One Villainous Playdate

by naturalbornderpy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 3811

In order to destress, Princess Celestia takes a potion that allows her to briefly be a child again. Could Discord, Sombra, and Chrysalis possibly benefit from the same procedure?

In order to destress every few weeks, Princess Celestia takes a potion that allows her to be a child again, living life without a care in the world for hours at a time. Thus far, the effects have been stupendous.

So, with that in mind, could the same treatment be applied to the most nefarious villains in Equestia in hopes of lessening their evil ways?

Queen Chrysalis, Discord, and King Sombra beg to differ.

Artwork by olegsavoskin.

Published 2020-05-06 19:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-06 19:50:02 UTC

The Very Best Of Frenemies

King Sombra awoke in a place he’d never been before. It was an incredibly large room complete with tall walls and big open windows. On his side of the room lay a colorful structure made of various beams of metal and planks of wood. He knew the word for it: play structure, but not much else. To be honest, one of the only things he could recall was his name. “Sombra.” Not even the title of “King” remained buried in his thoughts. Although, that didn’t mean he felt any less royal and dignified at that particular moment.

Sombra stood and glanced down at his hooves. He knew he was quite young given how close he remained to the ground. He also felt rather young, too, brimming with untold energy and an almost static-like urgency to explore. So he did.

Looking around the room, he found more structures in place, as well as small fake houses covered in crude paint, sandboxes and teetertotters, slides of all makes and models, and even a half-dozen swings on chains to his left that came complete with their own dragon noodle.

Or what looked like some kind of dragon noodle.

“Heeellooo, there!” the creature on the swing said rather greasily. “I’m Discord. Glad you finally woke up.”

Sombra gulped. “I… umm…” He truly was at a loss for words. The one called Discord was no pony—rather an amalgamation of various other animals all thrown together with little regard for the finished product. He even came complete with two sets of horns and two sets of claws. All mismatched, of course. He was also much taller than Sombra, more than a foot, no doubt. Yet by the lightness of his voice he still sounded relatively close to Sombra’s own age. “Do you… know me?”

Discord seemed positively offended by that, huffing hotly out his snout. “Know you? I should hope I recognize my very best friend in the whole wide world!”

“We’re friends?” Sombra asked. “Truly?”

“The best of friends!” Discord replied happily. “As amazing a pairing as PB and J!”

“I don’t know what that is.”

Discord snorted at that. “Photobooths and jail? You’ve never? You need to get out more, Sombra. Live a little.” He then snapped two of his claws together and burst into confetti, only to magically reappear completely intact next to one wide-eyed Sombra. “You really don’t remember your old pal, Discord?”

“Afraid not,” Sombra told him, softly pushing the one called Discord away from him. “But I can tell you’re quite magical.”

“What draconequus isn’t?”

Sombra wasn’t about to wrestle with that newfound word just yet. “And probably useful, too.” Suddenly, the young Sombra saw his brand new “friend” in a whole new light. So much magic in such a small form? Could prove useful at some point. Or, if all else failed, he could make for a rather good court jester sometime down the line. “Fine… friend! Just what do best friends do together around here?”

The little draconequus smiled wide. “Glad you asked!”

***

The idea of friendship was rather strange to Sombra. While it was clear that Discord was having the time of his life as they palled around, Sombra was definitely not getting the same reaction out of it. Thus far, Sombra had:

Given Discord his cape (which was oddly too big for both of them, anyways).

Given Discord his crown (which he’d flung far into the distance immediately—complete with explosion sound effect).

Given Discord several pony rides around the area of the room they called their own.

And, lastly, stolen Sombra’s lunch money (which he first had to give Sombra before taking it away).

If this was truly how Discord treated the very best of his friends, Sombra was sure glad to not be his enemy.

“Whoa pony!” Discord painfully yanked on the back of Sombra’s mane to get him to stop galloping around. “It seems we’re not alone.”

“Huh?” was all Sombra got out, before he was shoved to the ground and a pair of small binoculars were handed to him. Discord took the same position and whistled by what he saw.

“We got ponies!” he exclaimed. “Female ponies. Three of them. Guess which one sticks out like a sore claw?”

Bringing his own binoculars to his face, Sombra quickly took note of what he could see. Far across the room—in the area the two “best friends” had yet to venture out to—sat three more ponies, comfortably seated on cushions on the floor. One was white with a pink mane. Another light-blue with a matching mane. And the last, pitch-black with a flat turquoise mane and tail.

Indeed, one of these things was not like the others.

Two words quickly bubbled out of Sombra’s mouth. “Mares. Gross. Icky.”

He knew it sounded childish. Then again, he was a child.

Discord snorted. “Thankfully, I just so happen to love gross and icky things. Watch this, my Som-bro!”

“Sombra.”

“What’s that? Did you just correct me? Best friends don’t correct each other!” He paused as if hearing something. “Why, yes, I have been working out. How could you tell?”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“And here you go correcting me again,” Discord lamented. “Anywho… here comes the awkward introduction part!”

***

Queen Chrysalis (who at that current time was not even aware of her standard royal title) busied herself staring from one brightly colored filly to the other—one quietly brushing Chrysalis’ long mane while the other wove the ends into braids. The two fillies were around the same age as her and called themselves Celestia and Luna—two sisters separated by a few years or more.

Upon first introduction, Chrysalis did not take to them at all. Yet upon noticing more and more similarities between the three of them (the wings, horn, and matching regalia), she settled herself upon tolerating them for the time being. Plus… she really had no idea where she was or how she’d even gotten there. And what was this sudden feeling she felt? That sense of warmth in her small, round belly? That same belly mere moments ago empty and void and now miraculously full?

Could it have been from the sisters’ warm introduction? The soft brushing of her hair? The tasty tea they’d served her earlier without hesitation?

Those all sounded much too cheery for Chrysalis, so she went with simple indigestion.

“You two ever stop smiling?” Chrysalis asked, eyes darting between the pair.

The small Celestia giggled, hairbrush working away. “Not when we’re having fun with our new friend!”

Chrysalis glanced behind her. “Friend? Where? Behind the couch?” When suddenly a paper airplane casually bopped her on the nose. “Argh! Are we under attack?”

Luna stopped braiding for a moment to open the paper plane note.

“BOOP!” it read most childishly.

Little Luna raised a brow. “I wonder what—” before another paper plane also hit her on the snout. This one read more to the point. “PLAY?”

This caused Chrysalis to sit up straight and glare across the room at the two waiting figures. One was very pony-like and the other not so much. “You wish for war?” she spat.

The not-so-pony-like figure shouted back, “Whatever you’d like, oh great and dark one!”

Celestia and Luna held a completely dialogue-free conversation just by looking at one another. Celestia then asked Chrysalis, “What do you think we should do?”

Chrysalis sighed. “Just keep the tall one away from me.”

***

Once all five were together, the trio of fillies introduced themselves first; Celestia and Luna each with a short bow and Chrysalis with little more than a grunt. Discord introduced himself next… and continued over the next two-and-a-half minutes, complete with musical numbers, props, and loud fireworks. Then came Sombra’s introduction. Which Discord also took over.

“And here’s my best friend in the entire world!” Discord exclaimed, wrapping an elastic arm around Sombra and holding him close. “My Som-bro!”

“Sombra. Just Sombra,” Sombra corrected, followed by a faint nod at each filly in front of him. He added in a rather kingly voice, “Good afternoon, ladies.”

Celestia and Luna giggled. Chrysalis stuck out her tongue at him.

“Oh, right. I see,” Discord began. “Only I call him by his nickname. I get it. Best friends get stuff like that.”

Sombra rolled his eyes. “I’ve known you less than ten minutes!”

“And yet you’ve still lasted longer than all the others. Fine. Ice-breaker time. Who wants a milkshake before we get things started?”

Four hooves rose into the air. Begrudgingly, Chrysalis added her own.

Out of thin air, Discord snapped to life a small ice cream truck complete with matching uniform. He then took everyone’s orders.

“Marshmallow pony?” he asked Celestia.

“Vanilla, please.”

“Blueberry pony?”

“Strawberry would be nice,” Luna answered.

“Black licorice thingamajig?” he asked Chrysalis.

“Chocolate. Obviously.”

Discord smirked. “You passed the test! Now, Sombra. Don’t let me down, bud.”

Sombra could only shrug. “Chocolate?”

“As if I ever doubted you!”

Once all milkshakes were finished and ice cream headaches taken care of, Discord set to work figuring out just what to do next. The answer came from a black bowler hat he magically summoned up.

He happily pointed to it. “Inside this hat are bits of parchment with different games on them. Seem simple enough? So, let’s pick a game already and get going!”

Luna reached a hoof out before Discord jammed his lion’s paw in the hat.

His face lit up by what he read. “My, oh, my. What are the odds? Worship Discord? I haven’t played this game in years! I… haven’t been around many ponies in years, either, but—”

Luna shot a spark from her horn, igniting the scrap of parchment Discord held. She then picked a new game. “Tag?” she asked the group hopefully.

The word “tag” was alien to Sombra. “How does one play this game?”

Celestia explained. “Use your hoof to tag a fellow pony. Afterwards, that pony becomes ‘it’. Now they must tag somepony else. And so on and so on.”

“Sounds easy enough,” Chrysalis said, taking a step towards Discord. “I’ll get us started.” That was when she gut-punched Discord hard enough to make him collapse to the ground. “Hmm. On second thought, being ‘it’ looks rather painful. I vote for a different game.”

Celestia tapped her chin in thought. “Well, you already said ‘no’ to checkers…”

That caused Chrysalis to grit her teeth in anger. “That’s because you tried to ‘king’ me!”

“But that’s part of the game.”

“Why couldn’t you ‘queen’ me instead?”

“That’s not part of the game, though.”

“King does sounds sorta nice,” Sombra added mildly.

“Or lord,” Discord said.

“Or princess,” Celestia added.

While the other four bickered over boardgame rules, Luna pulled another game out of the hat. “Snakes and ladders, anypony?”

That game also did not go over very well; Chrysalis with a severe dislike of snakes (keeping her eyes on Discord as she said so), while Sombra simply couldn’t wrap his head around ladders. “I just don’t see the problem with stairs,” he explained. “Sturdy. Reliable. What’s not to like?”

Suddenly, Discord jumped and hovered in the air. “I know! We’ll play ‘Clue’!”

“Play what?” Chrysalis said.

“You know! The murder-mystery game!” Discord explained happily. Too happily. He then pulled a rather long and sharp pencil out of the magic hat. “For instance, let us say that… Sombra has been murdered. Right here in this very room.”

Sombra gulped. “I have?”

Discord nodded grimly. “Yes, indeed. Now who killed him? What sick and twisted individual could do such a thing? No pony knows. And just where did the murder take place? Right on this spot?” He held the sharp pencil to the quaking Sombra’s neck. “But just when did it happen? I wonder. Five… four… three… two…”

A bead of sweat rolled down Sombra’s head. He leapt for the hat full of games and nervously yanked out another one. “How about—”

***

After Celestia closed her eyes and counted aloud to a hundred, her mission began. The other four had hidden themselves somewhere in the playroom and now it was her objective to seek them out. One by one, she would find them. One by one, she would bring them to justice.

Yes. Justice.

Or a pillow fight. She hadn’t decided yet.

Celestia sighed when she caught sight of her first target. Although she’d never admit it out loud, she was secretly hoping her own sister would make it a bit nearer to the end.

“Hello, Luna,” Celestia greeted.

No response.

“Hello, Luna!”

Sourly, Luna unstuck herself from the nearby wall and galloped over to her sister. She was covered head to hoof in green-and-black camouflage paint—clearly done with several of the various markers laying around the room. “But how?” she asked with a pout.

“The walls are white, Luna.”

Luna grumbled under her breath. “We’ll have no hope of finding you, then, will we?”

Ignoring her, Celestia called out, “Remember everypony! No magic allowed!”

That got no reply, so the sisters pressed on. They found nopony near the structure. Nopony near the water fountain. Nopony near the oddly dark boulder at the very center of the room. Nopony… wait—

“You recall this being here before?” Celestia asked.

Luna only shook her head. Then she stuck her horn to the boulder and a fuming Chrysalis appeared in its stead.

“Curses!” Chrysalis loudly banged her hooves against the ground. “Foiled again!” Then a pause. “Again? Why would I say that? Huh. Yet that sentence does seem oddly familiar on my tongue.”

The three females then went in search of the boys. It didn’t take them long to find the first one.

“Greetings, ladies!” the grey colt behind the oddly situated lemonade stand said with a friendly wave. He came complete with yellow-and-red eyes. “Care for a glass of ice-cold lemonade on such a picture-perfect day? Only three bits a glass!”

Celestia waved him off. “No, thank you. Still full of milkshakes and—” She paused and took a blink. “Hey there, Discord.”

The lemonade colt winced. “Discord? Sorry. Name doesn’t ring a bell. I’m… D-Derek, see? Check out my nametag!” After an agonizingly long pause from all four in the group, Discord finally gave up the charade and angrily kicked over his own lemonade stand while snapping himself back to normal. “Fine. What gave it away? The prices? The complete lack of lemon or aid?”

“Sure. That,” Luna answered. “Now only Sombra is left.”

Discord pointed towards the corner of the ceiling. “He’s right there. Game over. Let’s do something else already.”

The three females looked where Discord had pointed. All they saw there was what looked like a large shadow. “You sure?” Celestia asked.

Discord nodded, before snapping himself a hard lemon and lobbying it towards the shadowy spot. With a loud “Pop!”, Sombra’s shadow floated away and he fell a good twenty feet to the ground. Luckily, there was a beanbag chair there to break his fall.

Celestia could only shake her head at the three of them. “We had one rule. One! No magic. That’s it. You’ll all a bunch of cheaters! No good cheaters!”

Instead of taking offence, Discord, Sombra, and Chrysalis energetically bumped hooves and claws together, further infuriating Celestia. Luna, meanwhile, snorted behind her raised foreleg.

***

The next game that followed was a familiar one to all: King of the Castle. Although, depending on who you might’ve asked, it was actually called Queen/Lord/Princess of the castle. Regardless, this time magic was allowed and thankfully the play structure now deemed the “castle” was clearly much stronger than it looked.

Sombra and Chrysalis took the top spot quite fast and decided on a short-term alliance. For minutes on end, Discord tried in vane to break up the arrangement, hurtling insult after insult at the pair. To the surprize of no pony, this only strengthened Sombra and Chrysalis’ union.

After ten minutes of continually being shoved back down the “castle” (Celestia and Luna weren’t big on play fighting), the royal sisters exited the game and returned to the part of the playroom that had several couches, seats, and coloring books. Without a pair of “goodies” to battle against, the darker trio soon joined them there.

The room quieted instantly as intense coloring began. Discord used his colorful, dripping claws to draw instead of markers, while Sombra and Chrysalis tried in vane to find as many black markers as possible to color with. Celestia later stood over Chrysalis’ work. “No pink or purple on your pony, Chrysalis?” Chrysalis only gagged at that. “Here comes that indigestion again…”

Once Sombra had finished his self-proclaimed “rad” three-horned pony drawing, he noticed it was pointing towards Discord, so he joined him in the corner.

“I think it’s time I hook up my Som-bro,” Discord began.

Sombra grimaced. “Hook me up to the ceiling? Again?”

Discord smacked himself in the face. “No! Hook you up with little miss tall, dark, and terrifying!”

They both quickly glanced in Chrysalis’ direction before turning back.

Sombra told him, “Uh… thanks, I guess, my Dis-comrade.”

Discord shook his head. “Don’t do that.”

“Fine. But, I mean, she’s really bossy. And mean. And moody, too. What chance do I got with a pony as perfect as that?”

That made Discord grin wickedly. “Then what chance do I have with two ponies?”

“Celestia and Luna? Both of them?”

“Why not? One marefriend for day, one marefriend for night. What’s not to like?”

“But how?”

Discord looked shocked. “Annoying amounts of charisma and charm go a long way, my friend! Plus… want something off the top shelf? Look at this tall boy right here!”

“They both have wings, Discord. They can fly.”

Discord deflated a bit. “Hey. Don’t pop my dream bubble, Sombra. It’s very big and very fragile right now. Anywho, I also have a secret weapon for us to use.”

He then held out an empty glass bottle.

***

All was eerily silent in the vast room as the bottle continued to spin. All five ponies and creatures sat in a circle and nervously waited to see who the all-knowing bottle would select first. Celestia, Luna, and Sombra each blushed at the thought, while Discord held a big, goofy grin. That didn’t stop his tail from wagging anxiously behind him. Chrysalis, meanwhile, sat with her forelegs crossed over her chest. She’d suggested hide-and-seek again, but no one took to the idea of hiding while she took a long nap.

The bottle finally landed on Discord and he giggled. The bottle was spun again and this time came to an odd, sudden stop directly between Celestia and Luna. The bottle then magically split into two to point at both ponies.

“Two ponies?” Discord gasped. “All for me? I don’t know if I can handle it.”

Before he could finish gargling his mouthwash, the bottle was spun twice more and landed first on Sombra and then Chrysalis. Sombra leaned forward, eyes shut tight. He was waiting for either a kiss or a slap. Truthfully, he’d take whatever he could get.

Begrudgingly, Chrysalis rose to meet her smooching attacker. As she got closer, she heard a loud “Awwww!” noise escaping from both Celestia and Luna. She ignored them. As did Sombra, ignoring Discord as he angrily poked him in the ribs with a fork.

Yet none could ignore the loud “POOF!” sound that followed…

…and the startling fact they were all suddenly adult-size once again. And with memories intact, too.

Chrysalis sat back down and shook her head, hurriedly scanning the big playroom. “Oh. Now I remember this place.” She irritably turned to Celestia. “You did the child playdate thing on us again, didn’t you? That’s why I couldn’t remember a thing about you as a child.”

Celestia took a few safety steps away and answered sheepishly, “B-but I’m sure you’re all feeling better, right? A… uhh… little bit of vitamin ‘fun’ goes a long way, does it not? Why, I bet your heart must be three sizes bigger right now! You can’t possibly want all of Equestria to burn after all this fun you had with your so called ‘enemies’? True?”

Chrysalis sighed and softly clamped her sharp teeth together. “Fine. What you say is true. To a point. My hatred of Equestria has now dropped ten percent. Take it or leave it.”

“Take it!” Celestia and Luna shouted together.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “Ten percent out of a thousand. We still have a ways to go, my dear royal sisters. A few more weeks of this and I might even take you both off my list.”

“Over time, a continuous drop of water can destroy even a mountain,” Celestia said stoically.

“You comparing me to the size of a mountain?” Chrysalis snapped. “Five percent taken back!”

“Fiddlesticks.” Celestia then turned to Sombra. “Have fun for a change, Sombra? You seemed far more invested in things this time around.”

Sombra busily shook out his legs and cracked his neck. “The fact that this room is heated and I’m not dead is already a big win for me. The last four months of my life have been spent in an ice-cold cave.” He laughed as he saw the drawings his younger self had made. “No coloring books or cookies there, either.”

Celestia seemed puzzled by Discord being there. “I don’t recall inviting you to this playdate. You also drank the potion that turns one into a child?”

“Potion? Bah!” Discord said. “I do this type of stuff all the time!”

He then snapped his claws together repeatedly, changing form each time.

Snap! “Small Discord!”

Snap! “Large Discord!”

Snap! “Old Discord!”

Snap! “Pony Discord!”

Snap! “Human Discord!”

All ponies in the room shrieked uncontrollably. Discord quickly changed back to normal.

“Oops. Too far. Too far. Sorry.”

As everyone in the room made for the exit, Chrysalis took one of Sombra’s forelegs into hers. “Care to walk a lady out of this labyrinth?”

“As long as you remember the way,” he answered smoothly, “because I sure don’t.”

They laughed as Celestia and Luna “Awwww!”-ed again.

“That’s sweet,” Celestia said.

“Very sweet,” Luna added.

“Too sweet,” they said together.

“I smell diabolical duo!”

“A match made in Tartarus! Quick. Get a bucket of ice water!”

Once the princesses had scampered from the room, that left only Discord. He stood there for a moment, claws and paws on hips. “Now what am I supposed to do? Just stand here and play with myself? How ridiculous. Or is it?”

One snap of his claws revealed a brand-new Discord.

Old Discord asked New Discord, “Pop quiz, hot shot. Favorite milkshake flavor. Go.”

New Discord answered immediately, “Easy. Glass-flavored.”

Old Discord softly wiped away a fresh tear. “Sorry, Som-bro. Seems there’s a new best friend in town.”

Author's Note