Twilight stood up from her desk and took a step back, gazing down at her work from a slightly different vantage point. The math seemed good, the matrices were in order, and the spell itself seemed promising. All that was left to do was to actually cast it and see if it functioned as Twilight intended it to.
The alicorn let out a happy little squeal and did a spin. “Oh this is wonderful! I’ll be able to see my friends again without having to worry about getting anyone sick!” She explained to the empty room.
She dashed over to a nearby window and gazed out over the quiet town of Ponyville. “Finally, I’ll be able to catch up with the girls after two weeks of isolation and misery.” Twilight proclaimed only to chuckle. “Okay so it wasn't that miserable for me.”
She paused. “Though it seems like I’m talking to myself fairly constantly. Augh, my therapist is going to be so disappointed in me.”
The alicorn sighed and made her way back over to her desk. “I can worry about that later. Now lets see if my spell works.”
Lighting her horn, Twilight slowly moved through the various phases of the spell, careful to not inadvertently screw something up. She had experienced enough wacky hijinks because of mixed up spells for one lifetime and wasn't keen on going through another ridiculous ordeal. When the spell was nearly complete, Twilight held it there for a moment, mentally going over the steps to ensure everything was done correctly.
With one final nod, she breathed deeply and released the magic, which exploded from the tip of her horn before turning into a million tiny balls of energy. Those orbs cascaded over her, turning the alicorn’s flesh translucent, until the mare’s entire body was completely invisible. Twilight looked down at her hoof only to find that it wasn't there, and stranger still, her eyelids were also invisible.
“Well that's… disconcerting.” Twilight muttered. “At least it will only last an hour and I don't have to worry about never sleeping again or slowly going mad.”
Trotting around the room, Twilight found that her hooves still met resistance when they touched the floor. Brushing her hoof along her sheets, the alicorn found that they too had a certain feel to them, but when she pushed against them her hoof slipped right through. It was an odd experience, and she was only half sure that her hoof even went through the fabric as it wasn't like she could see it anymore.
“Spooky.” Twilight muttered to herself.
Turning, Twilight trotted out of the room and into the nearby bathroom, instantly going to the mirror where there was nothing but an empty room. “Super spooky.” Twilight added. “Note to self, do not cast this spell on Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash. Who knows what kind of shenanigans those two could get up to.”
Trotting out of the bathroom, Twilight turned down the crystal hallway and towards the stairs. After making her way down, Twilight wound her way through the halls until she found the familiar form of Spike the dragon. The alicorn’s number one assistant was lying curled up in front of the fireplace, a comic book laying on the ground in front of him. He looked comfortable, sprawled out on his stomach with his hands on his chin, clearly enraptured by his reading material.
“Hmm, what to test first.” Twilight muttered to herself. “Ahh, I know.”
The alicorn cleared her throat. “Hey Spike!” She shouted.
Spike didn't even flinch, merely laying in the same spot for a few more seconds before flipping the page and gasping slightly. “Oooh that is so cool.” He whispered to himself.
“I guess he can't hear me either. That's weird, I can hear myself.” Twilight exclaimed.
She trotted up to the dragon and waved a hoof in front of his face only to get no response again. Shrugging, Twilight reached for the dragon’s clawed hand, her hoof phasing through it and making both parties shiver. Twilight recoiled, shuddering as the weird sensation radiated through her entire body in an icey wave.
“That was weird.” Spike remarked, looking around the room. “Felt like someone walked over my grave.”
“I guess that's one way of putting it.” Twilight added.
Spike shrugged. “Must have been the wind.” He murmured before resuming where he had left off.
With most of her plans now foiled, Twilight began to pace in front of the low burning fire. “So I can't actually talk to anyone, so catching up is out, but I suppose I could still see how everyone is doing at least.”
Thinking it over for a second, Twilight nodded. “It's better than nothing, and at least then I’ll know how everypony is dealing with this. But where to go first?”
After giving it some consideration, Twilight grinned suddenly. “The farm! A walk through nature is just what I need to pick me up.”
With a smile plastered onto her face Twilight trotted out of the room, leaving Spike to lay on the floor, unaware that anything had even happened.
“Ahh, that was nice.” Twilight exclaimed as she trotted up to the entrance of the apple family home. “At least I can still smell the fresh flowers and ripening apples. I feel like I just got a massage I’m so relaxed.”
Twilight stopped in front of the door. “Wait, how do I get in?”
Try as she might to grab the knob, or knock, her hoof didn't quite seem to have enough grip for either action, and simply slipped right through. Frowning, Twilight glared at the door, before reluctantly sighing, and consigning herself to her fate. Breathing deeply one final time, Twilight set her jaw, and extended a hoof, pushing it through the wooden barrier.
It was slow going, but in a few seconds Twilight was on the other side, though it took a while before the tingling would leave her body. “That was so weird.” Twilight muttered.
“Ha! I finally got back to go.” Applejack shouted from the kitchen.
Perking up, Twilight trod down the hall before peaking into the room, wherein the apple family was crowded around a table. On said table was a familiar board game, one Twilight knew well from the many times her family had played it. The landlord’s game wasn't exactly her favorite, but it did teach her just how terrible the consequences of economic rent was. It had also done a lot to spurn the young unicorn into researching the concepts of economic privilege and land value taxation, earning her an A+ in her economics class.
Shaking her head, Twilight dismissed the old memories and looked out over the family, noting that Applejack was counting her money while Big Mac held a set of dice in an open hoof. Granny Smith seemed to be asleep, the aged pony having a small pile of fake money and properties before her. Big Macintosh and Applejack both had next to nothing in regards to either of those things, unlike Apple Bloom who had a stack of both.
The young filly sat watching her older brother with a wide, confident smirk on her face. “Go on Big Macintosh, roll the dice.” She urged, gesturing to the blue spaces near go which had a hotel on each one of them. “It's only two spaces, what are the chances of you landing on them?”
Big Macintosh grumbled under his breath, and looked down on the measly pile of money he had.
“Don't worry Mac, Bloom dumped all her money into those two properties, once you pass go it will be smooth sailing.” Applejack urged.
“If.” Big Macintosh stated evenly.
“If you pass go.” Applejack conceded.
Sighing, Big Macintosh took up the dice, and rolled them in his hooves before letting them fall to the board, where they bounced several times. Before revealing three black dots which stared back at him, almost like they were taunting the poor stallion. Applejack shook her head and sighed while Apple Bloom began snickering under her breath and rubbing her hooves together.
“Oh that's too bad big brother. You landed on boardwalk. That will be oh… just a thousand five hundred dollars for rent.” Apple Bloom declared, extending a hoof.
Applejack blanched and quickly counted up Big Mac’s properties. “Even if you mortgage all your stuff you wont have enough. Sorry Mac, I can't help ya here.”
Big Macintosh said nothing and slowly stood up from the table.
“What, so does that mean you quit? I get your stuff then right?” Apple Bloom asked.
Big Macintosh remained quiet as he grabbed the edge of the table and heaved.
Board game pieces went everywhere, colored money rained down from the sky, and Big Macintosh’s sisters scrambled away from the kitchen table. When the chaos was over, and the board was now sitting in the sink, Big Macintosh grunted and left the room. Leaving Applejack and Applebloom to slowly crawl out from under their chairs and observe the devastation.
“Not it.” Applejack quickly shouted.
“Not- darnit.” Apple Bloom cursed her breath. “That's not fair. I didn't even get to flip the table this time.”
“You know the rules sis.” Applejack retorted.
Apple Bloom grumbled.
And Granny Smith continued to snore, a hundred dollar bill rising into the air each time she exhaled.
“Well they seem to be getting along well.” Twilight muttered. “I should probably go check on somebody else. Maybe Rainbow Dash is doing better.”
Twilight left behind a grumbling Apple Bloom who crawled on the floor, picking up the dozens of pieces which were now everywhere.
Twilight landed on the entrance to Rainbow Dash’s cloud house with a soft thump. “That's weird that I can fly right? I mean there isn't any air resistance or anything.” Twilight muttered before shrugging and turning towards her friend’s home.
Pushing her way inside wasn't quite as difficult as before, and even better, the tingling sensation wasn't quite as bad either. Twilight hoped that it was just a matter of clouds being slightly more porous than wood, and that she wasn't getting used to being a ghost. Brushing off that uncomfortable thought, Twilight looked around, finding that the house seemed empty.
“Hello? Rainbow Dash!” Twilight shouted only to sigh. “Oh that's right. She can't hear me anyway.”
Peeking into the various rooms, Twilight found that the kitchen and living room were empty, as was the bathroom. “Huh, that's weird.” She muttered to herself.
Trotting up the stairs, Twilight checked the other bathroom, Rainbow Dash’s room and the guest room all to no avail. Trotting back down the stairs, Twilight was about to turn and walk back out the door, only to catch a noise coming from the cloud wall. Twilight walked up to it and leaned close, the sounds growing loud enough that she could pick out what seemed to be a conversation.
“Rainbow Dash never said she had a secret hideout. Though she certainly has had enough time on her hooves to build one.” Twilight remarked before shrugging and pushing her way inside.
The alicorn immediately regretted having the ability to smell, as she was all but punched in the gut by the powerful stink that hung over the area. “Augh, what is that?” Twilight whispered while looking frantically around the room.
What she saw made her both disgusted, and perplexed, as there on an enormous couch lay a sprawled out Rainbow Dash. Bottles of pop and bags of snacks surrounded her like the supplicants of a bored, disinterested queen. Some were empty, most were full, and a small mountain of them lay in a corner just out of reach. The pony didn't seemed to have moved in a long time, as her eyes were glazed over and remained fixed on the t.v which stood across the room.
It seemed to be some cop show that Twilight had never seen before, one that Rainbow Dash was only half watching. Using one hoof, the pegasus shoveled a small mound of cheetos into her mouth and chewed languidly before chasing it with some mountain dew. Rainbow Dash let out an enormous belch, one that made her stomach quake, her rolls of fat jiggling like a sea of bad decisions.
“Augh, Rainbow Dash, what have you done?” Twilight remarked.
Week old grime clung to the pegasus, with cheeto dust absolutely coating her forehooves and most of her face. She hardly even seemed aware of her surroundings either, merely staring off into the distance as she observed the t.v. A sudden thought occurred to Twilight, and she glanced at the pile of bottles that were just out of reach, the alicorn having realized that they were yellow while the rest were green.
“Nope, I’m out.” Twilight declared before leaping into the air and diving straight through the floor.
Leaving a certain pegasus to continue laying there, unaware that she had even gotten her first visitor in weeks.
“At least Fluttershy is taking care of herself. I mean she was running that grocery delivery service out of her home last I heard.” Twilight remarked as she crossed over the bridge that connected the edge of Ponyville to the mare’s cottage. “Why I bet she’s swimming in bits by now given that her animals can't catch the bud light virus.”
Twilight hummed throughtfully to herself as she strode through Fluttershy’s little grove and over to the pony’s home. Animals flitted this way and that, with birds arriving with lists while other larger creatures waited, taking the lists before trundling off in the direction of town. A few creatures were even running up to the cottage with tiny pawfulls of bits, and a wide smile on their face.
“Wow she's got quite the operation.” Twilight muttered to herself. “It seems like just about every creature is working.”
And that did indeed seem true, as everyone from the smallest bird to Harry the bear were helping to distribute orders, or relaying bags of food to be sent back to town. Bunnies were everywhere, and seemed to serve as middle management, ordering the rest of the animals around. Twilight wondered if this was all Angel’s idea, and with that in mind, made her way over to the kitchen window.
Twilight pushed her head through the window and saw that the shy pegasus’ table was now absolutely covered in bits. Angel sat at the end, a calculator in one hand, a balance sheet in the other and a tiny pair of glasses sitting on his nose. He tapped the tiny machine at a rapid pace, producing a sound akin to the rapid bang of a muted machine gun.
Fluttershy paced nearby, the mare having tied her mane back into a tight, professional looking bun. She also wore what looked like a pinstripe suit, complete with a large gold chain about her neck, and expensive looking diamond earrings on the tips of her ears. The pegasus paced in front of the bunny, her face drawn tight by what looked like either worry or irritation.
The door to the cottage opened and Fluttershy spun towards where a nervous beaver stood near the entrance. “Your late.” She barked.
The beaver extended its forelegs and offered the pony a paw full of bits.
Fluttershy huffed, took the bits, counted them and then dropped them in a pile next to Angel. “Where's the tip?” Fluttershy demanded.
The beaver shook his head and looked down.
“No tip? That's a load of bologna!” Fluttershy shouted. “You better not be holding out on me mister Beaverton!”
The tiny animal shook its head vigorously and chittered.
Fluttershy’s eyes narrowed. “Miss Fire Watch is a bit stingy. Did you use the cute eyes?”
The beaver nodded.
“Hmm, and she still didn't give you a tip.” Fluttershy turned to Angel. “Do you believe him?”
Angel stopped, glanced at the beaver and shook his head.
“Me neither.” Muttered Fluttershy, the pony stepping dangerously towards the beaver. “Alright, I’m only gonna ask this one last time. Where is my money mister Beaverton?”
The beaver backed away slowly and shook his head, and when that didn't seem to phase the pegasus, he gulped, clasped his hands together and looked up at the mare with wide, puppy dog eyes.
Fluttershy stopped, and her gaze narrowed. “You would use the eyes on me? On me?” She scoffed. “And you think the puppy dog eyes are your ally? You merely adopted the cute, I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't do a single uncute thing until I was already a mare, and by then the very idea of not being cute was painful!”
The beaver went white, and gulped.
Fluttershy breathed deeply, and ran a hoof through her slick. “But I like your audacity kid. It takes guts to try and use the eyes on me. Keep it up and you’ll go far in this organization. Trust me.”
The beaver breathed a little easier and chittered at the mare.
“Yeah your free to go, but I better see more tips outta you mister. Or else your going to be sleeping with miss fishes, the chicken, do you hear?” Fluttershy whispered dangerously.
The beaver nodded profusely before turning and running out of the cottage.
Leaving Fluttershy relatively alone.
The mare shook her head and walked back over to the table. “Angel, remind me to talk to Tony Falcon soon. I think he's been skimming off the top and intimidating the lower level help.” Fluttershy exclaimed.
Angel nodded and chittered briefly towards the mare.
Fluttershy snorted. “One week they love me, next week they hate me. Both weeks I got paid.”
Twilight blinked, and silently pulled herself out of the house. “After this is over I am going to have to stage so many interventions.” She paused just after she turned. “Though that does explain why my delivery squirrel seemed so sad when I didn't tip.”
The alicorn trotted away, leaving a grinning Fluttershy to look out over her small mountain of bits with joy. It was good to be the boss, she thought to herself.
Twilight whistled as she walked through Rarity’s boutique, noting the many, many completed projects which hung from racks or were set aside in sealed bags, ready for pick up. It seemed like everything Rarity could possibly have had on her proverbial to do list was already done, yet the pony in question was nowhere to be seen. Twilight let her gaze linger on the many dresses, suits, and other ensembles which littered the area, noting that they were all quite nice but a bit on the bland side.
“I hope we can get this thing fixed soon. It seems like Rarity is starting to get inspired by the color of her ceiling tiles.” Twilight remarked.
Peeking into the kitchen, Twilight found that she had finally located Rarity, and Sweetie Belle for that matter. The two were chatting at the table, though Sweetie Belle clearly didn't seem to want to be there while Rarity looked quite desperate. The filly kept glancing toward the exit, while Rarity’s tone grew increasingly pleading, to the point of being rather sad.
“Please Sweetie Belle, give me something, anything!” Rarity begged.
“I don't know. It doesn't feel right gossipping about my classmates behind their backs.” Sweetie Belle murmured.
“Oh don't think of it like that. Were just having a friendly conversation that just so happens to be about them.” Rarity exclaimed.
“I don't know…”
“Please Sweetie Belle. I’ve read every harlequin in the entire boutique! I’ve watched every nine oh two one oh season, spin off, remake, and rip off. I can't keep going without any drama in my life.” Rarity continued.
“I wonder if she knows that she could just send me a letter and I can teleport her all the books she could ever want.” Twilight murmured.
Evidently that didn't seem to be the case, as Rarity clutched her sister’s hoof tightly while giving the filly a pleading, pathetic look.
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Fine, but you are not allowed to repeat any of this to anyone, ever. Got it?”
Rarity nodded eagerly and quickly sat back in her own chair. “Oh you have no idea how much this means to me darling. A life without drama is like… well, I don't even want to think about it.”
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. “So featherweight was practicing flying before this whole virus thing, when you would not believe what he saw Twilight doing in her room.”
The color swiftly left Twilight’s face. “They aren't talking about…”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Oh, now this is intriguing, what was our sweet little Twilight busy doing?”
Sweetie Belle chuckled, and leaned in close. “She was having a candlelit dinner with a book. Complete with sappy music, bedroom eyes, flowers and flirting.”
Rarity giggled. “Oh that is too cute.”
Twilight wanted to scream, to throttle the filly, to do something, but in her current state she could only froth in impotent rage. “They’ll never understand the love I share with my first edition signed copy of daring do and the crystal skull. I know some people hated that book but I love it!” She screamed, before leaping out through a nearby wall.
And leaving two sisters to bond over shared gossip and embarrassing stories.
Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay. Pinkie Pie can get a little stir crazy, and the Cakes might have left to visit Mrs Cake’s parents before this happened so she's been alone for awhile but I’m sure it's not that bad.”
Twilight stared at the closed door separated the street from sugarcube corner for several long seconds. “Ahh who am I kidding, she’s probably gone completely insane.” Twilight muttered.
Sighing, the alicorn slipped through the wooden barrier and stepped inside Sugar Cube Corner. The room was well lit given that it was only just past noon, and though it wasn't dusty, it clearly hadn't been used very much. Everything sat exactly where it had been placed on the last day of regular business hours, and very little had changed.
Making her way past the counter Twilight peaked into the kitchen only to find that it, unlike the rest of the bakery, seemed to have been used recently. Twilight could feel a bit of heat radiate from the oven, and a few ingredients were still laying out on a counter. Stranger still was a recipe book that sat open, displaying instructions on how to bake a triple chocolate cake.
There were also a bunch of very large deflated balloons, wicker baskets and electronic components sitting around. Twilight wasn't sure what that meant, but the alicorn had hope that her friend had gained a hobby or at least was busy doing something. The thought of Pinkie Pie doing absolutely nothing for this long made Twilight feel a little strange, as if she had imagined something impossible or terrifying.
Or terrifyingly impossible.
Shaking her head, the mare walked up the stairs, where the living quarters of the cake family and Pinkie Pie were. The doors to the cake’s area were closed, as was expected, but Pinkie Pie’s door was not, and through it Twilight could hear a soft humming sound. Making her way over to it, Twilight peeked around the door, bracing herself for a mad Pinkie Pie that was no doubt doing something crazy.
That didn't happen however, as Pinkie Pie sat eagerly at a large open window, a small electronic device in her hooves and a look of concentration on her face. She peered intently out the window, wherein the buzzing sound seemed to originate from. Curious, Twilight trotted over to the mare and peered out the window, following Pinkie Pie’s gaze.
To where a balloon with a basket underneath it and a propeller on the front of it was maneuvering towards an open window two blocks away. The mare in the window held out her hooves, catching the basket, and taking from it a triple chocolate cake. She then deposited within it a small pile of bits, a letter, and then gave Pinkie Pie a wave, which the party pony responded to with one of her own.
Now grinning from ear to ear, Pinkie Pie turned the balloon around, and guided it back to her own window. Once inside her room, the party pony closed the window, turned off the machine, sprayed the thing down with a can of something and removed the basket’s contents. After counting and setting aside the bits, she moved onto the letter, opening it and inadvertently allowing Twilight to read it over her shoulder.
Dear Pinkie Pie
Thank you so much for this wonderful service. There really isn't anything quite like your cakes to make the world seem like a better place.
Love,
Empty Nest
Pinkie Pie sniffed, folded up the letter and set it aside with several others.
“Wow, that's pretty neat.” Twilight murmured.
The party pony didn't hear this of course, and merely drew the curtains before humming a strange, slow song to herself. Twilight couldn't initially place the song itself, but it seemed a little off considering just how upbeat Pinkie Pie had been a second ago. Regardless, it wasn't that strange considering the circumstances, and Twilight didn't give it much thought as she followed the earth pony.
Who walked over to a nearby bookcase and paused for a moment, scratching her chin. “Ooh good idea. A nice book would be a good idea right now.” Twilight remarked. “I guess I worried for nothing.”
Pinkie Pie reached out and pulled on a seemingly random book, prompting the entire wooden case to swing outward. Revealing what looked like an enormous slide that descended for multiple floors, somehow going straight into what looked like solid rock. Confused, Twilight watched as the earth pony stepped onto the slide and slid down, vanishing into the darkness below.
Confused, and curious, Twilight remembered that this was likely another entrance to Pinkie Pie’s party cave. “Ha, I bet she’s planned the entire town’s birthdays for a year by now.” Twilight muttered to herself.
The alicorn was about to follow her friend, only to remember the time limit on her spell. “I should have a few minutes left I think. Just enough time to double check Pinkie Pie and get home.” Twilight remarked aloud.
Twilight stepped onto the slide, and slowly slid down into Pinkie Pie’s secret cave, an action that took a surprising amount of time. “I will never get over the weirdness of this spell.” Twilight murmured.
Trotting away from the landing, Twilight looked around to find that all of the usual party supplies,l cakes, hats, and plates were gone. Having been plastered over by hundreds if not thousands of sheets of paper that all said the same exact thing.
All work and no play makes Pinkie Pie a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Pinkie Pie a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Pinkie Pie a dull girl.
All work and no play makes Pinkie Pie a dull girl.
Were written everywhere in tight, cursive, indicating that every word had been done by hoof without the aid of a machine. The sight made Twilight’s stomach fall and she looked around hesitantly, trying to find Pinkie Pie. Who sat at her planning table, her head now barren save for a few sparse strands of pink mane.
On the table next to her sat what looked like a perfect replica of the mare’s natural mane style, resting atop the head of a mannequin that seemed to have been removed using a hacksaw. The pony clicked something and began to run a pair of electric clippers over her nearly smooth scalp, while still humming her strange, alien tune. Twilight felt what little hope she had for Pinkie Pie’s mental state begin to fall apart, and she began to back away.
Only to bump into a stack of papers and cause them to spill all over the floor, alerting Pinkie Pie to her presence. Looking down, Twilight realized that in her shock, the alicorn hadn't noticed her time was up, and her spell had run its course. Slowly, as if terrified of what may happen, Twilight gazed at her friend who had stopped mid motion, clippers in hoof.
The machine clicked off, and the mare’s head slowly began to turn, her joints creaking audibly even across the room. Her neck snapped, popped and then somehow, she was facing Twilight with wide, bloodshot eyes. How such a thing was possible Twilight didn't know, but what she did know was that she needed to get the heck out of there, right now.
Letting loose a terrified scream, Twilight turned and began to flee back towards the slide. The chair screeched and hooves pounded after the fleeing alicorn, easily managing to catch up with her.
“Frieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend.” Moaned Pinkie Pie, hooves outstretched.
Twilight leapt up the slide, narrowly escaping Pinkie Pie’s grasp. The alicorn’s brief moment of freedom was instantly disrupted when she began to slip back down towards the waiting earth pony. Scrambling as best as she could, Twilight tried to clamber back up the slide, only to inevitably fall back down, having accomplished less then nothing.
“Noooooo.” Twilight cried.
Pinkie Pie was there, waiting for her, hooves still outstretched. “Shelter in place Twilight. You know the rules and so do I.”
Twilight whimpered as Pinkie Pie reached out and held her tightly.
And so Twilight was left to a fate that was entirely her fault, doomed to serve as Pinkie Pie’s cuddle buddy for what could be months. Truly, a fate worse than death.
Author's Note
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