They would eventually be returned home after a few hours—each of them carrying a good set of bags. Pushing onwards, Spike managing to hold the most as they had plenty of clothes and food that could last them at least another week. Spike groaned hard as he bends over, placing some of the bags on the glass,

“Yesh. Hopefully, this’ll be enough.” Spike exclaimed as he was ready too put his things away. Though when he looked towards the room, He began realizing something. His apartment was a complete and total mess. His furniture was tossed over. Such a sight as Spike Looked over,

“Twilight, stay here. I’ll check the back room. After that, I’m calling the police.” He Ran over towards his kitchen and grabbing one of the knives that were lying on the floor. One of the larger ones as he started investigating the place. The knife gripped tightly. His heart was beating loudly as he looked off. Spike imagined that it was that Father Wind rider. It had to have been him, especially with how he was acting.

He turned around, checking the other rooms. The tension in the room was exhilarating. Such a move, as he only had one final place to study. His bedroom. His hand was reaching over, as he held onto the knife tighter, raising it above his head. In some ways, he imagined it made him look more like a serial killer.

He pushed his door open and ran in, giving a battle cry. He began stabbing the knife down, Looking like a mad man. Though after a good minute or two, Spike finally stopped as he looked around. No one was in his room; at the most, his wall decore was ripped to shreds, His bed overturned. Where it showed a slight mess, He’d needed to clean. Even his dirty movies, Twilight hadn’t found yet was scattered around.

Someone was going through his room, Looking for something or someone. But I didn’t find it. Spike Sighed,

Eventually, Spike turned back, heading into the Living room. Sunset was cleaning up the living room, as Twilight put everything away.

“Well, it looks like whoever broke in isn’t here, so thankfully, that’s ok. However, I don’t know if we should call the police. Nothing looks to be stolen.”

“Well, that’s good, though who would’ve broken into here and not stolen anything,”

“I think I know,” Sunset chirped in as she looked over. The way she stared at Spike told him everything that they needed to know.

“Wind rider,” Twilight added, as Sunset nodded,

“Most likely. He will be back. We were just lucky he came when we went off to the store. But he will be back. It’s clear about that.” She looked somewhat nervous about it, and Spike sighed. It was clear that no one was safe here, and muttered,

“I think I’ll make a call maybe Get ahold of Gabby, call in a favor,”

The girls nodded as Spike turned over, pulling his Cell phone. He was dialing out Gabby’s number. Twilight was putting away some of the books on the shelves, and Sunset was throwing some papers away as Spike continued listening to the long ringing.

It was after the third or fourth ring before Gabby had finally

“Hey Spike, What's up?”

“Oh nothing much, Um Gabby, I’m wondering, is it possible I could ask you for a big, big favor?”

“Sure, you know you can count on me. What's wrong?”

“Well, someone broke into my apartment, and I was wondering if it might be possible. If Twilight's sister could stay over at yours and Shannon’s place while we’re at work?”

“Oh my god, is everyone alright?” Gabby replied almost instantly as her voice sounded more concerned.

“Yeah, we’re ok. It happened while no one was home. However, Twilight’s sister is freaking out. She just escaped an abusive Ex and is Afraid of staying home alone right now.”

“Spike, no questions needed to get her over here as soon as you can.”

“Alright, I’ll call you when we’re able to, we’re just cleaning up,” Spike muttered, feeling churning in his stomach, knowing he was lying to his friend. But who knows whats she would’ve said if Spike told her the full truth.

Spike sighed and hung the phone up as he motioned over, helping the girls finish cleaning.

“Ok, Looks like Gabby isn’t going to complain about Sunset staying over while we’re at work. So that’s some good news.” Spike reached over, grabbing a broom cleaning up some glasses from a broken vase.

“We’ve got to think of something. We can’t run forever,”

“I know,” Spike muttered, as he threw more glass away.

“I mean, he’s smart, I’m sure he’ll come back, he might try to kill us,” Sunset exclaimed as she was picking more things up faster, her body moving nearly inhuman as Spike grunted,

“I know,”

“Who knows what he might do, He could slit me through, or what. Oh god, what are we going to do? I don’t want to die. No.” Sunset seemed to be taking even deeper breaths as she was freaking out. It was indeed getting on Spike’s nerves.

“I know!” Spike Practically yelled towards Sunset, who startled by this as she made herself look as small as possible. Spike looked towards her a moment, his breathing heavily through his heart softened gently, and reached over patting her arm.

“It’ll be ok, I promise. Nothing will happen to you while I’m here.”

His hand reached over, caressing Sunset's cheek. She nodded lightly, her face looking red. Such a feeling of embarrassment. Though Spike couldn’t help but imagine maybe she felt guilty. But he shook that thought away. There was nothing to feel guilty as he turned around.

“Come one, and we should get Sunset over to Gabby’s.”

The room looked much better when they finally left, as they bounded back into the truck, Taking the clothes they just got Sunset and drove off heading towards Gabby's home. It was clear that Spike was taking a long way. They were looking over his shoulder, making sure that no cars were following behind him.

“Spike, I don’t think he’s going to be driving behind us.”

“It’s just a precaution. Now Sunset, what did you do with his car? Just in case I have to take care of it.” He wanted to make sure that there was nothing that could link them, or even give much a hint that this bastard could find them.

“I can’t remember I sort of just dropped it off at the side of the road and ran towards your guy’s that nice. I think it was a mile or two,” It was true, driving throughout the night. She was afraid that someone would pull her over. Who knows what would happen.

“Well, that’s good. I’m sure he won’t be able to find us. Though It’s a good idea to stay a little cautious.” The longest time, but eventually, they made it over towards Gabby's home. Spike took a long deep breath as he motioned the girls out. A massive beating in his heart as he doesn’t know what might happen next.

The next day couldn’t come by fast enough if you asked Spike. Working on different manuscripts had been a breeze as he looked over them. Some of them were better than the rest. However, it was a good day. His fingers were typing on the computer when he thought about what they were going to do next. They couldn’t hide for long, since Spike imagined that Wind rider would find them, Though when. Today, tomorrow. Who knows? But it was only a matter of time.

In a way, Spike was considering getting a gun. Maybe call his pops up and see if he could send one of his .45 for protection. But would there even be enough time? It was hard to tell; if Spike had to, he might have to go and buy himself one. A hard sigh as he looked around. A thought popped into his head. He remembered how Ms. Harshwinny- Grace had talked about a spring place at one time. Somewhere by the lake. An idea, sure it couldn’t be Permanente, but that could help them out. He Probably had to ask Grace. Maybe take a risk- Though he might have a chance, especially with what happened last time, he interacted with his boss.

He quickly turned around, looking over at the cubicle behind Seeing Twilight working, and boy was she a working machine. Where did she even get any of this energy, though Spike squinted some as he mumbled to himself,

Oh right, she got it from me; he laughed, his back felt sore. Thankfully Sunset hadn’t joined him. Yet somehow, he thought he might have to soon. He didn’t even think she fed one time since arriving. It was beyond expected. Twilight said that she might just have a slow drive.

She might not need as much, but when she’s hungry, she’ll need a whole lot more. But she’s still learning how to use her abilities. The more she uses it. She’ll probably have to feed more then. At least that was when Twilight had told him last night when they laid in bed together after their fun. Spike wasn’t sure how much he could take. But he pressed on. He actually might have to suggest Twilight lay off on using her abilities so that he could recover more.

It was mainly the fact that she had used her abilities to help get him enough energy for the act that kept him going. But who knows how long that would work. Spike only sighed while rubbing his thighs. If someone were to see him without pants, they’d see the bruises caused by how she slammed down onto him. He needed a break. However, the idea hadn’t come up yet.

“Something wrong Spike?” Twilight asked as she noticed him looking up towards him as he peaked his head over the wall. Spike shook his head,

“No, I’m fine, I was just thinking maybe we should do something about getting out of here, maybe get out of town, So we don’t have to worry about Wind rider,”

“Oh, what do you have in mind?” Twilight asked with a light smile as she imagined what he might do for something like this.

“I have an idea though right now, I think we might need to become swingers,”

Twilight snorted loudly as she tried hiding her laughter. Though it was hard as she let out a loud snort. While Spike rolled his eyes,

“I swear your gonna kill me, woman, Kill me with your pussy,”

“Oh, I will not Quit being a baby, and we’ll snu-snu more!” Twilight giggles more as she tapped the back of his cubicle.

“Back to work, woman!” Spike turned back to work for a minute, as he had a moment pause hearing those words,

“Wait, who taught you about Snu-Snu?” Twilight never answered as she bounced back into her work. Spike sighed while returning to work. It was clear today was going to be a long day; he turned over and began typing at the computer and listening to the clacking, just getting himself more comfortable.

Spike simply sighed as he pushed his mind off while just working away the day, Pushing off from his desk. His head was leaning back. His body was feeling restless. His cock ached in the right way. As he began imagining something quite sexy, as he thought about what he and Grace had done before fucking in her office. Her moans, Hell, he imagined Twilight moaning with him. Somehow, even with all that sex, he had. Was it more of the Succubus affecting him.

Such a thought while he groaned and an idea, thinking about how one time Twilight wanted another round. How she wanted to go hog wild, but Spike’s cock seemed to resist. He even began feeling even more since he had that plan in mind to get him and the girls out of town.

“Twilight!” He whispered. It caught her attention as he motioned her over. Twilight chuckled some as she wondered what he might need. But in most cases, she is happy when Spike called her over for even just a high; she was ahead of her work and could stop for a minute.

“Yeah, Spike,” she muttered, standing in front of his cubicle blocking everyone from looking in.

“I’ve got an idea to get you, Sunset, and me out of town for the weekend, somewhere we can relax, but I’m going to need some help. Maybe a bit of your magic to turbocharge me if you catch my drift.” He winked lightly, while Twilight stood there for a minute a smile on her face, as she pretended to pick something up. She was exposing her cleavage to him, A soft smile as she watched over him.

“I think I see what you are talking about, Spike. Sure it shouldn’t be a problem to get you ‘Turbocharged.’” She stood there, her hands grabbing her thighs as she caressed her body slowly, moving up till she held her fine tits. She was giving them a firm squeeze. In contrast, she seemed to glow bright pink as she snapped her finger.

Spike suddenly felt a rush of energy pulled into him as if he could run a mile or two, just this instant, even while being slouched over all day working on paperwork. His cock seemed to twitch. Like it was during his teen years. Spike smiled more as he was feeling more confident, as he got up and gave Twilight a quick peck on the lips.

“Thanks, Twilight, I owe you one, or two.”

“Hmm, you better, and save some for me, big boy.” Twilight teased as she slapped him in the ass. Spike, though, jumped and laughed, but the fact was he had a feeling this wouldn’t last long, as his heart raced more. He knew he had to be quick with it. He thought of the girls and knew he had to help them more. So it was time for him to nut up.

He headed up towards the elevator as he ready to see Grace, oh how he prayed to God; she was in a good mood. In any mood. He’ll soon find out; he felt his head racing as he walked towards her office. He hadn’t seen her all day, so he imagined that she was working in her office. However, this was a risk in itself, since when he did that, she usually wasn’t in a good mood.

He was standing right out her door as he reached over, closing his hands into a fist, as he took a deep breath. His mind was looking back to when he and Harshwinny had gotten better as he began knocking right on her door. He did it for a few seconds till he heard a scream,

“Come in!” She called out, and boy, did she sound pissed. Spike pulled himself right in as he looked over towards Grace. Grace’s hair was all over the place, instead of being up in a bun. Her glasses slightly fogged from her hot breath, and even her face seemed somewhat redder.

“Um, is this a bad time?” Spike asked as he imagined he could pop away and try this later as he steeled his nerves more.

“No, no, it’s fine. Just my bastard of an Ex-husband. He’s trying to pull some stupid shit. I swear I wish I never married that fucker,” She tossed a paper off to the side as she pushed her face into her hands.

Spike moved inside, cloL-sing the door right behind him. While watching the woman,

“Hey, it’ll be ok,” Spike walked over, giving a smile though Ms. Harshwinny just looked towards him.

“You wouldn’t understand,” She sighed as she didn’t know what to do. While she looked towards the young man, remembering how she had ridden him. She couldn’t remember why she had done that. She just remembers talking with the new girl, That Twilight, and preparing her for working here. She mentioned getting recommended by Spike, and she felt a fire inside her. Imagining how handsome this young man was, the way he did. She could be a hard ass. Yet for him, even when she was the queens bitch, she was a little soft.

Spike reminded her of some boy she knew in college. Somehow Spike Reminded her of him. A soft sigh, as she rubbed her head,

“Just stress, it seems to get me more, and this lazy fuck, wants more alimony.”

“Well, at least he’s out of your life,” Spike replied as he got more comfortable.

“Yeah, though he manages to pop back in with a vengeance. You wouldn’t understand though, you’ve never been married.”

“No, maybe not, though right now, A friend of mine, Twilight’s sister. She’s in trouble. She had to come over trying to get away from an abusive guy,” This cause Gracy attention for a minute, as she looked over,

“That is bad. I hope she’s ok?” Grace's heart went out for her. Sure she had times she was cold, but she wasn’t heartless,

“She’ll be fine. I’m planning to get her out of town for the weekend along with Twilight, So the two of them can relax.”

“I see, well that’s nice,” Grace felt herself feeling jealous, The way Spike looked at Twilight, how they interacted, Sure She had sex with Spike, but somehow, the way he looked at the new girl. He admired her, wanted her in more ways than one, but for Grace. It stomped her confidence, made her feel older.

Spike watched her for a moment seeing the sadness in her eyes as a thought came over him. A small ping in his heart, while he heard a little voice whispering into his head, You know what to do,

“I mean, you could join us, you could get a few days off and relax, leave your troubles behind.” He gave a confident smile, his heart racing some, as he looked over towards his boss. She seemed to look calm. Her eyes on him for a second. Little did he know she was secretly rubbing her thighs together, as she was thinking about it more, Joining him for a weekend. Maybe reenact what happened the last time they were together. Maybe even more. A small thought came in mind as she popped her neck.

“Well, I suppose, sure why not. I’ll join you two, and I have a beach house; you three could be my guest.” In Grace's head, she was jumping for joy. Her body remained in place as she let out a small smile,

“I- I mean thank you, I appreciate this. I don’t know how to thank you.” Spike smiled as he was hoping for something like this, Hell it had turned out easier than he imagined. In contrast, the young man looked towards her for a little bit longer.

“It’s nothing, though I would like something in return since I’ll have to call up a few people to clean the place up and stock everything for this weekend,” Grace smirked as she watched him, her expression growing wider as she had something in mind,

“Well, what would that be?” Spike had expected something like this as Ms. Harshwinny simple muttered,

“I’ll have you lock the door first.” Spike headed over, locking the door as he heard the clicking sound. He turned around, seeing Grace standing up. Her eyes filled with want and desire, as she reached over, unbuttoning her top.

“I know I’m not as attractive as Twilight, I’ve seen how you’ve looked at her, But It’s been a long time since I was with a man before you. It hadn’t been with anyone since that bastard. I wanna feel something.” There was a calmness in her voice, as she felt ashamed to admit this. But her body was burning with desire- She wanted him, she needed Spike. Somehow after these last few days. The man before her made her feel alive. She was not just passing the day. The fire was growing in her with lustful desire.

Spike shook his head as he walked in closer,

“No, that’s not true, you’re beautiful, Grace.” His voice husk, as he still didn’t use to calling her by that.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better, and I’m at least ten years older than yo-“

Suddenly without warning Spike, kissed her. Pushing his lips against her as he kissed with passion, Grace was caught off. Her eyes widened for half a second as she felt Spike’s warm lips against her’s. Her heart bounced as she felt herself moving in, embracing the kiss from this young man. Her eyes were gently closing. Her body was moving in closer as she felt much warmer.

Grace began feeling more relaxed, her arms wrapping around as her thighs rubbed against each other more. Her gut felt as though it was on fire, just from the kiss. Her moans were escaping from those luscious lips as she pushed her tongue out. She was moving them against his. Flickering, Spike returned the feeling as he reached around her. His hands were caressing her lower back. Nearly raising her, to the point she was standing on her toes.

“S-Spike!” She heaved softly. This was by far different from the first time. Back then, she was in control; she had the power over him. She was more angered, but now- Now. It was by far different. He had the power this time. Spike could tell her to get on her hands and knees, and she might’ve just done that. Sure she would’ve fought it. But his scent. The way he looked at her for a moment as he muttered,

“Relax, Ms. Harshwinny,” Spike replied huskily as his hands slipped down lower, cupping her ass.

“You dick, I told you to call me Grace,” She moaned more as she felt him squeeze her bum. She tried resisting, but her legs quivered. Spike pushed her back, putting her on top of her desk. The papers were falling off. The way the documents crinkled as this Beast of a man was over her. She was looking down.

Graces hair, spread across the table. He was looking beyond wild, looking towards Spike, who pushed himself down onto her, kissing her neck. His lips pressed against her exposed flesh. Grace's glasses were at an angle by than as she could see well from one eye as she took a hard breath. The way Spike sucked her neck. His fingers were slipping down, caressing his side. Rubbing Graces skin

His fingers warm to her flesh. The way they moved, rubbing her hips and slipping through as he kissed down her body. His other hand seeming to be more aggressive compared to the other one, began pulling on her top. Buttons were breaking off, popping to parts unknown.

“Careful- Shit, I’ll have to get a temp to go out and get me a new damn shirt. I’ll have to come up with some damn excu-Ohh ooh!” She gasped hard as Spike moved down farther down her body. His lips against her thighs as he smacked her thighs,

“Hmm, Grace, you know you talk too much at times. Just say you spilled some hot coffee or something,” Spike growled with a chuckle. Grace didn’t find this amusing as she muttered,

“I’m taking this out of your pay Spike,” Her face contorting to bitch mode. But before it could set Spike, nipped her hard.

“F-Fuck!” She gasped harder, biting her lip as Spike sneaked under her skirt. Her panties Black as night and laced with silk. It was clear that she was wet. The pure musk of arousal growing more as Spike licked teasingly. His tongue was sliding on the damp spot. Though he never dared move those panties. He was planning to have fun.

“Hmm, if you say so. Though I think I should get a raise.”

“Your gonna have to earn that, big boy,” Fuck professional, Grace felt herself horny as fuck, and this teasing wasn’t helping at all.

Sher grunted more, her hips bucking as she felt Spike teasing her. His tongue was pressing against her Vulva, the fabric of her panties rubbing her as she groaned. Her hand was reaching down, Combing down his hair, as she grunted. Her other hand was unhooking the rest of the buttons from her shirt, exposing her in a red Bra. If she knew she was in for a situation, she might’ve worn something that matched, maybe something sexy.

Spike growled some as he licked more; the taste of her damp pussy was pleasant. But he wanted more. He tried to get a better taste. His jeans felt tight against him as he reached down and quickly unbuttoned, releasing his hard shlong.

Spike was oozing confidence in more ways than one as he pushed Grace’s panties out of the way. Her pussy. Looking pink and succulent, as he moved in his tongue, slipping in, tasting those sweet juices. The way his tongue moved, moving in extended, drawn-out circles.

“Finally, now eat me out, Spike, Jesus,” She grunted, her legs wrapping around, holding him down by the neck. Spike groaned as he felt her legs squeezing against the back of his neck. Though slowly, he closed his eyes. He was rolling his tongue faster. His left hand was moving around, rubbing and massaging her clit gently. It only made Grace moan harder as she bucked her hips against him.

Spike’s tongue quickly began moving in different directions, sporadically. His hands were massaging her body more, as Grace heaved heavier. It felt so good, felt so right as she felt her body shaking. Spike, on the other hand, was enjoying her sweet taste. His tongue flicking faster, lapping up her wet, soaking pussy.

“Fucck!” Graces voice drawn out. Thankful still, she had the walls reinforced in case she ever had to yell at a worker. She grunted harder as she could barely breathe. Her head swimming in lust and desire, as she muttered,

“Fuck, me!!” Feeling her orgasm coming close. Spike only smirked as he muttered,

“Sounds like a good idea,” as he pulled back, pushing her legs away, though he stood there his shit eaten grin as he looked down at his boss, his cock standing there on the ready. His arousal was all for her. Grace bit her bottom lip as The flames of lust ran over her.

“Come get me, big boy.” She muttered her bosom heaving more, as she shivered in excitement. But it was clear you didn’t need to tell Spike twice.

He grabbed Grace by her thighs, pulling her over the edge. The head of his cock poking the end of her pussy. Graces legs going in the air Resting on the young man’s shoulders as he took a minute pushing her panties off to the side, His other head pressing against her slit.

“Hmm, The moment you’ve been waiting for,” Spike growled. His confidence wrapped around him as he pushed that large head into her. Slow at first

“Hurry up, and I’ve got a meeting in G’ahh!” Grace screamed as she felt his hard throbbing cock invade her, filling her up as it sunk deeper within her cunt/ The way it sank in. Spike’s tight grip. She felt like she was close to being over the edge. The foreplay didn’t help things. As she felt her eyes roll back.

Spike moaned back,

“Fuck, your cunt is so damn tight.” He pushed in as far as he could barely make it in. He honestly had to stop for a second as he felt like he could’ve blown his load, and he was a guy who had been fucking a Succubus almost every god damn day.

“Something wrong?” Grace asked as she groaned harder, his cock was spreading her out, her hips bucking, wanting him to move already.

“No, No, just getting used to your cunt.” He took a deep breath readying himself as he pulled back and gave a powerful thrust. Grace moaned hard as she felt him thrust in. It was far different from last time. His hips were thrusting harder. Her breasts were bouncing back and forth as she breathed heavier. Her right hand was caressing her tits. The other hand reaching over grabbing Spike’s arm,

“Fuck, harder! Harder!” Grace moaned, her pussy tightening even more as she grunted harder. Her hips were pushing back, Feeling how Spike grinding and trusted. Her fingers were twisting her nipples as she was getting even hotter and bothered. Spike grunted hard.

“Fuck, fuck!” He felt his eyes squeezing tightly. She felt so hot. His arms were reaching down. Grabbing her hips as he forced himself harder into her. Anything on the desk began shaking around as Spike leaned in closer. Their bodies pushed together as they were unrelenting.

Spike quickly pulled his cock out as Grace looked at him, annoyed as she suddenly felt him grab her by her thighs forcing her down on her stomach. Her head pressed against the desk as Spike, slammed back in. Spike growled more. Ms. Harshwinny screamed at the top of her lungs as She was being fucked with no end in sight.

“Fuck, I bet you like it! Like how I fuck this tight little cunt!” He growled as he pushed deeper. The sounds of their flesh slapping together it was like music. The rhythm, the way it went together, was perfect.

Spike soon reached over, grabbing her by her hair, pulling her back.

“Fuck, Spike, I- I’m gonna cum!” Her voice was growling between each word. Grace’s eyes were going fuzzy. Grace wanted more- She needed more. She wanted him to cum in her. Grace was going crazy over his fat fucking cock.

“Fuck, ready or not, here I cum.” He groaned louder, his eyes squeezing shut. He couldn’t hold it back, her exclaiming that how she moaned was the final tipping point as he began unleashing his load all over her insides.

“Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity fuck!” Grace exclaimed as she couldn’t handle it. His cum shitting right against her Cervix. Ms. Harshwinnys, eyes were going crosseyed for a minute, as her face contorted more, before sinking her head into her desk.

Spike panted and groaned harder. His chest felt like it was close to bursting out of his chest.

“How was that, Grace?” Spike asked, making sure she was ok. Though it was clear that all Ms. Harshwinny could do, was raise a trembling hand giving a thumbs up. Spike smirked as he took that as a compliment.

“I’m sure you’ll be ready for more when the girls and I come over to your beach house this weekend?” Spike asked as he carefully pulled out. A slight shudder was running through his back. His dick felt so damn sensitive, and as he got his head out. Bits of his Cum leaked out.

“I’m sure I will be,” Grace said though her voice came out more as a mumble as her head laid on the ground. Her body felt limp. Though she managed too pull a piece of paper out, writing the address, and giving it to Spike.

Spike took it off and kissed the back of her neck.

“Let me know if you need anything else, boss.”

Spike quickly got dressed, fixing himself up. Before heading back to his cubicle. Pretending no one was looking at him, he snuck over, checking on Twilight. As he was about to say something, He heard his phone ring.

Spike answered it, without much thought, when he heard screaming coming from the other end. He recognized it as Gabby’s. Before Spike could say anything, he heard a familiar voice,

“You better hurry up, The Dikes, might not make it, bring that Succubus with you. I’ve got one of my targets. I just need the other one..” It was none other than Father Wind rider. Spike couldn’t help but drop the phone. Letting it hit the ground.

Author's Note

Woah boy, finally managed to get this finished, well here's the newest chapter, Also reminded that there's an art contest for those who might be interested, just head to my Discord for more information. Also currently taking donations if you want to help cause any donation goes in to improving the story including hiring an editor, who could fix this story a bit more before I try and publish it onto Amazon. I'm even tempting to try Kickstarted, but please tell me what do you think of the new chapter.

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