Metamorphilia

In the coziest room in Twilight Sparkle's castle, the princess and her five friends sat in a tight circle in various states of wakefulness. Pinkie Pie was bright eyed and jittery. Twilight, with alicorn vitality and a lifetime of late-night studying on her side, looked completely fresh. Rarity had a bit of frizz to her mane, but otherwise seemed alert and engaged. Fluttershy's eyes were slightly lidded, and she let out a tiny yawn every few minutes. Applejack was blinking slowly, her eyes staying closed just a bit longer each time. Rainbow was already snoring.

“Last round, y'all,” Applejack said through a yawn. “Keep your heads up for a few more minutes now.”

Fluttershy nudged Rainbow with a wing, and the other pegasus cracked an eye open. “I'm awake,” she protested. “Leamme alone.”

Rarity sipped at her wine glass and rolled her shoulders languidly. “I believe it's your turn to start, Twilight dear.”

Twilight nodded and reached down to the crystal spinner on the floor in the middle of them—Rarity insisted that using a cider bottle was beneath her. Twilight flicked it with a hoof, then looked up at the pony it pointed at. “Pinkie. Truth or dare?”

“Dare please!”

Twilight blinked. “Um, okay. Do your next turn while standing on your hind legs.”

“Um, Twi, you already gave me that dare.”

“I have? Oh.” Twilight blinked slowly. “Sorry, Pinkie.”

She shrugged and lurched up onto her back legs. Her tongue poked out of her mouth, and she carefully took a step toward the spinner and gave it a little kick.

The needle swung around to Fluttershy.

“Mmph, truth,” she mumbled.

“Which one of your animal friends is the worst to clean up after?”

In unison, Applejack, Rainbow, and Fluttershy said, “Angel Bunny.”

“Oh, duh.” Pinkie dropped back down onto all fours. “Sorry, I think I'm running out of good questions.”

Twilight sighed. “I'm obviously already out of good dares.”

“Don't worry, girls, it's just a game. And this is the last round of the night, so of course it's harder now.” Fluttershy glanced between them, a kind smile on her face. Her eyes crossed slightly. “Oh, it's my turn now.”

Spin.

“Rainbow Dash.”

The bundle of blue horse let out a little snore. Applejack jabbed her in the ribs, and her head popped up. “Meh, huh? Oh, we're still playing.” She slowly turned to look at Fluttershy and muttered, “'uth.”

“Truth? Okay, um. Did you and Gilda ever cuddle?”

Rainbow blinked and seemed to wake up a bit. “Me and Gil? Ugh, no.” She huffed. “Dumb bird. 'Griffons don't cuddle,' she said. Ponyfeathers. Can you imagine being roommates with someone for two years and never so much as nuzzling?”

There were sympathetic nods all around. That was truly unimaginable.

Rainbow didn't bother with the spinner. “AJ? Truth or dare?”

“I'll take a truth. Getting a bit late for dares, I reckon.”

The pegasus shrugged. “Your call. I was having the weirdest dream, and I think it's the perfect question for you. If you had to smooch either Mac or Apple Bloom, which one would you pick?”

Applejack whinnied. “What? Neither! You can't just ask something like that.”

“It's truth or dare. I can ask whatever I want.”

“But they're family!” She stared Rainbow down for a bit, then finally sighed. She downed the rest of her cider in one swig. “I guess if I have to pick… Big Mac. The two of us could laugh it off after a while and forget about it, but Apple Bloom's too young. Probably get all fixated on it and end up in therapy.”

A small smile crossed Rarity's face. “And from on what I've heard from Sugar Belle, Big Mac's probably a much better kisser.”

Applejack glared. “Can we not gab about my brother's love life? It ain't any of y'all's business, and I hear more than enough about the two of them back on the farm.” Then she cracked a grin. “And since it's my turn to pick now…”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Very well. Yes, yes, truth, go on.”

“What's the most expensive dress you've made that nopony wanted to buy?”

The unicorn's eyes narrowed into a frosty stare. “Your ignorance of the industry shines through as always. If a design doesn't sell, I alter it. I have never once lost money on a dress. With enough work, any garment can be saved. Well, other than the dresses I made for our first Gala. Those were irredeemable.” She snapped her gaze to Twilight. “Last but not least, dear.”

Twilight shrugged. “Dare, I guess. Sorry, girls. This game hasn't been very fun tonight.”

Rarity's expression softened. “Oh, darling, don't trouble yourself. Perhaps we've just played this one a bit too much. A new pastime might be in order for our future soirées.”

“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie said suddenly. “Maybe that should be your dare!”

“Whatever do you mean, darling?”

“You should dare Twilight to pick a new game!”

“That's not much of a dare.” Rarity stretched daintily and stood up from the couch. “Perhaps I'll leave this last one up to you, Pinkie Pie, since you seem inspired.” She levitated her wine glass over to a basket by the door.

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. Twilight shifted, suddenly slightly nervous. How novel, she mused internally. She hadn't been nervous around her friends in years.

“I dare you to find a new game for us to play, but—!” Pinkie held up a hoof, deadly serious. “Whatever game you pick, you can't look at any of the rules first!”

Twilight blanched. “What if I pick a bad one?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Then I guess we try again the next week. And if noooooooopony likes the new game, I guess we could always play more truth or dare.”

Rainbow rose to her hooves, joints cracking with each movement. She yawned. “Bleh, pass. I'd almost rather play Tic-Tac-Toe than another week of T and D. There's nothing we haven't already asked or dared at this point.” She turned to Twilight and gave her a quick nuzzle. “Thanks for hosting!” And then she offered the same to Pinkie. “And thanks for catering!”

Rainbow Dash waved goodbye, then walked over to the window and took off, quickly disappearing into the darkening sky.

The others quickly followed suit, making their goodbyes and departing.

Twilight was left staring at the wall, poking at the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

It was time, she decided, to cheat. Just a little.

After quickly cleaning up the remaining dishes and giving the room a cursory vacuuming spell, Twilight checked the time. Not too late. Spike would still be up.

She found him lying on top of his bed, holding a comic book over his face, blind and deaf to the world beyond. Twilight hated disturbing creatures when they were reading, but she needed every leg up she could get in this case. She tapped a hoof against his doorframe.

He jumped and lifted his head, blinking as reality reasserted itself around him. “Oh, hi, Twilight.” He sat up. “Need my help with something?”

“Can't I just be checking in on you?”

“Oh, sorry, I didn't mean—”

Twilight waved a hoof and trotted inside. “Kidding, kidding. I do actually need your help with something.”

He smirked. “Uh huh. I'm so surprised. So what is it, another spontaneous research project?”

“Not quite. I need… um, I need a new party game. The girls are getting bored of playing truth or dare every week. You, Mac, and Discord play games all the time, right?”

A faint blush licked Spike's face. “Pinkie and Rainbow drop in for Ogres and Oubliettes every once in a while, but I don't think—”

“Not O&O. Something a bit more… fun?” Then she amended, “Easier to play, I mean. Our slumber parties are supposed to be relaxing, so none of us really want to have to prepare a bunch of stuff and make character sheets and all… that.” Spike opened his mouth, and Twilight raised a hoof to stop him. “One other thing. I'm not allowed to know any of the rules before I pick the game.”

Spike crossed his arms. “What?”

“Ugh, it was Pinkie Pie's last dare of the night,” Twilight said with a groan. “I have to pick a new game, and it'll be embarrassing if I pick a bad one by accident.”

“I can't believe ponies call me a dork.”

Twilight scowled. “Uh huh. Nopony's ever called me a dork before. Nice observation.”

“Oh yeah,” Spike said, grinning. “You know, with the wings and the castle and all, sometimes I forget you're still Dorklight Sparkle.”

“Mom said you're not allowed to call me that anymore.”

“Yikes.” Spike raised a claw to his chin and considered. “None of the games we play at Guy's Night would really fit, but…” He raised his free hand and snapped his fingers. “Captain Wuzz,” he said flatly. “Are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres and Oubliettes?”

The room was filled with a sudden burst of light and sound. When it cleared, Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, was sitting on the bed beside them, his eyes narrowed. “Listen here, lizard. I've told you a dozen times, that doesn't work any… Ah.” He looked up at the room's other occupant. “Princess Twilight Sparkle.” He bowed slightly. “A pleasure, as always.”

Twilight, meanwhile, was already backing up toward the door. “Oh no, no. I'm not playing anything—”

With a flash, Discord was suddenly standing beside her. He held out a little black box in one hand, just a bit larger than a deck of playing cards. It was metal, slightly chrome, and decorated with tasteful, abstract embossings on the sides. The word Metamorphilia was stamped on the top in a fancy font. “Won't you give it a try?” he asked, his eyes big and innocent. “I've been working on it for ever so long, and I quite badly need a few players to test it out for me.”

She backed up another step. “I can feel the chaos magic coming off that thing in waves, Discord. No. Thanks for your help, Spike, but I think I'd rather get a dull, normal game from a bookstore than take a chance on a game from him.”

As she hurried down the hall toward the library, she heard Spike ask, “If you need to playtest it, why not bring it to our next O&O game? I'm sure Mac wouldn't mind a break from the campaign to try a few rounds.”

After a moment's pause, Discord said, “Maybe when you're older, my dear draconic friend.”

The day after the slumber party, Twilight stewed in her library, paging gingerly through a book from the recreation and entertainment section, never reading more than the section headings and titles. She closed the book and set it on top of the growing pile beside her. She grabbed another. Her right eyelid was starting to twitch involuntarily.

This was all Pinkie's fault. Pinkie and her dumb, impossible dare.

Two days after the slumber party, Twilight paced up and down the aisles of Canterlot's largest game store. Boxes of all shapes and sizes surrounded her, towered over her. Her gaze slid over the spines, never resting too long for fear of accidentally gleaning some small bit of insight into the game itself.

This was a kind of torture, she decided.

Four days after the slumber party, Twilight Sparkle sat, alone, in an empty room of her castle and stared at a blank wall. Her mouth silently formed the names of various party games she'd learned. She tasted the vowels, explored the corners of the consonants. Worked backward through every iteration of pun and etymology she could in order to guess the rules by sheer brute smarts.

Was she losing her mind? Was anything real?

Six days after the slumber party, as the sun began to set, Twilight stood outside, around the back of her castle and out of sight from the street. She took a breath. “Discord?” she said, tentatively.

And lo, the demon appeared, walking leisurely around the corner. He blinked in false surprise at the sight of her. “Why, Princess Twilight. What delightful bit of serendipity.”

“Is it safe?” she asked, sounding slightly more manic than she would have preferred. “The game, Metawhatsit. Do you promise it won't hurt anypony?”

He raised an eagle hand to his chest and huffed. “I never, such an accusation, when you're the one asking the favour from me. Twice!” He snapped his fingers and the little black box appeared in the air between them. “Yes,” he said, with the smallest, least reassuring smile Twilight had ever seen. “I promise, it's completely safe. You'll all have a rollicking good time, or your money back.”

“I don't have any bits on me, but—”

“Oh, no need, no need. The stories Fluttershy will no doubt share when she gets back are all the payment I need.” He bowed low, then disappeared in a flash.

The box fell to the ground. Twilight picked it up. The chaos magic didn't feel nearly so strong now, or as repellant. Maybe she was just less sensitive after a week full of dare-induced, self-inflicted chaos.

Her eyes narrowed. Rarity and Pinkie, they'd both see. Give her an impossible dare, and she'd find an impossible solution. All she had to do now was prepare for the next day's slumber party.

That, and hope that Discord was telling the truth.