The mare who laughed

Celestia rubbed her chin in worry and thought. "That is disturbing. I'll have to put Calligraphy back onto the criminal's scent."

Midnight scowled. "Bulwark isn't going to be happy with that. I thought he was going to bash your skull in when Calligraphy came back from the war sick."

"Who's to say he doesn't already know?", Celestia retorted, "Now let's go to the medical wing. You should meet your great-grandfoals properly. I'm sure Twilight Velvet will get you a proper scolding for being gone so long." Celestia quickly summoned an aide. "I'm going to visit Twilight for a few hours. Please reschedule or cancel all non-essential meetings. And if Blueblood tries to slither back to beg for more bits, have him tossed in the dungeon for the night." After the aide bowed, they began walking to the medical wing.

Walking through the halls of the medical wing Midnight stopped at the door to the cafeteria. Celestia stopped seeing her baby brother had done so.

Midnight took a breath, held it for a second then let it out. He saw Twilight Velvet sitting at a table halfheartedly eating some breakfast. He walked in bracing himself for what was to come.

Twilight Velvet looked up from her tray seeing Midnight walking towards her and dropped her fork in surprise. Rising from her seat she said, "Granddad?" She ran over and hugged him.

Midnight was surprised that his granddaughter hugged him instead of giving him a dressing down for being gone so long, he wrapped a foreleg around her pulling her in close. "I am truly sorry for being gone for so long."

As Twilight Velvet nuzzled into Midnight's neck she said, "I'm still mad at you for up and disappearing without even saying goodbye. You know you missed the birth of Twily, her becoming Aunt Celestia's prized student, all the times she saved Equestria, Shiny becoming captain of the Royal Guard and his engagement to Princess Cadance. But I'm still glad to see you."

"I regret all of that and much more.", Midnight said softly.

"I still owe you twenty-three years worth of scolding.", Twilight Velvet said parting the hug, smiling, "You know Shiny is probably going to dress you down too. But that can wait until later, for now you need to meet your great-granddaughter."

Twilight velvet and Midnight entered into Twilight Sparkle's room where she and Cadence were arguing.

"No! I want the terrorist to know I'm alive and well, so she knows that she failed!", Twilight insisted.

"I know, Twilight, but there is a greater advantage if this criminal thinks you are in a in a coma for right now.", Cadence argued back calmly, "If she finds out you're alive and well she may come after you again or your friends or Spike or your brother or your parents or the families of your friends in an attempt to lure you out into a trap. We must for now play like this is a game of poker, we may have been dealt a bad hand, but we know we have an ace hidden under our mane. Right now that's you."

Twilight scoffed in disgust. "I prefer chess. You set your trap and you move your pieces to lure your opponent's princess in to conceal your true intentions."

"I've always been partial to liar's dice myself.", Midnight chimed in as he entered the room, "But I see no reason why we couldn't play a combination of chess, hold 'em and liar's dice with this criminal."

Twilight and Cadance were startled by the entry of Midnight, the latter immediately taking a defensive stance.

"Easy, dear cousin.", Midnight said calmly, "I mean no harm."

"Wh-who are you?", Twilight asked with a surprised expression.

Twilight Velvet walked in the room. "Twilight, I want to introduce you to your great-grandfather, Prince Midnight."

"Great-grandfather?", Twilight said with surprise. She stared, her mouth a gape before finding her senses and closing her mouth. "Does that mean that me and Shiny are royalty?"

"Technically.", Midnight replied, "But my brother, sisters and I have always kept our children secret from public knowledge to protect them from any political repercussions or attacks."

"Brother? Sisters?", Twilight asked herself inquisitively, "You're the first male alicorn I've ever seen. Though I've heard some of the staff talking about another male alicorn walking around the medical wing. I always thought that Celestia, Luna and Cadance were the only alicorns."

"My brothers chose to leave the court life behind centuries ago and we kept their locations secret from the general public at their wishes.", Celestia said walking into the room. She gestures her hoof for Bulwark to join her in the room.

Twilight's eyes went wide as her breath caught in her throat at the massive alicorn stallion that entered the room. If it weren't his slate-grey flowing mane and gentle blue eyes, she would have sworn he was a bronze sculpture come to life. As his calm but stern gaze looked her over she let out her breath. Twilight noted that compared to Midnight and Celestia, Bulwark was absolutely massive.

Celestia nudged Bulwark's shoulder with a hoof. "Go on. Introduce yourself to your Great-grandniece, don't be shy."

"Greetings, young Twilight Sparkle. I am Prince Bulwark.", Bulwark said in a smooth deep rumbling tone.

Twilight went to speak but found she could only squeak. She let out and took in a few deep breaths trying to regain her composure. When she went to speak again, her voice came out in a breathy whisper, "How do you do Prince Bulwark? My name is Twilight Sparkle."

Bulwark gave a small smile to Twilight before turning to Cadence, "Greetings young Princess Cadence. If I may ask, whom of my three siblings is your parent?"

Cadence found herself almost hypnotized by Bulwark’s gaze. She quickly took a breath to gather herself before answering, "I never knew my parents as I grew up in an orphanage. To the best of knowledge I have no alicorn heritage. I found myself one day in a solid white place as an alicorn when Aunt Celestia found me."

"Hah!", Midnight laughed as he clicked a hoof on the floor, "I'd love to see the look on old Starswirl's face when he found out that Clover was right and that mortals could become alicorns."

Bulwark glanced his eyes momentarily over to Midnight before looking back to Cadance. "What do you rule over, little cousin?"

"Love in all its forms, but mostly the romantic and passionate versions.", Cadence replied.

Bulwark pursed his lips thoughtfully for a second before giving a knowing look to Celestia and Midnight. The three nodded in silent agreement. Bulwark walked to Twilight and gently laid a hoof on his forelimb. "I wished we could have met under happier circumstances, great-grandniece." He nuzzled her cheek then wrapped a gentle hug around her neck. Twilight could have sworn she heard him sniffle, but when he pulled back his face was still as gentle and stoic as ever with no trace of even a tear.

"Guard her well.", Bulwark said to Cadence softly as he left the room. The other two alicons left the room following their older brother.

The three alicorns walked through the twists and turns of the castle. "I do not approve of you using my son as your thief-taker general, Celestia.", Bulwark said in his soft, deep rumbling voice.

"Luna was complicit with me. It was even her initial idea to request him. But you are right, as the eldest sister I should have chosen another.", Celestia said hanging her head, "If you ask it of me, I shall recall him immediately."

"No.", Bulwark whispered, "I do not approve, but I won't divide us by trying to force my will over yours."

As they walked past a room the royal guards used for exercise, they hear a soft stream of vulgarities accentuated by muffled thumps.

Celestia genty opened the door seeing Fluttershy repeatedly slamming her forehooves into a heavy bag.

"I'll handle it.", Bulwark rumbled softly. He walked up next to Fluttershy studying her punches. "You're doing it wrong. If you keep going at it like that, you'll injure yourself."

Fluttershy jumped slightly at the bronze alicorn interrupting her.

"Keep your hoof straight and connect with the edge. When you punch, give a sharp snap as you go to connect and follow through your target.", Bulwark said as he gave a punch in demonstration matching Fluttershy's strength. He walked around the heavy bag and braced a hoof against it giving her a nod. As Fluttershy threw a punch, Bulwark ordered, "Again!" When she threw another punch, he began giving staccato orders, "Again! Harder! Put your weight into it! Use your other hoof! Buck your hind legs! Rear up and use both forehooves! Fly up and use all four hooves! Release all the air in your body as you strike!"

When Fluttershy threw a final punch, she gave a guttural shout as she split a seam on the heavy bag, Bulwark praised her as he repaired the seam with his magic, "Good! Good!"

Fluttershy feeling like her old self hunkered down as she hid behind her mane. "Th-th-thank you.", she whimpered demurely.

Using a hoof, Bulwark gently lifted Fluttershy upright and moved the mane of her face. "Stand up straight. Hold your head up and keep your chin level. You should tie your mane back. If you're going to defend your friends, you need to exude an air of confidence and courage, even if you are utterly terrified." He gave her a soft smile before levitating a nearby towel around her neck. "Go wash up and get something to eat. I'm sure there are some animals that need your help."

As he watched Fluttershy trot off he rumbled to himself while smiling, "This criminal has awoken a dormant warrior in her."

As Celestia and Midnight walked past Rarity's room, soft crying came from inside.

Midnight gave Celestia a silent nod which she returned before walking off. He raised his hoof and gently knocked on the door.

A few moments later, a small purple dragon with green frills opened the door.

"May I come in?", Midnight asked.

Spike stood to the side and gestured for Midnight to enter.

"How long has she been crying?"

"Since at least an hour before the sun came up."

"That's a long time for somepony to be crying.", Midnight said, "Could you give us the room?"

Spike nodded then left the room.

Midnight sat on the bed next to Rarity. Her eyes were read and swollen from crying. The tears had washed thin channels in the mud mask on her face. Her mane was bedraggled and in need of brushing.

Midnight levitated the brush from the nightstand and began gently running it through Rarity's mane. "Care to talk about it?"

Rarity tried to speak but all that came out was blubbering.

As Midnight continued to brush her hair, he said, "How about we try this, I ask a few yes or no questions and you simply nod or shake your head. Okay?"

Rarity nodded her head.

"Are you scared for your friend?"

Rarity nodded.

"Were you able to hold it together only for it to all come crashing down this morning?"

"M-mhm.", Rarity whimpered between sobs.

"Do you know who it was that found Twilight Sparkle?", Midnight asked.

When Rarity tried to speak, she broke down into more sobs.

"Take it slow.", Midnight said gently, "If you're too shaken up to speak just nod or shake your head."

Rarity nodded her head.

"Can you tell me who found her?"

Rarity pointed her hoof at the door.

"The baby dragon found her?"

Again Rarity nodded.

"Do you know who got her to safety?"

Once more Rarity nodded.

"Can you tell me who did?", Midnight asked, "It's okay if you're too shaken up to talk."

"M-m-me a-and Rainb-b-bow...", Rarity's words were cut off by more sobs.

"I want you to know that I'm proud of you and Rainbow for rescuing my great-granddaughter.", Midnight reassured Rarity.

"Wha...?", Rarity said looking up in shock, "G-great-grand-d-daughter?!"

"Yes, my little pony. I am her great-grandfather."

Rarity studied Midnight for a moment. "Is Twilight a princess?"

"Technically, yes and no.", Midnight replied, "If you go by lineage, then nearly a third of Equestria are princes and princesses, maybe more. Most of the nobility of this country has no direct lineage to Bulwark, Celestia, Luna or I. Most of those who are directly descended from us are common ponies as they generally display true noble traits."

Rarity gaped at the new knowledge.

Luna woke up with her stomach rumbling. Looking outside, she saw it was still mid-morning. She decided to go to the kitchen to get a snack, hopefully Celestia hadn't eaten the last of the cake.

Applejack stood in front of the stove in the royal kitchen cooking some fritters. As she stood in silence, she felt tears trying to come on, she forced them back, made a chewing action like she was eating them and swallowed hard. It made her stomach feel queasy, but she simply ignored it as she continued cooking. As she finished the batch of fritters, Luna walked in the kitchen.

Looking over Luna saw AJ putting several fritters on a platter, she looked absolutely miserable. "Good morning Applejack.", she said groggily.

"Mornin' princess.", Applejack replied flatly.

Luna cocked an eyebrow. She knew Applejack was generally a morning pony and usually in a chipper mood. "Is something the matter?"

"Nope!"

Luna pursed her lips at Applejack's reaction. "You know you can talk to me about anything?", Luna says, concerned.

"Ah'm fine, really Princess.", AJ lied through her teeth.

"I know you're not fine, but I'll let you talk to me when you're ready.", Luna says. Opening the refrigerator she scowls seeing the cake is gone. "Would it kill Tia to leave some cake?", she sighs, "Applejack, may I have some of your fritters?"

Applejack scraped some fritters onto a plate and passed it to Luna. "Here ya go, Princess!"

Celestia sat down at a table in the rose garden with her lunch. She began eating, enjoying the afternoon sun, when she heard a sniffle come from behind her and to the right. Turning her head, she saw a rainbow-colored tail hanging over a branch of the tree behind her. "Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?"

"Yes, well, no, I mean, I don't know.", Rainbow replies.

Celestia pushes a chair back slightly with her magic. "Why don't you come down and talk?"

Rainbow flaps down and sits in the chair, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Celestia gestures to a servant for more tea. "Why don't you tell me how you're feeling.", she says smiling.

Rainbow takes a deep breath. "I...I don't know how I feel."

"Let's start simple, just tell me what you're feeling right now."

"I'm angry, I'm scared.", Rainbow says wiping her eyes, "I'm relieved that I'm not going to lose another friend, but I'm worried because Twi isn't going to walk again."

"I know exactly how you feel Rainbow...", Celestia says, taking a breath and letting it out with a sigh, "...when I first saw Twilight laying in the hospital bed paralyzed, I completely lost it and destroyed my room."

Rainbow blinked in surprise at the thought of the normally stoic and reserved divine princess of the sun going losing her resolve and totally destroying her room. She gave a short, flat chuckle, "If you went totally crazy and destroyed your room, I wonder how Luna took it."

"My sister isn't as hot tempered as I am...", Celestia replied, "...her anger is more of a slow burn. She may not look like it, but she is completely besides herself in anger right now. We must be the pillars that Twilight can lean on, she is right now the weakest she's ever been. It's perfectly okay to not know how to feel, just be honest with yourself."

Rainbow nodded as she wiped away tears.

A week later Twilight was sitting on a bench in physical therapy lifting some free weights with her hoof as the therapist, a tan earth pony mare with a red mane in a wheelchair was counting off the reps, "Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen and twenty! Alright switch hooves and do the same."

As Twilight switched hooves and started on the next set of reps, she halfheartedly listened to the instructor as her mind began running over the events of the past several days and the few discussions she had with Celestia, Luna, Midnight and Cadence. "For right now it's best that the criminal thinks you're in a coma.", Cadence's words ran through her mind. She disliked the idea of running with that but she did have to admit begrudgingly that Cadence was right. "The last thing we want to do is expose your friends or their family to unnecessary danger. If the terrorist knows she has failed, she will try to draw you out into a trap.", Celestia's words rang in her mind.

"And twenty,", the therapist called out, "You're doing good! Let's switch to the butterfly machine."

A couple of orderlies helped Twilight into her wheelchair and pushed her over to the butterfly machine. As the orderlies strapped her into the seat, the therapist attached some large rubber bands to the forelimb handles, "Okay we'll start out with ten pounds of resistance, let me know if it's too much or not enough."

Twilight slipped her forelimbs into the padded loops as she nodded. As the therapist began counting out the reps, Twilight let her thoughts drift again. "Misdirection is the first and last rule when facing an enemy, especially when we don't know their plans or strengths.", Midnight's words played in her mind, "We must have our plans and schemes when facing an enemy who has an unknown strength. Sometimes one dirty trick is all that's needed to completely throw the best laid plans into complete disarray." A brilliant idea came into her head, once she was through with her physical therapy for today she would begin writing it down.

"Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,", the therapist counted off, "Alright let's take a break and cool down for a few minutes before we switch to working on how to properly get in and out of your chair."

Twilight took in a deep breath and blew it out as she wiped the sweat off her face with a nearby towel. The orderlies helped her back into the wheelchair as she draped the towel across withers.

Twilight sipped cool water from a small conical paper cup alongside her therapist. "You're doing well.", her physical therapist praised, "In about two or three months, we'll have to taper back your physical training so you don't over tax your body when you just start showing."

"Mhm.", Twilight mumbled in thought, "I've read about water therapy. It's supposed a way of building and maintaining muscle strength while still being low impact enough to not over stress the body. Maybe as my pregnancy progresses we can step up on that?"

"I'll talk to your doctor and see what he says.", the therapist.

After they finished drinking their water, the physical therapist directed Twilight to a large padded mat in the middle of the room and then switched herself to a similar wheelchair to Twilight's. Wheeling out to the padded floor as the orderlies gently lowered Twilight onto the floor, the therapist gently lowered herself out of her chair in front of Twilight.

"Okay Ms. Sparkle. The purpose of these exercises is to build the muscle memory so you can properly get in and out of your wheelchair without harming yourself.", the therapist explained, "We'll start off using your hooves so you can can get used to it, then after you've mastered using your hooves you can switch to your magic. Just pay attention as I go through the steps. Ready?"

Twilight nodded.

The physical therapist slid the wheelchair close, locked the wheels, made sure the hoofrests were up, she gently pushed her hind legs together with her forehooves, she reached behind her and raised her body up onto the seat, strapped herself in, raising each leg up individually she flipped each hoofrest down placing her hind hooves on each. "Okay Ms. Sparkle, now you give it a try."

Twilight began doing the same, as she raised herself up, her hoof slipped and she plopped down on the floor. She huffed in frustration.

"It's okay Ms, Sparkle...", the therapist said, "...nopony gets it on the first try. It took me a week before I fully got it myself. Try again."

Twilight took a breath and sighed. "Here goes nothing.", she mumbled. She pushed her hind legs back together and began lifting herself back onto the wheelchair. Her forelegs trembled as she pulled herself up fully, she nearly slipped once or twice before she lowered herself into the seat. Wiping the sweat from her forehead with the towel, she tightened the straps across her waist before adjusting her legs onto the hoofrests. She let out a deep sigh before smiling at her progress.

The physical therapist clapped her hooves. "Very good! Very good!", she praised, "As you continue to practice this, you'll get much better so that you'll be able to do it in your sleep. Now let's do it in reverse." After the physical therapist lowered herself onto the floor, she looked up to Twilight, "Don't worry, Ms. Sparkle. Once we get you a wheelchair like mine, things will be much easier. I've found in my eight years as being a handicapable physical therapist, it's better to start with the harder wheelchair first."

After a few hours, Twilight Velvet walks in the physical therapy room as she sees her daughter ease herself into the wheelchair the last time. "So how's everything going?"

"It's going good, Ms. Velvet.", the physical therapist praises, "If your daughter keeps going like she is, it won't be long before she joins the Equestrian para-hoofball league."

"I wouldn't go that far.", Twilight Sparkle chuckles as she rubs her sore withers.

"Well we're done here for today.", the physical therapist says, "See you tomorrow, Ms. Sparkle."
Twilight Velvet walked up behind her daughter and started to push the chair. "How in the name of the wide world of Equestria does anypony get these things to move?", she grumbled as the wheelchair refused to budge.

Twilight began to chuckle. "You have to unlock the wheels first mom.", she said as she reached down and unlocked the brakes with her hooves.

"Oh.", Twilight Velvet replied blushing, "So where to now?

Twilight rubbed her sore withers, "I'd like to get a rub down before getting something to eat."

"Sounds good.", Twilight Velvet said, "We'll go and see if Princess Celestia will let you use her personal masseuse. Maybe I'll get a massage too."

After Twilight was gently helped up onto the massage table, the masseuse came in and asked with a thick Germane accent, "Vhat vould you like today Ms. Shparkle?"

"Just a good deep tissue massage...", Twilight said looking at the masseuse's name tag, "...Mr. Hans."

"Ja fraulein und call yust call me Hans.", Hans replied, "Ist zere anyvere zat you vant me to focus on?"

"Just my shoulders, withers, neck and upper forelimbs, I'm pretty much numb below my midsection."

"Very vell Ms. Shparkle.", Hans said, "Yust let me know if anysing feels too rough." He began applying oil to his hooves before rubbing down Twilight.

Twilight grunted a few times before she started to relax. "Aaaahhh.", she sighed as her tongue began hanging out, "Hans, if my hind legs worked they'd be twitching right now."

Hans grinned as he began working his fetlock into a particularly tight knot.

"Mmmmmmm.", Twilight moaned wishing she could kick her hind legs.

After the massage had finished, Twilight felt relaxed and that she was made out of rubber. Over the hour her mind had been working out a plan. She eased herself into the wheelchair. As she and her mother came into the kitchen, several servants laid out some bowls and ladled some soup into them. As they ate in silence, Twilight began hastily scribbling out some things on a few pieces of parchment.

"What are you writing?", Twilight Velvet asked.

"Just a few ideas."

Luna walked in the kitchen yawning and giving her wings a stretch. "Good evening Twilight and Twilight."

"Good evening Princess Luna.", Twilight Velvet said, bowing her head.

"Good evening Luna.", Twilight said, still writing.

"Twily, don't be rude!", Twilight Velvet scolded.

"Nonsense Twilight Velvet.", Luna chided, "Twilight Sparkle is more than just my subject, she's also my first friend and our relationship is much more casual in private."

Twilight scratched her chin as she scratched out a few things and wrote a few things in their places. Looking up she said, "Mom, could you give us the room?"

"Of course sweetie.", Twilight Velvet said rising. She curtsied, "Good evening Princess Luna."

Luna tipped her head slightly as Twilight Velvet left the room before sitting across from Twilight Sparkle. "So what are you writing?"

With a final stroke of the quill, Twilight finished writing before looking, "Just a plan. Before I discuss it, could you bring Celestia, Midnight, Bulwark and my friends in here?"

Luna nodded and gestured for a servant. "Please send for my sister, brothers, the element bearers and spike."

"Yes your majesty.", the servant said bowing before leaving the kitchen.

Several minutes later Celestia, Bulark, Midnight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow and Spike walked into the kitchen.

Twilight looked up, levitated a piece of paper to a guard. She began pushing her hooves together as she spoke, "I've had a week to think about this. What we're going to do is plan a fake funeral for a month from today." She wished she could pace as she continued, "We each are going to have a role to play, well each of you as I can't be seen in public anyways. I've asked a guard in writing to fetch me two ponyquins. That's where you come in Rarity. You have three days to make one look like I've been laying in a coma for two weeks, you've got three day to finish that one, the second one you have three weeks to make it look coffin ready. Remember, the first one doesn't need to look pretty, just that I've been unconscious for two weeks. Make the second one look as pretty as you can, even make a dress for it." Twilight levitated a few pieces of paper, a quill and some ink over to Rarity.

As Rarity began mumbling to herself while drawing out a few things, Twilight continued, "Applejack, I want you to make two identical coffins, one that will hold the ponyquin and the other that will hold some weights so it feels like my body is in it. I leave the design up to you, just make sure they're identical on the outside."

Twilight turned to Rainbow, "Rainbow, I need you to be part of the pegasi that will emergency medevac the ponyquin out of the Ponyville hospital." Turning to Fluttershy, "Fluttershy, I want you to join Rainbow as part of the pegasi team that will medivac the ponyquin out of Ponyville." She then turned to Spike, "Spike, I want you to write and read the eulogy at the phony funeral." Turning to Celestia she said, "I need you to write a couple of fake news reports and do a few phony press meetings." Turning to Luna she said, "I need you at the phony press meetings, especially the one announcing my 'death' to go into hysterics and even convincingly faint. If you think you might have trouble, have Rarity teach you how to successfully pull off a convincing grief-stricken freak out."

Rarity quirked an eyebrow. "For the sake of this, I'll pretend that I didn't hear you say anything."

Twilight chuckled before continuing, "Bulwark, Midnight, I want the two of you to pull security at the 'funeral'" She looked around for a moment, "Does anypony have any questions or statements?"

"Ah don't think I can lie, 'specially on something this big.", Applejack spoke up.

"I'm not asking you to lie, just not tell anypony what is really going on.", Twilight replied.

"Still sounds like lying to me." Applejack said before making a chewing action and swallowing hard.

"If you don't think you can do this, I can ask Celestia and Luna to keep you in your room until after the criminal is caught.", Twilight replied, "Also what are you eating?"

"Nuthin'.", Applejack said, her stomach feeling sour from eating her emotions again, "An' Ah never said Ah couldn't do it, jus' that it feels like lying tuh me. If ya want two coffins fer a fake funeral, ya got it." She chewed up more of her feelings and swallowed again, she placed a hoof over her stomach as it began to hurt.

Luna and Midnight each raised an eyebrow at Applejack's actions.

Twilight looked around one last time, "Are there any more question or statements?" She paused for a few moments to see if any of the others had anything to add before continuing, "Okay, in an hour I'll talk with Cadence and Shining Armor. Now let's plan a fake funeral."

A week later, Twilight sat in her bed chewing some crackers to settle her stomach as she listened to the news broadcast on the radio.

“This is Hot Edition with WTIA out of Canterlot. Unfortunately we have some bad news for you all this morning. Twilight Sparkle, the bearer of the Element of Magic, prize student of Princess Celestia, Daughter of Twilight Velvet and Night Light, Brother of Captain Shining Armor, had to be emergency medivaced by pegasus paramedics to Our Divine Princess of the Sun hospital in Upper Canterlot at four o'clock this morning after she took a turn for the worse while in a coma after her brutal attack two weeks ago by the wanted terrorist that has been dubbed The Mare Who Laughs. When we reached out to the hospital for a statement, the chief trauma doctor, Doctor Steady Hooves had this to say, "Right now all we can say is that Miss Twilight Sparkle is in stable but severe condition, were giving her the best care we can, all we do now is hope and pray she improves." Princess Celestia gave a brief press conference, "I-I Hope that my prized student *hsnf* and the bearer of the Element of Magic will be okay. *hsnf* I hope...hope*Hsnf*...I'm sorry I can't do this anymore." It was reported that after the Princess walked off stage she was heard crying. When Princess Luna gave a private interview with an interview she broke down in hysterics and had to be escorted out of the room. We will not be playing a recording of the interview or offering a transcript of the interview, though Princess Luna did later send out a written statement that I will now read. "*ahem* We princess Luna are severely grieved that our good friend Twilight Sparkle is in such dire straits. We hope and pray to the stars that she will have a hasty recovery." Captain Shining Armor gave a press statement about an hour ago. "Listen here you sick [bleep]! You had better hope my [bleep] sister lives or you are [bleep] dead! You [bleep] hear me?! If my sister dies there won't be a [bleep] hole you won't [bleep] be [bleep] able to find a hole deep enough to [bleep] crawl the [bleep] into that I won't [bleep] find you and [bleep] be able to drag you the [bleep] out of and [bleep] kill you! You worthless [bleep]!" Unfortunately shortly after the bit we are able to air, he went into an extremely vulgarly laden rambling tirade that we won't play because of standards and practices and also for the sake of our listeners ears... Immediately after Princess Cadence gave a statement, but because of her use of the Royal Canterlot voice, all recording equipment burned out. Twilight Velvet and Night Light, the parents of Twilight Sparkle, offered a statement calling for everypony’s thoughts and players. We will be offering the transcripts of those interviews to anypony who writes in asking for them. Huh? This just in! The Equestrian Bureau of Investigation has just offered a reward of one hundred thousand bits for any information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the wanted Terrorist known as The Mare Who Laughs. In a written statement given by Head Director Magnifying Glass, he urges that if anypony sees the criminal or any of her known associates to not approach them and to contact your local police, sheriff or constabulary. Thank you for listening. Stay tuned for the next thirty minutes of music.

Twilight turns off the radio as a small smile crosses her lips, she steeples her hooves in thought, "Now the trap is baited, all we need to do is set it and wait to see if the criminal comes to take a sniff."

Three weeks later, Fluttershy comes into Twilight's room to check up on her and hears loud retching in the bathroom. When she goes to check on her, she finds Twilight doubled over in her chair throwing up in the toilet. "Twilight? Are you okay? Should I get a doctor?"

Twilight spits out bile and strings of saliva into the toilet bowl. "No Fluttershy, it's just morning sickness."

"Uuummm, but Twilight, it's noon."

"It's just called morning sickness", Twilight says pushing herself upright and wiping her mouth, "Pregnant mares can have it all their whole pregnancy, it just usually most common in the morning." Twilight hears her stomach churn as she tastes bile in her throat again. "Oh no!" She bends over and begins retching again. Once she stops vomiting, she lays her head on the side of the bowl. "Fucking morning sickness. Ugh!" When she is sure she isn't going to throw up again, she pushes herself upright, wheels herself over to the sink and washes out her mouth. Turning herself around she takes a long look at Fluttershy. "Wow Fluttershy! You're looking good, all toned and you've even got your mane pulled back in a horsytail. Have you been working out?"

"Thank you Twilight.", Fluttershy replies, "I figured that I should get into shape since I'll be helping take care of you until we can get our lives back in order."

"Well I'm ready for my one month check up.", Twilight said as she wheeled herself into the room, "When we get done, I wanna go somewhere and get something to eat, I've got a craving for hayburgers dipped in ice cream and chocolate sauce with pickles on the side. Oooh, and asparagus tips with spicy peppers and some watermelon with butter smeared on top."

Fluttershy chuckled as she pushed Twilight to the doctor, she heard about pregnant mares having odd cravings.

Twilight laid on the examination table with a thermometer in her mouth and her hind legs in stirrups. She covered her face in embarrassment as even though she couldn't feel it, she knew the doctor was prodding in her mare bits. She looked over at the nurse standing in the corner as she felt her cheeks burn. "Are you almost done doctor?"

"Yes Ms. Sparkle, I'm almost done.", the doctor said from between Twilight's hind legs, "No need to be embarrassed or upset, my interest in this part of you is purely professional." Leaning up, he pulled a pair of latex examination gloves off his hooves and tossed them into a nearby trash can. He washed his hooves and took the thermometer out of her mouth reading the numbers on it, wrote in her chart and shook it. Lowering her legs out of the stirrups, he began asking her a few questions, "Okay Ms. Sparkle, I want you to answer these questions to the best of your ability. Have you been experiencing much nausea or vomiting for the past few weeks?"

"Some...", Twilight answered, "For the past three weeks I've usually had some nausea and I've thrown up several times."

The doctor wrote in the chart. "Have you been feeling some discomfort? Odd cravings? Mood swings."

"You mean discomfort other than being unable to walk?", Twilight asked feeling annoyed, "As for odd cravings, I wouldn't call them odd, I'm just hungry for some hayburgers dipped in ice cream and chocolate sauce with pickles on the side, watermelon smeared with butter and asparagus with hot peppers."

"Did you crave those things more than four weeks ago?", the doctor asked.

"Well, no. I'm just hungry for them right now."

The doctor wrote in the chart. "What about mood swings? Any unusual anger, or crying or anxiety out of the normal?"

"Not that I've noticed other than a doctor asking me some dumb questions that's making me feel annoyed."

The doctor pursed his lips as he wrote in the chart. Placing the chart on the counter he pulled out a device of the closet with a wide wand-like instrument that was flat on one end attached to the device with a curling wire. "Do you know what an ultrasound is Ms. Sparkle?"

Twilight nodded her head.

The doctor squirted some clear gel on the end of the flat wand and turned on the ultrasound. "Let me know if this feels cold or if you feel any discomfort." He began running the wand across her stomach as he stared at the screen humming thoughtfully. "So far everything looks good. Do you want to see your foal?"

Twilight's eyes went wide with surprise and joy. "Yes!"

The doctor turned the screen and pointed his hoof at a fuzzy blob. Tapping a few buttons, he froze the image and brought up a yellow circle around it.

Twilight looked at the fuzzy blob, squinted her eyes and tilted her head slightly. "I can't tell if it's a filly or a colt."

The doctor chuckled lightly, "It's still too early to tell, but so far it appears normal. Do you want me to print off this for you?"

Twilight ran her hoof along the fuzzy blob. "Hello little one. Oh! Yes! I'd like that very much!"

The doctor pressed a button on the ultrasound and it printed out the fuzzy picture with a little yellow circle around the fuzzy blob. Helping her sit up, the doctor ripped the piece of paper off and hoofed it to Twilight, he then wrote in the chart again.

Twilight smiled at the picture of the fuzzy blob, held it to her chest, then eased herself into the wheelchair.

"Okay, Ms. Sparkle, I'd like to see you again in two weeks for a standard checkup and again two weeks after that for another prenatal exam.", the doctor said. The doctor opened the door to an anxious Fluttershy sitting on a chair in the hallway, "Okay Ms. Shy, she's all yours."

As Fluttershy pushed Twilight through the hallway, Twilight held up the picture of the ultrasound excitedly, "Look at my foal Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy looked at the picture of the fuzzy blob as she squinted her eyes, "Is it a filly or a colt?"

"The doctor said it was too early to tell, but he said so far everything looks normal. Ooo, I'm so excited!", Twilight exclaimed, "Now let's go get something to eat, I want that hayburger dipped in ice cream and chocolate sauce with pickles on the side."
As they sat in the kitchen, the cooks gave Twilight an odd look before they started making her request. After they put the plate with her odd request on the table. They began watching "As Equus Turns" on the TV when a news broadcast interrupted the program.

“We at EBS preempt the preceding for an important announcement.” The image switched to a unicorn with a graying flattop, dark horn-rim glasses and an earpiece with a spiraling white wire descending from it. “Good afternoon, Equestria, I am Walter Gliding Kite. We here with EBS news have received news that Twilight Sparkle has died due to complications from her coma about thirty minutes ago.” A tear rolled down his cheek but his professional stoic demeanor never cracked. “Ms.Twilight Sparkle is survived by her parents Night Light and Twilight Velvet, her brother Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard, her adopted brother Spike the dragon, her teacher Princess Celestia and her fellow surviving element bearers, Fluttershy Breeze, Rainbow Cloud Faust Marian Blue Skies Dash, Rarity Belle and Applejack Apple. We at EBS wish to offer our condolences to her surviving family and friends.” A hoof slides a piece of paper from off camera which the newscaster picks up and reads. “We will now cut to a live statement given by Princesses Celestia, Luna and Cadence and Captain Shining Armor.” The camera feed cuts to an empty podium with several microphones on it.
Celestia steps up behind the podium. “First I want to say I'm grieved at the loss of Twilight Sparkle. I didn't just lose a faithful student, but a good friend and somepony that was like a daughter to me. *hsnf* All of Equestria has lost a great champion, scholar and friend. *hsnf* I want everypony to remember her for the friend and true patriot she was.” Celestia held her head low as she walked off the stage.

"That was almost believable.", Twilight said between sloppy bites.

Luna took the stage, opened her mouth to begin speaking. Tears began rolling her cheeks as her eyes rolled up in her head and fainted. Several guards drug her off the stage as they fanned her face.

Twilight wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "Damn, now that was it truly... it makes me want to cry." She sniffled then took another sloppy bite.

Cadence took to the podium, tears and snot pouring down her face. “Twilight was the best filly I ever foalsat and one of the best friends I've ever had. I-I-I…” She plopped down hard on her plot, holding her face in her hooves and giving screaming sobs. As the guards began gently nudging the microphones picked up her shouting. “TAKE ME IN HER PLACE STARS!”

Twilight put her hayburger down and began crying, she picked up a napkin and blew her nose.

Shining Armor made it halfway to the podium and fell over in the fetal position crying. Several guards drug him off stage.

"At least he tried.", Fluttershy said, trying to sound positive.

The feed cut back to Walter Gliding Kite holding his glasses in his magic and wiping his eyes with a hoofkerchief. Putting his glasses back on, he started speaking again, his voice cracking. “I’m sorry for my loss in professionalism viewers. We here at EBS offer our sincerest condolences not only to the family and friends of Twilight Sparkle, but also all of Equestria.” A hoof slid another piece of paper across the desk, the newscaster read it and looked up at the camera. “We now cut to Ponyville where Mayor Mare has prepared a statement.”

The feed cut to Ponyville, where Mayor Mare was standing behind a podium with a microphone on it, her eyes were red and swollen from crying. “Twilight Sparkle was more than a citizen of Ponyville, she was also a friend to all, an active member of the community and an educator that held learning classes for both foals and adults. I have started a fund for any and all ponies who want to donate to the Twilight Sparkle memorial library. Our teacher, Ms. Cheerilee Bookington has also started a book collection for the new library when it is completed. Mr. Filthy Rich has also donated one of his warehouses for use as a temporary library until the new one can be built. Mr. Silver Bar has commissioned for a new statue dedicated to the memory of Twilight Sparkle to be erected in the town square.”

The camera feed cuts back to Walter Gliding Kite holding a hoof up to his earpiece. “We at EBS have just received word that the House of Nobles have called for a day of national grieving and the EBI have raised the reward for information that leads to the arrest and conviction of the wanted terrorist to five hundred thousand bits. Rest in peace Twilight Sparkle, may the stars guide you home.”

The screen cuts to a blue. “We now cut to Equestria's Funniest Home Videos, already in progress.”

Fluttershy switches off the TV as Twilight finishes drying her eyes and goes back to eating her burger.
********************************************************************************************************
*Monochrome's Journal Whinnyapolis day 3*
Dear Journal,

I arrived in Whinnyapolis two day ago. It was difficult to find anypony willing to give up any information on the terrorist. This morning I found two members of her gang but they were so coo coo bananas that I'd have a better chance of getting blood from a rock before I got any coherent information out of either of them. Instead I teleported them back to the asylum they escaped from. Does the terrorist only recruit maniacs and madponies?

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal day 8*
Dear Journal,

I saw a news report that Twilight Sparkle was brutally attacked in the library in Ponyville. When I was setting out to catch the first train I could back to Ponyville, I received a letter from Aunt Luna saying to stay in Whinnyapolis and investigate the criminal as she had things well in hand. What are you playing at, dear Aunt? Don't let yourself become like your sister. I'll set out tonight and track down any members of the gang I can in hopes that I can find any of them that aren't permanent residents of Crazyburg.

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal day 10*
Dear Journal,

I had mixed results this afternoon. I found a member of the terrorist group that wasn't completely loopy. I put a bolt through his hoof with my trusty old service hoof crossbow. When I snatched him up by his lapels, he bit down on a false tooth containing a bit of toxin, he died laughing like a madpony and a twisted smile permanently on his face. Is it fear or fanaticism that drives the terrorist's followers? I'll know better next time and check their mouth for suicide capsules.

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal day 15*
Dear Journal,

I just saw a news broadcast that Twilight Sparkle was in a coma and had complications. Several pegasus had rushed her to Our Divine Princess of the Sun in Canterlot. For the first time since the war, I prayed. I prayed that young Twilight will be alright. Hopefully, she will recover quickly.

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal day 20*
Dear Journal,

I managed to luck out and found the factory where the vanishing cream was manufactured. When I investigated, I found only traces of the toxin used. The factory workers seemed all kind smiles and helpful, but I knew something was up. When I noticed a strange smell, the factory guards became hostile, not outright, but made their intent known and how many they'd use if I tried to push the line of questioning any further. I decided to leave and come back later that night. That night I managed to slip in an unlocked skylight when the factory was unlocked. Slipping unseen down into the basement unseen I found something truly horrifying. The owner of the factory was alive, though she was now bone thin and her mind completely broken, she was laughing to herself with an unnatural smile on her face. The basement was littered with rotten food, piss, and shit. The smell almost made me puke. I managed to teleport her to a nearby hospital, the trauma doctor said he wasn't hopeful given her current state, but they'd do all they can to help her out.

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal Whinnyapolis day 32*
Dear Journal,

I'm writing this on the train to Canterlot. My father sent me a message that he was in Canterlot and that I had been recalled. I spent all night and most of the morning crying when I heard on the news that Twilight Sparkle had died. I slept for an hour before writing to you. I had a new nightmare. This time it wasn't about the war, it was about Twilight screaming for help as she lay dying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines. I apologize for the tear stains, she was too young to die so tragically. Even on the express train, it's still a two day ride

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Monochrome's Journal Canterlot day 1*
Dear Journal,

As I'm writing this, I am filled with a bittersweet happiness. My father met me at the train station. Even after all these years he's still the same, the bronze coat, the massive stature and build, the same slate-grey flowing mane, the same gentle blue eyes, the same stoic expression, the same soft-spoken rumbling voice. When we reached the castle, we were quickly ushered into a private back room where I was surprised to find Twilight Sparkle alive, though she was now in a wheelchair and shoveling green beans in her face swimming in butter and daisy juice. She told me how the terrorist had infiltrated the guards assigned to protect her back in Ponyville, attacked her leaving her crippled, and that two of the terrorist goons had raped her, leaving her pregnant. That would explain the weird food she was eating. The biggest change was her, though. It was the same expression I had seen in the mirror before too many times to count, eyes that are filled with terror and a hardness. She told me how she had orchestrated the whole faking her death and her "funeral" was in four days, clever filly. Her friend Fluttershy had changed a lot, too. Though she was still the absolutely gorgeous pegasus mare with a graceful build, she had put on a lot of lean muscle mass, somepony has clearly been hitting the gym. She also has recently cut her mane and tail into a shorter style and had her mane tied back from her face. Her eyes also had a fierceness about them. A dormant warrior has been awakened in this normally demure pony. A brash cyan pegasus named Rainbow Dash with a multicolored mane, one of Twilight's friends I had yet to meet, was there. Her slim athletic build definitely belied her physical strength, though her eyes told the true story, they were fierce, but there was an undercurrent of uncertainty to them. Rarity looked like she had taken it hard. She no longer wore her eye make-up and looked like she was going to break down and cry at any moment. Applejack looked the worst of them all, she showed signs of not sleeping well at all. When she would look away, I would catch her eating her emotion, literally. When she thought nopony was looking, she would hold her stomach in pain, she had definitely given herself an ulcer. When I brought it up, she became outwardly hostile and verbally combative. Aunt Celestia looked terrible too, she had bags under her eyes where she had not slept well. She told me that when she first saw Twilight laid up in the hospital, she completely lost her shit and destroyed her room. Dear Auntie, your stoic demeanor has always been a paper-thin mask for that temper that burns hotter than the surface of the sun. As always, Father and Aunt Luna were the hardest to read, they always kept their real thoughts locked in their head. The biggest surprise was seeing Uncle Midnight there.

Yours truly, Monochrome

*Twilight's log, entry one*

I'm not sure how to start this. I must say it's unusual to attend your own funeral in secret. Also it's equally weird to see your own grave. Fluttershy has gotten crazy built. She's not all bulky and lumpy like Bulk Biceps, but more like lean muscle. The first word that Shiny said when he first saw Cadence makes much more sense now. Dayum! I mean I prefer stallions, but if Fluttershy were to ask, I'd definitely jump teams. The day after my "funeral", Celestia began construction on a new wing of her school for gifted unicorns dedicated to me. Super weird still. I heard that in Ponyville that they've nearly gotten the funds for the library dedicated in my name. To steal a line from Pinkie's old book, Super Duper Looper Uber Weird to the Max Weirdness. Applejack is still eating her emotions, even after she wound up in the ER when she vomited a few clots of blood two days ago. She's still in denial. I mean, come on, she's a bearer of harmony and she's lying to herself. I hope she wakes up soon and realizes what she's doing isn't healthy and gets some help before she winds up eating a hole in her stomach or giving herself a stroke.

*Addendum*

I forgot to put the bedpan under me last night and had woken up this morning to the joyful surprise that I had pissed and shat the bed. I won't make that mistake again. Well they're going to have to burn those sheets and flip the bed.
********************************************************************************************************

The Mare Who Laughs was watching the funeral of Twilight Sparkle on TV in her office at the candy factory. Her mane became poofy as the pallbearers carried her coffin to her family's mausoleum in Canterlot. She leapt up and began skipping around as she hummed a song. Her henchponies stared on in confused fear, not sure if they were to laugh. She stopped skipping as a mad gleam filled her eyes and she began laughing, "HAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha! I just got a wonderful plan for a party boys."