The Princess Pancake Maker
Twilight Sparkle found herself standing in a rather familiar place. A large, white void whose location remained a mystery. It was known as the “Continuation Portal”, and after discovering some time ago that all alicorns, once bested in battle would find themselves there, Twilight had returned there whenever the mood struck her.
She could do most anything there. Change her appearance. Her name. Change her traits and skills around. She could even spend well-earned “Friendship Points” on upgrades and bonuses. Some upgrades were silly, like long beards and pointy fake noses. Others proved more useful, like powerful hidden spells and swords too large for any normal-sized pony to wield.
And although Twilight Sparkle had more Friendship Points than she knew what to do with, she returned to the Continuation Portal not for bonuses or mere gimmicks, but more to contemplate on her life. By that time, her journey felt at an end. Her story complete. And what a ride it had been! She honestly couldn’t have been happier with how it all came out. Except…
Except for this one stray strand of purple hair that wouldn’t stop dangling in front of her eyes.
“Stupid thing!” Twilight shouted to no one in particular in the large white void. “Get lost already!”
She had been customizing the image of herself on the screen—her avatar, if you will—for over thirty minutes and yet still hadn’t been able to delete the one stupid strand of mane she wanted gone. While she was there, she’d also (very slightly) re-colored her mane and tail and gave her eyebrows a quick pluck. It was far less painful doing so in the Continuation Portal than at a spa or mane dresser. She even took a moment to re-sharpen her horn.
Twilight sighed in relief when the job was done, before noticing something on the hovering screen she’d never actually seen before. In the lower right corner sat a flashing box labelled “SELECT LEVEL!” Hesitantly, she gave it a flick with her horn. And was immediately flooded with pure nostalgia.
The list of titles and accompanying images on the following screen was long. Very long. More than a hundred at least, and in just a glance Twilight realized that each and every one of them was from a moment in her life. Her first encounter with her new friends in Ponyville. Nightmare Night. Flim and Flam. Sleepovers and dressmaking and talent shows and everything else that went into a long and happy life. Plus, all the more dangerous moments of her life.
Nightmare Moon. Discord. Tirek. King Sombra. The pre-reformed Starlight Glimmer.
All moments categorized in levels spanning from one part to two or more.
Twilight used her horn to hover over these particular villainous “levels”.
“Could I really relive these moments over again?” she asked the empty room. “But would I really even want to?” She gave that statement a thought, tapping on her chin. “I guess the benefit would be that I’ve already done them all before… so then could I perhaps improve my own performance in each?”
The highly unusual notion ignited a ball of fire inside her. Without knowing it, Twilight began nodded her head up and down, thinking of each and every possibility. She hovered over the “KING SOMBRA LEVEL ONE” box and hesitated. She contemplated just how fast she could defeat him given a second chance. Sombra wasn’t the worst villain I’ve ever encountered, she thought a tad smugly. I wonder if I could speed-run him this time?
Eventually, she settled on the first Discord level, as thoughts on his upcoming defeat bounced inside her head. Could she possibly use simple friendship on him this time? Shove Fluttershy into his face so hard he had to admit defeat long before he corrupted her friends? The notion sounded tempting. So, after puffing out her chest and taking a deep breath, she selected the icon.
A message appeared: “Levels that are replayed will not be saved. They will remain as simulations only.”
Twilight was glad to see the note. But not the second one.
“SELECT LEVEL DIFFICULTY!”
Twilight’s mouth hung agape. She hadn’t been expecting something like this.
Below that message were the three difficulty options: Easy. Medium. And Hard.
But what really irked Twilight the most was that the difficulty had been set to “EASY” the entire time; right next to a picture of a sleeping Twilight foal. “How dare…” Twilight began, eyes darting around the room, before realizing once again that she was completely alone. “I would just love to blame somepony right about now, but considering I can’t quite find anyone to blame…”
She hovered over “MEDIUM” and noticed the picture on the side change. Now one of Twilight as a young adult—minus wings. That only made Twilight huff out her nostrils hotly.
“Fine!” she blurted out. “So, wings mean Hard Mode? Then let’s do it! Hard Mode it is.”
The image next to “HARD” was of Twilight as a full adult, dirt and grit and stern expression included.
“That’s more like it! Hardened Twilight at your service! Discord round two, here we go!”
Once her selection was in, a spinning portal popped into existence beside her. Twilight energetically dove through it with her war face on.
***
Twilight’s war face disappeared fast. Suddenly she found herself at the very center of a street much like Ponyville. It was a bright, beautiful day there, and ponies all around her went about their business as usual. None took any mind of the large floating screen hovering directly in front of Twilight.
It read: “In order to access Hard Mode, the tutorial stage must be completed.”
Twilight tilted her head to the side in confusion. “Tutorial? What? But I’ve already beaten Discord before! I’m not new to this hero stuff! I basically do this for a living already, so—”
She halted herself. She was yelling at a screen that couldn’t answer back.
“Fine! What’s the mission, then?”
The “mission” or “tutorial stage” was called COFFEE RUN. And as far as the level description made it out to be, all Twilight had to do was get a plain, black medium cup of coffee from the coffee shop directly ahead of her.
The coffee shop in question was called “Coffee Shop”. Severe lack of imagination in the tutorial stage, Twilight mused, before noticing the large picture of the minotaur known as Iron Will next to the coffee shop’s name. On his face was a big, goofy grin and in his hand was a steaming cup of joe.
“That’s better,” Twilight said, taking a step towards the shop. “Still. Even for a tutorial, this is rather disappointing. Oh, well. This should only take a minute.” Then, with a slight spring to her step and a mild grin on her face, Twilight Sparkle entered Iron Will’s Coffee Shop and happily asked for one medium black coffee to go.
And go she did. Right out the shop’s window and back out onto the street with a fat thump! With a grimace, Twilight opened her eyes and glanced up and down the street. Not a single pony looked her way or noticed the fresh shards of glass now littering the road. It was a simulation, after all.
Twilight got back to her hooves. “Whaddaya know. Hard Mode is actually hard.” She then cracked her neck from side to side. “Maybe this time, I’ll try ending my order with pretty please.”
Thirteen painful attempts later, and Twilight Sparkle finally managed to complete the tutorial stage with (most) of her medium coffee in tow. She even ended the mission by blasting through the coffee shop’s back entrance while yelling in triumph, “Thanks for the pick-me-up, Iron Will! Sorry I forgot to tip!”
With the tutorial done, Twilight reappeared in the Continuation Portal, her bruises and scrapes magically healed. Sadly, her hard-fought medium hot beverage also disappeared alongside them.
“Huzzah! Take that Hard Mode!” Twilight celebrated with a few quick twirls, before facing the screen again. “Tutorial Complete!” it read. And beside that: “Ninety Percent Perfection achieved!”
Twilight’s momentary glee left the room. “Wait? Ninety percent? What the hay does that mean? I finished it, didn’t I? You know how much hot coffee I just spent spilling on myself?”
Then she read the small font that was the tutorial’s optional objectives.
Don’t let health drop below seventy percent
Don’t let coffee get cold
Perform at least one (1) coffee-related pun during the mission
At least Twilight had successfully achieved the last objective. But not the other two.
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “I didn’t even know I had to do those! And why even include them if I can complete the mission without even attempting them? Who are these even for? Hardnosed perfectionists?” She pondered on that, glaring back at the screen. “I can live with ninety percent, can’t I? Sure, I can. Because I got more important levels to beat! Sure, I do!”
When Twilight’s eye twitched uncontrollably, she knew she had a problem.
Thirty-seven “COFFEE BREAK” attempts later, Twilight Sparkle finally managed to bag her sweet and complete “One-Hundred Percent Perfection!” trophy. Far more tired than before, she rewarded herself a faint pat on the shoulder before soldiering on.
To “DISCORD LEVEL ONE”, of course.
To get ready, Twilight lowered herself to the ground in attack formation. This was Hard Mode after all. She’d have to bring everything she had over the next few minutes. She hardened her jaw as she leapt through the level’s portal. Only to come shooting out of it just as fast.
The purple lump on the ground resembling Twilight wheezed out painfully. “I… lost? That fast? But I never lose! How’s that even possible?” Rising to sit on the floor, Twilight thought over the recent battle that had ended far too quick. “Jeeze. Is Hard Mode Discord ever nastier than Easy Mode Discord. He punched me right in the face with all four limbs! While tickling my stomach with his tail! I really need to strategize this. One-on-one doesn’t seem like the best bet here. So, what would the Princess of Friendship do in this type of situation? Befriend the nefarious creature before he attacks at all?”
Using her horn to the screen, Twilight found the perfect “bonus” to use. For a mere one-hundred-and-fifty “Friendship Points”, Twilight purchased the item simply known as “Best Gift Ever”—a item that customizes itself to whomever it is gifted to, instantly becoming the most thoughtful and heartwarming gift to that particular individual.
“I’m gonna make you so happy, you’re gonna cry, Discord!” Twilight declared with new item in hoof.
Regretfully, the only tears were from Twilight Sparkle as she exited the portal some thirty seconds later. “He just… ate it? He didn’t even open it? But I wrapped it and everything! What a… holly-molly is Hard Mode Discord a pain in the flank.”
Next came Twilight’s attempt using stealth, complete with newly purchased black stealth suit. And while the latest attempt did prove better… Twilight was defeated nonetheless.
“Ridiculous,” Twilight pouted with her hooves locked tight across her chest. “So, Discord can just snap his fingers and turn all ponies to dust? That’s not even fun chaos. That’s just messy chaos. Like… who’s gonna even sweep all that up? I know Discord won’t. What a messy, messy world he’s created.” She sighed out angrily. “Maybe I’m overthinking this whole thing. We beat him with the Elements of Harmony on Easy Mode. Why should that change on Hard Mode?”
Less than a minute later, Twilight again returned to the Continuation Portal. Not at all pleased with the results.
“He dodged!?” she fumed. “Since when can someone dodge the Elements of Harmony? I’m calling shenanigans on this level. I must have set this thing to Nightmare Mode or something.” She checked. She, in fact, had not. Regrouping herself, Twilight formed a yoga-like position on the floor. “Alright. What do I know? I can’t let Discord use his fingers, claws, toes, or paws. I also can’t let him get away or move around all that much. I also can’t get too close to him, otherwise he’ll just sucker punch me again. Meaning…”
She glanced at the large screen again and smiled at her latest purchase.
Twenty (far more enjoyable) minutes later, Twilight exited the level’s portal and calmly set down her incredibly large and expensive “Ultra-Sticky Glue Cannon”. And true, while it did feel a bit cheap using such an overpowered item during a past level… she thought that Discord just flat-out deserved it. During her twelfth attempt, he’d stuck her nose against his armpit while he tap-danced around town for half-an-hour. Despite weekly therapy, Twilight knew well-enough that moments like those would haunt her for life.
The screen now happily read: “Level Complete! Seventy Percent Perfection achieved!”
Twilight waved it off. Getting one hundred percent perfection with Discord could wait for some future rainy day. Because now she was more interested in…
***
From the windowsill, Twilight Sparkle watched as Queen Chrysalis (currently disguised as Princess Cadence), happily sauntered around her dressing room while singing her trademark song. “Every pony will gather round, say I look lovely in my gown!” Chrysalis sang most beautifully.
Up until that point of the day, Twilight Sparkle had played the fool most spectacularly. But, honestly, it hadn’t required all that much acting on her part. Easy Mode Chrysalis made it more than clear to just about anyone that something wasn’t quite right at Shining’s wedding. Hard Mode Chrysalis? She managed to act more Cadence-like than Cadence ever could. Truth be told, Twilight could’ve spent the rest of the day with this particular Chrysalis/Cadence—perhaps ending it all with a hot fudge sundae while the pair braided each other’s manes.
Yet that wasn’t Twilight’s mission objectives for this level. Perhaps another time.
Queen Chrysalis continued, “What they don’t know is that—”
“I have fooled them all!” Twilight joined in, leaping off her windowsill to level a hoof at Chrysalis. “Show’s over, Queen—”
But before she could even finish her sentence, Chrysalis screamed, “Children! Attack!”
And out of every nook and cranny in the room came changeling after changeling, salivating from the mouth and roaring. Twilight managed one lone “Mep!” before landing back in the Continuation Portal.
“Well, that sure hurt,” Twilight lamented sourly. “Note to self: getting torn apart by love-starved changelings hurts more than I thought it would.” She then geared herself up again. “Okay, Chrysalis. No more showboating. I’ve got a wedding to save!”
By attempt fifty-five, Twilight was sure she had it all down. It was simple repetition and memorization—both heavily in Twilight’s wheelhouse. What made Hard Mode more difficult was that Queen Chrysalis wasn’t just satisfied with appearing as only Cadence and herself. Now she appeared as guards, friends, plants, sofas, Celestia, and even once as Twilight herself while she was looking in a mirror. Regardless, Chrysalis was still helpless against Twilight’s steel-trap of a brain.
“Turn left,” Twilight told herself as she hurriedly navigated Canterlot’s vast castle tunnel system. “Turn right. Dodge. Punch.” She kicked a random changeling drone into a wall, before coming across two more wedding guests. “Pony. Pony. Changeling. Duck.” She narrowly avoided a blast from Chrysalis up the hallway. “Waiter. Pony. Hidden changeling behind statue. And… that should do it!”
One very shell-shocked Chrysalis stood before her, back pressed into a stone wall. There was no way out—exactly as Twilight had planned.
“Curses!” Chrysalis shrieked. “You’ll never take me alive, you purple brat!”
As both mares got ready for the fight, an unfamiliar voice filled Twilight’s ears.
“Player two has entered the game!”
And just like that the real Princess Cadence took her place beside Twilight. Cadence huffed some mane out of her eyes before greeting Twilight. “Don’t mind if I join you, do you, Twi?”
Twilight was at a loss for words. “You knew about revisiting past levels already? And about Hard Mode?”
Cadence smiled sweetly. “Not so much the Hard Mode part, but… yes, this is a memory I tend to play often. Difficult to understand why, though. Punching Chrysalis in the face repeatedly? Odd how much lighter I feel after a good scrap with her.”
“Unfair!” Chrysalis exclaimed. “Two against one!”
“You should’ve thought about that before ruining my wedding!” Cadence informed her bluntly, before turning to Twilight again. “I just purchased this bonus from the Continuation Portal. It’s called ‘Super Slow-Mo’. Care to try it out with me?”
Twilight nodded. And soon the most epic, slow-motion hoof fight ever began between two Princesses and a Queen. And with well over one-hundred thousand bits in virtual property damage. Optional objectives be damned.
And, finally, several minutes later, Twilight and Cadence were reunited with Shining Armor.
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite mares,” Shining greeted them brightly. “What a day.”
Twilight went in for a hug while Cadence kissed him on the cheek.
The three stood there for a moment. Until Shining said again:
“Well, if it isn’t my two favorite mares. What a day.”
Cadence explained, “That’s the trouble with simulations. Only so many lines of dialogue for virtual characters.”
***
Back in the Continuation Portal, Twilight purchased them both a bottle of Ponyade from the screen and then took a moment to ask, “And here I had no idea other alicorns could complete levels together. Well, to be fair, up until just now I had no idea about replaying levels at all.”
Cadence smiled warmly. “The secrets to alicorns never seems to end, do they? And, by the way, I hope you don’t mind if I invited a few more players.”
And as if they’d been there all along, Princess Celestia and Luna appeared. They were smart, too. They’d brought their own Ponyade to drink.
After brief greetings, Twilight asked the newcomers, “How’d you both get here so fast? That weird windmill trick again?”
Celestia shook her head. “Don’t be so barbaric, Twilight. That windmill has seen better days. Plus, Luna and I have an even easier way of getting here now. In the Canterlot gardens, there’s a place both Luna and I can lie down, cut a rope, and get hit with a two-tonne boulder. The Princess Pancake Maker, I call it. Much faster than the windmill ever was. And it’s become quite the tourist hotspot, actually. As long as you stay out of the splash-zone, obviously.”
Twilight grimaced. “I really can’t tell if you’re joking or not, so I’ll just move on. Cadence? How’d you end up here so quick?”
“Shining,” Cadence explained casually. “I just had him do what he did against Sombra.”
“Throw you into the air like a javelin? Why would that send you here?”
“I simply don’t open my wings this time around.” She then thought on that. “I really should’ve explained this all to Shining before I asked him. Oh, well. I just really wanted to play that Chrysalis level with you, Twilight. It was fun.”
Twilight turned to Celestia and Luna. “Any level we’d all like to play again? On Hard Mode, I mean.”
It was soon clear. Tirek was going down once more. This time against four alicorns and not just one. Before entering the level, Luna changed into her Nightmare Moon skin while Celestia became Daybreaker. Neither actually increased their strength or gave them any new abilities in any way, but they both definitely looked more threatening now.
“Should we adjust the alicorn power dials before we begin?” Luna asked the group.
“Maybe if we lose the first round,” Celestia answered.
“Can’t forget my purchase!” Cadence said, quickly tying her mane up with a simple scrunchie to form a ponytail. “You know how annoying it is fighting with a bunch of mane in your eyes?”
“Anything extra for you, Twilight?” Celestia asked her.
Twilight declined. Four against one already sounded stacked enough.
Until they all entered the level and Tirek instantly backhanded her into oblivion.
Following that, Twilight purchased the “fire breath” perk as well as the “unbreakable lasso”. And after much, much deliberation due to its cost:
The “friendship rocket launcher”. With unlimited ammo.
Author's Note
"Herp de derp derp." 
-- naturalbornderpy in his natural Canadian speak.
Means thanks for reading!
