Discord's Medical Exam

by Buttery Biscuit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 2855

Discord is finally convinced into letting twilight exam for science it goes about as well as you'd think

Twight was being extra once again, she was trying to cast spells while flying. She trying to get better at it so that she could keep up with all the other alicorns. Unfortunately, she lost her concentration. Luckily Discord caught her just in time. While she was thankful for that she was more worried than anything else. Why? Because Discord seemed to have a heart murmur, after a lot of convincing and bribing twilight finally gets him to agree to a medical exam. She just wants to make sure her friend is ok, but its also Discord. So that check-up goes about as well as you'd think.

Published 2020-05-05 07:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-05 07:30:01 UTC

That's not a liver that's a trumpet

Twilight was going out to train on her day off, why, you might ask. That's what she liked to do, work, even on her days off. She wanted to get better at casting spells mid-flight. Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and even Discord could do it. She didn't want to be behind her fellow magic users. So she was determined to train, she started off easy, casting levitating spells while flying through the air. Once she got a hold on that she jumped over mid-tear spells and went right into the complex ones. She overestimated herself as she went to use a powerful attack spell. Her concentration broke and she fell to the ground. She closed her eyes ready to be sore for the next week when she heard a familiar pop sound and felt only warm fuzz. "Discord?" She asked as she opened her eyes to see his doofy face right in front of her.

"Hiya twilight, wacha dooooin'? " Discord smiled down at the purple alicorn in his arms, "because it looks to me like you were doing something dangerously stupid."

Twilight blushed, "uh..maybe just a little bit."

"what were you trying to do exactly?"

"Well, you and the alicorns are really good at fighting while in the air, and I am not. I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't be the reason we lost the next time went to battle."

"hmm, while that is understandable I thought today was your day off?" He questioned, but his question went unheard as Twilight nuzzled closer to his chest. He just stood there completely confused, "Twilight?"

"SHH!" Twilight yelled, leaning closer to his chest, she listened closely to his heartbeat. His heart, it had a murmur. "Discord your heart, it sounds bad." She frowned and looked up at her friend.

"It's called a murmur!"

"I know what its called Discord, what I meant is that murmurs are bad, unhealthy you should let me take a look at it. What if its a bad sign? Why don't you swing by my lab tomorrow? We will take a look at it, just to be safe."

Discord knew Twilight by now, he knew even if he assured her about it she would continue to worry. That is until she processed the situation in her own way. That didn't mean he was all that excited to sit still for who knows how long so he was honest, "that sounds dreadfully boring twilight."

"I'll make it worth your while."

"oh?" This got Discords interest, he was going to volunteer and of course grip about it the whole time. He did actually want to help her it was just so hard to be still for long amounts of time. Now she made an offer and he just hard to hear out. Maybe she knew that it be easier for him if there was a treat at the end.

"if you sit still, I mean completely still and behave. I'll give you your own Holliday of Chaos I know you have always wanted one and you made such great strides in friendship. As long as you promise to hurt no pony, I'll make it happen."

Discord raised his eyebrow that was tempting and while it wouldn't be like his rule before, it would still be fun but he felt like Twilight was getting the short end of the stick and while he would have been fine with that before. He was now Twilight's friend. So now what? He sat and thought for a couple of minutes and then he got a genius idea. One that would benefit them both, it would cause chaos and help his friend. In addition, he would get his own holiday to create chaos, in the end he couldn't refuse. "Twilight I'll take that deal and raise you a vacation for yourself. I want you to take an actual break. I'm going to follow you around to make sure you take it.

Twilight was stunned, she didn't really remember when she had last taken a break. Even when she was with her friends, she was always working even if it had to be in secret. She wasn't really enthusiastic but she really wanted to help Discord. She also knew discord wasn't enthusiastic about the exam but just wanted to help her. Then she slowly realized that no paper had ever been written about him. Oh my gosh, could this win her an award? She would be the only one to have ever studied Discord. "ok." She agreed it was an opportunity that was all too tempting.

"See you tomorrow Twilight!" He was gone in a snap.

Tommorow

Twilight was excited today, more so than any other day. She got discord to agree to a medical examination. She was going to write the very first paper on the Draconequus. No one had been able to achieve this before, because he refused to do it. She had been thinking about that fact all night, she hoped to win the Ponylitzer prize. Maybe she would be given money to continue her pursuit of this knowledge. She was so excited she started her paper early, she couldn't help herself. She already knew what she wanted to find so it was easy to write part of it before-hoof. All she needed now was the evidence to support her claims. Her paper read:

The Illusive Anatomy Of A Draconequus

Abstract: the anatomy of a Draconequus will be composed of and run by a singular chaos model. Even though Discord is a chaotic being, he is still a creature just like any other creature. This paper will list any new organs and their respective locations.

Twilight was practically trotting at this point. So excited she thought she would explode, even though that was a ridiculous statement. Her kitchen was in view now, she had gotten up early. She wanted to be there ahead of time. What she wasn't expecting was Discord to be there before her, but there he was. In her kitchen.

"Hi, there sparkles!" Discord said digging into pancakes. Spike must have offered to make them that morning. That or Discord asked and spike said sure.

"Oh hi. I didn't expect you to be so early." Twilight said, approaching Discord and spike.

"Maybe you are just late!" Discord said poofing up a clock three hours ahead of the current time.

"No that… the appointment is in 30 min. Your clock is wrong, Discord." Twilight said, pointing her hoof at Discords clock then to her clock on the kitchen wall. She didn't understand why he hadn't paid any attention to that one. It was correct.

"Is it now? Well, why not start now? I've got nothing else to do." He said, shrugging his shoulders. Discord teleported both of them into Twilights' lab, below her Castle. "Ready when you are. Don't forget about our deal!" Discord said cheerfully biting down onto his pancakes. "Would you like some?" He said offering Twilight a forkful of pancakes.

Twilight rolled her eyes "I won't forget discord." She took the fork in her magic and bit down onto the pancakes. She spit them out immediately. "Gross, what is that?"

"Paper! I had Spike replace the flower with paper. It's part of my fundamental food group!" Discord said, taking the fork back from Twilight.

"It is?"

"Yes! Paper, chocolate milk, and glass. Unless its couch cushion, wallpaper, and lampshades, or sometimes it's wet socks, light, and metal. Or that one time it was picture frames, doorknobs and tissue boxes without the tissues of course. Can't have that. Or-"

Twilight cut him off. "Your fundamental food group changes?"

"Of course they do! What fun would it be if it stayed the same? Sometimes I don't even know what they are. I have to figure it out." Discord said chuckling.

"Let's just start the exam." She said, pulling up some machines. Discord snaked his head over to the monitor Twilight had just pulled up.

"What?"

"I've never seen my insides. I wonder what they look like? Do you think they are plaid colored, or maybe they are made out of felt?" Discord said, removing his head and putting it right next to Twilight so he could see the results too.

"Discord. Put your head back on…never thought I'd say that sentence. You might affect the results if you use your magic during the exam." Twilight said. If he used chaos magic during the exam it might cause the information to change, or hide.

"Fine but I want to see when you are done." Discord said in a huff.

Twilight rolled her eyes. She wondered would Discord be able to hold still long enough for her to get results? A picture appeared on the monitor, a pile of salami...with cheese. It seemed to be doing a rendition of Pony on the Roof. Discord wasn't even on screen. That shouldn't be possible, there should be an outline of some kind, bones, muscles, anything. She tried again: mashed potatoes that danced the macarena, and again: a squid that spoke only slam poetry, and again: a hill covered in eyes.

"Discord do something chaotic." She hoped that maybe because he wasn't doing chaos that, in turn, made his body chaotic. It seemed reasonable enough.

Discord started juggling half bird, half fish, all cupcake. "Is this good?"

"Yes," Twilight said using the machine once again. Monkeys on unicycles. There were monkeys on unicycles on her scientific equipment. Not only that but they spoke in old ponish. How, how is this happening. She tried again: a hiccupping teddy bear made out of candy canes, and again: a horse about to destroy the universe, how she did not know, and again: the entire Marvel series played backward and the main characters were all Pinkie Pie except for Deadpool who was Celestia.

"You are doing this on purpose," Twilight said, turning her head to Discord, he had to be pranking her. "There is no other explanation."

"What? I did nothing of the sort. I can't even see what you're seeing." Discord said crossing his arms and glaring at twilight. He was honestly trying hard to sit still and behave just as Twilight asked.

"Nothing. Nothing will show up, just chaos." She said handing over the pictures she had taken to Discord.

"Well of course. I am a chaotic being Twilight. What are you expecting to find?" Discord said handing back Twilight's photos, he really wasn't that surprised.

"Maybe I should have you do it! Maybe the photos have to be taken chaotically as well. Discord take the picture, please. Chaotically." Twilight said. Maybe reverse psychology would work, though it seemed like a longshot.

Discord rained hotdogs, literally, they were dogs made out of fire. He rained them all over the buttons on Twilight's machine until he heard the click sound but it didn't work, his insides now filled with jellyfish that performed circus acts. They called themselves Jellyfish du Soleil. "I don't think this is working Twilight."

"I have a different idea. I want you to reach inside yourself and pull out your liver." Twilight said, maybe he had to do it physically. No machines.

And Discord did. He reached inside himself and pulled out a trumpet.

"That's not a liver that's a trumpet Discord! Put it back in and reach for the trumpet this time." She wanted to give reverse psychology one more go. This was starting to get to her. Her mane frazzling, her face contorting into anger and frustration. She could feel her stress rising.

He did and pulled out a mini Twilight with Applejack's voice "well I'll be." It is the only thing she said. Twilight just stood there stunned. How. How is this possible? It's like his magic was taunting her on purpose.

"Ok let's assume you are telling the truth and you're not doing this on purpose. Get Fluttershy. Well put this to rest once and for al.l" This time it would work, it had to.

"Twilight…"

"Get her!" Twilight yelled, slamming her hoof into the floor.

Discord snapped and Fluttershy appeared out of nowhere eating a sandwich. She gasped. "I'm sorry darling but Twilight insisted I fetch you this very second. She really needs your help." Discord said looking to Twilight, he was growing more concerned by the second. He feared another one of her 'twilight-ings' as her friends called them.

But before Fluttershy could answer, Twilight yelled. "I want you to use your stare on him and tell him not to be chaotic for one minute."

"But the last time he wasn't chaotic he almost faded away," Fluttershy said, tearing up. "I don't want him to fade Twilight."

Twilight took a deep breath, she had to collect herself. "I know but this is for science and I'll reduce it to 20 seconds. He won't fade away in 20 seconds."

Fluttershy was nervous but she did the stare anyway. She trusted that Twilight knew what she was doing. Twilight took a photo. Nothing. Discord reached inside himself. Nothing. Twilight listened to his heart. Nothing. There was nothing there.

"Why? I don't understand. Something should show up." Twilight said, lowering her head in disappointment.

"Twilight, I run on chaos. Of course there would be nothing there if there isn't chaos. I am chaos." Discord did his best to explain but Twilight just looked confused.

Twilight frowned "but your heart I heard it...I'm worried about it. It had a murmur."

"Twilight I have had that murmur forever. If it was a problem, it would have already affected me by now. Ponies have pointed it out before. I don't know what to tell you other than what I already told you before. I. Am. Chaos. I'm sorry you couldn't find what you were looking for Twilight. I hoped this helped you process the situation, our deal is still on." Discord got up and took Fluttershy with him. His chaos returned to him eventually, much to the relief of Fluttershy. Then the two of them went off to Fluttershy's home to have a tea party.

Twilight spent the rest of the week hold up in her library going over her research. Then read every book related to her research. Then doing it all over again. It was one of these repeats that she noticed a book out of the corner of her eye. Perfection The Impossible Pursuit. She had bought the overdue book. Why not? The bits she gave the library was the same price for the book, so she just bought it then and there. Then she got an idea. She trotted over to her typewriter.

The art of chaos.

Abstract: Choas, what does that mean? In another point of view maybe everything is chaos and everything makes sense Is the fact its chaotic give it sense? Or does it make sense because it is chaotic?

Intro:

Choaus, that's what this journey was, We were going to say we're surprised but that is no longer the truth. The point of Discord is that he is chaotic, today has proven that to the core. It's more than just that he is the spirit of it, he represents it at his very core. (See graph 5 and 6). These results make sense when you consider they are chaotic, just like him. So in a way, it makes sense he doesn't make sense. His nonsense nature makes sense when view from the correct angle and maybe this is the point. Maybe if we view different things through different angles what doesn't make sense, will.

Discord's Theory, by Twilight Sparkle Princesses of Friendship.

It was a bit rough around the edges but twilight knew that. This, this is what would win her that prize. She was held up in the library for months. Working and reworking her paper. It was her fourth time through it when she noticed her mistake she had been using "we" the whole time when it had been just her. The paper was due tomorrow, what was she going to do, she felt her stress rising.

"who," went her owl.

Twilight smiled as she got a silly idea, Discord was silly, Discord was chaotic, he would do it.

Co-Authored by Owlicious

"Live on the edge Twilight. Embrace the chaos. It is the point of this paper." She said to herself as she smiled. She prepared for bed and turned off the light. She was actually excited to see what vacation plans Discord had crafted.

Author's Note

I looked upon my stories and I realized I have never made a story rated E for everyone so here I am. I did it, Rated E for everyone! Also, I think I will write a sequel to this when discord makes good on his promise and forces twilight into a relaxing vacation.

Also, the owl idea is a real thing a real scientist wrote a paper using the word we when only he wrote it and he co-authored his cat because he didn't want to rewrite it and people actually cite the cat and him when they use his paper.