Falling Tears: A Retirement Series Story
Who Told You That I Was Dead?!
Luna stood at the back of the cathedral, wearing a long black cloak with a hood and a veil. Nopony could see her face. Good. The prank would work perfectly. It obviously wasn't a prank to fly into that cliff and fall to the bottom, but "mourning" for herself was. She had heard the rumours and found out when the funeral was. A friend of hers, a special Fleur-de-lis, had agreed to find her an outfit for the event to celebrate her "tragic death." It was so beautifully executed that nopony other than herself and Fleur knew she was alive.
"We are gathered here today," the priest started, "to celebrate the life of Princess Luna, ex-Raiser of the Moon and the younger sister of Princess Celestia." Everypony remained silent and professional. The stallion continued, "She was loved throughout Equestria and guarded us from our worst nightmares, and shall be missed dearly for many centuries to come."
The priest stepped to one side to let Celestia step up and give the second part of the eulogy. She saw that there was a wooden coffin, although everypony knew it was empty.
"Good afternoon everypony," said Celestia, so far not shedding any tears. "It is with great regret that I stand here to say goodbye to my beloved younger sister, Luna. She was so sweet, and kind, and loved me unconditionally, and I wish that she could stand by my side one last time. Alas."
Alas, I'm still here and I'm gonna turn you into a laughing stock, thought Luna.
"Alas, she isn't here any more. She's with Mum and Dad. Oh no, I shouldn't be crying! Despite her two thousand, seven hundred and ninety three year long emo phase," everypony, including Luna herself, laughed, "she knew that life was for living and waiting to join those ponies who have already moved on. She often helped ponies when they were grieving. It's just typical of Moony not to help me." A few ponies laughed. Luna joined in. Celestia gave a curious look to the back, but looked at the ponies on the other side of the centre aisle.
She continued, "While she was stuck on the moon, I grieved her every single day, wishing with all my spirit that she would come back, that Nightmare Moon would fall and let my sister be her own amazing self. I knew that she would, one day, and thanks to my faithful student Princess Twilight Sparkle, she did. I take pride in the fact that, while she may be departed, she will always be watching over me. In fact, something tells me that she is even watching this event and smiling at me. May she rest in peace and love forever."
Fleur-de-lis was stood next to Luna. She nudged her and nodded. All going to plan.
Twilight took Celestia's place at the podium. "Mares and stallions, colts and fillies, I wish to share what little I knew of Princess Luna with all of you." She paused and used her magic to wipe her eyes with a tissue. "To all of us, she was amazing. She raised the moon. She gave us sweet dreams. She comforted us when our nightmares made us upset. She had a special bond with every single pony she met, and those that she didn't. She gave us all her unconditional love. However, I like to think that I knew her better than I did, having worked with her so much over the years. She was just like any other pony that I have met, with extra kindness and loyalty. Even when Nightmare Moon took over, she only wished for everypony to respect her for the things she did for all of us. I was actually the one who suggested that she should walk in our dreamscapes." Tears started streaming down Twilight's cheeks. "I just miss her so much! I miss her smile, the way she smiled with her eyes, and the way she was always there when somepony needed her. May all of her dreams come true now." As Twilight sat back down, somepony started sobbing really loudly. A few others joined in.
When the sobbing was quiet enough, Cadance bravely took her place at the podium. No tears stained her black dress or her dark blue make-up.
"I am not crying. Purely because I do not think that she would want her adopted niece to cry at her funeral. I wish to share some of the loving - and downright hilarious - memories I have of her." Curse you Cadance, you're going to tell everypony about the chilli sauce, Luna thought, glaring beneath her veil.
After some embarrassing anecdotes, it was time for the coffin to be lowered into the ground. Before everypony could leave, however, Luna teleported into the coffin. She took down her hood and veil, lifted up the lid of the coffin and stood up tall.
Cue multiple gasps.
"Luna?" stammered Celestia. "Is... Is that... You?"
"Uh huh. Unless everypony in Equestria is having the same dream, which would be impossible if I were dead. I am alive. This is real."
"But... But how?"
"I was rescued by a wonderful mare called Fleur-de-lis. She and I thought it was... Humourous, to watch this scenario play out. Fleur, come to the front." Fleur teleported to Luna's side.
"You are correct," she said in her posh accent. "I was involved. I nursed my friend Luna back to health over the last few weeks, kept her hidden in my house, and we watched everypony mourn her. We knew from the beginning that we would come to the funeral and spill the beans. Oh, your faces!" she giggled.
Celestia turned to her sister. "That was despicable."
"So?" taunted Luna. "I'm alive, aren't I?" Everypony except Celestia laughed.
"Never do that again," Celestia said as she got up.
"Do you mean die? Well, I'll have to do it at some point, won't I? Mum and Dad are probably laughing at you for not seeing it coming, and I, for thinking of doing this, but they are still lonely."
"I didn't mean that. I meant faking your death."
"Okay, I promise."
"I cannot believe that my own sister did that to me."
"It was hilarious."
They hugged and promised no more death-related pranks. Although, Luna declared that she wanted her funeral to be a funny affair, not a sad one, and that ponies were only allowed to cry due to laughter and happiness, not due to being those ungrateful gits that wanted their favourite princess back. Oh, and that Flurry Heart would get all of her pension, regardless of whether Celestia was alive or not. She, after all, had her own pension. She hardly needed her sister's money.
"Ahem, I am still here, sister."
Author's Note
That was hilarious to write. I felt that I had to feature something like this for our favourite retired princesses!