Beanis Quo
“So,” Dr. Neuros said, looking at Sunset. “You’ve been back for a month. How are you adjusting?”
Sunset idly tapped her fingers on the armrest of her chair, considering. She looked up at her therapist. “It’s been… frustrating.”
“How so?”
Sunset sighed and looked out the window. Canterlot City splayed outside. In the distance, Sunset could see the suburbs where all this had started. Had it really been only a couple of years since Rainbow Dash’s stupid request had started all this?
“I left because I wanted to get away from the craziness,” she began slowly. “I just wanted to stop feeling like I was the only sane person in a world of lunatics.”
“You ran away and became a professional bloodsport fighter,” Dr. Neuros said with a wry grin.
“Well, maybe I was a little nuts too,” Sunset said, returning the grin. “After being away for all that time… I forgot that life was going to continue here. And Beanis has just grown. In a lot of ways I didn’t expect.”
“It’s a whole new season of entertainment here on NBC! Tonight, it’s the return of everybody’s favorite adults only sitcom 'Leave It to Beanis!' On this week’s episode: things get downright sticky when Mom discovers Button Mash has been using her recipe Datanis to store his game save files! Don't miss the fun when old Mr. Wattle asks Dad's advice on how to extract a Beanis from a very tight place!
Then, NBC is proud to bring back a long absent tradition with the return of Saturday morning programming for kids! First, enjoy environmentally friendly life lessons with Captain Beanis and the Beaniteers! Then, brace yourselves for a new kind of hero when three ordinary teenagers harness the powers of the Beantrix to battle the evil forces of Prudor and the Repressor Empire in “Big Bad Beanisborgs!”
All this and so much more coming this season on NBC: the National Beanis Company!”
“Oh God,” Sunset groaned, putting her hands in her face. “It’s so much worse than I thought.”
Beside her, Flash Sentry gently rubbed her back. “Yeah, we were all surprised when Twilight announced we were going into TV. Much less that she was launching an all-Beanis network.”
“You could have warned me,” Sunset said, looking up.
“I was too busy indulging your need for punishment to give you too many details.” Flash smirked, causing Sunset to do the same and gently punch him in the shoulder.
“Idiot,” she grinned. She leaned back on the couch. “So Beanis has a TV network now. What other abominations has she inflicted on the populace while I’ve been gone?”
“You know about the new building, of course.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. It was impossible to miss the fifty story phallus that sprouted obscenely in the middle of downtown. It was the tallest building in the city, standing mighty and erect, thrusting its tip toward the sky in defiance of good taste and common sense.
“I have seen the new building, yes.” At night, sometimes she dreamed she was at the controls of a stealth bomber, running a mission to rain fiery death on the architectural abomination. She always woke up before the job was done, though. “And the fast food joints.”
“Oh yeah, Der Beanischnizel’s a huge hit. Really big with the vegan crowd.” Flash’s brow furrowed in thought. “Let’s see, what else, what else, what else?”
“The furniture division!” came a voice from below them. Somnambula drifted up through the floor. “That launches next month.”
Sunset looked at Flash. “Furniture division?”
“Applejack’s idea,” Flash answered, sliding over on the couch, so Sonambula could sit/hover on his other side. “Beanis material pressed into planks and used to make tables and chairs as a wood substitute.”
“And the special chairs,” Sonambula giggled. “Don’t forget about those.”
A blush spread across Flash’s face. “Yeah… those too.”
Sunset held up a hand. “I think I can imagine what those are.”
“We have a prototype in the rumpus room!” Sonambula chirped. “Twilight wanted us to test it. I enjoy riding Flash while he rides the—”
“THANK YOU, I GET IT!”
“And how are things with Flash?”
Sunset smiled. “He’s been an island of relative normalcy while I’ve been trying to get used to everything. This town has gone Beanis crazy.”
“Yes,” Dr. Neuros agreed. “It does seem that way. But it has done wonders for the local economy.”
“Good for the economy, I guess,” Sunset said, bitter sarcasm evident.
“What about your other friends? Have you seen them since you got back?”
“Most of them. Rarity and Aria helped me move into my new place a couple of weeks ago.”
“Hey, Baconator, where do you want this?” Aria asked, hefting the box marked “Consoles.”
“Just put it on the floor in the living room,” Sunset called from the kitchen where she was putting dishes away. “I’ll set all those up once I get the new shelves.”
“Got it.” Aria put the box on the floor and headed back for the front door. “I think that’s it. I’m gonna check the car, just in case.”
“Hurry back, darling,” Rarity said, fluttering her way out of the bedroom. She pressed herself to Aria’s back. “Sunset’s treating us to dinner for all our hard work today.”
“I am?” Sunset asked.
“Of course you are!” Rarity chirped. She leaned forward and Aria turned her head for a kiss. Rarity whispered something into Aria’s ear which caused the siren to blush.
“I don’t know how you do that,” Aria muttered. “I know I had to have heard everything by now.”
“Because you have a filthy mind, sweetheart,” Rarity giggled. She let go and gave Aria a quick slap on the ass. “Go check the car.”
Aria gave her lover a saucy look of her own. “You’ll pay for that later.”
“Oh, I’m sure I will.”
Aria smirked and left the apartment. Rarity let out a sigh of contentment. Sunset smiled as she came out of the kitchen.
“I take it things are going well?”
“Remarkably so,” Rarity said. “There was a bit of a rocky patch while you were gone. But we managed to work things out and it’s been lovely ever since.”
“I’m glad,” Sunset said, giving Rarity a one armed hug. “You deserve some happiness after all you’ve been through.”
“So do you, darling. I’m so glad you’re back. Things haven’t been the same without you.”
“I know. I’m sorry I flaked out on you all.”
Rarity waved a hand. “Pfft-tsk-tch! Water under the bridge, Sunset. You’re back and that’s all that matters. Now, go shower and change, darling. We’re meeting Wallflower and Tempest for dinner.”
“Is this the dinner I’m supposedly paying for?”
“Well, considering you left all your investments just lying there gathering interest for a year, I’d say you can afford it,” Rarity smirked. “But no, I was just teasing. Dinner’s on me tonight. A small welcome back gathering.”
“I’m surprised Pinkie hasn’t ambushed me yet,” Sunset said. “That was the first thing I expected.”
“Yes…” Rarity said absently. “Remind me to talk to you about that later. There’s been something bothering me about her of late.”
“Is she all right?”
“Oh yes, she’s fine.” Rarity blinked and waved her hands. “But, as I said, that’s for later. Now, off to the bathroom with you! Shoo, darling!”
“And how was dinner?” asked Dr. Neuros.
Sunset once again looked out the window, trying not to glare at the Beanis building. The therapist cleared her throat.
“Sunset?”
“Huh?” Sunset looked back sharply. “Oh, sorry. I skipped out there for a second. What was I saying?”
“I was asking how dinner with your friends went.”
“It wasn’t all of them,” Sunset said. There was a note of disappointment in her voice.
“How did that make you feel?”
Sunset shrugged. “Sad. Disappointed. But I can’t really be mad at them, can I? I mean, life went on back here while I was trying to get my brains bashed in on a regular basis.”
“That is GORGEOUS!” Rarity trilled, holding Wallflower Blush’s hand, where a brilliant diamond ring glittered in the restaurant lighting. Wallflower smiled and nodded. She was wearing a casual green dress with spaghetti straps and a matching shawl. Seated next to her was Tempest Shadow, in an exquisitely tailored maroon three-piece suit and tie.
“I hope so, for how much it cost,” Tempest grinned.
“Oh hush,” said Wallflower, leaning over and giving her fiance a peck on the cheek. “You’re the Vice President of Digital Rights Management now. You can afford it.”
“Vice President?” Sunset asked. “Beanis is big enough to need Vice Presidents now?”
“Ehhh, kind of?” Tempest said. “Pretty much DRM is just me and half a dozen other people. We get emails from Twilight telling us who needs their rights managed and we go deal with it. Most of the time, I just send the boys out and monitor things from here.” She reached out and began sipping her drink.
“She’s home a lot more often now,” said Wallflower. “Which makes me very… appreciative.”
Wallflower’s hand disappeared under the table. Tempest’s eyes widened and she nearly spit out the mouthful of expensive bourbon she was drinking. She managed to gulp it down and give Wallflower a look.
“You’re gonna pay for that later, missy.”
“Promises, promises,” Wallflower replied, before sticking her tongue out.
Rarity and Aria joined the happy couple in laughter, while Sunset put a polite smile on her face.
“Speaking of Twilight,” said Sunset. “How’s she been?”
Wallflower and Tempest looked at her, then at each other, then back to Sunset.
“She hasn’t called you?” Wallflower asked.
Sunset shook her head. “Honestly, I haven’t heard from her ever since Rainbow Dash and I got back from that underwater theme park of hers.”
“Well, that’s weird,” said Aria. “I mean, why go to all the trouble of getting you back here if she was just going to ditch you?”
“Aria!” Rarity chided. “I’m certain Twilight has a very good reason why she hasn’t talked to Sunset yet. She’s running a multimillion dollar company now, I’m sure she’s very busy.”
“She has been kind of agitated lately,” Tempest said. “Not sure why. Pinkie mentioned she had some kind of important thing coming up later this week, but nobody’s quite sure what it is.”
“New product launch? That furniture thing Flash told me about?” Sunset asked.
Wallflower shook her head. “No, that’s Applejack’s baby, and she’s got it pretty much under control. Everything else we have in the pipeline is still in various phases of development. It’ll be at least another nine months before we’ll be even close to ready to launch something new.”
“The company’s doing all right though?” Sunset asked.
“It’s doing great,” said Aria. “At least financially. Our stock dividends have never been higher.”
“Since when do you have stock in Beanis?” Sunset asked.
“Oh, I arranged things with Twilight after the takeover of Toy-Fussy,” Rarity explained. “She insisted on giving me some sort of compensation, even though I clearly got the best thing out of the deal.” A sly wink at Aria. “Eventually, we settled on stock options, and then things just took off.”
“And I invested some of my own money from the sale in Beanis as well,” added Aria. “I figured, what the hell? You guys must have been doing something right.”
“You know,” Tempest said thoughtfully. “I do remember a couple of months ago she got really agitated about something. I thought it was about the Beantopia project.”
“Hm.” Sunset said, looking down at her plate.
“Oh, jeez, sorry Sunset,” Tempest said, blushing.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Sunset lied. “I’m sure she’ll get ahold of me when she’s free.”
“And she hasn’t contacted you at all since you got back?” Dr. Neuros asked.
Sunset shook her head. “No. I mean, I found out later that night what Tempest had been talking about at dinner.”
“What do you mean?”
“Senator,” said Twilight Sparkle, speaking into the microphone. “I can assure you that Beanis, Inc. has no intentions of expanding into any sort of public works field. We are committed to our core business of creating farm-to-bedroom, locally sourced, vegan, organic marital aids, with the occasional side venture into exploring other uses for the technology we’ve invented. We are certainly not trying to form a monopoly.”
“Really, Miss Sparkle?” asked the senator, skepticism heavy in his voice. “Isn’t it true that your company has more or less supplanted the entire economy in Canterlot City? From everything we’ve been given, Beanis Inc. or one of its many, many subsidiaries now is the primary employer for most of the populace there. In addition to your… ahem… ‘core business,’ you also run grocery stores, gas stations, several retail chains, and even the local school system gets additional funding in exchange for allowing your non-adult products to be advertised on various campuses. You own a television network, a newspaper --”
“Point of correction, Senator. The Bean Spiller is not a newspaper. It is our company magazine.”
“Which has apparently gained greater circulation than the Canterlot Times. And isn’t it true, Miss Sparkle, that you put in a bid for that newspaper six months ago?”
“I did. I felt with our new innovations in the use of legume based paper, we could reduce the cost of production and save what has become an increasingly outdated and dying industry. When my original offer was rebuffed, I decided to take the initiative.”
“It seems to me,” the senator grumbled. “That you don’t like being told ‘no,’ Miss Sparkle.”
Twilight tilted her head, causing the lights in the chamber to reflect oddly off her glasses, whiting out the lenses. “Does anyone, Senator?”
Sunset stared at the TV and put her face in her hands.
Oh, this is so much worse than I thought.
“I don’t know,” Sunset looked back at her therapist. “Am I just being paranoid? Thinking she’s blowing me off when she’s just busy?”
“Not necessarily,” said Dr. Neuros. She leaned forward in her seat. “The fact that she went to all the trouble to fly you out to that underwater theme park, but then hasn’t contacted you since you’ve been back could mean a lot of things.”
“Like what? That I screwed everything up so horribly and ruined her biggest project ever she wants nothing to do with me anymore?”
Dr. Neuros quirked an eyebrow. “What did we agree on about the self-blame?”
“I know, I know. We leave it at the door,” Sunset muttered. “So, assuming that she isn’t actually avoiding me, why won’t she answer my calls or texts?”
“She could be embarrassed. You did nearly drown in that theme park, plus I’m sure you made it very clear her business was not a healthy place for you to be. She could be blaming herself for your leaving last year. Or, it could simply be that she really is that busy.”
“So what do I do then?”
Dr. Neuros smiled. “In this case? I would suggest a more… direct approach.”
Sunset blinked and pointed out the window. “Visit that… thing?”
“If you want answers, it may be the best course of action.”
Sunset bit her lip. “I don’t know.”
“Sunset, let me be frank with you. At this point, you need to make a decision about how much you want Twilight Sparkle to be a part of your life. If you still want her as a friend, my advice is to speak to her face to face and work out whatever issues you still have with each other. On the other hand, if you can’t do that, then it might be best for you to cut ties with her completely. Either way, you can’t allow yourself to live in this limbo where you don’t know where you stand with her. You’re stagnating now, and you will continue to do so unless you move forward. With or without Twilight.”
Sunset looked out the window at the Beanis tower, indecision heavy on her mind. “I’ll think about it.”
“Not for too long,” said Dr. Neuros. “I expect to hear some progress at our next session.”
Sunset nodded. “I just need to talk to a couple of other people first.”
It was amazing how much a place could change in a year. As Sunset drove out of the medical office parking lot, she was still stunned by how prevalent Beanis was in the city. Everywhere she looked were advertisements for Beanis Inc products. Not just marital aids, but bean based office supplies, bean based community gardens, and even experimental cars that ran on bean paste. Of course, those had failed in what some were apparently calling “The Great Bean Fart Panic of 2020,” but still it was kind of impressive in a truly stupid way.
Sunset got onto the expressway (another new addition) and drove out to the suburbs. She pulled into the driveway of a nice split level home at the end of a cul-de-sac, making sure to park on the left hand side as requested. She got out of her car and knocked on the door. Fluttershy opened it and smiled.
“Sunset!” She gave her a hug and brought her inside. “I’m so glad you could do this.”
“Well, y’know, I felt I owed it to you. After… you know.”
Fluttershy gave her a serious look. “You know I don’t blame you for not being here, Sunset. Stop torturing yourself, okay?”
Sunset gave her a rueful grin. “I’m trying. So where’s the little squirt?”
As if in answer, a cry of surprise came down the stairs from the kitchen, followed by the high pitched squeal of baby laughter. Fluttershy called up.
“Rainbow, honey? Sunset’s here. Are you okay?”
“She just dumped a whole plate of mashed peas in my lap!” came Rainbow Dash’s voice. “These were my good pants too!”
Fluttershy looked at Sunset and giggled. “This happens every time we make plans to go out,” she whispered. “I think Rainbow does it on purpose so she doesn’t have to leave.”
“I thought she wasn’t sure about this whole parenting thing?” Sunset whispered back.
“That was before Fizzlepop got old enough to actually play with. Now I have to practically shove her out the door every morning to go to work.” Fluttershy giggled and looked back up the stairs. “I went out and got you some new slacks earlier this week. They should be on the shelf in the laundry room!”
“Um… well… okay,” Rainbow’s voice said, uncertainly. “I’ll… uh… grab ‘em in a minute.”
“Come on,” Fluttershy said to Sunset. “We better get up there before she starts coming up with reasons why we can’t leave.”
The two walked up the stairs to the main level of the house and entered the kitchen. Rainbow was standing at the sink, dabbling at her pea-covered crotch with a dishrag. Considering some of the fluids she had seen covering Dash’s crotch in the past, Sunset thought mashed peas made a welcome change of pace.
At the end of the kitchen counter, five month old Fizzlepop was happily banging on the tray of her high chair with a spoon and uttering the tuneless squawking that passed for infant singing. Sunset grinned at the baby, who looked at her and laughed again, before resuming her work pummelling the tray into submission.
“Hey, Sunset!” Rainbow grinned, tossing the rag into the sink. She came over and hugged her friend. “Good to see you!”
“You too,” said Sunset. “I like the look.”
Rainbow was dressed in a nice (albeit stained) pair of slacks, a button down shirt with a rainbow colored tie and matching suspenders. She stretched the suspenders out with her thumbs and let them snap back into place, the loud sounds as they hit her chest causing Fizzlepop to laugh again.
“She loves when I do that,” Rainbow said. “Part of why I started dressing like this for work and stuff.”
“It suits you. Did Rarity help?”
“Nah, this is all Flutters.” Rainbow leaned in and whispered to Sunset. “Between you and me, she likes to grab onto the tie when we’re in bed. Says it gives her something to hang on to.”
Sunset cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Right.”
She stepped back a bit and said, louder, “So what are your plans for tonight?”
“Dinner and a show,” Fluttershy answered, coming into the kitchen. She handed Rainbow a pair of gray slacks. “Go get changed, but hurry. Our reservation is at six.”
“Well,” said Rainbow. “I mean, are you sure? We don’t have to go. I’m sure Sunset has better things to do tonight than babysit.”
“Yes, we do, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said firmly. “Rarity went to all the trouble of getting us tickets to Camelton, and we are not going to waste her money. Now, go change those pants.”
Rainbow looked from her wife to Sunset to the baby, then sighed and turned to leave the kitchen. As she passed, Fluttershy hugged her from behind.
“Play your cards right,” she whispered in Rainbow’s ear, “And you’ll get to do that thing you like when we get home. The really dirrrrrrrrrty thing.”
Rainbow swallowed hard, and then stiffened… in several places. “I’llberightback!” She zipped out of the kitchen in a swirl of colors. Sunset grinned.
“Nice to see some things haven’t changed,” she said.
“Yeah,” Fluttershy leaned over and wiped Fizzlepop’s mouth. “Have you talked to Twilight?”
“No,” Sunset sighed. “I tried calling her but she hasn’t gotten back to me. I guess she’s busy.”
“That’s no excuse for ignoring you,” said Fluttershy, with uncharacteristic venom. “I’ve told her time and again that you two need to sit down and talk.”
Sunset blinked. “Um...okay.”
Fluttershy looked over her shoulder and smiled. “Sorry. Side effect of being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been a little stir crazy the last few weeks, and everyone’s been so busy at work. I’ve really only seen everyone whenever Rainbow forgets something and I have to go to the office.”
Sunset frowned, remembering something Rarity had said. “Is everything all right over there? Rarity mentioned something about Pinkie Pie, but we didn’t get a chance to follow up on it.”
Fluttershy picked up Fizzlepop, who looked around the kitchen in that vague way babies do. Her mother held her in one arm and turned back to Sunset. “Well, she’s… changed.”
“Changed? In what way?”
“You remember how, just before you left, she started working in the customer service department?”
“Yeah, that was kinda weird. I thought she was doing well with her camgirl thing.”
Fluttershy nodded. “After you left, she seemed to go into overdrive. But all the energy she put into parties, and her cam work, and, well, just being Pinkie got diverted into her job. And a few months ago, Twilight promoted her to being her personal assistant. Ever since then, she’s been very… distant.”
“Distant?” Sunset repeated. That was definitely not a word she would have ever used to describe Pinkie. “Distant how?”
“She’s very professional. Almost too professional. She doesn’t really joke or laugh so much anymore. Everything is organization and schedules now. She’s polite, but she’s nowhere near as vibrant as she was.”
Sunset opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted when Rainbow came back into the kitchen. She snapped her suspenders again, causing Fizzlepop to laugh. Rainbow leaned over and made a funny face at her daughter.
“Yeah, you like it when Daddy does that, don’tcha Little T?” She held out her hands and took the baby from Fluttershy, who looked at her watch.
“Oh! We need to get going. The show starts at 8 and we wanted to get dinner before then.”
Rainbow nodded, a little dejectedly. “I guess we should.”
Sunset stepped in front of her, causing Fizzlepop to look up and hold out her arms. Rainbow blinked and Fluttershy giggled.
“Looks like Fizzlepop likes her Auntie Sunset,” she said. Sunset took the baby in her arms and smiled at her. She looked, as expected, like an infant version of Tempest, only with a more unruly and fuller head of bright scarlet hair.
Putting any speculation about what this would mean for the space-time continuum firmly out of her mind, Sunset turned back to her friends. “All right, you two. I’ve got this covered. Go have fun.”
“You’ll call if there’s any problems, right?” asked Rainbow. Sunset tried not to laugh at the worry on her face.
“Yes, but I seriously doubt anything will happen. It’s not like I’m gonna start baby deathmatches in your backyard the second you leave.”
“That… sounds pretty awesome actually,” Rainbow admitted. Fluttershy cleared her throat and gave her a look. Rainbow straightened up and pointed at Sunset. “But don’t do it! We’ll know!”
Sunset laughed. “Will you two get out of here? Fizzle and I will be fine. Right, kid?”
Fizzlepop looked at Sunset and headbutted her, causing Sunset to reel backward. She staggered, almost dropped the baby, then managed to recover. She held a hand to her forehead and stared at her. The baby just laughed again, like she had pulled the best practical joke in the world.
“Yeah, sorry, she does that,” Rainbow grimaced. “Should have warned you. But that’s a good thing. It means she likes you.”
Sunset looked from Rainbow to Fizzlepop and back again. “Do I want to know what she does if she doesn’t like you?”
“No,” Fluttershy said with a smile. She touched Rainbow’s arm. “We need to get going.”
“Yeah, okay.” Rainbow still looked uncomfortable.
“Rainbow Pollyanna Dash, you take your wife out for dinner and a show right now,” Sunset said in a mock stern voice. “Or you can just forget about the all night HackSlashers game I promised you.”
Rainbow gave Sunset a dirty look. “I wish I had never gotten so drunk and told you my middle name.”
“Next time, call a Ryde,” Sunset shot back with an evil grin. Her expression relaxed into a genuine one. “Seriously, go have a good time.”
“All right,” said Fluttershy. “We should be back by midnight at the latest. Bedtime’s at 8, and feel free to rent something on Yangtze to watch if you want.”
Sunset nodded and carried Fizzlepop to the door. Fluttershy and Rainbow each kissed their daughter and, with some continued reluctance on Rainbow’s part, soon left for their date. As soon as she heard the car pull out of the driveway and the garage door closed, Sunset held Fizzlepop up in front of her.
“All right, kid, we’ve got the place to ourselves. What do you want to do first?”
Fizzlepop stared at her, then made a face of great concentration. A few seconds later Sunset’s nostrils flared and she stared at the baby.
“You were just waiting for them to leave so I’d have to deal with that, weren’t you?”
Fizzlepop looked at her confused, then laughed again.
“You are most definitely Rainbow Dash’s kid.”
Sunset stared up at the tumescent tower that was the new Beanis Inc. building and sighed.
You can do this. You CAN do this.
She took another deep breath and walked into the building. The new lobby was sleek and ultramodern, but it still reminded her of the lobby of the old building. Large windows that let in plenty of sunlight. Sleek furniture. Even the front desk was similar.
Wait. Sunset looked harder and smiled in spite of herself. It was the old desk. Of anything that could have been kept from the old building, she didn’t expect the reception desk. If anything, she expected The Couch to have made the move.
Her eyes widened at the thought. Oh, shit, I hope that DIDN’T come here.
“Can I help you?”
Sunset blinked at the receptionist’s voice. She didn’t recognize her. A lot of the faces she saw in the lobby weren’t familiar to her now. She shook her head and smiled.
“Yes, sorry. I’d like to see Starlight Glimmer, please.”
“Do you have an appointment?” the receptionist asked.
“No.”
The receptionist’s face fell, but before she could say anything Sunset continued. “Just tell her Sunset Shimmer is here to see her. She’ll make time for me.”
The receptionist looked suspicious, then adjusted her headset mic and tapped a key on her keyboard. “Miss Pie? There’s a Sunset Shimmer here in the lobby. She wants to speak to Ms. Glimmer. She doesn’t have an appointment.”
The receptionist listened to the reply, then visibly relaxed. “I’ll tell her. Thank you.”
She looked up at Sunset, smiling brightly. “Miss Pie will be down in a moment to escort you up, Ms. Shimmer.”
Sunset walked away from the desk, perplexed. Miss Pie? Since when is Pinkie not on first name terms with anybody?
She took a seat on one of the sofas facing the elevators. After a few moments, one of them opened, and Sunset stared in disbelief.
It was Pinkie all right, but not how Sunset remembered her. She was dressed in a smart tan business suit with a white button down shirt and a frill-less pencil skirt. Her hair, normally a poofy mess, was tied back in a severe bun, which in itself seemed like an impossibility since the bun in question was in no way large enough to contain all of Pinkie’s hair.
The next thing that was off was the lack of a “I-haven’t-seen-you-in-a-year-so-here’s-a-flying-tackle-bear-hug-that-might-cause-severe-rib-damage” hug. Instead, Pinkie simply walked up to Sunset and gave her a polite, professional smile.
“Hello, Sunset Shimmer,” she said evenly. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Um… yeah. Good to see you too, Pinkie,” Sunset said uneasily. “You’re looking… well.”
“Thank you. Ms. Glimmer is in her office. I’ll take you up to see her.”
“O… kay.” Sunset frowned as Pinkie escorted her to the elevator. Inside, Pinkie swiped an ID card against a pad above the elevator buttons and pressed the button for the twentieth floor. Pinkie noticed the look Sunset gave her as she returned the card to her pocket.
“Ever since the Tofussy incident, Ms. Sparkle was insistent on tighter security when we moved to this building,” she explained with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“‘Ms. Sparkle?’ Pinkie, it’s me. You don’t have to be so distant.”
Another not-quite-smile. “With the expansion of the business, Ms. Sparkle is very insistent on a professional atmosphere. Please don’t take it personally, Ms. Shimmer.”
“A little hard not to, Pinkie,” Sunset said. “I thought we were friends.”
“We are,” Pinkie replied smoothly. “I just choose to keep things professional when I’m at the office.”
Sunset opened her mouth to respond, but the elevator stopped and the doors opened before she could get a word out.
“Right this way,” said Pinkie. She led Sunset through several corridors before they arrived at an office with a plaque that read “Starlight Glimmer, VP Accounting.” The office door was open and Pinkie knocked politely.
“Ms. Glimmer? Surprise visitor for you.”
Starlight looked up from her computer, saw Sunset and bounded to her feet. “Sunset!”
Sunset found herself swept up in a large hug from her fellow Equestrian. She returned it gladly, before the two separated.
“Why didn’t you call? We could have had lunch!” Starlight gushed.
“It was an impromptu thing,” Sunset said. “You’re looking good!”
“Thanks! Rarity was a big help when Twilight imposed this whole ‘professional’ dress code thing. That’s one of the things about this simulation I don’t get. It’s just so much easier for clothes to be an optional thing, but I guess the spell coding wasn’t perfect. Oh well.”
Sunset barely avoided rolling her eyes at Starlight’s usual insistence that the entire world was some sort of magically constructed simulation. At least some things hadn’t changed.
There was a polite cough from behind them. The two turned to look at Pinkie, who stood there like a robot.
“Just a reminder, we have a conference call with Ms. Sparkle at three o’clock in the main room. Don’t be late, Ms. Glimmer.”
“Thanks, Pinkie!” Starlight enthused.
“Conference call?” Sunset asked. “Um… any chance I could sit in on that?”
“Oh, sure!” said Starlight. “That would be --”
“Impossible,” Pinkie finished. She turned to Sunset. “I’m sorry, Ms. Shimmer, but due to the proprietary nature of the agenda, we cannot allow anyone who is not a Beanis Inc. employee attend company meetings, even major shareholders.”
Sunset stared at her. “Fine. Can you at least tell Twilight I’d like to talk to her?”
“I will pass along the message.”
“Thanks.” Sunset turned back to Starlight. “How about you? How’s things?”
“They’re going great!” said Starlight. “We’re expanding like crazy. Profits are up, the shareholders are happy, and I have more responsibilities. I am RULING this game!”
“Great,” Sunset said through a plastered on smile. This was turning into a disaster. This was turning into a fiasco. This was turning into a bad hybrid between Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The Stepford Wives. And not the good versions either.
Fortunately, her brain reminded her there was still one friend she hadn’t checked in with yet.
“Applejack!” she blurted. The other two looked at her strangely, before Sunset smiled again, so wide she was sure they could see her back teeth. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to Applejack in a while. Is she around?”
“Oh, sure!” Starlight came around her desk. “We still keep the greenhouse on the roof. I’m pretty sure she’s up there now.”
“I’m afraid Ms. Shimmer doesn’t have the security clearance necess--” Pinkie began before Starlight grabbed Sunset’s arm and pushed them both past her.
“It’s Sunset, Pinkie,” Starlight called over her shoulder. “There’s nothing up there she hasn’t seen before. Go reorganize Twilight’s office or something.”
“You know perfectly well that Ms. Sparkle doesn’t approve of anyone entering her office when she isn’t there,” Pinkie huffed as she followed them back to the elevator. “I suppose we could allow Ms. Shimmer provisional access to the greenhouse. With both of us escorting her.”
“Fine, great!” Starlight said. “Let’s go!”
“Sunset!” Applejack cried as soon as she looked up from her work to see who had arrived in the elevator. She rushed over and embraced her friend in a bear hug that could have almost rivaled Pinkie’s old record.
“Hi, AJ,” Sunset gasped. Applejack let her go and grinned.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were comin’ to the office? I woulda got the place all spiffied up for ya!”
“Kind of an impromptu thing,” Sunset lied. She looked around. “And I don’t know how this place could be spiffied up anymore than it already is.”
The new greenhouse was easily five or six times larger than the old one. Bean crops of all kinds were in various stages of growth. Automatic sprinklers periodically switched on and off, rotating through each crop. The aisles between the various tables and counters were clear. In the back corner, Sunset could see the locked off section of the greenhouse where the semi-sentient bean vines writhed in their lewd, undulating way. Near that section, Sunset saw some plants that looked a little out of place.
“Wait,” she said, pointing. “Are those coffee beans?”
“Yup,” Applejack grinned. “Nothin’s on the market yet, but Twilight's been workin’ on a new mornin’ use beanis. Get yer jolt of caffeine in a whole new way.”
“Oh, God,” Sunset groaned. She quickly snapped her mouth shut and blushed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Applejack said, her grin still in place. “Been too long since I heard you get appalled by anything we do around here. I kinda missed it.”
“I missed you too. How are things?”
“Pretty much the same as they were,” answered the farmer. “I grow the beans, occasionally help out with testin’ stuff. Oh! I did get Twilight to approve an idea I had for bean-based furniture! We launch next month!”
“Flash and Nambs told me. Congratulations.”
A disapproving “hmmm” came from behind them. Sunset and Applejack turned to where Pinkie was making a note on her phone.
“Problem?” Sunset asked.
Pinkie didn’t answer her, instead turning to Starlight. “When Mr. Sentry reports to work tomorrow, please take some time to remind him of the NDAs he signed as part of his employment.” She threw a glare at Applejack. “No one was supposed to know about the furniture yet.”
“Oh come on, Pinkie,” Starlight said. “It’s not like Sunset is working for another company. Why would she need to? She’s rich!”
“Procedures must be followed. That’s why we have them.”
Sunset shook her head, deciding to let Starlight deal with Pinkie. She tuned out their squabbling and turned back to Applejack.
“Sounds like they’re keeping you busy.”
“Not so much. Mostly I just keep an eye on everything and make sure all the automated systems are workin’ right. Sprinklers are on a timer. There’s automatic fertilizing doohickeys and weeding thingamawhatzits Twilight built so most of the grunt work gets done. Hell, even harvest time’s a breeze.”
Applejack led Sunset over to a table in the far corner. Several hydroponic racks of bean plants were set up on top of it. Nearby was a conveyor belt with several plastic bins on it.
Applejack picked up a large box with a red and a green button and hit the green one. The racks began to rotate and several sets of robotic arms descended from the rafters of the greenhouse. Sunset watched as the arms deftly took each bean plant, carried it over to the conveyor, held it above a bin and deftly plucked each bean pod from the stalk. Then the arms tossed the stalk into an oversized barrel labeled “Compost.” They then repeated the process. When the first bin was full, the conveyor belt came to life. Another arm pushed the full bin onto the belt, which was carried down the length of the wall to a small opening next to the elevator. It slid into the opening and began to slowly descend out of sight.
“Cool, huh?” said Applejack. “The bins go down to the processing floors where they get husked and ready for use.”
“Wow,” Sunset said. She was genuinely impressed. The whole setup was efficient as hell and explained how Beanis Inc. was able to keep up with the demand for its products.
“Yep. Of course, I got a small plot in the back where I do more traditional growin’. This newfangled high tech stuff is nice and all, but sometimes ya just gotta get down in the dirt yourself.”
“And ‘tucker out’ the vines?” Sunset said with a wry grin. Applejack stared at her for a moment then blushed and smiled.
“Never thought I’d see the day when you’d make a joke about that.”
“I’m learning to mellow out a little.”
“Looks good on ya.”
“If you’ve seen enough, Miss Shimmer,” Pinkie Pie called from where she hadn’t moved since stepping off the elevator. “Applejack has plenty of work to do, as do the rest of us.”
Sunset looked from her to Applejack, who had a look of distaste on her face.
“Hey,” Sunset said. “You okay?”
“I swear, I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She’s just all work, work, work. She don’t even come over when any of us invite her. Hell, sometimes I think she doesn’t even go home at night.”
“Yeah,” Sunset agreed. “Listen, I wanted to ask --”
“It really is time to go, Miss Shimmer!” Pinkie’s voice was unnaturally sharp.
“Just a second!” Sunset called. She looked at Applejack. “Listen, call me after you get home tonight. My number’s still the same. I want to ask you--”
At that moment, there was a crash and the sound of shattering glass as half a dozen people smashed into the greenhouse and landed on the tables, crushing some of the hydroponic racks.
“HEY!” Applejack yelled. “Get yer clodhoppers of’n my crops!”
The six figures were dressed all in black, with balaclavas covering their faces. Each carried a variety of melee weapons. The one closest to them pulled out a large scimitar from a scabbard on his back and pointed at them.
“Your legume reign of terror and hegemony ends here! On behalf of all those wronged by this disgusting company, we will punish you!”
Pinkie Pie sighed and walked up to the leader. “This again? We really don’t have time for this, but then I haven’t really had a good rogering for a while. Make it fast though, I have a meeting.”
Sunset wasn’t sure who was more surprised, herself or the leader, when Pinkie turned around, hiked up her skirt, yanked her panties to her knees, and bent over.
“I hope you brought lube this time,” said Pinkie. “Last time we had to improvise and it was really messy.”
“What the hell are you doing, woman?!” cried the leader. “We’re here to kill you!”
“Ah,” Pinkie said, standing up and replacing her underwear. “You’re the other kind of assassins.”
Sunset stared, slack jawed, as Pinkie’s foot lashed out in a blur and caught the leader right under the chin. He went flying and slammed into two of his lieutenants behind him, the table of bean sprouts collapsing under the sudden weight.
“Oh for corn’s sake!” Applejack snarled. She dashed to her workbench and grabbed a rake that was leaning against it. She brought it up and swung wide, catching another assassin in the chest with the back of the rake head.
Meanwhile, Pinkie took down another with a swift chop of her hand to the throat. The assassin dropped to her knees, gasping for air. Pinkie grabbed the back of her head and began slamming it repeatedly into the tabletop. Sunset’s jaw dropped again at the sight of the sheer violence of the act, and Pinkie’s dispassionate expression. Pinkie began speaking, punctuating each word with another skull-to-table impact.
“You. Are. Putting. Me. Off. My. Schedule!”
Pinkie let the unconscious assassin go. Sunset stepped forward and yelped when another assassin appeared behind her, wrapping an arm around her neck. She felt the sharp point of a blade in her lower back. Old instincts from the Blood Dome came back unbidden. Sunset drove the heel of her boot into the assassin’s foot, crushing the instep. At the same time, she grabbed the arm around her neck, and bent over, hurling the assassin over her shoulders and off her back. The assassin let out a cry of pain as the table of beans collapsed under his weight. He rolled over, trying to get to his feet but Sunset unleashed a fierce kick that caught him under the chin and sent him flying back, crashing into the table again.
“GET OFFA ME!” Applejack cried. Sunset looked up to see Applejack had been ambushed. One of the assassins was behind her, grabbing the rake and pinning the farmer between the rake and himself. The lead assassin was approaching, raising his scimitar. Sunset scanned the room and spotted the control box for the harvesting arms.
“Starlight!” she called. Starlight, a few aisles over, grabbed the assassin she was struggling with, headbutted her, and turned. Sunset pointed out Applejack and the box. “Hit the button!”
“On it!”
As Starlight ran for the box, Sunset leaped onto one of the other tables and began bounding like a gazelle across them, getting a small sense of satisfaction out of each bean plant that she knocked to the ground in the process. She threw herself into the air and onto the leader’s back.
He snarled and spun in place, trying to throw Sunset off. Sunset wrapped her own arm around his neck and jerked hard, trying to steer the flailing lunatic into place. She glanced up and grinned as she saw the arms above her. She turned her gaze to Starlight, who had the box in hand. “Hit it!”
Starlight wasted no time and thumbed the green button. The arms came to life and began to descend. Sunset dropped off the leader’s back and gave him a firm kick in the ass. He crashed face first into the table in front of him. He got to his feet, his eyes blazing with fury.
“You insolent bitch!” The leader whirled, sword over his head. “Now you will pay for you-- HEEEEEEY!”
The arms grabbed the leader by the shoulders and dragged him up into the air. He let out a comical yelp as the arms began moving toward the bins. Sunset smirked then let out a yell of her own as another assassin grabbed the collar of her jacket and yanked her backwards. She quickly shrugged out of the garment and turned to face her new assailant. The two began trading blows. Sunset dodged and blocked as best she could, but the Blood Dome was designed for brawlers and this assassin was clearly a trained martial artist. She felt a crunch as the assassin’s fist hit her jaw.
Great, there’s another 1200 bucks to get that crown replaced.
Applejack, now freed up from her own attack, dropped the rake, activated her geode and took out the remaining assassin in front of her with one punch. She saw Sunset struggling, but yells from Pinkie and Starlight told her they were having problems of their own. Applejack picked up the rake, broke the handle over her knee and threw it to Sunset.
“Sunset! Heads up!”
Sunset looked up and shot out a hand, catching the broken handle. She swung it around, clocking her assassin in the side of the head, allowing her to jump back out of range. She swung the handle a few times. Not as hefty as her beloved bat, but it would do. The assassin moved into a new fighting stance. Sunset grinned and pointed the handle at him.
“I’m gonna fuck you up.”
The assassin charged, as did Sunset. The assassin leaped into the air going for a flying kick. Sunset dropped and slid on her knees, letting momentum propel her forward. As she passed under the assassin, she jammed the handle straight up into his exposed crotch.
Broken end first.
The assassin crashed to the floor, howling in pain. Sunset got to her feet and took a quick tally.
Two out of commission. Two on Pinkie. One on Starlight.
The leader let out a scream as the robotic arms, having shaken him senseless, dropped him unceremoniously onto the conveyor belt. He lay there, unmoving, as it carried him to the hatch in the wall and the elevator inside caused him to vanish from sight. Sunset decided to leave him for now, and turned to her friends. Applejack had gotten to Pinkie and the two of them were holding their own. Starlight, on the other hand, was having some trouble.
“Get your hands off of me!” the accountant was snarling. The assassin had one arm around her waist, and doing a good job of holding on, but Starlight’s constant struggling was preventing her from doing much more than holding her in place.
“Hey! Hands off my lunatic friend!” Sunset yelled. She took a running start, stepped on the assassin on the floor (causing her to let out another cry of pain), leaped into the air, raising the rake handle high over her head. She flew over the tables and came crashing down, swinging the handle in a downward arc of doom. The handle connected solidly with Starlight’s assailant’s head, followed quickly by Sunset landing on both of them, sending all three to the ground. Sunset sprang to her feet and helped Starlight up.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, thanks,” Starlight replied. She looked down at the assassin, then up at Sunset. “Wanna pound this motherbucker’s head in?”
Sunset grinned. “Thought you’d never ask.”
A few extremely violent and completely inappropriate (even for this fic series) moments later, the four young women had pummeled their assailants into submission. Sunset wiped a trickle of blood off the corner of her mouth with her hand.
“Is this a regular thing now, or…?”
“Not so much,” said Applejack. “This is only… what… the third time this has happened?”
“Fourth if you count the brainwashed florist,” Pinkie replied. She looked at her watch, then at Starlight. “We have a meeting.”
“Another one?” Starlight whined. “But I haven’t even taken lunch yet!”
“Business doesn’t sleep, Ms. Glimmer, you know that.” Pinkie turned to Sunset. “It was very nice to see you again, Ms. Shimmer. Thank you for your assistance.”
Sunset blinked. That had sounded distinctly like a dismissal. “Um, sure. Good to see you too, Pinkie.”
Pinkie nodded and turned to Applejack. “I’ll send maintenance up to clean up the mess. Could you please see Ms. Shimmer out of the building, Applejack?”
Applejack frowned. “Sure thing, Pinkie.”
Pinkie gave a curt smile and turned toward the elevator. A shuriken suddenly sped through the group and grazed her arm, cutting through the jacket and blouse underneath.
“WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER!” came the deranged cry of the lead assassin. The women turned to see him clawing his way out of the hatch where the beans left the conveyor. He staggered along, dragging his scimitar behind him. His clothes were ripped to shreds, his pants missing completely, revealing a worryingly tight thong.
“You will all die for this insolence!” he screamed and began running against the still moving conveyer belt.
Applejack’s frown deepened. “I ain’t got time for this bullshit. C’mon!”
She led them out of another exit door, pulling her phone from her pocket. Once they were in the stairwell leading down, she tapped the screen. Instantly a metal shutter dropped over the door they had just exited.
“HEY!” came the muffled voice of the leader.
“What the hell?” Sunset asked.
“Emergency lockdown,” Applejack explained. “Shuts down the elevator and locks off all the exits from the greenhouse.”
“In case a fire breaks out or something?”
Applejack grinned. She held up her phone, where an assortment of buttons listed off the various elements of the greenhouse. “Or somethin’.”
She tapped the button marked “Bean Vine Security Lock.” The button turned from red to green and displayed the word “Open.”
Sunset blinked then let out a “GAH” of surprise as something big and heavy slammed into the door. The lead assassin’s muffled yells quickly became much louder.
“THAT DOESN’T GO THERE! STAY BACK!!!”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Sunset asked, a little dazed. Some things you never got used to, even if you could joke about them.
“Naw,” said Applejack. “Whole thing’s designed to keep the vines in.”
“I was more concerned about -- “
“OH DEAR GOD THAT CAN’T POSSIBLY FIT!”
“That,” Sunset finished. Applejack shrugged.
“They get frisky, but they ain’t actually dangerous. ‘Sides, they smashed up my crops. Not exactly feelin’ charitable right now. I’ll give it ten minutes, then let ‘em out.”
“”WHY DOES IT FEEL SO GOOOOOOOD?!”
There was an awkward silence… well, except for the moans of pleasure coming from the other side of the door.
“Um, yeah,” said Starlight. “Let’s go back down to my office and get cleaned up, yeah?”
“An excellent idea, Ms. Glimmer,” said Pinkie. She turned and started smartly descending the stairs. The others followed, Sunset in the rear. As they reached the landing for the floor with Starlight’s office, a shudder rocked the stairwell, causing Pinkie to bang into the wall.
“Ow!”
“Y’all right, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“I’m fine, thank you. Ms. Glimmer, I’ll see you in the conference room. I’m going to grab another jacket from my office.”
“Right,” said Starlight. Pinkie disappeared through the door. Starlight turned to Sunset and Applejack.
“Well, it was great to see you, and I’ll definitely have to let Twilight know this assassin fighting minigame was a great idea! Good to see you again, Sunset.”
“Yeah, you too, Starlight.”
Starlight grinned and exited the stairwell. Sunset turned to Applejack. “Okay, what the hell was that?”
Applejack’s face was pensive. “Honestly, I don’t rightly know. They started up a few months ago. They don’t happen often, but they shake the buildin’ somethin’ fierce. Twilight says it’s just minor earthquake tremors, but they seem a little too regular for that.”
“Yeah.” Sunset folded her arms and frowned. She glanced at the wall where Pinkie had hit and blinked. A small green smear was on the handrail around the landing. She reached out and touched it. It was wet and part of it came easily onto her fingertips. Sunset rubbed her fingers together and noted that it dried and flaked off her fingers much like a small amount of blood would.
“Ya got somethin’ there, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“Not sure.” Sunset absently wiped her fingers off on her jeans and turned to Applejack. “Listen, can you let me know when those tremors start again?”
“I guess so, but why?”
“Call it concern for my crazy friends,” Sunset smiled. Applejack returned the grin.
“Can do. Listen, I gotta get back up there and get the vines back in their pen and get all them varmints outta my greenhouse. Can ya find yer way back to the elevator from here?”
“Sure, no problem.”
The two friends hugged and Applejack started back up the stairs. “Call me in a couple of days. Let’s go out!”
“Sounds good! Catch you later!”
“See ya, Sunset.”
Sunset went through the stairwell door and made her way to the elevator. She called it and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized she was alone. She hit the button for the lobby and pulled out her phone. As she did so, she looked up and frowned at the security camera hidden in the corner of the ceiling.
She pocketed the phone, and waited for the ride to come to an end. She quickly left the elevator and crossed the lobby, nodding to the surly receptionist on the way out.
Once she was outside, she quickly walked four blocks before she felt comfortable pulling her phone out again. She tapped a contact and listened to the ringing.
“Rarity Investigates. The most fashionable detective agency in town.” Rarity trilled. “How can I help you?”
“Rarity, it’s Sunset. You were right. Something’s going on at Beanis.”
Sunset looked back at the Beanis Inc building. It blotted out the afternoon sun, making the fifty story phallus look dark and oppressive. A frown caused Sunset’s expression to darken as well.
“And we’re going to find out what.”
Author's Note
We're ba-aaaaaaack!
