The Most Loved Carrot
The beauty of a carrot can drive some folks insane,
Taking from them sanity they never can regain,
So begins the tale of Angel, a bunny not so good nor pure,
Who was robbed of earthly happiness due to a carrot’s strong allure.
Angel softly stroked the vegetable’s green plumage. Lowering his paw he traced the protruding top, fingering the line where green met orange. He shivered in breathless anticipation – it would soon be time. Angel had been watching this carrot ever since he first laid eyes on its small, peeking, still-green top emerging from the ground. It had been twelve weeks to the day since Fluttershy had carelessly thrown a seed into their small garden, and now the carrot was ready to be picked.
Every bone in Angel’s body, every instinct that made a bunny what a bunny is, was screaming for it to be done, and he was more than happy to oblige. Taking the carrot’s lowermost greenery firmly in his paws, Angel began to pull. He put his knees, arms and back wholly into that one action. Pushing against the ground with his white fluffy feet, and then leaning back with all his might, Angel tried. And tried. And as most inadequately sized carrot pickers are wont to do, he failed.
Abandoning his first attempt, Angel released the carrot and paused. Taking a moment, he looked up at the sky. It was overcast as usual, the weather ponies not making a single residence so near the Everfree a real priority. Only Rainbow Dash bothered to come by and kick a few clouds now and then.
His gaze swept the garden, passing daisies and onions, looking for anything to aid in his challenge. Not even the looming darkness and creepy looking trees of the Everfree gave way to ideas.
Finally his vision came upon the cottage. The small brown door stood beside a window, decked out with flowerbox and all. Inspiration struck abruptly, but it was not a cruel smile that spread over Angel’s face, but a cold look of solid unforgiving determination, which was, in itself, a far more terrifying thing. The door looked like a mouth; the window looked like an eye. What had an eye and mouth? Why, ponies of course. And by ponies he meant Fluttershy.
Angel flexed his fluffy right paw in confident anticipation – he always kept his pimp hand strong. He marched straight up to the door, rudely knocking with his foot, thereby establishing his sense of both control and no-nonsense badassery. There was no question the little rabbit was, pardon the expression, a man with a plan.
Fluttershy opened the door wildly, a huge smile plastered across her newly makeupped, yellow schnozzle. She blinked in rapid concession, staring at the empty space before her eyes, the smile faltering and then disappearing altogether. Sighing with a twinge of regret she let her eyes drift downward, nearly touching noses with Angel, staring intently at his sniffs, arm-waves and foot-thumps.
Receiving his meaning through wordless body language and rabbit-speak, Fluttershy glanced away hesitantly.
“Oh…I don’t know…” She made a futile attempt to hide behind her combed, velvety mane, shrinking back at Angel’s insistent foot thumps.
“I just did all my makeup, and…and I am a bit busy, so…I’m sorry…can it wai-eeeoomph!” Her sentence was cut off as Angel stuck a luxuriously furry paw straight into her mouth.
His glowering pitch black eyes glinted.
No.
Helplessly, Fluttershy cast her fear filled eyes to the sky, praying for a cyan angel to come and whisk her away, but as dreams are wont to do, it did not come true.
Angel dragged his newly-captured slave to the garden, jabbing a furry finger at the ever-alluring carrot. Giving him one last sad look, Fluttershy bent her already lowered head, grasping the green top in her mouth to begin gently pulling.
Angel’s heart pumped in anticipation, for where Fluttershy’s had fallen flat, Angel’s dreams were coming true, turning out better than he could have imagined. He held his breath as the plump orange vegetable emerged from the ground. It was perfect. A fat, rounded top led the eye delightedly downward, sloping to the slender base from which a few roots hung limp. It was nearly as tall as he was, and about as wide. He could smell the fresh, earthy fragrance drifting from the newly plucked vegetable.
The carrot seemed to call his name, whispering sweet nothings to him, begging for his soft lips to close around its orange length. Angel reached out a paw, wheezing in delight. As he brushed his white appendage against the carrot, his mind abandoned him for a moment, lost in the thoughts of oncoming ecstasy. It was cool to the touch. Angel shook the thoughts of the future from his head. There was only now, only him and the carrot.
Gingerly he accepted his prize from the now freed Fluttershy, waving her away with a dismissive hand. Her role had been played, and now that his beloved carrot was in his arms, there was no place in his heart for her, his once-friend.
Angel walked to the cottage, intent on washing off the carrot so it would shine like a diamond. He wanted his beloved to shine enough to make even Rarity jealous. However, he only made it a few steps through the door when a thunderous noise sounded and vibrations like that of an earthquake shook the cottage’s very foundations.
The wall to Angel's left exploded inward, cracks spreading like wildfire before breaking under the unknown outside pressure. Bits of stone and roof tile began to rain from the sky and a cloud of choking dust took to the air, blinding anything trapped within. A huge chunk of wooden beam and brick, bound together with thick nails, their deadly pointed tips unsheathed, landed with a whiz and a sickening thud inches from Angel's side.
He was thrown off balance, mind reeling in a vain attempt to process his near-death. Abandoning thought to follow instinct, Angel ran, losing the carrot in his mad rush to escape. Small bits of loose debris flew through the air, but to one as small and squishy-soft as Angel they were deadly projectiles. He ducked, weaved, and squiggly-squidded frantically, fighting for his life through the chaos.
Swiftly as it had come the quaking stopped, and the chunks of stone, brick and tile settled. For a moment not a whisper was heard and the world held its breath.
The eery silence was shattered by one sharp, worried breath. Looking down at his empty arms, Angel skidded to a stop amongst the settling dust. He turned, searching desperately for his lost treasure. Angel turned his head in a sweeping search. Lo and behold, due to divine intervention or some strong luck, there it was. Untouched, the carrot rested in a small clearing beside a large pile of rocks and former wall.
Happy tears swelled in Angel’s angelic bunny eyes. He hopped in slow motion through the disaster zone toward his orange-hued love. But it was not to be. The large pile of debris shifted, and then exploded in a shower of aforementioned deadly projectiles. One such projectile glanced off of Angel’s head, dragging him down into the unconscious void.
Where the now dispersed pile once lay, a cyan mare now stood, coughing lightly and massaging a bruised shoulder.
“Oh hay. Celestia-damned, apple-fritting, no good…” a string of quiet curses escaped Rainbow’s mouth, her way of lamenting a newly acquired injury. Her badmouthing ground to a sudden halt, however, when Fluttershy, nervous as always, stuck her head into the post-apocalyptic remains that had once been called a home. Rainbow immediately struck a casual pose, flicking her polychromatic mane to the side in a Beiber-esk manner.
“Hey babe.” Fluttershy’s ears perked up at the sound, her whole face turning a dark pink.
“Heh…sorry, um, about the house and all.” Rainbow elaborated, halfheartedly kicking what looked suspiciously like the head of a spatula.
‘Oh…yeah….its….yeah…” Fluttershy struggled with words, half wanting to be closer to Rainbow, like wayyy closer if you know what I mean, the other half wanting to run away screaming and live in a cave in the Everfree forever. The sudden indecision made her knees get all quivery and she collapsed with an adorable ‘Eep!’, lying spread-eagled and incapable of forming coherent words.
Rainbow trotted over with a concerned look on her face.
“Y’ok?” Fluttershy nodded dumbly in response. Rainbow peered at her worriedly for one second more, her face then changing to a bemused smile. She leant down and affectionately nuzzled her pink and yellow paramour.
Rainbow’s Eyes flew open, a hugely excited grin spreading across her cyan features.
“Omygosh Fluttershy, we should totally do like a music video to that song, you know, ‘Black and Yellow’ or whatever, but instead it’d be like ‘Pink and Yellow’, and we could dress up in, like, badass leather and omygosh omygosh! Best. Idea. Ever!”
Fluttershy was pulled back to reality by this sudden change of pace, staring blankly up at Rainbow, who was still lost somewhere in her own imagination, gleefully imagining Fluttershy in a tight black leather pony-police costume.
Rainbows quickly escalating thoughts were pushed aside by Fluttershy’s sudden gasp of concern. Angel still lay unconscious, blood oozing from his wounded head.
“Oh dear…” Fluttershy stood up, and went to see about moving the bunny to a softer place and then attempting to clean his wound with what was left of her kitchen sink. Rainbow, meanwhile, spied a certain orange and green something lying on the floor near her feet.
Angel awoke from Fluttershy’s ministrations just in time to see Rainbow’s pearly whites dig into the crunchy goodness of the carrot that once was his. Angel would never love a carrot as much as he did on that fateful day. His silent, internal screams were only reflected by one slow tear drifting down his bloodied cheek.
So ends the tragic tale of the most loved carrot: with the tears of an angel.
And Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash lived happily ever after. Yay! The End.
