“Credit where credit is due, it was flashy.”‘ Anon admitted, dusting the back of his jeans of the dirt on which he sat. On this particular day, Anon had been cordially invited to “Trixie’s Traveling Magic Show featuring the Great and Powerful Trixie Lulamoon (and Starlight)((Glimmer))”. Or at least that was the title on the flyer that had been given to him. Well, not given per say, more like taken off the floor of Ponyville’s Plaza. It was going on that day and he had time to kill, so he figured it was worth watching.
“Is that all you have to say?” Trixie pried angrily. “It was flashy.” Anon could see Starlight shake her head from the ticket booth, counting up the bits they had collected.
“Well, lights were involved and they did flash.” Anon shrugged. “I don’t see how you take offense to that.” Trixie stuttered in Anger, unable to form the right insult for the brain dead monkey before her. Finally she turned to Starlight.
“Starlight, do you hear what this babbling buffoon is saying or is Trixie hard of hearing?” Starlight didn’t even bother to look up.
“I’m not a part of this.” She responded. “I’m only eavesdropping and that’s all I’ll do.” Trixie huffed, turning her back on her failure of an assistant.
“You’re hard of hearing all right.” Anon mumbled, clearly and deliberately enough for Trixie to catch. Anonymous couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he just absolutely could not understand why he would antagonize her so. Maybe it was her arrogant personality? Maybe it was the fact that she was so much smaller than him, giving him a sense of superiority? Maybe her anger made her cuter, and thus more tolerable? Or maybe it’s just plain fun.’
“That was merely an insult toward you and your incoherent mumbling! Trixie is not hard of hearing!” She stomped her hoof, as a means to assert herself. Anon fought back a giggle.
“Would you care to listen to my ‘incoherent’ critiques as to why I’m unimpressed with your show?” Anon asked with a smirk plastered on his face.
“Trixie would most certainly NOT.” Trixie sat defiantly on her flank, crossed her hooves, and looked up and ahead from Anon. Meanwhile, Anon silently counted down on his finger. 3, 2, 1, and... Trixie peeked at Anon with a single eye. She then coughed into her hoof. “However, you’re bound to tell me anyway and Trixie will undoubtedly prove to you that your critiques are incoherent!” She smiled self-assuredly.
“This whole conversation is incoherent.” Starlight snarked from her ticket booth.
“Ah, ah, ah, Starlight!” Anon waggled a finger. “You’re not a part of this, remember?” Starlight rolled her eyes, before continuing to count up bits.
“As for you,” Anon turned his attention back to the showpony. “Yes, you did teleport out of a manticore. Yes, you did cut Starlight in half. And yes, you did shoot a bunch of fireworks into the air, creating impressive shows of pyrotechnic ingenuity.” Upon hearing this, Trixie polished a hoof on her cloak, before blowing on it.
“As if that were in doubt.” Anon merely shook his head.
“Yet, I didn’t see any real display of magic in your magic show.” To this both Trixie and Starlight looked at Anon in confusion. It was as if he claimed that the sun doesn’t rotate around the planet and that it was, in fact, the other way around.
“You fool!” Trixie shouted. “Of course what Trixie performed was magic! You must truly be out of your mind. If you had one, that is.” Starlight motioned to Trixie, indicating that she did have a point.
“Well, duh. It was magic, but not magic.” Anon clarified, not making things much clearer. “I wasn’t left in amazement by any of your feats. Everything you did had a clear explanation for it. When you teleported out of the manticore, you quite literally teleported. When you cut Starlight in half, you quite literally cut her in half. And fireworks are made via chemical compounds that result in controlled explosions, they are NOT magic!”
“Mine are!” Trixie answered indignantly.
“Even if they were, that’s the point!” Anon threw up his hands in frustration. “You’re a unicorn, Trixie! You can do literal magic!”
“Trixie still fails to see how Trixie is in the wrong for using Trixie’s magical prowess to create magic.” Anon facepalmed.
“Okay, okay.” Anon rethought his approach. “Imagine if you were an earth pony.”
“A repugnant thought, but sure.” Anon blinked.
“Wow, that was blatantly racist. Anyway, if you were an earth pony, then it would be impressive that you could teleport out of a manticore, or cut a pony in half, or shoot fireworks!”
“Earth ponies can’t do that, you imbecile.” Trixie answered quickly. “Only unicorns can perform those feats. How can you be dense?” Anon internally screams his lungs out, while cupping his hands over his face. When he removed them, his face was as relaxed as ever. Anon showed Trixie his hands.
“You see these?” Anon asked.
“Of course Trixie sees them, human. What of it?” Anon flexed his fingers before balling them into fists, with one hand having it’s thumb out. He then grabbed the thumb with his other hand. Every motion was deliberate, much to Trixie’s annoyance. “Can you please just tell Trixie what-”
Anon pulled his thumb off.
Trixie’s mouth hung open and her eyes squinted. She cocked her head, letting out a prolonged “uuuuuhhh”. Before she could ask what, or rather how, Anon put his hands together and presented his thumb again, back on his hand. Even Starlight had taken a break from bit counting to watch Anon’s curious display.
“See? Now that’s magic.” Anon crossed his arms, having settled his case. Trixie blew a raspberry.
“B-but, you are not a magical creature!” Trixie exclaimed, refusing to believe what she saw. She turned to Starlight. “He is non magical, right?”
“Here, let’s prove it.” Anon walked over to Starlight’s booth, her bits split into one ordered pile and one scattered mess. Anon stood by the booth, his hands placed upon the counter as Starlight’s horned glowed. She scanned up and down Anonymous’s body, searching for any magical presence within him.
“I’m not finding anything.” Starlight concluded. “He didn’t use magic, Trixie.”
“T-that’s not possible!” Trixie pleaded. “Only magical creatures can perform magic!” Anon looked at Trixie smugly before turning and walking towards her, hands in his pockets. He made sure to saunter over, letting his confidence leak out of him like a sponge that took up too much water.
“Let’s bet on it then, Trixie.” Anon crouched down beside the perplexed pony, with his shit-eating grin from ear to ear. He reached a hand behind her ear, brushing his palm against it. She blushed and jerked her head back.
“What are you-” She started, before actually seeing what was in his hand now. It was a single bit. Trixie’s eyes widened.
“Would you like to bet a single bit?” Anon pocketed the coin. He then reached behind Trixie’s ear again and pulled out another coin. “Two bits?” Anon pockets that one and pulls another bit from her ear. “Threeeeee bits~?” He does this two more times before Trixie forcibly backs away, now starting to breathe heavily.
“No, no, no!” Trixie stomps with each hoof. “You will not fool, Trixie! Twilight has pulled similar, cowardly stunts before!” Trixie frantically searched for a possible answer. She gasped with an epiphany. “Maybe you merely pulled Trixie’s bits from her hat!”
“But, Trixie,” Anon started, motioning to Starlight. “Starlight has all the bits and that’s why she’s counting them, isn’t she? To make sure none are out of place?” Trixie looked to Starlight, who was not currently counting the bits. Instead, she sat with her hooves to her nose, thinking deeply about what Anon had just done. Trixie gulped. If Starlight can’t figure out what he did, how could she? Nevertheless, Trixie shook her head of doubt and grinned her own grin.
“Well, uh, what if you merely pulled one bit from behind my ear, not five? The first one is a mystery but the subsequent bits are but merely a ruse. I will not fall for a ruse!” Trixie had convinced herself that she was entirely in the right and so she smirked confidently. However, Anon’s smirk did not waver in the slightest.
“Oh?” Anon said, dramatically. He reached into his pocket and pulled out, not one, but five bits. “You mean these?” Trixie gasped dramatically, her hat falling off and revealing that it was, in fact, empty. “Oh, and did I just hear you speak in the first person, Trixie? You must be pretty nervous~!”
Trixie angrily grumbled, kicking around her hat in an attempt to understand what was happening. The display of frustration caused Anon to openly laugh, unable to contain his enjoyment thus far. This laughter attracted one particularly orange apple pony.
“What in tarnation is going on here?” Applejack asked, bringing with her a bushel of apples. Anon wiped away a tear from his eye to properly address her.
“Oh, hey, Apples. Just messing with Trixie is all.” Anon points a thumb over in Trixie’s direction, who is throwing around her hat like a dog with a chew toy. Applejack chuckled, now understanding perfectly.
“I reckon she was being her usual, arrogant self?” Applejack asked.
“Yup.” Starlight and Anon said in unison. Anon looked down at the apples Applejack was carrying and had a sudden epiphany.
“Hey, Apples. Can I buy a couple apples from you?” Anon asked, pointing to the bushels. Applejack smiled and tipped a hat.
“It’s buy one, get one free, partner!” She said with a wink. “On account of puttin’ a certain braggart in her place.” Anon gives Applejack a bit before taking two apples and walking back towards Trixie. Trixie turned and glared at Anon, growling a feral dog.
“Easy there, Fido.” Anon made a surrendering gesture. “I merely have one last trick to show. Who knows, maybe you’ll figure this one out?” The promise of potentially winning piques Trixie’s interest, enough for her to relax and smooth down where now unkempt and frazzled mane.
“Fine. Trixie will entertain one more of your lousy tricks.” Anon smiles before he is suddenly grabbed by his collar and brought nose to nose with Trixie. “But I will find the source of your trickery, human. And when I do, recognize that it is because of my own prowess in the field of magic, heretic!” Anon remained quiet for a moment.
“You know, you’re pretty cute up close like this.” Anon finally said. “Oh, and you spoke in the first again.” Trixie pushed the human away with her magic, a blush creeping on her face. Anon chuckled as he sat at a nearby picnic bench. Trixie sat across from Anon, her fore legs crossed and a scowl on her face. Anon brought a pair of Trixie’s own cups to the table with him. Meanwhile, Starlight continued watching the duo, seeing Anon from a side view angle. One thing she noticed that was peculiar was that as soon as Anon sat down, he dug at the dirt floor with his feet.
“Now, these are your own tools and these apples are from Applejack suddenly appearing. None of this was planned in advance.”
“Enough with your empty gestures, human!” Trixie snapped. “Get on with the buffoonery so Trixie can expertly deduce your shenanigans.”
“I’m holding you to that.” Anon taunted. He showed the apples sitting side by side. “Now, I’m going to make these apples disappear. You’ll be able to see me do this, from where you’re sitting. There’s nowhere on this table you won’t be able to look, got it. I’ll show you the trick 4 times, uninterrupted, and then I’ll let you make your-”
“Just do it already!” Trixie slammed her fore hooves on the table, getting more furious and anxious. Anon could see the crazed twitch in her eye and smiled. Anon hid both apples underneath the cups and spun them both around on the table. Trixie listened carefully and heard both apples rolling around on the table. Then, Anon lifted the cups, showing...two apples. Trixie blinked twice.
“Is this some kind of joke?” Trixie growled.
“Easy, easy. That was number one. Keep paying attention. Keep your eyes on the table, Trixie.” Anon repeated the motion, wildly moving the cups about before lifting each cup again. This time, the apple under the left cup disappeared. Trixie briefly gasped but returned her focus almost immediately to keep studying the cups. Anon lifted the cups again, with the apple on the left reappearing, but the apple on the right having disappeared. For his final demonstration, Anon flailed the cups widely on the table, even flipping them at one point. When he lifted both cups, none of the apples remained.
“Well, Trixie?” Anon asked, hands still firmly on the cups. “What’s the trick? Or, do you admit that even non magical creatures can perform magic?” Trixie closed her eyes and meditated on the puzzle. Anon patiently waited. And waited. Until, Trixie opened her eyes and smiled.
“It is in fact because you are a non magical human that you can pull off such a dirty trick!” Trixie declared, slamming a hoof on the table.” It’s those accused fingers. Whenever you lifted the cup, you squeezed on one cup harder than the other, allowing you to lift and carry that apple within the cup. Even now, you still hold tightly to the cup! Admit it human! You have been bested by the Great and Powerful and Deductive Trixie!” Anon sat in silence and Trixie could see his stern face. His smile was gone. Trixie had won...or so she thought
“Very good, Trixie.” Anon’s smile returned. “You paid attention, just like I asked.” Anon slowly lifted both cups, fully so that Trixie could see underneath them. Her smile slowly faded into despair as she looked upon the two, empty cups. “But you should have paid more attention.”
Nothing more was said. Trixie, after a moment sitting motionless on the bench, she swung her legs over the seat and slowly trotted back to her wagon. Starlight watched from her ticket booth as Trixie, with one last shot, looked underneath the bench’s table in vain. Starlight also watched as Anon twitched, straightening his posture ever so slightly. When Trixie found nothing, she continued with her long walk of shame toward the wagon. Starlight, after she saw Trixie close the door, exited the ticket booth to join Anonymous, who wore a dopey smile.
“Some magic, huh?” Starlight asked.
“Yup, real magic.” Anon leaned forward with his arms against the table. “I take it that you trotted over here to take a shot at it?”
“No need.” Starlight said with confidence. “I said that I would only eavesdrop and that’s what I did.”
“Ah, I see.” Anon put a finger to his chin.
“When I finished counting bits, I realized that I was missing about five bits. The same amount you pulled from Trixie’s ear. I also noticed that your hand was partially closed, so I suspected that’s where the coin rested. Trixie was right to suspect that you were only using one coin, but that’s why you took four others. As for the apple trick, she was right about that too, up until the final demonstration. I saw that you dropped the apples in your lap, let them roll down your leg, and let them fall in a hole you were digging from the start. From the start, you told Trixie to focus on what was in front of her, not under her. Trixie almost discovered that last part when she looked under the table, but that’s why you covered the hole with your feet and broke her resolve to investigate further.” Anon gave her a slow clap.
“Very well spoken, my padawan.” Anon joked.
“The only thing I don’t understand is that thumb trick.” Starlight admitted, a little frustrated.
“Well, a real magician never shares their secret.” Anon reluctantly stated, causing Starlight to pout. Then, he smiled again. “But I’m not a real magician. I got these from a kids magic book.” Anon showed Starlight his fists, one with his thumb in his palm under his fingers and the other with his thumb peeking through the index and middle finger. “You’d only know if you understand human anatomy.”
“Huh.” Starlight slumped in the seat, feeling like a little dumb that the trick was that simple. “Still, I have to admit, you sure showed Trixie what for. I’m actually kinda worried.”
“Why?” Anon asked, although he could pretty much guess her concern.
“Well, now that she’s seen that even non magical creatures can perform magic that can genuinely shock audiences, she might not believe in her own abilities anymore. Worse, she might give up being a magician altogether!”
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Starlight.” Trixie said, coming back to the bench in her full attire and mane back in order. “Trixie is not going to quit being the Great and Powerful Trixie because of some mere human!”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Starlight wiped her forehead in a gesture.
“Instead, after doing some thinking, I’ve had a brilliant idea.
“I see now that I can’t break the arrogance out of you.”
“Anon, I am designating you as my personal teacher.” Anon snapped to attention upon hearing.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You heard, Trixie!” Trixie stomped in anger again. “I refuse to be upstaged by an alien in my own field. Thus, you will show me the methods to your madness so that Trixie can use them for her own gain. It’s a wonderful idea!” Trixie quickly walked away before Anon could even have a say in the matter. “I will be expecting you to accompany me to Hoofington for my next show, Anonymous!” Anon was about to object, when a spell rendered his mouth impossible to open. He glared at Starlight, who’s horn was glowing.
“I know you’re going to find some reason to object but please, Anon.” Starlight pleaded. “I know Trixie and Trixie is clearly impressed with what your capable of. This can serve as a useful lesson for both of you. I am pretty tired of your constant bickering with her.” Starlight removed the spell. Anon massaged his jaw and opened it once more to object.
“I’ll also allow you to take part in the show, allowing you to get paid for doing basic magic tricks.” Starlight added flatly. Anon faked thinking it over, knowing damn well that any money is good.
“Fine, I’ll teach the brat.” Anon relented. He ducked underneath the bench, much to Starlight’s confusion. He popped back up with one of his apples, lightly dusted the dirt off of it and took a hearty bite. Starlight grimaced in disgust. Anon rolled his eyes.
“It came from a tree that sprouted from the dirt, Starlight.” Anon argued. “It’s not that fucking gross.”
