Saccharine Arcadia

by DevilsMessiah

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Sex, Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6
Length: 136981

HiE; A cynical and sarcastic human is forced to stand up for Equestria. Third person narrative.

Rob is your average teenager, only, more sarcastic and cynical than most. Due to what Celestia refers to as 'circumstances', she needs a human, a champion for Equestria. God only knows why she chose him!

Ties woven throughout Equestria's history though, point a hoof at one who can stem the flow of darkness when it presents itself. The Elements of Harmony can only do so much, and sometimes, outside intervention is needed.

But first... One human has some adapting to do; fitting in to pony life, is not as easy as it looks.

As for the 'clop' element; this story is primarily NOT clop, there are however; some scenes. Clop takes up about 3% of this fic. Thanks again.

Thanks also to a great friend who did my cover art.

Published 2012-08-24 23:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-09 17:11:30 UTC

2. First Impressions; Make Them Count

Chapter 2: First Impressions; Make Them Count.

Sweet Apple Acres, Orchards End:

“Did ya see that Big Mac?”

“Eeyup, sure did sis.” Came the deep reply.

“Seems the Princess has a visitor. What kinda critter is that anyways? Ya ever seen anythin’ like it?”

“Nnnope.”

“I recon we should follow it. Ya’ know, ta keep its paws… or whatever they are outa trouble. Just ta be on the safe side.”

“Whatever you say Applejack.”

Outskirts of Ponyville, East Road:

As the last of the day lowered itself, sinking into the distant hills, night came forth, bringing with it a blissful tranquillity and a different kind beauty to that which was present during the day. Rob peered up to the sky just in time to see the first star reveal itself.

“Wow.”

“Even the stars here are different. I sure as hell am a long, long way from home.”

He paused.

“Good riddance.”

With one final look he dragged himself away from the serene beauty of the night and proceeded down the road to his new home.

Eventually the orchards to his right ended and only a few short minutes after that Rob entered the edges of civilization. “Lucky for me everyone is at home, I’m sure they haven’t ever seen a human before and I’d prefer not to cause a commotion right now, it’s late and a lot has happened today, I’d just like some rest. Trans-dimensional teleportation spells really take it out of you!” he chuckled, rubbing his sore neck as he proceeded through the quiet streets of Ponyville aiming ultimately for the big tree near the centre.

“This really is surreal though, it’s like I’ve gone back to the fourteen-hundreds, everything is thatched and the roads are made out of loose stones dug from the ground, the streets are even lit by candlelight! Frankly I’m surprised I haven’t seen a castle yet.”

He thought while crossing a river.

Rob seemed to be approaching the centre of town as the streets were widening into what appeared to be a square. There was a fountain in the centre and a few buildings surrounding the edge. Two particular buildings caught his attention; the first was a garishly sickly building reminiscent of a cake. Upon walking up to it he read the sign on the door, it read: Sugarcube Corner. This surprised Rob because as far as he could tell it wasn’t on the corner of anything. The second building was round and resembled a fair ground ride, all the way from the flag positioned at the top to the prancing ponies situated around the balcony. The sign on this one read: Carousel Boutique.

“Ahh a cake shop and a clothes store. Come to think of it, Celestia wasn’t even wearing any clothes. Was she naked!? Are all ponies this way!?”

While pondering this thought, Rob spotted his destination, “Ahh, the large tree which was also a library or something… Suppose I’ll go make myself known.” Crossing the plaza Rob made his way to the large tree and found the door. Taking a deep breath he knocked three times.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous…” he said to himself while awaiting an answer. He kicked at a loose stone beneath his feet.

“Spike, Spike!” A feminine voice called from beyond the door. “Answer the door please.”

“I’m on it Twi.” A childlike male voice responded.

A few seconds later the door was opened revealing a small reptilian creature. Rob peered down at him. “Whoa! You don’t look like a pony?”

“T-Twilight, there’s some scary two legged thing at the door! W-what do I do?” The thing Rob guessed must have been Spike frantically shouted through the house while running away from the monster at the door.

“Calm down little fella, I’m not gonna hurt you.” Rob called after him.

“Darn right ya ‘aint!” came another voice from behind him. Barely turning in time for the assault, Rob was greeted by an orange blur which tackled him to the floor. He let out a groan as he was winded from the impact.

“Fuck that hurt. What the hell just happened?” Rob said, struggling to get his words out through gritted teeth.

“WHAT, is going on in here!” Rob looked up from his face down position on the floor to see a purple unicorn standing at the base of the stairs some way across the room.
She wore an angry expression on her face and was looking in his direction, not at him but above him. “Applejack, what are you doing barging in here and attacking our guest!?”

“Well, ya see Twi, me ‘n’ Big Mac here have been followin’ this ummm, thing, since we saw it with the Princess. We didn’t want it causin’ any trouble!” The voice from Robs back spoke apologetically.

“Hey, can you get off me?” Rob asked the pony sitting on his back.

“Bitches be crazy.”

“It can speak!” Applejack stammered.

“Why does everyone think I’m a bloody cretin around here…? Yes, I can speak, although you’re making it rather difficult by being on top of me.”

“With the Princess?” The little creature known as Spike mumbled from behind the purple pony’s legs.

“He was with the Princess and you doubted him?” She asked averting her gaze from the small lizard to the mass on top of Rob again.

“Well, I, err…” She responded somewhat confused.

“This can wait right? My back is killing me. Twilight, Twilight Sparkle, that’s you right?” The crumpled human on the floor said looking towards the unicorn at the stairs. She started forward.

“Arc, I presume?” She extended a hoof and the weight upon Rob was alleviated as the orange pony rolled off.

“Yes ma’am.” He spoke, trying his best to be civilised while rising to his feet.

“See, somepony has manners Applejack.” She shot the orange pony a glare.

“Hey, what can I say, I’m sorry ya big ummm… thing?” She turned to Rob.

“Smooth Applejack…” Twilight rolled her eyes.

Applejack nervously laughed and turned around, “Big Mac, come in here, don’tcha go slippin’ away when ya sisters in trouble, you’re part of this too!” She called through the open doorway. Somewhat feverishly a large, by pony standards, red stallion mooched through the door with his head held low.

“All right, everypony take a seat, some introductions are in order.” Twilight commanded. She walked over to Rob who had found a seat by the window and whispered in his ear “Don’t worry, Princess Celestia has informed me of your arrival. You’re safe here and I’ll also do my best to make sure no more of my friends assault you.” She giggled and trotted over to a make shift podium that had been constructed out of tables and chairs. “Ok everypony, as you can see we have a visitor, he may not be a pony but the Princess assures me he is kind, strong, generous and trustworthy, even if a little sarcastic and pessimistic at times.” She giggled again. “If you’re wondering what he is, then the answer is a ‘human’ just-”

“Just like in them ponytales Granny Smith used to tell us when we was just young colts ‘n’ fillies!” She looked at Big Mac who nodded and shifted uncomfortably on the sofa before returning her attention to Twilight.

“I like this one, says stuff and doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks.”

She coughed, “Ahem, yes Applejack, just like those tales. Anyway, he’s here to help us in our study of friendship and to start a new life. I hope you’ll all welcome him.” She looked at Rob. “If you’d like to introduce yourself I’m sure the others will follow suit.”

“Right.” Rob said as he stood up. He strolled over to Twilight’s strange altar construct and glanced at the room of ponies before him. They were all much smaller than Celestia was, she was on equal footing with him in that regard as they were both around six feet tall. These ponies on the other hand we only about four foot high, maybe six feet if they reared up on their hind legs but on all fours they were much shorter than him. All but the red stallion that was maybe a little taller, five feet perhaps. “Ok. As Twilight said, I’m a human, my name is Saccharine Arcadia but you can call me Arc for short. This is also my first time ever being around ponies so forgive me if I do anything wrong, I don’t mean to offend but I have no idea about the social concepts of you ponies, so I may accidentally get something wrong. Celestia has filled me in on a few things but I will mainly be coming to you guys I guess for any other sort of advice about how things work in Equestria. I want to thank you for your help in advance, and offer my services to any of you who need them. Well, with that I’ll leave ya. I do have one question though, ummm, how do I phrase this… Spike, what are you? You clearly aren’t a pony.” Stunned, wide eyes starred back at him from the audience. “I’m sorry. Did I do something?” Rob leaned forwards on the altar.

“Nope, we’re gonna get on just fine partner, sides from ya fancy words, ya seem nice enough. Name’s Applejack, I work on the farm you went past on ya way here.” She indicated to the stallion on the sofa to her left. “And this here’s Big Macintosh, ma older brother. Welcome to Ponyville!”

“Why do I find that accent so sexy…?”

Rob studied the two before him.

“Yup, these are definitely two peas in a pod, most definitely brother and sister.”

He looked at Applejack, she had an orange coat and sandy blonde mane which was tied into a ponytail at the end, her tail followed suit. She also had emerald eyes and wore a Stetson, cowboy hat.

“Very western.”

On her rump was her cutie mark, it depicted three apples. He turned to Big Mac. Big Mac had a red coat and a short cut orange mane, he wore some kind of neckerchief, a yoke perhaps, used to pull things. He also had green eyes and similarly to applejack had an apple for his cutie mark, only his was large and green. “Great, nice to meet ya Applejack.” He turned and nodded towards Big Mac, “Big Mac.” He added in recognition.

“Well I’m glad that’s sorted.” Twilight let out a sigh of relief. “Ok, Spike, your turn.” She bent down and looked at the nervous looking little creature between her legs.

Spike shuffled out from his hiding place and spoke. “I’m Spike and I’m a dragon, a baby dragon though. I’m also Twilights number one assistant!” He said proudly, closing his eyes and holding one finger out.

“Neat! So how old are you? I mean, you say you’re a baby but where I come from babies can’t speak until a certain age, let alone walk.” Rob asked the small dragon. He looked Spike up and down. He had a purple body with the exception of a bright green row of scales that traversed down his back and a lime green underbelly. He also had green eyes, a tail and was somewhat human like in appearance, walking on two legs.

“Well, in years I’m thirteen.” He replied. “Twilight hatched me when she was five.” He paced back and forth along the front of Twilights podium. “Dragons mature a lot slower than other creatures and live much longer too, it’s only natural I look so young.” He smirked.

“Enough bragging.” Twilight reprimanded the little dragon. Rob went back to his seat by the window. Moving up to the podium herself Twilight cleared her throat and began. “Anyway, lastly, I’m Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s protégé. I run the library here in Ponyville as well as live here. My home is yours while you’re here, unless you want to find another place to stay, and like the others, I wish you a friendly welcome to Ponyville!”

Her speech was met with a few claps and cheers as everyone rose from their seats to greet their new visitor ‘Arc’. Applejack was first and almost wrenched Rob’s arm of shaking his hand. Next came Big Mac who was more gentle than his sister had been. He leaned over to Rob and apologised for his sister, “I’m sorry Arc, she’s very instinctual and often acts before thinkin’, it’s been a problem on more than this one occasion.” He laughed out loud.

“No problem mate!” Rob said back.

“Well, he shares the same southern accent as his sister…”

“Mate?” Big Mac asked inquisitively.

“Yeah, it’s another term for friend where I come from.”

Big Mac’s face changed into a huge grin, “Good ta know, we’re gonna get on just fine, you ‘n’ me.”

“Yup, definitely brother and sister!” Rob thought to himself. “Great, we’ll have to get a drink together sometime, maybe when I’m more settled.” Rob said to the big stallion.

After that Spike and Twilight came over, the purple dragon was riding on her back. Spike had come out of his shell since their initial meeting and leapt at Rob’s chest, gripping on to his clothes and pulling himself up to the humans shoulders. “This is much better than your back Twi, I’m so much higher up here!”

“Shat a brick there, not gonna lie.”

“Spike, get down from there this instant, how rude of you!” She had an angry tone in her voice as she looked up at the dragon, furrowing her brow.

“It’s fine Twilight.” Rob told her. “It’s pretty cool in fact. No one would ever believe me from where I come from if I said I had met a dragon. Besides, Spike doesn’t weigh that much.”

“Well, if you’re ok with it… It’ll give my back a rest at the very least. ”

“Yippee!” The dragon in question shouted, almost falling off of Robs shoulder. He regained his balance with a nervous chuckle and a smile.

“Ok everypony, it’s late and I don’t know about Arc but I’m tired. If you all wouldn’t mind leaving I’ll see you tomorrow, I need to introduce Arc to the rest of the gang anyway… So, you two.” She looked at Applejack and Big Mac, “Out. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Applejack looked disheartened and pleaded to stay. “Come on Twi, I wanna get ta know him better!”

She was stopped by Big Mac who stared to drag her out of Twilights house by her tail. “We’ll see ya tomorrow.” He grunted through gritted teeth.

“Big Macintosh, you let go of me right this instant!” She wailed. Her cries fell on deaf ears.

“Aaaand stubborn too…”

Rob, Twilight and Spike looked out the door. “Bye!” They yelled in unison sarcastically while watching the couple fade into the inky blackness of night.

The trio returned indoors and all slumped down. “That Apple family sure is energetic…” Twilight sighed. “You must be hungry, would you like some food?” She asked as Spike walked towards the stairs.

“Hmmm, my first meal in Equestria. Sure, that’d be great thanks Twilight, just no hay or anything ok?” Rob followed her into the kitchen.

“Omelette all right?”

“Yup, sounds good to me. You mind if I take a look around while you cook it?”

“Nope, go ahead. I think Spike went up to bed though, try not to wake him.”

Walking back out of the kitchen into the main room they were all in for their introductions, Rob looked around. It amazed him that all of this could be inside of one tree. The room was circular and shelves upon shelves of books lined the walls, there was occasionally a ladder propped up against one. The only times the bookcases stopped was when there was need for a window or a door. Underneath one window was a table and underneath the other was the chair Rob sat on during the meet ‘n’ greet. Upon the table were assorted quills and ink, as well as a stack of paper.

Rob moved towards the stairs he had seen when he first arrived. Unlike normal steps they weren’t built into the house, they were carved out of it. He ascended each wooden platform until he came to another room. After looking around it he noticed that it wasn’t so much a room as it was a balcony, one which overlooked the lower part of the library, the area he was just in. This section of the library had yet more books on the walls and also housed a bed, Twilight’s he guessed.

To the left was a door to the on suite bathroom, Rob assumed. There was a towel hanging over the door so he didn’t enter just in case. Next to the bed was a table, laden with the same equipment as the one downstairs, there was also the bust of a unicorn on it. At the end of the bed there was a basket, it was small and inside it was a curled up purple ball, snoring away, unaware of the human creeping around the room.

Across from where he entered, Rob found another door with yet another set of stairs behind it. He climbed these and found himself in another circular room, only this one had no books. It looked like any normal room. There was a bed, a table, a chest of drawers, a wardrobe and a dresser, all in all it was pretty bland. The only thing of note was that there were two other doors exiting the room.

Rob walked over to the first and opened it “Ahh good, a bathroom” He said to himself. He left the room and closed the door behind him, determined to find out what was behind the remaining door. He went over to the right side of the room and approached the remaining door, he found there was a key in the lock, he turned it and heard a satisfying click as the bolt slid free. Opening the door he was greeted with a chilling breeze. He walked out into the night. Rob found himself on a small platform built within the top branches of the tree. There was a telescope attached to the hand rail angled sharply upward. Realising there was nothing else to see up there Rob quickly left, returning to the comforting warmth of the library just in time to hear Twilight call for him.

“Food’s ready!”

“I’m on my way!” He returned, bounding down the stairs. Entering the kitchen Rob took note of Twilight. She was the same height as Applejack but had a lilac coat and a three tone mane, predominantly indigo but with a pink and a purple stripe. Her tail was the same. She had purple eyes and being a unicorn she had a horn atop her forehead. Her cutie mark was a red star with multiple smaller stars around it. “Looks great!” He said before digging in.

After finishing dinner Rob been told that his room was to be the one in the top of the library and if he needed anything then he had only need to ask. Twilight had also dragged him into the library for a little ‘Ponyville induction’ lesson.

“Arc, this is simply a brief discussion on a few things I need to know and then a little Q ‘n’ A session at the end, where I hope to answer any questions you may have.” They both sat on the sofa that Big Mac had been on earlier. “Firstly, the Princess sent me a few books which I have quickly scanned over, they told me a little about the human race so I know about your necessities, luckily, they are similar to a ponies, so we’re ok on that front.” She said, holding up two books with magic, entitled ‘Complete Guide to Human Physiology’ and ‘Human Psychology and Other Related Subjects.’

“Great, she’s already intelligent and able to use magic, she’ll be reading minds next…”

“The only problem we may encounter is…” She fidgeted in seat and averted her eyes, a blush spreading across her cheeks. She gulped. “Love.”

“Haha, you worry too much!” He said, brushing the concern aside. “I hadn’t even thought of that, and hey, if the time arises then I’ll deal with it then. Besides, who’s to say a human can’t love a pony? We’re basically the same, only in different bodies.”

“The book says that humans, like ponies, build families and have children, a source of great happiness for them. I’m just worried that you’ll be unhappy here.” She showed concern in her voice.

“Don’t worry about it, this new life is already better than my last. Things couldn’t go better for me. And credit to you guys, the ponies here are a hell of a lot better in every aspect than most of the humans where I come from. There are some good guys though, my friends, but all in all, from what I’ve seen, the populace of Equestria is a shit-ton better than the earths.”

“What’s a ‘shit-ton’?” She asked innocently.

“You don’t swear? A ton is a unit, a heavy unit, of measurement where I come from and ‘shit’ is a swear word, one I probably shouldn’t use around you guys…” Rob rolled his eyes.

“So you used it as emphasis?”

“Exactly.”

“I learn something new every day!”

“More than one thing I assume.” Rob said sarcastically, gazing around the room at the books. “A nerd’s paradise.” He laughed.

“Hey!” She playfully shouted back. “But yeah, some ponies think I study too much.”

“Applejack?”

“Yeah, and the others!” She giggled “They only tease though. Anyway, onto the next item.” Regaining her composure she sat up straight. “Humans have no capacity for magic am I right?”

“Not that I know of. We have illusionists, but that’s just sleight of hand.”

She turned away, deep in thought. “Can I try something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, every living being has magical energy, it’s what sustains us, and it’s linked with our life-force directly. Basically, if you’re living, you have magic in you. I want to try a spell that Princess Celestia taught me to try and unlock some magic within you. Even if it works you won’t be able to do much to begin with as you aren’t innately aware you can use magic and your body won’t know how to respond to the new power inside it. Despite that, you want to give it a shot?”

“What could possibly go wrong?” Rob asked sarcastically, remembering Celestia’s painful dimension teleport spell.

“You could explode! Twice!” She exaggerated, making an explosion effect with her hooves.

“Twice?”

“Never mind… You’ll be fine.”

“If you say so. If I find I’m mush on the carpet, I won’t be happy.” He frowned.

Twilight stood up and walked closer to Rob who stayed seated. She placed her forehooves on his shoulders and closed her eyes. A look of concentration spread across her face and her horn began to glow, softly at first before slowly building up to a brilliant white light, it made Rob squint. The glow soon began to vanish and as it did, a warmth spread from Twilight to Rob, through his shoulders, starting where her hooves were. Once his whole body was warm she stopped and backed off, returning to her seat without even breaking a sweat.

“Oooh, tingly!”

“Whoa, you are epic at magic!”

Her cheeks reddened slightly, “Thanks. So, you feel any different?”

“Warm and tingly all over, but no, not really… What’s a really easy spell for me to try, just as a test?”

“Baby unicorns learn to levitate things at around six months old, it’s usually sporadic magic awakening though. Try and lift something small.” She told him.

Rob took the necklace that Celestia had given him off and held it in his palms. “Any tips?”

“Well there are two ways to do this, the first involves you creating a magical aura around something and lifting the aura that encompasses the item, and the second involves sending out a tendril of magic, one that’s connected to you, to act like a third hoof or arm in your case. You simply pick something up like you normally would. The second method is the easiest as the magic is still connected to your body, on the down side though, you can’t lift things as heavy or as far as you can with the first method.”

“Ok, first method it is.” Rob concentrated on the amulet, feeling it in his palms. He tried to push the warm feeling to the top of his body and then further, down his arms. He finally had all the magic concentrated at his fingertips, he was about connect it with the amulet when he heard a voice.

“Boo!”

He jumped and saw Twilights shocked face as he did. He turned around to find there was no one there. “What?” She asked.

“I definitely heard something.” He told her.

“Yes, you did!” The voice chimed again.

“Celestia?” Rob asked in his mind.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist. You were concentrating sooo hard that I just had to!”

“Bitch…” He mind-mumbled.

“You realise I can hear you.” She pouted.

“And you’re supposed to be a princess… What do you want anyway?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“You called me, remember?”

“I did?”

“Yeah, with the necklace I gave you.” She chuckled.

“My bad. I was just trying out some magic.”

“How’s it going for you?” She mocked.

“You obviously know already so give it a rest will ya. Man, and I thought you had some dignity when we parted earlier.”

“Humph, at least I can do magic.”

“It bloody hurts though! Anyway, I have to get back to reality, Twilight is probably wondering why I’m starring of into space.”

“Ok. Well, it was nice knowing you’re doing well and fitting in with everyone.”

“Kind Celestia is back I see.”

He imagined her sticking her tongue out. “Fine, be that way! Anyway, seriously, it was good to hear from you, I wish you good luck with your magic. I’ll see you soon.”

“See ya round.”

Rob snapped back to his senses, the amulet was in the same place in his hands. He looked up. Twilight’s worried face hovered above him.

“Arc! Arc!” She called.

“Yes?”

“You zoned out big time! Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I was just chatting with Celestia.”

“The Princess?”

“Yeah, she gave me this necklace and said I could communicate with her at any time. Come to think of it, it was a stupid idea to use this…”

“Wow, that thing must be worth a fortune. I knew I recognised the seal on it, it’s the sun, Princess Celestia’s own royal seal! She gave you this? She won’t even give me one of these!” Rob detected a hint of jealousy in her voice. “You must have made a great first impression.”

“I dunno about that. Anyway, I am curious, why haven’t you asked about me?”

“The Princess asked me not to pry too much. She told me I could trust you, and I trust her, so I trust you too.”

“Wow, that’s deep.”

She fidgeted on the sofa and changed position. “So, Q and A time! Ask away. I’ll try and answer the best I can.” Her shining purple eyes gazed at his, waiting.

“Ok, first up; cutie marks. What are they?”

“Good question. Well, basically, as each pony grows, they find their own talent in life, the one thing they are good at. A cutie mark representing that thing will appear on one’s flank when that happens. Mine represents magic, as that is what I excel at. Applejack and Big Mac have apples, this is because they run the farm and have been working with them since they were just foals. The Princess’ is what you see on the amulet, the sun. It’s her task to raise it each day. Understand?”

“Yeah, but, she… she raises the fricking sun! Now there’s magic and there’s that!”

“True. She also raised the moon for one thousand years while her sister was… away.”

“You know you’re a bad-ass when you’re able to raise the fucking moon and it isn’t even your special ability!”

“Yup, she is our ruler though after all. And ummm… fucking?”

“It’s another swear word, a bad one, don’t use it. Which brings me to my next question; Alicorns, what are they? Celestia and Luna are the only ones I’ve seen and they seem like gods.”

She pondered for a moment and blew her mane out of her face. “They aren’t gods so to speak. More like the best traits of every pony in Equestria bound as one. They are more like a superior race, containing earth strength, unicorn magic and pegasus flying capabilities, only tenfold. The royal line are the last remaining ones in the whole of Equestria as far as we know. They live for thousands of years though so to us they seem eternal and godlike.”

“Wow, mind equals blown.” Rob stammered, realising he’d been teasing a being that could turn him into ash on just a whim.

“I would never do that!” the voice reappeared, making Rob jump again.

“STOP THAT!”

“Hahaha, it’s priceless!” The alicorn joked.

“Arc?” Twilight asked, concerned again.

“Don’t worry, it’s the Princess again…”

“Ummm… ok. Say ‘hi’ for me.”

“Twilight says ‘hi’…” He repeated to the Princess.

“How diligent of her. I do love Twilight but it is a pain keeping up the ‘royal’ façade around everypony… Anyway it’s nice that you think so highly of me. I might just have to, ‘turn you to ash’ was it? If you didn’t.” She laughed again. “Anyway, I’ll go for real this time, I’ll leave you to your studies.” The consciousness fled his mind.

“Bitch…” Rob mumbled under his breath.

“Pardon?” Twilight asked, confused.

“She says ‘hi’.” Rob replied.

“Ok. Any other questions then?”

“Yeah, two. Both not that important…”

“Ask anyway.” She said, seemingly bemused with what the questions could be.

“Number one!” He said, as if preparing for something grandeur. “I saw a clothes shop outside. This confuses me, as so far, nopony has been wearing clothes… Do explain?”

“We do wear clothing but only on special occasions, not for just everyday life like humans do. As for how she turns a profit, I can only assume that she makes high quality clothing and not much of it, less of a more substantial quality. She does seem to sell to a lot of high profile ponies, especially of late. She seems to be getting the attention of a fair few models, actors and songwriters with her designs.”

“She?”

“I presume you’re talking about the Carousel Boutique across the road? In which case my friend Rarity runs it. You’ll be meeting her tomorrow.”

Rob flinched. “She’s not another Applejack right?”

Twilight laughed. “No, she’s more… How can I say… Refined?”

“That’s good, there are only so many Applejacks I can take!”

“I know what you mean. You wait till you meet Rainbow Dash though.” She laughed even harder.

“What’s so funny? I’m getting a bad feeling here…”

“It’s nothing, just another one of my friends that you’ll be meeting tomorrow.” She calmed down. “Anyway, your last question?”

“Yeah, you guys don’t have hands or fingers, how do you do things? I asked Celestia but I didn’t really understand.”

“Well, even earth ponies, the least skilled with magic can create small telekinetic magic, the same kind you were attempting earlier. We simply create fingers so to speak. Simple.”

“Easy for you to say, I’m worse at magic than both baby unicorns and earth ponies!”

“Practice makes perfect. You’ll get it eventually, I awakened your magic pool, it will come, it may just take some time.”

“That’s cool, beats no magic at all.”

The two sat in silence for a while before Twilight spoke. “Its two thirty and I’m knackered. I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.” She got up and slowly paced to the stairs, fatigue finally taking its toll.

“See you in the morning, good night and thanks Twilight.” He called after her.

Rob sat there a while longer, it sure had been a long day. Being dragged out of his own world and into Equestria was a lot for his mind to handle, luckily he embraced his new future with arms wide open. From Celestia through to Applejack and Twilight he had made new friends, something he was happy and grateful for. Smiling he rose from the sofa and tiptoed upstairs passing through Twilights room to get to his own. He heard Spike’s snoring and what he assumed must have been Twilights gentle breathing. He looked at her sleeping face tucked up in her duvet, she was really cute. He pulled himself away and ascended the second flight of stairs into his own room, he kicked off his boots and took of his t-shirt, throwing it carelessly to the ground. Next he unbuckled his trousers and they fell loosely to the floor, he then removed his socks. Keeping only his underwear on he crawled into bed and finally felt the intense drowsiness take over. “Yup, a long day.” And then he was asleep.

3. Getting Used To The Way Things Are

Chapter 3: Getting Used To The Way Things Are.

Sweet Apple Acres, Inside the Farm House:

“Apple Bloom! Apple Bloom!” Applejack called through the large barn house. Her voice echoed around its wooden walls.

The glorious morning sun shone in through the south facing window and Applejack closed her eyes and basked in it, letting it wash over her like a wave of heat. It made her skin tingle and her fur stand on end. She soon opened her eyes and squinted, lifting a hoof to her brow to block out the impeding light.

Gazing over the orchards, she spied Big Mac hammering away with his hind legs at a copse of trees over on a hill not more than three hundred yards away. Applebuck season wouldn’t be for a while and so she had time to spare, Mac could tend to the fields and orchards and Apple Bloom could take care of the house chores, she was growing up and deserved more responsibility anyway.

This left Applejack to deal with marketing and selling the apples, eggs and other farm produce alongside dealing with the Sweet Apple Acres finance. It was a tough job but she knew just as much as each member of her family that she needed to pull her weight, and that no task is too much to handle if you just ask for a little help. She also enjoyed her job as it left her with a lot of time to meet up with her friends, and this was the thing that she enjoyed the most.

A few seconds later a small yellow filly walked through the door. She had red mane and it was tied up by a large pink bow. She had big orange eyes, and in contrast to the many other ponies, no cutie mark.

“What’s up Applejack?” She asked innocently, unaware of what her sister was about to ask her.

“We have a new pony- uh, resident in Ponyville, he’s stayin’ with Twilight, an’ I’m gonna help show him around today.” The big sister replied, knowing that this would more likely pique her sister’s curiosity than abate it.

“Ooh, ooh! Can I come?! Can I come?!” She hopped up and down excitedly.

“Not today Apple Bloom. I’m out for the most part, and Big Mac is over the south orchards buckin’ the trees. He’s gonna be in Ponyville in a while too once he’s finished his buckin’ here, it shouldn’t take him much longer. I need you to stay here and look after Granny Smith while we’re gone. You also need to do your chores. After that you can go an’ play with Sweetie and Scootaloo. I’ll bring you ta meet him next time.”

“Awww, But Applejack-” The filly protested.

“No buts, you’re gonna do whatcha big sister says.” Applejack sternly looked at her sister, knowing that she needed to be harsh if she wanted the filly to listen to her.

She looked displeased but finally conceded. “Ok… But you better take me next time, you promised!” And with that she stormed out of the room.

Applejack laughed quietly and turned to leave, shouting bye to Granny Smith as she did. She exited the farm house and walked out of the main farm gate, passing the chicken coop on her left. Within a few minutes she was on the east road headed for Ponyville. “Today’s gonna be a good day.” She smiled and went on her way.

Carousel Boutique, Interior:

Rarity was closing shop early today. Twilight had insisted she come over to the library to meet a new ‘friend’ and resident of Ponyville. She walked over to one of her mannequins and adjusted the outfit a little, tilting the hat and tightening the corset. She scowled at it. She was always nervous about meeting new people, despite what the others thought, first impressions were always the hardest part, and she had to look and act her very best.

“Oh, Opal…” She sighed. “What am I to do? Procrastination isn’t going to solve anything!” She dramatically held a hoof to her forehead and fell onto a nearly lounger.

Opal meowed in response and went back to sleep on a pile of cloth in the corner of the room. Rarity got up, dusted herself off and walked over to one of the many standing mirrors littering the floor of Carousel Boutique, she stared into it. She had to look perfect. She looked herself up and down, critiquing her every last detail. Would the red hat match her white body? Sighing again, she tried on a few more sets before finally deciding it was useless, she didn’t know this new pony and even if she did, why should she get in a fluster about what he thinks of her? She continued asking herself these questions, she didn’t know why, it just seemed like this new person was going to be a major part of her life soon, it was rare Twilight asked all her friends to gather for just one pony, and she didn’t want to mess up her first meeting.

A light aura enveloped a nearby comb and she levitated it towards herself. She combed through her perfectly curled purple mane, carefully avoiding her horn, and replaced the brush. Turning to the mirror once more, she looked at herself more closely, she scowled at her cutie mark, three diamonds representing her affinity for finding gems, and thus; creating beauty. “Hardly.” She thought. “If people knew what went into making ‘this’…” She gestured to her hair while trailing off. She exhaled deeply and wondered why she felt this way. Things had been slow lately, sure, she had a lot of work at the boutique but that was just it, she had less time for her friends. Laughing at herself, she realised she missed the adventure. Nopony would have guesses that ‘prim and proper’ Rarity was feeling a lust for the outdoors, it was so unlike her.

“Well Opal, I’m off!” She called back to the sleeping feline as she put a brave smile on and headed towards the door. “Time to make the most of things.” She muttered under her breath. The bell rang as it was struck by the door and she stepped into the sunlight, off to Twilight’s library.

Ponyville Library, Interior, Rob’s Room:

Rob yawned as he awoke from his deep slumber. He kept his eyes closed and relaxed, letting out a deep breath. He scratched at an itch on his shoulder and rolled over on to his back, revelling in the warm pleasure he was feeling. The sun shone in through the open window and was warm on his bare chest which was partially uncovered by the duvet. A cool breeze caressed his skin and brought with it a divine smell from the kitchen below. He smiled. Forcing himself, he opened one eye and squinted as the sun jabbed at it. “Ok, what time is it?” He mumbled through another yawn. “I slept like a log.”

Rob rolled over again and searched down beside the bed for his trousers, looking for his phone. He found a leg and reeled the rest in, taking everything out of his pockets. He pressed the unlock button on the screen and dragged it to the right. “Three-thirty? That can’t be right… Ah yeah, time lapse. That’s some crazy shit right there. Damn you, evil Celestia sorcerer!” He placed all the other stuff on the bedside table.

“Frickin’ pony logic.”

He laughed. “Spose I should get up, must be ten or something, I don’t wanna seem too rude.” He got up and went to the bathroom to have a shower.

Ponyville Library, Interior, Kitchen:

“He’ll be down any minute now Spike, I just heard him get in the shower, hurry up with the pancakes!” Twilight said, excitedly.

“No one can shower that fast Twi, they’ll be done in time, don’t worry. You really need to learn to let loose sometimes, a list and detailed schedule isn’t necessary for everything.” The assistant cockily replied.

“Spike you clearly don’t know me at all!” She joked, calming down a little. “I just want everything to go well today.”

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Twilight exited the kitchen to let the guest in.

“Rarity!” Twilight smiled as she opened the door. “Come in.”

“Twilight!” The snowy mare replied. “I trust you’re ok?” She stepped in.

“Great thanks, you?”

“Yes, fine.” Cutting to the chase Rarity looked around nervously. “Where is he then?”

“Showering at the moment.” Twilight replied stoically. “Would you care to join us for breakfast? Spike is making pancakes.”

“No thank you, I’m fine, I ate earlier.” She paced around the room before finally sitting on a chair. “What’s he like then?” She fidgeted and touched her mane, twirling it around her left hoof.

“Different.” Twilight chuckled, knowing what Rarity was in for.

“How so Twilight?” Rarity arched forward in the chair.

“You’ll see soon enough. Don’t worry though, he’s kind. He won’t eat you! Just be prepared for something that you have never seen before.”

“You must know something! What’s his cutie mark?”

“He doesn’t have one.”

“What do you mean!? How old is he, all colts and fillies have theirs by the age of 14! It’s incredibly rare to not have one by that age!”

“Calm down Rarity, all will be explained soon. Anyway, he must be about 18.”

“Right, ok, Rarity, calm down.” She told herself. “So, Twilight, I’ve been meaning to ask. What are those strange objects by the door? Pinkie didn’t leave them here by mistake did she?” She eyed the funny leather contraptions on the other side of the room. “They resemble one kind of shoe I make, but they’re much too big for a pony.”

“Ah, I believe they’re shoes, you would be correct. The Princess replicated some of his clothes and sent them here with her initial letter.”

Rarity gulped, a sense of suspicion crept over her. “Umm, Twilight, he isn’t a pony is he?” She heard Spike laughing in the kitchen.

The two unicorns diverted their attention as they heard hoofsteps coming down the stairs. Rarity held her breath.

“Say, Twilight, I’m starving, whatcha cooking? It smells heavenly, whatever it is.” A voice came from the stairwell.

Rarity turned in her chair, looking over the tall back towards the stairs. She gasped as a towel-clad creature appeared before her, gracing the last of the steps with a pitter-patter as it energetically hopped down the few remaining platforms. It had a longish mane, if you could call it that, ending at a little lower than what she must have presumed were its shoulders, and from this she could see it was wet, as droplets of water fell from the tips. It was like nothing she had ever seen. With the exception of on top of its head, it was practically hairless. It also walked on only two hooves. She didn’t think it was displeasing to look at, its features were much more distinguished than a pony’s were, without fur it was a lot easier to see muscle definition and bone structure. It looked over at her. A coy expression appeared on its face.

“I see you have a guest, Twilight.” He said.

“Arc, meet Rarity.” She replied.

“Ahh, the fashion designer from across the square I presume. Twilight mentioned you last night. My pleasure.” He strode towards her and held out his hand. “Sorry about my current state. I don’t have any clean clothes. I normally look much more awesome than this.” He jested, staring into her eyes.

Twilight internally laughed at the difference in expressions; while the human wore one of bemusement, Rarity held one of shock. “Very charming this morning aren’t we? Anyhow, the Princess sent some clothes over for you.”

“Sneaky mare…” He muttered, turning his attention away from the new pony. “Thanks.” He said as Twilight handed them over.

“Ummm… Nice to m-meet you.” Rarity shyly piped up. “Come on Rarity, brave face, brave face!”

“Pardon?” Rob answered.

“Oh, I’m gonna have some fun with this one… Wait, not in that way, damnit brain!”

Putting on her usual façade she smiled and walked up to Rob, grasping his hand. “No, it is I who have the pleasure. Say, do you wear clothes all the time? You have such a unique body shape I would very much like to design some things for you and study your structure.”

“Hey, no problem, I suppose I’ll have some free time sooner or later.” He said, smiling. She smiled back. “Miss. Rarity, I hope you don’t mind, but you’re a very beautiful pony if I do say so myself.”

She gazed down at her hooves and blushed heavily, a deep crimson covering her pristine white cheeks. “I-I-I, w-why thank you…”

“Haha, that was amusing.”

Twilight looked over at Rob, scowling. “What did you go and say that for?” She seemed more annoyed that he never complimented her than the fact he had just embarrassed Rarity.

She walked over to him and he knelt beside her. “What? It looks like she takes good care of herself. Her coat’s as pure as snow and she has a lovely mane. I don’t wanna lie.” He smirked back.

“Women!”

“Besides, it’s really fun messing with these hoity-toity types! You’ll see! I’m just playing a little bit. Believe me, Celestia would be proud.” He whispered to her, knowing that the last statement would confuse her.

“Whatever, breakfast is ready.” She turned and strutted into the kitchen.

Rob followed, laughing to himself, still with the towel wrapped around his waist. Rarity plodded behind him.

The three sat down at the table just as Spike placed two plates in front of Twilight and Arc. “So I take it you made these Spike?” Rob asked, genuinely impressed. “The best I can do is knock up a curry.”

“Yeah, this was all me.” He gloated. “Twi can’t cook to save her life and I’ve been looking after her for years. You learn over time.” Twilights cheeks reddened.

“Wow, you’re very mature for your age.” Spike smiled.

“If I may interject, Arc, what is this ‘curry’ you speak of?” Rarity turned to him, bobbing one of her curls on her left hoof. She looked bemused after her earlier shyness.

“Umm, basically it’s like a stew, only using different ingredients for the sauce and vegetables. It’s thicker too. It can also be spicy in some cases.” Rob told her while Twilight talked to Spike. He went on about cuisine from his homeland for a while, carefully avoiding the topic of meat. Soon, he and Twilight had finished eating.

“I trust you’ve had enough?” Twilight called over her shoulder while washing a plate in the sink.

“Yup, sure have.” He turned to Spike who was ogling Rarity while she bored him with her latest fashion news. He didn’t seem to be paying attention, he was just happy that she was talking to him. “Food was great Spike, thanks.”

“No problem bro.”

“Bro?”

Rob voiced his mind, “Bro?”

All eyes turned to the small dragon and the human. “We are friends right?” Spike looked worried.

“Shit, may have stepped on a landmine here. Time for a quick save.”

“Well, yeah. You guys are just so accepting. Honestly, it surprises me. A strange, albeit, totally sexy creature, has just been deposited on you by your princess and all you guys do is try to be friends with it.” They looked at Arc, wide-eyed. “I love it here, you guys are awesome… And I’ve never been called ‘bro’ before. But sure, who doesn’t want a totally rad dragon as a bro right?! Sorry guys, this is just a bit of a culture change for me, it’ll take a little getting used to I suppose.”

“So… Are we cool?” The little reptile asked feverishly.

“Even better little man. I couldn’t ask for a better bro.” The worried faces around the room calmed as the new resident human eased Spike of his worries.

“Ok, note to self: Don’t fuck with friendship.”

“Hey, you guys have alcohol right?”

Twilight replaced the plate to where it belonged and turned fully around to the others in the room. Rarity responded, “Why in Equestria do you ask that now?”

“Well, last night Mac and I spoke about getting a drink together. I figured that now Spike’s a part of the ‘bro’ group, he could tag along. Not drink necessarily, I dunno what the legal drinking age is in Equestria, just to hang, ya’ know.”

“I shall save him from all the ‘girly-ness’, hell yeah, I’m such a samaritan!”

“Well, there isn’t that much choice in the matter to be honest. You either have the ‘expensive-for-no-reason’ Canterlot wine or the swill that Applejack creates in the cellar beneath the barn. One bleeds your pockets dry, the other your stomach.” Twilight perked up. “And there isn’t any ‘legal’ age so to speak, it’s really just up to how responsible the guardian of the pony is. Whether they let their child drink is up to them.”

“I’m guessing that torching cars and smashing shop windows isn’t a drunken past time here then.”

“Could I convince you to let Spike have a small amount of alcohol if I find any?”

She placed a hoof to her chin in thought. Spike looked at her, hopeful. “Augh, everything rational tells me that he shouldn’t.” Spike looked deflated. “But,” he perked up, “The Princess sent me here to make friends, learn and to be a normal teenager. Underage drinking, as you call it, is all part of that if you think about it.” She smirked as the others looked on in surprise. “Besides he does help an awful lot around here. It may just do him some good to have some ‘male bonding’ experience and a break.”

“Did not expect that from the nerd, and we’re usually such responsible people…”

“Twilight, you cannot be serious!” Rarity exclaimed, getting to her hooves and slamming the front two down on the table in shock. Having Spike be allowed to drink forced her to consider the fact that he wasn’t a child, like she thought he was. Seeing him in such a responsible and adult light came as a shock. Besides, it’s uncouth.

“I’m sure he’ll be in capable hands.” She glanced at Arc, a sly smile present on her face. “Besides, if anything does happen, Arc will have Princess Celestia to answer to.”

“Bitch…”

“For the princess’ student, you really are rebellious.”

“I definitely have a bad influence on these guys. Rob: subject of Equestria, corrupting innocent ponies since 2012.”

“What, she isn’t going to find out as long as nothing happens right?” The sly smile appeared again.

“She’s got me by the balls it seems.”

“Yes… Right. Very calculative.” Rarity settled down and Rob spoke up again. “Well then, Spike, when we do this, no trouble ok? I started drinking occasionally around your age so it should be ok. I’m not gonna get you plastered anyway.” He chuckled thinking what the little guy would be like completely hammered.

Spike was hopping up and down excitedly, he looked like a puppy. “Yeah, no problem. I’m totally dependable, Twi trusts me with the library all the time.”

“Are all humans this spontaneous?” Rarity asked after her short outburst.

“Nope.”

“Then, why are you.”

“Look at it this way. I’ve just been thrown into a completely new environment, with no chance of going home, not that I want to…” He raised his hands flippantly and shrugged. “For me, today’s entire agenda consists of waking up and then doing whatever Twilight has planned. I figured that I’d just start filling in the gaps of time between me getting here, and me dying. It’d be pretty boring otherwise. And besides, who doesn’t like a drink every now and then.”

“That’s rather vulgar.” She looked slightly repulsed at his bluntness. “But I see where you’re coming from.”

“This one’s going to be fun to break. I could probably make her squirm with a little bit of mud.”

“Don’t be too hard on my little ponies.”

“FUCK OFF CELESTIA!”

“Woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, hmmm?”

“I thought ‘I’ had to call ‘you’ for this to work? And no, I didn’t, you just made me shit a brick, that’s what.”

“Well, it’s like your phone, I can call you too.”

“Lucky me…”

“And why do you think you’ll get off with telling the supreme overlord Celestia to ‘fuck off’?”

“You’d have turned me to ash by now otherwise. And ‘supreme overlord’, you’re a real piece of work you know that?”

“I’m just teasing.”

“I know. Hey Twilight tried to-”

“Are you going to rat out my student? What a little bitch…”

“Wait, no! Well, yes. But she’s blackmailing me, and encouraging youths to drink!”

“Right, well. You have no shame little human. Besides, I know anyway, I’ve been watching things through you this morning.”

“Sweet Celestia that’s creepy! This brings up a number of questions. Did you watch me shower? What do you do all day if you have time to watch me? And how the hell did you become ruler of a country?”

“’Sweet Celestia?”

“Like it? I thought of it just now.”

“Yes, it’s not bad. Anyway, yes, nothing and don’t know, just sorta happened.”

“Great. Full of wisdom as always.”

“I do my best. But I’m sure you have things to be doing, from what I can see there are two ponies and a dragon staring at you right now. You should probably snap out of it.”

“You’re probably right. Well, speak to you soon… Or next time you decide to creep up on me.”

“Toodles~” She sang as she vacated his mind.

Rob felt the connection sever.

“I’m not even gonna question that.”

“-ust gets like this sometimes. Last time it was because the princess was talking to him. Ah, he seems to have snapped out of it.” Rob faded back just in time to hear the last of Twilight’s speech.

“Surely that’s not The Princess?” He heard Rarity comment. She stood up from the table and walked around to him, concern showing in her face.

“I’m back girls. And yeah, it was The Princess again. Don’t worry though, all good news.” Rob wore a chipper smile despite feeling an inner, playful anger towards the ‘kind’ and ‘benevolent’ ruler of the kingdom. Imagining her mockery made him irritated.

“She is a laugh though, I’ll give her that.”

Twilight trotted forwards. While Rob was daydreaming, she had finished cleaning up the kitchen, with Spikes help of course, and had just been speaking with Rarity. “I suspect Applejack will be arriving at some point, she seemed eager last night and frankly, I’m surprised that she isn’t here already.” With that she walked into the library, leaving the others in the kitchen.

“You’ve met Applejack already?” Rarity spoke up, ascending from the table herself. On the other side of the room Spike got down from the kitchen counter that he was currently sitting on. He landed with an ungraceful ‘thud’.

“Yup, she pounced on me last night.”

“Giggity.”

“Oh, darling! I take it you’re alright? That mare has absolutely no finesse!”

The three followed after Twilight and found themselves in the main library area. “Yeah, she’s headstrong alright. But everything went fine, Twilight growled at her and then we had a little discussion. Everything went better than expected.”

“I’m glad.” She turned her attention to Twilight. “So dear, who are we taking our guest to first?”

Twilight looked up, that glint in her eyes had appeared again. Rob noticed it happened whenever she was thinking. After musing for a few seconds she had come to an answer. “Applejack is probably on her way here now, so, after that I thought Arc should meet Fluttershy. It’s probably for the best that she meets him with us four,” she motioned to herself, Spike and Rarity, “as Pinkie and Dash have a habit of blowing things out of proportion. We don’t want her first impression to be that he’s an alien trying to enslave Equestria…” She deadpanned the last bit, as if this wasn’t the first time she had encountered these problems.

“These two sound like quite the characters.”

“Excellent point. So now we wait for Appleja-”

She was cut off as four faces grew wide-eyed at the sight of Twilights door slamming open as an orange pony came charging through with a large grin on her face.

“Well, seems we have ourselves an Applejack.” Rob said flatly.

“Howdy y’all!” The new pony called.

A simultaneous “Applejack!” was heard from Twilight and Rarity. Spike just facepalmed down to the side of the two ponies.

Rarity started first. “Applejack, how brutish-” But was cut off by Twilight.

“What did we talk about last night! It’s like having another Rainbow Dash…”

Rob interrupted and went to the doorway. “Yes, yes, I’m sure Applejack is sorry. Let’s just get this party started already. Arguing is just wasting our time, despite it being really funny to watch.” Spike stifled a laugh and hopped on Twilights back.

“Truly Twi, I’m sorry, I was just a little excited, that’s all.” She faced the two annoyed ponies. “But,” she turned to Rob, “he’s right, we got ponies ta meet! Where to first?” She paced towards the door after Rob. “Umm, weren’t you wearin’ more yesterday?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Woops! Nice catch there Applejack, I almost forgot. No visual cues ya’ know, no one- sorry, nopony else is wearing clothes so I kinda didn’t realise…” He sheepishly walked to the stairs and picked up the new clothes Celestia sent to him, trying to justify how he almost walked into town in just a towel. After a few minutes he was fully dressed in the same black jeans and t-shirt as the day before. He headed to the door for a second time. “Right, so who are we going to see then?”

“Fluttershy.” Rarity stated as she also walked towards the door followed by Applejack.

Lastly, Twilight followed and exited the library. On the way past Rob, Spike made another leap from his trusty steed and climbed the human, situating himself on his left shoulder. A lilac aura surrounded the door and it firmly closed with a slam.

“Hey, I arrived late last night and everypony was already in bed. Are they gonna be ok seeing a six feet tall abomination strolling around town? It looks like I’ve kidnapped a dragon and taken three ponies hostage.”

The girls and Spike giggled, Applejack answered. “Ya might get the few odd looks, but all in all Ponyville is a pretty acceptin’ place. ‘Sides, there are griffons and diamond dogs walking around town every now and then too. Y’aren’t the first weird critter Ponyville has seen.” She eased his fears and headed off in the opposite direction to how he had entered the night before. “’Sides,” she said as she looked over her shoulder, “It were the princess who sent ya, an’ nopony’s gonna argue with her.”

If Ponyville was a ghost town last night, then this morning it was the opposite. Ponies were everywhere, going about their daily business as usual. The open space outside the library was now dominated by carts and stalls, creating a market of sorts. There was anything from fruit and veg to antiques and furniture. If you needed something, then the Ponyville market had it. It was quite the self-sustaining little community.

Over the back near Sugarcube Corner was the Apple stall, manned by Big Mac today, he saw the group and lifted a hoof to wave. They returned the gesture and resumed walking. Applejack told the group that Big Mac had been nice enough to take over her duties for the day, seeing as she had been charged to help guide Arc around Ponyville.

With only a few minimal glances at the ragtail group, they made it out of the market and onto a smaller north leading road. The roadside was adorned with more permanent establishments than the market, shops and eateries lined the street. Nothing could be of less use to a human that a saddle shop and a restaurant named ‘The Lucky Leaf’, a food shop that specialised in grasses and leaves.

The convoy proceeded down the street and soon after, the noise lessened and the street turned from cobbles to dirt. Buildings faded to trees and after a while everything was tranquil. Besides them, there were no other ponies around. From somewhere a small stream had started running alongside the path, its soothing trickle was the only sound to be heard.

“It’s really peaceful here.” Rob broke the silence. He looked over at the others and saw them nod.

“Fluttershy is, well, shy. She doesn’t suit the faster pace of the town very well. That’s why she lives out here.” Spike said from atop the humans shoulder.

“I see. I’d say I’m similar. I prefer the outdoors too.”

As they chatted, a small bridge approached, it crossed the stream that they had been following. Past the bridge there was a small cottage surrounded by animals. The stream ran strait under the porch. There were hummingbirds and finches in the trees as well as multitude of other song birds littering the area. On the ground there were otters under the bridge and chickens in a pen near the cottage. Aside from the animals that were clearly housed, there were a lot of others just wandering around. It was like they were naturally drawn to the place. Out of the corner of his eye, Rob was sure he’d seen a mouse in a wheelchair get pushed around the corner of the cottage. The sound though, was magnificent, the wind in the trees created an ethereal quality to the atmosphere, giving it depth, the songbirds all seemed to harmonise and the stream added an earthy tone to the mixture. From somewhere behind the chicken coop a voice started humming, perfectly in tune with the rest of the natural sounds. The group came to a halt not too far away.

Twilight stepped forward. “Fluttershy! Fluttershy!” She called, making the voice stop.

An audible “Eep!” was heard from the same location as the voice and a small yellow face peered out from behind the coop accompanied by a puff of feathers which softly floated to the ground. Rob presumed they were from the nearby chickens, although he questioned what she was doing that made them ‘pop’ up like that. Just as soon as the face had appeared, it disappeared again. The group just stood there.

“Umm, what’s happening? It’s like she’s shell shocked.”

The silence was soon broken by Rarity who walked past Twilight and towards the cowering yellow blob. “Fluttershy dear, would you be a darling and come and greet our new guest?”

Some mumbles were heard, and after a little coaxing from Rarity, the pony revealed herself again. She was frogmarched up towards the bemused human and his pony companions with a stunned look on her face. Her heels were digging into the ground. Rob observed as she drew closer; she had a fragile form and was clearly a pegasus, the wings at her side gave that much away. Her coat was a light yellow colour, reminiscent of custard, and she had vibrant teal colour eyes. They were glistening as they were beginning to tear up. The light reflected of them magnificently. Part of her face was hidden beneath her light pink mane which fell to the right hand side of her head and cascaded down to just below her stomach. Her tail was the same colour and twitched nervously as it flailed around between her hind legs. On her flank was her cutie mark, three pink butterflies, and Rob assumed it had something to do with nature, seeing as she was literally surrounded by it.

“Spike was not kidding, she is shy! Well, shy is an understatement if you ask me. I think I’ve petrified her.”

Rarity continued pushing her until she was within a few feet of the group. “Go on.” She chided.

After a deep breath she locked eyes with the strange biped presented before her and spoke. “H-hello t-t-there. M-my names Fluttersh…” She trailed off and a rosy colour spread across her cheeks, she turned her eyes down and nervously padded at the ground with her right fore-hoof. She was shaking slightly.

“Shit. Must. Hug. It. No, I can’t, I risk crushing her from excessive loving. Sweet Celestia, she’s cute. I want one.”

“Sup, sweetie. Didn’t quite catch the name but oh well, these guys tell me it’s ‘Fluttershy’.”

“Ok, bit pretentious. Why did I call her ‘sweetie’? Damnit brain, get it together!”

She lifted her head and stared, their eyes met and she nodded. “Umm… Yes, Fluttershy.”

“Oh come on! He isn’t that scary.” Twilight stood next to the yellow pegasus and nudged her a little.

Applejack joined in too. “She’s right sugarcube, he aint gonna harm a hair on yer head.”

“She’s never been good with strangers, especially males.” Spike whispered to his human chauffeur. “Except me, she loved me.”

“Bitches dig the dragon boy. Humph, who knew?”

“Ok, Fluttershy,” Rob turned his attention to her, “My name is Saccharine Arcadia, or ‘Arc’ for short. I’m not going to hurt you unless you consider hugging painful, and I’m new here in Ponyville, you may have worked that out. I can see you like the plants and animals, I do too, so we have something in common. If you like, think of me as a new animal. As for what I technically am, I’m what’s called a human. Any questions?”

Something about the speech seemed to click with Fluttershy as she seemed to forget her shy demeanour and she began to ramble on. “Oh yes! What kind of food do you eat? Umm, if you don’t mind me asking that is. And how old are you? Where do you come from?” She started to flap her wings gently and she lifted from the ground. “Do you live in the trees or underground?” She continued and approached the human. “Are humans part dragon? You don’t have wings, but you do have fingers just like Spike.” The ponies gazed in awe and confusion as their once highly reserved companion fluttered around Rob, taking him in from all angles. “What about-” She was cut off as Applejack spoke up.

“Y’all right sugarcube? You’re buzzin’ ‘round him like a bee does a cider tank.” This outburst caused the yellow bundle of feathers to regain her senses and crash to the floor in an ungraceful lump, eliciting a small laugh from the others.

“Ummm, I’m sorry. I was just curious that’s all.” She lifted herself from the floor and dusted herself off with a few beats of her wings, the blush returned to her face.

“Suck it Spike.”

“That’s no problem Fluttershy, I’ll answer them all in due time. It has occurred to me that it would make more sense to answer you guys in bulk, rather than one at a time. Right now I think we’re off to meet the others though. As I said, it’ll be easier to answer all the questions at once when everyone’s together.” She nodded in response and smiled warmly.

“She could get away with murder with that face.”

“’Everyone’s’?” Twilight asked.

“Oh, sorry, haven’t you heard me use that one yet? It’s the same word as ‘everypony’ only it refers to humans where I come from.”

“Fascinating.” Was all she said in response. “Well, we should probably get going, Rainbow could be anywhere and Pinkie- well let’s just say that I’m surprised she hasn’t already popped up, literally.”

The group turned to head back towards the town, Fluttershy in tow, when Arc felt the connection again, this time however, it came with malice.

“The Everfree, go now.”

“Celestia? Again?”

“Don’t argue this time, seriously, you need to go into the forest now, one of my little ponies is about to be attacked!”

“You’re serious?!”

“Yes, tell Twilight and get going now! I’ll show you the way with a magic compass.”

“That’s convenient…”

Rob felt a tug on his mind, a pull towards the forest, he sensed it lead deep inside. A weaving string drew a map in his mind, for a moment he could feel the forest. He knew where the pony in need of rescue was. He noticed the others were staring at him strangely, they had wondered why he’d stopped and turned to investigate.

“Twi, we got a problem.” He lifted Spike off his shoulder and set him down on Twilights back. The others were looking at him strangely. “Celestia needs me. She says somepony’s in trouble in the forest. You guys go get help, I’ll head in and find out what’s happening.” With that, he bolted for the nearby forest, ignoring the voices calling him from behind.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it, I got this covered.”

Rob said confidently before realising that he was charging into an unknown forest on the whim of glowing white horse.

“Scratch that. This is crazy. I’m at best, scared of danger! I’m no good at fighting, what kind of danger are we talking about?! I will not be pleased if it involves lions or tigers or anything vicious like that.”

The thick canopy soon shut out the light and the sun faded out of existence, as if it was scared of the forest. A deep green, mossy underlay soon replaced the dirt and Rob’s footsteps became muffled as he ran through the ever darkening undergrowth. His breathing began to quicken and he soon realised that despite being skinny, he was not fit. It didn’t help that he was thinking of all the possible outcomes and wearing himself out with worry. Lucky for him, the compass Celestia had implanted in his head was taking him in the right direction, he wondered if he would ever find his way without it and shuddered at the thought. An even scarier thought came when he tried to imagine escaping the forest without it. Running in circles, becoming dehydrated and getting mauled by forest creatures did not sound fun. Off in the distance a scream was heard and Rob picked up his pace, charging with renewed vigour into the forest.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit… Ok, deep breaths… Right: Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”

A second cry echoed through the trees and Rob could tell he was getting close now, a clearing was approaching and as he stepped into it, he had to shield his eyes from the bright light.

“Ok, if there was ever a time for me to wake up from a drug-addled booze trip, this is it.”

He pinched himself. Nothing happened.

A snarl caught his attention and he squinted across the clearing, hunched over a cyan figure was what could only be described a wolf, albeit, slightly larger and made out of wood. It pulled its attention from the now unconscious mound on the floor and turned to face the new challenge entering its arena. If wolves could smile, this one was. It must have been roughly the same size as Celestia and therefore in overall body mass, dwarfed the human. It let rip a howl to the sky and hunched down on its fore-legs, yellow eyes glaring holes into the creature that dared disrupt its meal. It began to pace, eyeing its opponent for a weak point.

Rob stood his ground and stared the creature in the eyes, it was all he could do to keep from soiling himself, “Heh, nice doggy?”

4. Into The Mouth Of Hell We March

Chapter 4: Into The Mouth Of Hell We March.

Somewhere within the Everfree Forest:

The forest stood quiet, as if anticipating the macabre scene that was about to unfold. An eerie chill crept over the ground and seeped into it, cooling all life in its frozen embrace. The trees leered menacingly, towering over the two combatants like crooked fingers suffocating all in their grasp, awaiting death, for the forest knew; only one would leave alive.

Rob was waiting, to an observer he would have appeared calm and collected, underneath however…

“Fuck, I’m bricking it!”

A mossy smell filled his nostrils as he deeply breathed, trying to calm himself and think of a plan.

The timber wolf on the other hand had fought before, and knew what to do. The only reason it hadn’t acted yet was because it hadn’t encountered this type of foe before and wasn’t sure what it was capable of. It feared the unknown, much more than the fight. It would see what its adversary did, and act based on what insight it could gain on the humans movements. Making the first move would be foolish.

This however presented the human with time to think and come up with a plan.

“Humans have always been great because of ingenuity, not strength or speed. Oh god, I got nothin’! Right, what’s around? Some rocks, some sticks, a hell of a lot of moss… I shall moss it to death! Fucking moss… Damnit Twi, that magic would be useful right about now.”

“Ah! The necklace thing Celestia gave me! Any danger, and she’ll come to the rescue, she said so herself. Right, concentrate on the necklace! Concentrate… Concentrate… … … Why is nothing happening! Screw you Celestia!”

“Ok, back to the wolf… Is it still looki- Oh god! It’s raping me with its eyes!”

“Shit, shit, shit!”

“NO! Don’t panic, that’s what it wants you to do, yes, panic, ha-ha!”

“Breathe. Ok. How do you kill a giant wolf made of wood? Burn it? Chop at it? Someone once told me that all you need to do to kill something is make its head go ‘splat’, so, how do I do that? Reduce its mobility. Fuck, how do I do that?! Break its legs. Quick question brain, HOW DO I DO THAT? Nothing. Wonderful.”

“Best make the first move… Need to find a weapon.”

Rob spied a large rock at the edge of the clearing, no more than twenty feet away and made a dash for it. The timber wolf edged forward slightly, intrigued, before realising what its opponent was doing. It may have been a beast, but now, it knew he was after a weapon, something that could actually harm it. Not willing to give Rob the chance he needed, the wolf bounded across the clearing, covering ground much quicker than the human. It intercepted Rob no more than five feet away from the rock and forced him to change direction. He headed left, trying to put himself between the wolf and the injured pony on the other side of the clearing.

Hearing another snarl, Arc turned and looked over his shoulder, the wolf was right behind him and gaining fast, it had clearly gotten the upper hand when it came to mobility and having an extra pair of legs helps in that regard. Luckily for him though, it couldn’t change direction as fast as he could, and therefore lagged behind whenever he made a course adjustment. He quickly learned that this could buy him time and therefore used it to his advantage.

“Sod off you ugly bastard!”

“That was weak… This is not the time!”

Turning right again, and Rob finally had a direct line to the rock he’d originally tried to get. With the wolf still snapping at his heels, catching up again as it rounded the same corner he had, Rob made a dive for the rock. It wasn’t intentional, he’d tripped over a moss covered log on the ground and landed flat on his face. He held back a whimper as his face collided with the floor. Luckily the soft, mossy underlay absorbed some of the impact.

“That fucking hurts! Oww, my poor sensitive nose! Thank god for moss though. I’ll never hate you ever, ever again! I’m sorry for all those nasty thoughts I had about you!”

Tears welled up in his eyes as the wolf loomed over him, partially from the fact that he’d hit his nose in the fall and partially due to the horrifying fear of having his face ripped out of his head by the hellish maw of the wooden beast before him.

Breaking out of its run, the wolf pounced at Rob, who was currently unable to move onto his feet from the floor. Luckily he rolled over to his left just in time, and the beasts paws stabbed down at the ground just next to his head. With adrenaline and primal survival instincts kicking in, he clenched his left fist and drove it into the side of the wolf’s head. More than anything it looked stunned. Such a succulent, fleshy creature dared to use its own body to harm me, a creature of dense wood? This however gave Rob the chance he needed to get up and on his feet again, through the fear and desperation he staggered the last few steps to the rock, ignoring the pain searing through his left arm. A warm feeling covered his knuckles and wetness stained his thigh, the location his damaged limb was now dangling down towards.

“You know what? The pain has just become numb now, ha-ha! I beat you pain! Oh fuck… This just can’t be happening! Ha-ha-ha-ha!”

The human’s vision was blurry now and he was sniffing, a mixture of crying and not realising that his nose was bleeding. He didn’t want any of this. A solace came over his mind as it broke. No thought, no emotion, nothing. He felt immortal. Was this death? He started to laugh crazily through the tears. Driven on only by instinct, he reached the rock and bent down to pick it up, a claw swiped over his head. He stayed on his knees. The wolf was directly behind him and didn’t let up its relentless assault. A second claw swiped down and carved its way into Robs back. He screamed out in pain and his breathing quickened even more.

“Fuck. You!” He hoarsely cried out to the wolf, spinning with the rock in his undamaged right hand as it raised another claw. Mid-turn, Rob found out that he could only turn half of what he used to be able to. The gash down his back now limited movement and with the wolf now side on, it had a huge advantage, and it took it.

“Whelp, I’m fucked!”

“Dying a virgin is NOT cool!”

Without warning a cyan streak flashed over Rob’s vision and tackled the wolf to the ground.

“Now, you idiot!” A croaky voice shouted.

As quick as the wolf was down, Rob pivoted the rest of the way on his knees, crying out in the process, and smashed the rock he held into the creature’s eye socket, the only place which seemed to be not created solely of wood. A not-that-disgusting crunch was heard as the rock made contact, the jagged edge slamming through the skull and into the brain. The wolf’s body violently twitched and jerked, throwing the cyan lump that was on it, off. A stray claw kicked at the pony and a squeak of pain was heard. This renewed Rob’s energy, what was left anyway, and he pounded the rock in a few more times to finish the beast off.

“Don’t!”

Thud.

“Fuck!”

Thud.

“With!”

Thud.

“My!

Thud.

“Life!”

Thud.

He panted and cried, unsure of what his emotions wanted to do.

“And leave off the ponies too, they’re cute…” He sniffed.

Rob felt his senses returning and he rolled onto his back and relaxed, cringing at the pain all over his body. Once more, the forest was silent.

“I am never getting up again…”

He let out another breath and waited, taking in the beauty of the area around him. If it weren’t for all the death, this place would be pretty nice.

“Tell me about it.” Another voice entered the currently one-sided conversation. It came from the other side of the wolf.

He licked his lips. “So then Miss Pony, you got a name?” He got out in-between his deep breaths.

“Yeah Mr Tall, dark ‘n’ creepy, it’s Rainbow Dash.”

“I’d laugh at how flowery that is but after spending the day here, it would feel a bit redundant. Besides, there ain’t nothin’ flowery about that insane tackle you just pulled off to save my arse.” He raised his uninjured arm up to his face to block out some of the sunlight. “And hey, tall maybe, but dark, no, and creepy? Well, maybe…”

She chuckled and then coughed. Her raspy voice replied, “I’ll take that as a ‘thanks’.” She paused. “Ya’ know, I’m not normally good at this but, you just saved my life so what the hay,” She paused again and looked towards the sky before letting out a breath, “thanks. And I really don’t say this often, but the way you dealt with that wolf was awesome! Even by my standards.”

“No offense, but, ‘your standards’? So far all I’ve seen you do is get your ass handed to you by a wolf thing.”

“I’d buck you for that, but I’m sort of worn out and I do kinda owe you one. I’ll let that comment slide, this time.”

He laughed and coughed, his voice came out raspy too. “Thanks. I don’t suppose you know how we can get out of here? I’m pretty banged up and you obviously aren’t faring much better either.”

She sighed and shook her head, not that the human could see. “No, we’re pretty deep in.”

“That’s what she said!”

She continued, “No one would have heard that and I didn’t say where I was going either. Unless you have people searching for you, we’re on our own. Which reminds me, how did you find me?”

Once more he chuckled. “You aren’t gonna believe this-” She cut him off.

“Try me. I’ve seen more crazy things that you can think of, from a plague of parasprites to the recapture of Discord.”

“What’s a parasprite, and who the hell is Discord? Never mind, I’ll ask later… Well, my story begins with…”

Rob then recounted his past two days activities, from Celestia mind raping him (he didn’t put it that way of course), to, well, Celestia mind raping him again and telling him to go and save Rainbow Dash.

“… and then I gave Spike to Twilight and charged off into the forest, crapping myself the entire way. I arrived in the clearing and saw you and Mr Beasty, had a scuffle, and now we’re here. Fun times.”

“Wow! That’s pretty cool. So wait, the princess talks to you? In your head?”

“Yeah, freaks me out though.” He tried to lift his arm up again, this time to feel up his back, he gave up though, as his torn up muscle wouldn’t allow it.

“How are your wounds?” Her previously boastful sounding voice became concerned. “I can’t see from over here.”

“Tis but a scratch.”

“I wanna cry and go home!”

“What?” She replied.

“Never mind. I haven’t really been in any fights before, that was my first. Never thought it would be with something like that though…” He coughed. “What is it anyway? Oh, and I think my left hand is broken, luckily it’s gone numb and I can only feel a dull throb. I can’t move it though. And also, I think I have a cut on my back, that stings a bit too. Aaaand I scuffled my nose a little, but that’s all good.” He paused. “You?”

“I’m worn out and I think one of my wings is dislocated. Fine though, apart from that…”

Rob propped himself up on his right elbow and took a deep breath as pain surged through his back. “So what was it?”

“A timber wolf.”

“Well. Fuck it. Fuck timber wolves.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Rob pushed himself forward and rolled ungracefully onto his feet, still crouching, shouting out in pain as he did. This made Rainbow Dash jump. Cringing through gritted teeth, he got to his feet and flexed as much as he could. He heard some badly concealed laughter. “And what do you find so funny?” He scowled and turned towards the partially obscured pegasus.

“I just didn’t think it was possible for something so scrawny to beat a timber wolf!” She couldn’t hide her laughter and openly mocked the human.

“Laugh it up all you want. You’d be dog food if it wasn’t for me.” He slowly and gingerly walked around the wolf corpse and over to his new friend. He looked at her and took note; she was a cyan sky blue colour and had brilliant rose coloured eyes. Her mane was amazing and encompassed all the colours of the rainbow, going from red on the top to purple lower down. Her tail was the same. Her cutie mark was of a rainbolt (rainbow coloured lightning bolt) and a cloud. He considered this cutie mark to be the manliest, excluding Applejacks, due to how awesome anything with lightning in it is. Apples can’t really be manly or feminine anyway… As he saw earlier, there were wings attached to her sides, although one looked dishevelled and limp. He guessed that was the dislocated one.

“You wanna make a move?” She asked.

“You up for it?”

“If you can, then I sure as hay can!”

“Wow, ego much?”

Rob walked to her side and offered a hand, she extended her hoof and he took hold of it. A few grunts later and she was up and checking herself over. She looked up and smiled. “Let’s get out of here then.”

“Confound these ponies and their adorableness!”

Rob nodded back and they began to make their way, slowly, but surely out of the clearing, back the way Rob had come. Soon they were submerged back in the darkness of the forest and the air grew colder.

“Do you have any idea where you’re going?”

“Celestia gave me the compass to get here, it’s simply leading us back. We should get back to Fluttershy’s in just under an hour, assuming we don’t get mauled by any more wolves. Which makes me wonder; how did you get in that situation anyway?”

She looked up for a moment, as if recalling the memories and sighed. “Well, I was just being awesome and practicing some new tricks to impress the Wonderbolts in the park outside Mane Street, when I kinda lost control… Nothing serious, I woulda fixed it in no time! But as I was spiralling down towards Fluttershy’s cottage I noticed something in the shadows of the forest. It didn’t look like a pony so I went to investigate. I got closer and saw it was a timber wolf. It was strange because timber wolves only usually come this close to town around zap apple season. Anyway, it saw me as I got closer and ran back into the forest, I then followed it to see what it was doing. After about fifteen minutes of flying I couldn’t see it anymore because the trees got thicker, so I went lower and tried to get under the tree tops. Well, long story short, the wolf had stopped below a thick net of vines and when I came through the trees I got tangled and fell to the floor. It hit me with its paw and knocked me out. I can only guess that it dragged me to the clearing to eat in the sun, because when I came to I saw you fighting it. The rest is history. Cool story huh?” She beamed proudly, forgetting how she caused the mess in the first place and focusing only on the tackle to save the human. “Oh, and if you beg me, I won’t tell anyone about the constant crying you were doing!” She laughed and threw her eyes at him in a sly manner.

“Blackmail? What a bitch. Two can play at that game.”

“Alright, how about this; You don’t tell anyone about me crying and I won’t tell anyone about your cute screams for help as I was running after you. The great Rainbow Dash doesn’t cry for help am I right?” She scowled again.

“Check, and mate. Thank you, thank you.”

“Regardless,” He said, breaking the happy mood, “I though wolves hunted in packs. Why was it by itself? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it was. We’d be dead otherwise, it just seems strange…”

“Yeah, I dunno. We should probably ask Twilight when we get back, she might know.”

The two continued to walk for a while, chatting about mindless stuff, each other’s jobs, the weather, telling funny stories and Rainbow even ended up telling Rob about Discord. He was surprised that such a flowery world could have evil in it somewhere.

“Suppose there must be an equilibrium holding everything together and in balance… It’s strange though, I could have sworn that Celestia was the evil holding this place in balance.”

He broke the chatter and asked about her wellbeing, “How you holding up there Rainbow Dash?”

“Eh? Oh, good yeah. I’ve been worse. And don’t call me by my full name, ‘Dash’ or ‘Dashie’ is fine, even ‘Rainbow’ is ok by itself, that’s what AJ calls me… How’s your claw and back?”

He laughed. “Claw? It’s called a hand. Surely you have things here with these? Anyway, Spike has claws because his are sharp and pointy, mine are hands because they’re soft and squidgy, not meant for using blunt force…” He trailed off, “Anyway, my right is fine, just a bit scuffed from holding the rock so tight. The left still stings, I can’t move it and the numbness is wearing off so I can feel pain again, which is fun. I’m pretty sure I split the knuckles too. As for my back, it bloody hurts but not as much as I thought it would. There’s some muscle damage I think, as I can’t turn very well but it’s not horrendously deep and isn’t bleeding much for some reason, so blood loss isn’t gonna happen, not during this short walk anyway, and overall, with some medical attention, I think I’ll be fine.” He smiled at her and they continued walking.

“You know,” she started, “we’re lucky to have got off so lightly. That thing could have killed us in one swing with a lucky hit. I’m surprised we beat it… Not that I thought we couldn’t or anything!”

“But we did. And that’s all that matters.”

Shortly after, the density of the trees abated and more light was let through the canopy. The air became less dense and the underlay of the forest became harder, back to the dirt of the outside world. The two were approaching the edge of the Everfree.

Not soon after that, an out of breath pegasus and her human companion emerged from the forest and let out a sigh of relief. They had appeared not too far from Fluttershy’s cottage and only had to walk a short way further to get to it. It was a welcome sound to their ears when they finally heard the birds chirping again, a sign that the friendly side of Equestria was back to stay. The cottage soon came into view, and they proceeded to the front door. Knocking on the door a few times, the duo were met with silence and in the end decided that the girls must still be out looking for them, Rob had run off in a hurry so they must have been worried. He suddenly felt guilty for not telling them more about the situation. What if they were in danger in the forest? If they had gotten hurt he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. Dash saw that he was fretting and reassured him.

“Look, my friends are the toughest out there. They got Twilights smarts and AJ’s brawn, Fluttershy’s stare and Rarity’s um, yes, Rarity. They’ll be fine, don’t kick yourself over this. I might have been dead if you’d waited any longer and then they’d hate you more for that, than if you just ran off for nothing.”

Her words got through to him and he cheered up a bit.

“Turns out the Rainbow one can be sensitive, who knew? She doesn’t seem like the type…”

They turned from the door and headed down to the stream near the cottage, aiming for the bridge and finally Ponyville.

“Hey, I never asked for your name, did I?” She said as they plodded along.

“Haha, come to think of it no, you didn’t.” He stopped and felt the awkward tension in the air build up.

“Sooo are you gonna tell me?”

“You didn’t ask.” He smirked and raised an eyebrow looking at the pegasus.

“Fine. What’s your name? Happy?” She wore an irate expression and her scowl was returning for the third time that day.

“Very,” He had a satisfied grin on his face which wound Rainbow up even more, “It’s Saccharine Arcadia, but just call me Arc.”

“And earlier you said you were from Earth and you were an… Earthanite? Earthy? Earthian?”

“Human my dear mare, human. I know that you guys are Equestrians from Equestria, but we’re humans from Earth. Make sense?”

She thought for a few seconds. “…I dunno…”

“Operation Mind-Fuck has commenced!”

They resumed their trek for a while and before long Ponyville was present on the horizon, an orange glow accompanied it as the sun had finally begun to set. Evil Celestia sorcerer…

“Which reminds me: Celestia. We will be having words later. And if you have a problem with that, then come at me sis!”

“No, no?! I didn’t think so!”

At the edge of town the two heard some familiar voices calling and they turned to see who it was. Both were worn out and mentally exhausted from the day in danger, and they were relieved to finally hear something familiar.

“Arc! Rainbow Dash! Are you guys ok!?” Twilight’s voice frantically echoed around the hills.

The two didn’t reply and just waited for the now fast approaching group to come and meet them.

They came to a stop and surrounded the human and the pegasus, bombarding them with questions. Rob raised his hand and signalled them to stop.

“Girls, we’re fine. A little worse for wear, but we’ll live.” He let out a deep breath and looked at them, forcing a smile. “I’m just happy you’re all ok. Sorry for running off like that.”

“Never mind that Sugarcube, we’re all just glad you’re ok.”

“Thanks Applejack.”

“Umm, are you- Oh my gosh! You’re both hurt! Please go and lie down and I’ll get so-” Fluttershy quickly got herself worked up over the two, and tried to tend to their injuries, luckily though, she was reassured that they could make it to the hospital by themselves by Rarity.

“Good thing Rarity is a people person or we’d never get Fluttershy off our case…”

“Seriously, thanks Fluttershy, but we’ve got through worse today, and I’m sure we can make it to the hospital just fine. Don’t get yourself in a fluster on our accounts.” Rob stated as the group made their way to the Ponyville hospital.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to pry… I just wanted to make sure you’re ok…” She bashfully threw her eyes at the ground and the red on her cheeks began to spread again. She paced a hoof back and forth along the ground.

“I’ve wanted to do this all day.”

“Fluttershy, come here.” He commanded.

Reluctantly, and with her eyes still on the floor, she did as she was told. The others watched on, with knowing smirks upon their faces. Even Rainbow chuckled slightly, despite her pain.

“Yes Arc? Eep!” She squeaked as she was picked up by the human. She struggled to start with, frantically flailing her legs, but soon relaxed and let out a breath, trying to calm herself down. Eventually she was comfortable enough to hug back, a content smile present on her face. She wasn’t too happy about the fresh blood on her coat though.

“My heart is going to explode!”

“Right after my hand does that is. This shit hurts! Totally worth it though.”

“She is much more dangerous than that fucker in the forest! This is psychological warfare!”

“Ok, you two, break up the mushy stuff…” Rainbow deadpanned looking at the couple and making a ‘gagging’ face, pointing her hoof at her mouth for emphasis.

“Well, she’s returned to her usual demeanour…”

He put the snuggly pegasus down and the group continued to head towards Ponyville, as Rainbow recounted the day’s activities. Rob couldn’t help but think they were overly dramatized…

Soon enough the group arrived at the hospital, thoroughly bored of Rainbow’s gloating, and feeling extraordinarily tired. There were fewer ponies about in Ponyville as the sun was setting, and only a few odd looks were thrown the human’s way.

Regardless of the truth, the story Rainbow told contained much more ‘awesomeness’, as she put it, on her part where the tackle was involved and she heroically saved the day. Many eyes were rolled as the party entered through the main doorway and approached the main desk.

“Yes, yes, and then we found you guys and lived happily ever after, sorry to wrap this up but my back canes.” Rob flippantly dismissed the remainder of Rainbows story with a flip of his right wrist and she glared at him. He turned to the front desk and rang the bell that was on it.

“Well, that sure is old fashioned…”

Looking around, Rob frowned at his surroundings. Shiny white walls stared back at him, devoid of any emotion. Long corridors extended in a number of directions and numerous extensions could be seen filtering off of them. Despite Rob’s usual uneasiness around hospitals, this one was strangely welcoming and did a fine job in providing the comfort that he needed to reassure himself that he would be good as new in no time. Besides, apart from the initial concern, there was no real worry upon inspecting Robs and Rainbows injuries. They looked bad and hurt, but there was no immediate danger to them. The smell of antiseptic filled Rob’s senses and made his nose twitch.

After a few seconds a female voice was heard from behind a screen next to the main reception desk. “Coming~” She sang. “How can I help- AHHH!” Panic filled her voice as she was confronted face to face with Equestria’s new human. The nurse pony became wide-eyed and staggered back, bumping her flank into the counter behind her. A bundle of papers fell of and hit the floor. This signalled the other ponies to stop chatting and look.

“Oh God. Not another case of Fluttershy syndrome…”

“Hey, Miss? Look, I’m sorry to trouble you and all, but me ‘n Rainbow here have some scuffles we’d like someone to have a look at. If it’s not too much of a bother can you be petrified after that? It’d really make all of our lives easier…”

The nurse blinked a few times and regained what little of her dignity she had left. She stood up strait and adjusted her cap. “Sorry dear, I heard the rumours spreading around town but I didn’t believe them! Are you some kind of Diamond Dog? Were you the runt of the litter?”

Much like the other ponies Rob had come across so far, after the brief shock period there came the unending string of questions. Normally he wouldn’t mind answering them, but in such an occasion as this, his hand was in agony and his back wasn’t faring well either. These things only made his patience shorter and in turn lowered his willingness to answer questions. “Oh! So sorry, Redheart, Nurse Redheart at your service!”

“You have been here 5 minutes now and ‘service’ is the only thing you have not given me!”

“If ya know what I mean…”

“Yes, well. I’ll answer your questions later. Rainbow here,” He motioned to the giggling pegasus behind him, “has a dislocated wing I think, and I have split knuckles and a broken wrist or something. My back also has a gash down it. Can you like, fix it or something?” He asked sarcastically.

She gasped and looked shocked.

“Sweet Celestia, we’ve got another ditz on our hands. And lucky us, this one is trusted with a scalpel and a needle! I am feeling so reassured right now.”

“So sorry! Well then, if you’d like to follow me down here,” She started to walk down the westward corridor, “then we’ll set you both up in the same room for examination and information.” She turned awkwardly and looked over her shoulder at the human and group of ponies following her. “One thing though, what’s a wrist and what are knuckles?” She nervously chuckled. “We have claws and paws here but, they are at best, similar to what you have…”

“Fuck, I’m screwed. So many internal facepalms are being had right now.”

Rob looked at the purple unicorn next to him. “Twilight, care to explain it to her? You have all the books on me and can probably explain it best. Besides, I can’t be bothered.”

“Nurse Klutz here is driving me insane!”

All eyes were on Twilight and she started. “Well, a hand, located on the end of a human’s wrist, is a prehensile, multi-fingered, or digited if you prefer, extremity. It is the main structure used for the physical manipulation of the environment and the majority of human motor skills, such as picking things up. The tips of the fingers contain some of the densest areas of nerve endings on the human’s whole body and provide the richest source of tactile feedback. As well as this, they have the greatest positioning capability in their entire body, therefore the sense of touch is extremely important to humans. Like all other paired organs in the human body, each hand is operated and dominantly controlled by the opposing brain hemisphere to it, left to right and right to left for example. The hand in more detail is split into a number of different areas; wrist, palm, thumb and digits. Amongst these there are twenty-seven different bones. As you can tell, they are much more complex and fascinating than a pony’s hoof! Anyway, the breakdown of the bones can be shown as a distribution and I will now tell you the specifics;” She looked so happy as she droned on. The others began to tune her out.

“Oh god! Please don’t!”

Sometime later, further down the corridor, Twilight was nearing the end of her lecture… “Distal phalanges, five bones, intermediate phalanges, four bones, proximal phalanges, five bones, metacarpals, five bones and lastly, the carpels hold the remainder, the last eight bones. I would surmise that Arc has broken a knuckle or two, located at the joint between the metacarpals and the proximal phalanges and that within his wrist, the carpels, he has possibly broken a bone there somewhere too.” She finished with a smug look on her face.

A silence presented itself within the corridor, and no one had noticed that somewhere through the lecture, they had all stopped walking. Many jaws were hanging loosely and surprise was present on all their faces.

“Wha- how… Uhh?” Rainbow tried to speak but couldn’t find the words.

Breaking the silence Rob shouted at Twilight. “NEEEERD!”

“Am not!” She replied.

“Well that worked.”

“Gosh-darn it, Sugarcube, I didn’t get a single word ‘a that. You aren’t the Princesses’ student for nothin’ I s’pose.” Applejack chimed in.

“Ok, Redheart, hey! Snap out of it!” Rob shook the awestruck pony, trying to get her back to the real world. She blinked. “Look, the simple answer is this; blood equals bad. Now then, where do you see blood?” She raised a hoof and pointed at his back and then his hand. “Good girl. Right then, it’s simple. Fix those.”

She nodded, smiling awkwardly, and the convoy once again resumed its trek down the corridor. They made a left and then entered a room a few doors down. Like much of the hospital Rob had seen, this room too was white and sterile. One thing he found strange was how alike everything was to Earth hospitals. The Ponyville houses and society was one thing, all intelligent beings needed some form of roof over their head and system of government to keep peace, but in the hospital, all the equipment was the same as on Earth too. Syringes, stethoscopes, ultrasound equipment, it all seemed the same, as if it were designed by humans, not ponies. Heck, even the defibrillator equipment he saw had finger grips, something designed for humans, the only sapient species of intelligent creature with fingers. It struck him as strange but he dismissed it, he would ask Celestia later.

“Right, Rainbow Dash, if you wouldn’t mind going behind that curtain over there, Nurse Tenderheart will be with you shortly to take readings and bio information. Mr… Umm?” She turned her head and gazed up at Rob with her glistening eyes.

“Cute overload again!”

“Saccharine Arcadia , but Arc will do.”

She smiled, “Ok, Arc, you’re with me!” She led him behind another curtain across the room from Rainbow’s.

Rob observed the pony in front of him, on Earth, all ponies looked the same pretty much. Aside from whether their coats were brown, black or white, or even a mix, they didn’t really have defining characteristics. These ponies however were different, they had different facial definitions, a range of coat colours, accents and even human personalities! It amazed him, and he was surprised it took him this long to feel it. Right next to him was a white earth pony with a candyfloss pink mane tied up in a bun. She had sapphire blue eyes and a nurse’s cap on. The cap had the same mark on it as her flank, a red cross with four love hearts, one in each corner. The astounding diversity came as a shock for some reason.

Rob sat down on a bed just in time to see a similar nurse pony walk behind Rainbow’s curtain before his own was slid closed by Nurse Redheart.

“Ok, first I’m going to need some general information about you before I get to treating your injuries. They aren’t fatal so I’m sure you can wait a little, hmmm?” She said.

“Yeah, yeah, just please hurry. They may not kill me but they bloody hurt none the less.” He once again sarcastically retorted.

“Ok, well, I already have your name so the next thing is age. So?”

“Eighteen.” He replied.

“Gender is male…” She trailed off. “Do you know what blood type you are?”

“Uhh, nope.”

“We’ll have to find out then. If you pivot around and face me,” she commanded, walking around the bed, “then I’ll take blood type and pressure. We won’t really know what we’re looking at, as this is a rather blind examination, seeing as we have no other human records to base your bio against. It’ll help for any future mishaps you may have though. Besides, I’m sure Twilight is correct and that you simply have a flesh wound and some broken bones. Some resetting, a cast, some sutures and stitching alongside some painkillers and you’ll be good as new!”

“Who woulda thought it! She can be dependable!”

“Thanks nurse, I appreciate it. One thing though, will this hurt? I really don’t like pain. Even more so after my meeting with ‘Woody’ in the forest.”

“’Woody’? And no, no this will not hurt a bit. Except for the initial injection.” She smiled weakly.

“Bitch! I’ve been tricked!”

“Great…”

Time went by, and a short while later the initial tests were done and Rob was lying down on his back in the bed with a saline drip going into his left arm. For the first injection Rob put up a fight and in the end had to have Twilight restrain him with magic, but after that, the area was anesthetized and all he had to do was look away. He never liked needles.

Nurse Redheart said that the drip wasn’t entirely necessary and after being told by the girls what had happened thought it a good idea anyway, to replenish any salt lost from the blood during the fight and due to blood loss itself, even if there wasn’t that much. Next came the fun part.

“Nurse, can I like, have some morphine or something? I don’t wanna see, or for a while, even know this has happened.” His voice was filled with nervousness.

Redheart called back through the curtain she had disappeared behind, “Well, we do have morphine… How much do humans normally get given?”

“In charge of my own morphine, are you serious? Goddamn it, ponies are trusting!”

“Score!”

“Maybe one-hundred and fifty milligrams over four hours or something.”

“I sound like a pro!”

“That’s a lot of morphine, are you sure? I don’t know what the human standards are…” She had doubt in her voice.

“Yeah, it’ll be fine.” He raised his voice and shouted over the curtain, “You know you guys don’t have to stay right? If you have other things to do then I won’t be offended.”

Rarity replied. “Darling, we don’t mind waiting. I’ve closed the boutique today anyway. Besides, I’m sure you’d get lost around here without us!” She giggled.

“Yeah, that’s a maybe. To be honest though, I don’t think I’ll be leaving the hospital for a while.”

Redheart walked back through the curtain with another drip. “You can leave tomorrow I presume, we’ll monitor you over night and then see how things go.” She smiled again.

“Don’t worry Arc, we’ll stay till you and Rainbow are going off to sleep, and then head back in the mornin’.” A southern accent joined the fray.

“Thanks Applejack.” Rob replied.

“You know that ‘AJ’ will do right. We’re close enough, an’ Big Mac’s fond of ya too.”

“Sounds a bit gay…”

Rainbow joined in the conversation, shouting from across the room. “How come last time I was in here you didn’t stay?”

“Sorry dear, but you’re always in here. If we visited every time then we’d never leave.” Rarity’s voice replied.

“Wow, you sure like getting hurt don’tcha Rainbow?” Rob asked as he rubbed his arm. The needle made him itch.

“Yeah, well, at least I’m not crying!” She mocked him.

“Oh that’s just uncalled for you bitch!”

“Traitor!” He called back. “You promised!”

She just laughed in return.

“Looks like we’ve become one happy family doesn’t it? God these two days have been long. Which reminds me, where’s Spike?”

“I sent him home after you went into the forest.” Twilight replied.

“And uh, is Fluttershy asleep or something? I haven’t heard her for a while.”
“N-no, I’m still here.” Rob barely heard her speak.

By this point Nurse Redheart had finished setting up the morphine drip and had attached it to Rob’s arm alongside the saline drip. “Ok, you’re gonna start feeling woozy now, ok?”

“Ohhh, it feels cold as it runs into my arm! How long ‘till this kicks in?”

“Any second now.”

“What’s he gonna be like?” Rainbow called.

Redheart turned her head and raised her voice across the room, “It varies, pony to pony… Err, human to human?”

“Is it me or did the ceiling fan just get louder?” Rob gazed up and stared at the roof.

“We don’t have any fans in here…”

“I’m sure I can hear a fan.” He turned back to Redheart and began laughing.

“Well, there we go. It’s ‘kicked in’ as you put it.” She giggled herself and trotted over to a trolley. “Well, painkillers are all good and we’ve anesthetized the areas causing you pain. What do you say we get to the bone setting procedure?”

“That sounds good to me Doc! Say, you guys have any reading material? I have a thirst for knowledge!”

Rarity drew the curtain back and took a peek at Rob. “I have a magazine on Canterlot fashion, but you probably don’t want that, I’ll go see what else they ha-”

“Give it.”

“Excuse me?”

“The magazine. And some yoghurt. I could really go some yoghurt.”

“Yoghurt?”

“Yeah, creamy goodness! Hey, guys, I think I’m high. I can see a fucking unicorn! Hahaha!”

Twilight pulled back the curtain and looked at Rob. He was looking towards her but not at her. “Are you ok?”

“Are you ok? Hahaha!”

“Nurse, is this normal?”

Redheart looked at Twilight and replied. “Well, some people become drowsy, some hyper. He’s just, well, hyper… and hallucinating, or he thinks he is anyway... He’ll fall asleep eventually.”

“I hope so…”

“Fuck me! There are two unicorns now! And a sexy nurse pony!” Rob shouted out. He heard a number of laughs from behind the curtain and joined in with them, tears streaming down his face.

Nurse Redheart coughed and abated her eyes. “Right, well, we’d better get on with the procedure then. It’s getting late.” She walked over to an oblivious Rob and grasped his hand. It hung limply in her grip. “This might hurt a little- who am I kidding, he can’t even tell what’s happening right now… Well, here goes.”

She started to apply pressure to the top of his knuckles and cracked them back into place. One was still fractured but at least it would set and start to heal correctly now, if only he’d stop moving it. With some more assistance from Twilight, Redheart had set all the breaks in Rob’s bones. In the end it turned out all he had were fractures. This meant that only a cast was necessary for them to heal themselves. Next though Redheart had to stitch up Rob’s back. With a combined effort from Twilight, Redheart and Applejack for added stallionpower, they somehow managed to turn Rob’s body over. He then continued to spout nonsensical sentences and laugh into the pillow.

“Ok, thanks Twilight, now to just clean and stitch up the gash. And you say a timber wolf did this? Why was he fighting a timber wolf?”

“We still don’t know all the details. I think the princess might have something to do with it though… Regardless, it seems like he saved Rainbow Dash… Or she saved him, as she puts it, and right now, that’s all that matters.”

Using splendid hoofwork Redheart managed to clean and stitch the wound without so much as a giggle from Rob, who was currently falling asleep. Twenty minutes later and she was done.

“Seeing that he’s already asleep I suggest we leave him where he is. Rainbow’s out too and it’s almost midnight. My shift will be over soon and technically you guys shouldn’t be here. Visiting hours ended long ago.”

“Well, they’re asleep and we can’t help them right now. Hay, even Fluttershy has fallen asleep. I suppose that’s our cue to go.” Twilight let out a yawn as she mumbled her last sentence.

Turning and leaving the bed, Twilight rounded up the other ponies and left the hospital, telling Redheart they would probably return in the morning. The nurse pony laughed as Applejack carried Fluttershy out on her back. She escorted them back to the reception. Walking back into the room with Rob and Rainbow, Redheart dimmed the lights and settled down back at the front desk. Another pony had started shift, and therefore taken over her duties and so she slept.

For Rob, that night he slept deeply, whether due to exhaustion or drugs.

Somewhere, Celestia laughed.

5. Under So Much Stress!

Chapter 5: Under So Much Stress!

Ponyville Hospital, Room 7:

Unlike the day before, Rob awoke to a cold breeze. His whole body felt stiff and he noticed a sharp pain in his back. He grunted and turned over which only served to make the pain worse. Opening one eye he gazed ahead, and was met with what appeared to be a white sheet. Upon closer inspection he realised it was a curtain, and by the time he opened his other eye, he’d remembered that he was in the hospital. For some reason his head felt groggy.

Grunting some more, he lifted himself up and rested his weight on one elbow, propping himself up. He raised his left arm up to wipe the sleep away from his eyes and was promptly punched in the face by a large white fist.

“Sonofa- The fuck is this thing!?”

He looked down at the cast.

“Right, right.”

“Well, I suppose I’m awake now…”

He turned over and looked for a bedside table. There wasn’t one. And after some fumbling around Rob remembered that he went to bed with his trousers on. Strangely though, he couldn’t remember the ‘going to sleep’ part very well.

“Morphine…”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew his phone which by now was on only one third battery life. It registered seven thirty. He moaned and slumped down against the pillows again, noticing how much better they were to the Earth hospital pillows.

“Awww damn. Wide awake at half seven. What the hell am I going to do for like, three hours while I wait for the others? Applejack may be up, working on a farm and all… Even if that is the case, she isn’t gonna come visit me.”

The room was deadly silent, and this meant that even the smallest sound could be heard from rather far away, one such sound which fell into that category was some light breathing from somewhere across the room. Rob turned some more, grunting yet again in the process, and noticed that upon closer inspection, that there was tuft of rainbow coloured hair sticking out of the bed opposite from him. He presumed it was a tail, as it was swishing back and forth menacingly, but in a playful manner. He assumed Rainbow was having an action packed dream of some sorts, from what little he knew of her, it probably involved racing or flying really fast. Even in her dreams she pushed herself to the limits.

“I could wake up Rainbow… Although she pro-”

“Yeah, but that’d be a dick move.”

“HOLY FUCK-NUGGETS! T-the fuck? W-why would you do that…?”

“Shits ‘n giggles.”

“No. Celestia, you rule a country, you shouldn’t be saying ‘shit’, it’s improper. Act more like a princess damnit.”

“Phew… My god…”

“Regardless, why are you here?”

“Well, I wondered if you were able to rescue Rainb-”

“Ahh yes! The forest! We’re gonna talk about that you evil… Alicorn… Uh, sorcerer-horse! Yeah! You abandoned me! What’s up with that? And you say ‘I’ play dick moves.”

“Oh yeah. The um, Everfree runs of its own magical accord. My magic has no effect within it. The telepathy cut out. My bad. Te-he~”

“My bad. My bad! My bad!? Bitch, I almost died! That, you are correct, isn’t ‘your’ bad, it’s, ‘my’ bad, ‘my’ very, very bad! I didn’t come here to just be killed by some living kindling in two days! That’s crap! And ‘Te-he~! What the hell is ‘Te-he~’, you aren’t a thirteen-year-old school girl from the nineteen-fifties! Never do that again!”

“Are you quite done?”

“You make me so angry sometimes…”

“I know.”

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“No reason. I’m sitting here on the throne, bored out of my wits. I thought I’d look you up.”

“Meh, I’ve got nothing better to do. You on the other hand, shouldn’t you be doing diplomatic things, ya’ know, for the good of the nation?”

“It’s all under control. Trust me. I met with some griffon chancellors this morning and negotiated some new trade routes through our borders. See, all under control.”

“If you say so. Personally, I think the whole of ponydom is screwed with you at the helm…”

“Humph. How very rude.”

“Great. So, if you feel like being useful, is there anything you can tell me about the country or, nation, of Equestria? I take it the world doesn’t end after Canterlot?”

“Well, Equestria is a nation, we’re roughly central in the grand scheme of things. To the east, through the bulk of the Everfree lie the Dragonlands. No one really goes there, as they fear the Everfree too much to plan the long journey through it.”

“Not to mention the hordes of dragons…”

“Anyhow, if you head north, you come across the Griffon Kingdoms and far to the west lie The Pitts, home to the majority of the Diamond Dog dens. The south is mainly occupied by oceans, but there are landmasses on the other side, we just have no real connection to them. Equestria is quite the self-sustaining place!”

“Ok then, tell me about the Griffon Kingdoms? I’m interested, I’ve always wanted to meet a griffon. They sound cool.”

“Oh, they are. Just never say it to their faces. As you, may have guessed, they’re quite prideful creatures, and saying things like that tends to go to their heads. They aren’t violent or anything, just highly competitive. Add that to the fact that they feel the need to prove their strength at every possible occasion, and they don’t need any more ego boosts.”

“Right, sounds like Dash is part griffon then... So how big are they?”

“Hmm, I’ve never really thought about it. I’d say smaller than me and you height wise, but larger than you in general. Comparatively, think ‘Big Mac with wings’ for a good idea. Of course, much of their size can be put down to streamlining in a sense. They have no real fat, mainly just muscle, and to some extent they look larger due to the ‘puffiness’ of their feathers.

“So, big, lean, fighting machines?”

“I suppose so. Yeah, my advice would be not to irritate or challenge one.”

“Sounds like a plan. ‘Wolfie’ was bad enough.”

“Wolfie?”

“One of the many, more ‘kind’ names I have dubbed that little bastard in the forest back there. Say, want me to fill you in on that.”

“Uh, no, it’s ok. I’ll have Twilight file a report or something, all is under control.”

“Those words do not suit you. Celestia and ‘under control’ should not be used in the same sentence.”

“Meanie!”

“Whatever. So, tell me more about these griffons?”

“Well, they occupy the majority of the northern territories and as I said, are rather prideful creatures. This shows in their architecture and overall demeanour. If you look at their capital city, a place named Aeriens, you can see this clearly. Gold spires stretch high to the sky, embedded in cliffs and mountain tops. The northern regions are already high up, way above sea level, and mile-high-spires only accentuate that height. Cloud banks roll around the peaks and make it look similar to Cloudsdale, only with different building design, not that you’ve been there either… It really is a magnificent sight to behold. They have other large cities, comparable to the likes of Manehattan and Fillydelphia too; Synthinia and Vinoverica come to mind. Just like us ponies though, they have many ground based towns and villages, and run things very similarly.”

“Cool, I actually want to go there at some point, it sounds great. I wonder about their demographics in comparison to Equestria… To be honest, I haven’t seen any other races in Ponyville, the population seems to be ninety-five per cent female ponies, four per cent male ponies and one per cent me. To be fair, Big Mac is totally in there! He will SO be getting laid at some point! Lucky bastard… Haha~oh-shit! Did I call a nurse pony sexy last night?”

“Yes. Yes you did. But she seemed flattered so that’s ok. Let’s get this straight mister, you mess with my ponies feelings, I might just have to mess with your pen~”

“Whoa! Stop right there! (Criminal scum!) Back the hell up Princess! You can be a real freak sometimes. And I don’t wanna be on the receiving end of some ultra-freaky stalker-ish behaviour, on your part, of course.”

“Have it your way.”

“I will. So, onto the Diamond Dogs. Teach me woman.”

“A little sexist don’t you think?”

“I just had the ruler of Equestria sexually harass me, I don’t wanna hear this crap coming from you.”

“Fine. Ok! Lesson number two! Diamond Dogs. As I said, Diamond Dogs live in The Pitts, it has a more guttural sounding name in their native language, but Diamond Dogs are all for practicality, and the name ‘Pitts’, just sorta stuck. As you may have guessed, these ‘Pitts’ are located underground. There are many reasons for this, the first is that the majority of Diamond Dog income is gems. Any sort really, rubies, sapphires, diamonds, you name it, they mine it. Actually, it’s not just gems. Many construction materials are mined there too; granite, slate, limestone, these are just to name a few. Anyway, as I was saying, the second main reason for them to live underground is that Diamond Dogs are biologically more accustomed to the darkness. That coupled with the fact that they have claws designed for digging sort of resigned them to the life underground. Lastly, the third reason for them living underground, is that the over ground is rampant with predatory beasts. I’m not talking about the Manticores and Timber Wolves of the Everfree, I’m talking about Dust Serpents and Wyrms. Big, bad, monsters.

“Sounds nasty. What’s Diamond Dog society like then? No offence to the guys, but they sound sort of… Unadvanced? Maybe it’s just because they live like dwarves… Although, come to think of it, they were usually very advanced, especially in most of the fantasy books I read… But I digress, continue Celly.”

“’Celly’? Whatever… Well, the Diamond Dogs live in multiple locations in a number of tunnel networks. Each of the dens will connect to a central ‘hub’ for that area. This will be one community, a sort of, ‘clan’ if you will. Of course, there are also huge main tunnels linking each community to the next, sort of like the highways from your world. Anyhow, as for how they live, yes, the simplest way to put it would be in ‘packs’. They don’t fight amongst themselves much, but there is a definite hierarchy amongst them, an intra-monarchy, sort of system if you like. Overall, their society is perfectly sustainable, much like ours, only underground and full of dogs, not ponies. Simple, eh.”

“Yes… Simple. Hmmm, something that’s bugging me about all of this is that, aside from ponies, every other race is carnivorous, you know. I’m pretty sure that dragons and griffons would eat a pony. I dunno about the dogs though… My question is this; How have such an adorable little race of ponies survived in a world where everything is likely to try and eat them? Not to mention the fact that every other race sounds like they would be open for war if the chance arose. The griffon pride and the diamond dogs machine like efficiency alongside the dragons power… It seems like a recipe for disaster.”

“You’re forgetting one very important factor, something that keeps all the other races in check.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, you really think that anyone would dare attack Equestria knowing that their rulers command the sun and moon? Life as we know it would die without the sun and moon; changing seasons and weather pagasi, and, even if somehow, something did survive, it would be in no condition to fight or war against us. Crops would die and productivity would be at an all-time low. A far bit of power comes from the sun here too. Without these things, society and easy living would crumble. Now, no race wants this, and with me being the loving and benevolent ruler I am, I simply ask that no one fights, or I will use the sun as leverage.”

“My god you’re scary!”

“I know. It helps to be scary when you’re trying to keep civilization in a peaceful state. Of course, this is a dumbed down version, there are many trades and treaties also at work to keep the peace in Equestria. But yeah, it does effectively come down to ‘mess with me, and I’ll kill the sun’.”

“Or bring a drought.”

“Yes, or bring forth a drought.”

“Wonderful, ok, for some reason, I just can’t take you seriously. So then, talk to me about Dragons. I love dragons! I presume they’re not all like spike?”

“Well, the dragons are a curious race. You’d think they would be all dominant and powerful, and well, to be honest, they are. The majority of the dragon race though, is content to simply collect knowledge. These dragons are known as ‘Lorekeepers’. They live in ridiculously huge temples up in the eastern mountains. You’ve seen the Canterlot palace right? Well, even the poorest of dragons live in places larger than that. But, I suppose they do live for centuries, sometimes they even sleep away whole decades. That’s the elders anyway. The youngsters are much more comparable to Spike, energetic and full of life. Anyhow, the second type of dragon is more volatile, these are the defensive ones, assigned to guarding the Lorekeepers, and they are known as Lancers. They double up as an army of sorts in times of need.

“Dragons are so cool! I knew it! Lastly, you said there are oceans and southern lands. Tell me about them?”

“There’s nothing to say really. There’s a huge ocean splitting the landmasses on each hemisphere, and on the southern hemisphere, lie the zebra lands, these are also known as Equagga. They live in tribes and are pretty similar to ponies in regards to demographics and stuff. Like us, they have small villages and the odd city. The only real difference is the climate and landscape. They live predominantly in the jungle regions and overall, it’s much, much hotter over there.”

“Well this sure has been informative. Anything else you can tell or teach me? I feel like learning!”

“Nope. Not yet anyway. Besides, I have some work to do and Rainbow has been calling you for the past few minutes. If you feel a lump on your head, it’s because she threw a book at you while trying to get your attention.”

“Fun, fun, fun! Well, once again, umm, nice? No that’s not right… Pleasant? Nah, Ah yes! Strange! Strange talking to you Princess Creepy.”

“And you Arc.”

“Arc… Arc!” Rob felt a shaking on his right arm as he flashed back to reality. Shaking his head and blinking a few times he turned to see Rainbow tugging on his sleeve with her mouth. It was very cute. She had an irritated look in her eyes as she let go, releasing the humans arm.

“I’m sorry. What do you want Rainbow?” Rob stretched and yawned as he sat up in the bed, pulling away from the comfy pillow.

Rainbow paced back into the centre of the room. “I’m really, really bored! I’ve been awake for ten minutes now and there is nothing to do at all!”

“Dash, this is a hospital, not a playground, you can’t expect them to accommodate for your boredom.”

She stomped a hoof and walked back over to Rob as he swivelled his legs out of bed, placing his feet on the cold floor. “I can’t fly for a few days and I have nothing to do! I can’t even get home without assistance!”

“Why not?”

“I have a cloud house!”

“As in, made out of clouds?”

“Yes. And I can’t fly. So, I have no way of getting home.”

“Only in Equestria.”

“This amuses me. And I don’t know why.”

She stomped her hoof again and scowled. “That’s cruel.”

Rob placed his hands on the side of the bed and pushed, raising himself from the soft mattress. Using his good hand he brushed away some stray locks of hair that covered his face and stretched once more, before he succumbed to head rush and slumped back onto the bed.

“God, I need a shower, bad. And I’m going to have to remember to keep as much strain off of my back as possible. This stings as it is, and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“So Rainbow, you think we can check out now or something?”

“I hope so. This place is totally lame. We just need to find Redheart to sign some paperwork and then we’ll be free!” She tried to extend her wings but then cringed and retracted them again.

Eventually they found the pale nurse pony and went through the aforementioned paperwork. She wanted them both to report back for check-ups at some point, to make sure everything was healing smoothly, but from simply the overnight observation, they appeared healthy and were free to go. She explicitly told Rainbow to stay off her wing, and Rob his back, she passed him a container of painkiller tablets, and then went down one of the many corridors in the hospital, leaving Rob and Dash back alone in the foyer they entered in through last night.

They were just about to leave when Applejack and a hyperactive looking pink mare with a candyfloss colour mane entered the building.

Sweet Apple Acres, Earlier That Morning:

“Mac, I’ve gotta go check on Arc and Rainbow in the hospital, can I count on you to take care of the rest of my chores again. I’m real sorry to dump this on you, but he was sent by Princess Celestia himself and saved Rainbow yesterday, I wanna ma-”

“AJ, I know all this. Ya told me yesterday. And for the part with the Princess, I know, I was there. And I also know that you’re worried about ya friends. Just go to the hospital, and I’ll see to things here.” The red stallion replied to his sister in his deep southern drawl.

“Thanks Mac, I owe ya’ once again.” Applejack called over her shoulder as she ran from the farm, aiming for the dirt road leading down into Ponyville. Passing the farm house on the way, she called in to Granny Smith, to let her know she would be out for the day. A shrill call was shouted back and Applejack continued on her way.

It was fairly early and Ponyville was mostly asleep. Applejack contemplated gathering a few of her other friends but soon realised they were probably all still asleep. Twilight usually stays up until the early hours of the morning reading, Rarity does the same but with her designing, and Fluttershy, if she is awake, will be taking care of the animals. Dash is in the hospital and so she’s clearly unavailable, and that leaves Pinkie!

With that thought in mind, Applejack headed off to Sugarcube Corner in search for the hyperactive pink ball of fun.

Soon after, Applejack arrived, and she let herself in via the back entrance. Since Applejack had lived in Ponyville since she was born, and been good friends with Pinkie the majority of that time, the Cakes were used to her or any of the other mares popping in to see Pinkie from time to time. If one mare was well known around Ponyville, it was Pinkie. Visitors were not uncommon.

The first thing Applejack noticed as she trotted into the bakery was the sweet smell of cake. She was used to the smell of baking as she was always cooking some form of apple based confectionary back on the farm. This smell was different however, as many of the goods were sweet, and involved the use of a mountain load of sugar. She was not one with a sweet tooth herself and instead, chose to stick to what she knew; apples. It suited her fine.

She took a look around and once again sighed at the intense sickly garishness of the place. Bombastic, that was the word. She was a simple farm girl and the bare necessities were all she needed, she felt out of place in such a flowery establishment. Not as out of place as in Rarity’s boutique though.

The colour of the walls in Sugarcube Corner varied, orange through brown lined everything from doors to sills, top to bottom. It reminded Applejack of caramel. The entire place was carved out of wood, and to be honest, with the curvy design they’d gone for, she was surprised that the place even slotted together properly. The support beams all looked like marshmallows, or that was the illusion anyway, and then seemingly out of place, the floor was rather normal, a dull blue colour. All the wooden fixtures that lined the outcrops and alcoves had ornate carvings in them, swirls and spirals all filled in a golden guilt colour, and in those areas where there were no carvings, there were instead different types of candy all painted on in a cartoonish fashion. All around the shop there were stalls and tables set up, each one carrying a cake or sweet of some kind. At the very front of the shop, there was a counter with a bell on it.

Applejack slipped past the counter and up the stairs behind it, waving to Mr and Mrs Cake on the way, who she spotted in the kitchen through the gap in the door. She reached the top of the stairs and rounded a corner, coming to a door at the end of the hallway. She raised a hoof to knock but as she went forward to make contact, the door slammed wide open and pink blur tackled the farm pony to the floor.

“Pinkie, what in tarnation are ya doing?” The farm pony asked, slightly rattled after the experience.

“Oooh, Applejack! I just had the funniest feeling in my tummy that you’d be here! It was like Pinkie sense but fuzzier!”

“Right… Pinkie, I know you’re usually like this, but you seem extra crazy today. Is something the matter?”

“Silly Applejack! I get to meet Mr Human today! I just can’t believe you guys left me out yesterday! I was going to throw a super-duper, extra-fantastically-awesome, sugar-coated Pinkie party for him!”

“We were gonna come and find ya Pinkie, trust me, but something with the Princess came up. Rainbow was hurt and Arc went after her. I was going to visit them in the hospital but I came here first. I was wonderin’ if ya wanted to tag along with me?”

“I would LOVE to! Cause I was thinking, it would be so mean if I didn’t at least say ‘hi’! I mean, he is new here and everyone needs a friend, and who better than me, Pinkie Pi-”

“I get it Pinkie, just please, simmer down a little. I’ll take ya. But could ya, uh, please got off a me?” Applejack pointed down at herself to where the pink mare was sitting on her chest.

Pinkie nodded and hopped up off of the farm pony. Applejack got back onto her hooves and looked herself over. After a brief brushing off she turned to Pinkie. “How did you even know about Arc?”

“Arc’s his name? Arc sounds funny!” She hopped up and down excitedly before bounding towards the stairs.

“That mare needs a leash put on her sometimes…” Applejack muttered under her breath. “Uh, yeah, Arc’s his name. But how’d ya know?”

“Duh, I know EVERYPONY in town! Someone heard his name. And if they heard it, then I heard it!”

“Ugh, you amaze me sometimes Pinkie…” Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes, trotting after the pink ball of fun. “You wanna go then?”

“Yeppers!” She called from half way down the stairs. Applejack followed her and descended back to the first floor once again.

Waving once more to the Cakes, the two ponies left Sugarcube Corner and headed off to the hospital to see Dash and her human companion.

Ponyville had picked up a little since Applejack was last out, and stalls were once again being set up all over the town square. She politely waved or tipped her hat at some of the villagers and Pinkie followed suit, albeit, in her own style, by charging up to random ponies and engaging them in various nonsensical conversations.

After an… exciting trip, to the hospital, Applejack was thoroughly exhausted. Even at the peak of Applebuck season, she was not this tired. Pinkie just takes it out of you. The pink pony in question however, was just as energetic and chipper as usual, and upon entering the building, immediately launched herself at her next unsuspecting target.

“DAFUQ ISH THISH?!” A male voice shouted through muffled, ragged breaths.

Applejack looked in time to see Arc flailing his arms with a Pinkie Pie clinging to his face in what appeared to be a bear hug.

“Pinkie!” Applejack and Rainbow called simultaneously. “Get off him!”

“YESH, GRR OWF MA FACHE!” Rob screamed once more.

After a little bit of convincing and a lot of pulling they managed to pry Pinkie off of the angry human’s face. Her death hug was a force to be reckoned with. From Rob’s perspective, all he saw was a pink blur tackle him and then; constant pink, followed by a lot of shouting.

“Damn ponies again!”

“Haha!”

“I will HURT you Celestia!”

“Arc, sorry about that, Pinkie is… Random, to say the least.” Dash stated once the human and pony had calmed down.

Rob looked over to the pink pony opposite him, she looking back with eager blue eyes and she was sitting on the floor with her front hooves twitching. Her rump was shaking back and forth in a playful way, full of anticipation, this scared Rob a little. This mare was too unpredictable and fast paced for him. She had a light pink coat with a vibrant pink mane. It somewhat resembled candyfloss. On her flank was a cutie mark showing three balloons. Rob assumed this resembled fun or happiness, perhaps even partying. Either way, all of these suspicions conformed to the current opinion the human had of the pony.

“Pinkie, if ya can contain yer excitement for one moment, meet Arc. Arc, meet our number one party pony, Pinkie Pie.” Applejack introduced.

“Hi there Pinkie Pie, as Applejack said, I’m Arc and I recently got here fro-”

“I know, I know, and isn’t it super cool!”

“Damn it all to hell!”

“I mean you’re new here and I haven’t met you yet! We need a party, I mean, we really NEED a party! I would sooo love to throw Equestria’s first new human a party! It would be cuh~razy! You’re in the hospital with Dashie and a bit poorly now, but when you get better! It’s gonna be great! Punch and cookies and muffins and cake! Oooh, this will give me more chances to bake some goodies for Dashie’s ‘get well soon’ party too! Oh, oh! That means you need a ‘get well soon party’ also, as you’re in the hospital as well! This will be such fun!”

“Pinkie, please be quiet. Me and Arc just wanna get out of this place. It’s so lame in here, and I’ve been stuck here all night.” Dash deadpanned the party pony. Her eye was twitching slightly.

They all turned and left the hospital, ultimately aiming to return to Twilight’s Library. The journey was peaceful mainly, with the odd exception being Pinkie’s continued random outbursts. Once again, she hopped from pony to pony in her unique specialised crazy greeting method, until she was tamed by Applejack and brought back to the main group.

“She’s too darn energetic for her own good…” She would sigh occasionally.

“So, Pinkie.” Rob got the pink pony’s attention and she hopped up to him expectantly, buzzing around him in her own energetic way.

“Let’s try something.”

“Yuh-huh? What can I do for you Mr Human?”

“Arc, Pinkie. Arc. Anyhow, ask me some questions, I wanna try something out. Go on.”

“Questions? Oooh, ok! When did you last go swimming? What is your favourite kind of-”

“19th of March, mint, forty-three, the higher the fewer, yes; but only on Wednesdays, twice; when I was fourteen, syrup, no, giraffes; but I don’t know why and finally, only if you treat him really, really nicely. There, that answer all of your questions?

Applejack and Rainbow had stopped walking by this point, and turned to look at Rob and Pinkie. Both wore a different expression on their faces. Rainbow looked confused while Applejack looked stunned.

Pinkie just stood there looking at the human with her mouth wide open. Eventually she slumped to the floor. “H-h-how did you...?” She paused. “Whaa?” She continued to stare.

Rainbow whispered over to Applejack, “Hey, AJ, did he just break Pinkie?”

“I-I’m not sure…”

Rob turned to them with a huge grin on his face. “I dunno what’s up with this one, but I like her. She amuses me.”

“Arc… What the hay did you just do?” Applejack asked curiously as she stepped closer to the pair.

“Umm… To be honest; I’m not one-hundred percent sure. It just seemed to me that she likes babbling on. I thought I’d beat her to the punch. Try and confuse her ya’ know. I just thought of it randomly. I don’t actually know why.”

“H-how did you know what I was going to ask?” Pinkie looked up at the human from her position on the ground.

“I didn’t.” He then eyed her suspiciously. “Are you telling me that I answered what you were going to ask correctly?”

“Yuh-huh…”

“Freaky.” He reached down and patted the pink pony on the head. “Don’t feel bad.”

Her eyes brightened somewhat and she sprang up again. “Ahh, no, it’s ok Arc. That’s just never happened to me before. I’m usually quite in touch with the weird stuff that goes on around here, but that there threw me for a loop!”

“Yeah, he fried Pinkie for a second there Dash.” The farm pony said to her rainbow-maned friend. “I ain’t never seen that before.”

“Ok, Pinkie. Hop up. We’re gonna do this my way this time.” He patted his chest with his good arm and looked down at the pony.

Her tail wagged and much to the amusement of the other ponies, Pinkie took a flying leap into the human’s arms. He hadn’t been totally prepared for it and stumbled backwards a little. He clenched his teeth and fought through the pain searing down his back. Snuggly ponies were totally worth it. She wasn’t heavy so much, rather light in fact, but with the force she threw herself, she had a fair bit of momentum. Rob quickly wrapped his good arm around her to support her and stop her from falling.

“Ough! God girl, you change temperament like the English weather…” He propped her up and set her stomach against his. Her head looked over his shoulder, behind him. She giggled as he shuffled her up a little. Her puffy tail wagged happily.

“Woo! I’m riding Equestria's first human! People will sooo want to do this when I tell them about it, because it’s so fun! Giddy up Mr Human! We’ve got places to go! Off to Twilight’s!” She called out, making all the other ponies in the square turn to look.

“Pinkie, let’s not draw too much attention to ourselves now…”

“But why, people need to see this! I know! I’ll make everypony in Ponyville be your friend! Hey, everypony! Over here!” She flailed her hooves around behind the human, causing him to lose balance slightly. He stepped forward to counteract the shift.

Rob heard Dash whimper and concurred with her sentiments. “But I just wanna go ho~me…”

The commotion made a few ponies become curious, and soon, they wandered over, surrounding the three ponies and human. One by one they came over, each gaining more confidence the more the numbers rose. Within the next few minutes, even more gathered, and before too long there was quite the sizable crowd in place.

“Pinkie, what have you done?! I’ve known you for the best part of fifteen minutes and you’ve screwed me over already!”

Numerous voices were heard from the crowd, all muttering to each other; “What is that thing?” A green pegasus whispered rather loudly.

“I saw it yesterday in the square…” Another replied.

“Is it dangerous?” A third voice shouted.

“It was with the elements of harmony, but I’m not sure.” A striped orange pony called back.

“I’m with the same peop- ponies now you morons! And no, not dangerous! Not at all! Loving and kind, and totally heroic and handsome… Even if somewhat cynical and sarcastic at times… Wait a goddamn second. Why the hell am I shouting at a group of ponies about my personality?!” A fifth voice called out, originating from the human who had one arm clamped around a hysterical Pinkie and the other raised into the air, his cast swinging about wildly for emphasis.

“Maybe I can scare them away or something. I wanted to get to know them, but not like this. Not on my way back from the frickin’ hospital with a Pinkie strapped to me!”

“Ooh, it speaks!” A red maned pony exclaimed excitedly from the crowd.

“Awww hell no, not this shit again…”

An elderly voice called out from the crowd. “What’s yer name sonny?”

“I see how it is… Q & A all over again.”

“Uh, Arc, sir.” Rob called back.

By now, the ponies had formed a semicircle around Rob, and a few at the front had sat down, allowing those behind to get a look in. They were a full spectrum of colours and despite seeing many strange things over the past few days, this still surprised the human. Marigold, azure, lilac, red, magenta, grey, brown, pink, white, green and yellow, you name it, they had one in that colour.

“It’s like looking at a Dulux colour swatch.”

Rob failed to notice Applejack and Rainbow Dash laughing at him from behind as he was assaulted with question after question from the townsponies.

“How old are you?”

“Eighteen.” He dully replied.

“What are you?”

“Space ape.” Rob jested. A ripple of confused laughter ran through the crowd. “Nah, I’m kidding. I’m human.”

A second ripple ran through the crowd, this time however, it contained nervous laughter. More whispering occurred and Rob took note of some of the expressions on his audience’s faces. Some showed concern, some fear.

“Surely you’re kidding?” Another male voice emanated from the crowd.

“Why would I kid you?”

A female at the front stood up and spoke. “Well, um, Mr Arc, we have tales of your kind. Although they are quite sketchy…”

“Just ‘Arc’, no ‘Mr’, I’m not someone important. And hey, don’t worry mam, I’m not gonna eat your children or anything!” He put on a smile and leant forward slightly, trying to be friendly, even if he was joking with her. From her perspective though, it probably looked quite ominous and foreboding and she nervously smiled back, laughed, and sat down.

“Maybe that was a bad thing to say…”

Rob heard a shout from behind him and turned to see Rainbow rearing up on her hind legs triumphantly. “That’s what you are! Human! I knew I recognised that word from somewhere!”

Applejack simply shook her head and sighed, mentally face palming at how slow Dash had been to the get go. For someone usually so fast, she didn’t exactly cotton on that quick.

Rob turned back to the crowd and fended off a few more questions. Once again the crowd had increased in size and now the square was filling up. He turned to his left and noticed that a whole café full of patrons was also staring at him, safe from behind their tea and coffee. To his right, somepony had set up a deck chair and was casually enjoying the show.

“Fucking ponies and their friendliness!”

“Fine, who’s next then? Might as well get this community integration stuff out of the way.” Rob called to the crowd, raising his voice so he could reach those at the back.

A garbled hoard of voices rang out from the mass of ponies and ultimately, made no sense whatsoever.

“Ponies! Ponies!” The human cut the crowd. They all silenced after a moment of recognition and all that was left was some laughter from behind. Rob turned to see Rainbow laughing her flank off behind him. Applejack was also laughing, only she made a better attempt to hide it.

“Thanks you guys… Damn women.”

Look, how about you all raise your hands… err, hooves, and I’ll pick someone. Is that ok? I can’t understand what the hell you’re all saying when you talk at the same time!”

They all stayed silent.

“Wonderful. Now then, any questions?”

At his very last word, no less than what by now must have been around two-hundred hooves, shot in the air.

“Celestia damnit!”

“You called?”

“Hell no I didn’t!”

“Right,” he raised his non-Pinkie filled hand to his face and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. “Ok, you in the yellow.”

8. Who Says Ponyville Is Full Of Surprises!?

Chapter 8: Who Says Ponyville Is Full Of Surprises!?

Ponyville Library, Main Area:

“Ahh, this feels good… Yes, good. Hmm, maybe if I just turn over a little…”

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Stop! Pain! Argh! Stiff neck! Stiff neck!”

“Let’s not do that again… Where I was, was perfectly fine… I don’t see why I needed to move in the first place…”

“… … …”

“Let’s just-”

“… … …”

“Well shit, now I’m awake… Might as well get up.”

“Is that… pancakes I smell? Again? I’d kill for some bacon. Day four, and I’m already craving meat…”

With a groan, Rob eased himself from his resting place and looked around, sitting up in the process. There were books, lots of books. He remembered being on the sofa, and then, nothing. He half expected to be in a bed of some sorts, but out of three nights in Ponyville, he’d only actually slept where he was meant to, once. He looked down to see what the cause of his stiff neck was, and saw the arm of the sofa menacingly looking back at him.

“… I’m watching you…”

The sofa of course, just mocked him with its unwavering fortitude, and so he swung his legs out and stood up, pushing his hair out of his face. He hated it when it was unwashed. Stretching, he followed the smell, and found himself in the kitchen where a small green dragon was cooking.

Hearing the footsteps, Spike turned around. He was wearing an apron which had a few splotches of pancake mix on it. He smiled and turned back around to continue cooking, placing the whisk back in the bowl.

“Mornin’…”

“And to you Arc. Rough night by any chance?” He laughed, and Rob guessed that he was referring to the camping expedition on the sofa.

“Yeah… Well, no. I slept fine, but in an awkward position and now my neck is stiff.” Raising his hand, he rubbed his neck, almost punching himself again with the cast.

“I really gotta remember that’s there…”

“Sounds like you need to see Aloe and Lotus again.”

“No! No I don’t!” He fumbled over his words a bit, but managed to blurt out a sentence.

“Ok, calm down. Why… Did something happen?”

“Nope. Nothing, little man, I uh, just found them a little too much.”

“If you say so.”

“I do. So, whatcha cooking?” Rob asked, fully aware of what was in the mixing bowl. He figured he’d just make conversation with the little dragon to kill a little time before work.

He looked at his phone which read seven-thirty, as Spike began to talk again.

“I was going to wake you up if you hadn’t got up soon. Oh, and, pancakes, we’re having pancakes. Is that ok?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever’s easiest for you. Anyhow, how do you know when I have to be up?”

“Twilight left a note over on her desk. It said you were meeting Rose at nine, and I know how long it takes to get there from here. I also presumed you would have a shower and want breakfast too. Lastly, I accounted for you getting lost on the way, Twilights directions may be a little complicated…” The small green dragon turned as he finished, and clapped his hands together, causing a small flour explosion to puff out from his hands.

“You thought of all that? Dude, that’s impressive.”

“Well, being Twi’s assistant for this long and… huh, you just sort of get used to these things I suppose. She’s organised, but sometimes too organised, and it’s those times when I need to have things worked out.”

“You are much more mature than people, uh, ponies would first assume Spike.”

He beamed at the complement and patted his chest. “You know, I try telling ponies that, but sometimes they just don’t listen!”

“And there goes the maturity!”

“Don’t worry little buddy. People will believe it soon enough, you’re still growing up, it’s something that comes with age.”

He looked the human up and down. “Are you fully grown yet?”

“Me,” He held his hands to his body. “No, not yet, I still have a few years left of growth.”

“Will you become huge like dragons do?”

He laughed. “No Spike, I’ll stay about the same height, but just fill out a bit more width ways.” He motioned his hands getting wider for emphasis.

“You’re already pretty big.” He said, placing a plate on the table and gesturing for Rob to take a seat.

The human moved from the door frame he was leaning against and pulled a stool out to sit on. He soon began to dig into his food.

“God, my eating’s been irregular for the past few days.”

“Is it ok?”

Rob looked up. “Great thanks Spike!”

He smiled a satisfied grin, and began to wash the dishes, turning back to the sink.

After breakfast, Rob went upstairs to have a shower. Feeling clean, and with fresh clothes on, thanks to the princess’s voodoo magic, he walked back into the main area of the library, ready to start the day, clean, fed and dressed.

Spike was kind enough to have made him a packed lunch, and he felt like he was in school again.

On the way out of the door, Rob shouted a goodbye back to Spike, which was returned by the dragon in the form of a wave. He also called out to Twilight, but figured she was still sleeping, from what he’d gathered, that mare often had late nights. Closing the door behind him, he made his way out into the quiet streets of Ponyville. He checked his phone again, it read eight thirty, and he noticed the battery bar flashing red. He tucked it back in his pocket.

“This thing is gonna die soon. I should have probably asked someone sooner about fixing this, or making it run on magic or something. Can they even do that?”

“I suppose Celestia dragged me through dimensions, charging a phone shouldn’t be that tricky. It’s my iPod I worry about, that things got all my precious music on it. I love that little bastard. I need my music.”

“Come to think of it, the phone is pretty much just a glorified watch, nopony else has a phone, so it’s actually fairly redundant that I’ve got one…”

“Ok, next thing on Rob’s pointless list of things to occupy time in Ponyville: Charge gadgets.”

“Right, just passed Sugarcube Corner… That means I’m going the wrong way and need to turn right at some point.”

Rob decided that at the next opportunity, he would make a right turn, and just as he did, one appeared. It kind of looked right, it looked like any other non-descript street Ponyville had to offer. There were lanterns hanging from poles and thatched houses with the odd shop in between. It looked just like the rest of Ponyville.

After a few minutes of walking, he came across what seemed to be a park, and decided that a rest might be good. All resting aside, he needed to bring in outside help to achieve his goal of actually arriving to work on his first day. He found a bench and sat on it. Off in the distance, he saw the unmistakable shape of Twilight’s library and figured that he’d doubled back on himself somewhere. He looked at his phone again, it read eight forty.

“Knock, knock.”

“Who is it~”

“You know damn well who it is…”

“Fine, be that way. How can I help you?”

“Well, I’m kinda lost, and was wondering if you could give me another magical compass.”

“And what do I get in return?”

“My undying love and generosity?”

“Nope, that isn’t going to cut it.”

“My soul?”

“Now you’re talking!”

“Forget it, you are NEVER having my soul, not until I die, and even then, I will fight you for it!”

“And you will lose!”

“Just give me the damn compass!”

“Ok, ok, don’t throw a hissy fit. Here you go stud~”

Rob felt the familiar wave of magical energy wash over him, and he felt a tug back down the road, back the way he’d came.

“Figures… Anyway, thanks Celly. And don’t call me ‘stud’.”

“Only if you don’t call me ‘Celly’.”

“No can do. I like ‘Celly’, and think I’ll be using it from now on. It’s cute.”

“Awww, you think I’m cute?”

“I think you CAN be cute. But no, you are not cute.”

“Well that’s just mean…”

“This has been fun, but I’ve got a job to get to, and I’ll be late if I continue talking to myself in the park. Thanks again, and speak to you soon.”

“Bye Arc.”

“Later.”

The rest of the walk was uneventful, as far as mind trips went, Rob had however, bumped into a few more of the local populace, and briefly said hello during his brisk jog past. There was a pair of lilac coloured pegasi mares, one was tomboyish and the other very girly, they waved to him from atop a cloud. There was also a yellow pony with a golden mane who called out from across the street at one point, and a cream pony with a two-tone mane coloured blue and pink, among various others.

Rob had wasted so much time chatting and getting lost, that he’d broken into a run at some point, and luckily, providing Celestia wasn’t playing tricks on him, the compass would be compelling him to go in the right direction.

Soon enough, Rob saw familiar sights, and the streets became hills once again. More and more lakes started spilling out from in between the valleys, and eventually, the human was out of breath.

“Why did anypony think that letting me out by myself in Ponyville was a good idea!”

“Morning Arc! How are you today?” A familiar feminine voice called from behind one of the many greenhouses littering the area. A red mane could be spotted from through the glass, and not long after that, Rose walked out with a watering can in her mouth.

“Morning Rose, you look well this morning.” He let out between haggard breaths.

She let a faint rouge tint her cheeks, and turned her face away, appearing bashful for some reason. “T-thanks, but you… Are you ok? You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.”

He laughed and slumped over, planting his hands on his knees as he recovered back the last of his missing breath, “Well, I got lost, and to make up for it, I had to make a deal with the devil. After that, I didn’t want to be late, and so I ran, which in retrospect was a stupid idea, as my back wound now canes. Lucky for me, I think I picked up a little more momentum thanks to the arm cast, and overall, I don’t think I’m late. Yay for me…”

“Well, actually, you’re just on time! But Arc, don’t overwork yourself, its ok if you’re a little late. Besides, you got lost, you aren’t from here, and it’s completely understandable.” She smiled gently at him and placed a caring hoof on his leg.

“Thanks. You know, you ponies are a hell of a lot nicer than the people where I’m from. Being late to work is a strict no-no.”

“Well, if it’s consistent, then yes, we will be having words,” She chuckled, closing her eyes for a moment, “But, it’s ok for now! I’m sure you won’t get lost on Monday.”

Rob stood back up and sighed, “I’m so stupid, how did I not think to ask before now…” He turned and walked a few paces before turning around and walking back, “Rose, what day is it?”

He was greeted with a blank stare, as she appeared to zone out while looking at him, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Uh, what day is it?”

“You seriously don’t know?” His honest facial expression told her everything she needed to know. She sighed and laughed, “Friday Arc, it’s the weekend tomorrow!”

He looked at her. “Two days off then?”

“Yeah, is it different where you come from?”

“No, no. I just want to get to grips with everything.”

The cream coloured mare spun around and walked towards the shop, which was a little ways off in the distance. She twisted her head around, looking over her shoulder, and stared back at him. “You coming or what?” She let out another little laugh. Rob found it rather cute.

“Yeah, I’m right behind you.”

And so, he followed her towards the Pretty Petal Flower Shop.

The whole area was brighter than it had been the day before, and much like any other day in Ponyville, the weather was great, and the sky was blue. The many lakes held a bright and cheery atmosphere this morning, as opposed to the calming and tranquil one of the night before. The water shimmered, and illuminated the many surrounding hills, the beams of light lancing off of the many greenhouses, refracting them further. The whole area was sparkling, and Rob had to raise his hand over his eyes so he could see the rest of the trip indoors, save from walking into the odd potted plant here and there.

Rose turned to him when they were in the main body of the building. “Ok, Arc! First things first, today, I will be spending the whole day with you, to guide you through the many different jobs you will be doing. I figured the easiest thing to do, was working on the till behind the counter. Is that ok?”

He nodded.

“Good, well then, as you can see from looking around, most of the items have prices already on them, any of the bigger things will be on the sheet I gave you, which if you don’t have it, there will be another one under the counter.” She proceeded to move around the counter and slide a drawer out, showing him the list of sheets. “It’s simple, tell them the price, get the money, put it in the till and keep a record of the transaction so we can work out finances later. Don’t worry though, that’s mainly Daisy’s job, she’s good with numbers. Any questions?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, call me if you need anything, and I’ll just be around the shop. If you can’t find me, I’ll be in the store room in the back.” She motioned to a door in the back wall, the one Lily had come out of the day before. “It should all be fairly straight forward though.” She turned and walked away, flicking her mane out of her face, “Good luck!”

The cream colour mare strolled over to the store room, and later came out with what appeared to be drip feed. Rob watched as she tended to the many plants along the various rows in the shop, humming away to herself. He barely noticed the first customer walk in through the open doorway. It wasn’t until she walked up to the counter and placed down some fertiliser and a selection of pansies with an audible thump, that the human pried his eyes away from Rose and attended to her.

The customer in question was a smallish earth pony with a blue coat and a purple mane; she was relatively cheerful throughout the exchange, and retained a smile on her face all the way back out the door. Rob’s job was fairly simple, and he simply read the prices and told her the total, she paid and then left. Any previous apprehension he might have had about the job, was quickly washed away. A few more customers came and went, and in the meantime, he made idle chatter with Rose.

“So, Rose, why is this place named the ‘Pretty Petal Flower Shop’, did you three call it that, or was it already named that when you took this place over?”

She stopped doing what she was doing, pruning some stray areas off of the climbers on the trellis, and walked back to the human behind the counter. She gained a faraway look in her green eyes, and pondered a moment before beginning.

“The other two and I found this place when we were only graduates; it was just the shell of an old barn that used to be here back then. As you can probably tell, the land around here is highly fertile, due to it being so close to numerous fresh water outlets, and the farmers who used to be here, obviously knew that too. Many different crops, fruits and vegetables were able to grow here because of the unique ecosystem presented by the area, for a while, this place was Equestria’s only farm which sold rice as one of its many goods, and so it quickly became quite the rich establishment. From what we’re told, this was one of the rival farms to Sweet Apple Acres back in the day, and any stories of it are seldom known by many others aside from Granny Smith. It’s funny, they may have been rivals, but from what we can tell, Granny Smith has only the highest appreciation for those who work the land, and these ponies were no different.”

She sighed, “I wish I could have met them…”

Rob shook his head and came back to reality. “So, what happened next?”

“Well, at some point, many decades ago, there was some sort of food shortage in the nearby Diamond Dog dens, and they were getting desperate. I know it’s hard to believe, but they… They attacked Ponyville! Anyhow, naturally, they went for the places of weakness, and those with the most gain to attack… Unfortunately, this farm was on the outskirts of Ponyville and also housed one of the largest quantities of food for the area. They pillaged and destroyed the farm, leaving it to go to ruin over time. Nopony was killed or anything, but their lives here had been destroyed, and so they decided to move on… It’s a shame really. But I heard they moved over to the west slopes of Canterlot instead, to be closer to the capital, Once again, the land there is really fertile, and great for crops. Unfortunately, I don’t know if the family is still there, and even if they are, I don’t know what their name is…”

“So, when did you find this place?”

“Haha, that was about five years ago now. Wow, time sure flies huh!? Daisy and I had just finished collage and were celebrating in a nearby bar, I think Berry worked there at that point… She went to the same college as us. Anyway, this was back in Manehattan, and like I said, we were in a bar, celebrating our graduation! We sure did drink a lot that night. We were quite crazy back then!”

The human raised his hand. “Sorry, but if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you Rose?”

She chucked at the question and raised her hooves onto the counter. “Why, how old would you guess~?”

“Haha, don’t say that Rose! To be honest, I don’t really know about ages here in Equestria, you look just as old as Twilight if I’m being honest…”

“Awww, you flatter me!” She batted her eyelashes jokingly. “I’m twenty three.”

“Wow, looking good for twenty three!” He jested back.

“Thanks, now where were we? Ah yes, Manehattan! Well, like I said, we were in this bar, and as luck had it, Lily was working there as a waitress. Now, I like Lily, I do, but she was not cut out for working as a waitress. She’s just too clumsy! Anyhow, we’d been there a number of times over our college years, and she was studying the same course as us, unfortunately… I don’t know if I should be telling you this… But, she failed… She didn’t pass the course. She was fairly upset, understandably so, and things just went downhill for her that particular night. She upset a customer, one too many times, and was fired on the spot. Now Daisy is a kind mare, and went to console her. Long story short, we got through the night and helped Lily out. It’s amazing how much we used to be able to drink! And so, for the rest of that night, we basically went on a bar crawl around Manehattan.”

“This doesn’t explain how you found this place!?”

“I’m getting there, be patient Arc. Well, as I was saying, we were drinking, a lot that night… And don’t ask me when or how, because I honestly don’t remember, but we ended up on a train to Ponyville. One of us wanted the Apple families’ new Applejack Daniels drink that had recently come out, and you know how it is, you drink, and are able to do anything. So while staggering around in the dark for a while, we saw what looked to be a farm in the distance, it was dark and we weren’t in our best state of mind, but we figured it was Sweet Apple Acres. We start-”

Rob interjected, “You do realise that the Apple family was probably asleep by that time, right?”

“Well I know that now. Back then, we weren’t really thinking. Haha, but the barn, or what we thought was the barn, was wrong. We got closer and realised that we weren’t in Sweet Apple Acres at all, no, we’d found the long deserted farmstead which used to belong to that family I was talking about earlier. It really freaked us out, and we all began tripping over our own hooves. I bet we looked really funny!” She paused to laugh, “Daisy fell over and hit her head!”

“That’s not very nice…”

“Sorry, but from what I can recall, it was really funny! Her forelegs just slid out from under her, and we heard a ‘clunk’, as her head made contact with the ground. It was only after we’d passed out and decided to sleep there the whole night, that we woke up and discovered where we really were. If I remember correctly, my head hurt a lot that morning… We woke up and found ourselves, here!” She gestured with her hooves out of the window at the lake. “And we were amazed, we didn’t know how we’d missed it the night before.”

“I can take a guess.”

She chortled, “Yeah, so can I. We decided to look around a bit before heading home, and then something happened. Lily started crying again… She was depressed that even if we went home, there would be nothing for her there. She’d lost her job, and been kicked out of college, even her parents had moved away, back to Stalliongrad. She was in quite the state. So, we did what any friends would do, and comforted her. We told her that we’d always be there for her no matter what, and we’d help her get back on her hooves. Call it spur of the moment, but we decided there and then to start a nursery together, it was what we had all trained for, so we saw no harm in it. Besides, back then, Ponyville had no plant nurseries, and we knew this. So the very same day, we went to the Mayor and asked around. As if purely by coincidence, she sold us the land here, claiming the land would be great for the plants. She was right. We gave her the money, making us nearly broke for the rest of that month, and set about using the rest of our money to buy everything we could afford and needed for the original set up of our business.”

“That sounds like quite the gamble…”

She sighed, “And it was. We were living off of nothing for the first two months, it was horrible. As for the name, well, while renovating, we found the remains of the archway leading into the farm that was here before us, the only thing it read was ‘Pretty Petal-”, and the rest was cut off. We decided on the remaining part of the name and chose appropriately, seeing as it was a garden centre. So, to make it catchy, we went with ‘Pretty Petal Flower Shop”, and it’s been that way ever since.”

“So what happened after that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, how long did it take you to get back on your feet?”

“Feet?”

“God… Hooves?!”

“Oh! Right! Well, things picked up in our third month, spring was coming, and people were actually after what we were selling. We got lots of income, and still do, being the only plant shop in the area. We spent what we could on renovations, the greenhouses you see outside are an example of that, and spent the rest on ourselves, we figured we deserved it after what we all went through.”

The human slumped back against the wall behind him. “You gals are great friends, you know that?”

She smiled, and opened her mouth to speak before being cut off by another voice. “We sure do.”

Daisy had entered the shop with the usual watering can in her mouth.

“I still wonder how she talks with that thing in her mouth…”

“That’s what she said!”

“Damnit brain!”

Her cream friend went to see her. “Daisy! How long have you been here?”

Her friend gave her a bemused look and replied. “You know I work here right? I’ve been listening to the whole thing from outside, you two were so wrapped up in ‘story time’ that you started shouting! I’m surprised it didn’t start to echo off the hills!”

“Sorry…” She hung her head.

“Why are you apologising? You were just telling a story.” The magenta mare replied, nuzzling her friend’s chest.

“Well, I know it’s a personal thing for the three of us. I wasn’t sure you’d be happy with me telling it.”

“Rose, you should know me better than that, of course I’d be happy! You sounded so excited telling the story of how we met! That shows how much it means to you!”

“Awww, one nice, big, happy family!” Rob clapped his hands together, breaking the two mares out of their heart to heart with a smile on his face.

The two mares continued to chat while he dealt with yet another customer, a yellow pegasus this time.

“Do all pegasi live in cloud houses?”

Daisy turned to him, breaking out of her conversation with Rose. “Why do you ask that?”

“Well, Dash said that she lived in one, and yet a pegasi just brought flowers… I didn’t think plants grew on clouds…”

The two ponies laughed as another customer entered the shop. “No, not all of them do. And even those that do can still buy plants. There are many special types of furniture designed for cloud houses, some things are enchanted, some not, but they play off of the clouds density somehow or another… I don’t really know the details. But yes, it is entirely possible for a cloud home to support plant life, just as much as it is able to support a cooker or a sofa! They aren’t going to fall through the floor, no.”

“I’ve got a lot to learn… How do you know all of this?”

“To be fair, we’ve grown up with it all our lives, this is all new to you.” Rose replied.

“I take it you’ve told them what I said in the square the other day?”

She nodded in response, as Arc dealt with another earth pony.

He spoke up again. “Say, do either of you know where Lily is?”

Daisy answered, “It’s her morning off, so she’s most likely at the café with some of her other mare friends, gossiping, most likely about you.”

“M-me?” He stammered. “Why me?”

Daisy walked around the counter and nudged him with her body. “You’re our new shop mascot! We’re the only people in the whole world with a readily available human!”

“R-readily available… for what?”

“Viewing of course!” She walked back to Rose. “And with luck, making money!”

“Great…”

Rose turned to her friend. “Daisy, don’t be mean!”

She giggled and playfully tapped her friends shoulder in retaliation, “I’m kidding, but think about it…” She seemed to go off into her own little dream world. Rob meanwhile, got back to work.

The day went pretty fast from there on, more and more customers came, some to see him, some to purchase things, and in the end, Rob was thoroughly tired. The majority of the customers had appeared around mid-day, presumably within lunch breaks and such, but they were all nice enough, and gave him no hassle. At some point, Lily had returned, and Rob had assumed it was the afternoon. He’d pulled his phone out to check the time more accurately, but the screen was black, showing the battery had finally died. He sighed and put it away, shaking his head.

After the lunch break, Rose had showed him how to water the plants in the various greenhouses, and in the rows outside the shop. Each one had different requirements, some needed lots of water, and some not, some had to be pulled out of direct sunlight at the peak of the day, and some put into the sunlight, it really was a lot for the human to remember. Around three o’clock, Rose had instructed Lily to teach Rob about the more natural aspects of Equestria’s plant life. She’d taken him out of the main area and into a copse of trees, not too far away from the shop. While there, he had learnt a sort of ‘nature medial course’, as she had showed him the things that were good for the larger trees, and the things that weren’t. If there was a problem, he now knew how to fix it.

Soon after that, the day was at its end. Rob had dealt with many customers, and learnt many new things regarding the various previously unencountered flora of Equestria. He had also learnt a few new things about his co-workers too; Daisy had a penchant for singing, often melancholy songs. Lily was often rather klutzy, and had a tendency to drop things, and Rose liked to be in control. She was never forceful about it, but she had subtle ways of exerting herself. She seemed like the most motherly one of the trio. All in all though, Rob noticed a strong relationship between the three of them. It was rather heart-warming to watch them throughout the day.

The sun had begun to lower, credit to Celestia, and the human was now making his way to his temporary home. Rose had given him an advance on his payment, but told him that from here on, he would be getting it at the end of every week. This suited the human just fine, besides; he currently didn’t know what you use the money on anyway. He was thinking of simply chucking it at Twilight when he got home anyway. She could consider it some form of rent for the time being.

On the walk home, Rob was thinking of things he could do over the next few days. It was the weekend, and if things were like they were back home, his time would be his own. A lay-in was the number one priority. He would also need to remember to ask Twilight about some form of charging device. No iPod, meant no sanity, and the glorified clock he was carrying in his pocket needed some life too. Otherwise, he figured he’d simply take the day as it comes.

Shortly, he found himself in the town, and similarly to the previous few nights, it was rather desolate. The market was packed up, and the streets were lifeless. Ponies sure did go to bed early in comparison to humans, although, to be honest, Rob didn’t know what the exact time was. For all he knew, it was ten o’clock by now. If that was the case, it sure had been a long day.

He thought back to the events of the day. It had been long, and both physically and mentally exhausting. The painkillers and wounds didn’t help either, and having a cast on one hand only any made everything more awkward. In the end, everything aside, he decided that a long bath and a good night’s rest were in dire need, and the library could offer both of those things.

Soon enough, he made it to his destination, and approached the front door.

“Ok… Now, I’m damn sure this door opened wholly earlier, just like any other door.… And yet, like a barn door, it’s split…”

“I’m going to blame that on the whole ‘it’s magic, I aint gotta explain shit’ premise.”

Gaining access to the large tree, he grabbed the makeshift handle and turned, proceeding inside the library.

“Fucking Equestrian doors…”

As he entered, the human was greeted with silence. He began to take his shoes off, and while hobbling on one leg attempting to get the last boot of, he heard a loud explosion from the kitchen. The sound was loud enough and startling enough, to make him loose his balance and fall over, landing on the cast in the process. A clatter would have been heard, if it hadn’t been masked by a second explosion, and Rob felt himself begin to tear up.

“Ahh~ Fuck, fuck, fuck! That only hurts a little, yeah. Not much at all. It feels like I’ve been stabbed ten thousand times in the hand with a fucking rusty fork. Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

While trying not to cry, the human boy got back up, and made his way across the library’s main section to the kitchen.

Looking inside the room, Rob was stunned. There, lying on the floor, with various splotches of unknown substance on her, was Twilight. Aside from the blackened chars and tufts of matted mane, there was some form of smelly liquid attached to her fur, dripping down over the rest of her body. A strong oily smell hit the human’s nose, and he guessed that aside from the flames and explosions, there may actually have been some form of cooking going on in the kitchen at some point. The numerous scattered bowls and utensils added to humans growing the theory.

“T-Twilight… Are you alri-” The human began, before being cut off.

“No, I am NOT alright!” The purple unicorn screamed back at the human. “The book said this would be EASY! But it isn’t! Oh, no, no, no… One table spoon here, and a little stock there! It was all going so well! I read the recipe AT LEAST fifteen times! I just don’t see how cooking can be this difficult!”

“Twilight, calm down! Look, don’t worry about it. Everyone screws things up occasionally… Even the princess’, student, am I right?”

She thought from a moment, and moved a hoof up to rub a little bit of mixture out from below her eye.

“But I’m meant to be good at these things… I just wanted to make you dinner…”

“Damnit, the hugging instinct again? Didn’t I tell you to fuck off…?”

“Tch, regardless, I cannot take this girl seriously when she’s splayed out on the floor like that with all this… goo? Over her. It’s cute, too cute… And with her getting all angry, that just makes it cuter.”

Twilight had further slipped back from her position upon the floor, and now rested against a counter a little ways back, rather than on the base of her tail like before. To accommodate the shift, she had her hind legs splayed out in front of her, and she was slumped over with her forelegs on the ground in-between her back ones. She wore and irate scowl, and seemed to be burning holes through the mixture with the intensity of her stare. After a few seconds of looking at the viscous liquid, she turned and stared at Rob, peering at him with what seemed to be an infantile curiosity. Something eventually clicked, and she turned away, blushing, before rolling over to cover herself.

Standing up, Twilight looked herself over, still with an embarrassed look on her face. She eventually lit up her horn and removed all the liquid on her, via the use of magic, the purple glow lighting up her horn as always. She once again turned to the human.

“Ugh… What were you making exactly?”

“…Curry.” She abated her eyes.

“And, uh, why?” He tentatively asked.

“I overheard you talking with Rarity the other day. I thought that I could make it for you to celebrate your first day at work… You’re finally becoming a part of Ponyville, and I just wanted that to mean something…”

Rob shook his head. “Tch, Twi, look. You didn’t have to go that far. I mean, I’m thankful, sure. But why go this far for someone you barely know? It doesn’t seem… normal, to me.”

She sighed. “Well… You’re my friend now. You’re all of our friends now. And I just wanted to show you that you mean something to me. It’s been three days now, and you’ve already saved someponies life, and gotten a job. I think you deserve something for that.”

Rob walked over to Twilight slowly, talking care not to step in any of the muck. “Look ya silly girl. You don’t need to do this for me!” He paused and rubbed the back of his head, averting his eyes. “But, ugh, thanks anyway. It means a lot to me.” He started laughing. “Probably more so, seeing how you failed so badly!”

She pouted and turned away. “Fine… I suppose I’ll get this cleaned up and we’ll have to find something else for dinner…”

“Do you… Need any help with that?”

She faced him once more, this time with a smile on her face. “No, I think I’ve got this!”

Quarter of an hour later, the mess was cleaned up, and Twilight was presentable once again. She exited the kitchen with a sigh of relief, and slumped down on the sofa. She was clearly tired, despite being used to all those late nights studying. Perhaps cooking took more out of her than she realised.

Feeling somewhat similar, Rob was on one of the opposite chairs, looking at the purple unicorn with a smirk. “So then, you ready?”

“Ready? For what?” She replied drowsily.

“Dinner. Look, we’re both tired, but some food will do us good. Besides, it’s on me.”

She yawned and stood up. “Well, ok. But let me check on Spike first. I need to make sure he’s asleep before we go. I know a little place over the other side of the square we can head to, it’s fairly cheap, and I often run over there for lunch when I’m studying.”

“Ok, ok. Just go check on the little fella and we’ll be off.” Rob called from the chair to Twilight, who was in the process of ascending the stairs.

He stood up and went over to the door, leaning against the wall before putting his shoes on with great difficulty. Not too long after that, and Twilight came back downstairs with a small equine shaped puffy jacket on. It covered most of her body apart from her head and hooves, although there was a hood, and surprisingly, some hoof shaped parts buttoned up to the cuffs. It was zipped up tightly around her neck, where there was a fluffy collar, and she seemed almost snuggly. It was also a dark blue colour, fitting of her, as it matched the majority of her mane. She walked up to the human.

“Looking at her puffy face is just adorable.”

“What’s with the get up?” He asked her.

“What? It’s cold in Ponyville at night during this time of the year.”

“Sure… So, let’s do this!” Rob raised his hand up for emphasis, punching the air.

The duo walked across the remainder of the library, and let themselves out, heading into the late evening air.

“Say, Twi, do you mind if I call you that?”

She chuckled. “Not at all!”

“Great, so, what time is it? My watch kind of broke, which come to think of it, was also something I was going to ask about…” He trailed off, looking absentmindedly down at the ground.

“Right now, it’s about seven o’clock, see, the sun has barely just set.”

Rob looked to the horizon, the faint dim glow of orange dissipated the closer to them it got, Equestria was almost fully under the darkness of night. Candles were alight atop poles lining the streets, and thanks to them, there was ample light to see. The human turned his eyes back to the floor. “Suppose it has.”

They continued walking slowly, making small talk until Rob asked, “So how does day and night work in this place? There is clearly no rotation and stuff…”

Twilight looked at him blankly before stuttering into speech. “I-It’s the princesses. They raise them… I thought you knew that?”

“Yeah, yeah, but I mean. Are there time zones based on that? Seasons? How about the timing of the sun and moon raising, are there variations?”

Once again, Twilight laughed. “It’s funny how little you know about us!”

“Laugh it up…”

“Sorry, sorry, the simple premise is this; The Princesses can raise or set the sun and moon whenever they want, they usually do it after six in the evening and before seven in the morning though. That just seems to be the time frame they stick to. It makes all of our lives easier that way, and adds a sense of routine. As you can see, this evening, the sun set at around half six, tomorrow, it might be an hour later. As for time zones, sure, other nations have different times. The sun must go somewhere right! It simply shifts around the planet.”

“Makes sense I suppose. Do continue.”

“Ok! As for seasons, yes, we have them, spring, summer, autumn and winter! We also have various festivals to celebrate them, Winter Wrap Up, The Summer Sun Celebration, The Running of the Leaves and Hearths Warming Eve.”

Rob smiled, “Now they sound fun. And strangely familiar…”

The small banter continued until the pair finally arrived at the restaurant. It wasn’t fancy, rather plain actually; it did have a rather European feel to it though, as there were large pillars outside, holding up the slanted roof. There were tendrils of ivy draped over said roof, and they cascaded down a ways before being abruptly cut off. The building itself was average sized and white, situated in a quiet little ally just off of the main town square. There were numerous tables sprawled outside of it, and by looking in through the windows, Rob could see various other ponies sat around tables, drinking and laughing merrily.

They approached the door and went inside. As well as a rush of hot air, they were greeted by a warm atmosphere, and a number of gasps. Clearly, news about the human was still not fully believed. The duo had to push past a number of ponies to try and find some available seats, and finally, they spotted some near the back of the restaurant. Getting there continued to be a difficult task, mainly due to Twilight’s excessively puffy jacket, but eventually, they reached their destination. Taking a seat near one of the back windows, Rob and Twilight began looking over the menu.

“Sweet Celestia! They have pizza here!”

Twilight noticed her human companion’s outburst of glee, and raised her eyes, looking up at him. “What is it?”

“Nothing, but I thought I’d be subjected to a diet of healthy crap for the rest of my life. Thank the heavens you have some junk food.”

“Junk food?”

“You know, food which tastes great, but is actually pretty bad for you, on the inside I mean.”

“Hmmm, we don’t really have that here. It’s all fairly healthy. Why? What were you looking at?” She looked back over her menu, scanning for what Rob was referring to.

He laughed at her antics and pointed to the pizza. “See Twi, cheese, tomato and bread, proper food which isn’t flowers and hay. Granted, none of the nice stuff but… Good none the less, it’ll do.”

“What kind of ‘nice stuff’ are you talking about?”

“Ugh, never mind, nothing, nothing at all!”

Twilight looked at him sceptically. “If you say so…”

“I do. So, one thing that I’ve been wondering about since we got here; you said that you occasionally came here during study breaks. It took us a good twenty minutes to get here. Aren’t there closer places?”

Twilight smiled widely. “Nope, this is the closest! Besides, we went the long way around, I was enjoying our chat!”

“Figures… Weren’t you tired half an hour ago? Sheesh girl.” She simply laughed.

“Weren’t you too?” She slyly asked back.

“Mmmhmm, I’ve been tired ever since I got here. The mornings are so blissful that I don’t want to get up, and then my days are so tiring, that I can’t wait to go back to bed. It’s a vicious cycle.”

She laughed, “In time, you’ll get used to the lifestyle, trust me.”

“Thanks, so, what are you having then?” He gestured to the menu.

“I was thinking of having the same as you!”

“The pizza, really?”

She nodded. “I figured we’ll get the really big one and share it!”

“If you say so... It works for me.”

“I’m just lucky we aren’t having meatballs and spaghetti, it might end up like Lady and the Tramp all over again…”

“Then it’s settled!” She said enthusiastically, hailing a waitress by waving her left forehoof.

Soon enough, they had ordered their food, and had begun to make small talk during the wait. Rob also found it amusing to do a little ‘pony watching’, throughout the restaurant in the meantime. There were some couples who were married it seemed, and some who were newly dating. He found pony love to be far more simplistic and happy than human love, and could see another positive to the difference in lifestyles.

After not too long of a wait, one giant pizza arrived, topped with numerous vegetarian foodstuffs; it was set down in front of the couple, and took up the majority of the table. A little bit of reshuffling was necessary, in order to move all the hay to Twilight’s side of the pizza, but after that, the two tucked straight in. Luckily for Rob, pizza was one of the few meals you were able to eat with only one hand. It was different to human pizza, like many things in Equestria, and it seemed to be perfectly cooked. One thing the human noticed; was that in the world of ponies, everything was always picture perfect; and, he liked it that way.

“So,” Twilight began, swallowing a mouthful of food, “You said something about a watch breaking on the walk over here? Can I help with anything?”

Rob looked up at her. “Oh that…” He took out his phone. “I presume you’ve never seen one of these before?” She shook her head. “Right, well, this is a mobile phone. It’s a means of communication on my world. Basically, every one of these has its own… code? Which basically, if you know, then you can call it from your own. I don’t really know how it works, but luckily, to use it; you don’t have to!”

“So… It’s a communication device?” She tilted her head as a quizzical look came about her face.

“Mmmhmm, that’s right. But I mean, there’s no one to call here in Equestria, as no one else has one! I’ve basically been using it as a clock for the majority of my time here.”

“I thought you said it was a… Oh wait! It does multiple things, doesn’t it? That’s clever! What kind of magic does it run off of?”

“Haha, it doesn’t, it runs off of electricity.”

She smiled, “How does that work?! We have electricity, but you need to plug things in.”

Rob sighed. “Look, I don’t know… It just does ok. And the problem is that it’s run out.” He paused. “And wait, you’re telling me that for all the magic and stuff you guys have got, you haven’t worked out how to make charged electronic devices!?”

She laughed. “Well, no! Magic is just more efficient to use! We don’t need to waste time and energy by burning fuels when we can simply use magic to be more clean and efficient!”

“This is making magic sound awesome…”

“Well, you might be able to use it too, remember, I cast that spell on you?”

A moment of recognition came over the human as he remembered back to his first night in Equestria. “Suppose so, I haven’t even tried to use it since then… Maybe I’ll give it a shot later. Anyhow, back to the original problem, any idea on how to charge my electronics?”

“Why do you even need them? We can just get you a watch or something.” She asked.

“Well, it’s not my phone I’m worried about, so much as this little thing.” He took out his iPod. “It plays music, and trust me when I say, music is a BIG part of my life.”

“We have music here you know!”

“Not like this you don’t… I highly doubt it anyway…” He said sceptically.

She laughed, “I’ll take your word for it.”

He stuffed another bite into his mouth. “Any ideas then?”

“Only one.” She replied.

“Care to tell the class?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind…” He sighed. “So, what is it?”

She looked straight at him, smile present on her face. “Fancy a trip to Canterlot?”

“Great. Back into the nest of that she-devil…”

He laughed, thinking for a moment. “Yup, sure thing.”

Once dinner had been finished and the two were finally full, another waitress came to present the bill. Rob paid somewhat unskilfully, by presenting a handful of bits to the poor mare when she next sauntered by, and finally, the two were on their way.

Back out in Ponyville, Rob discerned a distinct temperature drop. Twilight noticed as he shifted his hand into his pocket and snuggled down into his hoodie, she made no effort to hide the smirk present on her face. Taking a shorter route than the first time, the two arrived back at the library.

“Phew, I’m glad to be out of that…” Rob stated to no one in particular.

Twilight slyly smiled, “Told you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Once again, taking his shoes off proved to be a tricky task, and things were only further confused when Twilight tried to aid him with use of her magic. The humorous result ended up with Rob being hung from his left boot, which was suspended in the air by a purple aura. Things were finally sorted out though, and feeling the day’s effects once more, the two headed to bed, tired again, but full this time.

Sneaking past Spike, the two parted with a small wave, before Rob ascended the second flight of stairs up to his room. Once inside, it didn’t take long for him to drift away to sleep. That night, he dreamed of meat, more specifically, bacon. It was surely something he missed greatly.

9. A Weekend with the She-Devil

Chapter 9: A Weekend with the She-Devil.

Ponyville Library, Main section:

“Concentrate, come on, you can do it!”

“Tch, this is giving me a headache…”

*sigh*

“Hey, you’re a unicorn, you’re meant for this! I’m just a human. I’ve been here what, the best part of five days now? I bet you didn’t learn magic that fast!”

The morning had arrived, and Twilight had foolishly taken it upon herself to try and teach the human some magic before the train ride up to Canterlot. Things however, were not exactly going well. Twilight could sense the inner increase in life-force and magic, and yet, the human couldn’t seem to build any of it up, or release it for that matter. From what she could tell, he wasn’t focussing it on a specific point enough. She herself, always used her horn, unicorns always did; it provided a controlled point of focus, easily able to contain the swelling of magical energy. Rob however, was broadening it too much. Hands were not exactly a specific point, more like, ten, specific points, the magic, what little there was, was diverging too much, and not gaining enough driving force to be released.

“Arc, try using only one finger.” Twilight told the human, getting an idea.

He looked at the purple mare in confusion.

“Girl, I can’t do it with my whole freaking hand. One finger is not going to be enough!”

“Look, using too much of your body spreads the magic out, to put it simply. You need to focus it more on one singular location. Trust me, just will it to the tip of one of your fingers.”

“Well alright…”

He concentrated once again, trying to find the inner warmth of magic inside of him. At the very least, throughout the morning he had gotten used to finding the life-force. Twilight had told him that if he simply felt around in his core, he would find a sensation; she couldn’t be any more specific though, as that sensation changed from pony to pony, and presumably, human to human. For her, it was like wind through the grass, and for Celestia apparently, it was like sun through the cracks in a wall. Some ponies felt it like fire, and some like the ocean. He would have to find out what he felt for himself. Currently, it was life grasping at mist. He had to sort of corral it into a blob, and then herd it throughout his body. It was not an easy task.

Once he had done said corralling, the tricky part began, as he struggled to will it from his chest to his arms, and in turn, his wrists. Every time he tried to focus it though, parts started escaping, and eventually, he figured that this was always going to happen, and he might as well just herd what parts he could; little magic was better that no magic at all. Finally, he managed to get it into his palms, and placing his hands together, he transferred what little he could over into his right hand. Lucky for him, magic seemed almost magnetic, and seeped straight through the cast on his left hand.

Bracing his arm, as it was now shaking; he funnelled the mist down into only his index finger. He was now holding his breath; the strain it took to concentrate such unsteady magic was taking its toll on him, and he began to grit his teeth. After what felt like excruciating minutes, he had finally condensed all the gathered magic into a ball under the skin in his finger.

“N-n-now w-w-what…?”

“Release it!”

“H-how?”

“Think about what you want it to become, magic is very versatile. Just will it!”

And so he did. Forcing it to expel from his body, in any way necessary for it to take form, he pushed outwards, forcing it away from his hand. A puff of smoke, and a flash of light occurred, and the pair had to shield their eyes. He finally let out the breath he had been holding in for so long, and began gulping at the air. Excitement welled up in the boy, as he turned back to face his finger, expecting something great to have occurred. He opened his eyes and gazed upon his finger to find the tip alight, just like a tea light candle. His heart sunk.

“… All of that, for this?! Are you fucking kidding me!?”

Twilight suppressed a giggle as she turned to Rob. “Don’t feel bad, it was only your first try.” She then blew out the flame with a smile and a laugh. “I am surprised about one thing though, usually, magic will take effect as something happening. Somehow, you managed to bring forth a raw element, only a few ponies can do that. You should feel proud!”

“Yay, that makes me feel so much better…”

She patted him on the back with a hoof, in a feeble attempt to reassure him.

“So, there are others who can do what I can… Sorta do?”

She thought about it for a second, raising an eyebrow. “Well, yes. I once heard of a mage who was able to create whole waterfalls from magic!”

“And yet, I have this limp thing… You could barely roast a marshmallow on this lame flame.”

“Practice makes perfect Arc! I have been studying magic for years, and I’m still not fully able to do a lot of things!”

“Yeah, well, whatever.” He stood up from the sofa he was sitting on, as Spike walked in from the kitchen, clad in the same apron as before. “So when are we heading to Canterlot?”

Twilight also got up and responded, “Not long now. We’ll leave in a short while if that’s ok?”

“Sounds good to me!”

According to Twilight, she had spoken to Spike earlier about looking after the library while they were gone, and he therefore, had everything under control. As it stood, the team heading to Canterlot was Arc, Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Rarity had other obligations, and Fluttershy couldn’t leave her animals for so long on such short notice, luckily enough, Spike had offered to help with anything that may have come up. Pinkie on the other hand, said that she was doing something ‘special’ for their return. Rob had guessed that this was the party she had mentioned before, but couldn’t be certain, after all, in Ponyville, expect the unexpected.

With these thoughts on the brain, the duo headed off to meet the others at the train station. It was now eleven o’clock, and they were scheduled to arrive in Canterlot at one, two hours from now.

The trip was short, and the weather was nice as usual, as the two plodded through Ponyville once again. Unlike the previous night, all that was necessary was a t-shirt, and thankfully, Twilight hadn’t brought her puffer jacket either. Rob figured that the princess could cater for all of the things he might need; she seemed able to summon him clothing, why should anything else be any different?

Twilight had explained that while they were in Canterlot, they would be staying at the Palace, and had all been given guest suites right next to each other in the eastern-most tower. This pleased Rob, as to be honest, leaving him alone in Canterlot was not a good idea; he was sure to get lost, or something worse… He wasn’t really too fond of being that close to Celestia either, but he figured it was better to here, with her, than as an ‘object’ of wonder, in a foreign land. For some reason, thoughts of kidnapping were on the brain, as unlikely as it was.

Pretty soon, they had made their way to the station, only to find and eager Applejack, and a bored Rainbow Dash. As they neared, they could see her tapping her hoof against the ground, waiting for something interesting to happen.

“About time!” She called on their approach.

Rob looked around. The station was like that of an old western, everything was made from wooden planks, and the whole thing had a dusky feel to it. For some reason, there was nopony else waiting to catch the train, the whole platform was deserted.

“Rainbow, try ta be a little patient, ok?” The cowpony reprimanded her friend.

“But, we’re gonna be late at this rate!”

Twilight spoke up, slightly out of breath from the walk. “Rainbow, if there is one thing I’m never; it’s late.”

“Yeah,” Rob said, “Have you met this girl, she’s so organised, it’s unreal…”

The rainbow maned mare thought for a moment, and looked at the two, “Yeah, I suppose…”

The sound of a whistle was heard off in the distance, and the four turned to look down the tracks. There, approaching Ponyville, was the most disturbing train Rob had ever seen. The colours, the design, the motion; all of it was wrong. It scared him to know that for the best part of two hours, this was his method of transport to Canterlot.

“This… This is the train?”

Twilight looked up at him, and raised her voice over the sound of the wheels on the tracks getting closer. “Is there something wrong?” Her mane was fluttering about in the wind.

“You… could say that.”

The human shrugged.

“Well, must be safe enough; after all, ponies use this thing every day.”

“Maybe I’m overthinking things... Again.”

The train pulled in, and off stepped a pony conductor. He was a grey stallion with a blue suit on and a whistle. He blew it once, and off stepped a few ponies, trundling on down into Ponyville. The three ponies and human then stepped onto the train themselves, and walked down the carriage until they found a table for four. Upon seating, the train began to move away from the station, giving a blow from its whistle as it did.

Small talk began rather quickly; Rob was told of Rainbow’s newest stunts, and how good they were, and Applejack’s latest harvest, and how large it was. The two had been busy since the last time he’d seen them it appeared, despite it only being a day…

One thing he began to notice though, was how competitive the two seemed; whenever one did something, the other, usually Rainbow Dash, would have to counteract it with something even more grandiose. It was like a game of Top Trumps, only; pony style. It all started from the various hardships the two had to go through at work.

“Rainbow, all you do, is sit around on clouds all day. You don’t know what a good days work is, until ya been down on mah farm for a day!”

“Don’t kid yourself AJ, cloud kicking is much harder that what you do, any old pony can kick a tree, now a cloud, there’s a job for a pegasi...”

“Now you look here, if somepony is eating apples, you can bet ya flank it was us that made ‘em! It takes hard work every day for us to get that many apples.”

“You don’t ‘make’ apples AJ…”

“Don’t ya muddle mah words either!”

Rob turned to Twilight, “Shouldn’t we break them up?”

She looked back at him with a fairly unnamed look in her eyes, “No…” She sighed, “This happens all the time.” She then resumed looking out of the window, her head resting on her hooves.

Rob just shrugged, and turned back to the two ponies in question, to watch their continual bickering. It was nice to see a little bit of mischief in the land of harmony.

“No way are you stronger than me!” Rainbow Dash continued.

“And ah’d thought we’d settled this at the Iron Pony competition. Rainbow, ya just can’t win this one, ah’ve been cartin’ apples around since ah was a filly. Ya won’t find legs stronger than these.” She held up her forelegs and flexed.

“Oh, we’ll see about that! I think, anything you can do, I can do better!” Dash flapped her wings and rose out of her seat.

“Please! Not a musical number!”

Applejack retaliated, “Is that a challenge?”

“Don’t do it!”

The pegasus got into her friends face, “You bet.”

“Fuck no.”

Applejack smirked. “Alright then Dash, ah ‘bet’, that you can’t get to Canterlot quicker than we can.”

“Fuck yes!”

Her friend smiled back. “Oh, it’s on! I’ll see you losers at the finish line!”

And with that, she opened one of the side windows, and jumped out; taking to the sky as her multi-coloured mane trailed behind her.

Rob looked after her with his mouth agape. He swallowed. “I-Is she allowed to just jump out like that?”

Applejack shrugged, “Ah dunno. No harm done, right?”

Twilight turned to her Stetson clad friend, “You know we’ll never get there before her, right?”

Once again the cowpony shrugged, this time with a smirk. “I know.”

Twilight and Applejack had resumed conversation. The topic was one that Rob knew nothing about, Winter Wrap Up. Apparently it was something that had been done the week before Rob arrived, and from its name and the current climate, Rob assumed that it was early spring. At the very least, he was thankful that it wasn’t a spring like home, which predominantly consisted of rain. He continued listening for a while, before he started to tune them out, all in all though, the conversation was rather boring, and so, Rob moved to the seat behind them, to continue practicing his magic; Twilight was right, he was only going to improve with time and effort.

Thankfully, the hum of the train was actually fairly therapeutic, and helped him slip into a state of relaxation. He closed his eyes, and began breathing through his nose, trying to slow his heart rate. Twilight had spoken about life-force and inner magic, something that everyone has inside of them. She had told him of how it felt for different ponies, and how it manifested itself in different ways. Rob figured that a key first step to learning, would be to find where this magic was inside of him.

Searching inside yourself was hard, especially if you had never done it before. No matter how much Rob pushed through the dark depths of his body, he could not find this ‘well’, only tendrils of stray magic floating about aimlessly like a fog. He concentrated harder on feeling every single part of his body, from his toes to his fingertips, but nowhere was there any sort of spark.

He wondered why he could find it earlier, but he then realised that he hadn’t, he’d just been scooping up the stray bits of magic, and using them, not that actual life-force itself. He tried again to look, delving what felt like much deeper into himself.

Even if he hadn’t found magic, he’d sure found some sort of inner peace and tranquillity. So much so, that even when Celestia came calling, he was not disturbed.

“Try thinking of magic.”

“No shit. That’s kinda what I am doing.”

“No, you’re thinking about finding magic, not magic itself.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Well, you’re currently looking for something to find the magic, searching within yourself for the ‘how’, not the thing itself. What you need to do is look for it in its purest form. Feel your soul, feel yourself, feel the magic.”

“Feel myself? But I’m on a train, and that’s inappropriate.”

“Ha-ha… Just shut up and do it.”

“Well, alright…”

Feeling Celestia wait by and observe, he started thinking about magic, and only magic.

“Come on you misty bastard, where are you…”

He resumed searching, tracing the mist within him, grasping at it, and following it back to its root, the source, and what he thought might be the well. He needed to go deeper. As if turning a corner, the black depths he appeared to be swimming in became a shore. Sand started appearing, and he found his feet. He looked down, and saw his hands in front of him. He panicked, and turned around, looking up at the black sky. He tried to open his eyes, but found that he couldn’t.

“C-Celestia… Where am I?”

“You’re inside yourself Arc.”

“What!? But mine isn’t that long!”

“That’s dirty…”

He looked around. He was standing upon a beach; there was golden sand beneath his feet and waves lapping at the shore. The sky was the deepest black, and felt like it stretched for an eternity; it wasn’t so much a sky, as much as it was a great expanse of nothingness. There was no breeze at all, it was very quiet save for the gentle sound of waves, and the world inside of him was still. He glanced down the beach, and noticed how it seemed to go on forever, the sand splaying out for what felt like miles. Behind him there was more nothingness, it was where he had come from. It gave him the feeling that he was standing on the edge of the world. The ocean seemed to go on forever too, waves crashing as far as the eye could see, they were blue like sapphires.

“Do you mind telling me why my insides look like a beach?”

“You’re a beach!”

“Seriously though...”

“You made it that way.”

“That’s funny. I sure as hell don’t remember making this place.”

“It was created when you were born. Humans aren’t naturally capable of magic, and so it’s pretty bland at the moment.”

“Leave my beach alone! I like it…”

“Fine, fine, it’s a lovely beach.”

“So what? Do I have to renovate or something?”

“Pfft! No you silly boy. Once you are in-touch enough with yourself, this place will be easier to change.”

“Just like that?”

“Simply on a whim.”

“So you have one of these things too?”

“Yes.”

“And what does yours look like?”

“Cake, lots of cake.”

Rob walked over to the water, and picked up a stone.

“Wait, there were no stones here a minute ago.”

“Did you ‘will’ there to be?”

“Not that I’m aware of. I just wanted to throw stones. I’m at the beach, it’s what you do.”

“And your mind made them appear.”

“Now that’s clever.”

“The mind is a remarkable thing.”

Rob threw the stone into the ocean, and picked up another, repeating the process.

“… … …”

“Wait just a frickin’ minute... I came here looking for my life-force and inner soul or whatever… And I find a beach. What’s up with that? How is this meant to help me?”

“Arc, you’ve found it. Look right in front of you.”

“What? That’s just an oce-”

“… … …”

“Oh wait. I get it. My bad Celly.”

“There’s the ‘well’ you were looking for.”

“That’s one big arse well. So, t-this whole ocean? I can use this?”

“Pfft! Heavens no! Dig a hole, right there.”

She gave him another one of her compasses which directed him to an area near the shore. He did as he was asked, and began digging. Slowly, the waves filled the hole, until there was a small puddle in the sand. He stood back up.

“Right, so now what?”

“You see that?”

He looked down at the miniscule puddle and nodded.

“That’s what you can use.”

He pointed at the puddle.

“That!? That’s pathetic!”

“Yes, and you’ve been doing magic for four hours. What did you expect, really?”

He simply grumbled in response.

“Well, time to go! See you at the palace Arc!”

“Wha- Where are you… Forget it.”

“Arc! Arc! Wake up! We’re here!” He heard a feminine voice call.

“Twi?”

“Applejack, care to give me a hoof here?”

“Sure thing.” The southerner replied.

“W-What’s going on guys?”

He felt a sharp stinging sensation on his face.

“That fucking hurts, stop it!”

Another sharp sting graced his face on the other side.

“That does it! Stop that right now!” He shouted, waking up, and looking into the eyes of two very startled ponies.

“Sorry about that partner, ya wouldn’t wake up, so ah had to get a lil’ rough on ya.”

Rob rubbed his eyes and looked around. He was still where he was seated earlier, although the train had finally come to a stop. “That’s fine AJ.” He yawned. “I take it we’re in Canterlot now then?”

The two ponies nodded.

“So what do we do now?”

Twilight spoke up. “Well, for starters, we can find Rainbow Dash. After that, we’re going to head for some lunch, and then go up to the palace.”

Rob stood up out of his seat and stretched. The trio then moved along the carriage, and out of the door, onto the platform outside, bypassing the conductor on the way out. The sun stung his eyes after having them closed for so long, and he had to shield them with his hand. Luckily, the cast made a great sun visor, and he was genuinely pleased to have actually found a use for it, other than giving himself a concussion.

“Ok then, so; Rainbow Dash. If I were a dashing rainbow, where would I be…?”

Rob started looking around the station, when he heard a boastful voice from above. He turned, just in time to see a cloud drifting down with a rainbow coloured tail flitting about off of it.

“What took you guys so long?”

“Well Dash, for starters, we were on a train, not a Mach-four-bullet-pegasus. We had to travel at the speed ‘it’ wanted to go, not the speed ‘we’ wanted to go.” Rob sarcastically replied to the mare.

“Yeah well… I won!” She yelled out, turning around on the cloud-pillow and drifting further down to Rob.

“Yes, yes you did.”

She turned to Applejack. “See, I got here faster!”

The orange earth pony simply smiled. “Did ya have a nice flight Dash?”

Before the pegasus could reply, a purple aura enveloped the cloud she was sitting on, and yanked it right out from under her, making her plummet to the floor. An irate looking Twilight stood over her.

“We don’t have the time for this Rainbow! We have a schedule to keep to!”

Twilight pulled out a clip board with a checklist of things to do on it, and showed it to Dash for emphasis. The rainbow maned pegasus got to her hooves and shook her head, grunting.

Rob walked over to the discarded cloud, wondering how it felt. He reached out to grasp at it, but his hand simply passed through it, as if it were air. He sighed and walked back to the group, disappointed, as the water vapour drifted off behind him.

The foursome moved from the platform onto the streets of Canterlot. Rob had seen it from above, out of Celestia’s bedroom, but not from up close. He noticed how everything was pristine and white, as if it were recently polished marble; the shops, the houses, and all the other architecture too. If Ponyville had a rustic and quaint feel to it, then Canterlot had a royal and modern feel. Atop the alabaster, ivory colouring, there were often fabrics of either a purple or emerald green, with either the sun or moon sigil on them, representing the two pony princesses, Rob presumed.

There were many ponies littering the streets of Canterlot, and just like before, Rob was getting the ‘what the hell is that thing’ glance from almost everypony, as he strolled down the road.

“I hear this is where you grew up, Twi. Personally, I like Ponyville more.”

She chuckled, “So do I! But yes, this is where I was born and raised. The princess took me in at the age of five, so I’ve been here all my life. That is, until last year when I moved to Ponyville!”

Applejack continued, “Ah never was one for these fine city folk. Ah’m a country mare, and that’s where ah’ll stay, thank you.”

Rob nodded, “I agree with ya girl. I’m a country boy myself, maybe not as much as you, but still, cities always bugged me. There’s just something about them… But let me tell you this much, Canterlot is way better that a lot of cities where I’m from. At least the air is clean here and things look… Well, nice!”

The cowpony nodded, “Ah don’t reckon ah’ll like it very much where you’re from.”

Rob laughed, “And that’s understandable. Not even I like it there! And it’s where I’m from!”

“At least it doesn’t sound as boring there as it is here, listening to you two reminisce.” Rainbow chipped in.

“We’ll be there soon Dash, just keep your mane on and calm down.” Twilight reprimanded her. “Complaining won’t take us there any faster.”

“Please don’t mention speed around her Twi.” The human pled, much to the amusement of the earth pony. “Anyway, Twi, when we get to the place we’re going, I have something to ask you.”

She smiled and continued leading the way, weaving in and out of little back streets, until the four of them arrived at a small café. They made fairly good time, which was aided by Rob scaring half of the citizens away by simply being near them. Something about these ponies was simply less welcoming than those in Ponyville.

The café was small, and had a red and white stripped veranda out front. There were chairs dotted around the outside, and large clear windows looking in through the shop front. From what Rob could see, the inside was bustling with a mix of patrons and waitress ponies. He wouldn’t like to admit it, but he thought they looked really attractive in their little uniforms.

As they approached, rather surprisingly, one of the many waitresses came galloping out with a huge smile on her face. She began calling out to somepony. As she got closer, they heard the name ‘Twilight’ coming from her mouth.

Rob looked at the approaching ball of noise. She was a white pony, much like Rarity, although she had a crimson mane which came down to almost the floor, it was exceptionally long. She had deep blue eyes, and a cutie mark on her flank depicting yellow a shooting star crossing over a blue moon.

The mare came to a stop at the foursome, panting heavily. “T-Twilight! It’s been ages…”

“Who? Wait… Moondancer?” Twilight replied to the shaky mare.

“Y-You remember!” The pony smiled again.

“Of course I do! We went to magic kindergarten together, and then stayed friends all through my teaching with The Princess. How could I forget you?”

“Well, I haven’t seen you in over a year now… I know you’re an element and all, but I thought we’d completely lost contact.”

The purple unicorn looked down at the ground and scraped a hoof along the floor. “I’m sorry Moondancer, to be honest, when I went to Ponyville, my life changed. I… I forgot all about the ponies I left behind here… I thought you all thought I was a stick in the mud.”

The pony smiled at her and sighed. “Twilight, we never thought that… We just thought that maybe sometimes you were too absorbed in your studies.”

Twilight shook her head. “And back then, I was. I was just too blind to see it.”

Rob opened his mouth, letting a loud belch escape. The ponies looked at him in disgust, all but Rainbow Dash, who simply started laughing. Twilight glared at him, and Applejack just starred.

“What was that Arc, hmm?” The unicorn asked.

“Well Twi, that was really getting too wishy-washy for me, and I needed to break it up somehow. And hey! Whadda ya know! It worked!”

Twilight turned back to a shocked looking Moondancer, “I’m really sorry about that.” She shook her head disapprovingly, “Anyway, Moondancer, meet Arc, Equestria’s new human! The other two ponies here with us, are Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty, and Applejack, the element of honesty.”

“Oh, I know who they all are! Mr Arc, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” She extended a hoof and Rob took it, giving a little hand-to-hoof shake. “And you two too.” She nodded her head at Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

Rob turned to the mare. “Uh, Arc is fine, no ‘Mr’ needed. And, uh, do you mind if I ask how you’ve heard about me?”

Moondancer hiccoughed, “Everypony knows about you after what you said in the square!”

“Wow, she’s cute… Nice and hyper, but not too ‘Pinkie’, I can only deal with one of them… And who am I kidding? All ponies are cute.”

“Are you talking about the Ponyville square?”

“Yes! Apparently you addressed the masses!”

Applejack and Rainbow snickered, remembering the event in question.

Rob looked back at Moondancer, ignoring the two ponies to his right. “That might be over exaggerating things a little bit, but yeah, I suppose it did end up being ‘masses’. Anyhow, that’s travelled this far?”

Twilight spoke up. “News travels fast in Equestria, there aren’t that many ponies, and we’re all fairly sociable, so word just gets around.”

Rob nodded in understanding. “Look at that. Famous already.”

Rainbow nudged him in the side, “I wouldn’t go that far, you’ve gotta beat me first!”

He nudged her back. “It’s always a competition with you, isn’t it?”

She grinned up at him and laughed. “Life is one big competition, and I’ve got to do my best to get into the Wonderbolts.”

Rob feigned interest, and simply shrugged. “Suppose you do.” He turned to Moondancer, “So, any chance of you getting us a table in there?”

“Sure!” And with that, she trotted back towards the café, this time with numerous ponies and a human in tow.

They were seated in the front of the café, and were able to look out of the window at the many passing ponies going about their daily business. Moondancer had decided to wait on them, and went off to get drinks.

“So Twi, about earlier, while on the train, I wasn’t sleeping. I was with Celestia and-”

She coughed, “Princess Celestia.”

He resumed, looking over to Applejack who was chatting to Rainbow about… Something. “Well then, ‘Princess Celestia’, and me were inside… Well, me. We found my life-force. Turns out I’m a beach.”

“That’s funny to say out loud!”

“A-Are you talking about what I think you are? About finding the pool within yourself? The life force and place within yourself that all magic comes from?” She frantically choked out.

“Uh yeah, I guess so. Well, Celestia pretty much dragged me there, but yeah, seems that way.”

The purple unicorn looked shocked, “I-I’m amazed… It took me one week to do that, and you did it in five hours…”

“Like I said, she pretty much brought me there by herself. I’m not even sure if I could find it again.”

“Well Arc, I’m proud of you! I’m a little jealous too, but proud none the less.”

“Thanks.”

“And you say it was a beach?”

Twilight was interrupted by Moondancer, who came back with a number of strange looking blue drinks and set them down on the table. She then returned to the counter and picked up a number of menus, bringing them back to the table. She walked off again, humming to herself, and Rob continued.

“Yeah, a floating expanse of endless beach, that was all it was. The shore ran for miles and the ocean was endless. The sky was also unrealistically dark… It was pretty cool but Celestia told me it was currently useless.”

Twilight raised her eyebrow. “She said what?”

“She did this thing where she cruelly told me to dig a hole and fill it with water. Apparently the hole I dug,” He gestured with his hands a box about one foot by one foot, “is all I can currently use.”

“Well that’s understandable. For you to have even got this far is impressive.”

“Although as of yet, I haven’t been able to use it. I’ve found it, but not actually done anything with it. I suppose I’ll give that a shot later…”

The mare smiled. “It’ll come when it’s ready.”

“Ironically, that’s what she said.”

“I hope so. And anyway, Twi, what does your ‘place’ look like?”

She blushed, “W-W-W-WHAT?!”

“You know, I have a beach, Celestia has a lot of cake apparently… What’s your ‘place’?

She let out a long sigh. “Sorry, I thought you meant… Never mind... I have a library!” She laughed, “Although I bet you could have guessed that.” She stuck her tongue out.

“Yeah, figures.”

“What? I find it’s a good way to store all my knowledge and find it again easily!”

“I’m not questioning it.” Rob picked up a menu and looked over it. “So, what’s everypony having?”

Lunch went by smoothly after that; Rob discovered that he was not a fan of the famed, ‘daisy daiquiri’, Rainbow somehow put away enough for three ponies, and Applejack had a nice conversation with the manager about Applejack Daniels. Moondancer joined them after her shift ended, and Twi and her caught up for lost time as best as they could. They seemed to be getting on ok, anyhow. For the remainder of lunch then, Rob and Rainbow were left to talk with each other, and did so by relaying tales of awesomeness experienced by both of them. The conversation was predominantly Rainbow based, as Rob had no real acts of heroism under his belt, but after eating, he was tired, and ok with listening to her drone on.

After that, the time was three o’clock, and the convoy was ready to leave the café, full and rested. Twilight had restated that their next destination was the Palace, and told them all to make themselves somewhat presentable for the princesses. They had each taken moderate care to do so, Applejack had readjusted her Stetson, Rainbow had combed her mane, and Arc had brushed himself off and added a pair of shades to his outfit. Twilight on the other hand, had combed herself immaculately, brushed herself down and washed her face, she was going the whole way.

With no more time wasted, they left the café and headed back down the road with Moondancer in tow. She lived around the same area as the Palace, and so she was going to stay with them until they got to where they were going, besides, she was enjoying her time with Twilight, and apparently her time with Equestria’s only human too.

Once again, the convoy was met with various strange looks as Rob strolled down the street, but they seemed to lessen as they got closer to the palace. The architecture seemed to have become older as well, as if they were traveling back in time as they progressed through Canterlot's walls. Soon enough, they could see the various spires of the Palace and eventually, after turning down one final large road, they were approaching the gates.

“You’ll keep in touch this time, right Twi?” Moondancer pled as she turned to leave.

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I will. I have a library down in Ponyville now, you’ll have to come and stay some time, and trust me; it’ll be really fun! I’ve learnt how to host really good slumber parties too!” They exchanged addresses and stepped back from each other smiling.

The white mare then looked over at Rob and ran up to him, almost treading on his feet. “And you too Arc! I want you to be in Ponyville too when I get there!”

The human bent down to rub the mares head, much to her pleasure. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there. I’m sort of lodging with Twilight right now anyway.”

Moondancer blushed, it was apparent on her alabaster coat. “I-I didn’t know she was that daring…”

“Get your mind out of the gutter girl… Anyway, see ya round.”

Rob was about to pull away, when Moondancer leant in, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She then giggled and ran away playfully, tearing down the street in a run, similar to when they’d first met her earlier that day.

“Well, that sure was strange…”

Twilight looked shocked. “Wha-What was that?”

Rainbow began laughing again.

Rob turned to the purple unicorn and shrugged. “I honestly have no idea.”

Applejack put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Don’t ya worry none about it, sugarcube. Let’s head to the palace, an’ meet with the princess, that should cheer ya up.”

She nodded, and walked towards the giant gates leading into the courtyard. There were two royal guards ponies standing either side of the entrance, looking both stoic and yet somehow, kind. Maybe they were just some sort of positive reinforcement to the city; a feeling of protection. Rob noticed how they stood perfectly still, not moving even to breathe it seemed.

“Huh, just like our royal guards back in England.”

One of them turned to the group and announced himself. “Miss Sparkle, my name is Valiance; I am the current first in command for Princess Celestia’s royal legion, pleased to be at your service.” He bowed, and turned to the others, doing the same. Upon standing, he resumed. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’ve been asked to escort you all to the princess. She is expecting you. Unless any of you have reason not to, I would ask that you all follow me then.” He paused, waiting for anyone to say otherwise, and then turned and nodded at the other guard to his right.

The other guard in question, raised his lance, and pushed open one of the gates, allowing the three ponies and human access to the royal grounds. They proceeded inside, and were met by the most wonderful of gardens. Flower beds lined each of the many criss-crossing paths, and bright yellow creepers adorned the walls. It was a rather pretty sight.

Twilight nudged Rob. “You think this is pretty, you should see the gardens.” She smiled with a wink.

“There are gardens!? Wow! And I thought this was epic!” He shook his head. “Which begs the question; why did I not think there were gardens? This is the royal palace brain, get it together!”

The ponies laughed at his antics, even Valiance turned up the corner of his mouth, and Rob continued to ponder things, before turning to Twilight.

“Twi, you said you spoke to Celestia bout us coming here. Uh, mind if I ask how? Last I heard, you didn’t have the telepathy me and her have.”

“No Arc, I sent a letter!”

“A letter? How’d it get here on such short notice?”

“I keep forgetting, you don’t know about these things.” She sighed. “I used dragon fire. Basically, if I ever want to send a message, I just use Spike!”

Rob’s eyes widened. “Spike? As in; the cute little mini-dragon back at the library?” She nodded. “What is he, an instant messenger?”

“Instant-what now?” Rainbow interjected.

“Never mind, Dash… Twilight, do continue.”

“Yes, Spike breathes his fire on a letter, and it gets sent to wherever it’s addressed to!”

Rob blinked. “This place will never cease to amaze me…” He stepped over a small bunny that crossed his path. “And you use this to communicate a lot?”

“Only to the princess.” She chuckled, “And that, is how she knew we were coming!”

“Seems legit.”

Valiance led them through a large set of double doors and into the white halls of the palace. They were somewhat nostalgic to Rob. It had only been five days, and yet it felt like ages ago since Celestia brought him here. A lot had happened in a short time, and that made time fly by pretty quickly.

Soon, Valiance had led them to the large gilded doors of the throne room; they towered above the group like monoliths. He pushed open the structures, revealing the lavish room behind. Pillars of moonstone stretched from the floor to the ceiling, linked by banners of the sun. On the opposite side of the room, there was an identical flare, only this time darker; the pillars were made of obsidian, and lined with banners of the moon instead of the sun. The royal carpet that led from the door to the similarly themed thrones followed suit, being a bright white on one half, and a deep blue on the other.

Atop the two thrones at the end, were the two alicorn sisters, who were sitting regally, waiting to receive their guests. The ponies and human strolled in, preceded by Valiance, who bowed formally upon reaching the throne. Celestia turned to the convoy.

“Welcome.” She spoke with warmth.

They all bowed to varying degrees; Twilight excitedly knelt, Applejack tipped her hat, and Dash did a flamboyant lowering, all except Rob; who remained standing, looking over his shades at the pony princess.

“Sup Celly.” He spoke, before receiving a kick to the shins by Valiance and a glare from the other ponies. “Whaa?”

Twilight leaned in to him and whispered, “Arc! Don’t be so disrespectful! And bow, bow!”

“Alright, calm down Twi…” Rob remained standing, but walked up to the pony princess, much to the amazement of everypony else. What surprised them further, was that she stood up to meet him, and when he approached, she smiled.

“It’s good to see you again Arc.” She warmly told him.

He retuned her smile. “You know what, surprisingly, it’s nice to see you too Celestia.”

She then did something he did not expect; she nuzzled him. Taking advantage of his stunned form, she raised a hoof and draped it over his shoulder, bringing him in for a hug.

Letting go of any negative feelings he may have had about the situation, Rob smiled. He returned the hug, and brought his arms up around her neck, embracing her in full.

“Celly, it truly is nice to see you again.” He whispered in her ear.

The two broke off the hug when a rather irritated dark alicorn coughed, anything but subtly. They moved apart, and Rob walked back down to the shocked audience, regaining his place among them. He laughed at Twilight, who looked embarrassed at what he’d done. After that, the varying ponies moved to speak with the princess, and Rob stood aside, giving them space to be with their beloved ruler. He went to lean against one of the pillars, waiting for the pleasantries to end.

Luna too, rose from her seat, and greeted the elements warmly. She then gingerly trotted over to Rob and stood before him, fidgeting uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the dark princess, as she began to convey a message of her own.

“L-Look… About before, in my sister’s bedroom…? I-I’m sorry…” She spoke softly, her ears flat against her head.

“An apology…? For what? Being pissed at a strange creature appearing in her sister’s bedroom, how is there anything wrong with that? If anything, it’s commendable. Why is everything here so frickin’ huggable…?”

Rob shook his head. “Luna, uh, can I call you that?” A childish, jubilant smile graced her face, as she nodded enthusiastically. “Good, the whole ‘Princess’ thing is a mouthful… So, look; back in your sister’s bedroom, that’s ok. Seriously, if I walked in on someone I cared about with some creature I’d never met before, then yeah, I’d be pretty pissed too, so uh, don’t worry about it; ok?”

She continued to smile and turned her head up expectantly, looking deep into his eyes with her own. “T-Thank you!” She spoke quietly but with hesitant excitement.

Rob laughed and scratched his chin. “Don’t worry about it. In time you’ll realise I’m as harmless as a fly!”

“Excluding the timber wolf…”

Re-joining the group, Rob and Luna paced over to Celestia and the others. Valiance stood guard to the side, while the ponies and human got down to business.

Celestia spoke first. “So, I hear you are all here to visit the University? It is quite the magnificent place, filled with the finest minds Equestria can offer.”

“Please drop the nice-princess act, it’s killing me…”

“Suck it up!”

“Fuck you then…”

Twilight responded eagerly, “Yes we are! Arc needs some of his human things looked at, and I’m sure the people in the university would love the opportunity to see things from another world.”

Celestia nodded. “And is there anything you need to tell me? Is Ponyville well?”

The element bearers present nodded. “We had that episode with the timber wolf.” Dash pointed out. “But Twi said she sent a letter, so you know all about that…”

Twilight spoke up, “I think what she’s trying to say is no, there is nothing else to report back on Princess.”

Celestia nodded, and then offered to show her guests to their rooms. She feared that she may be in some meetings after they get back from the university, and wouldn’t have time to give them the tour herself.

The trek to the eastern tower of the Canterlot palace was gruelling. There were too many stairs, and not enough stops. Rob could not believe that a home could be so big, and wondered how ponies managed to find their way around it. He eventually came to the conclusion that alongside the princesses, many other people lived here too. It was its own little community in its own right, housing everypony from those in catering to those in laundry, all the way up to the important echelons of society like the princess themselves, among other lords and ladies. He assumed that the whole thing was a slick operation though, and that everypony played their part. He continued his musings as they ascended yet another flight of stairs.

“Are we there yet?”

“Are we there yet?”

“Are we there yet?”

“Please do be quiet.”

“But Celly, my legs ache!”

“Suck it up.”

“But whose bright idea was it to build a palace with so many stairs!?”

“Mine actually. After moving from my old home in the Everfree, we came to Canterlot. I had this place built to my personal specifications.”

“On top of a fucking mountain!? Why would you do that…? You know what, never mind that.”

“Ok, two things; A. That is ridiculous, how long did it take to build? And B. Why the hell would you have chosen to make the Everfree your home?”

“In answer to your first question, it took the best part of thirty five years to build this palace.”

“T-Thirty five… Holy shit…”

“And in answer to your second question, the simple answer would be this; the Everfree wasn’t as it is now. Back then it was… Different.”

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway, we’re here- Where are you?”

“Yeah, I decided to take a break a while back…”

“You…”

“Suck it up!”

And so, eventually the entirety of the group reached the top of the eastern tower, after waiting a few minutes for Rob to catch up. Applejack found his poor performance amusing, and had no problem telling him when he finally sauntered up to her, out of breath.

“Sugarcube, ah bet ya wouldn’t last a day buckin’ apple trees!”

Rob turned to her drearily, “You know what AJ? I think you’re right.”

Dash then kicked him in the back of the knees, forcing him to crumble to the floor. “Wow, you’re really unfit…”

“Maybe in comparison to you…” He cried back limply from the floor.

“What did I ever do to you ponies?!”

With all the other ponies looking at him with varying degrees of amusement, Rob got to his feet. Celestia sighed, and led them all through a door into another widely spaced hallway. Like all the others, there was a red carpet running through the middle, and various doors leading to unknown locations on the walls. Luckily enough though, aside from the doors to the sides, the hallway seemed to be at an end, and this meant; so was their journey. Rob was overjoyed; the feeling of knowing that there were no more stairs ahead pleased him greatly. Or it did, until he remembered that to get anywhere from here, you needed to go back down all those stairs. He cringed at the thought.

Luna stepped forward, and headed over to the first door on the left. It was made of what looked like solid oak, and stood strong in the doorway. Rob assumed that there was some kind of enchantment magic attached to it, as it hummed with a blue glow.

“This, Twilight Sparkle, will be your room.” She spoke commandingly, nudging the door open with a hoof. The blue glow from around the door dissipated and faded to nothing, and a small chime was heard. She stepped inside somewhat, leaning against the door, and levitated a few books off of the bed, making way for a pony to lay there. “I think you’ll find that the remaining items left from your previous stay are still here, so, as usual, do make yourself at home.” The lunar princess waved a hoof, and slammed the door behind her, stepping out of the way in the process.

“Huh, door-lock magic sounds like wind chimes… Who woulda guessed?”

Twilight nodded and smiled, as Luna did the same for the three remaining rooms. She issued Applejack the one next to Twilight, one up along the corridor on the left, and Rainbow Dash the room opposite Twilight’s on the lower right. This of course, left Rob the room farthest up to the right, the one next to Rainbow Dash and opposite Applejack. They all steeped inside their rooms to get a better look, all but Twilight who stayed behind to talk with Celestia while she had the opportunity.

“Ok, now I like my little penthouse suite in Twi’s place, but I gotta say, this is like living as a king!”

Rob observed the room before him, taking in the various lavishes he’d been given. There was a huge bed, much larger than those back home, and he would have guessed it was the pony equivalent of ‘king sized’. The bed had four posts, reaching up to the ceiling, and a purple canopy draped over them, tied up at the bases of the posts. On the lining, there were multiple emblems of the moon, shining brightly from the sun coming in through the window behind. Rob turned to the side, and noticed the bedside tables, which were more like bedside closets, he opened the drawers and found mounds upon mounds of Equestrian finery, all of which was useless to him.

“I bet they’re worth a lot though… I could do what everyone else does in hotels, and nick ‘em! And make a little profit in Canterlot selling fancy duds…”

“… … …”

“Wow, where’d that evil streak come from…?”

Coming back to reality, Rob went over to the window behind the bed, and gazed out. What he had originally thought was just a pretty view, turned out to be so much more, as he quickly realised that he had his own personal balcony. He undid the latch on the French windows, and headed outside.

The first thing he noticed was how there was virtually no wind. Being high up on the side of a mountain usually brought with it some rather chilling and unpleasant weather and climate systems, wind, orographic rainfall and blizzards to name a few. Despite this, warm rays of sun greeted the human boy as he stepped towards the edge. He shivered looking over, and was quickly reminded why he hated being up high…

He nudged back towards the door, thinking on what he had been told about the weather in Equestria. Apparently it was run by the pegasi, as strange as that was, and it was up to them to dish out whatever weather was needed at whatever place needed it. The whole concept felt a little unnatural to Rob, and he went back inside a little more confused than he was before.

Shaking his head, he turned around and closed the doors. He remained looking out though, and took in the view. It was essentially the same as the view from Celestia’s room which he had seen upon first arriving in Equestria. There were numerous hills, many open fields and a forest, the Everfree he presumed. He also thought he could make out Ponyville a huge way off in the distance, getting a glimpse of the town hall. His suspicions were confirmed when he looked to the side and noticed the large apple orchards known as Sweet Apple Acres.

Rob left the window behind to explore the rest of his room, or ‘chamber’, as he was now going to call it, feeling of a higher standard. Next to the French windows was a huge wardrobe, one that seemingly sunk into the wall itself. He looked for an edge and found none, it fit seamlessly to the wall. This would have been ok in the humans mind, had the wardrobe not been another room when he’d walked into it. Stepping out again, he walked back around to the side to see if he could make sense of the clearly magical contraption. He could not. Even after another trip to the balcony, the depth of the wardrobe could not be explained. He gave up, putting it down to his usual assumption of Equestria.

“It’s magic, I aint gotta explain shit!”

And so, with that, he left the enchanted oak wardrobe alone, and moved on to observe the large mirror across the room on the adjacent wall. The human found himself disappointed, for nothing strange happened. After the wardrobe, he was really looking forward to another amusing form of enchantment magic.

To any pony watching, the human was probably an enigma, as to them, all this stuff was natural. For him however, enchanted wardrobes and four poster beds were not. He simply put it down to living in a royal palace; the finest get the best, and this stuff was the best.

He looked under the mirror to see a large dressing table. This too, was butted up against the wall, and had the same familiar blue glow as the front door did originally. He observed the dressing table for a moment, before reaching out to tug at one of the many handles, hoping it would slide free. It did not, and all that occurred was a grunt as the human tried again harder, still to no success.

He left the impenetrable construct alone, and moved around the room yet again, inspecting it, although he didn’t believe anything would be able to top the wardrobe in terms of awesomeness. Magic sure had a way of making one open one’s eyes, and for a human, it was even more spectacular.

Rob noticed a large rug on the floor, intricately woven in the shape of the sun, tendrils of solar flare and solar winds too. As if to capitalise on the harmony aspect of things in Equestria, the rug had many small crescent moons located in various little nooks and crannies around the sun, showing the equality between both day and night, and more importantly, the two alicorn sisters. Overall though, Rob found the rug rather ugly.

The rest of the room was similarly designed, there was a purple and blue theme overall, with black furniture to compliment it lining the majority of the walls. It truly was a room fit for a royal family. From what Rob could work out, this section of the castle was constructed under Luna’s gaze, and this was shown in the way the majority of the design represented her.

The human turned from gawking at the fancy features of the room and set his eyes upon the bed. Taking a run up, he launched himself into the air and onto the bed, making the whole thing shake in the process. He smiled to himself and chuckled a little bit, getting off the bed. He was just about to go for round two, when he heard a snicker from the door, and turned to see Rainbow standing against the frame on her hind legs, with her forelegs crossed against her stomach.

“What?” He said with a cheesy smile.

She laughed again, smiling. “Nothing, nothing, I was just watching you test the new bed…”

He smirked back at her. “Why Dashie, you wanna help test it with me?”

“Why did I say that!?”

What she said next surprised him, as she looked him in the eyes and winked. “You couldn’t keep up with me Arc~”

Caught off guard, he spluttered before shaking his head, causing Dash to laugh again. She turned to leave, getting back down on all fours, but spoke as she did. “We’re leaving in a minute, be ready ok? I’m bored of waiting around for you guys all the time.”

Rob nodded and got off the bed. “Coming!” He called back to her, as he struggled to combat the head rush he had gotten from the bed-dive.

Trudging out of the door, he met up with the others, all of whom were waiting patiently, except for Rainbow Dash, who was tapping her hoof expectantly. The two princesses were still there, and inquired as towards the bedroom, or ‘chamber’, as the human had said he was going to call it.

Luna spoke up. “I trust the accommodation is to your liking?”

Rob confirmed with a nod of his head and a smile. Luna looked pleased. “Although,” He started, “There is a ton of weird shit in there, and I have no idea what most of it does.” He sighed, “Magic sure does confuse me…”

The two sisters shared a laugh, before Celestia turned towards the group and spoke. “Well, then, let’s be off.”

10. Education Never Was A Strong Point

Kay! A thanks to three friends of mine who allowed me the use of their OC's in this chapter. I'll give the actual credit in the comments, but just making a note to thank them here too! Also, thanks to all the readers and their continued support.

Chapter 10: Education Never Was A Strong Point…

Canterlot, Royal Palace, Entrance Hall:

“Please… not… another… flight… of stairs…”

Celestia turned to the human. “You really should be fitter than this… I estimate there is no excess fat on your body…”

“That doesn’t mean I’m fit!” Rob got out between more ragged breaths.

Dash hovered up into the air and did a loop around the human, smiling. “Maybe I should train you then!?” She spiralled again, as if to mock him.

Rob just looked at her with an amused expression on his face. “How about… No.”

“Awww, why not?” She pouted.

From the side, Applejack piped up. “If he don’t wanna Dash, he don’t wanna.” She glared at the pegasus, trying to get her point across.

Rob smirked. “Yeah Dash, and I dun wanna!” He stuck his tongue out at her, eliciting the same response back from her.

She slapped him with a wing and settled down to the ground, tucking her appendages back down to her sides and ruffling them slightly. She was about to retort, when she heard a cough coming from one of the nearby ponies. The three of them turned to look at the origin of the voice, and saw Twilight scowling at them from beside Celestia, who instead, wore a cheeky smile. Luna on the other hand, wasn’t sure how to react; it was as if she wanted to join in, but also, reprimand them for their immature behaviour. She settled on standing and staring, something that appeared rather neutral.

Rob faced them and stared for a moment. “What?”

Twilight sighed. “I’m just wondering how you get away with these things…” she shook her head, closing her eyes.

Rob laughed at her, leaning back and placing his hands on his hips. “Ahh, Twilight… It takes a twinkle in the eye, and a smile on the lips, that’s how!” She sighed again.

“Do stop teasing the poor mare, Arc.”

“But she makes it so fun!”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Oooh~ Soft spot for the protégé, eh?”

“Maybe…”

“Sister?” Luna nudged the sun princess, causing her to blink and stare back at her dark equal.

“Yes, Luna?”

“You appeared transfixed by something; is everything ok?” She had concern in her voice.

Celestia smiled at her sister, and patted her side with a wing. “Yes Luna, everything is fine.”

“Adorable!”

“Shut it!”

“Anyway,” Celestia began, “This is where we must leave you to attend to our royal duties.”

Twilight looked sad as the princess moved away, though she understood, and perked up a little bit when Applejack placed a hoof on her shoulder. The farm pony knew just how much Twilight missed being with her mentor. The move to Ponyville came with one main great cost for the unicorn, and that was being apart from Celestia.

Celestia turned back to her student, “Don’t worry Twilight, we’ll be together for the evening. I was hoping you’d all share dinner with my sister and I?”

Twilight nodded enthusiastically and hopped on the spot, as if to release some of the pent up excitement. “T-That would be wonderful Princess!”

Celestia moved once again, towards the large doors leading back into the main interior of the castle, and threw her head over her shoulder as she did. “Then it’s settled. We will see you all later then.” And with that, she departed with her sister by her side, out of the castle foyer, leaving them alone with only Valiance.

Rob turned to the guards pony and looked him over. Valiance was a white stallion, and now that he’d taken his gold helmet off, Rob could see a red streak running down from his forehead to his muzzle. It looked like a scar, but on further inspection, it was simply the pattern of his coat. The rest of him was a pure snowy white, with the exception of his cutie mark which was a Shield covering the sun. The shield was intricate in its design, and for a cutie mark, very detailed; the sun was in the background, and was the same as Celestia’s cutie mark. The shield in front of it was of a silver colour, and a pair of crossed swords was etched into it, defining protection it seemed. There was some form of minute inlaying around the edge of the shield and around that, a purple glow. His mane was a deep red with single blonde streak running down its long length.

“You’re with us eh, Val’?” Rob remarked to the protector.

“‘Val’, sir?” The pony replied without changing his facial expression.

“Yep, or would you prefer to be called something else? Because I can do that, just don’t make it-”

“Valiance.” He replied matter-of-factly.

Rob scratched his chin. “Well, I was going to say ‘too long’, but that works too I suppose… A little boring though, wouldn’t you say? Imma stick with Vali or Val, yeah, that works!”

The pony sighed. “If it so pleases you, Sir.”

Rob patted the pony on the shoulder, trying not to be condescending as much as possible. “That’s another thing, enough with the ‘Sir’ stuff; I am really not someone special…”

Valiance looked at Rob, expressionless as always. “It is because you are a guest of the royal Princesses. I have to conform to regulation.”

“That sounds: Boring. As. Fuck.” Rob deadpanned the pony, who scowled back. “Seriously, I can’t do regulation… But you know, kudos if you can, you are a better man, uh, stallion than me. I just cannot take orders.” Rob walked over to the main doors, stretching his arms. “And so, back to my original question; you coming with us Val?”

The pony simply nodded, silent and steady.

Twilight joined Rob, accompanied by Rainbow Dash and behind her, Applejack. The purple unicorn addressed the group. “Well then, are we ready?”

They all answered with varying degrees of enthusiasm, and Twilight continued, “Alright then, our destination is the Canterlot University!”

“Wow; that sure is an inventive name…” The human commented sarcastically.

Twilight opened the main gate with her magic and strolled out into the courtyard, heading for the main gates which they had entered in through no more than an hour ago. They passed the pony that was stationed at the entrance, and he let them out, closing the golden gates behind them again.

The trip to the university was dull. Canterlot, for the most part, looked the same. Rows upon rows of housing lined every street, and were only broken up by the odd side alley diving down into the deeper realms of the city. The sun was high in the sky, and Rob could smell the inner city musk. It wasn’t as bad as back home in the city, but was still far different to back in Ponyville.

Soon, the city changed into a more rural-outskirt looking area, there was a distinct reduction in the amount of houses, and an increase in the amount of trees, much to the human's liking. It was still urban, but the land had become more open and less structured. It took Rob a while to notice that they were in fact, walking onto a campus.

Not soon after that, a large building came into view. It was a huge brown wall, effectively. Rob looked up at it. There was a large clock face about four stories up, and numerous windows dotted around the various levels of the construct. Far to both the right and the left, were the corners of the building, which Rob guessed, also went a long, long way. In amongst the various patches of foliage, were more buildings all of a similar size. The campus was huge, and spanned quite the large area. Despite the huge architectural feats, there was still a lush feeling to the place, something that resonated well with the human.

The five-some, led by Valiance, approached the first building, and headed inside through the modern sliding glass doors. There was a front desk and numerous chairs, it looked like any standard foyer, and in the usual fashion, there was a receptionist pony behind the counter. She was engrossed in reading something, and appeared not to notice them entering, flicking over the page of her reading material without a second glance.

“She looks bored as fuck.”

“But then again, I think I would be too, sitting around here all day…”

Valiance coughed, making the pony aware of their arrival. Without even looking up, she turned over another page and spoke, “Fill out a form and take a seat please…”

Without a word, the guards pony calmly walked up to the desk and raised his hoof, slamming it down with astounding force right next to the receptionist’s head. The whole thing shook, and her glass of water spilled all over her reading material, turning the pages to mulch. Irritated, the pony glanced up and began to rain a tirade of abuse at the stoic guards pony, before realising who he was.

“Go Valiance! Oooh! Valiance gone BADMAN!”

“Smack a bitch!”

Upon noticing the armour, and the insignia of the sun etched into it, she rapidly calmed herself and began apologising profusely. She rose from her desk and walked over to a door behind her in a fluster, spouting out reasons about why she was lazing about, trying to justify her actions. She seemed to be rifling through some paperwork, but to no avail, for she never found what she was looking for.

No sooner had she entered the room though, there was another sound from behind the group, and they all turned to see three new ponies enter the building from outside. There were two females and one male, although, one of the mares appeared to be only a filly.

The eldest mare was a dark charcoal colour with a poufy grey mane and tail. She had light blue eyes and a caring face, which was gazing at Rob with a light smile. She was a unicorn and wore grey glasses, which rested low upon her muzzle, allowing her to look over them. Her cutie mark was a highly intricate design of circles. Rob couldn’t fathom it’s meaning, but from what he could see, they appeared to be expressing some form of formula, and were exceedingly complex, overlapping in some cases. Although she was fully grown, and not as small as the other mare beside her, she was a petit pony, a little smaller than Twilight and a lot smaller than Applejack in terms of build.

Rob turned his attention to the next mare of the group, the small filly-like one. She too, was a charcoal grey colour, although her mane was a vibrant but deep moss green colour. Her eyes sheared these characteristics and were a wonderful shade of jade. She was a unicorn, and this was apparent from the small protrusion tucking out from behind the green mane covering her forehead. Her cutie mark was rather intriguing, as it depicted two orbs, one white and the other black, with wisps of each fading into the other, in a sort of cycle formation. It was as if they were extending and sharing. This cutie mark however, Rob noticed was only on one side, as on the other was a root-like substance, ingrained into her coat. The root was of a golden yellow colour, and spread across her flank, a number of different tendrils extending from the centre. Rob questioned the pony’s age.

The last one of the trio was an ocean blue stallion. He had a two tone mane, coloured half mottled blue and half sky blue. His eyes were a deep sapphire and framing them, were a pair of rectangular glasses. He wore a smile, although he seemed pretty tired, and stood behind the two females. To be fair to the guy though, he did tower over them, he looked like a father out with his two daughters. The stallion’s cutie mark was of a pair of crossed blue lightning bolts with a coil running through the centre of them. In the middle of this coil there was a bright patch of white. Just like the first mare, it was a highly ‘science’ and ‘math’ based cutie mark; from the human's first impression anyway.

The trio moved closer to the five-some in the foyer, and all of them tried their best to ignore the pony shuffling around in the room in the back. The first mare stepped forward, the one wearing glasses, and stood before the four ponies and human.

“Hello, all.” She warmly greeted. “The Princess has informed me of your little trip to our university, and I am Azure, the principal of this place. Do just call me Azure though.” She smiled and walked up to Rob. “You must be the human about whom we keep hearing so much of…” She licked her lips, eyeing him slyly. She made him see her as she did it, as if on purpose, as she continued. “I can see why…” She slowly paced back towards the group, adding a little distance between herself and the human.

“Ummm… Hello Ms Azure…” Rob started, unsure of where to go from there. He simply sighed and rested his hands on his hips, giving way for Twilight to speak.

“It is good to meet you Ms Azure, it’s a lovely place you have here.” Twilight flattered the small pony.

“Isn’t it just,” She remarked. “Anyway, as for these two, we have Cobalt Pulse,” She pointed to the stallion, “And my daughter; Brew.” She gestured a hoof at the small filly-like girl. “These two are top scientists at the university, and I have full confidence that we can help you with whatever it is that you need.”

The small filly nudged her mother’s leg, and the charcoal mare continued. “Ahh yes, don’t be alarmed, but my daughter is actually a little older than she looks.”

Applejack spoke up. “Err, how old exactly?”

Azure smiled at the farm pony. “She’s twenty!”

“T-Twenty!?” The orange mare coughed as she spoke, receiving a nod back from the dark unicorn. “She looks no older than Apple Bloom!”

“Well, it’s easy to understand if you have any knowledge of Leechwood. Do any of you know what that is?”

Twilight, the ever studious one spoke out, “Isn’t it something used in extreme medical emergencies? I thought it rebuilt highly damaged areas of the body and replaced it with its own?”

“That is essentially correct Ms Sparkle, however the details are more specific than that, but I won’t bore you all with them.”

The purple unicorn spoke out again, “But, there are problems with Leechwood… There are reasons they don’t like to use it… I-I thought that it drastically reduced a pony’s lifespan. For her to be look that young and still be alive… H-How is that possible?”

“A very astute scholar I see, The Princess’ faith was not misplaced. Once again, you are completely correct. Leechwood lifespan varies with a number of factors; strength of soul, extent of damage and one last thing.”

“One last thing?” Twilight panned her head curiously.

“Yes,” the charcoal pony replied, “outside intervention.”

The group of ponies were all intrigued now, those of them who knew what was going on. The two other scientists seemed interested by the subject, although Brew looked like she’d heard it all before. Cobalt simply swayed on the spot, intently listening, despite the fact that it seemed to be almost draining him of any remaining energy. Applejack was also listening, although the finer details seemed to be going over her head, and Rainbow had become bored a while back, and was flitting about aimlessly. Rob on the other hand, was in a similar position to both Applejack and Cobalt, he was interested, but that interest conflicted with the growing feeling of wanting to sleep.

Twilight continued her questioning. “You mean, ‘you’ don’t you?”

“Astounding, I must say, so very, very observant of you. Yes Ms Sparkle, I do. You see, I hate to say it, but Brew would have… Passed away a long time ago had I not intervened with magic.” Twilight nodded for her to continue. “Brew is sustained by soul swapping. It’s a process which involves swapping a charged soul with a ‘used’ one for use of a better word. Leechwood feeds off of soul energy; it sustains itself and gives back to the body using drained life force. However, these souls drain pretty quickly when feeding two mouths, and so I devised a technique to recharge souls. By swapping one soul for another, the first gets a chance to recharge, while the second feeds the Leechwood, and in the process, the pony in question is kept alive.”

“T-That’s clever, that’s exceptionally clever…”

“Wow, it’s unusual that we see Twi shaken up over something theoretical.”

Azure continued, “Yes, well, it wasn’t as easy as I make it sound, I spent almost one whole year tirelessly working on that, and nothing else. It, in essence, is what made me the Principal of the university! The last old coot was on his way out, and I made the Leechwood breakthrough as they were looking for a successor.”

“And so they chose you?”

“Exactly! I was looking for a new job anyway…” There was a moment of silence. “But enough of that, let’s get down to business, eh?”

“Finally! I can only look like I know what’s going on for so long!” The human burst out.

“You have absolutely no tact, do you?” Twilight nudged the human.

“Nope!”

Brew trudged up to Rob. She barely came up to his thighs. “So this is the human, eh? He’s taller than I thought he’d be.”

“Maybe you’re just short?” He responded before laughing.

The little pony didn’t take this statement too kindly though, as she reared up and slammed herself down on his feet as hard as she could, a triumphant smirk on her face. “Yeah well, who’s laughing now? Not so funny is it-” She started, before being cut off, when all she saw was a hysterical human above her.

“T-That was…” Rob broke out in laughter again. “That was ad- Hahaha, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, frickin’ adorable!”

The little pony simply retreated, pouting. Rob turned to the blue pony at the back, “So what’s your story big man?”

Cobalt shook himself out of his semi-awake state and turned to the human with his baggy eyes. “Me? Well, I uh, I run the electro-magic labs here at the university…” He yawned, “They brought me here because they were told I could help out with… Whatever it is you need help with…”

“Full of life I see, well, I’m sure we’ll all get on just great.” The human paused, and thought for a second. “Wonderful! Introductions are out of the way, and with Rainbow Dash falling asleep, I’d say we’ve achieved all of our goals here, whadda ya say we get down to business?”

Canterlot University, Electro-Magic Tech Lab 7:

All the tech labs looked the same. On the way to the one they were currently in, Rob had peered into a few others. Like the rest of the university so far, the whole thing was rather hi-tech. There were expensive looking machines in each of the rooms, all which the human assumed were designed for some form of important task. The room they were in now though, was a simple lab, with no fancy equipment, only rows upon rows of work benches and a number of whiteboards lining the walls. It was painted in a stark white and there was a long stretch of windows along one of the walls.

Splayed out on one of the work benches, were Rob’s instruments; iPod and phone. He wondered why the ponies would even want to help him out, after all, this was simple tech where he came from. He simply put it down to curiosity; they hadn’t seen anything like this before, and being scientists; wanted to study it. He couldn’t fault them for that, after all, he was often curious himself. He remembered back to earlier that day with the magical wardrobe…

Brew leaned over the desk, perched upon a stool cleverly placed around the other side. “You say this one is completely dead?” She referred to the phone. Rob nodded in response. “Well, let’s… Hmmm… This right here… Aaaand, let’s move that… Flip this bit over and… Haha!” The small pony smiled and raised a small hoof high as she loomed over what was left of Rob’s phone.

“Y-You’ve completely dismantled it! How the hell did you do that without a screwdriver or something!?”

She winked, “Magic!”

“Of course it is…” Rob sighed.

The human glanced over to the other side of the room, where Cobalt had cleverly drawn up a diagram on a whiteboard, full of numbers and complicated mathematics. Azure and Twilight stood around him, nodding in that ‘sciency’ manner, and occasionally ‘mmm’-ing when he drew something new.

Rob and Brew had been given charge of the objects themselves, while the others were trying to figure out the maths behind them. Rainbow and Applejack had headed out to look around the campus, and Rob had last seen them following the signs leading towards the cafeteria. Those two sure could put it away.

Brew was intently staring at all the little parts that came out of the dismantled phone, floating each one up in her magic and rotating it, getting a look from all angles. She’d then put that piece down and do the same with the next.

“What does this part do?” She asked him, her eyebrow raised.

“I have no frickin’ idea, girl.”

“How can you not know? This is your thing right?” Her green mane bobbed as she spoke.

Rob pulled a stool out from underneath the desk and perched on it, leaning forward. “Well, yeah. But I have no idea how it works, I didn’t build it. It came to me like that. You’ll most likely have to go to China if you wanna know how this thing’s made. I could show you how it works when on, but to be honest, it’s dead, and in one million pieces right now…”

Brew just looked at him for a moment. “Well, I’ve worked out what most of it does already. We just have to replace the inner workings with crystals.”

“You, uh… what?” He waited but got no answer. “Oh, and kudos for figuring it out that fast! You’re like another little Twilight!”

“I’m not little, ok?” She glared up at him, briefly taking her eyes off of the floating parts.

“Well, you are… But I just paid you a compliment, be a lil’ nicer, eh?” He teased back.

She gave a little ‘humph’ and got back to her work.

Rob glanced over to the other ponies and noticed that the white board had become even more covered in ink. There were equations and what he assumed to be glyphs all over it, some were even interlinking.

“This is no place for me… I totally should have gone with AJ and Dash. They had the right idea. Sciency people never really hit it off with me; I’m too thick for this!”

Rob strolled over to the others, leaving Brew to her musings. “Whatcha got going on over here then?” He poked his head into the group.

Cobalt piped up and began his droll explanation. “We realise that all your technology runs off of electricity, and we are devising a method of transferring all of the power over onto crystal. If we enchant crystals to take place of the wiring and battery, we can leave all of the original components in place. You’d not need to charge it, as we will add a mini generator crystal to the circuit; as one works, it charges the other, and alongside that, the crystals will feed off of the natural magic in the air. The higher the concentration of magic in the air, the more charge the crystals will receive. Simple.” The blue pony finished and leaned against the wall, his eyes still half lidded.

“Yes… Simple…” Rob looked at the pony. “Dude, are you alright? You look knackered.”

He nodded slowly, “Yes, I’m fine. I’m used to working at night you see, and because of your coming, I was forced to be awake in the day too.”

“Haha, my bad! So, you’re nocturnal eh, I know a few people like that where I come from too!”

“For different reasons though…”

The blue pony smiled somewhat, and turned back to the calculations on the board, crunching numbers out in his head Rob presumed. Azure bumped Rob with her flank and giggled.

“It sure is a rare opportunity to study technology from another world!”

The human turned to the charcoal mare, “I’m sure it is. And you know, seeing as you all like it so much, it’s a shame I don’t have anything else for you to study.”

“Oh, I can think of a few things I’d like to study…”

“Riiiiight…….”

“Ummm… Thank you?”

She nudged him again. “Any time, dear, any time.”

“I am legitimately scared right now.” He whispered, making her giggle again.

The two were broken out of their chat by cries from across the room. They turned to see the small green maned pony hopping up and down excitedly on her little stool. “I’ve done it! I’ve done it!”

Rob ran towards her. “Sweet! … … … What have you done!?” He continued running towards her.

She did a little spin on her stool to face him, “I’ve found out the integrity of the coexisting parts and the crystal ratios we need to secure the link!”

“Yay!” Rob replied, picking the small mare up and clutching her to his chest.

“What the fuck is she talking about!?”

“I have NO idea!”

“Fuck it!”

Rob span with the little filly in his arms, and she began giggling! He tucked his hands under her forelegs and lifted her up to the ceiling, much to her delight as she squealed and laughed.

“Awww, she’s so cute!”

“I want a pet one!”

“If you two are quite finished?” Azure smirked.

Rob did as the mother commanded and put Brew down, much to the disappointment of the pony in question. That was, until she realised what had just happened and blushed, trying to hide her apparent embarrassment. She began shuffling a hoof back and forth along the edge of her stool, attempting to make herself even smaller.

Azure faced her daughter. “So we know how all the connections work, now we just need to figure out the methodology and how we can make the parts interchangeable with the current ones.”

Brew nodded. “I think I have an idea about that too.”

“Wow, it sure is like having a mini Twilight.”

Azure moved around to her daughter’s side and looked at the dismantled construct. She too began to levitate the pieces within her magic and look at them. After a few moments of pondering, she spoke. “I see… I presume you were thinking of using crystal embedded wire too?”

“Why is everything here crystal?”

Brew nodded and stuck her tongue out a little, something which was apparently a little habit she had while thinking. “I was thinking of replacing all the wires and replacers with crystal, leaving the base screen and memory components, but running all of this through new generators and magically charged batteries which charge on the magic in the air, providing the concentration of magic is thick enough.”

Her mother looked thoughtful, “Very good. If Cobalt can work out how to implement all this, the theory is sound.” She nuzzled her daughter a little, eliciting a mix of happiness and embarrassment from Brew.

Rob spoke up. “Wow, so… Just like that? You sciency people have all this figured out?”

The two nodded and Brew replied. “In theory; yes, in practice; no, not so much.”

Rob shrugged, “Well, whatever, you guys seem happy in your little ‘sciency’ element here, so Imma just leave you all to it.” And so he walked back over to Twilight and Cobalt.

Canterlot University, Cafeteria, Outside:

“This sure brings back memories, AJ, feels like only yesterday I was back in school!”

“Dash, you only went ta flight school, ya never went anywhere near ta’a place like this.”

“I could have if I wanted to!”

“Nah Dash, ya couldn’t have.”

“Are you calling me stupid?”

“Nope, I’m just sayin’ that you aren’t clever enough to go here. None of us are, except maybe Twilight…”

“Yeah well, no one is meant to be that much of an egg head…”

“Would you have even wanted to go ta college or university?”

“No way! I like to be free, not told when I need to hand stuff in! School is stuffy, and learning can never beat real life experience.”

“Well, Ah sorta see yer point there, but learnin’ has its place. Think of it as a startin’ point for the things ya experience later.”

“Yeah well, I never went, and I turned out great!”

“That’s up for some questionin’…”

“So AJ, you’ve been stuck on a farm all your life. Ever met any cute guys?”

“Wha-? N-N-No… No way! No time for that! Apples! Apples ta buck!”

“Awww, really? That’s no fun! You’ll be old before you have any fun!”

“W-Well… T-That’s ok… I mean, I’ll find the right stallion when the time comes…”

“Well, yeah, but… You totally gotta have some fun before then!”

“’And I s’pose you’ve done that eh?”

“Ugh… Yeah, of course!”

“Really?”

“… Err, no. But I’m gonna!”

“Dash, yer only two years younger than me, you have yer whole life ahead!”

“You’re tellin’ me! That’s what I keep saying to you! Go out and get some!”

“Err… No. Ah’m ok Dash… But if you see a cute colt, go get ‘em!”

“Oooh, AJ, what about Valiance? He’s an earth pony! You two could hook up!”

“W-W-With one of the royal guards!? I don’t think anypony’d be alright with that…”

“You’re an element bearer! We can pretty much do what we want with these.”

“Now that just don’t seem right…”

“Where is Valiance anyway? I haven’t seen him for a while.”

“… … …”

“AJ…”

“… … …”

“AJ!”

“… … …”

“Applejack!”

“Whaa? Whoa, Dash! Not so close to mah face, alright?”

“You wouldn’t wake up!”

“Oh, sorry about that… Looks like Ah fell asleep there…”

“… I noticed.”

“So, uh, what were ya saying?”

“Oh, right! Where’s Valiance gone? I haven’t seen him for a while.”

“Ah think he went to the armoury. Somethin’ like that anyway…”

“They have an armoury here!? Why aren’t we there!?”

“Ah heard they use it ta train the new recruits for the royal guards. Somepony’s gotta do it, and the university decided they would.”

“But… Valiance is a royal guard already; he doesn’t need to go there?”

“Dash, he’s the head royal guard for Princess Celestia. Think of what it’s like for them new guards to meet somepony like him. That’s like you meetin’ the Wonderbolts, Ah think it’s a pretty big deal.”

“Ahh, I suppose so… He could have kept us company though. I’m bored.”

“Dash, you’re always bored.”

“Aaahhh! So bored!”

Canterlot University, Grounds:

“Aaahhh! So bored!”

“This place is tearing me apart! Too many intelligent people, I’m starting to feel really stupid!”

With a moan, Rob continued his stroll through the grounds of the university. The science lab had become boring, and after a while, not only did the equations mean nothing, but neither did the speech. It was all another language to him, and to be honest, other languages were never his forte either.

At some point between refraction variables and mediated replacement, Rob had decided that a walk was necessary; and what better way, than by introducing himself to a number of ponies who had never seen him before while walking around the campus. With luck he might also find Applejack and Rainbow too, although his primary concern, was food. The lack of meat in Equestria readily available to the public was somewhat crippling to the human, who found that all the grass and leaves didn’t really fill him up.

“Kay, well then, food… No grass, no leaves, and sure as hell no flowers. Seriously, I’d eat tofu at this point, and that shit’s rough…”

Rob had just passed another large school building and entered a more social looking district. There were shops and eateries around every corner, and Rob realised for the first time just how large the campus was. Flicking his hair out of his face with a huff, he set off to scout out the area.

“Celly… Celly~ … Anypony home?”

“Will you please refrain from calling me that!?”

“Ugh, yeeea-no. I like it.”

“Tch, fine, what is it? I’m kinda busy here.”

“Well, ugh, you know how it is; I just thought it was a really nice day, and I wanted to share that with someone! And seeing as you’re stuck off in that big-ass castle, I figure-”

“You’re bored, aren’t you?”

“Eeyup.”

“A Big Macintosh impression?”

“Eeyup.”

“Is it really that catchy?”

“Eeyup.”

“Stop that!”

“Nnnope.”

“Aaaaarrrgh! I don’t have time for this! Pester her instead!”

“Her?”

“Hello?”

“Hello?”

“Arc!?” / “Luna!?”

“Did Celestia do this?”

“I believe she may have…”

“Sweet. So, know anywhere good to eat around here?”

“What!? For a start, I don’t even know where you are, secondly, why do you think you can use a royal princess as a holiday brochure? And lastly, what makes you think I’m any less busy than my sister?”

“I dunno, I hadn’t really thought about it to be honest. I simply figured you’d just be lazing around; you mainly deal with the night, right? Well, I figured the day was like your time off?”

“Why does everyone assume these things?”

“Who knows…? So yeah, another thing; how does Celly know about Mac? There are tons of ponies, and she seems to know them all on a first name basis… It’s weird.”

“Well, for a start, the Apple family are rather important; they provide a large percentage of the apples in this region of Equestria. And secondly, he’s the brother of one of the elements of harmony; that makes him rather important, understand?”

“Kinda… So, Lulu, any ideas on where I can grab some munchies?”

“Lulu…? Munchies…?”

“Yes, your new name, and food.”

“Can you please refrain from calling me that, it’s unbecoming?”

“Awww, I think it’s cute and highly becoming!”

“Augh, you humans…”

“Humans? Plural?”

“Never mind…”

“So, Lulu, chop-chop, food. Any ideas?”

“Not within your price range.”

“That’s cool. I’ll stick it on your tab.”

“W-what!? On what authority are you able to do that!?”

“On the authority that I’m the only one of my kind, known to be relatively good friends with both the elements of harmony and the two ruling princesses of Equestria. Sound about right?”

“Y-you… Fine! Humph! There’s a nice place on the corner of Sycamore Avenue.”

“See, that wasn’t hard! And I thank you Princess, for donating to me both your wallet, and your kindness.”

“How does my sister put up with you…?”

“She has her ways, trust me… I’m cringing just thinking about some of them…”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“You don’t want to, trust me… Well then, thanks, I’ll be on my way. See you back at the castle!”

And the connection dropped dead, fleeing his mind suddenly with a snap. Walking down one of the many pathways of the university, Rob looked out for some sort of clue as to where he was. The human realised that he was once again lost, something that was happening with an all too uncanny frequency of late. Sighing, he walked over to a group of nearby ponies, all eyeing him with an uncertain curiosity.

“Sup, anyone know where Sycamore Avenue is?” Rob asked of the group, strolling towards them rather nonchalantly.

“I-is that the human…?” One of the group whispered to another, receiving a jerky nod back as a reaction.

Rob focussed his attention on them again, with more conviction that last time. “Look, I’m not here to overthrow Canterlot, using the university as my primary base of actions after enslaving all of the ponies under my harsh and brutal rule. Trust me on this; I’m too lazy for anything like that. So, now we’ve established that I’m just a dude who is hungry, can one of you please point me to Sycamore Avenue? That’d be great thanks.”

“It-it’s over there,” He raised a hoof, pointing at a nearby shopping precinct looking area, “go past the Royal Mall and hang a left after heading around the back of it.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? When I enslave Canterlot, I’ll keep you alive! See ya!” Rob turned to walk away, leaving a group of fairly startles ponies behind him, all shuffling nervously.

“My god that’s fun!”

It took a fair few minutes for the human to find where he was going. Despite the directions given, fate would have it that he got lost again. Eventually he arrived on Sycamore Avenue, even if at the wrong end of it. He began traipsing down its length, keeping an eye out for anything interesting.

The place was fairly quiet, with only a few roaming ponies lurking about. The human proceeded down the road, past many eateries and shops until he saw two familiar faces; those of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, both looking a mix of perturbed, disgusted and worried.

Rob’s attention was next drawn to a rather inebriated looking pony, swaying about in front of the mares, all four hooves being controlled in a highly uncoordinated manner. How the guy stood up was anyone’s guess. Rob sighed, the pony had no tact; it was barely even evening yet, who would begin to drink at such an unreasonable time? While sauntering down the road, watching the pony with a faint sense of bemusement, Rob approached the two mares.

“Evening you two. How’s it-” He began.

“Shtay back missh!” Rob was cut off by the drunken pony. “It could be dangeroush…” He swayed back and forth.

“Equestria is really out to get me lately…”

The human pulled a confused hand up to his chin, scratching it, and looked to the new pony from the two mares behind him.

“Have you even met me? I wouldn’t; nay, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t hurt them…” He gave the pony a coy look. “Besides, I have a dodgy arm right now.” He lifted the cast up for emphasis. “See, I aint hurtin’ nopony!”

The drunken pony in question was a numb turquoise colour with a vulgar purple mane, wearing a shitty little fez hat, just behind his horn. Rob thought that he looked like Twilight, only with the contrast whacked way, way, way up and the hues played with. Oh, and male. …And with a fez. On second thoughts, he felt disgraced to have even made the comparison. Rob began to walk towards his two mare friends, giving the newcomer a wide berth, after all, instigation seemed to happen a lot in Equestria; with one person getting the wrong end of the stick the most of the time. With Rob’s luck, this pony would completely misunderstand the plea for peace, and instead-

“Put ‘em up!” The pony called out, loud enough for the other passers-by to hear.

The human stopped and stared at the now bouncing pony, who was somehow brandishing his hooves in a threatening, aggressive-like manner, while rearing up on his hind legs.

“Really? We’re doing this? Just because you have a shit colour scheme doesn’t give you the right to go fucking with people in a drunken rage at…” Rob looked down at his pocket, before remembering he didn’t have his phone, “god knows what time in the evening!” he finished.

Being broken out of his rant, Rob looked over to the side, where he saw a now laughing Rainbow Dash, rolling on her side whilst watching the story unfold in front of her. It seemed that misery and human torment were her two new favourite things, and right now, she was getting both in heaps.

“Glad this amuses you, Rainbow…” Rob said sarcastically, shrugging to the disapproving Applejack watching silently from beside her friend, an ever dependable vigil in case anything untoward was to arise.

“Quit shtallin’!” The drunkard shouted again, almost tripping over himself as he tried to remain on his rear legs.

“Dude, you are clearly in no state to be fighting right now… Look at you… Or not. You’d probably see double if you did…” Rob turned to the other ponies around the area who were watching. “There’s nothing good for you to see here folks! Just a strange otherworldly creature battling off against a fucking ugly drunk pony! Go away! Please?”

The crowd just laughed at his declaration, stomping their hooves as if to ask for more, while many more ponies joined the ever-growing crowd from the back, determined to see the once in a life time show. Rob mentally chastised himself for thinking the situation would have gone any other way, and kicked the ground in annoyance.

“Damn college kids… Well, at least I’m making friends everywhere I go, that’s a positive, right!?”

“Tch, if you call this friendship.”

The drunken pony had appeared to have had enough of the human’s ramblings, though; and began a very lopsided charge, aiming straight for Rob. Only the cry of his name from Applejack snapped the human out of it, as a now ‘on four legged’ pony endangered his health.

“Arc!” the farm pony called, prompting the man in question to turn around reflexively; just in time to see a set of hooves coming straight for his face.

Rob yelled out, his eyes wide, as he jerked his hands up to protect his face and ducked. The human barely got any time to notice what had happened before the second assault came. “The hell!?” He shouted rhetorically to no one in particular, before indulging in a tirade of abuse towards the pony trying to kick his head in.

Shifting to the side, the human got a glimpse of Rainbow still laughing her flank off at the side of the road, as he clumsily dodged the down facing hooves of the drunken pony, as the rear came to an end and the pony fell back to all fours.

The cobblestone ground didn’t give much grip, and the human struggled to keep his balance after throwing himself out of the way of yet another ‘rear and buck’ from the inebriated pony. After getting to safety, Rob turned just in time to see the blue unicorn fall on his face with a sickening thud. His body then slumped over to the side, hitting the floor. The human simply stared for a moment in wonder, with a face that read; ‘What the hell did I just witness?’

“Right… Ummm… Now that that’s over, I’m gonna try and get my food, AJ, Das-”

“Shtop right there!”

“Criminal scum? Did he just get back up?”

Arc rolled his eyes; “Sunnova!-”

Rob turned to see the blue pony standing back up, a trickle of blood running down from his lips. Despite the evident pain, he still had a carefree and jubilant air about him. The human was a mixture of surprised and amazed; he was surprised that the guy stood up, and that none of his friends had come to help him yet. He looked over to AJ, and noticed that the usually dependable, orange, pony, was also engaging in fits of laughter, right at the side of her rainbow companion.

“And the cast doesn’t help any…”

“Whash wrong, af-afraid of getting ya flank handed to ya?” The pony stammered again, tripping over himself once more.

“Wha? No. You’re stupid, stop it, stop that! Go away, and let me get my lunch.” The human looked to the sky before sighing. “Or… Dinner now…” He turned to face the drunken pony a little better, noticing other bystanders now, in his peripheral, laughing. “Great… Ok you fuckstick, you have one more chance to back the fuck down, or I will pull out some uh... human-hybrid-power shit on your ass!” He began walking up to the unicorn.

The pony reeled from the verbal assault and tried to brush himself off, despite failing miserably; and by this time, Rob was in his face, finishing his speech. The unicorns eyes were glazed over and the human got his answer as he received a hoof to the side of the face, sending him sprawling to the floor.

Letting out a loud grunt, Rob collapsed to the floor; clutching his face is relative pain, accidentally punching himself in the head with the cast again in the process, adding to the accumulating pain. The floor felt cold on his cheek as he lied there, motionless, wishing the day would just end then and there.

“Ok. That stung a little. Just don’t cry. Not again. And ESPECIALLY not in front of Dash. She’ll never live it down!”

Getting to his knees, Rob rolled over onto all fours, just in time to see a horn going right for his face as he looked up. Shocked, he veered to the left and fell back onto his ass as the unicorn lumbered by clumsily, tripping over his leg, and falling into a heap on the ground next to him. A few moans were heard, but nothing that showed any sign of the unicorn sustaining an injury; he seemed to be quite the resilient pony.

“See, you bastard, that’s not funny! Now I’ll have to open up some whoopass on you; human style!” The teenager declared, pushing himself up onto his feet, and walking over to the unicorn on the floor. “Suck on this!”

The unicorn seemed not to be expecting the boot to the ribs as the human hit and ran, taking a rather cowardly approach to the fight, as he darted off back quite a large distance away. Catching his breath, Rob prepared to unleash yet another tirade on the drunken pony;

“You punched me! - STOP laughing Rainbow! - Anyway, YOU punched me!? Fuck you!” Rob accused from a safe distance, pointing at the fez adorned pony with a finger while the onlookers cheered and laughed at the strange showdown. “And all of you!” Rob started on the crowd, “I hope you all step on a Lego!”

This however, only prompted more hysterics from the various university students around Sycamore Avenue. The human knew that any form of conversing was futile at this point, after all, he and this new pony had put on a show comparable to something most likely seen at a circus; and if Equestria was anything like Earth - they were getting for free, what they would usually have to pay for, and who doesn’t like free stuff?

“Figures… Saturday night in a university, and EVERYONE is looking for a drunken fight…”

“Take him down, Arc!” Rainbow yelled, breaking into fits of laughter again right after.

“Don’t encourage this, RD, a lil’ bar fightin’s not a problem, but if this goes too far, then ah’m gonna step in.” The farm mare responded responsibly, trying to contain the pent up laughter.

“To hell with the both of you!” The angry human called back, barely audibly over the noise of the ever growing crowd.

“Hey, Lulu. You know how I was going for dinner?”

“Lunch?”

“Please don’t bring that up… Well, I may have got into a little fight along the way…”

“A f-fight? With whom, can’t you just apologise?”

“Not exactly, you see, he may be a little drunk…”

“Aaah~ Uni, I remember it well…”

“No reminiscing, please!”

“Sorry, what may I help you with?”

“Can you st- Aaakkk!”

Rob was snapped out of his thinking by a hoof latching around his throat and throwing him to the floor. Some coughing, spluttering, and a lot of pain later, Rob opened his eyes to see a worried face looming over him; the emerald eyes of Applejack. Despite the agony coursing through the top half of his body, Rob still managed to sit up and look around. Apart from the caring eyes of Applejack, he saw a nonchalant Rainbow Dash, a number of gasping spectators and the back of the drunken pony as he waddled off into the crowd.

“I don’t think so, fuckwit.”

Raising his good hand and leaning forward as well as he could, Rob thought deep, going inside himself. Using the emotion of anger and… hunger, he forced his mind to tap into the puddle of magic within. Twilight spoke of being calm, but currently, it seemed a lot easier to harness the inner energy with emotion.

“What to go for, what to go for…”

“Bingo!” And with that, the human aimed his good index finger at his drunken foe, who by his point, was walking away casually, as if nothing had even happened. The action in question only served to make Rob all the more determined in his quest, and he once again, fuelled the fire of magic with these thoughts.

Feeling the build-up of magic in his chest, he willed it down his arm and all the way to his fingertips, where a warm sensation began to take over. One, “Fuck you!” Later, and he released the pull, sending a bolt of magic over to the drunken pony. A loud ‘crack’ was heard, and everyone looked about, trying to discern its source. Rob looked back up to Applejack who was still hovering over his collapsed form.

“Arc, what did ya do?” She gave a hardened stare.

Rob looked to the drunken pony, where there appeared to be no change. He sighed. “Apparently nothing.”

“That’s probably for the best- What in tarnation!?” Applejack was broken off by a cry from down the road.

“Hot! That’sh hot! Hot, hot, hot!” The blue unicorn wailed, hopping about clumsily, as his fez burst into flames atop his head.

“Huzzah! Triumphant! Dunno what that noise was all about, and that was still a poor show of magic, but fuck yeah! It has uses! … … … Ugh, AJ, can you help me up, my back hurts?”

With a sigh, the Stetson clad pony trotted around the human and extended a hoof, pulling him up. She then returned to the roadside and did the same to Rainbow, who was still laughing her flank off from the show she’d just witnessed.

“Up Rainbow, come on.”

Through the onslaught of laughter, Rainbow managed to get out a few short words before choking. “At… Least it’s not… boring anymore!”

“See, you’ve gone and caught yourself out, Rainbow. Stop foolin’ around, and help me get this sorted out!” The farm pony then turned back to Arc, “And if ya ever pull that stunt on mah hat, things are gonna get ugly…”

After the coughing and spluttering had ended, the two ponies helped disperse the ever investigative crowd and clueless drunken pony. They then turned their focus to Arc who had an increasingly swelling black bruise under his left eye. The human couldn’t yet feel it, but it was rather large, and from the expressions of the two ponies in front of him; he guessed something was wrong.

“What?” He inquired.

Applejack nudged the pegasus beside her. “He’s gonna be feelin’ that one in the mornin’!”

“What?” He asked again, a little more worried.

“Sure is AJ. I remember when I crashed a while back, and my eye didn’t look as bad as that one.” The pegasi mocked, extending her wings for a brief moment to accentuate her point before tucking them firmly against her sides a moment later.

“M-my eye?” The boy reached a hand up to his face. “D-did this happen when he punched me?”

Rainbow trotted over to him and flew up, moving her face close to his. “Yup; but you didn’t cry this time~ that’s a bonus!”

After a brief attempt at swatting her away, the human sighed once more and looked to the slowly setting sun. “Screw all of this. I’m having dinner.” And with that, he set off with two ponies in tow, for the nice little place on the corner of Sycamore Avenue.

Canterlot University, Electro-Magic Tech Lab 7:

“And with this… we’re done? Already?” Twilight asked curiously. “I like to think I keep up with my studies, but that last part was way out of my league…”

Azure patted the purple mare on the back with a gentle hoof, “Don’t worry Twilight, you’re highly intelligent for a mare of your age. The fact that you were able to keep up with an experienced old mare like myself, a child prodigy like my daughter, and a stallion of comparable intelligence like Cobalt is remarkable!” She finished with a ring to her voice.

“Y-you’re just saying that, really, I’m nopony special…”

“On the contrary dear, you are special, and truly a gift to Equestria with abilities such as yours~” Her sing-song voice played out again.

Interrupting them, from the side shuffled Cobalt, levitating the human’s goods in his magical grip. During the time Rob and the others were gone, the team had managed to replace the entire inner workings of the devices with crystal that harnessed the pure, raw magic in the air. The scientists had explained how unrefined magic isn’t dense enough to use for powerful spells or anything, but can be used to aid the working of a few things; most notably, small devices like these. The only real trouble was the compatibility issues between human and Equestrian technology, but luckily, they had managed to overcome that with a new form of resistor and special crystal wiring, something that baffled Twilight.

In his dull, tired accent; Cobalt reassured Twilight with the same sentiment as Azure;

“She’s right. You can keep up with me, and that’s something only few can do. The way you helped not only formulate and calibrate the new parts, but also install them, was rather impressive.”

During his speech, Twilight had gained a blush from all the praise, and was trying her best to hide it, “I-I’m not that great, guys… Seriously… I let you down on the construction areas…”

“But you still did well for somepony who’s never done it before!” Brew spoke as she hopped off of a nearby stool and trotted over to Twilight.

“Thanks,” The purple unicorn began, “I appreciate it a lot.”

Sycamore Avenue, Lower Street:

“Did you see the look on that waiters face when you told him to stick it on the princesses tab!? It was a-mazing!”

“Yeah well, Luna speaks in my head too now, Rainbow, and she didn’t seem to mind… much. Besides, it was damn good food, even for a human like me!”

The sun had set, and the two ponies and human were making their way back to the lab to pick up Twilight before heading back to the palace. Luna was right, and the three had enjoyed their meal greatly, eating everything the restaurant had to offer it seemed. It would not be far off an exaggeration to say that Rainbow and Applejack had eaten most of the menu. The two of them sure could put it away, and luckily, not pay the price afterwards. The bill had been sent to the palace treasury and would be dealt with by Luna’s accountants, and because of this, the trio didn’t have a care in the world; after all, it isn’t every day that the princess of the moon donates her wallet.

“Seriously, I can’t believe you fought with that guy!” Spoke the pegasus, bounding into the air and hovering above the human, flapping her wings gently in the cool night air.

“Well, he stood between me and my food…” Rob raised an eyebrow at the mare, wincing slightly from the pain.

“So, it aint because he was eyein’ us funny or anythin’ then?” Applejack smirked, knowingly putting herself in a position of power over the boy.

“Well… ugh… it may have been because of that a little bit…”

“Ah knew there was some pride in ya somewhere! I’ll tell ya one thing though, that fancy magic was a lil’ strange though…”

Rainbow flew a little closer. “Yeah, what was that?”

Applejack patted the human by bumping into his legs, reassuring him that is was ok to tell them. Rob looked down at his hands, inspecting the finger from which the magic had come from. “To be honest, it was meant to be something greater…” He returned the stares he was now getting from the two ponies. “Not like, a fiery inferno or anything, just… ahh, I dunno… something more… Magic truly is difficult…”

“You set a pony on fire!”

“No Rainbow, I set his hat on fire. There’s a difference.”

“Well, it was still funny.”

“Yes. Yes it was.”

Soon, the threesome had arrived back at the lab, full and content that their day was nearing an end. Rob wanted nothing more than to just get back to that huge bed and fall asleep. If Celestia was good at anything, it was accommodation. After passing a few more of the huge building blocks, and seeing numerous ponies out after dark, partying and drinking, the trio made it back to the block Azure had originally led them too. It was one of the only remaining blocks with the lights still on. Stepping out of the darkness, they entered the warmth of the building, and proceeded into the lab with Twilight and the others in it.

Upon being noticed, they were greeted by smiles all round, and an excited Twilight, who instantly bounced forward upon their entry. “Arc; we did it, we did it!”

Rob looked at the mare, part in confusion, part in happiness. Ponies being happy naturally made anyone around them happy, or Rob found this to be the case anyway. “Did wha-?”

He was interrupted by the purple mare leaning on him with her forehooves, looking up at his face with concern; “What happed to your eye!?” She leaned in a little closer, causing him to blush a little. “And you’re going very pink too…”

“I’m f-fine, just a little fight I got into.” He averted his eyes and backed away, forcing her to return to all fours.

“A fight!? With who? Are you ok!? The Princess told me to look after you, and now you’re hurt! She’s going to be so mad! I can’t believe I let this happ-”

“Twi, I’m fine. We both got away all right, and I’m sure he’ll have one hell of a hangover in the morning… me, well, a stiff back; but no, nothing too bad happened, the princess will be ok with it, trust me.”

“M-maybe… maybe I’m overreacting just a little bit…” The unicorn turned around, a little embarrassed about her display.

“Yeah, a little, let’s call it that…” Rob responded sarcastically. “Besides, it’s late, and being tired makes all of us go a little crazy…”

The lights flickered somewhat, and Azure stepped forward, smiling brightly as ever, breaking the human from his monologue. “What Twilight was trying to say,” she cleared her throat, “was that we’ve managed to fix your items.” She indicated a free hoof over to the workbench behind her, where the human’s technology laid.

Rob gazed past her to his belongings. “Sweet. So… I can like, have these back now?” The human started to approach his items, when a drowsy blue unicorn waved a hoof absently, getting his attention. It appeared as if Cobalt was too tired to actually make an effort to speak, and so instead, decided to flag down the teenager instead. Rob looked at the poor guy. “Yes?”

Yawning, the scientist rubbed his eyes with a hoof. “Would it be alright with you if I kept your belongings here a little longer? Overnight maybe? I… I would like to,” he yawned again, “study them further.”

Rob shrugged at the guy, “Sure, that’s fine. Not like I’m expecting a text or anything.” With a wave of his hand he turned and headed back over to Twilight, “Just don’t break anything.” He chuckled.

Arc got no reply from the pony, and opted not to push conversation further, instead he looked to the three ponies with which he had come; Applejack, Twilight and Rainbow Dash. It was funny, just looking at them here and now brought forth strong feelings. He’d not known them long and yet, in amongst all these other strange ponies; he still considered them to be his most important friends.

He smiled.

“Azure, Cobalt, err… Brew?” The human looked around and saw Brew curled up on one of the benches, obviously tuckered out from a long day’s work in such a small body. “Well, forget Brew then, pass this onto her when she wakes up; I just wanna thank you guys for helping me out with this. Seriously, a few home comforts are nice in a whole new frickin’ world. No music would have driven me insane…”

“It’s just nice to help.” Azure spoke up. “Besides, it’s not every day we get to meet someone such as yourself.” She winked, “Next time, you’ll have to let me do some ‘biological’ tests instead…”

“... And on that note, thanks again; bye!” Rob exited the building swiftly, accompanied by the sound of Azure’s cheery laughter and three ponies trying to keep up.

“My god… I’m all for sex, but I’m not used to girls perving on me, it’s usually the other way around!”

“On a side note; where the hell is Valiance?”

Royal Canterlot Palace, Throne Room:

“… And that concludes the day’s events, Princess!” Twilight finished; speaking to the ruler about the days various activities.

The convoy had arrived back to the palace fairly late and had immediately searched for the princess. Twilight enjoyed being with her, and thought it was necessary to report back, although Rob thought that was just an excuse to bump up the ‘teacher’s pet’ score that had been slowly diminishing during her departure from Canterlot. Once again, they all stood in the throne room, only this time; Rob was pondering why there were so few chairs in Equestria. He put it down to the advantage of having four legs, that was at least doubling the time a pony could stand in comparison to a human! At the very least a human like him, who couldn’t even manage a flight of stairs without complaining. His legs ached, and he wanted rest.

All in all, the random musings were simply down to how tired, bruised and bored the human was. He was waiting for any excuse to go to bed, and unfortunately for him, none came. Things got worse when Luna also appeared and wanted to rant at him for spending such a large amount of money at the restaurant. He managed to shrug off her barrage with a few well-placed nods and a number of grunts, and eventually she left him alone, deciding it was better to go and huff in the corner instead. He was just glad that she didn’t want to push the fight that he was involved in, Twilight had made the whole experience sound a lot worse than it actually was, and the boy was worried that another discussion would make the day last longer, and keep him from his bed once more.

After what seemed like hours, Celestia announced that it was time to turn in. Raising the sun in the morning called for early-ish nights, and for once, the human felt genuinely grateful towards the sun princess.

Not too long later, and after an irritating number of stair cases, the human found himself at the door to his overly large magical chamber. The purple hue didn’t deter him as he pried the door open and peered inside the black of the room. He didn’t even hear the chorus of ‘good night’s’ as he stumbled towards the bed, letting the door close itself behind him with a faint click.

“Show yourself, soft, quilty goodness… God it’s dark in here…”

Eventually the human made his way to the bed, and slumped down on it, barely managing to kick his shoes off before pulling himself up to the pillow and resting his head on it. He sighed and laughed a little, noticing how this was one of the rare occasions where he actually ended up sleeping in the bed designated for him, as opposed to a sofa, hospital or floor. With one last chuckle, the human was asleep, falling deep into the void of unconsciousness.

11. The Return of the Human

Chapter 11: The Return of the Human.

Canterlot Castle, Royal Bedchambers:

The human awoke to sunlight piling in through the open blinds. Why anyone would forget to close them he didn’t know, he only knew that whoever had forgotten to close them deserved a swift beating. The prolonged exposure to actual daylight stung the teenager and forced him to pry an eye open, something which aided the previous discomfort, when he remembered the giant welt under his eye from the fight the day before.

“Great…”

Propping himself up on his elbows, Rob sat up.

And then slumped back down again.

“Nope. Too early. Back to sleep.”

Turning over, Rob pressed himself into the pillow, revelling in the soft, sleek and warm comfort it gave. Everything was peaceful again, that was, until the pillow coughed. Rob opened one eye.

“My pillow was definitely not blue yesterday… Nor did it have a multi-coloured trim…”

“Rainbow?” Rob questioned, prodding the sleeping pony beside him.

He honestly questioned if he was still sleeping, after all, he was pretty sure he went to bed alone, and yet now, there was a snoozing little cyan blue lump of fluff beside him, breathing away gently.

“Meh, I’m tired, she’s tired, snuggling is fun. Sleepy times…”

And so Rob drifted back off to sleep, one arm clutched around Dash, pulling her into his chest. Overall, he was comfortable, and soon, sleep found him again pretty fast.

“Arc? Why are we in bed together?”

Rob opened his eyes once more, only to stare into his own reflection shining back from two gigantic magenta orbs. The first sentiment Rob chose to display was confusion, and he did so by raising one eyebrow and giving Dash a “huh?” in response to her question. The second was a sly mischievous sentiment, which he chose to act upon by pulling Dash close and whispering, “good morning, hun” in her ear.

This action caused the pegasus’s face to light up a bright shade of red, and prompted her to jolt out from the humans arms and fly up and away, probably as far as she could. Whether due to her only being awake for a brief moment, or whether the human’s response had anything to do with it; Dash successfully managed to ram herself straight up and into the netting covering the top of the bed, tangling herself in a wonderful mess of blue feathers, rainbow mane, and purple cloth.

“Kay, Dash, I was pretty sleepy, but that is amusing in such a way that I am instantly awake. Sooo… kudos on that.” Rob stared blankly at the tangled mess on the bed next to him, earning an irritated scowl back from the pony in question.

“Very funny, now help me out of this mess.” She ordered, motivating Rob to get out of bed and actually get up.

Untangling the pony wasn’t the problem, and soon she was free; the problem came when trying to attach the rather expensive looking netting again. It had ripped in multiple places during the crash and now was only being made worse by the two’s pathetic attempts at fixing it. In the end, after a few laughs and jokes, they opted to simply ignore the problem and shove the netting under the bed, never to be seen again. After all, running away from a problem is always the best course of action. Why fix when you can avoid?

While fixing up the rest of the bed, Rob turned to the cyan pony, “So why were you in my bed? At first I didn’t care, then I wanted to joke, and now I am actually curious.”

Dash gave a quizzical look back to Rob. “T-this is your room? I thought you’d come into mine!” She looked rather embarrassed, before her eyes widened and a look of realisation came about her. “Although…”

“Although…?” Rob leaned in.

“I did go out for a fly last night, you know, because the mountains are great for that… And I may have gone back inside through the wrong window.” She looked at the human sheepishly. “Err, sorry about that…”

Rob shrugged her off, waving his hands about for emphasis, “You made a good pillow and that’s fine by me.” A devious smile crossed his face.

“W-what…?” The pegasi replied, unsure.

“Wanna have a little more fun?” He said, throwing back the covers once more.

Twilight woke up and set about her usual morning routine. First, she brushed her hair, secondly, she washed, and lastly, she did all her other bathroom ablutions. So far, the morning was treating Twilight well, she’d slept peacefully and without any disturbance, and now, she felt ready to tackle the day. The itinerary for the day consisted of getting up herself, getting the others up, having breakfast, packing, returning to the university, and finally, heading home.

With nothing more to do, she set about item two, and exited her room, heading across the hall to the adjacent room, the one belonging to Rainbow.

“Rainbow! Time to get up!” The unicorn called through the door.

“… … …”

“Rainbow! Wake up!”

“… … …”

“Fine, well then, I’m coming in, and you WILL be getting up…” Twilight grumbled through the silent door, irritated to be having to start the day that way.

Using her magic to twist the knob, the purple unicorn entered her friend’s room and surveyed the area. The usual bed, mirror, table, cloak stand and chest were all there, but no Rainbow Dash. Twilight gave the room a once over and exited, surprised that her friend had managed to get up in time for once. She thought about checking on Applejack, but knew from experience that the farm pony was probably already up, after all, AJ had to be out and bucking trees by this time normally. Twilight decided to leave her till last, because even if she wasn’t yet up, she would still be the easiest to get up.

“Rainbow… She’s never up this early… Something must be up…” Twilight mumbled under her breath, making her way to the human’s room just down the hall.

“Arc! Arc! Are you awa-” She stopped, noticing the door was slightly ajar.

Twilight tried to peer through the crack but couldn’t see anything of note, and instead, chose to nudge the door open a little further. Much to her surprise, the whole thing swung open, revealing the entire contents of the room. Twilight then gasped, blushed and recoiled all at the same time, stammering the word “sorry!” over and over again as she fell backwards out of the room.

The view was ingrained firmly in her mind and she couldn’t stop looking, as there, on the bed, wings erect, was a blushing, gyrating, and bouncing Rainbow Dash, straddling the young human who was also thrusting upwards in a rather perverse manner. Not only that, but on Twilight’s entry, the couple had started to make grunting and moaning noises. It was as if they wanted to be caught… Both had large grins on their faces as they faced the door during their highly explicit actions.

“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” Twilight pushed herself out of the room as fast as she could, dragging herself along the floor, trying to extinguish the image from her mind. She soon found that she couldn’t retreat any further though, and was instead, pushing up against something, or rather, two things, which were blocking her path.

Looking up, the unicorn spotted the confused looking face of Applejack looming over her. Applejack’s expression didn’t reassure Twilight in any way, and instead, only unnerved her more. Why wasn’t she embarrassed or confused? What if anyone else saw this?

“A-Applejack! L-look!” Twilight couldn’t help but glace back through the doorway, securing yet another image of the frightful sight.

“What in tarnation!? Twi, don’t tell me ya fell for that…” Applejack peered over Twilight’s fallen form and into the room, where a now snickering pair was looking at her from the bed, smiles wide on their faces. “RD wouldn’t do somethin’ like that, besides, look at him, Twi, Arc’s still got all his clothes on.” The farm pony turned her attention to the mare at her hooves and grinned, “See? They were just havin’ you on.”

“Wha…? No! T-they w-were-!” An exasperated pony tripped over herself, scrambling back to her hooves frantically.

“Nah, sugarcube, they aint; look again. Trust me.”

Twilight, despite being firmly set in her views, knew better than to doubt the element of honesty and once again turned to face the door with a gulp. She partially expected the two to still be going at it, and fully hoped for it all to be a joke, after all, how would she deal with two of her close friends doing… that?!

It took courage to face the door, but when she did, Twilight was warmly greeted by the sight of one human on one pony sitting relatively still on the bed. All her worries were instantly gone and she looked back at Applejack with a bright flush on her face. “Eh, m-my mistake…”

Applejack sighed, giving a relieved smile as she did. “Maybe ya shouldn’t jump ta conclusions so often there Twi…”

“Y-yeah, m-maybe.” The purple unicorn picked herself up.

Rob turned and smirked at Rainbow Dash who returned the gesture, much to the amusement of the ever-watching Applejack. “So,” the human piped up, “food?”

“Food?” Applejack responded.

“Food.”

“Ugh, Celly, any chance of food?”

“Yeah, I was just going to tell you to come down, seeing as you’re all awake…”

“Yea- wait. How do you know that?”

“The noise you lot are making!? It’s pretty easy to work that out…”

“From all the way up here, woman, it takes 20 minutes to get here… No way in hell did you hear that!”

“Heh, you’re right, I was actually stalking you this whole time…”

“You saw all of that, didn’t you…?”

“I did; very clever by the way.”

“So then, food?”

“Hold on, let me redirect you…”

“Bitch, make me a sammich!”

“I beg your pardon!?”

“Luna!?”

“It is I! I mean… Yes… I mean; why are you interrupting my sleep so early in the morning?”

“Umm… Let me try that again… Bitch, make me a sammich!”

“On what grounds do you have the authority to command me to make a sandwich for you!?”

“Well, I was thinking; the same grounds as yesterday – you know – the ones about me being human, the elements and shit like that…”

“Well, too bad, no sandwich for you…”

“No sandwich for Rob?”

“No, and besides, who has sandwiches for breakfast anyway?”

“Who DOESN’T is a more appropriate question, right?”

“What?”

“I don’t know… So, sandwiches?”

The connection fell, and a rather unnerving silence descended over the humans mind. He looked towards the three ponies who were now staring at him with unsurprised expressions on their faces. He could tell they all knew what had just happened, and decided not to push the topic any further; after all, they were getting used to his frequent daydreams with the princess.

“Well that was just rude…”

“What was Arc?” Applejack questioned the teenager.

“Oh, nothing. I was just inquiring about this morning’s food, and the princess gave me the cold shoulder.” He absentmindedly looked over his shoulder.

“I thought it might be the princess again.” A purple pony moved further into the room, still trying to push the rather recent memories out of her head. She coughed. “Shall we just go down, or did she have anything to say?” Twilight leaned against the doorframe on the inside.

“Ugh, I don’t really kno-”

A bright white flash dazzled the group and a loud crack was heard, breaking Rob off from his sentence. The group peeled their stricken eyes back to see the regal form of Princes Celestia standing in the middle of the bedroom, complete with a tray of perfectly arranged sandwiches being balanced on her back. An eerie silence overtook the room and all eyes were fixed on the bemused looking sun princess as she settled herself with ease in amongst the startled ponies and human.

The pristine alicorn turned to the group, flitting her eyes about between them as she levitated the tray off her back. “Did someone say they were hungry?” She flashed a sly grin at the human. “I overheard you mention something about food, and then complain endlessly about it. I thought to rectify the situation.”

Applejack stood her ground in light of the unforeseen situation; she was surprised, but unwilling to show it. Dash on the other hand, felt it appropriate to give a cheer and compliment the princess on how she entered with style, but she stopped when AJ shot her a stern glare. Out of all the ponies though, it was Twilight who was most dumbfounded by the Princesses arrival, and once again she slumped to the floor in shock, content to watch the scene unfold before jumping to any conclusions.

“P-princess!?” Twilight stammered, taking great care not to trip over her words too much.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“Umm…” She paused, “nothing…”

“Well, are you hungry, or not?” The princess addressed the room, floating a single sandwich to her mouth from her back in her magical grasp as she did.

Rob looked over to her, “Who even has sandwiches for breakfast anyway?”

“Why you little…”

“Calm it Lulu.”

The room was awkward. There was no other way of putting it. Twilight was stunned, Rainbow wanted to talk, and Applejack was busy keeping Rainbow from doing just that. The Princess needed a response, and only Arc could really give it to her. The room plunged into silence, waiting for someone to break the ice. Rob sighed.

“Thank you for the offer Celly, but you reckon we can have some proper breakfast food, you know, not sandwiches?” He scratched his chin. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful, but this is damn creepy and I ugh… I think you’ve given Twi some sort of seizure.” Rob looked at the purple mare, who was still spewing out nonsense in the face of all that had happened that morning. “I think you broke her… And I definitely had no part in helping you.”

During the conversation, Applejack had skirted around the shell-shocked unicorn and made her way into the bedroom proper. Dash was still sitting upon the bed next to Rob, and now looked more confused than anything else.

The farm pony spoke up; “Ah’m sorry, but what the hay is going on here… First; Arc, you ‘n Dash prankin’ us, and then, do excuse me Princess, but you arriving with breakfast? Ah’m mighty confused right now…”

The human and the alicorn looked at the farm pony and laughed, “Don’t you worry AJ, you go pack your things, and head downstairs.” Rob waved a flippant hand. “This is just our way of having a little fun! …At all of your expenses.” The boy told her. “Because we’re nice like that, and even a ruler needs some downtime occasionally.”

“Figures…” The pony muttered, before turning and heading back to her room with an irritated expression on her face. “One of these days, that human is gonna push me a lil’ too far…” She muttered under her breath, rounding the corner outside. “It wouldn’t bother me… But I just don’t get it…”

Rob turned to Dash, “You fancy doing the same… ‘babe’? He mocked, prompting her to deliver a kick to his arm, simply returning his teasing in an effective, but more physical manner. She looked at him with an expression telling him that he should expect some form of payback in the future, but he simply shrugged it off and sniffed, turning away from her.

Without a word, Dash flew up and hovered a moment, looking back and forth between the Princess and the human, before disappearing out of the door and back to her room also, leaving only the human and the alicorn in the room. Once again, a silence occupied the chamber.

Rob looked around the place and couldn’t see Twilight anywhere. He figured that she’d recovered, and retreated back to her room alongside Applejack and Dash. If he knew her anywhere near as much as he thought; she was already trying to find some way of putting this morning behind her, probably with overly minuscule and pointless tasks to keep her mind occupied. He turned to Celestia, who was looking at him expectantly, still with the tray of food on her back. He waited for the beating noise of Dash’s wings to fade completely.

“So then, in the end you win.” He stared at the princess.

“Arc, I like to think it was a team effort.” She nudged a little closer to him.

“Well, I did warm them up, but that killing blow was truly magnificent, no one expected that, not even me! Where the hell did you get sandwiches from…?”

“You’d be amazed at how fast the chefs here can work. And besides, as for the other thing, don’t worry; I’ve had years of practice, you have not.”

“You know, after all of the things I’ve witnessed, it still blows my mind that you run a country…” Rob slumped back onto the bed, looking at the ceiling.

“Honestly,” She chuckled, “It does me too.”

Rob smiled.

“Well then, what is for breakfast? And this time; I’m not kidding, I’m damn hungry!”

The princess laughed, turning her gaze to look out of the window. “When you come down, you’ll see!”

Rob sighed, “Great, just my luck.” He sighed again, “If it’s not bacon…” He sat back up, mumbling, and got off of the bed, making his way to the door on the back wall. “Anyhow, I pretty much have my things all in one place, so, if you don’t mind, I’ll have a shower now and meet you downstairs, Princess?”

“Need any help scrubbing those little hard to reach places?” She winked, bowing down seductively in the process and looking up at him with bright, glistening eyes. “I have very gentle hooves…”

“I thank you for your kind and ‘molestation-filled’ offer, but I must decline.” Rob turned from her and headed off towards the bathroom, discarding both his clothing, and his latest mental image of Celly along the way. “Now then, if there’s anything else, let me know quickly?”

“There is one thing…” She pondered a moment, “No, wait, two things!”

“And they are…?” Rob leaned against the doorway of the bathroom, waiting for the conversation to end.

“Firstly, why are you getting naked in front of me…?”

“Heh, Celly, Celly, Celly, you’ve seen me naked already; why should I care if you see it again!?” He smiled victoriously.

“Fair point. Well then; number two. Would you like me to heal all those injuries?”

Rob looked down at himself, taking in all the cuts and scrapes he’d gotten over the past few days; the various back injuries, the claw marks and the breaks, he looked at her with a blank expression before he realised that she wasn’t joking. His jaw dropped.

“You’re telling me you could have fixed this shit at any time!? I’ve been in agony! Multiple times! And you could have made me all better with one ‘whoosh’ of your horn!?”

She walked closer to him. “Yes, I suppose I could have.” She continued pacing.

“Then why didn’t you!?” He flailed his arms about, trying to get rid of all the sudden pent up energy.

“Well, to start with, I find it funny to watch you suffer sometimes,” She gave him a sly smile, “And secondly, it totally slipped my mind. My bad.”

“You bitch! Fix me now! I’ve punched myself in the head more times than I can remember thanks to this little bastard!” He raised his cast. “I have an eye the colour of coal and a back not dissimilar to that of a 70 year olds too, not mentioning all the shit that Spa exposed me too! At this rate, I’ll be dead within the week! I dunno how resilient you think humans are, but we are not indestructible!” Rob panted the last bit out, catching his breath.

“Yes, yes, sorry, sorry, I’ll get right on it… My word you can rant.” The sun princess took another few steps up to the human, stopping directly in front of him. At this height, they could meet eye to eye. “This may feel a little odd.” She lit up her horn and pressed it to the centre of Rob’s chest. “Just try and relax.” She closed her eyes.

“If I relax now, I’ll fall over and be impaled on your horn, no way am I doing that... Is this just an excuse for a hug?” He cast a sarcastic look and stood still while the glow brightened, encasing his chest in its warmth. “It feels nice and tingly though, that’s pretty cool.”

“Stay still you irritable little human…” Without warning, Celestia pushed forward and stabbed her horn into the teenagers chest, making him cough as the air was forced out of his lungs.

Rob looked down to see that the majority of her horn had penetrated his upper body. He was shocked, and fought not to scream out, but after realising that there was no pain, he settled with simply trying to breathe deeply and control the urge to back away as fast as he could. Luckily for Celestia, he was pinned against a wall, and therefore, unable to escape.

Rob slumped forward quickly as a wave of nausea flooded his senses. He clutched at Celestia’s neck, hugging her tightly as her magic coursed through him. He looked up, only to see himself in the giant mirror on the wall across the room, and much to his surprise, the black eye that he once had was fading slowly, dissipating into nothing. Aside from the overwhelming sickness, Rob felt good. He felt his fingers trying to wriggle their way out of the cast on his hand, and felt his back seal itself up, all the pulls and tears knitting themselves back together.

“I’m sorry Arc, just hold on a little more…”

“Heh, I’m getting used to this-” He gritted his teeth and held down the rising bile, “-shit now… For a l-land of c-colourful ponies, I’ve been thrown through worse shit than ever…”

“Can you lean back for me?” The princess spoke after another few seconds of healing.

Rob complied and forced himself back to an upright position, once again resisting the urge to spew his guts up. Slowly, the horn embedded in his chest removed itself, and much to the human’s surprise; left no trace of where it had been.

Celestia smiled sheepishly, “See, not so bad, right?” She returned to her full height. “And… you can stop hugging me now if you want?”

Rob tried to smile back, but failed, showing a grimace instead, “Yeah… wonderful… Now if you’ll just excuse me.” He removed himself from her neck and fled.

Celestia watched as the newly healed human ran from her sight, and into the bathroom, clasping both hands over his mouth as he did. What she heard next confirmed her suspicions, as a series of wretching sounds emanated from through the doorway. She cast a sympathetic gaze his way and lit her horn again, disappearing in a flash of light soon afterwards. After all, she knew; give him half an hour and he’ll be right as rain.

Canterlot Palace, Dining Hall:

“Well yes, but only after attacking the bastard for 20 minutes with a sewing kit…”

The dining room of the Royal Canterlot palace was huge. In fact, it dwarfed anything the human had ever seen before. Whereas the throne room was large, it was still only designed to hold a number of officials. This room however, was designed to host a large number of guests at many times of the year, and therefore needed to be big on a scale that confused the human. He didn’t feel entirely comfortable in such a room. It wasn’t anything to do with the size though, more the daunting presence of power and wealth.

The table was fitting, as in, it matched the room. It stretched for metres, extending right from one side of the hall to the other, and upon it, were three ponies, two alicorns and one human, situated all up one end, leaving a vast expanse of table bare. Upon the table, sat numerous dishes of food, ranging from a number of flowery options for the ponies, to a large amount of fruit and vegetable options for the human; everything looked great. There was also a number of drinks too. What amazed the human most though, was how luxurious it all was. Somewhere along the line; he’d forgotten what royalty was. Everything was gold or silver; everything.

When he’d said he wanted breakfast, he was assuming that he’d just head into a cosy living room with a bowl of cornflakes, and yet, her they all were, sitting on ornate gilded chairs at a table made from more wood than your average Brazilian rainforest, eating and drinking from chalices of pure gold, talking to two beings who were capable of raising the very sun and moon in a palace that’d put anything back on earth to shame. It was all a lot to take in now he thought about it. Still, food in a giant room was better than no food at all, even if the food of choice wasn’t entirely to his… tastes.

Despite that, everyone was munching away happily, listening to Rob telling the tale of his fierce battle with his old arm cast. After he’d finished throwing up, Rob had begun to notice that his hand didn’t need to be in a cast anymore, and so, sought to get it off. He knew all too well about the resilience of the cast, and figured that hitting it wasn’t going to work. Instead, Rob searched through his room, looking for any sort of sharp implement, and after scouring it three times, had come up with nothing but a sewing kit. He debated questioning such an item’s presence, but simply put it down to the guest suites in the palace being similar to that of a high class hotel.

He first started to hack away at the cast with the needle, untangling all the bound-up loose ends, and then set about saturating it in the sink. With that done, he set to it with the scissors, chopping away slowly at one end. This process however, took too long, and so, after accidentally breaking the scissors, he was left with a crudely fashioned half-scissor-knife; not the most helpful of implements. Regardless, human perseverance shone through, and eventually, with only the very smallest of scratches, the cast dropped to the floor. From there on, a shower, and only 16 staircases later, Rob was in the royal dining hall, seated and eating with his pony companions, out of breath, and as tired as the night before; faced with tackling another long-ass day, which he didn’t really want to do.

“And thus, I was free of the dreaded cast of ‘doom and evil’; the end.” Rob finished his speech, shoving another mouthful of what he was told was ‘mangosteen’ into his mouth. Apparently it was a fruit from a faraway land; the princess didn’t dwell on it any further when Rob had asked, after all, to her, this was a daily thing, and his musings and incessant questioning was rather unimportant to her.

“Thank you for that enlightening tale, Arcadia.” Luna spoke up, addressing the human way too formally for his liking, once again. “Any more fables you wish to share?” She levitated a napkin up to her mouth to wipe away… something.

“Lulu, we’ve been through this… Arc is fine, there is no need for the royal façade around us, and you don’t have to be so polite; that was a boring story, and you’re free to say so.” He sighed, looking at her from across the table.

“Hmm… If you say so…”

“I do. And ugh, no, no more ‘fables’…” Rob told her, eating more of the exotic fruit. He chewed and swallowed before speaking up again. “So, I take it the bill came through alright? You can blame all that on Applejack and Dash over there…” He pointed at the two eating ponies to his right who seemed oblivious to his tattletaling.

Luna’s expression turned to one of ice. “That bill,” she accentuated, “Was enormous! Tell me, how do two ponies and one human eat so much food!?” She glared at the two ponies in question, further down the table, trying not to slip into her higher tone of voice.

“Calm down Luna.” Celestia interjected, “They’re all growing and using copious amounts of energy each day, besides, it’s not like we can’t afford it.” She kept a quiet tone, whilst keeping her sisters temper in check.

“The principal remains! I do not want to be forever shelling out on this human!” The moon princess argued with her sister. “He has not even said one word of thanks in return!” She gritted her teeth, “If he weren’t… well, him! I don’t know what I’d do!”

“Hey, I resent that!” Rob called out. “And ugh, yeah, thanks!” He yawned, “And anyway, you totally love me, so, s’all good, yeah?”

“I don’t care anymore! … And No!” She ended, as the room fell quiet.

A few eyes were cast around; flitting between each other and cutting the tension in the air like it were butter. Luna was panting and staring at her sister, waiting for her to stop her. Celestia simply looked back at her with an un-amused expression on her face, although, Rob could see that playful glint still present. She raised her fork and fed herself another mouthful of passion-fruit. Rob sighed, before laughing a little bit;

“Wow, you are a little princess, aren’t you! That display of childish anger! Simply amazing!” He taunted, much to the dislike of the pony princess in question, as a fork flew past his face and clattered over onto the floor behind him. “Oooh~ Testy!” He looked at Luna and smiled, resting his hands on the table in front of him.

“Sister, please calm down, you know what happens when you get flustered like this…” She faced Arc, “And you, do stop teasing everypony… You wonder why you’re hurt so much.” Celestia sighed, returning to her food once again. “It’s no wonder, you just antagonise ponies so much.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Anyway,” Celestia continued, “I do apologise about last night. We seemed to have underestimated how long you’d be at the university. We were supposed to all eat together…” She faced Twilight, who wore a sad face. “I am especially sorry for not being able to spend more time with you, Twilight. Maybe in the future you can come and stay in Canterlot with me and Luna, here in the palace. Would you consider doing that?” she showed a soft smile.

The reaction was immediate; Twilight was nodding her head ecstatically at the princess’s proposal, so hard in fact, that her face was a blur. It was rather comical really. “Yes, yes, yes!” She paused, “If that would be ok… I mean… Haha…” She swayed her eyes sheepishly. The others in the room laughed a bit, causing her to blush slightly from the apparent embarrassment.

“Of course it would be. In fact, I may line up some special things for us to do for the duration of your stay.” The mentor replied to her student. “There are still many things you could learn about magic, and seeing as how you’ve grown so much lately, I believe you are ready to take on some of these new challenges.” She finished speaking to Twilight, who had a look of awe about her. She could finally spend some more time with the princess! Celestia coughed, turning to Arc, and snapping Twilight out of her daydreaming. “As for you, I’ve heard from Luna about the disruption you caused in my University yesterday…”

“Pretty funny, really!”

“You are a horrible princess…”

“Yes, I am. Look at all these ponies, crushed and downtrodden under my harsh rule!”

Rob looked over at Rainbow Dash to see that she was laughing at a fairly irate Applejack. The cause being some sauce around the farm pony’s face.

“Yeah, yeah… Evil reign of terror alright…”

“Just… try not to do that again…” She spoke aloud.

“Special treatment if you do…”

“Sounds ominous… I’ll be on my best behaviour…”

Luna, having calmed down, turned to the human. “Yes, may I ask what happened after you were cut off? I trust that you are fine, and my sister’s magic has taken care of any unfortunate injuries, but I am curious to know how things went down, as it were.”

“He set a pony on fire!” A pegasus voice carried out across the table.

Luna looked shocked, “On fire!? You cruel creature!”

“Yeah, it was aweso-” The voice continued before being cut off by Rob.

“No! Not on fire! I set his hat on fire!”

Luna reached to grab some more food. “Sounds… interesting…”

“That’s one word for it, Princess.” Applejack said. “Now, if y’all excuse me, Ah’m gonna go sort out the rest of my things.” She tipped her Stetson and got up, leaving the table and exiting the hall, wiping away the last remains of the sauce around her mouth with a spare hoof.

Twilight looked at her teacher once more and swallowed, getting up as well. “I think I’ll go and finish packing too, Princess. Thank you for the meal.” She turned and nodded her head to Luna, “And thank you too, Princess.”

“Think nothing of it, Twilight Sparkle.” The lunar princess replied.

“Well, I suppose this concludes breakfast then. I… I have nothing to pack. Some damn scientists stole all my stuff…” Rob followed suit, muttering to himself, and stood up, bending his legs extravagantly as he left the royal table, taking care to stretch all the muscles that had ceased up during the rather long and drawn out breakfast.

Celestia looked at him, “You know, you’d make a truly wonderful court jester.”

He looked back at her. “You still have those?”

“Well, no. Not anymore anyway. But, with a few tweaks, we could reinstate them, would you like that?” She raised her eyebrow.

“You know what? I don’t give two sh-”

“Well then! I’m done too!” Rainbow interrupted, bouncing up from the table, full of energy as always. “You guys think I can catch up with AJ and Twilight, AND pack my things and be down here before them?” She smiled, “I bet I can!”

Rob deadpanned her. “Let me repeat myself; I don’t give two sh-”

“Give it your best shot.” Celestia spoke with a calm and encouraging smile.

“I will!” The pegasus replied loudly, choosing to dart out of the window behind the table instead of using the door, leaving a large disruption as her slipstream knocked various plates and cups off of the table.

“She sure does have some serious energy…” Rob remarked to himself before turning his attention to the two alicorn sisters still seated regally at the table. “So yeah, Lulu, the fight was good. No one was seriously injured, one despicable hat was erased from existence, and anything bad that did happen; Celly here has fixed.” He pointed to the princess’s sister, “All in a day’s work!”

Both sisters released their cutlery from their magical grips and stood simultaneously. Celestia muttered a quick thank you to a nearby waiter who quickly swooped in to clear the table and clean up, and left it to join Rob’s side.

“Yes well, if we’re all done here, might I suggest you head back to your room, and meet me and my sister as soon as you’re ready in the palace foyer?” The alabaster alicorn spoke, turning her head between the human and her sister.

Rob nodded and belched, much to Luna’s disgust. Grunting, she plodded out of the room, followed by her smiling sister and a flippant Rob. Due to the size of the room, it took a while, and barely before even walking through the door at the end, they heard sounds of panting and soft clopping from further down the hall.

After rounding another corner, the trio came face to face, so soon, back with Rainbow Dash, who was flopped out on the floor and clutching a horribly stuffed looking suitcase, filled, presumably, with all the things she had brought or found in Canterlot.

“Now, this confuses me; primarily because none of them came with anything… where the hell did she get that case from!?”

“Ugh, all packed Dashie?” The human asked the exhausted mare.

Raising a feeble hoof, Dash smiled and nodded. “I won… right…?” She turned her head up and looked at the trio.

Rob bent over and faced her. “We don’t have a clue. To be honest Dash, we’ve not really left the room yet, we haven’t seen anyone but you, and ourselves. The probability is high, but, well… who knows.”

“Or cares…”

“Are you ok Rainbow Dash?” Luna posed, lowering her head to a similar level to the downed mare’s. “It is unwise to fly like that after a meal…”

“Nothing to worry about princess!” She replied, hopping up to her hooves with a false smile. “Now I… I ugh… gotta find a bathroom… Bye!” And with that, she sped down the hall and out of sight, leaving all her luggage with the human and the two alicorn princesses.

“That was… strange.” Celestia turned to her sister.

“Yeah, and now I gotta carry all this crap myself.” Rob remarked, walking over to Rainbows luggage, picking up the large bag and hefting it over his shoulder.

“You know, we could help you carry that? With our magic, it’d be nothing difficult.” Luna asked the human. “It does look heavy…”

“Thanks, but I got this.” Rob strained one foot forward at a time, making his way down the hall, the opposite way to which Rainbow had come.

“We don’t mind Arc, we can help?”

“Celestia, seriously. Don’t worry about it. I got this.” He walked further ahead, the two alicorns following him slowly behind.

Celestia eyed her sister. “You need to let others help you more, it’s-”

“And don’t lecture me either,” He turned to face them, cutting the white princess off as she spoke, “I let people help me just fine. But; this is just a suitcase, it’s no problem. If we were carrying a boulder, go for it, knock yourself out; that boulder is all yours. But as it stands, this is one little suitcase, I really don’t need your help, thank you.”

“No need to snap at us, we’re just trying to help.” She returned at the human.

“Yeah well, look, thanks, but no thanks; really.” And so he continued walking down the hall, the dull throb of his footsteps and the sharp click of hooves filling the long and brightly lit expanse.

Canterlot Train Station:

It was later on in the day, sometime around 4 o’clock, and the human, alongside his various pony friends, had successfully ended up at the train station in the southern part of Canterlot. They were waiting for the train to arrive and bring them all back to Ponyville.

After leaving the Palace, and saying goodbye to the two sisters, the group had retraced their steps back to the University, where they were greeted by a spritely Azure and Brew, and a lethargic-going-on-passed-out Cobalt. They spent some time talking, and Brew assured Rob of all the things he could and couldn’t now do with his technology. In essence, she told him it was all the same as before, only now, it would live indefinitely, provided he stay away from ‘dead spots’, the magical terminology for a place absent of magical energy. He questioned if this would be a problem, and she told him that such spots were rare, stating that if he was ever in one, whether his ‘talky-thingy’ –as she put it– would work, was least of his problems.

The scientists and the Ponyville group shared a late lunch in the university, and soon after that, they departed. One short stop back at the palace to wave goodbye to a recently returned Valiance, and the crew were on their way again, amusingly, accompanied by a rather bored Luna. Celestia had encouraged her to spend a little time for herself, and insisted that she assist in their departure. Not having the strength to argue, Luna went as far as the station, and then decided to go shopping, bidding the group a farewell before she did. One thing Rob did notice though, was how she discreetly passed Twilight a letter before leaving. He was curious as to what it was, but decided he’d annoy her with prying later. After Luna and her entourage of guards had left, Rob spoke up;

“So, when’s our train arriving?”

Twilight looked at him, and then gazed down at a timetable that she had clutched in her hoof. “About… now-ish.” She sighed, “I hate this feeling. It happens whenever we leave Canterlot…” The dejected looking mare plodded about.

“What’s the matter, Twi,” Applejack inquired, stepping forward and looking into her friends eyes.

“Nothing big, but I rarely see the Princess anymore, and so I really enjoy these trips…” She paused, “Even if they usually do end up with us fighting off some otherworldly threat…” Straightening her neck, she looked up, “And then when we leave, I’m torn between leaving the Princess behind, which I don’t want to do, and actually going back home, which I do want to do.”

There was a silence before Applejack spoke out again, “But ya can’t have both of those things, Twilight, and you can always visit the Princess, she said so herself.”

Twilight sighed again and smiled, “I know, but,” She laughed, “It’s hard…”

A whistle off in the distance signalled the arrival of the train, and soon it pulled in to the station, stopping right in front of the group and numerous other ponies waiting at the station. Rob was genuinely curious. This train looked just like the last one. Was there only one train, or did they build them all like this!? Laced with gluten sickliness.

Rubbing Twi on the head as he passed, Rob stepped onto the train, and found a table for four further down the carriage to the left. He sat at it and let the other ponies filter in, Applejack next to him, Twilight opposite, and Rainbow Dash diagonally across from him. Resting his head on his hand, he waved Canterlot a farewell as the train departed, heading back towards home; Ponyville.

Ponyville, Central Park:

The sun beat down on the green grass, and playfully, a bunny hopped about. Not far behind the bunny was a rather irate looking cat, and off to the side, was a fairly bored looking alligator. The trio got together like this every Sunday to play, and despite their differences, enjoyed themselves thoroughly, after all, they rarely got to leave their homes like the dog and the owl did. A stiff breeze ran through the park, and made the cat shiver, taking its attention off of the bunny for one small second, allowing it to hop into the safety of a nearby bush.

Not too far away, were the owners of the animals, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, all sitting on a picnic blanket, enjoying the warmth of the sun and awaiting the return of their friends. Their friends hadn’t been gone long, but they were used to them being around, and things didn’t feel complete without them. During their absence, things had stayed pretty much the same, all but one thing;

“So, come on girls, are you all ready for a one-of-a-kind-super-duper-Pinkie-Party tonight!? It’s going to be even better than usual!”

Used to Pinkie's ranting, Fluttershy and Rarity just let their friend continue, smiling and nodding in all the appropriate places.

“It’s a shame I wasn’t allowed to invite everyone, but I did get a hold of some of Big Mac’s special stuff, and from what he says, it’s going to be something we’ve never experienced before!” She paused, “Well, me anyway… which is why I really need to have some tonight! Like, what kind of party pony doesn’t know EVERYTHING about parties! That would be silly, and then I’d feel bad, and have to do it anyway, and then I would know, and then I would be the number one pink party pony again! There is no way I am not going to not do whatever it is I am now talking about!”

“Very nice, dear.” Rarity absentmindedly mumbled.

“I know! And I’ve got all the usual stuff too! Cakes and balloons and more cake! And there is one thing I don’t usually have too! And that thing will make this a great night!” Pinkie stopped dramatically, somehow suspending herself in the air as she waited for somepony to ask her the question.

“Oh, sorry, Pinkie. And… ugh… that thing is?”

“Equestria’s one and only human!” She fell back down, creating a loud thud that shocked a few of the other park attendees.

“I see…” Rarity mumbled again.

“Eeexactly!”

“So, Pinkie. Where is this party being held?” Rarity piped up, rolling over to allow the sun to warm her back. “I presume it’s somewhere local?” She raised a hoof to cover her eyes whilst looking over at Pinkie who had moved on to pestering Fluttershy in a jubilant fashion.

“I’ve set everything up in the Sweet Apple Acres barn! I asked Big Macintosh if it was ok to use it when I went round there this morning. He said “yes” and here we are! Waiting for a party… I hate waiting. Rarity, how much longer do we have to wait for them!?” Fluttershy watched as her hyper friend bounced back over to Rarity in an attempt to gleam answers from the relaxing mare.

Rarity looked up at her friend who was now positioned over her head, blocking out the sun, “I don’t know Pinkie Pie,” She sighed, showing obvious annoyance at Pinkie’s antics. “It depends on when they return from Canterlot. For all we know, they haven’t even left yet.” Rarity shifted to try and position herself back in the sunlight, but Pinkie followed her as she did.

“May I ask what the time is now, then?” Fluttershy interjected as Rarity tried once again to escape her pink sunshade.

Rarity turned once more and scanned the ground near the blanket for her bag. After finding it, and dodging Pinkie’s ever moving hooves, she managed to secure it and find out the time. Brushing a lock of hair away from her face, she called out to Fluttershy, “It’s about four-thirty, dear, ok?”

Fluttershy nodded in response and rose to go and check on Angel, who was by now, scampering away from Opal with one of her toys clutched in-between his small bunny arms. Fluttershy knew the small animal had a tendency to take things too far sometimes, and with a temper like Opal’s, this whole scenario was a disaster waiting to happen.

Rarity looked to the sky, disappointed that the sun was finally beginning to set, and that what little was left, was being blocked by Pinkie’s hyperactive darting about. She sighed and laid back down on her side, content to watch Fluttershy deal with the animals over the other side of the park. She smiled, looking at Gummy, as he waddled his way back over to Pinkie by himself. She could never quite place the look on his face. It was something simple, and always happy. She wished that she could be like that more often, and soon, she found herself sighing again.

The trio waited until the last rays of sun had vacated the land, and set off for Sweet Apple Acres, via their houses of course, to prepare and pick up anything they needed. Each had various things to accomplish; Pinkie had remaining party supplies to transport, Fluttershy had animals to feed and put to bed, and Rarity sure wasn’t going out without a bath and some more makeup on. After reclaiming their pets, the three went their separate ways and headed for home, packing up their things and walking off into the slowly encroaching night.

Ponyville, Twilight’s Library:

Despite being emptier than usual, the library was still a home, and within it, was its number one resident. Seeing as Twilight was always out on long adventures, Spike liked to consider the library his domain, regardless of all the books within it. Besides, when Twilight was gone, he could sleep in the big bed for once, and there was nothing he liked more than sleeping in the big bed, and laying-in in the morning however long he liked.

Turning from the desk he was carefully cleaning, he mumbled a quick greeting to Owlowiscious, who ‘hooted’ back, and moved over to the other side of the room to light a lamp, seeing as it was getting fairly dark at this time of the day. Wiping his brow, he headed for his last destination – the lower bookshelves. He was just about to get started when there was a click from behind him.

He turned just in time to see the front door to the Library opening, and Twilight plod in, followed by Rob.

“You’re back!”

“Sure am, Spike.” Twilight replied, dumping her bags down on the sofa.

“Did it all go well?” The small dragon asked.

“Sure did, lil’ guy.” Rob answered, collapsing next to Twilight’s stuff on the sofa. “But, Canterlot sure is more hectic than Ponyville. I am so much more at ease here.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “It has that effect doesn’t it.”

Rob nodded, and looked over to Twilight who had made a dash for the stairs.

“Why are you running?” Rob called after her.

“Umm… we have places to be!” She shouted back.

“Right… Why did no one tell me!?”

“No time, and you didn’t ask!”

“We had all the time. A whole train journey in fact!”

Rob turned to Spike who was watching the scene unfold with a face of bemusement.

“So, Spike. Had a nice weekend by yourself?”

The little dragon crossed his arms, “I-I suppose…”

“Good,” Rob turned to look back at the stairs, “Then if you’ll excuse me, I think I have to go and… find out what the hell is going on.” And with that, the human vaulted over the sofa and ran up the stairs.

Spike simply sighed and moved back to the bookcase. “…And then they came home.”

Sweet Apple Acres, Barn:

The set sun barely cast any light anymore, and Rob, Twilight and Spike were outside of Sweet Apple Acres, walking up towards the looming barn on the hill. All in all, the place was quiet, and what Rob had described as ‘eerie’.

After Rob had investigated Twilight’s frantic actions back at the library, he had discovered that tonight was the night of the party Pinkie Pie had set up for him. Although tired, he was begrudgingly persuaded to go, and so, had a shower and got ready for the evening ahead, complaining all the way. Once Twilight had ejected him from the library, there was no turning back, and so, resigned to his fate, Rob walked towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Not an hour later, after the original fiasco about ‘not wanting to go’, the trio was outside the barn, preparing to enter. Twilight was using her magic to straighten a bow tie Spike had decided to wear, and Rob was loitering with his hands in his pockets, whistling a tune which was carried on the still night air. Swivelling around to face the two, he spoke;

“I hope she remembered not to invite… anyone.”

“Stop being so depressing, Arc, and lighten up, you’re here to have a good time.” Twilight chastised the boy.

“What can I say? Parties usually involve god-awful music, people I dislike, and a lack of edible food. You know what I could go for? A night of board games. I love me some board games. And curry. A curry night with board games.”

“Well, maybe another night…” She sighed, becoming impatient with the human. “Just… try to have fun, ok?” The human received her pleading eyes.

Spike tapped Rob’s leg, “Besides, trust me on this; Pinkie’s parties are fun. Fun with a capital ‘F’. I haven’t met anyone who dislikes them. Well… Except Gilda…” He muttered the last bit under his breath.

Rob let out an exhausted sigh, “If you say so…”

“And, ugh… with luck, there’ll be some of that stuff you were talking about…”

An eyebrow was raised in turn; “You, my little scaly friend, do raise a very good point. Let’s just hope on that then, shall we.” He turned back to Twilight with an innocent smile. “Looks like we have a game plan, Twilight; it’s called ‘Get Smashed’, how do you like it?”

Twilight chose simply to nod her head in response, and mimic the humans earlier sighing, paying attention to them no further. With her head hung low, and a look of disappointment on her face, she pressed open the door to the barn, only to be greeted with darkness.

12. Whiskey Business

Chapter 12: Whiskey Business.

Sweet Apple Acres, Barn:

“Sssssurprise!”

Rob’s voice rung out loud into the darkness of the barn; bouncing off of all its bare walls.

The lights flickered on with a ping, to reveal the faces of the many ponies gathered inside of the barn, all of whom wore confused expressions. Rob noticed Big Mac cast a sideways glace to Applejack who simply shrugged in response from behind a bale of hay. He also noticed the ruffling of wings up in the hay loft, and within seconds, the faces of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash appeared over the edge of the final rafter. They too, were a mixture of surprised and confused.

Looking inside, the barn was populated with all of the close friends Rob had made ever since coming to Equestria; the six girls he first met, Big Mac, and the three flower girls too. Each of them was in some sort of hidden position, crouched behind a barrel or up in the rafters, and he made a guess that this whole thing was meant to be a surprise – one that he’d just ruined.

All of their eyes were on him and he simply shrugged, not knowing what else to do.

“Whelp, way to shit on their parade, Rob, nice one.”

An awkward silence remained before Pinkie popped out from behind the barn door to Rob’s right and pouted, looking up at the human with annoyance in her eyes. She stopped right in front of him.

“You ruined the surprise.” She blankly stated.

“I may have done that a lil’ bit, yeah…” His deadpanned voice spoke back.

“This was meant to be something to surprise you and welcome you to our home…”

Shakily, Rob rubbed his head, trying to think of a way not to hurt the pink mare further; “Well… Ugh, think of it this way! It is a surprise party, and you were surprised, right? So… surprise – success!”

A few moments passed as Pinkie eyed the human suspiciously, looking for any ill intent in his voice. Luckily for him though, within seconds, her discouraged face was replaced by one of happiness.

“You’re right! It is, and it was! So this party was and still is a surprise!? But… for us instead!” She turned around to the others in the barn, “Look surprised girls… and Mac, this is now a party for you! Well… it’s not, but… play along! We don’t want him to feel bad!”

Numerous confused ponies looked at Pinkie Pie and then at each other, before resigning themselves to fact that Pinkie was just being Pinkie.

Despite the party pony waving her hooves in the air enthusiastically, no one joined in save a feeble looking Fluttershy up in the roof. Rob walked forward and grabbed the pony’s hooves as they were flailing above her head. She looked up at him.

“Ok, first thing,” He started, “How do you guys balance on two hooves like that? And also, you can stop that now. You’re confusing everypony.” Rob looked up at the variety of ponies lurking the barn. He focussed on Rose, “Evening, Rose,” Before turning to Mac, “Sup.” And lastly, facing the girls, he spoke once more, “Ladies.”

Each of them nodded at him when he addressed them, and a few still looked shell-shocked from trying to comprehend what had just gone on.

Rob sighed and inhaled deeply, finding his sensed overwhelmed with a multitude of different things. First there was hay; the overpowering scent of what seemed like ‘sweet’ hay, then a second, there was food; something which smelt spicy. Rob couldn’t quite place it. The smell made him salivate. He looked over to the side and saw a row of tables with plates and bowls lined up on it, in amongst the various other foods, was an ungodly amount of cake. He turned back to Pinkie.

“Well then, I hear you’re the number one party pony in Ponyville. Care to show me some of those skills?” He smirked, challenging the pink ball of fun.

Her grin widened, far surpassing that of the humans, “You betcha! We’re gonna have a great night!”

Rob laughed, “Well then, I’ll leave that up to you!”

By now, Twilight had gone in and dispelled the confusion amongst the crowd, still wearing that same look of disapproval she wore during most of Rob’s antics. The fact that this time, they were combined with Pinkie’s, made the expression only more intense.

From there on out, the party picked up, Pinkie had found some fairly generic but catchy music from somewhere, and set it off in the background, and a few groups had split off here and there, talking amongst themselves. Glancing around the room, Rob found out where everyone was; he spied Mac chatting to Daisy and Lily next to the gramophone, alongside a very awkward looking Twilight. He found Spike keeping Applejack and Dash company over at the food table, right where he expected them to be, and try as he might, Pinkie was nowhere to be seen. Rob himself was entertaining Rose, Rarity and Fluttershy by the door, looking out over the meadows. They all wanted to hear of the trip to Canterlot, and despite hearing the story numerous times now, Rob was happy to indulge them. Under the now dimmed lights, Rob once again told them his tale.

“And so, that’s that; one trip to Canterlot done. I really would like to visit more places around Equestria though, they all seem interesting in their own little ways.” Rob took a sip of the punch he was drinking. “Where was it again…? Cloudsdale? That’s your home, right, Fluttershy?”

The shy pegasus nodded, “But you can’t get there without wings… And I don’t think I could carry you…”

“I wasn’t asking you to, silly.” He shrugged, “I just thought a city of clouds sounded cool.” He smiled at the mare, “And I take it there are no other ways of getting there?”

She shook her head glumly.

“No matter.”

“You might like to try Manehattan, Arc. Giant skyscrapers line the streets and there are so many sights to see!” Rarity offered, becoming excited about the prospect just thinking about it. “You’ll have to take me too! I’d love to visit for a spell.”

He chuckled, “Maybe I’ll take you one day, Rarity, but I was thinking more… rural. I’m not a fan of the city. Maybe somewhere like Ponyville.”

She thought for a moment before looking up at him, “Well, there are places around but, they’re pretty far away. Nothing like a day trip’s length; if you wanted to go, it’d take weeks in anything other than a chariot or on a train.”

“Appleloosa!” Rose blurted out, interrupting the other two.

“Excuse me?” Arc questioned.

Clearing her throat, Rose smiled and spoke up, “What about Appleloosa and that other place up north… Dodge Junction!” She looked over at Rarity and Fluttershy who both wore black faces. “You guys went there, right?”

“Ah! Yes, we did!” Fluttershy jumped up, springing into the air for a little bit.

Rarity nodded, “That’s true, we did do that.” She prodded Arc in the leg with a hoof, “You could visit those places; pay a visit to Applejack’s cousin, Braeburn too if you like.”

“Braeburn? Really?” Rob looked skeptical.

“What’s wrong?” Fluttershy asked.

“Nothing, nothing. The names sometimes still get me a little bit.”

He looked over the now fully dark meadows, trying to pick out any details. Unfortunately, the light from the barn made any long distance viewing nearly impossible, and he could see no further than the edge of the fence surrounding the barn. One thing he did notice, was one pink rump edging its way out of a cellar door which was dug into the ground. He chose to dismiss it and focus back on the party.

At this point, Rose had dragged Rarity and Fluttershy into a conversation about their future holiday plans, and so Rob decided to go and check on Mac and his little group. He walked passed Lily, who was topping up her drink, and flashed her a smile in passing, one which she returned before heading back over to Mac with him.

From what he could tell, the whole conversation around Mac was simply Lily and Daisy hitting on the poor stallion whilst Twilight watched on awkwardly and embarrassed. Moving swiftly on, Rob went over to the food table where Applejack, Rainbow and Spike were.

From the looks of it, between the three of them, they’d eaten a fair portion of food already, and had started on the cake. Spike noticed Rob approaching and waved a claw, signalling him over.

“What’s up, buddy?”

The little dragon forced another mouthful of cake into his face and beckoned Rob even closer, down to his level. “When can we get some alcohol?” He looked around suspiciously.

Rob stood up, “There are a number of things Spike, first, you don’t have to talk about it like it’s contraband, and secondly, I think I saw Pinkie messing with it outside… dunno why though. Anyhow, Twi already gave the A-OK on that front so you really don’t have to get all flustered over it.”

“I suppose you’re right…”

Rob saw Applejack’s ears prick up and her head turn. “What’re y’all talkin’ about over there, huh?”

Rob went over to the pony and perched on the table next to her. “Apparently, Mac gave Pinkie some of your cider and whiskey. You know, the stuff you make here? And Twilight has given Spike permission to drink for the first time! … Under my supervision of course… That’s probably a mistake on her part, but, still!”

Applejack looked at Rob with a face of confusion. “You’re serious? Fussbudget Twilight is lettin’ Spike drink?” She turned to Dash. “Are you hearing this?”

Dash drew her attention to Applejack and tuned herself into the conversation. “Wha?”

Applejack sighed. “Never mind…”

Rob leant over a bowl to reach some food on the other side of the table, and took a bite. Flavour filled his mouth. “So yeah, that’s that.”

“Well, y’all be careful, that there’s mighty strong drink.”

“Don’t you worry Applejack, I am well acquainted with such a drink, and by the end of the night, Spike will be too!” He stopped at the look she gave him. “Err… I’ll be sensible. You know me!” The look she gave him after that last remark was even worse. “Trust me.”

“Well, that final look was the worst of them all. I’ll be taking my leave now.”

Rob hopped off of the table and headed towards the door, passing the girls and Mac again on the way. He heard the music change and noticed Fluttershy and Rarity dancing in some unique pony manner. It was strange; some sort of shuffle, whilst raising a hoof occasionally. The human knew he was no expert at dancing himself, and so, thought no further on the matter.

Pressing the barn door open, Rob strolled round to where he’d seen Pinkie earlier. When he found her, she was huffing and panting a fair bit, something which confused him, until he saw the mountain of barrels she’d dragged out of the cellar.

“Ugh, Pinkie… we’re not going to need all the barrels… We probably won’t even need the one.”

She turned to look at him and suddenly, and all past exhaustion was gone. “Well, better to have too much than not enough, and this way, we will surely have too much! So, everyone can have some, and we’ll still have more after that!”

Rob deadpanned her. “And I thought I was the irresponsible one when it came to alcohol…”

“Silly, it’s not irresponsible, it’s being ‘cautious’! If we didn’t have enough – that would be irresponsible… But this way – we do!”

Sighing, Rob leant against the side of the barn, “That is some seriously screwed up logic there, girl.”

Pinkie only smiled in response and dragged the last barrel out of the cellar with a grunt, somehow managing to slam it down in a neatly stacked pile atop the others. Due to a combined effort, the two managed to roll the first barrel inside the barn and hook it up to a conveniently located tap, just inside the door on the right. Rob questioned the taps presence, but Pinkie only replied with the word ‘emergencies’ when he asked. He left it at that.

The ponies in the barn all stopped to look at the tired duo whilst they worked, wondering what was going on. It was rare to see such a keg at one of Pinkie’s parties, and for a few of them; cider season was the last time any of them had even had any booze – that was about two months before.

The first to inspect the new addition to the barn was Mac, accompanied by Lily just behind. The gentle giant had decided to check upon the fixtures and the connections, much to Rob’s happiness – seeing as he thought he and Pinkie weren’t exactly qualified. Giving one sound “eeyup”, the stallion signalled his approval and let the party commence.

Pony after pony, Fluttershy included, came up to the barrel to drink. It surprised Rob just how much Ponyville seemed to have a thirst for the new beverage. Soon enough, the first barrel was dry, and a second had to be rolled in. Rob was amazed now, at how much ponies could put away.

After his first flagon, Rob had decided that the cider was nice. It was different to home, but nice anyway. Instead of being a refreshing alcohol which tasted… well, bitter. It was more of a sweet drink, and no matter how much you had, you kept on returning for more. It was a vicious cycle, one where you got drunk no matter how much you tried. He was sure that productivity in Ponyville must have been at an all-time-low during cider season.

After mingling for a few hours and attempting to dance, Rob went up for his third drink. All was going well until he spied a sight that he really wished he hadn’t. From the ever dark fields emerged two figures, slowly moving towards the light. He took a double take before running over to Pinkie, who was nearby, dancing erratically and rather sloppily.

Laughing nervously, he shook the pink mare until her eyes focussed on him hazily, “Pinkie, please tell me that you did not invite them!” He pointed to the door as the two figures entered.

“You promised me that you’d only invite people I knew and liked!” He frantically shook her, “They don’t count!”

She giggled at him. “Why not? You’ve met them, and they liked you, so, I invited them!”

“Yes, but they like me in the wrong way!” He let go of Pinkie and stood back up.

“Right. Where does a human hide when in a room full of ponies!?”

“Oh I just wanna die right now.”

“Arc!” He heard his name called in tandem.

Rob turned around.

“H-haha…” He looked at them.

“Pink and blue…”

“Aloe, Lotus… Umm… you good?”

“Very!” Once again they spoke in tandem. “Once you left, we got an influx of customers!”

Aloe leant forward, whispering. “We really don’t have any clue why!” Rob barely heard her over the music. Besides, she was still a lot shorter than him.

Despite feeling incredibly nervous and having a large urge to flee the scene, Rob forced himself to talk to the sisters, looking out for the best opportunity to leave as soon as possible.

“Business is good, yes…? Good. Very… good.”

“Are you feeling alright, Arc?” The blue one spoke to him, calling over the sound of what appeared to be the pony version of the ‘macarena’.

Shifting around, he tried to avert his gaze elsewhere. “Yeah. I’m good. Too much food. Well, good to hear from you. See ya round!” And with that, he darted off through the small crowd of ponies, back to the table Applejack and Dash were at before.

Instead of the aforementioned ponies, he found Rarity, nibbling on a small apple turnover, and drinking a glass of red wine. Where she’d got it from, god only knew. She saw him approaching and called him over with a hoof, waving it in the air. He decided to park up next to her and watch the on-going show.

A beam of light blinded him as he sat down, and from looking, he could see that it originated from one of Pinkie’s scarily rigged contraptions, suspended from the roof of the barn.

“Not going to dance, Rarity?” Engaging the mare, he leant back against the wall and watched the humorous act continue.

She sipped at her wine, and chuckled. “I enjoy a good dance as much as anypony, but no, this time I’ll give it a pass. This isn’t really my style. You can understand that, surely?”

Rob nodded in understanding and sighed.

Rarity nudged him and smiled gently; a motherly façade shining through. “Are there problems between you and the sisters?” He gave her a worried look back. “It’s just that… you seemed really awkward just then. Is… something bothering you?”

“No…” He faced her. “Nothing’s wrong.” He paused and sighed. “Well, I don’t know what’s wrong actually. I’m just being a little girl about things.”

From the side, Rob noticed a third barrel being placed in the corner, ready to be loaded. He also noticed a rather faded Pinkie Pie, sloppily careering around the centre of the barn. The sight amused him, and he smiled inwardly, pushing all the problems to the forefront of his mind.

“What do you mean, dear?”

“As in, I’m certain that the things I’m worrying about, don’t need to be worried about. And yet, they keep on sticking in my mind.”

Rarity cocked her head. “Is this about the spa?”

Rob blinked. “Whaa?” She continued to look at him. He gave up and sighed. “Yeah…”

“One can only speculate what went on in that room, but from the way you left, all bow legged and in a hurry, I can only assume things were in some way awkward, would I be correct?”

“Yeah…”

“And… do you care to tell me what went on in said room, or am I going to have to go with my gut intuition on this one too?”

“Tch… I’d say you already know…”

“Well dear, we all have needs. Besides, I’ve known Aloe and Lotus a long time, and I can’t see them doing anything too bad to you.” She paused before leaning closer, “Did they!?”

“What!?” He looked stunned. “No! No way! Nothing bad, no!”

He sighed and looked out of one of the high windows in the barn.

“Well, that’s a good thing.” Rob felt a hoof pat him on the shoulder as Rarity spoke once more. “As long as you come to terms with these things, they’ll sort themselves out in the end.” They continued watching the dancers. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me details… as much as I’d love to know… But, you can talk to me any time, ok, Arc?” She smiled as she finished her speech. It was reassuring.

“Yeah, thanks Rarity.”

He reached over and placed a hand on her head. She followed his movement with her eyes until she was looking directly up, she then met his gaze once more as he proceeded to stroke her head, behind the ears. It took some getting used to, but after realising it was a gesture of kindness, she smiled and let it continue. Before too long though, she got up and went over to the centre of the barn where everyone was dancing, deciding to finally join in now that she’d finished her wine.

Another half an hour or so went by, and Rob was feeling the effects of the alcohol. He went to see Rose, who was sitting by herself in the corner of the room, looking drearily out of the window over the darkened orchards. She was eating a cupcake and holding a tankard in one hoof loosely; some of the liquid had spilt over the floor.

“Hey Rose!” Rob raised his arms up.

Startled, the mare blinked and turned her head to face the calling human. “Arc? Sorry, err… how are you enjoying the party?”

“Me? Just fine. Everything is… fine. Smooth and dandy, like a breeze on a summers day.”

“Right…”

“But, you?!” He moved closer to her and put his arm around her shoulders. “You seem like you’re not enjoying yourself. Tell me, why is that?”

She shook her head and blinked a few times. “No, I’m not, not enjoying myself! I’m just a bit tired from all the dancing… and maybe from the drinking!” She chuckled, “I’m not as young as I used to be, you know!”

Rob pulled her in close, “Awww, you’re just fine, Rose. You look very young, as I said before, I can’t tell your age apart from Twilight’s!”

Giggling, she slipped out from under his arm and stood up, back to all fours. “You’re just saying that~” Rob watched as she walked away, before turning; “Care for a dance?”

And so he danced. Badly, albeit, but he did.

The longer the dance went on, the more Rob found out that ponies and humans really aren’t compatible to dance. On the one hand, you had Rose, who seemed fairly good, and was on all fours, and on the other hand, towering way, way above the first; was Rob, a pretty bad dancer on two blundering feet. These two things did not match well.

On the bright side, any bad dancing he did, he could blame on being a cultural difference. If he told them it was good dancing, who were they to question it? And after a few laughs from the various other ponies, Rob did just that. Making a fool of himself was what he was good at. Why break a tradition?

Another hour passed in the barn, as many ponies requested a dance with the human. They found him unique, and as far as he could tell, his ‘bad dancing’ guise was paying off. More drinks were consumed, more food was eaten and more balances, lost. As Rose departed to go and drag Daisy away from Big Mac, another stepped into her place.

Twilight was the first to share the dance floor with him after Rose, and she seemed as inexperienced as him. They both shared a laugh at each other whilst flailing around aimlessly, much to the amusement of the other ponies. Twilight was not a good dancer, even by pony standards. Rob honestly had no idea if this made him look better or not, and due to three flagons of cider; he didn’t really care, either. The song ended, and Twilight went to go and aid Pinkie in reattaching the next barrel.

Strangely, Fluttershy offered herself next, and clambered into the middle of the barn to share some time with the human. What surprised everyone though, was how instead of dancing pony style, she pushed herself onto her hind legs, wobbling due to the alcohol, and gripped the humans hands in some sort of strange raised stance. The song changed to something slower, and the two paced around the barn in a silent embrace, Rob making sure not to let the clumsy Fluttershy fall over - a task made even more difficult seeing as he had to also dodge her hooves as they traipsed over the floor in an unstable, mismatched way.

He found the normal Fluttershy adorable, but this new clumsy edition was taking the cake, and upon the forth collapse, he had to pick her up and cradle her, dancing with her in his arms. He wasn’t sure what normal Fluttershy would have done, but the new lethargic one he had, didn’t seem to mind, and so, he continued on with his swaying whilst she stretched and relaxed, pressing against him as if trying to find a comfy position to sleep. Soon enough though, she had to be let go – much to both participant’s annoyance – and the party continued.

The music picked back up and a few more ponies later, the human was tired. Well, that’d be an understatement, he was exhausted. And so, he made his way back to the food table to watch the ponies go about their partying business. He smiled, thinking about his last dance; the other ponies had thought it funny to make him dance with Big Mac, and the two lumbering idiots were the cause of many a laugh from the gathered circle of ponies watching the spectacle. Rob smiled.

Despite being quiet, Mac seemed to fit in great with all of the other ponies, and this only reinforced Rob’s silent admiration of the guy. He also knew how to have fun, not that anyone would guess it from how little he spoke.

“There is no denying that this is more fun than I thought it would be.”

He giggled to himself as Lily tripped over and landed face first into one of the many beams supporting the barn. It looked painful, but she recovered well, and glanced around, hoping no one was looking.

“Well, ponies and alcohol sure are an amusing combination!”

“You should have seen Luna last Hearths Warming Eve…”

“Sounds like a true sight to behold.”

“It does not bear thinking about…”

Rob’s daydreaming was put to an end when the cupcake he was about to place in his mouth was knocked out of his hand by a very dreary-eyed Pinkie Pie, looming over him whilst standing upon the table. She appeared fairly inebriated, and Rob thought back to the last pony that looked at him that way.

“…fez…”

He looked up at her suspiciously and cautiously, concerned for what she might do.

“And whadda you think you’re doing!?” She shouted at him.

He failed to find any words to express his amazement at the situation.

“I… Ugh… What?” Was all he managed.

“You didn’t offer to dance with me! With Pinkie Pie! With me, the number one party animal in this whole place!” Her face was ominous. He couldn’t tell if her face was actually red with rage, or whether the darkness in the corner of the barn simply made it that way.

Rob backed up a little bit and found himself leaning as far back as he could, back up against the same wall from earlier. “To be fair, you were… umm… doing something else?” He blinked. “Party animal? Sure got that right… I feel like a cornered gazelle in the middle of the Serengeti desert, being stalked by a pack of lions...”

“Damn Discovery Channel. That scenario never ends well!”

“Well, I don’t want to be left out you know? And you just haven’t seen me that much since… well, ever! And I want to make up for lost time! So…” She zoned out, appearing to stare straight through him.

“Pinkie,” Rob leant forward and shook the mare, placing his frosting covered hands on her shoulders. “Are you ok? You look pretty… umm… wasted. Yup, ‘wasted’ is definitely the correct word.”

A spontaneous laughter outburst erupted from Pinkie, as she fell forwards onto Rob’s lap. “I’m just messing with you, silly!” She rolled onto her back and looked up at him. “I feel great! Fuzzy and wonderful in fact! Fuzzy-fun-tastic!” She laughed again. “I can’t remember the last time I felt like this! Was it when I visited Zecora that time and ate that plant thingy…? Or when they painted the town hall again and I was stuck inside the whole time…? Maybe it was-”

“I’m not so sure… something tells me that Pinkie is ‘very’ not ok.”

She leant in close, her demeanour changing to match that of the darkness of the barn. “But seriously, you need to spend more time with me.” Her eyes pierced his and their aqua blue serenity was all but gone, replaced with some sort of malice instead.

“Just shat myself for a second there…”

Returning to her old position, back in his lap, her eyes widened and she started giggling once more. “You should see the look on your face!” He peered down at her with an unamused expression. “There’s no need to be scared of me!” Her eyes had gone back to their usual cheerful blue.

“Yeah, I’m the funny one here…” He shot her a blank stare.

“Right. Pinkie plus alcohol equals some sort of drink-induced bi-polar disorder. Add it to the ever growing list of fucked up things I have found in Equestria.”

“Well, Pinkie,” He started, “Don’t you have other people and ponies to pester?”

She shot him a shocked look and then smiled again, “I am not pestering, I’m being friendly! Very friendly!”

“Too friendly.”

Her grin widened.

“Whelp, time for a change of scenery!”

A small yelp emerged as the human picked up Pinkie Pie and held her aloft by her forelegs. He stood up and walked over to Twilight who was in the corner talking to Rarity. The two noticed him approaching and had quizzical looks on their faces.

Shouting over the music, he made his way over to the couple with the dangling Pinkie Pie in his hands. “Sorry girls, but might I trouble you to hold onto this while I’m gone for a moment?” He draped Pinkie Pie over Twilight’s back, much to the unicorn’s irritance. She shot him an ugly look.

“Why are we looking after her?” Twilight asked. “More to the point, why does anyone need to look after her!?”

Leaving in a hurry, Rob called back to her over his shoulder, “Give it time, you’ll see!” He only heard a grunt in response.

“Ok. More drink.”

Deciding it was time for some fresh air, Arc left the barn, not before grabbing another refill of cider though. The cool night air made a change to the warmth of the barn, and a chilling breeze swept past him, clearing his head, and making him feel more awake.

He looked over to the side of the building and found a small indent in the wall. He walked over to it and sat down, leaning back into the crevice, a little more out of the wind than before.

“Peace…”

Looking over the darkened orchards, it took time for his eyes to adjust. Soon enough though, the trees were visible to an extent, and the tranquillity of the outdoors seeped into him. Everything felt far away and distant. The calm of the night was truly beautiful.

He could hear the laughter, music, and chatter from inside the barn still, and that made him smile. It was nice to know that people were enjoying themselves. He thought about how quickly he’d become attracted to these ponies, and how fast they had all bonded. He kicked himself for ever not wanting to spend the night with them.

“Well, she stuck true to her words… This is a fun night.”

He took a swig of his cider and let out a deep breath, watching it condense in front of his face. He could see the stars now, thanks to Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres giving off little to no light pollution, and it was truly a magnificent sight. Thoughts of people back home who would admire such a view ran through his head.

He leant back and closed his eyes.

“Footsteps?”

“Pinkie, I told you, stay put, I’ll play with you later…” The orchards echoed his voice a little.

“Sweet Celestia that girl is crazy…”

“Pinkie?”

“No.”

“Did he say Pinkie?”

“No, no, no…”

“Well, you’re more pink than me~”

“NO, NO, NO, NO!”

“You talk to him, Aloe~”

“Just stay still, and they won’t know you’re here…”

The hoofsteps got closer.

“Is he asleep?” One sister asked to the other.

“He only just came out here, he can’t be.” A reply was sent back.

“He won’t mind if we snuggle, then~?”

Opening his eyes, he pointed at the duo, “Hell yes, I’ll mind!” He leant forward and stood up.

Aloe turned to her sister, “Looks like he was awake.”

Her sister shrugged. “So Arc… what’s got you so flustered~? You wouldn’t happen to be avoiding us, would you…?”

The twins watched as their human prey shuffled along the edge of the barn, attempting to escape.

“Err… nothing? You just caught me off guard!”

“Then why are you still backing away?” Lotus questioned.

“Because… I ugh… I don’t really know.” He thought for a moment, “Because, something doesn’t feel right about this whole situation!”

Aloe licked her lips, “You know that my sister never got to go the whole way during our ‘special’ treatment, right~?” The two inched closer, “How do you feel about fixing that problem, hmm~?”

Aside from running into the nearby fields, Rob had no better idea than to keep on stammering and backing up from the two approaching mares. After his chat with Rarity earlier, he thought some things had been cleared up, or at least, put more into perspective, and yet, here he was, fumbling around in the dark, trying to escape a pair of sex crazed ponies. Aside from somehow ducking back into the barn and hiding behind Rarity, he could think of no other ways to avoid the situation.

“I must kill everyone. No one must know!”

He shook his head. “I feel very against fixing that problem, and… you two are drunk and so am I, and… yeah. That’s all I got!”

The two laughed, “Being drunk just makes it all the more fun~ It’s rare that we get to live like this~”

“Maybe for you two, but I could barely pop a stiffy right now-! And sweet mother of… Look, I don’t wanna talk to you two about this!” He had his arms raised for exaggeration, and he was sloshing cider over the floor.

“Playing hard to get, eh? Well, Aloe, I always did like a challenge~”

Rob was backtracking even farther, and had almost come upon the path leading up to the barn; the one he, Twilight, and Spike had walked up when they first arrived.

“Can we not just talk about this?!”

“We could, but… the more I can’t have something, the more I want it~ You know how it is…”

“Well, Aloe, as much as I completely understand that, all I want right now is more booze and… … … yup! More booze! And surprisingly, male companions… God I miss drunk talk with the guys…” Rob found himself up against the picket fence that was surrounding the building. “Heh, so, maybe another time?”

By now, the two were only feet away from Rob, and still coming ever closer, albeit, slowly; as if taunting him.

“But we want things now. No one will know if we disappear for a little while!” Lotus pushed on further. Her sister nodded in agreement.

“I’m fairly certain that everyone will notice the giant human missing…”

Aloe pouted, as Rob leaned back on the fence, making it creak from his weight. “Why are you so against this!?”

“I dunno! Nervousness! Trepidation! Fear! All of those reasons!”

“You’re… scared?”

“Err… Kinda.” He sighed, and wiped his forehead with a spare hand. “Let’s be honest here, you two are kinda intimidating…”

They looked at each other. “We are?” they spoke in unison.

“Kinda… That was all new for me, and then you go and push it again, here, tonight!? It just fucks with me…”

The two looked at each other with sadness in their eyes. “We’re sorry…”

“Just like that?”

“Well, we know that we can be pushy… and we do want it to be something for all of us to enjoy…” Aloe stepped forward.

Lotus also began to advance. “And you know, we’d prefer to stay friends with you… if possible.” She looked over to him and smiled, her giant orbs reflecting the slow glow of the candlelight flooding out of the cracks from the barn. “I dunno if we can make this right…” She laughed. “I mean, we’re pretty confused about the whole ‘refusal’ thing now though…” Her sister nodded.

“Well, when it first happened I was sort of swept up with it all, and now, I dunno… I’ve had time to think about it all, and I dunno if I can go through with it again… Sorry, girls.” He looked down at them.

They giggled and came close enough to nuzzle him. “We don’t mind. We were kind of pushy! And if you do ever want to have a roll in the hay with anypony, remember to come to us first!” Lotus patted his leg with a hoof, before looking shocked. “I-it was good, yes?”

Rob took another few gulps of cider and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He crouched down to their level and smiled. “Heh, sure was!”

He saw the sisters smile, and felt happy inside, finally having sorted a few things out – or put them on hold temporarily. Feeling it the right thing to do, he pulled them in for a friendly hug.

And you know what else,” He started. “You can bet ya flank that I’ll be coming back for more massages… That feeling was truly awesome; and as feminine as it is, I’d be, err, honoured if you’d do it again.”

The two began laughing again, joined this time by Rob, who had finally calmed down.

“Wow, it’s amazing what this much drink can do to a guy…”

“And still many more to go! Onwards!”

Lotus looked at Aloe and nodded, before turning back to the human, “We’d love to, Arc!” He only smiled in return.

They chatted for a bit longer, and finally the two headed back inside to get more drink and party with the others. It was just after this that Rob heard more hoofsteps coming from the path behind him. Turning, he saw one more silhouette steadily walking towards the barn.

“Those two don’t have some secret and widely unmentioned third sister, do they?”

“Who the hell is that?”

Deciding to just wait and see, Rob perched back down on the fence. After all, he didn’t want to ruin yet another surprise; heaven forbid that happened again.

By the time he’d finished his cider, the pale form of Nurse Redheart had appeared in front of him, looking fairly chilly from the cold wind. He waved at her as she approached.

“Evening Ma’am! Finished your shift?”

She smiled and did a small trot to meet him. “Good evening, Arc, yes I have. I trust you’re doing ok?”

He raised his arm up. “Check it out! Some spiffy princess magic and everything is good as new!” He turned and showed her his back too. “See, no gash!”

“Did you say ‘princess’?” She looked surprised. “As in, The Princess?”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yup, and no offence to you guys and your sciency medicine shit, but, bitch got skills. She made me perfect!” He thought for a moment. “Well, not perfect… but back to how I was.”

“A-and there were no adverse effects!?”

Rob shrugged. “Well, I did get impaled by a giant horn… but that’s all water under the bridge. The main thing is, I don’t have a black eye anymore!”

Redheart looked even more shocked. “A-a black eye!?” She walked up and prodded him with a hoof in some sort of weird examination type way. “What the hay have you been doing since last… Wednesday!? It hasn’t even been a week!”

Rob looked up at the stars, “Well then, let’s see… visited Canterlot, had a bar fight, set somepony on fire, got a job, had a threesome, and came to my very own, super special - I’m told, Pinkie Pie party.” He paused, “Yup. That’s everything.”

Redheart looked stunned. “A-a-a t-threesome!? And you set somepony on fire!?”

“Ugh, shit, did I say that? Yeah forget that first part. And no, not exactly, I sorta just set his hat on fire. No harm done.”

Redheart just stumbled around for words and stuttered nothing coherent in response.

“And I ugh, I really wanna thank you for helping me and Dash out the other day… I really appreciate it. So; thank you.” Rob walked over to her and threw his hoodie over her back. “So then, whadda ya say we head inside, and you can tell me all about your life instead!? Sound good, Nurse Klutz?”

She nodded, and kicked him lightly on the ankle as the two proceeded to head back into the warmth of the barn, where a fairly astonishing sight awaited.

“Go on Lily! You can beat him!”

“No fucking way!”

“Just a little more!”

“I’ve seen some things, but this blows my mind!”

“DONE!” The barn erupted with cheers.

Redheart and Rob stood in the entrance way, observing what can only be described as a pony drinking contest. Rob looked back and forth between it, and Redheart, and found a smile on her face. It looked like it was only him who was surprised by the whole ordeal.

“Is this what I think it is, Redheart?”

“Hmm, what do you think it is, Arc?” She grinned and looked up at him.

“A super-awesome-special-ultra-fuzzy-multi-pastel-coloured-pony-drinking-contest?”

She laughed and nodded, “I suppose it is!”

“We must join in – now!”

She nodded again and deposited Rob’s hoodie on a nearby hay bale, before walking over to the large circle of ponies in the centre of the barn, where Big Mac had just defeated Lily.

The music had changed once again, this time to something a little more energetic. It was not unlike some of the electronica from back on Earth, and everypony seemed so be humming, or tapping a foot to the beat. Rob seated himself in between Rose and Rarity, on the far side of the circle, whilst Redheart found a place between Applejack and Fluttershy.

Rarity felt a nudge on her side and turned to Rob, still laughing from the previous game. “Yes, dear?”

Rob thought of the appropriate way to phrase his question, however, nothing good came to mind. He simply voiced his thoughts. “Since when did ponies do this kind of thing?”

Rarity looked shocked. “Since, well, ever. What made you think we didn’t?”

“Dunno… it doesn’t fit the profile…”

“Never judge a book by its cover, Rob.”

“Ok, who’s next!?” Lotus called over the crowd noise. “Come on, I’ll challenge somepony!”

Rob looked down at his empty cup. “How about ‘somehuman’ instead!?” He stood up and walked over to her. “I’ll take you on, Lotus my dear.” She grinned, something which she returned, passing him a new flagon.

“Where do they keep on getting cups from?”

Sitting down, the human faced Lotus. She winked at him, something which he shrugged off. He was going to win this. One human does not show up proclaiming to want all the booze that Ponyville can offer, only to be beaten to the floor in a drinking contest by some pink and blue, sexual deviant spa pony. A man’s pride was on the line. He at least, under the influence of the alcohol, thought of it that way.

“You ready, girl?” The crowd watched as the two looked at each other.

“You bet!” Was the only reply given in return.

And so, to the rhythmic chanting of the circle, the two began; started off by a quick countdown from Applejack off to the side.

They came and they went. First up was Lotus, and next was her sister; Aloe. Hours passed and more drink was consumed. Music changed from one thing to the next, and soon, the hard drink was brought out. Redheart was the first to try some, claiming that ‘she needed to catch up’ after arriving late, and this only led to more hilarity.

After numerous rounds of the drinking challenge, it was firmly established that Mac was the top-gun in Ponyville where booze was concerned, and surprisingly, even Rose and Lily could hold their own when it came to facing off against the human. All in all, there was now a large number of highly wobbly ponies littering the barn, and amidst them; one human too. There were many separate games going on around the barn, from Pinkie hosting her ‘pin the tail on the pony’ tournament to a game of charades up in the hay loft, organised by a slightly inebriated Twilight.

“The room is… spinning!”

Rob though, found himself in a game of truth or dare, drastically hoping someone would dare him to eat some bacon. For some reason, he had a craving. He looked over to Twilight and did a double take.

“Charades… without… fingers?”

“Well, one more thing not to question. Not now anyway. Oww… not good, almost fell over there…”

“So… Rarity, truth or dare?” Rose asked, a little wall eyed, as if she couldn’t focus.

Pondering the question and taking a sip of her wine, she smiled, “Truth.”

“Ok then… let me see, no, no, no… I can’t ask that!” The red maned pony giggled to herself before hiccoughing. “I- I think I have it!” She rolled backwards onto her haunches. “What’s the sauciest thing you’ve made for somepony?” The flower girl giggled again and sat back on all fours.

Rarity looked taken aback, but then coughed, cleared her throat, and smiled. “Well, Rose, as much as I can’t tell you who I made it for, I can tell you what I made. And I’d like to keep this all professional, it’d be wrong to laugh at a mare’s work over childish frivolities.” She thought for a moment. “I’d have to say… Hmm… I did once design a fairly risqué Daring Do costume for somepony. Does that count?”

“Daring Do?”

The group nodded in contentedness, but Rose rolled forward again, “Have you ever made anything for yourself!? Who saw you in it!?”

Rarity smirked, “That would be telling, dear.” She sipped at her wine. “But I do believe it is my turn to ask.” She pondered a moment, “I know!” She turned and faced the timid pegasus to her left. “Fluttershy, back during the wedding, did you actually kiss Rainbow Dash?”

Everyone’s faces turned to the shy mare, all intent on knowing the answer to such a surprising question. Not even the triumphant cheer from the ‘pin-the-tail’ squad took their attention away from the statement. “You two kissed!?” Rob blurted out.

“W-well, no… umm, yes? … … …maybe.” A small embarrassed blush crept over the mares face. “You see, nothing happened, but maybe our noses touched a little bit… But, not on purpose! I-I was just… h-how did you know about that?” Whether due to the drink or the question, Fluttershy’s face was redder than ever, and she started to teeter on the spot.

Rarity shook her head, relocating a few stray locks of her mane. “I have eyes, dear, I saw from the side.”

Fluttershy only gave a small squeal in response. After drinking a little more, in her own timid way, she posed her question to the nurse pony. “Umm, Miss Redheart, do you take care of any other animals ever? Or do you only look after ponies?”

The group laughed at how tame Fluttershy’s question was in comparison to the others, and Redheart told her that she had occasionally helped out other creatures, but her job mainly consisted of caring for ponies. She could deal with generic injuries, but she specialised in ponies, and not creatures of any other decent. Rob found himself amazed, if bleary eyed, at how well Redheart took the question. He was fully expecting her to lose the plot, considering her current state.

The night drew on, and the game continued.

“Rarity, how come you haven’t mastered French haute couture stitching?”

“French whatnow?”

“What!? Fluttershy, you dare imply-!? I... I can do it if I like, it’s simply not my forte, that’s all! Why, I’ll make you a new dress tomorrow if that’s what it takes!”

“N-no, no… I was just asking…”

“Hey, Rose, you been ‘deflowered’ yet?”

*slap*

“And I thought that was a great pun…”

“I dare you to… make Fluttershy laugh by any means possible!”

“W-what!?”

“Oh, don’t worry Fluttershy, it’ll all be over soon. Rarity, nice one, I got this covered… Redheart, hold down her wings…”

“Following on from earlier, Miss Redheart, have you ever spiced a romance up with your nurse uniform? I noticed it had some ‘most likely against regulations’ modifications on it…”

“I ugh… tch… m-maybe once or… six times! But that doesn’t mean I’m proud of myself! Luna help me, Rarity…”

“I always did like nurses… Well, it’s that time again! Drink o’clock! More drink… now.”

“Say, Rose, ever shown anyone your ‘plot’, or… given them a tour of the ‘garden’? Let them smell the flowe-”

*slap*

“Ok, I deserved that one…”

“You know what? Rarity, I want you to ride Rose around the barn and gate crash the hell out of that weird… hay structure… thing! Onwards!”

“You… fine. Fine! Rose, let’s do this!”

“W-we are? I can barely walk…”

“Move, move, move!”

“Hell yeah, giddy-up cowgirl!”

“Oh! I did read somewhere that you used tail extensions, Fluttershy, *hic*, is that true!?”

“Oh, umm… no… well, only once; for the Gala that is…”

“I… Gala? I don’t really care… I’ll ask in the morning… if I remember…”

“Nurse! It’s been four hours now! What do I do!?”

“Arc, I… I really don’t know…”

“Rarity… you’d never steal my flowers for your dresses… right?”

“Rose, hun, what in the world are you asking me!? No, no I would not steal your flowers for my dresses! That’s a long way to go for some flowers…”

“Kiss!”

“K-kiss!? Who? WHY!?”

“Him!”

“Me!?”

“Him!”

“Why!?”

“I said so!”

“Fine… but only on the cheek!”

“Come to daddy…”

“I ugh… I… I… I forgot…”

Rob sat up from his slouched position. “Fuck… is that… oh sweet!” He wiped his eyes, for fear of only hallucinating what was present in his vision. “I can’t believe I blacked out there for a bit… But that! That…”

“Must. Get. To. Giant. Hay. Fort…”

Looking up, the barn was a mess. There was hay everywhere. At some point during the game of truth or dare, Rob was vaguely aware of some construct being built in the centre of the barn, reaching up to the hay loft where the game of charades had long since ended. He also recalled Rose and Rarity getting lost in it at some point…

“That is fucking cool…”

Standing at least a good four ponies tall, was a huge tower made out of many bales of hay. Somehow, looking inside, they had managed to even make a second floor, complete with a spiral staircase. The roof was pointed, and protruding from it, was a singular stack of hay, presumably meant to be a chimney.

Rob found Rainbow up above, adding what appeared to be a lookout post in the hay loft, just above the hay fort. She seemed to be creating a ‘pegasi’ wing, somewhere for them to stay within the fort.

“What the…”

“Hey, guys? Is hay not food for you? I mean, this is the human equivalent of building a house of cake, and as badass as that is… Is it not…? Umm… I don’t really know where I was going with that point…” He pushed himself up and shook off some of the hay stuck to his body. “Do continue!”

The next thing the ponies knew, or in some cases, saw; was one human lay siege to all of their hard earned work. Many heads were spinning, and this made deflecting or returning the projectiles even more hard work. One thing Rob somehow managed to notice was how the unicorns in the room appeared to have lost a great deal of magical control. He found this out fairly startlingly, when a miss-grabbed pitchfork was thrown past his head, sticking into boarded wall behind him with a sound thud.

One awkward silence later, and after one sheepish grin from Twilight, the assault was back on. Human versus ponies to start with, that was, until a small tribe of earth ponies decided to betray their pony brethren and defect to the human side, aiding him in his siege.

The main weapons of choice varied from pony to pony. The pegasus ponies thought that a swift - and highly clumsy – arial assault would work best, whereas the unicorns favoured small hay projectiles. The earth ponies and the human shared something in common though, a simple passion for brute strength and destruction, something that was if anything, helped by the copious amounts of booze in their systems.

Time went on, and after what shall always be known as ‘The Battle for Fort Dry-Grass’, the barn was in a sorry state. There was hay everywhere, and barrels rolling around amidst a minefield of fallen ponies. The place stank of booze and the only coherent ponies left were stumbling around, and checking on their lost comrades. It had been a swift and brutal victory for the human rebellion once they had occupied the ground floor.

The time read one-thirty in the morning, and Rob was vaguely aware of Big Mac coming towards him, a smile plastered on his face. Spike was riding on his back, and the closer they got, the more Rob realised what they were coming for. He owed them a promise, and it looked like the time had come to claim it.

The human looked down at his hand as it brushed past something solid. Realising he was back on the ground, he looked down to see a half drunk bottle of Applejack Daniels. He grasped the neck and looked up, feeling the world spin around him as top and bottom reversed themselves.

“So, you really wanna do this?” He slurred.

All he got in response was two nods. And that was all he needed. He grinned.

“Guys: Let’s do this!”

“…”

“And I’ll try not to throw up…”

Big Mac laughed.

“That’s always a bonus.”

13. The Poison Of Life

Chapter 13: The Poison of Life.

Ponyville (Presumably), Somewhere:

It was like having an ice pick swung into your skull. That was how Rob would have described the pain in his head at that precise moment. No more, no less.

He felt what he presumed to be ‘floor’. It was cold at any rate – and scratchy. There were tears encrusted in his eyes, and he wiped them away with a shaky hand, trying to curl up into a ball in order to escape the world for a little bit longer.

“I… I don’t feel too good…”

He shuffled his legs a little bit and heard them scrape across the rough surface, catching on grooves occasionally, and tugging.

“This is definitely not Twilight’s library… No it is not…”

Trying to open his eyes was painful. They rejected any ounce of light that tried to pry on through, and redirected that bright stab straight to his brain, which in turn, seemed to cause an untold number of spasms to ricochet through his body.

“Oh, that’s not good…”

His cheek was pressed to the floor and he noticed a small puddle of dribble leaving his mouth. The protests from his stomach renewed themselves, as they had been periodically over the past hour, and he rolled over to lie on his back; hoping that would make a difference.

The roll came with other things though, and soon, he found himself face to face with Big Mac, who was still sleeping contently, sprawled out just like Rob was, a similar trail of drool leaking from him mouth.

“Beautiful…”

“Hey… Mac… You alright?”

One eye scarily opened in front of Rob’s face, and looked around. “Ugh…”

“Well, at least you’re alive… Dunno how I would explain that to Applejack…”

He smiled, or, tried to. It looked more like a grimace. “Thank ya for the vote ‘a confidence…”

Rob returned the grin. “Any time, dude.” He sighed and closed his eyes again. “So, how do we-”

“Ah’m tellin’ y’all, Ah ain’t never seen nothin’ like this thing before. Ah think it’s what Applejack was talkin’ about the other day… It sure is funny lookin’.”

“Why do I hear a mini Applejack?”

“And… isn’t that your brother? He doesn’t look quite right…?”

“And another young voice…”

“I-is he ok?”

“Well, that one just sounds cute.”

Rob looked to his friend. “Mac, do you know who that is?”

“Ah, it speaks!” The tomboyish voice shouted, as Rob felt a hard kick connect with his head.

Apparently rolling and grunting in pain is no way to settle a curious group of fillies down, and as a result, Rob received a few more clouts to the head before they finally stopped.

“W-what the frick was that!?” He managed to push himself to his feet a little bit, whilst Mac just laughed to the side. “If I wasn’t gonna puke before, I sure as hell am now...”

“Eww… that’s icky…” One of the trio spoke.

Rob rubbed his head and looked down at the small orange bundle of feathers at his feet. “And who might you be little one?” His blurry eyes didn’t allow him to see the filly properly, and the still encroaching headache did not help either. “Are you some sort of pygmy pony?”

“Pygmy whatnow?” The southern one questioned.

Feeling the drink overcome him, the human sat down on the floor again and leant back against Mac, much to the stallion’s displeasure. The churning in the human’s stomach had quickened, and the poison sought an escape. Swallowing, Rob took a few deep breaths and gave his eyes one final wipe, allowing them to properly accustom to the light. He heard the young ones still talking amongst themselves, but he didn’t know about, or care about what they were discussing exactly.

“Right… let’s get a proper look at you three…”

A groan escaped from Mac, as the human slumped a little more against him to get comfortable.

It must have been quite the sight for anyone walking past the scene, to witness. The three fillies watched the human open its eyes and look at them, a face of confusion present upon its features. Rob however, was in truth, fairly stunned. The three in front of him weren’t just small and overly squeaky ponies, they were something entirely different, something which he didn’t expect to see at all; children. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him so far that there even were children in Equestria.

“Three… little… ponies?” If he weren’t feeling so ill, he’d have smiled.

Standing in the shadow of the building they were currently situated in, were three small figures, all with big round eyes and quizzical expressions. They seemed to be leaking a sickly mixture of innocence and adorableness. The one to the far left was a white colour, and had a two-tone mane, filled with the colours of pink and purple. She was a unicorn and had a blank flank where there should have been a cutie mark. Her eyes were a grassy green colour and she had a sweet smile.

The next one across was a yellow colour and from what Rob recalled, the one responsible for the southern accent. She had a red mane and sunset eyes. Similar to her friend, she had no cutie mark. Rob noticed a common element. Atop her head was a large red bow, and it added to her adorableness in quite a large way.

The third component in the trio of huggableness was a pegasus pony whose coat was a fiery orange, and completely contrasting in comparison to her purple mane and eyes. Like the others, there was a bare patch of flank where her cutie mark should have been. From the feisty expression in her eyes, Rob guessed this was the culprit of the savage kicking.

They appeared unphased by his staring and just looked over to him with intrigue, similarly to how a cat looks down upon a mouse.

“So… what are you three called?” He asked, raising a cautious eyebrow.

Pushing forwards, the purple maned one decided somehow, that she deserved to go first, and stepped up for introductions. “I’m Scootaloo! And this is-”

“Ah’m Apple Bloom!”

“And I’m Sweetie Belle!”

“And together, were the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” They all shouted in unison, before Scootaloo mumbled under her breath something about always being cut off.

Rob grimaced, looking at the three standing just in from the doorway. “Alright, just… not so loud, please…” He studied them for a moment. “So, what are you exactly? Some kind of bad superhero team?”

The one with the bow stepped forward. “What!? Naw, we’re not that at all, we’re-”

“And even if we were, we’d be a good superhero team, alright? Good!” The orange one cut in again.

“Will ya stop cuttin’ in front ’a me? Ah’m tryin’ ta be diplomatic here!”

“You did it first!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Sweetie Belle sighed, “Will you two stop arguing! You’re making us look stupid!”

“Ah’m not doin’ any such thing!”

“And she started it!” Scootaloo finished, sticking her tongue out.

Against his better judgement, Rob stamped his foot down on the ground, creating a large booming noise as a floorboard cracked under his weight. The sound shot more spikes of pain into his head, but it did quiet the girls down, and that was the main priority.

“Right,” He gazed over the three and did his best to smile. “Turns out, I don’t care anymore. I’m assuming that you,” He pointed to Apple Bloom, “Are in some way related to Applejack and this one?” He gestured to Big Mac behind him. “And you… you seem a little like Rainbow Dash, kind of a smug little bi-”

“Oop, gotta remember they’re only kids…”

“Muffin.” He finished his sentence before turning to Sweetie. “Right, you though, I have no idea about.” He shook his head. “I’m assuming, from what I know, that you three haven’t got your cutie marks yet, and that you’ve created some kind of club to… celebrate that?”

“Celebrate!?” They all called out together.

“Yeah. Something like that…”

Their faces of amazement calmed and Sweetie Belle spoke up for the group, “Do you know how embarrassing it is to not have a cutie mark!? We’re trying to find them, not celebrate not having them! We do all sorts of things hoping to find our special talents!” She paused for a moment, “Oh! And I’m Rarity’s sister!”

Rob deadpanned them. “Fair enough.” He leant back against Mac, eliciting a groan from the large pony. “And I do have to apologise for being grumpy, I feel rather fragile right now…”

Three large smiles presented themselves, and Apple Bloom walked closer. “That’s ok, we don’t mind, somepony’s always shoutin’ at us for somethin’! So, Ah’m guessin’ you’re the thing mah big sis was talkin’ about?”

“Well, I’d guess so. It does make sense all things considered…” Rob shuffled his feet.

“Well, ok… But… umm… why are you all in our clubhouse?” Scootaloo interjected.

He looked up at the wooden roof and saw cracks of light shining through.

“Well that explains that…”

Another sigh filled the small room. “Girls, I have no idea. I have no idea what I’ve done or how I ended up here, I can barely think straight as it is, let alone try to piece together the puzzle formed by whatever the hell we did last night...”

They looked confused. “What’s the matter, why can’t ya remember?”

Rob chucked a little, beginning to feel a little better from the casual chat with the three fillies. “Well, when you’re older, you’ll understand. Right now though, I need to get Mac home… somehow…” He yawned and sat up a little.

She raised an eyebrow. “So, ya can’t remember what you, mah brother, Spike and Miss Scratch were doing last night at all?”

“Miss Scratch?” There was a pause.

“Ya know,” She pointed. “Her!”

Rob turned himself over to look at the back of the clubhouse. Apple Bloom was indeed correct; there was Spike as well, alongside some mysterious white pony whom Rob had never seen before.

“I can see this day going downhill already…”

Rob turned back to Apple Bloom and the other two fillies. “So, who’s this ‘Miss Scratch’ exactly?”

“Umm… she’s one of the famous ponies in Ponyville. She’s a musician and she plays shows everywhere! Why, she even did the royal wedding a while back!”

“Ok…” Rob nudged Mac, “Oi, get up. We have a problem…”

Mac moaned. “Can’t Ah just have a bit longer, Arc, mah head is hurtin’ something special…?”

Rob smiled deviously, “Nope, not really.” He elbowed the stallion gently in the ribs. “We may have to fix a few things…”

Mac begrudgingly opened his eyes and looked around, first straight ahead, then up, and then at Arc. “What are ya talkin’ about?”

“Well Mac, when we left last night, I seem to recall it only being you, me and Spike, correct?” The red pony nodded. “And now, we wake up in your little sisters clubhouse, without any memory, and with some strange, and from what I’m told, famous pony in our midst. Does that not seem a tad off to you?”

Mac looked confused.

“And to top that all off, I am missing clothing…”

Mac looked at the human who appeared to be fine. “Ah see no problem.”

Rob rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Well, I’m not wearing any underwear so… you do the math. Either way, we need to work out what happened, and fix this shit.” He glanced back to the girls, “Err… ‘stuff’…”

“Excuse me, mister, but, I’m confused…” The human found the little white one staring at him. “And umm, can we come with you!?” It was hard to say no to something so cute.

Taken aback was one word for it, but dumbfounded was another, Rob could not see that idea being good at all. “I don’t think so, girls… By the way, what time is it?”

Scootaloo’s eyes widened, “That’s right! We have school soon! Darn… I knew that sleepover would end up like this.”

As Mac was getting up, Rob sat forward, “Did you say… ‘school’?”

The three nodded.

“Oh god. It’s Monday isn’t it?”

They nodded again.

“Well shit.” Rob got to his feet and wobbled. “Chop-chop, Mac, I have work in god knows how long, we gotta get moving!”

“Celly, do you know ANYTHING about last night? Pretty please say yes!?”

“I do. But no, I won’t tell you.”

“Have one BIG fuck you then.”

By this time, Mac was up and checking on Spike, who from the sounds of it, was also a little worse for wear. Rob tuned out the sound of some dry wretching and faced the girls. “I know you probably have lots of questions and all, and I know you’ve all been very well behaved, and I know we’ve sorta broken into ya tree house in a comatose state… somehow… but… can you three run along now? I promise you can find me and bug me about things later. That’s what kids like, right?”

“Absolutely! And maybe you can help us on our quest too!” She paused, “We’ll be back later!” Scootaloo called out, paining the male’s ears.

“Yes, yes… whatever, just… go?” He flapped them away with his hand while dusting himself off a little bit. Where they went, none of them cared to speculate.

“Well, I suppose I should wake up ‘Miss Scratch’ or something…”

“I am going to enjoy today.”

“I hate you.”

Off to the side, Spike was being helped out by Mac, who was patting his back gently, a calm and kind expression on his face as always, the only tell-tale sign of a long night being the black bags under his eyes.

Putting off meeting this new pony, especially seeing as the girls sort of described her as being some kind of Ponyville ‘elite’, Rob took in the view. It was true, this was definitely a clubhouse. There were many assorted things littering the place; badly drawn maps, glitter, and somehow, a piano too. Rob paid it no mind as he staggered lightheadedly over to the white pony on the floor near the back right window.

“Well, they did say DJ…” He noticed her cutie mark being that of a pair of beamed notes.

From the angle she was at, he could only really see her from the back, and all that told him, was that she was white in colour, with a pretty snazzy, two-tone, electric blue mane. His footsteps increased in volume as he walked around her, trying to get a good look at her face.

“Well, despite the adorable sleeping, she has a face. In fact, she has the same interchangeable face that every female pony seems to have. Is there such a thing as an ugly pony?”

Bending down, Rob placed a hand on her coat and shook her. She moaned in response.

“Well, well, well…”

“Rise and shine ‘Miss Scratch’, it’s a beautiful day!”

She batted his hand away and rolled over a little, trying to shuffle herself away from the human disturbance. “Go away… just… a little longer…”

Smiling, Rob tried again. “You know what, if you don’t wake up, I’ll do weird things to you~?”

Shuffling some more, she grunted a few times and continued to ignore him. “Fine… just do it quietly…”

“…”

Rob starred down at the strange little pony. “Well, I can’t say I was expecting that.” He thought for a moment, “Fine, well, if you don’t get up, I’ll play some well-written and awfully-brilliantly-composed, tween boy-band music! Sound good!?”

It appeared to work, seeing as her eyes shot open and she sat up straight, looking deep into his eyes. “You will do NO such thing!” She commanded, panting as if completely out of breath.

“No, you’re right,” He smiled. “I won’t. It is nice to see you up though.” He studied her, mainly focussing on her brilliant ruby eyes. “By the way, you have by far the best eyes I have seen since entering Ponyville.” She grinned back at him.

“That’s what ponies are always saying, yeah!” She looked around. “You know what, Arc, I can hardly remember last night… err… how did we end up here again?”

A collective sigh was heard as not only Rob, but also Mac and Spike, who was now awake, mourned the loss of their memories. “Miss Scratch, I was really hoping you could tell us what happened last night… What we did, how we ended up here, you know?”

A small chuckle escaped her lips before a full blown laugh came forth, “You-you’re telling me that you can’t remember anything!?” She faced the others and looked back at Rob, “None of you can?! Haha, this is a riot!” Their unamused faces did calm her a little however, and she got to her hooves before doing a little shake to get all her bones and muscles working properly. “Aaaand enough with the ‘Miss Scratch’ stuff. As I said last night, just call me Vinyl.” She failed to contain another burst of laughter.

“Well, I may not have mentioned this yet, but we can’t remember jack shit from last night!” He cringed. “And seriously… fuck noise this morning…” He faced Spike. “So, how are ya doing, little buddy?”

Despite Vinyl’s mocking, Spike did manage to get out some semblance of a reply. “I’ve felt better… Not gonna lie.”

“Well, you look chipper enough, and you Mac?”

The large stallion got back to his hooves and gave a reassuring smile, “Ah’ve been in worse ways than this before, Ah’m alright.”

Almost hitting the roof, Rob punched his fists in the air, “Good, good! Right, we can finally sort this shit out! As long as we didn’t sell a sheep to a giant, we should be ok…” He gave himself another check over, “And at least I haven’t incurred any more injuries. I seem to be doing that a lot lately… Not fun…”

The group nodded at him, whether in understanding, or just to get him to stop his inane rambling.

He sighed again and rubbed his forehead. “So, Vinyl… let’s start at the beginning…”

Sweet Apple Acres, Heathland:

After vacating the clubhouse, the sickly foursome had headed off back towards Ponyville in search for answers. Vinyl had been of some help, and told them that they met at a bar back in the town, unfortunately, after that, her memory was just as bad as the others. On the bright side, the weather was nice and fairly warm, something which soothed their sore heads even more.

“Well, Mac. I didn’t know you had this much land. I honest to god thought that you had some orchards and a meadow, and that was it.”

He shook his head. “Nope, we got all sorts ‘a places ‘round here; a couple of outbuildings, the grazing fields, the meadows and the orchards of course, alongside various other allotments. I suppose it’s a pretty big place really.”

Rob only nodded in repose, shielding his eyes from the light of the sun, one thing that was still causing him pain.

“Hey, has anyone seen my sunglasses?” Vinyl piped up from the side.

“Really? Right now, in all of this mess, you want to find your sunglasses?” He deadpanned the mare.

She stopped. “Well, yeah, I need them for my look.”

Rob kept his monotone expression. “Your ‘look’?”

She only nodded. “Yeah, my look.”

“Right, well, as much as I give no shits about that, I’m sure they’ll crop up eventually. That’s always the way with these things…” He looked around as they entered the first signs of Ponyville. “So, where’s this bar at?”

Vinyl pointed at a fairly nondescript building nestled in-between a number of houses on the outskirts. It looked as if it was falling apart, and for the life of him, Rob couldn’t ever remember seeing such a place.

“Here?”

Vinyl nodded.

“Mac, you ever seen this place before?”

He bobbed his head, “Eeyup, sure have. Miss Punch owns this place.”

“Miss Punch, eh. Sounds kinda… violent.”

“Well then, compadres, shall we enter?” He glanced over to Spike who was still looking like death itself.

Before entering, Rob had one last look towards the sun, before sighing and pushing his way through the door into the broken establishment.

Despite the misgivings of the outside, the inside was fairly nice, boasting a crimson design, ranging from the furniture to the walls. It looked like any modern bar in the end, with a large counter running along the back wall, and small lounge areas dotting the remainder of the area.

Regardless of the dusky atmosphere, it was friendly enough, and of course, at this time; empty. Dodging the odd pillar, he made his way with his entourage, to the counter.

“Hello?” He called out into the back, “Anyone here?”

“I’d really like to think so, seeing as no one locks their doors in this place…”

Rob looked around to see all the others lounging around on the furniture, seemingly with no sense of urgency. Vinyl was looking at her hooves and Spike seemed to have fallen asleep again. Rob slapped himself on the cheek.

“Guys! Come on, I dunno about you people, but I got places to be! Don’t you?”

Vinyl shook her head, “Nope, no work for me till tomorrow night.”

Mac also shook his head, “I have things to do on the farm, but I can just put them forward and get them done in the afternoon.”

Spike gave no reply.

“Great.” Was all Rob said in response, before hearing a shuffle from one of the back rooms behind the counter.

After a few crashes and a number of yelps, Rob was faced with a new pony, one which he’d never seen before, one which, judging by the mark on her flank and the hints form Vinyl; was called Berry Punch. She was a purple colour with a darker purple mane, and cerise eyes. Her cutie mark was a depiction of grapes and strawberries.

“Hello, Arc… was it?”

Rob found her voice a little tricky to understand.

“Err… yes. Did we meet last night?” He leaned onto the counter.

Berry smiled and also leant up on the counter, using her forelegs to rest on. “We sure did. What’s the problem, Sugar?”

“Well, Berry, you see, we really can’t remember anything from last night. Not one bit. So, I was wondering if you could give us any clues as to what happened?” He looked over his shoulder. “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. And no, they are of NO help right now.”

The mare swayed a little bit, and Rob questioned the helpfulness of the girl. After a little bit of squinting and some over exaggerated sighing, Berry turned to him. “Well… you did mention something about cooking classes… But you also seemed a little annoyed.” She shot up. “Oh! But… ehh… this was the second time.”

“Second time?”

She nodded. “Yes, you see, you guys came back here a number of times last night, always leaving and coming back, leaving and coming back again… lea-”

“Yeah, I get it, I get it…” He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Ok, so... Where and when did I mention these classes?”

Ponyville, Proper:

“I- I didn’t even know we had a town hall!?” Rob choked out in ragged breaths alongside his weary and ill companions. “In fact, fuck this running! Arrgh!” He slowed to a stop, hunching over to regain his breath. “Think I’m gonna be sick…”

“Well, dude. Stay the hay away from me if you do. That smell sets me off…” Vinyl shied away from the boy. “And no one likes a chain of puking?”

Rob looked up at her while Big Mac finally caught up. “C-chain of puking?”

“Have you never seen that in nightclubs? One person is ill, and that makes another ill, and that makes another-”

“I hear ya. And no; I stay the hell away from nightclubs.” He noticed the mares face turn sour as he said those words. “What? Look at me… Do I really fit the ‘nightclub’ image?”

She simply shrugged and walked on ahead, leading the human to the town hall. “Just keep an eye out for my sunglasses!” She called back, as Arc began following again, with Big Mac only a little ways behind him.

Despite the many strange looks of the ponies going about their daily business, the group pushed on, and soon enough, they were at the town hall, looking up at the large building with no idea what to do next.

“So…” Rob began.

“Wanna ask inside?” Vinyl suggested.

Rob gazed up at the place. It was a big building and very… circular. He could see why it was the central hub for Ponyville; it was a much more imposing building than any of the others. For a moment Rob thought. He was back in the main area of Ponyville, and he’d stood in this very square many times before.

“Wait… Are you telling me…?”

He looked behind himself.

“Motherbucker! Twilight’s library has been a stone’s throw away from the town hall this entire time!? How did I not know that!?”

Without warning, Rob felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He turned to the others, all of whom wore faces of concern. Well, aside from Spike who was still limply passed out on Mac’s back. “Guys… I think… something is happening…” He sat down on the floor, making sure to lie down before the second wave hit.

The Night Before…

“Guys! Hey… Hey! HEY! C-check this out!?” Rob looked over to what appeared to be a notice board. Through blurry eyes, he managed to stagger over toward a large sign next to a giant circular building. He looked behind and found Spike wobbling down the road behind him, talking to what appeared to be a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ sign clutched tightly in his arms.

Everything went dark for a while, and upon opening his eyes, Rob found himself peering over a number of sheets of paper. He felt something soft in the palm of his right hand, and after looking down, he found himself propped up on Vinyl, who in turn was propped up on a log just below the board.

“Right… things to do… things… thing. Things? This word really does have a tangy sound to it… Can words be tangy?”

“Mares, Stallions and… whatever Spike is; I have decided to be more involved in the community, and as such, will pick a random task on this board, and do it, regardless of what it is!” He laughed, “Although, there is no way I’m gonna be on street corners!”

“Haha! Imagine pony hookers!”

Reaching out and closing his eyes, he pulled a notice away from the board, falling off of Vinyl as he did. “Right!”

While lying in the dirt, he found three faces peering over him, blocking out the moonlight. “I… can’t read it. Someone else do it.” He passed the paper back, and got to his feet shakily, turning to Mac who read out;

“Cookin’ lessons…”

Rob faced the stallion with a look of confusion on his face. “Cooking lessons… No way, man!” He rolled his eyes as the others wobbled about around him. “I mean, fine… gimme that.” He swiped the sheet away from Mac. “Ok, so... ugh… something, something, something, learn to cook, something, something, something, must be willing and at least able to already make basic dishes… yada, yada, yada, ok, I don’t care!”

Mac smiled at him, “And, you’re gonna learn cookin’?” He sounded a little cocky to Rob.

Rob barely registered what he was saying, finding himself too preoccupied with watching Spike dance with the sign clutched between his claws. It was amusing seeing a creature so small, carry a sign so big.

Vinyl looked over to Rob, “So, dude, we need more drink... and like, food.”

Rob shot her a smirk, patting her on the head in a patronising way, “Don’t you worry, Vinyl, don’t you worry!”

Present Time:

Rob faced the trio, “Well, that explains that.” He got a few astonished nods in response. “I… suppose we should find that sign. I mean, I got no other ideas.” He glanced around once again, “Alright, let’s see if it’s back at the library, sound good? Anyone else got any ideas?” A few mumbled acknowledgements were sent his way, and the convoy resumed its journey, heading for their next destination; the library.

The library was quiet, which was strange, as Rob imagined Twilight to be the type to already be up by this time. He looked it over and found nothing out of the ordinary. He shrugged and raised his hand to the door, about to knock.

“Whoa… N-not again!?” He felt the dizziness take over once more.

The Night Before… Episode Two:

“Honey, I’m home~!” Rob burst through the door into the library. “What?” He waited for a moment, “No warm greeting?” He waved the others on in, seeing as they’d all sort of slumped by the door. “And Spike, that would look great right… somewhere.” He pointed at the sign, tripping over the sofa as he walked into the main area.

“This is a pretty sweet place, dude! A house, in a tree... It’s like a tree house, but not!” Vinyl commented.

“I know, right!?” He walked through into the kitchen as Mac found a comfortable seat on the sofa.

“G-guys… I t-think we need this…” Spike slurred out, “Right about… here.” He jammed the sign into the base of the stairwell, blocking it up for anyone trying to use it.

“Good call, my man!” Rob had found Spike’s apron and was flicking the through the many drawers of the library, trying to find ingredients and utensils. “Time for a cooking-class trial! People, prepare for some fine-ass cuisine, Imma bakin’ up some… ugh… food!” He paused. “And drink! More drink for all! I know Twilight had some wine around here somewhere!”

A cheer erupted from the living room as news of the food and drink got out. “Woo! Make pasta!” One voice called out.

“You got it!” Rob shouted back through the library. He turned back to the kitchen, “Right, let’s do thi-”

“What the actual FUCK do you think you’re doing!?” Rob dropped everything and turned to face the voice.

“T-T-Twilight…?” Rob looked at the fuming unicorn in front of him. “Y-you… swore?”

“You swear all the time!?” She was breathing deeply, as if trying to contain a blood curdling rage. “Why can’t I!?” Her eyes contained fires of pure anger and malice.

“Yeah, but, I’m allowed to. I don’t wanna corrupt you ponies too much, too soon.” He shrugged and turned back to his cooking.

“Don’t you dare start cooking again! Why the hay are you here anyway!? And why do you think you can wake me up at this time of night? And… how drunk are you!?”

Rob smiled and walked over to Twilight, who looked adorable, shouting at him angrily from the ground. “Ah, Twi, Twi, Twi…” He sat down next to her and pulled her into a close hug. “Just calm down… Those are all very good questions.” He began stroking her mane as she slowly grew more and more angry. “Why am I here? Well, I thought I needed to get more involved in the community, and as such, have taken up cooking lessons. I thought that some practise beforehand would do me some good, and so, here I am, making everyone… pasta!”

She growled at him as he continued. “You see, pasta is tasty and stuff… So, why do I think I can wake you? Well, I hadn’t really thought about that… I just thought you’d still be up or something. You know, we did just have a party! I usually get home drunk and take off ALL my clothes and get to business… but, that’s a story for another time. So, I thought you might be doing the same.” Her face flushed red as he pulled her in tighter. “And lastly, how drunk am I? Hmm… On a scale of Ozzy Osbourne to Charlie Sheen? About Mel Gibson. Although… I’m less high than all of them… which is a shame.” He turned his head to Twilight and nuzzled her cheek. “Say… want some pasta?”

Not More Than One Minute Later:

“OUT!”

The group had been forcefully ejected from the library and cast out into the street. As it turned out, Twilight did not want pasta.

“Well, that’s just rude…” Vinyl commented.

“Eeyup…”

“Wow, I’ve never seen her like that before! That was sweet!” Spike laughed, falling onto the ground in the process.

Rob rubbed his head. “Ha, magic feels funny~ I have never been telekinesissed before.” He looked at Spike. “Oh, and we should probably not come back here for a while, else we risk getting killed. With magic.” He grabbed onto Mac to pull himself up. “She seems pretty good at that…”

Present Time, Again, Again:

“Right. Well.” Rob turned to the others behind him, just as Spike began to wake up. “I vote we do NOT go back in there. I cannot see that ending well.”

The others gingerly nodded, looking at the windows of the tree, hoping that they weren’t under the angry gaze of the purple mare inside. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea to me…” Vinyl added.

And so, the group headed back off to the bar, making idle chat along the way.

“So, I hear you’re a DJ, Vinyl?” Rob asked the white mare.

She pranced in front of him, “Sure am! The best Ponyville can offer!”

Rob looked at her. “This is a small town, surely you’re the only one Ponyville can offer?”

She stuck her tongue out at him, “Yeah well, they want me everywhere!”

“I bet they do…” He shot her a cheeky grin.

“Ha-ha, very funny. But seriously, I’ve played in Canterlot, Manehattan, Stalliongrad and Fillydelphia, I’ve played them all.”

“Fair enough.”

“Then, why did you stay in Ponyville, Vinyl?” A small voice came from behind the two.

Rob saw that Spike was finally sitting up on Mac and looking half coherent. “Good question.”

Vinyl smiled, “It’s pretty simple really; this place is my home, and I love it here! I wouldn’t leave for anything, well… unless something really bad happened and the world needed me!”

The group laughed. “Yeah, that’s a good reason.”

Spike looked up at Rob as they walked through the park, “Do you think of Ponyville as your home yet?”

The little dragon looked confused as the human shook his head, “Nope. Not yet.”

“B-but I thought you liked it here?” He stood up on Mac’s back.

“Oh, I do.” Arc faced the road again, responding to Spike. “But it’s only been a week, and this is all still very new to me. Give it time, dude. I mean, currently, this feels like the best holiday ever! And as soon as that feels normal, I know I can call this place my home.”

Spike seemed to like that answer, and sat down again, trying to settle his stomach. “So… where are we going again?”

“Back ta the bar…” Mac grumbled, looking around at the town as it began to spring to life.

The four of them were lounged around in the empty bar owned by Berry Punch. They were all feeling rather sorry for themselves and unsure of what to do. Faint memories had begun to come back to them sporadically, and on the walk back, Rob had found what was left of Vinyl’s shades in his back pocket. She was not happy about that.

The dim lights made them all want to sleep again, and it was only the clattering about of Berry Punch that kept them awake. At some point, a small version of Berry had come out to play in the main room, a young filly, presumably Berry’s daughter Rob thought to himself. She was pretty cute, and was fair more acceptable to Rob at this time of the morning than the girls from earlier.

“Has… anyone got anything?” Rob moaned, slapping himself in the face.

“It just doesn’t feel right without the cast…”

“I might… I think I remember something.” The young dragon spoke up.

They all sat forward and looked at Spike, “Go on!” They spoke simultaneously.

The Night Before… Again:

“Ok, Spike, this is how this is gonna go; you are now being called Simba!”

“B-but why!? This is high, Arc, don’t drop me!”

Rob peered over the edge of the hay loft. “S’all good, I gotcha!”

“Arc, what the hay are ya doin’ up there, get yer flank down here!” Applejack called from below. “An’ don’t ya be droppin’ Spike!”

“And this is now… Pride Rock! Everypony, call me Rafiki!” Rob swayed on top of the dangerously high ledge. “Now… how does that song go…?”

“What the heck is wrong with you, Arc, get down!” He saw Rarity shout from the floor, waving her hooves in the air.

“Atta girl, Rar’, wave them hooves in the air like you just don’t care!”

She began to stomp, “That’s not the issue here, you could hurt yourself!”

“It’s fine, we have a doctor on call, right Redheart!?” He looked at the pink maned mare, along with all the others. She shied away a little. “Now… that blasted song… oh, right! Spike, be a baby lion for me! Here I go!” He took a deep breath, “AAAAI SUNVENGA!” He began to sway again, the loose hay not holding his footing very well. “Aaaand then I have no idea how it goes!”

“GET DOWN!” A chorus of voices shouted out!

“Fine, fine. Sheesh! Fine!” He turned to leave but fell, slipping on the loose hay. “Oh shi-! Hey, would someone mind catching me!?”

Present Time:

“Arc… it took both Twilight and Rarity using their magic to get you down safely…” Spike finished off his tale.

“Well, that only means one thing.”

“What?”

“We should stay the fuck away from Rarity too.” Rob sighed and yawned. “Vinyl, Mac, anything?”

Leaning back in the seats they were on, only Mac gave a response, “The only thing Ah remember is Spike talkin’ to stuff. He had quite the fling with a fairly pretty lampshade if I remember rightly…”

Spike went red at the accusation. “Well… I was drunk…”

Rob laughed, “You sure were little guy! And dude, no worries, she was a damn fine lampshade. And for the record, you cheated on her with the ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ sign.”

Spike laid his head in his hands as the others shared a chuckle at his expense. “Yeah well, I’ve just remembered something too!” The others stopped laughing and looked at him, “Arc, you challenged Vinyl to a stripping contest. That’s why you had her glasses, you said you won after you still had clothes on and she didn’t. If… this is all true, then she got annoyed and forcefully stripped you. There, not so funny now.”

Rob looked at Vinyl with a face of shock. “Y-you stripped me!?”

She shrugged, “Sounds like you asked for it. And hey, none of us really remember it.”

“That’s not the point!? What else did you do to me!?” He budged back along the sofa, away from her.

“Nothing that I know of…”

Rob sighed and looked over his clothes. They all appeared to be on him to some degree- minus the underwear, even if they were baggy and hanging off of him a little. He noticed little black marks on the edge of his t-shirt. He frowned at them. It didn’t look like mud, but there was definitely something there. The others noticed his concern.

Lifting his shirt up, he found a large patch of writing which simply stated; ‘If lost, please return to Princess Celestia of Equestria. Thank you.’

He smirked at the comedy value of the whole thing, before becoming confused about who could have written such a thing. It was sure as hell not there at the start of the night.

“Anyone remember this?” He asked, lifting his shirt up for them all to see.

Their eyes went wide as they read the text. Vinyl simply scoffed at him, “And you had a go at me for stripping you. Now look, you’re stripping yourself.”

“Shut it.” Rob let his shirt go. “I swear to god, we haven’t really discovered anything about last night…”

The others looked at him apathetically before glumly nodding.

“Hey, Berry,” Vinyl called through the back, “How did we even meet last night?” She stood up and trotted over to the bar, every step making a click on the hard wooden floor.

A few seconds later, the barmaid waddled back through to the front of the establishment, carrying a bucket of soapy water in her mouth. After depositing it on the work surface, she took a sip of what appeared to be brandy, and set herself back up on the counter. “Well, Vinyl, you should be able to remember this… You were here!”

Vinyl hopped up onto one of the many bar stools. “I know, I just wanna make sure I got my facts straight.” She grabbed a bottle of fizzy drink from behind the counter, “I just wanna hear you tell me, you have a fantastic memory for a drunkard.”

Turning her nose up at Vinyl’s comments, she began, “Well, it was pretty late, and I was just about to close up when you appeared. You have a bad habit of that, Vinyl…” Vinyl scowled at her, “Well, after that we got to drinking and it wasn’t too long before those three turned up as well, already completely hammered out of their minds, which between you and me,” She leaned in closer, “Is strange for Big Mac, as he can usually hold his drink better than most…” She pulled back again. “Anyhow, you guys got talking, and even I joined in towards the end! You had cards out and were playing some sort of game that the human knew, and well… I just couldn’t resist!”

“Whoa there, Berry. You almost fell over there…” The DJ placed a hoof on her friend to steady her.

“Err… sorry. So yes, after that, you and the human got talking about music.”

“Oh, yeah!” Vinyl remembered, “We did! Thank you, Berry!” She sheepishly quietened down as the barmare frowned at her. “Heh, do go on…”

Berry coughed and continued, “Well, not much happened after that. You said you were gonna take them back to yours, but… that seems not to have happened.” She chuckled, “Looks like you had quite the wild night instead!”

“Thank you… and… that’s it?”

“Yeah, you all left, even more drunk than you came, which is actually quite an impressive feat.” She thought for a moment, “I think you all rode out…”

“Rode?” Vinyl questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, Arc sat on Mac, you perched on Arc’s shoulders and Spike sat on you.” She deadpanned the DJ. “Yes, that is what I had to witness when you guys left last night.”

“Wow, we really did drink a lot.”

Vinyl’s attention was disturbed by Rob calling out to her from behind, “Hey, Vinny, I think I remember us knocking on people’s doors last night and waking them up!”

The mare winced.

“Yeah, and then I asked them if they could spare time for Jesus…” He shared her grimace.

“Sweet Celestia… let’s hope no one knows it was us!” She walked back over to him. “You didn’t actually meet anypony face to face, no…?”

He pondered the question a bit, “Well, I don’t think so… I mean, no one wanted to answer the door at that time of night… no matter how loud I shouted…”

“Good, I really don’t want my name being ruined. And who’s this Jesus guy?”

“Umm… just some famous person back where I come from… Don’t worry about it.” He shrugged it off. “Well, I’m not gonna lie to you guys, I have to go to work, fun, fun, fun!” He sighed as the others looked on. Mac was falling asleep in his chair again and Spike was zoning out. “Well, it’s not too bad; I do like them gals…” He moaned. “Right. Wish me luck.” He stood up and walked to the door.

“Arc, wait!” He turned to see Vinyl walking after him. “We need to talk about something at some time, you live with that Twilight girl at the library, yeah?” He nodded, “Good, I’ll be dropping in at some point.”

“Well, ok… It’s nothing bad I hope?”

She smiled, “Nope!”

“And… you’re not pregnant or anything?”

“W-why would you even ask that!?”

“Just making sure… Anyhow, see you guys later! Mac, have a good rest. Spike, hope you feel better later, I’ll see you back home. Vinyl, umm, cheers for the night, and see you round. Berry!” He called through the back to where the mare was once again. “Thank you for your hospitality! See you soon!”

And with those final words, he left the bar and headed off down the road, feeling much better than when he had first woken up, only an hour or so before.

“Ok, Celly, work your magic!”

“One compass coming straight up!”

“Thank you, my dear!”

“Onwards!”

Later That Evening:

“Well, I knew this was going to happen eventually!”

Rob was standing outside the door to Ponyville library, dreading the oncoming meeting. After remembering what he’d done to Twilight the night before, she was the last person he wanted to speak to. A mixture of guilt and fear made him not want to touch that door handle, more than anything else in his life.

Plucking up courage, he twisted the knob and cracked the door open a little bit, peering inside. There was no sign of Twilight, and everything seemed calm. Too calm… He advanced with trepidation.

“Twilight?” He whispered into the empty building.

There was no response. Part of him was happy about that, but another part just wanted to get everything over and done with. He walked a little further inside the building. From across the way, he spotted the ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ sign propped up against the wall, moved from its previous position in the stairwell.

“Well, it’s nice to see you home safe and sound…” He heard a feminine voice softly speak to him.

“Twilight?” He calmly asked back.

“Yeah…”

“Why are you hiding away? Umm… where even are you?”

“I’m right in front of you… I- I casted an invisibility spell…”

“Why though?” He stepped further into the room, throwing his hoodie onto the sofa.

“Well, I didn’t know how to face you after last night…” Her voice had a sad tone to it.

“Wait, Twi. You’re worried about seeing me!? I’ve been scared of seeing you! I was a dick last night! You don’t know how to face me? Call me an asshole and hit me, that’ll make me feel a lot better…”

“But…” The voice changed location. She was obviously pacing around. “I lost my temper with you…”

“Fuck me. Stop being so nice! I was the one in the wrong there, not you! So, take that invisibility spell off, and come and shout at me! I’ll feel a lot better after that!”

The pacing sound stopped as the mare stood still and relinquished her grip over the spell, allowing her form to be seen once more. She wore sad features and her eyes were downcast. Rob walked over to her.

“I’m really sorry, Twi…” He crouched down to her level. “I was an ass last night, and… yeah. I apologise.”

She looked up and smiled to him, “And I’m sorry for shout-” He stopped her.

“No, no you’re not. It was justified.” She smiled again and tucked her head over his shoulder, giving him a hug.

“Thanks…”

“No worries gal.”

As it turned out, Spike had come home a number of hours earlier and collapsed into his basket. Every now and then, the pair downstairs would hear him stir and run to the bathroom, but from what Twilight said, it was a good learning experience, and all of the past nights activities would make a great letter to Celestia. Rob had to agree, after all, he knew that the Princess would get a kick out of hearing the whole story told again.

Amusingly, that night, they had pasta for dinner.

Rob sat on the sofa downstairs, flicking through one of Twilights various beginner magic books. Letting out a yawn, he put the book down on his chest.

“I bet you really got a kick out of all this, didn’t you?”

“You have no idea…”

“Do you even know the meaning of the word ‘compassion’?”

“I think I’ve heard it before… somewhere.”

“Nice, nice… Well, one last thing. That thing written on my chest. Was that you?”

“No, that wasn’t actually.”

“Then… who?”

“I think I might have an idea… isn’t that right sister?!”

“Luna!?”

“Me!? Why, I would never do such a childish thing!”

“Well, we’ve just established that you’re still lurking in my head… you’re just as much a creepy stalker as your sister…”

“I just didn’t want you getting lost! That’s all!”

“Well, I thank you for your concern, but, if that’s all, Imma hit the hay. Night you two.”

“Night!”

The two voices spoke simultaneously, fleeing his mind.

“Well, that’s now sorted out nicely.” Rob remarked to himself. “Who woulda thought, it was Luna… now there are no more mysteries and all is well with the world.”

“You’ve had a good day then?” Twilight questioned, entering the room from the kitchen.

Rob looked over to her. “You know what? It’s been better than I thought it would be. So yeah, not bad.”

She smiled. “Good!” She paced back to the kitchen, pulling a book from a shelf with her magic as she did. “Seems like things are settling down a little bit now, doesn’t it?”

Standing up from the sofa, Rob headed towards the stairs. “Sure does.” He turned just as the last of Twi’s flank rounded the corner into the kitchen. “Well, I have to get some sleep, Twi. It’s been a long day, so, ugh, night!”

He began to walk up the stairs, laughing one last time at the sign still stood in the corner. He heard Twilight call good night back to him, and went to his bedroom. It surprised him that he was actually sleeping in his own bed again. Those times were becoming less and less frequent.

Casting his clothes aside, he collapsed onto the bed.

“Well, not gonna lie. Trying to keep pace with this place will have me dead by the age of twenty-five.” He smirked to himself as he heard Spike make another dash for the bathroom downstairs. “Heh, you’ll learn little guy, you’ll learn…”

14. Behemoth Pt 1 - How Time Flies

Chapter 14: How Time Flies.

The sun had risen over Ponyville’s library as it always had, and brought with it a warm front which slowly defrosted the chilled ground. Over the past week the weather had been getting colder, and this was the first sign of a warm day in long time. Celestia must have brought mercy upon the land and its ponies.

It was ten o’clock, and for once, the human was up of his own accord at a reasonable time, something which seldom occurred back home. The past few days had only been filled with work, and as such, he had gotten into a routine. He only had to work three days a week, and he chose to do Monday through Wednesday that week, partly for his own benefit, and partly because Rose needed him to be there for a shipment each morning; they got all their deliveries at the beginning of the week. Apparently he was the heavy lifter – something he found rather amusing considering his skinny structure.

Things had died down after the night of the party, and Ponyville, for Rob at least, was back to normal. He’d been filling his spare time up by helping out other ponies when they needed it, and meeting Vinyl up at Berry’s bar. It turned out that Mac delivered the Sweet Apple Cider to the bar on an almost daily basis, and when it wasn’t early morning, Berry’s bar was fairly packed. Rob had also found himself playing with her daughter a fair bit too, Berry Pinch, who had taken a strange liking to him ever since she found comedic value in him almost running himself over with a stray cider barrel. She was always a day-brightener, and he didn’t mind her attention.

The days had been peaceful, and Rob found himself liking that. For the first time, he felt as if he was actually fitting in. Not only were the ponies that he already considered friends spending their time with him, but new ones were too; customers in the flower shop, stallions at the bar, and even ponies on the street. Everyone was so friendly. It sure made a change from back home - a place he was quickly forgetting about.

Rob thought back to Spike’s question. Was he fitting in? He looked around, noticing smiles on everyone’s faces. He looked up at the brilliant blue sky. He looked left at the children playing, and right at the vending stalls where ponies were dutifully working. He sighed and chuckled as the world played itself out around him.

“I’d say things are going pretty goddamn well…” He mumbled, as memories of his time spent in Equestria popped into his head. “Yeah... Things have never been better.” He spoke the words under his breath, feeling better for actually saying them rather than only thinking of them. It was a test in a way, and he was finally ready to pass it. Admitting to himself that these things felt good.

Waving at numerous ponies, Rob continued on his journey to meet Vinyl. She had given him an address and asked him to meet her there, although, looking down at the stained paper napkin in his hand, he had his doubts about the entire thing. If there was one word that did not describe Vinyl, it was ‘delicate’. Everything was very sketchy and despite not being a pegasus, the term ‘winging it’ suited her well.

This was the first time that she’d asked him to meet her at a place which wasn’t the bar, and despite the bar trips being an almost every night occurrence, he wondered what brought the change. While musing to himself, he found the street he was looking for, mentally patting himself on the back for not having to use one of Celestia’s compasses to find it. After all, this was an area of the deceptively large Ponyville that he had not yet been in.

He did a double take. What he assumed was once a road, turned out to be a drive way. One big long drive way. “I- ugh… wow!” Raising his hand to his brow, he peered down the long expanse, “She lives… here!?” Greens, browns and all manner of earthen natures greeted him as he stood stunned; looking into what really was a cut out of a fairy tale. Even in Equestria, he was amazed that things were still able to surprise him.

Well maintained gardens lined the sides of the drive, and spread for a good hundred yards before breaking out into a courtyard. It all looked very fancy. High trees, much like those in the Ponyville Park, stuck up from behind hedge rows, and beautifully delicate flowers nestled in amongst the undergrowth. The foreground was gentle, with small dainty flowers leading up to bigger things as the garden went back. Behind them were well trimmed hedges and mid-sized shrubs, creating a protective and comfortable barrier between the drive and the rest of the world. Rob looked over past the courtyard at the end. All around the estate were tall trees silhouetted against the bright blue sky, hinting more at the scale of what he was witnessing.

“Well… shit. I did not see this coming.” Rob placed his hands on the gate which was obstructing his path, and gave a light push. Free of any hindrance, the gate swung open without a sound, giving him access to the path ahead. “Works for me.” With the strangest sense of being watched, Rob entered through the gate. He looked around once more.

“Sweet! Scots Pine. And… Redwood!? Something tells me that all of this must have been intentionally planted… To manage such a big place and to keep it all in check. This… well. It’s stunning.”

He continued his musings as he proceeded. “I always did like big trees…” He moved further down the drive, taking note of the beauty of the gardens. Before long, he found himself walking under a woven arch leading into the courtyard. From there, he could see the house, and despite it being another hundred feet away, its shadow almost reached him. “That is one big-ass house.”

He continued his approach.

Before too long, he was at a large oaken door, presumably the front door, although he couldn’t rightly tell; he’d seen numerous doors dotting the ground floor – all ornate and grand. Any one of them could be the front door for all he knew. Taking one last look at the drive, back the way he came, he raised a hand and knocked on the door, hearing the sound echo in the room behind.

“Part of this will be a big disappointment if Vinyl doesn’t actually live here…”

He waited a few more moments before hoofsteps were heard and a bolt on the other side of the door slid free. In only another few seconds, a crack appeared between the door and the frame. It gradually grew wider, and before too long, revealed a wide eyed pony, standing very still. The two met gazes and simply stared, each waiting for the other.

“H- he’s here…” Rob barely heard the pony mumble under her breath.

“Excuse me?” He looked down at the mare and raised an eyebrow. “Look, I was told that Vinyl lived here and… as much as I am highly dubious, this does seem to be the right address.” He continued staring at the blank faced pony.

Without another word, the door slammed closed and Rob heard frantic footsteps running away on the other side. “I don’t know why, but that really pisses me off…” He gazed at the door a little bit more, as if boring holes into the very woodwork. “It sure is a shame that ‘smacking a bitch’ goes against my morals…”

Rob was just about to knock on the door a second time, when it was briskly opened and he was dragged inside by the mare from before and an unknown stallion. Before he knew it, he was situated on the sofa, in a room that he didn’t remember coming in to, with both ponies sitting on chairs opposite him, their faces full of expectation. There was no real way of explaining the events that had transpired.

He frantically looked around the room in a daze, trying to take in the new surroundings before anything else happened. The room had a high ceiling and was a cream colour. It looked like a traditional period house. Everything seemed expensive, and as if reinforcing the idea and image, he noticed ornaments on pedestals dotted around the room; vases to busts. He turned back to the two eager ponies in front of him.

The mare was a pretty white colour, just like Rarity, and had a light blue mane which was done up in a poufy style. It was quite long, hanging a fair ways down her back. She had red eyes and long eye lashes. All in all, she was quite pretty. Rob could just about see her cutie mark, and saw that it was of a quill and ink. He turned to the male.

Unlike the female, this pony had a horn on his head; protruding out from between locks of ivy green hair, which had been immaculately combed into place. His eyes were a glowing orange, and he had a lone bow tie tightly fitted around his neck. From the position he was in, Rob couldn’t see his cutie mark.

Once again, the human found himself in a staring contest with a pony, only this time, there were two, and he had to flit his gaze accordingly. Everything was strange, and Rob remembered the creepy feeling of being watched on his walk down the drive way. His guess was that these two were responsible. He didn’t know who they were, but the silence was clearly not working. He needed to try something new.

“Ok. So. This just became very weird.” The two didn’t move an inch as Rob spoke, but he swore that he saw a tear form in the mare’s eye. “Are you o-”

“W-we're just so…” The mare began, cutting Rob off mid-way.

“So…?” Rob pressed the mare for an end to her sentence, learning forward in his chair which gave out a squeak as the leather rubbed together.

“Happy!” The stallion finished, clapping his hooves together and startling the other two in the room.

There was silence in the room before the human opened his mouth to speak, eliciting a small “Aaah” from the female pony. He quickly shut his mouth and raised a hand slowly, as if in a classroom, prompting the same “Aaah” to flee the pony’s lips. Once again, he stared at them; much harder than before.

“I-” He began.

“Aaah~”

“Please stop that!”

The mare fidgeted in her seat and smiled again, “My apologies, we’re just quite excited.” Rob waited, shifting his gaze from the male to the female and back again. He was glad that some form of communication was finally underway. With luck, he could ascertain the intentions of the two new ponies before things got more out of hand than they already had. “This is the first time that Vinyl has brought a boy home and we’re really happy. I hope she satisfy all of your needs well. We tried to make her grow up as a proper mare, but she can be a bit frivolous sometimes…”

“Wha-!?” Rob coughed and spluttered out his response before the couple giggled. “I- I never! Wait a second! Vinyl isn’t even here! How could she have brought me home!?” He looked deep into the eyes of the mare across from him. He really couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. Part of him thought she was just a little slow in the head.

“He seems to have a point, honey.” The stallion turned to his apparent wife and spoke. Rob looked at the male too, and found himself thinking the same things.

“I suppose so…” She looked disheartened. “Anyway!” Arc witnessed her brighten up quickly, so fast in fact that it worried him a little.

“Is it unfair to say that my mind is being thoroughly screwed and bludgeoned right now? I swear that I meet so many airheaded ponies that half of Equestria is bordering on ‘vegetable’ levels of consciousness…”

“My name is Sonnet, and this is my husband Sine; we’re Vinyl’s parents.” The warm smile was back on her face, and she was exuding an aura of sanity now, as opposed to the ecstatic happiness of before. “I’m sure you’re very confused…” Rob was happy that someone was at least making some sort of effort to explain themselves.

He laughed to himself a bit before leaning back against the chair. “Yeah, you could say that.” He scratched his head and brushed some hair away from his eyes, focussing on the two more clearly. “I find a big house in some sweet, sweet gardens, and then get promptly abducted by the owners.” There was a pause. “You… are the owners right…?” Another daunting feeling washed over him.

Once again silence filled the air, and the mare eventually spoke up. “I told you, I am Sonnet and this is my husband, Sine.”

“Yeah… that doesn’t really answer my question…”

“These two seem like the kind of ponies that you’d see in a newspaper with the captions ‘…and then turned the gun on himself’ or ‘wanted, dead or alive’. I hope no one reads; ‘Equestria's only human murdered after abduction’ in tomorrow’s paper…”

“Maybe we should tell you more about us…” Sine spoke out for the first time since his earlier outburst. “I’m an electrical audio engineer, and my wife is a poet.” Sonnet nodded off to his side. Arc didn’t’ know what to make of things anymore.

“I suppose that makes sense, considering your cutie mark.” Rob pointed out to the mare, “And I presume that you specialise in sonnets?” He laughed a bit at his own bad joke.

“No actually,” She replied, “Haiku.”

“Well shit.”

“That makes no sense but… alright. I’ve learnt to accept it when these things happen.” Rob commented offhand, draping his arm over the arm of the sofa, trying to find a comfortable spot in which to relax a little more.

“And I work with a whole variety of musical stars,” Sine piped up. “I don’t spend much time here. I’m often out working with the artists.”

“Like your daughter?” Rob questioned, a little more at ease now that the two were speaking and not just staring at him.

“No, she’s a rare case. She likes to do it all by herself. I taught her the basics from a young age, and she took to it like a fish out of water!”

“Umm… don’t you mean, like a duck to water?”

“Yes! That!” He raised both hooves in the air as another awkward pause dominated the atmosphere of the room.

“Ok. Let me summarise: You’re the parents of Vinyl Scratch, the esteemed electronic artist, and you may or may not own this house which you forcefully dragged me into. You’re the father,” He gestured to Sine, “An electrical engineer. And you’re the mother,” He looked at Sonnet, “A haiku writing poet named ‘Sonnet’. You seem to think that Vinyl brought me here as ‘her man’, despite said pony’s absence. And I’m meant to believe that the two of you aren’t gonna swing an axe at the back of my head the very moment I turn around to flee the premise, because I’m getting major psycho vibes from the both of you…” Rob panted, out of breath. “Sound about right?”

The two smiled broadly, “Yes!” They leaned over to each other and hugged. “Oh honey, he understands us! What a bright young lad!” They seemed to speak simultaneously.

“I… I… I think they broke me…”

“That’s enough!” Another voice called out into the room, breaking the loud laughter being emitted by the two hugging ponies. “Please stop scaring my guest! You two are such a pain in the flank!”

Rob turned to see Vinyl standing in the doorway off to his left, leaning against the woodwork with a stern look on her face – one he hadn’t seen before and hoped never to see again. With just those words, she was able to quieten the two ponies within an instant. Rob was highly impressed, seeing as it must have taken years of practise to learn such a skill.

“He doesn’t mind, dear. Look!” Sonnet pointed at Rob with her hoof. “It’s all ok, isn’t it Arc~”

“I- I never told you my name, Sonnet.”

“Don’t fret over the trivial things!”

“Mum!” Vinyl cut back in. “Stop being so childish!”

“Something is very, very wrong when Vinyl is the sole voice of reason and sensibility… It actually feels like the world is being turned upside down. There is something cute about the pout that Sonnet is giving off though, something about acting childish actually suits her, despite all the horror and irritance it causes anyone other than seemingly her husband. Match made in heaven I suppose.”

“We’re sorry, dear.” Sine stood up and walked over to his daughter. “But we were so sure that you were wearing the saddle on the other side, and we feared that we may never get grandchildren. We’re just happy that you found a nice young stallion with which you can be impregna-.”

Vinyl began to glow red in the cheeks, and it was only made more apparent by her pristine white coat. “I- I- No! For a start, he isn’t even a stallion! He’s human! How would you even get grandchildren from that!? And secondly, just… NO! E-even if I did like him, which I don’t! You have no right to say stuff like that!” She quietened to muttering, “Grandchildren… that wouldn’t even work with a human…”

“You never know until you try, dear.” Sonnet cut back in, much to the chagrin of her daughter.

“Shut it, mum! And you thought that my apples fell on the other side of the tree!? Since when have I ever given that kinda vibe out!?”

“Well, you never really associate with colts…”

The red in her cheeks deepened. “That doesn’t mean you can assume!” She stormed over to Rob. “Come on Arc, we’re leaving.”

Wordlessly, he obeyed, and rose from his chair, as a magical force enveloped his left hand and dragged him out of the room. Stunned, he looked back into the room at the smiling faces of Vinyl’s parents, as they slowly disappeared from his view.

Once the duo was finally out of the room, Sonnet turned to Sine and spoke. “What a lovely colt, I like him already.” Sine simply nodded and hugged his wife.

“I agree.” There was a pause. “Spot of polo, dear?”

“Indeed. I’ll grab the saddles, you get the hoofcuffs.”

Rob was sat on a bed. It was pink. Very pink.

“Vinyl…?”

“Hmm?”

“This is a very flowery room.”

Like a hawk bearing down on its prey, Vinyl turned and glared at Rob. “I just haven’t gotten around to changing it yet… It’s been this way since I was small.” She looked at him for a few seconds longer before her gaze softened and she showed an apologetic look.

The human picked up a small white rabbit doll that was lying on the pillow to his right. “I see…” He looked at it closely, and then focussed back on Vinyl who was rummaging in some drawers on the other side of the room. “You have very… what’s the word I’m looking for…? Nice? Parents. No… that’s not right. Discomforting! There we go, you have very discomforting parents!”

She finally laughed a bit, calming down after her earlier temper fit, “Yeah, I suppose I do.” She turned around and whether intentionally or not, gave him the puppy dog eyes. “I am sorry for all of that. I’d have rescued you sooner if I’d had known you were here…” She looked at the floor. “No one should have to suffer my parents like that.” She said it as if it was some grave warning. “It’s a big house and I didn’t hear you arrive.”

“Haha, you don’t need to worry, I can hold my own against crazies! Hell, I’ve spent time with Pinkie Pie, and that’s pretty extreme at times!” Rob found himself leaning back on the bed with the rabbit in his outstretched arms hovering above his face.

Vinyl chucked again. “Yeah… I suppose so. And ugh, don’t worry, they’ll be gone later. They only come here from time to time to check up on me like I’m some sort of child… they don’t actually live here.”

“Just remember Vinyl, that as strange as it is that you seem to be the responsible one here; you are still their child, and always will be.” She smiled as he continued, ruining the emotional mood. “And does that mean that you own this place!?”

“No, they own it. I just live here. Like I said, they go places from time to time, mainly for work. Dad gets called out to places that need him, and mum likes to travel for inspiration. Apparently that helps…”

“Well, it does make sense. Thoughts are often the children of inspiration. And places provoke thoughts.”

“Yeah, I know. It makes sense but… why of all the days, did they have to come here today…?” She cringed and her blush retuned a little bit. “It’s as if they knew…”

“Haha, they just care about you!”

“Yeah, I know…” She stood up and walked to the door. “So yeah, I live in the west wing and there’s… I don’t rightly know… ‘other stuff’ in the other wings.” She closed the drawer from afar with her magic, and shuffled something around before turning. “I think dad was going over to Fillydelphia to help my cousin out actually, and this place was on the way. Mum just tags along really.” A soft glow enveloped the door handle and pulled, slowly cracking the door open. “Come on, I wanna show you something.”

Rob took one last look at the small rabbit in his hands and got up from the bed by rocking his body forward, following Vinyl out into the hall. “You have a cousin?” He pulled the door closed behind him and stared at the hallway.

“Yeah, our family is very ‘artsy’. She plays that wishy-washy music. Dad helps her record it.”

“Right.” Rob looked around again, taking note of the huge hallway they were in. “You sure are rich, Vinyl…” He marvelled at the fixtures built into the walls and balustrades lining the many surfaces in the area.

“Well, like I said; we’re a family of musicians and artists, and a big one at that. It seems like we’ve always been pretty well-off.” She followed his movements and looked around the hall herself. “It’s all different though, I mean, I play electronic music and that cousin I mentioned, well, she plays classical music. Somehow, we are quite an affluent family.”

“And yet,” Rob gently nudged her with his hip. “They somehow got a child like you!” He joked around, trying not to offend her, else suffer the wrath of which he saw earlier.

“Hey!” Her glowing red eyes lit up, “What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Just that, from where I come from, there is kind of a… stereotype when it comes to rich people! And you really don’t fit the bill!”

“Heh, sounds like a good thing if ya ask me.” She turned her nose up and continued walking away. “I never did like to follow the trend.” Rob was left looking at her back.

“No… I don’t suppose you do…”

They walked for a while longer before Vinyl turned around again, just before rounding the next corner. “Do I… really come across as a filly fooler?” Rob found himself looking at her expression. It seemed… feeble. Worried and nervous, something he wasn’t used to her showing.

“A filly-whatnow?” Rob walked past her to persuade her to continue on, despite her question and his lack of knowledge as to where he was meant to be going. Each corner and hall looked the same.

“You know… does it look like I’m into mares?” She stayed still in her position.

“Well… I… have no idea. Despite all things… I haven’t looked at ponies in that way. You just look like Vinyl to me.” He finally turned to face her. “I mean…” He raised a hand to his head and clenched his teeth, knowing full well that he was going to regret what he was about to say. “You’re… a very attractive mare to me? I suppose? And that’s the only way I look at it.” He turned back around, missing the chance to once again see her blushing face. “What way you swing, isn’t my worry to consider. You are who you are, and I’m ok with that.”

He waited a moment for her reply, but was instead greeted by a swift kick to the back of the kneecaps, causing him to buckle under his own weight. With the sick urge to kick back rising, he turned to Vinyl with a confused look on his face, as he fell down on his ass. “W-what’d ya do that for…?”

She was wearing a serious face and for a brief moment, she didn’t move. She stayed looking straight into his eyes. She let out a deep breath and spoke, “You got way too in to that…” A large grin split her face and she broke out into laughter. “Y-you find me attractive!? What a laugh! You realise you’re human, right!?” As if on ice, she fell down next to him, mimicking something from a comedy sketch.

What surprised her though, was that she found only herself laughing. Her attempt to lighten the mood apparently wasn’t working. Pushing through the laughter, she looked back at Arc, who this time, was wearing his own serious face. “You might joke but… love is transcendent. Species… What is that, really? People always say it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?” He tried to make it sound as simple and innocent as possible.

Vinyl just stared. There was something about what he said that made a lot of sense, despite it going solemnly against what her gut told her. “I- I guess…” He spoke the truth, and she knew it. She tried reading his face for any further answers, but gave up when he stoically held her stare. She eventually found herself just thinking, and Rob noticed her eyes go out of focus, as if she was looking right through him.

She was snapped out of her reverie by snickering, and she noticed Rob cupping his mouth with his hand, leaning back on the other one. “Now who’s way too serious!? Haha, you should see yourself!” He was clearly poking fun at her, and so, in classical Vinyl nature, she pounced on him with her hooves ready for action. The last thing he saw before receiving a direct blow to the face, was the wide grin plastered on her face. He swore he could see the devil looming in her red eyes. “Wait! It was just a jo-”

“And so, here we are. Sorry about hitting you so hard. I never knew humans were so squishy, heh.”

Rob looked over to Vinyl and rubbed his chin where he could feel the first of many bruises beginning to rise. “And after my brilliant and loving speech no less…” He paused “Yeah, no matter. This is nothing in comparison to most of the shit I go through in this place…” His mind wandered back to the wolf and being impaled by Celestia. He couldn’t decide what was worse. The wolf was clearly trying to kill him but… Celestia was evil.

Looking around, Rob found himself in a studio, and a large one at that. He wanted to press all the buttons on the various pieces of equipment lying around, but figured that he shouldn’t. Vinyl was in a good mood, and he dared not to see what she was like if anyone messed with her livelihood. It was the one thing Rob had found her taking serious pride in. That, and her ability to down a pint in less than ten seconds.

The room was mainly white, and split in two by a large pane of glass. He knew this to be the break-off from where live sessions were recorded, and the mixing and editing was done. He was impressed. Despite being an electronic musician; she had all manner of musical instruments lying around, from guitars and drums, to horns and flutes. He wondered how many of them she could actually play.

“So, is all of this yours?” He asked, hoping to find out more about the epic musical collection. “It’s quite the collection.”

The DJ merely peered around and shrugged, glancing at the walls from her seated position. “Most of this stuff belongs to dad, I mean… I haven’t really taken any notice of it since I was small, it was just… there.” She stood up from the stool she was perching on and walked over to a panel where she began twisting all kinds of knobs absentmindedly.

“Ok, so... why did you bring me here?” The human asked, getting back to the point of the whole escapade. He didn’t feel like meeting Vinyl’s parents should be in vain. He’d worked hard for this conversation, and he wasn’t gonna let it pass him by.

“Music!” She turned on the spot, facing him. “More importantly: Karaoke!” She flashed a smile before turning back to the desk and yanking some wires out of a control panel.

Rob simply deadpanned the mare. “K-karaoke. Really? You brought me here for just a… sing-song?” He watched as she hooked up some jacks to the newly prepared wires.

“Not exactly. You see. I need your music thingy.” She pointed a spare hoof towards him while still focussing on the task at hand.

“My music thingy?” He raised an eyebrow.

She nodded. “The thing you showed me with all the music on it.”

Rob fumbled around in his pocket and withdrew the iPod lurking in its depths. “I do not recall showing you this…”

“Well, you were pretty drunk at the time.”

“That explains it.” Rob thought back to all his nights in the bar, but nothing sprang immediately to mind. “I am going to have so many problems if I become Ponyville’s designated alcoholic…”

“I am gonna teach these adorable little creatures so many things that they shouldn’t know. I’d say Celly would hate it, but… she’ll probably get kicks from it. I bet Lulu will be the one dealing with the flack. …Now why does that bring a sick smile to my face…?”

Chuckling, Vinyl spoke up. “So! I propose that we work together!”

For the second time that day, Rob found himself coughing and spluttering from the words of another. Maybe it ran in the family, perhaps all of the ‘Scratch’ lineage were able to be overly preposterous by simply talking. Upon gaining air back into his lungs, he was finally able to speak again, “You want to collaborate with… me?” He leaned forwards as if to emphasise his point.

“I do! Being on the frontline of up and coming innovative music is the way to be successful, and you have in your possession something that we Equestrians have never heard before!” She did a little jump which took Rob off guard.

The room was quiet aside from the breathing of the two individuals. Rob didn’t really know what to say. “You don’t have music like mine?”

“It would explain why I’m always listening to stuff on a gramophone anywhere there’s music in Equestria… Things go from one extreme to another. Anything that is not played on a big-ass stereo system is played on a contraption from the 1950s… It makes no sense. Damn ponies.”

Vinyl waltzed over to him in a flippant manner that seemed to be mocking of his intelligence, or at least to him, it felt that way. “Let me tell it to you straight, Arc. I liked that heavy stuff, it fits well with me. Lotsa bass, ya know? I make the heaviest kind of music we have here, and your stuff… well, it blew mine out of the water in some ways. I think that we can make something of this.” She sighed and sat back on her haunches. “I’d like you to help me make the ultimate fusion! And maybe I can sell to a new market!”

Rob just looked at her, stunned. “And… you need me… why?”

She looked confused before a veil of understanding washed over her. “I need you for the knowledge and the expertise!” She waited a moment before raising her hoof, “Oh yeah, and the singing!”

“S-singing!?”

“Yeah, like I said earlier – karaoke. I’ve heard you sing a ton of times up at the bar, and it’s not bad when you put your mind to it. Not so sure about that growling thing but, I bet it can be cool if used in the right way… Oh, and that reminds me! It has wonderful stage presence! That song you shouted out on Tuesday? In under a minute, everyone was singing along! Not very tunefully mind you, but they were! It just worked so well! Live performances would be SO good!”

“Did I say what song it was…?” The human found his brain trying to keep up with Vinyl, who was going a mile a minute.

“Something about “rocking you”. I was pretty drunk too so… my memory is a little fuzzy as well.” She gave a goofy smile and tried to think back.

“I have a horrible feeling that I may have started an impromptu Queen recital in a bar the other night… Freddie… I am so sorry…” To anyone listening, all they would have heard was muttering, but Vinyl was preoccupied thinking of future plans and projects. “Alright, Vinyl. I’ll help in any way I can I suppose. Although, you’ll need to direct me. Oh, and bear in mind that I have work on some days, so, we’ll have to work around that.”

As if it were a trigger, she awoke from her daydreaming and looked up at Rob with a very happy and satisfied look in her eyes. “Good! Have you done anything like this before?” Rob was amazed at how on the ball she was.

Scratching his chin, and wincing from the bruise, he thought a while before responding. “Kinda I suppose. I mean, I have sung in one band and for a number of projects that friends needed help with. And I have been singing properly for about… god knows how many years now.” He laughed. “I suppose that makes me somewhat qualified! More than most of the drunkards in Berry’s bar anyway…”

“Some might argue that I am a drunkard at Berry’s bar…”

“Sure does! And if you suck, I’ll just kick you out and work with you as more of an ‘ideas guy’ than a ‘production guy’. Sound good?” She got up and nudged him with her flank in a teasing manner.

“Yeah, I suppose.” He paused. “So… when do we start?”

The next few hours were comprised of just listening to music. Vinyl had hooked the iPod up to the sound system in the editing room, and Rob was having lots of fun showing Vinyl the ways of his world, although, he had to confess that he was narrow-minded; only listening to rock and metal.

Vinyl seemed to lap it up though, taking pleasure in the defined increase of heaviness in comparison to what she was used to. All varieties of the human’s music was shown to her, and in the end, Vinyl had a good idea on what she wanted to accomplish. Towards the latter half of the viewing session, Rob showed her how to work his iPod, and she took the lead instead, searching through genres and artists that fit the role she was looking for.

It amazed Rob that she could ever be so focussed. He knew her as the carefree pony who led a ‘rock n’ roll’ lifestyle, only ever thinking about the present and how much fun she could have in it. Never would he have guessed that she was that dedicated. He kicked himself for ever being so shallow.

At some point, their session was interrupted by Sonnet bringing in some food and drink. Rob found it a little sinister that she brought wine and chocolate fondue, garnished with what appeared to be red rose petals, but he shrugged it off as another one of her weird traits. After that, she left the two in peace.

By the time the day was ending, the two had found a way of transferring the majority of the music from Rob’s iPod onto Vinyl’s sound system. She told him that it would help her greatly, as she could work on ideas while he wasn’t there. He agreed with her, and before too long, decided to head home. Bidding a farewell to Sonnet and Sine on the way out, he left to go back to Twilight’s library, under the orange glow of the late day sundown.

“Life is never easy in Equestria… No… No it is not.”

14. Behemoth Pt 2 - Bad Influences

From there on, the days passed once again, turning into weeks and almost months. Rob found his time occupied with work, helping Vinyl, and occasionally helping up at the bar or visiting Aloe and Lotus. He’d even gone out with Redheart once or twice, but only when her shifts fell right. It was hard meeting up with her, as she was never working on the same time scale as he was.

There was a freak period of snow during those weeks, which the pegasi needed to bring in, despite everyone’s complaints, but otherwise, things ran like clockwork. Twilight had taken to teaching Rob more about his magic, and decided that the snowy days were an excellent excuse to have double length lectures, much to Rob’s disdain.

Things had started off like a refresher course, similar to how Celestia had taught him back on the ride up to Canterlot. He was told to find the wealth of magic within himself and practice on constructing that. He was told that it didn’t really matter what he did there at that point, only that he needed to make it into a suitable and comforting environment. Rob had chosen beanbags; after all, nothing is more comfortable to sit on than a beanbag.

Seeing as he effectively had a beach resort thing going on, he chose to make use of the occasion, and eventually implemented palm trees and a hammock too. He was fairly satisfied with himself until Twilight told him that two palm trees, one hammock and an assorted number of beanbags did not constitute as a comfortable magical environment. He opted to disagree, which as it turned out, was a bad idea. Twilight took teaching seriously, and extended the lecture for another two hours. Rob was not happy with that.

After a few more days of training, Rob found it easier to shift into himself, and it didn’t waste as much time as before when the lessons started. After the forceful uprooting of his desert island paradise, he had built himself a beautiful oriental themed home on the waterfront. It looked like a temple, and even came complete with a courtyard.

Using the water from a small estuary on the shore, he’d also created a Japanese water garden that he found himself quite proud of. With Twilight’s aid, he even managed to populate it with fish. He grew to love his creation pretty quickly, and became possessive and childish when Twilight asked him to tear it down and build a new one. Instead, he decided to simply add an east and a west wing to the original building. He was then satisfied, and so was Twilight.

The next week focussed on manifesting the magic in the physical realm, and according to Twilight and the occasional mind-visit from Celestia, this was a much harder ordeal, as it focussed on using the mental plane where his well was, as a bridge between the raw magic and the real application. According to Celestia, there was a hierarchy when it came to elemental magic, and fire was at the bottom. It was the closest to raw energy, and as such, needed the least conversion, allowing it to be used relatively untamed.

His task, as he chose to accept it, was to light all the candles in the library whenever Twilight asked him to. He was told to try and get quicker at doing it, and not miss. This rule was made especially clear once he set the tablecloth on fire by accident. To start with, he found himself struggling to light even one candle, but soon he got the hang of it, and by the end of that week, he was able to light a few candles in different locations at once. He did get cocky at one point and try sending one of Twilight’s friendship reports by fire, only to find out that only dragon fire sends things, and all his does was incinerate them. She was not happy.

Week three eventually came around, and with it, the first rays of sunshine in a long time. Using the melting snow as aid, Twilight decided to start Rob off on a second element. She was tired of him setting things on fire, and figured teaching him a counter measure would be more appropriate than simply babysitting him the whole time. Apparently water was the next easiest thing to learn anyway, according to Celestia at least, and as long as it was already there, manipulating it was easy. Things became hard when you had to create it out of the moisture in the air. Apparently that took a lot of practise and Rob was a fair way off yet, although, as Twilight had mentioned many times; she was not an expert in elemental magic – very far off in fact, and she was basically going on what she’d read with the aid of the princess.

Rob found using the snow fairly easy, as they had all predicted, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not coalesce water at will, once again; as they had predicted. It didn’t stop him from trying though, and the result turned out to be raptures of laughter from Twilight and Celestia. The former was ok, as he could simply walk away, but with Celestia in his head, there was no escape. The mocking followed him wherever he went. At one point, the dear old princess of the sun had even seen it fit to invite her sister over for a casual bit of mocking, much to Rob’s annoyance.

It wasn’t so funny when he constructed perfect snow replicas of both of them, and then proceeded to set them on fire. They didn’t like that very much, and a few passing ponies looked rather concerned too.

Once the mocking was over, Rob had knuckled back down and got to practising. He found a good way of doing things, and eventually had a routine going on. That was, until the snow had fully melted and he was restricted to practising in the bathroom, something Twilight had quickly worked into a cleaning task as well. Rob noticed a slight sadistic side to the purple mare, but let it go, seeing as she was both his teacher and his lodger.

His training was moving along fairly fast, and for once, honest words were said; coming from the mouth of Celestia no less. According to her, he was doing well. Rob took that as a sign that things were going according to plan, and allowed himself a little pat on the back. He felt good about his accomplishments.

It was at the end of week three that things started to change…

Ponyville Library:

“What!? No! Now is hardly the time for this!”

“Awww, come on! It’ll be fun! Just like old times! You did miss my birthday party…”

“There were no old times! You were nice to me and I… just hid away and studied. Anyway, you just wanna see him!”

“That doesn’t change anything, I forgive you, and… I’m coming in! Trust me, this’ll be good!”

“W-what!? Don’t just do what you please! Hey, get back here!”

Rob exited the shower to the sound of voices downstairs - more accurately; shouting. Aside from Twilight’s, there was a voice he recognised, but couldn’t place. He shrugged it off and let his mind wander, thinking of all the potential owners of the voice as he went pacing back into his room on the top floor to get dressed. He passed Spike on the way and said good morning to him as he dusted a lampshade. The little dragon nodded back and got about his business.

He looked out of the window at the slowly dimming light. Today had been a lazy day. With the sun setting earlier, and Rob getting up later, he had finally ventured out of his bedroom during the late afternoon, early evening border. He figured that before his magic lesson he should at least shower, and so, he’d dragged himself out of bed.

Slipping into another one of Celestia’s premade t-shirt and jean combinations, Rob looked himself over in the mirror. It was amazing how the princess had found out the kind of things he liked to wear. A few months ago he’d have questioned how anyone could have such information, but now, it didn’t even faze him. He scraped the hair away from his eyes and left the room, a damn sight cleaner than he was the last time.

“How do you know what I like to wear?”

“Intuition.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fine, I was spying on you again. Feel better now?”

“Actually… yeah, a little bit.”

“Well that’s surprising.”

“It is, isn’t it? Anyhow, I feel sorry for you too. You’ve been spying on me this whole time, there is no telling what creepy things you’ve seen me do…”

“Let’s not go there, deal?”

“Deal.”

Once again, he heard the voices from downstairs, and figured that instead of guessing, it was simply easier to go and investigate the source. He headed for the staircase and went down it, proceeding into the main living area of the library. Before he reached the bottom though, his path was obstructed.

He had to admit, he was shocked to see the pony at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him, looking up with a big smile on her face.

“Arc!” The mare called, as she leapt at his chest without warning, prompting him to stick his arms out.

“M-Moondancer!?” The human managed to cough out, before catching the mare in his arms and descending the last few steps into the library.

He looked down at the lump in his arms and found his gaze meeting two shining orbs, obscured a little by a crimson mane. “You remember me!” She wriggled a bit and he put her down, catching a confused gaze from Twilight as he did. He mirrored her and shrugged. It seemed as if they were both as confused as each other.

“Well yeah… It was only a couple of weeks ago that we last met…” He motioned towards Twilight, finding it hard to get a message across with Moondancer’s eyes fixated on him. “I mean… I ugh… do-…” He exhaled, “Why are you here?” He tilted his head in confusion.

“Twilight invited me to stay! Remember?” She smiled up at him. “And now was a good time for me!” She sweetly smiled again.

Stomping a hoof, Twilight walked over to her friend, “Yes, it might have been. But now might not be a good time for us you know?” She gave her friend a stern look.

“Is there a problem?” Moondancer turned to her friend and spoke, a sly smile on her face. “You did offer after all…?” She began to hum gently to herself, a cheerful tune.

Looking dejected, Twilight sighed. “I… I did, didn’t I…?” She hung her head low.

“Heh, cheeky gal.”

“So, Moondancer, how long are you staying in my- our humble abode?” Rob asked with a mocking grin on his face as he looked at Twilight, who just pouted and walked into the kitchen to make drinks.

“I was thinking of staying for an undefined period!”

“An… undefined period?” Rob raised his eyebrow and leant against the wall.

She only nodded in response. The human looked behind her. “You have no luggage.” He said it in a rather monotone way, more as a fact than a question.

“Nope!”

“And no… actual clue what you’re doing either… right?”

“Nope!”

Rob knelt down to her height. “Well, we’re off to a good start I suppose.” He rubbed her head and she nuzzled into him, taking care not to gore him with her horn. “Well, better than nothing.” Standing up, he walked into the kitchen to find Twilight, with Moondancer in tow. He looked at Twilight, who was just picking up a tray with some drinks on it with her magic. She nudged past them without a word and settled herself down in the living room, sitting on a sofa facing away from the main door.

The two moved back into the previous room and took a seat, looking at Twilight who had an unreadable face showing. Levitating a drink to each of them, she began, “Moondancer,” She looked at her friend before her serious façade fell and she sighed, smiling gently, “I just wish you would have called beforehand…”

With the mood a little lighter than it was before, Moondancer rubber her head as her ears lay flat. “Sorry… I got a bit carried away.” She leant forward, “I can stay though, right?” There was a jubilant shiver in her voice.

“Yeah, you can stay.” Rob butted in, earning a scowl from Twilight, who eventually nodded her head in agreement with his outburst. He continued, “Twi’s got a bed in her room going spare I think, and if you girls wanna do… late night girly things then; Spike can crash with me. I like the little guy.”

“That sounds like a great idea! After all, the last slumber party I had went… strangely. There were too many trees… This will be a time to do it right!” The purple unicorn clapped her hooves together excitedly as Rob sipped at his drink, watching her smile excitedly.

Moondancer shifted a little and placed her cup on the table. “I… I was actually hoping to spend the night with Mr Arc…”

The sound of two drinks being spat out simultaneously echoed through the room, as both Rob and Twilight turned to face the white mare, who was smiling as innocently as ever.

“You really can’t spend the night with me, gal! There’s not enough room for one, and…” Arc looked over to Twilight who was glaring again, her eyes letting him know that if he said one wrong thing, there would be hell to pay. “And… just… no!”

“The bad thing is… I… I really don’t mind that much… She is cute… Damnit penis.”

“Arc is right, Moondancer. That is SO not proper conduct.” Her temper had calmed once again, and Rob was impressed that she could keep it in check as well as she did. “Besides, the sleepover book says that boys aren’t allowed.” She thought for a moment, “Well, I did have one book about boy and girl slumber parties but… I didn’t have any ‘protection’ as the book called it. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be protecting...”

“Aaaand that’s a story for another day!” Rob cut in, trying to break Twilight out of her accidentally perverse line of thought. “Moondancer can sleep with you, Twi, and you can do your sleepover thing…” He looked at them both, although, neither made any real effort to respond.

“I think tha-”

“That means I’ll just have to spend more time with you before bed time, Mr Arc! I want to know everything about you and what you’ve done! You’ll tell me everything, won’t you?” She batted her pleading eyes at him, cutting off Twilight from finishing her sentence.

“Yeah… enough with the ‘Mr’ thing already… I told you once before… not to mention many other ponies…” He looked at Moondancer and sighed. “What am I going to do with you…?”

“I can think of a few things…”

Rob coughed at her statement, forcing the blood back out of his cheeks. “What’s go you so interested in me anyway?” He peered at her curiously. “I mean… we’ve met once, nothing else. It’s not like you have any reason to be this curious.”

“I dunno… it must have just been love at first sight…” She let out a long breath and gazed at him; the same smile on her face as always.

“Love!?” Both Rob and Twilight called out at the same time, startling the white unicorn enough to fling her cup across the room with a brilliant display of impulse magic. Twilight continued, “N-no… you can’t love him!? There’s so many implications you’re not thinking of! Like, you barely know each other! And, you live in Canterlot and he lives here! And… you’re not human!” Her face was displaying a range of emotions, from confusion to anger. Rob wondered if this new revelation was causing some sort of breakdown within the unicorn.

“Y-yeah… what she said.” Rob timidly butted in, causing her to turn on him.

“And you! What do you have to say for yourself!?”

“Umm… I don’t really know actually. I’m at a loss.” He glanced over towards Moondancer, who sat there with her usual innocent smile. “I am highly confused, a little bit creeped out, and a fair bit flattered, so… I dunno what to think or say.”

“Take responsibility!” She was almost falling out of her seat.

“Sounds like…” Moondancer cut herself in, not giving a chance for Rob to answer Twilight. “You’re jealous.” She coughed daintily and closed her eyes calmly, waiting for Twilight to respond.

“J-jealous!? Are you crazy!?” Rob could only imagine the steam grinding off of the gears in Twilight’s head at that moment, scraping together to try and find any ounce of sense in the thick mist of confusion that had descended over her.

“She’s playing mind games with Twilight wonderfully. I don’t even think I could do that… Using that calm and demure attitude to wind her up…”

“Come on Twi, calm down, there’s just a misunderstanding of some kind here. Just settle down and we’ll sort it all out.” Rob tried to comfort the distressed mare.

Taking a moment to gather a deep breath, she sighed and collected herself. The room was quiet and only the padding footsteps of Spike upstairs could be heard. “Fine. Look, you’re free to like who you want, and do what you want. And it is great to see you, and… yes. You can stay for an… undefined period.” She smiled. “And sorry for the way I was acting. Having a lack of schedule really makes me kinda frantic.”

“Tick, tock, tick, tock…”

“Yay! So, I can stay! We’re going to have SO much fun!” Moondancer chirped up from her seat, mimicking Twilight’s hoof clapping from before.

Rob and Twilight shot each other nervous glances and looked at the white unicorn on the seat beside them. “Yeah… We sure are…”

“And so here I am, babysitting two children by the looks of it…”

“I feel for ya, Arc. I had to babysit my cousin once… Not fun. He cried and cried and cried.”

“Well, Vinyl, I don’t think I’ll be having that issue. If either of them cry, I’ll be very surprised.”

“You can only hope…”

“Please don’t joke…”

After setting up Moondancer with a place to stay, the trio had left Spike to clean, and headed to the bar, very much on Rob’s accord. Despite the obvious tension between them, Twilight and Moondancer reminisced on the journey over, telling tales from their life in the months they hadn’t send each other. Of course, Twilight had many more tales to share.

Moondancer had only passed her qualifications and got a job at a café, while Twilight had been off saving the world. The trip was fun for Rob too, as he got a more personal insight from Twilight, about the missions she’d been sent on and the things she’d learnt. It was nice to finally know about her life in more detail. Whenever he’d asked her, she’d only given him the facts, not her own personal thoughts on the matter.

Soon they had arrived at the bar, and it was immediately apparent that neither of the mares understood the concept of ‘bar etiquette’, well, what etiquette there was available to understand. They both looked daunted by the number of ponies in the bar, and Rob could see them shiver at the thought of spending so much time, with so many rowdy ponies. Rural old Ponyville was a step down from the high trade of Canterlot.

Rob however, was very well known by now; being called a regular even by Berry herself, who was busy serving drinks to a blue stallion across the bar. It wasn’t a busy night as such, but there were still a fair few ponies present, and Rob had customarily spoke greetings to them when he first arrived. The odd flagon and tankard were clashed and everyone got on with their merry business.

As the newly growing tradition seemed to dictate, Berry Pinch, the landlord’s daughter, had paid the human a visit. He liked her, and she liked him, despite the whole species gap. He loved how her innocence transcended the fact that he was a human and she was a pony. Currently, she was snoozing away on his lap while he chatted to Vinyl, keeping an eye on the two mares he brought along with him who were sipping at their drinks tentatively in the corner, looking very unsure about the whole ‘bar’ thing.

After making idle chat with Vinyl for a few minutes upon entry, and sitting down with her after ferrying drinks over to the two girls sitting behind him, Rob and the DJ went over to the table with Moondancer and Twilight on it and sat down, taking care not to throw his drink everywhere as he collapsed into the seat next to Moondancer. He was a fair sight better than his companion though, who had been drinking since the early afternoon, and sloshed her drink all down her front upon seating herself. Somehow, the little pony on his lap managed to remain asleep throughout the commotion of moving and falling.

“Twilight, you’re not that well acquainted with Vinyl, are you?” Rob asked the mare curiously, as she took another gulp of her drink in silence, her hooves clasped firmly around the wooden tankard as a semi-frown played upon her face.

“I’ve heard you mention her in your stories, but, no, not really. I only recently came to Ponyville too, remember?” She turned to Vinyl, as if brushing Rob aside, “Hello there, I’m Twilight Sparkle, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She extended her hoof with a pleasant smile on her face.

“Oh, I see how it is…”

“Heyya, Twi. Nice to meet’cha, but… you are way too formal for my liking, let’s get a stronger drink in you, whadda ya say?” She placed her foreleg around Twilight’s shoulders and pulled her close, leaving the unicorn feeling very confused. “Berry, a round of cider over here, cheers!” She called over the dense noise of the crowd.

“Well, that’s that.” Rob muttered to himself, looking up at the light through the dim tavern-like haze. “Anyhow, and this is Moondancer. We met her in Canterlot a few weeks ago when we were visiting. She used to go to school with Twilight.” He pointed to the mare next to him, who nodded her head gently and smiled.

“It’s my pleasure Miss Scratch.” She said in response to the introduction, before something dawned on her. Rob saw the look of realisation spread. “Wait… Miss Scratch, as in… Vinyl Scratch as in, the well-known wonderfully talented musician extraordinaire Vinyl Scratch!?” It was funny to watch her rise out of her seat a little, the longer her rant went on.

“The one and only, Moony, you got it!” Vinyl closed her eyes and flashed a cocky grin towards Rob. Something he shook off with a “Humph.” She faced him a little more, “You see, Arc, one little human is no match for the fame of someone like me!”

He reached out and poked her on the end of her muzzle, “And I didn’t know we invited Rainbow Dash to drink with us.” She looked confused. “Just you wait Miss Scratch, give it time; we’ll see who’s more popular.”

“Yeah! You just wait! Arc is amazing!” Moondancer called out, alerting everyone to her presence, her surprisingly loud voice cutting through the low tone of the bar. “He’s amazing and special, and oh so warm to cuddle! I just wanna-”

“And that’s enough out of you!” Rob nervously laughed to himself as he forcefully gagged the babbling pony and restrained her flailing forelegs. “She’s ugh… well… I don’t know actually.” He sighed, “A special one.” He laughed again as Vinyl and Twilight looked at each other, neither knowing what to say.

Vinyl watched on as Rob wrestled with the excited pony, not knowing exactly when to butt in. Another glance from Twilight prompted her to do so. “Ugh… looks like you’ve got yourself a fan, Arc.” He smiled at her as Moondancer clung to his arm in a strange spectacle of overfriendliness. “I… think you can let go of her now…”

“Yeah… That’s just it. I would but… she’s stuck.” He flailed his arm about while she clung to him.

“Stuck?” Twilight mirrored his words.

“Like… some kind of cute and furry leach.”

“Now that’s not something you hear every day…” Vinyl commented with another swig of her drink, draping her arm over the back of the bench behind her.

After calming Moondancer down from her ‘happy-fit’ and drinking the new round that Berry had brought by, the foursome found themselves happily chatting away. As it turned out, Twilight could not hold her drink, and Moondancer was even worse. That coupled with Vinyl already being wasted meant that Rob was dealing with three very rowdy mares. He wondered how Pinchy got any sleep at all.

At some point, Berry had collected her daughter, and retreated upstairs to put her to bed, returning after that to tend to the new flood of patrons arriving. Rob found that if before, Moondancer could be described as ‘clingy’, she was now ‘obsessive’, something Vinyl found highly amusing. Twilight on the other hand attempted to adopt a responsible mother-figure like stance, which failed miserably considering her state. It was amazing how quickly ponies got drunk.

Watching Twilight try to reprimand Moondancer for every inappropriate thing was hilarious, and Vinyl was in stitches every time it happened. Most of the time, Moondancer didn’t even realise what she’d said, due to her being such an airhead, and Twilight was telling her off for things she only heard because she was intoxicated. Rob found their comedy duo actually working fairly well. It was as if it had been choreographed.

Arc eventually found himself also passing the point of rational thinking, and he noticed that he was also joining in with the frivolities, something which eventually led to another shameful rendition of Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’. Despite his fuzzy mind, he knew that it was something else he was going to regret in the morning. On the bright side, everyone seemed to remember the words from the last time, and so it involved little to no effort on his part.

The night began to pass and everyone was having a good time. Vinyl told stories of her college life, tales that likely would have made Twilight blush under normal circumstances, and Twilight let loose with some of her own… less interesting tales from Canterlot. Moondancer was the real dark horse of the night. Some of the things she spoke about even made Vinyl shy away. The more Rob got to know her, the more it seemed like she was a tap that you couldn’t turn off. If she got on something, she didn’t get off of it easily. Every little thing was an obsession, and she had a one track mind. He felt a shiver as he realised he was in her gaze.

“Yes, little one?” He spoke, turning to her as a large stallion pushed by behind him.

“I-I’m not that little…” She flopped over onto him extravagantly, resting her head in his lap, back where Pinchy had been only hours before.

“To me you are… you all are. Being small little pony things and all.”

She waited. “You look funny from down here!” She began to laugh.

“I bet I look funny from most places!” He stroked her soft mane.

“No… you look really good to me. Really, really good…” He felt a pang in his chest as he looked down at her half lidded eyes.

“T-thanks, Moondancer. You’re… quite pretty yourself.” He felt her quiver as his words reached her ears, which soon flopped back as a serene blush swept across her face.

“Call me Casanova Rob…”

“Can we go back to yo-” Her gentle voice was cut off by Twilight, who thumped the table next to Vinyl, spilling her drink everywhere, and began to shout.

“Arc, we’re going home! I have the weirdest urge to write a friendship report!” She swayed as she stood up, knocking into Vinyl who was mid-way through a drinking contest with a fabulously pink stallion.

The force in her voice pulled him away from Moondancer’s eyes and he looked up at her, trying to meet her gaze. It was tricky as both of them could barely see a foot in front of their own noses. Staggering out of the bench, Twilight did a few little jumps and commented to herself on the weird feeling of weightlessness before turning to Vinyl and saying a quick goodbye, in a brash and overly excited way.

The mare responded in turn and went back to downing shots, leaving the human and his two pony companions to themselves again. Shouting a quick thank you to Berry, Moondancer and Rob got up; the former finally relinquishing her place upon his lap, much to her annoyance. After a few more goodbyes to the various ponies at the bar, Rob patted Vinyl on the shoulder, ruffled her mane, and stole one of her shots, before grinning like an idiot and pushing his way out of the bar with the two unicorns closely in tow behind him.

He looked up at the starlit night and exhaled. “Aaah… fresh air. I could so go for something stupid and funny right about now.” He looked at the two unicorns. “Hey… you guys can do magic… I… I think I know what to do.” Twilight and Moondancer watched him dance on the spot as he looked around in the sky for something. “We just gotta find Rainbow Dash’s cloud house, and evaporate it!”

“That’s pure evil!” Twilight called out. “And if I stop you…” She grinned. “That’s the perfect thing for my friendship report!”

“Maniacal scheming! Wonderful! I love drunk-Twilight.”

“Indeed!” He turned to Moondancer who had gotten a strong case of the hiccups, “Shall we go my lady?” He extended his hand, trying to work out how she would decide to take it. Using one leg seemed like a stupid idea. He imagined her hopping home on only three legs.

She was just about to accept his proposal, reaching out with her hoof, when it was slapped away briskly. “Wait a moment! How come you get him!?” Twilight was looking at her friend with an angry glare. “I’ve known him longer!” She swayed on the stop.

“We’ve made a deep connection in these past few-”

“Few what? Hours!?” Twilight managed to slur out, shouting a bit too loudly.

“Twi, you’re getting the wrong end of the stick here… you realise what she’s saying… right?” Rob’s question was left unanswered as the girls continued to argue.

“You might look at it that way, but I’ve had him on my mind for a long time, much more that you have. You’ve only become this way since I arrived. Might there be something on your mind, Twi?” She looked at Twilight with a sly smile, clearly meaning to offend the girl.

“No, no- I just… Must get back and… write report…” Rob and Moondancer watched wide-eyed as Twilight collapsed onto the floor in front of them, her legs splayed out in all directions embarrassingly. Rob looked away, attempting to save some of the mare’s privacy.

The human quickly knelt down beside her and started to shake her shoulders, “Twilight, hey, get it together!” His concern quickly faded as the heard the small and calm intake of air flowing into her lungs. There was also a content smile on her face, and she looked at ease. His own fears were laid to rest. “She’s just tired… That’s good.” He looked up at Moondancer and thought. “I guess I’ll have to carry her.” The white unicorn looked less than pleased about the predicament.

Gently picking her up and cradling her in his arms, he and Moondancer began to plod back to the library in silence. The only sound made was that of their feet and hooves. At some point, Rob had noticed Moondancer brushing herself against his hips and curling her tail around his legs. The conflicted feelings within left him unable to do anything to stop her. He just continued walking; taking pleasure in what he felt was undeserved affection.

Eventually they reached the darkened library and let themselves in. Rob placed Twilight on the sofa before going upstairs to check on Spike, who had gone to bed hours earlier, and was sleeping peacefully in his basket. Feeling the alcohol wearing off, Rob proceeded back downstairs and into the kitchen. Reaching into the cupboards, he pulled out a couple of glasses and filled them with water, returning to the living room where Moondancer was gazing into the embers of a recently lit fire.

Making sure to be quiet, Rob shuffled past Twilight and handed a drink to Moondancer, who took it with her magic. Rob found it cute to watch her shaky grip coil around the glass as she brought it to her mouth. She was just about to take a sip when her magic slipped and the glass fell down to the floor, spilling the water as her magic dissipated into nothing. She fumbled to catch it, but she was too late.

Looking up at Rob with a quivering lip, she tugged on his trousers. He sat down next to her and placed his arm over her back, leaning against the other side of the sofa which Twilight was resting on. With an outstretched left hand, he prodded the embers of the fire again using the poker, and noticed as Moondancer’s magic levitated another log onto the newly birthing flames. He looked over to her as she looked up at him.

“You’re one big ball of confusing emotions, you know that?” He petted her head and found his fingers attracted to her soft ears. “A soft and very cute ball of emotions…”

“Sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it.” He pulled her closer and set his drink down to the side, reaching behind himself to grab two pillows off of the sofa near Twilight. “I know another girl here. She’s called Pinkie. You are not emotional in comparison to her… you’re… just about right.” He put the pillows next to the fire and picked Moondancer up, hugging her close to his chest as he lay down by the fire, rolling her on top of him.

“I um…” Her cheeks flushed red as they huddled together, propped up by the pillows next to the fire, the only sound in the room being that of their heartbeats and Twilight’s gentle breathing alongside the crackling flames. “I really do like you, you know…”

She could feel the beating of his heart as she pressed into him, and she felt its pace quicken as his eyes shied away. He looked… nervous if she could call it anything. She felt his hands begin caressing her mane once more. “Yeah… I understand.” He looked into her eyes. “You’ll have to wait for me though…” He sighed and hugged her more. “I’m just not there yet…”

“I know.” She smiled. “I can be serious sometimes… and… I get that.” She learnt forward and kissed him gently on the lips. “I’ll wait.”

Pulling back in surprise, he looked at her, his heart threatening to break out of his chest at any moment. “I’ve just gotta ask though… Why do you like me? What made me different from all the others? I’m human, you… shouldn’t give me a second glance.”

“That might just be the reason. Ever since I heard the stories of you back in Canterlot, you sounded pretty amazing. You saved a pony, and were friendly to everyone. Which… is a lot more that you can say about the other civilizations in this world… There was something important and special about you, and I think… I think I saw it before most.” She paused.

“And then you came to Canterlot. I was amazed. To think that the person in my mind was going to be walking past my very workplace… And then I met you. You were taller than I thought you would be, but… had a kind face and, well, a funny side! And what more is there to life than being happy…” She smiled at him, that saccharine look she always wore. “You were just more than I’d ever expected, and… I’m so happy that I came here. I made myself do it because I needed to know. And spending all of this time with you, which started off with me just wanting to prove my own feelings… all this time, you’ve made me have fun, and you’ve made things seem more meaningful than before. I’m just… so happy.”

She looked at his face and grinned, bringing a hoof up to wash away the wetness in her eyes. He looked speechless. “So you see…” She waited for a second. “That’s why.”

“I… wow. That’s… Aside from being a beautiful speech, that… I- I don’t know what to say… I feel like I’m letting you down…” She laughed as he stuttered out a response shakily, trying to avoid eye contact. She took pleasure in making it hard, by moving her face closer to his.

“It’s ok, Arc.” She kissed him again. “For now… let’s just sleep. I like it here, and I wanna stay close, so… just for tonight. Let’s stay together.”

He didn’t say another word, responding only by cupping her in his arms and turning to face the fire, laying them both on their sides. A little bit of wriggling and intertwining later, and they were both comfortable and settled, drifting off to a good night’s sleep. The last thing Rob saw as he fell asleep was the slowly dancing flames from the fire, licking up against the top of the hearth gently, as if they too, were drifting off into slumber.

Rob woke up feeling very cold on one side. He looked down to his chest and saw the still form of Moondancer clinging to him tightly. It was adorable how her hooves managed to curl themselves around his shirt, clutching at it tightly as she slept. He raised his free arm to rub the side of his face. The fire alongside Moondancer had kept part of him warm, but the other side was chilly an uncomfortable.

Brushing the sleep from his eyes, he looked out of the window, moaning a little as he noticed not even a shred of light peering through the glass. Carefully retrieving his arm back out from under Moondancer, he pushing himself to his feet and stood; looking the darkened room over.

Peering back over the sofa, Rob located Twilight, right where he had left her earlier that night. He placed a hand on her coat and shook his head. She was cold. Without waking her, he managed to walk around beside the sofa and lift her into his arms. Tiptoeing up the stairs, he made his way through the darkened home into her bedroom. Navigating around Spike who was gently snoring in his basket, Rob pulled back the covers on her bed, and laid her down. Pulling the covers back over her, he smiled and left to room, feeling forever thankful to her hospitality. He didn’t do much, but the little he could, he felt proud of.

Returning back downstairs, he repeated the same procedure with Moondancer, managing to successfully transport her from the floor by the fire, to Twilight’s spare bed. After making sure the two mares were ok, he left and headed back to his room, determined to make good use of the time awake, after all, he didn’t feel like sleeping anyway. There was just too much playing on his mind.

After changing his clothes, he threw a thicker jumper on and left his room via the less used door; the one that led to the balcony. With an audible click, the door pulled shut behind him, and he was alone, looking out over the dormant town of Ponyville. He let out a breath and watched as it condensed in front of his face, drifting up into the night without a care.

Staring out over the small town was truly peaceful. There was no light, and yet, he could still make out the shapes of all the buildings and landmarks. He laughed to himself, thinking about how the longer he spent there, the more he felt like he belonged. Once again, he thought back to Spike’s words, and remembered what he’d told Moondancer earlier that night;

“You’ll have to wait for me though… I’m just not there yet…”

Despite those feelings, he did feel like the world was slowly accepting him though, and that to him, was a good thing. He rubbed his nose and looked at the stars, silently thanking Luna for doing such a good job. Pulling himself away from his thoughts, he slumped back against the shut door behind him and eventually fell down to his ass, resting upon the cold wooden floor of the balcony.

The night watched on as Rob laid out his thoughts and feelings. There was just so much to consider. After what he believed to be a shocking encounter with Aloe and Lotus upon just arriving in Equestria, he had somewhat retreated from the idea of anything more than friendship, and yet, after only one day, Moondancer had replanted those seeds. Was it right for him to ignore them? He let the thought mull itself over in his head, but in the end, it was purely Mobius.

And then there were those he’d been neglecting. He could blame it on work and other commitments, but… it all boiled down to the fact that he should place more faith in his friends. Vinyl and Twilight got all of his attention, alongside Rose at work and now Moondancer. He immediately thought of Redheart and the spa twins, Rarity and Fluttershy; even Pinkie and Applejack. Rainbow Dash too. Aside from the odd chance encounter, he’d not seen them for days. True, they had occasionally popped over looking for Twilight, but that was just it; they came for Twilight, not him.

The few visits and encounters were fleeting, and that made him sad.

He wondered if he was reading too much into things, after all, it wasn’t like they’d come running to him either. Maybe this was just how normal life was in Equestria. He wanted to fit in, but he couldn’t help but feel like he owed those who made his journey there - that much more pleasant - a better deal.

The sun was still far from rising. Much like back on Earth, the winter days were short, and bitter. Slowly, he found himself getting colder. It looked like he wasn’t going to get any answers; instead, he was just becoming more conflicted. Deciding to take a break from one form of metal stress, he took a short while to focus on another. Closing his eyes, he let out a deep breath and slipped into as peaceful a state as his mind would allow. It was far from perfect but, he was sure he was getting better.

When he next opened his eyes, he found himself warm, standing back on his beach, right next to the ocean as always. It was a calm scene, and one he was becoming increasingly fonder of with each visit, which, thanks to Twilight’s training, was happening fairly frequently as of late.

He turned to find the house sitting right where he left it, butting up against the estuary which Twilight hated so much. He allowed himself a satisfied smirk, knowing that this was one of the few battles he had won. He quickly found himself smiling, recalling the look on her face; one of anger at how childish he could be – something which he found ironically childish in itself. It was only when Rob heard a cough that he stopped thinking and jumped, turning to face whomever had created the noise.

He should have guessed. Slouched in one of the hammocks was Celestia, sipping on what to Rob looked like piña colada, complete with a cocktail umbrella. Despite her disturbing presence, the human had to admit that it was nice to finally see her in her proper form, not as only a voice in his head again.

He even had to admit, that the way she was lying on her back, hooves flailing in the air, was adorable. It struck him as odd that the ruler of an entire nation could be classified so simply with one word like that; ‘adorable’. Even if he hadn’t found that concept weird, the fact that the one word he chose was something displaying cute affections was sure odd to him. Rulers were meant to be fierce, at least, he always thought so.

“Heyya.” He spoke to her, not knowing what else to say.

“Good morning, Arc.”

He deadpanned her, “So, you come here, and that’s all you have to say?”

“For the moment.” She took a few glugs of her drink. “I mean, come over here and sit with me. Spend some time with dear old Celestia.” She pouted at him, something to which he responded with a two fingered hand gesture.

“For one, I thought you were immortal, and so, ‘old’ really has no meaning with you, and two, the fuck are you doing?”

Celestia waited as the boy walked closer to her. “I wondered of you wanted some help with some things?” He stopped.

“Like… what?” He resumed walking, only at a slower pace than before. “Do forgive me but, anything you say, immediately leads to sexual connotations in my mind, and… I’m cautious of the fact that you probably haven’t gotten any in a few centuries…”

She smirked at him and put on that same pout from before, “Am I really the kind of pony to do something like that~?” She batted her eyelashes at him teasingly.

“I don’t even want to know what goes on in that dungeon of yours…”

“Don’t be like that. I was just doing my usual bit of soul searching, and noticed you a little down in the dumps. What’s up?”

Rob finally reached her and perched on the end of the hammock, swaying it slightly as he pushed back and forth against the ground. He took note of her rarely seen serious face. “Well, I’m just overthinking things, that’s all.”

“You seem worried about things though, starting off with that ‘Moondancer’ subject.”

“Did… did you just refer to a pony as a ‘subject’?”

“Oh, did I?” She looked up in thought. “Old habits die hard I guess.” Rob felt her eyes lock back on him. “But answer the question, Arc.”

He sighed. “Yeah, fine, she’s one of the issues.” His tone was snappy, but they both knew he put no effort into it.

“What happened?”

“Surely you know? You’re always spying on me, I’m surprised you didn’t watch the whole scene.”

“Not this time, Arc.”

“Well, I don’t wanna talk about it.” He paused. “Well, it’s not that I don’t only… I don’t know what to say yet. There aren’t any words fitting the situation; none that I can do justice with anyway.”

For one of the first times, Rob saw Celestia sigh. She finished drinking her piña colada and crushed the glass into nothing with her magic. “Just remember, Arc. Be you. I need you to remain true to yourself. Everyone has feelings but… don’t let them get in your way. Treat them as hurdles. Everyone has them; some just cope better than others. And you… well, from what I see? You go through highs and lows. It just so happens that you appear to be in a low at the moment. It can’t be helped, but throughout life, you learn to fight back. It comes with time, and you’ve only been alive for a few years, and you’ve been in Equestria an even shorter time than that; much, much shorter. Much is being thrown at you in a very short span of time, and it’s not giving you much tome to adapt to it. All I… no, all anyone can ask is that you try your best.”

Rob stared at her. “Was… was that your idea of a profound speech?”

She chuckled, “Yes, it was.”

He laid back, resting against the side of her rump. “Well, I have to admit, it was a good one.” Laughing, he faced her. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Rob found himself looking at her gentle smile, and it made him feel a deep sense of comfort.

They both sat still for a while, listening to the waves lap against the sandy shore. Despite his hatred of it, Rob had found that his beach needed sand. He was glad. It was far more soothing than the clash of pebbles could have ever been. He assumed Celestia thought so too; it was one of the first things she had suggested for him to change. He looked back at his house a fair ways down the beach. “You know, tonight has been one strange night.”

“How so?”

“Haha, well, for starters, your amazing speech wasn’t the first amazing speech I’ve heard today.”

“No?” She hummed a little in contemplation, “But… who’s was better though?”

“Oh, yours, definitely yours.” He mock-flattered her, to which she shot him a cheeky wink.

“You’ll do fine with that attitude, Arc. Just keep on trying, things will click eventually.”

He patted her on the side. “I know… I know…” Sitting up, he stretched. “This shit’s just flyin’ past me, ya know?”

“I’m immortal, as you put it. Come back to me when life really passes you by.”

“Haha, yeah, I guess…”

Teaching a teenager to meditate was excruciating. Celestia had mentioned on several occasions that she was long-lived. However, no amount of time could quell both the stress and the boredom of watching Rob fail to sit still. She sighed, knowing fully well that she brought the whole situation upon herself.

Just after their chat, Celestia had offered to help Rob with his magical studies. She opted for the job of focussing him, something which Twilight had often tried to do – mostly unsuccessfully. One issue was that the boy was stubborn. The other issue was that Twilight was stubborn. This conflicted, and as such, the training never got anywhere. Celestia was beginning to understand why.

“Just focus on being at peace with yourself…”

“Look, you saying that over and over again, is beginning to piss me off…” Rob cracked one eye open from his cross-legged position on the sand, and glared at Celestia.

“Sorry, I’m only trying to help. You won’t get better if I don’t do this. You can be so scornful at times…”

“Yeah, well… Twilight has made me hate this part of the training… It always ends with her shouting at me and beating Spike.”

“S-she hits Spike!?”

“No, no, not at all. I just wanted to see your reaction.”

That move got the human a smack over the back of the head.

She faced him. “You sure can be a… a…”

“Dick?”

“Giant phallus, yes.”

“Nicely put.”

“Thank you.”

Teaching a teenager to meditate was excruciating. As backup, Luna had been drafted in by her sister for a more direct approach. If Celestia could think of anyone fit for the job, it was her. Although not as magically accomplished as she was, Luna certainly had a different outlook on the whole subject, and Celestia figured that might help Arc out.

Over the years, Celestia had watched Luna teach many students of her own. She never quite knew how she did it; all she knew was that not many of them seemed to continue their studies past the first week. She figured that it was a phase, and it’d pass; she never thought Luna would have the mentality required for teaching. She was beginning to see why.

“Arcadia, you need to lean back. More… …More… …More… …More. Remember, this is all about relaxation, so now close your eyes and don’t focus on what I’m doing at all, it’s just to help you relax.” Celestia watched Luna crack on with her teaching.

“O-ok…”

It was strange. The princess of the sun was used to herself being the one Arc looked upon with a scared expression. She felt a little jealousy as the human watched her sister with wide eyes. She could understand why, after all, she’d be doing the same in his position.

“I just need you to relax a little further, Arcadia. I’m going to touch you now, and I need you to just slip into it, staying calm and at ease.”

“Are you sure this is ok, Lulu, I… feel almost too comfortable with this…”

“Art thou- I mean… Are you questioning our- my teaching!?”

“No, no! Not at all! I mean, I’m questioning the ethics of this a little bit, but not the teaching, no, never the teaching!”

Celestia watched wide-eyed as her sister sat Rob down on the sand, made him take his shirt off, and sat behind him; spreading her hind legs around him and draping her forelegs over his shoulders. From behind, she began massaging his chest, forcing him to lean back into her, all the while, telling him to relax. How anyone was meant to relax in such a situation was beyond her.

Rob pressed his bare back against the soft fur on Luna’s underbelly, feeling his pulse rise again for the umpteenth time that night. He looked down at his chest and saw the princess’s hooves kneading gently against him.

“She expects me to relax!? This night is giving me such a case of blue balls…”

Doing as she asked, Rob cast aside all the issues he had with that particular method of training, and relaxed, leaning back even further into the princess as she’d asked moments before. Despite everything, he could not deny that he felt good. It was relaxing in its own way.

“Now listen to my voice, Arcadia.” She spoke softly into his ear.

He let out a deep breath and shut his eyes tighter, “Just ‘Arc’ Luna, we’ve been through this…” He sighed, “I’m going to be saying that to ponies for the rest of my life, aren’t I…?”

“My apologies, Arc. It’s hard to be less formal than I am accustomed to. I hope that you’ve noticed I’m trying my best to change that though, yes?” She ended the sentence with a small giggle.

“Yeah, yeah… So, just relax, right?” He tried to find some tranquillity from amongst Luna’s warm chest. “Right…”

The next hour passed surprisingly well, Celestia thought. She had gotten bored of watching them from the hammock and had gone into Rob’s home a little up the shore. Somehow, she’d found herself wearing an apron and serving them drinks. It’d been a fair time since she was the one waiting on someone with an apron…

What did amaze her though, was how well Luna’s strange method of teaching seemed to be working. By making use of the power of intimacy and bonds, she was somehow able to accentuate the level of inner peace he was feeling. It was as if she had found a way to use forced empathy. By now, Rob was in a deep state of tranquillity.

Trotting back out onto the sand, Celestia carried something called ‘Mountain Dew’ for Luna, and something called ‘Bulmers’ for Arc. She’d found them in the fridge and after a quick sniff test, decided these were the right drinks for the right people and ponies. For herself, she had whipped up another batch of piña colada, and she carried them all out on a tray with her magic.

She had opted not to balance the tray on her back like last time, back in Canterlot, because as she had found out rather quickly after arriving in Rob’s mind; the sand was not easy to walk on when you had hooves. They covered nowhere near enough surface area, and as result, you sank.

“Ok you two, time for a break.” She tapped her sister on the shoulder which made her jump, and giggled as she retreated back a little.

“Oh, s-sister! I’m sorry, I did not notice you sneak up on me like that.” Both Luna and Arc snapped out of their concentration and looked up at Celestia.

“Drinks?” The human questioned after taking a moment to gather himself. “Do we even need them when we’re in my mind?”

Celestia laughed, “No, not really, but, it can’t hurt right?”

“I suppose not.” Rob took his cider as the tray floated past him. “So, how’s it going, Luna? It feels good.”

“Yes, I am inclined to agree. Things are progressing very well.” She turned to her sister. “I don’t know why you and Miss Sparkle had so much trouble…”

Rob watched as the white princess rolled her eyes. “We just have different ways of doing things.”

“Hey, Lulu, can you help me out like this more often?” Rob figured that one or two of his daily sessions of magical studies with Twilight could be set aside for training with Luna. After all, Twilight was good, but, she couldn’t know everything.

“I do have other things to do, you know. I only came this time because my sister requested it…”

“Well, pretty please!” He turned to her and pushed her onto her back, pulling out his phone as he did. “Or…” Quickly snapping a photo of her, he turned to run. “I’ll show this to everyone in Canterlot!”

Briefly catching a look at the screen as the human turned and fled, her face flushed bright red. It was embarrassing to watch herself in such an undignified position; legs splayed out on the sand, rolling to try and get up. “Hey, get back here!” She stood up and took chase, struggling to move with any speed on the sand.

Celestia watched and shook her head like a mother watching her two children. “What ever will I do…? That picture won’t even show up when we all leave his mind…” She smiled to herself and went back into the house to wash up. It felt nice to let her mane down every one in a while, even if it was only a fantasy.

For the next hour or so, Rob and Luna continued their practise, once the latter had agreed to the formers request. Celestia could tell that her little sister enjoyed the company anyway, and what he’d asked of her was no more of an imposition than anything else she had to do.

Once Luna was satisfied that the days’ time had been spent effectively, she pulled Rob aside for what he considered ‘homework’. He was already sick of Twilight telling him to read books, books and more books; he didn’t care for Luna telling him anything similar.

“That’s it?” Rob smiled. “I can do that easy. Just leave it to me.”

“Good. Then we are done here. Go and rest.” The lunar princess replied.

“Rest? But aren’t I already resting, this is kinda like a dream, right?”

“In theory, yes, but you will find that while your body is rested, your mind might not be. After all, we have been highly active in here this night.” She gave a solemn glance to her sister. “And things will only get harder.” Rob waited as she paused and looked back at him. “I hope you’re prepared.”

Smiling, he patted the mare on the head, causing her to bare her teeth at him with a grimace. “No worries, I got this all covered! You focus on the moon and your creepy sister, and I’ll focus on not setting things on fire. Sound good?”

She only grumbled in response.

Rob turned to see Celestia walking towards him, “Well, Arc. This is all for tonight. Good luck for tomorrow, from what I can see, you’ll need it.” She smiled and flicked her tail up at his face, causing him to shy away.

“So that’s it? What about-” Without warning, he found himself looking up at the ceiling in Twilight’s library, back in his bed like usual. “-all the other… eugh, forget it.” He turned to the side, only to see an angry looking Twilight staring at him from a chair next to the bed. “Oh, I can’t see this ending well…” He muttered to himself.

“What were you thinking!?” He recoiled at her outburst as she leaned in.

“Wait! Now before you get all angry, you should know that this was all Celestia’s idea! She told me to do it! And then Luna came along as well, and we all sat in hammocks and drank piña colada on the beach! Things got a little weird after that… I think Lulu touched me in dirty places…”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“I’m not! Ask them yourself!” He looked at her pleadingly until she turned away and sighed, wiping her brow with her hoof.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“I do!”

For a moment, Rob saw a smile grace her lips, but just as soon as the moment had arrived, she faced him again with her stern expression on. “But next time, don’t fall asleep outside in the cold like that! Ponies have died from such things!”

“Yeah, but I’m a badman, s’all good, Twi.” He smiled at her, which seemingly pissed her off even more.

“Well, punishment is about to be served anyway.” An evil grin spread across her features.

“W-what do you mean?”

Rob watched as she pointed at the door. At first he didn’t know what was happening, but eventually he noticed Twilight’s horn light up, and heard a click as something unlocked. Within seconds, the door was blasted open and what Rob was forced to watch as Moondancer came rushing through, seemingly without pause; something that was amazing considering she just tackled a door twice her size.

In one fluid motion, she leapt from the floor and onto the bed, winding Rob as she planted all four hooves solidly on his stomach, something which made him involuntarily sit up sharply, resulting in him almost getting a horn in the eye – courtesy of Moondancer. Once the coughing and spluttering was over, he looked at the pony on his body and promptly pushed her off, muttering to himself under his breath once more.

“God girl, what are you, a puppy?” He looked into her glistening eyes. “Don’t give me that look!” She let out a lip quiver. “Well fuck. That kinda puts a stop to all disputes in Equestria.” He shook his head. “When did it come down to a ‘can you out-cute the enemy’ survivorship system…?”

“I was just so worried! Twilight said that you were asleep outside, and it’s cold at this time of year! And I didn’t want you getting ill or worse! And then I remembered that we could share our body heat, so I came up here and tried to undress you and get all snuggly but then Twilight threw me out…” She had a dejected look on her face.

“Well, I think that’s for the best, don’t you?” She nodded instantly, more as if agreeing with anything the human said, than if she knew what he was even talking about. Rob put it aside and swivelled himself out of the bed. He stared back at the white mare looking up at him with her adorably simple expression. He smiled. “But thank you, Moondancer.” That seemed to brighten her up.

Just as Rob was about to throw his clothes off and head into the shower, the peace of the room was interrupted by Twilight calling out, “Not again!” And running off to the bathroom. Rob frowned, as he looked towards the door that Twilight had just sprinted out through. He turned to Moondancer.

“You know anything about that?”

She shrugged and collapsed into his pillow.

Sighing, he took his shirt off. “I was just going to go in there…”

“How did it come to this, Twilight?”

“I don’t know…”

Rob could hear the sadness in her voice.

“And I thought you were such a sensible mare… Tut-tut…”

“I don’t want to hear that from you…” She spat back at him.

“I didn't think you guys could puke...?”

“W-what-” Rob watched as she heaved again into the toilet bowl. “-Gave you that idea!?” She spluttered out after finishing her very unladylike coughing fit.

“Dunno... just read it somewhere...”

“You… read…? Good one…” She smirked before turning back towards the unlucky porcelain.

“You know, you can be very mean when you want to be… I’m not sure if I like the new Sassy-Twilight.” He moaned as she emptied her stomach once again, he was disliking the close proximity to her bodily discharge.

“How did I get roped into this…”

He looked at his own reflection in the mirror and took note of the withered expression.

“I see you’ve become chief mane-holder.”

“Ah, Celestia! Yes, it would appear so.”

Rob looked down at his hands which were wrapped around Twilight’s mane, keeping it way from her face as she leant over the toilet.

“Have you ever seen an element of harmony in this kind of state before?”

“Not to my recollection, no. Unless you count me as being one? I suppose I was technically representing all of them at one point… Then yes, I was always in this state.”

“You were… multiple elements of harmony?”

“Yes.”

“You are anything but harmonious…”

“Well, it was more like I was the sole user… I had inner harmony or something…”

“Oh do tell me more, wise teacher…”

“Shut up, it was a long time ago…”

“Tell me more about you in ‘this’ state?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, the first thing that springs to mind is once again; how did you become the ruler of a country? Seriously, out of all the magical bullshit this place has to offer, this confuses me the most. I can sort of understand how your sister became revered or whatever, but, you? You’re a mess.”

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but I’m holding a vomiting pony’s mane, I’m hardly in the best mood right now.”

“Why don’t you be a gentlecolt and ask how she is?”

“Fine…”

“Hey, Twilight… you ok down there?” He peered down to get a better look at her, before sitting back up sharply after getting an unwelcome look at the contents of the bowl beneath the mare. “Ok, not too good still. I getcha.”

“She’s fine.”

“She doesn’t look it.”

“Trust me.”

“You are such a little girl sometimes…”

“I think you’ll find that I’m a little girl far more than just sometimes.”

“That’s not something to be proud of…”

“Twi, you mind if I have a shower…?”

“Now!?”

“Well yeah, I was sorta coming to do that originally, I only just happened to come across you spewing out your insides by chance. I was a little confused at first. Red wine really doesn’t agree with you… told you to stick to cider…”

“Not now, Arc…” She sighed and turned her head to face him. “Look, can you go and tell Spike that he’s free for the day, and then Moondancer… Oh Celestia, Moondancer… just… tell her not to break anything. After that you can have a shower. I’ll do my best not to look at you while you change…”

“You’re a dear! I’ll get right on that!” Rob turned and left the room to hunt for Spike, leaving Twilight only the mocking porcelain for comfort.

She moaned. “This day can’t get any worse…”

14. Behemoth Pt 3 - Detonation

“Who the fuck is Cadence?”

“That’s Princess Cadence to you, Arc.”

“Oh come on, Twi, you know I hardly abide by any of the rules you put in place.”

“I know… that’s what worries me sometimes…”

“I’m not going to add ‘princess’ to the beginning of everyone who lives in Canterlot. That’s just stupid.”

Twilight looked over the top of her book and frowned. “Not everyone in Canterlot, just the princesses; hence the term, ‘princess’.”

“Still seems stupid to me…”

“Well, be nice if you ever meet her. She’s married to my brother.”

Rob sat forward, almost choking on his lemonade. “You have a brother!? Since when!?”

“Since my mother and father… you know; ugh… ‘did it’. Now can we leave this subject alone?”

Rob walked over to her on the opposite sofa, back down in the main area of the library. “No, we cannot. You’re telling me that I’ve been winding you up all these weeks, and at some point, a stallion from god knows where, is gonna kick down that door Duke Nukem style and beat the living shit out of me!?”

“No, no. He wouldn’t do that. He’s captain of the royal guard, not some lowlife like you.” She smirked. “He’s above that.”

“You make me feel so good about myself…” He wrapped his arm around her in a condescending manner. “So, think you’ll be an auntie soon?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it…”

“Hey, come on, I presume this Cadence is hot? I just wanna know if your brother is giving it to her hot 'n hard every nigh-” He stopped as she hit him with a book and glared at him.

Things were mainly quiet in the library, save for the sound of a hairdryer being used upstairs by Moondancer, and the clinking of plates in the kitchen from Spike washing up.

Rob found himself trying to fend off the evils that Twilight was giving him, but eventually thought it better to simply change the subject.

“So, what’s on today’s agen-”

“Twilight!” Rob was cut off mid-sentence as the main door to the library was slammed open by a pony Rob quickly recognised as Rarity. “It’s my sister! She’s been taken!” She ran inside and up to her friend, “Please… you’ve got to help me rescue her!”

“Well… shit just escalated in a manner I have never seen before…”

Rarity looked a mess. She looked fine on the outside, just as pretty as ever, but both Rob and Twilight could tell that she was in pieces on the inside. Gently putting the book down, Twilight looked from her distraught friend to Rob.

“Grab Moondancer. We’re heading out.”

Rob had quickly established that Rarity had been approached earlier that day with news regarding her sister, by none other than the filly’s two friends, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. It seemed as though once again, the trio had gone too far, and attempted to get their cutie marks in a location deemed unsuitable for ponies by the rest of Equestria. Why they thought they were an exception to the unwritten rule, Rob couldn’t fathom. He put it down to them just being kids. And you can’t argue with such logic.

Despite the dreary atmosphere and the whimpers from Rarity, the weather by contrast was nice. Calm, blue skies were present, and made everything that was happening seem a little contrasting. It was easy to see why the fillies chose such a day to get into mischief. It was just a shame that they had been looking to find fun in all the wrong places, as they were informed of on the way out of Ponyville.

According to Rarity, the trio had come to her asking if she had needed any help. She believed that the reason her sister was in such a predicament was due to her mentioning a lack of silk being available for weaving. The three had gone north of Ponyville and into one of the abandoned mines at the foot of the Canterlot mountain range. Scootaloo had told Rarity that they went looking for Arachne silk, and figured that it was also possible to get a coal mining cutie mark at the same time.

Rarity’s reaction to it all was unknown, but luckily the girls had come straight home and informed the mare of their actions. Applejack was now looking after the girls back at Carousel Boutique, seeing as Rarity had come to Twilight for help.

Rob, Twilight, Rarity and Moondancer were now charging north of Ponyville, and towards the mine which the girls had gone into.

Rob watched as the landscape became more barren, and much more desolate in comparison to the usual Ponyville standards. In fact, even Canterlot in all its mountainous glory was lusher than where they were now headed. Rob hadn’t realised that scrub lands were so close to the border of his very home, after all, they had only been running for the best part of an hour so far.

It was nonstop, and a gruelling trip, but eventually they rounded the back of one small foothill and came face to face with a darkened tunnel bored into the ground, dug into the rockier side of an outcrop adjacent to a second foothill. Nestled in behind the outcrop was what looked to be a slag heap, made up of all the waste material from when the mine was active.

Rob looked at the ponies around him. Moondancer was tired and looked more confused than anything. To be fair, Rob had dragged her out of the library with haste as soon as Twilight had asked. The mare must have been pretty shaken. He then looked to the magical protégé in question. Twilight looked calm and collected as always. He could barely read her expression. She was clearly deep in thought and that in itself, made Rob feel a whole lot better about the situation.

The human then turned to Rarity, who was shaking and looking down at the floor. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her back, kneeling down. After a few strokes of her coat, she faced him and tried to smile, before breaking down into tears and crying. Rob lifted her forelegs off the ground and hugged her, placing her head on his shoulder and his arms around her back. He felt the top of his back become wet with the tears, before he eventually let her go.

“Moondancer, you stay with Rarity here. I’ll head into the mine and try and find her. Twi…” Rob turned to the stern faced mare. “Do ya fancy coming with me?” He tried his best to chuckle in light of the situation, “I could use a hand.”

After a second or so, she gently smiled back and walked up to him. “Yeah, you got it.” She looked back to the other remaining ponies. “Stay here and warn anyone else that might come here, not to come in. And look out for each other too, there’s no telling what might happen.”

Moondancer stood next to Rarity and nodded, looking surprisingly serious for once. “Yeah, I will.”

Twilight nodded a faint sign of approval, before turning and walking into the darkness of the mine. Rob waved the two ponies outside goodbye, and headed in after her, feeling his skin shiver as the cold air of the deep underground threatened to chill his bones. The lack of sunlight was also proving to make the area deathly cold in comparison to the outside. The human pulled his hoodie tighter around his body.

“Can you throw some light up, Twi?” He asked as soon as he noticed his eyes not adjusting any further.

Within seconds, there was a brief bout of illumination, before a steady glow pulsed though the air; illuminating the shaft they were traversing down. Twilight looked back, taking note of the small speck of light back the way they’d came. She also looked further ahead into the darkness. “We should make sure we can find our way back.” She noted in barely more than a whisper.

Rob nodded, not that Twilight could see, and began to look for a rock on the floor, something which he quickly found. Picking it up, he turned it over, looking for the sharper sides. Eventually, he settled on one corner and pressed it into one of the smoother walls of the mine, dragging it along to carve out an arrow pointing back towards the surface. Twilight nodded and the two continued walking, taking whatever twist or turn they found themselves coming across, hoping that they would find the filly before too long. After all, how far could she be?

Rob noticed the walls of the mine taking on a ruddy colour. Aside from the clay drippings on the walls and the silt pooling on the bottoms of the indents, the majority of the mine was compressed sandstone by the looks of it, with the odd patch of more chalky material every so often alongside slate or granite. All in all though, Rob could tell by the strange colouration that at some point, iron was being mined there, despite the weird abundance of other minerals and rocks comprising the mine.

Pushing it all out of his mind, he looked up at the wooden struts holding the place up. Some looked rotten, and some looked no more than a day old. The human put the corrosion down to various airflows in the mine and oxidation that came of the stagnant air blowing up from below. It appeared to have weakened the wood somehow anyway. Rob didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out.

Aside from the odd chatter between the two, to ensure that they were going the right way, the pair was quiet. Something was oddly still about the mine, and they could both feel it.

Twilight stopped, causing Arc to almost walk into the back of her. “Arc, there’s something you need to know about these places…”

He marked another arrow on the wall next to her, “Yeah?”

“They’re said to have… spiders in them.” He could hear the slightest bit of fear in her voice. If there was any more, she was doing very well to hide it.

“Spiders?” He shrugged. “Spiders don’t bother me.”

“What about big ones. Very big ones.”

“How big?”

“Bigger than you or I.”

“Ok, that will freak me out, yeah. What are they?”

“I just said. They’re big spiders.”

Rob nudged the mare with the tip of his boot. “No, as in; what are they called? ‘Big spider’ is a pretty shit name…”

“Oh, we call them Arachne.” She thought for a moment. “They have all of a spider’s main body, but instead of having a normal head, they have a sort of… extension. Like another slimmer body coming out of it. Kinda like your torso actually, only… all of them are covered in a thick black skin. Not only do they have large and very sharp spinnerets, but they also have huge fangs and paralytic silk if they chose for it to be that way.” She looked up at Rob over her shoulder. “Understand?”

“I kinda wish I didn’t, but yeah… How do you know so much about them?”

“Just from reading books! I finished one on Equestrian wildlife only five or six weeks ago.” She paused again. “Are you scared of spiders?”

Rob smiled. “No. Not at all, in fact, I like the little buggers. They eat the things I actually do dislike; flies, wasps, bees. Buzzy things in general really. But when you tell me that they’re twice my size with giant fangs, yeah, I’m a little scared. Is that ok?”

He heard a small chuckle as Twilight nodded. “Yeah, I can let you off the hook on that one.”

With that, the two progressed further into the mine, descending into the darkness further than before. Many twists and turns passed them by, and with no sign of Sweetie Belle, they became ever more worried. All they wanted to do was find her safe, and get her back to Rarity before any more trouble occurred. The only problem was that they had been down there for a good half an hour, and there was no way the girls had gone that deep. Rob questioned what might have happened to Sweetie Belle; the thoughts of Twilight’s giant spiders permeating his mind.

Rob noticed Twilight stop. He looked ahead and noticed the cause of the halt. “Well, it looks like we have to make a choice then.” Twilight spoke calmly, her voice echoing off of the walls.

“Don’t give me some Scooby Doo speech, ya hear. No splitting up, ok?”

She turned to face him. “Sorry, but we might have to. We stand a better chance of finding her that way, and there’s no telling which way she went.”

“Fine. I get it… I don’t like it, but I get it.” He grunted and pointed down the left intersection. “But I get that tunnel, ok?”

“Fine by me. Just be careful, ok?” She leaned against his side.

“You got it.” He said, rubbing her head gently with the palm of his hand. “Don’t hesitate to scream if you need anything, with luck I’ll hear the echoes…”

She nodded and departed down her designated path, leaving Rob in the dark as the light quickly faded away. He sighed, “I should have thought this through…”

“I need light, I have fire. But… damn… I’m so nervous that I can’t focus. All that mediation was for nothing…”

“Unless…”

“The meditation was for times just like these. To calm myself and make the energy flow better.”

Although there was no visible difference for him, he closed his eyes and focussed on his breathing, something that was easy to do in the silence of the mine.

“Alright, now we’re getting somewhere. And then just look for the magic… which is… wow, I can feel it that well? Sweet!”

A little puff was heard, and Rob opened his eyes to see a dancing flame in the palm of his right hand, illuminating the cave a fairly good distance. He smiled and looked at the excited fire, jostling about busily in his hand.

It was easy, really easy; especially since the beginning. He looked down at his other hand and extended it, forcing a second flame to come into play. His grin grew wider.

“Well, it’s not a big flame or anything, but I am damn happy with the results.” Facing forward, he continued his walk down the tunnel, keeping his eye out for anything out of the ordinary. He was taken by surprise when all of a sudden; the fire in his hand jolted up towards the roof and spread out like a wave. The fire was still in his hand, but something else had ignited. He remained confused, but pressed on.

The second time it happened, he forced himself to inspect the area in a more detailed fashion. Stacking up some rocks at the side of the tunnel, he stood upon them and examined the roof of the shaft. What he found baffled him; sticky melted goo. He followed the trail of goo, until it started becoming more cohesive, taking on a snowy white colour. Poking at it, he knew exactly what it was, based on texture alone: Silk.

Instantly, he felt his heart jump. “Shit. Silk means spiders. And this much silk, means big spiders.” He looked all around, only to see nothing. He was grateful for that.

Kicking the rocks back to the sides, he advanced onwards down the tunnel in search of the small filly. He remembered the look on Rarity’s face and gritted his teeth, breaking into a run down the tunnel.

“I can’t enlist the aid of a princess right now by any chance, can I?”

He waited, but no response was given. “Figures… they’re always out when I need them…”

Diving around another corner, he stopped. “Whimpering?” He strained his ears a little more and could make out the faintest cry of something, with luck, Sweetie Belle. Creeping further down the tunnel, he marked another arrow on the wall, making sure to keep his attention on the cries from somewhere further in.

Passing more rubble and yet more dripping iron water, he ground to a halt. He was approaching a cave, and a large one at that. Silently moving closer, he crouched down and shifted to the edge of the tunnel, leaning out into the great expanse that was that cave. He kicked himself for trying to hide, seeing as he was the only light source for yards. If anything was there, it would have seen him already.

Stepping out into the cavern, he increased the input to the flames, trying his best to light up as much of the area as he could. The first thing he noticed was how high it was. His light didn’t even reach the top, and he could only imagine how far underground he was. The next thing his eyes focussed on creeped him out, and he recoiled a little upon seeing it. Sitting in the middle of the cavern, was a small pony, very resembling of the three fillies he was down there because of.

Stepping carefully closer, he brought his hands up defensively. As more light covered the pony form, he began to see it taking on a dark brown colour. Whatever it was, it was certainly not a pony. He got within feet of it before he noticed it peeling away at the sides. It looked as though something had burst out of it. Rob soon realised that he was looking at it from the back.

Slowly he circled around the object, and gasped as he looked into the face of the creature. Hollow black holes stared back at him from where eyes should be, and a limp husk of a mane hung over the front of its head. What stunned the human most was the big bow attached to the back of its mane. He quickly realised the pony as Apple Bloom, and stumbled back a little in shock. He froze as he felt his back brush up against something.

Turning, he came to face a dark bark-like texture, swaying in front of his eyes. In the dim light, and with his brain still reeling from the morbid Apple Bloom husk, he barely had time to dodge as a sharp spike swung forward from behind the bark-like texture, in an arc going straight for his head.

Ducking, he threw himself backwards, tripping over the dead pony shell behind him, which quickly crumbled to dusk upon impact. Rob looked up. The thing that attacked him turned out to be, as Twilight had put it, a very big spider. It was hanging down from way up in the darkness and inverted, which explained the human’s confusion, seeing as he only caught a close up glimpse of the lower part of its body.

Hissing, it spat out a thin layer of silk, which Rob managed to back away from before it reached him. He looked at the creature and brought his hands back up to cover himself, igniting the flames more.

“Well shit… the girl was right…” Stammering, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Come on Lulu, make sure that calm meditation isn’t for nothing, come on, come on, come on…” Although throughout his whole monologue, he couldn’t stop his legs from shaking.

The spider sank to the floor and faced him, bearing its sharp and ugly fangs in an intimidating way. Rob backed off a bit more, realising that there was nothing between the creature and himself aside from his fleshy arms, and they wouldn’t last long if they were damaged. Not only that, but they were his main offensive force too. Twilight had always told him, that much like a unicorn’s horn, magic needs to be channelled, and for him, his hands were those conduits.

“Ok, offensive magic 101, what do I know…?”

He glared at the spider, who appeared to be waiting for his move before making its own.

“Nothing…? Great. Well… there was that drunk pony. I set his hat on fire. Suppose my fire is stronger now.”

Reaching out, Rob drew more fire to his hand and retracted it, pulling the fireball back over his shoulder. “Come on, please work, I don’t wanna end up like Frodo…” Rob could clearly see a glimmer in the eyes of the humanesque body of the beast, rising up cruelly out of the main torso, situated atop eight long and hairy legs. Reflected fire marked the end of that beast, as Rob let loose the fire and threw it with all his might towards the spider.

In a flurry of flames and a loud ‘boom’, the monster was quickly engulfed and burned, wailing out in pain as the fire consumed its body. Rob looked away as the incineration continued, partly due to the flames being hot and partly due to the horrible sounds of the dying creature. It sounded in such pain.

“It’s… it’s for the girl. Just… forget that…”

Soon enough, the flames died down, and Rob looked over to the embers and ash of what remained of the spider. He felt bad for it. Fire was a horrible way to die.

“Aaah, come on man! You’ve played numerous RPGs and killed hundreds of evil lookin’ creepy crawlies with fire and other magic! Don’t feel bad…”

But his words did nothing to stop the bad feelings within, aside from give him a little more confidence in his actions.

“Just remember, this is all for Sweetie Belle.”

Twilight marched on down the tunnel, but soon came to a blockage. Much like many of the other tunnels, a cave in was present and blocked her from going any further. She was just about to turn around and go back, when she noticed a thin layer of silk weaving in and out of the stonework above the blockage, slipping behind it further back.

Using her magic, she pulled a few stones out from the top, and then started working her way down, using gravity and leverage to her advantage to slowly dislodge the majority of the stones blocking her way. If others could travel this way, so could she.

Before too long, the path was clear and her light illuminated beyond the break. There were webs, lots and lots of webs. She sighed and scratched another arrow into the wall, using a small beam of magic from her horn, contemplating how to break through the web. Looking at the arrow in the wall, she glanced up at her horn, spying its tip at the edge of her sight. Smiling she faced the silk and let lose a torrent of purple magic which quickly blasted through the think tendons, clearing the way.

“I knew that learning such a thing would be useful.” She stepped around a boulder and carried on down the tunnel. “Only, I never thought I’d find myself using it like this…”

After another few minutes of walking down the tunnel, Twilight found herself entering a cave system, something far more natural than what the mine originally was. The spiders must have somehow got themselves into the mine when certain parts had collapsed, and since then, made it their home. That might even have been the reason it was abandoned. Twilight pieced things together as she wandered on.

The girls were in more danger than they could have possibly known, and to be honest, it was lucky that two of them managed to escape and spread the word. Twilight wondered how Rob was doing on his end, and darted around the next corner. What she didn’t expect was more web, although, part of her questioned why she hadn’t considered it. She started to understand why there were more webs. If she was in the caves where they had originated from, then she was also closer what they would perceive as home, and the silk was their way of keeping outsiders away. It made sense really; the only question was… where were they all? Shouldn’t there be some kind of guard?

After cutting her way thought more of the silk, she found herself in a chamber unlike the others. She felt a little sick from the smell. Lined up on the walls, floors and ceilings were eggs, some open, some closed, and some broken. She gasped as she realised she’d stumbled upon a breeding ground – probably one of many. Part of her was happy not to find Sweetie Belle. She knew that if she wasn’t here, then she had more chances of still being safe. She only hoped that Arc was having better luck.

Stepping out of the breeding chamber, she took a path that led downwards, further into the dark depths. Her spine shivered a little, making her fully aware of the potential danger she was in. Without warning, she found herself tripped. Frantically looking down, she noticed her forelegs caught up in yet more webbing, and then, there was an unfamiliar hissing sound.

A wet sensation coated Twilight’s rear hooves, and within seconds she felt a numbness passing up her hind legs. She was trapped. Rolling onto her back, she saw the reason for her submission upon the ceiling, suspended on globules of web.

“Spiders…”

As soon as she’d realised what it was, she sent another pulse of her magic right for it, knocking it off the ceiling as soon as the blast hit. Sighing, she was about to wriggle free, when a second spider fell down from behind the first and pinned her legs to the floor, crushing them under its weight.

Letting out a cry, Twilight arched back in pain as the sound of her own bones creaking reached her ears. Screaming out, she tried her best to focus on killing the monster, forcing a second wave of magic out of her horn as soon as the charge had built. A second shrill sound was heard as the spider fell limp off of Twilight, its face obliterated by the energy the unicorn had slammed into it.

Recovering her breath a little, Twilight tried to stand, but with the damage done to her forelegs and the paralysis afflicting her hind ones, there was no way she could move. She was a sitting duck, and prey to anything that might have the fortune to come upon her.

Silently, she waited, feeling sick from the smell of the burning spider and the look of its decimated face. There was nothing else she could do, she had to stay alive, and being vigil was now the only way. She could only pray that Rob came along soon. Silently, she dimmed her light and sat in the darkness, trying to make herself as small as possible.

“Well it’s just not my lucky day, is it?!” Rob found himself sprinting down yet another corridor, fleeing from what felt like an army of arachnids behind him. Dodging stones on the floor and webs in front of his face, he threw a glance behind him and managed to count seven of the beasts before turning back around to dart down another off passage to his left. “And there were even more than I had time to count! Fuck! Shit! Cock! Ass!”

Grasping as his magic once again, he summoned two unstable fireballs to his hands and turned around a second time, flinging them back towards the encroaching eight legged death-mob. A loud crack was heard as one of the fireballs hit the roof and caused it to crumble, crushing and submerging one of the spiders in the pack. Rob smirked as he realised that no more would be able to follow either. Unfortunately, he was running semi-blind, only occasionally getting a chance to see properly in-between firing off his magic behind him. He was making sure to try and keep one flame in his hand at all times.

Panting, he found himself quickly tiring; not only from the running, but from the magic too. Never before had he used so much energy under such stressful conditions, and now, it was taking its toll.

It had all happened so fast. On minute he was standing over the corpse of one spider, and the next, he was being ambushed by hundreds, all dropping from the ceiling just as the first had. Darting across the cavern from where he originally was, he took the only path left, being pursued by more arachnes than he dared to count.

Shaking his head, Rob pushed the past out of his mind. To live, he was going to have to focus on the present, and the eradication of at least six-plus monsters. He cringed at the thought.

“I’d love to just turn and go all Goku on their asses but… I’m a wimpy white kid, and that’s just not gonna happen.”

“Come on… think. Think! Why is nothing in a giant iron mine flammable!? Where is a gas pocket when you need one…?”

Ducking around the next corner, Rob pushed himself flat to the wall and pressed his hands together. “Come on Lulu, Twilight… Celestia… let’s see what you’ve got.” Straining, Rob drew upon yet more energy, causing beads of sweat to roll down his face. He’d never felt this drained before while practising, but right at that moment, it didn’t concern him. All he wanted to do was get rid of the fear. He felt the heat rise as the fire in his hands grew larger. He looked down and realised that what was usually a glowing flame was this time, white hot.

Feeling his vision blur, he continued to be mesmerised by the fire, drawn in to the primal beauty. The spiders were almost upon him, and yet, the energy was just too beautiful to look away from. Hearing the scurrying of the first ones legs was the only thing that kicked the fear back in, prompting him to rip his gaze from the fire with a jerk of his head. Realising the situation, he brought the ball up above his head, using both hands to compress and fuel the fire.

Just as the arachne was about to round the corner, the human stepped out and swung the bowling ball sized tempest down upon the head of the first spider. His eyes widened as the flames licked up the monster as if it were nothing, and blew outwards in a cone of red rage, taking care of the spiders following the first.

The first thing Rob noticed after getting his vision back from the light of the flame was the sensation of flying backwards. The second thing he felt was the impact as his back hit the wall behind him. It hurt, but the backlash to his hands was worse, and without a care for anything else, he began scratching at the stone floor under his palms to get the sensation away. It felt like blood boiling under his skin, and gritting his teeth, he forced his hands to stay still, something that felt equally painful.

The only good thing he could think of, was that he wasn’t being eaten alive by any arachne in the dark. Tensing every muscle in his body, he thought of Sweetie Belle. He’d only met her a couple of times, but there was no way he was going to return to Rarity without bringing her sister back. There was just no way.

“Aaah… haha… this isn’t good…” Rob thumped the ground a few times as he forced his head to think straight. The pain was clouding things over, and he was fighting to not break under the pain from his hands, burning away under the surface.

And then there was Twilight. He needed to know if she was ok too. There were so many things he wanted to know, and all he could do was clutch at things, hoping the pain would go away. So without knowing what else to do, he forced himself to stand, rising up on shaky knees. The only other issue was light. Even the mere thought of using more magic made him want to cry, and after being in so much pain already, he shied away from the thought. Luckily enough, some of the clay from the hall the spiders were in was aglow, still pulsing with an orange hue, much like a sunset. Rob looked at it eerily, finding his eyes drawn to the beauty and comfort of the light.

It felt wrong to leave it, but he had to press on; there was more than just his personal feelings on the line. “Get it together, man.” He exhaled deeply. “Come on.”

Turning his back on the slowly fading glow, Rob pressed his shoulder up against the wall and slowly began to make his way down the corridor, fearing the worst, and hoping for no other spiders in the dark. He knew that if they found him, he was as good as dead. He didn’t know how Twilight was doing, but he hoped that she was faring better than he was.

She was persistent though, and he knew that. Even if something had happened, she wouldn’t give up. He smiled, giving himself confidence in the dark of the mine, the one metaphorical light he could hold close to himself while all else seemed rather bleak. “Rarity is going to kill me…”

“Hello?”

“I-is anyone there!?”

“Please…”

“…”

“I knew we shouldn’t have come down here…”

Lost in a network of tunnels, one sooty black filly gingerly stumbled around in the dark, scared, confused and sad. She wanted to cry, but knew that it would solve nothing. Besides, she had to be strong and keep on trying to find a way out.

After the initial attack, she’d managed to avoid the spiders and find out a weakness. For all the spiders’ vision in the dark, they had a poor sense of acoustics and smell. After falling into a coal deposit, she’d found herself covered in black, and as much as she couldn’t see anything, by hiding and staying still when she heard sounds, the arachne hadn’t found her.

She remembered hearing a scream and some loud noises, but in the tunnels, distance was hard to judge, and sound carried for miles. She had been making her way towards the noise for a while though, and with luck, whoever it was, was still there. Part of her hoped to see a friendly face; Apple Bloom, or maybe even Scootaloo. But then again… she also wished they were safe. The last thing she’d seen was them running away, back to the surface. With luck, it was somepony else who was friendly.

She heard the scurrying again, and made herself into a ball at the side of the tunnel, praying to Celestia that she wouldn’t be spotted. She found it weird, passing herself off as a rock.

It was an endless cycle; she feared that her very heart pounding in her small chest would give her away; after all, she could barely hear anything over the sound of it, thumping away in desperation. Screwing her eyes up tight, she waited.

Minutes passed and the sound had long gone. Uncurling, she looked around, not that it helped, and continued on her way. Without magic and the torches that they had initially brought, she was blind.

At first she thought she was hallucinating, but as she got closer, a dim light begin to peer through her cracked open eyelids. She hadn’t realised it, but she’d kept her eyes closed in the dark the whole time, the light, no matter how dim, now stung at her as she got closer. It also shone a glimmer of hope into her heart, and a smile dawned on her face as she crawled closer.

The still of the cave itself, shuddered, as one lone voice tentatively called out through the dark. “T-Twilight…?”

The startled pony jumped as she heard her name, and quickly rolled over to the best of her ability, the paralysis still present in her hind legs. “Arc!?” She stopped and stared for a moment as she was faced with two green orbs shimmering form underneath a thick layer of soot. “No… Sweetie Belle…?”

One sharp squeak and a large smile later, and Twilight found herself being hugged by the desperate looking filly, locked in a tight embrace. “Twilight!” She found it hard to breath with the girl clinging so tightly. “I’m so glad I found someone…” Taken slightly aback, she felt the filly begin to sob on her shoulder. “I’ve been lost and scared…”

“I know, I know…” Reassuring Sweetie was the only thing to do, Twilight knew that they were still in a lot of trouble, and she hadn’t even heard from Arc since they split up. For all she knew, he was… Clutching Sweetie tight, she pushed the thoughts out of her head. “Come on Arc… we need you…”

Cold, the two sat together in the dim light, holding each other close as they tried not to fear the worst. It felt like days passing, weeks counting. Minutes just seeped by, measured only by heartbeats and the gentle pitter-patter of droplets hitting the stone, filtering through the roof.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you back to your sister. Just… sit tight for the moment, ok?”

All Twilight got in response was a gentle nuzzle into her shoulder. She sighed and propped herself up against the wall as best she could, waiting for the time to pass.

“Marching on in deathly silence… Upon the shores we go… Crashing tides applaud the violence… Upon the shores we go…”

“Ok, this is bleak and depressing even for me. Singing songs about futility? Now? Come on dude… get it together.”

Leaning down, Rob had his hands submerged in a puddle that had formed on the tunnel floor. Being in natural caves was a good change from the mine, and fluid was more abundant. He didn’t know how good it was for him, but he’d been drinking it for a while, quenching his thirst as he saw fit. He’d also worked out that submerging his hands in water was extremely calming; it alleviated the pain just as if it was actually a burn, despite there being no visible damage to the skin.

Along the way, Rob had managed to both evade and kill more arachne. In the wetter parts of the tunnels, he’d managed to drown them, using horribly painful and intermittent bursts of magic. In the dark of the tunnels, he could hear them coming a mile off, and was quickly learning to anticipate their movements. Luckily, he’d come across no more than two at a time.

If he was happy about one thing, it was that the fear was masked by pain, and the pain was masked by numbness, and the numbness masked what was left of both the fear and pain. All in all, a bunch of detrimental effects were working together quite nicely to become an advantageous one. It wasn’t like he cared about more pain anymore, and after being caught on the elbow with some paralytic venom, he also knew to look out for that as well.

Weirdly enough, being forced to survive had made him far more at ease with doing so. He’d never liked pain, or fear, but… there was something exhilarating about it all. Being close to death, made him feel very alive.

“Alright, just a little more… come on.” Sinking his hands deeper into the pool, he heard the familiar scurry once again. Crouching still for a moment, he located the noise, and looked towards a tunnel off to his left, not that he could see it. “Hey, asshole!” For a moment he heard the noise stop, before it continued again and slowly became louder.

“That’s it, prime steak here! Get ya human shaped protein fix, shit for brains! Come on!” He called again, louder than before. Soon heard a single arachne round the corner, the echo finally became a singular sound. “Alright… here we go…” Feeling the pain swell in his hands once again, he lifted the water from the pool with a slow hand movement, and as if it were clay; moulded it into a thin sheet in front of his face.

He wasn’t sure it was good for his body, but he forced the burning into the back of his mind and ducked down further, whistling into the dark a small tune as he waited for the spider to come closer.

It was simple; spiders were stupid. They just charged right in, and when they did, you could catch them. It felt ironic using a web to catch a creature that specialised in setting traps and lying in wait. And yet, it worked.

Rob felt a small tug as the spider came into contact with the film of water, and he quickly focussed on the capture. The spider didn’t even have time to react as the net snapped closed around it and crept over its body, holding it suspended in the air. All Rob needed to do afterwards, was slowly feed the water to the arachnes head, depriving it of oxygen. Thanks to its vaguely human top-torso, this was easy to do, and within the minute, the whole ordeal was over.

Letting the body slump to the floor, Rob replaced the water, and sunk his hands back in, letting out a deep breath as the pain lessened. Smiling at the strange sense of triumph, he stood back up and continued down the cavern, in the direction the spider had come from. It was slow progress, but progress none the less.

Along the way, Rob had made sure to collect as much water as he could physically hold in his hands. The constant cooling helped a lot, and gave him something to work with in case of danger. He’d also worked out a nice trick, which involved him filtering the magic though the water nestled in his hands. Using that, he was able to create another flame to see with, only, at much less of a cost than before. The pain was manageable at that rate, and not overbearing.

The more Rob walked, the more he noticed things looking the same. Aside from people stupid enough to come down into the mine, Rob wondered what the arachne ate; there was literally nothing to eat. All he ever saw was rock, water, and occasionally the odd creepy giant cave with egg sacks lining the walls – all of which were empty. For all he knew, he was going in circles. He’d long ago forgotten to keep marking the walls with arrows, and he couldn’t find his way back to them even if he did retrace his steps, what with the darkness and the cave in.

His magic was already far past its limits, and he didn’t know any communication spells anyway; the mental link in his head was all Celestia’s doing, and not his own. He couldn’t think of any way to find Twilight, aside from dumb luck, and that was looking like a bad option to follow. The down side was; that was the only option to follow. He was lost, and in a bad way. The only good thing, was that the spiders didn’t know that.

He sighed and jogged on, cradling the water in his hands, complete with dancing flame, gently; as he moved on through the caverns. “This day has become really shit, really quickly…” He moaned as some of the water sloshed over his hands. “Well, gotta keep the spirits up…” He took a deep breath and continued singing to himself; happier tunes this time.

“I would give you the stars in the sky, but they're too far away… If you were a hooker, you'd know, I'd be happy to pay…” He smiled as he looked forward to brighter things.

“Much better.”

“I know you feel scared and tired right now, but we really have to find Arc and get out of here, Sweetie.” Twilight said as she continued to cradle Sweetie Belle in her forehooves. “My legs are feeling a little bit better, and the paralysis is wearing off too… I think I can stand…” She looked down at the filly. “Can you walk?”

After some internal debate, a nod was given back, and Twilight released her to the floor, checking for anything dangerous down the tunnels. “How are we going to get out of here?” The little sooty unicorn asked. “I- I don’t know how to get back out. Apple Bloom had the map… and she’s gone.”

Twilight smiled, “It’s ok. I told you, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are safe and back in Ponyville.” Reassuring the filly, she pointed back the way she’d come. “Wanna try walking a little bit?”

Once again all she got was a nod, and so, they began walking, following the arrows back the way Twilight had come. Everything was silent until Sweetie piped up. “Are you sure it was Apple Bloom and Scootaloo…?”

Twilight stopped mid-stride and looked at the filly. “What do you mean?”

“They looked like us. The spiders! They made more of… us!” The end of the sentence was punctuated by another squeak as Sweetie’s voice broke, prompting Twilight to look around and check that it was only them nearby. She knew how sound carried in the depths.

“They made more of you?” She calmly turned back to the filly.

Her small head nodded eagerly. “The silk! It made copies of itself with the silk!”

“Then… I’m surprised we haven’t seen any others around… Maybe Arc found some.” She continued walking, and looked back at Sweetie, “No, I’m sure that Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are fine, and more than that, I’m sure that they’re themselves. After all, they did come as fast as they could to warn us about you.”

“I suppose so…” She began to bounce along after Twilight, looking happier than before. “I just wanted to make sure!”

“Yeah,” The purple unicorn giggled, “That’s a good idea.”

Eventually, and with minimal hiding, the duo made it back to the original entrance to the cave system, separating it from the mine; the collapse which Twilight had managed to navigate only a few hours before. She felt like they were in the clear, only… without Arc.

Sighing and scraping her hoof on the cold floor, Twilight looked down at Sweetie Belle, who was absentmindedly starring back down the mine shaft. “Hey… if you follow this tunnel back up there,” She pointed towards the surface with her hoof. “You’ll get back, and find your sister waiting outside.” She thought for a moment as Sweetie looked up at her. “I’m going to go and get Arc back.”

The filly just watched for a moment, torn between leaving Twilight and traversing the dark tunnel, and finding her sister again. “But… I don’t want to leave you…”

Feigning a smile, Twilight nudged Sweetie back towards the passage out. “You’re going to have to. I need to save Arc. And I know it’s dark up there, but if you trace yourself along the wall, you’ll see the light in no time.” She chuckled, “Rarity is going to have a heart attack when she sees you covered in that mess…”

“Yeah…” Sweetie giggled back. “Her face will look really funny!”

“Yeah, it will.” She laughed alongside the girl. “So will you go back for me? Brave, and by yourself?”

For the third time, a nod was given in response, only, this time; accompanied by a smile. “Yes!”

Relief washed over Twilight, and she watched as the small pony slowly faded out of sight behind her, heading off back to her sister. She was happy that something good had come out of the escapade. Now all she had to do was get Arc back in one piece, and they could all go home and rest.

“I can’t believe that I think this is going to work…” She moaned as she headed back into the mine, heading down the path that Arc took when they split up. “More than that, I can’t believe that this was the best plan I could come up with…”

“Ok, so… most of this cave is granite and iron. There is a level of coal embedded within the rock, and a lot of clay keeping it all together, nice and cohesive.” She closed her eyes in thought once more. “Spiders have a strong sense of touch, but not much else going for them.” Pausing, she waited. “Ok…”

Drawing in a deep breath, Twilight bowed her head and pointed her horn back into the depths of the mine, gently lighting her horn as she prepared to cast her spell. Alongside the white glow of her light, she also began emitting a purple aura as her magic grew stronger.

Firmly planting her hooves on the ground and gritting her teeth, Twilight sent out a vibration into the rock, one powerful enough to alert anything within the mine and the caves to her presence. With luck, her idea would work. All she needed to do was maintain the vibration for as long as possible.

“Well that’s new.”

Rob stopped walking and listened as a rumble shook through the cave. “I certainly did not hear this before.” He continued walking. “I do so hope that this is not a sign of my impending demise…”

The sound was loud, a deep and bass filled throb; it shook the cave in its entirety. “I have no idea what’s going on.” The human sighed. “It does make a change from the silence though, that’s kinda nice.”

Part of him was worried about cave-ins, but from what he could see; everything was remaining intact, it was quite amazing.

Within seconds, a second rumble filled the air, a much more physical one that the original. This one felt real, and Rob could feel it getting closer. He was just in time to press himself to the side of the tunnel, as a stray spider darted past him, paying him no mind. A bewildered look crossed his face as a second spider flew past. And then a third.

Five minutes later, and the human had begun to walk alongside the torrent of spiders. He even got used to them being there, despite being greatly confused by the whole ordeal. With luck, the noise he could hear was drawing them out. If it was a threat, the only logical cause for survival was safety, and safety meant out, or risking a cave collapse. Rob hoped the spiders were choosing to live.

After maybe half an hour of walking, he found himself re-entering the mine, and leaving the natural caverns behind. It was a welcome sight, even if the arachne underfoot were creeping him out a little. The commotion and sound did keep his mind off of his hands though, and that was a good thing.

“-rc,-s-th----o…”

“Ok, did I just hear that?”

“A---an--u he-r me?”

“Twilight!?” He called back up the tunnel. “Please scream unfathomable things again if it’s you!”

“Th-t--ot--unny!”

“Hell yeah! Just wait, I’m coming! Be with you in a sec.”

Rounding the next corner, Rob managed to see a strange white light, one that he instantly recognised as Twilight’s. Happy was an understatement, he felt amazing to see her again. Something about her face, and not being trapped in an arachnid filled tunnel, made his heart soar.

Soon enough, he made his way through the swarm to stand next to her. For a moment, they both looked at each other, before Rob fell to his knees and hugged the purple mare tightly. “I am so glad I found you, Twilight. I was running out of songs to sing…” He heard her giggle a little before falling limp onto him. Pushing her up, he looked into her now lucid eyes. “H-hey, Twi…? Twi!?”

Looking up at him, she smiled. “Don’t worry, I just need to finish this spell…”

“You did all this!?”

“It’s just a small vibration spell masked with an illusion to send them back…”

Rob looked back towards the spiders, and noticed that none of them were heading to the surface. In fact, they were all going down the tunnel that Twilight had originally gone down. He turned back to her. “We need to get out of here.”

“I can’t… the magic will wear off and they’ll come after us…” Rob watched the feeble pony struggle.

“Leave that to me…”

“Great time for a ‘cool guy’ act you idiot, this is going to hurt hella-bad…”

Laying Twilight on the floor, Rob stood back up and faced the stream of spiders running past them down the offshoot. “I think we could all do for a little cave in right about here…” Raising his arms, he once again forced the magic into his hands. “I gotta stop doing this…”

Making the energy form and take shape, he pulled the oxygen in and brought life to another flame, holding it under his arm like a child. As soon as he had his breath and balance back, he rammed the flaming sphere into the highest point of the wall he could reach; slamming his arm up in an arc.

Embers and dust burst forth from the wall and ceiling, creating a large crack through the rock. At first Rob was annoyed with the results, and thought he’d have to try again, but luckily, Twilight’s vibrations carried the job on for him, and the roof soon collapsed under its own weight. Rob dodged the rubble just in time.

Slumping down, he reached out and grasped Twilight’s left forehoof, “You can stop now. The route is blocked…” He lifted his head up to check, as a stray stone rolled forward and tapped his boot. “Yeah… we’re good.”

All of a sudden, the deep hum that had been permeating everything for so long, came to a stop, and Rob instead heard the mare heave and gasp in air next to him. He rolled towards her, and found her writhing and moaning. It was like a fever, only, more pain and less ache; her whole body was clenching.

Quickly, he sat up and scrabbled over to her. Picking her up and cradling her in his arms, he held her tight. Tucking her in to his stomach, he rested his head on hers as she continued to twitch and gasp from pain. “Twi…” He shakily spoke. “T-Twilight… It’s going to be ok… I’m here.” He whispered his words in her ear, as he found himself beginning to tear up. “Don’t cry… please Twilight… Just bear with it. I know it hurts...”

And then she stopped; falling limp in his arms.

Shakily, he placed his hand on her chest, and let out a deep breath and a relieved chuckle at his own stupidity as he felt her breathing. “I- I thought…”

He shook his head and stood. “No, no… that’s ridiculous. She’s fine. You’ve felt the same pain. She’ll be fine.” He paused. “But… not if we don’t get her back.”

Gingerly, Rob began traipsing back up to the surface, leaning against the wall as both support and a method of guidance. It was hard carrying Twilight in his weakened state, and the pain in his hands didn’t help. He couldn’t tell how much pressure he was exerting or how well he was balancing her. Over all, he felt awful.

Eventually though, a speck of light marking the end of the mine was visible, and called out to him like an angel. He didn’t remember how long it took before he collapsed outside the mine, exhausted, and with a hazy blur obscuring his vision. All he knew was that he was happy to be out.

Lying on the grass outside, he slowly stared at the sky and let his eyes adjust to the new light. At some point, he noticed a purple mane dangling down over his face and figured that it must have been Rarity. He was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t Moondancer.

It was only with his last fading vision that he tilted to the side and saw an unconscious Twilight with a sooty Sweetie Belle watching over her. He smiled, understanding that everything was ok, and drifted off to sleep, feeling like he deserved a well-earned rest.

Author's Note

I have author notes! I'm damn well going to use them!

Well, dunno how a more fast-pace writing style feels... so far? It feels weird.

I have to confess. This chapter was major new territory for me. I'm still getting to grips with the action-y stuff, so... I consider this practise!

14. Behemoth Pt 4 - How Far?

When Rob woke up, he found himself in a different location to the one he’d fallen asleep in. He was half expecting to still be outside the mine, only, he was warm, relaxed and comfortable; something that one wouldn’t usually associate with a dry dirt floor digging in at the sides. For all of these things, he was grateful.

Blinking a few times, he tried lifting his arms, something he soon found he wasn’t able to do very well. They teased him with the odd shake and twitch, but overall, they were sore and unresponsive. He tried to glare in an angry fashion at them through the covers that were placed over him, all to no avail.

“Shit…” He muttered, as he quickly realised that he was in Carousel Boutique, a place he’d made sure to avoid on many an occasion, or else become subject to Rarity’s wildest dreams, desires, and wicked fashion sense.

Besides, fashion wasn’t exactly his style, despite the constant rebuttals stating otherwise from the white unicorn. He’d often made a point of turning up in the most obnoxiously garish outfits whenever he had to make an appearance at the boutique, much to Rarity’s chagrin. It was amazing how easily he could procure atrocious clothing from Celestia on simply a whim.

He remembered the first time visiting the boutique properly; Twilight had sent him to over to deposit a sticky filly who had decided it was a good idea to play scientist in the basement, claiming it was; “So the way she was going to get her cutie mark!” He’d been sent on a round trip to Apple Bloom’s home, Scootaloo’s home, and Sweetie Belle’s home to deposit the children with a letter from Twilight detailing how dangerous the whole expedition could have been. Somehow, she thought that a stern letter was going to stop them.

It was in the very same room that he was in now, that he had witnessed Sweetie Belle taking on all of Rarity’s rage. He was impressed. He was certain that he’d have crumbled in such a situation. After the first twenty minutes, his mind and eyes had wandered to the room. Pale cream walls? Very Rarity. Purple banners hanging from the high ceilings? Rarity all over. Minimalist, but stylish décor? Yeah, that was Rarity too.

Smiling, he relaxed back into the bed, just as a door over to his left swung open, almost hitting a bookcase just behind it, snapping him out of his daydreams. In strolled Rarity with a plate and a mug being held firmly within her magic.

“Hope you’re feeling well enough to eat, Arc? You’ve been asleep for the whole night now!” Her sing-song voice echoed through the room.

“Yeah… But… how’d you know I was awake?” He questioned, trying, and failing, to sit up.

“Call it intuition, dear.” She responded, while walking over to his bedside and helping him with her magic.

He looked over at her as she laid the plate down next to him on the bedside table. “And how’s Twilight?”

“She’s fine.” The pony flippantly answered, turning around to find a chair which she moved over to the bed and sat on. “She was just tired from using her magic for too long.” She frowned. “Unlike you…”

“Me?”

“Yes you idiot! All those burns on your hands! You’ve killed almost all of the nerve endings in your hands!”

He waited. “Well… ok. Don’t really know what to say to that…” He chose to look away as she glared daggers at him. Reaching for the drink and failing, he cleared his throat, “And Sweetie is ok too?”

Rarity’s face softened as she calmly brought him the drink. “She’s fine too… Thanks to you and Twilight.”

“No, no. Twi did all of that. I just got lost, pissed off a bunch of spiders, and injured myself. And look at this… now I make you take care of me too.” He chuckled. “Fat load of help I was...”

He reached across to take the plate, he felt a sudden craving for the delicious looking scones placed upon it, but sighed when his hands wouldn’t do what he wanted. “Come on, let me help you.” He looked over as Rarity spoke, lifting the food towards him.

“This feels really stupid and embarrassing…” He grumbled. “Magic must be really useful sometimes.” Noticing her raised brow, he smiled. “You know, your magic, as opposed to mine!”

Giggling, she held the first half of a scone in front of his face, and begrudgingly, he leant forwards and took a bite out of it. He couldn’t deny that it tasted really good, but the shameful way in which he was eating it really dug away at what little of his pride remained. “I got them from Sugarcube Corner this morning. Pinkie made them. Nice, aren’t they?”

Nodding, Rob continued chewing.

“Also…” She paused. “We’re going to have to fix your hands, and… it’s not going to be easy.” Allowing him another bite, she stood from her chair. “We have to re-feed the magic through your hands and… umm… Twilight did tell me the rest but it was oh so complicated and I can’t really remember the finer details…” She drifted off as she wandered around the room, checking things that Rob couldn’t rightly see.

Swallowing, he faced her. “Can’t you just do that stuff Celestia did? You know, horn-rape me and then laugh while I writhe around in pain?”

“I… are you feeling alright?” He smiled at her expression.

“Yeah… forget it.”

“If you say so…”

“And you say this is perfectly safe?”

After dinner at Rarity’s and another quick nap, he’d been taken back to Twilight’s for some medical therapy. According to Twilight, who had better explained what Rarity had been trying to tell him earlier; he had used way too much magic without being prepared for it. Apparently the body needs time to adjust to using magic, and with what he’d been doing in the mine, he’d well overworked himself.

The plan was to stimulate the dead cells by feeding magic into them, rather than through them. And seeing as Rob didn’t have the talent to do that, the job came down to Rarity and Twilight – mainly Rarity.

Twilight had told him that the finer magic could be done by Rarity, as she used it far more for the delicate tasks than Twilight did, who was simply more diverse and powerful. The fashionista didn’t like the idea of it, but was quickly convinced by the pair; Rob who was paralyzed, and Twilight who was feeling pretty run down after the venture the day before.

Currently, they found themselves back in the library, gathered around in the study, waiting for everything to begin.

“Don’t worry Rarity; the books say explicitly how to do this procedure. You can do almost anything with magic!” Twilight piped up.

Sighing, Rarity thought back to all of the problems caused over the past few days. “That’s what I’m afraid of…”

Walking over to her, with his arms hanging limply at her side, Rob bent down. “I have faith in you, Rar’. I’m sure you’ll do fine!”

“Oh, darling, confidence is one thing, but it has no actual relevance… If I don’t do this right, then I could just hurt you more!”

“Yeah, but you’ll do fine.” He nodded as he stood back up and walked over to Twilight who was busily flicking through a book. “She’ll do fine… right?”

The unicorn simply laughed and moved away, replacing the book back on the shelf, leaving Rob filled with faith.

“Great…” He sat down and waited as Rarity was briefed on the procedure.

“Done this before?”

“One has completed the procedure in the past, yes.”

“You’re slipping.”

“Oh, then yes; I have done it before.”

“Safe?”

“Oh yes, nothing to worry about.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“That actually makes me feel better… Thanks, Lulu.”

After not too long, Rarity moved over to him and took his hand in her hooves. It was quite a soft feeling, and Rob was enjoying what little of it he could feel. The look of concentration on her face was quite complimenting, and Rob thought about the small pony.

He liked her. Whether she helped him or not, she had, on many occasions, been a strong pillar of support for him. He knew he could depend on her, but still, having someone do weird things to your body was never nice.

A cough brought him back to reality, and he found himself looking straight at her. Tilting her head in confusion, she spoke. “I’m ready… if you are?”

He nodded and let out a deep breath. “Go for it.”

The feeling was strange once it began. It was similar to the water in the cave, but much less physical. It was like smoke, a light and tingly sensation trickling through his hands. A caress which eased the numbness slowly began spreading up his arms, and he noticed Rarity deep in thought, still holding on to him eagerly.

Twilight was sitting not too far away, intently watching the two as the process unfolded. It was an interesting experience for her, seeing as she usually found herself doing the magic. It was weird to be the one sitting on the side-lines for once, but she knew as well as any, that due to years of needlework and fine stitching, Rarity was the best when precision came to mind.

She’d run through the process many times with the seamstress, and she knew that Rarity could pull it off - all she had to do now was wait.

In the meantime, she headed upstairs to find Spike and Moondancer. Last she saw them, they were playing a game of Tornados and Thunderclouds, kindly lent to them by Rainbow Dash who had traded it in for the next edition of the Daring Do series. Ever since the hospital, she’d been playing that game less and less.

Twilight wondered if the pegasus even cared about her trip to the mine, she seemed far more excited about the book. Laughing, she shook her head, pushing the silly thought out of her mind. She was well aware or Rainbow’s loyalty, seeing as it had saved her on many an occasion. She just wasn’t too sure that the mare was very good at showing her feelings. Concern looked weak, and maybe she’d used the book as a means of checking up on them without appearing worried.

“Oh, Rainbow…” Twilight whispered to herself as she strolled up the stairs to the second level of the library, where she saw the two playing their game on the overhang looking out upon the ground floor.

“Umm… Cloud nine!” Spike called out, pointing gleefully at Moondancer.

“Miss!” The mare giggled venomously, “And now I have you! Cloud four!”

After a brief show of manly bravado, Spike crumpled down and let out a sigh. “Fine… you got me. Game over, you win.” He looked over at Twilight and blinked, “Ugh, hey, sorry Twilight, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“That’s ok, Spike.” She spoke, walking closer to the pair. “I do have something to ask of you both though, as long as you’re finished with your game?” She changed her tone at the end of the sentence, to a more commanding one. “I need you two to go and get Applejack and Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. They should all be on the farm right now.”

Spike nodded, rising from his seat, and asked, “Why?” Shuffling away from Moondancer, who was putting the game away behind him, he stood at Twilight’s hooves. “I thought they were at Rarity’s?”

Shaking her head, Twilight turned and walked back towards the stairs. “No, Arc stayed with Rarity last night, and Applejack picked up the girls and took them back to her place. Arc and Rarity are now downstairs though, but… don’t go into the study, they’re working hard on something which must not be interrupted.” She looked back over her shoulder. “Do you understand?”

The fierceness in her glare kept Spike from questioning her, and swallowing, he nodded and turned back to Moondancer. “You heard her, right?” She looked up in a guilty fashion, trying to cram the remaining pieces of the game into its box. Spike raised an eyebrow.

“I… umm… No…” She hung her shoulders limply and nervously chuckled.

“Don’t go into the study… That’s the second door on the left downstairs.” He briefly looked back at Twilight, but she had already gone down the stairs. “And come on, we’re going out.”

Hopping up, Moondancer levitated the game box back onto the table and followed Spike down and out of the library; onto the streets of Ponyville.

Upon walking back into the study, Twilight found Rob and Rarity both resting. She imagined it being a difficult skill, and Rarity didn’t have stamina like she did.

“How’s it going, you two?” She asked, taking a seat across from them.

Looking up, Rarity smiled weakly. “Well, it sure it a tiring way to spend your time…” Turning to Rob, she looked down at his hands. “And… is it working? Do you feel anything?”

Slowly, he raised his arms and after a few seconds of frowning, managed to slightly wiggle his fingers. “I’d say we’re making good progress.” Letting out a breath, he focussed on Twilight. “Thanks for sorting all this out, Twi.” He faced Rarity. “And thank you so much Rarity for fixing me. You don’t know how much I appreciate what you guys do for me.” He smiled. “So, thank you. Both of you.”

A wide smile spread across both of their faces as they simultaneously nodded. “You’re welcome!”

He laughed as they both called out the same thing together, and faced his hands once more. Just a bit longer, and soon they’d be usable again. Although, he was under strict orders to take a few days off of the physical magic training. He didn’t think that was a bad thing though, besides, any training was good training, even if it was only meditation and general maintenance.

Not long after that, and Rarity continued her healing, leaving Rob time to let his mind wander. Twilight oversaw the whole operation, and occasionally flicked through a book; something to both kill the time, and be productive.

It wasn’t long before there was a knock on the front door, which interrupted the procedure. Twilight expected it to be Spike, and set off to answer it, but as Rob found out upon Twilight returning, it was Vinyl.

Complete with her usual shades, she strolled into the room without a care, and before anyone had a chance to say anything, threw a small white thing at Rob; something which out of reflex, he caught. The first thing he and everyone else noticed was how easily he’d managed to catch whatever it was that she’d thrown. The second thing he noticed was what exactly it was that she’d thrown; a small white rabbit.

He looked up at her quizzically. “And this is…?”

She shrugged and took a seat next to Rarity on the floor. “I dunno. It was in my room when you came over the other week, and you were looking at it a lot while I was being all moody about my parents.” She chucked, “Heck, you even carried it all the way to the studio… Not that I think you noticed…”

He stared at the small cuddly animal in his hands, and vaguely remembered it from her bedroom. “And it’s ok for me to have this for…?”

“Saving the kid and bravery… and stuff like that.” She flicked her glasses onto her forehead. “Look, it’s like a get-well present or something, and I didn’t have anything else to hoof…”

“You live in a million-dollar mansion, and you had nothing else to hand…” He sighed. “I’d have settled for some booze or maybe a lump sum of cash…” Laughing, he leaned over and ruffled the DJ’s mane. “Cheers, gal. I’m glad you thought of me!”

She smiled, “Course I do! You’re my favourite human!”

“I’m the only human…”

“That too!”

Twilight soon interjected, “And Vinyl, how did you know he was here?”

“I saw the small dragon dude while I was out in Ponyville.” She rolled her eyes up in thought. “Sprinkles…? Skippy…?”

“Spike?”

“Yeah! Spike! And he was telling me about what you guys did yesterday!” She looked over at Arc. “You sure do get into a lot of crazy stuff, don’tcha?”

He nodded. “You don’t know the half of it…”

“So yeah, the lil’ guy knew that we were friends, and told me all about it. I went home and dropped off my shopping, and came right over here!” Leaning back, she concluded her story.

“That makes sense.” Twilight spoke for the group’s mutual agreement. “Also explains why he’s been gone for so long…”

Once again, Rarity set about healing Rob, and got to work with her magic. In the meantime, Vinyl entertained them with stories from the business; from drunken escapades to funny fan stories. Rob spent the entire time looking down at the small rabbit she’d given him. If he thought about it hard, aside from Celestia’s amulet, this was the first physical gift he’d received since he’d been here. The fact that it was a small toy didn’t matter.

After that session of healing, Spike was back, and with him were Applejack, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

The group from the study had reconvened in the main area of the library, and were now sprawled around on the furniture; Vinyl was lounging in a recliner under the window, Rob and Rarity were crammed next to Twilight on one sofa, and Applejack was sharing another with Spike. The three fillies took the floor next to Moondancer, and sat facing the others in the room.

Clearing her throat, Twilight began the discussion. “Ok, so I bet you’re all wondering what you’re here for.” She looked at the fillies. “I presume Applejack and Rarity have already given you three some sort of lecture about all of this, and so that’s not what I want to talk to you three about.” She faced Rob. “With your help, my knowledge and those three, I would like to try and work out more about what actually happened down there.”

“Just ask them what ya need, Twi.” Applejack responded.

Nodding, the unicorn sat up straight. “First, Sweetie Belle, you spoke about copies, correct?”

The filly nodded.

“The books never spoke of anything like that… But Arc found them too.” She pondered for a moment. “So… the webs… they make copies of things they’ve seen out of their webbing?”

“It was weird… I was talking to Apple Bloom but when I turned around to look at her, there were two of her!” Scootaloo piped up, buzzing her wings energetically. “And then one hissed and I knew that wasn’t Apple Bloom…” She looked at Sweetie Belle and turned her head down sorrowfully. “We ran…”

“Hey, kid. Sounds like you did the right thing if you ask me.” Vinyl looked over her shades at Scootaloo before slouching back in her chair. “I mean, you’re all here safe and sound. That probably wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t run back and told these guys.” She poked a hoof at Rarity, Arc and Twilight.

Gulping, the small pegasus shrank back down in her seat. “It still feels bad though…”

Apple Bloom patted her on the back as Sweetie looked at her sympathetically. “Don’t worry about it too much… They never would have found me if you hadn’t run.”

The onlookers smiled. “She has a point, darling. You did the right thing.” Rarity paused. “Not that I think you should have been in that mine in the first place.” Arc watched as the three children all backed away and sunk down. “But we’ve been through that already.” The fashionista concluded as she winked at Applejack.

The room was silent for a moment, before Rob spoke up. “Twi, I’ve been meaning to ask you. That spell; what was it? It was amazing!”

She sighed. “It was strenuous, I know that much…” Sipping at her drink, she began explaining. “It was actually a few spells being used simultaneously. I needed to get you out, and I had no other way.”

“But what were the spells?” He looked down at her.

“Well, one was a vibration spell. You obviously heard that one. The next was a filtration spell to shift the focus away from the potential weak spots on the walls of the cave, and the third was an illusion; the one you saw me using to direct the spiders back into the cave.” She shrugged. “By themselves, those are all easy things, but… doing them for that long, on such a big area, all together is really hard…”

“I can imagine…” His eyes widened for a second. “Wait! Just before getting out, I remember looking over at Twilight. I mean, Rarity was above me, and Sweetie was over by Twilight. Where was Moondancer?”

“Oh! Pick me! Pick me!” He deadpanned the crimson maned unicorn on the floor.

“Ok, Moondancer, you’re up.”

“Yes!” She pumped her hoof in the air. It amused Rob to see that even the fillies next to her were shaking their heads. “Well, you see, after Sweetie Belle came out of the mine, Rarity sent me back here to get Applejack and Rainbow Dash.” She began to blush, “It’s not that I’m calling you heavy or anything Arcky~ But… I can’t carry you by myself!” Rob cringed as she began to squirm.

“Anyone else wanna carry this on before Moondancer makes the carpet sticky?” The human propositioned the others in the room.

“Not particularly, Arc. Especially not after what you just said.” Rarity commented.

Rob found it hard not to laugh as he watched the little southern filly turn to her big sister. “Why would she make the carpet all sticky, Applejack?”

The glares he got back from the aforementioned big sister soon calmed him down though. “Err… no reason Apple Bloom, just a figure a’ human speech, that’s all.” Her stare intensified. “Ain’t that right Arc?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, pretty much…” Rubbing his forehead, he smiled at the filly down on the floor. “Don’t worry about it.” She returned the smile, and went back to chatting with her friends before Rob broke her off. “You know, I was telling Twilight about that, you three. I saw another one of you Apple Bloom, only… well. It was a shell.”

“A shell? Like a turtle?” She panned her head in confusion.

“Hah, no… like when a snake sheds it’s skin.” He laughed again. “But you say that when you first saw them, they were animated? I was under the impression to begin with that they just laid the clones as diversions. I mean, I’d sure have been distracted if I saw Twilight again in that mine. I’d have run straight at her, and if she was a clone, anything could have popped up behind me and killed me.”

The trio gulped. “Y-yeah, they were just like us but they couldn’t speak.” Scootaloo spoke.

“Yeah, then… how?”

No one was able to answer the question.

“One’a the things Ah’d like ta know is how in the hay you survived down there, Sweetie Belle?” Applejack asked from behind the girls, on the sofa.

“I just… hid. But I’m white and they could see me, so after falling down into a hole, I got covered in black stuff.”

“That’s the coal.” Twilight butted in, to which the filly nodded.

“It made me black and they sort of couldn’t see me if I stayed still.”

“How did ya get split up though? I mean, no offence girl, but, I’m amazed things ended up going so well down there.” Arc butted in.

“When they came, Ah ran one way with Scootaloo and when Ah looked back, Sweetie Belle was gone!”

“We just got split up!” The small pegasus and the earth pony looked at each other and nodded.

“I ran back into the mine and down one of the tunnels. I don’t know where though… I got lost down there. At some point, I slipped and fell into the coal, and from then on, I just walked around, looking for a way out. I hid when I heard any noises.” The small unicorn looked down. “It was pretty scary… But I saw the light! And it was Twilight!”

The group nodded. “I suppose that all makes sense.” Twilight found herself commenting. “From what I can work out, the spiders followed Apple Bloom and Scootaloo only so far – they wanted the superior numbers. They turned back after realising that one was already trapped and easy prey.” The mare smiled. “Lucky for us, they’re pretty stupid creatures.

“Why not just use the web? Or the paralyzing stuff?” The group looked to Spike off to the side, who shrugged. “What? It just makes more sense.”

Twilight smiled at here assistant. “You’re right. You’re all right. Everything we’ve said here makes sense, and yet, those spiders did things that just don’t make sense.” She sighed. “I guess we’ll never know.”

An hour or so passed, with Twilight interrogating each and every one who was at the mine; Arc included. Apparently she was going to write up an action plan for the Canterlot council, and try and get them to check the mines out for any further Arachne infestation. If there was one thing they all agreed on, it was that they wished nothing like that ever happened again.

Time passed and soon enough, ponies started leaving.

“Well, guys,” Vinyl rose from her chair and stretched. “I got places to be and things to do, so I’ll catch you all later, alright?”

A few goodbyes were given and Vinyl left, with Applejack and Rarity following soon after. Twilight had enough things to report on, and needed nothing more from anyone at that moment, so she’d sent them all home. Evening was arriving, and only the three fillies remained in the library.

“You said you’d play with us!” Three voices rung out simultaneously.

“I did. But that was before you all dragged me into a giant pit of death.”

Rob watched as three sets of ears flopped over.

“We’re sorry…”

Smiling he bent down and placed his arms around Scootaloo’s midsection.

“Wha-!?”

After the initial shock, and then the wriggling, the small pegasus found herself being rubbed up against the humans face and he pressed himself into her belly.

“You’re just so fluffy!”

“Put- me- down-!” She managed to blurt out after each rub.

Eventually he released her and she gently buzzed to the floor. He fixed his gaze on the other two. “So who’s next?”

“Fine… Ah’ll do it.” The small farm pony nominated herself and stepped forward into the clutches of the human, who repeated the procedure once again.

“I do love filly face towels, they’re just so soft!” He placed Apple Bloom back on the floor. “Ok Sweetie, come here. You get the biggest hug and rub yet, seeing as you’ve caused me most of my trouble lately…” He reached out towards the fully and lifted her up, pulling her in tight for a cuddle. “And you’re just so snuggly!”

She giggled as he stroked her stomach, prompting Apple Bloom and Scootaloo to roll their eyes down on the floor.

“Ya sure ya ain’t enjoyin’ this a bit too much there, Sweetie Belle?”

“It- it tickles!” She replied to her friend amongst bursts of laughter.

The two more grounded fillies simply sighed as the humans assault continued.

Eventually he released her and faced the three fillies. “Ok, that makes us even for all the crap you’ve put me through this week. But yeah, the offer from before still stands; I will at some point spend time with you and help you get your cutie marks or whatever…”

He felt a deep sense of happiness as three large smiles spread out in front of him. One very loud “YAY!” was called, and immediately, the trio bolted for the door, apparently satisfied with what they’d gotten.

Before turning around, he called back after them, “And don’t do drug- Aaah, what’s the point.” He shuffled over to the open door and closed it as the chilly breeze threatened to invade the library.

Peace was once again restored to the library, and Rob set off to go back to his bedroom, saying a quick thanks to Twilight and Spike on the way up.

“Twi, a quick word.” The human drew her aside and into the kitchen. “You’re sure than no one here is a clone?”

Her face turned stern. “Yeah, I checked them all. None of the fillies are clones, and you aren’t. Rarity and Moondancer are fine too. That’s everyone, right?”

He looked at her, “Yeah… it is. Aside from you.”

She smiled, “I thought you might say that. Look, I’m me, and besides, those creatures couldn’t even speak, they just hissed, right? I can’t be one of them.”

“Still, I wanna test it.”

“You can’t do the spell.”

“Look over there for a second.” He pointed out of the window behind the unicorn, prompting her to turn around. The next thing everyone in both the library and it’s near vicinity heard, was the sound of Twilight yelping out in surprise as a hand came down roughly on her behind.

“The hay are you doing that for, you… you… idiot human!?”

He made a quick escape.

The plan was to do some meditation training and maybe go to bed early. He had work in the morning, and with all the stuff that had happened over the past few days, he was pretty tired.

Soon enough, he reached his bedroom and went in, throwing himself upon the bed as soon as it was in sight. The gentle sheets enveloped him and he relaxed, sinking into it.

“Oh god… why do I have to have work tomorrow…?”

He moaned as that Sunday night feeling came over him.

“You can’t do me a favour and just not raise the sun, right? Make today just another day longer, so that I can fully rest and feel better for the impending day…”

“… … …”

“Bitch… I’ll kill your family!”

“Excuse us!?”

“Oh, not you Lulu, maybe some other dildo down the royal line…”

“What’s a dildo?”

“I’ll show you one day, but for now. Sleep.”

He felt the connection drop, and mirrored it, rolling over and falling down onto his pillow. For a while he simply stared at the ceiling above, finding patterns in the faint paintwork as it spiralled around the room. Part of him wanted to go and stand back out on the balcony, but another side of him remembered Twilight’s words. He knew just how angry she’d be if she caught him sleeping outside again.

He was broken out of his reverie by a faint knocking on his bedroom door. Sighing, he craned his neck to peer judgmentally at the entryway. “Yeah, come in.”

“You sure it’s ok?” He heard Moondancer whisper from behind the door.

“Suppose so.”

Closing his eyes, he heard the door open and close again. Soon enough, the sensation of movement down by his legs forced him to raise his head again.

Internally sighing, he watched as Moondancer crawled up closer to him. Just her being close made his heart beat faster. It didn’t help that her mane was draping along behind her, tickling up his arms as she moved further up the bed.

“Didn’t we go through this, Moondancer…?”

She stopped and looked over at him with a gentle smile. “I know but, I was going to go home again tomorrow and… I didn’t want to leave without doing something special.”

He nervously laughed… “And… you think I’m something special?”

Licking her lips she advanced once more. “I do.”

“How do you expect me to say no, after what you said the other night…? It’s not fair…”

“Nope.” She tugged gently at his shirt with her magic. “It’s not.”

Shivers ran though his body as she slowly stripped him with her magic. He just let it happen, watching her the whole time, and staring into her sapphire eyes. Her gaze was determined and compelling, he just sank right into it, as if ethereal and completely under her spell. He wanted something - he wanted her. He just didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. Something about her affection was addictive, but, venomous in contrast. He didn’t know what to do.

Thoughts danced around his head as she continued to work her magic, crawling up onto his chest. Pushing her away seemed wrong, and yet… leading her on wasn’t right either.

“Moondancer…” He placed his hands up onto her shoulders, noticing that he was bare-chested. “Are you sure this is ok with you…?”

She smiled and nodded, moving forward to lie on his chest. “Yeah… so much.”

Grasping her chin, he pulled her up to face him. “Then… fuck it. I don’t know what you see in me, and I don’t know why you want this, but… I also don’t know what your heart feels, and that’s all that matters, right?” He leant down and kissed her on the lips. “I’m yours for the night I suppose.” He let out a breath. “If you’ll have me?”

Leaning forward, she kissed him back and gently smiled.

“I will.”

Author's Note

Next section will be the final part of this chapter 14 business by the way. Any errors you people see, let me know. I'm one of those stupid people who writes and publishes without a proofreader!

So yeah, the next part. It WILL be 99% clop.

Yes, you can skip it, if you dislike that kinda thing.

NO this won't be happening every time I want to write clop. It just so happens that on this occasion, it's convinient for me to do so.

Cheers for reading, guys and gals!

...Not that I think I have any gal readers?

14. Behemoth Pt 5 - Out With A Bang

Resolute with both his heart and mind, he pulled his arms around Moondancer and embraced her, pulling her close to himself. The feeling of her fur pressing up against him put him on edge, but another soft kiss from her lips set his heart at ease again, and he leant into it, closing his eyes in an attempt to shut out everything else but her.

She was beautiful though, and once again he felt pangs of discomfort pulling away inside. Something about her soft crimson mane tickling at his nose made him throw caution away though, and kick the discomfort to the wind. It was honesty. She had been anything but dishonest to him, and he would be lying to himself if he told anyone that she wasn’t what he wanted.

He could feel her heart beating through to his chest as they pressed closer together, and when she pulled back, he could feel her hot breath on his neck. Likewise, Moondancer could sense his nerves, and was doing her best to push through her own. Using her magic once again, she took hold of the buckle on her lover’s trousers, and tugged it free. Placing her rear hooves either side of the human’s stomach, she allowed him to pull himself out of them by himself.

Watching him change excited her. She was used to the pushy and sarcastic human, and yet, words seemed to fail him here. She liked her newfound authority. This was a chance to show him just how adult she was.

As Rob freed himself from his trousers, Moondancer began to nuzzle into his nape, running her hooves up and down his stomach firmly, enjoying her first experience of bare human skin. After he finally kicked his bottoms off, he rolled the two of them over, and forced kisses down upon her from above, feeling warm inside as she cooed back at him, prompting him to continue.

The closeness made them feel special; and warm, tender emotions came down over them like a haze. Rob couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was like a tempest, consuming everything in her way and breaking down all the barriers he once held in place. It was strange to him how someone like Moondancer could make him feel that way. He usually felt like a babysitter around her, but now, she was much more alluring, much more adult.

Lying under the human felt secure and comforting. Moondancer wriggled as hands danced over her body, grasping her firm and tight in some places and soft and gently in others. One hand was settled on her flank, and the other soon reached up to cup her cheek as they kissed yet again. She felt like giggling at how well everything was going for her, and did laugh a little at the strange face the human pulled when he felt her lips quivering during the kiss.

Rob found himself reminded once again of how soft the opposite sex could truly be – how fragile girls were. The sensation of sliding his hand over her coat was something which brought him back to Aloe and Lotus, although he quickly pushed that image out of his head, choosing instead to focus on the loving mare looking up into his eyes with fervour, the one who was with him, and liked him as more than just a human.

Her expression was golden, it was sweet and kind – it invited him in, and once again, they kissed. It wasn’t long before he once again felt the magic pulling at his underwear. If there was one thing he regretted, it was that ponies didn’t wear clothes, and therefore he couldn’t return the favour of undressing her.

Looking down, he saw a glow envelop what was left of his clothing, and remove it. He had to help her by arching his back up as she slid his boxers off, but she made it all the more difficult by pushing him back down with a fiery look in her eyes. Apparently it was fun making him work for things.

Glancing back up at Moondancer, he saw a sly smile tug at her lips. Rolling them back over, she sat atop his chest and leant back, reaching for his manhood with her forehooves, not once breaking her gaze with him as she did. She wanted to see his expression as she pleasured him, and she wanted to see all the things he liked, every little detail would be hers to observe.

And he was content to let her, sinking into the feeling of her soft touch caressing him all over, focussing on his most sensitive areas as her grasp worked its magic. It didn’t help matters that her position was just so sexy for him, arcing back while upon his upper torso. He could feel her heat and juices all over his chest, spreading their love in a sickly mixture. Before too long, he pulled her to the side and slid a hand under her, touching her most delicate spot.

The game of rough and tumble continued as each tried to become more dominant than the other – asserting themselves through rough kissing, all of which became more comfortable, erotic and instinctual by the moment. The rolling around continued, and soon the covers were a mess and half draped over the floor. Temperatures had also risen, and both the unicorn and the human found themselves getting hotter. At one point, Moondancer licked Arc’s neck and found a strange pleasure in the slightly salty taste his skin was taking on.

She found it funny how he twitched when she did certain things. He definitely had certain sensitive spots, and she wasn’t afraid to exploit them. Luckily for him, he was doing the same, and taking note of her reactions every time he moved his fingers in specific rotations and patterns. Once again, she leant out and stole a lick.

“Mmmmm, tasty~” She spoke, nipping at him gently as he teased her by slipping a finger inside, something which prompted her to jump a little bit and bite back harder with a renewed look of determination on her face.

“You- you like that? It’s my sweat!?” He was quickly shut up by another kiss and the feeling of her tongue sliding into his mouth. Pulling back she simply nodded and dove back in for seconds. He didn’t bother to question her further.

Retaliating, he sped up his fingers and forced himself on top again. Moans escaped from her lips, and he kissed her deeper to try and mute her voice a little bit more. There would be hell to pay if Twilight found out what they were doing. Part of him actually thought Moondancer would get it in the neck the worst. There would be a split second though, where her reaction would be priceless. It wasn’t worth being beaten to death with a book though.

Curving his fingers slightly, he pressed up against her walls in a new direction, and smiled as she gasped and wriggled, trying her best to keep the noise down. Placing his other arm under her back, he forced her lower half to remain where it was as she continued to spasm, coating the bed sheets with her juices as they dribbled down from between her legs.

Eventually she fell limp and feebly used her magic to wipe some stray hairs out of her face; ones that had become fairly matted and overhanging due to the previous physical exertion and her jerky movements while skewered upon the human’s fingers. After swallowing once and gaining her energy back a little bit, she let out a deep breath and glanced down at the humans lower regions.

“You seem just about ready to burst~” Looking back at him, she pulled her mate closer with coils of her loving magic. “And I think I should pay you back~”

He paused for a moment and swallowed. “I ugh…” He mentally slapped himself as Moondancer giggled.

“I’ll take that as a “yes” then…” She parted her legs a little and sunk down a bit, raising her marehood up to the human.

Taking a hold of his manhood, he lowered himself further and rubbed along her slit. The magic wrapping around his body only prompted the action further. He quickly found out that the heat radiating off of her was immense and he soon became coated in her juices. He felt his thighs make contact with her sodden wet fur as he slowly began to press forward.

“L-Little lower, Arc…”

Blinking for a moment and blushing, he sunk his hips down and pressed in again, finding more success than before.

The room was quiet save for the slick sound of them becoming one and the simultaneous rhythm of breathing. With little resistance, the human found himself pushing into her deepest parts, and with that motion, came a long and drawn out moan from Moondancer, finished off with a slight quiver at the end as he finally reached the base.

For a moment, the two stayed still, both letting themselves become accustomed to the feeling of each other and the strong sensations provided from their joining. Her soft walls enveloped him wholly, and caressed him in their grip as layer upon layer of flesh looked to wring out all the love they could. It made things only so much more alluring so see the mare beneath him bite her lip as he readjusted himself inside of her.

“Don’t cum! Don’t cum!”

Feeling his dick pulsate, he bit down on his lip hard in order to keep himself in check. Once again, Moondancer giggled at his performance, causing his earlier blush to reappear.

“Something funny?” He asked, coughing as he shifted his eyes.

“Not at- oh! All! Aaah~” He shut her up by pulling out and plunging back in quickly; causing her to choke on her words and instead spew out a torrent of small moans. He smiled at his own success.

Moondancer on the other hand found herself pressing back into the bed, starring towards nothing in particular on the ceiling as a way to focus on anything other than moaning and crying out into the night. She had raised her hips up, and Rob had grabbed her legs as a way of pulling her in. All she could do was try her best not to yelp out in pleasure – thinking of ways in which to get the human back for his previous transgression.

Kissing her once more, Arc slowly pulled himself out, and felt her walls contract on him as he did – enticing him back in. The sounds of her soft moaning and sporadic breathing filled his heart and mind with renewed lust, prompting him to reach under her and lift her close to his chest in a tight embrace. He found it cute how she was writhing around in his arms.

“Are you… ok?” He whispered out in-between staggered breaths, finding the words hard to get out.

Her glazed eyes locked onto him and suddenly he felt her magic clasp around the back of his head once more, only this time it came in wisps and was anything but forceful. It seemed pleading, as if it was begging for something. He brought his face closer to hers as she continued letting out small whimpers.

The next thing he knew, her tongue was back in his mouth and he felt her legs bucking frantically and desperately at the air behind him. Pulling quickly away, he flopped her back down on the bed and stroked her mane, looking into her eyes. After a deep breath, she finally replied to him.

“Yes! I’m great, now please keep going! Keep going! Keep going Keep going!”

With a sense of renewed confidence and a happy smile on his face at how childish she was acting, Rob built up a steady pace and plunged himself in and out of Moondancer with more vigour than before. Her attempts at subduing her own cries were cute, and only made his desire flare up more. Watching her twist her head and bite the pillow was truly something, and he had to grit his teeth in order to not make any noise himself.

He quickly found ways of staving off the need to orgasm, such as biting his tongue, scratching his own legs, and getting cramp. The last one was unintentional, but did serve a good purpose. He also tried thinking of other things, and felt guilty when Rarity flashed through his mind and he almost lost control. Mentally kicking himself, he focussed back on Moondancer.

“Fuck me, girl, can you get any better!?”

Giving him a quick smile, she laid on her back and closed one eye in ecstasy, as she too, bit her lip and nodded. “Try this!”

Within seconds, the human noticed a distinct change in the tightness of Moondancer’s vagina. As if coiling itself up, he found that what was once a slick velvet tunnel, was now a constricting fleshy mouth, eating him up in a wake of desire. Once again the tables had turned and she was in control. He tried to slow his pace, but she locked her legs in behind him and forced him to continue on as he was.

“T-that’s just cruel!” He cracked out between breaths, placing his hands either side of her head on the pillow, and he continued to forcefully thrust into her.

“Yeah, well, I can’t let you have all the fun~” She winked back.

“You’re not having fun!?”

She licked his chest as he hovered over the top of her. “I didn’t say that now~”

“Great,” He kissed her. “Now every mare in my life is making a fool of me…”

She laughed and forced him inside of her again, pulling her hind legs in against his back. “It’s not my fault that it’s so fun!”

He let that slide and slid his arms around her for a hug, before rolling them over again and sitting her on top. “Fine then, you wanna be in charge, on ya go. Wow me~” He mocked her moaning and pouted, something which she soon returned.

“Fine! I ugh… I’ll do it!” She ended her sentence by placing both her forehooves on his chest and lifting her flank up, sliding on and off of Arc gently.

Once again, he watched her expression become glossy and vacant as gravity aided them in their proceedings, forcing her down upon him to the very limits. A squelch was heard as their bodies met and more juices ran out from between them, and Moondancer felt her heart flutter as she looked down on the human, embarrassed. He only smirked back at her.

She soon built up a rhythm and after moaning a little too loudly once more, collapsed onto Rob’s chest, where he took back over and thrusted in and out of her from the bottom. They kissed once more, and he proper her back up with an evil look. Spurred on once more, and resisting the urge to go limp and let him do all the work, she returned to riding him, and continued her rhythm.

Not too much longer, and the sheets were strewn and sodden. Moondancer’s white fur had darkened in colour due to the various bodily fluids covering it, and the both of them were close to finishing. The air was filled with the sound of deep breathing, and the room’s temperature had increased dramatically since they had begun. The two locked eyes.

“A-Arc! N-Now!” The unicorn whispered in her partner’s ear, bucking furiously atop his body.

Moondancer sped up, and Rob pulled her back for a kiss. Through moans of ecstasy and the occasional grunt, the duo found themselves reaching their peaks. Rob felt the build-up begin, better than ever due to the staving off he’d been doing for the past while, and likewise, he saw Moondancer screwing her eyes closed as the orgasm began.

With a few high pitched squeaks, Rob felt Moondancer clench down on him and collapse onto his chest, releasing a gush of fluids over his groin. Without being able to hold it in any longer, he let go, and flooded her depths with his liquid love – painting her insides white. For a moment, his back arced up as he pushed himself fully into her, taking pleasure in both the orgasm, and the look on Moondancer’s face as she writhed on his raised body.

After what felt like an hour, the pleasure subsided and the two laid still, aside from the heaving of both of their chests. For the first time in a while, they both felt calm, even if exhausted, and most of all – tired. Rob draped his arms over Moondancer’s back, and she looked up at him, gently smiling, before closing her eyes and breathing peacefully.

For a moment, Rob just looked at her. It amazed him that she could fall asleep so fast; after all, he thought it was usually the male that fell asleep after sex. He let out a long breath and rolled her over, cringing a bit at how sticky he was. Laying her in the bed next to him, he rolled over, stood up, and walked over to the wardrobe opposite the bed. Removing a clean duvet from it, he dragged the covers back over to Moondancer and replaced the old ones. He would have changed the sheets too, but there was a sleeping unicorn on them, and he didn’t have the heart to remove her, after all, she looked so cute.

It was a bit horrible crawling back into a wet bed, but the new covers made all the difference, and snuggling up to Moondancer made it all worth it. Readjusting the pillows, he placed his arms around Moondancer and drifted off to sleep. The last thing he heard was the bemused voice of Celestia whittling on in the background;

“Seven out of ten, I’d watch it again…”

Before sleep took a hold, and he was dead to the world.

Author's Note

*pant* *pant*

Finally this beast is over! Only totalled 36388 words...

...

Onto Chapter 15!

Thanks for reading, people!

1. Saccharine Arcadia

AN: Ok. Hi! DM here, with a request. Please read the first comment, first! Thank you!

Chapter 1: Saccharine Arcadia.

A Quiet, Rural Village, Main Characters Bedroom:

‘All I wanted was an easy life, one where I was content and happy. Not to be rich and famous, but important to those around me and to feel like I have a purpose.’

‘To me the world is grey, I don’t consider myself an anarchist, it’s not that I disagree with how the world works, I only disapprove of it. Slaves are forced to work their whole pitiful lives for nothing, nothing but the knowledge that they did their part to contribute to the cycle. We’re born, we learn, we work, we grow old and then we die, many of us not even leaving our mark on the world. We do it because society requires we do so to survive. I look at the people, mindless drones, just doing what they can, most of the time something menial that only supports someone else to do their own menial job, all to appease the ever growing expectations of others.’

‘Every time someone does something, someone else strives to do better, a commendable aspect of the human ego but not something I am fond of, I never was a competitive person… Anyway, the future looks bleak, relaxation and importance never did go hand in hand, I guess I’m just fussy.’

‘What did I do today anyway? I can’t even remember. It mustn’t have been that important then. Every day seems like a long line of many, they all merge, I don’t even know what day it is.’

‘People ask me about my future, it’s a question which scares me, not because I have so much to do in so little time to prepare for it, but because it’s something I’m unsure of, I don’t know if I want a future, I sure as hell don’t want to be one of the drones!’

‘Just a simple life, a wife and kids, two, one boy and one girl, the girl first preferably, a job which I am happy doing but requires no real thinking, just experience and lastly, friends to support me all the way.’

‘Heh, why am I even scribbling in this old thing… I haven’t even opened it for years…’

Closing the notebook, Rob slumped down on his bed, gazing up at the cream ceiling as he dragged the duvet over himself. He let out a sigh. It was only two in the afternoon but Hypnos was taking over, pulling him into the world of altered conscious known as sleep. He rolled over, resting his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, fading away into the blissful tranquillity of the dream world.

“Hey, I’ve got one simple statement to make. I’m speaking to you!” An ethereal voice called out from the darkness, profound but infantile in its approach. It sounded so simplistic. “Come and join us.” it commanded. The tone changed to authoritarian.

“Huh, what? For a dream, this seems very… Ummm… Realistic?” Rob mused to himself, ignoring the voice. “Is this lucid dreaming? Hell yeah! Hot bitches here I come!”

The inky blackness seemed infinite. Despite his amusement, Rob felt like he was floating and yet found nothing around him that could keep him buoyant. For a moment he thought his eyes were closed and tried to open them, only to be surprised when he found they were already open. At this very moment he felt so small in comparison to the endless expanse laid out before him that shivers ran up his spine and his blood froze like ice in his veins. The unknown expanse seemed to beckon him.

“You are never going back.” The voice chanted again, “You are finally awake!”

With these words a glow enveloped the man captive in his own mind and started to pull. Tendrils of light extended from somewhere in the black, creeping ever closer. At some time during the struggle Rob noticed an orb of light which was now visible in the distance, moving closer by the second, emanating warmth, comforting like no other. Like being drawn back to the womb Rob was pulled ever closer to the orb, his eyes stung, unaccustomed to the new and prying light. A new sense of fear took over, prompting fight or flight response, Rob chose fight, adrenaline kicked in and he thrashed his limbs about, struggling to get free. By now the tendrils had begun to crawl up his legs.

“You won’t take me!” He defiantly called towards the light, “I’m not gonna let my own body be the end of me, if this is what being taken to the afterlife is like then you can forget it, I still have to find my purpose! You will NOT deny me that!”

As if taken aback by the poignant words the light shifted, and lessened its grip over its mortal captive who now possessed enough power to stagger back towards the darkness. The struggle was taking its toll on both parties, just as fast as each tendril-like finger unwrapped from Rob’s body he felt himself grow weaker, as if a part of him was going with it. Rob grasped at the last of the light that had wrapped itself around his stomach, arching back in the process. His hands reached forward and made for one last attempt at freedom, gripping the tendril he wrenched with his whole soul. A wispy sound echoed as the light dissipated into nothing and faded into the newly encroaching darkness as Rob pulled the vine from his body. Sighing, he wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“This feels so goddamn real!” He panted, recovering from his close call with his own mind.

“This can’t be normal.”

He thought, as he paused to look around. “Well, that light has gone, that must be a good thing.” “This must be lucid dreaming or something then right?” He called to the darkness, not really expecting an answer.

The anger began to rise within as his mind calmed itself, lessening the fear. This prompted a brief explosion of rage, “What the hell is going on, it’s all gone wrong, what’s happening to me!” Rob called out. Once again, there was no answer.

“Goddamnit…”

Equestria, Canterlot Palace:

“Sister, are you ok!?”

A cry echoed through the pristine white halls of Canterlot, as a dark purple alicorn charged towards the throne room, her hooves striking the ground sharply creating tremors that rang out through the corridors. Guards standing in position were alarmed as the purple bolt dashed through the halls, some, after a brief moment of deliberation, followed the alicorn, and some simply returned to their positions, shocked at the sights they had seen. It was unusual to see one of the twin Princesses of Equestria making such a spectacle, seeing as they usually had such composure.

“Sister!” She repeated as the made her way to the large gilded doors that marked the entrance to the sacred halls of the alicorn sisters. She knew something was wrong, she felt the whiplash of magical energy all the way from the other side of the Canterlot Palace. Rearing up on her hind legs she lashed out with her hooves and pounded the marble doors. With a roar and a grating sound they swung open to reveal a second alicorn collapsed on the floor, the purple alicorn and numerous guards stumbled forwards scared. This was their ruler, what could possibly have brought her to this state?

“S-sister?” The dark princess spoke in a hushed tone, fearing the worst. No physical injury could be seen on the magnificent snow white body of her elder sister but in this land, magic was all that was necessary to corrupt certain elements of a pony.

“Luna?” Was the feeble reply that came seconds later from the downed alicorn. A wave of relief washed over the many surrounding guards and Luna as they realised that the white alicorn was ok, or at least not in anywhere near as bad a form as they had feared. “I’m fine Luna.” she replied once more, regaining her breath.

Frantically, Luna bent down to her sister’s level and asked, “Are you sure? Are you sure you’re ok? You don’t need a doctor or anything?” Her worries were all refuted with the simple shake of the head.

“I’m fine Luna, I just used up too much energy trying to perform a spell.” She rose to her hooves, showing her full six feet of elegance.

She had a resounding figure, as strong and striking as any stallion and as beautiful and graceful as any mare. She had a long, slender horn on her forehead and soft downy wings on her sides, tucked in to her body. Her mane was multi-coloured, all pastel, ranging from pink on the left to green on the right, cycling thorough blue and purple and she had an emblem representing the sun on her left flank. On shaky legs she stumbled back to her throne at the end of the hall, not much more than three metres from where she was currently standing.

Gingerly placing herself down on it she faced the guards, “Thank you for coming to make sure I am ok, but as you can see I’m fine and have no need of your assistance at the moment. I will call upon you when needed.” She calmly stated, as she motioned with her front right hoof for them to leave.

“Don’t worry me like that!” Luna called out once the guards had all left. “Don’t brush this off like it’s nothing, you could have been killed! I know we’re all powerful and stuff but even we have limits! What kind of a spell were you trying to perform anyway!?” She threw an angry glance towards the white alicorn.

After a few minutes of silence the white alicorn piped up, breaking the tension, “Well, I might as well tell you…” She looked hesitant about revealing the information to her sister. “It was a cross-dimension teleportation spell.”

“What! You… You should know better than this! There are rules that are not meant to be broken sister, and you just shattered one by crossing dimensions! It almost drained you of life-force completely too! What are the people of Equestria going to think when they know their ruler died from ‘playing’ with magic!? The whole country would be in chaos! I hope it was worth it…” She finished with fire in her eyes.

“Are you about done?” her sister looked back at her, calm and composed after her earlier exhaustion. “And if I had died somehow, I have full faith that you could rule in my stead Luna.”

Luna marched up towards her sister, stopping only a few feet from the throne. “And how do you expect me to rule without you? You raise the sun, I can’t do that. Besides I have no real knowledge of how running a country works. Even more than that, nopony even trusts me after the Nightmare Moon incident, when I almost, ya’ know, enslaved Equestria!” She paused before saying “I thought you were more responsible than this Celestia.”

Back In Rob’s Bedroom:

“Mmmmm… mmm… wha-... oww, oh, ah, that doesn’t feel too good…”

It was getting dark outside and Rob had just woken up, rolling over onto his back. At some point during his nap a cat had joined him, “Mornin’ Fidget.” He spoke to it, earning him a pleased meow in response.

After a few moments of taking in the quiet of the slowly blackening bedroom he sat up. The cat jumped off, seemingly disgruntled, and settled down on the floor.

“Sweet Jesus my body aches.”

Picking up his phone he noted that it was half past five, dinner time, he placed it in his pocket. Standing up he came face to face with himself in the mirror on the back of his door, only a silhouette due to the lack of the light in the room.

“I don’t know who you are…” he spoke softly to himself. “Could this be all I am?”

He walked forward and glanced around the room, its crimson walls leered back at him, empty. Fidget let out another meow which snapped him back to his senses, and he turned and left the room, proceeding down the stairs to the kitchen. Opening the fridge he grabbed a can of cider. Pulling the ring he was greeted with the satisfying hiss of the can opening. His mouth was dry after his afternoon nap and this was his liquid salvation. Bringing the can to his lips he started to swig, emptying one third of the can. He placed it down on the side and went to the oven, turning it on to let it pre-heat. Once this was done Rob went over to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair from under it, he sat down and began to think back to the surreal dream he had just had. It all seemed so realistic.

“And here I thought dreams were just a manifestation of things that you have experienced during your life coming back to you in a random order and in random scenarios. I have sure as hell never been attacked by light tentacles.”

He chuckled to himself before returning to his cider. “It’s like a bloody hentai flic.”

It was now nine o’clock. The sun had been fully set for hours now and only the dim blue flicker from the TV provided any light for Rob as he sat drunken in the living room of his house. Once again he felt tired and felt the tug of sleep upon his eyelids.

“Well, to another shit day in a shit world.” he mumbled while holding his drink up to the sky as if he were performing a toast. Bringing his arm back down he shut his eyelids once more and began to fade to black.

Equestria, Canterlot Palace:

“You what!?” “You’re going to do it again!?” Luna screamed at her elder sister upon hearing news that she was going to perform the spell once more. They were now in the royal bedchambers of the Canterlot Palace heading towards Celestia’s room.

“Yes dear sister, I have decided that my number one student Twilight Sparkle needs something or someone else to continue her study of the magic of friendship. Besides its getting closer to the Night of the Black Goddess and the Hunters Moon, you know miracles are supposed to happen around this time. It’s tradition.”

“All this for tradition!” Luna exclaimed. “Fine, I won’t stop you, but you better be careful this time.”

“I will sister, I feel that the time is right, he won’t resist me this time.” Celestia spoke with a sly look in her eyes.

At the next door Luna departed and left Celestia to stroll the halls by herself. After a short time the white princess reached her own chambers. She entered and locked the door behind her, casting a silencing spell on it in the process so that no one would disturb her.

Positioning herself in the centre of the room, she took a deep breath and began concentrating, feeling the very blood within her becoming infested with pure magical energy. Upon being saturated, she concentrated all of the energy on her horn, the main focus point of all magical beings, and uttered some words. All of a sudden, a spectacular white light enveloped Celestia, raising her off the floor and holding her limply in its grasp. The world around her became back as her eyesight faded into the dream world across universes, across dimensions. She let the pull drag her, until her whole consciousness faded into the undertow. These were dangerous waters she was treading.

Rob’s Dream:

“Ahh, not this again, *hic*, I thought I was finished with creepy tentacle molestation.” Rob hiccoughed again before taking advantage of the lack of physics and doing a backflip. “Haha, this is actually kinda fun. Now, *hic*, all I need to do is work out how I can, *hic*, conjure up some beautiful women! Wow, I’m even drunk while dreaming, *hic*, this is awesome!”

“Is that what you call it?” A voice from behind him called.

Turning, Rob gazed blurrily upon the creature that was behind him.

“Whoa, a freaking glow-in-the-dark unicorn!” Rob laughed before thinking and gazing up a little, “not what I was going for but whatever…” He turned back to her. “So, how can I, *hic*, help you Miss Unicorn?”

“Umm, my name is Celestia human, not ‘Miss Unicorn’, Princess Celestia. And for your information, I’m an alicorn.” She replied.

“Ali-what now?” Rob shifted his gaze to her sides and noticed her wings. “Ahh so you’re a cross between, *hic*, a unicorn and a pegasus” He looked further down, “Nice arse tattoo by the way.” He hiccoughed again.

She blushed and extended her wings to cover herself. “An alicorn, that’s what I said. And it’s very unbecoming of one to stare at another’s behind… And it’s my cutie mark, not this tattoo as you call it.” She retracted her wings, confident that the human wasn’t staring anymore. “It symbolises what I’m good at, what my role in life is. Everypony has one.”

“I could sure as hell do with one of those things, *hic*, maybe not a sun though.” Rob responded. “So why am I here? This seems like quite the elabo, elabu, elabor-”

“Elaborate?” She finished for him.

“Yes, quite the elaborate dream just for, *hic*, me to be talking to some crazy pony.”

“I’m not crazy.” She coldly stated, clearly annoyed with the humans drunken state. “Ok, let me spell this out for you, I’ve been watching you for a while, using magic from my universe, and-”

“See, that’s crazy!” Rob cut her off, getting revenge for when she did it to him.

She sighed, “AND, I’ve decided you are the one Equestria needs.” She moved closer and gazed into his eyes. “You can fulfil many roles on my planet which I have need of filling, that’s what you’ve always wanted right, a role to call your own?” She turned and walked away again. “That’s what you’ve always wanted right, something to be remembered by, something only you can do, something to make you special.”

“W-w-wait, so this isn’t some, *hic*, crazy dream and I’m not going insane? This is real and you’re, *hic*, telling me that you want me to travel to another universe? Do excuse me, *hic*, if I’m a little sceptical though.” His face changed into that of shock.

“That about sums it up, ‘Luna’, drunk people are so impressionable.” She plodded over to him a second time, “I’ve tried once before to contact you.” She paused. “That didn’t go so successfully, the uh, ‘tentacle molestation’ you spoke of earlier.” She averted her eyes. “The spell didn’t connect as cleanly as it has this time, we weren’t close enough on our respective spectral planes to create a stable connection, realising the spell wouldn’t last I tried to drag you to my side with magic.” An apologetic look came across her. “Sorry for being so brutish.” She said.

“No worries” Came the humans reply. “I’m sorry for, *hic*, fighting back I suppose. If I’d had known, *hic*, that some touchy-feely alicorn was coming to whisk me off, *hic*, to another universe then I’d have so~ gone willingly… But, *hic*, you say you offer me a new life.” He closed his eyes and shrugged, holding his palms to the sky. “So where are we now exactly?”

“Well this is inside your dream, but I can manipulate things here.” Pawing at the emptiness beneath her hoof she faced him. “I’m here to take you to my side, to the otherside. It seems as if you hate life where you come from so I don’t see why you would argue. It is within my power to control this plane enough to draw your entire being over to where I come from.”

“Yup, you’re right, *hic*, this is a lot to get my head around but hey, *hic*, I was this close to giving up over there.” He held his hand out showing his fingers a few inches apart. “Screw it, being drunk is all about making rash decisions, *hic*, ok Princess, lead me to the otherside.”

“Well that was easy.” She turned and motioned him to follow her.

“Uhh, *hic*, hold on, I just need to check something.” Rob reached into the pockets of his jeans. “Great!” he said, pulling out his phone and iPod. “Can’t go anywhere without these ya’ know, *hic*.” He earned a quizzical look from her. “Ahh yeah, one more thing.” He reached around once more in his pockets and withdrew his house keys. “I won’t, *hic*, need these anymore.” He grunted as he threw them deep into the dark expanse. “’Kay, I’m, *hic*, ready” He looked back at her with a smile on his face.

“Join me then.” She stated and motioned with her hoof to where she was standing. “This may be a little painful.” She added.

“Great.” He mumbled, moving to where she indicated. “Ok, let’s, *hic*, do this.” She nodded and closed her eyes.

What started as a tingling sensation quickly became the total numbness of both of their bodies. Rob fell to the ground, paralyzed, and quickly passed out from the newly forming electrical sensation coursing through his body. Celestia stood strong, constantly concentrating on breaking the bridge connecting the two dimensions.

“Almost. Got. It.”

She cried, pouring the last of her strength into the spell. In a flash of white light and a bang the world crumbled, the empty darkness fragmented and shattered like glass, falling down and revealing the bedroom of Princess Celestia. She too fell down on her knees, panting heavily.

Princess Celestia’s Bedroom:

Recovering from the spell, Rob sat up, wiping his eyes. “Let’s NEVER, *hic*, do that again.” He pressed his hand up to his head, “This is worse than any hangover I’ve ever had.” He looked over to Celestia. “Hey, are you ok?”

After a few deep breaths she looked back at him, “I’ll be fine in a minute.” She panted. “It really takes it out of you that spell.”

Looking around, Rob inspected the bedroom, “Nice place you’ve got here.” He mused, studying where he was. He seemed to be in a bedroom as backed up against the far wall was a huge four poster bed. “This explains the whole ‘Princess’ thing I suppose.” He said before continuing his inspection. To the left of the bed was a chest of drawers with a mirror on it and a candle, further left of that was a large window. All he could see out if it was sky though. The left wall was mainly dominated by the balcony protruding out from it, once again the only visible thing was sky, and surprisingly there was not a cloud in sight. The right wall was rather bland and only housed a number of wardrobes and some large cabinets. “Wow, where are we now?” Rob asked the recovering Princess.

“My palace in Canterlot.” was the short reply.

“Neat. Hey, I still can’t feel my legs, how long until this wears off?”

“It shouldn’t be long now.”

“Good, good.” Rob propped himself up using only his hands.

Celestia started to rise and went over to her bed, she sat down and reached for a draw in her nightstand, she opened it and pulled out a two glasses and a bottle of water. Pouring it she turned to Rob, “You want some?” she asked.

“Uhh, yeah, that would be great thanks. Hey, I think the drink is starting to wear off and my legs are starting to come back to me too!” He happily glanced down at his legs and tried to flex his toes, only a minimal response was given back but it was a response none the less and this pleased him. Celestia levitated a glass of water over to him. “It’s a stupid question but how do you, well, do things with your hooves when you have no fingers or anything?” Rob asked.

“You’re telling me that magic is ok, and that this is what confuses you?” She chuckled and shook her head. “Well, magic, once again.” She answered. “You humans have adapted and evolved without magic and therefore need fingers to do things, us ponies have always had magic running though us and have never needed fingers, it’s innate, within us from birth.”

“Ok, umm… one more question; ponies?” He looked at her confused.

“It’s the collective term that the ponies or 'people' as you would call them, use for the citizens of Equestria.”

“So there aren’t just alicorns?”

“No, in fact there are only two alicorns, me and my sister.”

“What are the others then?” Rob stood up, his legs were finally working again.

“There are three other types of pony; earth ponies, these have the gift of superior strength but lack magical control or wings, there are unicorns who are fairly weak physically but make up for it in a superior knowledge of magic, they also lack wings and lastly there are pagasi, these have wings and are moderately strong but they also, cannot use magic.”

“Hmm, sounds complicated but I guess I’ll learn.”

Rob walked over to the balcony and opened the glass doors that separated him from it. He went over to the edge and peered around. “Whoa!” He staggered back. “That’s high… I hate heights…”

Plucking up the courage to go back he gingerly edged toward the balcony again. Holding on firmly to the rail he glanced over the edge once more. A beauty unlike any other greeted his eyes, below him spanned a seemingly endless expanse of green. In the distance he made out rows of apple trees, seemingly a farm and further to the left of that, a small town. Between him and that there were dirt roads and fields with things that looked like tiny ants walking on them, ponies he assumed. Far to the right was a large forest fading all the way to the distant horizon. The view to his left was blocked by the side of a mountain which he regretted because he had no doubt that there would be a spectacular view over there too. Directly below him he noticed walls and houses, streets and estates. He could smell the faint odour of smoke rising from some of the houses down below.

“This is like medieval England.”

He thought, except there are ponies. He focussed in on what appeared to be a market. Many little ponies were swarming the area, marching up to stalls and purchasing things, it looked like a lovely community. Rob turned to head back inside but was surprised to see Celestia standing next to him, also admiring the view. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come out.”

“It’s quite something isn’t it?” She asked nonchalantly. It seemed rhetorical.

“Beautiful.” Rob returned.

“Well, you should get used to it, this is your new home.”

“Canterlot right? I’ll be living here?” Rob scratched his chin.

“No, not here specifically. I have another place in mind for you.”

“Well that sounds sinister…”

Celestia laughed, “Don’t worry, it’s not a bad place.” She turned and went back inside.

Rob followed saying, “If you say so.”

“Ok” Celestia spoke, a renewed gleam in her eyes. “Rob, there’s a few things we need to sort out, firstly, nopony here eats meat so hence forth you are a vegetarian.”

“As long as I’m not eating hay that’s fine I suppose. Gonna miss spare ribs though. And most of the Chinese menu for that matter…” He retorted.

“Secondly, you need a new name, your current one doesn’t exactly fit in here. Anyway, I’m sure there are some other things you will need to adapt to but I’m sure you’ll pick it up as you go along. Oh yes, keep violence to a minimum, the odd pony has a bar fight occasionally but I will be forced to throw you in a dungeon or something if you break that rule.” A stern look came over her.

“Yes ma’am” Rob nervously replied.

“Ok”

“I need a new name. Something flowery I presume going by the fact that the princess is called Celestia and everyone else is a pony.”

After pondering a few minutes he thought of something. “Right” He said, catching Celestia’s attention. “Seeing as this is my new life, a rebirth in some ways, a new name it is. Following on from that beautiful view I just saw I’ve decided on my name, ‘Saccharine Arcadia’, it means ‘sweet heaven’ in Latin, it’s an ancient language from where I come from.”

“Ahh, ok, I like it.” She responded cheerfully. “I’ll just call you Arc though, for short.”

“That works for me” he smiled back at her.

“Alright, onto the next problem.”

“Problem?”

“Yes.” Celestia said altering her vision and focussing on the door. “Before coming to get you I placed magic on the door so that this room was impenetrable, air, light, sound, nothing can get through” She walked towards it and places a hoof upon it. “The problem is that the magic I used to get you was so powerful that many magic users in the city would have felt me do it. My sister will be one of them. She was against me using this magic and it was only a short time ago I told her I’d be doing it again. I have no doubt that she is on the other side of this door eagerly waiting for me to disenchant the spell so she can come and reprimand me for taking such rash actions again so soon.”

“Right. If you guys are sisters and equal then why can’t she break your magic?”

“A good question.” Celestia spoke once more. “Yes, we are equal and she has the potential to rival me with magic but due to some unfortunate circumstances she lost out on about one thousand years of practice and thus is unable to contend with me on an equal magical level at the time being.”

“This sure is a lot to take in.” A confused looking Rob said.

“You’re a smart child, I’m sure you can work it out.” She laughed again. “Well, prepare yourself to meet her, I’m about to open the door.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour!” Rob joked as Celestia stuck the door sharply with the sole of her hoof. A ripple crested its way along the surface of the door and made a clicking sound upon reaching the frame. No sooner had this occurred, when the doors blasted open revealing a rather angry looking purple alicorn.

“This must be Celestia’s sister then.” Rob muttered under his breath.

Not a second later the purple alicorn charged in towards her sister. “So soon! So soon! I thought you would at least wait twenty four hours before attempting that again!” She bellowed. Rob stumbled backwards a little scared of the new pony in the room. “Are you ok? No injuries? Shall I call a doctor?” The new alicorn was fluttering around Celestia like a worried parent. Rob looked at her, she was similar to Celestia only she had a purple coat and a lighter purple mane. It appeared to resemble a night’s starry sky. She was almost as tall, only a few inches off, and her ‘cutie mark’ was of a crescent moon. He suspected that in the pony world these sisters were considered top level beauties. Snapping back to reality Rob continued to observe the sisters.

“Luna, I’m fine, just tired is all.” Celestia was telling her sister to no avail.

“Sis, I just worry about you sometimes… You have a tendency to make rash decisions.”

“Maybe, but this one paid off, see?” Celestia nodded towards Rob.

“Wha-” Luna gasped upon seeing Rob and hunched down, going into an intimidating stance. It was rather cute really. “What is it?” She asked her sister, refusing to break eye contact with the new creature presented before her. “Is it dangerous, is it intelligent, is it-” She was cut off. Rob just stood still, trying not to make any sudden movements.

“She’s adorable in all the wrong ways!”

“Please be quiet Luna and I’ll explain.” Celestia commanded her sister. Rob shifted uncomfortably but stood his ground. “This ‘creature’ as you call it is something known as a human. No he isn’t dangerous, yes he is intelligent, sometimes.” She chuckled glancing at Rob who was too preoccupied to care.

“How do you know he isn’t dangerous?” She asked.

“I’ve been scrying him for some time now, watching him through a window.”

“Once again, that’s creepy.” Rob piped up from across the room, finally turning his attention to the matters at hand.

“I-it spoke!” Luna stuttered.

“I told you, he’s intelligent.” Celestia answered. “Luna, meet Saccharine Arcadia, Arc for short, Arc, meet my sister, Luna.”

“Nice to meet you Luna.” Rob approached the mare, holding his hand out.

Luna backed away, prompting Rob to stop his advance. “It’s ‘Princess’ Luna, human.” She stated, tilting her chin up.

“Don’t be so stuck up Luna!” Celestia reprimanded her sister.

Luna turned back to Rob and sighed, “Fine, hello, I’m Luna, Celestia’s younger sister.” She paused and Looked at her sister who only stared back, “Nice to meet you.” she finished.

“Ok, that went well.” Celestia said sarcastically. “Luna, I’ll fill you in on the rest later, Arc, follow me, it’s getting late, time moves sporadically in the dream world we were in and roughly 18 hours have passed. It’s becoming dark outside and I still have to take you to your new home.”

“He’s going to live here?” Luna exclaimed, turning her nose up at the idea.

“I brought him here for a purpose, like I said Luna, I’ll fill you in later, bear with me.” Celestia told her sister sternly. Turning to Rob she said, “Hold on Arc, this will feel a little weird.”

“Surely not weirder than that last spell.”

“Hopefully not as bad, no.” Once again she closed her eyes and Luna stepped back. A warm white light enveloped the two once more and before anyone could blink they were gone.

Outskirts of Ponyville, East Road:

In a brief flash the white orb vanished, leaving Princess Celestia and her very dazed human companion on the east road out of Ponyville.

Opening his eyes Rob looked at his surroundings, ahead of him was a small village with a few quaint houses. He spotted one or two ponies going about their daily business. To his left he saw a huge city positioned near the top of a mountain. “Is that Canterlot, or whatever you called it?” he asked with surprise in his voice. Celestia nodded in response. To his right there was an orchard laden with apples. “This is my new home then?” He once again asked Celestia, trying to remember all the information about his new home.

“Yes, and unfortunately this is where we must part. Seek out Twilight Sparkle, she is my number one student and will know of your coming.” She pointed at what appeared to be a large tree off in the distance a fair way into Ponyville, it was difficult to tell against the tan background of sky. “She resides in the library and I have already sent a letter informing her of an unusual and unexpected visitor.” She looked sad. “One last thing Rob, take this, wear it always and in any time of need call and I shall come.” She paused. “Oh! Also, if you think of me and speak it will send a message, similar to that device you have in your pocket.” Saying this she handed him a golden necklace with the emblem of the sun as its centrepiece.

“Thank you Celestia, for everything. Not only for bringing me here but also for being kind and saving me from your sister!” They both laughed and moved closer to each other. “Thanks.” He said again quietly as he placed his arms around her neck and hugged her, she nuzzled him in response and they parted. Without another word, Celestia stepped back and repeated her teleportation spell, vanishing in an instant, leaving no trace. Feeling somewhat lonely Rob turned to face the new town. He had been in Equestria roughly one hour now and in that time so much had happened. Despite only knowing her for a short period of time, Rob felt a connection to the benevolent ruler who has whisked him here. Despite everything, she was his first friend, he was now by himself. He chuckled, thinking about how his previous ideas about royalty had been so stuck up. This princess had been far from that, she was fun, even if a little creepy sometimes. Snapping himself out of his daydreams, he placed the necklace over his head, smiled, and strode forward, “To a new life I suppose.”

6. Recovery: Spa Pony Style!

AN: Alright! Who is up for some 'most likely misplaced' and 'highly impromptu' clop!? ... No one? Ok... Also prepare for gross misuse of the 'tilde' character.

Chapter 6: Recovery: Spa Pony Style!

Ponyville Square, sometime later that day:

“Oh, god! Make it stop!”

“Arc, Arc~ky! It’s over! You got through all of them!”

“Pinkie… Is that you?” He turned around in circles, trying to find where the voice was coming from.

“Hey, silly! I’m still on you, remember!?”

He looked down and noticed the pink lump still attached to his chest. “So you are.”

Rob slumped down to the ground as the last remaining ponies trailed off, satisfied that they knew more about Ponyville’s new resident human. What started off as a friendly question and answers session had quickly escalated into what seemed to Rob like an interrogation. Every pony became less patient than the last over the fact that their question had not yet been answered, and in the end, a squabbling session had broken out. Once again, Rob had to fix this before continuing with the questions. Overall, the session had taken two hours, and it was now approaching eleven o’clock. They grilled him on his habits, his personality, his likes and dislikes, his name and even his home, which he managed to skirt around skilfully, avoiding anything that would create some sort of frenzy situation.

The sun was now high in the sky, and Rainbow and Applejack had returned from the other pony’s homes. They had decided to visit them during the human integration session to inform them of the convoy soon to be heading towards Twilight’s library, and let them know to gather there as soon as possible for Arc’s return.

They were now approaching the worn out, Pinkie-clung-to human, to resume the short trek to the library. Rainbow was smirking the whole way, clearly taking pleasure in the human’s misfortune, while Applejack had a look of genuine concern for him. To an extent, this made him feel better, and he got back to his feet, attempting to dust off his body with the hand cast on his left arm. His attempts proved rather futile, and in the end, he had to put Pinkie down to continue.

He eventually finished, and turned to the three ponies. “Ready to head out then?”

They all nodded, Pinkie more enthusiastically than the others, and turned in the direction of the library, with one firm goal in mind: Answers, and hopefully a game plan for the future.

“It seems to me that word spreads pretty fast around Ponyville.” Rob commented as he returned a wave to a pony across the square.

“It’s a friendly place, an’ everypony knows everypony.” Applejack replied as they approached the large tree’s front door.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

Applejack raised a hoof to knock but was brushed aside by Rainbow who simply strolled through the door, entering the abode without waiting for permission to do so.

“Rainbow!” The farm pony reprimanded her rainbow-maned friend, who promptly looked back.

“What? It is a library. We can just walk in you know.” She shrugged, as much as a pony can anyway, and continued, entering into the purple unicorn’s home.

Inside were the remainder of the girls from yesterday, Rarity, Twilight and Fluttershy, each were giggling and looking at Arc.

“Sorry we’re late. I kinda got held up…”

Rarity stepped towards the human, smiling, “We know dear. We were watching from the window.” She giggled some more and walked over to a lounger that had not previously been in the room.

Once all the girls and Rob were settled comfortably in one chair or another, Twilight began speaking. “Arc, we need to bring everypony up to speed on you first. Once we’ve done that, we need to go over the little excursion you and Rainbow had into the Everfree. Is that ok?”

The human shifted, but nodded his head. “Sounds good to me.” He repositioned himself and addressed his brightly coloured audience before he started speaking, “Ok, I was telling Twilight and Applejack this when I first arrived, and we were going to do this yesterday, but the whole thing with Rainbow came up, so it was postponed. Basically, as you can tell, I’m not from here. The easiest way to explain where I come from would be to say; another dimension. I believe that’s correct anyway,” Twilight nodded at him, “Yeah, your princess brought me her for… reasons, and-”

“Reasons?” Rainbow piped up, “Just reasons?”

“To be honest Dash, when I first met Celestia I was drunk, so it’s kinda hard to remember all the details accurately. Long story short, she brought me here.”

“But might I ask why?” The white unicorn spoke.

“You can ask. But I don’t know. So I can’t answer.”

“And you came willingly?”

“Yup. At least I think so. I never liked home very much…”

An awkward silence was brought over the air by the rather depressing last statement.

“But that’s ok! You can love your new home instead!” Pinkie hopped up to the human and stared at him.

He tried to scratch his chin, but ended up punching himself with the cast again. “Thanks Pinkie, I appreciate it, I really do.”

Finally the yellow pegasus raised her voice somewhat and asked a question. “Umm, can you tell us about the forest then? I want to know how you and Dash got your injuries.”

“Hah! Well, you wanna know how I took down the beast? All right, I’ll tell you! Just as all hope looked lost-” Dash was cut off by the male voice in the room.

“No you numbskull, from the beginning. Ok Fluttershy, no, all of you in fact, something you need to know for this to make sense is that the Princess speaks in my head.”

For the few ponies who didn’t know this, strange sidelong glances were exchanged around the room.

“I know it sounds weird, but he isn’t lying.” Twilight supported the human and gained an approving nod back.

“Yeah, it’s like telepathy I suppose. We can hear what the other is thinking. Although, from what I can tell, she can control it a heck of a lot better than I can…”

“Damn mind rape!”

“And so, using this knowledge, I can tell you how the start of the Everfree expedition began.”

“Expedition, really?” Rarity whispered to Twilight who was on the chair next to her's.

“Just let it slide.”

The human resumed, “So, as we were leaving Fluttershy’s, Celestia contacted me through this link…”

The group of ponies listened on rather eagerly to the story as he told it, leaving out no details. Rarity cringed at the sound of any dirt mentioned and Fluttershy almost fainted at the sound of the wolf’s demise. Other than that, the story went on fairly normally, and at the end, most ponies looked relived to know just how lucky the human and pegasus were to have escaped as uninjured as they had.

When he had finished, Twilight stood up and trotted over to a table with ink, quills and scrolls, all neatly placed on it. Using her magic, she started scribbling things down and after a few minutes, she returned with what appeared to be a note detailing how she was going to plan the plan for her report on the situation to Celestia. The human inwardly laughed and pretended not to notice.

“Ok, Twilight, Fluttershy, AJ, you guys seem like the animal people around here. What can you tell me about timber wolves? Why was this one alone?”

“To be honest, it shouldn’t have been. Timber wolves never stay in groups of less than three. I’ll see if I can think of a few things.” Twilight began to ponder things and was soon lost in her own little world.

“Fluttershy, anything?”

“I’m sorry, timber wolves aren’t my specialty, but, they are pretty similar to feral dogs, and as Twilight said, they usually stay together. Maybe it just got lost? I-I’m sorry I don’t know more.”

“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for the input.” He smiled to reassure the small pegasus.

“Applejack. Anything?”

“Well, it’s nowhere near zap apple season yet, so I have no idea why the vermin was so near ta Ponyville.”

“What if its pack left it or something?” Rob crossed his legs.

Finally Twilight returned her thoughts to the group and tried to make sense of the situation. “Yes, I have three thoughts on the matter. One, is that yes, it did something to which the pack and its mentality did not agree with, and it was shunned as a result. Two, something larger than its pack, a manticore or even a larger pack, fought with the original pack and won, maybe the one you guys found was desperate for food and had lost its pack and was thinking of scavenging Ponyville. Lastly, my third thought is that another magical force lured it to where you and Rainbow would find it. If one of the first two things I said isn’t the case, then outside intervention is the only alternative. As we have been saying, it’s unheard of for a wolf to be alone.”

“Thanks Twi, that actually makes a lot of sense.” He looked in her direction and laughed. “Protégé, eh? I can believe that now!”

The group shared a laugh and eventually Spike appeared from upstairs, yawning as he strolled into the main area of the library.

“We keeping you up little dude?” Playing with the little dragon was fun, so Rob teased him a bit.

“Arc!” He did a double take. “Arc! Hey, you’re ok! I was really worried last night.”

“Thanks buddy, but yeah, a little worse for wear, but ok overall.”

“Hey, I’m fine too thanks for asking…”

“Sorry, Rainbow, when everyone ran off yesterday, it was Arc we were worried about, we didn’t know you were in the forest too. I’m sorry.” Spike hung his head low.

“Too much wishy washy friendliness! Makes me feel bad! People, err, ponies, apologise way too much in this place.”

“Don’t be too hard on the little fella Dash, I’m sure he was worried about you too. Right Spike?”

He nodded his head up and down eagerly.

“See.” Rob got out of his chair and stretched, his back was stinging by resting on it too much. “Hey, Spike. Have you got a drink and some food lying around? I haven’t eaten since, like, yesterday I think? And I’m really bloody thirsty.”

The little dragon’s eyes lit up and he shouted back an affirmative before charging into the kitchen off to Robs left, returning a moment later with a plate of assorted fruit and a glass of apple juice.

“Heh, apple juice, like… Applejack… Damnit brain!”

Rob tucked into his meal, and reached into his pocket with his working hand, pulling out the bottle of painkillers Nurse Redheart had given him.

“Phenylbutazone… What?”

He popped the cap open and took one, washing it down with his drink. “Anyway, what did you guys get up to while I was in the forest?”

“Arc, I was mighty scared when you just upped and ran off, the Everfree is a dangerous place. I tried ta follow ya’, but the girls stopped me, they said that I would just get lost, and then they’d be looking for two missing ponies instead of one. After that, we headed to the lower exit of the forest, the one we go to Zecora’s through. Thinkin’ ya might come out there at some point. After you didn’t, we headed into town to wait and ask if anypony had seen ya. It was unlikely, but we wanted to give it a shot. As we were leaving though, an’ headin’ back to Fluttershy’s, we saw you and Dash walkin’ towards us. It was a welcome sight to my eyes, I’ll tell you that.”

“God. She looks hurt. Did I do that?”

“Hey, AJ, I’m really sorry for scaring you like that. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

Her glistening, moist eyes brightened as he told her that he would try not to put himself in harm’s way anymore.

“I wouldn’t want to ruin those emeralds…”

“I appreciate that Arc. Thank ya kindly.”

Rob picked up a segment of orange and dug into it, allowing the juice to run down his chin. Rarity, who was watching in disgust, suddenly jerked up and opened her eyes wide, singing out in happiness.

“Ide~a!” She sat up triumphantly and grinned wide.

The others all looked on confused.

“What? Did you just get the urge to sing too?” Pinkie shot up to Rarity.

“No, dear. Arc needs cleaning up and relaxing. I’m sure he has some muscle tension too.” She turned to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, how do you feel about taking our trip to the Spa early this week?”

“Whaa?” Rob mumbled with a mouthful of food.

Ponyville Day Spa:

After eating, the human found himself being dragged to what Rarity referred to as the Ponyville Day Spa. To be honest, he didn’t mind. It may be somewhat emasculating, but who doesn’t like being pampered? It was now early afternoon and Rob found himself in a place with mahogany wooden walls. The dusky atmosphere of the place made him drowsy, although the painkiller may have added to that. He looked at the interior of the spa, it was very European looking and also very clean. But, it was a health spa; standards have to be kept to attract customers. The ceiling too, was wooden, although it was a lighter shade than the walls. Over all, the spa was a very dark place. Pretty, but toned down. Rob presumed that was to try and make it tranquil and relaxing.

The only bright thing about the whole establishment was the two identical ponies behind the front counter. In looks, they were the same, both had the same mane style and headband, they also had the same facial features and cutie mark. Both had the same dark azure eyes and similar necklace on. The differences came when you looked at their colours, each was a pallet swap of the other, one had a pink body and a blue mane and the other had a blue body and a pink mane. They even had inverted eye shadow, the blue had pink and vice versa. Once again, Rob found himself thinking that if he was a pony, then these would be a pair of high class babes, the added factor that they were twins helped too. He knew a similar couple back on Earth.

Both of the ponies grinned as they saw him standing behind Rarity and Fluttershy, gazing around the spa in an intrigued fashion.

“Can we help you three? Rarity, your appointment isn’t for another two days ri~ght? Hoping to get a little extra were we?” The blue one chuckled.

“Hey sister, isn’t that the human who was in the square earlier?”

“Him? Oh yes… Watching him squirm sure was a treat…”

“Wow, these two are freaky. Like two mini Celestias.”

“… … …”

“Nothing?”

“Nope.”

“Ok.”

Rarity walked up to the counter with Fluttershy following closely behind. “No girls. If it’s ok, we thought we’d push our appointment up a little bit. We wanted to bring Arc here for some… Stress relief.”

“Well, then, you’ve come to the right place. That’s our specialty, isn’t that right sister.” She threw the blue pony a sly wink.

“Oh yes.” She chortled, “It sure is.”

The blue pony trotted up to the human and circled him, taking him in from every angle.

“Very strange…”

“You sure know how to win a man’s heart…”

“Hey sister!” She called over to her pink counterpart. “Look at this.”

The pink one joined her sister and stood to the human’s side. With a skilful flick, she took hold of Robs shirt material and swung upwards. It ruffled up and made his side visible from the hips up.

“So you wear clothing all the time?” The pink one asked.

“Uh, yeah, sure do.” Nervous wasn’t how Rob would usually describe himself in social situations, and yet, in this case, these two did make him uncomfortable. Something about their piercingly feminine presence… A sense of domination.

“Why?” The blue one inquired.

“Well, for me, it’s undignified if I don’t wear clothing. I have things to hide.”

“Like what?”

“Things…”

The ponies moved around the human, and out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Rarity had a hoof over her mouth and was laughing at his expense. Fluttershy had a look of compassion on her face, as she too, knew what it was like to have unwanted attention.

“Now that looks painful.” One sister spoke, Rob couldn’t tell which as they were behind him.

“Yeah. Hey, Mr, how’d you get this scar?”

“On my back? From a timber wolf yesterday.”

“A timber wolf?”

“Yeah. Anyway, this whole character assassination can stop now, right? Rarity is becoming embarrassing.”

Rob looked over to the purple maned pony for a moment and scowled at her. She was still openly laughing at him, although to stable herself, she had to replace her hoof to the floor.

“Umm, Rarity.” Fluttershy tapped her friend on the shoulder to get her attention.

“What is it?” She got out between short breaths.

“Shouldn’t we do what we came here to do?”

“And what was that dear?”

“Umm, the spa. For Arc.”

“Right, right. I’m sorry, that was just really funny.”

“Glad you found it that way.” Rob pulled his shirt back down and sauntered over to the white pony. He bent down, ignoring the strain on his back and got down to her eye level. “I might just have to find you some mud when we leave this place. A little ‘Arc’ style facial, don’t ya’ think?”

She looked shocked, and this time it was Fluttershy’s turn to laugh. “You wouldn’t!”

“No, probably not. But the look on your face just now was priceless.” He snickered and stood back up, feeling satisfied. He turned to the spa ponies and held out his good hand. “Ok, introductions. I’m Arc.”

The two looked at each other and then back to the human. “Yes, we know. We saw the spectacle in the square earlier while we were eating lunch. It was quite humorous.”

“Am I only here for comedic purposes!?”

“Yay me.” He deadpanned. “And you two are?”

The pink one pointed to the blue one. “She’s Lotus.”

The blue then pointed to the pink. “And she’s Aloe.”

“This is needlessly complicated…”

“Ok, Aloe and Lotus. Great, the spa twins. Works for me.”

The pair then gazed over at Rarity, “What’ll it be today then? The usual?”

She walked over to the counter and using her magic, flipped through a booklet on all the treatments the spa offered.

“For me and Fluttershy, yes, the usual. For Arc, the express massage followed by a spell in the hot tub and finally the steam room. Is that ok darling?”

All four, the human and the three other ponies, shook their heads up and down and looked at each other.

“What have I gotten myself into?”

“Great! How much will that be then?”

“Fuck. Money.”

Rob stepped forward and voiced his concerns. “Sorry, but I have no money yet…”

Fluttershy tapped his leg and he looked down. “That’s ok. Today will be our treat for saving Rainbow Dash.”

“You sure?”

She nodded.

“Thanks, I owe you guys one.”

All the transactions were made, and Fluttershy alongside Rarity was ushered through a set of sliding doors behind the counter, each with a towel carefully placed over their backs. A number of non-descript spa ponies followed them, each wearing a cap with the spa’s logo on it. They all had their manes tied up and out of their faces, most likely for both cleanliness purposes and ease of use. The doors shut behind them and Rob turned his gaze to the two sly looking mares in front of him.

“These two make me nervous. I have a bad feeling about this…”

“Well Mr Arc, if you’d like to follow us.” Lotus spoke, as she moved with her sister to another set of doors on the far wall.

The human complied and gingerly strayed towards the dark portal. The faint shuffle of wood on wood was heard as the doors parted and Rob looked inside.

“Go on~” Aloe chided, standing by the door, as she threw a wink the humans way. “We don’t bite!”

“I beg to differ.”

The new room was dimly lit by a large number of candles, and from this, Rob could see a few partition walls and the corners of a few beds behind them. Once again, this room was all mahogany coated like the last. It was clearly a reoccurring theme. There seemed to be a dim mist or fog in the air, Rob figured it was probably steam seeping through from the baths somewhere close by. Due to this, the room was very warm and humid; it made the humans breathing deepen.

The twins led him over to one of the walls and settled down behind it, they both looked and waited, scary leers present on their faces.

“Take it off then.” The blue one grinned, signalling towards the humans clothes with a hoof.

“Should have known…”

Aloe walked around to the other side of the bed and sidled up to the nervous customer. “You didn’t expect us to work with all your clothes on, did you? We wouldn’t want them becoming all~ sweaty, now… Would we?”

“Fine…”

The girls convinced him to take his clothes off, and so he did, slowly stripping down to his underwear. Piece by piece, the girl’s eyes became wider and their smirks grew. They were enjoying how he squirmed under their gaze. Soon enough, the boy was down to just his boxers, and due to the heat of the room, he already had the odd bead of sweat running down his chest. Rob felt his hair begin to dampen and stick around his shoulders, clinging to him in a wet embrace.

“This feels so wrong… But just so right! Damnit brain! You betray me!”

Lotus licked her lips. “Now… Lie down, face down first. We’ve got something special for you~”

Rob took his position on the massage table and did as he was told, he lied face down. His heart was beating faster and faster as he felt the mares close in on him. “H-hey, girls, why aren’t you dealing with Rarity and Fluttershy? I’m sure someone else could have managed me just fine.”

“Our first ‘otherworldly human’ guest?! Never. We have a reputation to uphold. Being able to thoroughly satisfy everypony is our policy. We need the occasional new customer to… test, our work on.” Aloe bit her lip. “Besides, look at you, I just have to… Mmmmm.”

“Mmmmm? Mmmmm? What the fu- Oh shit... I am so getting raped aren’t I?”

Lotus turned to him and leant over, whispering in his ear. “Just relax, and we’ll make you feel reeealy good.” She stood back up and turned to her pink double.

“Ok, sister! Let’s get started. What we went through yesterday?” The pink inquired to the blue.

“Oh yes...”

From his position, face down on the table, Rob couldn’t see what was happening. All he heard were two sly and rather seductive voices whispering to each other. His heart rate quickened once again. He heard some giggles and felt a set of hooves gently press down on his shoulders. He hoped they’d be careful of the recent back wound. The new satiny sensation spread itself across his shoulder blades and under his hair, up along his neck. He tensed at the feeling. It was very, very slow. She was looking for places of high tension to begin her work. Rob assumed they had to get to grips with human physiology, at least the basics, before they could begin.

Rob let himself go and began to drift away into a dreamy state of relaxation. He admired how good it felt just to have someone touch you, human or pony contact simply felt great. The firm but silky texture to the hooves just made it all the better. At some point a second set of hooves had begun working on his lower body. Just as the first worked their way down his back, the second pair started ascending up his legs. After the pair had gotten used to the muscular structure of his body, they both moved up to his back again. Rob heard shuffling and turned his head to the side, only to open one eye and see a wall of blue fur covering his eyes, Lotus’ underbelly he presumed. She leant further over, so she was brushing his face. He involuntarily buried his face in her coat.

“Wow, she smells good.”

“… … …”

“Keep it together man!”

“You like that?” One spoke.

“Uh-huh.” Rob grunted back, relatively unaware of what was going on.

She slowly laughed and leant in close again, whispering in his ear. “Then you’re gonna love this…”

In one swift motion, four sets of hooves pressed down against his sides, just above the back of the ribs. Pleasure coursed through the human’s body and he grunted into the pillow, trying to hold back the joyous spasms he body wanted to produce.

“Oh god~ Ugh, what the hell was that!?”

As if somehow forcing the breath out of him, they continued working at his sides, applying pressure where needed to relive the stress in the muscle. Firm circular motions with the occasional period of kneading were done multiple times over the next few minutes.

“Aloe, Lotus, this is huh~ heavenly… Uh~ You mares, oh~ Have a true… G-gift.”

“Oh Arc, you haven’t seen anything yet~”

“What can be better than this?”

One set of hooves ceased their caressing, and Rob heard what he thought was Aloe, turning and heading to a work bench he’d spied earlier. She soon came back and re-joined her sister. A cold, liquid sensation smeared itself across his back, tracing the edges of the wound from the timber wolf. It was cold but smooth, and slowly became warm between his back and the hooves of the spa pony treating him. She rubbed up and down the edges of the wound, taking as much tension out of it as possible. A sweet honey smell filled his nose when he inhaled. Aloe must have been using some special massage oils.

Rob groaned some more into the pillow as the other pony worked up around his neck, wiggling her hooves into all the nooks and crannies, making sure to stimulate every part of his upper body. Tingly sensations filled the human and he found it hard not to make noises every time they touched him. To prevent this further, he ended up biting into the pillow. He felt wonderful, no perfect, as they worked their magic hooves on him. He soon started slipping away into a blissful euphoria, hearing the two sister’s chuckle on opposing sides of him. From there on, they worked down his thighs and over his calf muscles down onto his lower legs, rubbing slowly up and down, using their body weight for emphasis as they leaned over him.

“Arc, we need you to turn over now.” He wasn’t sure, but through his steamy eyes he thought he saw Aloe staring down at him as he turned his head to the side.

He did as she asked, and rolled onto his back, which didn’t hurt as much as he expected it to. The careful treatment to the wound must have been more effective then he thought. For all he knew though, the wound was simply unable to outweigh the intense pleasure he was feeling right now with its pain. Words were unable to describe the ecstasy the human was now in. He had felt pleasure before, in the forms of… Other stimulation, but this was different; one was raw lust, something created by direct contact with sensitive areas of the body, whereas this was actually pure pleasure, created by the hooves of others, using existing feelings and places to create sensitivity in locations you never knew you had. It was something incredibly special and talented, and Rob wanted it never to end. Once again, his breathing increased in pace but deepened, and he felt more perspiration adorn his body.

“Mmmmm-hmmm… Sister, look what we have here~” Lotus was gazing down at Rob’s lower body, although he couldn’t tell.

“What is it now? Please don’t stop… Feels, to good, to s-stop.”

Lotus had shimmied down the bed a little and was now looking towards the humans undergarments. She too, exhaled strongly, letting out a haughty coo as she did.

“Looks like we did a good job, wouldn’t you say?” Aloe spoke rhetorically to her sister.

“Well, somepony’s happy.”

“They aren’t getting at what I think they are… right?”

Rob jerked his hands from his sides and tried to cover himself up, elicit another giggle from the two spa mares. They seemed to revel in his awkwardness and embarrassment.

“Shit! Not now!”

Aloe saddled up to him, getting on the massage table herself, and laid down alongside him. Her stomach fur pressed against his ribs and she writhed up and down, caressing him with it. “You can’t hide it now; we know what you’ve got down there...” She lifted a hoof and draped it down his chest slowly. He wriggled a little but was still too shocked to really do anything to stop it.

“Why are you doing this?” He asked through ragged breaths as he watched Lotus continue to gaze at his downstairs predicament.

“Whatever do you mean?” She fluttered her eyelids seductively, “We’re just two fun loving sisters, who will do ANYTHING for a little bit of fun and pleasure…”

“That was what I was afraid of. Sweet Celestia, why am I not stopping this?”

He once again threw a glare at his lower regions.

“Oh yeah. That’s why. This feels fucking amazing. Damn, betrayed by my own body.”

Without warning, a new sensation found its way to his stomach, as Aloe had begun to nuzzle him. He just let it happen. He also noticed a new smell enter his senses, and he saw that the two sisters were getting worked up over something, a new sheen had graced their coats and they seemed wetter, as if the temperature had increased once again.

Lotus hopped up onto the table and positioned herself in between his somewhat spread legs, she began to massage his thighs some more while looking up to him with half lidded eyes. They too had wetness to them, and sparkled in the candle light, glimmering every so often as she took deep breaths. Slowly, she wriggled further up, eventually resting her forelegs over the human’s legs. Her head was now positioned dangerously close to his bulge.

Rob closed his eyes and two new feelings spread over him, the first was Lotus’ breath on his groin, warming up the area further, and the second was an unexplained wetness on his chest. He lifted his head from the pillow slightly and opened one eye, staring down at his top half. Aloe had started to nuzzle more forcefully, and occasionally, she would part her lips and allow her tongue to glide across the human’s chest, lightly flicking certain areas with a more forceful touch. She seemed to trace along the muscles and ridges, taking in his scent and flavour.

Just as she did this, Rob felt a tug at the top of his boxers, a wave of extreme embarrassment flooded him as he felt the fabric slip down over his manhood, allowing it to spring free. He felt it bop something and realised that it must have made contact with Lotus’ muzzle as it was released. The embarrassment soon turned to pleasure, as he realised how close to a female’s mouth he was. He could feel her sweet breath tickling all along it, enveloping it in a cocoon of hazy warm seduction. The bliss increased once again.

One pony was taking care of his top half, another, his bottom. Rob just lay there, glancing feverish looks down at the two ponies treating themselves to his body. Aloe too now, was meeting his eyes, she was also half lidded and had a wetness to her. Taking care not to aggravate him, she climbed atop his body, making sure to press as much of herself down on him as she could. Her wet coat clung to his chest and stomach as she began to plant kisses along his collarbone and up his neck, nipping at him every now and then. She began to rub her hooves all down his top half, becoming more forceful with every motion.

“I hope you don’t mind if I… have a taste… do you~?” The voice from below called.

“I-I, uh… L-Lotus- Uh!”

He was cut off as a new wetness enveloped his manhood, slowly at first and just covering the tip. He felt what must have been a tongue run over the head of his penis and arched his back a little, unsure whether he was trying to back away from the experience or go deeper into it. Aloe gave a cute chuckle at his behaviour, and continued to move her way up his neck. She was now nuzzling forcefully under his chin, cooing every time she retracted for a breath.

Lots resumed her assault and bobbed down a little further on Rob’s lower regions, taking a fair bit inside her, as she did before, she ran her tongue all over the head and up and down the shaft, continuing to make eye contact with the man she was pleasuring. He just stared back down at her, entranced by her beauty and devotion. She quickened her pace as Aloe finally made it face to face with the human. Throwing all morals to the wind and giving in to primal ecstasy, Rob pulled his arms up and threw them around the pink spa pony, pulling her in closer. He felt a twinge from his back, but he didn’t care. His inner lust was awakened and he wanted to feel release.

Placing one hand on Aloe’s back and another on the back of her head, he wriggled his fingers into her mane, caressing her gently. She pressed her face into his and softly placed a singular kiss on his lips before pulling away. She leant back and stared deep into his eyes. He looked back, loosing himself in her deep ocean-like stare. She had a content smile on her lips and a cute strand of wet mane had fallen over her face. He brushed it to the side and she lent in once again and resumed the lustrous contact. She too brought her hooves up and placed them around his neck, as much as she could anyway, in an attempt to drag him further into her. He complied and pulled up, more forcefully kissing her. Without warning, he felt a pressure against his lips and he realised her tongue was trying to gain entry. He would gladly let it. He parted his lips and allowed his tongue to meet hers, they danced around in the void between their mouths before finally closing in on each other again to lock lips.

Not wanting to feel left out, Lotus went deeper, taking him wholly into her mouth, just like before, his body reacted as she wanted it to, and arced forwards. She knew she was bringing him pleasure and took pride in the current dominance she had. Determined to take things up a notch, she began loudly slurping as she bobbed, moaning the whole time. This had the desired effect and she felt him expand once again in her mouth. She pulled back, and then pushed down forcefully, taking him right to the back of her throat. She was now breathing through her nose and becoming hazier eyed. She let a stray hoof slip down to her nethers and she tenderly began stroking, moaning louder of her own accord. She felt her own body begin to heat up even more and the renewed sensations took her. She began moving her hoof faster and faster, up and down her slit, trying to focus on both herself and the human in her care. She realised she would soon need more.

Rob was in a world of his own and he soon started feeling the familiar build up before the release, he stroked the back of Aloe’s head before pulling away.

“L-Lotus, I’m gonna…” He stammered, trying to work his way through his chaotic thoughts.

The mare in question raised her head and took in a deep breath.

“Let’s try something new Arc…” She huskily choked out, raising her hoof up to her mane.

She pulled off her headband in a swift motion and allowed her mane to topple around her face, its wet strands clung to her damp body. The hair itself still retained its silky texture, as Rob soon found out when she wrapped coil after coil of it around his shaft. This new sensation mixed with the continuous pumping would soon push him over the edge. He grunted into Aloe’s mouth a few times before once again feeling something press down over the head of his penis. Lotus had resumed working with her mouth and began to tease the head while jerking the shaft with her hooves. Rob was honestly surprised he had lasted this long, and it came to no wonder when he finally lost it and felt himself releasing spurt after spurt of thick man juice into the blue mares mouth. As he did, she once again took him deeper into her, sucking out the last remaining drops.

“H-holy shit- I uh, I’ve never felt that damn good before!”

Aloe pulled her head off of his chest and smiled. “Don’t get used to it boy. We’re stepping things up a little bit from here on out~”

“W-we a-are?”

Lotus dragged herself out from behind Aloe and raised a hoof up to clean the remaining drops of spilled semen from around her mouth. Once she had collected them, she licked her hoof and let out a satisfied groan.

“Mmmmm-hmmm… Stallions just cannot compare to this.” She turned from her hoof to the human still present on the table. “Think you can handle round two, hmm?”

Aloe slipped off of him, and back to the floor on shaky legs. Lotus however, turned around and backed up his body, moving over his legs, hips, stomach and finally his chest, before stopping above his head.

“Look at what you’ve done to me. You’ve made me all wet… After taking that load you just gave me, I think it’s time you returned the favour.” She raised her tail seductively with a wink, looking over her shoulder. Rob looked on with wide eyes as the mare presented herself to him in all her glory.

Rob could see Lotus’ slit and lips, all glistening with sticky secretions. The patch of coat around her marehood was stained a deeper blue that usual, matching her eyes to an extent. The trail of liquid ran from between her hind legs down to her rear hooves, the mare was soaking and winking back at him.

Not giving him a chance to reply, she backed up further and lowered her hips down upon his face. A new sweet smell, not unlike that of the honey from earlier, filled his nostrils. The fur from between her legs tickled his cheeks and stuck to them menacingly. Swallowing, he pushed his tongue out and slid it up the length of her vagina, bottom to top in one smooth motion. He heard her gasp from above him and he resumed his efforts, darting his tongue in and out of her when possible. Eventually, she began rocking herself back and forth, which made it harder to precisely lick a certain location. Content though that she was getting herself off via grinding, Rob let it slide.

Meanwhile, Aloe had taken Lotus’ earlier position and resumed where she left off, taking him fully into her mouth in one fell motion attempting to bring him back to full mast ready for what she next had planned.

The combination of the two sisters working on him soon brought him to full attention, and not soon after that, Lotus cried out and bucked her hips erratically, releasing a torrent of mare juices which trickled down the humans chin. He slurped up what he could, but most of it escaped and dribbled down onto the massage table. The blue mare then slumped forward, exhausted.

Realising he hadn’t really done much except lay there and let the two mares take care of him, Rob swivelled around, laying Lotus on the higher end of the bed, and got to his feet rather shakily. It took all he had, not to topple over. Soon enough though, the feeling returned and he walked over to Aloe who was at the bottom of the bed, looking up at him with those endearing azure eyes. She realised what he was going to do and rolled onto her back. It was a sexy sight, seeing one mare recovering from orgasm and her sister on her back, mane splayed out behind her, spreading her hind legs for attention. Rob was only too happy to oblige.

He shuffled her down the bed a little until she was at the edge. Her beautiful eyes continued to look up at him and for the first time, he felt himself blush. Noticing him, she did the same. Despite the mood softening, he was not, and he positioned himself up with her dripping love. She nodded once and he gingerly stroked the head up and down her marehood before placing himself at the entrance and slowly pushing inside, parting her walls. She let out a seductive moan and gasped a few times as she slowly let him deeper inside of her. He eventually got to the base and let out a deep breath he had been holding in. Careful not to ‘expire’ too quickly, he began slowly pumping in and out, noting her reactions at different stages. When he was about two inches into her he noticed she often closed her eyes and threw her head back, biting her lip. He figured he’d found her g-spot. Not bad for a first timer, he mentally patted himself on the back.

Realising this, he made sure, while increasing his pace, to take extra care to drop his hips down a little and push up into her walls, to stimulate her that much more. By the increased moaning, he could tell she was grateful.

He looked over to Lotus, who was still panting further up the bed, and she returned his gaze and began crawling down towards the couple. Rob sped up once again, taking hold with his good hand her right hind leg and with his bad, cupping her left. He pulled upon her and slammed himself into her. A few yelps later, and Aloe let out the same cry as her sister before flooding Rob’s lower areas with her expelled juices. She quivered, still sensitive from the orgasm, as Rob continued to thrust, feeling her walls tighten and squirm around him.

Lotus had made it down to Aloe by this point and found herself in the throes of passion once more. Craving only pleasure she soon found herself involved in an inverted kiss with her sister, swapping tongues and cupping each other’s faces where possible. This served to drive Rob over the edge as he sped up for a third time and collapsed onto Aloe’s stomach, bucking his hips a few final times before pumping her full of his seed. Seeing two hot sisters make out is every guys dream. The new sensations clearly pushed Aloe over the limit too, as once again she squirted herself all over her lover’s groin while whimpering into her sister’s mouth, still locked in a deep tongue kiss.

Rob pulled out and slumped to the floor panting, the two sisters were in the same position up above. The heat in the room was now approaching unbearable levels, it had been hot to begin with, but their lovemaking had made it rise even more. The place now had a distinct smell to it also, a musky deep smell. Rob presumed it was due to the copious amounts of bodily fluid lost during the experience, but he didn’t mind, it stood testament to what he’d just done, proving to him that it had all been real.

He stayed slumped for a few minutes after that, letting everything sink in and come to terms in his mind.

“That was EPIC. I totally just got laid!”

“… … …”

“Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. Shit, shit, shit, I just got laid with two pony sisters. I am so FUCKED if any of the others find out.”

“Somepony already knows…”

“Awww shit…”

“Wow, you aren’t half bad at doing the dirty. Might have to take you for a spin some time myself…”

“You know what? I don’t even give a shit right now…”

Rob ceased contact with the pony mind infesting his head and sat up.

“Aloe, Lotus. You gals ok?”

One of them replied. “Just… Really… Worn… Out…”

“I hear ya.” He paused. “Look, you guys don’t regret that, right?”

“Are… You… kidding? If my legs… Would allow it… I’d do it again… right now. Right sister?”

A groan was given in response and Rob laughed to himself.

“Well guys, I was meant to join the others in the steam room or something, right?”

Their heads sprang up. “Oh Celestia! What time is it?!” Aloe started.

Lotus continued for her. “How suspicious will it be if- oh thank Luna, it’s only been fifty-five minutes. Whew, that leaves five minutes roughly for you to get to the steam rooms. The girls will be starting their session in five minutes.”

They all let out deep breaths and relaxed. “You guys. Why did you do that to me anyway?”

“What do you mean?” Lotus replied.

“You know… The bucking…”

“We saw you in the square earlier and just wanted to.”

“Just wanted to?”

“Yeah, we like sex. It feels good. And how often do you get the chance to do the rodeo with a new species?”

“A new species… Great. That’s what I am.”

“Well Arc, you’d better get going. Leave this mess to us.” She winked, and the human rose to his feet. “Steam room is out that door and on the left.”

Rob nodded, still gathering his thoughts, and made his way to yet another set of ebony coloured doors across the room. He slid them open and stepped through, leaving the two sisters behind to deal with the mess they had created. He remembered to pick up a towel and his boxers on the way, slipping them on as he walked down the hallway to the steam room.

“Wow. The fuck just happened to me?”

7. Nothing Takes Your Mind Off Of Things Like Working...

Chapter 7: Nothing Takes Your Mind Off Of Things Like Working...

Ponyville Spa, Just Outside Steam Room:

“Something tells me I should really come to terms with what the fuck just happened… It just seems like the right thing to do.”

“Fuck it. New life and all… But shit… Ok, just don’t let anyone or anypony know. Yes, for the time being anyway. Fuck, especially not Rarity or Pinkie, if they know, everypony knows, and then, I’m screwed.”

Rob continued down the steamy halls for a short while, and turned to a door on his left. From behind it he heard the familiar feminine voice of Rarity, talking to presumably Fluttershy, in a shrill but charming chatter. He reached down and grasped the slider, pulling the door open to the right. A familiar shuffle was heard and echoed through the thick fog, alerting the mares to his presence. They turned in time to see him, as he entered the room.

Squinting through the dense haze, Fluttershy was the first to respond, and did so by gently waving a hoof in his direction. Rarity, who for the most part, had her back to him, also did the same when she registered who it was. Whatever they were talking about was obviously not that important, as they had stopped as soon as he had entered, and he quietly took a seat opposite the two on a wooden bench attached to the far wall.

The room itself followed the same dark theme, present in all areas of the spa, but was also much dimmer than the previous rooms, accentuating the atmosphere of relaxation endorsed by the spa. The thick almost, viscous layer of steam, did not do anything to aid visibility, and instead, hindered it. The room was fairly small and square, there were tiered benches along three of the walls, all but the eastern one, which instead had a stone heater with a bucket of water next to it, complete with ladle. It was producing a healthy cloud of steam. Generally, everything was made of wood. Fluttershy was practically facing the door, on a higher level of the tiered benches, and Rarity was on the floor, back facing towards the door, trying to stay as cool as possible by getting below the steam. Rob felt this sort of went against the purpose of being in the steam room.

The two mares looked different, much like Aloe and Lotus had earlier. Their manes hung wet and limp around their necks, and Rob found that it was a fairly good look for ponies despite not wanting to think on it further, less past ‘feelings’ were brought back up. He realised that he would be in a fairly uncompromising position if anything were to ‘appear’ in his lower regions, as a single pair of boxers can’t do much to hide the situation.

There was a rather awkward silence present over the room, whatever the two ponies were talking about was clearly not meant for human ears, that, or they just didn’t want to bore him. Rob on the other hand, was still somewhat reeling from his earlier encounter with the twins. Having sex, just like that, came as a shock. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it to happen, it was just that it hadn’t happened on his terms. He wondered how the people back home would react if they knew he’d screwed a pony. He laughed a little. For that matter, he still wondered why he was ok with it. His mind had a number of things to work out, and only time seemed able to fix them.

One consolation he had was that these ponies weren’t really ponies, not as he knew them anyway. In essence and form they were at best, similar, to those back home, but as beings, they were completely different, and already the human found himself preferring them to human company. Besides, the one qualm he had about going to Equestria, the one thing nagging at the back of his mind was what Twilight had brought up earlier. Never had he been in any sort of physical female relationship, and yet, he still found himself craving it. He had on Earth, and he was here. He worried that he would live a life in solitude, and without love. Now though, this resolve had cleared in his mind. Physical relationships were clearly ok, and he already felt a connection to the race of adorable little equines, even if it was only friendship for now. Soon enough, he could see himself developing romantic feelings for them, it was only a matter of time.

Snapping his mind out of its daze, he smiled at the two ponies in the steam room. They had been watching him sort through his mind, and had been kind enough not to interrupt. They did however return the smile, and eventually turned back to each other before nodding.

“Arc, we were thinking.” Rarity began to get his attention. “What are you going to do about work?”

The human blinked for a moment, starring at the two without an answer. “I… I hadn’t thought about it to be honest.”

“Well, we thought that for a while at least, you should try and get a job.” The pale mare replied.

“Well, I don’t really want to work, but I suppose it is expected.” He sighed.

The shy pegasus finally spoke up, pushing a hoof out in front of her in an effort to seem more assertive. “What was it you enjoyed doing back home? Maybe if we find something you enjoy, you won’t mind it as much…”

“Well Fluttershy,” He begun, “I was in college studying countryside management. I always wanted to work with nature. I’m a big fan of all the little animals and plants, and wanted to work in what we call ‘national parks’ back home, to preserve and protect them.” Her face lit up.

“Oooh, me too! That’s just like what I do! Just the other day I helped birth some little river otter cubs, it was beautiful! And the flowers all around my cottage, especially after winter wrap up, are so pretty! I’ll have to show you!”

Once again, Rob was shocked at the sudden outburst from the usually timid pegasus. Rarity seemed unphased by it, and continued looking down at her slowly wrinkling hooves. “Nice. You’ll have to show me sometime... Later. So yeah, that’s what I was aiming for. I suppose if I have to work, then something like that would be cool.”

Rarity spoke up again, turning her attention away from herself. “Well then, seems like we have an opportunity right in front of us; Fluttershy, could Arc help you at all?”

“I would love the help! But uh, I don’t think the animals would like that very much, it would be better if he got used to them a little bit first. They haven’t met a human before and…”

“Don’t worry Fluttershy, I understand, it’s all good, I wouldn’t want to impose or disrupt anything. That’d just make your life unnecessarily harder than I’m sure dealing with many animals already is. Any alternatives then Rarity?” He shifted his tone to her.

Using her unicorn magic she added some more water to the steam generator on the wall opposite her, eliciting a puff of steam from the contraption. Rob wondered if this place was actually some sort of sauna-steam room crossover. “Well, there’s Applejack who runs the farm. That might work for you and your line of work. There’ also Carrot Top, she runs the local allotments and sells fruit and vegetables in the market. She has the most delicious carrots in the whole of Ponyville, I would wholeheartedly recommend them. Other than that, you’re pretty much left with the flower trio.”

Rob shifted in his seat, for fear of getting a numb bum. The wood wasn’t exactly soft. “The flower trio?”

Rarity folded her legs underneath her in a different position, she must have been suffering a similar problem to him. “Yes, Daisy, Lily and Rose. They run a cute little establishment down by the lake called the ‘Pretty Petal Flower Shop’, the name says it all.”

“A nursery huh.”

“What? No, flowers, not children.” The white mare seemed confused.

“No ya’ silly girl. I’m talking about a plant nursery, not a day-care centre.”

Fluttershy chuckled a little at her friend’s naiveté before splaying her wings out, and letting some water trickle off the tips. She ruffled them a bit and set them down at her sides, squirming to find a comfier position. She did, and gave a content sigh, half closing her eyes.

Rob continued after watching the pegasus, “So then, a lake? Where is it?”

“You’re thinking of working there?”

“Well, it shouldn’t be that strenuous, I can handle the odd potted plant I’m sure. Trying to do Applejack’s farm work will kill me at the moment, and this Carrot Top… Nah. I’ve got nothing against the girl, but carrots? Not my style. So, look, don’t worry, no tough stuff.”

“I suppose, we just don’t want you overexerting yourself so soon after injuring yourself like that…”

“Too late for that…”

“That’s one overexerted peni-”

“Not another word. Besides, I could totally go again.”

“Pfft~”

“I’d be sad if you got hurt again…”

“Thanks, Fluttershy, and you too Rarity. But don’t worry, I’ll be careful, I won’t over work myself, trust me. I’m too lazy to go past my limits anyway.”

“Well then, I suppose after this we can show you where it is, I have time and I think Fluttershy does too. We usually only have lunch after this anyway. You have nothing else planned I presume?”

The human shook his head in response.

The two mares rose to their hooves, and used their towels to dry themselves somewhat, Rarity with her magic and Fluttershy with her mouth and fore hooves.

Setting the whole ‘magic’ thing aside, it was really Fluttershy who was the enigma in this scenario; The way she manipulated even the simplest of objects, with only her mouth and hooves so efficiently, and with such skill. It truly was a sight to behold. The way she bent to get every little gap, flexing her wings to pat herself off under them. The human was relatively impressed.

“Nope, nothing’s set in stone for me right now. Come to think of it, a job will give me things to do for once…”

“Wow, I’m a lazy fuck.”

Rob also rose to his feet and patted himself down with the towel, he didn’t know why, but the girls were, so he did too. The threesome left the steam room and said a few departing words to each other. And with that, they all headed separate directions to the baths, to finish up the eventful spa trip. On the way down the halls, Rob wondered why there was a division in the baths, but not the steam rooms, between males and females. He put it down to simply being something considered ‘normal’ in pony society, and didn’t question it further.

Ponyville Day Spa, Foyer:

Standing squeaky clean in the front of the spa was Equestria's only human. He, like many other males in this situation, was waiting for the females in his party to finish doing whatever they were doing and meet him. He knew he took long when washing, but they put him to shame. Something told him it was most likely down to Rarity. He was counting his blessing right now that Aloe and Lotus were nowhere to be seen. As if by luck, somepony had left his clothes, expertly cleaned, outside the baths for him, on a bench. He had slipped into them and ran at the first opportunity, waiting for Fluttershy and Rarity back at the entrance for a quick getaway.

Soon enough, the duo joined him and they moved to the exit with only a few estranged looks from the working spa ponies in the background. Lucky for Rob, when he used them, the baths had been empty, and therefore pony-human relations were thankfully put on hold. Rob didn’t know how much more ‘introducing’ he could do in one day.

“I suppose it is a working day right now, it would be pretty empty.”

“So, Arc, are you ready?” An eloquent voice spoke form beside him.

He looked over to Rarity and Fluttershy were looking straight at him, awaiting an answer.

“Huh, whaa? Yeah, I suppose so. Sorry, zoned out there for a minute. Lead the way guys.” Rob reached up to a stray bit of wet hair and brushed it away from his eyes.

“Pesky long hair.”

Ponyville, Southern Hills:

The sun was lowering on the horizon for the third time since Rob had been in Equestria. It marked the end of the day, and although there were still a few hours of daylight left, Rob felt a hum of disappointment. So far, he’d been tackled, mauled and treated like an outsider, despite the warm welcome from others. He glanced to the two ponies beside him and shamefully recalled Aloe and Lotus. Regardless, the change was becoming more difficult than he had thought, and this was something that weighed heavily on his mind. Maybe he just needed some rest. After visiting these mares, he would go home to Twilight’s and chat a little, be somewhat light-hearted, and then get a good night’s sleep.

Before too long, once again, Rob found himself on the outskirts of Ponyville. Usually it was about here when things became bad in one way or another; Creepy Applejack stalking and mind-rape came to the forefront of his head.

The walk had been fairly short and they had finally ended up in a valley of some sorts, the walk had been downhill for a while now. Hills were abundant and came from god knows where, they sort of just appeared, as was Equestria's physiology – sporadic. Nestled within the hills were various lakes and ponds, all joined up by the various paths running through the area, and Rob was beginning to lose track of where he was. The sky was tinted a beautiful orange hue, and this shimmer reflected off the lakes, illuminating the hills all around in a warm glow, the human was amazed at the sight, it was spectacular.

“Well Arc, here we are.” The yellow pegasus stated from down to his left.

Without realising it, the human found himself in front of a shop adorned with flowers; hibiscus, roses mixed in with ivy, pansies in pots, shrubs of all sizes, all taken care of brilliantly. The little shop was on the shores of one of the larger lakes, and had a number of greenhouses dotted around it. It glistened in the evening sun.

“I could live here, this place is sexy.”

The slight breeze made all the plants sway, and Rob continued to take in the sight. He could definitely see himself working here.

He looked up, squinting as the sun blinded him. Above the shop was an ornate banner which read “Pretty Petal Flower Shop”, it too was swaying gently. The whole place was serene. Through a window, Rob spotted somepony working away busily and heard a gentle hum, carried along on the wind. As he got closer, some singing began to flow through the air, greeting them as they arrived; It was a sombre tune.

I lost myself last night, I lost myself in you,
Your world is a chamber,
I walk into your room, I wish this was my tomb,
You're pure,
Burning slowly, she's sleeping softly,
Your mind is a stranger,
If this is comfort, a mutual feeling,
I'm falling, myself.

“Well that’s depressing… You could have picked a happier song…”

The trio walked up to the already open door, and Rarity knocked, rapping three times with her hoof. The sound must have startled the singer, as she stopped and spun on the spot, jumping at the sound and stopping what she was doing.

“Holy shit! My eyes! Too! Fucking! Bright!”

Rob was greeted by quite the sight, a fluorescent magenta coat and a lime green mane, adorned to a rather shocked looking pony. She was standing side on, with her head turned towards them, and from this, Rob could see her cutie mark; two daisies. She had spring green eyes and a curled mane. She was standing still, very still, and had a watering can in her mouth.

“Ok, the watering can makes it cute!”

“Uh, hi?” The human started. The pony jumped again and the watering can fell to the floor.

Rarity pushed forward, making herself the dominant figure in the room. She did have the air for it, Rob gave her that.

“Darling, we’re just here to talk business, do calm down.”

“Oh Rarity!” The pony began, as if the words were just bubbling out of her, “Did the carnations I sold you the other day die already?” She shook her head. “The warmer weather the pagasi have been bringing in has been wilting them quicker than usual…”

“No, dear, they’re fine. We’re actually here to introduce you, Rose and Lily, to Arc here.” She gestured with a flippant hoof to the human behind her, still in the doorway.

Once again, the pony’s attention drifted from Rarity back to the creature in the entrance, her demeanour too, changed, from happy to suspicious.

“This mare is random, Pinkie is ‘crazy’ random, this one is just… ‘distracted’ random…”

“And I suppose this is Arc, huh?” She spoke with a sinister tone in her voice.

“Yes Daisy, this is Arc, do say “hi”, won’t you?”

“He doesn’t mean any harm does he…?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow, “You think I’d bring him here if he did?”

The magenta pony relaxed somewhat, “No, I suppose not. Sorry, but I’ve just never seen one of him before… What is he?”

“I am goddamn here you know! Tch, I swear ponies always try to be kind, and yet they are so insulting sometimes without even realising it! I’m gonna go cry now!”

“Well,” The human began, walking forward to the mare with his eyes half closed and his head tilted high, “I, my dear, am a human!” He took long strides to accentuate his presence.

Another voice was heard from behind Daisy, coming from what appeared to be a store room in the back of the shop, “Human? Human! Where, why is it here?! Daisy, I am NOT coming out until you get rid of it!”

The pony in question turned and shouted back through the door. “And why is that my job? I swear Lily, you overreact way too much sometimes! Just get your flank out of there and say “hi”, stop being so dramatic!” She turned back to the human and his two pony friends. “Sorry, she gets like this sometimes…” She ended with a chuckle.

“I gotta give the girl credit, that went from awkward, to really awkward, to light-hearted in a matter of seconds. How the hell did she do that?”

Daisy walked forward to the human, as a second pony appeared from a doorway further back, and offered a hoof, some kind of peace treaty to the ‘evil’ human he suspected.

“Sorry about all of that, my name’s Daisy and this,” She pointed to a pink pony with a sandy coloured mane who had appeared behind her, “Is Lily. She’s a little skittish.”

The new pony stepped forward, but stayed well behind Daisy. Along with her sandy mane and pink body, she had yellow eyes and a lily tucked behind her left ear. On her flank were three lilies. Similar to Daisy, she seemed to be themed after flowers, a fitting thing for a florist.

Rob took Daisy’s hoof and gently shook it, to which she smiled. This however did not alleviate the worry of the pony behind her.

“One down!”

The human then decided that he’d better get on all the ponies good sides, for any chance of working in the garden centre/florists, and this meant becoming friends with the feral looking one back a bit from Daisy. He stepped around the magenta pony and approached the one behind her, who promptly backed herself up towards the wall, eyes widening in the process.

“Don’t worry, babe, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Great, creepy pedophile mode activated… Nice going Arc.”

“Hey! I’ve started referring to myself as ‘Arc’!”

“Stay back! I don’t want any trouble!” The pony was now up against the wall, and still had a human getting ever closer to her, looming over her darkly, he was now just above her.

“Lily was it? Look, I just wanna say “hello”, ok?”

She was pretty stricken, and Rob could see her little chest heaving up and down quickly. He reached towards her and stooped to her level, crossing his legs as he sat down.

“Sweet god. I feel so patronising right now…”

Trembling slightly, the mare raised a hoof to defend herself from whatever the human was going to do. She closed her eyes and felt him brush his hand along her forearm before tugging, and prying her from the wall. She squeaked and felt her head bury into something soft. She tried to open her eyes but found she could only see darkness. Being in a closed space, she was getting warm and her breathing quickened again. She panicked for a moment while the human held her steady, and through it all, she thought she smelled… The spa?

Pushing back, she was able to raise her head, and found herself in the clutches of the human. Surprisingly, he cupped a hand over her head and started stroking her behind the ears in a soft motion. This was just as nice for her as it was for him, and she started nuzzling back.

“D’awww, they’re so soft! I love it!”

Fluttershy chuckled, while Rarity seemed used to Rob’s antics by now, and simply shook her head from side to side. Daisy seemed shocked, but happy, that her friend was finally calming down, albeit, due to a rather unorthodox method.

“Ok, treat the pony like a kitten and gain her trust: Success… I think.”

From Lily’s perspective, she was being cradled in the arms of the strange being, who was actually being rather gentle, and looking down at her with compassionate eyes… and a rather creepy grin.

“I-I’m sorry, I may have misjudged you. I, uh, have a habit of jumping to conclusions… Will you accept my apology and let me go?”

“Well, I don’t know… I may just have to eat you.”

“Just like Lotus!”

“DAMNIT BRAIN, why!”

Another expression of panic graced her face but was quickly gone when she started laughing, causing a wave of laughter to ripple through the building. It was nice that everypony had finally come to terms with the bizarre situation. Rob did feel sorry for them though; it wasn’t every day that an unknown life form strolls through your front door.

“Just like Aloe!”

“Brain… FUCK YOU! I did NOT stroll through Aloe’s front door!”

“Kinda did…”

“Hello Celestia…”

“Hi Arc!”

“Goodbye Celestia…”

“See ya Arc!”

A few small pleasantries were made, and the group finally got to know each other reasonably well, as far as introductions were concerned anyway. Rob put Lily down and stood back up, intent on listening to the other ponies converse, seeing what insight he could gain into things.

The two flowers, had known Rarity and Fluttershy for a long time, Rarity had been buying flowers from the shop for years now, and Fluttershy had learnt all she knew about plants from frequently visiting the shop after she first arrived in Ponyville. She’d always had a way with animals, but flowers she had to learn about. Being the ‘nature queen’ comes with a little hard work it seems.

The group’s frivolous discussion was soon broken when a new pony voice was heard from outside, calling into the shop, “Girls, I’m back, and I have news, there’s a human in town! And I’ve just seen him head-” She soon stopped speaking, as she finally entered the building and saw her friends conversing with said human. “Huh, I guess you already know.”

Lily spoke up, “Rose, this is-”

“Arc,” she finished, “I know.”

The human in question piped up. “Mind if I ask, how, you know?”

A shy blush tinted the mares face. “I, uh, I was the one who called out in the crowd earlier, surprised that you speak...”

“Ahh, so you were at my mob character assassination speech! Great, this’ll make things much easier.”

Rob observed the pony before him; she was more attractive than the other two, in his opinion anyway, although, to be honest, he was wondering why he’d begun to look at ponies in such a way, anyway. She had a two tone mane, dark red and rose coloured, which curled around her face. She was an earth pony, like the other two, and surprise, surprise, had a cutie mark on her flank in the shape of a rose. Her coat was a light cream colour and her eyes were a soft green.

“Right, ok. Let’s cut to the chase.” Rarity began. “We’re here because Arc needs a part time job.”

“A job? With us?” Rose replied, walking behind a counter and resting her front hooves upon it.

Rob joined her and hopped up onto the counter, sitting upon it. “Yeah, we were talking, and these two,” He pointed at the white unicorn and the yellow pegasus, “Informed me of this place. I’ve got a couple of injuries and can’t do heavy lifting or stressful work, but I do know a fair bit about plants, trees and flowers, so we thought here would be a good place to start the search.”

“Think what a human would do for business!” Daisy interjected, receiving dirty looks from Rose in the process.

“He’s not just a bargaining chip Daisy, it’s not all about the profit remember? We do this because we love the work!”

“Don’t start pulling your mane out Rose, I know all that, but a little extra income couldn’t hurt right?”

You know Rose, she is right. If he needs a job, and helps us out, then the extra publicity can only be a good thing.” The third flower joined the debate.

“I feel used…”

“Please stop arguing…” A light voice from the yellow pegasus spoke.

Rarity nudged her side and reassured her, “Dear, this is just squabbling, not arguing. I do it with my sister all the time.”

“You have a sister Rarity?”

“Arc, not now…”

“Right, hey, girls! Look, this bickering is great and all, but I’m going to be unable to work for another reason if you don’t stop arguing, the ravages of time will completely erase my body from existence. This is just taking that goddamn long. So, girls, a simple yes or no answer is fine.”

The three surprisingly all stopped and turned to face him, blank expressions on their faces, they all seemed stunned by his vocal eruption. That is, until they all smiled and said “Yes!” in unison.

“But,” Rose began. “We’ll need to go through a number of things first.” She walked back around the counter and extended a hoof to the human.

“I expected no less.” He grasped her hoof in response, and shook.

The next half an hour was a small training session for Arc, Rose went through all the basics of store management, plant care, and even told him which flowers needed special attention. She showed him all of the greenhouses individually and told him about their specifics. She showed him how the sales were done, and what a few of the prices were for certain things. She also gave him a sheet with the price list on it, in case he couldn’t remember, or got confused. Things were pretty basic, and Rob was sure he could handle it. Besides, when it came to the plants, he already knew quite a lot about them.

When the session was over, Rose went through with him how much he’d get paid, and when he could have breaks. Luckily enough, she said the shop was often fairly quiet, and therefore gave him a lax schedule to follow. He could have breaks when he wanted, providing one of the girls was also in the store to take care of any of the customers that might have appeared, and said that if he wasn’t going to be in, then he should let her know in advance unless it’s an emergency. Being a temporary job, and part time work, he was set to come in on only three days of the week, giving him four to do with what he wanted. Rose agreed that she’d pay him by the hour and gave him a run through of the Equestrian currency system when he told her he didn’t know it. It was fairly simple, much like in RPG games back on Earth, gold, silver and copper coins. The breakdown was also fairly simple, the largest being gold, worth one hundred, silver being worth ten and copper, one. There were also various notes, which represented larger values of money, these were primarily used for bulk purchases, or large ones, houses and private carriages and such.

After that Rose and Rob joined back up with Rarity, Fluttershy, Daisy and Lily in the main section of the shop. For the first time, Rob took note of the surroundings, the interior was deceptively small, mainly due to there being many troughs or rows of plants lining the floor on raised platforms. Being of ‘quaint’ design, as far as Rob could tell, there were rafters, and from them hung many different ivies and vines, draping down over the top half of the walls, giving the shop a highly natural look. There was a section near the back of the shop with gardening products, and next to that, a door, namely, the one Lily had walked through earlier. Off to the left from the front, was a counter with a till on it and on the right wall, there were simply more plants. The shop itself had a high ceiling and many windows, some looked out over the hills and some the lake, like much of the area, this place was also very beautiful.

Rob looked over to the ponies that were deep in conversation about… Most likely something unimportant, and started walking towards them with Rose at his side, stepping in from the outdoors. Fluttershy noticed him and smiled gently as a breeze caught her mane and pulled it across her face. She blushed slightly and broke the eye contact before sneezing.

“… … …”

“Resist, man. Come on, you can do it.”

“Bless you.”

“Nice work!”

“Um, thank you. So is, umm, everything ok?”

“Yes thanks Fluttershy, seems I got a job! Me and Rose have a few things worked out now, so all is good with the world.”

“’Rose and ‘I’ dear.”

“Don’t make me hurt you Rarity.”

“Yes well, Rose, if I get back here for what? Nine in the morning? Will that be ok?”

“I look forward to it.” She and the human smiled at each other.

“Cool! So yeah, it’s getting dark, should we head back now or something?”

“Alright, I’ll take you back to Twilight’s and then take Fluttershy back home too.”

“Rarity, I can get back by myself…”

“Nonsense dear, I don’t mind. Besides, the chat will be fun.”

“Rarity, I can’t get back by myself…” Rob tried to imitate Fluttershy.

“I know, that’s why I’m going to take you.”

“Not the response I was going for, but whatever… Big sister mode must have kicked in.”

“Well then you guys, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Bye Arc!” The three flowers shouted in unison, waving their front hooves as the trio left the shop, and headed down the path, back in the direction of Ponyville.

Daisy turned to the other two, “Well, he sure is interesting.”

“I know!” The pink mare started, “Just wait until I tell the mares at the coffee shop in the morning!”

“I can’t see this ending well…”

Twilight’s Library:

“So you had a good day then?”

“I’ve had an… interesting day, to say the least. But you know; got a job, got out of hospital and been to a spa, it’s been tiring more than anything to be honest.” Rob rubbed his head and slumped down onto the sofa, letting out a sigh as he did.

Arc was now back in the library, with only Twilight and Spike for company, he’d been back for about fifteen minutes and the sun had finally set. Fluttershy and Rarity had headed home after depositing him on the doorstep, and he was now finally able to relax for the rest of the day, what was left of it anyway.

“I really need to thank those girls; they’ve stuck by me the whole day.”

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Twilight speaking to him in a hushed tone. He guessed that Spike had already gone to bed.

“So you start work tomorrow?”

“I do. Rose said I could turn up around nine. I know what I’ve gotta do, so that’s all good. The only problem I can foresee is me actually getting there. I have no clue how to get back to the shop, which, yeah, could be a problem considering I’m meant to like, ya know, be there.”

“I have a map if you want? It details all the main locations in Ponyville, and accurately shows everything up to the one mile of surrounding area.” She gave a large grin as she hopped excitedly up to a bookshelf trying to find said map. “It’s amongst one of these books somewhere…”

Rob never heard her find it though, as before too long, he was asleep on the sofa, in a peaceful state of relaxation. He had clumsily slumped to the side and when Twilight had found him, she had laid him down using her magic, and draped his legs over the end, chuckling to herself the entire time. Before dimming the lights, she had brought him a blanket and placed it over his still form, leaving him alone for the night. She had then proceeded up to bed herself, taking care not to disturb Spike on the way. She whispered “Goodnight,” and then lay down to go to sleep, snuggling up in her duvet as she did.