Frenefits

He wanted her to laugh.

Laugh like she always had before when he was being awkward, or was making some terrible attempt at a joke, or at least give him that usual smirk she always had. For her to tell him he was being an idiot and ask him how he got such a silly idea in his head, while patting the spot beside her and gesturing for him to sit down so they could talk. To let that small part of him that didn’t want to believe it, that it was just a coincidence that she was wearing the same clothes as Pinkie was earlier that day, have a small glimmer of hope.

But reality was cruel, because that wasn’t what happened at all.

Instead, Diane slowly stood up, resembling a zombie in the old black and white horror movies more than a person. She trudged toward him, her head hung low and her hair covering most of her face. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, anytime he tried to say anything it caught in his throat, unable to leave his lips out of fear he would say something stupid or make things worse.

She stopped right in front of him, still hiding her face behind her hair. With her right hand, she reached down and grabbed his, interlocking her fingers with Jason’s. Any other time his heart would have fluttered at the intimate contact with the girl he liked, but this wasn’t any other time. Her hand shook like a leaf, her grip on his hand so tight it was like she was holding onto it for life itself, it was only through sheer willpower he ignored the pain it caused him at the surprising amount of strength she had.

“Take me to your apartment.”

It was only one sentence, and was so meek and muffled he barely even heard it, but it carried a lot of meaning behind it. There was so much sorrow behind her words, he could tell it was taking everything she had not to fall apart right in front of him. He decided against saying anything or asking any questions, he didn’t want to see her breakdown, certainly not on the streets in the middle of the night.

In absolute silence, they walked back to Jason’s apartment, neither making any kind of sound on their way there. Her grip got looser, but he already knew his hand was going to be bruised. Her shaking calmed down also, only slightly noticeable and more likely because of what she was wearing and how cold it was out.

As soon as they made it inside the front door of his apartment building, he heard her let out a huge relieved sigh; Jason guessed it was because the manager always kept the inside warm. He guided her up to his room, walking in and shutting the door behind him, while using his free hand to flip a switch on the wall and turn the lights on.

When the lights flickered on, he felt Diane whimper like a wounded animal as she let go of his hand, not saying a word as she walked into his bathroom and locked the door behind her. He found himself missing her touch, even if she was shaking and sad; any physical contact with her at all was enjoyable for him.

He trudged over to his bed and sat down on it, hearing the sound of the sink turning on from the bathroom and assuming she was washing the ruined makeup off of her face. He had taken the hint and didn't ask anything through the door, giving her the time and space she likely needed. Out of all the times to push her, now would be the worst.

He felt his phone vibrating again for the umpteenth time in the past half hour. Like the previous ones, it was quickly followed by the sound of a handful of text messages with a short reprise of silence, then followed by another call. He pulled it out of his pocket and declined the call, already knowing they were all from Sunset.

‘Busy with something really important right now, tell you what I can tomorrow.’

He sent her that text message and typed it faster than he ever had before, powering it off and leaving it face down on his nightstand. He waited patiently on his bed, his elbows propped on his knees and his hands laced and hovering in front of his face. Normally, in situations like this, where a girl was in his bathroom, he’d be riddled with anxiety and beyond nervous. Even in this context, he should at least be filled with a sense of dread, or something akin to it.

Instead, he just felt...nothing, not even able to form a thought as he sat on his bed. He listened intently to the sound of the water coming from the faucet in the bathroom, so focused on it he wasn’t even sure how much time had passed until it stopped. His body tensed up when he heard the click of the door unlocking and opening. Diane stood on the other side, her face completely clear of makeup and her hair mostly behind her ears.

She had a blank expression on her face, staring at him for a few seconds before walking through the bathroom door and shutting it behind her. His heart skipped a bit at her natural beauty, he had forgotten how pretty her face was, even though it hadn’t actually been that long since they’d seen each other.

*Just a few hours, if she really is Pinkie.*

She sat down on the spot beside him on the bed, plopping down without even glancing at him, her eyes staring off into the distance like she was deep in thought. Jason opened his mouth to say something, but closed it just as quickly, wondering if saying anything might make it worse.

“Diane...are you ok?”

She flinched as soon as he spoke, he couldn’t tell if it was because he spoke at all, or if it was because of something else. She lowered her head, once again hiding her face behind her hair as her ears failed to hold it back. It vaguely reminded him of a child hiding behind their parent whenever there was a stranger.

They remained like that for the longest five minutes of his life, somehow managing to be more tense and awkward than any other silence he’d ever been in. He didn’t want to say anything more out of fear of making her upset. It may have been unfair, but he kept waiting for her to take the next step. Every now and again, he would hear her sharply draw a breath as if she was about to say something, her hands gripping the edges of the bed. Then, her hands would slacken, and she’d go back to staying silent.

Jason pulled out all the courage he had left, taking a deep breath and resting his hand on hers. She tensed up at his touch, startled by how sudden it was, but she didn’t pull it back.

“Diane, I’-”

He was interrupted by her suddenly pouncing on him, pushing him against his bed on his back. This action quickly took him back to the first time this had happened to him earlier in the day. However, instead of suddenly being kissed, she buried her head into his chest, bringing her arms under his back and wrapping them around it.

“Jason, please...hold me. Hold me like you did Friday night. I...really need it right now.”

He’d never heard her sound so shaken before, he could feel her hands gripping the back of his shirt, his chest getting a bit wet where her face pressed against it. He laid there in shock, his heartbeat was erratic as his arms hovered cautiously over her. He bit his lip nervously, lowering his left hand on her back and pushed her further into his chest, his right hand gently lowering to rest on the back of her head as he began to play with her hair, imitating the way he held her that night the best he could.

He closed his eyes and pushed away every thought he had, pretending like nothing that had happened that day was weighing on his mind. He concentrated on the warmth of her frame as it was pressed against him; how soft she was beneath his touch. This was something he had only ever had with Diane, an intimacy that he scarcely imagined before they had met. Every breath brough the intoxicating smell of her hair to his nostrils.

All his worries and anxiety slowly ebbed away, his body relaxing for what felt like the first time since Friday. He no longer thought about anything that happened. Right now, he was holding the girl he had feelings for in his arms, and he was happy.

He heard her let out a relieved sigh as she relaxed in his arms, just barely hearing her murmur something that sounded like ‘thank you’ under her breath. He didn’t know how long they laid there in each other's embrace. As time went on he fell into that strange mental state somewhere between consciousness and sleep. Jason found himself forgetting all of his problems and worries, so enamored with this state of peace nothing else mattered.

“It all started...a few years ago.”

He was snapped out of the trance by her abrupt wobbly words, opening his eyes and lowering his gaze to look at her. Diane had shifted her head to the left slightly. The top part of her face was still covered, but he could make out her chin and mouth, curved downward in a stern frown.

“I won’t go into the details, but...there was a large rift caused between Pinkie and her friends in middle school, it wasn’t until somewhat recently things were fixed between them. During that time though, she didn’t want to show it, but she was hurting really badly from the whole experience. She did her best to ignore it, to push down and repress all the pain she was feeling, and I guess that’s how I...manifested, I guess is the term?”

Diane let out an awkward chuckle, meant to hide the uncertainty in her voice. She stayed silent as she glanced up at Jason, watching and waiting for his reaction. Jason remained quiet as he watched her, he didn’t want to say anything out of risk she would lose her confidence to continue speaking, he knew what that was like all too well.

“I…’wake up’ whenever she’s really upset about something or is feeling any particularly strong negative emotion, sometimes even overthinking is enough. It happens in an instant, the only noticeable change is that whenever I’m in control, our hair goes completely straight and won’t go back to normal. She usually thinks that she just fell asleep, and wakes up without remembering any of it. She doesn’t have access to any of my memories, but I remember all of hers. That’s how I know everything she does, but she doesn’t know anything about me, it’s really complicated and I don’t really understand it. I guess in a way, you could say I’m all her pain personified.”

A wave of agony reverberated in his chest at her words, there was so much emotional anguish in those last few words she spoke, it wasn’t like anything he’d heard before. He clenched his fist for a moment, making his grip on her a bit tighter than he intended, luckily she didn’t seem to notice.

“The first time it happened, I was really confused and didn’t understand what was going on, I still thought I was Pinkie at the time. It happened while Pinkie was taking a walk, so I ended up just wandering around until I got into a club. While I wasn’t exactly ‘Pinkie’, I still had all her emotions, and was feeling really...really bad, after a while I was looking for anything I could to distract myself from it. I didn’t have my phone on me, so I...ended up wandering into a bar, I’m not really sure what I was thinking at the time. It wasn’t the type of stuff Pinkie ever did before, maybe I just wanted to try something new?”

She gave a weak shrug before continuing.

“When I walked in, it was like entering a whole new world! People were there that even Pinkie had never met before, and apparently a lot of guys liked the long, straight hair look. I think I got hit on more that night than Pinkie had in the last few months. I was an early bloomer, so back then I looked a lot like I do now, but I was still only fifteen. They couldn’t serve me alcohol, and I couldn’t ask for it out of risk or revealing how old I actually was, but it was...nice being treated like someone else, to be someone other than Pinkie. I decided to start using the name ‘Diane’. It's Pinkie’s middle name and no one but her family knows that. Plus it sounded mature, which was apparently the vibe I gave off, so it was the personality I decided to take on. Diane: The mature, sexy woman who’s mysterious and doesn’t take shit from anybody, and spends all her time partying. If only I had known how badly things would spiral out of control after that.”

She held back a choked sob, hiding her face in his shirt. He rubbed her back as affectionately and gently as he could, cursing himself for not being able to do more.

“It’s...ok Diane, take your time. I know this can’t be easy for you.”

She sniffled and cleared her throat, her grasp on his shirt loosened ever so slightly.

“I had to deal with more than just the emotions she didn’t want, I also had to deal with her overwhelmingly strong urge to make people happy. I didn’t know how to do that, especially not with the life that I’d established. After a bit I...couldn’t cope with the pressure, and started drinking...and smoking. I k-know, I know, I shouldn’t have, I really shouldn’t have. Even if I was in control, it was still Pinkie’s body! I permanently damaged her health, and I’m the reason she smokes, even if she doesn’t know it. I can’t even tell her how sorry I am! I’m sorry, I’m...so, so sorry.”

She sobbed again as she muttered those same words, Jason held her as close to him as he could, but nothing he did seemed to help.

“Diane, it isn’t your fault, it’s okay. I-”

“IT’S NOT OKAY!” She suddenly exclaimed loudly.

She raised her body upward, putting her hands against the bed to prop herself up on and knocking both of Jason’s hands away. She raised her head to look at him, her hair still covering half her face, but he could discern the scowl she was making, the tears at the corners of her eyes she was struggling to hold back.

“It’s...not...okay.” She mumbled, her elbows shaking and eventually giving out as she collapsed on top of him again, burying her face in his chest.

He waited before hesitantly resting his hands on her again, as soon as he made contact she let out a heart wrenching sob. All he knew how to do was comfort her. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from speaking. He wanted to say something, to be able to tell her it would be alright and to help her. But he knew that, more than likely, he would just make things worse.

All he could was what he’d always done; listen.

“Then I...met Randal, my ex.” She whispered, using his shirt to wipe off the tears. Typically that would have really bothered him, but considering the situation, he decided to excuse it. “He...took advantage of me, but not in the way you think. He saw through my act, he could tell how insecure I really was, for once I thought...I thought I found someone who understood me.”

There was a brief pause as he heard her sniffle, somehow burying her head deeper into his chest. He had stopped playing with her hair, resting his hand on her head as he listened intently to each word.

“I told you that I got with him and had sex with him because I wanted to feel useful, and while I wasn’t lying, it wasn’t the entire truth either. I had this deep urge from Pinkie to make people happy, and letting him use me like that to make him happy, even if it was just one person, it was enough! I...I...”

Her words came out slurred as she struggled to speak, her right hand came up to her chest and clutched it where her heart would be. Her breathing was becoming more erratic and she shuddered as she tried to suppress her sobs.

He hated this, being helpless and unable to help her was a feeling he’d never experienced before, and hopefully never would again.

“I let him take Pinkie’s virginity, all because of my selfishness! I know Pinkie told you she basically couldn’t get pregnant, but I still shouldn’t have done that, or any of the things I did! I love Pinkie, I really do, but at the same time...I get really mad at her sometimes. Every time she gets upset or hurt I have to deal with it! All her problems and how she really feels about things, because she can’t be honest, because she’s afraid! Even so, she doesn’t deserve what I’ve been doing to her body either, It’s not fair!”

She practically spat the last words, a mixture and anger and sadness in her voice. Diane did her best to hide her face behind her hair, squeezing her mouth shut so no sound would come out, but it only muffled her mewls of pain.

“Diane, you don’t need to feel so bad for it, really. Pinkie would understand, she-”

“And how would you know?” Diane asked coldy, a hint of spite in her voice, but he didn’t think it was towards him.

She raised herself upwards, straddling his hips and sitting on top of him. Any other time this happened Jason would have been very aroused by it, this? The way her eyebrows were knitted, how she intensely stared at him; the way the tips of her lips quivered and tears ran down her face? He felt anything but pleasure form this sight.

“I...who am I Jason? Am I Diane, the emotional wreck of a party girl who’s so desperate to make people happy and to be cared about, she’d even use her body to do it? Or am I just Pinkie, her need to stay happy all the time so strong that she’d rather repress everything than deal with it? Am I just...cursed to not be happy? Do you have any idea what that’s like? Constantly feeling like shit, and everything I do to try to make myself feel better just makes it worse! I…”

She raised both of her hands, looking down and sneering at them. She brought them up to her face, putting them over her eyes as if to try to forcefully stop the tears.

“I don’t know what I am! Am I a person? Do I even deserve to be happy? What am I? Do any of the emotions I feel even belong to me? I’ve asked myself every single day who I am, but I never get an answer! I don’t know! I don’t know, I don’t know!”

She repeated it to herself loudly like some kind of mantra, shaking her head back and forth. Jason reacted before thinking about it, raising the upper part of his body so his face was inches from her own. He gently pressed his hands against hers, which was hard because he couldn’t stop himself from trembling. Her shaking stopped for a brief moment, her hands receded from her face as she made eye contact with him.

Her eyes were half open, blurred from the tears that were still running down her face. Her cheeks were soaked with them, her nose was slightly running and most of her face was red. As he looked into her eyes, he didn’t feel the slightest bit of anxiety or fear. Instead, he admired that even though she was crying, she was still so beautiful to him.

She gave the best warm smile she could, letting out something between a chuckle and a hiccup. She tried to wipe the tears off her face, but didn’t do a very good job of it. “I’m...really s-sorry you have to see me cry like this, I can’t imagine how ugly I must look. But…” She grabbed both of his hands, gently pulling them off her face and laying them on his lap.

She broke eye contact with him, her smile breaking into a frown as she hung her head. He noticed that her shaking hadn’t stopped at all, neither did her erratic breathing and heartbeat.

“I was hoping you’d never have to find out. I was...thinking since Friday how to tell you we couldn’t be together. I didn’t want to get attached to you, to anyone, because of my situation. I don’t even know if…” She paused, once again bringing her hand to her chest, clenching it where her heart would be. “My feelings for you are real, or even if they belong to me, and aren’t Pinkie’s. I’m…”

She hesitated in speaking, whatever she was trying to say caught in her throat. He hated that those words filled with such sadness sparked joy in his heart, he hated even more that he had to make a conscious effort to not smile.

“beyond flattered that you picked me over Pinkie even though you didn’t know if I felt the same way or not, that’s the kind of thing that would win over any girl's heart. I wish you had met Pinkie first, maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so much to see you kiss her.”

She tried to hide how hurt she really was when she said that, but they were too close together and she was already too far gone to conceal it. Jason felt his heart sink at her words, his eyes downcast with a doleful look on his face. If Diane had access to Pinkie’s memories, that meant she had seen everything that had happened.

He wanted to apologize and say he shouldn’t have let things go as far as they did, but he knew now was not the time or place.

“Jason, I’m so glad I met you, I can’t express how thankful I am. But...I wish you hadn’t fallen for me, and I really wish Pinkie hadn’t fallen for you too. What she feels for you is real, and she deserves to be happy. So, please, just forget all about me and get with Pinkie. After all, I’m…”

She slowly raised her head, as soon as Jason could see her face, he could almost hear the sound of his heart cracking. Diane was trying her best to hide her pain behind a smile, to mask the agony behind her words. She could barely even open her eyes, the corners of her lips quivered, her distress was etched on her face despite her best efforts to hide it.

“I’m just a coping mechanism, I’m not a real person. I c-”

He moved before he even had the chance to think, embracing her in the tightest hug he could manage, his head rested on her shoulder as his hands wrapped around her back. He ignored the miniscule feeling of arousal he got at her supple breasts pressing against him and the intoxicating smell of her hair. He pushed down all his emotions except for his desire to help the girl he had feelings for.

He couldn’t hear her talk with her voice filled with so much pain, or watch her try to hide her despair anymore; he’d break down himself if this continued. He squeezed his eyes shut to prevent just that, making a conscious effort to not hug her too tightly out of fear of hurting her.

“Please, stop. I can’t hear anymore.”

“B-but...I’m not-

“You’re real to me!” Jason shouted, louder and more sternly than he ever had before. He had to make sure she knew he was serious, but he couldn’t keep his voice from sounding brittle.

He heard her gasp and her shaking abruptly stopped, he felt her left hand grab him by the shoulder tightly. He wanted to pull back and look at her, to see the expression she was wearing and look her in the eyes, but he knew he couldn’t. If he did that he’d lose his resolve, and he wouldn’t be able to say the words he wanted to.

“Do you have any idea...how much I missed you? It might have only been two days, but it felt like forever. You didn’t text me back or respond to my calls. I...really thought I messed up somewhere, that my shitty communication skills finally pushed you away. I know this may come off as a little insensitive, but...I’m relieved that that’s not it. I’m sorry that you had to see what happened between Pinkie and I, but I meant everything I said, I…” He paused as he nervously gulped, this would technically be the first time he confessed to a girl, sort of. “Like you, I really do. Pinkie’s amazing, but I don’t want her, not like I want you. You do deserve to be happy, and I know I’m probably the worst option since I have zero experience with romance, but I want to be the one to do that. I have feelings for you, not Pinkie. If that isn’t enough proof that you’re a real person, then I don’t know what is.”

He hated to admit it, but there was still some part of him that was expecting her to turn him down. Even though he heard her say that she had feelings for him also, it was almost too good to be true.

He waited with bated breath, the room quieter than he was sure it’d ever been, the only sound was their out of sync heavy breathing.

“You...really mean it? You missed me? And you’re...sure you have feelings for me, not Pinkie?”

“Diane, you should know by now, I’m kind of a terrible liar.”

She brought her other hand to his back and gripped tightly, lowering her head and pressing it into his shoulder.

“Jason, can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

She deeply inhaled and exhaled, her breathing shaky. “I’m about to cry, like, really cry. And it’s going to be ugly, and gross. I don’t want you to see me like that, so can you just...not look at me until I’m done?”

He had to resist the urge to laugh, he wasn’t quite sure why.

“Of course.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, her entire body dropped as he let herself fall into him, wrapping her small hands around him as tightly as she could as she began to bawl into his shoulder. He winced slightly as he tried to ignore the pain from her nails digging into his skin, telling himself it was nothing compared to the pain she’d been carrying for years.

Jason couldn’t even begin to comprehend what that must have been like, to wander aimlessly wondering if you’re even a person, having to indulge in partying and drinking to cope. There were still a lot of things about her situation he didn’t understand and wanted to ask about, but he understood now wasn’t the time. This was the first time she’d ever talked about it with someone, she was expecting him to completely turn her down and pick Pinkie, him accepting and choosing her must have been a shock she genuinely wasn’t expecting.

*Here I thought my problems were bad, seeing Diane’s situation makes me feel a lot better about my own.*

With each rise and fall of her body, half of them being followed by a muffled sob into his shoulder, Jason could tell a subtle change occurring. Diane was crying, but it was not only out of pain. There was relief, too. Relief that she wasn’t going to be abandoned, that to someone else, she mattered. Relief that someone else saw her as a person, something she’d been convinced wasn’t true for the longest time. Her crying, in a strange way, made him feel a bit satisfied. It let him know that he said the right things. For once, he hadn’t completely messed something up with his words.

Sometime during her crying, they had gone back to the position they were in before; Jason laying on his back against the bed with her resting on his chest. Her arms were underneath him and holding him tightly with her head still burrowed into his shoulder, drenching his shirt with her tears.

He lost track of how long they stayed like that, his own feelings of fear and despair ebbing away as he allowed her to expel all the anguish she’d been holding inside. Soon each sob was quieter than the last, the time between each one grew shorter and her trembling eventually settled down into nothing. He didn’t notice that it had stopped until there was no sound in the room at all, the silence becoming near deafening. Jason was only distracted from it by her soothing, almost serene breathing. He would have mistaken her for being asleep, except when he placed his hand on her head and his other on her back she flinched. He began to mindlessly play with her hair, he was fairly sure she was done, which left his mind blank as he didn’t quite know what to do now, he was more or less running on gut feelings and intuition at this point.

“Do you...feel better?” his voice came out more hoarse than he intended.

She shifted around on top of him, lowering her body and placing her ear on his chest where his heart was. She nodded her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Diane responded with an exasperated sigh. “No...but I need to. There’s not much left to talk about, I’ve told you everything that’s happened to me. You’re the only person that knows the truth. While my sisters are suspicious of why Pinkie randomly disappears at night, they don’t actually know.” Her voice was croaky from all the crying she’d done, it cracked slightly when she spoke.

He internally listed off all the questions he had left, which were actually a lot less than he previously thought. Most of them were just about how the whole ‘switching personalities’ thing worked, but there was one thing that had been bugging him since Friday night, which became the most prominent question he wanted to ask.

“Was...Pinkie telling the truth about the whole endometriosis thing? Can she really not get pregnant?”

Diane let out a chortle that came from the back of her throat, which resulted in her coughing and then trying to clear her throat. “You just witnessed a girl have a complete breakdown, and you’re worried about her being pregnant? Seriously, I can’t tell where your priorities are.”

She paused as she brought her right hand out from under his back, placing it on his chest beside her head. She almost absent-mindedly began sensually stroking it up and down his chest like she was massaging him. He let out a sharp gasp at the sudden touch, enjoying the pleasant sensation more than he thought he would.

“Pinkie doesn’t lie often, unless it’s to herself. Yes, she has endometriosis. It’s painful at times, but it essentially means it’s very hard for this body to get pregnant. On top of her taking birth control to help regulate her periods, the chances of you getting me...us pregnant are astronomically low. You’d have a better chance at winning the lottery, five times in a row.”

Despite the snide tone in her voice, her words were a huge solace to him, he let out a breath he’d been holding in as soon as he asked it. “That’s...really good, actually. Diane, I-”

“You’re still calling me Diane. Even now that you know I’m Pinkie, or at least something created by her, yet you still call me by that name.” She interrupted.

While a bit tight, her voice carried no emotion, coming out more like an observation than anything else. Before he had the chance to respond, she lifted her entire body, bringing her head to his and resting her large breasts on his chest where her head was just a moment ago.

She took a second to tuck her hair behind her ears, showing her face for the first time since she let everything out. Her cheeks were dry from the tears she shed, most of her face was slightly hued, but she had stopped crying. There was a light in her eyes he usually associated with Pinkie. A smirk was stretched across her face, the happiest smile he’d ever seen from her.

It was genuinely the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, he felt like time itself had stopped, leaving him completely stunned and unable to do anything but stare.

“You’re so sweet you give any of the candy Pinkie eats a bad name. You’re smart, cute, and so innocent. You know all my problems, you’ve seen the bad in me, and you still want me. You see me as a person. You had Pinkie literally half naked on top of you, and said no for me.”

Diane briefly shook her head.

“Nope, I’m not sharing you, I’m keeping you all to myself.”

She spoke in a fruity voice, his heart skipped a beat as his lips parted, the meaning behind what she was saying taking a few seconds to register.

“Are you saying-”

She closed the distance between them in an instant, shutting her eyes and capturing his lips. They were as soft and supple as he remembered them being, the distinct difference between her kiss and Pinkie’s making itself known with the evident taste of bubblegum.

It was passionate, but unlike any other time they’d swapped saliva, there was no lust. It was intimate and made his heart feel like it was going to beat straight through his ribcage. A strange mixture of electric shock and numbingly warm heat began to spread through his body as soon as they made contact, but it wasn’t arousal like he typically associated it with.

It was deeper than that, it was pure, real joy.

Before he had time to kiss back or even close his eyes, she pulled back, their lips breaking as she opened her eyes to peer into his. He flinched as she brought both her hands to his face and cupped his cheeks, snapping him back to reality.

“Yes, dummy, I want to be with you. More than frenefits, I want us to be together. You don’t have to worry about dating experience, my last ‘relationships’ wasn’t exactly romantic, so-”

She didn’t get to finish as he kissed her for once, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her as close to him as possible. Diane was so surprised by the sudden action she didn’t even kiss back, her eyes widening and staring back at him.

Just as quickly, he stopped kissing her, his face inches away from hers, but still holding her body as close to his as he could. “That makes me really happy Diane, more than you could imagine.”

He felt her rest her head on his shoulder, nestling her face into his neck.

“I’m warning you, I’m a handful. I’m needy and kind of a huge smart ass, and as you already know, a major tease. I’m also kind of an attention whore and want you to make me your first priority, I don’t care if you talk to other girls though, I’m not the jealous type.”

“That’s fine. You have to put up with my terrible communication skills, and I don’t really talk to anyone other than Pinkie, so I’d say it’s a fair trade off.”

Her body suddenly coiled up as she placed her hands on his shoulders, her head receding from the comfort of his neck to face him again. The jovial grin was gone, replaced with a much more stern, grave expression.

“I’m serious, Jason. I can’t be there for you all the time, I’ve only ever taken over during the night when Pinkie’s alone with her thoughts, and that isn’t even very consistent. If you’re in trouble or you need me, I hate to say it...but I might not be able to help you, no matter how much I might want to. I can’t forcibly take over, it doesn’t work like that. Pinkie has to be emotionally vulnerable, and not want to be ‘Pinkie’ anymore.”

The near emotional ecstasy Jason was experiencing began to fade away as the weight of the situation set in, while he didn’t let go of her, his grip loosened as his smile too began to falter.

“What happens...if Pinkie becomes aware of you?”

“I think…” Diane paused and tilted her heat to the side, contemplating his question and pondering for an answer. “Some part of her knows, just not consciously. Which is why she never went to her friends about it, they might figure out the truth, and that part of her that knows doesn’t want that. If she were to be told and forced to confront it however, I don’t really know what would happen. Maybe nothing would happen at all, or maybe…” She paused again as her voice took on a somber, almost dreadful tone, hery eyes glancing to the side as she broke eye contact. “I’d disappear.”

Her voice was taut and soft spoken, a brooding expression on her face that showed she didn’t like thinking about that possibility anymore than he did. The fact that such a thing was even probable made his chest hurt, he held her as close to him as he could to try to console her.

“I don’t want you to disappear.” Jason said meekly.

A hollow chuckle escaped her lips, her eyes focusing on a spot on his shoulder, almost like she was refusing to look at him. “I don’t want to disappear either, silly. Hopefully, the day will never come where we’ll have to know. If it does, let’s hope I’m wrong.”

She removed her left hand from his chest and placed it on his shoulder, the same location she had her head in and was crying just a few minutes ago. “I’m sorry about your shirt, it’s stained with tears and snot now.”

*She’s changing the subject again. I’ll let her, nothing good will come out of talking about that anyway.*

“It’s no big deal, I have other shirts.”

“I’m sor-”

On nothing more than an impulse, he brought his right hand up and lightly tapped her nose, his lips curved into a smile as she gasped.

“Boop.” He mumbled sheepishly.

“That...didn’t feel good.” She said in a snarky tone, pouting and glaring at him.

“I don’t think it’s supposed to.”

She loudly harrumphed as she playfully smacked him on the chest, he couldn’t help but chuckle at how cute she was.

“For real though, I apologize for what happened with Pinkie today. I knew she was going to confess at some point, but I didn’t think she’d do it so...boldly. I’m actually kind of surprised you resisted her, that must have been hard for you.”

*There’s an erection joke in there somewhere, but my mind isn’t far enough gone to actually make it.*

“It wasn’t, really. Self control has always been an important thing to me, it helped that I had you in mind the entire time.” He paused as he expected a feeling of embarrassment to come over him when he said that, but surprisingly, nothing did. Maybe now that everything was out in the open, it was easier to say stuff like that?

“Is...Pinkie going to be ok?”

Her eyes met his again briefly, before she closed them, a pained frown was the only give away to what she was feeling.

“I know it isn’t your fault, you did the best you could. Even so, she’s hurt, badly. She won’t be going to school tomorrow, she’s taking the day off. It’s...hard for me to ignore all the negative feelings, the only reason why is because…” A light blush came on her face. “I’m with you.”

“Do I…” He nervously gulped, that ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling coming back with a strong vengeance. “Make you happy, Diane?”

Her eyes opened in a bug-eyed expression, her face getting noticeably redder as she tried to stutter out a response, it was the first time he’d ever seen her embarrassed. “I guess.” she murmured to herself, turning her head away from him.

*Oh my god, she’s so fucking adorable sometimes.*

He had to resist the urge to smother her in affection, settling instead for grabbing her chin with his hand. “You make me happy too.” He whispered as he kissed her, she fell into it in an instant.

That raging arousal he’d been doing his best to suppress made itself very known, unable to be held back anymore as he was reminded how little clothing she was wearing and how close they were. His right hand slowly moved up her body, he reached her breast and gave it a light squeeze, feeling that she hadn’t bothered to put a bra back on.

As soon as he touched her soft mounds, she grabbed his hand, breaking the kiss just as swiftly. He opened his eyes, a mixture of shock and disappointment. Diane’s breathing was erratic and her hand was shaking, he could tell she was aroused, he was familiar with all the telltale signs.

Which only made him further confused.

“I’m...sorry Jason, but I can’t, not tonight. It…” She paused, glancing away from him as if she was trying to think of the right words. “Would feel wrong.”

He lowered both of his hands, a blot of shame building up in his stomach like a pit. She was completely right. He might have been absurdly pent up and missed her more than anything, but that wasn’t an excuse. If he had sex with her when she was emotionally vulnerable like that, he’d never forgive himself.

“Yeah, you’re right, what was I thinking?” He wanted to wrap his arms around her again, but he knew it would be forced and uncomfortable. He lowered his head, trying to avoid eye contact with her. “I won’t try that again. Please, at least stay the night. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms, I don’t think I’ve ever felt as good as I did Friday night.”

He saw her wince, fidgeting uncomfortably as she placed her hand on top of his. “I want to, you have no idea how badly I want to, almost more than anything. But…” There was a desperation in her voice that reminded him of the first time they met. “Limestone heard Pinkie crying earlier, but she didn’t barge in and probably just assumed that she cried herself to sleep. As soon as it’s morning, I already know she’s going to grill her for everything. So if she comes in and I’m not there...it’d be bad. Tomorrow, I promise I’ll stay the night, I’ll make it happen.”

“Oh…” Jason couldn’t hide the dejection from his voice, even if he was also excited that she would be staying the night tomorrow. He’d never had a problem with patience before, but this was something he didn’t want to have to wait for.

“I’ll make it up to you.” She said in a sing-song voice, a playful energy shining through.

He was intrigued by that and raised his head to look at her. She leaned forward with a mischievous smirk he was all too familiar with.

“You want to know Pinkie’s darkest secret?” Diane said in a hushed tone, almost like Pinkie was in the room and she was trying to speak so she wouldn't hear her, which wasn’t entirely false.

“Um…” He was completely taken back by the shift in conversation, but he couldn’t deny his curiosity either. He didn’t want to invade her privacy, but he trusted Diane. If she was offering to tell him, it couldn’t have been that bad. “Yes…?”

“She goes to comic cons.”

Jason’s eyebrows raised at the revelation, something so unexpected, and yet so unsurprising.

“Like, anime conventions and stuff?”

“Yeah, Pinkie’s a total weeb. That’s not surprising though, pretty much anyone who knows Pinkie could tell you that. I don’t quite get it either, but she doesn’t want anyone to know how dedicated she actually is to it, it’s such a strange thing to be embarrassed about. She goes to conventions like that every year, making some excuse about where she’s really going. That isn’t the juicy part though, the real tea I’m spilling is…”

She glanced to both sides of her like she was making sure no one else was around, even though they were completely alone in his room. She gestured for him to get closer, he obliged and leaned his ear down to her mouth.

Which she then promptly blew hot air in, he should have expected that.

He recoiled as shivers sent down his spine, his cheeks a bit rosy, he was almost ashamed of falling for that.

“That really is fun to do!” She said with a playful chuckle, smiling at him smugly. “Seriously though, she buys costumes and dresses up as her favorite anime characters.”

He drew a mental line in his mind as he connected what she was saying, only one thing coming to mind.

“Pinkie cosplay’s?”

“Pinkie cosplay’s.”

Jason didn’t binge anime like a lot of guys his age, but he dabbled every now and again. He was pretty familiar with cosplaying, having come across a few people who made realistic costumes of their favorite characters.

He’d never admit this to anyone, but some of the ones where it was real life girls dressing up as anime characters always...interested him. He wouldn’t go as far as to say he had a fetish for it, but it definitely turned him on a lot more than most things did.

“Here’s the thing: She is obsessed with dressing up as anime girls with pink hair, because she feels like she could pull it off better than most people. While she can, there’s one character she got the costume for that she couldn’t quite pull off because she couldn’t style her hair properly. However,-”

She puffed out her chest almost proudly, placing her hand on the center of it like she was about to brag about something. “-I can. So, tomorrow, while you’re at school, I’m going to put it on for you and send you pictures. Mainly because this particular costume...leaves little to the imagination, I think you’ll find it quite...enticing. I don’t want to tell you who it is though, that’ll spoil the surprise.”

“Can I…” Jason nervously gulped, incredibly interested in the idea of Diane cosplaying for him, what did he do to deserve such an amazing girl? His mind reeled through the list of anime characters he knew with pink hair and wore revealing outfits, sadly, that was a very large criteria. “Get a hint?

“Hmmm.” she hummed to herself as she brought her finger to her chin thoughtfully. He immediately recognized that devious gleam in her eyes. “Sure. The character has long, pink hair. They wear a very tight body suit a lot of the time, and is basically what made the anime popular.”

Her eyes scanned the room as she spoke, not looking for anything in particular. As soon as her gaze landed on his nightstand, specifically, on the small clock above it, she froze. She hadn’t noticed it before, but it appeared old and likely came with the apartment. Her teasing demeanor vanished, replaced with an alarmed one, reminding him of those intros in some Slice of Life anime where the character realizes they’re late for class.

“It’s past midnight already?! I have to go!” She hopped off of him and out of bed, glancing back at Jason hesitantly. “I swear, we can talk more tomorrow. The later it is the harder it’s going to be to get back in.”

He wanted to tell her to stay, to be selfish and beg her to stay the night. But, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He simply wasn’t a selfish person, no matter how much he wanted to be sometimes. He watched as she made her way to the door and opened it.

“Hey Jason?” She said, her back still facing him.

“Y-yeah?”

She turned her head to face him, beaming with the widest, toothiest grin he’d ever seen from her.

“I missed you too.”

He was left speechless, staring as she urgently walked down the stairs and shut the bedroom door behind her. A few seconds later he heard the distant sound of his apartment door opening and closing.

He was so happy in that moment that nothing could ruin his mood. He collapsed onto his bed, finally allowing his body to fully relax. Without any more worries on his mind, and after all the adrenaline and endorphins burned out, he finally fell into the sweet embrace of sleep.