Drive Fly
by Nom deCheval
Another car raced past the van. Fluttershy turned her head as it went, smiling at the driver politely. She turned her head back to see if another car was coming. It was a little ways down the road, but it was probably better to wait for it to pass, too. Just in case it sped up or something.
“Aw, c’mon!” Rainbow Dash flailed her arms in the passenger seat. “That one is a mile off! We can pull out, easy!”
“Well, um, it seems a little close to me,” Fluttershy answered, turning to look at her friend.
“It is now!” The car passed the sitting vehicle at the intersection, its driver glancing over to look at the car that was just sitting there. Fluttershy smiled at him as he went by. “And now you aren’t even looking to see if there is a gap!”
“I don’t want to be rude,” Fluttershy softly explained.
“Give her a break, Dash,” Applejack said from the back seat, “everypony drives a little different.”
“Yeah! Some of us actually have the ability to GET to where we’re going!” She fell back into the seat with a groan of disbelief.
“Actually, statistically speaking, defensive driving reduces the chance of having an accident by a minimum of twenty-percent,” Twilight stated from her seat next to Applejack. “So Fluttershy is really just trying to keep us all safe. She should be commended.”
“Yeah! Safe and totally late!” Rainbow Dash announced.
“She’s got a point there, sugarcube,” Applejack said.
“True. We are filming today, and if we get there late it’s going to put the director in a bad mood,” Twilight surmised.
A sudden loud noise came from the far back seat of the van. A belch that seemed to vibrate the windows echoed for moments. It was immediately followed by the sound of laughter--loud, obnoxious laughter. “Woah! That was a good one!” Rarity said. “Gonna have to learn to cut down on the morning soda!”
“Um, yes, please,” Fluttershy said quietly.
“That was kinda rude, Rare,” Applejack said.
“If you think that was bad, just wait until the breakfast burrito clears deck!” Rarity laughed again. “I can feel the old pipes below rumbling already.”
Rainbow Dash leaned forward, pointing down the road. “There! There! A big gap is coming up! You can pull out in between those two cars, easy!”
Turning to look down the road, Fluttershy spotted the opening that Rainbow indicated. “Oh, that does seem like it might work. I suppose I could--”
A loud horn blared from behind the van, startling Fluttershy and causing her to squeak audibly. She shrunk down and glanced in the rear view mirror to see the line of cars that had grown there, waiting on her to move. “Oh my,” she said, counting to at least seven vehicles behind her.
“What the hell is his problem?” Rainbow Dash spun around and glared at the man in the car, gesturing at him wildly in a manner that made no sense to the other driver.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy rolled down her window and motioned for the car to pull around, which it instantly did.
“Where the heck does he think that he’s--” Rainbow stopped herself after noticing Fluttershy motioning the man to pass. And he wasn’t alone. The entire line of cars began to work their way past the waiting van.
“You have GOT to be kidding me!” Dash slammed herself back into the passenger seat, throwing her forelegs up into the air in defeat. She spun around to look at the other passengers. “I told you this would happen! It always happens when we let her drive!”
“Calm down, sugarcube. We’ll get there,” Applejack reassured her friend.
“And besides,” Twilight explained, “we have a schedule as to who drives on what days. We all take turns in the carpool, and this is Fluttershy’s week. We can’t just skip over her.”
“Yes!” Rainbow held her forehooves out, trying to explain in an empty gesture. “Yes, that is exactly what we can do! We just skip over her!”
“That would be discriminatory,” Twilight scowled at the suggestion.
“Ha! That reminds me of a joke,” Rarity offered, adding in another short belch. “Two unicorns and a pegasus walk into a bar--”
“Oh not again!” Rainbow turned back around to plop into her seat. “Rarity, you are the most racist mare I have EVER talked to. It’s always pegasus jokes with you.”
“What?” She countered. “I ain’t racist. Hell, you and ‘Shy are two of my best friends! I’ve dated pegasus before. How could I possibly be racist? Don’t be such a damned featherback.”
“Whoa there, girl! I don’t like that kind of talk, no matter what!” Applejack spun around, stunned at the slur thrown out there so casually. “So watch your tongue now, y’hear?”
Fluttershy watched all the cars pulling up beside her van and looking over at her with an angry expression. She smiled as politely as she could muster while still trying to drop down below their field of vision, mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ to everyone who looked towards her.
“What? I’m not talking about Fluttershy or Rainbow Dash. I’m talking about those worthless fliers that just float through town, bringing trouble with them, and then heading out before any of them get caught. You know the types,” Rarity stated as though it was common knowledge.
“That’s not accurate, Rarity,” Twilight turned around and looked at her. “In fact, that story started up during the last major economic downturn, when ponies were looking for an easy scapegoat--no offense meant to goats of course--to their financial woes. The fact that pegasus lived on a different level from both earth ponies and unicorns--on a quite literal basis, being cloud dwellers--made it easier for them to become the outcasts. The populous as a whole--”
“What Twilight is trying to say,” Applejack interrupted, “is can you just kinda not be so...raw? Maybe take a minute or two to think about what ya say?”
“Hey, you always know that you get the real me, sweetheart!” Rarity winked.
“I am amazed at how different you are than your character, Rarity,” Twilight added.
“It’s called acting, babe. That’s why I’ll be in a new job right after this one is over,” she smiled.
“Yeah, right,” Rainbow Dash said with a huff.
“What’s that mean?” Rarity said from the back of the van.
“Oh please,” Rainbow turned back around and stared at the unicorn, “everypony knows how you got your job. It’s common knowledge that your real skill with your mouth has nothing to do with reciting lines.”
“Woah! Slow down there, sugarcube,” Applejack suggested.
“Well at least I have a chance at getting a job,” Rarity stated coldly, “since the majority of people in power are men.”
“What the hay is that supposed to mean?” Rainbow stared at the white unicorn.
“Oh, like it’s a big secret. The closet that you’re in is so deep that you might find a passage to Narnia.” Rarity rolled her eyes.
“What?!” Rainbow Dash’s mouth dropped open. “Are you suggesting that...I’m gay? I’m not gay!”
There was a brief silence in the van.
“What?” Rainbow looked around at everyone in the van. “I’m not!”
“Are you sure?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah, I’ve always kinda thought that you were, too,” Twilight added.
“I...I’m not! I like dudes! Totally into dudes! I’m so amazingly straight!” Rainbow protested.
“Yeah, right,” Rarity laughed. Both Twilight and Applejack looked casually around the van.
“Oh, come on!” Looking for support from the back seat fruitlessly, she turned to the driver. “You believe me, don’t you, Fluttershy? We’ve known each other for, like, forever!”
“I, um, don’t really want to get involved.” The butter-colored pegasus sank further into her seat, making it impossible to see over the steering wheel.
“What?! Oh, do I have to find some dude and do him right here, right now, in front of all of you to prove my point?” She was becoming apoplectic.
“Uh, no. No. Heck no. We believe you, Dash. Don’t we, Twi?” Applejack elbowed the unicorn.
“Hmmm? Oh, um, yeah! Sure! We believe you. Completely, and not just to be supportive.” A very forced smile crossed Twilight’s face.
Slumping back into her chair, Rainbow crossed her forelegs in front of her. “I can’t believe it. None of you believe me. What did I do to bring this on?”
“Well, um, Gilda did tell me about that time at flight school where the two of you...” Fluttershy weakly stated her case, at least to the point where Rainbow Dash turned to look at her with a look of shock and horror. “Um, I’ll just be quiet now.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the van for a moment, before Applejack’s face contorted and she spoke. “Sweet Celestia! What the hay?”
“Oh my!” Twilight moved her hoof up to cover her nose while the other waved the air in front of her.
“Breakfast burrito,” Rarity said with a smile. “I warned you.”
Rainbow Dash immediately rolled down the window next to her and stuck her head out of the vehicle, shouting back in to her friends. “Roll down all the windows, Fluttershy! Now!”
“But only the front two roll down!” She already brought down the driver’s side window, and a shot a panicked look back into the van. “I’m sorry, girls!”
“What the hay did you put into that breakfast, Rarity? Pure sulfur?” Applejack asked, choking through the words.
“I like ‘em spicy!” Rarity smiled.
“Yes, but, did you have to make it toxic?” Twilight considered putting a force bubble over her head, weighing out the options of running out of air versus breathing what was passing for oxygen currently in the van.
Her head hanging out of the van, Rainbow Dash heard the putter of a motor pull up beside her.
“Hiya!” Pinkie Pie said, cheerfully. The pink mare was on her prized moped, painted the exact same shade as her coat, with a custom cutie mark to match her own painted onto the side. “Isn’t it a great morning?”
Rainbow looked at the overly peppy pony and the sudden urge to slap her ran through her mind. She pushed it down and answered her friend. “Morning, Pinkie.”
“You girls look like you’re having a bit of a rough time, actually,” she said, looking into the van. “Oh well, don’t forget that we are filming today. You don’t want to be late. See you at the studio!”
Humming a song--loudly enough to be heard over her own vehicle and traffic--Pinkie pulled out in front of the van and started down the road, cheerfully.
Rainbow Dash took a deep breath of the car-fume laced air before heading back into the wasteland of the van. “Okay, Fluttershy, the only way that we’re gonna be able to get this stench out of here is if the van is moving. You just gotta get going!”
Her face turning blue through the yellow coat, Fluttershy nodded quickly and sat up in her seat, grasping the wheel with both hooves, her face suddenly resolute. “If you want to get moving, your velocity needs improving!”
Fluttershy didn’t look to the side, but Applejack and Twilight did, noting silently the large number of vehicles--as well as the number of large vehicles--that were barreling towards them with no sign of slowing. Both of them opened their mouths to say something, but the only thing that escaped was a small squeak of horror.
With a punch of her leg, Fluttershy shot the van out into the traffic seamlessly--despite the screams from her passengers. Most of the screams were from fear, except Rainbow Dash, who was suddenly having fun. “Now this is what I’m talking about!”
As the van raced past the pink moped, Pinkie waved at her friends, a huge smile happily on her face. “See you at work!”
The mood calmed down in the van as the fear of death slowly faded. Applejack suddenly realized that her hooves had gripped into the arm rests of her seat hard enough that she had to forcibly pry them off.
Twilight simply leaned back in her seat with a deep sigh. She took out her book and noted the time and place of her latest brush with death, just for posterity’s sake.
In only a few minutes more they were pulling into the parking lot of the studio, driving up to the parking place that had been reserved for them.
“Excellent! We got here with over five minutes to spare. Good job, Fluttershy,” Twilight commended the pegasus.
“Yeah, that was some pretty rad driving there at the end,” Rainbow Dash added.
A pair of security guards walked up just as they were unloading from the van. “Morning, ladies,” one of them offered.
“Why good morning to you, fine sirs,” Rarity suddenly slipped into character. “I do hope that everything is going smoothly here.”
“So far, yeah,” he said.
“Oh brother,” Applejack said in disbelief.
“Well, I suppose that the five of us should hurry off to makeup. We do want to look our absolute best for everyone, after all,” Rarity added, sweeping her mane to one side. “Come along, everypony. We have work to do.”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a look at each other, both of them rolling their eyes and shaking their head with a smile. Without saying a word, they fell in behind Rarity, walking towards the building.
The five ponies trotted off, leaving the two guards behind watching them leave.
“I don’t get it,” one said to the other.
“What’s that?” he replied.
“Those five are the stars of the show, and they ride here together every day, always getting out of whatever car the came in, obviously ticked off by the whole ride.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Well, I don’t get it. Why not ride here separately? Avoid the hassle of riding together.”
“It’s a superstition. They have something good going here and they don’t want to break it, y’know? They’ve gotta keep things going just like they are, for fear of upsetting some cosmic balance. You know what they say around here, dontcha?” He smiled.
“Yeah, yeah. Friendship is magic. I get it.”
