Care to Take a Lady Out on a Date?

Chapters

The Morning After
The Walk of (Not) Shame
Time for Talks
Man About Town
The Chain
Mum's the Word (Dad is Too)
Family Dinner
Operation: Best-Date-Ever Preparations
The Silver Vine

The Morning After

Sunlight filtered in through the window and you groggily turned away from the meddlesome interruption of your Z's, burying your face into the pillow. You groaned and stretched, squeezing your eyes together before blinking them open. This wasn't your bedroom. Your bedroom wasn't even half this one's size and had a small bed, a single dresser, a stack of empty beer cans in the corner and a Discord lamp you bought at a yard sale.

This one was, well...girly.

For starters, the mattress you were laying on was queen-sized and was situated in one of those canopy beds you only saw in magazines and movies about the Middle Ages. The walls were covered in light purple wallpaper and there were white columns with pink diamonds surrounding the room. You sat up, instantly feeling a raw stickiness around your pelvis. You sniffed at the air, picking up on a familiar scent. Yep, there was definitely some fucking last night.

Throwing the covers over, you placed one foot on the light blue carpeting, followed by the other and slowly stood up. You rubbed your throbbing temples and muttered to yourself as you retrieved your pants. The button was missing and the zipper was busted. Your eyes widened at the image of a light blue glow surrounding your crotch and bursting the front of your pants open. No...no fucking way!

You noticed a collection of mannequins-er, well-ponequins, a shelf with rolls of fabrics and a sewing machine. The wall next to the sewing machine was covered with tacked-on pictures of different dress designs. It all came back to you. You remembered the bar, talking to Rarity, taking her home, putting her to bed and then porking the mare's brains out. Ho-ly shitballs…

"I fucked Rarity..." You then pumped your fist in the air. "Yes!"

Your self-congratulation vanished as you recalled the talking bits of that evening. You remembered consoling Rarity after she revealed her low self-esteem, how much you thought of her and her hopeless love life. Then, there was how you both professed to liking each other, how this wasn't going to be just a fling. Holding Rarity in your arms after pissing off your ancestors through a round of hot inter-species sex, staring into her beautiful eyes as you stroked her fur. Falling asleep with her nuzzled up on your chest, feeling the softness of her coat and the warmth that'd entered your heart.

"The best thing to ever happen to me..."

There it was again, that pain in your chest. It was as though your heart was stopping but speeding up at the same time. You'd had feelings for Rarity for a while now and not just physical attraction but an appreciation for her character. She was elegant, witty and a take-charge mare, the type that knew what she wanted and went for it. Sure, she was a bit whiny sometimes and a little prudish but she was also selfless, kind and honest. In a word, your perfect dream girl. Or mare.

Your stomach rumbled and you realized that you were starving. Good thing you didn't skip dinner last night otherwise you'd be an irritable wreck. Well, more so than usual. Slipping into your pants, you borrowed a discarded length of fiber and created a makeshift belt before putting your shirt on. Crap, you forgot that Rarity tore the buttons off in a drunken, sex-starved craze. Heh, that was hot.

You tip-toed downstairs, passing a white lump named Opalescence, Rarity's pet cat that hated everyone except you. Which was funny, considering that you were more of a dog person. Nevertheless, you rubbed Opal's head as you passed her and she gave you a little purr. Okay, that was kind of cute. You peeked your head out and slowly made your way to the kitchen, following the smell of fresh-roasted coffee and eggs.

Rarity sat at the kitchen table facing the entrance, a newspaper in front of her as a cup of coffee levitated by her head. She wore a red robe and for once, didn't have her mane coiffed and immaculately brushed. Instead, she let it hang semi-wetly in her face and over one shoulder. Apparently she'd gotten a shower before coming downstairs and you had to fight the urge to pop a boner at the thought of a wet Rarity. No, shoo, get out of here! Bad Li'l Anon!

You tore yourself away from your thoughts just when Rarity noticed your presence. At first, her expression was mostly blank with a pinch of surprise, her chest rising and falling as she stared at you. She then blushed and smiled softly before clearing her throat.

"G-ahem! Good morning...Anon."

"Good morning," you said back, rubbing one arm.

Awkward silence filled the air. The clock in the background ticked, as though counting the minutes when one of you would just say something. You patted your thighs and clicked your tongue.

"So...about last night..."

Rarity held a hoof up. "A-actually Anon, I was thinking that we could enjoy some breakfast before we discussed the, um, particulars of last night's...activities."

You blinked. "Sounds good."

You sat in the empty seat across from her and waited as she finished preparing omelets with buttered toast. Other than you thanking her for the meal and her accepting it, neither one of you spoke as you ate, instead allowing yourself time to think of what to say. You sipped the coffee and gave an appreciative hum. This was ten times better than the stuff you usually bought, having a sort of gourmet taste to it without it being one of those thousand-bit brands. Plus, the omelets were the right amount of fluffy and cooked, making you wish that your own cooking skills weren't so lackluster.

Once you were both done eating, Rarity finally turned to you and took a deep breath.

"So Anon? About last night...I acted rather..." Her hoof spun on her pastern as she searched for the right word. "...crudely. I am not used to drinking and I'd gone through a bit of a dry spell sexually-speaking as well as being upset so please don't get the wrong impression of me."

"Okay," you stated, scratching your nose. "There's no need to explain yourself. I don't think any less of you."

She crinkled her brow. "Really?"

"Really."

Rarity wiped her forehead and sighed, "That's a relief! I was sort of, maybe a teensy bit afraid you'd gotten the impression that I was some sort of harlot."

"Whoa, whatever gave you that idea?"

Rarity began running her hooves through the part of her mane hanging over her shoulder. "I...I don't make it a habit of getting intoxicated and taking strangers to bed."

You folded your arms. "'Strangers?' Rare, we've known each other for two and a half years now."

"You know what I mean!" Rarity snapped but upon seeing your look of astonishment, she quickly apologized. "I'm so sorry, Anon! It's just that, for a while now, I..." She looked down, her mane strokes becoming faster and tighter. "...I've developed feelings for you."

"What was that?" You heard perfectly well what she mumbled but now you needed her to say it clearly. For the both of you.

She lifted her head up, looking almost embarrassed. "I've developed feelings for you," she repeated softly, still unable to meet your gaze. It was so odd seeing the normally confident and in charge mare acting so meek. It was as though she swapped places with Fluttershy.

You gently reached over and brushed your fingers against one of her hooves. "Same here."

Rarity's eyes snapped to meet your own. "You did?"

"Yeah. Don't you remember last night?"

Her hooves drummed against the tabletop. "A l-little," she admitted, her cheeks a light scarlet. "You were tucking me into bed and I...presented myself to you. And then we..." A cute little grin appeared.

"That we did," you chuckled. "But other than the sex?"

Staring out the window, Rarity answered, "Afterwards...you held me. And I said that you were-..."

"-...the best thing to ever happen to you."

Rarity nodded, her hoof extending across the table. You gently placed your hand over her hoof.

"I meant that, you know," she whispered, her azure eyes sparkling.

"I know." You then added, "I feel the same way."

Rarity's irises widened. "So why didn't you make a move sooner?"

"Why didn't you?" You countered, enjoying the sour look she gave you.

"I asked you first!"

You chuckled, rubbing her pastern with a finger. You sighed, taking time to gather your thoughts, having never been that skilled with expressing yourself emotionally. "The thing is, you're you and I'm, well...I'm me."

"I don't understand."

It was your turn to look down. "Rarity, you're a somepony. You're an Element of Harmony, a hero and role model to millions. I'm just some weird-looking alien that wound up here because of a fluke." Your voice lowered and you weren't certain to whom you were talking to, her or you. "The truth is, I didn't think that I was good enough."

"Anon..." Tears were building up in Rarity's eyes.

You faced her. "Outside of Ponyville, I'm a monster, a freak. I didn't know if you'd ever see me that way and even if you did, everypony would treat you differently. They might even hurt you for it. I couldn't have that. Equestria needs you." The next part hurt to say aloud: "It doesn't need me."

"Anon, look at me."

Rarity was crying now but maintained a serious expression. "I don't want you to ever put yourself down like that again. You are a wonderful, kind, caring man and everypony here adores you."

Before you could respond, she continued. "You think that I'm too good for you but the truth is, I'm not. You're perfect. You wanted to cheer me and walk me home when I had too much to drink. You carried me to bed and were ready to sleep elsewhere when many others would've taken advantage of me. Even when I came onto you, you were thinking about my needs."

Your fingers tightened around Rarity's hoof snuggly, conscious not to hurt her.

"You were my friend first. And yes, the sex was amazing but what I wanted, what you gave me, was somepony that I could just lie in bed and cuddle with. Or someone," Rarity smiled, the tears steadily streaming.

"I care about you," you uttered, your hand finding your way to Rarity's cheek to wipe the tears away with your thumb. "You're not Rarity the Hero or Rarity the Trendsetter. To me, you'll always just be Rarity."

Rarity laughed softly and then cooed at your touch. "That's good enough for me."

Another moment of silence took place but neither of you cared as it gave you the chance to just stare at one another and enjoy the other's company. You leaned forward and pressed your lips against hers, taking a sample of her taste before pulling back. God, she was perfect.

"You know, if you decide to be with me, ponies will stare at you," you reminded her.

"Let them stare."

"I can't give you foals."

"We could always adopt."

Now she was really testing you. "I'm not a rich man."

"I make enough for both of us. That is, if you don't mind the mare being the breadwinner."

"Not at all," you grinned. Now it was time for the coup de grâce. "I'm also not a prince."

The unicorn leapt forward and mashed her lips against yours. Your hand went through her mane, a major no-no area under normal circumstances but for now, she was loving it. You other hand slipped under her robe to paw at her chest fur and she moaned into your mouth.

Pulling away with a wet smack, Rarity lightly pressed her horn to your forehead, keeping your lips only a few inches apart and she beamed wider than you'd ever seen her.

"You are to me, Anon. You are to me."

The Walk of (Not) Shame

After your little heart-to-heart talk and a much-needed shower, Rarity expressed her apologies at ruining your clothing, having torn apart a nice dress shirt and slacks that she'd custom made for you a while back. While you tried to assuage her fears by telling her it wasn't a big deal, even admitting that her sudden aggression was quite sexy, she blushingly promised to mend them, lending you a spare plain white T-shirt and jeans that she'd been meaning to give you. Seeing as how you'd already slept together, there was no shame in getting dressed in front of the mare and unsurprisingly, the clothes were expertly-crafted and fit your body perfectly. She'd even gone through the trouble of stitching your name into the shirt collar as well as on one of the jean's back pockets, giving them that personal touch. You looked at yourself in the mirror.

"Perfect as usual," you beamed at her.

"Glad you think so...Darling." The breathless way she said her signature word sent shivers down your spine. You knelt down in front of the mare and ran your hand through her mane, slipping her bangs through your fingers. There was no beating Rarity's usual coiffed mane style but, being a sucker for chicks with long hair, you liked how her mane looked when worn naturally.

"Do you know what else is perfect?" She shook her head. You leaned forward and whispered, "You," planting a gentle kiss on her lips. You pulled away but Rarity was having none of that, grabbing your head with her magic and diving forward for a full-on frontal assault. Her tongue lashed at the inside of your mouth and yours was eager to meet it. You could feel your trouser snake rising.

The boutique's front door bell chimed and you both froze at the high-pitched voice:

"Rarity, I'm here!"

Shit, it was Sweetie Belle!

You both pulled away, Rarity's magic fading as the younger unicorn came strolling in.

"Good morning, Rarity! Oh, hi Anon!"

"Hello Sweetie Belle!"

"Heya Sweets!"

Sweetie cocked her head. "What are you doing here so early?"

You and Rarity both scrambled for an excuse.

"He was on his way to-..."

"My pants needed mending-..."

"...-commission a new suit, so naturally-..."

"....-and there's only one place in town to get them fixed-..."

"...-he came to me and being close friends, I was more than happy to help-..."

"-...and here we are!" You both finished.

"O-kaaaaay," Sweetie Belle uttered, clearly befuddled by your strange behavior. "Anyways...I'll be up in my room."

"You do that, Sweetie Belle. I'll be up in a bit."

"See ya later, Sweets," you waved as she trotted up the steps, watching you both suspiciously. It wasn't until she disappeared from sight and the sound of a door closing accompanied her that you were able to release the breath you'd been unknowingly holding. "You think she bought it?"

"I don't know. Sweetie's always been a bright filly. I hope so."

You cupped her cheeks. "Listen, even if she doesn't, she's old enough to understand the idea of romance. We just need to sit her down and explain that we're a couple." It then dawned on you that neither of you actually placed a label on your relationship. "We are a couple...aren't we?"

"If that's what you want," Rarity tittered nervously. "You do want that, don't you?"

You smiled and pecked her on the nose. "Absolutely. You?"

"Oh most definitely!"

"Then you're my marefriend." You then held up a finger. "On one condition..."

Rarity peered at you confusingly. "Which is?"

Booping her on the snout, you grinned, "I...get to be your boyfriend."

"I don't know, Darling," Rarity stated with mock-uncertainty. "Hmmm. I think I might be able to arrange it."

"I can live with 'might,'" you chuckled, pulling her in for another kiss.

"Hey Rarity! I went into your room for some drawing paper and it stinks in there!"

Both of you froze.

"And your sheets are all sticky!"

Annnnnnd there goes your boner.

~*~

You kissed Rarity goodbye while she dealt with the Sweetie Belle situation, hoping that she wasn't going to have to give her the Talk. Although Sweetie Belle was eight and in Equestria society, signified that she was ready to know about the birds and the bees, that was still too young in your opinion. Besides, with her being cute as a button and having been personally foalsat by you, it only added to your growing apprehension at the thought of her knowing what adults did in the bedroom. She also one day might become your sister-in-law. You stopped abruptly and shook your head at this.

Where in the hell did that come from? You and Rarity hadn't even been out on a date yet and already you were thinking about marriage! Perhaps it was the thrill of finally having found somepony in this crazy world that actually saw you as mate material. You couldn't deny the fact that you cared for the mare deeply and wanted to see her happy. Not just in a sexual way, mind you but emotionally as well, ensuring that another frown never entered her face again.

Sheesh, now you were sounding like a cheesy Hallmark Channel movie!

Picking up your feet, you resumed your walk. You'd had girlfriends before and you cared about them at the time, but you were never this dedicated to thinking about their personal happiness. Then again, species aside, Rarity was different from your other girlfriends in that you really felt a connection with her. Before, you were just dating because you didn't want to be alone and devoid of nookie but now you were obligated to treating your mare right.

Wow, not even an hour has passed and already she's "your mare."

"Hey Anon, how's it going?" A familiar purplish-pink mare asked.

"Hey Berryshine! It's going well. You?"

"Fine, fine. Listen, I'm sorry I had to bail on last night-..."

You held up your hands. "Come on Berr, it's all good. You don't need to apologize."

Berryshine grinned, "That's great. Listen...." she beckoned you forward and you stooped down to that she could whisper in your ear. "I couldn't help but notice that you were just walking out of Rarity's."

"So?"

She chuckled and said, "'So?' A couple of my neighbors told me you two got plastered last night and shacked up at her place." Berryshine wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Come on, you know how that looks. Just between you and me, how was she?"

You tugged at your collar. "That's uh, none of your business, Berr. What a man and a mare do behind closed doors is between them."

Berryshine leaned away from you but still spoke in a hushed tone. "Ah, so you two did cross the inter-species barrier? Good thing too, you both were in serious need of a release."

"I'll see you later, Berryshine." You stood up and continued your way to home.

"Nice work, buddy! I'm seriously impressed!"

Gods above, Berryshine was your bro but sometimes you wanted to strangle her.

Your house was a bungalow that was built a year after you'd arrived, having requested it from Princess Celestia and the Sun Princess was more than happy to oblige. Don't get it twisted, you enjoyed living with Twilight and would always be grateful to her for her kindness and generosity but you wanted to have a place all your own. Staying at Twilight's Super-Magical-Friendship-Headquarters made you feel kind of like a bum. A devilishly good-looking one but a bum all the same. Heck, you'd even helped in its construction, working with contractors and architects to make sure everything was the right size to fit your needs and putting in the manpower to put it up...when the earth ponies allowed you to work, that is.

Unlocking the door, you closed it behind you and put your back against it, sliding down to sit on your rear. It was crazy to think that one of the hottest and most famous ponies in Equestria was now your marefriend. You chuckled and shook your head incredulously. It seemed like Lady Luck had decided to throw you a bone and give you a belly rub. Rising to your feet, and kicking off your shoes, you made a beeline for your bedroom, landing face down in your bed and intending on taking a nap after the emotional exhaustion of that morning.

Thump-Thump-Thump-Thump!

You moaned and lifted your head up. Of course somepony would swing by for a visit just when you were trying to get some shuteye. Mumbling about ponies and their timing, you slunk from the warmth of your bed and trotted to the front door. You unlocked the door and swung it open, revealing a pegasus with an unmistakable prismatic mane. Rainbow Dash was a pretty chill mare you'd come to grow fond of, sharing a love of extreme sports and wrestling matches.

"Morning Dash. What's up?"

Her expression was...unreadable. "Hey Anon. Could I come in?"

"Sure! Come on in!" Rainbow brushed past you, gaze straight ahead as she took a seat on your couch. You closed the door behind you and rubbed your hands together nervously. She was never this serious around you. "Can I get you anything? Cider? A power bar?"

"No thanks," she replied somewhat brusquely and patted the seat next to her. "We need to talk."

Uh-oh. She knows. "Sure Dash." Her eyes followed you while you walked around her and sank into the cushion. "So, what can I do for you?"

Rainbow let out a sigh. "I've heard some gossip from around town but I wanted to get it from you first before I mentioned anything to Twilight and the others." She stared you right in the face. "Did something happen between you and Rarity last night?"

You scratched your chin. "Yeah. We had a few drinks and then went back to her place and...had sex." She nodded slowly but said nothing. "And earlier today, we sat down and after a long talk, we decided that we liked each other and that we should date."

"So...you're a couple?"

"Yes."

"You and Rarity?"

"That's correct."

"Coltfriend and marefriend?"

"That's the long and short of it."

Rainbow sat back and nodded once more. "Okay."

"'Okay'? That's it?"

The pegasus shrugged. "What else is there?"

You shifted on the couch so that your body faced her. "I don't know. I thought you'd be mad or something."

Rainbow stared at you before smiling and you knew that everything with her was cool. "Why would I be mad? You're my friend and Rarity's my friend so this works out. Besides, you've been perving on her for the longest time."

"What? No I haven't!"

"So you haven't been staring at her plot whenever she turned around or bent over to pick something up?"

One excuse after the other formed but never made it out of your mouth. "Point taken."

"Relax dude! I'm not even gay and I've been checking her out too!"

"Was it that obvious?" You were feeling very self-conscious.

"Duh! It wasn't like you were subtle. Neither was she."

This was new. "What do you mean?"

She smirked at your obliviousness. "Come on! Why do you think she was always asking you to come to the boutique to get your opinion on a design or to watch Sweetie Belle?"

"I thought she'd want a male perspective and knew that I was pretty much always available to foalsit her sister."

Now Rainbow was laughing. "What about that time she modeled some underwear for you?"

"'Underwear'? She never modeled underwe-..." Then it clicked. You remembered Rarity once had you over for tea and wanted to show you some outfits she came up with. Now that you thought about it, she was pretty nervous about it. She put on a little fashion show for you, wearing sheer silk nightgowns with leggings and saddles. When you told she looked amazing, she got red in the face and stammered out a thank you.

"Wait, saddles are considered lingerie?!"

Rainbow's response came in the form of snorting cackling. "Wow, you really are dense! Rarity's been wanting your monkey schlong for a long time now! Why do you think she was always bending over so much? She was presenting!"

You'd heard about that. When a mare was interested in a stallion, she'd "present" herself to him, which consisted of sticking her rump out, lifting her tail and showing them her marehood. Images of Rarity's rear end flashed before your eyes. Whenever she dropped something or needed to get a roll of fabric, you'd turn to find her supple, round badunkadunk in the air and her tail held to the side so you could see-

"Wow...I'm an idiot."

"They say the first step to solving a problem is admitting it," Rainbow snickered.

You glared at her. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Any other helpful bits of insight?"

"Nope. Oh, a couple of weeks ago, I accidently walked in on Rarity touching herself and moaning your name but that's about it."

"I hate you."

A shit-eating grin lit up Rainbow's face. "No you don't."

Time for Talks

Elsewhere...

Having ditched the robe and curled her mane into its distinctive coif, Rarity finished washing the cum-stained and replaced them with fresh new ones. She couldn't help but blush at the memory of last night's carnal events. She didn't make it a habit of getting intoxicated and having sex with a male without even having a date first but it seemed as though Anon had that effect on her. For the past few years, she'd been focusing on balancing running a business and helping her friends save Equestria on multiple occasions, forgoing any thoughts of relationships. Oh sure, she could've gone for a casual encounter or two but it just wasn't right for her and as a self-professed lady, would've been hypocritical on her end.

And then there was Anonymous. Two years ago, he was accidently pulled from his universe and into theirs as part of an experimental spell by Twilight, scaring the poor human and requiring restraining him until he calmed down. She was there when Princess Celestia told him that he was unable to go home and all of the swagger and humor dried up, leaving him inconsolable. Anon would get better, of course, through positive reinforcement and alcohol, the latter of which she didn't agree with but it did help to lift his "spirits" as he often joked, so she kept quiet. After that, everypony in Ponyville grew accustomed to the human, learning to look past his appearance and seeing him as one of their own.

Volunteering her time and resources to ensuring Anon had clothing, Rarity spent time with him, talking, laughing, and enjoying being around him. He was just so easygoing and, dare she say, charming in his own way. It took a little time but she found herself liking and eventually falling for the alien. Sure, he was taller than most ponies but when you walked along side him, you got the most curious sense of security, like he would protect you from danger. His features were strange, possessing a more flat face and smaller nose than a pony's muzzle but there was no denying he had a dazzling smile and despite the small eyes, they held a warmth and compassion to them that made them easy to get lost in.

Even if Rarity hadn't been on her self-appointed period of romantic and sexual abstinence, she couldn't have been able to be with a stallion anyway. Anonymous occupied her thoughts day and night, his humor and kind soul burying deep into her mind and heart. Then there was her physical attraction to the man. To her eternal shame, she'd succumbed to curiosity and peeked on him in the changing room a few times, taking in the shape of his half-naked body and eyeing the bulge in his underpants. She'd masturbated to the image of him inside of her, claiming her as his own, something that Rainbow Dash had unfortunately been clued in on when she accidentally witnessed one of Rarity's sessions and was sworn to absolute secrecy.

"Hey Rarity? You said you'd tell me about what happened to your bedroom later and it's later."

Sweetie Belle's voice interrupted her musings. "Right, er, please take a seat." Their parents had been neglecting giving Sweetie Belle "the Talk" out of fear of losing their youngest daughter's innocence but Rarity knew the curiosity that occurred at that age and what foals could get into if unprepared. Poor Derpy had learned that lesson the hard way at age fifteen, being abandoned by her lover and forced to raise a filly alone. Tartarus be damned if the same thing happened to Sweetie Belle!

Rarity sat down on the showroom stage right next to Sweetie Belle, preparing herself for the hardest discussion she'd ever had to have so far. Sweetie's large green eyes stared up at her, her smile so wide and trusting as she awaited attaining knowledge from her big sister. Aside from preparing Sweetie Belle for adulthood, it was also best to have this talk so that she knew about Rarity and Anon's relationship. The filly already adored Anon, something else that'd endeared him to Rarity and with any luck, she'd bless their union. Taking a deep breath, Rarity faced her sister.

"So you want to know why Anon was really here so early and why my bedroom was so smelly?"

Sweetie Belle nodded eagerly. "Yeah and why your bedsheets were all sticky too!"

Sweet Celestia, this is going to be harder than I thought!

"Er, yes, that as well." Rarity swallowed and breathed through her nostrils. "You see, when two ponies, or in this case, a human and a pony, really, really like each other, they decide to express those feelings in a...physical way."

"Uh-huh..." Sweetie Belle leaned over closer.

"And um, they do what is called 'having sex.' Basically...well, do you know how fillies and colts have different parts?"

"Yeah. Fillies have vaginas and colts have penises. Mom told me that."

"Right," Rarity agreed, slightly relieved that some of the dots were already connected. "So, when two adults really like each other, the stallion, or in Anon's case, man, puts his..." She gulped. "...penis inside of the mare's vagina."

Sweetie Belle cocked her head confusingly. "Why? That sounds really weird."

Rarity had to giggle at this. "It does, doesn't it? You see, it actually feels really good to both the stallion, or man, and the mare. And last night, Anon and I decided that we really liked each other so we decided to make the other feel good by having sex." The more she talked about it, the easier it seemed to come out. "And sex should really be between two individuals that care about one another. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah." Sweetie Belle contemplated this, mulling it over in her head before she beamed, "So you and Anon really like each other? Does that mean you're special someponies?"

Rarity placed a foreleg around Sweetie Belle. "We talked about it and we decided to be couple. We'll have to see when we want to have our first date but yes, he's my boyfriend and I'm his marefriend."

Sweetie Belle jumped onto Rarity's thighs, pressing her face close to her own. "You mean it?!"

"Yes Sweetie Belle, I mean it."

The filly bounded off the stage and began prancing around. "That's so cool! Anon's the best and you're together now!" She then skidded to a stop and spun around. "Does that mean you two are going to married?!"

A flutter took hold of Rarity's heart at the thought. "It's...it's a bit early to be thinking about that, Sweetie Belle. Anon and I haven't even been on a date yet. But maybe someday-..."

"Yay! I'll be getting a big brother!"

Rarity laughed as Sweetie Belle resumed bouncing around. Their talk went better than expected and it felt good that one of her family members had so readily approved of their relationship. Now all she needed to do was tell her parents...

Celestia give me strength...

~*~

You are Anon and right now, you're standing in front of the crystal castle, aka Twilight's Castle of Happy-Happy-Joy-Joy-Feel-Good-Emotions. Wringing your hands, you went over the speech you'd prepared over and over again. Now that you and Rarity were officially a couple, it was time to let everypony know but there was one individual that you felt needed to hear the words from your lips first. Knocking on the door, you waited for someone to answer it, feeling the knot in your stomach expanding. A raspberry glow appeared around the handle and Twilight Sparkle appeared in the doorway.

"Anon! It's good to see you!" Twilight cheered, wrapping her forelegs and wings around you. You weren't that big on touchy-feely stuff but hugging your friends was always nice. Pinkie Pie gave the best hugs, a fact that was disputed by none but each of the mares gave a good hug in their own way.

"Heya Twi," you chuckled, gently returning the embrace.

Twilight pulled away and stepped aside. "Come on in! You know you never have to knock!"

You stepped inside and closed the door behind you. Having lived in the castle for a year, it was a lot like coming home. "I know but I felt like it was in order, given the circumstances." Twilight's smile faltered at your tone. "Is Spike here?"

You sighed, "I need to talk to him. It's about Rarity and I."

Her eyes widened in recognition. "Ohhhh, I see." She pointed backward with her head. "Spike's in the kitchen making some of his famous triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla cream cookies."

You nodded and took a step forward when a wing patted your hip. You looked down to see Twilight offering you a soft smile. "I'm happy that you two are together. Just break it to him gently."

"I will Twi, thanks." You squeezed her wing affectionately and took a deep breath. You really didn't know how Spike would react to the news. You knew about his crush on Rarity and saw it firsthand, how he always did things for the mare and stared at her like a priceless painting. Were you a good man? Spike was your friend and you felt bad for taking his dream girl. Dream mare, whatever.

You found the kitchen and just as Twilight said, the little dragon was there, a pink and purple apron wrapped around his front and a little chef's toque perched crookedly atop his head. He was humming a little tune as he opened the oven and took a deep inhale. The smell of vanilla and almonds flooded your nostrils, filling you with feelings of rapturous delight, which then led back to guilt. He was so happy and you were going to ruin his day. Still, it had to be done so you rapped on the door way.

"Huh?" Spike turned and his face lit up. "Hey Anon! How've you been, dude?!" He held up a balled claw and reluctantly, you gave him a fist bump. "Your timing is perfect! My special homemade triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla cream cookies are almost done." He closed the oven and grinned, only to realize that you weren't smiling. "What's wrong?"

You wrung your hands again. "Spike...I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay..." Taking off his apron and toque, he followed you to the kitchen table where you both took a seat across from the other. "Are you okay, dude? I haven't see you this depressed since you learned you couldn't go back to Earth."

Your knuckles tapped out a tune. "You see, there's going to be a lot of talk and while it's all true, I wanted you to hear it from me first." Spike stared at you confusingly. You wished there was some other way but it was time to nut up. "I...I've started seeing Rarity. Romantically."

Nothing. No anger, tears or hysterics. Spike just sat there blank-faced.

You could feel yourself tearing up. "The thing is, I really like Rarity and I care about her deeply. I didn't plan on this and neither did she." You sighed, "I'm so sorry, Spike. I really, truly am."

Spike nodded and stood up. "Thank you for telling me," he said in a neutral tone. "I have to go now."

You watched him leave, feeling like the world's biggest sack of shit.

"I'm so sorry," you sniffled and held your face in your hands. You couldn't hold back the tears any longer. "I'm sorry, Spike. I'm sorry."

~*~

Unbeknownst to Anon, Spike was peeking at him from around the corner, watching him with his back turned as he gently wept into his hands. The drake swallowed a lump in his throat and walked away, his cheeks wet and his heart heavy. He trodded past Twilight, not saying a word to his adoptive sister as he made a beeline to his room. Closing the door behind him, Spike calmly sat down and stared out the window. Some robins fluttered by as he gathered his thoughts.

He wanted to be angry. By Celestia's mane, he wanted to shout and beat at Anon with his fists. He also wanted to cry, to flood the kitchen in his tears and beg Twilight to hold him like she did when he was a hatchling. Instead, he watched some ponies walk by as they tended to their business. To be honest, Spike was both angry and distraught but mostly at himself.

Rarity encapsulated everything Spike wanted in a mare: beautiful, selfless, classy, possessing the voice and soul of an angel. For years, he'd had deep feelings for her that started from a simple crush and could've even bordered on love. It didn't appear as though Rarity had an issue with the species divide, as evidenced now by Anon, so that left the age factor. He knew that Rarity cared about him but that it was more in the vein of a big sister-little brother dynamic. He certainly couldn't fault her for not reciprocating his feelings and the same went for Anon.

When the human first started off, he was so scared and lonely, being the only one of his kind in a strange new land without his friends and family. To top it all off, he could never go home again, trapped in a world he knew nothing about. Spike could sympathize with him to a degree, being a dragon in a society made up of almost only ponies. The pair of them just clicked, becoming the best of friends. Species and age didn't matter; they were just who they were.

Spike wasn't blind. He knew that Anon fancied Rarity, not that he could blame him, and the same went for the unicorn herself. The way she smiled when Anon was around, how she spoke to him and got excited and a bit frazzled whenever his name was brought up. It just hurt Spike that Rarity could never be that way with him. What was worse was that he even felt angry about it in the first place. They were both his friends and two very good-hearted beings that could make each other very happy.

It wouldn't easy, in fact, it'd be downright challenging but Spike could find a way to accept it. He cherished Rarity, possible marefriend or not and wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. And Anon was the best guy that he knew, lacking nary a mean or disingenuous bone in his body. They both deserved happiness and he wanted them to experience it. Seeing Rarity with somepony or someone else was heartbreaking but it would kill the drake if she and Anon were miserable because of his jealousy.

Anon was still in the kitchen by the time Spike came back, Twilight seated across from him and munching on a cookie. Spike had to bite back a laugh at this. She enjoyed her sweets a little too much; the excess sugar was going right to her stomach and backside. Deciding that he'd spent enough time stalling, Spike cleared his throat and the two turned to face him. Twilight was the first to speak.

"Spike? I was going to check on you but I thought you'd rather be alone. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay. Could I speak to Anon alone please?"

Twilight looked to the human, who nodded and she rose. "Okay then." She bit her lip and looked towards the tray of cookies positioned on top of the oven. "Do you think I could...?"

"Go nuts."

With a "yippee!" Twilight magicked a cluster of cookies away and pecked Spike on the cheek, trotting away while stuffing her face. Spike shook his head amusingly and found Anon still peering at him uncertainly, his eyes still red and puffy from crying.

Spike took a seat across from Anon, exhaling through his nostrils. "Look, since you were straight with me, I only thought that I should do the same." Anon nodded and Spike continued. "When you told me about you and Rarity, I was pretty mad. Sad too but mad mostly. It hurt to hear that but also...in a weird kind of way, I'm glad."

This clearly wasn't what Anon was expecting. "What?"

"I think a part of me knew that Rarity would never be with me but I kept hoping. Then I realized that even if she could never love me, then I'd be happy knowing that somepony came along that could make her happy. Or someone." Spike smiled at Anon, a genuine smile. "I know you, Anon. You're a good man and you'll take care of her. That's all I want. For Rarity to be happy. Even if it's not with me." He held a claw out, which Anon gratefully took.

"You're a better person than I'd ever hope to be," Anon stated softly. "I hope you know that."

Spike merely grinned, "Thanks Anon. You're my friend, no matter what. Just...be there for her."

"Spike, I promise that I'll treat Rarity the way that she deserves." He walked around the table and gave Spike a hug. Although surprised at first, the dragon accepted it.

"I know you will," Spike mumbled into Anon's T-shirt. "I'd really hate to explain to Rarity how her boyfriend wound up as a pile of ashes."

Man About Town

You are Anon and after the emotional rollercoaster you were just on, you felt as though you could use some good news at this point. You'd told Spike about your budding relationship with Rarity and after an emotionless response and abrupt departure, you were afraid that you'd lost a good friend and dashed a good person's hopes of ever finding love outside of the white mare that he cherished. A short time later, he returned and, to your total amazement, admitted that he was upset at first but accepted you dating Rarity as long as you treated her right. That was a no brainer after you shook hands with him and even hugged him, the two of you split the remainder of his cookies and life went on as usual. Although you couldn't tell if his threat of burning you to ashes was a half-hearted joke or a warning, it still felt good to have your dragon buddy back.

Leaving Twilight's place, you strode through town with your shoulders back and your head held high. Now that things with Spike were settled, you felt your future with Rarity was that more prosperous. Townsfolk chattered and sold their wares but started whispering amongst themselves when you passed by, trading amazed looks or staring incredulously in your direction. Well, so far nopony broke out the pitchforks and torches, so you were convinced they at least tolerated the concept of a human dating a pony. You waved to those three florist mares and they returned the gesture, giggling to each other.

"Hey Anon!"

You turned to find a mint-green unicorn trotting towards you, followed closely by a beige-colored earth pony. Lyra Heartstrings was one of the few ponies to greet you with open arms when you first arrived. Her erstwhile companion Bon Bon took a little more time to warm up to you but now she gave you free chocolate pretzels whenever you visited her candy shop. Even after all this time, you still had no idea if they were just friends or lovers, given the fact that you rarely saw one without the other. Due to the overwhelming amount of mares compared to stallions, lesbianism wasn't uncommon in Equestria and you weren't one to judge another's lifestyle. Especially if it was hot.

"Lyra, Bon Bon! How's it going?"

"Great! Bonny and I just wanted to congratulate you! We're so happy for you!"

"It's nice to see you finally find a special somepony," Bon Bon sweetly added.

You beamed down at them. "Thanks you two! So you heard the word around town?"

They snickered to each other and Lyra gave you a sly grin. "Let's just say that we heard it straight from Rarity's mouth." She then winked while Bon Bon snorted.

"What, did Rarity tell you?"

After a short round of giggles, Lyra said, "Rarity wasn't exactly subtle the other night."

Your cheeks reddened. How many neighbors had heard your romp? It was a little embarrassing but also kind of gratifying to know you could make your marefriend so loud while pleasuring her.

"I see," you managed. "Well, thanks anyway. I've got to get going."

"Wait!" Lyra darted in front of you. "Please Anon...I need my fix. It's been two whole days!"

You rolled your eyes. Kneeling down to one knee, you placed your fingers behind Lyra's ear and curled them, scratching that spot you knew she loved. Her little hindleg kicked at the ground hard enough to create dust, her tail wagging dog-like as she started panting. Bon Bon stood by watching you curiously, biting her lower lip. Was it wrong that you were getting a little turned on by this?

"Oh, oh, yes! A-a little to the left! Mmm, yeeeees! Mama likes it!"

"Okay, that's enough," you declared, standing up and straightening your pants so you could try to hide your half-chub. "I'll see you two later."

"Oh, man! Bye Nonny!"

"See you later, Anon!"

Bidding farewell to the Ambiguously Gay Duo, you passed by several other well-wishers and coyly-grinning mares. The biggest downside to living in a small town? Word travels fast. Despite being the town gossip, you knew Rarity kept her private life to herself and wouldn't go blabbing about her bedroom exploits. She was too lady-like for that. Hey you know what they say, "a lady on the streets, a freak in the sheets."

You dug your heels into the ground and skidded to an abrupt stop at the same time a mare ten away from you did. Her eyes narrowed beneath her Stetson, making you feel like you were in a western. Applejack was a cowgirl-er, mare-whose family had been operating Sweet Apple Acres, an apple farm for the better part of a century or so. When you first arrived, you freaked out and brandished a hatstand like a club, giving the orange earth pony a good clock on the noggin. Even though it was a panic-induced accident and you apologized profusely, she never quite forgave you for putting her out of work for a week and kept her distance as a result.

You briefly worked for her on the farm applebucking (which, come on, sounded really dirty) and it seemed to go alright at first. Your height meant that you could reach stubborn apples that refused to budge and your strength matched both Applejack's and her Hulk of a brother Big Mac, who rarely contributed to a conversation without a simple "Eeyup" or "Enope." Nevertheless, he was actually a cool guy and you two went out drinking a couple of times. That is, until a drinking match between you resulted in him getting so plastered that he smashed the jukebox, resulting in him having to pay for a new one and being permanently banned from The Water Trough. After that, things only seemed to go downhill from there.

Applejack's little sister Apple Bloom was one of the cutest, most precious little things you'd ever met. Unlike her sister, her accent was cute and had an innocent folksy sound to it and was overall great to be around. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and their friend Scootaloo made up their own little club called the Cutie Mark Crusaders and often got into all kinds of whacky shenanigans, some of which you took part in. There were no issues with you hanging around them but when you stubbed your toe and Apple Bloom overheard you call it a "fucking splooge-rag," she decided that it would be her new catchphrase. That got you kicked off the farm and out of a job.

Oh, and you once referred to Granny Smith as an "old horse," a word which apparently did not mean what you thought it meant and almost resulted in Applejack putting you through a wall.

"Anon," Applejack grumbled.

"Hey Applejack!" You cutely waved.

"Mind gettin' outta mah way? Ah've kinda got uh full load here." She gestured to the wagon full of apples that she was hitched to. "Unlike some critters, Ah work fer uh livin'."

"Look, I said I was sorry for the calling-Granny-Smith-a-horse thing. You don't need to be a bitch about it."

She did not appreciate that. "What did Ah tell ya about tha language?!"

Taking a deep breath, you shouted, "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits!"

You sped away, a horseshoe whizzing past your ear.

Whatever, she didn't like you anyway and it wasn't as though you didn't try to make up for all of the unfortunate incidences between you two. You were scared out of your wits when you hit her so she was overacting about that. Hell, you offered to do her work for her while she recovered but that just pissed her off more. Big Mac was an angry drunk and that was out of your hands since he should've known his own alcohol limits. Okay, using bad words in front of impressionable foals was bad but how were you supposed to know that "horse" in Equestria equated to "prostitute?"

In your professional opinion, Applejack just needed to get laid.

You walked across a small white bridge and entered the park, a nice long area of grass dotted with oak trees and the occasional shrubs. Couples were having pic-a-nics while the foals played tag or flew kites. It just went to further remind you of home and the minute differences between humans and ponies. Slumping into a wooden bench, you groaned and stretched out your legs, enjoying the gentle breeze and the warm sun, courtesy of Princess Baby-Got-Back. You were ready to close your eyes and take a nap when you soon spotted a certain yellow pegasus skipping along, merrily singing to herself.

"Morning Fluttershy!"

The mare turned and upon noticing you, gasped and galloped towards you. Fluttershy, being a timid, socially-intimidated person, was a bit scared of you at first, your whole swinging-a-hatstand incident not helping first impressions-wise. You were patient and a few weeks later, was comfortable enough to say hi. Months later, she finally warmed up enough to you to show you her cottage and introduce you to her animal friends. She keeps a fucking bear around! If you had a bear watching your back, you'd be walking around town like you owned the place.

Angel, her pet bunny, was a little asshole that bit you whenever Fluttershy turned her back but acted like his namesake when she was watching. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to pet his ears without his permission or threatened to turn him into rabbit stew the first he bit you. To your amazement, Fluttershy was friends with Discord, a misshapen pony-dragon-bird thing that was the literal personification of chaos and better yet, actually held some sway over him. The first time you learned this little fact, you privately wondered how she hadn't taken over Equestria by now and appointed Angel as the despotic mayor of Ponyville.

You knelt down, being mindful of the food bags as Fluttershy darted into your open arms. She nuzzled your chest and hummed pleasurably. "How've you been, Flutters? I haven't seen you in a week."

"Oh, I had this nasty cold but I'm all better!" Fluttershy gave you one of her patented too-cute-hate smiles. "I missed you," she blushed.

You rubbed the back of her head. "I missed you too." You became aware of the fact that she was now seated atop your raised thigh, her long tail wrapping around your leg and she was leaning in close.

You cleared your throat and set her down. "So anyway, what's new with you?"

Fluttershy seemed momentarily saddened by the loss of physical contact. Ponies loved giving hugs or nuzzles, something that pissed you off slightly during your initial stay in Ponyville, all of the unwanted touching making you very irritated. Thankfully, they wised up and now only shook your hand or hugged you when given explicit permission. A part of you figured that Fluttershy had a crush on you but given Pinkie Pie and Twilight's affectionate nature towards you, you soon scrapped that theory. She smiled and all of your fears vanished.

"Well, one of the chipmunks gave birth to a litter of five adorable little kits and I put up a new hummingbird feeder," Fluttershy replied, eyes sparkling with excitement. "Do you think you could come by my cottage and help me build some birdhouses? A family of robins just moved in."

Even with her being the Element of Kindness, it still amazed you how thoughtful and kindhearted Fluttershy was. You'd think that after two years you'd be used to it but the pegasus continued to surprise you.

"I have some errands to run but sure," You grinned and rubbed her head, making her giggle as you ran your fingers through her silky-smooth mane. "Anything for you, Flutters!"

Humming, Fluttershy presented her neck and you obliged, scratching through the fur to the soft skin underneath. Her wings unfurled, partially shielding your face from the sun, reminding you of their impressive size. It was really a shame that she was such a weak flier. She had a petite frame that would be aerodynamically perfect for flight and you could easily see her graceful movements on the ground translating to the sky. Man, you wish you could fly!

And had a solid gold 12-gauge shotgun that fired diamond buckshot. Because why not?

Your arm tired so you stopped your ministrations, much to Fluttershy's disappointment, the pegasus emitting a soft whimper at the loss of her neck scratches. You rose to your full height, shaking your head amusingly. Ponies were so weird but also so goddamn cute it ought to be illegal.

"Anyways, I've got to get going. See ya later?"

"Absolutely! See you, Anon!"

You waved Fluttershy off as she skipped away, resuming her merry humming. Your eyes drifted to her tight little rump. Given her looks, singing voice and kind heart, it was only a matter of time before some lucky stallion snatched her up. Maybe you could ask Rarity if she'd like to-

Nope, no, too early for that! You just starting dating a talking pony and it was too soon to discuss the idea of a three-way or a herd situation. Basically, a herd was a collection of a stallion and usually two to six mares in a polyamorous relationship, typically all living in the same house and supporting one another financially. It was kind of like marriage except it was a dude and multiple chicks. Since there was a disproportionate male-to-female ratio, herds became more commonplace though not everypony went for it. Single-pony monogamy or marriage was still the norm but herds weren't a taboo like polyamory was on Earth, herds being viewed as more of an alternative tradition.

You soon found yourself stepping through the door of Carousal Boutique, the little bell tink-tink-tinkling as you strode through the store. A few mares like Carrot Top and Octavia Melody waved at you and you happily waved back. You found Rarity hard at work taking measurements for Derpy, that wall-eyed mailmare that always smelled of muffins. You'd heard that she started going out with Time Turner, a Doc Brown-esque earth pony whose inventions sometimes bordered on the supernatural. There was that one time he accidently punched a hole through reality with his sub-atomic telescreen and let's just say that you couldn't sleep for days.

"Hey Rarity!"

"Inthemiddleofsomething,Darling!" The unicorn speedily muttered out, writing down measurements on one sheet of paper while designing rough sketches for dresses on the other. You tottered on your heels, waiting for her to finish up. Once Rarity was in "the Zone," nopony could reach her until she was out of it. It reminded you of being a kid and not being able to pry your eyes away from the TV until you could beat the final boss in Contra. "No, that won't do at all!"

"And could you make sure it's blue?" Derpy inquired. "Time Turner really likes the color blue. In fact, he has this blue box-..."

"Uh huh, blue, got it!" Rarity hastily scratched out a design before her face lit up in a eureka moment. "Ideaaaa! Perhaps a nice bouffant with see-through shoulder straps?"

She spun the paper around and Derpy squealed in delight. "It's perfect! I can't wait until Time Turner sees it!"

"Trust me, he won't be able to see anything but you," Rarity assured her. "I'll let you know when it's ready."

"Great! Bye Rarity!" Derpy stumbled past her, tripping on her own hooves before bumping into your hip. "Oof! Oh, hi Anon!"

"Hey Derpy. Got a hot date?"

"Yep! First I've got to pick Ditzy up from a friend's house. Have a good day!"

The pegasus pushed the door open and, after a little mishap, took to the air, whizzing above the head of a stallion that was somehow always covered in jelly. Like you said, ponies were weird.

"Hi Anon! Sorry about that, you know how I get when-Ahhh!"

You followed Rarity's outstretched hoof towards the door, where a thin trail of dirty footprints led from across the carpet. Shit...

"Damn! I am so-..."

Taking off her glasses, Rarity gestured to the backroom with the angry darting of her eyes. Yep, when a woman (or mare) gave you that look, you were definitely in the doghouse. Being careful not to drag your feet, you wordlessly followed her and leaned up against her desk as she slammed the door behind her. T-minus five seconds until bitch-fit. 5...4...3...2...1...

"What were you thinking?"

Gentlemen, we have liftoff!

"Just because we're dating does not mean that you get to just traipse around my shop and treat it like its your own personal pigpen!"

"Look Rares, I'm sorry, okay? I wiped my feet when I came In."

"Hmph! Not good enough, I'd say."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I said I was sorry! That dirt's hard to get out of sneaker soles but seeing as you don't even wear shoes, I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Rarity furrowed her brow. "Excuse me but do you think us ponies never get anything trapped in our hooves? Why do you think we have rugs? Don't be so thoughtless!"

"Don't call me thoughtless! If anything, the dirt is an improvement!"

"'Improvement'?! That carpet cost fifteen-hundred bits and came straight from Upper Canterlot!"

"Well, I'd say you got ripped off."

Jumping up on her hindlegs, she came up to your stomach and jabbed a hoof at your side.

"What would you possibly know about high-end upholstery, you culture-deprived brute?!"

You glared down at her. "Yeah? And you're an uptight busy-body with a stick up her keister."

"How dare you, you...? Why are you laughing?"

A hand went over your mouth as you snickered. "I'm sorry, it's just that...this is our first fight as a couple." You stopped to let out a loud chuckle. "And it's about carpets!"

Rarity dropped back down to all fours and stared at you until a small smile appeared.

"Ha...ha ha ha! I guess it is!"

For two whole minutes, the both of you giggled like hyenas at a comedy club, no doubt attracting the ears of the curious mares outside the room. Once the laughing gradually subsided, you gently grasped Rarity around her waist and lifted her up, cradling her in your arms. The unicorn sighed, placing her head against your chest, your heart pounding in her ear. You stroked her back, a chill running down your spine at the softness of her fur. Rarity kissed your hand.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you," she said, blue eyes sparkling.

It's funny, but you never really cared about a girl's eye color before but seeing Rarity's shimmering up at you stirred all kinds of feelings within you. "Yeah, well...I kind of had it coming. I'm sorry for being so thoughtless. It didn't look like the dirt went too deep into the carpet. I'll clean it up ASAP."

"Thanks Darling," Rarity cooed and lightly pecked your lips.

"Oh no you don't!" You placed a hand on the back of her head and lined your mouths up, bringing her into a long, deep kiss. She tasted like mint tea with a light pinch of butter pecan, your tongue lapping at her gums to dig the cookie crumbs out. Your mouth vibrated as she let out an impassioned moan, her own tongue circling around the tip of yours. You could feel her hooves pressing into your chest and her pelvis grinding up against yours, making your penis hard enough to dent titanium.

Your lips suckled on Rarity's before you pulled away, your heart doing jumping jacks at the salacious gaze she was giving you. "You should...probably..."

"I should get back to work..."

"To work, yeah."

Ignoring your raging boner, you set Rarity down and she fluffed out her mane.

"Ahem. We'll continue this later, Darling."

You felt something smack your butt and saw the glow of Rarity's horn going out. With a wink, she turned around, swaying her hips side to side before telekinetically goading the door to open and close behind her. Status report: you're alone in your marefriend's office with a major case of blue balls and a rock-hard erection. Spotting a box of tissues, you pulled out a few sheets and dropped your pants, your dick swinging upward as if leaping up in joy.

Fuck it, you were going to whack it.

The Chain

You stopped hammering the nail in to sigh, the warm spring air caressing your face like the touch of a gentle lover. Yeah, you could get poetic on occasion; you'd read Frost and Eliot in college, which scored you major points with hot co-eds. Thankfully, you weren't like those hippy-dippy coffee shop poetry slam douches that acted like they were the voices of a generation and that people "just didn't get the subtle nuances of their craft." Pfft, whatever. It wasn't your fault if their poetry sucked. It didn't even rhyme!

Anyway, you tapped the last nail into the bird house and held up your latest creation, which actually looked like something you'd find in a Home Depot or Lowe's. The sides were all symmetrical, the proportions right and the wood was smooth and practically flawless. When you first started helping Fluttershy with building birdhouses way back when, they came out as Picasso nightmares that no robin or sparrow in their right mind would dare to inhabit. Through trial and error, and a lot of bruised fingers and splinters, you finally managed to make decent-looking birdhouses that Fluttershy could proudly hang around her cottage. Hell, she even kept your original abominations as mementos, though you had nary a clue as to why.

Apart from Rarity, you never felt so at ease as you did with Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash was, well, awesome to hang out with, but her ego and desire to put up this nonchalant wall of pure badassery meant that you always had to be a tougher version of yourself. Any show of weakness, either on your part or hers, resulted in either Dash calling you out or her storming off if her image was damaged. Fluttershy, on the other hand, never judged you, merely pointing out meek little anecdotes on something like putting your feet on the table or using a cuss word. Yeah, as sappy as it sounded, she was emotionally supportive, always available for a chat or to just enjoy a quiet moment with.

Twilight was a real pal, allowing you to stay at her place and sometimes defending your bad habits by rationalizing it as "human behavioral idiosyncrasies" or some shit. On that note, she was a little pushy at times when she wanted to know about your species or your homeworld, like invading your personal space or interrupting you when you were eating lunch or even showering. The first night you slept in the castle, you woke up to Twilight hovering over you collecting saliva samples with cotton swabs. Then there was all the planning and schedules, her OCD-like obsession with everything going exactly how she planned it and having an aneurysm when something didn't work out like she hoped it would. You could site the time that Twilight walked in on you waxing your porpoise and actually wanted to watch "for science" but you didn't ever want to think about that moment again.

Pinkie Pie was admirable for her desire to ensure everyone (not everypony, because fuck you) was happy and healthy, spreading cheer and friendship and all that jazz. It was a cute and very selfless endeavor but it was a downright obsession at times. Similar to Twilight, Pinkie had issues with the notion of "boundaries" but whereas Twilight could be reasoned with, Pinkie was a tougher shell to crack. Whenever she saw you, she'd hop around you like a pink cokehead rapidly spouting whatever nonsense popped into her head, especially when you weren't in a mood to hear it. She was also some kind of cartoon character abomination that would pop out of jars or randomly appear wherever you were, ready to be loud and obnoxiously annoying.

There was no escaping the Pink.

The less said about Applejack the better but in all honesty (he he), you didn't hate her or even dislike her. Okay, she acted like a total tsundere ice queen but she was also hard-working, respectful (not towards you), told others how things were and loved her family and friends to pieces. You really did see her as a possible friend and if she could only remove that pole that'd been inserted into her tight sphincter, then you two could easily knock back some cider and catch a buckball game. Maybe in an alternate universe, she was your loyal gal-pal with admittedly pretty features. Then again, this wasn't The Butterfly Effect, so why focus on maybes and could've-beens?

You saw Fluttershy bending down to feed some squirrels, humming to the critters and humming in her lovely voice. The sun was shining just right to bring out the rosiness of her pink mane, the softness of her buttercream fur and when she looked up at you, the shimmering twin pools of crystal that were her eyes. Wait, pump the brakes on this what-the-fuck? big rig. Why were you internally waxing poetic about her mane or eyes? Were you...crushing on Fluttershy?

"Uh-uh, nope!"

You scrambled to start painting the birdhouse, giving it two coats of yellow paint (shit!) for the outer walls, pink (sonofabitch!) for the roof and light blue (cockknocker!) pegs for the birds to stand on. No, you couldn't like her, not like like! You were with Rarity now and this wasn't going to be like that time you slept with your one girlfriend's hot little sister. The point was, you were a changed man and that meant doing what was right and having a thing for your marefriend's friend wasn't right. Things were finally going your way and you weren't going to screw it up because you liked-

"Anon?"

"Fluttershy!"

You totally did not squeal like an eight-year-old, throw your arms up and accidently drop your birdhouse, causing it to smack on the workbench and split in half. Shit-spackled donkey boners!

"I am so sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you!"

Great, you just out-Fluttershy'd Fluttershy in the easily-scared department.

"I wasn't frightened," you explained, picking up the birdhouse's pieces. "Just startled."

Fluttershy giggled. Now see, if it had been Rainbow Dash snort-laughing, you would've drop-kicked that Murphy over a fence but Fluttershy was just so adorable that all feelings of rage and male inferiority just faded.

"Oh, well, sorry for startling you. I was just going to let you know that I have more than enough birdhouses, thanks to you. Now every bird will have a home here!"

Warning: cuteness levels are at their maximum. Core meltdown imminent.

"It's no biggie," you assured her, gluing your broken birdhouse back together. She was hovering at eyelevel now. "Just helping you out is worth it."

A hoof reached around to gently coerce your face to turn towards her.

"Anon...would you...like to have dinner at my house tonight?" Fluttershy nervously simpered with a half-lidded stare, one hoof rubbing your chest in brushstrokes. She must've picked that up from Rarity. Hold the phone...

Fluttershy has the hots for you?!

When? How? All those other adverbs!

She was staring into your eyes, those crystal orbs so full of hope and affection for you.

Much to your own reluctance, you gently pushed her away. "Look...Fluttershy, this whole thing with you and I. I don't think that it can happen."

The pegasus went from seductive to dumbfounded. "W-what?"

Damn, this was going to be harder than you thought. "The thing is, Rarity and I just started dating..."

Shit, now she was crying! Wordlessly, she leapt out of your airs and bolted in the direction of her cottage.

"Fluttershy, wait!"

You could hear her weeping as she fled from sight, slamming the door behind her.

Well, this was going to get real ugly real fast.

~*~

You finished your story and took a sip of tea. After the disaster at Fluttershy's, you immediately sought out Rarity and explained everything, the mare never once interrupting you as everything came pouring out. You may've been crying a little and this put your tale on hold a couple of times. You felt like a piece of shit. Rarity placed a hoof into your hand, your fingers curling around it as you gazed into her loving eyes.

"You know, Darling, I'm proud of you for committing to us. Admittedly, it's a little strange to hear my coltfriend say that he has feelings for one of my best friends but I'm glad you chose to tell me this."

"I just feel awful, Rare," you sighed. "Fluttershy's been such a good friend to me and it's like I took all of her kindness and threw it back in her face."

Rarity crawled up into your lap and rested her head on your chest. Instinctively, you began brushing her mane. She responded with a pleasurable hum so you continued.

"I understand," Rarity said softly. She then added, "I should've known Fluttershy felt that way about you. For the past few weeks, she's been coming in here asking me for advice on wooing a stallion. She refused to say who it was but whenever your name popped up, she had the biggest blush."

Rarity picked her head up. "You know, you shouldn't have told her there was no chance for you two. I take it you're aware of herds, yes?"

You frowned. "Yes, but I thought it was too early in our relationship to agree to something like that, especially without your say-so. Plus, I thought you were the monogamous type."

"Well, yes, that's true and thank you for that. I mean, I am and the thought of sharing you with another mare is almost unthinkable." Rarity stroked your chest, deep in contemplation. "I suppose it isn't impossible but I'd still need time to consider it. Would...would you want to be in a herd with Fluttershy and I?"

This was every dude's dream, right? Having two amazing women (or mares) being in a relationship with you, especially in a place where this type of thing wouldn't raise any eyebrows. Maybe that's why you were so hesitant on the concept. You were so used to polyamory being ludicrous that you were reticent about giving it a go. You rubbed Rarity's cheek with a thumb.

"I don't know. I'm still getting used to having a pony as a lover. Back home, this type of thing doesn't happen. We have something similar to herds but that's a major faux pas, one that gets you weird looks and judgement. I guess I'm not against it but I'm not exactly for it, at least not now. Does that make any sense?"

"Hmm-hmm." Rarity kissed your cheek. "Let's just take our time, Darling. I know things are still a tad strange to you so we'll take things one step at a time." A minute later, she smirked, "So, 'faux pas'?"

You shrugged, "I've been hanging out with you too much. Now I know Prench terms and the difference between haute couture and prêt-à-porter."

"And I know what constitutes a Manhattan cocktail and the meaning of 'soy-boy,'" Rarity giggled and gave you an Eskimo kiss, something that you never would've been caught doing with any of your ex-girlfriends but you happily accepted from Rarity. She really was the one.

You both sat in silence, your fingertips combing through her mane and coat.

"We should tell your friends about us."

Rarity nodded, "You're right. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash already know for a fact, Spike had to have told Twilight by now and I can only surmise that Pinkie Pie and Applejack have heard the rumors."

"I really don't want to," you groaned. "But I know we must."

"We'll do it together, Anon."

You smiled and kissed her. "Together it is."

~*~

At the Hall of the Super Friends, you sat at an extra seat at the Friendship Map situated between Rarity and Pinkie Pie's thrones, your leg shaking like a spastic waiting for everyone to arrive. Twilight and Spike were already there, naturally, and seated across from you. Rainbow Dash arrived soon after you did, already aware of your announcement, giving you a wink as she clambered onto her chair. You drummed your knuckles on the table, your breath coming and going in little hitches. Gently, Rarity placed her hoof over your hand and smiled, alleviating your worries and filling you with those pesky joy-joy feelings.

"It's going to be fine, Anon. Trust me."

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Spike shifted uncomfortably on his stool. He may've given you his approval but that didn't mean that he was one-hundred percent okay with it, which you understood completely. Twilight was flipping through a notebook, no doubt preparing to launch into some sort of diatribe about inter-species coupling or the like. She was acting like her usual brainy self but you couldn't quite place the way she kept throwing you and Rarity glances over the top of her notebook. If she was against your relationship, she did a pretty good job of concealing it.

Pinkie Pie came bouncing along with nary a care in the world, followed closely by a sour-looking Applejack, her green eyes immediately locking onto you with deep-seated scorn. As the pair took their respective seats, the orange cowpony's glare never left your face. Okay, she was usually pissed off at you but her active bitch face was on full display. What did you do this time?

"That's just about everyone," Twilight announced. "Now we just have to wait for Fluttershy before we can-..."

"She ain't comin'."

"What? Why?"

"Ah went ta her cottage ta get her fer tha meetin' but she wouldn't come out. When Ah got her ta open tha door, she was ballin' her eyes out. Said somethin' 'bout not wantin' ta see Anon today." Applejack stared directly into your eyes. "Yah wouldn't happen ta know why, now would ya?"

Diddy Kong balls!

You took a deep breath. "She indicated that she was interested in me but I explained to her the news that I-we-wanted to share with all of you." Your grasp on Rarity's hoof tightened a little and she gave a squeeze in return. "Rarity and I are a couple."

"Yippee!"

Confetti floated down from God-knows-where and before you knew it, Pinkie Pie was shoved between you and Rarity, a chubby foreleg around both of your shoulders.

"I've been waiting for so long for you two to hook up! I've been planning a Rarity-and-Anon-Are-Officially-In-Love party and even got T-shirts made! Do you wanna see them?!"

Why Pinkie would even have T-shirts made when most ponies walked around naked was only the second. Firstly, how did Pinkie Fucking Pie of all ponies pick up on their romantic feelings for one another? This is the mare that actually talks to her pet alligator (which is actually pretty cool) and believes he talks back. Given Twilight's expression of disbelief, not even a brainiac like her had figured it out. What new spore of madness was this?!

"Buck yeah! Congrats you two!" Rainbow Dash cheered and held out her hoof, which you gratefully bumped with your fist. "I was wondering if it'd ever happen."

"Yah've got ta be buckin' kiddin' me!" Applejack, unsurprisingly, wasn't too happy with the news, her scowl obvious evidence of her disdain. "Of all tha males in Equestria, ya had ta hitch yer wagon t' Anon? Have ya been inhalin' too much perfume?"

You were about to stove your foot up the cowpony's apple dumplings when a gently hoof rested on your forearm and a pair of sparkling eyes met yours.

"Applejack," Rarity said calmly. "I know you and Anon aren't exactly fond of one another but do you think that you could put aside your differences and just be happy for me?"

"Not if it's with a yella-bellied, good-fer-nuthin' drunk like him."

"Applejack!"

"Hey up yours, hillbilly!"

"Anon!"

Applejack shot up to her hooves. "Wanna run tha by me again?" She hissed through gritted teeth.

"I said that you're a cousin-fucking, backwoods cunt!" You yelled and jabbed a finger at her.

"And yer a foul-mouthed, beer-guzzling, monkey-freak!"

"STOP IT!"

A voice thundered throughout the room, the shockwave sending a burst of wind that blew you backward and smacked Applejack's hat off. Twilight's glare immediately prompted the two of you to hurry back to sitting down. She rarely used the Royal Canterlot Voice but when she did, you knew that she meant business. The only other time you witnessed her use it was when Discord converted the pages of her prized signed copy of Star Swirl the Bearded's Guide to Magical Pedantry into very vivid sexual depictions. The alicorn waited a moment before speaking.

"You two can hash out whatever issues you have with each other but not in this castle. Do you understand me?" You and Applejack both mumbled your compliance. Twilight sighed, "Good. Now, I have my own thoughts on this news and wish to voice them."

She turned to you and Rarity. "You both know that I care for you deeply as friends and I am happy that you have found somepony and/or someone to spend your life with."

"I hear a 'but' coming in," You muttered.

"However, I'm concerned with the biological implications of your interspecies union. Have you two engaged in sexual activities?"

Rarity nodded, "Once."

"And did you use protection?"

The unicorn tripped over her words. "I-I feel such things are private!"

Twilight waved her hooves. "I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable but I have to know."

"No," you replied, much to Rarity's dismay. "We were drunk and didn't consider it. But does it really matter? I can't get Rarity knocked up."

"That's true but we don't know what kind of pathogens you may carry. You're an introduced, possibly invasive species, Anon. For all we know, humans possess unknown germs that can infect Equestrian ponies though sex."

You folded your arms indignantly. "That's ridiculous! You and the other scientists ran tests on me and concluded that I didn't carry any viruses."

"That we know of. Anon, you come from a world without magic and to us, magic is ingrained into our very DNA. This is why I'm so concerned for your health. We can't just use a spell or a potion to cure you of any ailments because the effects could be dangerous, even life-threatening. If you caught something here, not only would our treatment fail to combat the malady but it could kill you."

Yeah, the no-magic thing was beginning to piss you off. Basically, every living being in Equestria and beyond was imbued with magic; consider it like the Force: it surrounds everything living and non-living and even if you can't harness it, it's still there. This is why earth ponies can commune with nature, pegasi can walk on clouds and control the weather and unicorns can levitate objects and teleport. The reason why transfiguration spells and potions affect ponies is because of that very same magical energy is connecting with the natural energy in their bodies, sort of like adding the north end of a magnet to the south end. While telekinesis and teleportation works on you, since it's affecting your exterior and that is steeped in ambient magical energies, interior magic like transformation is deadly because the inside of your body isn't magically charged to be able to coalesce with the effects of the spell.

If it were that easy, Twilight or Princess Dumps-Like-A-Truck could've turned you into a pony years ago and your status as a human wouldn't have mattered. Contrary to your own preconceived notions, magic was a very intricate and exact process that even the most minuscule miscalculation could result in numerous repercussions. Since settling in Ponyville, the girls have done everything in their power to keep you out of harm's way so that you weren't injured or introduced to any foreign diseases. Healing a broken bone without magic was done all the time and Twilight knew enough about your biology to certainly treat it but if you caught an Equestrian disease or exposed to something like poison joke, then you were pretty much shit out of luck at that point. Do not pass "Go," do not collect two-hundred dollars.

"So are you cool with Rarity and me dating or not?"

"I'm...hesitant. Just please exercise caution, Anon."

"I will." You turned to Spike. "What do you think?"

The dragon clicked his claws against the table surface. "I'm not happy about it but I think it's okay."

"This is ridiculous! Ya'll can be okay with it but Ah ain't!" Applejack leapt down from her throne and stormed towards the doors. Throwing them open, she shouted, "Ya'll are makin' a big mistake! Don't say Ah didn't warn ya!" before slamming them shut behind her.

Noticing Rarity's trembling lip, you wrapped an arm around her. "Hey, it's okay, Rare. The worst of it is over."

An explosion of popping sparks burst onto the table and a very pissed off-looking Discord appeared, a lion's paw pointed at you. His eyes were literally burning with rage, little fires blazing around his pupils. Well, looks like you just picked yourself a whole bouquet of oopsie-daisies.

"I stand corrected."

"You hurt my Flutter-Buddy!" Discord roared and you were suddenly yanked up from your seat and suspended a good eight feet in the air. His eagle talons sliced through empty space, the claw marks forming a swirling portal. "Sayonara, jerkwad!"

You tumbled head-first into darkness, then there were flashing rings of black and white and you hit the ground and rolled. Shaking away the dizziness, you stood up and dusted yourself off. You were in a hand-drawn picture of a park in a vacant city, one that looked like Detroit from RoboCop. Or just, you know, Detroit. Across the street, there was an electronics store with a stack of televisions sitting in the broken front window. Suddenly, there were a bunch of hentai tentacles reaching past you towards the TVs and then...something weird happened. Okay, weirder.

A bright light temporarily blinded you, followed by the blue glow of the televisions, forming an eye as music accompanied it. The next part was hard for you to comprehend but it was a cavalcade of colorful, constantly-shifting shapes that brought to mind an acid trip from the mind of Ralph Bakshi. There were animals being stretched and bloodlessly dissected, converting into neon spirals and columns. No matter where you fled to or how fast you ran, the relentless madness followed you. That and a giant TV monster on rubbery tentacle legs.

Something yanked you up by the neckline of your shirt and you were unceremoniously tossed onto a table. You stared around. Oh thank Chuck Norris, you were back in Equestria. You laid on your back, your chest heaving as everyone gawked at you. Rarity climbed onto the table, her hoof brushing your hair off of your forehead.

"Are you alright, darling?"

You stared up at the ceiling. "I think so. I've seen some things. Weird things."

Twilight smacked Discord's thigh with a wing and gestured to you.

"Fine. I'm sorry Anon," he droned.

"Fooooor…?" Twilight goaded, twirling her primary feathers like fingers.

Discord sighed and intoned monotonously, "For throwing you into an pocket dimension of surrealist imagery accompanied by experimental hip hop."

"It's fine," you gulped. "I'm just going to throw up now."

After emptying your stomach, Twilight persuaded Discord to bamf you and Rarity back to your house. It was bad enough that you ticked off a mare that could split tree trunks with just her hindlegs but now the literal personification of chaos had your name first on his shit list. Oh joy. Was this what it was like to be a statue under constant assault by pigeon droppings? You laid on your side and groaned until you felt the mattress shift and a warmth pressing itself against your back.

"Feeling better, Darling?"

You rolled over and faced the pony. No, your marefriend.

"A little."

Rarity giggled and rubbed your chest. "I'm sorry about what happened with Discord."

"No need to apologize. If anything, I'm the one who's sorry. I caused a rift between you and your friends."

"Anon-..."

You cut her off. "It's true! I broke Spike's heart, sent Fluttershy into a deep depression, acted like an ass towards Applejack and almost got myself banished by Discord." You gently rubbed her cheek with the back of your hand. "I'm so sorry."

Rarity scooched in closer. "You were rather rude to Applejack but then again, she wasn't any better. I don't blame you for any of this. I chose this, chose you and I don't regret it. Do you?"

You lean forward and kissed her. "Not at all."

Mum's the Word (Dad is Too)

A couple of days have passed since announcing yours and Rarity's relationship to the others and they all reacted in their own way. Pinkie Pie ended up throwing that party and you had to admit that it was pretty cool, with there being a DJ, great food and even some fun party games. Rainbow Dash still gave you hoof-bumps and publicly commented on you "bagging a hottie," something that would've gotten her punted back to Cloudsdale if it wasn't for the fact that the whole town knew it as fact at this point. Applejack was avoiding you at all costs, even sending Big Mac in her place to make deliveries in town, though that wasn't so bad since he at least wished you congratulations. Spike's been busy as of late but you couldn't tell if this was due to his workload as a princess' assistant or his own feelings towards you dating his crush.

And then there was Fluttershy, who's been MIA since you shot her down. Rarity suggested giving it some time before you tried to talk to her again and you agreed, not wishing to converse with the pegasus when she was dealing with a fresh wound. The area around her cottage was silent; not a critter or bird in sight, making you feel like an extra douchebag. Your fist was raised and poised to knock on the door, beads of sweat adorning your brow. Almost five minutes passed before you gently rapped on her door, your heart racing a hundred miles per hour.

The door squeaked open and a single blue eye appeared in your line of sight.

"Y-yes?"

"Hi Fluttershy. Could I speak to you please?"

"Why?"

Fluttershy's tone lacked any of the anger or sorrow you'd expected, instead coming off as more skittishly inquisitive. That was more like how she sounded when she first met you.

"I wanted to see you," You said gently. "I feel terrible about before and I wanted to apologize to you in person." You sighed. "Fluttershy, I am so sorry that I hurt you. The truth is, you're one of the few beings in this nutso world that I consider a close friend."

The door opened all the way, revealing Fluttershy's whole form. Her mane was frizzy and bedraggled, as though she'd just woken up though you knew that was because she was likely curled up in bed. Her coat was shaggy, the feathers of her wings crooked and bent in all directions and her eyes red from either crying or lack of sleep or both. She looked at you incredulously.

"R-really?"

You nodded. "Yes, really. I know I come off like I don't give a shit about anyone or anypony but I care about you. Can you forgive me?"

Fluttershy contemplated this and then nodded, a small smile on her face.

"Okay. Come on in."

You were never so grateful for a second chance than you were in this moment. The inside of the cottage was actually cleaner than you'd anticipated, indicating that she either kept herself busy cleaning or had her animals friends tidy up a la Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. After making you both some tea, Fluttershy climbed up onto a chair and you took a seat on the sofa across from her. The silence was almost maddening. Then you heard:

"I'm...sorry for reacting the way I did."

You blinked. "You're apologizing? Flutters, you did nothing wrong." She nodded in understanding and sipped her tea. "So, uh, are you...in love with me?"

She froze. "That's the impression that I got. Am I wrong?"

Glancing down at the floor, Fluttershy mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, could you say that again?"

"Um...maybe." Fluttershy inhaled. "At first, I was scared of you. You were so strange and big but that went away the more time that I spent around you. A-and there was the night the princesses told you that they couldn't send you home and you got drunk so I had to take you back to Twilight's. You wouldn't stop crying and couldn't go to sleep so I stayed with you until you fell asleep." A blush appeared on her cheeks. "I think it started then."

"So...you started developing feelings for me because I was drunk and blubbering like a baby?"

She giggled and a warmth heated in your stomach. "No, because you were so vulnerable." Noticing the confusion on your face, she elaborated: "Usually you walk around acting tough and a little abrasive. N-not with me, although you can be a tiny bit hard to talk to sometimes. In that moment, when you were upset about losing your home and your family, I saw a whole other side to you. A side that wasn't afraid of showing your emotions, of being sad or scared or even...affectionate."

"Okay, that makes sense," you admitted. "Sorry about grabbing you and forcing you to cuddle."

"It's okay. You're very good at that." Again, a blush. "I shouldn't have expected you to feel the way that I do. I waited too long and now it's over and done with."

Well, this was it. You folded your hands, your fingers interlocked. "I don't think that's true. I didn't just come over here to apologize. The thing is, I think I feel the same way."

Fluttershy's eyes widened. "Y-y-you what?"

You bit your lip to keep from smiling at how adorable she looked; you didn't want her to think that you were being disingenuous. "I really like Rarity but I also have feelings for you too. You see, back on Earth, there are groups of people that are like your herds here but they're uncommon and even frowned upon by society's standards. I'm used to one-on-one relationships, especially with members of my own kind. I'm still new to the whole dating-a-different-species thing so it'll take a little time before I'd consider taking on another marefriend."

"You mean, you and Rarity would start a herd with me?"

Grinning broadly, you nodded, "We've discussed it and while neither of us are ready for something like that, we're not against it."

There was a blur of yellow and something was pressed against your chest. You chuckled and wrapped your arms around Fluttershy and held her close, your chin resting on the top of her head.

"Thank you, Anon."

"You're welcome, Fluttershy." And then: "I hate to ruin the moment but you could use a bath."

~*~

After your little heart-to-heart with Fluttershy, with her offering you the chance to bath her, you politely declined and left, promising to come by again soon. Was it just your imagination or did the outside of the cottage look brighter? You soon arrived at the front entrance of Carousal Boutique. Inside, you could see the mare of your dreams excitedly talking to that schoolteacher. What was her name? Oh right, Miss Cheerilee! Sweetie Belle goes on and on about her and you met her once, finding her rather sweet and mild-mannered. Rarity was packing a gown into a bag with the store logo on it and passing it to the schoolteacher when she spotted you and waved.

You waved back, feeling butterflies flapping around in your stomach. You stepped to the side to allow the door to open and Miss Cheerilee pranced out, the bag partially visible on one saddlebag.

"Hello Anon!"

"Hi Cheerilee! How's it going?"

"Not bad. By the way, Rarity was just telling me that you two started dating. Congrats!"

"Thank you! That's a nice gown you picked out. Getting ready for a date?"

Cheerliee held a hoof up to try to stifle a laugh. "That obvious? I'm meeting up with a fellow from Canterlot that I've been pen pals with for the past few months. I think he might be the one!"

You gave her double thumbs up. "That's great! Good luck!"

"Thanks, you too! Bye Anon!"

You smiled and shook your head before entering the boutique, the telltale bell chiming to announce your arrival. You'd barely managed to close the door behind you when something furry leapt into your arms and a pair of lips attacked yours. Your fingers quickly found Rarity's supple backside, gripping at and massaging those plump cheeks. A moan vibrated in your mouth, followed by a wide tongue that lapped against your smaller one. Feeling the need for oxygen, you both pulled away with an audible smack, meeting a pair of half-lidded blue eyes.

"Well," you breathed. "That's a hell of a greeting."

Rarity giggled and rubbed your chest with a hoof. "It's the only way I know how with you, Darling."

"No complaints here, sweetheart." You weren't sure how she'd take to the pet name but her smile told you everything. "So how's your day going?"

"Simply divine! My customers keep telling me how happy they are for me and wishing me luck with my new coltfriend. Or should I say, boyfriend?"

"Really? Something similar happened to me on the way here. Ponies sure are ecstatic to hear that I have a marefriend."

Rarity's eyelids fluttered. "Is that so? And, um, who is this marefriend of yours?"

You gently squeezed her bottom, delighting in her cooing as your other hand stroked up her neck to caress her cheek.

"Oh, you know, this smart, elegant, sexy mare that lives nearby. Ring any bells?"

"I-it might," Rarity gasped, squirming as your digits dug into her plot. "Mmmm. My boyfriend is this tall, handsome visitor from another world who I'm crazy about and drives me absolutely wild!"

You chuckled, moving Rarity to the crook of your arm so you could rub a finger against her marehood. She shuddered in response to your touch. "Sounds like quite the catch. What would you do if he were here right now?" The very tip of your finger sank into her moist flesh, causing her to rock her needy hips against you.

"I-I-I'd tell him to stop t-teasing me and carry me to my bedroom!"

You withdrew your finger and brought it up to your lips, licking at it to a wide-eyed Rarity's astonishment. "Now that's a good answer. My marefriend would say the same thing."

"Anon, please. I'm so..."

"You're so...?"

Rarity gulped, a heavy blush covering her white cheeks. "H-horny. You're making me very horny."

You grinned and began tracing the outside of her slit with your finger. Her marehood was puffy now, glistening with fresh juice. "Tell me, what I should do about it?"

Rarity squirmed in your grasp. "You...you should..."

Your lips meet her ear, your breath hot on her flesh. "What should I do?" You whispered.

"RUT ME! MAKE ME CUM! PLEASE, JUST STOP TEASING ME!"

Dashing over to the door, you flipped the OPEN sign to CLOSED and thundered up the stairs to the bedroom. An hour later, you both laid on Rarity's bed, sucking in air, your bodies slick with sweat. You lazily glanced over at Rarity, finding her sprawled out on her stomach, dreamily staring at you with her tongue sticking out. Tenderly, you pulled her over so she laid on your chest, her head underneath your chin. You idly stroked her back, her skin shivering beneath your touch.

"That was..."

"Amazing?" You offered.

"Yes...amazing," Rarity exhaled and peppered your jawline with kisses. "So...very...amazing..."

"Rarity..."

She kissed your face repeatedly. "Mwah! You're. Mwah! So. Mwah! Incredible! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!"

You clasped her face with both hands and gave her a good, strong kiss on the lips.

"I feel the same way." Her eyes sparkled as she smiled radiantly down at you. "I couldn't have asked for anypony better, Rarity. You're the only one I could've found in this crazy world."

Her smiled widened but then abruptly retracted, her face one of deep contemplation. Soon, she was looking at you anxiously. "Anon, I...there's something that I want to tell you."

You rubbed her back supportively. "What's up? You can tell me anything."

"The thing is, I-..."

BZZZZZT!

You both jumped. It was the buzzer for the front door. Rarity was pale.

"What time is it?!" She rolled off of you, landing undignified on the floor before scrambling for her alarm clock. "Fiddlesticks! I'd forgotten that I invited my parents over!"

"Shit!" You snatched up your clothing, only to find a big tear down the center of your shirt and your pants zipper was busted. Seriously, what was with this mare and destroying clothes when horny?

"Uh, Rarity?"

"There's some spare clothes in my workshop!" She hastily explained, spraying herself and then you down with something that smelled like lilacs and violets. "There's no time for a shower! Get dressed and meet me downstairs!" She scurried out of the room before you could say anything else.

By the time you'd scrubbed your crotch and gotten dressed, Rarity was entertaining her parents in the parlor, the smell of tea wafting up to you as you descended the steps. You weren't very keen on tea, which was difficult seeing as how ponies drank it like water and gave you odd glances the first time you brought it up. You entered the parlor and all three unicorns turned to look at you. You'd met Rarity's parents a couple of months after your arrival though due their constant traveling, you hardly ever saw them. Sweetie Belle once told you that she wished they didn't travel so much; they'd actually missed her receiving her and her friends earning their cutie marks since they were out of town at the time.

Hondo Flanks was a large gray stallion with a dark, grayish brown mane and a large mustache, which led to you privately calling him "Magnum P.I." He'd been some sort of hoofball star in high school and college but an injury forced him out of doing it professionally and instead went on to be a lawyer. Whenever you did see Hondo, you mainly discussed sports with him, having become a fan of hoofball which was pretty much the same as football back home. Other than that, he seemed like a stallion that took everything too seriously and was a major buzzkill to be around. From the moment you entered the room, his steely gaze never left you.

His wife Cookie Crumbles was a rather portly mare with a pink coat and a dark blue mane she kept up in a fifties-style beehive, sort of like a pony Marge Simpson. Unlike her husband, she was a lot more amicable, welcoming you with a smile and a story about what she did at the market or, to Rarity's chagrin, sharing an embarrassing story about her daughter when she was a filly. You thought she had a very warm demeanor and pretty features, imagining her to be quite lovely in her younger days. Strangely, she and Rarity seemed to have similar voices, something that both mares denied vehemently. Rarity had evidently inherited her blue eyes from both parents though hers were much more vibrant, but that could've been subjective on your part.

"Anon, we were just talking about you! Come, sit, sit!"

You sank into the couch beside your marefriend with her folks seated across from you on a separate, smaller one. Cookie's motherly grin faded somewhat, her nostrils flaring as a sudden blush covered her cheeks. Hondo, meanwhile, never stopped glaring at you, his chest taking slow, prolonged breaths, his hooves tapping on his lap. With their pony noses, there was no way they couldn't pick up on the smell of sex you and Rarity exuded. You gulped and folded your hands, not sure what to do with them as a clock ticked in the background.

"How have you been?" Cookie managed, looking very uncomfortable.

"Never better. In fact..." You looked to Rarity, who nodded and placed a hoof over your hand. "Rarity and I have decided...to be a couple," you stated and placed your other hand on top of Rarity's hoof.

"No."

Both you and Rarity were shocked. "'No,' Daddy? What do you mean, 'no?'"

Hondo shifted around on the couch, his jaw clenched as he stared directly at you. "I mean exactly that. No, I don't approve. I don't want you two dating."

"But why not? I thought you liked Anon."

"Look," the old stallion sighed. "I like him fine. Anon, you're alright. But the fact is, you're not a pony."

Rarity was aghast. "Daddy! You should be ashamed!"

Hondo held a hoof up. "Rarity, sweetheart, you know I love you but I can't in good conscience allow this. It was fine when you two were friends but now you're actually rutting him?"

You chose to stay silent. Meanwhile, Rarity was on her hooves. "So what if I am? We're both consenting adults! And since when did species matter to you? You've had griffons as clients and I know for a fact you play golf with a minotaur!"

"But I'm not talking about a griffon or a minotaur. I'm talking about Anon." Hondo turned towards you. "Tell me, are you capable of providing for my daughter?"

"Daddy!"

"No," you answered. "But Rarity is a successful businessmare. She wouldn't need my money anyway."

Hondo waved this off with his next question: "What about foals? Can you give her a foal or us grandchildren?"

You swallowed, feeling sick to your stomach. "No, I can't. We're from two different species."

"And what about Rarity's reputation? Things are fine for you in Ponyville but what about Manehattan or Canterlot? Do you think anypony will want to do business with her knowing that she's involved with something like you?"

"Don't speak about him like that!" Rarity exploded, causing both parents to jump. Hondo had gone deathly pale. "Don't you ever talk to him like that again!" You'd never seen her this angry before. In all the time you've known Rarity, she was always this little daddy's filly so you never would have expected her to scream at her father. "Mom, say something!"

Cookie couldn't look at her daughter. "I...I agree with your father, Rarity." She briefly peeked up at you, tears in her eyes. "Anon, you're a nice person but I don't think that you should date Rarity, let alone...rut her."

Rarity switched from scowling at one parent to the other, her face a mixture of outrage and shock. "I can't believe you! I've finally found someone that treats me right and who I care about and you two don't approve of him just because he's not a pony!"

"You could've found a nice rich stallion and settled down," Hondo muttered, peering off into the distance and shaking his head. "Instead, you chose a bitless creature that can't even give you foals." He stared at Rarity, tears in his eyes. "Can't you see I'm trying to protect you, sweetheart? Chances are you won't even last and if by some miracle you do, do you really think everypony's going to accept...this?"

Rarity took several uneven breaths. "Get out."

Hondo's eyes shot open. "What did you say?"

Rarity was shaking, tears tumbling down her face. "I want you...and Mom to g-get out...and never come back."

"Rarity, you're being unreasonable-..." Cookie began softly but was cut off when Rarity's hoof shot out to point at the door. You didn't know what to say or do so you placed a comforting hand on Rarity's withers.

"Go. Now!"

Cookie was crying as she rose from the couch and headed for the exit. She took one last look at her daughter before flinging the door open and galloping away. You felt so awful about the whole thing but couldn't muster up the courage to say a single word. Both Rarity's passionate defense of you and lashing out at her parents as well as their words concerning you hurt deeply. Hondo, meanwhile, stood with his hooves up, going from red-faced angry to heartbreakingly pleading.

"Rarity, please, don't do this. Don't choose him over your own family."

The mare looked at him coldly. "I asked you to leave. Don't make me get the authorities."

The battle lost, Hondo shot you a dirty look and trotted out of the parlor. He spared a tearful parting glance at Rarity and slammed the door behind him. Rarity, emotionally exhausted, collapsed onto the couch, heaving and weeping into a pillow. You rubbed her poll and neck, making your way to her back. This was your doing. You made Rarity throw her parents out of her life. For you. You weren't worthy of her loyalty or her affections.

"Rarity, I-..."

She shot up and wrapped her forelegs around your midsection. "Just...just hold me. Just hold me..."

You held her and caressed the back of her head as she wept into your chest. For a half-hour, you stayed like that, stroking her back and mane, your bodies pressed together as you embraced. Neither of you said anything; there was nothing to talk about. Once she was all out of tears, you carried her to bed and cuddled up next to her, holding the mare in your arms until she fell asleep. Guilt kept your mind active so there was no sleep for you that night.

Family Dinner

You sat next to the bed watching Rarity sleep, the rising and falling of her chest almost hypnotic. You found some stray hair lying over her cheek and, pinching it between your fingers, lightly tucked it back over her ear. This was your marefriend. This was a pony that, just a few hours ago, cut her parents out of her life because they didn't approve of you. She chose you over her own family, a fact that brought you some shred of pride but mostly a metric ton of shame.

When you and Rarity agreed to be exclusive, you never in your wildest dreams expected this to happen. No, it shouldn't have happened. She never should've been placed in that position in the first place and it made you sick to your stomach that she had. Rarity was the Element of Generosity and you? You were a smart-ass drunk that wasn't even supposed to be here. Watching her sleep peacefully made your heart ache and you knew damn well why. You were in love with her.

When you first arrived in this crazy bass-ackwards world, Rarity was a little wary of you but still selflessly made you clothing free of charge just so you weren't stuck in the same outfit. Following the stuck-in-Equestria-forever revelation, you spent the next few weeks in an almost constant state of inebriation, thanks to "compensation" Princess Celestia gave you. She subsequently found out about your drinking problem and now ensures you have a monthly allowance sufficient enough for pay for food and utilities. The rest you earn through various odd jobs, including as an assistant to Mayor Mare. Seriously, did her parents see the future and name her that or was it somehow some gigantic coincidence?

Anyway, one night, Rarity found you drunkenly crying in the rain and not only let you crash on her couch but made you breakfast the next morning. That was when your feelings for her truly blossomed. The fact was, she was always there for you when you needed her but what have you ever done for her? You foalsat her little sister and did some chores. Real boyfriend material here.

Back on Earth, you were a shitty boyfriend and this led to ninety-seven percent of your break ups. Your girlfriends accused you of being lazy, unreliable, and emotionally unavailable, dumping your sorry ass for someone better. The truth was, your relationships consisted of hot sex, fast food and the occasional dinner date. You briefly jettisoned your thoughts when Rarity rolled and mumbled in her sleep, producing a stupid grin from you. Rarity was...special, a rare-cut diamond in the shape of a small talking horse with a heart of gold.

And she loved you.

You weren't stupid. When Rarity's parents interrupted your post-sex talk, your marefriend was nervous about something and sounded like she had a truth bomb to drop on you. You were mostly certain that it was the three magic words and booting her own mother and father out of her life for not accepting you was proof of this theory. Giving Rarity a peck on the check, you witnessed her smile in her sleep before getting your jacket and shoes on and walking out the boutique. Today was a new day, not just in terms of your relationship but your life as well. You were going to be a good boyfriend for a change because the mare sleeping upstairs deserved your full attention.

It was a quiet morning and only a few ponies were out and about, likely due to it being a hour after dawn. You considered going to Sugarcube Corner for a take-out breakfast but quickly decided against it, feeling that it was too damn early for any Pinknanigans. It wasn't that you disliked Pinkie Pie; in fact, she was quick to befriend you, even throwing you a welcoming party just a couple of hours after meeting you. You admired how she made it her life goal to make everypony smile and found her funny at times but you also liked her in small doses. She was loud, random and had difficulties with personal boundaries so you interacted with her at tiny intervals.

Instead, you chose that diner you liked and ordered coffee, four bagels, cream cheese packets and a side of baked potatoes. You paid and stepped out with your bags, excited at the thought of having Rarity wake up to find you'd prepared breakfast in bed. Oh, that dazzling smile and those sapphire eyes. Was there any better kind of payment? Well, aside from gold bars or a blowjob.

Heh, maybe she'd be so touched, she'd be willing to-

No! This was about doing something nice for your marefriend, not sexual rewards for basic kindness!

The whole walk back to the boutique was spent imagining those velvety lips sucking you off. Did you mention that you were kind of a prick?

Rarity was still asleep by the time you sat back down beside her, everything laid out on a wooden serving tray. You leaned forward and kissed the end of her snout, one finger stroking her cheek. She moaned, eyes fluttering open and then squinted up at you. You'd had girlfriends that were smoking hot but woke up looking like trolls, some of whom you didn't even want to look at. Yet in Rarity's case, aside from a frizzy mane, was just as perfect as usual.

Damn, you had it bad.

"Morning beautiful."

Rarity stretched, a sleepy grin forming. "Good morning, Anon." She then sniffed. "What's that smell?"

"Coffee, bagels, baked potatoes. You know, the major food groups," you joked as she sat up.

"You...got me breakfast?"

You moved the tray onto her lap. "Correction: I got you breakfast so you could eat in bed."

Fully waking up, Rarity peered down at the food in front of her. "You didn't have to do this."

"I know. I wanted to."

Rarity smiled, her eyes filling up with moisture. "You are such a sweetheart." Pecking your cheek, she lifted up a bagel with her magic, slathered it with a healthy dose of strawberry jam, and took a dainty bite. You dug into your potatoes only to catch a familiar pair of blue eyes staring at you.

You stopped yourself from speaking with your mouth full, swallowing your food before asking, "What's up?"

Rarity sighed dreamily. "You. You're just...so good to me."

"Well, you're my g-marefriend, right? Besides, I kind of like you."

She rolled her eyes. "Only 'kind of'? Honestly darling, I was expecting a full-like."

"Okay, okay, fine. I one-hundred-percent like you."

"No, no, no, it's too late." Rarity turned her head up in mock-indignation. "You can't just change your answer like that. It goes against proper etiquette. I'm afraid we'll have to go our separate ways."

"Fine. Then I guess I'm not obligated to give you a special surprise."

One ivory ear swiveled around. "'Special surprise'?"

You crossed your arms. "Well, I was planning on giving it to my marefriend, who I am absolutely crazy about but it seems as though she's kicked me to the curb. Oh well..."

Rarity began to panic and you weren't sure how much of it was acting. "No, no, no, no! I was only kidding. It-it was a joke. Heh heh. So, um, what was that about a special surprise?"

You gently poked the tip of her snout, causing Rarity to emit a little squeak. "Well dear, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you, would it?" Shit, now she was doing the pouty-lip. "Okay, all I can tell you is that I realized that we haven't even been on a first date yet and I wanted to do something to rectify that."

"Oh Darling!" Rarity flung herself at you, peppering your face with kisses. "So thoughtful! Where are we going? What are we doing? No wait, don't tell me! Could you give me a hint? No don't!"

This mare...

"I was thinking that you and..."-You were about to fall back on your terrible grammar when you stopped yourself in the nick of time-"...I could dress up nice and go to Canterlot. What do you think?"

You were suddenly stricken by the most sultry pair of bedroom eyes you'd ever seen.

"I think...I'm hungry for something a bit more...rich in protein."

Boi-oi-oi-oing!

~*~

Stopping by your place, you flipped open your mailbox and collected three pieces of mail, which was two more than you were used to. The first two were a coupon for a free super-deluxe daisy sandwich from Hayburger Princess and a flyer for Bulk Biceps' Fitness Course. As for the third, it was in an envelope that read, "FOR MY SWEET ANON" in green ink and carried with it the scent of mint-tea. There was only one mare who fit both of those. Tearing the envelope open, you unfurled a tri-folded piece of pink paper, which read:

Bipedal Beloved,

Yours are the arms that I want to hold me tight
Those lips, how I wish, would brush against mine
Our passions would last all throughout the night
The love we'd share would be the greatest of all time

My marehood quivers at just the thought of you
Filling me with your love-cream until I burst
My brains would melt from how hard we'd screw
I would even swallow your seed, quenching my thirst

My human, oh my homo sapien amore
I wish that my womb could bear your foals
Make me your little cock-hungry whore
Unlike other mares, I'll even let you put it in my tail-hole

Yours, obedient and ever-horny,
Lyra

To be fair, her skills had improved considerably since the first time she'd sent you a love poem:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, come over to my house so I can fuck you.

After that, her material became more creative, even thoughtful at times. Sure, about ninety-nine percent of it pertained to hot sex between the two of you but at least there was actual effort put into it. Most guys would've found it extremely creepy...and it was, but it was oddly endearing in a way and at the very least she never took it too far. There were times where you were actually afraid that she'd roofie your drink or sneak into your house and tie you up while you were sleeping but she respected your boundaries. Well, almost. There was that one time that you came home to find her sleeping in your bed, a pair of your underwear covered in her love nectar but at least she apologized and promised to never do something like that again.

It probably helped that you let her keep the underwear.

Inspecting the mail, you decided that since you were already in a relationship and you were too lazy for weight-lifting, the coupon was going to be the only thing not going in the trash. Maybe Rainbow Dash would want it? For a mare obsessed with staying fit, she sure enjoyed her fast food. It was just kind of a shame that it did nothing for her hindquarters, which were flatter than day-old soda. Hell, for how petite Fluttershy was, even she had more junk in her yellow trunk than Dashie did.

Speaking of Fluttershy, you saw the pegasus just the other day buying bird seed and had a nice little chat. It felt so much like old times that you'd almost forgotten about the whole possible dating/herd stuff. That is, until it was time to part and she gave you a peck on the cheek. Now, such public displays of affection were common amongst ponykind and normally you wouldn't have a batted an eye. Except this was a prolonged, wet kiss that, coupled with a dainty wave, made it clear that she most certainly retained her feelings for you. She even gave her rear an extra shake as she walked away.

And your eyes followed that ass like sailors follow the North Star.

Now that you thought about it, would it really be so bad to be in a relationship with two mares? Not only was it the norm here but there were a lot of added benefits. Aside from the mating process, herds were also a family and that meant love and support from all participants, from housework to finances, everypony chipped in. You'd have another special pony to turn to in case Rarity was indisposed and, not to sound like a horn dog, an extra vagina to stuff should Rarity be unable to fulfill that oh-so-sweet role. You weren't blind; Fluttershy was quite a lovely young mare and such a sweetheart too.

If it hadn't been for Rarity, you were fairly certain that Fluttershy would've been the one you'd fallen for.

You unlocked the door and immediately got to work preparing dinner. With how often you've spent time at the boutique, you made the offer to invite Rarity over for a home-cooked dinner, a prospect that she was absolutely giddy about. As you chopped up the onions, a warm fuzziness filled your chest at the anticipation of tonight. Rarity would come over, enjoy a nice meal you yourself prepared and flash you one of her signature smiles. You just wanted to show her that being with you was the right call and to ensure that you kept your promise about being a good boyfriend. Plus it was a really awesome blowjob that she gave you and you were honor-bound to repay her.

It was a little after five when the doorbell rang, which was funny since the agreed-upon time was six and Rarity was the type to either arrive on time or be "fashionably late," never early. Setting aside your salad tongs, you answered the door, only to find Sweetie Belle sitting patiently on your welcome mat. Yes, you were happy to see her but thrown off considering what happened between you, her parents and her sister the other day. How was it that she was even here? Considering the conversation with Hondo and Cookie, there was no way they'd allow Sweetie here.

"Hi Anon!"

"Um, hi Sweetie. What are you doing here?"

The filly's grin became cartoonishly wide. "I came here to see you!"

"Okay...do your parents know that you're here?"

Sweetie's smile vanished. "C-could I come inside? Please?"

Nodding, you stepped aside and she sluggishly entered, her bubbly sweetness having vacated the premises. Shutting the door behind you, you watched as Sweetie clambered on top of your couch and took a seat, her tail wrapped around her. Seeing her like this hurt; she may not have been your actual sister but she felt close enough to it and you wanted to do nothing more than cheer her up. You soon joined her on the couch, sitting down slowly so that she didn't go flying. Some awkward silence passed before Sweetie finally spoke, every word drenched in sorrow.

"After Mom and Dad got in yesterday, they were really upset, like really upset. They sat me down and told me about how you and Rarity were a couple-which I already knew-and how that was...wrong. I mean, what's wrong about that? You love Rarity and Rarity loves you, so what's the big deal? Anyway, they said that...that..."

At this point, Sweetie's eyes were watery, her nose sniffling lightly. "I'm not allowed to see you anymore. You or Rarity." She scrunched up her face, tears racing down to her chin.

"Sweetie..."

The dam broke, the filly shoving her face into your chest and sobbing uncontrollably. Gingerly, you brought your arms up and pulled her into your embrace, a gesture that she welcomed without contest. A mix of sadness and anger filled your heart, giving you the urge to storm over to her house and give Hondo Flanks a good punch to the muzzle. As for Cookie Crumbles, you would never hit a mare but drop-kicking her over a fence wouldn't be as egregious. But instead, you shifted so that Sweetie Belle laid on your chest, your hand gently stroking her mane.

Once the filly cried herself silly, Sweetie lifted her head up. "Why would they say that? What's the big deal? They always taught me to be nice to others but then they..." She sniffled and rubbed her face, her eyes bloodshot from all of the weeping. "So what if you're not a pony? It shouldn't matter if you're in love, right?"

You exhaled through your nostrils. "It's...difficult to explain. Your folks think that because I'm not a pony, things will be hard for Rarity. I can't give her foals and not only that, but since not everypony's fine with me, they might not treat Rarity so well if they learned that she was in a relationship with a human."

"That's so stupid! It doesn't make any sense!" She shouted through gritted teeth. Normally, you would've enjoyed how cute she looked while enraged but all you could think about was how much you hated seeing her upset.

"I know, Sweetie. It's complicated. Some ponies think that only ponies can date each other and unfortunately, your parents are those ponies. But I think it's because they love your sister and only want the best for her."

"If they really loved her, then they would stop being so dumb and realize that the best thing for Rarity is you!"

You shrugged. "I can't change your parents' minds. All I can do is, well, do the best that I can with the situation."

Sweetie placed a hoof on your chest. "You're like my brother and I love you."

You smiled. "I love you too, Sweets. If I did have sister, I'd want her to be exactly like you."

A gentle grin spread across her lips, a grin that you were more than happy to mimic. She softly laid her head on your chest and sighed. You rubbed her back, neither one of you saying a word. These past two and a half years had seen you being bombarded by bump after bump on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. You'd been blasted to another world, transformed into a depressed alcoholic, developed feelings for your pony friend, engaged in a night of hot drunken sex with said friend, formed a romantic relationship with her, created a divide between your friends with the news, unintentionally caused your new girlfriend to basically tell her parents to go fuck themselves for disapproving your relationship, and are now having a heart-to-heart with someone you considered family. You weren't an emotional person before coming to Equestria and that wasn't such a bad thing.

"Anon?" You looked down at Sweetie Belle. "Could I stay a little longer? I don't want to go home."

Reluctantly, you nodded and gave her a kiss on the scalp, making the filly giggle. You returned to the kitchen and just put the finishing touches on dinner when the doorbell rang once again. You glanced at the clock, discovering to your surprise that it was six on the dot. Had Sweetie really been here that long? You placed Sweetie back onto the couch and went to answer the door, finding Rarity on the other side, the widest smile on her face.

"Hello Anon," she crooned in a seductive manner, adding in an eye flutter for added flavor.

"Hey Rares." You bent down and kissed her, delighting once more on the feel of her lips against yours. "Come on in. I hope you don't mind buuuut I kind of have a guest over at the moment."

"Oh? Who..." She caught a glimpse of the filly on the couch. "S-sweetie Belle? What are you doing here?"

"Hi Rarity! Anon and me were just hanging out."

"I see." Rarity then turned back to you. "Anon, what happened?"

You leaned down close. "Your parents told her to not see me so she got upset and came here."

Rarity shook her head, muttering something under her breath. "Of all of the...I'm going to give them a serious talking-to tomorrow. This is unacceptable."

"I know. Seriously, I'm two seconds away from kicking your dad's flank."

She placed a hoof on your leg, rubbing it gently. "And that's why you're my boyfriend. But all jokes aside, please don't. It'll just make things worse."

You nodded and showed her to the kitchen, followed closely by Sweetie Belle.

Rarity took an appreciative whiff. "Mmm, what is that delectable smell I'm picking up on?"

"Blue cheese salad with deviled eggs and shredded beets."

"Aw, beets! I hate beets," Sweetie grumbled.

"Now Sweetie Belle," Rarity lightly admonished. "Anon spent all of this time making this and it's only right if you eat it all. Besides, you want to have pudding afterwards, don't you?"

Rarity's parents were too liberal when it came to Sweetie's diet restrictions, letting her stuff her face with cookies and chocolate bars. When in Rarity's care, the fashionista been trying her best to ensure that Sweetie ate healthy, discouraging the consumption of sugary sweets and instead fed her peanut butter crackers and celery sticks. It was only on occasion, such as Nightmare Night or birthdays, that she allowed her little sister to consume candy and ice cream. You had a fondness for pudding and after giving her some during one of your early foalsitting sessions, Rarity took inspiration, buying packs of pudding as a snack for Sweetie. Still, you couldn't let this opportunity pass.

"And how can you get any pudding if you don't eat your beets?"

The reference was, of course, lost on the two but it made you satisfied and that made it worth it.

Sweetie Belle begrudgingly agreed and the three of you sat down to supper. You were surprised at how well the meal turned out, given your own piss-poor culinary skills but then again, how could you possibly fuck up making salad? Despite the presence of beets, Sweetie greedily gobbled down her food, washing it down with grape juice between inflating her little cheeks like a chipmunk. Taking dainty bites, Rarity showed her appreciation with little mmm's, her eyes alight with happiness at the meal. It was halfway through the meal when you took note of the mare and filly sitting across from you and it finally dawned on you why this scene made your heart race.

It was like having dinner with a family of your own.

You smiled, the thought bringing you immense pleasure.

Operation: Best-Date-Ever Preparations

The rest of the evening passed without too much incident. After dinner, Rarity had to take Sweetie Belle back to the boutique as it'd be the first place her parents would look for their youngest daughter and the filly gave you a tight hug before she left. Yeah, it was a pretty safe bet that you loved the tyke and not in a creepy Lolita way but like a little sister. The timing was perfect as five minutes after making it through the door, Cookie Crumbles arrived to take Sweetie home and according to Rarity, she was still visibly miffed but at least behaved in a civilized manner. You'd shuddered to think how Hondo would've reacted had he been there.

You highly doubted he would've ever laid a hoof on Rarity no matter how angry he got but still, it was a scary thought nonetheless. Rarity soon returned to your place and after relating the details of the event, the two of you laid down in your bed and...talked. Yeah, like a full-on conversation. No hanky-panky of any sort went on and you honestly didn't mind. The two of you talked for at least an hour and a half before you cuddled, later falling to sleep in each other's embrace.

God, you sound like a YA novel character.

Rarity had to wake up early to open the boutique, much to both of your chagrin, though you managed to have a short make-out session before she left. And you gave her a butt-smack for good measure, something that she didn't mind as she walked away while swinging her hips. You were indeed a lucky man. After eating, showering, and getting dressed, you were ready to start the day, filled with a type of vigor you'd not felt since...well, never. After doing some plumbing at the day spa (seriously, were they ever going to fix those pipes?), you headed over to the town hall to scrub the floors.

Why did they still have a mayor if there was a princess living in town as well?

This was followed by some light lawn work over at the Rich estate, including hedge-trimming, raking, branch pick-up, and mowing. Despite what ponies said, Filthy Rich was actually quite the amicable chap and didn't at all mind your presence, even stopping to chat and have a servant bring you lemonade. He had a daughter who was a bit bratty but never really bothered you or interrupted your work ethic but his wife Spoiled was a B-I-T-C-H with a capital "B". You waved, she scoffed. You complimented her on her outfit, she turned her muzzle up at you. You chalked it up to her being a stuck-up trophy wife and left it at that, being in too good a mood to let her rain on your parade.

You swung by the marketplace for some roses when a certain stalker-rific unicorn bumped into you.

Literally.

"Oof! S-sorry Anon, didn't see you there!"

Judging by how hard Lyra was sniffing your leg, you guessed she did this to get a whiff of Eau de Humain.

"It's...okay, Lyra. How's it going?"

She finally detached herself from your leg. "It's going pretty good. How are things with Rarity?"

The truth was, considering how obsessed Lyra was with you, you were honestly expecting her to pull a Glenn Close and persist in stalking you until you were hers. Instead, she seemed strangely okay with the fact that you and Rarity were an item. Sure, her love notes continued but there was nothing to suggest that she wasn't genuinely fine with your relationship or that there any signs that she was going to go Play Misty for Me on your new marefriend. You gave her mane a little tousle and she giggled at the contact. Yep, you were both fucked up.

"Pretty great, actually. Tonight's our first official date."

"Ooh, where are you going?"

"Taking her out to a fancy restaurant. I figured she'd enjoy that kind of thing."

Lyra nodded, "To be fair, just about any mare would. Well, I hope you two have fun!"

With that, she trotted away, stopping to give you a little wave. And that was it. No winking, no displaying herself. Obviously she was still into you given the near-constant bedroom eyes but her behavior bordered on normal. Must remember to investigate further.

Picking up your bouquet of roses, you entered your house, took a seat on your couch and got to work on what was properly the most important letter you'd ever written thus far. In your previous letters to Princess All-About-That-Bass, you didn't give a shit about things like grammar or sentence structure, which didn't seem to bother the diarch one bit, judging by the fact that she never once brought that up in either her return messages or in your face-to-face meetings. On the whole, she was a pretty chill mare and the only time she showed any kind of frustration with you was in regards to your drinking problem, telling you that the only reason that she wasn't more angry was the fact that she sympathized with your situation, what with you being the only one of your kind in a strange world with no chance of ever leaving or seeing your loved ones again. She limited how much money she sent you every month and actually had Mayor Mare and the rest of the town's business owners monitor your spending habits to ensure that you weren't blowing your allowance on booze. Yeah, it made you feel like a child but you didn't hold it against Celestia as she legitimately had your best interests at heart and saw you as just another Equestrian citizen.

To get around this, you actually took up several odd jobs and starting using your pay for drinking money, something that Celestia wasn't happy with but did nothing to dissuade. Apparently, since it got you to actually contribute to society rather than mooch off the government and laze around, it wasn't considered that egregious in the princess' eyes so she let it slide. Of course, Her Eternal Downer-ness Princess Looney had some rather choice words about this but it was nothing more than hot air and you ignored her. So after you'd painstakingly crafted the best letter you'd ever worked on, you pulled off the lid to the chest-high brazier in the corner and placed the envelope into the eternally-burning magic green flames. Similar to Spike's flame breath, the letter was whisked away to Canterlot and you patiently awaited Celestia's reply.

Your letter read thusly:

Dear Princess Celestia,

I know it's only been two days since I'd sent you my last mandated report about my goings-on in Ponyville, but there was a matter that I wished to speak to you as soon as possible. Now that I actually have a marefriend, one whom that I love immensely, it's my wish to turn my life around and to give Rarity the best that I can possibly give to her. The truth is, back on Earth I was, and please forgive my language, a complete and total asshole. I scrapped by on the bare minimum, refusing to put in the work necessary for a relationship to work, neglecting my girlfriends' wants and needs to focus on my own. Rarity is different. She's done so much for me and now I want to return that kindness, not only because I feel like I have to but because I want to. She deserves so much more than I can give her but I want to try.

Do you remember back when I was abusing your generosity to get drunk practically every night and day? I'm so sorry about that, Your Highness. I know I said it then but only now do I realize how bad I actually feel about that now. You've been my friend and benefactor for two years now and I've taken you for granted. The reason that I'm bringing this up now is because of the issue that I wished to discuss with you. I hate to ask but I was wondering if you could do me two favors for tonight: could you reserve a table for two for eight o' clock at The Silver Vine and lend me enough bits so that I can show Rarity the best night of her life?

I know that I'm asking for a lot and that I don't deserve to but it'd mean a lot to me if, just this once, I could treat Rarity like the princess that she is. I love her and I want to show her this. If it means spending the rest of my life in debt to you then I will happily do it if only to see her wonderful smile and the sparkle in her eyes. I'll understand if you refuse my requests and will ask no more favors from you. You're my friend and I won't pressure you into granting me favors whenever convenient for me since having you in my life means more to me than you know.

Your friend and subject,

Anon

Nearby, a wall-mounted clock sharply ticked away as you lingered next to the brazier, your foot tapping to coincide with the aforementioned ticking. You sat still for about five minutes, then switched to pacing. This transitioned into pacing before quickly falling into tossing a tennis ball into the wall. Then it got you thinking into how it was possible for tennis to exist on two completely different worlds with no deviations whatsoever. This spiraled into an entire reflection on the other similarities between Earth and Equestria, such as certain names, devices, locations, languages, et cetera.

It was absolutely mind-boggling so you gave up before you suffered an aneurysm from thought overload.

There a pop and a rolled-up scroll bounced out of the brazier and rolled across the floor. You leapt up from your position on the floor and turned to the clock, finding that only an hour had passed and it was more than a reasonable response time given how much shit Celestia had to do on a regular basis. Snatching up the scroll, you briefly inspected the wax seal bearing the royal crest of Princess Celestia herself before tearing the ribbon off and unfurling the sheet of paper.

Dear Anon,

I must say, you've come quite far since your arrival here. Two years definitely feels much longer than it should, doesn't it? I appreciate the time and effort you'd placed into your previous correspondence. Don't get me wrong, your letters have always been the highlight of my day as your unabashed swearing and rather blunt viewpoint is a refreshing change of pace from the double-talk and mountains of praise that I receive from the nobles here. Nevertheless, it warms my heart to see such dedication placed into your letter, the openness with which you wrote it and words cannot describe the joy that I felt at reading the sincerity in every word.

Before, I was positively thrilled and quite giddy at the news of yours and Rarity's newfound relationship. Not only does it break the species barrier and prove that love and affection can come from any place but also I am glad that the two of you have found happiness in one another. Faust knows you both needed romance in your lives and I could only keep Princess Cadence at bay for so long before she leapt in and played matchmaker for you. My poor niece can get rather overzealous in her position as Princess of Love but her commitment is rather admirable. To get back on track, I wish you and Miss Rarity all of the happiness in the world and hope that the two of you last.

As to the nature of your two requests, not only do I find them quite reasonable and well within my power but I will also happily grant them to you. Your words were beautifully composed and touched my heart in a way that it has not been in a long time. Please don't ever feel as though you can't come to me for assistance. It's normal for friends to do favors for one another and I know you'd never abuse our friendship for frivolous endeavors. You are nothing like Prince Blueblood and the less said of my nephew the better.

I'd happened upon your letter while on my lunch break and I will have your reservation ready by the time you arrive at The Silver Vine. It will be under your name and I will instruct the owner to have a private booth prepared for you and Miss Rarity. Don't worry about the expenses; everything will be taken care of so please don't fret about costs. I don't wish for you to feel as though you're in my debt so please don't worry about paying me back. Just deliver on your pleas in your letter and I will consider that payment enough.

If you fail then I might just sic Princess Cadence on you after all. Believe me, you don't want that.

Now, if you could find the time to come up and visit me for tea some afternoon, that would be splendid. It's been far too long since our last chat and I need a valid excuse to gorge myself on cake. It seems as though you and I have a problem, don't we? All jokes aside, good luck on your date and I look forward to your next letter.

Your friend,

Celestia

You read and re-read the letter three times and wiped your face. No, you weren't crying and you certainly weren't grinning and laughing like an idiot in a sappy Hallmark movie. To be honest, you were touched by Celestia's overall awesomeness as a friend and not since Rarity had you had the desire to kiss a pony so fiercely. Okay, you were only half-kidding but you seriously had to do something to pay Celestia back for this solid. Tea parties were prissy but if it was for the sake of a dear friend then you supposed that you could stomach it.

You promptly made your way to Carousel Boutique, being sure to wipe your shoes and removing them before entering. Business wasn't too bad, being steady but not crowded so you took the time to browse the wares. Some silk dress shirts caught your attention and you took time to admire the color and fabric, despite the fact that they were made for a stallion's frame. It didn't matter; Rarity was a damn great seamstress, an opinion that honestly wasn't based on your own personal bias and you didn't mind perusing her creations. You started going through male formal wear when you heard a familiar throat-clear.

"May I help you, sir?"

You grinned and turned around to find a white unicorn wearing her trademark red glasses.

"Yes, I have a date with my amazing marefriend tonight and I want to look my best."

Rarity snorted at this. "Well, you're already cute so it shouldn't be an issue. Luckily, I have a suit prepared for you." She disappeared behind the front register and returned with a large black bag in her magic aura. "I already happened to have had your measurements on file and crafted you a suit for just an occasion. Though I will admit that I didn't think it'd happen so soon."

Leaning an arm onto the counter, you shrugged, "I guess it just took the right mare to change that."

Rarity tittered at this and bit her lip. "You still haven't told me where we're going."

You leaned down close to her. "And ruin the surprise? What fun is that?"

"Just a hint?"

"Wear a nice dress. You're going to need it."

Your lips met in a short, sweet kiss. You both drew back with the dopiest grins on your faces.

"All I can say is that we're heading to Canterlot so be ready to go by six."

"I will," Rarity said with a breathy sigh. "Oh Anon, I can hardly wait!"

"Trust me, babe, it'll be worth the wait."

The Silver Vine

You wiggled your eyebrows at the human staring back at you in the mirror and flashed him a grin, your duplicate repeating the action. The planning stage for your date tonight had sapped all of your mental energy and left you feeling exhausted but for Rarity, it was worth it. In fact, it'd been so labor-intensive that it was almost as if you'd spent the better part of a year planning every single minute detail. You tried to think of an instance where you expended this much time and effort but couldn't remember any. If this wasn't an indication of how crazy you were about this mare, you didn't know what was.

"Look at you, Mr. Fancy," Rainbow Dash whistled as she laid splayed out on your bed, one hoof resting on her chin. "You look like one of those Canterlot elite types."

It was true. Over the years, Rarity had made you a few suits for formal occasions but this was the fanciest one. It was an all-black ensemble consisting of a pressed white dress shirt, double-breasted dinner jacket, bow-tie, slacks, and Oxford-type dress shoes. Not to toot your own horn but, all-in-all, you were one sexy bastard. Princess Celestia had even sent you a pair of custom-made golden cufflinks bearing your initials inside a piece of cat's-eye.

"Thanks but I'm not fully dressed yet."

Lastly, for the pièce de résistance, you tucked a petunia into your breast pocket as petunias were Rarity's favorite flower. Shimmering Belle, Rarity's beloved late grandmother, used to grow petunias and thus she always carried the scent with her. Whenever Rarity saw or smelled petunias, she always thought of her grandmother and all of the great times they had. It was honestly the sweetest thing you'd ever heard and you couldn't help but think of your own grandmother, who smelled like almonds and cat hair. Okay, it wasn't the same exact thing per se but you could understand your marefriend's attachment to the flower, which is why you chose it as the final piece to your attire.

"Rarity's favorite flower? Nice," Rainbow smiled approvingly. "I think the chances of you getting laid tonight are looking pretty good."

"Wow, you are just so romantic, you know that?"

Rainbow shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a class act."

Straightening your bow-tie, you clicked your tongue and shot finger-guns at the mirror.

"So where are you taking her?"

"Oh, just some little restaurant called 'the Silver Vine.' No big deal."

Shooting up, Rainbow stared at you with her jaw almost scraping the floor.

"The Silver Vine! No way, dude! That place is always booked!"

You smuggled polished your fist on your lapel and examined your fingernails.

"Yeah, well, I've got connections. Nothing is too good for my marefriend."

"No kidding!" Rainbow then slyly grinned at you. "You know, if you two ever decide to start a herd..."

"Let me guess: you want to date Rarity and I so you can get free food?"

"Eh, it was worth a try."

After bidding Rainbow Dash farewell, you stopped by the flower mares' cart and picked up a bouquet of roses. The three were ecstatic about your upcoming date and each offered you first date advice. Of course, things turned sour when Rose and Lily got into a heated argument about when it was appropriate to kiss a mare at the end of the date. This left poor Daisy hiding her head inside a flowerpot and muttering something about this happening before. You discreetly left some bits on the cart and beat a hasty retreat just as the pair came to blows, their hooves lightly tapping one another on the cheeks.

There was a time when you would've sat back and watched a cat-fight with all of the enthusiasm of a kid at a fireworks display but you liked to think that you've matured since then. Just a little.

Everywhere you went, ponies turned their heads. It was quite a sight to see the resident human looking so dapper considering you usually wore a T-shirt and jeans. You even put on a dash of that Prench cologne Rarity gave you last Hearth's Warming, which you hadn't used until now since you'd never had a reason to use it before. It wasn't long before you caught sight of a certain mint-green unicorn tailing you, a pair of binoculars hanging from around her neck. Yeah, it was a pretty safe bet she'd been watching you change again, especially since, aside from the obvious-as-hell binoculars, she had something wet dripping down from between her legs.

"Hey Anon! You all set for your big date?"

"You know it, Lyra! Truth be told, I'm a little nervous."

"Aw, you don't need to be! I'm sure you and Rarity will have a nice time!" She then added in a sing-song voice, "If you want, I can calm your nerves with a pre-date blowjob."

"Thanks but no thanks. Well, see you later!"

"My offer's always good! Have a good time, Nonny!"

You chuckled and shook your head. It was amazing how considerate your pony-stalker was. When you first met Lyra, you were one-hundred percent certain you were going to wake up tied to a mattress in her basement, the mare hovering above you with glassy eyes and a video camera. At least she had the common courtesy to ask you for oral sex rather than just wait until you were asleep or drunk off your ass. The only time she drugged you was to take pictures of the two of you snuggling...and that was while you were fully clothed.

Aside from the dirty poetry, Lyra Heartstrings was what you liked to call a "PG Stalker."

Carousel Boutique soon came into view, the shades pulled down and a Closed sign hanging on the door.

You took a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing."

Pushing the doorbell, you waited patiently for Rarity to appear. Being Rarity, you knew she had to make a grand entrance and that didn't bother you in the slightest. She was a performer through and through, always ensuring that ponies remembered her even if they never once exchanged a word. She actually cared about how she looked and that was a contrast with your more casual, shabby appearance. Maybe your differences were what was making this relationship work so far.

The door unlocked and there stood one Miss Rarity Belle in all of her splendorous glory. She was garbed in a sleeveless, double-strapped dark blue gown made of shimmering silk that deliciously hugged her curvy frame. A gray-brown faux fur scarf was draped across her shoulders, accompanied by a pair of sparkly dark blue shoes and matching gloves on her forelegs. Her indigo mane had been packed into a bun with little squiggles of hair trailing over each ear. The ensemble was completed by diamond earrings and a pearl necklace with a large pink pearl in the center.

"Sweet Celestia..."

She noticed your slaw-jawed expression and gave you a little smirk.

"Well, hello yourself, darling," Rarity purred, her refined voice somehow making the words even hotter. "Do you like what you see?"

You dumbly nodded, your eyes fully inspecting the divine creature standing before you.

Speak, dummy, speak!

"You're beautiful," you finally squeaked out.

Rarity tittered, "Why thank you, Anon. You look rather dashing yourself."

"Thanks. These-these are for you," you managed, holding the rose bouquet out in front of you with shaking hands.

Lightly taking them with her magic, Rarity gave the bouquet a sniff and beamed.

"Thank you, darling. They're lovely-..."

She paused, then peered at your chest.

"Is that a petunia?"

You nodded. "Yeah. It's your favorite, because it reminds you of your grandmother."

A mixture of joy and surprise lit up her face.

"You remembered?"

Bending down, you placed a hand on Rarity's cheek, eliciting a delighted sigh from the unicorn.

"Of course I did. Because, well...you matter to me."

Woooow, really deep there, man.

Rarity's hoof reached up to caress your face.

"Anon..."

"Rarity..."

Her lips lightly pressed against your own and but before you could fully enjoy the contact, she pulled away. Mmm, she tasted like vanilla.

Rarity giggled. "So, shall we get going?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

The train ride to Canterlot was mostly spent chatting about nothing important, mostly just how things were going. Rarity did most of the talking, not that you minded, since you had jack to say. At one point, she decided to just use your shoulder as a pillow and you wrapped an arm around her, careful not to wrinkle that immaculate gown. The remainder of the journey devolved into total silence but not the uncomfortable type, being more the silence two people shared while simply enjoying one another's company. She was the first girlfriend that you could perform this with, as your previous girlfriends required constant talking and you were thankful for this since it made what you two had that much more special in your eyes.

After the train pulled into the station, you insisted that Rarity had to wear a blindfold. She smirked at the suggestion, cocking a humorous brow.

"Is this so you can lead me to a dark alleyway and have your wicked way with me?"

"Only if you don't mind an audience of alley cats and stray dogs."

Rolling her eyes, Rarity made a comment about your sass and placed the blindfold on, relying upon you to carefully secure it in place. You hailed a cab and guided her inside taxi, briefly holding your hands over her ears so she couldn't hear the name of the restaurant. Despite the stallion's odd look, he nevertheless drove you to your destination without saying a word about your appearance or your blindfolded date. As you were feeling generous, you gave him quite a generous tip and he took off with a large, ear-to-ear grin. Taking a deep breath, you removed the blindfold.

Opening her eyes, Rarity's hooves flew to her mouth.

"My word. The Silver Vine? You actually got us a reservation?"

"That I did, ma cherie."

See? You could be fancy too.

Taking Rarity's hoof in your hand, you led her through the glass doors, which were decorated with an intricate silver logo consisting of a leafy vine shaping the restaurant's initials. Gentle orchestral music flowed out into the spacious lobby, which was comprised of a silver-gray linoleum floor, white marble pillars adorned with painted silver vines and several red velvet curtains. A large fountain was situated in the center of the room featuring a statue of a unicorn mare in a Greek-style toga and pouring water out of an amphora jar. You recognized the mare as Fleur de Lis, a popular model, and concluded that it was indeed a very close likeness of the mare herself. Although very beautiful, she had nothing on the ivory beauty standing beside you and you wondered if Rarity would ever consider posing for a sculptor.

A rather snooty-looking stallion with a Salvador Dali mustache gave you the stink-eye from behind his podium.

"Ahem. Excusez-moi, but do you hahve a reservahtion?"

Wow. Someone went to the Douchebag School of Fine Assholery.

Rarity looked ready to murder this guy. "As a matter of fact, sir, we do."

"It's a table for two under 'Anonymous'," you stated calmly, keeping a hand on Rarity's shoulder.

Monsieur Snooty's eyes shot open. "Mon dieu..I ahm so sahrry, monsieur. Ahnd mahdemoiselle! Please ahccept my seencerest ahpahlogies!"

He blew on a silver whistle and a short stallion with a stubby mustache entered.

"Oui?"

"Zese two ahre very special guests. Show zem to ze Gahlden Sky Section, give zem ze finest tahble zere. Ensure zat zey ordair whahtevair zey weesh." He hastily added, "Free of chahrge!"

"Les deux?" The other stallion inquired.

Monsieur Snooty was about ready to pop a blood vessel. "Oui, tous les deux, imbécile! Maintenant, fais-le avant que je te jette dans la rue! Comprenez vous?"

Monsieur Stubby-Stache got the message, gulping loudly before bowing.

"Oui. Oui, je comprends, monsieur." He then turned to you and Rarity. "Ziss way, please."

Thanking Monsieur Snooty, who you mentally re-dubbed "Monsieur Bro," you turned and, with an exaggerated flourish, bent down and offered Rarity your arm. She giggled and, performing a little curtsy, placed her hoof on the proffered limb. Meanwhile, Monsieur Stubby-Stache looked ready to vomit at the display, tapping a hoof until you were both ready and shepherded you out the lobby and through the main dining area. Ponies dressed to the nines feasted on dishes known and unknown to you as a stringed band played their dulcet melodies. More Greek-inspired statues lined the walls in between rows of marble columns, all of which bore that same silvery floral design as the ones in the lobby.

Ponies stopped mid-bite to stare at you and Rarity as you passed by, a development that was unsurprising but thankfully, they weren't all looks of shock or disgust. Many customers were merely curious by the bipedal creature waltzing through the restaurant with a beautiful mare on his arm and promptly returned to their meals. It wasn't every day that a famous hero and fashionista was in the company of an unknown being, and looking pretty chummy with him as well. You found that quite a few stares were actually from stallions who were busy checking out your date, particularly her shapely rump, much to the consternation of their wives, marefriends, and probable mistresses. You caught Rarity's smug glance out of the corner of your eye and you instantly knew full-well that she was more than aware of all the licentious eyefuls that she was receiving.

You were led up a double marble staircase and entered an upper level with gilded marble banisters and claw-footed tables covered in red silk tablecloths with golden arabesque designs. This section of the restaurant was also noticeably more vacant, the tables here resembling uninhabited islands with couples seated at more spaced intervals rather than the more densely populated main dining area downstairs. This, however, was still not your area as Monsieur Stubby-Stache climbed yet another set of stairs, these ones leading up to a glass-floored balcony of gold-painted metal trees that overlooked the entire restaurant. If one looked up, they would see that the "trees'" branches reached up to form an enclosed dining area of faux-golden leaves and panes of pale-blue glass painted with miniature suns. This was evidently the Golden Sky Section, the most sought-after part of the Silver Vine, and you reminded yourself to give Princess Celestia a big hug the next time you saw her.

Monsieur Stubby-Stache pulled out Rarity's chair for her and, once she'd been properly seated, you sat down as well. He also went to place a napkin on her lap, only for Rarity to beat him to the punch, using her magic to perform the deed. This little act of independence got under the waiter's craw though you weren't sure if it was because he took his job this professionally or if it was going to just be an excuse for him to perv on the drop-dead gorgeous mare. You couldn't contain the smirk that'd developed on your face, an expression that Rarity mimicked, adding in a coy little wink. Rolling his eyes, Monsieur Stubby-Stache placed a pair of menus in front of you both and cleared his throat.

"Welcahme to ze Seelvair Vine," he began drolly. "My nahme ees-..." You didn't catch his name, as you were too busy gazing into Rarity's eyes but you figured it was something food related. "...-ahnd I will be your servair tahnight. Would monsieur ahnd mahdemoiselle cahre to hear tahnight's specials?"

"Sure, why not? What are the options for tonight?"

Monsieur Stubby-Stache, for that was what you continued to call him, peered at you disdainfully.

"Tahnight's specials eenclude a creamy tahmahto ahnd gahrleec beesque soup, buttair lettuce stew weeth croutahns ahnd speenahch-stuffed rahlls, ahnd a pahtahto ahnd onion cahsserahle."

You merely blinked at him.

"Creamy tomato and garlic bisque soup, butter lettuce stew with croutons and spinach-stuffed rolls, and a potato and onion casserole," Rarity helpfully translated. "Hmm, the butter lettuce stew sounds positively marvelous!"

"I'll go with the...creamy bisque soup," you informed the waiter. "And send over your most expensive bottle of champagne."

Damn, you always wanted to say that.

"Anon!" Rarity blushed, her tone anything but upset. "Is that really necessary?"

"It's a special night, Rares. Why not live a little?"

Monsieur Stubby-Stache blanched but nevertheless bowed and took your menus.

"Very good choices. zey will be sent up prahmptly."

And with that, he spun on his hindhooves and made his exit.

"Goodness, Anon," Rarity giggled, leaning forward to rest her chin on one gloved hoof. "You certainly know how to make a mare feel special."

"Well, you're not just any mare, Rarity." You placed a hand on her other hoof. "And you're special to me."

God, just the way the light caused her already stunning blue eyes to dance almost made your heart stop.

"Anon? Why are you staring like that?"

"You just...have the most beautiful eyes."

Rarity's cheeks reddened. "Oh-oh my...thank you. You're quite gorgeous yourself."

The next few minutes were spent exchanging no words, not that either one of you complained. It wasn't until you both heard a brisk throat-clearing that you were broken from your reverie. Monsieur Stubby-Stache cradled a bottle of champagne in the crook of one foreleg and it was then that you remembered him. Things can be quite forgettable when one was locking eyes with the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria. The stallion showed the bottle to you as if you had any idea as to the relevance of its name or label.

"One bahttle of Maison des Étoiles spahrkleeng chahmpagne fahr ze seer ahnd mahdemoiselle. Nahrmahl retail price: one-zousahnd, nine-hundred-ahnd-ninety-nine beets."

Daaaamn. If it wasn't for Princess Celestia's incredible generosity, you'd be flat-broke faster than you could say, "Tia's titanic tushie."

"Thank you," you grinned, watching over a thousand bits' worth of champagne flowing into two glasses.

"I hahve spahken to ze chefs ahnd your meals will be soon ready. Would you cahre fahr sahme ahppetizers?"

"No, I'm good thanks. Rarity?"

Rarity shook her head. "Non, merci beaucoup."

Shit, you forgot how sexy Rarity could sound when she spoke Prench.

"Rares, that was Prench!"

Practically leaping up from your seat, you knelt down and kissed up Rarity's foreleg, earning you a series of giggles. From speaking Prench to simply laughing, everything she did was enchanting.

"Anonymous, you absolute goof! Sit-sit down this instant!"

Thankfully, Monsieur Stubby-Stache had chosen to vacate the premises, once again leaving you both alone. You raised your glass, swirling around the amber-colored liquid like you'd seen on TV and Rarity similarly did the same, except with her magic.

"So, what should we drink to?"

You smiled and placed your free hand on Rarity's hoof.

"To us?"

"To us."

Your glasses clinked and you took a sip. Wow, that was a thousand bits well spent! It then hit you that you were drinking expensive champagne and enjoying a romantic dinner with someone-somepony-that you were absolutely crazy about. Soon, it became crystal-clear how much Rarity meant to you, what you truly felt in your heart for her. More than anything, you hoped that she felt the same.

"My, that was exquisite! Don't you...Anon? Anon, what's wrong?"

Rarity noticed your pensiveness.

"Um, Rarity? Do you remember the day your parents came over?"

You hated bringing up such a painful memory but you had a question burning on your mind.

"Y-yes, I do. Why do you ask?"

You sighed, your fingertips likely smoothing over the fabric of her glove.

"Before they came over, I-I felt like there was something you wanted to tell me."

Rarity froze, then nodded stiffly.

"And...I'm pretty sure I know what it was."

You met Rarity's gaze, the unicorn looking just as terrified as you were.

"I just wanted you to know that...well...it's okay. I feel the same way."

A hoof wrapped around your hand as though you were a lifeline in the middle of a hurricane.

"...You do?" Rarity's chest rose and fell slowly, her gaze firmly locked on you.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nodded, your eyes never veering away from hers.

"Rarity Belle, I love you."

A tear twinkled down one ivory cheek and you were quick to rub it away with your thumb.

Somehow, Rarity's smile never looked more radiant than in that single moment.

"You love me?"

"I do. Yes, I love you."

A light blue aura shoved your face forward towards Rarity's, your lips meeting in a ravenous kiss. Tongues furiously grappled, hands and hooves caressed cheeks. The rich surroundings, the chattering of dinner guests, the music, they all melted away, leaving only you and your mare. By the time you pulled away, you were both left breathlessly panting as though you'd finished running a marathon from Canterlot to the Crystal Empire. She accepted your feelings, accepted you and in a sense, that made you feel innumerably wealthier than any snobbish aristocrat.

"Soooo...?" You enunciated, slowly rotating your hand on your wrist.

Rarity's hoof made contact with your cheek in a feather-light caress.

"I love you too, Anonymous."

When the food finally arrived, neither one of you bothered to really taste it.

You had both finally gotten your answer.