Applejack Needs a Cock and Butterscotch Has One, but She Goes About Getting It in the Wrong Way

"I've given you my strongest brew. There's nothing more that I can do."

Zecora kept the black, bubbling cauldron between herself and Applejack. It felt closer to hiding than keeping distance from the mare in heat. The aromatic bitters being boiled so close to her nose helped with the smell Applejack's swishing tail spread.

"Zecora, please. I don't know what you did to this stuff, but it just ain't workin'. I try takin' double, triple, it doesn't do anythin'! Ya hafta have somethin' else! I'm goin' crazy!"

Zecora looked at the farmer with guilt and pity. It was plain to anyone who saw Applejack that she was suffering the peak of estrous. Snout flushed, eyes unfocused and jittery, her coat fluffed out and shining from sweat, and the smell. Zecora was no stranger to pungent odors, working as she did with the esoteric herbs found only deep in the Everfree, but the scent of apple spice and sex would take months to air out.

"My potions have helped you all they can. Prudence demands another plan. I have a poultice you can try. It doesn't stop heat; it ruins the pie."

Applejack stomped around the cauldron towards Zecora, "An' jus' what is that s'posed to mean? I know you're holdin' out on me, Zecora!"

Zecora ringed the cauldron to keep it between her and the sex-crazed mare, tail tucking between her legs and ears drooping as she backpedaled, "An ancient herb cooked down to paste ensures a mare the seed won't take! Her coltfriend can satisfy her procreative urge without worrying about expanding the herd!"

"I ain't got no coltfriend, Zecora! If I did, I wouldn't be comin' back here every dag-gon' day tryin' to get something to fix this heat! I know you're holdin' out on me! I can hear it in your voice!"

Applejack picked up her pace. Zecora turned tail and ran. The farmer chased her around the cauldron in reckless pursuit. Zecora kicked over a stand of flowers hung to dry, tripping her huntress.

"I've told you thrice in as many days, I cannot help you. Go away!"

Quick as a flash, she pulled from the ceiling a lemongrass net and caught Applejack in it, pulling the thrashing mare out of her home by her teeth and swinging her through the front door, slamming it shut and dropping a bar across it. Zecora braced flat against the door, hoping her effort would keep it from being kicked in.

Applejack wrestled herself free of the net, shouting terrible curses and threats all the while. Zecora wasn't sure what it meant to "blind a winker," but she had no desire to learn. Zecora breathed easy only long after Applejack's echoing expletives died off as she left the forest. She held her head in her hooves and sighed.

"Forgive me, Applejack, for causing you strife. If I didn't, Granny Smith would ruin my life. "

* * *

By the time Applejack galloped out of the Everfree, a mess of mud, leaves, thorns, and fluids, the sun was closer to after than noon. She didn't stop galloping when she hit the old, faded path skirting around Ponyville. A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane munched on a sandwich while laying down on a cloud, watching the dust cloud race from the forest towards Sweet Apple Acres. Tossing the half-eaten hay, lettuce, and tomato square into the air, she wolfed it down in a single bite and took flight, catching up with Applejack in seconds.

"Hey, AJ! Wanna race?"

When Applejack didn't respond, Rainbow Dash tried shouting, "Last one to the barn's a rotten apple!"

Dash took off like a bolt, flying low to the ground, leaving a rainbow trail right in front of Applejack's path. But Applejack didn't hear Rainbow Dash over the blood pounding in her ears. Didn't see her trail with eyes shut tight, head tucked, charging down the path by memory alone.

Dash's grin over the ground she had gained quickly turned into a frown when she saw Applejack's pained expression. She slowed down to Applejack's speed, reaching out to wave her hooves in front of Applejack's face.

"Hey, AJ! Slow down! What's wrong?" Applejack opened her eyes and, finally aware of Rainbow, fell out of her gallop into a canter. Dash smiled with relief, "Finally got through to ya! Why're you in such a hurry? Where's the fire?"

Applejack snorted, unamused, "Where's the fire? You wanna know where the fire is? I'll tell ya where the fire is, Dash. The fire's in my lady parts!"

Rainbow's wings stopped working for a moment at Applejack's brazenness. Dash hit the dirt and rolled to a stop, popping up on her hooves, "You-Your what?"

Applejack turned around, trotting back to her small friend, "My coochie, my hoo-hah, my va-gi-na." She punctuated each syllable with a stomp of her hooves, "I'm havin' the worst heat of my life right now and nothin's workin' for it!"

"Aren't you taking medicine for that?"

Applejack rolled her eyes, "It ain't workin' anymore, Dash. I've been havin' ta go ta Zecora the last few times, but even her stuff ain't workin' anymore!"

Dash quirked an eyebrow, "Have to go to Zecora? You don't mean..."

Applejack nodded, "Doctors say any higher a dosage and I'll turn barren."

Dash opened her mouth to ask another question, but was silenced by Applejack's overwhelming scent finally catching up to her nose. Her wings popped open and began beating it back. One of Applejack's hooves held her hat down against the powerful gusts.

"I'm sorry, AJ, but I just came out of estrous and I can't risk it coming back."

"I don't blame ya."

"And hoofwork obviously won't cut it."

Applejack shook her head.

Dash rubbed her chin with a hoof as she thought, "Well, why don't you just find a nice stallion to beat the heat with? I'm sure there are plenty of—"

Applejack gave Dash a hard glare, "No! I ain't doin' that."

"Uh, and why not?"

"Sex is somethin' you should only have with your special somepony."

Dash covered her snout with a hoof, holding back laughter.

"An' what in tarnation's got you gigglin' like a schoolfilly?"

Dash removed her hoof and waved it in a circle, rolling her eyes, "Applejack, sex isn't that big a deal."

Applejack stepped closer, "The hay it ain't! Just 'cuz I ain't some floozy like y'all doesn't—"

"Hey! I ain't a floozy just because I've had a few coltfriends before. And me and Soarin have been steady for years now. Don't start name-calling just 'cause you don't have a coltfriend yourself!"

Applejack's snout scrunched, "... Sorry, I didn't mean it. This stupid heat's gettin' me all testy. Gah!"

Rainbow Dash picked up the pace of her wingbeats, stepping forward and standing on her hind legs to pat Applejack on her withers, "I forgive ya. It's hard not to be jealous of a mare as popular as me. But enough about my conquests—how about we find you a 'special somepony,' AJ? You wouldn't have a problem with gettin' a good rut then, would ya?"

"... Maybe, but I ain't gonna find my special somepony on such short notice! An' I got too much farmwork to do besides. I can't go gettin' pregnant."

"Spells exist, AJ."

"Can't we just find me a spell or somethin' to get my heat over with so I can go back to work? I'd much rather do that than... ugh."

Dash clapped Applejack on the withers, "Uhm, hello? What do you think your medicine is? It's magic, dummy. And if magic isn't working, not even Dusk Shine can help ya. Well, not that way, at least..."

"No an' no, I am not gonna have sex with Dusk!"

"Why not? Pretty sure he's a virgin, too."

"That ain't the proble—he is?"

Rainbow Dash blew her mane out of her face, "Yeah? He spends all his time either up to his neck in books or worshipping Prince Solaris. Not a lot of opportunity there!"

Applejack brought a hoof to her chin, "Y'all haven't heard the way he talks about his big sister, though? Or the way Gleaming Shield hugs him just a lil' too long?"

"I really don't wanna think about if Dusk is bangin' his sister, AJ."

"Fair 'nuff. But like I said, that ain't the problem here. I need a stallion that's marriage material!"

"You don't like Dusk Shine?"

"It ain't that, Dash, I like him well enough. He's smart, eager, always overthinkin' things..."

Dash nodded, "And he's so cute when he gets all animated, explaining something I couldn't give a hoot about but don't have the heart to extinguish the sparkles in his eyes..."

Applejack nodded right back at her, "Or the excited lilt in his voice. Music to the ears. An' I won't lie, he's jus' the right height for snugglin' up against that luxurious tuft. I thought only pegasi could get that soft."

"You're tellin' me! I keep asking him what products he uses but he just says, 'Oh, you know, shampoo and conditioner!' For a stallion to have that coat... it just ain't fair."

"Sure ain't."

The pair slowly blush as they realized that they've been mentally ogling one of their best friends. They coughed and made distance between themselves. Dash had to fan her wings faster after a sudden blast from a certain mare overcame the wind.

Applejack stammered, "B-But he ain't cut out for farmwork! He ain't got any muscle on them bones. An' I'd never get any work done myself if he was out there tryin' ta experiment all the dang time. Farms don't run on research grants, they run on gettin' product to market!"

Dash nodded with vigor, "Yup, yup! Dusk Shine is not a good fit for us—you, not a good fit for you at all! Just the way the cookie crumbles, aheh."

A silence followed before Dash voices another option, "... Elusive?"

Applejack lead with a derisive snort, "He's such a filly about everything. Just 'cause he's mighty fine-lookin' an' charming an' a total romantic don't mean he's good husband material."

"Yeah, I can't imagine him doing any farmwork. He'd be all, 'Darling, do you really expect me to dig? I just got my hooficure this morning and I am not going to ruin it!' and, like, 'Just because I made work clothes doesn't mean I'll be getting them dirty, Applejack. Really!'"

Applejack stifled a laugh with her hoof, "That's him, all right. But, shoot, if I didn't know him as good as I do, I might be another one'a his whirlwind romances."

"Isn't his accent sexy? It's not just me, right?"

"It ain't just you, sugarcube. He'd have me outta my hat and into the hay faster'n you could spell hootenanny ." Applejack profusely blushed, "Uh, pretend y'all didn't hear that."

Dash grinned, making Applejack scowl, "That was the heat talking, right?"

"Of course it's my heat talkin'! I already told ya, I ain't that kinda filly."

"Juuust checking."

The conversation lapsed again before Rainbow Dash, scratching her head, says, "... Berry Pie?"

"No."

"... Yeah, nah."

"I love him—as a friend—but no."

"Gotta agree, 100%, not a good fit. For you."

"... Dash, what'd'ya mean, 'for me'? Are y'all sayin' ya—"

"How about Butterscotch?!"

"Butterscotch?"

Dash nodded. Applejack thought about the timid yellow stallion for a spell. "He is good with animals..."

"He's used to workin' messy jobs, too. It's hard to stay clean working with nature."

"Mmmhm. And I've seen how he handles Apple Bloom an' her friends. He can handle a herd of foals if he needs to." Applejack felt herself winking at the thought. She blushed, clamming up.

"And he's the kindest pony you'll ever meet. He'd give Prince Solaris a run for his bits if compassion was a competition!"

"But he's so timid..."

"That just means you can take control in the bedroom." Dash waggled her eyebrows at a reddening Applejack.

Applejack crosses her hind legs, trying to contain her arousal. She scratches the dirt with a hoof, "But, uh, I don't... I'd rather the st-stallion took the lead."

"Oooh? Applejack, I didn't take you for being submissive!"

"I ain't a wimp!"

"I didn't say that. But you want a stallion that knows what he wants, right?"

Dash took Applejack's pause as encouragement, a blush forming on her own cheeks as she continued, "You want him to tell you what he's gonna do to you and how you're gonna enjoy it?"

Applejack crossed both her legs, tail clamped tight between them, sticky with fluids, "T-That's private!"

"I can totally see it on your face how you want a stallion to throw you over a table and just fu—"

An audible stream shot into the dirt, "RAINBOW DASH! That's ENOUGH!"

Rainbow Dash fell over laughing. She flapped in the dirt like a swatted fly, choking back tears. "Holy cow, you're easy to read. You're redder than Big Gala!"

"Stop laughin' at me!" Applejack stomped towards Dash, who had rolled over onto her stomach and started pounding the ground with her hooves, laughing far too loudly, "Somepony's gonna hear ya!" Her eyes whipped back and forth, scanning for would-be eavesdroppers.

Dash calmed down from gut-busting laughter to a rolling snigger, a mischievous grin creeping across her snout, "Nopony's gonna hear us all the way out here, AJ. Watch..."

"Dash..."

Rainbow Dash got to her hooves, her mouth open to inhale.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm warnin' you."

Dash's chest expanded as she sucked in air.

Applejack pounced at the pegasus, "Don't you dare—!"

Dash leapt backward into the air, taking flight as she shouted at the top of her lungs, "HEY, STALLIONS! APPLEJACK'S A BOTTOM!"

"SHUT UP!" Applejack reared back on her hind legs and lunged through the air, hooves outstretched.

Rainbow Dash taunted her by flying just out of reach, then sped ahead low to the ground. "SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR GOOD LITTLE FILLY!"

"I DO NOT!" Applejack galloped after Dash, focused solely on catching up to that rainbow tail and kicking it clear across Equestria.

"SORRY, BAD LITTLE FILLY! SHE'S BEEN NAUGHTY AND NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED!"

"SHUT YOUR CIDER-SUCKIN' SNOUT! GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN BUCK YOUR FLANK!"

"AJ SAID SHE'S FINE WITH MARES, TOO!"

"I AIN'T A QUEER!"

"Y'know, AJ, they prefer to be called 'lesbians'?"

"I DON'T CARE JUST SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL SO I CAN TAN YER HIDE!"

"You're gonna have to catch me first!"