An Alicorn Walks Into a Bar

by WiseLama

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Narcotics, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Romance
Length: 6086

Twilight gets drunk, hijinks ensue

After a fight with her marefriend Rarity, Twilight decides to drink her problems away.

-

A big thanks to kits for proofreading and overall helping me a lot with the story.

Cover art by Fizzledlines (Tumblr, Twitter)

Published 2020-08-03 17:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-03 17:10:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Twilight Sparkle didn’t drink often. She didn’t like alcohol, and frankly, she didn’t understand how anypony could enjoy the taste, though she knew most were only interested in the effects. Here she was, the Princess of Friendship, half-asleep and lying on some sort of wooden surface. She had trouble making sense of her surroundings. Her vision was hazy, and her clouded mind muffled the noise around her. She was lost in her world, pondering the meaning of life and other philosophical thoughts one might have when under the influence.

“...cess, Princess!”

“Huh?” was Twilight’s eloquent response.

“Princess, are you okay?” a worried-looking stallion asked.

Twilight moved her head around slowly to look vacantly at her surroundings. She seemed to be sitting at some sort of counter in a small and bucolic bar. She didn’t recognize the place. A few other patrons seemed to be present that night. The majority of them were watching her with the utmost curiosity. Royalty was not typical in this kind of place, and a drunk alicorn was undoubtedly a rare sight to behold.

Twilight grumbled. “I’m sorry, what was that?” she asked, hearing but not processing the stallion’s words.

“Are you alright, Princess?” he repeated, making sure he was distinctly pronouncing each word. “You seem to be having quite the rough night.”

“I’m… alright,” Twilight groggily answered.

“Are you sure? I know it’s none of my business, but you’ve been drinking quite a lot, Princess,” the bartender articulated with the most reassuring tone he could muster. “I don’t mean to pry, but it looks like you have a lot on your mind.”

Twilight just kept gazing at her near-empty glass of whiskey with a blank expression. She heard the stallion, but the liquor made it hard for her to formulate a coherent answer.

Finally, she simply sighed. It was the kind of lengthy and tired sigh one made when faced with so many disappointing events at once in their life they could only be blasé about it.

“Princess?”

“Don’t call me ‘Princess’!” she barked. “I’m sorry. Just… Just ‘Twilight’ is fine.”

The bartender blinked, then smiled. “Certainly. Twilight it is, then. My name is Rum Swizzle, by the way. I own this place.”

The alicorn smiled in turn. “It’s a nice bar. Could you get me another one of these, Rum?” she requested, showing her empty glass of whiskey to the stallion.

“Don’t worry,” she reassured him after he looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “Alicorns don’t get drunk as easily. We require many more drinks than the average pony for us to intoxicate ourselves. I had a theory on the subject. I think it’s because of our metabolism and how it differentiates in small ways from other equines. Of course, we must also take our bigger size into account. I should probably experiment to assess precisely the quantity of alcohol an alicorn can ingest compared to…” She paused and took a deep breath. “Now I’m rambling. Sorry.” She looked up to Rum and apologized with a shy smile.

“Ponies tend to do that when they want to keep their mind busy and forget about other things,” Rum Swizzle remarked.

Twilight sighed once more. “I… I don’t know. I’m just really tired right now,” she finally declared. “It’s like you said. I have a lot on my mind.”

Twilight made circles on the wooden counter with her hoof as she frowned. She made an almost comical pout while thinking about the recent events that led her to this place.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The lavender mare thought for a second. “Yes? No? I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m not sure you’d want to hear about our silly quarrels.” She gritted her teeth. “I’m not sure I want to talk about it either,” she muttered.

Ever aware and understanding, Rum knew it was best to leave the princess alone for now. “I completely understand, Prin… Twilight,” he corrected himself. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t—”

Twilight slammed a hoof on the counter. “It’s just so damn frustrating! It’s like she doesn’t care about my feelings at all! She’s too self-absorbed to see the ponies around her! You know what I mean?”

Twilight stared at Rum, her chest rising and falling at every breath. Her muzzle was only a mere few inches away from his, and her persistent stare threw Rum off. She intently looked at him as if expecting him to find an immediate solution to all of her problems. The bartender blinked a few times, pondering his response.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to, as it was somepony else who spoke first.

“Who’s she?” one of the patrons sitting next to Twilight queried.

One glance around the bar made it clear that he wasn’t the only one carefully listening to the conversation. But because Twilight was drunk, she didn’t care or simply didn’t register that the pony talking was different from the bartender standing before her.

Twilight just exclaimed, “Rarity!” as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Who else but the most insufferable mare to ever exist!” She slammed her glass on the counter in a show of frustration.

A murmur spread within the almost exclusively male clientele of the bar. They all knew both mares quite well, them being a well-known couple all over Equestria.

“Did you two break up?” shouted a different stallion from across the bar.

Twilight’s eyes widened. “What? No! No? I don't know. I DON’T KNOW! DID WE BREAK UP!?” She grabbed Rum by the shoulders and shook him violently. “RUM, DID RARITY AND I BREAK UP!?” she yelled in a frenzy.

“How in Tartarus should I know?!” he stuttered in confusion.

Twilight released her grip on Rum before stroking her non-existent beard with her hoof in the manner of the great Starswirl the Bearded. “Actually, you know what, I’m pretty sure Rarity and I didn’t break up.” She shook her head enthusiastically for good measure.

Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief.

“We just had a disagreement of some sort,” Twilight specified, “It got kind of heated.” She winced at the memory.

A burly stallion stood up. “Oh well, if it’s just that. If you think miss Rarity is frustrating, clearly you never met my wife! Ain’t that right, guys?” he guffawed. “She can be a real sweetheart, but y’all don’t wanna be near her when she’s in a bad mood!”

Customers voiced their agreement throughout the room. Some of them nodded and mumbled about their own experiences squabbling with their special somepony.

“Although he’s a bit tactless,” Rum Swizzle said with a pointed glare toward the stallion who had just raised his voice. “What my friend Strong Hoof says is right. It’s normal for two ponies who love each other to argue sometimes. Even the best of friends can’t agree on everything,” Rum Swizzle calmly explained. “I know it may sound cliché, but I’m sure whatever is wrong between you two can be solved if you talk about it,” he added with an encouraging smile.

Twilight groaned. “I know! We always end up making up right after! But we still argue about dumb stuff, and it keeps happening all the time! I don’t get it! One moment, everything is fine; but then, something stupid happens. She comments on my habits, sticks her muzzle into princess stuff, and forces me to wear tons of dresses!” She looked up and paused to scratch her cheek. “Well, it’s not like I dislike modeling for her. As a matter of fact, I kind of think it’s nice,” she confessed. “Plus, it makes her happy when I do it. She compliments how I look and has this adorable smile on her face.” She rested her head on her hooves and looked at the ceiling, a dreamy look and a beam on her face. “After that, we’d usually start flirting, and then we’d go to her room…”

Twilight stopped herself, suddenly registering how everyone’s attention was on her. Some ponies were blushing while others were smirking with a knowing look. She coughed.

“Hum, yes, well anyway, it’s nice, but it doesn’t mean she has to make me model for her for hours every time she makes a new dress! It gets tiring after a while!” She looked down at her drink, a blush on her face. She went for a sip before she realized with a sad expression that her glass was already empty. She shook her glass to ask Rum for a refill, to which he obliged reluctantly.

“What did you guys argue about this time?” another patron asked.

“Something stupid again.” She sighed as she often did that night. “I asked her to stop singing while I was working. It makes it hard to focus on my important royal duties, you know. She insisted that singing helps her to concentrate while she sews. But I know she can work in silence just as well.” She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. “I suspect she just wanted the attention. She didn’t like it when I told her what I thought and called me a liar, claiming that she sang all the time; I just never pay attention! The nerve!” She looked around the bar, searching for approval among the ponies present. “I politely suggested that she could just go out of the room to sing,” she grumbled in between gritted teeth, “but she got even angrier and whined about me chasing her out of her place!” The princess slurred her whole tirade and made weird hoof gestures to go with it. “I couldn’t take it anymore, so I just rushed here to escape the constant bickering.”

Murmurs of compassion resonated in the bar.

“What a dumb reason to argue.” Twilight sighed loudly. She was doing that a lot recently.

“Come on, Princess, it ain’t that bad,” Strong Hoof spoke once again. “It’s just one silly argument. Y’all can fix it easy like. All you have to do is ask her to forgive you, and I’m sure everything’ll be back in order. Rarity is a mighty understanding mare, after all!”

He got close to Twilight and gave her a big thump on the back to reinforce his point. Some ponies looked at him, horrified by the fact that he had just laid hooves on a princess. Indifferent to it, Twilight simply frowned and rubbed her back with one of her wings.

“Yeah, maybe, but this won’t be the last of our silly arguments. I know it. We’ll keep getting into stupid fights, and it’ll go on until one day, we get into a big one…” She inhaled deeply before draining the last of her whiskey.

“Nah, Princess. It ain’t right, thinking like that,” Strong Hoof said disapprovingly. “Tell me, how long have y’all been together?” Strong Hoof asked with a reassuring, gentler tap on the alicorn’s shoulder.

“I think it’ll be three years soon.” She raised her head from her hooves, a bewildered expression on her visage. “Wow,” she marveled at the thought. “It’s been almost three years already.”

“That’s a mighty long time to stay with somepony! Must be something special y’all have going on!” he claimed enthusiastically.

“If we’re still arguing after all this time, maybe we’re not such an exceptional couple,” Twilight countered. She looked down. Her throat burned, and she knew it wasn’t just from the whiskey. She tried to swallow, but it felt like a stone had taken up residence.

“Maybe,” Rum Swizzle continued the alicorn’s train of thought.

“What?” Twilight said, feeling her breath cut short.

“Maybe,” he repeated. “Maybe not. It could be that you and Rarity are not meant to be together. But I highly doubt that. We’ve all seen you together.”

A chorus of ponies murmured and nodded in agreement.

“Granted, you don’t come around here much, but we’ve seen you walking side by side through the streets, grins on your faces. You both went through a lot together. Life and death situations even. That must help to forge a strong relationship.” He faced the princess and looked her dead in the eyes. “But in the end, it’s all up to you to make it work.”

“Do you love her, Twilight?”

Twilight knit her brows together. The buzz of the alcohol made it hard for her to grasp her thoughts. The alicorn focused on what Rum had just told her. She allowed herself to concentrate on the good parts. She remembered her times with Rarity. Their first awkward dates. Their first kisses. The maturation of their relationship into something more profound than a simple crush. The quiet moments they spent just enjoying each other’s company. The times they stayed up late around the fireplace and talked about nothing and everything. A small nostalgic smile appeared on her face.

Despite the intoxication, the answer still came to the princess naturally.

“Yes, I do,” she finally declared. “Yes,” she said once again with more conviction. “I guess this silly mare isn’t so bad after all,” she asserted with a grin. She brandished her glass in the air, spilling drops of whiskey in the process, as everyone cheered to their princess’s renewed confidence.

It was late into the night, and the party didn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. After Twilight’s confession, everypony in the bar was set on buying her a drink as a show of support and appreciation. Despite Rum’s best attempts to prevent the mare from getting more alcohol in her blood, Twilight had already drunk well beyond a reasonable amount of whiskey. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to give more drinks to a mare who already looked like she was about to pass out, but most ponies either didn’t notice because of their own intoxication, or ’it’s the princess, after all, she’ll be just fine,’ they said. Even if princesses could hold their liquor better, according to Twilight, it seemed that everyone had a limit, even all-powerful alicorns.

So it was with much amusement that all the customers watched as their princess went on stage to demonstrate her dancing ‘prowesses’. It was a mesmerizing sight. No doubt, the French would be proud to see the cancan so well performed by none other than Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. Two stallions were standing at the princess’s sides to make sure she kept her balance and didn’t hurt herself throughout the ordeal. There was something majestic in failing so spectacularly but still persevering the way she did.

Throughout the evening, the regulars had gradually accepted the silly alicorn as the star of the night. Everyone addressed her not as a princess, but as if she were just another customer, one of them. It made Twilight feel at ease; she who was annoyed with the royal decorum and etiquette that came with her position. In the corner of her mind, she noted that being inebriated was an excellent way to make friends quickly and easily. She had read about the effects of alcohol as a social lubricant, but she found it fascinating to witness it firsthoof, even if her mind wasn’t all there.

“I should do this more often!” she shouted over the music. “This is really fun!”

“That’s the spirit, princess!” Strong Hoof cheered. “You’re welcome back anytime to drink with me and the boys if you ever feel like it!”

Twilight laughed. “I’ll take you up on that! Best night ever!” she said in a singsong voice that wasn’t without resemblance to Rarity’s intonation.

From afar, Rum Swizzle was quietly washing the liquor stains off the counter as he watched with amusement the princess and the rest of his regular customers. He very much felt like a parent keeping an eye on his kids, but he too was enjoying himself in his own way.

“I don’t think miss Rarity would like it if you went out to drink every night, Twilight.”

“Who cares what Rarity thinks! Her idea of fun is lame galas full of snobby nobles!” she drunkenly exclaimed.

As soon she finished her sentence, Twilight tripped on her legs and smashed her muzzle on the ground.

Strong Hoof quickly got on his hooves to help the poor princess who, despite the pain, was still giggling like a filly.

“I’m Twinkle Sporkle! Bow down to me, you peasants!”

“Yep, I think it’s time to get you home, your majesty!” he said with a snicker.

“Boo, party pooper…” Twilight whined in her best imitation of Pinkie Pie.

Rum Swizzle went to help Strong Hoof carry a still chortling Twilight to a more comfortable place than the floor. Only less than ten ponies were still present at that time of the night, so they made their way to the counter without too much difficulty. They sat Twilight on a stool and took seats of their own.

“Take this, Twilight,” Rum said as he gave her a glass.

Twilight took a sip and recoiled immediately from the taste.

“What is that? It tastes awful!”

“Just a little something to help you sober up.”

“Sober up?!” protested Twilight. “But I’m not drunk! I’m a princess!”

Rum, very much amused, raised an eyebrow. “So?”

“So I can’t get drunk!” she explained assuredly with a wide grin.

After seeing the unconvinced look on her friends’ faces, she continued. “Look, I did the maths. Princesses don’t get drunk!” She leaned forward and took on a conspiratorial tone. “Think about it! Have you ever seen Celestia or Luna get drunk?”

Silence ensued.

“Exactly! That’s because we don’t get drunk! It’s just science!” she cheered. “We get ineb- ineb- inebriateded!”

Again, silence.

“Oh wait, no, that’s not it…”

“‘Inebriated?’” Hoof suggested.

“Yeah! That!” She leaned in even closer before whispering as if telling a secret, “That’s just a fancy way of saying drunk…” She then threw back her head in a giggling fit.

Rum shook his head, smiling fondly at the princess’s antics. “So, Twilight, where are you sleeping?”

“Duh! At the castle, of course! 'Cause princesses live in castles. And, I don’t know if you noticed, but…” she took a dramatic pause for effect, “turns out, I am a princess!” She then proceeded to laugh hysterically. “Wow, I’m on a roll! And Rarity says I don’t have a sense of humor!”

The two stallions shared a look before turning to the princess once more.

“Um, what castle?” Rum enquired.

Twilight chuckled. “‘What castle?’ Are there any castles in Ponyville that I don’t know of, other than the one I live in?” She looked at them as if they were the ones being crazy.

“Princess, this ain’t Ponyville. You’re in Manehattan right now.”

Twilight just looked confused, like she wasn’t registering the information. “Huh?”

The stallions shared another concerned look.

One pony who hadn’t spoken so far raised his hoof. “I don’t know where the princess is staying, but Rarity probably does. I could ask her. I know where her Manehattan boutique is. It’s a bit late, but she might still be there. I could check and ask her if the princess is staying at her place tonight. It’s not too far from here; I’ll be quick.”

“You go on and do that, lad,” Hoof commanded. “If you can’t find Rarity, we’ll just have to look for someplace else for the miss to sleep. It’s not like anyone is going to turn down a princess from their doorstep.”

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WHERE ARE YOU?! SHOW YOURSELF THIS INSTANT!”

“Huh?” Twilight, who had been nodding off just seconds before, was suddenly very awake. Still groggy from the alcohol, she tried to speak before noticing a frantic white unicorn standing at the bar’s entrance. Her survival instinct kicked in as she plunged toward the other side of the counter and ducked behind it in absolute panic.

Twilight turned to Rum Swizzle, who was looking down at her quizzically.

“What are you doing, your highness?” he queried with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk.

“Shhhh!” Twilight hushed the bartender like a filly. “Don’t talk to me! She’ll know I’m here!”

“Who?” he asked, perplexed. “Ms. Rarity?”

“If she finds me, she’ll kill me! You have to help me!” she begged.

Rum raised his head above the counter to look at Rarity, who was still looking in every direction, scanning the room with fury in her eyes.

“How is she? How does she look?” Twilight asked, terrified.

Rum turned his attention back to the mare beside her. “I’m sorry to say, Princess, but she looks positively furious,” he admitted.

Twilight bit her lips anxiously. That was it, the end of Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. Rarity was going to kill her. It was all over. It wouldn’t be Tirek, Chrysalis, or any other powerful god-like creature that got her but her own marefriend. How ironic.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, she’s just a little on edge right now, but it will probably pass quickly.”

“WHERE IS SHE?!” Rarity roared as she looked around the bar agitatedly, giving death glares to anyone who dared to look her way.

“Alright, maybe we’ll give her a few minutes to calm down,” Rum conceded.

But as soon as he finished his sentence, blue magic took hold of Twilight and levitated her above the counter. Rarity stared deadpan at an upside-down Twilight who just smiled sheepishly at her beloved in return.

“Um, hi, Rares?”

Rarity simply raised an eyebrow and lowered Twilight to the ground.

“Care to explain what you’re doing here so late?” Her voice was ice cold. “Or so early actually, it’s almost morning! And…” She sniffed at Twilight with a scrunched-up muzzle. “Wait. Are you drunk?” she asked, baffled.

“Pffff, I’m not drunk. You’re drunk. I’m a princess. I don’t get drunk,” Twilight confidently refuted Rarity’s accusation.

Rarity sighed exasperatedly. “Twilight, we talked about this. Princess Celestia and Luna had thousands of years to build up a tolerance to alcohol. You, on the other hand, get tipsy after two drinks.”

“Oh.” The realization settled in despite the drunkenness. “I guess that makes sense.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Come on. We’re going home.”

Rarity tried to grab Twilight’s hoof to make her move. Still, the alicorn resisted as best as she could in the state she was in, resulting in Rarity forcefully dragging the purple mess of an alicorn that was Twilight across the floor.

“Leave me alone; I don’t wanna go!” Twilight whined.

“Twilight, please! It’s late, I’m tired, and I need to get my beauty sleep!” Rarity pleaded.

“Leave me, you meanie,” Twilight moaned as she tried to shake Rarity’s hoof off.

Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”

Twilight threw a hissy fit as she kicked and punched the air around her, knocking over several stools in the process. “I said you’re meaaan!” the childish princess wailed in the most undignified way possible.

Rarity was growing more and more impatient. “Twilight, that’s enough! You’re a princess, not a filly! Stand on your four hooves and walk. We’re going to have a very long discussion about this tomorrow!”

But Twilight just stayed lying on the ground, crossing her legs and not moving an inch.

Rarity sighed as she rubbed her temples to ease her growing headache. “You know, this is not what I imagined when I said you should let loose more from time to time.”

“Ah, Ms. Rarity, don’t be too hard on the poor gal. She’s had a rough night,” Strong Hoof chimed in to defend Twilight.

Rarity turned to him, skeptical. “Well, sir, I’m having a rough night right now. I just got woken up to learn that my marefriend is drinking in a bar at three in the morning, so you’ll understand if I don’t quite feel sorry for her yet,” Rarity declared in the most polite tone she could muster, though she knew it probably came out harsher than she intended.

But Strong Hoof wasn’t entirely deterred yet. He and Rum Swizzle were determined to set things right between the Princess and her marefriend.

“Ms. Rarity, I know it’s probably rude to pry into your personal matters,” Rum Swizzle began, “but I think you should go easy on the princess. She’s quite upset about what happened between you two.”

“About what happened?” Rarity repeated with narrowed eyes. She turned her head to the purple alicorn, who was still trying to escape Rarity’s magic grasp. The unicorn’s cold icy glare pierced through her marefriend like a pointed spear. “What have you been telling to strangers, dearest Twilight?”

Twilight stopped wiggling around and looked at Rarity, fear written all over her face.

“No… Nothing!” she answered as nonchalantly as her drunken state allowed her to.

“Right… we have much to talk about,” Rarity simply stated with an emphasis on ‘much’. “Let’s get going now.”

“Please, Miss, hear us out. The princess feels mighty sorry about what she said. She just wants y’all to make amends and fix things between the two of y’all,” Strong Hoof pleaded.

“Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to cover for her, but if Twilight is so sorry about what she ‘said,’ then she can apologize for it herself!”

“Pfff, apologize for what? You’re the one who was disturbing me during my very important princess work-stuff!” she asserted, avoiding her partner’s eyes.

“Pfff yourself, darling! You were rude to me! And you accused me of seeking attention. At least I’m not telling my whole life story to strangers in bars!” she said in a huff.

“Well they listen to me, unlike the self-absorbed mare I’m supposed to be going out with!” the alicorn retorted bitterly.

Rarity stepped back, shocked by the venom dripping out of Twilight’s words. “How dare you!? Self-absorbed? Me? This is just preposterous!” Rarity exclaimed. “I’m not the one who ignores her marefriend for days with the only excuse of being ‘too busy’! I run two shops and work all year long to satisfy my clientele while also maintaining my relations within the fashion industry! And I still make time for you!” She pointed her hoof accusatively toward her marefriend. “You, on the other hand, stay inside all day, read dusty books and write boring reports! We haven’t done anything together as a couple for ages!” she claimed in a high-pitched voice.

“Hey! I do important work for the kingdom!” the purple mare defended herself. “I’m a princess; I’ve got tons of responsibilities that you can’t even imagine! Plus, you’re the one who always tells me how to do my job! I don’t go and tell you how you should make dresses! But you’re always like ‘Twilight, stop behaving like a ruffian,’ ‘it isn’t proper for a princess to behave like this,’ ‘watch your manners’!” she said in an overly exaggerated parody of Rarity’s voice. “Give me a break already!”

“Oh, so now it’s my fault if you never make time outside of your work!?” She threw her hooves in the air to show her astonishment at the alicorn’s accusations. “How about you take some real responsibilities for once, and stop accusing others of your mistakes!” she finished with her hoof pressed on Twilight’s chest.

Twilight slapped Rarity’s hoof away. “You’re right! I guess it’s my fault that I started to date a prissy, boring, overbearing, snobby mare like yourself! You always ruin it for me!” she shouted, tears in her eyes.

Rarity looked at Twilight, dumbfounded.

“‘Ruin it for you’?” Her voice was shaking. “What about my day?! About my night?! You think this is all about yourself, don’t you?! Don’t you think I also feel bad about today? That I’m not tired of arguing with you? Give me a break, Twilight Sparkle! If this is the way you want to behave, I’m going back alone! You’ll have to find another place to sleep because I’m not dragging an uncouth, ungrateful, drunk mare to my home!” she huffed.

“Well, that’s fine by me! I’ll just sleep here on the floor!” Twilight asserted. And to prove her point, she went back to lying down on the floor, insisting that it was perfectly comfortable, thank you very much!

Throughout the whole argument, Rum Swizzle and Strong Hoof just stood there, unsure how to react. The awkward silence lasted a minute or so.

After a while, the two mares’ demeanor shifted, the embarrassment of their outburst making its way. The fire in them had died out, replaced by the shame of the words they uttered to one another.

Rarity broke the quiet first.

“Is this… Is this the way you see me? Do you really think I’m a lame and overbearing mare?” she asked in a cold but calmer voice.

Twilight tried to decipher Rarity’s emotions but to no avail. “Well… You can be pretty bossy sometimes. The way you try to make me act more ‘princess-y.’ It’s kind of suffocating...” Twilight answered a little hesitantly.

“But, they’re harmless remarks! I’m just trying to help you be the best princess you can be,” she argued. Her expression turned into a frown as she spoke her next words. “Since it’s more important to you than spending time with me.” Rarity’s gaze fell to the floor as she gave voice to the accusation.

“I was just trying to focus on my work! You can understand that, don’t you? You’re all about work yourself!” Twilight wailed.

“Twilight, it’s been ages since we last did something together as a couple!” the white mare complained. “I’m sorry I bothered you while you were working! I just wanted to spend time with you…”

“But I don’t get it! The reason I work so much is because of you! You keep telling me how to behave and such! I thought you wanted me to work harder on being a proper princess! I felt pressured into constantly working because I thought that was what you wanted! What you expected of me as your partner.”

“Oh, Twilight…” Rarity whimpered. “Of course, I want you to be the best princess you can be. But not to the detriment of our relationship! And certainly not because I think you’re not proper enough as my partner.”

Twilight winced. “Look… I’m sorry. I realize I’ve been a bit”—she made strange movements with her hooves to try and find her next words through her clouded mind—“distant?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And?” she simply asked, waiting for a follow-up.

“And, um, I’m sorry for what I said… and for going out without telling you where I was going and for how long…”

“Darling, you’re a grown mare. You don’t have to tell me your every move. A little heads up would have been fine,” Rarity suggested.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry,” she apologized sheepishly.

“And?” Rarity continued.

“And what?” Twilight asked, confused.

“What else should you be sorry about?” Rarity clarified.

“Um…” Twilight tried to think of what she could have omitted but came up short. “I don’t know, sorry for saying you were just seeking attention?”

“No, maybe you were just slightly right about that. I probably shouldn’t have been so ambiguous about it.” Rarity blushed. “Although it was no reason for you to respond the way you did! No, what I’d like you to say is ‘sorry for not talking about how I felt’. We’re a couple, Twilight. You can speak to me when there’s something on your mind.” She put on a smile that let Twilight know she wasn’t so mad anymore.

“Yeah… sorry about that too,” Twilight responded with a timid smile of her own. “Lesson 101 of friendship: ‘communication is key,’ and I can’t even apply it myself.”

“Granted, I’m also guilty of that,” Rarity acknowledged with slightly pink cheeks. She coughed her embarrassment away and continued. “I’m also sorry for being a bit too ‘suffocating’ sometimes. I shall work on that, I promise. And I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was putting so much pressure on your shoulders. You’re already an amazing princess.” She smirked and took on a more teasing tone. “You just need to learn a bit more about proper etiquette.”

Twilight rolled her eyes but kept smiling. She was startled by the sound of slow hoof claps coming from behind her.

“There you go! I knew you two would make up!” Strong Hoof exclaimed in his usual loud voice. “Ms. Rarity, I gotta tell you, though, if you heard how the princess was talking about you, you’d know for sure that she truly cares about you!”

“Hey! Don’t tell her that! It’s embarrassing!” Twilight whined with a panicked expression.

Rarity, very much amused with where things were going, grew an evil smirk on her face. “My oh my. How interesting! Please do tell more,” she urged the stallion.

“Strong Hoof, don’t you even dare…” Twilight implored.

Rum Swizzle took over. “Well, first, I think Miss Twilight said something about ‘loving this stupid mare more than anything in the world.’” He said with a mischievous sneer of his own.

“Rum! Not you too, you traitor!” The flustered princess whined to no avail. “Come on, guys! I thought we were friends!”

Half an hour later, after everyone finished embarrassing the young princess, the two mares prepared themselves to make their way to Rarity’s place.

“Thank you for taking care of Twilight tonight, and sorry for causing such a scene,” Rarity apologized with a bow.

“It’s no problem at all, Miss Rarity,” Rum assured her. “Thanks to the Princess here, this was one of the most memorable nights this bar has known. You’re always welcome back here whenever you’re around town.”

Rarity thanked the two stallions before focusing her attention on her marefriend. “Come, darling, let’s get you to bed.”

When she heard no answer from the purple alicorn, she called out Twilight’s name once more.

She pivoted only to face the sight of a snoring alicorn sleeping on the floor.

“Really?” Rarity said in disbelief.

“Need a hoof to carry her?” Hoof proposed.

“No, don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” The white mare then levitated Twilight on her back like a flour bag and headed toward the exit.

Back at Rarity’s place, the fashionista laid her marefriend on her bed. While the white unicorn tucked her in, Twilight moved around slightly.

“Mmmh, Rarity, where are we?” she asked drowsily.

“Home, darling. Now sleep, it’s late, and although we don’t have much scheduled tomorrow, I would appreciate not waking up in the afternoon.”

Rarity made her way under the covers and placed herself so she could spoon her marefriend. Twilight sighed as she relaxed in Rarity’s hooves.

“You know, Twilight dearest,” Rarity said softly. “I’m not against you going out at night on some occasions, and I know you probably didn’t mean to, but you should be careful about getting this drunk. It’s not good for you, and I know from experience that you’ll regret it in the morning.”

“Next time, you should just come with me, silly,” Twilight mumbled sleepily.

“What? As your chaperone?” Rarity chuckled. “Aren’t you a bit old for that?”

Rarity’s only answer was a loud snore. She giggled and followed Twilight soon after in slumberland.

The following morning.

“Tell me I didn’t.”

“But you most definitely did, sweetheart.”

“Rarity. I refuse to believe that I drunkenly danced the cancan, in a bar, in front of everypony!”

“I heard it was quite the performance!”

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“And that is just the beginning, love. Trust me, this isn’t remotely the most unseemly thing you did or said yesterday night.”

“Please, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

“You have to learn the hard way, dearest. I was surprised to hear what you said about Celestia behind her back. It is quite unbecoming of you, her former most faithful student, to expose her darkest secrets to her subjects in such a way. With Chrysalis? I can’t say it’s a completely inconceivable idea; I’m quite a fan of the classic enemy-to-lover trope, but still! Most stupefying!”

“You have to be kidding me.”

“Although I wasn’t as shocked as when I learned about that one fantasy of yours involving several changelings posing as none other than Moi! I have to admit that I do see the appeal of having more than one me to yourself, but the way you described it! My, how scandalous!”

“End me now.”

“You know, I never thought you to be such a kinky mare, Twilight Sparkle. Or should I address you as the great and powerful ‘Twinkle Sporkle’? Maybe you ought to get drunk more often, after all!

“I’ll never drink ever again.”

“They all say that, dear.”