Taming Strange. Or: How I learned to stop worrying and make love in public

A dark brown earth pony trotted his way into Star Swirl the Bearded Hall of Royal Canterlot University. His mane and tail were prematurely greyed. His permanent resting mule face on full display. An outside observer would call his trot uncomfortably fast, but he felt that if anywhere was worth going, it was worth getting there quicker. Not to mention him having no winter clothing to protect him from Canterlot's biting cold put him in the habit of getting inside quickly.

He marched right up to a pale orange unicorn named Hold Please. The receptionist was a little off put that the frowning youth was making a B line towards her. Consummate professional that she was though, only responded in her friendliest midwestern accent, "How can I help you young stallion."

The determined earth pony locked eyes with the receptionist. His harsh tone of voice made silly by his youth. He spoke quickly and clearly at all times, as if even light hearted conversation could not afford miscommunication. He snapped in a volume just barely low enough to be called inside voice, "My name is Roané Haycartes. I was told there were programs for which a pony does not have to pay for University tuition. Is this true?"

The receptionist wondered to herself why this natural born drill sergeant didn't go into the guard corps. "Well there is the Equestrian Education Financial Aid Program. That's a zero interest loan for your education paid back over an agreed upon amount of time," she explained.

"No." Roané Haycartes snapped.
The receptionist wondered if this was his natural tone of voice, or if he was just having a particularly bad day. "That is a loan I cannot confirm I will be able to repay. I was told there are ponies willing to pay my educational expenses for me. Is this a falsehood or not?" the very odd pony asked.

The mare steeled herself to help this abrasive but so far not actually rude pony. "Yes there are scholarships and grants to help defer educational expenses." The unblinking stallion stared in intense silence at the receptionist. She assumed he wanted her to go on. "Uuhhm Grants are sums of money given by generous ponies to individuals for education, and scholarships are trust funds set up for ponies who qualify." The stare remained unbroken. The now thoroughly uncomfortable receptionist started to speak faster. "If you'd like there are pamphlets detailing various programs!" She pointed at a rack covered in colorful pamphlets detailing what a bright future their programs could help ponies achieve. He trotted over in his trademark slightly too fast pace and opened the first one in the top left corner. He started to read in silence.

Hold Please thought to herself. "He's not seriously going to." He quickly finished the first page flipping to the second. She sighed to herself, "he is." The mare called out to him desperate to end this farce. "You're welcome to take any of those with you." So he did. Quickly snatching one of each and tucking it under a foreleg. He literally took one of every single pamphlet from the rack.

He turned back to the receptionist and with courtesy that would not have seemed out of line from one of the princess' guards, he bowed and simply said. "Thank you ma'am. You've been very helpful."

Eager for a chance not to dislike a pony she latched onto this new found courtesy. "You're quite welcome," Hold Please said as she gave him the first genuine smile of the conversation. Roané Haycartes started to trot away. "Where is he always in such a hurry to?" she thought to herself. He suddenly stopped. "Oh no what did I do?" flashed across the mare's mind.

He trotted back to the desk and in the same curt, almost shouted, voice asked. "I hate to strain courtesy, but do you have anything I could carry these in?" The receptionist quickly ducked under the desk and emptied a small box that had contained various desktop knick knacks she had packed up to take home that night. Anything to be rid of this very odd pony. Hold Please pushed the box across to him and he flopped the thirty some odd pamphlets into it. Again, with the same unfeigned courtesy that seemed beyond his age. "Thank you again ma'am." This time she even felt herself bow slightly, and with that he was gone.

Hold Please sighed to herself. "A month before moving to Trottingham, and I get the weird one."

On the very last day of twenty two years of dedicated service, Hold Please once again heard the quick trot of a very odd dark brown earth pony. The same prematurely greyed mane, the same resting mule face, but this time with the oldest, most worn saddle bags she had ever seen. The seams we're already bursting, but now they seemed like a stiff breeze and they would dissolve utterly. Small important looking leaflets poked out in all directions.

Hold please deciding not to ruin her years of dedicated service poured all of her mental fortitude into one last smile. "Hello again Mr Haycartes," she beamed, hoping against hope he wouldn't notice the forced tone in her voice.

"Hello again ma'am. I should like to enroll in your fine University." She blinked several times in quick succession. This was not a thing that happens. A pony who needs help paying for college does not attend RCU. A pony who attends RCU had their tuition paid for by their parent's parents.

One does not get help to attend the University established by the most powerful sorcerer ever to live under the auspices of the Fucking Sun Goddess. One gets help in attending East Canterlot University, or West Manehattan University, Or Trottingham Ag, or . . . or Ponyville Community college! Not To Literally The Most PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITY ON THE FUCKING PLANET! Mercifully however, it was actually not her job to help him enroll. That, thank Celestia, was the student coordinators' job.

She explained as much to him with genuine enthusiasm that quickly turned to dread as he explained that he had written both student coordinators. Both had explained they would be out of the office for the rest of the week but had said she would be more than happy to help. Also the registration deadline was tomorrow, so she was the only one available to help him anyway.

Hold Please's eye twitched violently. This couldn't happen. There was no way that she was the only one to help this trotting conundrum. The only reason she was capable of helping him was that those lazy freeloaders kept sucking face when they were supposed to be helping future students, and she ended up doing most of the grunt work. The only reason they continued to work there was because they we're family of some damned Noble higher up. Now they were fucked off on their second honeymoon while she hadn't had ONE! Not that she was bitter about it or anything. She grasped at any straw she could find. "Well I mean uuhm uh you have to be eighteen to attend."

He retorted. "My eighteenth birthday is the day before fall semester starts."

Her eye twitched. "Uuhm well first you would need to apply of course, and then be accepted which can take months." He gently set the ancient bags on the desk and dumped out a comically large pile of papers. It was even bigger on the inside! He produced an acceptance letter signed by Dean Grasping Hoof and countersigned by the princess herself. Hold Please's jaw hit the floor. How in the name of all things technicolor

"Well then of course you'll need to pay your first semester's tuition in advance 12,500 bits nonrefundable." He sifted through the pile of notes and produced a voucher for the above mentioned sum. Hold's eyes scanned the paper incredulously. There it was, a voucher from the Elderhoof Endowment Fund. One semester of tuition with room and board included addressed to one Roané Haycartes with his cutie mark, a pony's head with lightning shooting from it, stamped on it.

She started running her eyes over the haphazard assortment of papers. She saw vouchers from every charity she could name and several she couldn't. She picked a particular voucher up and held it towards him accusingly and whined, "This is a griffon charity! How did you qualify for a griffon charity?"

"It is a charity established by griffons, but not exclusively for griffons. Nowhere in its charter is it stated explicitly that only griffons are eligible." The very much not a griffon explained. He had argued tooth and claw with the chairgriffin on that point.

The large amount of vouchers now started to concern her for a different reason. "How many semesters do you want to pay for right now?" she asked suspiciously, eyebrows lowering in concern. She had seen too many bright eyed young ponies fail at academics, and then in short order finances, to allow him to pay for his full education in good conscience.

"Four years plus summer classes," he said without a hint of hesitation as if it was the most natural thing in the world, while organizing the vouchers across the desk from most to least valuable.

She sighed heavily and prepared to try to reason with this iron faced, lead voiced pony when she noticed a traveler's cheque for fifty bits at the very end. "Where did this come from?" she inquired about the laughably small sum.

He didn't blink as he said. "That was a whip round from the ponies at work."

She was once again hit with culture shock as ponies who attend RCU didn't work. The receptionist for the first time took a good long look at the pony standing in front of her. His dark brown coat was covered in small raised patches she knew concealed scars. His muscles tone from years of whatever work he could find, not from exercise. His ribs exposed his face, hard and gaunt. She had to choke back tears for a moment at the realization that here was a pony for whom failure was not an option. He didn't have his family's title to give him security, or his grandfather's trust fund to give him anything he wanted.

What struck her the most though, is he didn't show any trace of worry about it. Neither arrogance at being accepted to RCU, nor any shame at getting literally any scrap of help he could get his hooves on. As if it was the most natural thing in Equestria to attempt to better one's lot. She diligently helped him pay for his schooling, got him signed up for first semester's classes, assigned him a dormitory with roommate, and gave him a map of campus with meal times and campus rules included.

The Herculean task that would've taken the two over payed, under worked, over sexed,not that she was bitter, student coordinators, all day took only two and a half hours that flew by in a flurry of paper work and explanation. Hold Please racked her brain to give this young student any advantage he could get. Telling which professors to avoid and what tactics to use with each to which the earth pony adamantly refused. "I will do what the course work requires of me in the time allotted." Was his only reply in these instances.

After the receptionist could no longer think straight she limply handed the key to room 420 to Haycartes and they shared a mutual bow. The stallion picked up the now depleted saddle bags now only barely clinging to his map and pamphlet. The keys held firmly in his teeth as the bag was far too perforated to trust the task to them. Then in his usual gait, he trotted off to go fulfill his destiny.

Hold please gathered her desk knick knacks in the new box she had brought, put up the "receptionist out" card, punched out, picked up her last check, and quit her twenty two years of dedicated service to the princess at noon. On a weekday. What were they going to do, fire her? Her bosses were balls deep in each other on the other side of Equestria, not that she was bitter.

She chuckled to herself that she didn't think this was a matter important enough for the princess to send her to the moon about. She would never see Royal Canterlot University again. She moved to Trottingham and the next year married a certain well rounded, off white unicorn stallion. But more on that later