Mystery of the Merlot Mansion
"You are cordially invited to the Merlot Mystery Party, a night of suspects and secrets celebrating the legacy of Ponyville's most esteemed author, Blackberry Merlot."
On a casual Saturday morning, Twilight Sparkle reads an elegant invitation aloud to her friends as they pass each other a card.
"Please find enclosed your character assignment cards." Twilight continues.
"I've never read any of her books." Fluttershy shrugs.
"Start with 'Curse of the Yapping Fountain'," Rarity says enthusiastically. "Ooh, then 'Secret of the Wandering Maple', and after that, either 'B is for Blackmail' or 'T is for Theft'."
"So you've read ALL of them?" Rainbow asks.
"No way, she wrote over a hundred of them, darling."
"That's how they make the Mystery Party feel new every year," Applejack states. "So many characters."
"Who'd you all get?" Pinkie squees, bouncing around in her seat in excitement. "This is gonna be so FUN!!!"
"Lex Maximus is an oil baroness with no scruples when it comes to her precious black gold." 
"You like jazz hot? Head uptown to hear Rita Caramel, Manehattan's most soulful songbird." 
"Riding the rails across the great plains of Equestria as a hobo, hungry for life. Her name: BEANS!" 
"Do you like the night life? This quirky southern belle is the toast of every party. From Paris, Prance, Fanny Cardigan." 
"Lily Jones is an archeologist, and adventurer with a tragic past." 
"This star burns brighter than all the neon on Broadmane. Renowned actress, Radiant Bloodstone." 
Later that evening, Twilight and the girls are exploring the massive and sophisticated mansion, chatting among other ponies in their old-timey costumes and wacky personas. Soon, a shiny golden owl with a single ruby in its eye resting in a display case in the center of the foyer catches Pinkie's attention.
"Ooooh," she says, pressing her face against the glass in awe. "That looks shiny!"
"Don't you mean the 'bees knees'?" Fluttershy giggles. "Or the 'cat's meow', or the gnat's whistle?"
"That's a brooch." Twilight nods. "It was a gift to Merlot from Mayor Cool Ridge, one of her greatest admirers. One of the things they're raising money for tonight is to have the ruby eye replaced."
"The owl was inscribed with the words, 'In recognition of your incomparable talent, and dramatic genius." Rarity reads on the display case. "That's a pretty great honor."
"Is that Radiant Bloodstone I see?"
Twilight turns to see Mayor Mare standing before her wearing an old-fashioned aviator's outfit.
"Well, then, if it isn't Miss Gear Heart," Twilight laughs. "First mare to fly a blimp across the Luna Bay."
"If you think the Bermareda Triangle is bad, try the Ponesian Hexagon," Mayor Mare giggles, flipping her scarf over her shoulder. "Crash landed and lived to tell the tale."
Suddenly, a mare trots downstairs with a microphone and takes the spotlight, grabbing everypony's attention.
"Ladies and gentlecolts," she utters dramatically as she leads the crowd toward the foyer. "I am River Shy and tonight, we come together to celebrate a famous author, BUT our celebration will be short-lived. I have- ACHOO!"
"Gesundhoof." everypony says.
"Sorry, I'm coming down with something. Anyways, I have a shocking announcement. The priceless oolong diamond has just been stolen!"
The crowd feigns shock upon seeing a small podium behind a rope fence with an empty display.
"Everypony here is a suspect." River Shy states. "Luckily, we have world famous detective Aurora Sparks here."
A mare in a detective's outfit eases her way through the crowd giving the occasional "Excuse me, pardon me." before coming forward on the crime scene.
"Interesting case." she ponders, pulling out a comically large magnifying glass. "This egg is...hard boiled."
And so, the game was ~~afoot~~ ahoof. Aurora inspected every speck of dust and questioned every suspect for clues.
"You take the diamond?" she asks skeptically.
"Oh, I'd never steal anything from any rich folk, like that Cool Ridge guy." Pinkie shakes her head. "I don't steal what I can't eat."
"The only treasure I'm searching for is my long lost sister, sir." Rainbow states.
"I can't stand that Cool Ridge fella." Applejack grunts in character. "I've seen coyotes with more sense than him. I lined his pockets with half my money and got nothin' in return."
"How intriguing..."
After an evening of extreme investigating with quite unorthodox methods, the detective gathers everypony in one room with her final conclusion.
"It was the best of crimes, it was the worst of crimes." Aurora says, pacing around the room. "It was almost an unsolved mystery. 'Til a small clue led me to a big fish. Gear Heart!"
The crowd gasps while Pinkie plays a dramatic note on the mansion's pipe organ.
"Why, I have no need for a little diamond when the whole world is my pearl!" Mayor Mare huffs.
"Nopony would suspect the esteemed pilot. Everypony knows her sponsor, 'General Aviation', leaves her wanting for nothing. Ms. Bloodstone, would you read that article on the newspaper, please?"
"General Aviaton files for...BANKRUPTCY!" Twilight reads in character.
"I swear, I-I didn't know." MM gulps.
"But I did."
Aurora plucks the aviator's hat off and finds the oolong diamond inside.
"Ha! The diamond!" she exclaims triumphantly. "This little birdie's going to the big house."
The two giggle at each other as the room is filled with applause and laughter. With the "mystery" solved, ponies begin to head out, leaving only Twilight and her friends sticking around. As Twilight collects her acting skull, she spots River Shy carrying a plastic bag and picking up trash off the floor.
"Here, I got it." she nods, taking the trash bag in her magic.
"Oh, you really don't need to." River utters.
"No, no, you're coming down with a cold. The last thing you need to be doing is cleaning up."
"It's not your job."
"I don't mind."
"Never argue with Twilight when he's tryin' to help." Applejack chortles.
"It'll get done six times as fast if we pitch in." Rainbow adds.
"Thank you," River nods gratefully. "I'll go get another broom. Do you mind getting the rest of the trash from the kitchen? Dumpster's outside."
"On it." Twilight says, trotting away.
The girls gather the cleaning supplies and split up through each room in the mansion. In the upstairs children's room, Fluttershy and Pinkie step in and discover a old-timey dollhouse on a dresser.
"Nice details." Fluttershy chimes, examining the little furniture within.
"Merlot was an old lady," Pinkie says, rubbing her head. "Why was she playing with dolls?"
"She uses them for inspiration. Oh, look, there's Fanny."
On the table beside the dollhouse are tiny dolls bearing an uncanny resemblance to everypony's characters. Fluttershy plucks the dolls up in her magic and places them in each correct room.
"Ooh, and there's Beans, look at me!" Pinkie squeaks. "And Lex and Lilly!"
"That's how she figured out the surprise ending in 'The Mystery of the Brown Recluse'. See, Beans right here climbs up the chimney, only to find-"
"D'ah! Don't spoil it!"
"Oop, sorry. Rarity was going on and on about that earlier."
BOOM!!!
The loud thunder outside shakes the house and startles Fluttershy. There, her and Pinkie notice every room in the dollhouse light up. Fluttershy picks up a plug to the model, confused.
"That's peculiar." she says in a southern accent.
The lights in the room suddenly shut off, minus the dollhouse. Fluttershy panics and hears hooves galloping out of the room.
"Beans!" she shrieks, struggling to find her way out. "Beans, where are you goin'?"
Downstairs, the lights come back on.
"Is everypony alright?" Rainbow asks in a Trottingham accent.
"A little darkness never hurt nopony." Rarity says. "It's like a song I used to sing. It was called, 'A Little Darkness Never Hurt Nopony'."
Before the unicorn could burst into song, Pinkie comes running into the room and takes cover behind a confused Applejack.
"Where is that rapscallion Beans?" Fluttershy grunts, stomping down the stairs into the foyer. "She left me alone in the dark."
"Hey, git!" Applejack huffs, pushing Pinkie away. "You ain't gettin' nothin' from me. This ain't no welfare state."
"Why are you all talking like that?" Twilight snickers, stepping into the room.
"Why are you talkin' like that, Bloodstone?"
"Very funny, Applejack."
"Who's this 'Applejack' fella? Is she a park ranger? I don't like parks. More public land that could be oil wells."
"Fluttershy, tell me what's going on. Did something happen while I was outside?"
"Oh, Ms. Bloodstone," Fluttershy giggles. "Are you doin' one of your silly roles again?"
"No, it...i-it's me. Twilight. Your friend? Twilight Sparkle?"
"Hilarious, Radiant," Rainbow says. "Now, where were we? I believe Rita was going to charm us with a ditty."
Twilight's eyes widen.
"Oh no," she gasps. "You all are stuck in your roles!"
"Dry up, Ray," Rarity whines. "I'm trying to sing here."
"You sing real swell," Pinkie nods, handing her a microphone. "Let us hear it."
Rarity hesitantly picks up the mic with magic and immediately fumbles it out of her grasp.
"I don't know where your grubby hooves have been." Rarity says coldly.
"Everypony stop!" Twilight shouts. "Somepony picked the lock. The owl......it's gone."
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!
"So it's missing," Rarity shrugs. "I don't see what that has to do with any of us."
"Don't you girls get it?" Twilight sighs. "We're the only ones here. Somepony's gonna think one of us took it."
"She's right," Rainbow agrees. "And I think I know the culprit. Lex was closest to the display case when the lights went out."
"And she had a motive." Rarity inserts. "She's been walking around all night like some big cheese. But she told me she has shares in General Aviation. Couldn't buy a cup of Joe with those now."
"Applejack," Twilight says. "I-I mean, Lex. Did you take the owl?"
"No siree!" AJ huffs. "What kinda sap do you take me for?"
"Wait!" Fluttershy waves. "She's on the level. I can prove she didn't do it. If y'all can recall, Lex was talkin' our ears off about the biggest cheese of all: Cool Ridge."
"I can't stand that Cool Ridge. I've seen coyotes with more sense than him. I lined his pockets with half my money and got nothin' in return."
"See?" Flutters continues. "Lex would've never stolen the brooch. It was from the mayor himself. Whom Lex despises."
"You're darn tootin'!" AJ stomps. "The way that guy's runnin' this town, I see storm clouds on the......horizon?"
Applejack goes stiff before shaking her head and blinking her eyes.
"Um, Applejack?" Twilight utters.
X
"Woah. That was intense. I felt like Lex. I thought like Lex. But...now I'm me...wait, why are you still you, Twi?"
"I don't know, I was outside when it happened, and then I came back in and everypony was acting crazy."
"Wait a minute," AJ whispers, huddling up with Twilight. "When the lightning struck, everypony but you got stuck in their characters. But when Lex was proven innocent, I turned back into me-"
"Which means...to get everypony back, we just have to prove them innocent."
"Or find the guilty party."
"What are we whispering about?" Pinkie whispers, slinking in between them.
"Alright, all of you are suspects!" Twilight states, pushing Pinkie aside. "And none of you are leaving until we figure this out.
Twilight trots toward the door and slams it shut. Eventually, Fluttershy starts to fan herself with a hoof, wiping the sweat off her forehead and hyperventilating.
"What's with her?" Rarity points.
The panicking pegasus rushes over to some nearby curtains yanks them aside, only to come face to face with a closed window.
"You okay, sugarcube?" AJ asks.
"Please fellas," Fluttershy wheezes. "Give a gal some space."
"Somepony looks nervous." Rainbow says skeptically. "Anything you want to tell us, lass?"
"Yes."
"You're guilty?" Twilight ponders.
"No. I'm claustrophobic."
Fluttershy dashes past the group and out the door, running outside into the garden to get fresh air. Finally managing to calm herself down, the pegasus takes a napkin offered by Rarity and rubs around her face.
"Feeling any better?" Rarity asks warmly.
"Yes, and I know who stole the brooch. Her."
"Beans?" Twilight mutters.
"Yeah," Fluttershy continues. "We were in the children's room, and when the lights went out, he took off faster than a flea on bath day."
"He definitely COULD use the money..." AJ ponders.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Twilight taps her hoof. "What's that in your jacket?"
"M-Mind your potaters!" Pinkie squeaks, grabbing her hobo stick and booking it through the foyer with the girls on her tail.
The gang corner the shady hobo in the kitchen where they find her hunched over a table stuffing her pockets.
"What are you doin'?" Fluttershy asks.
"You're all fixin' to run me outta town on a rail, I best feed my belly first." Pinkie muffles.
"See, he IS a thief! He stole the brooch."
"What's in the coat?" Twilight grunts.
"What do ya think?" the party pony mumbles, opening her cupcake-filled jacket. "FOOD!"
"Hold this." AJ says, throwing a notebook to Rarity, who lets it hit the floor. "Where's the owl, Beans?"
"If I can't eat it, I won't steal it." Pinkie nods.
"That proves nothin'," Fluttershy scoffs. "You could sell the owl and buy all the food in the world!"
"Wish I'd thought of that. Hunger makes me a little slow in the brains, if you know what I mean."
Pinkie sits back and rubs her head before spitting something small and dark into her hoof.
X
"I hate raisins." she gags.
"Ha, what a mug!" Fluttershy laughs. "I can't believe he didn't even know about the black market."
"So YOU know about the black market?" Twilight says.
"It WAS you." Rainbow accuses. "You could've secured your voyage on the Queen Berry, and happily spent a year in Paris! That owl was your ticket out of here."
"Fancy yourselves pretty clever, eh?" the pegasus scoffs. "Well, for your information, I was upstairs when it was stolen. Tell me, how could I have possibly run down the stairs, and crossed the living room without being noticed?"
"She has a point, Twi." AJ shrugs.
"It makes sense." Twilight nods. "Except..."
"Except?"
Twilight quickly trots upstairs and reveals a secret passageway behind a bookcase to everypony.
"Except that you could've gone down the secret stairwell." she concludes. "You came down the secret stairwell into the secret stairwell into the butler's pantry, and out into the living room. None of us the wiser."
"I-I didn't, I swear." Fluttershy gulps.
"I believe you." AJ utters.
"You do?"
"I do."
"I'm claustrophobic."
"You can't be claustrophobic and go down that."
"By golly," the pegasus sighs. "Just lookin' up at it is makin' my head spin...oh, my..."
X
"That was rough. Experiencing someone else's claustrophobia is now on my list of moments I hope never to relive."
"Good to have you back, sugarcube." AJ chuckles.
"And then there were two..." Pinkie says dramatically.
"It was her." Rarity hisses.
"Says you." Rainbow scoffs, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, says me."
"The brooch is contemporary. It's of no interest to me. I only deal in ancient artifacts."
"So, you wanted the dough."
"Listen, money means nothing to me. All the money in the world can't buy me the thing I want most: to be reunited with my baby sister who was coltnapped as an infant. But you know who would need dough? A struggling jazz singer."
"Oh! Pffft, kch ts! I'm not struggling, I got a job at the Tin Pan."
"That is simply not true. I have a friend who's a piano player there, and he said you were fired months ago!"
"You lied." Twilight sighs.
"Please, you gotta believe me," Rarity begs. "I'm on the up and up."
"I don't know," Twilight winces. "You could've done it. You were right there. All you had to do was pick the lock."
"No." Pinkie murmurs.
"No?"
"No. There's no way. Something's wrong with her horn. When I handed her the mic, she couldn't hold it. And then later, she couldn't hold AJ's notebook. How could she pick a lock?"
"It's true," the unicorn pouts. "This horn is useless. That's why they fired me. The crowd wants a singer who can slink around the stage with a microphone. But me, I just had to stand behind it like a dummy. If word gets out, I'll never work again!"
"So, what's wrong with your horn?" Twilight asks.
"They call it 'hornitis degeneritis'. It's very rare."
Liar!" Rainbow grunts. "The only pony in the world with hornitis degeneritis was my mother. Well, her and my long lost..."
"Sister?" Rarity gasps.
"Sister!"
The two mares pull each other into a warm embrace before rubbing their heads.
"Heh, that was convenient." Pinkie giggles.
X
X
"So, wait," AJ says. "If none of us stole the owl, then where is it?"
"Maybe it went missing during the party?" Twilight ponders.
"No, it was definitely in the case when we were cleaning up."
"Well, there was someone else at the party..." Fluttershy states.
"River Shy!" Pinkie gasps.
"No, she didn't steal it." Twilight states. "She probably just put it back in the vault for safe keeping."
"And then went home?" Rainbow inserts. "She said she wasn't feeling well, but would she just leave?"
"Maybe if she felt really sick." Twilight shrugs.
"So we've been trying to solve a mystery that never existed?" AJ sighs.
"Heh, I guess we all got carried away. So what next?"
"Let's just finish cleaning up, Twi."
As everypony rises from their seats, Twilight let's out a yawn and rubs her neck.
"I'm kinda tired," she mumbles through the yawn as she takes her acting skull and heads for the door. "And this isn't our job anyway. Let's get out of here."
"Hold it!" AJ shouts. "No pony move. There is a thief among us..."
Everypony sits back down as the skeptical farm pony approaches her alicorn friend.
"Who?" Pinkie asks.
"Twilight."
"What?!" Twilight yells.
"Applejack, darling, come on." Rarity sighs. "The game's over."
"No, I'm serious. Twilight took the owl. Where were you when the lightnin' struck?"
"I was outside taking the trash out."
"Then tell me this, if she was outside in the pouring rain, why is there no mud on her hooves?"
The girls suspiciously peer down to find the alicorn's tapping hooves to be as clean as a whistle.
"L-Look, Applejack, this is crazy." Twilight laughs.
"AND, when we were in the kitchen, I noticed that the trash had never actually been taken out."
"Not taking out the trash does not equal stealing the owl." Rainbow states. "Besides, Twilight would never steal or lie."
"Twilight wouldn't. But Radiant Bloodstone would."
[DRAMATIC PIPE ORGAN]
"Knock it off, Pinkie!" Rainbow groans.
"Hee hee, sorry..."
"We all thought that Twilight was the only one that didn't get trapped in her character because she was outside when the lightnin' struck."
"But if he never took out the trash..." Fluttershy says. "That means she was inside. Which means-"
"Which means Twilight's been in character this whole darn time."
"In the character of Radiant Bloodstone," Rarity gasps. "Playing the role of lifetime. The role of Twilight Sparkle."
"But where's the owl?" Fluttershy asks.
Applejack trots over to the ruthlessly ambitious "actress" and grabs ahold of her acting skull, opening its jaw and revealing the golden owl, shocking everypony.
"Wow," Rainbow remarks. "I can't believe she fooled us."
"How could a hammy third rate actress like Radiant do such a good job playing Twilight.
"THIRD RATE?!" Twilight roars in a Shakes-marean accent, eyes twitching. "Would a third rate actress be able to craft a character with only a photo, a library card, and ALL these scraps in my pocket? I created a flesh and blood character that you believe to be your very own friend!"
"But why, Radiant?" Fluttershy whines. "Why steal the owl?"
"Read the inscription on the back."
"In recognition of your incomparable talent and dramatic genius." AJ reads aloud. "So?"
"Tirelessly I've toiled waiting for that type of recognition and yet it never CAME!"
"You can't just pass off someone else's award as your own, darling." Rarity says. "You didn't earn it."
"Didn't I? Look at me, and tell me that wasn't an award-winning performance."
"It...was pretty amazing." AJ nods, rubbing her neck. "Twilight is our best friend and you fooled us all. It was......genius.""
Applejack claps her hooves as everypony joins in. A slight, warm smile forms across the alicorn's face and a tear rolls down her cheek.
"And on that, my curtain falls." Twilight chuckles to herself, giving a grateful bow. "On my finest performance. Thank you."
Giving one final bow, Twilight suddenly rubs her head and finds her friends giving her a standing ovation.
X
"I...I think I'm me," she mumbles. "I am me, right?"
"Eeyup." everypony nods.
"Can we go home now?" Rainbow yawns.
"Oh, uh, one more thing," Twilight chuckles sheepishly. "I think I, or Radiant I mean, locked River Shy in the cellar."
Everypony rushes over to the cellar and buck the door open, finding the mare casually laying against the stairs reading a magazine and wiping her nose.
"Oh, good," she chimes, climbing up. "You found me. I guess I accidentally locked myself down here when I went to get a broom. Tried to call out, but guess you couldn't hear me. Heh, maybe I'll get paid overtime."
Finally getting the place completely tidied up, the Mane 6 bid River Shy goodbye before making their way out the door.
"There is still one mystery I still cannot solve." Pinkie ponders. "How did you figure out that Twilight was actually Radiant, Applejack?"
"Well, when Radiant didn't want to take out the trash, it was pretty obvious. Twily would never do that. She CAN'T help helping."
"I's my greatest weakness." Twilight laughs.
"Or your greatest strength." Rarity inserts.
"Heh, I guess you could say that."
As Radiant Bloodstone once said in one of Shakesmare's pieces:
"All the world's a stage, and all mares and stallions are merely players."
Sometimes we wear masks or play different roles, but the people who know and love us the most can always see who we truly are.
THE END
Author's Note
