Wanna Help Me Unpack My Wagon?

by Lord Camembert

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn, Trixie, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1116

Starlight and Trixie bang, using only show dialogue.

Starlight and Trixie bang. Constructed solely from show dialogue.

Contains: it's all just really bad innuendo i'm sorry also impregnation

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I married you willingly. I did this to myself.

– my wife

Published 2020-05-04 09:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-04 09:40:01 UTC

"Was there ever any doubt?"

“Wanna help me unpack my wagon?” asked Trixie.

“Absolutely,” replied Starlight.

“I spent a lot of time on the road with my wagon, so it might be a tad messy,” said Trixie.

“Are you kidding? This wagon isn’t small, it’s… uh… cozy! And there’s no such thing as too cozy.”

“And you’re not backing out?”

“Nah. I’m a little nervous. And excited. I’m mostly just nervous.”

“Is there something I can do to make things more comfortable for you?”

“I… need a minute.”

“Starlight. You don’t need magic to figure out what to do next.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I know I can be a little stubborn, and not the best listener, but I just can’t wait for us to tackle this job as a team! Wink!”

“Why do you keep saying ‘wink?’”

“I’m not saying ‘wink.’ Wink.”

“That’s kind of a mouthful,” said Starlight.

“Obviously. It is my only friend on the long and lonely nights on the road.”

“It is a lot harder than I thought. Maybe we should start with something smaller.”

“No, no, no, no, no. The Great and Powerful Trixie goes big or not at all!”

Starlight exhaled. “You got this, Starlight…”

“Well, alright then! I’ll… start us off…”

Starlight panted. “Any luck?”

Trixie’s voice was weak. “Ta-da…”

“Woah! Ugh.” Starlight snarked, “Great.”

Trixie laughed nervously. “My caravan might not be suited for an ‘extended tour.’”

“Good job, Trix. Still, I’m glad we tried. Mostly so we know not to do it again.”

“Are you alright?” asked Twilight.

“Twilight? Is that you? How are you here?”

“It’s an easy spell. I’ll show you later! Anyway, enough about me, I had to check on you! So, how’s it going?”

“Really?!”

Trixie cut in. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight replied. “Do you… want some help?”

Starlight was relieved. “Oh, absolutely, yes, right now!”

“I've been studying an old spell book from the Castle of the Two Sisters. There's a spell that I think could help us! This is probably gonna feel a little funny at first, but you're gonna have to trust me.”

“I appreciate you trying to help, Twilight. When will it be ready?”

“Now?”

“Thanks, Twilight!”

Trixie added, “Okay, okay, you’re on!”

“I just wish there was a way to do both. But how?” asked Twilight.

“A spark of magic could be very helpful right about now!” said Trixie.

“It’s the perfect solution!” exclaimed Starlight.

“Okay. I’ll go first,” said Starlight.

“It is absolutely ridiculous that that worked,” replied Trixie.

“We’re off on the road to friendship!”

“This… just can’t be! That was supposed to make you writhe in agony! And you! How long do I have to wait for my applesauce facial?”, shouted Trixie.

“Okay then, we’re goin’ in!” came Twilight.

“Whoa! Way to rub it in.”

Twilight replied, “Come on! I thought you were fast.”

“Whatever. Challenge accepted!”

“What are you doing, Starlight? Make her straighten up and fly right!”

“Like you?” came Starlight in reply.

“Well, not exactly straight, Starlight,” said Trixie.

“Wow. We’re so tight, we can’t move around!”

“Whoo! Give it here!” said Trixie. “Woah! Yeah, yeah. I’ll take it. Starlight!” Trixie panted. “You’re sure you wouldn’t rather ride?”

“No.” Starlight laughed. “I’m not finished.”

“And you’re not backing out?”

“No, I’m not. I’m not ready to leave!”

“Ow!” shouted Twilight. “Are you kidding me?”

“I just couldn’t control myself,” said Trixie. “You can forgive me, can’t you?”

“Not a chance. Well, if you can horse around like this, then you clearly must be ready for the test.”

“Uh-oh.”

“THE PUDDING IS COMING!” screamed Twilight.

“Oh? Guh!”

“Magic pudding!”

“Trixie, are you alright?” asked Starlight.

Trixie coughed. “Starlight? I have to say, I’m not really as impressed with your friends as the rest of Equestria is.”

“Are you crying?” asked Twilight.

“When pigs fly!”

“Starlight?”

Starlight exhaled. “I can handle this. I’m a grown mare.” She laughed, adding “I’m not finished. I’ve discovered a very old spell, Similo Duplexis. When combined with Accelero in just the right way…”

Two Starlights. “You can literally be in two places at once!”

“Well, when you put it like that, I’m actually kind of excited!” said Trixie.

“When it comes to magic, I don’t make mistakes. C’mon, Trixie, we’ve got a… thing to do.”

“Show Trixie what you’ve got.”

Starlight grunted. “Pardon me!”

“Oh! I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“Um, that’s not an official position. I’m surprised with how well she took it,” said Twilight.

“Ugh! Was there ever any doubt?” Trixie grunted. “Woah! Starlight!”

“Trixie!”

“Starlight!”

“Trixie!”

“I’m Twilight Sparkle,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“What’s the matter, Twilight Sparkle?” asked Trixie. “Not enjoying your exile? Starlight had to choose between you and me, and she chose me!”

“Okay, okay… I get it,” replied Twilight. “Alright, take it easy. Good luck, Starlight!”

“Thanks, Twilight,” said Starlight.

“Starlight. She’s already gone!” said Trixie.

“You’re right! But I’ve got a full day of stuff planned. Just you and me.”

“Okay, that sounds fun. So, uh, what kind of plan were you thinking?”

“We… go in. All together now!” replied Starlight. And Starlight.

Trixie panted. “I can’t deal with this! This is… this is princess-level stuff!”

“Whoo! I am on fire!” said Starlight.

More panting from Trixie. “I don’t know what’s happening!”

Starlight replied, “You are about to find out.”

“Uh-oh. Oh. Woah! NUTS!” screamed Trixie.

“Congratulations, Starlight. You’re a genius,” said Starlight and Starlight.

“Who said you could do that?!” stammered Trixie.

“Nopony, I just… did it,” said Starlight. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a stand! By lying down!”

“Oh. You know, I think I might have missed the point here.”

“That’s reassuring,” replied Trixie sarcastically.

“Sorry. I really messed up. What I did was wrong, a-and I can't take it back. You're right to be upset, and I hope one day I can make it up to you. But all I can say is... I'm sorry.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated!” Trixie whispered, “Don't you ever tell another pony I said this, but even Trixie's made mistakes.” She giggled. “I know! The trick is to just move on and pretend they never happened.”

“I feel like that’s almost good advice.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“The baby is an ALICORN?!” shouted Twilight.

“We wanted to surprise you,” said Starlight. Sheepishly, she added, “Surprise!”

“But… whose is it?”

“Right…You're an aunt now!” said Starlight. “What am I going to do?!”

“Relax. We can do this, ‘cause we’re amazing,” replied Trixie, adding, “and magic is friendship and stuff.”

“I think she’s right,” said Twilight. “We’ve got this. Together.”

Author's Note

You all must suffer for my art.