That's How We Do It Down Here On The Farm
Applejack laid a solemn hoof on Twilight's shoulder and sighed. "Twilight... I have to be honest. The reason Spike gave you for coming out to the farm today... was a lie."
Ignoring Spike's frantic waving and throat gestures, she continued. "It's just that... things have been so hectic, what with saving Equestria, and planning for the coronation... I just wanted to have a chance to reminisce -"
"WAIT!" Starlight yelled, bursting out from her haystack hiding spot, surprising both ponies and the dragon. "Twilight, I can explain!"
"Starlight?" Twilight said, bewildered as her former student appeared, covered in straw and wielding a chicken. "Okay, what's going on?"
Starlight paused. "...I didn't think this far ahead."
"We're rehearsing! For a play! A special surprise performance for your coronation!" Spike blurted out. Applejack facehooved.
"That is obviously not what's going on," Twilight said, feeling herself starting to get angry. "You're all up to something, aren't you? Don't think I haven't noticed all the weird stuff going on! All the strange questions and unexpected invitations? You've all been planning something behind my back, haven't you?"
Starlight hung her head, sighing in defeat. "We have."
"I had it in hoof, y'know," Applejack grumbled. "I wasn't about to give you away. Y'shoulda just stayed quiet. Guess the chicken's out of the coop now."
The farmbird now perched atop Starlight's head gave a quiet buk as she levitated the memory scrapbook, showing it to Twilight. Twilight's glare melted away as she sensed the powerful magic emanating from the book. "Is this... a gift? For me?"
"It will be," said Starlight. "This is a Mental Manifest. Spike and I have been secretly following you around and harvesting your memories."
"I wouldn't put it like that," Spike said hastily. "It's not, like, creepy or anything. We just needed to get you to relive your happiest memories so that we could record them in this magic book that Starlight made."
Starlight opened the book at the first page, showing Twilight a photograph of herself, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Spike, all in their ruined gala outfits - but laughing and smiling nonetheless. Except, it wasn't a photograph. It was her memory of looking at that photograph, in its position on the wall of the Golden Oak Library. Every so often, the image flickered black - her memory self blinking.
"Princess Celestia took this photo," Twilight said quietly, her throat suddenly numb. "At the Gala. Spike was going to do it, but Celestia insisted he be in it too. I don't have it any more, it was destroyed when... well, never mind."
"But the memory remains. Nothing can take that away from you," said Starlight. "That's the point of this manifest - a permanent reminder of all of your happiest memories and moments. And some sad and embarrassing ones too. It's hard keeping your mind on track."
"I don't mind those," Twilight said, wiping a tear from her eye. "They're a part of what make us who we are. Thank you so much, all of you. This is a wonderful gift. I'm just sorry I ruined the surprise."
"Well, actually..." Starlight began.
Twilight frowned. "That sounds like the kind of 'Well, actually' that precedes a very bad idea. What are you thinking?"
"We erase your memory."
"I don't think I'm okay with that," Twilight said. "Why is mind magic your go-to solution for everything?"
"You didn't seem to mind it being used for the Mental Manifest."
"Can we call it a 'Book of Memories' instead?" Applejack interjected. "'Mental Manifest' sounds really weird."
"Actually, I was going to ask," Twilight said curiously as she peered at the moving images in the book, "What magic is this? It can't be Haycart's Method since that requires an active caster, and Come-To-Life isn't fine-grained enough for this..."
"I'm not sure of the exact name of the spell," Starlight admitted. "Sunburst could give you the translation. He helped me reverse engineer it from some old texts we found in a magic strongbox in a hidden compartment in a chest in a barrel full of old stuff."
"Hmmmmmmmm," Twilight said, pondering. "Are you sure this isn't... you know... evil magic?"
"Evil is a point of view, Twilight."
"That's literally the opposite of everything I've ever taught you."
Starlight rolled her eyes. "Twi, I have three best friends. One is a deluded narcissist, one will try any spell if it's ancient enough, and one is a research grant away from figuring out how to petrify the world. Forgive me if I slip sometimes. Look, I don't think it's dark magic, okay? It's not eating pony souls or siphoning away anyone's life force, as far as I can tell. It's just a memory recorder."
"Well, okay," said Twilight. "I'm going to want to see those old texts at some point, though."
"Uh..." Spike interrupted. "So, are we doing the mind wipe thing, or what?"
"No, we are not," Twilight said, shaking her head.
"Oh, please? Pretty please?" Starlight begged, her eyes sparkling as she raised her hooves in a supplicatory gesture. "Come on, you know I can do it! I've gotten way better at it since last time."
"Last time?"
"I promise, it'll just be a quick zap of the last ten or so minutes! I'm really accurate with it. I sometimes make Trixie forget how the end of a trick goes, it's really funny."
"No," Twilight said firmly. "Look, I'm sorry... I know you really wanted this to be a surprise, and I'm happy you did this for me, I really am," said Twilight, laying a calming hoof on Starlight's withers. "But magic isn't a one-stop solution to everything. This happened and now we have to figure out how to deal with it. That's what friends do."
Applejack lifted the Book of Memories and brought it down on Twilight's head with a resounding THWACK.
Twilight frowned, looking up at the ceiling with a puzzled expression. "That really hurt."
Applejack slammed the scrapbook over Twilight's head a second and third time. "Y'okay there, Twi?"
"Why do you keep chickens?" Twilight burbled.
Applejack continued smashing Twilight with the book until the alicorn sank to the floor of the barn, glassy-eyed and twitching all seven of her limbs. "For the eggs."
Starlight looked aghast. "Really?"
"Well yeah, I mean, you can make cakes without 'em, but it's -"
"You just beat Twilight unconscious!"
"She said she didn't want to use magic."
"You can't just knock ponies out like that!"
"It's the earth pony way," Applejack insisted.
"It is not!"
"Do you want Twilight to remember this or not?"
"Amnesia doesn't work that way!"
"Look, all I know is that if y'hit ponies over the head hard enough, they cain't remember which way is up and they certainly ain't gonna remember some silly conversation about a book. Trust me, I'm a farmer."
Starlight tried to battle country charm with a steely glare, but it didn't work. She took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay... fine. Thank you, Applejack. I appreciate the help. Of course, this means we can't harvest any memories from her now."
"Eh, you pick apples, you get worms."
"Ew."
"How are we going to explain why she passed out on the floor of Applejack's barn?" Spike asked worriedly, lifting Twilight's hoof and checking her pulse. "I mean, she's gonna know something happened, even if she doesn't know what."
"Lies are your department, not mine," Applejack said with a shrug. "Tell her she, uh, tripped over a hedge, or something."
Starlight checked the Book of Memories for damage. "Good thing I cast Platinum's Preservation on this already. Still seems to be fine... okay, we need to figure out what we're going to tell Twilight, then wake her up, then -"
"Might wanna put that on hold for a moment," Applejack suggested, gesturing behind them, where a sphere of spectral runes was beginning to appear out of nowhere, mystical stellations revolving in synchronicity as a greenish tunnel through the very fabric of space itself opened up in the center of the barn.
"...and here we are!" said a pink unicorn in an excited voice, strolling out of the portal along with a dozen young creatures of all different races. "Careful as you step out! I don't want to have to find you if you fall through the cracks of time!" The plum-jacketed unicorn carefully inspected the portal as each of her charges hopped out, counting them one by one. "Okay, that's everyone... stand clear!" Her horn lit up green and the sphere of runes collapsed, sealing the hole in space with it.
Starlight looked shocked as her future self grandly swept a hoof at their surroundings and mimicked a fanfare. "Fillies, gentlecolts, everycreature... welcome to... the past!"
"This is a barn," a kirin noted.
"A barn... in the past!" she sang. "This is Sweet Apple Acres in the one thousand and ninth - and last - year of the Celestian Era. In just a week, Princess Twilight Sparkle herself will be crowned the new Princess of Equestria!"
"Why is that pony sleeping on the floor?" a dragon asked, pointing a claw at the purple alicorn laying in the straw.
"She's not sleeping!" Starlight said indignantly. "She's just unconscious. Memory spell. What the hay are you doing here?" she demanded, trotting up to her future self and looking her up and down. "You look cool."
"Thanks," said Future Starlight, with a smile. "Sorry for dropping in unannounced. I wanted to take the class on a field trip to the past, and this is one point in time that I don't have any memories of, so I knew it would be safe." She put a hoof around her past self's neck and waved at her students. "Look, everycreature! It's past me! Don't I look great?"
"Uh, hey, everycreature." Starlight said sheepishly, waving at all of the unfamiliar faces. "So I'm still working at the school, what, twenty years from now?"
"Of course! We're all still there. Me, Sunburst, Trixie, Buzzsaw, the whole gang!"
"Buzzsaw?" Starlight queried, puzzled.
"Oh, sorry, that's your future. Never mind!" She cleared her throat. "Okay, everycreature, listen up! This is your chance to actually talk to ponies from the Celestian Era! Think carefully about what you want to ask them. Remember that this is a time before computers were invented, so they might not understand everything you - eeeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed. "Baby Spike!"
"How many nervous breakdowns do you reckon she's had?" Applejack asked, as Future Starlight teleported herself upon Spike and began hugging the life out of him for some reason.
"At least one, if this continues," said Starlight. "Look... future me? This is kinda cool, but you picked a bad time for a visit. We're sorta dealing with a situation here," she said, indicating the unconscious princess.
"You're so tiny!" Future Starlight squeaked, as Spike tried futilely to escape both a physical and magical grip. "Sorry, sorry! It's just that this is all so..."
Starlight took a calming breath. "I understand. This is nostalgic for you. I'm sure I'd be the same way - well, obviously I will be the same way - but can I ask that you try to be considerate of us ponies in the past? We can't just disappear back to our own time like you can, and we're dealing with a situation right now."
"Also I'm going to set your mane on fire if you don't let me go," Spike added, as smoke began to curl from his nostrils. "And I don't think Starlight will be happy with me if I hurt her in the future."
"Sorry!" Future Starlight apologized again, releasing him.
"Is it true that Nightmare Moon used to live in Ponyville?" a tiny changeling asked.
"Good question, Tibia!" said Future Starlight, beaming. "And we have the perfect pony here to answer that question, right, Applejack?"
Applejack smiled. "Well, if I'm honest, Twilight's really the one who sorted the whole Nightmare Moon situation out... but to answer your question, nope, Nightmare Moon never lived in Ponyville. As her name suggests, she lived on the moon!"
"What's the moon?" Tibia asked.
"Okay, next question!" Future Starlight encouraged. "Maybe something about Princess Celestia? Remember, these ponies have met her!"
"Can we go outside?" a griffon asked.
"No, I'm afraid not!" Future Starlight replied, eliciting a menagerie of groans. "In order to protect the integrity of the timeline, we have to stay in here, I'm afraid!"
"It smells."
"It's s'posed to," Applejack noted. "This here's a workin' barn."
"Uhhhhh..." came a groan, as the purple pile on the floor stirred. "Wh-what... what's going on?"
"Oh, horseapples," Starlight frowned, realizing she hadn't yet figured out what they were going to do. "Uh... hey, Twilight."
Twilight opened her eyes, wincing. "My head really hurts..." she moaned, cradling a foreleg over it. "Sweet Apple Acres? How did I -"
"You tripped over a hedge," Applejack explained.
Twilight mantled her wings around herself, trying to gain the strength to stand. She blinked her eyes a few times, trying to get her focus back. "There are two Starlights."
"I'm just as surprised as you, believe me," affirmed Applejack.
"Twilight, this is... me, from the future," explained Starlight. "Okay, look, this is all a bit complicated because there's kind of two different things happening at the same time here. If we can just -"
"Do you want me to wipe her memory?" Future Starlight asked. "I'm an expert in mind magic. I sometimes make Trixie forget how to walk and talk at the same time, it's really funny."
"No, we can't do that..." Starlight said, offering a foreleg to lift Twilight back to her feet. "Let's just... get Twilight to bed so she can have a lie down. I'm happy to answer any questions from your class once that's done."
Twilight grunted as she stood, legs trembling woozily. "You look old," she said to Present Starlight, looking back and forth between her and her future self.
"I think I look good for my age," Starlight countered. "Loving the jacket by the way. The Snowfall Frost look suits me."
"Thanks, but only Sunbun is allowed to call me that," Future Starlight noted.
Starlight froze. "Oh."
"Fifteen years," Future Starlight added, patting her necklace.
Starlight suddenly looked lost in thought. "I can't ask all the things I want to with children present."
"Let's just say it's something to look forward to," said Future Starlight, with a wink.
Starlight continued to ponder on this, before shaking her head vigorously. "I don't have time for this. Look, I'm going to take Twilight home, then I can come back and talk to your class, how does that sound?"
Applejack smashed Twilight over the head with the Book of Memories.
"Applejack!" Starlight yelled, as the alicorn gurgled and crumpled to the ground a second time. "What in the hay did you do that for?"
"You know why," Applejack said, looking confused. "She told us not to use magic."
"We don't - we didn't need to wipe her memory again!" Starlight shouted, a vein bulging on her neck. "You're going to give her brain damage!"
"You know, that would explain some of the odder decisions Princess Twilight made in her first week," Future Starlight observed. "Although I have to say I am quite fond of International Purple Custard Day."
Starlight glared at them both. "I will be right back." She lifted Twilight onto her back, lit her horn, then vanished with a pop.
"Can we try some apples?" a zebra asked, eyeing the barrels piled high with apples in the corner.
"You sure can!" Applejack said earnestly. "These apples are for the coronation, but we got plenty enough. That's all right, ain't it, Starlight?"
"Absolutely!" Future Starlight nodded. "Historic coronation apples, everycreature!" she proclaimed, as Applejack began to deftly toss them to the class, griffons and dragons catching them out of the air and inspecting them curiously.
"So, uh... I gather that I'm... big, in the future?" Spike queried. "Like, how big are we talking?"
"About yay big," Future Starlight said, materializing some Haycartian axes next to Spike and marking off a line far above his head.
"Oh. That's all right," said Spike, peering up at it. "I thought I might be, like, big big."
"Nah. You're not a giant dragon, if that's what you're worried about. You're about as big as Twilight is in the future."
"Twilight's big too?"
"Huge! Like a giant stick insect," Future Starlight confirmed.
"How 'bout me?" Applejack asked.
"You're not like a giant stick insect."
"I mean, what am I like in the future?" Applejack asked. "'Ssumin' I'm alive, of course."
"Whoa. That got dark," said Spike, perturbed.
"Just bein' a realist, Spike."
"Of course you're alive!" Future Starlight exclaimed. "Everyone's alive. For the most part. Actually, please stop asking me about this!"
There was a loud pop and a flash of light as Starlight reappeared, sans alicorn. "Okay! I'm back. Twilight is back at the castle. Disaster averted."
"What disaster?" Applejack asked.
"I'd say murdering a princess a week before her coronation counts as a disaster," Starlight growled. "Right! Did anyone have any more questions for us?"
"Yes!" said Future Starlight, trying to get her students' attention away from their apples. "Who wants to ask a question?"
"If yak smash harder than any creature in history of smashing, yak become alicorn?" a burly Yakyakistani student asked.
"...sure," said Starlight. "Any questions more specifically about this time period?"
"Did Queen Chrysalis really get turned to stone?" a green changeling asked.
"Yes, she did."
"Because I heard that she's just pretending to be a statue and when no-one is around, she changes back to normal and drains the life of any creature who's wandering around at night."
"No, that's not..." Starlight pondered. "That can't be true. No, she's stone. I saw her get petrified." She made a mental note to check the statue later to be sure.
"Did Counselor Trixie really defeat a herd of giant space bears?"
"Is it true that if I go to the human world, I'll turn into a dog?" a dragon asked.
"What happen if put parasprite in Mirror Pool?"
"Are Miss Bloom Miss Belle and Miss Scootaloo related?"
"No, probably, please don't, and kind of," Starlight replied.
"What's this thing in my apple?"
"That there's a bad apple. Don't eat that," Applejack said. "I'll getcha another one."
"I'm gonna go keep an eye on Twilight," Spike said, hovering toward the door. "We'll try this again tomorrow, if she's feeling better, okay?"
"Sure. Thanks, Spike," said Starlight. "We'll wrap things up here."
"Yes, sorry for taking up your time!" said Future Starlight, waving goodbye to the little dragon. "It's been fun! Everycreature, we're going back to class now!" she announced, to another chorus of groans. "Everyone line up on this side of the barn!"
Starlight watched as her future self summoned spinning runes from the aether, constructing a time tunnel before their eyes. A minute later, the green portal stood open again, ready to take them back home. "Okay, in you go! Watch your step! Say thank you to Mrs Applejack and younger me!"
"This was... I'm not going to lie, this was really weird," Starlight said, standing aside her counterpart as the students said their thankyous and departed through the portal. "But interesting. I guess things all worked out in the end."
"Things always do!" said Future Starlight.
"Did Maud ever manage to complete her project?"
"Oh yes. Gosh, that was years ago now," said Future Starlight. "The Day Equestria Stood Still, ponies call it."
"Wow. Guess Twilight must have been pretty mad, huh?"
"Oh yeah. Maud's in the Royal Garden now."
"It's probably what she would have wanted."
"Yeah," said Future Starlight, watching the last students enter the portal, leaving the barn empty except for the three ponies and a couple of chickens. "Well, it was lovely seeing this time again. I really miss these crazy times. Felt like we were saving Equestria every other day, you know?"
"It does feel like that," Starlight agreed.
Future Starlight lit her horn and zapped one of the chickens, which screamed and burst into blue flame, reforming into a changeling. "See me after class, Coxa. Into the portal, now."
The changeling groaned and buzzed past them, vanishing into the portal.
Future Starlight smiled, regarding her younger self fondly. "I kinda want to say something inspiring, give you some words to live by, or something. But I know there's no point, since you won't remember it. So I guess I'll just leave it at 'goodbye'. Applejack, would you do the honors?"
Starlight blinked. "Wait... why won't I remember this?" She turned to Applejack, who was raising a large, heavy book above her head.
