Cloud Four-and-One-Fifth

by darf

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Fetish, Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Sex, Narcotics, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2358

Celestia goes over to Rainbow Dash's apartment to get high... WITH SEXY RESULTS.

Rainbow Dash + Celestia + mild hallucinogenic substance = fun?

Sexy fun.

Content Warning: ponies getting high and doing it

Written for the flash round of Dirty Little Secret's Cloppy Contest Thing.

If you enjoy our writing and want to support us, you can hop over to our Patreon. Big thanks to our current patrons: Sorden, carcinoGeneticist, Jake, David Griffin, and infernap42, for helping us to continue our writing pursuits. <3

Published 2020-04-25 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-25 02:50:02 UTC

Dude what if PONIES could smoke WEED LMAO xD

"What did you say this was called again?" Celestia narrowed her eyes at the thick-rolled cylinder of paper that Rainbow Dash had offered, lit and burning softly at one end. Celestia raised the open end of the joint to her mouth, sucked in a bit of smoke, and blew it out a few seconds later in a long, languid stream. She didn't cough, but giggled a little as the smoke left her mouth.

"It's just [smoke]," Rainbow Dash said. She took a puff on her own joint and blew the smoke into the remnants of Celestia's, blurring them together in a mini-tornado that whirled around the living room. "I think it's related to Poison Joke, or something, but I'm not sure. It's pretty good though."

"Mhm." Celestia murmured approvingly and took another puff on her joint. The smell reminded her of pine trees and fresh lawn-clippings, and a little bit of the scent of the sea air at ocean-side. It made her mouth feel dry and her head a little tingly.

She felt a set of vague, smokey tendrils creeping into her mental theater and beginning to play with the props. A dopey-looking smile crept across her face.

"There it goes," Rainbow Dash said. She kicked back in her sofa and let out a long plume of smoke that curled around her head like a halo. Her eyes were beginning to get red, and were only half-open at best.

"You know, I've heard that this kind of thing is a wonderful medicine for all sorts of ponies," Celestia said. Her voice had an unusual pep to it, as though she was realizing the things she was sharing for the first time and holding on tightly to the little bright shards inside each epiphany that helped her bring the sun up every morning. "Ponies with anxiety, stress, overwhelming physical pain... it is quite miraculous if this is true."

"Eh, I dunno about all that. I mostly just smoke it to relax after work," Rainbow Dash said. She'd finished her first joint and was in the process of rolling a second. "Although I did hear the other day from Twilight that apparently the two different 'kinds' of [smoke] aren't that different at all. They have different names, and they look kinda different, but they're basically the same."

Celestia was still following the conversation, but Rainbow's words crept into her ears slowly, and she smiled when the thread of communication sprung out of the sentence at last, rolling and refreshing itself in her head until the smoke had cleared enough to decipher it.

"Really?" Celestia's joint was only half-finished, but when she saw Rainbow rolling another, she felt strangely self-conscious, and found herself taking an extra long puff to see if she could catch up. Her lungs were tempered with alicorn-resilience (it's a real thing trust us), as well as many years, centuries long past, of experimenting with far more hostile smokes and vapours at the behest of visiting emissaries and emulated customs. This smoke didn't cut her lungs the same way, though she felt the familiar tickle of a cough in the back of her throat. Everything just felt... more. Expanded, sort of, like helium leaking slowly into every atom and inflating it in front of her. Even her own body felt bigger, though she was certainly taking up more of the couch.

Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Uh-huh. Twilight was getting into this whole fight with Fluttershy about it." Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and readied for her best Fluttershy impersonation. "Fluttershy was all, 'But Twilight, I know thousands of ponies who have lived their entire lives, really getting to know these different plants, and if you ask them, anypony will tell you...'... and then Twilight was all, 'Fluttershy, anecdotal evidence is anecdotal regardless of sample size. All the study is saying is that there's no reliable difference between the two strains identified by name or appearance, but there are differences in terms of the area of cul, cultivation...'" Rainbow Dash trailed off as the remainder of Twilight's academic vocabulary escaped her. "I dunno what else. They got into a whole thing about it. Just lucky Twilight didn't get her started on magical vaccinations." Rainbow Dash shuddered , then finished rolling up her second joint. She lit it and added another cloud to the haze of smoke filling the apartment.

Celestia blinked, staring straight forward at Dash but not with any indication the words had done more than pass through her ears.

She blinked again, then seemed to notice she was sitting somewhere.

"Oh my," she said. "I think I might be feeling a little... high?"

Dash giggled.

"It sounds so funny when you say it."

Celestia giggled as well.

"It does sound a little silly." Celestia leaned back on the couch to match Dash. She looked around the living room of the modest apartment. Apparently Wonderbolt pay didn't necessitate a cleaning service. Fast-food containers and dirty clothes were scattered around, though not thick enough to give the room the appearance of a total pig-sty. It was just... messy, the same way Rainbow Dash was. If you asked, she could have had the place clean in ten seconds flat. No question.

"So," Celestia said. She'd just about finished her joint, and with one last pull, turning the tiny nub bright red, then tapering into ash, the joint was finished, and Celestia dropped it in the ash-tray on Rainbow Dash's clear-glass living room table. "What is it you like to do when you're... high?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged and puffed her smoke.

"I 'unno. I usually just sit on the couch and watch hen—uh, I mean, uh, PonyYouTube videos."

Celestia blinked.

"Pony... YouTube?"

Dash nodded.

"Yeah. It's like... YouTube, but... for ponies. Y'know?"

Celestia shook her head.

"It seems like we may have missed a lot going on in Equestria over the last few years."

Dash squirmed a little on the couch. Now that she'd mentioned it, around this time of night, she'd usually be alone in her living room, and it was time to crank the speakers for the sound of filly schoolgirls getting chased by tentacles into the dressing room... ahem.

Nopony said anything for a little bit.

Celestia shifted on the couch after a while too. The couch felt bigger, more present against her fur and skin, when she rubbed herself up against it she could feel her coat shift, the strands of her mane hanging between her body and the soft fabric... before she knew it, she was rubbing herself up and down on the cushions like a cat, not parting her legs yet, but feeling a little tingle between them regardless, whispering at her that there was a lot more fuzzy, fiery pleasure waiting ahead if she just kept following the whispers of the smoke.

At first, Dash didn't notice. She was lost in her own world that was also available through direct access from between her legs. Her pussy felt a little wet, she could tell without even touching it, it was the same way she'd find herself getting excited and turned on all of a sudden after a show, the adrenaline of performing for a crowd, having them watch your every move... it always made her feel fuzzy inside, and she was grateful her team-mates were quick in the dressing room, because the amount of noise she made would have been impossible to conceal without the utmost privacy. And there was that one time Soarin' had walked in... nevermind. What were we talking about again.

"Rainbow Dash," Celestia said, her voice heavy and laboured, "are there any... aphrodisiac effects, associated with this plant?"

"I dunno," Dash said again. She was looking at Celestia, but almost looking through her, focused on an invisible point in the distance as she rocked back and forth on the cushion and squeezed her hind-legs together. "I know whenever I smoke some, I get horny as fuck... but that's just me."

"Ohh," Celestia said, half-moaned. "It's very hot in here, all of a sudden."

"You said it," Dash said. "You want me to open a window?"

"No," Celestia said, shaking her head. "Why not just... come here, and maybe if we cuddle, it will cool us off."

Rainbow Dash had never heard of cuddling to cool off, but she scooted down the couch regardless, until her legs were touching up against Princess Celestia's, and she could feel the princess squeezing her legs together and ostensibly grinding her royal ass and pussy all over Rainbow's couch. Dash felt a jolt between her legs and clenched them together, wondering how much she'd already leaked all over the fabric and whether it was worth cleaning up tomorrow or just ordering a new couch.

Her musings about furniture were interrupted by Princess Celestia's mouth, and her tongue, which felt particularly big, and honestly a little overwhelming as it explored Dash's mouth and coaxed her own tongue out of hiding.

"Mmmm... mmmnh, uhmmm..." Dash moaned wordlessly into Celestia's mouth, and Celestia moaned back to her, quieter and more reserved, but still fiery and desperate, the heat of their bodies next to each other electrifying every second with lightning friction and inside screams to keep moving, no matter what.

Both Dash and Celestia's joints were abandoned in the ashtray, beginning to crumble slowly into ash as the burn worked its own way up the rolling paper. Dash had a fire alarm, just in case, though she may have forgotten to turn it back on after the last time she'd attempted to make french toast...

It was impossible to discern who was moving and how. Rainbow Dash just knew her body was tangled, white, celestial fur rubbing against her chest, Celestia's big, squishy butt pressing into her crotch and then grinding back onto the couch. The neapolitan mane that swirled under her nose and filled her head with a perfume she couldn't place when she inhaled, whatever it was, mixed with the hot, damp scent of Celestia's eager sex. Rainbow Dash liked to call it that sometimes—her sex, the part where what she was going to do got to keep its name proper. There were lots of other words for that part of things—pussy, vag, pony-pussy, if you were particular and liked to highlight the degeneracy of interspecies love affairs—but just saying 'sex' felt nice sometimes. It felt easier. Princess Celestia's hot, wet sex.

"My cunt," Celestia gasped, between passionate makeouts. "Please, touch my cunt, Rainbow Dash."

Then again, everypony has their own preferences.

Rainbow Dash wiggled down the couch until her head was just next to Princess Celestia's behind, and then Celestia wiggled until she was facing towards dash, lying on her back, with her legs spread. She held her legs up in the air, almost reaching her hooves behind her head, and Dash got a full view, even in the dimly lit apartment, of Princess Celestia's shiny wet pink insides, and the tasty-looking curves of both butt-cheeks besides.

Dash licked her lips, then dived in, making sure to lap and slobber with her tongue as much as she could all over the royal pussy.

Celestia planted her hooves on the back of Rainbow's head, rustling through her mane, and howled into the night, so loud her little sister was likely to hear her even through the fog of the dreamscape. As though she wouldn't have been this loud if she was dreaming, anyway. Celestia's night-time visions had always been R-rated, even before she was old enough to hold the ticket herself. Alicorn upbringing needed a whole book written about it, and maybe that would happen after Celestia was done getting her cunt tongue-cleaned by Rainbow Dash.

Dash, who, as it happened to be, was as quick with her tongue as she was with anything else. She seemed to take in and notice Celestia's preferences before she had a chance to say them, drinking in the subtle differences in sound when she moved her tongue here and this way instead of here and that way. She noticed the way Princess Celestia squealed—"Eeeeeee!"—like an overjoyed little filly when Dash finally paid attention to her clit, teasing it with the tip of her tongue at first, then at last pressing down hard and lapping around in circles, one direction, then the other.

"Oh, Dash," Celestia said, aware she sounded like a pony in a cliche porno movie, but unable to find anything that better communicated the overwhelming feeling in her of affection, an otherworldly explosion inside her that only fit around the name of the pony bringing her to the crest of pleasure. Princess Celestia clenched her legs, felt her legs clench themselves, squeezed her cunt tight and focused hard on Dash's tongue licking in circles around and around her clit...

"Ahhhh!"

When Celestia came, Dash swore she saw the sun, just for a moment, flitting out from behind the corner of a faraway mountain.

When she raised her head from between Celestia's legs, her face dripping with mare-cum, to see if the ball of fire was still there, she only found the night and the moon waiting for her.

Princess Celestia reached up with a hoof, as though to grab Dash and bring her closer, but fumbled halfway through, letting her hoof fall back to the couch and letting out a noise sort of like an exhausted walrus. Dash thought it sounded a bit like a walrus, anwyay, and she had first-hoof experience with walruses, being Fluttershy's friend and all...

Eh, whatever. Dash collapsed onto the couch. She was high, horny, and exhausted from the tongue down.

The apartment reeked of smoke and sex. Rainbow Dash considered both scents wonderful additions.

In the ashtray, the last of Celestia's joint fizzled to a finish. But only minutes later, two new lit ends would join, and when they finished, two more, until finally, because it needed to, the sun came up, with or without the help of the princess passed out on Rainbow Dash's couch.

'We owe her a favour anyway' can get a lot done when you're an alicorn princess.