"FBI open up!"
The door to Princess Celestia's room was kicked open, and Rainbow Dash stood there, hooves crossed with her shades on, looking like a villain from those blockbusters.
"What do you want?" Celestia shrieked in fright.
Celestia magicked a pistol out of thin air, aiming it at Dash. However, the pegasus just let loose a devillish smile, and reached over her back.
"You just pulled a pistol on the pony with a missile launcher!"
Dash heaved a missile launcher over her shoulder and smiled at Celestia. The princess dropped her pistol in alarm and held her hooves up high, face quivering at the intruder.
"Tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you! If you want bits, I got them racks stacked over at the back, just don't hurt me!" Celestia cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Make me a princess," Dash said.
"Oh what? That's so easy!" the princess' tears somehow retracted its path up and back into her eyes, and she stood up, her horn lighting up like a liar's pants on fire. Dash felt her body swarmed with bright light from the princess. When the lights dimmed down, Dash waved her hoof over her horehead. It struck gold!
"You are now the princess of... rainbows!" Celestia announced to the awestruck ~~pegasus~~ alicorn. She then lifted her rainbow tail out of the window ad threw her out of it.
Dash flew through Ponyville, soaking all the admirations from ponies as she showed off her newly obtained horn when a familiar voice rang out.
"RD! Would'ya be so kind to lend your ear to me?" Applejack called out from the distance.
Dash landed beside the farm pony.
"Say, what do you need?" Dash asked.
The new princess could not help seeing Derpy licking a basketball at the background. Suppressing her laughters, she focused on Applejack.
"I need your help! You're the princess of rainbows yes?"
"Eeyup!"
"Get outta here Big Mac!"
Big Macintosh shrugged and walked off, balancing his two buckets of apples on his back as the glare from Applejack eyes seared a mark on his back. Those two could never see eye to eye with a staring problem, Dash thought.
"So as I was sayin', I need your help because there's a rainbowy-looking thingy that I found on my security cameras! It was stealin' my precious apples last night!" Applejack finished.
"Sure! I'll help ya,"
The two ponies gathered in a room in Sweet Apple Acres. Dash glanced around the room, trying to think whether had she came here before.
"Hey Applejack! I don't remember being here before,"
"This is a secret room. Its just like how Pinkie have a secret party plannin' cave, but all I got is some god damned rusty room smellin' like somepony stacked chips and half eaten Cheetos in here!" Applejack grunted in reply, eyeing an abandoned and rotten Merriam Dictionary that somehow got itself there at the corner of the room.
The farm pony walked to a table with a computer on it. She switched it on, and a video appeared on the screen. She motioned Dash to come over, and the new princess strode over to the table. She pressed play on the keyboard, and the screen showed a rainbowy-looking thingy going through the trees in Sweet Apple Acres, taking apples and munching on them. However, Dash could not make out the thing's features. Then she knew who it is.
It was herself, the princess of rainbows that was captured in the security cameras! Dash remembered coming to Sweet Apple Acres last night because she wanted to eliminate her insomnia with some Minute Maid, but with apples instead of lemonades. She had failed to control her cravings and soon had found herself stiffing her stomach full of apples.
"So? Who d'ya think it is princess?" Applejack prompted Dash.
"Uh... I don't know..."
"Come one, princesses knows everything!"
"Not this one! How about you ask Twi? She's much smarter after all,"
"Nah, she don't specialise in no rainbows," Applejack narrowed her eyes, "Are you feelin' okay, sugarcube? You're sweating horribly all over!"
"I... I'm hot. I got packs of heat in me?"
Applejack glanced at the video and looked back at the new princess. Then, realisation dawned upon the farm pony.
"It was you! You stole my apples!"
Applejack reached up and grabbed her hat from her head. She pulled a pistol out of her hat, pointing it at Dash. The new princess suddenly had a callback of Celestia aiming her pistol at her just now, and she smiled, reaching over her back.
"You just pulled a pistol on the pony with a missile launcher!"
Dash produced her missile launcher and pointed it at the farm pony, who now is adjusting her hat on her head. Then, the epic fight began.
Well, its not exactly a fight. But it was definitely a battle to be murdered for.
Dash pulled the trigger on her missile launcher, sending a bullet flying to Applejack who lowered her head and reflected the bullet with her hat. The pistol in the farm pony's hoof somehow had tured to an AK, and she shot several rounds of it at Dash, who skillfully dodged every one of them. She was the fastest pony in all of Equestria after all.
The new princess lit up her newly obtained horn and casted her first spell ever. Applejack's mouth fell off, like a sticker ripped from a paper, and flopped on the floor. The shocked farm pony scampered down to retrive her mouth, but it flopped around, avoiding her hoof. She rumbled in frustration, and light emerges all over her as the pony's body exploded.
Dash gasped, her eyes widening as more and more light poured out form Applejack's body. With a whoosh, the light all grouped together, forming the shape of a pony. More precisely, as Dash squinted hard, it formed the body of...
"Celestia!" Dash yelped in astonishment.
Then she flew away to the ends of Equestria, leaving Celestia behind with a confused look.
"I just wanted to say I wanted to put her in the obituary column..."
Author's Note
no points for guessing what song this story is based on