Derpy Hooves: Adventures in Anywho
The Short Dream begins...
Let us set the scene. Yeah, good idea.
In Asia, a rather hot place, a rather windy place too, me; trying to sleep on the third floor of a nice villa.
'Goddamn it, when will this darned wind stop?' The wind still whistled and howled stubbornly through the house. 'Add some rain and a lil' shaking and it might as well be a boat at sea, and my three year old cousin's bawling ain't helping either.'
'Get yourself together boy!' I said to my other self. 'Pull a cozy blanket over yourself or something.' So I did as I was told, and pulled a cozy blanket over myself. 'And close your eyes too, consarnit.' Done. Eyes are closed. Now what? 'Celestia damn it, do I have to tell you everything?! SLEEP.'
...
...
And so sleep I did. Though I didn't know it, I was about to have the best dream a fellow brony could hope for.
'Sleeping. Sleeping. Still sleeping. Sleeping. Sleeeeping. Sleeeeee - HOLY MOTHER OF APPLES, I'm dreaming! But what's this? ... BUCKING HELL THIS IS COOL. Dreaming! Oh man, oh man! This is so exciting! I hope I don't have a nightmare this time! Oh my god! Light flashing before my eyes! Confetti! Streamers!! A QUINCE!!! Wait hold on, what? Nevermind! And what's this rushing past me at incredibly terrifying speeds? I really hope it's a bowl of petunias! Actually, where am I going?'
Black out...
BRIGHT LIGHT!
Awaken.
'Hmm. Let's analyse the situation here. Calm air, the sound of wind blowing, grassy field surrounded by homes afar, a checkered picnic cloth blanket thingy, a basket of blueberry muffins...'
Not only that, but the rest of the scene certainly looked very much... Discorded. The distant hills were patch-worked in an array of colours. Bright red-brick skyscrapers stood in the distance at an dodgy angle. The streets and roads could be seen designed precariously with potholes and awkward hills of odd sorts.
'...And Derpy Hoo - wait... DERPY?!'
Yes, it was Derpy Hooves, sitting on her haunches and exactly like the (good) Derpy off the show. Her cute wall-eyed eyes were there too.
'Hi!'
I simply waved my hand, adorned with a wide-eyed grin.
'Blueberry muffin?', Derpy offered with her free hoof
'Yeah! Certainly!' I gladly took the muffin and quietly ate it, savouring all the sweet dream muffiny goodness. Derpy smiled as I did.
'Hey Derpy.'
'Yeah?'
'Would it okay if we, you know, uh... Hugged?'
'Sure!'
We hugged, and it was the best hug ever. She fell to my lap, and I lay my arm across her body. Her fur felt like nothing before! Soft as the clouds she would fly in, and as delicate as an angel's wings. I lay down with her, still hugging. I felt her warmth positively beaming off her, and her breathing as her body heaved. I closed my eyes, so did she. Why, I would doze off in my own dream if I wanted to, because nothing could disturb this peace.
...
Until what happened next, which was kinda disappointing really, but hey, who can argue? Dreams do this jerky behaviour.
'Derpy! Mr. Dreamer! Discord has broken out of his statue, and he's threatening to bring the whole world into terrible chaos again! We'll need all the heroism we can get, and you two will definitely be of help to us!'. It was Twilight and Pinkie, and as usual, Pinkie could not keep still. After all, bouncing up and down was her specialty. 'Yeah! And it's OATMEAL CRAZY this time! IT'S CRAAAZY I TELL YOU! No time for chocolate rain this time! EEP!'
'Oh my. Well then, me and Derpy will get right to combat! Right, Derpy? Uh, Derpy?'
Derpy had turned into a cute little soft toy with button eyes.
'Right here, human sir.'
Or rather, Derpy had thought it best to turn into horse-size Derpy. She still looked like Derpy off the cartoon, but this time, she was as tall as me. Now adequate for my glorious ride to victory!
'That's... definitely interesting Derpy.' said Twilight. 'Now Pinkie, I need you too -'
...
'Pinkie? Why on Anywho are you in a clown costume?' Twilight exclaimed in her Anytone. 'Well Twilight, this IS Anywho! Basically this means happen however -' Pinkie took a quick breath of anything, 'THE BUUUUUUUUCK - huaaaaaaaa, Mr. Dreamer here wants. Understaaaand?!'
'Yes yes! I think I do, Pie! So you're telling me, we could anything? AHH! This is bad! This is really bad! We could become a ball of yarn! We could be a bowl of petunias! Even worse, we could be subject to RULE THIRTY FOUR!'
There was a collective shiver of fright all over Anywho.
'Weeeell, yes. I mean, no! I mean, kinda. I mean, FRIED OATMEAL ON A STICK! We have the potentiality to be those things! Buuut...'
'BUT WHAT?'
'BUT FUN!!'
'Come ON, Pinkie Pie. Think seriously here!
'Yeesh, fine. Buuuut if Mr. Dreamer is like everybody but auntie Pinkie Pie, then we should be fine.'
'YES'
'In the sense of personal normality, of course.'
'NO.'
'No indeed Twilight! It means anything, and I mean ANYTHING has the increased potentiality to be conjured up from dreamer here's imagination. Spooky, ain't it?'
'So basically you're telling us to brace ourselves!'
'Indubitably, my dear Twilight.'
...
'Indeed. Fancy a pot of tea, my dear friend Pinkamena?'
'Twilight, it occurs to me that due to the Dreamer's unstable imagination, we seem to have acquired a rich English accent, and a very fashionable choice of fabulous British clothes.'
'Sorry about that.' I spoke up.
'Hehehe.' I said with a smile
'Well now that you've had your laugh, my good sir, change us back to what we once were.' said Pinkamena, still fully equipped with British ware.
'Indubitably!' I said with a laugh.
POOF!
'Shucks! Now we're real American!' said Twilight
'Oops, sorry. Lemme try again'
KAPLOW!
'No gut! Deutsch war never meine strong point!' said Twilight, yet again.
'You and me both, sister.'
HABOOM!
'Look Twilight! I am REAL comrade of the Mozzerland!'
'Nyet Pinkie Pie. Still no good! Come on dreamer, you are of no use!'
'Sorry! Look, I'm afraid you're stuck like this.
'Vat?'
'Temporarily. The effects should ware off such is the course of Anyphysics.'
'Right. That's alright then! Right Pinkie Pie?'
Huh? Oh! Right, of course.' Pinkie Pie was too busy fiddling with Anyphysics. As always, any Universe discovered by Pinkie Pie was prone to a little prodding. If it wobbled, it was her duty to prod it more until it did something interesting. Anywho, was clearly NOT an exception.