Paranoid Pink

by Scholarly-Cimmerian

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Random, Violence, Slice of Life, Pinkie Pie (EqG), Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 8425

Pinkie Pie thinks she can handle a scary movie. She can't. Really, really can't.

One night, Pinkie Pie stays up late to watch a couple of old horror movies. It should be fun, right? How can a black-and-white feature like "Night of the Changelings" be at all terrifying?

...Very, very terrifying, as a matter of fact. So much so, that the next day at school Pinkie is grappling with the aftermath of horrible nightmares, and the creeping fear that any of her classmates could be a slime-dripping alien bug monster in disguise. Now her friends have to find a way to calm her down, and hopefully do so *before* she goes completely off the deep end.

Shamelessly inspired by the SpongeBob episodes "Krab Borg" and "Fear of a Krabby Patty".

Rated T just for the sake of caution.

Published 2020-05-09 11:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-29 19:07:53 UTC

Chapter 1: Movie Night of Nightmares

It was a quiet Sunday night at the Pie sisters’ house, and while Pinkie couldn’t have her friends over to stay the night, she still had plans for the evening. The party planner was up in her room, seated cross-legged on the bed with a pile of snacks on one side and her plush alligator Gummy on the other. She had just loaded a DVD into her media player and was happily waiting through the coming attractions.

“Ooh, I can’t wait Gummy!” Pinkie chirped. “This is gonna be so much fun!”

Gummy, of course, said nothing. Pinkie idly munched a handful of chocolate, and after the fourth or fifth preview, decided to skip to the end.

Pinkie made a happy squeak as the DVD menu finally appeared – showing a split screen, one side with the menu for a black-and-white creature feature from the 1950s, and the other side for its remake from the late 70s. Spooky background music played as the pink girl took note of the movies’ respective titles, each displayed in stark letters:

“Night of the Changelings” read the title of the older movie.

And, for the latter version, “Dawn of the Changelings.”

“Okay!” Pinkie said, as she stuffed a fistful of popcorn into her mouth, “Letsth get thisth party started!”

She reached for the controller and moved to select “play” for the classic movie—

”umm?”

A nearly inaudible murmur reached Pinkie’s ears, and she looked over to the door with a smile to see her sister Marble cautiously peering inside.

“Hi Marble!" Pinkie sang out, "You wanna sit down and watch a scary movie with me?”

Marble’s eyes flicked to the screen, widened, and she shook her head timidly. “Mm-mm…”

“Okay!” Pinkie answered with a little shrug. Then a new thought occurred to her and she asked, “Ooh! Could you tell Maud that the scary movie’s gonna be on, and see if she’d like to watch it?”

Marble Pie frowned anxiously, her gaze lowering to the floor, as she asked a question at a volume that rodents would be hard-pressed to discern.

“What was that, Marble?” Pinkie asked kindly.

Marble Pie screwed up her courage and tried again.

“Umm… mm-hmm?”

Pinkie blinked, surprised. “Yeah, I’m gonna watch both of them!” she answered, "Why?"

Marble shivered as she then asked, “Umm-hmm?”

Pinkie stared at her younger sister, taken aback. “Whattya mean, ‘can I handle it?’ I love scary movies! They don’t always freak me out!”

It was after one o’clock in the morning. The house was quiet and dark, for all its residents had gone to bed hours ago.

All, that is, except for one.

Pinkie Pie lay in her bed, eyes wide as saucers, shuddering in terror as she held Gummy close, almost like the little plush would act as a shield against the horrors running amok in her thoughts.

“What if Sunset Shimmer’s really a bug monster?” Pinkie said to herself. She squeezed Gummy tighter as another thought occurred to her.

“Wh-what if Rainbow Dash is really a bug monster?”

Another, even more horrible thought came to her mind, and she sat bolt-upright in bed with a gasp of fright. “What if Maud’s a bug monster?” Pinkie Pie leapt out of bed and darted out into the hall, down to her big sister’s room, calling Maud’s name almost every step of the way.

“Maud! Maud, Maud, Maud, Maud, Maud—"

(Limestone Pie growled and covered her ears with her pillow.)

Maud opened the door to her room and peered out at her little sister, looking remarkably unruffled for someone who’d just been woken up in the wee hours of the morning. “What is it Pinkie.” She managed to ask the question without really stating the question mark at the end of the sentence, but that was the way of Maud Pie for you.

Pinkie held her plush gator close, as she chewed over her question for a second. Finally she couldn't holds the words in, and just said it all at once.

“Maud, if you were a bug creature from outer space, you’d tell me, r-right?”

Maud blinked placidly. If she was surprised by the question in any way, it was impossible to tell.

“Yes, Pinkie.” She answered.

Pinkie Pie brightened up immediately. “Okie-dokie-lokie! Thanks Maud, g’night!”

And with a yawn, Pinkie Pie turned and walked back to her room with a spring in her step. “Aww, I got nothing to worry about!” she chirped to herself, “Back to bed, Gummy!” She covered her mouth and suppressed a large yawn, “And I am beat too!”

Pinkie Pie clambered back into her bed, gave Gummy a quick kiss goodnight, and was soon asleep and snoring away.

Pinkie was at her locker at school, about to get her stuff out for class when Applejack and Rainbow Dash suddenly came up to her.

“Hey Pinkie! Whatcha doing?”

“Hi Dashie! Hi Applejack!" Pinkie chirped as she closed her locker, "Just getting ready for class, silly!”

Applejack chuckled. “Well, class can wait a bit. C’mon Pinkie, we got a surprise for ya!”

“Ooh! I like surprises!” Pinkie blinked, “Buuut wait a minute. Doesn’t telling me that there's a surprise spoil the surprise?”

“C’mon, quit worrying about it! I’ll race you there!” Rainbow Dash ran off, and Pinkie couldn’t help but giggle and chase after her, the athlete leading her to an empty classroom where—

“SURPRISE!!”

All her friends were waiting there for her! Balloons and streamers filled the air, and Rarity switched on a music player.

“A party, for me!” Pinkie squealed, delighted, “Aww, you girls shouldn’t have!”

Sunset Shimmer smiled fondly at her. “We just wanted to, Pinkie. What better way to say thanks to someone so sweet?” She licked her lips at that last word, but Pinkie didn’t notice, as she’d already dragged Twilight to the dance floor.

“Whoohoo! PARTY!!!”

And so, Pinkie did party. She danced with Twilight, and then Fluttershy, before taking a break to referee a dance-off between Applejack and Rainbow Dash. The party planner was having a great time, happy just to spend time together with her friends, and then…

“Whew!” Pinkie rubbed her tummy, “All that dancing has me hung-ree! Where’s the snack table at this party?”

“Why it’s right here, darling!” Rarity ushered her over to a sleek metal table that was set up against the wall. Pinkie looked down at it in surprise, her eyes full of confusion.

“Huh?" she asked, "But Rarity, it’s empty..."

She heard the door suddenly *click* and turned around just in time to see that Sunset had just locked it.

“Girls, what’s going on?” Pinkie asked, as the Rainbooms all gathered near her. The music still playing didn’t sound nearly as fun and comforting now. “Why did you lock the door? Why are you all looking at me like that? And where are the snacks anyway?!”

Pinkie’s friends all chuckled like she’d just said something very funny. Rainbow Dash shook her head fondly, before looking up at Pinkie with a sharp smile. “Oh, Pinkie… you’re the snack!”

Before Pinkie could realize just what had been said, her arms had been seized by Applejack and Sunset, and they hauled her up onto the table and pinned her down; Rarity and Rainbow Dash joined in, holding her legs down as well.

“Wait!” Pinkie cried, “What are you doing? Stop it! I’m not a snack, I’m your friend!”

There was a *whir* of metal, as steel restraints popped up from the table to keep her arms and legs shackled to its surface. Pinkie Pie struggled in vain, trying desperately to free herself as her friends crowded around her, with hungry smiles on their faces.

“Aww, quit yer thrashin’ Pinkie Pie,” Applejack said, eerily chipper as she took the top off a jar of honey and began to pour its contents over the trapped girl, “You’re gonna be delicious!”

“But I don’t WANNA be delicious!” Pinkie wailed.

The other girls all laughed at that – laughter that became sharper, faster, eventually becoming an ugly buzzing noise, like the sound of a horde of insects in flight.

Pinkie stared in horror, as she watched her friends change, grotesquely; they began to sprout bug wings, antennae, pincer claws, and even spider-like fangs from their mouths!

Rainbow Dash smiled down at Pinkie, her eyes now the blank blue compound eyes of a Changeling drone. Greenish slime dripped from her bug mouthparts as she said, in a hissing gurgling voice, “You’re so sweet, Pinkie…”

And then she lunged at her face, and Pinkie woke up thrashing in her bed, soaked in a cold sweat. Gasping, she forced herself upright, and then finally screamed.

“MAUD!! THE BUGS ARE GONNA EAT MEEEEEEE!!!”

…

Limestone Pie looked at the time on her alarm clock, and growled, “I am going to murder her.”

Author's Note

...So yeah, that's how I begin my first ever story on this site. And one labeled a comedy no less! :twilightsheepish: (Though believe it or not, I actually toned down my idea for that nightmare scene...)

I've had plenty of ideas for stories to share on this site, but this idea was just the first one I made the most progress on. Nothing too serious though, just a dark comedy fic inspired by a few of my favorite SpongeBob episodes, so don't expect anything real sophisticated from this idea, I just wrote this one for laughs.

Pinkie's scary movies were fun to make up. I definitely drew from Invasion of the Body-Snatchers (the original from 1956 and its 1978 remake), but there's influences from other horror movies here. "Night of" and "Dawn of" are my tribute to the George Romero zombie movies. Pinkie's nightmare was also strongly influenced by the Calvin and Hobbes Sunday comic where Calvin dreams his parents are aliens who want to make him into "Earth boy waffles". Hence the honey jar in my take. :rainbowlaugh:

Stay tuned for chapter two!

Chapter 2: School Day of Scares

Monday morning came, and despite it being the start of a new school week Rainbow Dash was feeling pretty good. Having started the day with a nice hot shower, a delicious home-cooked breakfast, and having made the run to school with plenty of time to spare (this was one of those times where magic superpowers came in handy) the athlete was feeling pretty on-top of things.

She met up with Applejack in the foyer of Canterlot High, and the two of them set off down the hall to first period biology, chatting amiably about the weekend and plans for the days ahead. As they drew nearer to the classroom, Applejack noticed Pinkie Pie bent over and rummaging in her locker. “Heya Pinkie!” she called out, “Have a good weekend?”

“How’s it go—whoa!” Rainbow’s own greeting died in her throat as Pinkie Pie yelped shrilly, jumped up and banged her head on the locker, before pulling out and whipping around to look at them.

And speaking of looks… Pinkie Pie could often be described in a lot of ways. But right now, the best word that could be used to describe her in that moment would have to be “disturbed.” Her eyes were wide and staring, reddened as though she had barely gotten any sleep. Her smile was also wide, clearly forced, not reaching her eyes. And her hair was a frankly spectacular mess of curls and tangles, more like a mass of pink razor wire than anything else.

“H-hi Rainbow Dash! You too, Applejack!” Pinkie let out a rather nervous, tense giggle. “Whatcha doing?”

“Uhh. Just on our way t’ class.” Applejack answered cautiously, before adding in a gentle tone, “Everything okay, hon?”

“Yeah, because you look *awful*!” Rainbow stated bluntly. “Bad night, huh?” she asked with sympathy. A second later, she backed up, gagging at the overwhelming stench of coffee breath, as Pinkie nearly shoved her face right up against hers.

“Why do you ask? Who told you I had a bad night, huh? Was it Limestone? I bet it was Limestone! So maybe I stayed up late to watch a scary movie, and maybe I had horrible awful nightmares from it, and maaaaybe I’ve had a dozen-plus cups of coffee to get me through it all, THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING!!” Pinkie babbled, before sucking in a loud deep breath and reeling back, swaying a little on her feet. Then she giggled again, a worryingly manic sound. “Whoopsie. Pretend I didn’t say anything, okay? Don’t want anyone to get—suspicious…”

“Suspicious? About what?” Applejack asked. Now it was her turn to flinch back as Pinkie rounded on her.

“Nothing! There’s nothing to be suspicious about, what are you talking about Applejack, nothing suspicious at all! Hehe…” Pinkie was breathing rapidly now, and her eyes darted back and forth as though frantic that something would come oozing out of the surrounding lockers at any moment.

“Oh-kay…” Applejack blinked, trying not to wave a hand in front of her face at the smell of the other girl’s breath. “Look… can’t believe ah’m saying this, but maybe y’oughta try and catch a nap in class today or somethin’.”

“Yeah, seriously Pinkie,” Rainbow nodded swiftly. “You just chill out a bit. We’ll take care of you, alright?”

“Hmm…” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed at them, and both Rainbow and Applejack were taken aback to realize that Pinkie Pie of all people was giving them a look of deepest suspicion!

“We’ll see about that, Rainbow Dash… we’ll see…” Pinkie backed away from the two of them, never breaking eye contact – at least until she bumped into another student, shrieked “Changeling oh my gosh!!” and zoomed into the classroom, slamming the door hard behind her. Silence reigned in the hallway for a long moment, until Rainbow Dash looked to Applejack in confusion.

“Uhh, did *any* of that make sense to you?”

Applejack just sighed and put a hand to her forehead. “An’ here I thought that this was gonna be a good start to the week,” she groaned.

“Good morning, class!” Mr. Time Turner cheerfully greeted the assembled students of first period biology. “This week we’ll be starting a new chapter, but I thought we’d begin a little easy, with a short film on the topic at hand.” With a bit of a flourish, he pulled down a projection screen over the blackboard, before nodding to Rainbow Dash, who was closest to the door, to switch the lights off.

“Now of course, heads up and off the desks,” he added as he moved to ready the projector, “This is still science class after all… ahh, Pinkie Pie?” Mr. Turner’s usual easygoing smile faded slightly as he passed by the pink girl’s desk, and noticed her wide, red-rimmed eyes and extra frizzled hairdo.

“Yeeees?” Pinkie Pie turned her head, giving him an innocent smile that looked horribly jarring next to her wild hair and exhausted eyes.

Time Turner looked searchingly at her for a moment, clearly trying to think of the best way to phrase what he had to say. “…If you’d like to put your head down, that’s fine,” he told her gently. “Had a rough night, eh?”

“Who told you that?” Pinkie’s eyes widened, her curls jostling dangerously as she looked around at her classmates as though trying to find out who’d betrayed her trust. Then she caught herself, giggled reluctantly, and said to the teacher, “No no, it’s okay Mister Turner. I’m all right! The last thing I need right now is to go to sleep, I super-duper swear it!”

Time Turner looked like he rather wanted to press the matter further, but he chose to relent. “All right then,” he said softly, “Well if you’re sure…”

And with that, he started the film, and the screen lit up.

Pinkie turned her eyes to face the screen, and her eyes lit up as she recognized the opening notes from the theme of a somewhat old series of British educational films. “Ooh!” she cooed, bobbing her head slightly as the camera moved through the halls of a museum, panning over footage of various animals and exhibits as the theme music played. As she watched a brilliant red parrot flutter by the skeleton of a dinosaur, Pinkie was smiling a little more naturally, and her hair had begun to lose some of its… frantic, quality.

As the logo of the video series displayed across the screen for a moment, the party planner felt something like relief begin to steal over her.

…That lasted just a few seconds though, as a skinny, angular shadow with long arms fell over the emblem, and a large praying mantis slowly scuttled into view of the camera. Even the background music took on a rather sinister turn, as the insect tilted its head in the eerie way that only a mantis could to look *right at* the lens.

Pinkie’s eyes widened until they almost seemed in danger of popping out of her face, and her jaw fell open in the utmost shock as the narrator began to speak. Unable to look away, she watched with a kind of helpless disbelief and dread as the mantis scuttled out of sight, and other insects began to appear on screen.

“These fascinating creatures are known as insects, and they have been around since before even the dinosaurs. They are some of the most varied species known to man. For every one of us, there are roughly two hundred million of them…”

The narrator continued with the documentary, cheerfully oblivious to Pinkie’s anguish. The film went on to discuss the origins of insects and how they had evolved to adapt with the passage of time. In particular, how they had gone on to adapt to the evolution of humans, whether it was the example of locusts plaguing crops, or fleas and lice and other parasites feeding on human…

“Every year, insects destroy as much as fifteen percent of the world’s food supply. This competition for limited resources has led to an ongoing war between humans and insects… a war that we sometimes seem to be losing…”

Pinkie barked out an oddly nervous laugh at that, drawing a couple surprised, concerned looks from her nearby classmates.

(The documentary followed up on this by also pointing out the beneficial impact of insects too, in the form of pollinating fruit and bees making honey, but Pinkie could only focus on the footage of a cockroach feeding that had preceded this announcement.)

Unable to tear her eyes away from the screen, Pinkie Pie continued to numbly watch as the film continued.

“Insects can reproduce in massive numbers. Aphids, for example can reproduce asexually, creating as many as fifty genetically identical offspring in the course of a single week. However, most insects reproduce sexually, creating a number of genetically different offspring, which carries the potential for different specimens having a better chance of survival. In a process called ‘complete metamorphosis,’ some insect species give birth to larvae, which look nothing like their parents. The larva grows, and molts several times, eventually becoming a pupa. Inside the pupa, the body is completely transformed, and an all-new adult emerges…”

Pinkie’s mouth twitched as she watched footage of a dark-colored insect pushing its way out of the shell of its cocoon. The sight of the bug’s frantic, twitchy movements was setting off a variety of memories from the previous night, none of them remotely pleasant…

Lyra Heartstrings frowned sympathetically as she noticed her classmate’s obvious distress. She leaned in slightly, whispering softly, “Everything okay, Pinkie?”

“’m fine,” Pinkie answered in a strangled voice, not taking her eyes off of the screen, “J-just fine…” The other girl didn’t look at all convinced, and reached over to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. Pinkie managed to tear her gaze away for a second to offer Lyra a tentative smile.

By now, the documentary had moved on to discuss the feeding habits of insects. Butterflies had long tubular mouthparts to reach into flowers and drink nectar, compared to the scissor-like mouthparts that caterpillars used to chop through leaves…

“Of course, there are many predatory species of insect. Some of them even use their prey as a tool to assist in reproduction. The tarantula hawk wasp, for example, is so named because it uses live tarantulas as both food and shelter for its larvae. Paralyzing the spider with its sting, the tarantula hawk then drags it back to its nest, where it deposits its egg; upon hatching, the larva burrows into the host, and carefully devours it from the inside out.”

Pinkie’s jaw dropped open once more, and a faint wheeze slipped out of her mouth, that sounded oddly like a strangled scream. Admittedly, she wasn’t alone in that regard; Rainbow Dash had loudly muttered “Gross!” and more than a few people were wincing or looking disturbed. Bulk Biceps nearly burst into tears as the wasp was shown in the act of stinging a tarantula and dragging it away.

“Once the larva has eaten its fill, it pupates, and when it has reached adulthood, exits the spider’s body through the abdomen to continue the next phase of its life cycle. This metamorphosis makes the tarantula hawk wasp a fascinating, if unsettling, member of the insect kingdom.”

As she watched the image of the wasp scuttle out and across the ground, Pinkie’s face drained of color, until she was nearly as white as Bulk Biceps. She slumped down face-first onto her desk and, were it not for the groan she made, one might have thought that the party planner had just fainted.

When the bell rang for the end of first period, Pinkie Pie trudged out of the classroom and made straight for the girls’ bathroom. Once inside, she went to the sink, turned it on, and filled her hands with water before splashing her face.

“Gahh!” she squealed at the unexpected coldness, and then gripped the sides of the sink as she shook her head rapidly. Her hair whipped around like a pink whirlwind, if anything becoming even more tangled than it was already; an outcome that Pinkie dejectedly noticed when she glanced at her reflection. “Aww…” the party animal sighed at her image in the glass.

She fixed her reflection with a determined stare. “Get it *together*, Pinkie!" she barked, smacking her hands on the sink counter, "It was only a bad dream… in a long, cold, sleepless night filled to the brim with bad dreams…”

Her face fell, and she drooped at the utter failure of her attempted pep-talk, before she suddenly felt a deep groaning from her stomach, followed by a profound sense of emptiness. “Oh, no…” Pinkie whimpered.

After a night filled with attempts to sleep – and a variety of nightmares where people she knew turned into hissing, slime-drooling bug-people out to eat her alive – Pinkie Pie had done the unthinkable for someone of her usual appetite, and forgotten to eat breakfast. Not even so much as a doughnut to go with the coffee she’d guzzled that morning had passed her lips. And now, finally, she was starting to really feel the effects of skipping her morning meal.

“Oh, my tum-tum…” Pinkie clutched her midsection with a groan. “Why didn’t Maud tell me to eat something?!”

“Pinkie, you should eat something,” Maud Pie stated, unflappably watching as Pinkie aggressively poured her eighth cup of coffee, before mixing in enough sugar to make any normal person choke.

“No time Maud! Gotta have coffee! Gotta stay awake!!”

Pinkie blinked at the sudden burst of memory. “…Oh. Right.” She sighed loudly, and gave her image in the mirror a forlorn look. There was just one more class period to go until lunch… she could make it until then, right?

...Right?

Her stomach gurgled again, and Pinkie ducked her head down to focus on giving her hands a wash. After scrubbing thoroughly and rinsing them off, she looked up one more time at the mirror –

And then her eyes popped, jaw dropping as she saw, big as life and a hundred times scarier, the tall and inhumanly thin form of a Changeling, reflected right behind her! Chitin glistening, dull blue eyes filled with malice, the insect alien opened its slime-dripping jaws and said--

“Pinkie, darling!”

The party planner yipped in surprise, before her brain caught up with her ears. She shut her eyes, counted to three, and opened them, and gave a guilty smile to the person she now saw before her. “Ohhh. Hi Rarity!”

The fashionista gave Pinkie a polite, if puzzled and also somewhat tired, smile. She had just come from her Monday morning class, P.E. and was clearly still a bit winded.

“Good morning, Pinkie,” her eyes drifted to Pinkie’s hair, and Rarity drew back with a gasp of fright. “Oh, my, goodness! What on earth has happened to your hair, Pinkie Pie? You didn’t get it caught in a mixer again, did you?”

“What? No!” Pinkie shook her head, curls and tangles jangling chaotically, “I’m f-fine, Rarity! Really!”

The other girl clearly was not buying Pinkie’s claim, but Rarity ultimately decided not to press the matter further just yet. She considered herself a lady, after all, and ladies as a rule were not supposed to be busybodies. “If you say so, dear,” Rarity said carefully, and then turned her attention to her own face in the mirror. Her hair was windswept and ruffled from having to run laps for most of gym, and she definitely needed a touchup.

Opening up her cosmetics kit, Rarity sighed and then began to tweak and fix her appearance. “I swear,” she murmured to herself, concentrating on plucking a stray eyelash, “I simply *have* to fix my face!”

Pinkie, who had been scrubbing her own face again, let out a strange yip of surprise and then looked at Rarity with something a lot like suspicion.

“Pinkie?” Rarity carefully put down her eyeliner, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothiiiing…” Pinkie drew out the word, her expression hard to read.

They finished up without further fuss and left the girls’ bathroom. Pinkie Pie trailed a step or two behind Rarity as they set off down the hall for second period math class. When her stomach gurgled loudly again, Pinkie responded to Rarity’s questioning stare with a nervous giggle, and then suddenly stopped at the nearest water fountain. Maybe a good long drink would help quench her appetite a little…

“Hi girls!”

Rarity looked over, beaming, to who had just called. “Twilight darling! Hello-ohh!” The last syllable of her greeting morphed into an ecstatic trill of the utmost excitement, as though a stunning gem display had just caught her eye.

Twilight Sparkle smiled bashfully at the fashionista’s squeal. She was dressed in her usual everyday outfit, with the addition of a brand-new light jacket over her top, that was from a certain designer brand. “Sunset and I went shopping on Saturday, and well, she talked me into buying this,” she explained, both a little discomfited and amused at how Rarity’s eyes were almost dancing with excitement.

“Well! It was a choice very well made, dear,” Rarity said proudly, as she nearly zoomed in on Twilight, “You look so adorable in that jacket, oooh!!” She let out another squeal of delight as she took Twilight by the shoulders and declared, “I could just eat you up right now!”

*Pfffpptt!*

There was a noise uncannily like the air being released from a large balloon as Pinkie Pie choked loudly and spewed out the mouthful of water she’d been gulping down.

Rarity recoiled, even though she and Twilight were well out of the splash zone. When she’d recovered her composure, the young lady put a hand on her hip and fixed Pinkie Pie with a most disapproving look.

“Really, Pinkie Pie. What in the world has gotten into you this morning?”

“Uhh, hehe…” Pinkie’s cheeks were bright red, and her eyes were darting around, looking everywhere but at Rarity and Twilight as she scrambled to come up with some sort of answer. Then she was saved by the ringing of the bell, and all three of them rushed to get to class.

As she apologized to Mr. Cranky Doodle for the delay, Rarity swore to herself that – as soon as lunchtime came around – she was going to set Pinkie down and find out just *what* had her friend acting so unlike herself…

Author's Note

I must give full credit to KR Chrome for the idea of the parasitic wasp and biology class. Though the idea of the documentary (affectionately spoofing the Eyewitness series) and Time Turner being the teacher was my twist on it.

Poor Pinkie. I had a rather twisted fun thinking up what would happen the next day. Also, the "I could just eat you up" gag took an embarrassingly long time for me to hit upon when I was trying to think of something funny for Rarity to say that'd worry Pinkie.

Stay tuned for Chapter Three, wherein we get to lunch period and the craziness can *really* begin in earnest!

Chapter 3: Lunch Time of Terror

The lunch bell couldn’t have rung any sooner. As the students filed into the cafeteria, Pinkie Pie was nearly dancing with anticipation – or rather, was on the verge of tipping over from hunger. The poor girl’s stomach was growling loudly and plaintively, and she was keen to load up and fill it as soon as possible. Pinkie stood on tiptoe for a moment, sniffing the air hopefully; whatever was cooking today, it smelled good…

And then Pinkie got a look at one of the entrees that Granny Smith was serving up, and the party lover *felt* her stomach do a backflip.

“Wh-what’s that?”

“Spaghetti in some newfangled vegetable sauce!” Granny answered, as she hooked a big ladleful of thick pasta noodles that were soaking in a greenish glaze, and carefully dribbled it onto Pinkie’s plate. “S’posed to be some sorta new health food push or so’s ah’ve been told… here hon, you look paler than a newborn calf under a full moon! Take just a teeny bit more.”

“Thank you,” Pinkie squeaked almost inaudibly, trying not to wince as she watched the noodles spill from Granny’s ladle onto her bowl. A stray rope of pasta flopped over the side, and Pinkie felt her stomach practically whimper at the thought of what the sight reminded her of…

Moving robotically, Pinkie continued down the line, collecting as many side dishes as she was allowed to, before finally going to join the other Rainbooms at their usual lunch table. The other girls, who’d been chatting amicably, quieted as Pinkie Pie nearly dropped her tray down on the tabletop, sat down without a word and began to gnaw without energy on her dessert cupcake.

“Oh dear…” Fluttershy said in concern.

“What’s the matter, Pinkie?” Sunset Shimmer asked.

“Nmmffngg,” Pinkie mumbled around a mouthful of frosting, spraying crumbs on the table while Rarity flinched in dismay.

“Pinkie Pie, ah can *tell* that ain’t true,” Applejack stated, “C’mon partner, just tell us what’s wrong. T’ain’t at all like ya to be this way.”

“Yeah Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash added, “So just tell us what’s eating you!”

Pinkie nearly gagged on her latest bite of muffing, and then coughed rapidly.

“What do you *mean*, what’s been eating me, huh?”

Rainbow Dash put up her hands placatingly, “Whoa whoa whoa! Chill out Pinkie, I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“It’s just an expression, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight added, trying to play mediator.

“Oh really, Twilight Sparkle?” Pinkie rounded on her next, glaring intently at her. “Is that aaaall it is, huh? If Twilight is even *who* you really are…”

An uneasy silence fell over everyone, before it was finally broken by Rarity smartly clapping her hands together.

“So!” the fashionista declared, “Why don’t we all just focus on our lunches, hmm? After we’ve all had some food, I’m sure we can talk this out like rational human beings. Does that sound good to you, Pinkie darling?”

“Hmph!” Pinkie huffed, giving Rarity the stink eye for a tense moment, before relenting, and the girls all settled down and began to eat.

Pinkie Pie devoured every other food item on her tray but refused to even so much as *look* at the noodles in veggie sauce before her. Applejack noticed this right away but didn’t speak up just yet. Rainbow Dash finally noticed, and did speak up.

“What’s the matter, Pinkie? You haven’t even, like, touched those noodles.”

“Yeah, sugarcube, an’ after Granny gave ya extra too!”

Pinkie’s mouth twisted into a stubborn frown. “Don’t like the sauce,” she finally muttered, the lie being obvious to everyone.

Rainbow and AJ exchanged looks, before Dash shrugged and looked back to Pinkie. “Well in the case… mind if I eat ‘em?”

Pinkie looked like she was torn between wanting to accept and to accuse. Finally acceptance won out and she gingerly slid her tray over to the sporty girl, who swiftly took her fork, stuck it into the noodles, vigorously twirled it around and began to rapidly chow down.

Rarity winced at Rainbow Dash’s sloppy table manners. “Honestly Rainbow Dash, you are such a messy eater,” she scoffed, “It’s not a *race*, darling.”

“Mmph,” Rainbow answered eloquently, as she shoveled another forkful, positively trailing noodles, into her mouth. “Iff goodf Pinkee!” She loudly slurped up a stray noodle hanging from her mouth, and chuckled sheepishly as Fluttershy handed her a napkin; there was a good-sized drip of green sauce running down one side of her mouth.

“Uhh, Pinkie?” Sunset Shimmer suddenly asked. “Do you need to see the nurse?”

Rainbow and Rarity glanced over and were taken aback to see that the color had almost completely drained out of Pinkie Pie’s face, and she had a hand over her stomach. “it’s nothing,” she squeaked in a whisper that would have made Fluttershy sound bold and assertive.

“You *sure* about that, Pinkie?” Applejack asked, skeptical.

“Yes!” Pinkie squeaked in a shrill voice. She suddenly stood up, eyes darting over towards the door. “I j-j-just need to, uhh, g-get some dessert for my tum-tum—”

“I can do that for ya!” Rainbow Dash stood up too, “You just take it easy Pinkie, I’ll take care of ya!” And before Pinkie (or any of the others) could begin to voice an objection, Rainbow had sped off to the dessert section of the line and then had zoomed back, whereupon she proudly offered her chosen dish to the party planner. “Here ya go Pinkie! Enjoy!”

Pinkie’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head, and her mouth opened and closed several times in horror as she could only stare at the innocently offending item, red and moist and jiggling cheerfully on its plate.

Then her stomach gurgled ominously, and she squeaked, “excuse me,” and ran out of the cafeteria at a pace that Rainbow Dash would have been hard-pressed to match on her best day at the track.

Silence was left in Pinkie’s wake, with more than a few of the Rainbooms looking in disapproval at Rainbow Dash.

“What?” The sporty girl answered defensively, “I thought she loved the cafeteria’s cherry jello!”

Pinkie Pie lurched out of the bathroom stall and over to the sink, where she nearly collapsed against it, gasping for breath. She feebly turned on the cold water tap, and began to scrub her face once more, and then rinsing out her mouth with a handful of water as well. “Bleh…” Pinkie groaned to herself after she was done, giving her reflection a morose look.

The girl in the mirror had the appearance of a madwoman. Her hair had become even more distressed, if that was possible, and her eyes were bloodshot and wide; this, with her still pale skin, made the usually effervescent girl look more like a drug addict than the head of Canterlot High’s Fall Formal planning committee.

“Pinkie Pie?”

“I SURRENDER!!!” she shrieked, thrusting her arms into the air.

“Pinkie, it’s just me!”

Pinkie slowly turned around. “Oh… hey Sunset. When’d you get in here?”

Sunset Shimmer looked at her with a sad smile. “Pinkie, why don’t you just tell us what’s bothering you?” she asked gently.

“Bothering me?” Pinkie’s eyes widened, then narrowed. “N-no! Nothing’s b-bothering me. Nope, nope, nope! Nothing at all!” She giggled very nervously, staring at Sunset with a fixed grin on her face.

“Pinkie,” Sunset said soothingly, “We’re your friends. You can tell us anything. We’re just worried that H’sshz byzz klk-kl’ak ikk bzzrsh hzss-hrrk klick-klokk.”

Pinkie Pie stared at her, eyes wide and her expression one of dazed horror.

“Pinkie?” Sunset asked, worried.

Pinkie closed her eyes firmly, rubbing them for a second, before she opened them once more and stared blearily at Sunset. “I’m sorry, Sunset… could, could you run that by me again?”

“…Sure,” Sunset answered cautiously. “I said, we’re just worried that—"

Sunset’s face suddenly split open and the fanged, bug-eyed changeling face beneath leered at Pinkie, slime dripping from its mouthparts. “I’khh akk bzz’rrk hsszz vrr-kl’k kl’rt ikk-uck, Pyn-kee Pyyye…” the changeling hissed at her in a voice like sewer water gurgling through rusted old pipes…

“…And we just want to make sure that you’re not feeling sick or anything. Okay?” Sunset finished softly, her expression full of concern; why was Pinkie staring at her like that?

Pinkie nodded at her, eyes wide and unblinking. “Uh-huh, that’s what I thought you said,” she said in a trembling voice, “And here’s what I’d like to say in return…”

And she sucked in her breath, and then let out an earsplitting scream of terror. Sunset flinched in startled disbelief as Pinkie ran, still screaming, from the bathroom.

Pinkie’s scream was cut off for a second as she crashed into Applejack, who along with Rarity had come to wait by the bathroom to see Sunset’s talk with Pinkie was going. “Whoa! Pinkie Pie, what the heck?”

“NO! Stay back, I’m warning you!” Pinkie screeched in fear, stumbling away from the two girls. She pulled a familiar little can out and shook it threateningly, “I’ve got sprinkles and I’m NOT afraid to use them!”

Rarity put up her hands placatingly. “No one wants to hurt you, dear! Just tell us what’s wrong!” she beseeched the pink girl.

The two changelings were swiftly joined by a third, the one that Pinkie had just fled from. The new arrival screeched something to the other two, and then the three monstrous aliens all began to approach her. They were trying to circle around her, cut off her escape!

“No!” Pinkie wailed, “Don’t eat me! I’ll give you cavitieeeees!” She forced her way around them, and took off running, waving her arms frantically as she continued screaming her head off.

“Someone, catch her!” Sunset called, but before she or Rarity or Applejack could run to try and corner the screaming pink girl, the end-of-period bell rang loudly… and Pinkie stopped cold in horror as the cafeteria doors opened and the students within swiftly filed out and into the halls.

“Sweet candy corn… they’re everywhere!!” Pinkie’s voice rose to a hysterical pitch, and she took off down the hallway, screaming more than ever. Her freak-out drew many baffled, concerned looks from her fellow students, none of whom had *ever* seen Pinkie Pie act this crazy before.

“What the heck! Why’s Pinkie screaming like that?” Rainbow Dash ran over to Sunset.

“I don’t know, but come on, we’ve got to help her!”

“Right!” Rainbow Dash clutched her geode, activating it, and then took off in a blur. She zoomed down the hallway and grabbed Pinkie by one arm; the pink girl shrieked in surprise, thrashing, but was slowed down enough for Applejack to run over and grab her other arm.

“C’mon, Pinkie, let’s just get ya away from any pryin’ eyes…”

“No! NO!!” Pinkie cried as they nearly dragged her into the school library, the other Rainbooms quickly following them inside. “Don't take me to the hive! I want to live!!”

The doors burst open a second later as Pinkie came sprinting back out, but Applejack caught her in a tackle, nearly dragging her back inside the library.

“I WANNA LIIIIVE!!” The party planner’s scream carried through the wall.

Pinkie Pie was unceremoniously plopped into a chair, and she winced as Applejack, Rainbow Dash and the other girls all gathered around her. “Alright Pinkie,” Rainbow said sternly, “What the heck is going on with you, huh?”

“Why do you think we want to, um, eat you?” Fluttershy asked, sounding very hurt indeed. “We would never do anything like that!”

Pinkie’s lip quivered uncertainly as she looked from one friend’s face to another’s, and while she had stopped screaming, there was still that raw, frantic edge to her voice as she went off:

“Oh sure, that’s what they said last night too! ‘We’re your friends’ and ‘We’d never hurt you!’ And then right after that, they hold you down and take turns eating all your insides! And then they peel your skin off and wear it as a disguise so they can replace you and nobody notices until it’s too late!”

Rarity gaped at her, before making a noise of mingled horror and disgust. “Oh! Wherever would you get such a horrid set of notions, Pinkie Pie?”

“Pinkie…” Sunset said firmly, “Who is ‘they’?”

Pinkie lunged out of the chair and grabbed her by the front of her vest, “Don’t try to confuse me with your mind tricks, you alien bug monster you!”

Applejack pried her off Sunset and plopped her back into the chair.

“Aliens?” Rainbow Dash asked, disbelief practically dripping from her voice, “Is that what this is all about?”

“Bug monsters?” Sunset asked.

Twilight had pulled out her cell phone and was typing rapidly on it. “You mean like this?” she asked, holding it out for Pinkie to see. The other girls crowded around too, looking intently at the images on the screen – ranging from an eerie, minimalist poster for Dawn of the Changelings to pictures of the titular monsters themselves, tall and hideous and very bug-like.

“Oh, Pinkie…” Rarity sighed as she drew back and then looked down at Pinkie, shaking her head regretfully, “Did you stay up late last night and watch those dreadful movies?”

Pinkie’s eyes began darting around the room again, providing the fashionista with all the answer she needed. Rainbow Dash groaned in exasperation. “Aww, Pinkie… I can’t believe you decided to watch Night of the Changelings on your own! That’s a pretty hardcore movie, you gotta know your limits!”

“Zephyr Breeze watched one of those movies once,” Fluttershy said softly, “He didn’t sleep at *all* that night. Of course, that might have been because he was nine then and had snuck out of bed to catch it without our parents knowing.” She huffed in annoyance. “I swear, he can be such a pain…”

“I’ve only seen the original,” Twilight mused, “Shining Armor and I watched it a few years ago. It was pretty good – and scary too.”

“Y’all are gettin’ off-topic here!” Applejack brought her hands up like a referee, as she looked down at Pinkie Pie, who was now huddled in the chair with a mutinous look on her face. “Pinkie Pie, sugarcube, it was only a movie. None ‘a that stuff happened. And none of it ever will! ‘Cause there ain’t no such thing as ‘changelings’!”

Pinkie scowled up at her. “How can you tell me that there’s no such thing as anything, Applejack – if you even ARE Applejack,” she added suspiciously as the farm girl rolled her eyes, “When Sunset Shimmer’s a unicorn from another dimension, and we’ve faced all manner of other magical bad guys!”

A pensive mood suddenly came over her, and she quietly mused to herself, “I wonder if any of them were really changelings… I wouldn’t put it past those Siren girls, that’s for sure…”

The Rainbooms all stared at her for a moment. Finally, Rainbow Dash said, “Wow… you really need to get some sleep, Pinkie.”

“I DON’T NEED ANY SLEEP!!” Pinkie screeched at her, now looking quite insane, “I am perfectly fine!! I can’t go to sleep, because the changelings will definitely get me then!!”

“Pinkie Pie!” Applejack groaned, “How many times do we gotta tell ya, there ARE no darn changelings! An’ if ya won’t take MY word for it, then let’s ask the magical expert in the room!” She put an arm around Sunset – who had been rather quiet since seeing the pictures from Twilight’s phone – and said firmly, “Go on now, Sunset. Tell Pinkie Pie that there are absolutely no bug creatures out there that can impersonate anybody!”

…

“Sunset?” Applejack asked, after a few moments of uneasy silence from the former unicorn. “We’re all waitin’ on ya here.”

Sunset Shimmer took a deep, careful breath. “Oh boy…” she sighed.

A few minutes later, the library doors burst open, and six of the Rainbooms came stumbling out amidst a cloud of glittery pink smoke, all of them coughing and gagging. When the smoke had finally cleared somewhat, Applejack fixed Sunset with a hard and angry stare. “Why didja tell her that there WERE changelings in Equestria?” she demanded.

“I’m sorry, I was going to explain everything to her!” Sunset snapped back at her, “And it’s not like I could have known that she’d pull a smoke bomb out of her hair!”

“Well, you could have lied to her!” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “At least until she was a little *less* crazy!”

“Girls, please!” Fluttershy asserted herself, standing between the bickering two members of the group, “We can settle this later. Right now, we need to find Pinkie before she really gets herself into trouble!” For a moment, it still looked tense between Applejack and Sunset. But then they both backed off and exchanged apologies.

“Sorry ‘bout that.”

“I’m sorry too, Applejack.”

Fluttershy smiled in approval.

“Where do you think we should start?” Rarity asked. “There’s a whole school to search, and that’s a lot of ground to cover…”

“I have a plan,” all eyes turned to Twilight Sparkle. “First, Rainbow Dash, you go tell the principals what’s going on. Then you and Fluttershy go check out the upstairs part of the school. Sunset and Rarity can check out the downstairs. And Applejack and I can scope out the grounds in case Pinkie tries to head somewhere else.”

Sunset smiled in approval. “Good plan, Twilight.”

“Let’s all have our phones ready,” Rarity added as a suggestion, “Poor Pinkie’s in such a state as it is, we should all have some kind of way to contact the others just in case… well, one of us runs into her alone, and she thinks we’re out to get her.”

The Rainbooms all winced at the implications of what she had just said. “Oh no…” Fluttershy said sadly, “Pinkie Pie wouldn’t hurt anybody… would she?”

“That’s what we’re gonna try an’ prevent, Fluttershy!” Applejack said firmly, “Now c’mon girls, let’s move out!”

“Yeah!”

Quickly, the six girls split up and set off to carry out their search…

None of them noticing the one recycling bin that was normally by the trash can, but was now for whatever reason sitting by the drinking fountain. The lid slowly opened and lifted up, a pair of bloodshot blue eyes peering out resolutely.

“They’re onto me,” Pinkie whispered to herself, eyes narrowing to slits. “I need to level the playing field before they catch up to me… I need to figure out a game plan… I need—"

“Uh, Pinkie Pie? Why are you like, talking to yourself in the recycling?”

Pinkie shot up, whipped around sharply at who had just spoken to her, and then screamed in fright and took off running out of sight.

Silver Spoon blinked in confusion. Diamond Tiara shook her head and gave her a disapproving look. “I told you that new jacket was hideous,” she said reproachfully.

Pinkie Pie threw open the door and ran inside, before slamming it shut behind her and bracing herself against it, panting for breath. After a moment of nothing happening, no slavering aliens pounding and beating against the wood, she gingerly stood up and peered out the glass, before ducking down in time to avoid Sunset and Rarity as they passed by. “Pinkie Pie!” she heard the fashionista (or the changeling wearing her face) call out, “Come on out darling! We’ve got sugar for yooou!”

Pinkie was tempted for long hard minute, but she held firm and shook her head rapidly. “No!” she told herself firmly, “No Pinkie, you can’t give in like this! You’ve got to be tough! You’ve got to find out what their plan is! You’ve got to—"

“Pinkie Pie?”

“Gah!” For the second time, Pinkie startled violently and whipped around, but she did not scream and run away. Her eyes locked onto the boy with blue hair, sitting innocently with his guitar on his lap in the music room of Canterlot High.

Flash Sentry frowned in concern at her. “What’s wrong, Pinkie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

Pinkie didn’t say a word. She just stared intensely at him, doing some very rapid thinking.

*Click.*

“Pinkie?” Flash asked, now seriously worried. “Wh-why did you lock the door just now?”

His eyes widened. “And where did you get that rope?”

His face went pale and he backed up in fright. “Please, Pinkie, I can’t miss class today, I’ve got a history test!”

For a few seconds, there was the sound of a colossal struggle inside the music room. And then, all was quiet once more in the halls of Canterlot High…

Author's Note

Over the edge and down we go. This chapter was mostly Fear of a Krabby Patty but then cycled a little bit back to Krab Borg at the very end, didn't it? XD (There's one or two other SpongeBob references scattered in here, I'm curious to see if anyone will spot them!)

Oh, Pinkie... if this doesn't establish that I have a very sick sense of humor, then I don't know what will. (But rest assured, this story will end on a hopefully happy note. I have lines that I don't want to cross, and one of them is getting Pinkie in *really* serious trouble...)

Stay tuned, there are two more chapters to go, in order to see how this will all turn out!