My Little Postal

Here's chapter 2. I already had it finished. Hey, 2 dislikes already! Yeah, I hate this story too.
This is NOT a clopfic btw! (don't get your hopes up)

Chapter 2: Bucking Hell

Tuesday

After the longest night she ever experienced in her life, a sullen and sad, not to mention dead tired Pinkie Pie crept through the streets of Paradise, dragging along all the stuff she had to pack. Her suitcase and the gasoline can were strapped to her torso crudely with a leather belt, so she at least had her mouth free. Speaking of her mouth, she sure could use a bite. Her stomach growled greedily, loud enough for the bystanders to hear it. But she was fresh out of money, because the owner of the apartment took it all from her in a fit of anger, saying something about damage expenses or crap like that. And no money means no food, and she didn’t want to be a thief.
“What am I going to do for money now?” Pinkie pondered. She looked at herself in the reflection of a window. She was a mess. Bags under her eyes, her mane was dirty, and as she noticed herself before, she smelled bad too. What just one night of sleeping under a bridge can do to you. “Nobody’s gonna wanna hire me when I’m looking like this… I guess I’ll just have to beg for some money like a real homeless pony.”
Pinkie sat herself down on the sidewalk and looked around for a target. After a few seconds, a white bodied unicorn colt came from behind the corner, and this guy looked like he had a very fat wallet just by looking at his stroll. Pinkie prepared herself and cleared her throat.
“Okay, here goes…”
She waited until he came close, then addressed him. “Excuse me, sir! I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m really hungry, and I was just wondering if-”
“Go fuck yourself, you filthy earth pony!” he hissed, and continued to trot onwards.
Embarrassed and disappointed, Pinkie let her head hang low. “Thanks anyway…,” she said softly. “Well, I guess it’s just a bad start, no big deal. Maybe I’ll just have to aim a little lower for now,” she motivated herself, and started looking for another target. There was a brown earth filly passing by. Worth giving it a shot.
“Excuse me, ma’am! Could I please-“
“Get a job, you bum!”
Pinkie was baffled by how rude these ponies were, but she wasn’t about to give up!

“Ma’am, you wouldn’t happen to have-“
“Eww, get away from me! You stink!”

Not giving up yet.
“Sir, if I could just-“
“Leave me alone, you freak!”

Not. Giving. Up!
“Sir, do you ha-“
“Piss off!”

And this went on for at least an hour, and at the end of all of Pinkie’s efforts and trying different tactics, she made a total of zero bits.
“Guess I’m no good at begging,” she sighed, and her stomach growled again. Hopelessly, Pinkie laid down and burrowed her face between her front legs. “I’m so hungry…,” she whined.
But then!
“Oh, you poor dear!”
A sudden voice, which actually sounded sympathetic for a change, came from before her. Pinkie raised her head and saw a white unicorn filly with a genuine look of concern on her face standing there. Her mane and tail were purple coloured with beautiful, stylized curls. Her eyes were blue, and adorned with plenty of long eyelashes and a light blue eye shadow, and her cutie mark portrayed 3 shiny diamonds. Both her appearance and her way of talking radiated extreme class and sophistication, so then why did she even bother talking to a bum like Pinkie?
“Eh, you mean me?” Pinkie replied, caught off guard.
“Why, of course, who else could I be talking to?” she said with a real lady-like voice. “What happened to your mane, darling? It’s a complete mess! You look like you could use a bath, too.” The unicorn leaned in and sniffed, then pulled back swiftly. “Ugh, not to mention, smell like it!”
“Yeah, I know…,” Pinkie blushed. “I’ve been having it rough lately.”
“Is that so? Would you care to talk about it?” she asked while kneeling down.
Amazed, Pinkie stared into the unicorn’s eyes. “R-really?”
“Of course,” she smiled. “I’m all ears.”
“Well,” she started, “I got fired from my job, and my boss paid me way below minimum wage, and I didn’t have enough money to pay the rent so the owner kicked me out and I had to spend the night under a bridge,” she rambled with an angry undertone. “On top of that, I got bullied at the bank and now my legs hurt, and everypony is just so mean to me!”
“Oh my, that’s terrible! That boss of yours sounds like a real ruffian to me.”
“He is! He’s such a cock!” Pinkie snarled.
“Ehh, excuse me? Well, anyway, I take it you have nowhere to go then?” she gested.
“No, I’m pretty much homeless now,” Pinkie said sadly.
The white unicorn got up on her hooves and pushed her mane back into place. “Well then, I suppose I could give you a helping hoof.”
Pinkie’s face beamed. “For real?”
“Yes! I assume you are looking for a job, correct?”
Our little pink filly bounced up in excitement. “You have a job for me? Do you?”
“Not right now, unfortunately. But how about you come over to my place and get freshened up? That way, you will be a lot more presentable once you apply for a job! What do you say?”
“Oh, I’d love that! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she sparkled with happiness.
“You’re honest, I like that,” she giggled gracefully. “My name is Rarity, by the way. What’s yours?”
“I’m Pinkie Pie!”
“Well then, Pinkie Pie, shall we go?”

And so, Pinkie followed Rarity across town, once again reminding Pinkie that, even in this hate filled town, there is still some kindness to be found. They finally arrived at what had to be the prettiest house in Paradise. It was separated from all the other buildings, quite large with a big garden with many colourful flowers. The walls were painted white, and red curtains could be seen behind the windows, anyway, it really was a nice house. Pinkie’s mouth fell open in amazement. “This is where you live?! Are you rich or something?”
“Ohohoh, no,” Rarity laughed. “Well, I’m not doing bad for myself, but I wouldn’t say I’m rich or anything. Now, come one in! But wipe your hooves, if you don’t mind.”
Once Pinkie made it through the front door, her jaw dropped even more. Imagine a really nice and classy looking living room. Yeah, that will do. Every nook and cranny was cleaned to the point of perfection, and the floor was so shiny that Pinkie could see her own reflection in it. In the corner were some pony mannequins wearing a collection of dresses.
“Are you sure you’re not loaded?” Pinkie asked again.
“I suppose I have some money, yes,” Rarity giggled with modesty, “but I’m not stinking rich or anything. I just like to live pretty, that’s all.”
“You make dresses?” Pinkie inquired, pointing at the mannequins.
“Yes, that is my profession. I’m a fashion designer, and I made my home into my workplace. It’s what I wanted to do since I was a little filly,” she said proudly.
“Oh, that’s nice! How’s business?”
The smile quickly disappeared from Rarity’s face, and then turned into an insecure expression, almost nervous like. “Business?... Ahahah, it’s…ehh…”
“Oh? No good?”
“Well, to be honest, I’ve done better…”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Oh, it’s quite alright,” she sighed. “Every business has its ups and downs, I suppose.”
Pinkie walked around the room and looked around. “I’m wondering… These are really nice dresses, so how come business has been so bad lately?”
It stayed eerily quiet in the room when that question fell, and even though she wasn’t looking, Pinkie could literally feel the tension rising. “Rarity?”
She looked behind and saw that Rarity’s eyes were pointed to the side, and a terribly angry frown was on her face, like she was about to burst into a fit of anger any second. A vicious, murderous aura emitted from her body, scaring the shit out of Pinkie. “Ehm…Rarity?” Pinkie said cautiously. “Are you alright?”
“It’s because of them…,” she mumbled while gnashing her teeth. “Those slimy, miserable pieces of…”
Just before she was about to crack, she snapped out of it. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry about that. I don’t want to bother you with my…personal affairs, hehe. Don’t worry about it, dear,” she laughed. “Now, the bathroom is just at the end of the corridor, go ahead and freshen up now.”
Pinkie Pie was confused and a little bit frightened. “Eh, okay…,” she said, and headed for the bathroom.
What was that all about?

About a half and hour and an extensive bath later, Pinkie was fresh and clean again. She shook her head from side to side rapidly to get her mane in place and was now ready to go job hunting.
“Much better, dear. Oh, I know, how about a make-over?” Rarity said.
“No, I’m fine like this,” Pinkie smiled widely. “Guess I’ll be off to look for a job then.”
Just then, her stomach growled loudly again. Pinkie blushed slightly. “Let’s hope I find one soon before I starve.”
Rarity laughed. “You can’t work on empty stomach now, can you?” She levitated her wallet with her magic horn and opened it up. “Here, take this, just to get you started again.”
Pinkie stared in disbelief at the money floating her way. “400 bits?!” she exclaimed. “Are you sure?!”
“Very sure. Come on, take it, and go buy yourself some food.”
Pinkie was so happy she could cry. 400 bits, that’s double of what her lousy boss gave her! Rarity sure was generous.
“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” she yelled while giving her a tight hug. “You’re a great friend, Rarity!”
“Friend…,” she repeated, “why, yes! Of course! You’re very welcome,” she smiled. “Don’t be a stranger, alright? Stop by every once in a while.”
“You bet! See ya, Rarity! Thanks again!”
With that, Pinkie galloped off.
“See you later, Pinkie.”
With a bunch of money in her pocket, Pinkie Pie skipped through the streets of Paradise. Finally, things were looking good for her again. The first thing on her to do list was to get some food, so she stopped by the closest snack bar. She walked into what appeared to be some kind of bakery, and the sweet scent of sugary baked goods welcomed her in. That was the only thing that welcomed her though, since there was no one behind the counter. Pinkie waited for a while, figuring out what she was going to buy in the meantime. There was so much; muffins with apple fragments, cupcakes with apple flavour, apple fritters, apple flaps,…candy apples,…apple pie… Everything had apples in it! It’s a good thing Pinkie wasn’t allergic to apples. 2 minutes later, still no service. Pinkie tapped her hoof impatiently. Maybe they didn’t hear her come in.
“Hello?” she called out, but no response. “I have money!”
Out of nowhere, a filly with a lime green body popped up from behind the corner. Her ears twitched as if Pinkie just said the magic word. “Oh, a customer! How can I help you?” she said.
“Hi! I’d like to have five apple fritters and an apple muffin, please.”
“Certainly! That’ll be 35 bits. Are you eating that here?”
“Sure,” Pinkie replied, and gave her the money. “Say, why does everything here have apples in it?”
“Well, this place is called “The Apple Corner” for a reason. We work in collaboration with Sweet Apple Acres, so we regularly get the freshest and sweetest apples sent to us, and we in turn manufacture them into all these snacks. The profit is divided between us.”
“Sweet Apple Acres?” Pinkie pondered. “Oh, that place on the outskirts of Paradise with all the apple trees?”
“Yes, that’s the place. We’re expecting a new batch to come in soon. It is bucking season after all,” the filly said while placing Pinkie’s order on the counter. She then reached for a flyer and gave it to her. “Here’s some more information if you’re interested. Thank you and come again.”
Pinkie took her food and the flyer and sat herself down at one of the tables. While munching on a fritter, she started reading.
It’s Applejack’s Sweet Apple Acres: Not jackin’ off, just buckin’ around. The best apples and apple accessories in yer neighbourhood. Ask yer local apple dealer.
Then the paragraph underneath caught her attention.
Hang on to yer flanks, everypony! It’s that time again! Apple buckin’ season is here, and ya know what that means. We’re lookin’ fer buckers to help harvest the apples. If ye’re a jobless bum and lookin’ ta make sum cash, stop jackin’ around an’ apply to Sweet Apple Acres! Yer service will be appreciated.
PS.: If ye’re a filthy tree hugger, buck off!
Pinkie’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights. “Apple bucking! I can do that!” she exclaimed excited. This whole job hunting thing might have just turned out easier than expected.

After getting her fill, she set off to her next destination. Sweet Apple Acres. It was quite a distance, but she kept the pace. About 20 minutes later, just out of town, she arrived at a place where there were plenty of apple trees in the vicinity. In fact, trees as far as the eye could see. No doubt this was the place, but unfortunately, Pinkie lost track of the road and was now walking in between the trees.
“I wonder where I have to apply…”
After a few more minutes, it occurred to her that she was lost. There were so many damn trees, all filled up with shiny red apples, and Pinkie had no idea where she was going. A while later, she finally saw the road between the bushes again. This would probably take her to where she had to be. She rummaged through the bushes, but she didn’t quite make it through. Suddenly, Pinkie was staring directly into the double barrel of a shotgun.
“Hold it right there, li’l filly. Whatchu doin’ here?”
The owner of that shotgun was a filly with an orange body, blonde mane and tail, both tied at the ends into small ponytails, and green eyes. Her cutie mark consisted of three red apples. She had several freckles underneath her eyes, and on her head was a brown cowboy hat. She did not look happy to see Pinkie, as she pushed her shotgun against her face.
“Go on, talk, an’ give me a good reason not ta blow yer head off,” she grumbled.
“I-I-I-I… I’m here f-for the j-j-job...,” Pinkie stammered scared. “Ap-p-p-plying and all…”
“Job?” the redneck filly repeated. Pinkie gulped and nodded, sweat dripping off her face.
After a long, soul piercing stare, she finally gave a little chuckle. “Heheh, figures. Ya didn’t look like an apple thief to me.”
She lowered her gun and placed in the holster strapped to her hips. “Mighty sorry ‘bout that pardner, we’ve just been on our toes lately is all, even though we don’t have ‘em. Ya didn’t piss yerself, did ya?”
“I was close…,” Pinkie sighed in relief and wiped the sweat off her forehead. “Ehm, are you Applejack?”
“Yep, that’s me! AJ for the friends,” she said with a smile and pushed her cowboy hat up. “Who’s lookin’?”
“I’m Pinkie Pie,” she introduced herself, “I’m here to buck apples!”
“Yeah, I caught that. Pleased ta meet ya,” Applejack said, and gave her a quick hoof shake. “Follow me.”
Applejack headed down the road and Pinkie followed her closeby. They were heading towards what appeared to be a big barn in the distance. Most likely where the owners were staying.
“Glad ta see someone finally applyin’. Apple bucking season has started, and I tell ya, with this many apples, the family could really use some help,” AJ started.
“This is a family business?” Pinkie inquired.
“Yep! All this ya see and more belongs ta us. It’s a big family, and we have several orchards spread all over Equestria, some of ‘em even bigger than this one here,” she said proudly.
“Really? That has to be one big family you live in!”
“It sure is, Pinkie. Now ah know what ye’re thinkin’, but it ain’t like that, ah swear!”
Pinkie pinched one eye half shut in confusion.
“Anyways, ah was just recently put in charge of this here Paradise orchard, so it’s mah job to make sure everythin’ runs smoothly, but since we’re a li’l bit short on ponies, we’re hirin’ buckers to help with the harvest.”
“And that’s where I come in, right?” Pinkie chirped.
“Yeah, hopefully. So, what’s yer story?” she asked.
“Well,” Pinkie began, “I was fired from my job yesterday, and my boss paid me way below minimum wage, so I was kicked out of my apartment cause I couldn’t pay the rent.”
“Ah, that sucks. An’ then what?”
“I had to spend the night under a bridge, but earlier today I met this really nice pony called Rarity and she gave me some money to get started again, so it’s not all bad! Then I saw your advert and now I’m here!”
“So I’m figuring ya ain’t got no place ta stay?”
“No,” Pinkie replied sadly. “But, hopefully I’ll find something new soon!”
AJ pondered for a little while, then made a proposition. “Tell ya what, Pinkie. If ya do a good job today, I can hook ya up with somethin’”
“You can?” Pinkie said hopefully and happily.
“Yeah, sure. There’s a trailer behind the barn that ain’t in use. It ain’t much, but it sure as hell beats sleepin’ on the streets, don’t it?”
“Oh, that would be so nice! I’ll do my best!” Pinkie cheered.
“Heh, don’t mention it.”

It was right about this time that they arrived at the barn, that was even bigger than it previously appeared. It was a simple barn, made out of regular wood. It wasn’t bad, but it looked like it could use a little renovating. This was where the apples were being stored, apparently. In front of the barn sat a big, strong looking colt, red of body colour and with an orange mane and tail. He had a cutie mark of a green apple sliced in half, green eyes, and in his mouth was a strand of grass. He was obviously waiting for Applejack to return, as he appeared to be quite tense and on guard.
“Hiya big bro. False alarm. Ah picked up this here pink one. She’s here to buck apples, but she got a little lost,” Applejack said.
He sighed deeply, and suddenly, it looked like a heavy load fell off his shoulders. He calmly sat down and became more relaxed. “That’s good to hear,” he said in a sluggish southern accent. “We should stay alert though, them fellas could be here any time.”
“Pinkie Pie, meet Big Macintosh, my brother,” AJ said.
“Pleasure,” he said with a nod.
“Likewise,” Pinkie giggled, “but who’s “them”? Are you expecting someone?” she asked curiously.
“Oh, don’t worry ‘bout that. We got it under control, no biggie,” she said with a reassuring tone. “But ah reckon it’s time to see what ya got. Let’s see ya buck the apples outta that tree yonder!” Applejack pointed at an apple tree which had several crates underneath it to catch the apples.
“I’m on it!” Pinkie said, and walked towards the tree. It was a pretty big one, so it looked like it needed a lot of force to shake it up enough. Pinkie focused.
Okay, this is it. Don’t blow it!
She turned around and looked over her shoulder, then redirected all her strength to her hind legs, lifted her hooves from the ground, and with a short grunt, kicked the tree with all she had. As her hooves slammed against the thick trunk, the tree rocked and all apples came loose and tumbled into the crates.
“I did it! I did it!!!” she exclaimed with glee.
“Well well,” Applejack grinned. “You’re a mighty lot stronger than ya look. Congratulations, Pinkie.”
“Eeeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.
“So, do I have the job?” Pinkie sparkled.
“Hold yer horses. Sure, ya have the strength, but do ya have the stamina? We’re expectin’ ya to buck tree after tree, not just one every hour or somethin’. Go out there and buck every tree ya come across, and then we’ll see.”
“Got it! Time to get to work!”
And with that, Pinkie trotted off for more bucking. No matter what, she had to get this job.
“Whaddaya think, Big Mac?”
“Ah dunno. She seems energetic enough, but it’s hard labor.”
“What do ya wager?”
“Half an hour.”
“Alrighty.”

And so, a half an hour passed. All the ponies of Sweet Apple Acres were out bucking their flanks off, while Applejack and Big Macintosh were looking over things. They still seemed to be on heavy guard.
“Ah sure hope this shit blows over fast so ah can go back ta work,” AJ grumbled.
“You’re sayin’ you’re not enjoyin’ this whole not doin’ anythin’ thing?” Big Mac said.
“Are you kiddin’ me? Ah’m stressed out as all hell. My hooves are itchin’, and ah have too much energy stored up. Just let ‘em come already so we can get this over with!”
“Remember what Granny Smith always used ta say, “careful what ya wish for”,” Big Mac mumbled. “Well, that and “who wants to give me a sponge bath”.”
“That last part was so not relevant, and thanks for remindin’ me ‘bout that horrifyin’ piece o’ history.”
“Don’t mention it. We’re brother and sister, we have ta fuck with eachother.”
“See now, it’s that kinda talk that brings up such misconceptions about us with everypony, so I’d kindly ask y’all to stop it!” AJ barked.
“Lighten up AJ, ah was just kiddin’.”
“Ah know,” she sighed. “Ah’m sorry. Ah just haven’t been sleepin’ well lately is all.”
Big Mac looked straight ahead over the horizon, then pointed in between the trees. “Looks like our pink friend is back.”
“Uh oh, that don’t look too good now.”
An exhausted Pinkie Pie was dragging herself back to the barn, panting and coughing. She obviously had trouble walking. Applejack ran up to her, and her brother followed.
“What’s the matter, sugarcube?”
“I…I can’t…,” she sputtered between heaving. “I can’t go on. My legs hurt, my flank hurts, my everything hurts!”
“Looks like ya owe me some money, AJ,” Big Mac said nonchalantly.
“Hush up, you!” Applejack hissed. “Now Pinkie, ah hate to say it, but ah don’t think ya have what it takes to take up apple buckin’.”
“You’re the mentor,” Pinkie croaked as she collapsed on the ground.
“Ah appreciate yer enthusiasm an’ all, but maybe ya should go look for somethin’ else. Somethin’ a little less…labour intensive, if ya catch me. For your sake too,” she advised.
“Y-yeah, gotcha,” Pinkie puffed.
“Now, why dontcha take a breather, and we’ll discuss some stuff together afterwards.”
“Okie dokie lokie…”

Some time later.

“Okay, so here’s the ticket.” Applejack announced. “Since it’s a little late to go jobhuntin’, Ah’m gonna be all friendly like an’ let you stay for the night. Ya’ll can use the trailer ah mentioned earlier. Ah sent somepony to tidy it up a tad.”
“Thanks!” Pinkie said happily and gratefully.
“Tomorrow in the mornin’, ya can have breakfast with the apple family. We’ll show ya a little of our family hospitality. After that, ya can go look for another job. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds great! Thanks, Applejack!”
“Alrighty then. It’s getting’ late, how’s about we get some grub?” Applejack announced.
“Sure,” Pinkie giggled.
Heehee, no sleeping under a bridge tonight! This is starting to look good!
Applejack and Pinkie walked towards the residential area, talking along the way.
“Just you wait ‘till ya have a taste of our family specialty,” AJ said, “you’re definitely gonna love it!”
“Does it contain apples?” Pinkie asked, though she already knew the answer.
“Of course! It’s what we’re know for.”
“AJ, AJ!!!”
The sudden panicky shout came from Big Macintosh, who was sprinting towards the duo like the devil was on his tail. He looked more than just a little distressed.
“What’s up, Big Mac?” she asked suspiciously.
“It’s a code red!” he said.
Applejack’s eyes went wide. “What?! Are ya sure it ain’t another fluke?” she exclaimed.
“Eeyup, Ah’m sure. Our guards have seen ‘em just outside Sweet Apple Acres headin’ this way. There’s a lot of ‘em.”
“Aww fuck me! They sure as hell picked a great time ta show up,” she grumbled. “We better get goin’. Big Mac, sound the alarm and get everypony ya can get. You know what ta do after that!”
“On it!” he said, and galloped off.
Pinkie was spectating the conversation, but she had no idea what was going on. “What’s happening?” she asked confused. “Is it “them”?”
“It sure as sugar is,” AJ answered, all hyped up. Then, she got an idea. She turned to the pink filly with a certain look of seriousness on her face. “Pinkie, I have another job for ya. If you do it, I’ll pay ya big time, and I mean big time!”
“Another job?” she said doubtfully.
“There’s no time, will ya do it or not?” she pushed on.
“Okay, I’ll do it! What do I do?”
“Come with me, hurry!”
Applejack and Pinkie raced to the back of the barn. Meanwhile, the tension was quickly rising. A horde of pumped up ponies came from the residence and stormed down the dirt road. What was most unsettling was that they were armed. Pinkie already started to regret that she took the offer. Behind the barn was a rusty old shack. After fiddling with the lock, AJ opened the door. She went inside and stated rummaging through some boxes.
“I’m gonna give ya one from mah own private collection. Ah sure hope ya know how ta use it.”
Before she could even reply, AJ pushed a big gun into Pinkie’s hooves. An Ak-47 no less.
“A g-g-g-gun?” she yelped. “You want me to fire this?!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Nah, we’re gonna do a photo shoot. Of course I want ya ta fire it!”
“B-but I’ve never fired a gun before!” Pinkie protested.
“There’s a first time for everythin’, ain’t it?” AJ winked. “Strap yerself in, pardner, cuz we’re in for one helluva ride!”
While Applejack was gearing up with some more guns, Pinkie held the firearm in her hooves with pure anxiety. “Oh boy…,” she gulped nervously.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Pinkie. Just remember ta take cover.”
“I’m going to die, aren’t it?” she weeped.
“Not on my watch you ain’t,” she said while strapping up an additional shotgun holster. “In case ya didn’t know, I’m a professional gunslinger. It runs in the family ya might say. You just stay low and shoot everythin’ that moves except for us of course. Dontcha’ll worry now, ah got yer back.”
“So, what are we shooting at exactly?” she asked.
“I’ll explain on our way over there,” a now armed to the teeth Applejack said. She now had two double barrel shotguns strapped to her hips, two revolvers around her chest and an ak-47 on her back. Also, she wore a belt with some grenades. “Ya ready? It’s time ta boogie!”

Not much later, Pinkie and Applejack were sprinting down the dirt road running through the huge apple tree orchard. So far, Pinkie had been completely left in the dark about the whole situation, so AJ gave some much needed explanation.
“Alright, so here’s what we’re dealin’ with. We’ve been havin’ a whole lotta trouble the last few years with these guys. A buncha tree huggers, hippies that only bathe like once a month if yer lucky.”
“Hippies?! But aren’t they supposed to be peaceful? Why are they attacking you?” Pinkie inquired confused.
“Some jibber-jabber ‘bout how everythin’ provided by nature should be free to everypony or somethin’. They don’t fancy us makin’ a business outta natural products, buncha self-righteous extremist bastards. So they reckon they can just take our apples and divide em between all their tree huggin’ friends. We used ta just chase em off with shovels an’ pitchforks, but they’ve become a bit more aggressive overtime.”
“So basically, they’re stealing your apples because they think it’s wrong to make a business out of nature, and because they’re hippies, they are against the consumer society and just want everything for free.”
“Well, yeah, pretty much, ah guess.”
“Why don’t you call the police then?” Pinkie asked.
“We tried, believe me, but the Paradise Police just don’t give a shit bout anythin’. Besides, us country folks prefer ta take matters into our own hooves. And Ah’ll be damned if ah let these fuckers flush Sweet Apple Acres down the toilet. Over mah dead body, ya hear?”
“I still got a bad feeling about this…,” Pinkie said anxiously.

A little later still, the duo arrived at the stronghold. A dozen or so of armed members of the apple family stood in a defensive pose, though they appeared to be idle. Pinkie looked around. Everypony seemed to be here, except for Big Macintosh. She wondered what took him so long. A young colt with a light brown coating and dark brown mane emerged from the restless crowd.
“Caramel,” Applejack said to him, “what’s goin’ on? Aren’t they here yet?”
“They are,” he said with a look of seriousness on his face, “but the leader wants to talk with ya!”
“Oh, good gravy,” she sighed. “This is gonna be good.”
The crowd was so tense you could hear a needle drop, as Applejack made her way to the front line. Everypony stared intensely at the enemies, which were quite large in numbers. A whole legion of deadbeat misfits; long, unwashed manes, some wearing rose coloured glasses or colourful shirts that had the peace sign on it. The leader was a putrid yellow coated earth pony with a brown mane and tail. His cutie mark was obstructed by some dirty, ripped pants.
“What do ya want? If ya don’t have anythin’ good ta say, we’d prefer ya to leave this place before some of you ponies get yerself hurt,” Applejack said angrily.
“We don’t wanna use violence, man,” the leader said, “but we can’t stand around and watch you making money over what mother nature has provided for us. These apples belong to everypony, so surrender them!”
His speech was received with loud cheering from his crew. “Yeah, far out dude!”
“Oh, fer fuck’s sake,” AJ said while facehooving. “Now listen here, ya filthy germ bags! These apples are bein’ sold fer reasonable prices on the market, which sustains the economy of this shitty town, which in turn allows y’all ta masturbate and smoke pot in yer dirty rooms, whinin’ about how horrible the economy is in the first place, without havin’ ta worry about it goin’ down the shitter! On top of that, it brings food on the table for mah family, so this is our bread an’ butter yer fuckin’ with. How many times do ah have ta tell ya?”
“Ooh, she has a good point there,” Pinkie said to herself.
“We don’t care, dude!” he retorted, “we fight for mother nature, and we’re not backing off for you hicks!”
“Dumb as a sack of potatoes, these folks,” AJ mumbled.
“We’ll warn you one last time, hand over our apples, or face the conseque-“
His speech was suddenly cut short when, after a deafening blast, his whole body was perforated by countless orbs of hail. Blood splashed all around and his body was launched backwards. He landed on the middle of the dirt road, red liquid squirting out of the many holes and a puddle started to form underneath him. All the hippies’ eyes went wide. Pinkie gasped in shock. Applejack stood, holding the still smoking shotgun in her hooves with a smirk on her face. She brought her hoof to her ear.
“What’s that, sugarcube? Ah can’t hear ya over the sound of mah gun!”
It stayed eerily quiet for a little while, until the massive uproar started.
“She…she killed him!” one of them screamed.
“That’s it! Attack!”
“Yee-haw!” Applejack cheered. “Get ready, fillies and gentlecolts, this is about ta get intense! Let’s rock an’ roll!”
Oh Pinkie Pie, what have you gotten yourself into now…