Obsessed and sociopath

by Oaoadil

Rating: everyone
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bon-Bon, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Main 6
Length: 16161

What will happen if sociopathic cleptomaniac find himself in the world with colorful ponies?

There are many worlds and dimensions. Some of them are friendly and not so friendly. But what will happen if someone will find himself in another world and this someone is sociopathic, kleptomaniac, good-for-nothing moron?

"Randal's Monday" belongs to Nexus Game Studios

Published 2020-05-18 15:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-11 12:13:11 UTC

Chapter 1: Prologue

It was a sunny day in the town. Sun shone, birds were tooking a crap on the cars, drivers were insulting each other. Yeah, typical town. Our story begins in the apartment of the citizen of this town. Of course, people in this town are not so innocent and kind. Most of them are assholes, but this man was, maybe, the king of them. Literally. But sometimes he can do something good, but don't wait something from the sociopath. Especially if he has a kleptomania. Anyway, let's see his home. As I thought there is a complete mess: pizza boxes on the table, unwashed dishes, some food on the floor, etc. Some noises were heard from the right room, but our citizen is living on the left. He was lying on his bed and snoring. Suddenly the alarm began ringing and man woke up. He moaned and turned off the devil device. He got up and rubbed his eyes.

"Ugh. Another day of the hell," said man with apathetic look. He exited his room and saw a newspaper in front of the door. He approached it and took.

"Oh news."

Today is monday.

Beautiful day for enjoying the life, starting doing new things, buying the big-ass TV.

Man threw the newspaper on the floor and said: "Mortimer, I am off for the walk." Soon he exited the building and was met by the bright sun. He covered his eyes and headed to the underground. Soon he saw a metro station and a familiar woman who was working as receptionist. He passed the gates and sat at the train. Soon he was at his destination. Bar 'Clinton's cave.' He entered it and was met by the atmosphere of the place: drunken people, the smell of the puke and alcohol, etc. He got used to it. He approached the bar counter and saw the bartender. The woman with hot body and blonde hair. Elaine.

"Hey Elaine." Woman looked at man with indifferent gaze.

"Sup Randal. Beer as always?"

"Yup," said man. Woman gave to Randal the glass of beer and he paid for it. Suddenly Elaine asked:

"You have been very quiet for the last time. Something happened?"

"Ugh! I don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"As you say. I just asked." After 5 glasses Randal exited the bar and began walking around. He was thinking about what happened earlier. He was stuck in one fucking day and tried to fix everything, but, as always, he just screwed it up. He caused the armaggedon and that's why he asked for help from The Horsemen of Apocalypse.

"Damn, my life sucks," said Randal. Soon he was near his apartment. Suddenly he heard:

"Hey, psst, come here." Randal was confused. Someone was calling him from the dark alley. Randal thought a little and said:

"Nah, nothing worse can happen." Randal entered the alley and found the familiar man. Man had a white hair with beard, brown T-shirt, green jacket, blue pants, sandals and held the bottle wrapped up in the paper. Randal knew who it was.

"Oh hi, Bum," he said.

"Haha, hello, boy. How was your day? I hope it was bad," said Bum.

"Oh c'mon, can we please get over without this 'I hate you' shit?"

"So, I see that you have been bored for the last time. Am I right?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just asked."

"Well, yeah. I had the rough days. I was fired from my job, went bankrupt and, worst of all, Matt left the town. I am thinking about hanging myself."

"Haha, very funny."

"Yeah, yeah. Did you call me here for just laughing at me?"

"Not exactly. As you know, I was an owner of the ring previously. When you fixed everything, I noticed that I have some power from it."

"And you are gonna kill me?"

"Nah, it won't be funny and interesting. I prepared something more. I will send you to another world. Hahaha!" Randal backed away, while Bum began levitating and charged the energy in his hands. He blasted the beam into the wall and then the round portal appeared. It tried to suck Randal, who was holding the pipe. His fingers slipped and he was sucked by portal. His last words were: "You are son of biiiiitch!" The portal closed and Bum got up and began dancing his victory dance.

"Hahaha! I did it! Now, it's time to celebrate this." With those words he headed to the 'Clinton's cave.'

Meanwhile in somewhere

Darkness. It was everywhere. In spite of one place. There was a couch and a big TV. On the couch, 4 skeletons were sitting. One of them didn't have the jaw, wore a bib and held knife and fork. The second one was wearing the green cloak and military helmet. He also was holding AK-47. The third one had his guts outside, one eye, and green skin (he looked like a zombie). And the fourth one was in a black cloak with a hood and held the big scythe. It was Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Famine, War, Pestilence, and Death.

"Wait a minute. From where the hell did this bum appear?" asked Pestilence.

"I have no idea. I thought he was dead," said Death.

"Should we do something about it?" asked War.

"Nah, let's just find our moron," said Death taking the TV remote and changing channels.

"Wait, since when we started to spy on this guy?" asked Pestilence.

"Since he could stop the apocalypse," said Death.

"Don't get it. What do you think Famine?" asked Pestilence.

"Mumbling". It was only sound, which he could make.

"Oh God, can someone give him back his jaw?" said Death.

"Alright alright, hold on," said Pestilence. He took out from the cushion the jaw and give it to Famine. Famine quickly grabbed it and placed it to his skull.

"Ugh, finally. Pestilence, if you do it again, I'll tear you out," said Famine.

"Oh sorry, you just looked funny when you tried to say something with no jaw."

"Haha, very funny," said Famine in a sarcastic tone. "So what was your question War?"

"What do you think about our new hobby?"

"You mean spying on this galaxy destroyer, while he's traveling in another dimension?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it's better than nothing," said Famine.

"Yeah, found him," said Death. Everybody looked at the screen and saw a multi-color world with ponies.

"Ponies? Seriously? That's where that bum sent our pickpocket to?" asked Pestilence.

"Hey, they are cute, you know?" said War.

"Don't tell me that you're one of these bronies," said Death.

"C'mon guys, what's wrong with you? Also, it will be funny to see this idiot in the world of ponies."

"Yeah, I'll grab a popcorn," said Famine.

Chapter 2: Unknown pony

Equestria. Canterlot
Canterlot. The big and beautiful castle on the mountain. In the past, it was damaged by the attacks of the most powerful villains of Equestria, but it was repaired quickly. It was the place where two sisters were living. Sisters were princesses and rulers of Equestria. Celestia and Luna. Celestia was controlling the sun, while Luna was controlling the moon. They were the most powerful ponies in the whole Equestria. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were having tea time.

"So, how was your day, sis?" asked Luna.

"Ugh. The same. Reading the reports, signing the papers, in one word. Boring," said Celestia. Luna smirked and said:

"Yeah, paperwork is very boring." Suddenly the doors opened and revealed Queen Crysalis.

"Hi, Sunbutt." Celestia just rolled her eyes. Queen Crysalis was trying to take over Equestria with her army of changelings. Changelings are ponies, who looked like bug-ponies. They can disguise in anypony, they wished. Before, there was a war between them and ponies, but one-day Crysalis came to Canterlot and offered the agreement of peace. Firstly, sisters were suspicious about it but then agreed. After a while, ponies used to living with changelings, while Crysalis began living in Canterlot. But sometimes she was annoying for sisters. Celestia said:

"The same to you, Crysalis." Luna just giggled.

"What were you talking about?"

"About how the paperwork is boring."

"Oh, what a problem. You know, if you ask, I will replace you and do all the paperwork and maybe rule-"

"Don't even think about it." Crysalis sighed in defeat. Suddenly Celestia's eyes widened and she shook her head. Luna noticed that and asked:

"What happened, sis? Is something wrong?"

"Yes. I just sensed the surge of magic, which I didn't see before. It was coming from the Everfree forest."

"I will send guards to investigate the area," said Luna, heading to the doors.

Meanwhile in Everfree Forest

Everfree forest. The only place where nature wasn't controlled by ponies. Clouds were moving, plants growing by themselves. That's why it was one of the dangerous places in Equestria. There were many animals, who didn't mind to eat some delicious ponies who got lost. Most of the time, the forest was very silent. Suddenly, in the sky, the portal appeared and from that, the stallion began falling and the silence was broken by the scream. Soon the stallion fell to the ground and moaned in pain. After a few minutes, he managed to get up and he rubbed his head.

"Shit, what the hell was that? Agh! My head. It hurts more than after the hangover. After 6 rounds of beer," said the stallion. He tried to get up on his hind legs, but failed and fell to the ground.

"Ou. What the-" He stopped at his tracks when he saw his hooves. Then he turned his head to see his whole body. He was wearing the gray jacket; had a beige fur, brown mane, and tail. Also, he noticed the image of a bottle of beer on both sides of his flank.

"Shit...please...tell me it's just a bad dream." Stallion lied down on the ground and curled up.

"What the hell...what the hell...what the hell-"

"<Raaaaaaaaaarrrgh!>" Stallion quickly got up and began looking around to see the source of the roar. Soon the bushes near him began shaking and then revealed the creature. It had a lion body with head, scorpion's tail, and bat's wings. Stallion backed away and hid behind the tree. He didn't see the creature but heard how it was walking and sniffing. After a few seconds, which were hours for a stallion, he heard the silence.

"Maybe he's gone." Suddenly the tree, behind which the stallion was hiding, was torn up from the ground and flew on a few meters. The stallion turned around and saw the beast, who was glaring at him and licking his lips. Stallion gulped and said:

"G-g-go-o-d k-i-it-ty." Beast roared at the stallion, who screamed loudly and ran away. Beast began following him.

Meanwhile

On the other part of the forest, the yellow pegasus was singing the song and collecting flowers. She had a light pink puffy mane with a tail. When she put the last flower in the basket, she noticed the little rabbit, who was looking around.

"Angel, what happened?" asked mare. The rabbit began showing the gesture that he heard something.

"Um, I didn't hear any-"

"Aaaaaaaaaa!" Mare jumped because of surprise and looked around. Then she saw a pegasus stallion, who was chased by...manticore. Mare gasped and quickly ran to them leaving the basket with rabbit. Stallion stumbled on the rock and make 3 somersaults before bumping into the tree. He rubbed his head and opened his eyes to see the manticore's teeth. Stallion yelped and covered his face with hooves. Suddenly he heard:

"Enough!" Manticore turned around and was met by mare's...stare. Stallion peeked from his hooves and looked at mare, then at manticore. Beast roared, but the mare didn't flinch.

"You are forgiven. Now go," said mare. Manticore obediently walked away to the forest leaving mare and shocked stallion. Mare looked at the stallion who was watching the manticore heading to the forest.

"Are you alright?" she asked. The stallion looked at her.

"Okay, enough shit for today." With those words, he hit the tree with his head. He fell to the ground unconscious. Mare gasped and covered her mouth with hooves. She approached the stallion and checked his pulse. She a little relaxed when she sensed the small pulse. Meanwhile, Angel approached both and gave a questionable look to the mare.

"Angel, we must drag him to the cottage," commanded mare. Rabbit nodded and grabbed stallion's tail, while mare grabbed his front hooves and began flying. Then they headed to the edge of the Everfree forest, where they saw a two-story cottage. Mare opened the door and put the stallion on the couch. She quickly ran upstairs and returned with a basin of water and rag. She wet the rag in water and put it on the stallion's head.

"I hope he will be okay," she said.

Chapter 3: Awakening

The stallion woke up and rubbed his head.

"Ugh. What the weird dream? I was a ho-" The stallion looked at his surroundings. It was a room with many cages with birds inside. Also, there were flowers, trays, etc. Also, he noticed the picture on the table. It illustrated mare with a rabbit. Randal recognized mare as this one from the forest.

"No. It was in reality," said the stallion. He got up on his hooves. It took him a few minutes to learn how to walk on them. Then he walked into another room, which was the kitchen. He looked inside the shelves and found only fruits & vegetables.

"Vegans," said the stallion. Suddenly he heard that someone was going down from upstairs. Stallion began looking for the hiding spot. Meanwhile, mare entered the living room and saw that the couch was empty. She began looking around and saw some tracks on the floor, which were leading the kitchen. When she entered it, she saw that some of the shelves were open. Suddenly she saw that tracks were heading to the...table. She slightly lowered her head and saw that her guest was hiding under it. If someone was watching it, s/he will facepalm because of his stupidness. She approached the table and said:

"Um, hello." Stallion yelped, jumped, and received another headache because he hit the table with his head when he jumped. He rubbed his head and quickly ran out of the table. He grabbed the chair with his hooves (hell knows how he did it) and shouted:

"Okay. I have a chair and I won't be scared to use it!" Fluttershy backed away and said:

"Please calm down. You need to calm down."

"Where the fuck am I?"

"You are in my house."

"I mean the place."

"Equestria. I found you in the Everfree forest. Please lower the chair." The stallion thought a little and put the chair on the floor.

"Okay, but who are you? What are you?"

"My name is Fluttershy. I am Pegasus like you." The stallion was confused. 'Like me? What she is talking-' Suddenly he saw that his jacket was missing and he saw wings on his back.

"Ou. Okay. My name is Randal."

"Nice to meet you, Randal."

"Thanks, never heard that from anyone."

"Why? How ponies are greeting you?"

"Ponies?" asked Randal. Suddenly he realized. If there is a one talking pony, it means that there are more of them. He said: "Well, most of them are don't pay attention to me. But sometimes they say something like 'Hey moron' or 'Over here jackass' or 'Cut the shit and open the door' or-"

"Okay, I understood," said Fluttershy blushing because of language.

"Why anypony would insult you?"

"Well, I maybe did something to them in the past. That's why they hate me. But I did those things because of beer."

"I understood that because of your cutie mark."

"Cutie what?" Fluttershy was surprised to hear that the pony didn't know what cutie mark means.

"You don't know what means cutie mark?"

"Yeah. It's clear because I said 'cutie what'."

"Well, there are signs on your flank. It shows your special talent."

"Special talent? Well, maybe logical. I began drinking the beer since when I was 10 years old. I had many adventures because of it."

"Like what?"

"Well, I have a best friend with whom I drink the beer. His name is Matt. I remember how I woke up on the ship, which was leading to another country. When I came back, Matt said that he sold me for the crate of fruits. It was funny. Also, when we were riding on the car, Matt accidentally fell from it and some of his skin was torn off. He still doesn't have it on some spots." Fluttershy gasped and covered her mouth with a hoof.

"It's so horrible."

"Yeah, but still it was funny. For me, maybe. Anyway, do you know where is Earth?"

"What is Earth?"

"It's my home. My planet."

"Are you an alien?"

"Like in those sci-fi movies about aliens who lay eggs in your body? Nope. I am human." Fluttershy shrugged because of the answer, but then said:

"Human? Hmm, wait, I think I know who can help you. Maybe."

"Really? Cool. Can you lead me to him?"

"It's actually her. But now you should lay down on the couch. You had a light trauma and you need bed rest."

"All I need its drink."

"I will give you the water."

"Do you have any beer?"

"No. You don't have to drink the beer, especially when you have a trauma," claimed Fluttershy.

"Uh, okay. Give me the water."

"Okay. Now come to the couch." Randal exited the kitchen and lied down on the couch. Soon Fluttershy approached and gave to him the glass of water. Randal drank it and gave the empty glass to Fluttershy. Soon she said:

"I am off for shopping. Bye."

"Bye." With those words Fluttershy came out of the cottage, leaving Randal alone. After a few minutes of looking at the ceiling, he fell bored.

"Nah damn. They don't even have a TV. How do they spend their time?" he said. Suddenly he saw that he was watched by the little rabbit. It was looking at him with a suspicious look. Randal looked at him and asked:

"What?" Rabbit made a gesture 'I am watching you' and ran to the kitchen.

"Ugh. Stupid animals." Suddenly some mud flew to his face. He wiped out it and saw that rabbit was holding the mud.

"Okay. Now you will get what you deserve." With those words, Randal grabbed the pillow and threw it into the rabbit. The cushion hit him, but he recovered and threw another clod of mud.

Meanwhile

Fluttershy was observing the food stashes and looking for fresh vegetables. She put something in the basket and headed to the cashbox. Suddenly she bumped into someone.

"Oh sorry, my bad." Fluttershy saw a mint unicorn mare with an image of harp on her flank.

"Oh hello, Lyra. Again sorry for this."

"No worries, I just was wondering what I should buy. Do you need any help?"

"No...But, you know, I have a problem. And I think you can solve this."

"What is the problem?"

"Follow me. I will tell you everything." With those words, both mares headed to the cashbox.

Chapter 4: Meet the obsessed

"So what's your problem again?" asked Lyra to Fluttershy. They just came out of the shop and headed to the cottage.

"Well. Today I was collecting the flowers in the Everfree forest. Suddenly I saw the stallion who was running from the manticore. I said to manticore to leave the stallion alone. When I turned to the stallion, he hit his head into the tree and fell unconscious. I picked him up and dragged to my house. When he woke up, he told that he is a human." Lyra gasped and pounced on Fluttershy with questions.

"He is a human? How did he look? What does he eat? What-" Fluttershy put her hoof to Lyra's mouth.

"Lyra, calm down." Lyra got off Fluttershy and said:

"Sorry, I just too excited to hear that! I will meet the human! What is his name?"

"Randal." While both were speaking, they had already approached the cottage. Suddenly they heard that something ceramic fell to the floor and broke. Mares looked at each other and opened the door. They saw a total mess: mud on the floor, cages lying everywhere and Randal was fighting with...Angel. Randal quickly approached Angel and grabbed him.

"Aha! Gotcha! Interesting, how is rabbit's meat tasting like?" Suddenly Fluttershy shouted:

"Stop it!" Everyone looked at her. She used her stare on Randal and Angel. The rabbit quickly began feeling guilty, while Randal was looking at her with a questionable look. After a few seconds he asked:

"Um. Are you trying to take over my brain or something like that?" Fluttershy was shocked to see that her stare didn't work on him. She backed away and said:

"My stare. It didn't work on you."

"Your what?"

"The stare. Fluttershy's trick. She uses it in critical cases. When she stares at somepony, s/he began feeling guilty," explained Lyra.

"Uh, okay. But who are you?" asked Randal putting Angel on the floor.

"My name is Lyra Heartstrings."

"Randal." Suddenly Lyra yelped and tackled him to the ground.

"Are you a human? What do you eat? Which technologies you have? Can you use magic? How it feels to have hands?" asked Lyra. Randal was dumbfounded by this. He looked at Fluttershy, who made a gesture 'Sorry'. Randal looked back to Lyra and said:

"So, are you the human expert there?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I will answer your questions. But I have two conditions."

"Okay. What do you want?" asked Lyra with a smile.

"Firstly, get off me."

"Oh sorry." Lyra got off Randal. He got up on his hooves and said:

"Secondly, do you have any beer?"

"Of course."

"Cool. What are we waiting for?"

"No. Don't give him the beer. He has head trauma," said Fluttershy. Randal just moaned and said:

"C'mon ma, one glass can't be bad."

"No."

"Ugh." Lyra giggled because this scene was like when the child wants the toy, but mom doesn't buy it. She said:

"No worries Fluttershy, I will watch him and won't give him any beer." Fluttershy smiled and said:

"Thanks."

"No, let's move." Lyra grabbed Randal and dragged him outside.

"Hey wait, I can walk by myself!" When they disappeared from the view, Fluttershy turned around and again saw a dirty room. She sighed and said:

"It will be a long day."

Canterlot

Princess Celestia was on the balcony and waiting for guards, who headed to the forest. The door opened and revealed Luna. She said:

"Hi, sis. Still waiting for the squad?"

"Yes. I hope that they are okay." Princess Celestia lowered her head. Luna saw that and quickly approached her and put a hoof on her shoulder.

"Don't be sad, sis. I am sure that they will be fine." Celestia slightly smiled and said:

"Thanks." Suddenly the door opened and revealed the captain of the searching squad. When princesses saw him, they instantly asked him:

"Did you find anything?" Captain said:

"No, your highness. We didn't find anything suspicious."

"Are all guard okay?"

"Yes, we didn't meet anything dangerous." Celestia slightly relaxed, but still was worried. 'If it disappeared, it means it's a living thing. What it can do? How is it dangerous? Or-' Luna cut off her sister from her thoughts.

"No worries, Celestia. I think it's just Trixie was practicing her magic and she did something wrong," said Princess Luna with a smile. Celestia smiled and said:

"Maybe, but we need to be careful." Luna and Captain nodded and left the room.

Ponyville

Ponyville. The beautiful and peaceful town which is populated by ponies. Alicorns, pegasus, unicorns, earth ponies. Also, it was a home for Main 6. Elements of Harmony and the protectors of Equestria. On the peaceful street, the mint unicorn was dragging the beige pegasus and showing him the place.

"That's Sugarcube Corner. It's the place where the best party maker works. Her name is-"

"Pinkie Pie!" someone shouted. Both looked around and saw a purple pony with horn and wings, who was arguing with a pink mare with a puffy mane.

"How many times I should tell you to not use your party cannon in the library!?" shouted purple alicorn.

"Sorry, Twi. I just was excited when I knew that there is a new pony in the town."

"How do you know it?"

"My Pinkie sense." Purple alicorn face hoofed and sighed. Lyra and Randal were watching them with confusion.

"Who is this?"

"Purple alicorn is Twilight Sparkle, the pink mare is Pinkie Pie," answered Lyra. "Twilight is living in the castle of friendship and she is a big bookworm." Randal smirked, while Lyra carried on: "As I mentioned before, Pinkie Pie is the best party maker and baker in Ponyville. Also, she is a little weird."

"How much?"

"Well, she sometimes talking to herself and with somepony named 'author'. I still don't get it," told Lyra rubbing the back of her back.

"And how is she doing with him?"

"With who?"

"Author."

"She always argues with him and tells him to change the plot or something like this...I don't understand."

"Yeah, I understand her. He can be an idiot sometimes."

"What?"

"Nothing, let's just head to your home," said Randal.

"Uh, okay," said Lyra. Both headed to the Lyra's house.

Chapter 5: Answering the questions

Soon Randal and Lyra approached the big house. Randal was surprised to see such a big home and asked:

"Is that all yours?"

"Yes and no. I am living here with a roommate. Her name is Bonbon." Randal giggled and Lyra asked him:

"What is so funny?"

"Bonbon? The silly name," said Randal. Lyra approached the door and opened it. Randal entered the room and saw the living room. There were two big couches in the center of the room, some plants in the corners, big chandelier on the ceiling, coffee table, etc.

"Hmm, looks solidly," said Randal.

"Yeah, we don't have guests, so feel yourself like in-home," said Lyra.

"You mean be terrorized every day by fat and stinky landlord and have a neighbor, with whom I should speak on the roar language?"

"No. Wait, you have them in your home?"

"Yeah, my neighbor name is Mortimer. He lives in his room and he didn't exit it for 6 monthes. I had already forgotten how he looks."

"Maybe, he is dead," said Lyra.

"Nah, I hear the roars from his room. He is still alive," said Randal. Suddenly he asked:

"Yeah, anyway, where is beer?"

"Hold on, answer my questions, then you will get a beer," said Lyra.

"Uh, okay, what is your question?"

"First question, how it feels to have hands?" Randal could swear that he saw the sparkle in Lyra's eyes when she asked. He said:

"Well, I do a lot of things with my hands: taking things, punching people, pointing to something.." Randal carried on enlisting things, which people do with hands, while Lyra's smile began bigger. When he ended Lyra suddenly shouted:

"That's so cool to have hands! Instead of those stupid hooves." Lyra looked at her front hooves. Randal approached her and asked:

"I have a question. Do you have more humans in there?" Lyra looked at him and said:

"No."

"Uh, okay. So, what is your next question?"

"Oh, yeah. What do people eat?"

"They eat fruits, vegetables, meat, etc."

"Oh, you are omnivores," said Lyra. Randal looked at her with a questionable look.

"What?" asked Randal.

"Omnivore is a creature who eats plants and meat," explained Lyra.

"Okay." Lyra looked at his hooves and then asked:

"Can you walk on your hind hooves?"

"No, since I stuck in this body, I can't walk on my legs," said Randal. He tried to get up on his hind hooves, but failed and fell to the ground.

"Ugh."

"Don't be sad. I can teach you," said Lyra putting her hoof on her chest. Randal got up and looked at her with a dumbfounded look.

"What? You? A horse who doesn't have legs?"

"First of all, I am a pony, not a horse. Second of all, yeah. I can teach you. Watch me," said Lyra getting up on her hind hooves, which she did with no problem. Randal was surprised to see this.

"The main point is holding the balance," said Lyra. Randal looked at his hooves and got up again, using the couch as a prop. He used his tail for keeping the balance and...he did it. He was standing on his hind hooves and looked at Lyra who was smiling at him.

"Yeah, I did it. I did it, motherfucker!" shouted Randal jumping on his hooves. He lost his balance and fell.

"Agh!"

"Aaa!" Randal opened his eyes and saw Lyra's face which was very close to his one. Lyra opened her eyes and saw Randal's face. She blushed and quickly got up. Randal got up on his hooves and said:

"Ops, hehe. Just carried away," said Randal smiling. After an awkward silence, they heard the crack. Both turned around and saw a pony with pink-blue mane & tail. When she closed the door, she turned around and her eyes noticed an unknown pegasus stallion. Then she looked at Lyra with a questionable look. Then she asked:

"Lyra, who is this?" She pointed to Randal. Lyra smiled innocently and said:

"It's Randal. He is human. Randal, it's Bonbon," said Lyra pointing to the mare. Bonbon approached and dragged Lyra to the kitchen.

"Ou, what?" asked Lyra. Bonbon looked at Lyra's pupils, then opened her mouth, checked her reflexes. After the checking she said:

"Hmm, everything is fine. No signs of spell or hallucinations." After realization Lyra said:

"What? No, Bonbon. I wasn't hypnotized by the enemy agency or brainwashed by aliens. Let me explain." With those words, Lyra began explaining to Bonbon, how she met Randal, about what they were talking, etc. When Lyra ended her sentence, Bonbon was rubbing her chin and asked:

"Are you sure he isn't fooling you?"

"On 110%." Bonbon looked at Lyra and then sighed.

"Okay, but how did he end up in Equestria?" Lyra's eyes widened and then she face hoofed.

"Oh, apples. I forgot to ask him the most obvious thing." Bonbon smirked when suddenly Randal entered the kitchen. He looked at mares and asked:

"Um, what are you talking about?"

"Well, I have a question."

"I think you have billions of them." Bonbon giggled, while Lyra slightly blushed and asked:

"How did you get in our world?"

"Well, I was sent here by bum."

"What does 'bum' means?" asked Bonbon.

"It means an asshole which deserves to be sent into the hell," said Randal. Both mares looked at each other and Lyra asked:

"Why did he send you there?"

"Well, I, maybe, accidentally gave him the castor oil and said to drink it." Bonbon showed her tongue and pointed to it with a hoof, saying 'Bue', while Lyra shrugged and then said:

"Wow, it's not cool."

"Yeah, but he was a total asshole."

"Well, okay. I will give you a blanket and pillow," said Lyra heading to the upstairs, but Bonbon stopped her.

"Wait what? He will live with us!?" she shouted at Lyra spatting some little droolings at her. Lyra wiped out her face and said:

"Yeah, he will sleep on the couch. Why are you worrying about it? He isn't a thief or a kleptomaniac."

"Well, I actually kleptomaniac," said Randal making two mares looked at him.

"What? And you were hiding it?" shouted Lyra at him.

"Well, not exactly. You didn't ask it," said Randal. Lyra thought a little and face hoofed, while Bonbon face hoofed too and shook her head. Then she claimed:

"I will hide all valuable things in the home, while you will watch him," said Bonbon pointing to Lyra. She nodded and looked at Randal. Then she said:

"Well, let's continue with answering questions."

"Okay, but then you give me the beer, as you promised." Bonbon froze at her tracks and turned around. But Lyra said:

"Yeah, he drinks a beer, but don't worry. I will make sure that he won't drink a lot." Bonbon looked at her for a few seconds, then sighed and headed to her room upstairs. Meanwhile, Lyra continued to ask questions to Randal.

Chapter 6: Explaining time

After one hour of answering the Lyra's questions, Randal was bored. Suddenly he remembered the thing and said to Lyra:

"Hey, I answered all your questions. Now I want my beer." Lyra looked at him and then said:

"Oh, sorry. Wait a second." She ran to the basement and returned with a bottle of beer. Randal smiled and said:

"Oh, that's what I need after this today shit." With those words, he uncorked the bottle cap with his teeth and drank all liquid from the bottle. He coughed and said:

"Oh yeah, that's it." Lyra suddenly said:

"Wow, seem that you were drinking it before."

"Yeah. I began drinking since when I was 10 years old." Lyra eyes widened and she said:

"Wow, how did your parents allow it?" Randal sighed and said:

"Uh, my parents were worrying more about the money than about me. In my childhood, I was on my own." Randal put the bottle on the table and lied down on the couch.

"Good night." Lyra looked at the window and saw that the sun had already disappeared and the moon was rising. Lyra yawned and said:

"Good night." With those words, she headed to her room upstairs, while Randal fell asleep.

***** *****

The alarm on the shelf began ringing and the arm quickly turned it off. The man got up from his bed and rubbed his eyes. When he opened them, he saw his room: dirty walls, beer bottles everywhere, big playing machine near his bed, etc. Then he sighed in relief and said:

"Wow. That was a very weird dream. I was a fucking pony and stuck in the 3 years old girl's imagined world. Randal exited his room and saw the newspaper on the floor. He picked up it and read: "Today is Monday." He threw the newspaper on the couch and shouted:

"Mortimer, I'm off to work!" Randal wanted to grab the door handle, but someone began kicking it. Randal leaned on it and whispered:

"Damn. What the hell?" The door opened and revealed the big skeleton with a cloak and scythe, but Randal perfectly knew who it was.

"Death."

"Hello, Randal. Didn't see you for long," said Death.

"What are you doing here? Wait, let me guess. Are you here to kill me?" asked Randal.

"Should, but no. I am just here to give you a gift." With those words, Death lifted his arm and concentrated the energy in his hand. Soon the energy faded away and revealed the...ring. Randal's eyes widened and he said:

"No-no-no. Not it. Everything but not it! Please, not again." Death chuckled and said:

"No worries, you won't destroy space-time continuum as previously. Now wake up." Death approached Randal and punched him into the nose. Randal woke up and rubbed his nose saying:

"Ouch, that's hurt, you bitch!" Randal looked around and didn't find any ring.

"Phew, that was just a dream," said Randal wiping off the sweat from his forehead. Suddenly he heard that somepony (Lyra said that somepony is 'someone' in this world) was going down from the upstairs. Randal saw Bonbon who was wearing the bags and headed to the door. Randal decided to ask her:

"Good morning, Bon. Where are you heading to?" Bonbon turned her head to Randal and answered:

"First of all, my name is Bonbon. Not Bon. Second of all, it's not your business." With those words, Bonbon exited the house and closed the door.

"Oh, how rude," commented Randal. He went to the kitchen and began searching for something edible. He didn't find anything except cupcakes, vegetables, fruits.

"Well, sucks. Not only I am stuck in another world, but it's also the vegan world! Uh, shit. I hadn't felt such disappointment since I watched Godfather 3." Suddenly Randal heard that someone just yawned. He turned around and saw Lyra who was rubbing her eyes and approaching Randal.

"Good morning, Randal," she said.

"Good morning, Lyra. Can I ask you something?" Lyra looked at Randal and said:

"Sure. Why not."

"Okay, so do you have normal food? Not this crap." Randal pointed to the fridge.

"Sorry, we, ponies, are vegetarians. If you want some meat, you can go fishing." Randal rubbed his chin and said:

"Nah, I am too busy for this...and lazy." Lyra chuckled to herself. Then she remembered something and said:

"Well, what do you think about cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes? Okay, I like cupcakes," said Randal. Randal saw that Lyra's horn began lighting with mint aura. Suddenly he saw the cupcake which was flying in front of his face. It was surrounded by a mint aura.

"What the hell?" said Randal backing away. Lyra realized that she didn't tell to Randal about magic.

"Oops, I forgot to say to you. There are 4 species of ponies: earth ponies, pegasus, unicorns, and alicorns. Earth ponies are usual ponies, like Bonbon. Pegasus are ponies with wings, like you." Randal looked at his wings.

"Unicorns are ponies with a horn, like me." Lyra pointed to her horn. "And the last one is the alicorn. It's a pony who has wings and a horn, like Twilight. Unicorns and alicorns can use magic because of the horn." Randal was surprised.

"Magic? Like pulling out the rabbit from the hat?"

"No. I mean real magic. Teleportation, lifting things, etc. Pegasus can control the weather."

"What? Control the weather? How?"

"Well, they can move clouds and shoot thunders from them."

"Wow! How?"

"Well, they just buck it." Randal began thinking about what he will do with clouds. He can shoot at birds, animals, or can make a rainy day (he loved rainy days) or-.

"About what are you thinking?" asked Lyra. Randal shook his head and answered:

"Oh, nothing. And I definitely don't think about shooting thunders at everything."

"Don't do this. You can start a fire."

"As my landlord said, I am a parasite, who thinks that the world is his playground."

"Ou, did he really say this to you?" asked Lyra.

"Yes. Anyway, I want more beer."

"Well, we have a bar nearby. If you want, we can go to it," said Lyra.

"No need for repeating. Let's go."

Chapter 7: Bar fight

Lyra with Randal was heading to the bar. They were walking in the streets of Ponyville and Randal was looking at his surrounding. Meanwhile, ponies were waving to them and saying 'have a nice day'.

"Do you like the town?" asked Lyra. Randal turned her and said:

"Nah, I don't like it." Lyra raised an eyebrow and asked:

"Why?"

"Well, after the incident in the ball pool, I hate everything round and colorful."

"Really, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it. But people here are very friendly, unlike the people in my world."

"And how people are greeting each other?"

"Well, people don't usually pay attention to each other. Unless its relatives, beautiful women, or aliens. BTW, where is the bar?"

"There," said Lyra pointing to the building. On the top of the building, there was a sign 'The Prancing Show-Pony'.

"Strange name, but at least they have a beer," thought Randal to himself. Lyra approached the door and opened it. Randal entered the building and felt the familiar atmosphere: the smell of alcohol, chatting, language, etc.

"Oh yeah, like Clinton's Cave," said Randal. Lyra turned to him and asked:

"What is Clinton's cave?"

"The best bar in my home. Now let's get some beer." Lyra nodded and she with Randal approached the bar counter, where they saw a bartender. It was a middle-aged mare. She had perky eyes. Her jonquil coat was smooth and shiny. Her mane, which was a rich auburn, was fashioned into four tight braids, two on each side, matching her tail, which was one thick braid. Her cutie mark was an inverted rum bottle splashing out some of the rum. Lyra said:

"Hi, Rum Run." The bartender turned her head to the mint mare, slightly smiled and said:

"Sup, Lyra." Rum Run noticed Randal and asked:

"How is that? Is that your coltfriend?" Lyra blushed and said:

"What? No-no, he is just...a a friend." Rum Run smirked and asked:

"Okay, what do you want doves?" Lyra blushed more, while Randal said:

"Beer."

"Okay." With those words, Rum Run poured the alcohol in two glasses and passed them to Randal & Lyra. They took a sip, gave money (Lyra's money) and Randal said:

"Wow, that's a good one."

"Of course, this is the only bar in Ponyville. And I ordering the best products." Randal drank all beer and asked one more. Lyra asked:

"So, are you missing your home?" Randal looked at Lyra and said:

"To be honest, not so much." After three rounds both were a little drunk. Suddenly Randal saw the group of ponies who was wearing the gold armor. Randal pointed to them and asked:

"Who are those guys? Is that real gold!?" Lyra looked at the group and answered:

"They are royal guards. They protect the Castle of Friendship. Flash Sentry is a captain of this group." Mare pointed to an orange stallion with a blue mane. "But..."

"But what?" Lyra whispered to Randal's ear. "Twilight is a princess and lives in Castle of Friendship. And she has some feelings for him. So, I think he got this status because of it."

"Hehe, sleep with the princess and you will become a captain. This is a good move," whispered Randal.

"About what are you talking about?" Both yelped and looked at the pony. It was Flash Sentry. Lyra began sweating, while Randal asked:

"Nothing. Why are you asking?"

"I noticed that you were pointing to us and whispering. Is something wrong?" Lyra began panting and mentally praying. Suddenly Randal said:

"Nothing unusual. We just thinking about something."

"What exactly?" asked Flash raising an eyebrow.

"Are you having a love relationship with Twilight or you are still in the friend zone?" The whole bar went silent. Even Rum Run's eyes widened, while Lyra mentally facepalmed. After an awkward silence, Flash shouted:

"What!? I don't have anything with Princess Twilight! How dare you to say that!?"

"So, you are in the friend zone. Don't feel bad. Maybe you will be lucky with Queen. I think she loves young stallions." Flash blushed and glared at Randal, while Lyra began worrying, but she found it funny to watch it. Now Flash was very angry. Suddenly he tackled Randal to the ground and said:

"Apologize or you will be in jail." Surprisingly for everyone, Randal said:

"Sorry." Flash was a little confused, but Randal continued:

"Sorry, that you had sex with the mare, but she sent you away. Pfthahahaha!" Flash glared at Randal and punched his face.

"Ouch! That hurts!" Flash wanted to punch Randal again, but Lyra quickly bucked him. She sent him flying and he landed on the table, at which his group was sitting. One of the guards, who was drunk, shouted something illegible and charged at her, but she simply dodged the attack and punched guard into the face. Then she threw him into another table. 3 ponies who were sitting at it, became angry and charged at the mare. But she dealt with them like they were foals. Soon all customers were lying on the floor unconscious, while Randal was watching it and claimed:

"Wow! You were like Beatrix Kiddo!1" Lyra turned to Randal and said:

"Thanks."

"Where did you learn how to fight?"

"Bonbon taught me." Suddenly Rum Run said:

"Hehe, and you said that he isn't your coltfriend. BTW, I hope you remember our discussion."

"Yeah yeah, no fighting in your bar, but I was protecting Randal."

"Wow, nobody ever stood up for me. I am flattered."

"So, are you gonna pay for beer?" Lyra turned to Rum Run and asked:

"How much?"

"30 bits."

"Okay." With those words, Lyra gave to the bartender the money, and with Randal exited the building.

"Haha, that was a fun night," claimed Lyra.

"Yeah, that was something. I remembered when I-" Suddenly Randal felt that something leaned on him. He turned around and saw Lyra who was sleeping on his back. He sighed and began dragging her home. Thankfully, she was light. He approached the door and opened it. He entered the living room and looked at the stairs.

"Nah, too lazy for this." Randal left Lyra on the floor, while he lied down on the couch and covered himself with a blanket. Suddenly Lyra opened her eyes and said:

"Brrr, it's cold there." She looked at the stairs and said:

"Ou, too long to go up." He saw a couch with a blanket and lied on it, covering herself with a blanket, not noticing Randal.

Author's Note

Heroine from Kill Bill

Chapter 8: Finding the way to home. Part 1

Bonbon yawned, rubbed her eyes and got up from her bed. She had a difficult day yesterday. Bonbon was spying on Princess Luna and she nearly got spotted. Thankfully, she could hide before somepony noticed her. She went down on the first floor and was surprised to see what she saw. Bonbon saw Lyra who was lying on the couch with Randal. Under one blanket. She blushed and giggled. She quickly grabbed the camera and took a photo. Bonbon chuckled and headed to the kitchen, while Lyra rubbed her eyes and yawned.

"That was a good night." Suddenly she noticed that she was in the living room. She turned her head and saw Randal. Her pupils shrieked and she yelped. Lyra got up on her hooves and was blushing.

"Oh sweet Celestia, what happened last night!?" she whispered. She wiped off the sweat and headed to the kitchen to get water. There, she was met by Bonbon who was drinking the coffee.

"Good morning," she said. Lyra turned to her and said:

"Good morning. How was your day yesterday?" Bonbon sighed and said:

"Well, it could be worse." Lyra smiled and opened the fridge, where she grabbed the milk. She poured some in the glass and began drinking. Suddenly Bonbon asked:

"I see that you have a colt friend now. When will you have foals?" Lyra's eyes widened and she spat out the milk.

"What!? No-no-no. We didn't have anything like this. We just were drunk. That's all!" claimed Lyra blushing. Bonbon laughed out loud and said:

"I am just kidding you! Hahaha!" Lyra glared at her friend and drank the milk. Meanwhile, Randal got up from his bed and said:

"Damn, that was a great night. There were laughing, beer, fighting, and..blood. Anyway, I am hungry." With those words, he headed to the kitchen. When he entered the room, he was met by Lyra and Bonbon, who were arguing with each other and didn't even notice him. He approached Lyra and said:

"You were cool last night." Lyra yelped, turned around, and slapped Randal into cheek. Randal yelped and began holding a sore spot.

"Ouch! For what!?" he shouted. Lyra said:

"Ou, sorry. Umm, did you remember what happened last night?"

"You fell asleep outside and I dragged you home and left you on the floor. That's all." Lyra sighed in relief and wiped off sweat. Randal noticed that and asked:

"Something happened?" Lyra's eyes widened and she said:

"No-no-no. Nothing happened. I just..woke up and lied down on my bed in my room. That's all." Lyra smiled innocently, while Randal asked:

"Meh, what's for breakfast?"

"We have coffee, milk, eggs, cupcakes."

"Just cupcake." Randal opened the fridge and grabbed the pink cupcake. While he was eating, Lyra and Bonbon were chatting with each other.

"So, what are you gonna do today?" asked Lyra.

"As always," answered Bonbon. "So, are you sure you don't have a colt friend-"

"No." Lyra glared at Bonbon. Meanwhile, Randal went outside and began thinking about what he will do. When he looked up, he saw ponies and changelings who were flying in the sky and he looked at his wings. He had never used them before.

"Well, it's time to fly." With those words, he began flapping wings, and, surprisingly, it worked on the first try.

"Haha! I am flying! If only Met saw that," shouted Randal spreading his front hooves to sides. He was so excited that he didn't notice the pegasus who was flying right into him.

"Watch out!" shouted mare.

"Uh. Ouch!" Mare bumped into Randal and both fell to the ground. Mare moaned in pain and got up on her hooves.

"Eyes on the road!" she shouted at Randal. He got up and looked at mare. She had a cyan fur with rainbow-colored mane. Then Randal said:

"Hey, watch to where are you flying. It was really hurt, bitch!" Mare's eyes widened and she asked:

"How did you call me!?" Randal backed away and said:

"Shit." With those words, he quickly flew away. Mare began following him and shouted:

"Come back here, coward!"

"Better to be a living & coward than dead & brave!" claimed Randal. Soon they were upon the castle of friendship. Randal quickly flew into the open window and entered the random room. Randal leaned on the door and began listening to any sounds. He heard the flapping, which was approaching the door, but then went away. Randal sighed in relief and looked around. He saw that the room was a library. There were many bookshelves, tables, chairs, shelves with quills and ink, etc. Randal rubbed his chin and began thinking.

"Hmm, well, I can know about this world more." With those words, he began searching for a history book. When he found it, he began reading it. Soon he learned about Main 6, Elements of Harmony, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, Queen Crysalis, etc.

"Wow, that was...interesting," said Randal. He put the book on the same spot. Suddenly something caught his attention. It was another door with a sign 'Lab'. Randal decided to check this out and approached the door. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. He entered the room and saw many devices, liquids in bulbs, etc. Randal began examining every device and liquid but didn't understand anything.

"Shit, curse this fucking console for taking my childhood and knowledge," gritted Randal. Then he saw a book with photos and bookmarks.

"Hm, maybe the book with instructions." When Randal opened it, he didn't saw instructions. He saw a photo of...humans. 7 girls who were standing near the building. They were looking like Main 6 (Randal saw a photo of Main 6 in the book) but Human version. But Randal didn't know one girl. She had a bacon-hair and wore a jacket. Randal began reading the book and after 1 hour learned about Demon-incident with this girl, Dazzlings, etc. But what really caught his attention is information about the portal to the human world. It was a big mirror in the library. It opens only once 30 moons.

"Once 30 moons? Can't they just say once a month?" said Randal. Suddenly he heard that the door opened. Someone entered the library...

Chapter 9: Finding the way to home. Part 2

Twilight was having a nice day. She cleaned up her library (mostly Spike did it) and her room. Then he ended all reports and finally could get some rest. She was sitting on her chair in the room and drinking the tea. She was reading the book, as a usual bookworm, when suddenly she heard:

"Hi, Twilight." Mare turned around and saw Flash Sentry. But then she noticed that he had bruises. She gasped, quickly approached him, and began asking:

"What happened? Who did this to you? I swear I will banish this pony to the moon-" Flash put his hoof to her mouth and said:

"I am okay. Just a bar fight." Twilight relaxed a little, but asked again:

"Why did you fight with someone?" Flash began worrying and said:

"Umm, just somepony was insulting you and I decided to protect your honor and...I punched him." Twilight sighed and said with a smile:

"Thanks for this, but next time can you please do without a fight, okay?" Flash nodded and Twilight hugged him. Suddenly the door opened and revealed Rainbow Dash who was breathing heavily.

"Twilight didn't you see-" Suddenly she saw Twilight and Flash Sentry who were hugging each other and giggled.

"I see that you kinda busy here with your colt." Both blushed and quickly broke the hug and said:

"No-no-no, nothing like that!" Rainbow Dash chuckled and then asked:

"Anyway, didn't you see one pegasus? He has a beige fur and gray jacket."

"Wait, he also had a brown mane?" Rainbow Dash gave a questionable look and said:

"Yes. How do you know?" Flash turned to Twilight and said:

"This pony was insulting you."

"What!? This prick was insulting you!? I am gonna kick his ass!" shouted Rainbow Dash. Suddenly Twilight said:

"Calm down, everypony. I think we should find him. Where did you see him last time, Rainbow?"

"I saw him near the library."

"Well, let's move there." With those words, the trio headed to the library. When they entered the room, Twilight noticed that the door to her lab was open. She poked Flash and pointed to the room. He nodded and they slowly began approaching it. Suddenly somepony ran out of it with a shout:

"You will never take me alive!"

Pony quickly ran to the door and exited the room leaving dumbfounded trio. Then Rainbow Dash recovered and followed Randal.

"Come back here!"

Twilight and Flash followed her. Soon they lost Randal.

"Apples, where did he go?"

Meanwhile, Randal flew into an open window and headed to the Lyra’s home. He lifted the camera with photos of the book (he ~~stole~~ borrowed it from Bonbon) and looked at them.

"I think I found a way to my world," he said. Soon he was in front of Lyra’s home. Randal entered the room and was met by angry Bonbon. She asked:

"Where is it?"

"What?"

"My camera. I know you stole it."

"Firstly, I borrowed it." Randal gave to Bonbon her camera. "Secondly, I think I found the way to my world." Suddenly he was tackled to the ground by Lyra who began asking him:
"Really? Did you found a way to the human world? Can you say me where is it? Can I go with you!?" Randal put the hoof to her mouth and said:

"Let me explain everything." Lyra smiled and Randal told her about what he learned from Twilight's diary. Lyra and Bonbon were listening to him. Bonbon was listening to him with widened eyes, while Lyra was widely smiling. Randal found it really disturbing and creepy. When he ended his story, Lyra yelped in enjoyment and claimed:

"I knew it! I knew that humans are existing! Twilight knew it but hid it from me, but now I have evidence!" The whole room went silent and everyone looked at Lyra, who blushed and smiled innocently.

"Well, now we just need to wait for the portal to open. When will it open?" asked Randal.

"Hmm, judging your information, I would say that it will open on Monday," claimed Bonbon. Randal's eyes widened and flashbacks of his 'Groundhog Day' experience. Lyra approached Randal and waved her hoof in front of his face. No reaction.

"Randal, how much fingers am I showing?" asked Lyra. Randal shook his head and said:

"Wha? What? Did I miss something?" Bonbon and Lyra looked at each other and turned to Randal.

"Well, you kinda was in a trance, when Bonbon said that portal will open on Monday," said Lyra.

"Can you please not mention this day?"

"Unpleasant topic?" asked Bonbon.

"You have no idea how much."

"Hmm, can you please tell us about it?" asked Lyra.

"No, I don't want to remember it again."

"Please."

"No."

"Please." Lyra made puppy eyes and Randal couldn't resist.

"Uugh! Okay, you win!"

"Yay!" Bonbon and Lyra sat on the couch, while Randal took a seat on the armchair and began telling his story:

"It happened 7 years ago for me, but for everyone, it was a month ago."

"What does it mean?"

"You will understand. <Cough> I was sitting in the bar with my friends: Matt and Sally. We were drinking the beer and having fun...."

1 hour later

"...and that's how I saved the world." Bonbon and Lyra were sitting with open mouths.

"Wow, it was...exciting," said Lyra.

"Let me guess, you were watching how your friend was committing suicide for 6 years and you were stuck in time for 6 years in one day!?" asked Bonbon.

"Yeah, pretty much it," answered Randal.

"That was really bucked up," claimed Lyra.

"Fucked," said Randal.

"What?" asked Lyra.

"Fucked up, correctly," explained Randal.

"Ou, okay. BTW, what day is it today?" Bonbon looked at the calendar and said:

"Saturday."

"So, I will be in the home the day after tomorrow," said Randal leaning on the armchair. Suddenly Lyra asked:

"Um, Randal, can I go with you?" Randal looked at Lyra and asked:

"To where?"

"To your world. I always wanted to be there." Randal rubbed his chin and said:

"Okay, as you wish." Lyra yelped in excitement and hugged Randal. He began poking her back and tried to say something. Bonbon quickly said:

"Lyra, you are gonna choke him." Lyra released Randal, who began catching his breath.

"You know, <cough>, I have a feeling that you are trying to kill me," said Randal. "And I don't like hugs."

"Why?"

"Don't ask. I have four rules: No hugs, no shares, no talking with strangers, and the most important - no altering space-time continuum."

"Okay." Suddenly someone knocked on the door.

Author's Note

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Chapter 10: Finding the way to home. Part 3

When the trio didn't find Randal, they headed to the lab and decided to check what he was searching for. They searched everything, but then Twilight noticed that her diary was on the chair, while she remembers that she left it on the table. After a short realization, her eyes widened and she shouted:

"He read my diary!" Rainbow Dash and Flash Sentry turned to her.

"And what exactly did he read?" asked Flash.

"I don't know, but we need to find him. Flash, when you saw him in the bar, with who was he?" asked Twilight. Flash rubbed his chin and said:

"He was with mint unicorn mare. Her cutie mark was the lyre." Twilight quickly recognized her.

"It was Lyra. Quick, we need to move to her house." With those words, everyone headed to Lyra's home. On the way, they met Pinkie Pie.

"Hi, Twilight. Where are you going?" she asked.

"We are heading to Lyra's home. Someone sneaked into my lab and read my diary."

"<Gasp>, there is a new pony in the town!" shouted Pinkie. Rainbow Dash, Flash Sentry, and twilight looked at each other and Twilight asked:

"Why do you think it's a new pony?"

"I know everyone in this town and nopony is a thief, so it means we have a new pony! It's logic. I thought that you are the smartest pony there." Twilight rolled her eyes and headed to the Lyra's home with her friends. Soon they were in front of the door. Twilight knocked it on. Soon the door was opened by Bonbon.

"Hi, Twilight. What are you doing here?" she asked. Twilight answered:

"Didn't you see Lyra? We want to talk with her." Bonbon gave a questionable look at alicorn and said:

"About what?" Twilight told her about the bar incident and intruder in the castle of friendship. Bonbon rubbed her chin and shouted:

"Lyra! Come here!" After a few seconds, the mint pony showed up and asked:

"Um, what happened?" Bonbon said:

"They are searching for Randal."

"Wait, do you know him?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah, he is..Lyra's friend," answered Bonbon. Lyra looked at Bonbon and then turned to Twilight asking:

"Why are you searching for him?"

"He read Twilight's diary!" shouted Pinkie. Lyra rubbed her chin and thought a little.

"Hmm, I can tell them that Randal is a human, but I remember the last time when I...carried away. So, Twilight will definitely send him back to his world and I will never see humans again. Okay, time for some lie." With those thoughts, she said:

"Well, he was here, but then he took his staff and left." Lyra smiled innocently, while Pinkie frowned:

"Ou, I didn't even throw him the party." Rainbow Dash patted her back, while Flash Sentry approached Lyra and said:

"Still you punched me in the bar and I want you to apologize to me." Suddenly Rainbow Dash got into a conversation:

"Wait! Lyra kicked your flank!?" Flash Sentry looked at Rainbow Dash and realized that he said unnecessary details. He blushed and looked at Twilight who slightly smiled.

"Don't feel bad, Flash. Bonbon just taught Lyra some martial arts for self-defense," she said. Flash Sentry slightly smiled, while Pinkie asked:

"Where did he go? Maybe I still can throw him a party!"

"I don't know he said that he needed to go so we didn't ask him," answered Bonbon.

"Ou."

"Okay, thanks for the information. We need to go. Bye." With those words, Twilight with her group headed to the Castle of Friendship, while Lyra wiped off the sweat and said:

"Phew, that was close." Bonbon agreed with her and both headed to the kitchen where they found Randal hiding under the table. Bonbon face hoofed, while Lyra just giggled to herself.

"Seriously? Under the table? That is the most idiotic spot to hide!" claimed Bonbon. Randal jumped and hit the table with his head. He came out of his hiding spot and rubbed his head.

"Ouch! Can you please not scream like this again?" he asked rubbing a sore spot.

"Okay, but seriously, you should really learn how to find a good hiding spot," commented Bonbon.

"Yeah, yeah. I am not so smart," said Randal heading to the living room. He called Lyra, who approached him and asked:

"What?"

"Can we talk in your room?" Lyra looked at Randal with a questionable look and nodded. When they entered the room, Randal looked at it. It was a simple room with a bed, table, chair, bookshelf, posters, some trash on the floor, etc.

"Sorry for the mess there. I am busy with humans more than with my room," said Lyra. Randal said:

"Pff, no worries, it's like my room."

"You mean, you have trash everywhere in your room?"

"Yup."

"Typical single," whispered Lyra. Randal looked at her and asked:

"What?" Lyra answered:

"Nothing."

"Okay, let's discuss our plan." With those words, Randal approached the board and began drawing something. Soon he finished and Lyra saw some kind of scheme.

"Umm, what is this?" she asked.

"That is a plan. We will sneak into the castle and go to the library."

"Why?"

"Because the mirror to my world is inside this room. We will just fly into the open window and get to the portal. That's all."

"Yeah, but there is one problem. I don't have wings. I am a unicorn."

"Ou." Randal began rubbing his chin and trying to find a solution to this problem. Then he came up with an idea.

"I will lift you in the air." Lyra thought a little and nodded.

"Okay, that can work."

"Yeah, and when we will be in the human world, I will kick this bum's ass and go to 'Clinton's cave'," claimed Randal. Soon they discussed the plan and Randal headed to the couch, while Lyra began preparing for sleep. Suddenly the door opened and revealed Bonbon. Lyra looked at her friend and asked:

"Bonbon, what happened?"

"I heard your plan and I want to talk with you."

"Oh, okay."

"<sigh>, I know that I can't hold you from your desire to see the human world, but please be careful." Lyra smiled and hugged her friend with words:

"No worries, Bonbon. I will be okay." Bonbon hugged her back. Soon she went down and approached Randal who was lying on the couch. Bonbon slapped his face and he asked:

"Ouch! What? For wh-" Bonbon grabbed him by his jacket and gritted:

"Now I want you to watch Lyra when you will be in the human world. If something will happen to her, I swear, I will break all your bones. Understand?" Randal kept silent and nodded. Bonbon released him and headed to her room leaving dumbfounded Randal.

Chapter 11: Finding a way to home. Part 4

Sunday

Randal rubbed his eyes and yawned. He got up from his bed and said:

"Uh, now what will I do? I can just walk in the streets because Twilight can notice me and I can't just sit there. I am completely bored." With those words, he began thinking. Suddenly he noticed a hat on the wall and he came up with an idea. He wore it and said:

"In this disguise, no one will recognize me." He opened the door and headed to the city. He was hiding his face under the hat, but it was making the walking uncomfortable because Randal didn't see a damn thing. Suddenly he bumped into something and fell to the ground.

"Ou. What the?" Randal lifted the edge of the hat and saw a building with a sign 'Carousel Boutique'. Randal took a look at the building and noticed that it was looking like a carousel.

"Hmm, it looks like owners of this place didn't bother themselves with the name," said Randal. He decided to take a look inside and entered the building. He was met by mannequins with clothes, sewing instruments, the smell of perfume, etc. Typical woman's place. Then he saw a white mare with a violet mane, who was sewing the suit. Randal decided to not interrupt her and began looking at the suits. To his surprise, the suits were very good and fashionable, even Randal didn't know about fashion at all. He began wearing hats and looking at yourself in the mirror.

"Excuse me, sir. What are you doing?"

"Agh!" Randal jumped and turned around. He saw a mare, who was sewing previously.

"Shit, lady. Don't do that again!"

"Do what?"

"Scaring me like this. I nearly had a heart attack."

"Sorry about this, sir. My name is Rarity and I am the owner of the boutique. Do you want something?"

"Nah, just walking around because I am bored. No worries, I am leaving now. Bye." With those words, Randal wore his hat and headed to the exit. However, he felt that he was lifted in the air. He looked around and saw that Rarity was using her magic.

"No way I will let you go in such horrible outfit."

"What the matter with my jacket?"

"It's so dirty and unfashionable. Especially with such a terrible hat." With those words, Rarity undressed Randal and began measuring him.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to sew you the new suit which will perfectly suit you."

"You know, I would prefer my old jacket." Rarity's eyes widened and she shouted:

"What!? This is a crime against fashion. What did you find in this...mysterious jacket?" Rarity silenced and began inspecting the jacket. Something caught her attention. She looked inside one of the pockets and found...a ring.

"Wow. What a beautiful ring. Are you getting married?" asked Rarity looking at the ring. Randal took a look at it and recognized it. His eyes widened and he quickly grabbed the ring.

"Nope. It's just...a a gift. So, don't touch." Rarity was smiling and began slowly approaching Randal, saying:

"May I take a look at this precious ring again?" Randal understood that mare was under the control of the ring.

"No. And thanks for everything, but I need to go."

"No! My precious!" Rarity jumped onto Randal, who yelped and ran to the exit. When he was outside, he flew in the sky and headed in a random direction. Soon he noticed that mare didn't follow him and sighed in relief. Suddenly the rock flew near him and he saw that Rarity was trying to knock down him with crystals. He quickly flew to the farm and began searching for a hiding spot. Randal saw a house on the tree. He got inside and locked the door. He breathed heavily and peeked out from his cover. Rarity began searching for him, but she didn't come up with an idea to go inside the treehouse.

"Phew."

"Um.." Randal turned around and saw three little fillies who were sitting around the table. The first one was yellow, the second one - white, the third one - orange. After an awkward silence the yellow filly said:

"Hi, mister. My name is Applebloom. That's Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Can I ask you what are you doing here?"

"I am hiding from the crazy mare who wants to make me wear stupid clothes." The white one said:

"Oh, that's my sister, Rarity. Sorry for her. She can be a little carried away with fashion."

"I understood that when she tried to knock me down with rocks." Suddenly the orange filly asked:

"What is that?" Randal looked down and saw the ring that was lying on the floor. Then he looked at fillies who were starring at it with a smile.

"Shit." Rarity was searching for Randal everywhere. Soon she found nothing, but remembered the CMC's treehouse and decided to check it. When she approached the door, it suddenly opened and Randal ran away. Rarity yelped got out of his way. Then he noticed CMC who was following him with words:

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Ring Collectors!"

'Ring!' thought Rarity. She smiled and began running after them. Soon Randal hid in the dark alley and got into the trash can, while his followers ran near him. He peeked out from his cover and sighed in relief.

"Phew, that was pretty close." Randal came out of his cover and headed to the random direction. He was hiding in shadows to avoid any unpleasant meetings. Soon he was in the market. There were many stands with different goods, products, etc. Suddenly Randal came up with a stupid idea to steal something (he's a kleptomaniac for fuck sake). He noticed a stand with apples and saw his owner. Orange mare in a cowboy hat. When she turned around, Randal quickly approached the stand and grabbed a few apples. He walked away whistling the song, while mare didn't even notice him. Randal took a seat on the bench and began eating his trophies. After lunch, he noticed that something was wrong. Then he saw that everyone was starring at him. He gulped and asked:

"Um, something wrong?" One of the ponies said:

"You have a good ring." After a sudden realization, Randal sighed and said:

"Why the hell did I get up from the bed?"

Lyra's house

Lyra, Bonbon, Derpy, Octavia, and Vinyl Scratch were sitting at the table and playing the poker.

"Check."

"Check."

"Check."

"Check."

"All-in." Everyone looked at Lyra who had more chips. Everybody moaned and said in unison:

"Fold." Lyra smiled and grabbed all chips. Octavia got up and asked Bonbon:

"Sweetie, can I ask you? How does Lyra always win in this game?" Bonbon rubbed her eyes and said:

"You know, I gave up one month ago." Suddenly the door opened and revealed Randal who was breathing heavily and fell to the ground. Lyra gasped and quickly approached him.

"What happened?" Randal looked at her and said:

"I am cursed." With those words, he fell asleep, leaving everyone in the room dumbfounded.

Monday

Randal woke up in the morning and yawned.

"Shit, yesterday was really terrible. The whole town was running after me to get this stupid ring. Oh God, why it's happening to me?" Then he heard that someone was going down from the second floor. It was Lyra who was holding the bag with...hand. Randal rubbed his eyes and looked at her again.

"Not a dream," he said. Lyra looked at him and said:

"Good morning. What happened?"

"Um, from where the hell did this hand appear?" asked Randal pointing to the hand. Lyra looked at it and said:

"Ou. That's my magic arm. I use it sometimes for many things." Randal smirked and said:

"Yeah. I guess what you use it. Anyway, where are you going?" Lyra gave him a questionable look and said:

"Did you forget? Today is Monday and today the portal to the human world will be open. We must head to the Castle of Friendship." Randal said:

"Ah, I forgot about it. Okay, move out."

"BTW, what happened to you yesterday?"

"Did you remember my story how I stuck in time?" Lyra nodded.

"Well, this stupid magic ring somehow ended up in my pocket and the mysterious aura around it was attracting ponies like valerian attracts cats. Barely ran away."

"Wow, can I look at it?"

"No. I don't want another run."

"Alright." Both prepared everything and headed to the castle. Mostly, they were walking in the shadows to not capture any attention. Soon they were in front of the castle.

"Alright. Prepare for the fly." With those words, Randal hugged Lyra around the waist and lifted her in the air.

"Um, nothing love. Okay?" Lyra blushed and said:

"Okay." Randal flew into the open window and put Lyra on the floor.

"So, we are inside. Where is the mirror?" asked Lyra. Randal coughed and pointed to the mirror near the door to the lab. Lyra yelped and quickly approached it.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I will be in the-" Randal shut her mouth and whispered:

"Shh, someone can hear us." Lyra nodded and Randal released her mouth. She touched the mirror and fell that it was like water. Lyra took a breath and jumped into it. Randal backed away and jumped into it too.

Canterlot High

Canterlot High. The high educational facility for teens, where Main 7 was studying. Main 7 is a human version of Main 6, but it has one more member, who tried to take over the world but was defeated by Princess Twilight. It was Sunset Shimmer. She was forgiven for her acts, but still, some people avoid her. Main 7 was chatting near the statue, which is a portal to Equestria.

"...then she said that my clothes were unfashionable," told Rarity to her friends, who were listening to her carefully. Suddenly they heard the voice:

"Girls! Check this out!" Everyone turned to the voice to see Pinkie Pie who was dragging...an old man. He was wearing pink sandals, blue torn in some spots jeans, a brown T-shirt and a green jacket. Main 7, especially Rarity shrugged because of him.

"Pinkie, who is this?" asked Twilight pointing to an old man.

"This is a sage! He is telling a lot of wise stuff."

"Pinkie, he is a bum. Dirty, smelly bum," said Rainbow Dash. Suddenly the old man said:

"Ehem, ehem...You know I can hear you, right?" Main 7 looked at the bum and Fluttershy asked:

"Who are you?"

"I am a bum. Didn't your friend just say that? But I also a businessman. Interested in a retching cat?"

"No, thanks." Suddenly Rarity began sniffing and claimed:

"Uh, he is also drunk!"

"Drunken people always tell the truth. If you say I'm a drunk bum that says he's not a bum but really he is... wouldn't that be paradoxical?"

"Wow. That was...interesting. Wait, I don't get it but I will." With those words, Pinkie began to massage her temples, while Main 7 was looking at bum with a confusion.

"Okay, maybe you could surprise Pinkie, but you amaze us," said Sunset.

"Seeing a person from another world is an amazing thing. I am sure that you know it."

"I don't get it."

"I know who are you. You aren't from this world. You are from another dimension, which is similar to this but with some differences." Those words made everyone's eyes to widen and Sunset asked:

"How do you know it!?"

"I am an oracle. I know many things. Besides, I can even tell the future," said bum taking another sip from the bottle.

"Really? C'mon, tell us something," said skeptically Twilight.

"Once upon, I sent the guy into another world, but soon he will return, but not alone. He will be with someone who will be with him for the rest of his life. The love between two different species from different worlds, will it bring peace or war?" told bum.

"Did you take it from a TV show?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"No. Us bums don't watch romances."

"Aha! You just gave away yourself!" shouted Rainbow Dash.

"BTW, how do you know that Sunset isn't from this world?" asked Sci-Twilight.

"They said a little knowledge is a dangerous thing... but what of man who possesses too much knowledge? If knowledge is power and power corrupts, how will humankind ever survive?"

"You know, I am a little fed up with your phrases from TV shows," said Applejack.

"Listen. I know your problem."

"Really?"

"You haven't had a boyfriend for long and you sometimes feel an emptiness," said bum.

"My personal life doesn't concern you!"

"I just said my opinion. BTW, the guy about who I was talking about will be there.." Bum lifted his hand and after few seconds lowered it with the word: "Now." Suddenly the portal near the statue appeared out of nowhere and girls heard the scream. Then they saw a teenager who fell from the portal to the ground. He was wearing a gray jacket, a white T-shirt, blue jeans with a belt and red sneakers. The boy moaned and his legs.

"Uh, what the? Haha! I am back!" Suddenly he was tackled to the ground by another figure from the portal. It was a girl with a pale light grayish cyan hair with white highlights, light aquamarine skin, pink T-Shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers. She got up on her legs and said:

"Oh, what happen-" Suddenly she looked at her arms and began investigating her body. Her smile became wider and she shouted:

"I have hands!" She began jumping on boy, who was saying 'Ouch' every time when girl jumped in him.

"Ouch! Stop it! Ouch!" Girl looked down and noticed boy. She innocently smiled and said:

"Sorry. Wait, why did you exit the portal first, if I entered it before you?"

"No idea. I don't understand this portal crap." Randal got up on his legs and said:

"Now we need to-" He stopped when he looked at Lyra. She had a slim body, D-size boobs and a nice ass.

"Holy fuck, man! You are sexy!" shouted Randal. Lyra blushed and said:

"Thanks, I think."

"You are cursed!" Randal turned around and saw him. Bum.

Author's Note

Who put 2 dislikes on all my stories?

Chapter 12: New neighbour

"You are cursed!" shouted bum at Randal. He turned to him and said:

"Easy, easy. I didn't forget about you, bastard. Just let me choose what I will do: kick in you in the balls or just throw something into you."

"What's up boy? Missed you too."

"I don't." Randal approached the group and said:

"As I noticed, you found new victims for your yells."

"Which yells?" asked Pinkie.

"Well, once upon, he was whispering to me that I was cursed the whole night."

"Oh, did you hear about earplugs?"

"Nah, I didn't have them and I wasn't thinking clearly because I was drunk."

"Alright, now can I ask you? Who are you?" asked Twilight.

"Randal. The person who will beat one bum's face." Twilight turned to bum and asked:

"How did you send him in Equestria?"

"Well, I have enough power to open the portal. I was hoping he will be eaten by wolves."

"Sorry for disappointing you. BTW, what day is it today?" asked Randal. Pinkie looked at her watches and said:

"Monday. 14 p.m."

"Thanks, Pinkie." Everyone looked at him with a questionable look and he asked:

"What?"

"How do you know my name?"

"I read it in Twilight's diary."

"Wait, you stole other me's diary?"

"Nope. Just took some photos, but I think it could be useful." Randal noticed that Fluttershy was blushing and looking at something. Randal turned around and saw that Lyra was touching her breast. Randal was dumbfounded and he said:

"Um, Lyra. I don't mind the free striptease, but can you not do that? At least on the public?" Lyra looked at him and said:

"Okay, but I don't understand what are these things for?"

"I would explain to you this with pleasure, but I had a '3' mark on human anatomy."

"No worries, I will explain it to you." With those words, both girls stepped aside and Pinkie began telling her about woman chest, while Randal turned to bum and asked:

"BTW, how did you get in here?"

"So many questions and so many answers? Some of them can disappoint you, while others can make you happy."

"Ugh. Again your second-hand philosophy."

"I created it by myself and I am just trying to be smart."

"Well, mission failed, pal. But you didn't answer my question."

"The distance from here to your house is about 6 km. One and a half hours of walking."

"Great. No need for taking a taxi. Oh, and also.." Randal approached bum and punched him into his stupid face. The old man fell to the ground and began rubbing a sore spot, while Randal said:

"I always wanted to do that. Okay, goodbye. Hope to not see you again."

"We will meet again."

"Can't wait." With those words, Randal began walking away, but suddenly he was stopped by someone's arm. He turned around and saw Lyra.

"Wait, you will just live me there?"

"Yup. All I want is to get to my bed and sleep for 1000 hours."

"Can I go with you, please?" Randal looked at Lyra with raised eyebrow.

"What? No."

"Please."

"No."

"Please." Lyra made puppy eyes and Randal moaned in defeat.

"Okay, okay. You can go with me."

"Yay!" With those words, Lyra hugged Randal, so his face was on her breast. Girls, who were watching them, slightly blushed. Lyra released Randal and he said:

"Wow, if I will die, I will prefer this way."

"What?"

"Nah, I am not to you. I am to those guys from the 4th wall."

"From what wall?"

"Nevermind, just let's go already." With those words, both headed to Randal's apartment leaving Main 7.

"Um, should we worry about it?" asked Rarity pointing to the pair.

"Nah, no need to worry. They will be fine," said bum getting up on his legs. Meanwhile, Randal and Lyra were walking in the streets and suddenly Randal asked:

"So, did Pinkie explain to you for what are boobs for?" Lyra blushed and said:

"Umm, I don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"Okay." Soon both were in Randal's town. Lyra began looking around and saw that building was gray and dim, while people were looking indifferent and apathetic.

"Do people there are looking like this?" asked Lyra pointing to citizens.

"Yup, typical town. And here we are." Lyra turned her head and saw Randal's apartment. It was no different from other buildings. Gray walls, dirty windows, a stinky alley with garbage. Both entered the building and went up to the second floor. Randal pulled out keys and opened the door. When Lyra entered the flat, she was met by the terrible smell of something rotten. Soon she found the source of the smell. It was boxes of pizza with rotten pepperoni.

"Oh, sweet Celestia! What the hell is that?" asked Lyra pointing to boxes. Randal looked at them and said:

"Oh, it's just rotten pizzas. They are here for like 1 year."

"Ugh! I don't want to live in the dump." With those words, Lyra opened the window and threw all boxes outside. When she turned around, she heard the sounds of a traffic accident. Randal peeked out from the window and saw many cars that bumped into each other.

"Wow, hadn't seen such destruction caused by simple pizza before." Randal closed the window and wanted to go to his room, but he suddenly realized something.

"Wait, what? Are you gonna stay here!?" shouted Randal at Lyra. She rubbed her ears and answered:

"Um, yeah. I just want to know about the human world more. When I was a filly, I was always bullied by believing in humans. I hope you don't mind." Randal wanted to say something, but looked at Lyra's body and sighed:

"You're lucky that you have a sexy body." Lyra yelped in enjoyment and hugged Randal again.

"Thank you!" Randal tried to say something, but Lyra heard only mumble.

"Oops, sorry." She released Randal, who began breathing heavily.

"Okay, but we need some rules and the first rule - no hugs. Understand?" Lyra nodded and headed to Randal's room, while he sat on the couch and began thinking about his situation:

'Ugh, now I need to live with a girl from a different dimension and who has a hot body. Something is strange by the way. I always was enjoying the company with sexy girls, but why the hell am I feeling uncomfortable near her? Maybe, I just know her true form or-" His thought was cut off because of Lyra's words:

"What's inside?" Randal turned around and saw that Lyra was in front of...Mortimer's room. His eyes widened and he got up from the couch and said:

"Wait! Don't open the door!"

Chapter 13: A big cash of money

After the short explanation from Randal, Lyra asked him:

"So, let me guess. Your neighbor didn't come out of his room for 6 months!?"

"Yup. I forgot how he looks like."

"Maybe, he is dead?"

"Nah, you heard growls, he is alive. Don't know how," said Randal taking another sip of beer. Lyra was sitting on the couch and playing with the TV remote.

"What is this?"

"This TV remote. But it doesn't work. He has no batteries."

"What are the batteries?"

"This is little things which have electricity and power little things like toy robots, consoles, etc."

"Wow, there are so many things there! I want to know more! Wow, I am looking like Twilight now." Randal sighed and prepared for another lection.

"Oh, what is this?" Lyra pointed to the big metal container.

"It's a fridge. A big box with a cold temperature inside, but this one is broken. The door is locked by the ice crust."

"Wait, that's why you put pizza on the table?"

"Yeah."

"Did you try to buy a new one?"

"I don't have any money. Ugh, god damnit, now I know what my teacher was feeling when I was asking him stupid questions!"

"Oh, sorry. I am just so excited to be in the human world. There are so many things and technologies."

"Are you keen on technologies? I mean batteries, engines-"

"What? No, I just want to know how they work."

"Hm, okay." Lyra saw a square black object and asked:

"What is this thing?" She pointed to it. Randal turned his head and said:

"It's a TV. The best time killer and also good informer."

"Cool. So, where will I sleep?" Randal looked at Lyra and began rubbing his chin.

"Well, you can sleep on the couch. I will give you a blanket. It's in my closet." With those words, Randal headed to his room, leaving Lyra alone. She began waiting for him, but suddenly she saw something under the couch. She grabbed it and it was a crowbar. Then she came up with an idea.

1 minute later

Randal exited his room with the least dirty blanket he had and saw that his fridge...was open and Lyra was collecting all garbage (rotten food from fridge) into packets.

"Wait, did you open the fridge? How did you do that?" Lyra looked at him and said:

"I used a crowbar. And now I am cleaning this thing up. Ugh, seem like you didn't open it for a very long time." Lyra pulled out a headless fish and put it in the package. Soon all 4 packages were full. She grabbed them and threw them through the window. All packages landed on the trash can. Randal looked at her and said:

"So are you gonna clean my house up?"

"Yeah, I want to live in purity. Um, for what is it?"

"This is your blanket. The cleanest one in this place." Lyra wanted to say something, but suddenly someone knocked on the door.

"Who is there?" asked Randal

"Randal Hicks! Open the door!" shouted someone outside.

"Mr. Marconi?"

"Of course not Pizza Delivery. Open this door!" Randal approached the door and opened it. Lyra peeked out from the corner and saw a man (about 50-60 years old) who was wearing trousers, a dirty tank top, slippers.

"Oh hi, Mr. Marconi. Hadn't seen you for long."

"Very funny, Hicks. Do you know what day will be tomorrow?"

"You mean, tomorrow you will try to pull out this ferret from the vent? Hm, you know I will be quite busy tomorrow, so-"

"Haha, you are punster, Hicks. But you are wrong. Tomorrow is a payday and I want to see my money. If you won't have them, I will kick you out from the flat. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah. Old music. Pay or go away. By the way, when you will give me back my megaphone?" Instead of an answer, Mr. Marconi went up to his flat and closed the door.

"Uh, old bastard," murmured Randal closing the door.

"Who was that?" asked Lyra. Randal looked at her and answered:

"This is Mr. Marconi. My landlord and father."

"Father? If he is your father, why he calls you by your name?"

"He isn't my biological father. You know he is like a second father to me. He someday said that I am like a son to him."

"Oh, okay. But where are we gonna find the money?"

"I don't know. I don't have any gold stuff or something like that."

"Gold? You mean gold coins?" With those words, Lyra pulled out a few bits from her bag. Randal's eyes widened and he shouted:

"Wow! You had gold coins all this time and you didn't even tell me about that!?"

"You didn't ask. Why are you so surprised?"

"Well, our money is paper. Like this." Randal pulled out a green banknote with a number '10' on it. "While your coins cost a lot of them. Can you give me some?"

"Okay." Lyra gave Randal coins who began counting them and put them in the pocket.

"Wait here! I will be right back." He opened the door and headed to somewhere leaving puzzled Lyra. She looked around and sighed:

"I have a lot of work to do." Meanwhile, Randal came out of the building and was met by several crushed cars, police cars, and ambulance cars.

"Wow, that was fast," commented Randal. Then he saw the familiar faces of policemen. One man was standing near the cars and telling onlookers to calm down and go home. He was wearing a police uniform and had a blonde hair under the hat.

'Officer Murray. Always willing to protect and serve.' Then Randal saw a pair of other policemen who were inspecting the traffic accident. The first man was wearing a blue shirt, gray jeans and had a camera. Ted. Another man was wearing a green shirt, gray jeans, and had a bald head and a tassel. Ned. Randal wanted to approach Murray to ask him what is going on, but he was stopped by another familiar person.

"Hey, where are you going?" Randal turned around and saw a middle-aged man, who was wearing gray jeans, tie and had a cigarette in his mouth. Sgt. Cramer.

"I asked you a question, boy. What the hell are you doing here?" Sgt glared at Randal, but he got used to it and answered:

"Well, I was just walking around and saw this mess. I just wanted to know what happened here." Suddenly Ted turned to Randal and answered:

"Don't you see? A traffic accident happened."

"And because of what? The old lady was crossing the road and suddenly had a heart attack in the middle of it?"

"Nah, this time another reason. Someone threw boxes of pizza on the road, so some cars slipped on it and bumped into each other which cause a chain reaction," said Ned. "But what really interesting is a pizza. It hasn't been in the fridge for about 5 years! Just look at pepperoni. They are multiplying by mitosis!"

"Wow, man! Who could keep the pizza outside the fridge for fucking 5 years!?" cried out Ted.

"No idea, man. But in one thing I totally sure! This man, to whom this pizza belongs, is a total scruff!"

"Hey, maybe he just was too lazy for this."

"Interesting. And why do you think so? This your pizza?" asked Kramer.

"What!? No. I just say my opinion. So, excuse me, I need to go."

"Not so fast, boy. Do you have an idea that 3 people died in this accident? And I have suspicions that you somehow involved in this." Sgt threw his cigarette and began smoking a new one. Randal began slightly worrying but remained calm.

"Let me guess. I am under suspicion, yeah?"

"Ha, you learn fast, boy. I am busy now, so you can go, but don't leave the town and have a phone in your pocket."

"I will wait like a teenage girl, who is waiting for a call from the boy who deprived her virginity."

"Out. Now!" shouted Cramer, who was fed up with Randal's presence. Randal turned around and headed to the underground station, sighing in relief.

"Phew, that was close." Randal went down to the station and saw a receptionist. Old woman with a big nose, puffy purple hair, glasses who was wearing glasses, white shirt and brown sweater without sleeves. Betty. Randal took a seat on the train and began waiting for the stop. Soon the train arrived and he went up on the street, where he saw a building with a sign 'Mel's pawn shop'. He entered the shop and was met by various junk. And behind the counter, the owner of the place was standing. He was wearing a red hoody, blue jeans and had a ring on his right ear. Randal approached the counter and said:

"Hey Mel, what's up?"

"Nah, as usual. Customers buy and sell their stuff."

"Cool. Because I have something that will definitely interest you."

"I am listening."

"Gold coins." With those words, Randal pulled out 5 bits from the pocket and put them on the table. Mel's eyes slightly widened and he said:

"Wow. Wait a second." Mel took one coin and began examining it.

"Be right back." He entered the storeroom and closed the door behind him. After one minute, Mel came out of the room and said:

"That's real gold. And which kind of gold. The cleanest one I have ever seen! Okay, here is your money." Mel opened the cash machine and pulled out the big amount of money and passed it to Randal.

"Holy fuck, man! That's a lot of money!"

"Oh yeah. If you find more of them, you know what to do."

"Yeah, I know." Randal grabbed the money and exited the building.

"Oh yeah, beat it, Marconi! I have the money to pay rent. Screw you! Haha!" With those words, he went down to the metro station. Soon he was near his apartment, where policemen were still inspecting the crime. Randal went up to his flat and opened the door. Suddenly he noticed that his flat didn't smell like a dump. Then he saw that everything was clean and on their spots: the dishes were washed, windows were clean, etc. Randal smiled and said:

"Wow, it was so clean, when I moved there firstly." Then he heard the snoring. He approached the couch and saw Lyra who was sleeping on it.

"Damn, she looks cute, when she is sleeping." With those words, Randal headed to his room and lied down on his bed.