A weight falls off my shoulders the moment I finally enter my room. I can't embarrass myself any more than I already did earlier this day.
Sitting down at my desk. I reach to my trusty diary and quill. I need to give this a place, I need to vent. So I give the quill a little dip and proceed to write the following, occassionally dipping the quill in between:
Dear Diary,
Since I started helping Sugar with studying a few months ago, I got to know him better and better. I went in with the intention to get the best out of him, nothing more.
At the time, I didn't know why I wanted to help him specifically. But now, I think I wish I never did.
When I'm around him, it feels like everything is just perfect. I have had the same feeling a couple of times before, but this time it was just way too intense to even make an attempt to ignore.
As I glanced at his beautiful cherry mane, every word escaping his mouth got my heart beating faster and faster. I've looked at his orange-yellow eyes countless times before, and I thought they were nice then. But this time, everything about him contributed to making me feel in a certain place I've never been before.
I've never experienced what it was like to be in a trance. But it may be safe to assume this is what I experienced when I was with him this time.
By the way I reacted, he would definitely have noticed. What would he think of me now? Will there be a way to help him without having to deal with these feelings again? My heart is aching so much right now. I just want him to be happy.
Tears roll down my face as I put the diary in the corner of my desk, allowing for the ink to dry. I wish I never met him, at least then, I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions...
Feeling drained, the best idea is for me to get some rest. But my brain has other things in mind for me. What will his response be when I tell him? How would I even tell him something like this at all? Can I conceal it somehow? Ugh, if only emotions worked like that...
What nickname would fit him? Sugar sounds sweet, but doesn't that feel a little bit too predictable? Why did I—of all things—bring my smartphone to Equestria, when it's utterly useless? And why are thoughts so random at times? Why, why, why...
Isn't it amazing? If you repeat words enough times, they'll inexplicably get funnier every time you think about them.
The annotations I made to help him with his homework... I always write down the subjects he may want to spend extra time on. If, for some reason, I really can't get my self to speak about it, letting him know black-on-white may be a good option too...
But what if that's too impersonal? Surely, colts aren't that sensitive about that, are they? Wait, that's an assumption, and we all know what they say about assumptions.
Whatever happens, it's all about him being happy in the end. That's what's most important. But his nickname, I still need to think about that...
1.1 - No Interactions No Embarrassment
Having had to endure quite an embarrassing situation yesterday, playing it safe seems to be the best option to me. What does it look like? What about staying inside, totally not worrying about anything I had to think about yesterday?
I've been in all morning and—so far—the afternoon. Surely it's pretty cold outside anyway, judging from the tree visible through my window.
No interactions, no embarrassment. See, no boredom at all! I'm only sitting at my desk reading all my previous diary entries. For a third time, okay, but it allows me to... um... analyze my actions and emotions more thoroughly.
For Celestia's sake, even a foal wouldn't believe that one. I wish I had somepony visiting or someth-
OH MY! That knocking on my door almost gave me a heart attack! Three short-paused knocks, followed by two long-paused ones? At least, that's what it must've been. Okay, let's walk—
My diary, I almost forgot! Okay, quickly... in the left drawer with you! There we go. Deep breath in, Deep breath out... Not that it would help that much in this heart-palpitating situation, but definitely better than nothing. Let's open the door now.
"Thank you so much," Sugar says as he puts his hoof around me, pressing me against his chest. He quickly lets me go, and a blush appears on his cheeks. It takes me a few seconds to process what just happened.
"I - I got a B+ for my resit, pretty good right?" His excitement is hard to misinterpret.
"Um, that's great, yeah," I tell him as I feel my heart pounding even more. I wasn't expecting such warm embrace. Not that I dont want it to happen again, by the way. "Oh my, I just didn't expect—"
"M-me neither, s-sorry if I—"
"No! No worries," I stammer as I look away. Try to focus on something else... I can't while his stunning presence is taking up my field of view!
"What book are you reading?"
"What do you mean," I ask him, turning my head to see what he's looking at. "Oh, haha! That's just a book... to learn how to make up good book titles!"
"Wow, are you working on a book? I honestly didn't expect that."
"Uh, not really, but just in case I need to, you know?"
"Hehehe... Well, I gotta go! Need to... exercise a bit for Rainbow's gym lessons. Weather's great for that too, by the way. See ya later!"
"Yeah, see you later." I'm not sure if he heard me, as I could only get myself to almost-but-not-really whisper at this point. Closing the door, I let out a sigh. Realization sets in as soon as I replay the conversation in my head.
How stupid could I be to forget about closing the drawer? And what got into me for coming up with 'a book to make up book titles'?
Well, at least one good thing comes out of this. Sugar Maple's going to exercise now; at least, if that wasn't just something he made up in an attempt to escape the awkward situation. Not that I think he's in huge need of it anyway; judging by the time he let me feel his muscles, he's already a strong colt.
No, if anycreature needs exercise, it'd probably be me. Not that I'd come anywhere close to a pony in terms of strength—but it's still on my wish list—even if just to stay healthy.
Not today though, for I don't want to fo this alone. Many need somepony to train with in order to keep my motivation. And I'm not exempt in this.
Sure, Rainbow offered me to go with her and do just that a few months back, but I didn't feel a big need for it back then. It was only when Sugar showed me, that I started realizing the benefits.
He'd be just perfect to me. He'd surely be able to help me stay motivated, maybe asking him would be a good idea...
1.2 - Visitor's Surprise
Having saved up some courage to visit him, I knock on his door just the way he did a few days ago. Never would've thought that would be a hard thing to do, by the way.
His hoofsteps can be heard as he gets closer to the door, which quickly swings open to a saddened face. I haven't seen him quite this gloomy since quite some time. He quickly looks down, and blurts out an irritated "hi."
"Hey Sugar. Is something bothering you?"
"Oh, nothing's bothering me and everything is fine, thank you. Feeling quite perfect actually!"
Though his words sound positive, his sarcastic undertone and expression tells me otherwise. Not to mention the passive aggressiveness. "Are you sure, because it really—"
"Stop pretending like you don't know what this is about," he raises his voice as he clearly struggles to keep his tears out of the picture. "I wish I had known much sooner what you were thinking of me!"
"Sugar, what are you up to, I—"
"Go away, I don't want to see you anymore!"
Struggling what this situation is all about—I genuinely couldn't even guess—I frown my eyebrows. "But I—"
"Go away," he raises his voice even more as his hoof points to the wall in front of him. I turn around as a few tears roll down my face. What could I have done to hurt him this much?
Author's Note
So that was my first chapter of my first published story here! Suggestions and feedback are always welcome.
As you may have noticed, English isn't my native language and some mistakes may have slipped in. In this case, feel free to point them out—I'm eager to learn from them so it's easier for you, the reader, to enjoy my stories.
Thank you so much! 
