The Faculty Lot

by TheCloppyComedian

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Random, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Comedy, Vice-Principal Luna
Length: 3754

Princess Luna learns of the power of the mysterious faculty lot.

She's wondered about it, she's dreamt about it...and developed quite an unhealthy obsession with it. Now, she's finally making her first visit to the human world. Who better to show her about the ways and power of that tarmac coated place than the Vice Principal who also bears her name?

Published 2020-05-23 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-26 12:25:14 UTC

Luna Meets Luna

“We have a guest today, my dear sister,” Principal Celestia announced as she strode gaily into Vice Principal Luna’s office. Even though she knew her sister and fellow faculty member like a book, she always stopped short when she saw how sparsely the office was decorated. Luna enjoyed the minimalist approach when it came to such things. Small potted plants were perfectly placed in all four corners of the room, and the only other thing in there was a bookcase and Luna’s rather sizable desk. The mahogany structure stood in sharp contrast to the sheer nothingness of the rest of the space. Her computer dominated its surface, but there were the typical school faculty traditions of books and pens and various other supplies, all perfectly organized.

“A guest?” Luna asked as she reared back from behind the screen of her brand new iMac. The school had made the decision to overhaul its technological leanings, and had switched from Windows a few months before. Luna, in particular, had been extremely supportive of the swap, and she could not have been happier with the performance of their recent acquisitions. Now her computer wasn’t constantly crashing, and they weren’t having to constantly pay their local Best Buy location to come out and take a look at it. It saved them a lot of money when it came to that department, and she couldn’t help but take some credit for it.

“Yes, a guest,” Celestia responded, “all the way from Equestria!”

Luna nearly spat out the coffee she had just sucked in. She had definitely heard of this alternate dimension, and had even been privy to an introduction with one of their princesses, but she never thought she’d actually have to help entertain a guest from there. She suddenly felt very inadequate, almost as if somebody had come into the room with a shrink ray and pulverized her size until she was no bigger than the average household mouse. Her pupils shrank until they were slits and she took on a lack of confidence that she’d never experienced before. Even though she was nearing her forties, she still sometimes felt that she was completely out of her element.

Her big sister took notice. “Um…are you okay, Luna?”

“Yes! Yes, my dear sister!” Luna said, quickly adjusting her dark purple top and customary black slacks, “I’m just…not used to doing this kind of thing. Normally, you do it.”

“Well, yes,” Celestia responded, “and I would, but I have to give a speech to some of our new employees in half an hour. I just want you to show our guest around the school, and help her understand a little more about our world. After all, she comes from a place where ponies can talk…I must admit, I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one.”

Luna smiled and nodded as her big sister turned to the side. “Come on in, Princess,” she said.

The Vice Principal once again choked on her caffeinated beverage as a new person entered the room. This one looked just like her, only her hair was done up in a ponytail and she wore radically different clothes. Her outfit consisted of a midnight blue dress that accentuated her eyes rather beautifully. A necklace of pure white hung around her neck, reflecting the subtle radiance that was found there. She smiled and walked over to Luna’s desk, hobbling a little bit as she went.

The Vice Principal quickly got up and caught her. “Whoa, there!” She said, “are you alright…er…Your Majesty?”

“Oh, yes, I’m perfectly fine,” the woman stated, “I’m just getting used to a place where you stand on two legs instead of four.”

Celestia came and stood between them. “Vice Principal Luna, this is Princess Luna. Princess Luna, this is Vice Principal Luna.”

The two ladies looked each other over with more than a bit of shock passing between them. The idea that human and pony counterparts existed in both worlds was mind numbingly bamboozling. They each blushed a bit as they felt like they were looking at some kind of distorted reflection. It felt like a perfect fit, but something just seemed off about the other one. For the faculty member, it was probably the fact that this pony turned person didn’t have a teaching degree or any kind of experience in the U.S. school system. For the princess, it may have been the idea that this human didn’t raise the moon every night. She remembered when Twilight had told her that the human sun and moon just kind of ran on their own, and that thought had shocked her so badly that she could not sleep the following day.

“It’s…a pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Vice Principal Luna said as she held out her hand.

“The same to you,” Princess Luna said, “but…I’m afraid I don’t know why you’re holding out one of your upper extremities to me. I don’t wish to be rude, but is this some type of human greeting mechanism?”

The faculty member stifled a chuckle at the Princess’s rather adorable ignorance. “Yes, Your Majesty,” she said politely when she regained her composure, “it’s called shaking hands.”

“So that’s what these odd, rather stubby things are,” Princess Luna said as she gawked awkwardly at one of her new hands, “I find that the odd protrusions jutting from their base are interesting. Very interesting, indeed. Tell me, do you use them to grasp different objects?”

Once again, Vice Principal Luna had to blockade her laugh. “Yes, Princess. They’re called fingers, and they have many useful qualities.”

“Mm-hmm,” Princess Luna responded, “very, very astounding. Sometimes I wish that we ponies had these kinds of mechanical advantages built into our beings. But, such is life. Please do not think that I am unhappy in Equestria. I really am. But ever since Princess Twilight told me about her adventures here, I have been anxious to experience them in person. I have also heard of a place containing great power called: the faculty lot.”

“Well, then, follow me and I’ll show you what we have to offer,” Luna said as she smiled, “even the faculty lot.”

A School Tour to Remember

Vice Principal Luna led the humanized Princess Luna out into the hallway and down past a number of students. The bell had just sounded, signaling the transition from one class into another. The visiting royal was not particularly impressed with the ringing, as she was not a fan of sharp noises. Plus, her sister’s school had a rather calm noise activated by a magic mechanism whenever students needed to change classes. It was loud enough so everypony could hear, but it was not so loud that it caused them to forget everything they’d learned in a mad dash to get their things and move on to the next subject of study.

“Tell me, why do you need such a raucous noise to let students know that it’s time to switch classes?” She asked.

“Well, if we didn’t, then most of them would probably sleep right through it,” Vice Principal Luna said with a chuckle.

“Your students slumber during their courses? That doesn’t seem very…educational.”

“Don’t worry, Princess,” the faculty member responded reassuringly, “our teachers do an excellent job of curbing our students’ desire to sleep during class.”

They walked down a long hallway, and Princess Luna noticed the huge abundance of lockers present. She was curious as to these “storage and containment units,” as she called them, because they were not available in her sister’s school. Everypony just kind of magically carried everything they needed to around with them. Some of them still brought saddlebags, but that was only for unnecessary items. Everything else floated above them in a curious, yet rather amusing, menagerie of books, paper, and pencils. Here, in the human world, they did not seem to possess such qualities.

Perhaps magic is a luxury only attuned to our world, the Princess thought, perhaps…I have been abusive of my power.

“So the students put all their belongings inside of those units, and then when they need them, they just come and get them?” She asked.

Vice Principal Luna nodded. “Yep, that’s pretty much how it works. They’re handy little inventions. It saves room inside a student’s backpack. That way, they don’t have to haul around every last little item that they need for school. I mean, they’re here from 8-3, and each class lasts for an hour with the same time taken off for lunch. With six classes to attend, I’d say the lockers save valuable time and space.”

“Yes, but what happens if a student forgets the combination to his lock?” The princess asked.

“Well, then they have to pay the consequences of being late to class because they have to come tell us and we have to unlock it for them.”

The royal was intrigued by the strict way they enforced these interesting little locks. There were combination locks back in Equestria, but most of them were bound to a certain spell that only one or two ponies knew. Once again, her mind turned to asking herself whether or not she was taking her magical properties for granted. She certainly had used a number of magic locks to help confine her most private of belongings, such as her diary, her library, and the one spire in the castle that was set aside for her own usage. She would very often take her stallion friends up there for beautiful visages of the night. But she never thought that a species would have to commit an entire numerical combination to memory.

“Now, then, Princess, here’s one of our classrooms,” Vice Principal Luna said as she showed her into a room.

The Princess was taken aback by the fact that class had already begun and the teacher, a middle-aged man, was busily giving a lecture on something called the Civil War. She was intrigued by the subject matter, as she remembered the Equestrian Civil War fought between all three pony tribes many thousands of years before. It had happened right after the first Hearth’s Warming, when the races weren’t able to agree on just how to divide the land amongst themselves. They had fought bitterly over the holdings, and the Windigoes had threatened them again. But they came to their senses, stopped the endless slaughter, and managed to peaceably and fairly make provisions for everypony.

“…and so it was that General Grant, owing to the fact that the Union had not been able to make any significant advances in the state of Virginia, began what many refer to as the War of Attrition.” The teacher said. “Any questions?”

A yellow hand shot up.

“Yes, Sunset?”

A girl with the same complexion arose from her seat, and the Princess recognized her instantly. She was wearing a leather jacket, with an orange shirt emblazoned with something oddly resembling a cutie mark, and a dark purple skirt. Black boots completed her look. She also had a very friendly air about her, much like she had when she had returned to Equestria a few months before.

She turned towards Vice Principal Luna and the visiting royal and smiled. “Well, it’s not much of a question, but I couldn’t help but notice the new presence in the room. It’s wonderful to see you again, Princess Luna.”

The students all gasped. They had been busily taking notes and listening when the two Lunas entered, so they had not noticed. But now, they definitely did, and they were all engrossed with the idea that their Vice Principal had a twin for the day. Their mouths collectively dropped through the floor, and they could do nothing but stare. They just couldn’t help it. It was such a rarity that someone from Equestria visited them anymore. They had gotten used to the odd bit of magic popping through every now and again, because Sunset and her friends always took care of it. But this? This was different.

An aquamarine hand suddenly shot up.

“Yes, Lyra?” Vice Principal Luna asked.

“Is…is that…you from Equestria?”

“Well, yes it is. Everyone, this is Princess Luna, and she has been gracious enough to grace our school with her presence today.”

The princess smiled and gingerly waved a hand. “Please, dispense of all formality when you’re in my presence,” she said grandly, “I wish to be known simply as Luna. There is no need for any trifling with ‘Your Majesty’ or anything like that. I’d like to get to know you all as friends and human allies with the nation of Equestria.”

The students cheered at her announcement, and her smile grew wider. She did not realize that this queer species would be so kind to her. She felt like one of the humans, and that was just the way she wanted it. She shut her eyes and blushed a little bit at their adoration. She also couldn’t help but notice a few of the male students eyeing her with a bit of affection. This made her blush even deeper, because she knew that she was much too old for any of them.

“Thank you, everyone,” Vice Principal Luna said, “now, please, resume your studies.”

The two Lunas left the room and turned a corner, heading down another hallway. Princess Luna continued to blush as some of the young men had left quite an impression on her. She rolled her eyes at this prospect, and chuckled.

“Is something the matter, Princess?” VP Luna asked.

“Well, no, but…some of the males in that room were giving me the same look that a lot of stallions do back home.”

“Oh, it’s just hormones,” the faculty member said, “I’ll get a bouquet of roses every now and then from an affectionate student, and on Valentine’s Day, I’ll typically get more than ten. But it’s simply a matter of letting them down gently and reminding them that there are plenty of fish in the school their age.”

“Ha, school of fish. Fish humor,” Princess Luna chuckled. “By the way, where are we going now?”

“The place that you claim has great power,” VP Luna responded, “the faculty parking lot.”

The Lot of "Power"

After finishing in the classroom, Vice Principal Luna next showed her pony counterpart the cafeteria. She couldn’t help but notice the way that the visiting royal gazed at the methods that students would use in order to obtain lunch. It seemed that the Princess was entranced by the cafeteria workers, and the way that they made various foods, stuck them on plates, and then left them there for the students to gobble up at their leisure. It appeared to confuse her, because she would cock her head one way, and then another, as if attempting to decipher some kind of nonexistent code or key.

“Is something wrong, Princess?” VP Luna asked.

“Hm? Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong,” Princess Luna responded, “it’s just…I have never observed such a fantastical system for distributing massive rations of victuals in my entire life! My sister’s school back in Equestria has no such…cafeteria…but, rather, the students there are free to leave school during the lunch hours and inhabit the various eateries surrounding the institution. I am…rather intrigued by the idea that your students remain in school to eat their lunches.”

The faculty member couldn’t help but smile at the visitor’s keen vocabulary. She had never heard “going out to eat” put in such an eloquent manner, but she was quite interested to hear more. She couldn’t wait to arrive in the faculty’s parking area and hear what the new human had to say about it. She had to admit that it would be the most entertaining part of the entire experience. For the most part, the tour had been kind of humdrum, with the exception of Sunset recognizing the Princess. But now, they could hustle along to the special lot, and the Princess could finally see what she had come to the human world to see.

They walked down a long hallway and turned a corner before arriving at a locked door. “DO NOT USE: FACULTY ONLY,” read the sign that was plastered across its surface. It seemed to flash, and the giant red letters were rather intimidating. The Princess realized that, were a student to be caught using this door, then they might be in big trouble. Perhaps it is because of the unimaginable power that this place holds deep within its grasp, she thought, perhaps it is because these faculty members wish to shroud its mysteries from their student population! Dear me, the teachers here are lunatics! If they have such power…then it might be dangerous for this world!

“Well, here we are-“ VP Luna said, but stopped when the Princess would not advance. “Um…is everything okay?”

“No!” Princess Luna cried, “everything is not okay! In fact, I’d say this entire trip is ruined!”

“Ruined?” The administrator asked with deep concern, “why? Have I done something to offend you?”

“Offend? No…but you keep your students away from the most powerful spot in the entire universe!”

“What?!” VP Luna asked, “whatever are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about your faculty lot! It is a place where deep and unrequited power lies! When Sunset Shimmer visited Equestria to learn the truth about her forgotten friendships, she made it plain that the faculty lot is full of power! Why, it is said that when you tell a young human that he or she cannot ‘park’ there, then they shall listen! It is almost impossible to get young ponies to listen, but here in the human world, all you have to do is tell the youth that they cannot ‘park’ somewhere! In my opinion, it is an egregious abuse of your power.”

“Go on…” Said the administrator, trying not to burst out in a fit of laughter.

“I mean, should not such power be shared with your pupils? All of the magic power in Equestria is shared with my sister’s! You are running a complete sham of an operation, and I intend to report you to the highest authority!”

The Vice Principal didn’t respond to the crazed Princess’s threat, but simply swiped her key card and gained access to the outside world. She opened the door and they both blinked as the sharp sunlight contrasted with the typical fluorescent hallway lights found in schools all over the country. When their eyes readjusted to the environment, they looked and saw…a parking lot. Nothing more. It was a nice lot, with freshly painted spaces and deeply black tarmac. But, all the same, it was still just a parking lot. Vice Principal Luna parked there every day, and it was currently filled up with all of the teachers’ various automobiles.

But the Princess didn’t understand this, and she leapt forward. She put her head to the tarmac and tried casting a spell on it…but nothing happened. She attempted it again, but nothing happened. A third try still yielded no results, and by this point, she was getting frustrated. She looked up and saw a shiny yellow Chevrolet Camaro sitting in the spot closest to her. She suddenly decided that the odd looking device was blocking all of the magic power that this lot held. What she failed to notice in her haste to relieve her anger was a sign in front of the car: “Reserved-Principal Celestia.”

She went to hit it, but her tour guide suddenly stopped her. “Just what do you think you’re doing, Princess?!” The VP said sharply, “this is my sister’s car!”

“Car? I know not what this ‘car’ is, but I know that this bright yellow monster is devouring all of the power from this place! It shall pay…WITH ITS LIFE!”

She raised her arm again, but VP Luna caught it. “Princess Luna, you do realize that this place has absolutely no power to it, right?”

“What?” Princess Luna asked as her rage calmed, “…no power?”

“Yes, and we certainly aren’t seeking to ‘abuse’ anything with regards to our students. We happen to love and care for them.”

“But…Sunset Shimmer…she laughed at me. Nopony has ever dared to chuckle in my presence unless I have told a funny joke. When she told me that you always told her, ‘no parking in the faculty lot,’ I guessed that it was because you were hiding some great power from everyone here. I thought that it made you stronger and better…but I guess I was wrong.”

VP Luna nodded. “Yes, you were, and it’s a good thing you realized it, too. This car cost my sister a fortune!”

“Please…what is this…car…you speak of?”

VP Luna pointed at the four-wheeled emblem of higher living sitting in front of them. “This is a car, Princess. Humans use them to drive from place to place.”

“Fascinating…so, tell me, does the car give humans magic powers?”

VP Luna chuckled. “No, Princess, although some people think it does. You see, magic doesn’t work here like I’m sure it does in Equestria. You live in a world filled with creatures that are nothing more than myth here, and magic that you use on a daily basis. Magic doesn’t exist here, except for the times when it pops out of a portal from your world.”

The princess looked at the ground, ashamed at her behavior. “I am deeply humbled by your explanation, and I am sorry for the way I have conducted myself. I just thought that this lot was a place of great power. I guess I didn’t stop to think that things might work differently in this world. Still, though, I am very curious to learn more. Please, educate me on just how your world works.”

“I’d be glad to,” the Vice Principal said.

So it was that the two walked off, arm-in-arm. They were new friends, set on paths that would take them very far. Princess Luna would make many more visits to the school, and the administrator always took the time to instruct her pony counterpart on the ways of the world. Soon, the royal became an expert, and took these ideas home to Equestria, where they were taught to other ponies. Human things never really caught on, but they were a very popular subject of study. The faculty lot might not have held the power that Luna thought was there, but it definitely opened the door to new knowledge that she wouldn’t have had otherwise. To her, that was more than enough.