s mane was a pompadour.

Luna raised her eyebrow in contempt. "Three of you.", she snarled. Luna reached out with her power to look for signs of a shared dream. "Nay, 'tis not a shared dream.", Luna said softly, "Three shares the mind with a fourth that they keep hostage."

The first mare clapped her hoof together sarcastically. "Heeheehee-hahaha-hoohoohoo!", she laughed hoarsely, "Took you this long to figure it out? And here I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"

"Silence, knave! Thou hast no right to address us in such a manner in our realm!", Luna growled dangerously.

The second mare laid a hoof melodramatically on her forehead. "HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha!", she laughed maniacally, "You wound me princess! Has all that time on the moon robbed you of your manners? This may be your realm, but it is my house!"

"Thou mockest us! The Princess of the Night and the Mistress of Dreams?", Luna snapped.

"Ah-heeheehee-oh-heeheehee-oo-heeheehee!", the third mare giggled maliciously, "I do mock you. But I also come to show you that you're powerless to stop my plans!"

The three mares walked past Luna and shoved the mirror into the darkness.

"Show thy plans, jackanape, so that we can see the looks on thy faces when we dismantle them and throw thee into a dungeon!", Luna snarled.

The first mare leaned to the side revealing the lands of Equestria flooded with blood as the buildings burned and the ponies laid dead with smiles on their faces.

The second mare leaned to the side showing Celestia screaming as a crooked smile is carved on her face.

The third mare leaned to the side showing Celestia with a clown pattern carved on her face crying before a dead gnarled tree. Luna was hanging dead from one the branches with her cheeks split open in a twisted smile.

The three mares looked past Luna laughing causing her to turn her head. She gasped in shock seeing Twilight using the element of magic. "How do you plan to stop us...", the first mare cackled. "...when you can't even guard your thoughts...", the second mare continued laughing. "...oh what a tragically delicious turn of fate!", the third mare finished giggling.

"NAY! THOU SHALT NOT HARM OUR FIRST AND DEAREST FRIEND! IF THOU COMEST NEAR HER, WE SHALL CAST THEE HEADLONG INTO THE DEEPEST PITS OF TARTARUS!", Luna screamed in rage. She scattered the dream with a mighty flap of her wings.

"Tell your 'friend' to not interfere in our plans and she may just yet survive!", the three voices laughed out of the darkness.

Luna snapped her eyes open as she came out of the dream aether. Dread filled her as she ran through the palace hallways. She dodged around or teleported past the night guards. Bursting through Celestia's door, she shouted, "SISTER!"

Celestia sat up taking the mask off her eyes. Looking out the window she saw it was still dark. "It's the middle of the night, Luna! What's the-", her words caught in her throat seeing the fear and panic on Luna's face. "Luna? What's the matter?", Celestia said gently rising slowly from her bed and caressing her sister's cheek with a hoof.

"I just encountered the terrorist in the dream realm!", Luna said trying to slow her heart, "Take me to the elements, I need to confirm something." Tears began to flow down her cheeks


Author's Note

Special thanks to The_Darker_Fonts for the edits, go check out his page and show him some love.

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