B.E.A.N.S.L.A.Y.E.R.S.

by Flash Notion

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Drama, Gore, Juniper Montage, Alternate Universe, Other, Starlight Glimmer, Thriller, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Sex, Comedy, Profanity, Violence
Length: 15751

Bringers of Eternal Anguish to Nascent Sellers of Legume Abominations and Young Entrepreneurs Requiring Slaughter

Takes place between Moondancer and Her Sapient Dildo Boyfriend and The Blood Dome

Two friends are just trying to have a fun day together. Unfortunately, their day out happens to coincide with a heist perpetrated by a secret society- who are also bent on destroying the most prolific suppliers of bean-based marital aids in the whole multiverse.
So, you know. Just an ordinary Saturday.

The penultimate entry in the Beanis Cinematic Universe. Stay tuned for the finale.

Published 2020-10-02 16:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-02 16:10:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Aria Blaze was bored.

She was always bored, but this was more so. This was enough boredom to make her understand why her sister- and fellow immortal- kept trying to commit suicide.

It sucked.

Okay, to be fair, there were worse ways to spend a bright, summer, Saturday morning than visiting the Canterlot Museum of Natural History and its air-conditioned halls. The murmurs of the crowd weren't completely deafening, and the light pouring in through the windows just beneath the domed roof was only slightly obnoxious as it reflected off the marble floor and glass display cases. Just don't touch the velvet ropes. There was enough dust coating those pieces of crap that they probably counted as exhibits themselves.

Aria blinked, her eyes refocusing on their tour guide's next stop.

“-And now if you look over there,” the young woman continued in monotone, “You'll see our largest sample of porphyritic rock. Try not to take it for granite.”

That pun alone almost made Aria regret coming, and she never regretted anything. Not even creating disco.

Without thinking, Aria let her mouth fall open into a yawn. That got the attention of her companion.

Juniper Montage giggled and elbowed her friend in the ribs. A good-natured blow, but one Juniper was clearly not used to making because she hit just a little too hard. “Looks like someone needs some more sleep,” she said, eyes sparkling. “Rarity keeping you awake?”

“Yep.” Aria muttered, rubbing her bruised side. “Not how I'd like, but, yeah.”

Juniper slowed down as their group moved towards the next section of the museum. “We could leave if you want. Or-” She paused. Her carefully plucked eyebrows pinched together. “Whaddya mean, not how you want?”

The question made Aria's stomach curl, though she knew from experience that Juniper wouldn't drop it. The girl could be a stubborn bitch. It was one of her better qualities.

“Nothing,” Aria grunted. “Don't worry about it. All relationships have rough patches.”

There was a moment of silence- well, silence between the two of them- as the tour guide showed off one of the museum's dinosaur skeletons. But she quickly started rambling about the process of fossilization, and Juniper turned back to her friend.

“So is this like, a normal person rough patch?” she asked. “Like, somebody didn't take out the trash or forgot to do the dishes? Or is this a rough patch rough patch?”

Aria rolled her eyes. “I told you, it's nothing important.” She crossed her arms with a huff, and shifted her weight to her heels.

Juniper's eyes were piercing behind her glasses.

Under that kind of gaze, Aria managed to hold herself together for a good twenty seconds, which was a new record.

“It's just- I've never. You know. Been good at this shit.” She waved one hand through the air, gesturing vaguely at everything. “Relationships. People. Sticking around. This is the longest I've been with anyone, and the first time I've had a-” Aria made air quotes. “-'Girlfriend'. It feels like it's only a matter of time before it falls apart and I'm like, ninety percent sure it'll be my fault.” She breathed deep and exhaled slowly. “So things are a little stressful around Rarity right now.”

Juniper blinked. “Wow. Have you tried, you know, talking to Rarity about it?”

Aria nodded. “Yes. No. She knows that I have issues with this.”

The group shuffled onward to a room about the Pleistocene era, dominated by a large mastodon statue. Aria idly noted that several people had abandoned the stifling tour already.

Juniper waited a minute before speaking again. “Sounds like you're overthinking it,” she observed.

Aria shrugged. “Probably. Which means I'll have to be the one to apologize. Any suggestions?”

“Nope!” her friend replied cheerfully. “Sounds like a major pain in the ass. I'll trade ya, though.”

“Trade? What problems are you having?”

It was Juniper's turn to shrug. “Nothing too serious. Just writer's block.”

Aria winced. Program script writing and... well, script writing... weren't the same. Actually, they were barely comparable at all. But still, she knew what it was like to be stuck on a project.

“So is this about that Beanis TV show?” she ventured.

“Yee-ess?” Juniper drew the word out. “Kinda? We- we don't have to talk about it if you don't-”

Aria waved a hand. “Beanis only destroyed my family's company. I hated working there anyway. Now talk.”

“Okay, I just think it's a little silly compared to your stuff.”

“Talk.”

“Fine.” Juniper looked towards the ceiling and squinted. “It was originally supposed to be just the one show, but you know Twilight. She does everything in excess.”

“Don't tell me-”

“She bought a whole television network,” Juniper sighed. She fiddled with the pin on her lapel. “Now I've got to come up with enough material to fill all those time slots and it's hard.”

Aria pondered that. “You can't use those slots to air other people's shows? Put on re-runs or something?”

“Nope.” Juniper shook her head. “In spite of how popular Beanis brand products are, we're still making-” She paused and looked around, but they'd fallen behind the group and were, for the most part, alone. “We make sex toys. That scares away a lot of other producers and copyright holders. They don't want to be associated with us.”

“That makes sense,” Aria grunted. “So you have to make...”

“Seven days in a week, 24 hours in a day, but we can get away with repeat airings and playing infomercials between around 10 PM and 5 AM. There's also going to be news hours in the morning and evening, but that still leaves one hundred and five hours of entertainment. Per week.” Juniper sucked in air, letting it out slow so her cheeks puffed. “So far I've filled about... I think seventy or so? There's been a lot of filling.”

“That's what she said,” Aria said automatically. Juniper just looked at her tiredly, so she switched mental tracks. “Have you thought about just, I dunno, airing porn? It'd fit with the brand.”

Juniper huffed. “I asked. Twilight said she wanted to keep it, and I quote, 'family friendly to attract a larger audience'.”

Aria blinked. “How-”

“I don't fucking know!” Juniper whisper-shrieked, attracting the attention of an older couple that had been looking at a saber-toothed cat. Aria glared back at them while Juniper did some kind of breathing exercise. “I'm okay,” she said a moment later. “I'm okay. I've been doing tai-chi to try and get rid of the writer's block, but the techniques work great for general stress, too.”

“That's good,” Aria said. She kept an eye on the two fossils until they moved out of sight. “I'm not sure I'll be any help to you, but you're welcome to call at any time.”

“Thanks.” Juniper smiled brilliantly. “Y'know, I'm glad you and I met.”

Aria snorted. “Even though I accidentally deleted your script?”

“Well, I mean.” Juniper giggled. “It would've been nice if we could've met without that. But it was worth it.”

A rare, non-evil grin spread over Aria's face. So this was what true friendship was like, she mused. It really was different from hanging around with her sisters.

Aria thought back to meeting Juniper for the first time. She was in the middle of upgrading Beanis, Inc.'s security software and accidentally caused a system-wide reset which set everything back about six hours. While she was doing the recovery work, Aria had been accosted by a short, somewhat dowdy chick in pigtails and horn-rim glasses. Juniper had been working on her original TV show pitch at the time everything went to hell, and was seriously pissed off that all her hard work was gone.

That lasted as long as it took her to notice that Aria was watching Citizen Colt as she worked. Juniper immediately switched to delight at having found someone else who appreciated classic cinema. When she found out that both of them had tried to use stolen Equestrian magic to gain power and fame and were defeated by the Rainbooms as a result? Well, that sealed the deal.

The voice of their tour guide brought Aria back to the present, and her smile faded.

“-About halfway through,” the woman was saying. She'd stopped in front of a room that advertised 'Primordial Plants'. “If you thought the first half was good, just wait. This second part really... rocks.”

Aria closed her eyes, letting out her breath as a combination groan-sigh that perfectly expressed her exasperation with this ordeal. She slowly blinked, feeling the dizziness of air loss, knowing that not even suffocating herself would end it. Aria breathed, letting the dark spots fade out of her vision. She became aware of Juniper holding her bicep.

“You okay?” Juniper asked.

Aria nodded. But Juniper looked closer, and her eyes softened. “You're bored, too, huh.”

Too?

Aria looked into her friend's eyes. “Tell me we haven't both been avoiding saying something because we thought the other wanted to be here?”

“Okay.” Juniper said. “We haven't been doing that.”

Aria groaned aloud this time, not caring who heard anymore. “What the hell are we even doing then? Let's ditch this-” She paused. “Well, I was going to call it a drag show, but those are fun. This is shit.”

“Yeah.” Juniper pointed to a doorway on the left. “There's one thing over there that I actually want to see, and then we can leave. Go catch a movie or something.”

“Sounds good.” Aria was so relieved to be done with the museum tour that she would've agreed to just about anything.

The two of them squeezed around a couple of larger tourists and headed into the hallway. It was much less crowded, much less heated. The exhibits stood out more. Aria didn't care. One stop and-

Juniper stopped abruptly, and Aria bounced off her back. “Ta-da!” she cheered. “My dad told me about this. It's brand new.”

Aria took a step back and peered at the sign. This part of the hallway was pretty dark, but she could just make out the letters, large and all caps.

THE BEAN WING.

“What.”

Juniper nodded enthusiastically. “I wanted to see if this would give me some ideas.” She breathed deeply through her nose. “I can already feel the beany knowledge seeping in.”

“All I smell is sawdust and machine oil,”Aria retorted. She glanced through the archway, then at a much smaller sign strung in front of it. “I'm pretty sure this thing is still under construction.”

“What? No.” Juniper frowned. “Dad said they'd be done by this weekend.”

Aria just pointed to the sign.

It said: 'Under Construction'.

“Shit!” Juniper hissed. “Fuck! Shit-fuck! Goddammit dad!” She squeezed her eyes shut and did her breathing exercise. “Damn. I was really hoping to see it today.”

Aria crossed her arms. “So... your dad's on the construction crew?”

“Nah,” Juniper sighed. “The museum board. He seemed so sure though.” She crept closer to the arch and squinted at the blackness within. “You know, since I am the daughter of a board member, we might be able to get away with going in anyway...”

Aria thought about it. “What would they even do if they caught us? Give us a fine? We're rich.”

“Sort of rich,” Juniper corrected. But she was chuckling. “I don't know if it's worth the risk.”

They both stood there a moment longer. Aria's patience wore out first. “Well,” she said, “If we're not going in, we should just go. See if we can't catch some seats for Captain Mare-vel or something.”

“Yeah, okay.” Juniper fished her phone out of her purse and looked at the screen. “We might not have time to grab popcorn, but maybe-”

She was cut off by Aria's hand clamping over her mouth. “Shhh,” the siren hushed. Then Aria cupped a hand to her ear. A moment later she heard it clearly, and by the expression on her face, so did Juniper.

It was the sound of metal striking stone. Like something had fallen over onto the marble floor. And it came from deep inside the Bean Wing.

Chapter 2

“That didn't sound like construction,” Aria said. Juniper shook her head. “And there isn't supposed to be anybody working in there today, anyway, right.” A nod this time. There was a slight trace of anxiety in Juniper's eyes now. Aria removed her hand. “Think we should check it out?”

“Uh-huh.” Juniper nodded again.

Aria took a deep breath. She'd visited a monastery or something a while back, some place called... Nando Parfait? Something like that. Anyway, they'd taught her how to sneak around and shit, but that was a while ago.

Hopefully she'd practiced enough.

“Stay behind me,” Aria whispered, “And do what I do.” Then she reconsidered. “Unless I screw up. Then you're on your own.” She squatted slightly, then scuttled forward into the shadows. Juniper followed a moment later.

After a minute of quietly traversing the halls, hoping their eyes would adjust, Aria heard a voice ahead. It was too low to make out the words, but they were getting close. Aria scooted to the end of the hall and looked into the next room.

There were three figures inside, dressed in black from head to toe. Aria's heart sank. So this was a robbery. Though, she realized, not a particularly adept one.

Two of the figures were fumbling with one of the new exhibits, clearly trying to access whatever was inside the glass case. The third was watching the doors, but they weren't even looking at Aria's. Nearby, one of the rope poles had been knocked over, kicking up a cloud of dust.

“Fuck!” One of the figures working on the exhibit threw down her tools and peeled off her mask, revealing pale skin and auburn hair. “I can't work in this,” she declared.

“Moondancer-” her fellow criminal started, only to get swatted.

“Don't even, Starlight. You're not the one who's glasses keep fogging over!” Moondancer spread her arms. “Besides, the power's out. Means no cameras.”

“I told you to call me Glimmer,” the second one hissed. “Now, put the mask back on. I am not going back to prison if we do get seen.”

Moondancer huffed, but complied.

The third one shifted like she was about to pee her pants. “How much longer?” she whined. The voice sounded uncomfortably familiar to Aria.

“A bit,” Moondancer snapped. She picked up the tools again, and resumed working on the lock. “The bastards may have actually known what this was. Gods, I should've sent one of the acolytes to do this.”

The third girl let out a small growl and went back to scanning the room. “Trixie does not like to wait,” she snarled.

Aria felt a sudden, sharp pain in her skull. “Trixie,” she moaned softly.

Hot breath hit her neck, and Aria jumped, but it was just Juniper.

“Who's Trixie?” Juniper whispered.

Aria rolled her eyes. “An idiot,” she breathed. “With no morals, who only cares about herself.”

“And the other two?”

“No idea,” Aria admitted. “But now that we know they're stealing something, we should probably report this to- hey!”

Juniper rushed past, ducking behind a display closer to the center of the room, just out of Trixie's sight.

“What are you doing!” Aria hissed, though she didn't dare raise her voice enough to actually be heard. “We should go get security!”

Juniper glanced back, her eyes getting that stubborn gleam. She carefully raised her head just enough to peer through the glass with one eyeball. Aria clenched her teeth and grabbed her hair tails, pulling as hard as she dared.

What were the options here? She could go get security, but she had no idea where in this clusterfuck of a building they'd be. She could rush out alongside Juniper, but that would probably get them both caught.

Aria let go of her hair. Pain wasn't going to help her think clearly.

She scanned the room, noting the closed double doors on one wall with an 'EXIT' sign over them. Glimmer and Moondancer were huddled by the podium at the very center of the room, with Trixie hanging back about five feet closer to Aria's door. There were display cabinets on all three walls she could see, and she was willing to bet that there were some on the one she couldn't see. Which meant, if there was enough light, they could spot Juniper's reflection at any moment.

The floor space was full of glass-covered podiums and similar displays, each one just large enough to conceal a child- or a small adult- behind it. Except for one; it ran almost the full length of the room, away from Aria. If she timed it right...

“I've got it!” Moondancer exclaimed.

Trixie turned around to see, and in that moment Aria surged across to the long display. Keeping low, she made her way to the opposite side of the room.

“That's it?” Trixie asked.

“Yes.” Moondancer raised up her stolen prize, admiring it in the dark. “We finally have one.”

“Nah, I'm with her,” Glimmer said dismissively. “All this effort? I was expecting something a little... bigger.”

Aria continued sneaking, but examined the artifact herself. It was a necklace, the pendant shaped like- surprise, surprise- a bean. It really was small, too, no bigger than the real thing. However, something about the way the light reflected off its jeweled green surface scraped on Aria's nerves.

“It doesn't matter how big it is,”Moondancer insisted. “Now come on, let's get out of here and back to-”

“STOP!”

The voice echoed through the room, making all three thieves stand rod straight. Aria looked back and saw that Juniper had abandoned her hiding spot and was standing between Trixie and the exit. She had her hands on her hips, shoulders back, chest out, like some kind of superhero. Except for the slight twitch of her lower lip giving away her nervousness.

Aria stared for a moment, then swiftly brought her hand up to meet her face.

“Stop,” Juniper said again, less confidently. “I- I can't let you take that.”

Trixie sneered. “Please. You think you can stop us? The Great and Powerful Trixie is more than a match for you.”

But Moondancer stepped forward, shoving her comrade back. “No need for that. Let's just all calm down, and talk like adults.” She held out the necklace. “We need this, but not for long. You're obviously not a museum employee, so why would you care if we took it? Let us go, and I promise we'll return the Bean as soon as possible.”

Listen to her! Aria silently pleaded. Juniper just needed to make this easy.

“I'm not listening to you!” Juniper declared. “Who would ever trust a thief?”

“Damn.” Moondancer dropped her arm with a sigh. “I was hoping to do this the easy way.”

“Could've told you that wouldn't work,” Glimmer muttered.

Moondancer reached behind her back, and Aria saw a glint of metal. “Oh well. Hard way it is.”

She pulled out her pistol.

And she pointed it at Juniper.

That was the last thing Aria remembered before she was suddenly sprawled on top of a thrashing Moondancer, her arm wrapped around the other girl's throat.

“The fuck!” Glimmer shouted, but to Aria it was distant. The only thing that mattered was keeping her friend from getting hurt.

Moondancer's gun-holding hand swung up, and the barrel brushed Aria's ear. She grunted. Aria kept her right arm squeezing, but used her left to grab at the gun barrel, twisting it out of Moondancer's grip. It clattered away under one of the cabinets. Aria was vaguely aware that the necklace flew out of Moondancer's other hand.

Her breath left her with an oof as Moondancer drove an elbow into Aria's gut. Feeling the choke hold loosen, Moondancer did it again.

She drew in lung-full of air, then rasped, “Grab the Bean!” Then Moondancer hit Aria one more time, breaking free.

The former siren recovered quickly, grabbing Moondancer's legs. “Oh, no you don't!” she growled.

Just a few feet away, Moondancer's order got through to Glimmer. The thief glanced around in a frenzy, finally spotting the necklace on the floor- at the exact same time as Juniper. They looked at the Bean, then each other, then back to the Bean. They moved.

Glimmer ran forward, shoulder lowered to body-check her opponent.

But to Aria's shock, Juniper was ready. Her friend reacted almost too fast to see, spinning past Glimmer like a bull fighter and just... tossing her away. All that in one seamless movement, and then Juniper crouched down and grabbed the necklace. She slid a couple extra inches on the marble floor, then popped up grinning.

And then Glimmer crashed into a display, shattering the glass.

Everyone froze, and a second later, an alarm sounded.

“I thought you said there was no power!” Glimmer screamed.

Moondancer kicked free of Aria's grip and wormed across the floor. “There isn't! It must be hard-wired or something, on a different system!”

Aria made another grab at Moondancer, but Juniper was there, holding her shoulder. “Let's get out of here!” she said, and Aria nodded.

Trixie finally shook herself from her chaos-born stupor. “Trixie is too Great and Powerful to be a prison bitch!” she squealed, then grabbed Moondancer and Glimmer. She reached for her waist and grabbed a small orb that had been hanging there.

As Trixie raised the orb, Moondancer turned towards Aria and Juniper, her eyes wide but furious. “This isn't over!” she shouted.

The smoke bomb went off, engulfing the entire room in its opaque cloud. When it cleared a moment later, the thieves were gone.

“Let's- let's go,” Aria said, coughing on the last of the smoke. She and Juniper stumbled across the room to the exit door, barging through into sunlight.

It had only been a few minutes.

They didn't stop, running away from the museum. They dodged around trees and bushes, finally darting into the parking lot, where they crammed themselves into Aria's Porsche. Aria immediately jammed the keys into the sedan's ignition, sweat dripping into her eyes. Juniper cranked the AC, and then they both sank back into the seats.

Chapter 3

“What were you thinking!” Aria demanded as soon as she could speak.

Juniper shook her head. “I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't let them get away with it.”

“You idiot. You absolute gods-damned idiot.” Aria rubbed her temples. “You almost got killed. I do not want to attend a funeral for my best friend, not yet! Not for another fifty years, at least!”

Juniper blinked, opening and closing her mouth. Then she smiled. “You're my best friend, too,” she said.

Aria propped herself up in her seat and glared across the center console. That lasted for about fifteen seconds- damn it, no record- before she, too was smiling. The two of them reached out for an awkward but sincere hug.

Aria slowly relaxed, stress fading. The hug felt wonderful.

Except for whatever was in Juniper's hand. It felt... metallic, but flexible. Made of small parts. Like a chain, or-

Aria's hand snapped up, grabbing Juniper's wrist and forcing it in front of them. There, in her hand, was the Bean necklace.

Aria felt her eyes practically exploding out their sockets. Her stress returned, and a migraine seemed imminent. “You kept it?” she thundered, tiny flecks of spittle flying out and hitting the windshield.

Juniper looked at her hand, as if just realizing the necklace was there. Her skin somehow got even paler. “Oh shit,” she whispered. “Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!” She inhaled. “OH FU-”

Aria clamped her hand over her friend's mouth. “Tai-chi,” she said. “Breathing exercise.” Instinctively, they both drew in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Though Aria was much less refined about it. Still, the pressure in her skull lessened.

“We have to put it back,” was the first thing Juniper said.

Aria agreed, but... “Use your brain. That room must be crawling with security by now.”

Juniper hesitated, then nodded. “Point taken. They'll probably think we were the thieves!”

“We are the thieves,” Aria corrected. “We're gonna need to lay low until this blows over.”

Juniper sank into the seat again. “Lay low? How long will that take?”

Aria thought about it. “Well, the last time I stole something important was from this library over in... I guess it was Egypt? Not sure, it was a city called Alexandria and there was a war going on. Anyway, Sonata set the place on fire and we didn't go back for, like, three centuries. And that was a couple thousand years ago.”

Juniper stared, slack-jawed. “A library? In Alexandria? And you- you burned-” Her face was red now. “By the stars.”

Aria shrugged. “We probably overreacted. You and I just need to go someplace and hide for a few days until all the guards are gone. Since there were no cameras, they don't know it was us.”

She sat up straight, checking her mirrors and seatbelt. Juniper buckled herself in, too. As they backed out of the parking space, Juniper rolled the Bean in her palm. “What are you?” she breathed.

Aria switched back into 'Drive' and eased them down the road. “That's a good question. We should probably try to figure out the who and why of those thieves. Just in case they come after us.”

Juniper nodded. “If they were willing to kill for it...” She shuddered. “We better get to Rarity's place, stat.”

“What?” Aria risked taking her eyes off the road for a moment.

“Isn't that where we're going?”

Aria barked out a laugh. “Fuck no. No way I'd get Rarity involved in this.”

“Oh.” Juniper frowned and looked out the window, watching the museum recede behind them. “So then... where are we going?”

“We need more 'criminal' help,” Aria sighed. “And I know just where to get it.”

Chapter 4

A half hour later they were standing outside the door of a crappy third-story apartment in the bad part of town. Juniper looked at the door, then at Aria. “So... you know the person that lives here?”

“People,” Aria said through gritted teeth.

“People.” Juniper bit her lip. “And... you don't like these people?”

“Not really, no.”

Juniper swallowed. “So... why are we here?”

Aria clenched a fist, her nails actually piercing flesh. “Because. We need help from people that are on the wrong side of laws and morals.” She reached out and pounded on the door with her bleeding hand. “An' besides...”

The locks clattered, and the door opened.

“Family is who you turn to when you're in trouble.”

Juniper let out a small “Eep!”. Standing in the doorway was a gorgeous young woman with curly orange hair, wearing a bathrobe that clearly had nothing underneath. She had a bottle of bourbon in one hand and- surprisingly to Aria- a Beanis in the other. Her eyes were like chips of frozen wine, and the smile she sported did not reach them.

“Aria!” she said. “You've come home.”

“Not exactly,” Aria growled. Then realized that Juniper was still staring. “Juniper, this slut is my sister Adagio. Adagio, this is my friend Juniper Montage.”

“Um- hi?” Juniper held out her hand. “I've heard... some things about you.”

Adagio wedged her bean-dildo into the tie of her robe, then grabbed Juniper's hand firmly. “All terrible, I'm sure.” Adagio smirked and looked Juniper up and down. “A bit scrawny, aren't you?” Her eyes darted to her sister. “What happened to Rarity?”

Aria closed her eyes. Ancestors give me strength. “We're still together, Adagio. Juniper and I are just friends.”

“Whatever you say.” Adagio swung around, sashaying down the hall of the apartment. “Get in here if you're coming,” she called over her shoulder.

Juniper looked at Aria and swallowed. “She's... interesting.”

“You can call her a bitch, it's fine,” Aria said.

“I'll pass.”

The two of them stepped over the threshold, Aria closing the door behind them. She hadn't been back here since the company broke up, and she was frankly surprised that her sisters were still living in this dump.

The short hall led into an open space that used to be their living room, but was now simply a dining room. The furniture, at least, was new.

“We turned your old room into the entertainment center,” Adagio said when she noticed Aria looking around. “After a month, I figured there was a thrift store in need of your... everything.”

Aria sighed, but accepted it. She'd probably have done the same. Hell, she might not've waited a month.

The kitchen was still off to the side, and the smell of pan-fried meat and sauce was seeping out. A quick peek confirmed that Sonata was in there, making the only thing she knew how to- tacos. Always tacos. If it was possible to die from Tex-Mex overload, Aria mused, Sonata would've been the happiest person in the entire world.

The blue-haired siren hadn't noticed them yet, so Adagio took a swig from the bourbon bottle and slammed it down onto their counter. The loud Tunk! of glass caught her attention.

“Oh, hey Aria. Dagi. New girl.” Sonata turned, revealing an apron that used to say, 'Kiss The Cook', but the S's had been taped over and replaced with L's. Which, Aria noticed, had also been replaced. Little S's had been drawn on the tape in Sharpie. “Lunch'll be done soon.”

“We'll be in the living room,”Adagio said. “Join us when you're done.”

“'Kay.”

As they walked over to the living room door- formerly Aria's bedroom door- Aria couldn't help but glance back. “She seems... better. More like her old self.”

Adagio nodded. “I think it has something to do with her new boyfriend. Frank, or something.”

Aria shook her head. “So all it took was getting laid. Figures.”

Inside the living room, Adagio sprawled out on the love seat, leaving Aria and Juniper to take the arm chairs.

“So,” Adagio purred. “If you're not moving back in. What is it that you're after?”

Aria took a deep breath, then explained the situation as concisely as possible. Juniper occasionally chimed in, showing off the artifact. The whole time, Adagio rubbed one finger on the tip of her Beanis, licking off the occasional leakage. When Aria finished, Adagio's smirk became shark-like.

“And here I thought you were a good girl now,” Adagio said. “I can only imagine the problems this will cause between you and Rarity.”

That stung. Adagio had always known exactly what to say to make someone feel bad, twisting the knife until they were perfectly pliant. For a long time, it had worked on Aria.

Maybe it still did.

“This isn't about me and Rarity,” Aria said. “We need to figure out what that-” She pointed to the necklace.”-Is, and why Trixie and those girls want it so bad.”

Adagio shrugged. “I haven't got the faintest idea. Why in the heavens would you come to me for that?”

Aria snorted. “Please. You've been elbow-deep in Canterlot's underworld since the 60's. You know something or someone who can help.”

There was a tense moment, Juniper's eyes darting between the two sisters, while Adagio caressed her Beanis again.

“Maybe I do,” Adagio said finally. “Though you'd be owing me a favor, Aria. Are you really-”

“Lunch is served!”

Sonata burst through the door with plates balanced on both arms, each one full. She distributed them like a true professional. “So what's the deal?” she asked.

“These two,” Adagio grunted, “Caught Moondancer and company trying to steal that necklace from the Canterlot Museum. Ari and her friend ended up being the ones to take it, and now they need our help to get out of trouble.”

Sonata set the last plate in front of Juniper and whistled. “Wow, that sucks. So Moondancer failed, huh?”

Aria was just about to take a bite of her taco when her synapses fired. It was the repeat mention that did it. At the same time, Juniper's foot tapped Aria's leg. She knew, too.

They'd never said Moondancer's name.

It'd been Trixie that Aria talked about, because that was who they knew.

But her sisters were talking about Moondancer.

Aria set the taco down. “Actually, now that I think about it? The police are probably gone already. We can just sneak the necklace back in and not worry about it. Right Juniper?”

“R-right!” Juniper stood up. “I'm not hungry, anyway.”

Her stomach gurgled.

Aria swallowed. “Same. Let's get going, Juniper.”

As Aria stood up, Sonata closed the door and locked it. She turned around, her face blank.

Aria glanced over at Adagio, who just smiled and slurped on the end of her Beanis.

This was a mistake.

“You're with them,” Juniper said.

Adagio nodded, still slurping.

“And who are 'them'?” Aria asked.

Sonata crossed her arms. “Oh, you don't need to worry about that.”

“True.” Adagio swallowed one last mouthful from her Beanis. Then she set it on her plate. “In fact, I don't think you'll have to worry about much, ever again.”

Aria grabbed Juniper's wrist and pulled her towards the window. “We can't be killed,” she reminded her sisters.

Literally in the blink of an eye, Sonata launched herself forward, grabbing Juniper and retreating to the other side of the room. “Sure. But she can.”

Sonata smiled, revealing sharp fangs, a slight red glow emanating from her pupils.

“You're a vampire!” Juniper gasped.

Adagio laughed. “Don't be ridiculous. She's a siren.”

Aria gaped. “But- how?”

Adagio waggled her fingers at the coffee table where her plate sat. “Twilight Sparkle is a genius. Her invention uses Equestrian Magic to work. The very first time I picked one up, I could sense it.”

“Okay, but... that's like, public knowledge. They say it on their website.”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “My point is that I figured out that by consuming enough of their E-jaculate, I could recover some of my magic. An idea I shared with Sonata.” Adagio sat up, chin resting on the back of her hand. “It's too bad you left us. I'd've shared with you, too.”

At that moment, Adagio opened her mouth, and the most awful screech Aria had ever heard echoed out. The sound slammed into her, not just her ears but her whole body, and Aria was blown into the wall. She collapsed, stars dancing in front of her eyes.

Adagio finally got off the couch, eyes gleaming.

Aria struggled, but managed to stand up. She glared at her sister. “That seems like more than 'some',” she slurred.

Adagio chortled. “Well, it's been a while since I tested it out. Let's try again.”

And she did. That horrid wail lifted Aria off the floor and slammed her into the window. Cracks formed.

And then the glass exploded under Adagio's onslaught, and Aria tumbled into the void. She reached out, fighting her daze, and grabbed the window frame. Shards of glass cut gouges into her fingers, and the blood made it slippery, but Aria held on.

Adagio's laugh echoed out of the apartment. She leaned out the window, arms crossed on the sill.

“I'd say it was nothing personal, but...” Adagio grinned. “We both know that isn't true.”

“A-dag-i-o!” Aria ground out. She reached up with her other hand, grabbing the frame. She had to get back up.

Adagio held up a finger. “I wouldn't do that if I were you. Sonata?”

The other siren called out. “You put one foot in this room and I tear out her throat!”

“See?” Adagio stood up and stretched. “Well. I better go and get dressed. I have a necklace to deliver. Thank you for saving us the trouble of hunting you down!”

As Adagio turned away, Aria hauled herself up, until she was in the reverse of her sister's position. She could see into the room now, and Sonata was still holding Juniper, who looked about ready to pee herself.

Adagio stopped and traced one finger down Juniper's cheek. “I've changed my mind, you're cute. Hopefully my sister has the sense to... hang in there!” She laughed at her own joke.

In that moment, Juniper's expression twisted, and she slammed her head forward into Adagio's nose. The siren's eyes widened, then she crumpled.

“Adagio!” Sonata panicked, and Juniper slipped out of her grip. Quick as a snake, Juniper lunged for the necklace.

Adagio and Sonata were already recovering and moving when Juniper grabbed hold of the Bean. In that moment, it glowed, and a pulse washed over the room. The sirens froze.

And as Aria clambered into the room, and Juniper scooted away, they remained frozen. Their eyes didn't blink. Aria waved her hand in front of them, poked at Sonata's bared teeth. Nothing.

“What did you do?” she marveled.

“I- I don't know.” Juniper shakily got to her feet. “I think it was the necklace.” She held it out, and Aria saw the glow.

“Holy-” Aria shook her head. “That's magic.” She looked over at her sisters, still suspended in time. “Okay. That's... that's crazy.”

“Do you think it's permanent?”

Aria shook her head. “Nah. The thaumatic signature is too weak. Which means we should probably leave before it wears off.”

Juniper nodded, looking troubled.

Aria noticed. “You okay?”

“I'll be fine,” Juniper said. She walked carefully around Adagio's frozen form. Then she paused. She turned and delivered a hard kick right between Adagio's legs. Aria winced.

“Feel better?”

Juniper smiled and walked towards the door with more spring in her step. “Much.”

Chapter 5

Aria drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. They were back in her Porsche, headed back towards the civilized side of civilization. “So,” she questioned. “Where to next?”

Juniper looked up from the Bean, which she'd been studying since they left the apartment twenty minutes ago. “Aren't we going back to the museum?”

“Nope.” Aria reached into her center console and pulled out a pack of gum. “I was bullshitting. The police are probably going to be waiting there all night for the thieves to come back.” She popped a piece of Juicy Fruit into her mouth and tossed the rest back into the console.

“Oh.” Juniper frowned. “So we still need to find some help.”

“Uh-huh.”

Juniper thought about it. “Well, we know why the necklace is important, now.”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Stopping time? Who wouldn't want that power?”

“Za Warudo!” Juniper giggled. “But seriously. They must have a pretty big bad-guy plan if they're after this. We need to find out more.”

“You could call your dad,” Aria suggested, only half-snarking.

Juniper shook her head. “He's out of town right now. And I don't want him to know about...” She waved a hand. “All this.”

“Right.” Aria blew a bubble and let it pop.

The car was silent for another minute.

And then Juniper tentatively spoke up. “If it's an expert in ancient artifacts that we need, I might have an idea.”

“Is it a good idea?”

“That depends. Wanna meet someone famous?”

An hour later- they had to stop at a drive-thru because they were both actually hungry- Juniper and Aria were sitting in the waiting area of a fancy publisher's office. It had all the usual accoutrements. Bright halogen lights, white walls covered in boring art. Uncomfortable chairs.

Thankfully, it was no time at all before someone collected them and brought them into the office proper.

And it was only standing in front of the door, with the name printed across the frosted glass, that Aria truly appreciated where they were.

The assistant knocked. “Come in,” a scratchy voice called. The door was opened, and Aria and Juniper were waved in.

The office was fairly large, but seemed smaller because of how much stuff was in it. Bookshelves, filled to overflowing, lined two walls. A massive corner desk surrounded by filing cabinets. More shelves and a display case full of artifacts. Sitting in the middle of all that, a kindly-looking woman, younger than what her voice suggested, almost buried under her shawl and a wide-brimmed hat. Like Juniper, she wore a pair of reading glasses, though this woman's were bright red. Her smile was pleasant, but distracted.

Juniper was the first to speak. “Heh- hello, Miss Yearling. We've met before-”

“Canter Zoom's niece,” she said immediately. “I remember. And I distinctly recall thinking that you'd make trouble on that movie set.” Her eyes sparkled. “Though I hear you're the master of your own set, now.”

Juniper coughed, trying very hard to hide her flushed face. “I- um. Yes. Anyway. Uh.” She motioned to Aria. “Miss Yearling, this is my friend Aria Blaze, Aria... this is A.K. Yearling.”

Aria raised one eyebrow and extended a hand. “The author of the Daring Do books?”

Yearling returned the handshake. “I'm also an expert in archaeology and anthropology. Did you think I made the scenarios for my books out of thin air?”

Aria shrugged. “To tell the truth, I don't really like those books. I find them to be very inaccurate to real history.”

Yearling huffed. “Yes, well. Sometimes things have to be changed or a book won't sell.” She leaned back and cleared a space on her desk. “My understanding is that you need help with an artifact?”

Juniper nodded and pulled out the necklace. “It's actually for my dad,” she said. “He works for the museum and wanted to donate this family heirloom, and we wanted to find out more about it.”

Yearling stared at the necklace for a moment. Then she wordlessly took out her phone, opened the internet application, and then a few taps later set it on the desk next to the necklace.

Aria read the article headline on the screen, accompanied by a high resolution picture, and groaned.

PRICELESS NECKLACE STOLEN FROM CANTERLOT MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY.

Juniper's lip started to twitch.

Yearling formed her fingers into a tent. “Obviously you were lying just now,” she said. “But equally obvious, you don't know what this is. And whoever stole the seal from the museum stole only the seal, suggesting that they were aware of its purpose.” She shook her head. “Which means that you two can't be the thieves. Which begs the question: how did you get this?”

“Well,” Aria began.

“We stole it before the real thieves could,” Juniper blurted out. “Now they might be after us and Aria's sisters are involved somehow and we just need help but we can't go to the cops.”

Yearling's eyes widened, and she hesitated a minute as she processed all that. “I suppose trusting the authorities might not be an option right this moment.”

“It really isn't.”

Yearling ignored Aria. “All right. I'll tell you.” She opened up one of the cabinets and pulled out a thick stack of binders. Yearling selected the third one and began turning through laminated pages, finally stopping on one that was mostly illustrated. “This necklace is one of five artifacts referred to as 'Seals of the Beanpocalypse'.”

“Okay, even I admit that one sounds made up,” Juniper said.

Yearling nodded. “It's a pretty unfortunate name. But... they're real. Each one is powerful on its own, but if all five are brought together? That'd be bad.”

“How bad?” Aria demanded.

“End-of-the-world bad.” Yearling adjusted her glasses. “I- rather, a colleague of mine, recently discovered this prophecy. The translation may be a bit in-exact, but look here.” She pointed to the picture. “It clearly shows all five beans being gathered and used in a ritual. And according to the inscriptions, that would give the user power over all the beans in the world.”

She let that sink in for a moment.

“Okay,” Aria said. “First question.”

“Go ahead.”

“WHY.”

Yearling pursed her lips. “I don't know. But this kind of power could easily be used for great evil. Which is why the seals must remain hidden.”

“Great. So which one is this?”

Yearling looked at Juniper. “May I?” Juniper nodded, and Yearling picked it up. She examined it from every angle. “I do believe,” she said after a moment, “That this is the Fava Bean. Also known as the Bean of Time.”

“Well that tracks,” Juniper muttered.

“Last question?” Aria held up a hand. “What do we do now?

Yearling set the necklace down and sighed. “I'm afraid that I must ask you girls for your help. There's one more thing I haven't told you.”

She turned the binder page over. On the next sheet were snippets of articles. Each one the same.

“Three of the Seals have already been stolen,” Yearling said. “The Kidney Bean of Withering, the Lima Bean of Summoning, and the Garbanzo Bean of Healing were all taken from their highly protected locations in the past few weeks.”

“It must've been the same people as the Canterlot Museum!” Juniper realized.

“What, really?” Aria shook her head. “I don't buy it. They were nowhere near professional enough.”

Yearling shrugged. “Perhaps they were merely locals hired to do the work of someone more important. It doesn't matter.” She flipped the page back over and tapped one of the five beans. “What does matter is that, with you two having the Time Bean, it means there is only one Seal left. The Tepary Bean of Prosperity. We need to find it, and keep it safe.”

“Whoa.” Aria frowned. “What's this 'we' crap? I didn't agree to anything.”

Juniper lightly slapped her shoulder. “Oh come on. It's the potential end of the world and you want to chicken out?”

“I didn't say that.”

“There's something else to consider,” Yearling interjected. “What's been described with these thefts- it implies a large conspiracy. We don't know who all might be involved. The only ones we can trust are ourselves.”

Aria looked at Juniper's pleading eyes, then Yearling's serious face.

She thought about what they said.

She thought about Adagio laughing at her.

She thought about Rarity waiting at home.

“Fine.”

“Fine?” Juniper perked up.

“Fine,” Aria said. “I'll do it. You'll just go without me, and then you'll fail. So where's this final Seal?”

That last part was directed at Yearling, who was already flipping through pages. She paused, then switched over to a different binder. “Ah... here-” she murmured. Yearling pulled out a single sheet. Read it. “Crap.”

“What is it?” Juniper asked.

“I was hoping I remembered wrong.” Yearling passed the sheet over. “The fifth Seal was recently purchased for a private collection here in Canterlot.”

“Okay...” Aria looked over the paper, which seemed to be a printed receipt. “Who's the collector?”

Yearling reached over and tapped one of the lines at the bottom. “The Mayor. Fancy Pants.”

Ah. Aria felt her stomach shrivel. Crap was right.

Chapter 6

Once upon a time, when she and her sisters lived in Equestria, Aria had the opportunity to visit the kingdom of Griffonstone at the height of its glory. The griffons built houses around their nests, and they liked to show off. Walking down the streets that were literally paved with gold, each house got bigger than the next, all the way to the palace of King Grover. The palace had been revered as the most beautiful building in all of Equestria.

Had Aria been able to pick up Fancy Pants' mansion and plop it down next to Grover's palace, the title would've changed hands.

The driveway of crushed, pink sea shells wound between carefully manicured bushes that belonged in an art gallery. There was a servant's house off to the side, no longer in use but still maintained. It would've cost Aria's entire Toyfussy settlement and then some to purchase its equal. For the house itself...

Big. That was the main impression. Like standing at the foot of a mountain range and looking up and realizing that the peaks were touching the clouds. It was simply too big to fully comprehend, fully appreciate. All Aria knew was that there were towers and columns and everything was bright white except the roof which was a dark shade of blue. There were dormers stacked on top of dormers, and carved decorative pieces hung off every surface, covered in gold leaf and polished to a shine.

The place had swag and swagger to spare.

Juniper just gaped. “It looks like he was doing pretty well before he got the bean.”

Aria agreed. She couldn't help but whistle around her chewing gum as she got out of the car. The two of them drank in the sight as A.K. Yearling parked her Lexus next to them in the drive. The luxury car looked outdated next to the Lamborghinis and Teslas sitting in the open garage. Aria glanced at her own Porsche and died a little on the inside.

Three thousand years, I've had, she cursed. I ought to have saved some gold instead of wasting it on stupid shit.

The one thing that truly unnerved Aria, as she tramped up the front steps with Juniper and A.K., was the lack of visible security. The gate they passed through had been decorative; there was no fence. And now at the house, there wasn't a single camera or sensor. Just a large, antique brass knocker. Aria reached for it.

But before she could even lift it, Juniper pushed the modern doorbell. The sound of a trumpet- or maybe a bugle? Some kind of horn- immediately assaulted their ears. The sound bounced off the tree-line and could probably be heard throughout the mansion. Unlike the knocker. That didn't stop Aria from being disappointed.

She retreated with crossed arms and glared at the door. A minute or so after the horn faded, twelve feet of solid spruce swung inward on squeaking hinges.

However, they were not greeted by the butler Aria was expecting. Instead, a beautiful young woman smiled at them from inside. “Please, come in,” she said, her voice slightly accented. Prench, Aria believed. “My name is Fleur. The mayor will be with you shortly.”

Fleur was tall and willowy, with pink tresses hanging all the way to her lower back. She looked like a model, moved like a dancer, and examined each of them with the shrewd eyes of a professional interior designer. Aria was frankly envious. But, she noted, Fleur was stronger than she looked to have opened that door. Said door swung shut behind them with a THOOM.

The three visitors stood awkwardly in the entrance hall, gawking at the paintings, the high ceilings, the detailed architecture. Fleur busied herself with tying up one of the floor-length green curtains that adorned the sides of the gargantuan windows. Apparently the knot hadn't been strong enough to hold the five tons of fabric in place, and it fell closed.

It was indeed a short time before a door at the top of the stairs opened, and out stepped Canterlot's mayor. Fancy Pants was every inch the picture of nobility. A James Bond-esque suit was tight across his broad shoulders, his hair slicked back in the unique style sported by everyone willing to blow five hundred dollars on a haircut. He carried with him a silver-headed cane. A perfectly trimmed mustache and a monocle over his right eye completed the look.

It was, Aria grudgingly admitted, a good look. She wanted to hate it, to hate this very rich and powerful man, but she couldn't. Where a lesser person would've come across as a pretentious prick, Fancy's compassionate smile was instantly disarming. There was something about him. Maybe it was his mustache, Aria thought. It was a very trustworthy mustache.

“Welcome!” he called out. His voice was calm, but carried effortlessly. “I see you've already met my companion, Fleur.” The young woman turned away from the Lover's Knot she'd just finished tying and batted her eyes at him, clearly head over- Holy shit those shoes are gorgeous!- heels.

Fancy made his way down the stairs, his steps quick and precise. He reached the bottom and held out a hand. Politician, Aria reminded herself.

A.K. was the first to take his hand. “Thank you for seeing us,” she said.

“Nonsense!” Fancy's smile became more excited. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Yearling. I've been a fan of your books since I was a child.” At that, Yearling's professional demeanor dropped for a second, her eyes sparkling.

Then Fancy turned to Juniper. “If I'm not mistaken, you're Canter Zoom's niece?” Juniper squeaked and blushed as she shook his hand. “Yes, I saw you at one of his movie premiers. I remember thinking, 'What wonders will she bring to the silver screen?'”

Finally he looked at Aria. And faltered. “And you- erm...”

“Aria,” Aria said. She popped a gum-bubble. She reluctantly shook hands with the mayor. “I do machines.”

“Ah! Of course.” Fancy nodded. “The 'tech-guru'. I imagine you have your hands full helping these two.”

Aria couldn't help a small laugh. “Abso-frickin-lutely.”

As Fancy let go of her hand, A.K. stepped forward. “We're actually here about an artifact you've recently acquired.”

The mayor chuckled and spread his arms, careful to avoid smacking anyone with the cane. “I am afraid you'll have to be more specific, Miss Yearling. I am constantly acquiring new pieces. The house is very empty, and the Historical Society refuses to let me rent rooms.” He leaned in and stage whispered, “If I am honest, Fleur handles most of the acquisitions anyway.” He winked.

The group just shuffled awkwardly. Fancy coughed into his fist. “Ahem. So... which artifact is it?”

A.K. opened her mouth, then hesitated. “It's... Well, it's-”

“It's a bean!” Juniper blurted out. A.K. sent an annoyed glance her way, but Juniper didn't notice. “A bean necklace.”

Fancy blinked. “Strange,” he murmured. Then he shook his head. “I know it. Follow me, please. Fleur?” he said as he turned. “Please prepare some drinks for our guests.”

Fleur nodded. “Hall D?”

“That's the one.”

Fancy paused at the foot of the steps and looked back at the group. “Do try to keep up. It would be far too easy for you to get lost.”

A.K. immediately set off behind Fancy with a quick stride. Aria glanced at Juniper. “After you,” her friend said. Aria sighed and started up the stairs.

Aria barely paid attention to where they were walking. All of the dimly lit hallways began to blend together, and she understood what Fancy meant about the house being empty. So many rooms were closed off, and when Juniper asked what was inside them, Fancy responded simply: “Nothing.”

Eventually they actually got close to their destination, because Fancy slowed his pace considerably. He fell into step beside A.K.. “This necklace,” he inquired. “Is it particularly valuable?”

A.K. grunted distractedly. “I doubt you overpaid for it, if that's what you're wondering. The Beans were expertly crafted. And as collectors items... They are certainly unique.”

Fancy shook his head. “I'm actually wondering what your interest in it is, Miss Yearling. I wasn't aware that the piece had much history.”

“Quite a long one, actually.”

“Indeed? I'd love to hear about it.”

A.K. smirked. “I suppose you'll have to purchase my next book, then. No spoilers, even for the mayor.”

He laughed. “Of course, of course. It's just remarkable to me that, weeks after I purchased it, I received two viewing requests on the same day!”

“Yes, that is a bit-” A.K. did a double take. “Two?”

Fancy stopped in front of the next doorway. “See for yourself.”

A.K. marched forward and came to a screeching halt. “You!” she blurted.

Aria frowned and peered into the room. It appeared to be all jewelry, the shelves and tables covered in velvet and shielded by glass. There were no windows; light from ancient incandescent bulbs sparkled off the pieces. Everything was bathed in a soft rainbow.

Standing in the middle of the room was a man. He was tall and slender, well dressed in a rich green suit with a grape-colored dress shirt. He'd taken the jacket off and it was draped over his shoulder. The remains of a white bow tie hung loose from his collar.

He turned when he heard them. “Back already, Mister-”

He stopped, looking startled. Then he quickly collected himself. “Greetings,” he said. “You can call me Que.”

Aria barely heard. Forget his clothes- the man himself was breathtaking. That flowing orange hair, that smooth complexion... his skin was the color of a honeydew melon she and Rarity had shared a few days ago, the sweet nectar of its flesh a perfect aphrodisiac. His features were chiseled like a Roman statue. His lips were tight, but quirked into a confident smile. Laugh lines surrounded his elderberry eyes.

Aria glanced over at their new author friend. “Yo, A.K.. You know this guy?”

Yearling was staring at the man with undisguised rage. “We've met,” she said tersely.

Okay, then. Aria shrugged and turned her attention to the room. It was hard to keep focused. Lots of pretty jewelry, but they only cared about one in particular. It was in there somewhere...

The tension in the room grew to palpable levels as A.K. continued to glare. Que wasn't helping. As much as he was clearly trying to ignore A.K., he kept looking over at her.

Juniper sidestepped over to stand next to Que. “Sooooo,” she began. “You're here for the Bean, too?”

Que looked down at her, the slight widening of his eyes the only indication of surprise this time. “Yes, that's right. I couldn't help looking at the rest of the collection, though.”

“Cool, cool.” Juniper glanced over her shoulder and met Aria's eyes. She angled her head at Que, as if to ask, What's the deal? Aria just shrugged. She had bigger issues to focus on.

There- right in the center of the opposite wall. Aria ambled over, taking care not to move too quickly. They didn't want to arouse suspicion. She sensed A.K. behind her, moving even slower. Aria stepped around a smaller podium, before coming to a halt in front of the right case. She leaned over and peered inside.

It was easy to pick out which necklace they were after. Even though they looked very different, both Beans had the same unnatural glow.

The Tepary Bean sat in the front; it was slightly bigger than their Fava Bean, and more ovular than kidney-shaped. It was hard to tell that it was supposed to be a bean. The jewel was orange, and set directly in the golden filigree, rather than dangling as a pendant. It wasn't a necklace Aria would choose to wear.

Fancy cleared his throat, catching all of their attentions. Aria noticed that his smile seemed a bit more forced as he stepped into the room. “So, this Bean. If I am remembering correctly, it was purchased in an estate sale.” He scratched his chin. “The previous owner had moved to Canterlot from somewhere south, and passed away earlier this year. His son ordered the liquidation of all assets, apparently more concerned with money than having something to remember his father by.” Fancy shook his head. “Sad.”

Aria let his words flow in one ear and out the other. She was focused on the jewelry case, instead. There was no visible lock, no visible cameras, no visible sensors. No power cords or electrical lines running into it. Either the security was battery powered and well-hidden... Or there was no security.

Juniper eased in beside her. “So? Whaddya think?”

Aria frowned. “Fancy seems way too trusting. We're going to have to take this one, too.”

Juniper's mouth forming into an 'O'. “That's... not what I meant. But- I mean, do we really?”

“Yeah.” Aria said. “The Bean isn't safe here. It'd be a cake-walk to steal.”

“Well, that's good for us,” Juniper shrugged.

Aria nodded.

A knock at the door made her look up. Fleur stood there, with a small push-cart in front of her. “Refreshments?” she offered.

The four of them all closed in.

On the cart was an assortment of drinks. Pitchers of water, iced tea, and lemonade, but also cans of soda and energy drinks. A platter full of mini-sandwiches was also included.

“I wasn't sure if you'd be hungry, but I decided to bring some hors d'oeuvres, just in case!” Fleur flashed a satisfied smile.

“Thank you!” Juniper snatched up one of the sandwiches.

Aria elected to keep her chewing gum and instead popped the top on a can of Monster Energy. One sip and she was AWAKE. It's just a placebo. But knowing that didn't make it not work.

They all stood in silence for a moment, eating and drinking. Even then, Aria noticed A.K. shooting looks at Que. Fancy and Fleur seemed unsure what to do with the silent, awkward group.

Aria was just starting to reconsider her position on the sandwiches when the sound of a horn echoed into the room. It was the doorbell.

Fancy looked relieved. “Please, continue snacking,” he told them. “I'll see who it is.”

Once he was gone, Aria nudged Juniper and A.K.. The three of them backed away from the cart and started walking the room again.

“So what's the deal with you and handsome?” Juniper said after a while.

Yearling glanced back, her expression now more troubled than angry. She seemed hesitant to speak.

“You fucked him,” Aria guessed.

“N-no!” Yearling's cheeks colored. “Absolutely not. My relationship with that man has always been strictly professional.”

Juniper looked back at Que doubtfully. “Then you guys are just... ex-coworkers?”

A.K. squirmed and adjusted her shawl. “Something like that. But if he's here... let's just say that things aren't going to go the way we planned.”

“What do you mean by tha-”

Before Aria could finish, Fancy Pants reappeared in the doorway. His smile was gone, replaced by vague annoyance and confusion.

“You won't believe this,” he said, “But there is a third group here to see the Bean.”

Aria had a sinking feeling as Fancy stepped to the side for this third group.

A feeling that was completely justified.

Three young women marched around the corner. Each wore a grin that could best be described as vicious. Each, Aria knew.

Adagio.

Trixie.

And bringing up the rear, a purple haired girl in a cloak with crazed eyes that must've been Glimmer.

Aria's grip tightened, crushing her can. They were too late.

Chapter 7

Aria looked over at her companions. Juniper was holding together pretty well, it seemed like. She slowly chewed her sandwich and swallowed, then sipped her drink. Juniper's eyes never left Adagio. Aria noticed that her sister was walking with a slight hitch in her step.

Beyond Juniper, A.K. was simply confused. She looked at the girls, then at Que, then at Fancy. She didn't seem to know what to make of the newcomers.

Que, however, did. “Adagio,” he said in an icy tone, “I thought we agreed that I would handle this one?”

The siren nodded. “Oh, we did. But you see, there were a couple problems that arose.” She glared pointedly across the room at Aria, Juniper, and A.K..

“Even so.” Que crossed his arms. “This requires subtlety. Finesse. I suggest-”

Glimmer stepped forward. “With all possible respect, Queen Thorax,” she said. “The time for subtlety and finesse is long past.”

Que- or Thorax, Aria supposed- looked around the room. His gaze seemed a lot less attractive now and a lot more threatening.

Thorax nodded slowly. “I guess you're right.” He sighed and turned to Fancy. “I'm truly sorry about this, Mister Mayor.”

“I beg your pardon?” Fancy said.

Thorax flicked his wrist. A dagger as long as his forearm dropped out of his sleeve.

He pointed it at Fancy.

“We're taking the Seal,” he said. “We don't want to hurt you, but we will if you try to stop us.”

Fancy's lips tightened, eyes gleaming with indignity, but raised his hands. Fleur did the same.

The confrontation took almost a minute, more than enough time for Aria to react. But she stayed still, remembering the museum.

Glimmer and Trixie seemed to both disappear in swirls of fabric. One brown, one blue. When things settled, each was holding a weapon. Glimmer pointed a sword at Juniper's face, while Trixie aimed a pistol at Aria.

“Adagio,” Thorax prompted.

Adagio walked over to the case with the Bean in it. She examined it for a moment, much like Aria had done, then leaned down and whistled sharply.

The glass instantly shattered into slivers, and Adagio was able to reach in and grab the necklace. As Aria suspected, there were no alarms. Adagio tossed the prize to Thorax.

Thorax then turned toward Aria and Juniper, though he kept the dagger pointed at Fancy. “You two,” he said. “We know you took the Seal from the museum. I imagine you've kept it with you. Hand it over.”

Juniper's hand quickly fluttered to her jacket pocket. Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses. “I don't think so.”

Thorax fully turned, aiming his blade at them.

“I won't ask a third time,” he said. “Give us the Seal. Now.”

Juniper shook her head. “No.”

Thorax stared for a moment. Then he lowered his blade. “Very well,” he sighed. Aria blinked, sure her disbelief was plain.

And then Aria heard a Click! beside her. She turned. Slowly.

Juniper was frozen. Not in fear, but shock.

The barrel of a gun was pressed against her neck.

And holding that gun, finger on the trigger, was A.K. Yearling.

Chapter 8

“Don't move,” A.K. said to Juniper.

Juniper nodded.

A.K. flicked her eyes to Aria. “You, stay back. I know what you sirens are capable of.”

Aria growled, but took a step away from A.K..

A.K reached down into Juniper's pocket and fished out the Fava Bean. She held it up, examining it. Then she nodded and tossed the necklace to Thorax. He caught it and smiled.

“Thank you,” he said, returning his dagger to its hidden sheath. “Things are so much easier when everyone acts reasonably.”

“Reasonably?” Juniper said quietly. “Is that what you call this, A.K.? Reasonable?”

The author slowly circled around to stand in front of Juniper, alongside her true allies. She looked... resigned. “I told you. The only ones we can trust are ourselves.”

Aria raised her chin. “Yeah? And that story you told us? How do we know that's not bullshit?”

Glimmer stepped closer. “It is true. I noticed the signs long ago.” She pursed her lips. “Admittedly, I chose the wrong path initially. But no one is perfect.”

Thorax glanced at his watch and grunted. “We don't have the time to convince them. All of you,” he said sharply, “Listen closely. We were never here. You know nothing of these Beans. And if you ever speak about them- to anyone- we will hear about it. Understand?”

“I-” Juniper hesitated.

Aria stepped forward, placing her arm in front of her friend. “We understand.” Aria locked eyes with Juniper and pleaded for her to just go with it. Thankfully, she seemed to get it.

“Thank you,” Thorax said, clearly relieved. He swung around. “And you, Mister May-”

Clack.

Fancy slowly turned away from the door he had just locked, his expression fierce. “Oh,” he said quietly, “I understand.”

Fuck, Aria thought.

He began rolling up his sleeves. “I understand that you all believed you could come into my house, and take my property, without facing consequences.”

FUCK! Aria screamed inside her head.

“I understand that you have betrayed my hospitality.” Fancy hefted his cane up, and pulled on the silver head. A long blade smoothly unsheathed. “I understand that you know nothing, absolutely nothing, about who I am.”

The fuck?

Thorax shook his head. “Please, there is no need to resort to violence.”

Fancy paused. “Sir, if that were true, you would apologize and return those pieces of jewelry immediately.”

Thorax's hand drifted to his pocket. “I'm afraid I can't do that.”

“Well, then.” Fancy brought his sabre to bear, the dim overhead light glinting off its tip. “It seems our path is set.”

With a sudden shriek, Juniper launched herself at Thorax. Her arm caught his neck and she tackled him to the floor.

Glimmer yelled and charged at Juniper, vengeance in her eyes. Only for her blade to be blocked by Mayor Fancy. He stroked his mustache with one hand, the other barely straining to hold the hilt. “You'll have to do better than that, Miss.”

At the same time, Yearling raised her gun, but Aria was moving, too. She spun and kicked the gun out of Yearling's hand, and the author cried out. The sound filled Aria with satisfaction. Take that, you lying bitch. She followed up with a second kick to Yearling's head.

Yearling collapsed, and Aria turned to help Juniper.

And for the second time that day, was thrown backward into glass.

Adagio's terrible wail took her off her feet and hurled her into one of the displays. The glass exploded behind her, and a thousand shards drove themselves into Aria's body as she hit the wall.

Thigh.

Calf.

Shoulder.

Liver.

Neck.

Aria hung there for a moment, and then she fell to the floor, the smaller shards opening a dozen new wounds along the way.

Pain was something Aria had long ago learned to manage and repress. But this? This hurt.

She fought to sit up, her breathing ragged around the shard poking all the way through from the back of her throat. Aria reached up and grasped the shard with a bloody hand, and pulled. Slowly, her flesh parted around the glass, until finally it popped free with a Squelch.

Adagio was standing above her, laughing.

“And here I thought you liked having long, hard things rammed into your throat,” Adagio chortled.

Aria chose not to say anything, gritting her teeth and reaching for another dagger-like shard sticking out of her arm. Adagio kicked her hand aside, still smiling.

“It really is unfortunate.” The siren squatted in front of her sister. “You spent all that time chasing after Rarity. Even after she lied to you. Tricked you. Used you.” Aria saw her own eyes reflected in Adagio's. The effect was... disorienting. “You could've been with us. You could have been happy. Now look at you. You've lost,” she said scornfully.

Adagio reached out and grabbed hold of the glass shard in her arm. “You've lost this fight.” Adagio shoved the shard back through Aria's bicep, and Aria recoiled in pain.

“You've lost your family.” Adagio grabbed another shard in Aria's side and twisted it, gouging several organs.

“And when she hears about this?” Adagio gripped the piece of glass in Aria's thigh. “You'll lose Rarity.” Adagio pulled on the glass, slicing Aria's leg wide open. “And it will be all.” Yank.

“Your.” Yank.

“Fault.”

Adagio tugged on the shard one more time, then dropped it, leaning back. “Well?” she hissed. “What do you say?”

A gurgle passed up through Aria's throat.

Adagio snorted. “You can't be dying, so come on. What's the matter, Abyssinian got your ton-”

Aria jerked her head forward, and something small flew out of her mouth, directly into Adagio's throat: her chewing gum.

Adagio's eyes widened as the disgusting ball of slime wedged itself in her esophagus, choking her. Aria followed up with a palm strike to Adagio's nose. She felt the bone splinter, and smiled.

Adagio collapsed onto her butt, one hand on her throat and the other clawing at her bleeding face. Aria forced herself up, and lurched forward towards her sister. She grabbed Adagio's wrists, and pinned her down.

“Yugoo... huorrr!” Adagio burbled.

“Oh, I'm a whore now?” Aria spat. “What does that make you?” Her knee popped forward, slamming into Adagio's sore spot. Adagio squawked, and her legs thrashed. “You're a delusional bitch and you don't know a fucking thing!”

Aria grimaced, her body's slow rejection of the glass bringing more pain. “I haven't lost anything,” she growled. “I've got real relationships now. A friend. A girlfriend.”

“Heh. Naaa fer laa-agh.”

“You think so?” Aria kneed her sister again. “You think Rarity won't understand all this? With her shit-show of a job? She'll be sad she missed the adventure and then we'll have the best apology sex you can't even imagine.”

Adagio glared up at her, bloody bubbles popping around her nostrils. Aria was vaguely aware of Fancy Pants and Juniper still in their own struggles, but that didn't matter right then. They could handle it. Meanwhile, Dagi seemed to be breathing a little too easy. Aria shook her head clear and quickly dropped an elbow onto her sister's throat, crushing it. Adagio's eyes widened, and her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

“You think you're the greatest around,” Aria seethed. “Always better than me and Sonata. Always bossing us around. But the truth is, you suck. You haven't changed a bit since we first got banished to this world.” Aria shook her head again. “I've moved on. And the only way things will fall apart between me and Rarity is if I let them.” She snorted. “And why would I do that? So I could end up like you?”

“Le-lhike mee?”

“Yeah, you. Pathetic and obsessed. I figured out a while ago why you tried taking on Beanis. Over, and over again.” Aria leaned down. “And it won't work. Even if you succeeded- Sunset will never love you.”

With that, Aria slammed her forehead into Adagio's face. The siren flopped limply against the floor. Aria stood up, wiping the blood off her brow, breathing heavily. She spat on her unconscious sister one more time, then turned away.

The room was trashed. Cases shattered, expensive jewelry scattered everywhere. A.K. was still unconscious on the floor. Juniper was on her ass, holding up both Beans like talismans. The green Fava was glowing again, which explained why Thorax was frozen in mid-crawl, reaching out for Juniper.

In the middle of all that was Mayor Fancy, the point of his sword under Glimmer's chin. The girl was glaring at him, but it was hard for her to do anything when her sword was in his other hand. His eyes softened, and he knocked her out with the hilt of his blade.

The slight shuffle of cloth drew Aria's attention. Her head whipped around toward the door, and she saw Trixie carefully picking her way through the wreckage. Trixie froze when she sensed the eyes on her. Normal froze, not magic Bean froze.

“Uh-” Trixie swallowed hard. “I... I knew that you would defeat them! But, um. Pra- prepare yourself, for your toughest challenge yet!” She threw back her head and cackled, or at least tried to. “Behold! The inconceivable magical might! Of the Great, and Powerful, Trrrrrrrrrix-”

CLANG!

Trixie's eyes unfocused, and then she collapsed to the floor. Behind her, Fleur lowered the snack tray and blew a strand of hair away from her face.

“Apologies,” she said. “But that was... getting annoying.”

Chapter 9

The next few moments were silence as everyone collected themselves.

“Is it over?” Juniper asked.

“I think so,” Aria rasped. She got to her feet and immediately stumbled. Fleur caught her, and led her away from the glass-covered corner. Blood smeared on the woman's hands. “Sorry,” Aria murmured.

“Do not worry about it,” Fleur said gently. Her long fingers plucked more shards from places Aria couldn't reach. With each one, the pain eased and the fog lifted.

Juniper shuffled over, her eyes flitting between Aria's wounds and Adagio's prone form. “Holy shit,” she whispered.

“Indeed.” Fancy's eyes were full of concern as he fitted his cane back together. “My years in military school gave me all the skills I needed today. But I confess to having no clue how you survived, Miss Aria.”

Aria chuckled. “You should see the other guy.” Then she grit her teeth and hissed, as Fleur pulled a big chunk out of her calf.

“Jokes aside, I-” Fancy hesitated. “I feel there is much you aren't telling us. Perhaps it would be better if we didn't know,” he mused.

“Yes,” Juniper said without hesitating. “You really do not want the details.”

“She's right.” Aria nudged Fleur away. There was only one more spot that was bothering her, and she could pull that shard out herself. She made sure to throw it at Adagio after. “Knowing would just stress you out,” she continued. “Better to wash your hands of this.”

Fancy and Fleur looked at one another. “Okay,” the young woman said. “But what should we actually do?”

“Leave,” Juniper suggested, at the same time Aria declared, “Call the police.”

“Leave, then call the police,” Aria decided. “I don't like it, but we have to give them a chance to escape.”

“Excuse you?” Fancy looked outraged.

Aria held up her hands. “Juniper and I can't have them blabbing about the museum. And besides that, it would be better if the police weren't looking for those.” Aria pointed at the Beans, still in Juniper's hands. “Any more than they already are.”

Juniper held the artifacts up. “A.K. and the rest of these dinks actually believed that the Beans could start Armageddon. I don't wanna take the chance they're right. Do you?”

Fancy huffed, but shook his head. “I suppose that means you want to keep that necklace?”

Aria shrugged. “Want is a strong word, but yeah.”

“Fine. It's caused me enough trouble. And we'll escort you out before calling law enforcement.” Fancy motioned to Fleur. “Come along, dear.”

The three of them fell into step behind the mayor, following him down the hallway. Closing the door on the carnage behind them. Juniper went first, then Aria. Fleur brought up the rear.

Aria drew alongside her friend. “How are you?” she asked.

Juniper gave her a somewhat exasperated look. The kind that said, How do you think I am, dumbass? “Just peachy. You?”

“I'm serious.” Aria reached out and latched onto Juniper's arm, bringing her closer. “I've had thousands of years to learn how to process traumatizing shit. Also I'm immortal. So, you know. Talk.”

Juniper was silent for a minute. Then she took a deep breath. “Honestly? I don't think I've started processing any of today yet. I'm still running on adrenaline. I mean, I had a gun pointed at me. Twice. No wait. Thrice!” Juniper laughed, but it was a shrill laugh. “How do I even process that? I can't process that,” she said, “Not right now. So thanks, but I think I'll be waiting until tomorrow for the therapy.” She exhaled.

Aria waited a moment. She was processing, herself. It had been a long day. “All right,” she said finally. “Take your time. Just make sure to actually get whatever help you need. I- I'm here. For you. With you. Beside you,” she finished awkwardly.

“Thanks,” Juniper said again, but more sincerely. “One thing's for sure, I'll be sticking to fictional adventures from now on. And speaking of? All this business with magic beans is finally giving me ideas. I need a minute to think. Okay?”

“Sure.” Aria fell back, listening to Juniper mutter something about, 'By their powers combined...'

After another few minutes, Fleur stepped closer.

“So...” she ventured. “What exactly do you intend to do with those... Beans.”

Aria hesitated. “I- I don't want to say too much. The fewer people who know where they are, the better.”

Fleur pursed her lips. “That is wise, I suppose.” She patted absently at her hair curls. “But you at least have a plan?”

Before Aria could respond, her eyes were flooded by light as the group emerged into the main atrium. The evening sun was streaming through the massive windows, bathing everything a soft golden glow tinged with warm green. Seeing natural light was incredibly calming, after everything.

They stopped in front of the doors. This would be, more than likely, the last time the four of them were close to equals in any capacity.

Aria was frankly glad of it.

“We'll call the police once you've left the property,” Fancy said. “With any luck, our adversaries should have enough time to rouse themselves and find an alternative exit before they get here.”

“Great!” Juniper bobbed her head. “And as for these-” she patted the pocket with the Beans in it. “They have to be kept safe.”

“And there's really only one place in this city you can trust to guard beans,” Aria grunted.

Fancy nodded, the fire returning to his eyes for just a moment. “Very true. That building may be an eyesore on downtown, but it has the best security money can buy. I should know- my office had to approve it.

“Yes,” Fancy chuckled. “I'd like to see those bumbling fools break into Beanis Headquarters!”

Epilogue 2

Same time, different place...

Aria Blaze and Juniper Montage stepped out of the office, and the door slammed closed behind them. There may have even been a slight glow around it as it did.

The office in question was as cluttered as it was large. Overflowing filing cabinets, white boards and chalk boards covered in equations. Several electronic devices scattered over top dozens of reference books. And on the walls, framed scientific diagrams of every kind. A few were even signed, in hesitant script by uncomfortable hands.

Her old self would have found the mess cozy. Now, it only served as a smoke screen. A disguise. Midnight Sparkle exhaled as she slid behind Twilight's desk. The disguise was no longer necessary, and blue flames replaced Twilight’s old spectacles.

On the desk were the artifacts Aria and Juniper had given her; her fingers drifted over them, tingling from the energy contained within. Two of the Five Seals, in her grasp.

Two more, she corrected herself. Midnight grinned tiredly. She turned and pulled aside Twilight's periodic table, exposing the small safe behind it. There was no handle, no key slot, no scanner; there was only one way to open it.

Midnight reached out with her magic and nudged the pins of the lock into place. One more application and the door swung open. Inside were two gems, gleaming with unnatural light. Midnight reached inside and snatched them up.

One was the yellow Lima Bean of Summoning. The other, the red Garbanzo Bean of Healing. With the exception of that time with Moondancer, both Beans had served her well in her experiments.

And soon they would serve an even grander purpose.

A tingle ran up Midnight's spine. At first, she assumed it was excitement. But then she detected the slight sound of cloth against cloth. Someone else was in the room with her; maybe he had been for a while. Her senses were getting dull. Midnight clenched the two gems in her fist and turned around.

"Hello, Doctor, " she said.

Cabelleron stepped forward, but kept his face in the shadows. An old habit, she supposed, one of many that he would have called upon while helping her. Case in point: the office door was still closed. She had no idea how he got in.

“And hello to you, Miss Sparkle,” he said in that heavy accent of his. She could never pin down where it was from. “I hope that I am not too late?”

“Right on time, actually.” Midnight set the beans down alongside their brothers. “You have it?”

Cabelleron reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small pouch. He tossed it to Midnight.

On reflex, she caught it with her magic. It was easier- faster- than forcing her limbs to do it. Magic opened the bag’s drawstring, grasping what was inside and letting the bag fall. “At last,” she breathed. “The Kidney Bean of Withering.”

This gem was dark blue, nearly indigo. It was the color of cheeks sunken by death and famine, the color of the shadows under a person’s eyes when they stayed up all night haunted by their past. It was beautiful.

“Thank you, Cabelleron,” Midnight said. “Your payment will be wired by tomorrow morning. Have a nice evening!”

“Actually,” he blurted, “There was something else. In the bag,” he clarified. The man rubbed his neck. “I… meant for it to be a surprise. And, also, protection. You do not want to touch that stone with your bare skin.”

Midnight frowned, and lowered the Bean onto her desk. At the same time, she pulled the pouch into her grasp, and looked inside. Manually, this time.

“A paper?” she mused. “It looks… burned.”

“Yes. I barely managed to save that much of it, after my new partner ordered it destroyed.” Again with the neck rub. “I do feel terrible about betraying A.K. Yearling’s trust like that. But… I owed you a favor.”

Midnight’s eyes widened as she pulled the singed parchment out. It was… instructions. Partial instructions on how to complete the Ritual of the Five Seals. This was- this was priceless. Even without Cabelleron placing his professional integrity at risk.

“What favor,” Midnight asked, suddenly suspicious, “Did I owe you that could be worth this much?”

Cabelleron flashed a gold-toothed smile. “You employed my wife at a time when neither of us was doing well financially. How is Chrysalis, by the way?”

Midnight shrugged. “Last I heard, doing amazing heading up our legal department. You should probably spend more time with her.”

He shrugged back. “She still hasn’t forgiven me for switching careers. How should I have known that my Ob-Gyn practice wouldn’t take off immediately?”

“To be fair, that Pear of Anguish in the lobby was probably off-putting to most prospective patients,” Midnight grunted. “And as long as we’re on that subject, am I still on for my appointment for next Thursday?”

“Of course!” Cabelleron said. “Beanis’ recommendations are the reason I’m still open. I will always have time for-”

Midnight suddenly yawned, wide and loud. “Oh! Sorry about that,” she sighed. “I guess I’m the one who doesn’t have time.”

“I should be getting going, anyway.” Cabelleron bowed. “Until next time, Miss Sparkle.”

He left through the door, one of the few times she’d witnessed it happen. Sometimes she was convinced he could just walk through them.

Midnight slumped in her chair. There was so much to do. Between running Beanis, her experiments, and maintaining the guise of Twilight… she had to rest at some point. But she didn’t want to. There was danger…

Sleep, her brain said.

Midnight’s eyelids drooped.

Her eyes closed…

Twilight opened her eyes and bolted upright.

I’m me.

“I’m me!” she said out loud.

And she was.

How long had it been? How long had Midnight stayed in control this time?

Too long. That was the only answer she could afford right now, because Midnight would be back all too soon.

I fucked up.

She’d thought Midnight could be useful. She’d thought that Midnight could help her deal with her emotions.

She’d been wrong.

Twilight rose on shaky legs, taking in her surroundings. She was in her office, it looked like, which was good. And it was the same office- waking up to that change had been jarring. But that also meant she could find it easily.

There, on that pile of Encyclopedia Maretania print-outs. Her phone.

Not her usual phone. A special phone she’d purchased years ago for emergencies. She unlocked the screen and opened the messenger app. The text was already cued up. She hit ‘Send’.

No sooner had her thumb left the button, Twilight felt her arm go slack. Her time was up already. But she’d done it. Good luck, Mr. Sentry, she thought. Bring her home.

Midnight opened her eyes, disappointed but not surprised to see the cell phone in her hand. But when she read the text, that disappointment turned to fury.

“What the fuck, Twily?” she raged. “You’re working against me now? We both know that the plan won’t work as long as she’s around. This is your plan! I may have changed some things, but this is what you wanted!”

Magic flared around Midnight’s hand, and she crushed the phone into a stick. The anger subsided just as quickly as it came. “You know what? I can’t stay mad at myself. The chances of Flash succeeding are low anyway. And if he does bring her back, she’ll probably be too busy to interfere.”

Midnight crossed the office in two quick strides. She picked up one of the laptops. “We’ll make sure she’s too busy. She can’t uncover the plan.”

Laptop open, program opened.

A simple camera feed.

Progress on the first rocket was coming along nicely.

“For your sake, Twily. Project CYAMITES must launch.”

Epilogue 1

Hours later...

Canterlot was a beautiful city. From its suburbs to its office towers, from the factories to the libraries. Most of its residents had little to complain about, living there.

Most.

Tucked away in between everything else, districts of poverty and crime had festered for years. It was in one such pocket that Beanis Incorporated had made its first real home. And it was just a few short blocks from there that Moondancer was now sitting.

The building was ancient and falling apart. The air inside was both damp and stale, and she was probably breathing some form of toxic mold that was slowly killing her brain cells.

She didn't care.

Nor did she care much about the building's usual residents. The so-called “Assassins' Guild” were really all perverts with knives, as far as she was concerned. They had their uses, but it was better to ignore them.

No, the only thing Moondancer cared about at the moment? Was that the others were late.

And her chair was uncomfortable. Seriously, would it kill Thorax to purchase a few new office chairs for the conference room? She sighed, shifting miserably on the cushion, and glanced at the clock again.

A small triangle of folded paper bounced off her cheek, and Moondancer turned to glare at the girl sitting opposite her. Sonata Dusk looked every bit as thrilled to be there as Moondancer. At least she wasn't making paper knives anymore. Those first few meetings were... interesting.

Still. “Knock it off. With any luck, they'll get back soon and we can-”

CREAK.

SLAM!

“Never mind. They're back now.”

A moment later, the conference room door opened, and the other five members trooped in.

What little sense of excitement Moondancer had mustered quickly faded away. Everyone more an identical grimace, their shoulders stooped and feet dragging. Adagio had twigs sticking out of her poofy mane, and didn't even seem to care.

The group made it to their chairs and collapsed with a massive, collective sigh.

For a long minute, the only sound was the drip of a pipe somewhere.

Finally, Thorax sat up. “I guess this counts as an official meeting, since we're all here,” he began. “So, Moondancer, if you don't mind?”

She nodded and brought out a pen and pad.

Thorax puffed out his cheeks. “I think it's safe to say the plan failed.”

“Oh, you think?” Glimmer spat.

“Spectacularly,” Adagio agreed.

Another groan escaped the group.

A.K. held up a hand. “At least they won't be able to perform the ritual,” she said, sounding rather more optimistic than Moondancer felt. “As painful as it was, I destroyed the original ritual carving. And I made sure my colleagues destroyed all the photos, and even their research notes. Anything that could be used to reconstruct it.”

“Well, that's good,” Sonata agreed.

Adagio scowled. More than usual. “What has you so perky all of a sudden? Did you learn about some obscure execution method?”

Sonata blinked, looking slightly hurt. “I- I don't do that anymore,” she muttered. “You know that, Dagi.” Adagio continued to scowl, but looked away.

“Well, Trixie is glad everyone returned from that mission, alive and unarrested!”

“Hear that,” Glimmer said. She held out a fist, and the magician gleefully returned the bump.

Thorax leaned forward, resting his chin on the back of his interlocked hands. “We are very fortunate in both categories,” he said. “But we can't sit here licking wounds and celebrating minor victories. We have to keep moving forward. Does anyone have any new ideas?”

Trixie slammed a fist down on the table. “We need a name!” she declared.

Everyone stared at her.

Trixie's eyes were manic. “For the group. We need a name. Possibly even an acronym. Something that really sums up our everything, our entire purpose for being!” Trixie shot up out of her seat and began to pace. “I was thinking something like 'Beanis Haterz', with a 'Z'. It sounds really cool and fun! But maybe it's a little too on the nose.”

Moondancer hesitated, the tip of her pen hovering just off the paper. “Is that really important?”

“It's important for morale,” Trixie insisted. “Now, help me brainstorm. Bean Killerz? Beanis Smasherz? I dunno, I really want to make that acronym thing work...”

Sonata perked up. “What about Bean Slayers?”

Trixie spun around, stars in her eyes. “That. Sounds. Perfect! And the acronym, um- Bean... Uh, Bringing...”

“Bringers of Eternal Anguish,” Glimmer intoned. Then smirked.

“Yes, that!” Trixie nodded. “And we're bringing it to... Nascent Sellers... of... Legumes?”

“Legume Abominations,” Adagio blurted out. She looked quite upset that she'd contributed.

“And don't forget a certain Young Entrepreneur,” A.K. pointed out.

“Requiring Slaughter!” Sonata finished. “It fits!”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie thanks you for your help, hench-minion,” Trixie said. She glared in Moondancer's direction. “Well? Write it down, so it can be official!”

Moondancer glanced over at Thorax, who just nodded wearily. She wrote it down. The whole thing.

“That's... a long group name.”

“We'll just call ourselves 'Slayers' for short,” Thorax decreed. “Now can we please focus on how we will accomplish our goals?”

Adagio grunted. “What about Fiji?”

“Ah.” Thorax twitched. “That. We... have an agent. Almost in position. But there's no guarantee he'll be able to bring... the asset... back.”

Adagio nodded, but said nothing else.

Another minute passed in silence.

And then Glimmer spoke up.

“I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm tired of this 'magic' horseshit. We've tried that way, and all we've done is waste time and let people know we exist as a group. Fuck that.” Glimmer stood up, leaning on the table. “What we need is action and results, now. Infiltration, sabotage, something.

“We need to break into Beanis Headquarters.”