The Even More Frozen North, The Defrostening
The Even more Frozen North, The Defrostening
So Celestia, having defeated The Dred Microwave of the North, was cold. This suited her just fine,as her natural internal temperature had left her perpetually too warm in the past, though few others agreed. This problem quickly solved itself though, and the complaining stopped.
But all those problems were in the past! With the warm gone, all the creatures of Equestria had gone to ground, quite literally. In more ways than one. Some ways more important than others, and some ways more sad than others, but the end result was that only Luna still hung out to complain about the cold.
Even Sister Luna had been oddly quiet though. Celsetia decided to roll off her bed to go check on her. With no blankets to untangle from, this was easy. She walked all the way south, to the furthest point of the world, where it was ever so slightly warmer than the frosenest earth. It was still fuck off cold though becouse the microwave was distroyed.
Celestia could see the huge pile of blankets that protected Luna. It wasn’t complaining, so she poked it. Then she poked it harder. Then she started poking and shouting about this year's economic policy.
“Dear POKE Sister poke I need you POKE to write up POKE a report about POKE J00rybux’s POKE long term worth POKE as crypto POKE now that all POKE paper money is burned!”POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE.
Celestia kept pokeing in increasing amounts of frequency and ferocity, until the blankets came flying off one by one, eventual revealing at the center of the pile several replicas of the DRED MICROWAVE OF THE NORTH.
DUN DUN DUN
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOQ!
Meanwhile, barely like 500 feet below where Celestia stood, Lana was making deals with with one of her most ancient and and terrible enemies, the genocidal, warmongering, megalomaniacal, Tyrannical, and yet largely pacifide though the all powerful ancient magic of friendship; Queen Nooh of the changelings. They are in Nooh's ancient hall, lost to time except for the 50 changelings still under her command, Luna who apparently still knew where it was, and the village of ponys who sought shelter from the freezing storm.
Aftering hearing lunnas demand, Nooh sighed, rubbing her head and said, “Look, I’d like to kill Celestia as much as the next Chaotic Evil ass hat, but its just not practical what with all this magic of stupid harmony you got dictating what I actualy end up doing. So like, nah, I guess. It would of been P fucking hard anyways, so not even worth trying. Go home and don't come back.”
“Yeah, sure, all that's true of course, sorry not sorry about the curse we put on you or whatever, but hey, in case you didn’t know, Celestia is the one makeing it so cold outside. Thats like, super fucking bad, so if you Deep 6 her, that would be way rad. Rad enough to maybe Break your spell. That would be bad for me, but not nearly as bad as this ongoing cold. So… Just putting that out there.”
Nooh listens to this, and strokes her chin. “Hmmm this is interesting, most interesting. I guess this would be worth throwing a few pawns at. Maybe a rook. Bissop. Who could say.” She Turns quickly and points out three creatures. “ You, you, and you, get this shit handled in the next four hundred words or it's your asses. So hop too.”
Suug, wubbut, and a small angry green pegasus no one but wubbut knew did some form of salute, some lazy, some not, some just not and scuttled out the door. Luna just frowned and followed them out the door. Queen Nooh, for her part, plotted her revenge
Outside, they could feel the chill all the worse, and hear a piercing “Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” fading on the wind. Suug looks down at herself and says, “I hate pants but one thing they protect you from is insects flying up your skirt,” and after a moment she adds, “ and also from the wind doing the same.” Wubbut and the mare he knows nod in agreement. They head off, up the tunnels to the surface, the howling “ooooooooooooo” growing louder and more dire as they go. It's awful, and none present had heard worse.
They reach the top of the stares, and the trio of colorful mostly ponies are blocked by the ceiling. Suug reaches into her pocket and pulls out a drill, and gives it to the small angry green pegasus that Wubbut knows, saying “This is your drill, uhh…” Suug squints at the small angry green pegasus that Wubbut knows and guess at a name, “Lit and it will be the drill that pierces the heavens! IN MANY MORE WAYS THAN ONE!”
Meanwhile barely two feet above them, Celestia, has realized her grand mistake after witnessing the remains of her sister. Clearly, in a desperate attempt to stay warm, she had turned herself into microwaves. This was the only explanation posible.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” She screams, almost sobbing as she clutches the microwaves, desperately thinking on how she can fix all the cold in the world. Her crying trails off as she hears some rumbling under her, some pano, some vocal nonsense, and the choruos of “...break the unbreakable, ro ro fight the tower.” She had just enough time to be confused when a drill burst through Luna's bed and into Celestia's side, sending her flying all the way to the moon, “OOOOoooooooooooo”ing all the way, where she could be cold all by herself, forever.
Suug busts out her novelty punch in a bag and offers it to her friends, “I’ll pun-ch you!” in celebration. They all take a drink, except for Wubbut who merely pretends to do so. Everyone else pretends not to notice
Luna walks out and squints at the moon. “Welp Looks like that wasn’t enough to break that curse. So… win win for me I guess."
And everything got better after that because it was warmer.
THE END
