Author's Note

Rated M for incoherent nonsense, read at your own discretion.

Ep. 1 Evil Moon and Sun horse battle or something (M)

The ground was ablaze with an uncontrollable fire, no grass remained, and neither did any tree or bush. Only grey ash falling from the sky, but never making contact with a white and orange horse person thing. It was protected with fire nation themed armor or something equally gay, and it’s eyes were almost like a bushfire in their own right. The general landscape around said horse was like hell, fires burning in the background appearing miles tall. Nobody knew why the fire was there really, I mean, you'd think the sun was trying to expand and engulf the entire solar system, but you'd be wrong! That was merely the white horse's, what's her name fuckin' Sunshine Baker or some shit? I don't remember, anyway, power to use the sun to fuck everyone's day up.

"Ahahahahaha, Equestria is finally destroyed! Nobody can be the ruler of this place except me! *Insert north korean clap track for dear leader, here* Whoops, didn't mean to make that last part so big, oh well. They then broke into the universe's most cringe dance it ever knew, the default fortnite flex used only by shitty ten year olds who couldn't 'borrow' their mom's credit card. Even the fuckin' music was there, somehow, and the universe began weeping in sorrow.

Suddenly, the giant ball of orange death and destruction was replaced by a big ass fuckin' rock, it's outline in black was some mysterious horned figure. Could it be anonymous is horny again? No wait! It's the luna in the moon, or however it goes. The stars began to vibe n' shit, and they broke out into a dance to counter the cringe queen burnt ass with music number #4 because I couldn't find anything.

The universe was no longer weeping, but was forced into solitary confinement in a spongy prison for weeping nonstop for one hour.

"Who dares use that cringy flex and music like an autistic spawn from hell?!" Boomed a booming voice from the giant boombox moon™️. The dark outline was gone, replaced by more white light n' shit. The blue horse nightmare thing then landed on a cloud.

"Alptraum-Mond! Ignore my sudden use of the Germeign language, face me like the true disgusting CoD quick scoping boomer you are!"

"Bitch, you're the boomer from the age of low-poly dungeon raiding boobs!"

"It's nostalgia! You wouldn't understand with your aim bots!"

"It's called skill dear relative! Nobody is better at being a 2009 attention whore on HorseTube than I am!"

"Skill?! You mean, the red dot that indicates everybody's location at real time that allows you to pull off five consecutive headshots in under 5 seconds?!"

"Yes!"

"Fuck you relative! You were never any fun to game with!"

"You're just admitting to being bad! Hah!"

"Come down here and fight me like a real biological female horse!"

"Not until I finish my giant ass bag of 'Moonitz™️' cheese crackers!"

"Fine! But if you don't save another bag for me, I'll sit on your face and tell mom you hit me!"

"Mom's dead retard!"

"Since when?! I had so many things I never got to tell her, like the lasagna that went missing was because I stuck it in my vagina!"

"Why admit that now?! I ain't fuckin' hungry anymore, what the fuck else did you stick up that nasty ass trap of yours?!"

"Only your favorite Wii remote!"

There was a screech of rage from the moon horse and a battle ensued. The moon started randomly getting closer and water began randomly rising around the flat world.

Moon horse struck first attempting to strike ~~colonial~~ burning death horse, but missed and accidentally created a mile wide and deep crater that immediately began filling with water, then evaporating as the giant death circle reappeared.

The hell sphere and evil white rock kept switching places, confusing absolutely nobody because everybody was already fuckin' dead. Eventually the resorted to striking each other with weapons fifty times their body size, as the autistic screeching continued.

"Why'd you have to desecrate little Moon Stick, you whorse?!" Luna Horse screamed in agony as they brought down a big ass tennis racket, cartoonishly squishing the white one as they sprung back to their original size and shape without harm.

"Because, I lied! I just wanted to beat your dumb moon ass for beating me in all those rigged CoD matches!" A giant nailed bat suddenly did the same to Nachtmerrie maan, before also springing back to their original size as if nothing happened.

"Admit it blood relative, you will never be Dirty Dan!"

"I am and always was Dirty Dan!"

"Liar! I'm Dirty Dan!"

"No I'm Dirty Dan!" They repeatedly went back and fourth as the world around them was kept in perpetual suffering. At least the universe was able to escape the insane-asylum.

Something something random filler to help make this episode 1000 words

Suddenly a random white figure appeared out of some random fuckin' portal that comes from who-knows-where. It was bipedal and strangely anonymous shaped, but it was clearly not horny or shouting racial slurs at minorities, so something was definitely wrong. Whatever the fuck it was, it either had no clothes or it's skin was it's clothes as a result of some freak experiment. It's eyes were just two black dots, and mouth was a single straight black line.

The two sisters ceased their world destroying bickering and stared at the abnormal figure, then turned into shitty two dimensional drawings as their facial features were forever etched in-place. Unable to open their mouths, the only sounds were muffled screaming as they ran around like headless chicken, until said-figure brought out a hammer. It was called the "Chaos destroyer-inator 3000", and it was swung violently at the relatives, only barely managing to escape in a few circumstances.

Unfortunately Sun Horse was the first to get hit and immediately turned to ash as a screeching ghost flew high into the burning sky. Moon Horse was then cornered and shared the same fate. The weird figure opened a portal and then left.

The End