Cohabitation

BEEP BEEP BEEP-

“Shut up, you damnable contraption!”

Blueblood rolled over on his bed, slamming his hoof into the alarm, swiftly ending it’s shrill cries. After that was taken care of, he continued to snuggle up into the comforts of his blanket. He could hear the sound of bird song, the gentle breeze of the wind, and the calls of papercolts through his open window. A beautiful morning in Canterlot, as always.

Wait.

A single eye snapped opened, looking through his open window with precise scrutiny.

“It’s a fine mornin’ sir! But you know what would make it even better?” The pegasus colt reached into a bag by his side. “If you just took one of these here newspapers!-” The colt didn’t get any further chance to continue before the window was slammed in his face. Blueblood closed the blinds for good measure.

His eyes closed. Then one opened again. His head whipped back towards the window. Papercolts? And the city he saw behind the colt didn’t look like Canterlot…

Blueblood rubbed his eyes and hastily stumbled out of his bed, trotting unsteadily to the window. The blinds were up in an instant, his window flinging up.

The city that met his eyes was not Canterlot. Great spires of metal, concrete, and glass rose up across from him, reaching high into the sky. In the distance, a green mare bearing a torch stood stalwartly watching over Canterlot Bay. But Canterlot didn’t have a bay. Nor did it have giant metal buildings.

He looked down and his eyes dilated. The ground was much too far away for his comfort.

“It’s a fine mornin’ sir! But you know what would make it even bett-

Blueblood passed out and smashed his head on the window beside him.

“-Sir? Are you alright?” The papercolt waited for a response. When he received none, he shrugged, grabbing a rolled up newspaper from his bag and throwing at the stallion’s head. He flew to the next window and went over the mantra. Maybe he didn’t say it with enough enthusiasm?

He shook his head. He didn’tget paid enough for this.

BEEP-

Braeburn practically flew out of the covers of his bed, the alarm barely getting in a pip before an energetic hoof turned it off. The curtains flew open, his hooves slipping under the window and lifting it up. He breathed in.

“Good morning, Appleloosa!”

He opened his eyes. A pegasus colt who was in mid-flight looked back at him awkwardly. “Um, we’re in Manehattan.” The colt scratched the back of his head, before adding in a quick, “Sir.”

They stared at each other for a moment before the colt’s eyes lit up. “But good morning right back at you, SIr, and what a fine morning it is! But do you know what would make it even better!” When Braeburn shook his head no, he continued. “If you just took one of these here newspapers!”

Braeburn rubbed his hooves together. “Sure, I’ll take a newspaper.”

The colt hoofed him over the newspaper and said his goodbyes, flying off to the next window. Braeburn eyed the unfurled paper in his grasp. Stenciled at that top was: Manehattan Times.

His eyes scanned the page in front of him.

Celestia, Princess and Cult leader?

He walked back over to his bed and laid down, letting the newspaper rest on his chest.

“Did I get kidnapped again? ‘Consarn it.”

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP-

Pharynx examined the strange device in front of him. He had been up for quite some time, exploring the confines of the room before the thing had started its screeching.

“Ughhh.”

There was also the pony in the bed. He had thought about waking her but she seemed to be sleeping so peacefully that he couldn’t find it within himself to rouse her. Granted, he had nearly seen his own demise by means of a pony hoof to the neck. Perhaps, it would have been wise to try again but it was too late for any regrets now.

“Hey, I saw that you-” He spoke no more as the demise he had nearly seen came to pass. The pink hoof struck true, cracking him right in the temple. His body collapsed to the floor in a tangled pile of limbs, his head lolling off to the side.

The owner of the hoof snuggled back into the bedsheets, completely oblivious to the entire altercation, but not before turning the alarm into scrap first.

“Shiny, wake up.” Cadence nuzzled her odd looking husband, in hopes that he would wake up. By odd, she meant that she couldn’t remember the last time her husband had been so hard - in this area at least. His skin felt akin to polished stone and he had red horns protruding from the sides of his head.

Maybe, she had a bit too much salt last night.

Maybe, I had a bit too much of everything, she thought. It feels like my head is gonna explode.

“Princess! What are you doing with that… thing!?” A pink-coated filly stood in the doorway with eyes the size of dinner plates. Questions like, who is the filly and how the buck did she get in my room, were prevalent within her mind but she paid them no heed. She needed to defend her husband.

“Don’t call my husband a thing! He’s a very handsome, loving, and caring pony! He just… looks a little strange right now is all.” She glared daggers at the little filly. How dare she call him a thing!

“You’re married to that thing? That’s gross!”

“Shut up, you stupid bitch!”

Well that certainly got out of claw quickly, he thought. I’ll have to replace the sugar with the salt - It would be hilarious!

Now, he just had to wait for Celestia to find out about what he had done, so she could give him her typical slap on the wrist. It was ever so fun toying with her - especially last night, when he had replaced her daily announcement script with a cultist letter. The repercussions of that little joke would be well worth the punishment.

But there was time to waste, now that he had accomplished everything he had set out to do. So, there he sat, trying and failing to make conversation with the statue that he sat upon.

“So, Lady Liberty! How’s it going? It’s been quite some time since we last spoke, hasn’t it?” He paced around on the snout of the statue - sitting down was quite uncomfortable.

“Discord,” the mare said.

He stopped his pacing, looking directly into the large stone eyes that were now fixed on him. “Yes?”

“Get the hell out of my city.”

And that was the end of any further conversation, as a green hoof swatted him off her snout and into the surrounding water.

She never was one for small talk, he thought, as he sank to the bottom of the ocean.