Obsessed and sociopath

It was a sunny day in the town. Sun shone, birds were tooking a crap on the cars, drivers were insulting each other. Yeah, typical town. Our story begins in the apartment of the citizen of this town. Of course, people in this town are not so innocent and kind. Most of them are assholes, but this man was, maybe, the king of them. Literally. But sometimes he can do something good, but don't wait something from the sociopath. Especially if he has a kleptomania. Anyway, let's see his home. As I thought there is a complete mess: pizza boxes on the table, unwashed dishes, some food on the floor, etc. Some noises were heard from the right room, but our citizen is living on the left. He was lying on his bed and snoring. Suddenly the alarm began ringing and man woke up. He moaned and turned off the devil device. He got up and rubbed his eyes.

"Ugh. Another day of the hell," said man with apathetic look. He exited his room and saw a newspaper in front of the door. He approached it and took.

"Oh news."

Today is monday.

Beautiful day for enjoying the life, starting doing new things, buying the big-ass TV.

Man threw the newspaper on the floor and said: "Mortimer, I am off for the walk." Soon he exited the building and was met by the bright sun. He covered his eyes and headed to the underground. Soon he saw a metro station and a familiar woman who was working as receptionist. He passed the gates and sat at the train. Soon he was at his destination. Bar 'Clinton's cave.' He entered it and was met by the atmosphere of the place: drunken people, the smell of the puke and alcohol, etc. He got used to it. He approached the bar counter and saw the bartender. The woman with hot body and blonde hair. Elaine.

"Hey Elaine." Woman looked at man with indifferent gaze.

"Sup Randal. Beer as always?"

"Yup," said man. Woman gave to Randal the glass of beer and he paid for it. Suddenly Elaine asked:

"You have been very quiet for the last time. Something happened?"

"Ugh! I don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"As you say. I just asked." After 5 glasses Randal exited the bar and began walking around. He was thinking about what happened earlier. He was stuck in one fucking day and tried to fix everything, but, as always, he just screwed it up. He caused the armaggedon and that's why he asked for help from The Horsemen of Apocalypse.

"Damn, my life sucks," said Randal. Soon he was near his apartment. Suddenly he heard:

"Hey, psst, come here." Randal was confused. Someone was calling him from the dark alley. Randal thought a little and said:

"Nah, nothing worse can happen." Randal entered the alley and found the familiar man. Man had a white hair with beard, brown T-shirt, green jacket, blue pants, sandals and held the bottle wrapped up in the paper. Randal knew who it was.

"Oh hi, Bum," he said.

"Haha, hello, boy. How was your day? I hope it was bad," said Bum.

"Oh c'mon, can we please get over without this 'I hate you' shit?"

"So, I see that you have been bored for the last time. Am I right?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just asked."

"Well, yeah. I had the rough days. I was fired from my job, went bankrupt and, worst of all, Matt left the town. I am thinking about hanging myself."

"Haha, very funny."

"Yeah, yeah. Did you call me here for just laughing at me?"

"Not exactly. As you know, I was an owner of the ring previously. When you fixed everything, I noticed that I have some power from it."

"And you are gonna kill me?"

"Nah, it won't be funny and interesting. I prepared something more. I will send you to another world. Hahaha!" Randal backed away, while Bum began levitating and charged the energy in his hands. He blasted the beam into the wall and then the round portal appeared. It tried to suck Randal, who was holding the pipe. His fingers slipped and he was sucked by portal. His last words were: "You are son of biiiiitch!" The portal closed and Bum got up and began dancing his victory dance.

"Hahaha! I did it! Now, it's time to celebrate this." With those words he headed to the 'Clinton's cave.'

Meanwhile in somewhere

Darkness. It was everywhere. In spite of one place. There was a couch and a big TV. On the couch, 4 skeletons were sitting. One of them didn't have the jaw, wore a bib and held knife and fork. The second one was wearing the green cloak and military helmet. He also was holding AK-47. The third one had his guts outside, one eye, and green skin (he looked like a zombie). And the fourth one was in a black cloak with a hood and held the big scythe. It was Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Famine, War, Pestilence, and Death.

"Wait a minute. From where the hell did this bum appear?" asked Pestilence.

"I have no idea. I thought he was dead," said Death.

"Should we do something about it?" asked War.

"Nah, let's just find our moron," said Death taking the TV remote and changing channels.

"Wait, since when we started to spy on this guy?" asked Pestilence.

"Since he could stop the apocalypse," said Death.

"Don't get it. What do you think Famine?" asked Pestilence.

"Mumbling". It was only sound, which he could make.

"Oh God, can someone give him back his jaw?" said Death.

"Alright alright, hold on," said Pestilence. He took out from the cushion the jaw and give it to Famine. Famine quickly grabbed it and placed it to his skull.

"Ugh, finally. Pestilence, if you do it again, I'll tear you out," said Famine.

"Oh sorry, you just looked funny when you tried to say something with no jaw."

"Haha, very funny," said Famine in a sarcastic tone. "So what was your question War?"

"What do you think about our new hobby?"

"You mean spying on this galaxy destroyer, while he's traveling in another dimension?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's better than nothing," said Famine.

"Yeah, found him," said Death. Everybody looked at the screen and saw a multi-color world with ponies.

"Ponies? Seriously? That's where that bum sent our pickpocket to?" asked Pestilence.

"Hey, they are cute, you know?" said War.

"Don't tell me that you're one of these bronies," said Death.

"C'mon guys, what's wrong with you? Also, it will be funny to see this idiot in the world of ponies."

"Yeah, I'll grab a popcorn," said Famine.