Sandbar ̶i̶s̶ Gets a Switch

by Jack of a Few Trades

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Comedy, Random, Sandbar, Yona, Gallus, Young Six, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1706

He forgot that he doesn't have thumbs.

He forgot that he doesn't have thumbs.

Published 2020-05-10 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-10 22:40:01 UTC

wait why do ponies have computers what is going on here aaaaaaa

“It’s here,” Sandbar breathed, hovering over the plain brown box sitting on his bed. The mailmare had dropped it on the floor when she pulled out a pen for him to sign for the delivery, leaving one of the corners crumpled inward. Not that it mattered. The treasure on the inside was what it was all about. “Finally, I have it.”

With careful hooves, he sliced the tape off the top of the box carefully, prying back the flaps of the box while an imagined chorus of angels sang a divine chant from the heavens. The brown box revealed its innards to him: another box surrounded by shipping peanuts, its surface a beautiful, rich red. The smell of the packaging was hypnotic, an aroma of cardboard and tape adhesive that reached out and kissed his sinuses.

Sandbar, his elation knowing no bounds, involuntarily began making sound effects as he lifted his prize from its package. “Fwooossshhhhhhh, pow pow pow!”

“Can you calm down? I’m trying to sleep,” grumbled Smolder from the top bunk.

Sandbar ignored her, continuing on his quest. He turned the red box over and revealed an image he’d waited over a month to see. A sleek, beautiful rectangle of glass and multicolored plastic, little knobs and buttons protruding from each end of it

“Aww yeah, my brand new Grifftendo Switch!” He opened the box and revealed a number of pieces of the new video game console. In a few short minutes, he’d have it set up and ready to play the latest and greatest video games ever imported from the Griffon Empire. Carefully, Sandbar slid one of the controllers onto the device, clicking it into place with a satisfactory snap. “This is the best day ever!” he squealed in delight.

“I’m napping here! Hello?” Smolder’s face appeared, glaring at him with an upside-down frown.

“Sorry, Smolder, I’m just so excited right now!”

“What is that thing?” Smolder asked.

“A Grifftendo Switch. It’s the coolest new video game system on the market. Gallus has been rubbing his in my face for months, and now I can finally get good at it and whoop his sorry butt!”

"That's not the only thing he's been rubbing in your face." Smolder, still peering down from the top bunk with an inverted face, looked unamused. “How much did that thing cost you?”

“Let’s not talk about that. I’m inviting the whole gang over for a Smash tournament tonight!”

“What’s that on the box?” Smolder pointed at it with a claw, drawing Sandbar’s attention to the strange, hairless monkey paw depicted grabbing the game console on the cover.

“I dunno. Must be some kind of promotional version for a monster game,” he said with a shrug.

Smolder rolled her eyes and returned to her bunk. “Whatever, nerd.”

“You just don’t understand how to have fun,” said Sandbar.

“How are you even going to play that thing with hooves? Those joysticks are tiny.”

Sandbar blanched.

Ingenuity was how. All it took was an absurd amount of tape, popsicle sticks, dental floss, and super glue, but Sandbar fashioned a rig that gave him full control over the console. All he had to do was place the console on a stand in front of a chair that had a complex gantry of popsicle sticks attached to it, such that he could control every button with his mouth while his hooves were reserved for the joysticks. It was clumsy, but being born with a lack of opposable digits like some creatures, he had to be creative. With his gaming rig complete, he was ready to dispatch the invitations for a night of fun and games that none of his friends would soon forget.

Sandbar nodded at his work and poked his head out into the hallway, took a deep breath and shouted “HEY EVERYCREATURE COME TO MY ROOM FOR A SMASH TOURNAMENT!”

He returned to his prep work. He only had a few seconds before the rest of the gang arrived, so he had to work fast. Ever the thoughtful friend, Sandbar had laid out a smorgasbord of snacks custom-tailored to each of his friends’ tastes. A bowl of fire-roasted gems for Smolder, candy hearts for Ocellus, fish sticks for Silverstream, chocolate coins for Gallus, and hot cocoa with marshmallows for Yona.

He smiled at his work, cracking open a bag of hay chips for himself. Tonight was going to be fun. Carefully, he lowered himself into his custom gaming chair and powered on the brand new Grifftendo Switch, positioning his face at the popsicle stick controls to test out the system. He’d been practicing his tongue work for the combos, and he knew that even with the wild contraption and lack of thumbs, he’d give that smelly griffon a run for his money.

A knock at the door, and Gallus poked his head in. “What were you screaming about?”

“Welcome, Gallus,” Sandbar said with a sinister snicker.

“Please tell me that isn’t sex furniture.”

“What? No!” Sandbar stammered, slightly sideswiped by the salacious accusation. “I bought a Switch. You think you can beat me?”

“You’re a switch,” Gallus scoffed and walked into the room. “Considering you don’t have thumbs, I think Grandpa Gruff could beat you.”

“Yesterday, perhaps, but now I’ve got a secret weapon. Come, sit. Let us see who is truly the best at Smash.”

“You ain’t gold, ponyboy,” said Gallus. “You’re on.” Gallus took his controller and grabbed a seat on the floor next to Sandbar’s chair.

Suddenly, the room got darker as a rumble in the floor shook Sandbar’s seat. He glanced over at the doorway just in time to see the brown blur of death rush tear the door off its hinges.

“YONA BEST AT SMASH,” she shouted, leaping into the air. Time slowed down as Sandbar’s adrenaline surged, and he barely managed to throw himself out of his chair before she descended on it, crumpling his popsicle stick gaming rig and flinging the shrapnel across the room. Gallus took to the air to avoid the one-yak stampede. After the initial smash was over, Yona began bouncing all over the room, rendering every item she came into contact with asunder. Sandbar watched in horror as everything he had worked so hard to accomplish that afternoon became a cloud of debris under her hooves.

“Yona! Stop!” He shouted, doing little to interrupt her hopping rampage. Faced with no other options to get her attention, he resorted to fighting fire with fire. He took a whole can of hot cocoa powder and launched it at Yona, busting it open over her head. Brown powder flew everywhere, obscuring the room in a sweet-smelling cloud.

It seemed to get her to stop, and when the dust settled, she stood in the middle of the room with a proud little smile on her face.

“Yona, why did you do that?”

She tilted her head at him. “Friend Sandbar said come over for smash tournament. Yona come to win.”

“No, Yona, a Smash tournament.”

She cocked a confused eyebrow. “That what Yona did. Smash tournament.”

Sandbar slapped his forehead with a hoof. “It’s a video game.”

“And you made us all lose,” Gallus chimed in from the rafters.

“My room is trashed!” Sandbar shouted, running over to the “You smashed my rig and my copy of Smash to ash! How could you be so brash?”

“Yona always win sash for best smash at Yickslurbertfest. Sometimes get carried away.”

Sandbar gasped. “You even slashed a gash in my stash of hash!” he shouted, tears in his eyes as he saw his special bag torn open and laying on its side, a pile of green leaves spilling out onto the floor.

“No need to lash out,” Gallus said, fluttering down from the rafters now that he was sure it was safe.

“Oh, I’m lashing!” Sandbar shouted. “Do you know how much cash I had to stash for that Switch to play Smash? It had almost a gigabyte of cache!”

“Whatever that means. I bet you’ll have enough for a new one in a flash,” said Gallus. “But I guess I’m still the champion.”

“Shut up!” Sandbar shouted, turning red as a cherry. “Your combo moves are trash!”

As Sandbar geared up to launch into a tirade against Gallus, a splash of water hit him in the side of the head. He spun around incredulously, eyes focusing on Yona for a split second. Her eyes were narrowed in a cheeky smirk.

“No need to rehash,” Yona said, stepping forward. Sandbar watched her, rage seething in the back of his skull, but then it all washed away when she kissed him on the lips.

“That was pretty cash money,” he said, planting a kiss on her muzzle. He pressed against him, shoving him across the room and against the wall.

Gallus grinned cheekily. “Hey, I want in on some of that!” He said, pouncing in on both Sandbar and Yona.

And then they had a sloppy makeout session for three hours. The end.

Ocellus lowered the papers from her face and glanced up at Silverstream, who was staring at her with unabashed anticipation. She didn’t need her changeling senses to know that Silverstream was excited, but also a little nervous about what she thought. It was a good thing her eyes didn’t have pupils, making it easier to hide her true feelings.

“So, what did you think?”

“It’s, uh…” Ocellus had to choose her next words carefully. It was Silverstream’s first time ever writing a story, so she had to be gentle, lest she might quash her friend’s newfound love of writing. “That was… yeah. Good job?”

Silverstream beamed, snatching the notebook out of Ocellus’s magical grip. “Thank you thank you thank you for prereading it, Ocellus! I worked so hard on it.” She clutched the notebook close to her chest. “I’ve already got huge plans for the sequel. Gotta go write now, byeeee!” The pink whirlwind of a hippogriff darted out of the library, headed for the dormitory hall.

Ocellus blinked, a faint hint of dread forming in her gut. “Sequel?”

Author's Note

I apologize profusely and not at all.