‘Stupid stupid stupid… he was just kidding, you bucking moron. He’s gonna laugh his tail off and you’re gonna get teased by Velvet and him for the rest of the trip!’

Was she really doing this?

She really shouldn’t be here. She should be back in her own room, sleeping in a very non-soundly, sweaty way... with a hoof jammed between her legs, dreaming of Homage. It had been hard enough making her way down the hallway with Velvet snoring in her adorable way at one end.

Away from her coltfriend.

That’s how it had all started, around one of the inn’s well-liquored dinner tables. A simple question...

Pip had always been surprised that the beautiful mare didn’t sleep with her coltfriend so she asked the same, but Velvet just grinned and said she needed her beauty sleep with a wink over at the rugged pegasus stallion.

Calamity.

He’d very quickly retorted that she only did it because she was a naughty-little ‘skipper’. A pony who liked to deny herself through the Spring season for as long as she could possibly hold out... until she finally broke down and had the loudest, depraved, debauched rutting a pony could have.

He’d swiftly received a stern elbow into his ribs, driving his breath from his gut before he could even begin to join in on LittlePip’s laugh.

A sharp-eyed Velvet had glared back into Calamity’s face, furious that the stallion could be so cavalier about her secrets. “Hey mister, just where did you get off?” Even her melodious voice couldn’t conceal the fury underneath.

“Not in you, apparently.” Pip had chuckled, shaking her head. “Seriously though Velvet, it’s not that much of a secret, I was wondering why every other week it sounded like you were being kidnapped by raiders.”

Velvet’s blush intensified to the point the unicorn was almost beet red. “Great! Thanks for giving Pip fodder for the next hundred miles back to Ten Penny. What’s the matter with you?”

Calamity’s ears folded back in shame. “S-sorry, didn’t mean to be crude, girls. It’s just… you two have no idea what it’s like traveling around with two mares in heat while also being unable to do anything about it.” He wiped his sweaty brow, eyes darting nervously from one pony to the other. “I can smell you both from sun-up to sun-down and it’s drivin’ me nuts.”

“You have hooves, don’t you?” Velvet tilted her head while giggling, making a rather obscene gesture with the objects in question.

“Trust me, they been working overtime.” Calamity’s blush grew even redder.

“Heat? I’m in heat?” Pip had stopped laughing at the delightfully cute couple’s spat. The realization had hit her like a truck. “I… I’ve never been in heat before?”

Velvet had snapped out of her giggling immediately, her tone switching to that of the consummate and compassionate medic. “No? Hmm… well, in the reading I’ve done, it often ties estrus cycles to the amount of sunlight a pony’s body receives… maybe you’ve finally absorbed enough real-world light that it’s kicking your biology online?”

Pip’s eyes glanced downward toward her nethers, currently a sticky mess. “I’d rather it stayed offline, thankyouverymuch. This bucking sucks.” She glanced up at Calamity, with a shameful blush. “I… smell?”

“Like a sweet little cinnamon bun that I’d love to stuff my muzzle deep into and lap up ever- OOF!” Another elbow cut him off.

Pip swallowed, ears folding back. She felt her heart thump in her chest. Calamity had been going day in, day out, for the last few days smelling her? Her… down there? And he liked it?

She wasn’t sure how she felt about that… embarrassed? Nervous? Ashamed?

Excited?

“Ahem… well then, how do I get rid of this?”

Velvet had looked at her with a sad glance. “Oh Pip, you poor thing. You don’t get rid of it. It sticks around for about a month and th-”

“A month!?”

“Yes, I read in some of the textbooks that before armageddon they had some ways to mitigate it… coolers with special solutions, potions, spells… but now there’s only the one - the oldest and most natural solution.”

Pip’s head tilted.

“Buckin’ “ Calamity coughed, before looking away.

“Ah.” Pip blinked, nodding. “I guess I’ll just have to hold on ‘till I make it back to Ten Penny Tower.”

“Oh Pip, you poor thing.” Velvet cooed, gripping her hoof. “Homage won’t be able to help with your heat.”

“Huh?”

“You see… you only… cool off… if you sleep with a stallion.” Velvet smiled sweetly, as if talking to a small child.

Pip blushed, trying to understand why that might be, and her mouth began to get out ahead of her mind, “But… Homage has plenty of toys, some of which are stallion-shaped…” Pip snapped her mouth shut before she could say anything even more embarrassing, her ears pinned back to her head.

“No no, ‘hun… it isn’t the size or shape… it’s what comes after.” Velvet giggled, patting her hoof.

“After?”

Calamity and Velvet blinked, looking at one another then back to Pip. Velvet spoke first, “Have you ever been with a stallion?”

“No. You two know this.”

“Well see - as a stallion finishes up sweetie… he… uh…” Velvet looked to Calamity for help.

Calamity didn’t miss a beat. “Stuffs her with his spunk, like filling a soft-canteen from a waterfa- OOF.”

“What the hay, Calamity? You’ll scare the poor girl!”

“Sorry, sorry… It’s the heat.” Calamity’s nostrils flared. Pip could see him sucking in great lungfuls of air - she’d never seen him snort like that. After casting a nasty glance at Velvet, Calamity turned to stare right at Pip with his piercing brown eyes. “Though you know, Pip… I’d very much be willing to give you a live demonstration.”

The words had hit Pip like a slug from Little Macintosh right between the eyes.

Her mind was having trouble processing the words and their implication. At the same time, her eyes were racing all over the stallion’s face, searching for any hint of jocularity. Instead, she found his handsome snout, his tousled mane… his masculine chin, all suddenly tantalizing with rugged beauty.

Why?

Why did Calamity look so damn sexy all of a sudden? Why now, when she was in this state?

“H-h-huh? I thought you and Velvet were…” Pip glanced over at Velvet Remedy, worried that this lapse might have drawn another sharp elbow from the mare, or even worse, the resurgence of her notorious aggressive bitchiness.

But she was just smiling and shaking her head with mirth, eyebrows raised in curiosity.

Pip blinked again, nervous, suddenly feeling very exposed under the stallion’s hungry gaze - like a piece of meat in front of a hungry wastelander. “B-but… aren’t you always going on about l-loyalty? And… I… I mean… me? I’m a short, ugly littl-”

“Of course I’m loyal.” Calamity snorted, fixing his hat. “But when your sweetheart makes a point of sendin’ ya through agonizin’ abstinence, and when you consider the way it was in ancient times, I figure there’s nothing wrong with it. ‘Specially if it’s to help out a friend.” Calamity leaned forward and took Pip’s hoof in his, adding it to the pile that already included Velvet’s. “A cute, fun-sized, beautiful friend. I hate it when you denigrate yourself, Pip.”

That thumping heart was now pounding. Pip could feel the blood rushing through her veins, could hear it in her flicking ears. Her hoof was shaking with nervousness under those of her friends.

And down below she was feeling it too.

Why the hay was she reacting like this? This was a line so corny she’d have tossed away the comic if she’d seen it on the pages. Why was she shaking like a leaf?

“A-ancient times?” Pip blinked, scrambling at anything to try to deflect the those piercing brown eyes, and ignore the compliments she’d just been paid.

“Sure… back before the bombs, they said that there used to be four mares to a stallion. Naturally, a fella could get himself a nice little herd with a few sweethearts to raise a good family in.” He glanced over at Velvet with a grin. “Plus, Velvet here sometimes likes to whisper in my ear about how she’d maybe be open to a three- OOF!”

Velvet’s elbows seemed to have very good aim tonight. “Don’t worry about him, Pip. Stallion’s can get so stupid when our season’s in… oh look! Here’s dinner!”

Pip had been glad for the distraction, and the end to the very embarrassing conversation. But all through munching on her meal, and sipping on her Sparkle-Cola… she couldn’t help stealing awkward glances at Calamity.

Had he been for real?

Author's Note

What do you guys think? Is Calamity for real?