I finished singing my most recent song before turning to a misty-eyed crowd and managing a shaky smile. Keep Me In Your Heart was a sad one for sure, but it made me smile, even if the smile too was lined with a trace of sadness. The lyrics were melancholic, yet they made me feel nostalgic for lost love and other things. I took a bow and thanked them for attending my little performance before staggering offstage. Something was wrong today. Wrong with me. I couldn't think straight, and I could barely manage the feeling of everyone watching me. I began shaking after leaning up against a wall backstage, sighing to try and ease my mind. I heard hoofsteps approaching, and that's when I heard Rocket's voice.
"You okay Silver?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
"I'm fine," I replied flatly. "Just performance anxiety, you know."
He looked me over, the worry only growing. "Are you sure? You don't look too good."
I stopped leaning on the wall and smiled shyly. "Oh, I'm fine. Trust me."
"Okay," he replied. "Do you want to hit up your favorite spot?"
"Sure." Even though I felt like everything was spinning, I wouldn't say no to Rocket's suggestion. I let him lead the way; he couldn't see me like this.
Later, we were joined by Classified at the small coffee place I frequented after my performances. The three of us sat in a booth by a window facing the street, chatting about recent happenings. Classified was first to ask me about my new song, and when she did, she seemed a bit concerned. "Silver," she said, "What is the meaning of Keep Me In Your Heart?"
"Oh," I replied, not looking up from the table. "I wrote it because I didn't have much else to do, even with the Equestrian Air Regulations. It's about how somepony who is passing or has passed on still lives in their relative's hearts." I then realized the tears slowly falling down my muzzle. I wiped them with a hoof, quick to correct my mistake. Unfortunately, the tears didn't go unnoticed as I had hoped.
"Silver?" Classified asked. "Are you... crying?"
"No," I replied. "Not crying."
"Silver," I heard Rocket say, laying his hoof over mine. "It's okay. Everyone cries now and then."
"No, I'm fine," I insisted through sniffles. I had forgotten how that song rattled me so. It dug up emotions I had wanted to bury so deeply. I missed my ex-marefriend. That's when I was suddenly leaning in to Rocket, who held me and stroked my back with his hoof as I whimpered a little. Of course, it was not exactly how I wanted to appear at the moment, but I just couldn't help it. After a few moments I pulled away, using my magic to place some bits on the table before standing up to leave. "Okay, I-I think I'll l-leave for now," I said shakily. "G-goodnight everypony."
I trotted out to the street and spread my wings, taking off into the night sky for my quarters at the palace. Normally, I loved to fly, to feel the wind on my primaries and whipping through my mane, to do somersaults and death-defying tricks in the sky, but tonight, I just needed to get away.
That night, I was practically hysterical. I was pacing about in my quarters inside the castle, shaking and having muscle spasms and ranting and raving. I would be sobbing one minute, then crying the next. Several guards who had been passing by had knocked on my door at different times, and I told them all to just go away. I felt like I didn't need any more interference that night.
Eventually, my rants devolved into just laying curled up on my rug, sobbing into my hooves and shaking uncontrollably. I felt terrible. It seemed none of my hysteria or ways to deal with my anxieties worked. Even Rocket came knocking, and as I lay there, I could here him talking to someone outside. I didn't bother to raise an ear, for I didn't care. All I needed to do was get out of this panic attack state. I heard the door open, and suddenly the room was bathed in a column of white light. An equine figure approached me, kneeling down and running a hoof from my ear down my back. "It's okay," they breathed. "We all have days like this, Silver."
The sensation of hoof touching my fur sent a chill through me, evoking a whimper mixed with a purr. The next thing I knew, Rocket was holding me in his hooves as I bawled my eyes out into his chest fluff. He continued to stroke my back and whisper in my ear while I cried, telling me that it was all okay and my anxieties will pass. "B-but what if t-they don't?" I choked out between shuddering sobs.
"They will," he assured me. For a brief moment, I was aware of other ponies in the room. One lifted me up from Rocket's embrace in a magical aura, gently setting me on my bed. I felt the bed shift as somepony climbed in next to me. I opened my eyes to see none other than Sunshine, my former marefriend. The sight of her was enough to send me over the top. I simply broke down there on the bed, sobbing once more into the covers. She reached out and pulled me into a soft embrace as I cried, and through my hysterical sobbing I heard her speak.
"Shhh, it's okay...." she whispered. Her breath felt hot on my ear, evoking another shudder. "You're going to be okay. It's just anxieties."
I managed a weak nod. Sunshine knew I was anxious. Overly so. I sometimes wish I wasn't so paranoid about things, but a pony can't simply just change their paranoia, can they?
"There are bags under your eyes, Silver. You need some sleep."
I nodded again. Perhaps some sleep would do me well. I leaned into her, feeling her hooves wrap around me. Everything suddenly felt right as I drifted off to sleep...
Author's Note
Another one-shot, enjoy!