Cadence and Shining had been cohabitating for longer than either wanted to admit to their families. Their bed had seen its share of activities of all kinds. Tonight would be far from the first time where Shining tried to stuff his foot in his mouth. "So apparently Twily is so mad about the wedding, she's using interrobangs."

Cadence gave him a gentle shove and pouted. "She's not mad about the wedding, she's mad you didn't tell her. And frankly, so am I.” She grinned. “But I do know how you can make it up to us."

Shining shrugged. "With Twily, I figured I just needed to get her a book."

"Better idea: Show some interest in her new friends."

That got an uncertain grumble. "The ones at Canterlot High?"

"Look, I know they were a joke when we went to Crystal Prep, but my aunts have really fixed up the place. And based on what I saw at the Friendship Games, they're good kids.” Cadence took Shining’s hand in hers. “Plus, Twilight could really use some reassurance from her BBBFF about her new friends. This is new territory for her, and a little emotional support could go a long way."

"Well, after what Cinch did…” Shining’s jaw and fists tightened as he thought about that. Once he unclenched, he said, “I can manage. At the end of the day, it is just a high school rivalry."

She smiled and nodded, trying to shake some feeling back into her hand as subtly as she could. "Exactly. Now, as for me, you just need to do me a little favor."

The resolve almost visibly drained out of Shining’s expression. "When you say favor, do you mean getting you yogurt next time I'm at the grocery store, or getting you tampons next time I'm at the grocery store?"

After a bit of deliberation, which Cadence only drew out a little bit, she said, "I'd say it's closer to yogurt. You see, I've had to take over senior-year sex ed for the rest of the semester—”

“I thought you were principal now.”

“We don’t have anyone else in the current staff who I trust to handle the topic. The classes are working through generalities now, but it won’t be long before we hit specifics for the boys that I won't be able to answer. Do you think you can take a little time off to help me?" Cadence wasn’t above batting her lashes to emphasize the question.

Shining sighed, crumpling like wet cardboard. "I do have some vacation days saved up, but I’ll need at least a week’s notice to actually use them. And... would it be possible to do it in a separate classroom? You know, for the students’ sake."

She shook her head. "That's part of the favor."

"Harsh."

Cadence grinned and poked him in the side. "I'm still telling you about it beforehand."

“Oh, it’s fair. But still harsh.”

"Happy Tuesday, everyone. One fairly major announcement today; I'd announce this in the auditorium, but its subject insisted otherwise.

"As much as I'd love to be able to provide all the attention and effort that Crystal Prep deserves, no one person possibly could. As such, Ms. Ira Vehementi will be taking on the role of dean of students. You'll be able to speak to her in my old office. I hope you hold her in the same confidence you've held me.”

Cadence gave Ira a wry look after turning off the PA system. "I can't believe you refused to let me give a proper announcement for this."

Ira just shrugged, looking neutral as ever. "Auditorium assemblies are time-consuming, ma’am. We can’t have one every day."

"You'll be working with the students now. You should get some visibility with them."

All that got was another shrug. "We can worry about that when they start making appointments, ma'am."

Cadence held back a sigh. "Well, any other news to worry about?"

Ira flipped through a few of the pages on her ever-present clipboard. "There's been a spike in after-school Internet usage, but that's to be expected."

"No sign of any distraction in class?"

"Nothing worth worrying about, ma'am," Ira said with a shake of the head.

Cadence folded her arms under her breasts. "What do you think isn't worth worrying about?"

"There have been a few complaints, but they’re more on principle than for any specific issues. Comparable to First Folio's objections to your changes to the sex ed curriculum."

Cadence nodded in understanding. "More of the old guard complaining that something changed?"

"Just so, ma'am."

Cadence spun back to her desk, ready to get the day’s paperwork done early. "Well, they'll have to deal with it. I said I wasn't going to be Cinch.” She side-eyed Ira. “Though I'm surprised they didn't come to me directly."

"You've been occupied with rebuilding the school and planning a curriculum, ma’am. The least I can do is deal with petty complaints so you don’t have to. Besides, as dean of students, it's my responsibility to handle the children's issues so you don't have to.” The edges of Ira’s mouth curled up just a touch. “I interpret that as applying to children of all ages, including those fifty-five and up."

Cadence caught herself snickering. "Was that a joke, Ms. Vehementi?"

She could neither confirm nor deny the presence of any smiles on Ira’s face at the time. "I do have a sense of humor, ma'am. I just keep it to myself most of the time."

Sour Sweet knew she wasn’t entirely sane. Her mood swings weren’t all biting sarcasm or general bitchiness; sometimes her mind had to cover for what her brain did without her input. Worse, she occasionally saw things that weren’t there. Not to the degree where she’d fall out of her chair trying to swat hallucinatory spiders, but enough that sometimes she had to take a moment to make sure something was real. It was why she’d taken an interest in archery. It was all about focus, control, figuratively and literally pinning down the real.

She’d known seeing what wasn’t there was bad. She hadn’t realized seeing what was could be worse.

Something at Canterlot High had seemed to provoke her delusions. She knew there weren’t any girls with horse ears and hair down to their shins in the CHS team, but she couldn’t just tell her brain to knock it off.

Then a giant mass of tentacles burst into the arena in the middle of the relay, and other people were running from it.

Then one girl grew honest-to-goodness wings.

Then Twilight and the Sun-something girl…

Sour had needed a few moments to realize that that debacle had been over and done with. The two hadn’t looked any different to her after the final lightshow, but given how everyone else had seemed to calm down, she was the only one still seeing laser wings and fire glasses.

Thankfully, Crystal Prep seemed normal by comparison. Moreso than usual, even considering Principal Cadence’s reforms.

Then came today. Sour had spotted her twin sister and had been trying to remember if Sweeten Sour went to Crystal Prep, CHS, or nowhere at all because she didn’t actually exist. So distracted, she’d walked right into someone who definitely did.

“Hey!” Sour had winced, sighed, and said, “Sorry.”

“No harm done.”

And then Sour actually looked at the person she’d walked into.

She’d seen Ms. Vehementi around the school before. It was hard to forget a woman who looked like she dressed herself with a T-square and did her hair in a wind tunnel. But Sour didn’t recall her being overlaid with a swirling wraith almost the shame hue as Midnight Sparkle and a living fertility idol wearing three napkins and some string.

“Miss Sweet?” Thankfully, Ms. Vehementi’s voice wasn’t triplicated. “Are you alright?”

“Um. Yeah. Fine. Have a day or whatever.” And Sour had scrambled away, keeping an eye out for any other hallucinations.

None showed up. Even Sweeten had vanished.

More than one student had taken one look at the sex ed room, turned back around, and double-checked the room number. Cadence had spent a good part of Sunday removing the assorted posters that began with admonishing a dancing couple to “leave room for Harmony” and progressed from there. That did leave the room feeling bare, but that was what the Llamazon orders were for.

Cadence smiled at her first class of the day, some of whom still had the goggle-eyed expressions of those who weren’t sure if they were dreaming or not.

"Hello, everyone,” she began. “After hearing about some of Ms. Folio's lessons, I've asked her to step down as your sexual education teacher.” More disbelief spread through the class, along with a few hesitant smiles. “I'll be filling in for the time being. Now, given those lessons, I think we'd be best served by making today a Q&A session. If there's something you're not clear about I'd like you to ask me here and now."

The smiles evaporated like a puddle in the desert, blushes like heatstroke appearing in their wake. Despite the lack of decoration, every single student found something to look at that wasn’t Cadence.

She couldn’t help but smile herself. "I understand. It's embarrassing to discuss this sort of thing among your peers. It’s a taboo topic, and it’s hard to admit you're not an expert on intimacy in front of others. But no one expects you to be at your age.” Cadence shook her head. “No one expects you to be at my age. There is always more to learn about yourself and your partner. This is a safe place to discuss any questions you might have about sex, without judgement, guilt, or shame. I promise."

Silence gripped the classroom for another few moments. Finally, one girl raised a shaking tangerine hand.

"Yes, Frosty?"

Frosty Orange snapped her hand back down, pale blue locks whipping back and forth as she looked at the whole class looking at her. "Um…” She bit her lip. “What does make you go to Hell?"

Cadence smiled and shrugged. "As long as you and your partner or partners are all consenting adults, nothing at all."

Frosty blinked, her mouth working wordlessly for a moment. "Partners? Plural?"

"A possibility, if a very complicated one. Polyamory is as much about time management as emotional support, but that's an advanced topic we can revisit later. Any other questions?"

A forest of hands rose, and Cadence’s gentle smile widened in anticipation.

The Crystal Prep cafeteria had already outclassed most of the cheaper restaurants in Crystal City. Getting high-quality staff in the kitchens had been part of Principal Cinch’s perpetual cycle of using the school’s reputation to improve that reputation.

Thus, Sour Sweet idly shoving a fork across her barely cleared lunch tray said volumes about her disquiet. “So yeah,” she said, “that was my morning.”

Silence reigned over the lunch table for a few moments as the others digested her run-in with Ms. Vehementi.

"Wow,” Sunny said eventually. “And I thought I was having a weird day."

Sour’s head darted up, eyes wide. "You actually believe me?"

"I definitely believe you saw something bizarre with Ms. Vehementi,” said Sunny. “And if you saw the magic in those Canterlot girls before and after the rampage... Well, we can bear it in mind but I'm not sure what we can do about it."

“Pfft.” Lemon draped an arm over Sunny’s shoulders. "C'mon, we can totally be a bunch of mystery-solving meddling kids. We just need a Great Mane with a speech impediment.” She put a finger to her lips. “Do you think Twilight will let us borrow Spike?"

Sugarcoat raised an eyebrow. "Do you think you can actually face Twilight after the Friendship Games?"

Everyone winced at that, Sugarcoat included. Lemon in particular drooped and let her arm fall back into her lap. "Point. That coercive musical number about peer pressure makes things kinda awkward.” She hazarded a weak smile. “Maybe if I reach out to her on MyStable first.”

“That what now?” said Sunny.

“Don’t tell me I’m the only one who notices those.” Lemon looked around the table as the baffled silence stretched on. “Come on, did no one else hear the tune that kept fading in and out during the Academic Decathlon?”

Indigo turned to Sunny. "You said your day was weird?"

“We’re really not acknowledging this?”

"Going from Ms. Folio to Principal Cadence is kind of a shock,” Sunny said, not acknowledging that. “Especially when the subject is sex ed."

Indigo puffed out a breath, leaning back in her seat until gravity made her head loll back. "Man, lucky you. I had it second marking period. Nothing quite like the last class before winter break being a test where half the answers are 'sucking demon dong.'"

The rest of the table met that with knowing nods. "Think it's her fetish?" said Sour.

Lemon nodded. "It is absolutely her fetish."

Sugarcoat raised an eyebrow. "Am I the only one uncomfortable with thinking about Ms. Folio's fetishes?"

The whole table shuddered. Lemon shoved away what remained of her lunch. "Ugh. You put it like that, now I’m uncomfortable with it."

"So,” said Indigo, “how different is Principal Cadence?"

“Well…” Sunny crossed her arms and thought for a few moments. “Okay, you’ve all had one-on-one sessions with her, right?”

The others nodded. “She made a point of seeing everyone at least once a year,” said Sugarcoat.

“So you know what she’s like. Now try to imagine her even saying the word ‘condom.’”

That got four near-identical blank looks. Sour spoke up first. “That... might be worse than thinking about Ms. Folio’s fetishes.”

“Yeah. It’s certainly more useful than anything we’ve had thus far, but the disconnect is…” Sunny rubbed her temples. “I’ve never used the term ‘mind-boggling’ before, but it feels appropriate here.”

Lemon nodded. “My mind. She boggles.”

“And apparently she’s bringing in her fiancé for guy-specific questions next week. Did any of you know she's engaged to Twilight's brother?"

Indigo shrugged. "I didn't know Twilight had a brother."

"How many of us know anything about Twilight?" said Sugarcoat.

Lemon’s face twisted into a sour pucker. "Do you think we should visit her?"

Sugarcoat gave her the same skeptical look as before. "Again, do you think you could?"

Lemon fell silent, gaze dropping to her hands wringing in her lap.

After a few moments, Indigo cleared her throat. "So, uh, how about those new cookies?" She nodded at the hand-sized one still on her tray, studded with dark chocolate, dried strawberries, and other fruits no one was entirely sure about.

“It is a nice change. As are the new salads.” Sunny moved her fork through the chunks of beet, asparagus, and artichoke in her bowl. “I wonder what gave the chefs the idea."

"Gosh, something new and actually enjoyable at Crystal Prep?” Sour’s look of wide-eyed wonder drooped into a half-lidded stare. “Come on, we all know it was Principal Cadence."

Indigo frowned as she broke off a chunk of her cookie. "Wouldn't she have announced something like that?"

Sugarcoat shrugged. "Maybe she didn't think it merited an announcement."

"Or the chefs asked her not to,” said Sunny, “like Ms. Vehementi."

The table shook as Lemon slammed her palms on it. "I have a plan for Twilight," she declared. “Also, ow.”

The others traded uneasy glances. "Okay,” Sunny finally said, “putting aside the very abrupt subject change, why?"

"Do you really want to just let the guilt fester?” Lemon brought a hand to her gut. “'Cause I get the same queasy feeling you all do when thinking about seeing her again, and I'd like to get rid of it."

"I was just planning on letting it fade into a vague regret that would occasionally leave me up at night in my thirties," said Sugarcoat

"Wow,” Sour said, eyes wide, “you actually put it into words."

"Or we could actually deal with our emotions healthily."

Indigo smirked at Lemon. "Gee, I don't know. Seems like a pretty radical step."

Lemon nodded. "'Radical' is exactly how I would describe this. Also 'awesome' and possibly 'tubular.'"

"I'll listen if you stop talking like a surfer who got trapped in a time capsule for twenty years," said Sunny.

"Look, we're a long way off from being nearly as good at the whole 'healthy socialization' thing as the CHS horse girls, but that doesn't mean we can't get there.” Lemon beamed. “And how do you improve at anything?"

That was a question anyone at Crystal Prep could answer. "Practice," the others chorused.

"Exactly. So, before we face Twilight, we're gonna build those friendship muscles." Lemon went into the classic Rosy Riveter pose for emphasis.

She then held that pose for a good minute as the others hemmed and hawed.

Finally, Sour shrugged and said, "It’s less ridiculous than studying friendship."

"What did you have in mind?" said Sunny.

"Meet up at my dorm room on Friday night. We're gonna watch some movies."

Sunny smiled at the prospect. "I can bring a USB projector. And some classics."

Lemon shook her head. "The plan is to make fun of them Fantasy Science Theater-style, so don't bring anything you're too attached to."

"Oh. One classic?"

That got a shrug. "Eh, sure, pretty sure compromise is friendship-related."

"I'm just in it for mocking things," said Sour.

Sugarcoat nodded. "Same."

"It does actually sound fun.” Indigo gave a thumbs up. “I'll be there."

"Sweet." The lunch bell rang, making everyone jump a little and Lemon look up at the ceiling contemplatively. "Huh. Convenient. See you girls then."

"For the record,” added Sugarcoat, “our dorm is number two-six-nine."

"Right, knew I forgot something."

The rest of the week felt oddly fluid, days flying as classes crawled. The Friendship Games competitors could see how, by Friday, more and more groups were coming together not because of labyrinthine school politics, but because people enjoyed being around one another.

That or, as Sour Sweet posited, people were getting a lot better at faking sincere smiles.

Whatever the case, Friday night saw three guests make their way into Lemon Zest and Sugarcoat’s room. The dorms at Crystal Prep began the year symmetrical, each side of the room holding a bed opposite a desk, chair, and chest of drawers. The sheer quantity of band posters and dirty laundry told the visitors all they needed to know about who slept where in this one.

Lemon waved from where she sat with Sugarcoat on her bed. “Yo! Glad you came.”

Sour rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, had to clear out a packed social calendar. Still dressed for a night on the town and everything.” She tugged at the ratty T-shirt she wore over her calf-length pajama shorts.

“So, what are we doing exactly?” said Sunny Flare, who’d managed to outclass everyone else with a silk pajama set that nearly matched her skin tone. She waved a mini-projector in one hand. “And where do I put this?”

Lemon beamed, dressed in another one of her oversized concert tees. She reached out a hand. “Pass it over and I’ll take it from there. You guys can sit on the floor.”

“I sacrificed my comforter on the assumption that none of us have sleeping bags,” said Sugarcoat, wearing a bathrobe.

“Really pulled out the stops for us, huh?” Sour muttered.

“I don’t mind.” Indigo, who wore a spare gym uniform, lay down and stretched out over as much of the floor as she could.

Sugarcoat just shrugged. “It’s our room. Invite us to yours and you can dictate the seating arrangements.”

“You’ll wanna sit up anyway, Indy,” said Lemon. “Wanna be able to see over the mattress and all.”

Sunny crossed her arms once she sat. “See what?”

Lemon clicked her laptop’s trackpad. The projector lit up, filling the wall over Sugarcoat’s bed with a web browser open to a site everyone present recognized, and that most of them pretended not to. “Okay, so you know how we can look at porn on the school network?”

Indigo blushed like a tomato. Sunny and Sour both stammered out denials that were almost impossible to parse given all the false starts.

Sugarcoat just raised an eyebrow and said, “I have to be in the same room as you.”

“Rhetorical question for you, Sugar. And come on, girls. There are three kinds of people in the world: Masturbators, aces, and liars.” Lemon paused and scrunched her nose. “And, you know, little kids. Point is, I’ve heard enough locker room gossip to know everyone here’s interested in someone.”

“Fine,” Sour grumbled. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that PornDiscovery has some of the finest aged cheese your eyeballs could ever ask for, and we are going to make fun of it.”

Sunny scowled. “So instead of quality cinema, we’re going to watch bad porn?”

“We can switch to actual good movies later. But I say how better to celebrate our liberation from cybertyranny and tiptoe our way to actual healthy social interaction?”

“She has a sizable collection of Fantasy Science Theater 4000 DVDs, in case that wasn’t clear,” said Sugarcoat.

Lemon turned up her nose. “That is classic television and I will hear nothing different.” She swept a grin around the room. “So, whaddaya say?”

No one responded immediately. Just before the silence grew awkward, Sour let out a chuckle. “This is a terrible idea and we’d be terrible people for indulging in it. I’m in!”

After another moment’s thought, Indigo shrugged. “Eh, sure, one or two. It does sound fun.”

"I can understand mocking hilariously terrible films,” said Sunny, her arms crossed. “But there's schlock, and then there's filth."

"C'mon, just one. They're short; not like anyone expected someone to sit through a full-length feature while jerkin' their full length." Lemon clasped her hands and batted her lashes. “Please? For friendship?”

One of Sunny’s eyelids twitched before she sighed and sat down. “Fine, if only as an example of everything not to do in cinema. We are putting on Citizen Shine after this. So help me, if I am going to be friends with you people, you are getting something resembling culture.”

Lemon nodded. “Consider us warned. And now our feature presentation!”

It was, in many ways, the ur-porn. The fable that had inspired so many mockeries that it was almost surreal to see it performed sincerely.

A woman opened the door to her house despite wearing nothing but a sheer negligee. “Oh good,” she said throatily. “You’re here.”

A man clad in overalls and a staggering amount of body hair gave a rakish grin as he entered. “Need me to… lay some pipe?”

All five girls laughed at that, from Sunny hiding her snickers behind her hand to Lemon cackling until she fell back onto her mattress.

“Okay, Lemon was right,” said Indigo. “It really is so bad it’s good.”

Lemon pouted as she sat back up. “You say that like you’re surprised.”

“Some days I’m surprised you can walk and chew gum at the same time,” said Sugarcoat.

“That is needlessly accurate.”

“And just like that, they’re naked.” Sour Sweet’s observation got the other girls to look back at the video. Sure enough, both actors were nude, the woman on her knees before the man. The camera cut back and forth between her running her lips over his penis to her jiggling breasts to one hand pleasuring herself, all as heavy synth music boomed in the background.

Sunny shook her head. “And to think, people mock bad action movies for their choppy editing.”

“Now you see, young grasshopper,” Lemon intoned. “Porn walked so Bomb Bay could run.”

“Crawled seems more fitting.” Sugarcoat sneered as the woman gasped in apparent ecstasy. "And she's faking it."

"Of course she's faking it,” said Sunny, rolling her eyes. “She's paid to fake it."

Lemon tilted her head in thought. "You think he’s faking it?"

A few moments later, Sour Sweet snorted. "Oh yeah, sure, that's just corn starch coming out of a vinyl puppet."

"Probably easier to get out of her hair.” All eyes turned to Indigo Zap, who flushed red and tried to shrink in on herself. “N-not that I would know."

Lemon smirked, resting her head on a fist. “You sure about that?”

“Sounded like the voice of experience to me,” added Sunny.

Indigo’s eyes darted about the darkened room. She pointed back at the movie. “Hey look, they’re, uh… having more sex! Isn’t that more interesting?”

The video froze midthrust. A lamp clamped to Lemon’s footboard turned on moments later. “See, them I can pause,” said Lemon. She spun belly-down, feet kicking as she grinned down at Indigo, turning the lamp’s flexible neck to put the other girl in a spotlight. “You not so much. C’mon, give the deets. Spill the tea. Verb the noun.”

“It’s really not as exciting as you’re making it out to be.”

Sugarcoat crossed her arms. “We’ll be the judges of that.”

After a few moments, Indigo tilted her head back and groaned. “Fine. You know how the boys’ and girls’ locker room showers share a wall?”

Sour shuddered. “I do now.”

“Well, someone made a hole in it.”

“So, the X-rated tale of Pyramus and Thisbe?”

Four blank stares turned to Sunny.

She sighed, got up, and turned on the overhead lights. “Midsummer Night’s Dream? ‘And such a wall, as I would have you think/That had in it a crannied hole or chink’?” She thrust her arm out, fingers locked in a sideways peace sign. “Anyone?” After a few more moments of silence, she let her arm fall. “Fillystines.”

“I mean, I got the reference,” Lemon said as she turned off the desk light. “I just wasn’t expecting to go straight from glory holes to Spear Shaker.”

Sugarcoat nodded. “Same.”

“Spear Shaker was one of the greatest filthy minds of his generation,” Sunny huffed, plopping back down into her seat. “It’s just that no one gets the jokes anymore.”

“Girls?” Everyone turned to Sour. “Fascinating as this is, we’re forgetting that Indigo sucked someone off in the locker room.”

Indigo shook her head. “No, no, this is good. I’m all for talking about Shakerean fart jokes or whatever.”

“Come on, Indy. We’re already watching porn.” Lemon waved a hand towards the genitals still projected on one wall.

“Wouldn’t it be, you know, friendlier to let this drop?”

“Our friendliness is still a work in progress.” Sour gave a wistful sigh before switching to a wide grin. “And this is too juicy to drop.”

Indigo crossed her arms. “Okay, fine, sheesh.”

— — —

Indigo Zap wasn’t the most poetic student at Crystal Prep. That dubious honor went to Trenderhoof, who waxed so eloquent with every new crush that no one could tell what he actually said to them. But she could appreciate how the crack in the shower wall represented Crystal Prep’s problems: A crack in the flawless facade, often seen, rarely noticed, never mentioned. Indigo supposed that that made Principal Cadence spackle. Something pink and goopy that would fix the problem and hopefully harden with time.

Of course, that didn’t mean the actual crack was getting any better. It rose up from the floor to waist level, jagged and wavering like a slow-motion lightning bolt. Indigo couldn’t say what had drawn her attention to it, but as she rinsed off after track practice, she found she couldn’t look away.

Then it hit her: There was a bit of color against the crystal-blue tiles, but it wasn’t pink. And it definitely wasn’t spackle.

She turned to the girl next to her. “Uh, Lightning?”

“Yeah, loser?” Lightning Dust didn’t glance at her, more focused on rinsing off.

“One, we tied at the Friendship Games, and we would’ve won if Cinch hadn’t made Twilight go crazy. Two, you didn’t even qualify for the team. Three…” Indigo glanced back at the crack. She didn’t want to say it. Saying it would make it real. Like a lot of problems at Crystal Prep.

“Three?” said Lightning.

Indigo pointed at the one spot of tawny brown on the wall. “Is that a penis?”

— — —

The room went silent for a few moments. Lemon was the first to pick her jaw up off the floor. "I know we already covered this, but the absurdity’s only hitting me now that we’re gettin’ the full story. Someone stuck his dick through a hole in the wall."

"How thin is this wall?" said Sunny.

Sugarcoat raised an eyebrow. “How long is his penis?”

Indigo shrugged. "Couldn’t tell you either way. Either the wall’s thinner than I thought or someone's really packing."

"Rubbing against broken tile, drywall, maybe fiberglass.” Sour shuddered. “Yeah, that sounds real fun."

"I guess some guys are desperate enough to take a risk,” said Lemon. She smirked at Indigo. “'Specially if it worked."

The others turned to look at her too. She squirmed under their scrutiny before admitting, "Lightning Dust dared me to do it."

Sour shook her head. "You two don't have to use boys as proxies, you know. You can just hatefuck each other."

“So…” Lemon said, rocking back and forth with the sheer force of her faux-casual tone, “what was it like?”

“Okay, first off, it was a handjob. And I barely touched it before it went off. And some got in my hair and…” Indigo shook her head, almost shuddering. “Yeah, I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Well, I’m sure whoever he was enjoyed it.” Sour smirked. “For all five seconds.”

“Hmm. Brown skin.” Sunny’s gaze drifted up as she thought. “You don’t think it was Trend—”

Indigo covered her mouth with a hand. “I am begging you to not finish that sentence. Also, he didn’t recite a sonnet afterwards, so probably not.”

“Well,” said Lemon, “we won’t figure that one out unless y’all wanna dust every guy in the school for prints. But we can see if we can find the appeal.” She unpaused the video. “Like so.”

“Shouldn’t we turn the lights back off?” said Sour.

“Eh, not affecting it that much.”

“Oh yeah,” moaned the actress. “Oh, you’re so good.”

Sugarcoat stuck out her tongue. “You really expect this acting to make anything look appealing?”

“The theory was sound. Besides, we’ve definitely had some friendly bonding over funky happenings.”

“Yeah,” grumbled Indigo. “The kind of friendly interrogation I expect out of the CIA.”

Sour patted her on the head. “Don’t be silly. This is domestic; we’d be FBI at worst.”

“Credits are rolling,” said Sunny.

The others looked. Sure enough, the projector was just showing a text crawl.

Sugarcoat adjusted her glasses. “When there’s synth music over everything, it’s hard to tell.”

Lemon grinned. “I feel vaguely called out.”

“I’ll be less subtle next time.”

“Heh. So, Sunny, what cinematic classic did you want to wash out the taste of…” Lemon hummed. “Yeah, don’t think there’s a good way to end that sentence.”

Sunny reached for the disc she’d brought with her, but paused before she took it in hand. "I mean…” Slowly, uncertainly, she drew her hand back. “Citizen Shine would be wasted on the likes of Lemon Zest."

"I do already know that it's the name of her sled."

"And this isn't wholly unpleasant, so we can continue.” Sunny looked about the room. “You know, unless anyone has any objections."

The others traded looks as well. “It was fun,” said Indigo. She glared at Lemon, though she still grinned. “And it’s not like I have any other shower confessions you can force out of me.”

Sugarcoat shrugged. “I’m interested in seeing how far Lemon can push this.”

Sour beamed. “This has honestly been one of the most enjoyable Friday nights I’ve had at Crystal Prep.” The others waited. She shook her head. “No, I’m being sincere. It really has.”

“Awesome!” Lemon cried, smiling in turn. She turned to her laptop and the browser bookmarks. “I did have another lined up. Just a sec.”

Indigo looked up at the ceiling. “We hitting the lights again?”

“Nah,” said Lemon. “I said I had another lined up. I didn’t say it was any better.”

It was, if anything, even more of an ur-porn, if only because it opened with five sorority girls having a giggle-filled pillow fight while collectively wearing about a square foot of fabric.

Sunny snorted at the display. “Don’t go getting any ideas, Lemon.”

“One-vee-one me, scrub,” Lemon said, deep as she could make her voice. “I have memory foam and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Sugarcoat patted said foam, which lay opposite Lemon. “Your pillow’s over here.”

“Betrayal!”

Indigo tilted her head. “Anyone else weirded out by how those are our exact skin tones?”

Lemon went from shaking her fist at the heavens to a carefree grin in an eyeblink. “Art imitating life.”

Sour waggled her fingers. “Ooooh, or it’s us in the fuuuuture.”

“In the distant future of the year 1982,” said Sugarcoat, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“And ‘exact’ is a strong word,” said Sunny. “She’s an almond; you’re more of a peach cream.”

The doorbell to the on-screen sorority rang, prompting the co-eds to scramble downstairs with as much bouncing as they could manage.

Sunny smirked. “Well, we’re already seeing more set variety.”

Sour nodded. “Two whole rooms. Really blew the budget on this one.”

One of the actresses opened the door, revealing an unshaven man with a pizza box and a half-open shirt doing nothing to hide a forest of chest hair. “You girls order an extra-large sausage?” he said, huskier than a wolfhound, one hand tugging down the waistband of his jeans.

The responses came fast and furious.

“Yup!”

“Oh no!”

“We can’t pay!”

“Not with money…”

The fifth just dragged the delivery guy inside by his lapels, directly into a Prench kiss.

“Won’t somebody think of the pizza?” Indigo cried as the box fell from nerveless fingers.

Sour sniffed back a tear. “It was so young.”

One of the girls popped into frame, with the pizza and without her bra. Indigo, Sour, and Lemon all cheered.

“More camera angles as well,” Sunny noted. “This is almost not total garbage.”

More clothing flew off bodies, either tossed or just disappearing between cuts as the delivery guy went from one girl to the next. As underwear littered the floor, the camera sometimes lingered on those sorority members who weren’t currently in his embrace, eating slices with one hand and teasing themselves with the other.

Some watched the fun offscreen. Some stared right into the camera, folding slices in half and licking the fluids out of the cleft.

“Uh, wash your hands, girls,” said Sunny, though her own hands drifted to her waist.

Sour licked her lips. “Anyone else want pizza?”

Indigo swallowed and squirmed. “I could definitely go for something.”

The actresses devoured the last of the pizza shortly thereafter, and then mobbed the delivery guy as if he was next on the menu. He rallied as best he could: One girl sat on his face, another rode his dick, and two made full use of his fingers. The last girl rubbed against everyone involved, taking advantage of whatever space and appendages were available. Occasionally, she’d switch places with one of the others, and the cycle would begin anew.

All the while, at least one sorority girl gave the camera a knowing, half-lidded smirk. Their wordless moans spoke of impossible pleasure and unending bliss.

Sunny swallowed against the building drool. “I, uh, I need to be excused real quick.” Despite saying that, she made no move to get up, though she was slowly grinding against the comforter.

“Same,” said Sour between pants. “I have… a thing. At the place.”

Indigo nodded, tugging at the collar of her gym shirt. “I should go with her. Roomies and all.”

“Don’t feel self-conscious, girls.”

All three turned away from the porn. The view didn’t change much. The only difference was the naked girl was in 3D and was using both hands to pleasure herself.

Sour knew she should have been disgusted. But as spots danced before her burning eyes, she couldn’t really muster up anything beyond vague surprise. “Lemon?”

"Oh, you’ve schlicked to worse." Lemon grinned and inserted the finger that had just been rubbing against her lower lips. “Relax. It’s a party.”

Indigo tried averting her eyes. That got her looking back at Phi Upsilon Kappa. "We're right here," she muttered, hands gripping the comforter until her knuckles turned white. “You’re right here.”

"And?"

They looked to the other end of the bed, whose occupant was similarly occupied. "Et tu, Sugarcoat?" said Sunny.

Sugarcoat shrugged, doing nothing to close her robe as she kept fondling herself. "Snark aside, this is hot in a voyeuristic way. Especially with Lemon joining in."

“Friendship!” Lemon cried as she inserted another finger into her snatch. “Woo!”

A few moments of liquid sounds and breathy panting passed, the three girls sitting on the floor blushing and trading uncertain looks. Finally, Indigo tugged her shirt over her head. "Screw it, this is hot."

Sour breathed a sigh of relief as she disrobed. "Wish that were me."

"Which one?" Indigo said, teasing a nipple with one hand as the other pulled off her shorts.

"The cameraman, obviously."

Sunny looked around the room, sighed, and pulled off her own shirt. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"You're rooming with Moondancer, girl. Any time you need time with someone who doesn't have a stick up her ass, let us know." After a moment, Lemon added. "And, you know, if you're into that kinda thing—"

"I'm not.” Sunny couldn’t help but smile as she did what came naturally. “But I appreciate the gesture."

The on-screen orgy continued. Maybe it was the late hour or the building endorphins clouding the viewers’ minds, but the actresses seemed to look on them with approval. More men arrived without justification or clothing. Even as the camera tried to capture every kiss, every grope, every thrust, there was always at least one pair of eyes watching the watchers.

The Crystal Prep girls’ eyes glazed. As they watched, the actresses shifted, vague resemblance becoming near perfect matches, save for bodies that were appropriately like porn stars. The men became familiar classmates with exaggerated builds and even more exaggerated penises.

Each of the girls saw herself lean in close to the camera, wipe the jizz off her lips, and whisper “Now.”

Lemon and Sugarcoat slipped down to the floor. The others greeted them with kisses and far more. Life imitated art.

And the movie watched its own entertainment.

Author's Note

Frosty Orange is one of the Crystal Prep background humans. They're quite useful and criminally underutilized. The mystery guy in the showers is also a canon background human, but we'll get to him later.

And yes, the One-Winged Angel reference was absolutely necessary. Whole fic falls apart without it.