-Saturday, 2:07 PM
Re-shelving books. It’s really not that hard, yet for some untold reason, I keep end up having to do it. My name is Douglas, and I’m a librarian. Stuff of legends, I know. At least I have little to complain about. My work is easy, and I live comfortably and alone in a small condo. That’s my routine in a nutshell, really. Wake up at home, work, go back home. It’s simple. I like to keep things simple. Strangely enough, the events which followed were fairly simple as well, just extraordinarily odd.
-Monday, 4:32 AM
Praise the strength of my morning java! No doubt I’d be in a far sorrier state without some form of a kick-start at 4:30 IN THE FREAKING MORNING. One of these days, I’m going to figure out why I wake up so early, and then come up with some sort of logical argument for myself. Hopefully I listen, I’m already killing myself slowly as it is. Am I really in a good place? She keeps coming to me in the library, talking to me, probing me, and scratching at the thin layers. She asks questions about my house, my family. That’s the easy part. Sometimes, she pretends to read a book and stares at me. She’s so young, what on earth could she want with me? She never picks up her books, she just leaves them on the table, and I have to put them away. She left a lipstick mark in the last one. She’s sixteen, for Chrissakes. A warm gulp of coffee numbs my anxiety. Work may not be simple today, but goddamnit, it’s my job.
-8:57 AM
She’s here already.
Ffffffffffffffffffffff-
-1:12 PM
I will never understand why girls wear four-inch short-shorts, nor why she is wearing them today. It’s not a turn on for me; I’ve never cared much for skinny girls. There’s nowhere to grab onto. I think I’d better say something to her. I don’t like confrontations because they get in the way of my simplicity, but at this point, she’s a bigger complication than any confrontation I can imagine. She’s leaning on the circulation desk, trying to show off cleavage she doesn’t have. This has got to stop.
“Look, miss…” She saunters off as I’m talking to her. Wait, no, she’s skipping. She dropped her damn book.
…
I’m picking it up later.
-8:06 PM
She left an hour ago, and I could breathe again. She didn’t say anything today at all. I don’t even know her full name, and already she’s burrowed into my consciousness and polluted my simplicity. I can’t stand the feeling of having someone else that embedded into my psyche. I’m going to take tomorrow off, and figure out what to do. For now, it’s time to close up.
-8:28 PM
Everything seemed to be in order, but I tripped over something. It was her goddamn book. I have a bad feeling about this book, but I’m picking it up anyway. If I’ve learned one thing about life, it’s that library books belong in one place, and it’s my job to return them there. Embarking upon my holy task, I pick up the dropped copy of…Lolita. Sweet fucking Christ. Sighing, I move to the “N”s when I notice some sort of light coming from the shelf. I bet someone just abandoned a cellphone again. I place the book in its spot, and trip over another book. Her bright purple lipstick is on the cover, but what book is this? It’s brown, and has some yellow embossing, but no title. It doesn’t have a barcode either. I open the book tentatively. The inside cover is blank. This is not one of my library’s books, and as much as I want to drop and kick it somewhere far away, I realize that our roles have been reversed. Even though it’s just a book, and it’s in my hands, I’m not gripping the book. The book is gripping me. I turn to the second page. There’s some sort of depiction of equine shapes. That’s all I could make out before the pages rage, storming over the binding as iridescent, piercing light hammers my eyes. My sight is instantly scrambled, shapes and colors mashing into one another that form one indistinguishable mess in my scarred vision. I tumble into the shelf and fall to the ground, the tableau of visual chaos dissolving into simple darkness.
-FUCK CLOCKS
I don’t even have to open my eyes to know I’m somewhere else. I’m lying on wood. When I open my eyes, I realize at least one more thing I can be grateful for: I’m still in a library. Looking around, I see the book I was holding, but this one is one some sort of stand. Did I fall out of the book?
…
You know what, sure. I fell out of the book into some other world where there’s a library in a tree, and a tiny dragon staring at me in awe. Why the hell not?
-UNCONCIOUSNESS
I’m thinking about giving up on simple. I’ve been having some jailbait act weird around me for weeks on end, and not only has she been kissing books, but one of those books led to another fucking dimension where libraries are in trees, dragons stock shelves, and…wait, my clothes are gone. Oh, look, that effeminate purple unicorn is holding them with her pony telekinesis. You know what the weirdest thing about all this is? She’s the same color as the lipstick on that book-wormhole.
-DON’T WORRY, HE’LL GET THE TIME EVENTUALLY
“Twilight, what is he?”
“I don’t know Spike, but right now, I care more about whether or not he’s okay.”
The two violet creatures hovering over me started as I groaned and tried to wake up. Still nude. Guess I’ll figure that out along the way as I try to understand what in the hell is going on. The pony started to talk.
“Can you understand me?” Oh look, they speak English. Actually, no, I’m done being bewildered. I’m just gonna go along with it.
“Yeah, I do. I’m really, really confused, though.”
“I can imagine. Do you feel alright?”
“Not hurt, just confused.”
“That’s good. I’ve never seen anypony like you before.”
“Where I’m from, we call ourselves humans.”
“Humans? What an interesting name! I wanna know all about you! Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”
“Can I get some names first? I’m Douglas.”
“Oh, you’re right! Where are my manners? My name is Twilight Sparkle.”
“And I’m Spike!” The dragon piped in for the first time. I smiled at him and sat up. Both of them looked at my alien form, awestruck. Reasonable enough, considering that apparently I’m the only human being around. Twilight was the first to recover from her dumbfounded reaction, and I prepared to be interrogated. Fortune smiled upon me, however, and there was a knock.
“I’d better get the door. Do you mind staying put?” Twilight was backing out of the room. I shook my head, and she turned and trotted down the stairs. Spike opened his mouth a couple of times, but couldn’t quite articulate a sentence. Until he looked out the window.
“Hey, uh, Douglas, y’know it’s pretty late…do you wanna get some sleep?” I nodded and rolled over. Downstairs, the sound of a party horn sounded incessantly, but I was done with the weird shit.
-HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING
This bed is awesome. It feels like it’s stuffed with clouds, and given everything else going on around me, it probably is. I sit up, and look around. Twilight isn’t upstairs at the moment, and Spike is still asleep, but I notice a newcomer in the room. A very pink newcomer. I just sat there, remembering all the crap that had happened over the past few hours, and came to the thrilling conclusion that I wanted my boxers. My clothes were strewn over a table near the edge of the bedroom, presumably because human clothes confused the unicorn. Not bothering with my tacky shorts or my polo shirt, I donned my navy undergarments and turned around, greeted by an inordinate amount of bouncing.
“Oh my gosh! What kind of pony are you? Can we be friends? Do you like parties or cupcakes or games or-“ I put out a hand as emphatically as I could.
“Oh my god, slow down. Who are you?” How can it possibly bounce so much?
“Oh yeah, I’m Pinkie Pie!” IT’S STILL BOUNCING.
“Hey there, Pinkie Pie. I’m Douglas.” Twilight came up the stairs at that moment, and I have never been so happy to see a unicorn walk into a room.
“Hi, Douglas! I see you’ve met Pinkie.”
“Yeah, I have. Hey, what’s that book?” Twilight was “holding” the book that I presumably fell out of.
“It’s my spellbook. Why?”
“Before I came here, I was in my own library, and I found that
book. There was a bunch of light, and then I was just…here.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed as she pondered this, while Pinkie finally stopped bouncing. Her eyes widened, and I’m guessing she was mostly thinking about the lights. After an awkward moment of me standing nearly naked next to two ponies deep in thought (not to mention the sleeping dragon), Twilight spoke.
“I’ve heard of magical tunnels between worlds before, but I’ve never heard of anyone traveling between them. That gives me an idea, though. I can use a spell that will tell me about whatever magic was used on you recently. It’ll be quick, and I promise it won’t hurt. Will you try it” I thought about it for a moment. It seemed fairly plausible, given the circumstances, that this magical pony could give me some insight into all of…this.
“I guess I don’t have anything to lose. Let’s try it, and then I promise to answer all the questions you have for me.”
“Okay! Here it goes!” Twilight closed her eyes and aimed her horn at me. The horn started to glow, and so did I. As I stood there, I realized something. My life fucking sucks. I decided that no matter what Twilight told me, I wanted to stay here. An orb started forming at the apex of Twilight’s horn. I turned towards Pinkie Pie.
“Hey, Pinkie!”
“Yeeeeeeees, Dougie?” The orb was swelling.
“You asked me if I wanted be your friend, and I think I do.”
“YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!” Pinkie jumped for joy. I smiled at the ecstatic pony, and then she tripped over Spike’s bed and landed on Twilight’s back and my smile faded to a look of simple fear. Twilight shouted, and the orb began to rapidly crackle and expand like a water balloon being overfilled on purpose. It only took a few seconds for the orb to grow to the size of a football helmet before it rocketed towards me, lower than intended. The force which slammed into my gonads felt like a bag of wheeljacks being swung by an angry baboon on steroids. Needless to say, I experienced pain. I couldn’t have blacked out quickly enough.
-TWILIGHT SPARKLE POV
Pinkie’s definitely made some of my spells go haywire before, but this was something else entirely. I had just sent an unstable field of magical energy right into this “human’s” stallionhood!
“Just so you know, Pinkie, I’m not mad. I’m really worried though.”
“Well, duh! Colts need that stuff!”
“That’s not the point! Oh, I should’ve thought this through better! Casting a powerful spell like that on something that’s not even a pony?! What in Equestria was I thinking?!” Spike mumbled something and went back to sleep.
“Don’t worry so much, Twilight! What’s the worst thing that could happen?” At the precise moment, Douglas’s erect penis bisected his underwear.
-RAPE ‘O’ CLOCK
I awoke slowly to the epiphany that I felt like the single most fertile thing in existence. Twilight was beside the bed, watching.
“Douglas, are you okay?” Twilight sounded genuinely concerned for me, some strange creature she’d never met before. I’d never been so horny in my life. Bellowing a deep howl, I seized Twilight’s head. Before she could react with anything more than a look of shock, I rammed my rod deep into her mouth. Her eyes bugged out, and she tried to pull back, but I raised my hips, lifting her head by using the dick in her throat as leverage. I felt the back of her mouth constrict on the head of my spear, and I reared back to slam it in again, when Pinkie jumped on my back and pulled me all the way down. Twilight coughed and gagged, then turned to Pinkie, who had begun to execute a reacharound.
“Pinkie, what are you doing?!”
“Forget me, I need backup!”
“Wha…what? Why?”
“Can’t you see how horny he is? I can’t make this thing go back down by myself! Go!” Twilight, tripping over her own hooves, charged down the stairs. I tried to lunge after her, but Pinkie was stronger than she looked. Somehow, she’d managed to turn my shaft into a joystick (pun intended), and steered me into a wall. In a single acrobatic motion, she pushed me to the floor, mounted me, and forced my meat into her party hole. She humped ferociously, each pump launching us both off an inch off the ground. As she rode me, my head rolled back as her passage squeezed constant pulses of ecstasy through my dick. The immensely pleasurable sensation built heat in both our bodies, and then mine surged. This method of sex was unacceptable! I grabbed Pinkie with both arms and thrust upwards quickly, rolling over my shoulder and pinning Pinkie Pie underneath my body. I grinned, and traced lines up and down her face and neck with my tongue as I began to push harder into Pinkie’s Pinkie.
-BACK TO YOU, TWILIGHT
I trusted Pinkie Pie enough to have faith in her, but as I passed Sugarcube Corner, I grew uncomfortable with the idea of what I was about to ask one of my friends to do. As I approached the boutique, I swallowed hard, and knocked.
“Oh hello, Twilight! What can I do for you?”
“Umm…Pinkie asked me to bring ‘backup’”…
-HEY LOOK, HE HAD A WATCH ALL ALONG
I was hammering the deepest part of Pinkie Pie’s vagina, occasionally bumping her womb with the end of my length. Her grunts had melted into squeals, sexy sounds which I occasionally muffled with my lips and tongue. She was releasing enough Pinkie Pie filling that there was a puddle beneath her, which caused her to slosh back and forth in her own juices. I could feel my climax building, and when I could take it no longer, I pulled out rapidly and filled Pinkie’s mouth with my cock as I came virulently, pushing out wave after wave of thick semen. Pinkie drank hungrily, swallowing whatever cum didn’t spill past her lips.
“Mmm, juicy!”
The door closed downstairs. Twilight, with Rarity in tow, walked in to the scene of Pinkie sloppily lapping up whatever milked hung from my member. Both unicorns were unnerved, though Twilight knew somewhat of what to expect. Rarity, on the other hand, was appalled by not only the strange creature, but that fact that Pinkie seemed to be fornicating with it.
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, what in Celestia’s name is going on here!” Pinkie held onto my ankles as I tried to crawl forward.
“This weird pony fell through one of Twilight’s books, but now he’s gone all screwy, so we need to screw him!” Rarity looked at Twilight, revolted.
“THIS is what you brought me here for?! Outrageous! I’m leaving this instant!” Rarity began to storm down the stairs. I roared with fury. Pinkie shouted at Twilight.
“Twilight, DO SOMETHING!!!” Without a moment’s hesitation, Twilight aimed her horn downwards and penetrated Rarity, radiating magic. Rarity shuddered and moaned as Twilight’s spell threw the white unicorn into heat. Twilight withdrew her dripping horn as Rarity stalked over to Pinkie, who had somehow got me on my back again. I sat up angrily; Pinkie tried to push me back down, but Rarity stopped her.
“Now now, dearie, we’re all here to have fun, aren’t we?” Rarity draped a hoof over Pinkie’s back as she lowered both of their heads towards my twitching erection. The two ponies looked slyly at one another, and then they started to lick. They traced intertwining pathways over my flesh, tongues gliding past each other and sometimes over. This wet embrace was too much for me. I grabbed both ponies by the back of the head, and fired torpedo tube one, drenching the faces of Pinkie and Rarity with my load. The two nuzzled one another, lathering the sticky cream over each other’s skin. Pinkie pushed me backwards one more time, and sat on my face. Her moist pussy lips tickled my chin, and I let my tongue thrash wildly over the sopping entrance presented to me. My dick, however, felt other sensations, as Rarity positioned herself over the throbbing tool.
“You will PLEASURE ME!” she cried, as she slid slowly and gently onto my meat, tantalizing me with the tight, squeezing marehood all the way down. I was absorbed in pleasing the two ponies, when the thought struck me: they should be pleasing ME!
“I AM MAN!” I roared with a primal force which had been unlocked somewhere deep within the recesses of my mind. I shoved Pinkie to the floor and slipped three fingers into her, while I grabbed Rarity’s tail and began to prod her vagina. She turned towards me, expectantly, begging with her expression. That was when I pushed into door number two. First, the head slid in, then I pushed as slowly as I could, watching Rarity groan as I inched my way into her ass. Her tongue drooped out of her mouth, and her face showed nothing less than pure sexual gratification. Pinkie moaned beneath the unicorn, and began to slurp at her pussy. She crammed her face into Rarity’s crotch, the pink pony’s activity was extremely audible. My cock was buried deep in Rarity asshole, and I pounded away at the marshmallow fluff before me. Our movements began to meld together into the organic clockwork of a single apparatus, constantly leaking sweet pony nectar. Suddenly, my testicles had reached critical mass. Pulling out sharply, I began to vigorously rub my dick between both of the luscious mare vaginas, their wetness lubricating my pulsing shaft. Rarity’s mouth ravenously explored Pinkie’s, the two ponies sucking at each other’s tongues. It was too much. I ejaculated like a firehose, and in an instant, everything within a two-yard radius was bathed in pearls. After this incredible display, I first fell flaccid. Then I fell unconscious again.
-Friday, 9:56 PM
What have I done? I couldn’t stay in this world now that I’d done something like this. I’m in a hospital. The worst damage to my body was severe repetitive motion injury in my groin. No surprise there. It wasn’t surprising that they kept me for a month, just so they could learn about me. Now, the human in Equestria is old news. I’ve been turning away visitors, but they still left get-well presents for me, some from ponies I’d never met. A Daring-Do novel, a scarf, a bag of apples, flowers, an autographed picture of a blue Pegasus, and a cupcake. I don’t know why, but the only thing I touched was that cupcake. One night, though, Pinkie snuck into my room.
“Dougie?” I turned away. Then she hugged me. How she could show me any affection?
“Pinkie, why?”
“Because you’re my friend, silly!” I cried. The life I had left behind had never grace me with such unrequited compassion. I turned to face Pinkie Pie and hugged her back, sobbing into her cotton candy mane.
-Wednesday, 3:41 PM
Pinkie had picked me up from the hospital four days ago, and she gave me her room to stay in. I never left that room until today, when Pinkie forced my outside, and pushed me all the way back to the library.
“Pinkie, why am I going back there?”
“I’m just doing what I do best! Come on!”
I was facing the door to the library now. I gulped, and placed a hand on the doorknob, only to have the door swing open. I fell face-first, and though my ears rang, I could make out shouting. I knew no one would want me. Wait, but why do they sound pleased? I lifted my head, and for the first time since I fell down in my own library, I was shocked.
“Pinkie, what is this?”
“It’s a party! For you!” There was a banner, and streamers, and balloons, and five more ponies looking at me with sincere joy. I could recognize Twilight and Rarity from memory, and I knew one of the pegasi from the picture in the hospital, and of course there was Pinkie. As my pink pony companion helped me to my feet, the new ones came up to me, the orange one speaking first.
“Y’all must be Douglas! It’s mighty nice to finally meet yah. I’m Applejack!” She extended a hoof, and I shook it earnestly. Then the pegasi came to me.
“Hey! I’m Rainbow Dash!” Instead of offering a hoof, the pony grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. A yellow Pegasus walked timidly over to me from behind Rainbow Dash.
“Umm…hello. I’m Fluttershy.” She turned her head away from me, and at first I thought she was rejecting me. Then, she turned a soft gaze towards me and smiled gently, and I smiled back as I felt a healing wave flow through my head. For the first time in years, I felt serenity, here in Equestria. As I stood circled by the ponies who truly cared for me, I decided to stay here forever.
-Saturday, 12:12 PM
It’s been years since I came to Equestria. My coffee-making prowess was quickly adopted by Pinkie Pie, whose newfound coffee-flavored cupcakes were an immediate sensation. Rainbow Dash was a particular fan, claiming that coffee made cupcakes “20% cooler.” Rarity took immense delight in my human tendency to wear clothing everywhere, and constantly made new clothes for me. I was thrilled as well, since I’d always wanted to have enough suits to wear them wherever I went. I even wore Rarity’s clothes to Flutterhy’s meadow. It turned out that because she had trouble talking to other ponies, she was very comfortable with confiding in me. The only time I wore anything else was when I went to Sweet Apple Acres, where the Apples had graciously given a plot of land to grow my coffee beans on, in exchange for a third of the harvest. At the end of each day, I always went to Twilight’s library. It’s where my new life started, and Twilight was never short on questions for me. But after all was said and done, the one place I truly felt at home wasn’t in the library, but at Sugarcube Corner with the pony who freed me. Thank you, Pinkie Pie. No amount of caffeinated cupcakes will ever hold a candle to the gift of joy you’ve given me. Life really is a party.