Alien v. Predator

by DatZigga

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Thriller, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 2580

A human alien meets a certain pony predator

Anonymous and Fluttershy take a walk on a quiet night through Sweet Apple Acres on the night of a full moon. Things go about as well as you might think.

I can’t take credit for this story idea, so share your appreciation with Dragonsboy97 who gave me this premise as a suggestion. As for it’s relation to Anon’s Friendship Lessons, this is a one-shot side story. Maybe I’ll make more and call them Extra Credit or somethin’.

Published 2020-05-27 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-27 22:50:01 UTC

Extra Credit: Go on a Moonlit Walk with Fluttershy

“So, yeah. I think vampires are just so played out.” Anon concluded his long, drawn-out argument of the over-saturation of vampires in popular media with a bite of a juicy apple. Fluttershy had been listening with interest, for the most part, on their midnight stroll. It was her, after all, that invited Anon to accompany her to Sweet Apple Acres. She still felt a pang of guilt for Discord’s unceremonious appearance the last time they met, so she figured this would serve as an apology of sorts. Plus, in all honesty, this was as much to her benefit as well.

“So,” Anon started with his mouth full before swallowing. “Why exactly are we out and about in the Acres at like 11 something at night collecting apples?” Anon carried their haul in a backpack that Rarity had made for him as a gift. It was stark white, with blue gemstones shimmering in the full moonlight. As they exited the aforementioned Acres, one could easily spot Anon from a fair distance away.

“Oh, um, I usually make these runs for some of my critters.” Fluttershy explained and avoided eye contact.

Anon raised an eyebrow. “Is Apples okay with you just taking apples from her orchard?”

“Oh, it’s quite alright.” Fluttershy assured with a flick of her hoof. “We’ve reached an agreement.” Anon nodded and kept to the path. Meanwhile, Fluttershy eyed the backpack of apples. She wasn’t consciously aware of it, but her mouth started to salivate. Something about the smell emanating from the backpack was significantly stronger than she realized, especially after gaining some distance from the orchard. Anon glanced at the pony and witnessed her drooling and staring at the bag.

“You sure these are for your critters?” Anon asked skeptically. Fluttershy snapped back to reality, nervously wiping the saliva from her jaw with a hoof.

“Y-yes! What would make you think otherwise?” Fluttershy asked worriedly.

“Well, you sure seem interested in this pack.” Anon shook the bag for emphasis. “Did you, like, want one?”

“Oh my, um, I really shouldn’t…” Fluttershy protested. Regardless, Anon dug into his backpack. He pulled out an apple that had somehow been cut inside the bag, likely by a gemstone. The juice from the apple leaked onto Anon’s hand, which caught Fluttershy’s attention.

“But don’t you horses like apples?” Anon asked, while he licked the juice off his hand. “Or is that racist? Specist?” As Anon thought aloud, Fluttershy remained fixated on the apple. The juice from the apple continuously dripped to the ground, almost rhythmically. Fluttershy was hypnotized and again she salivated.

“Hol’ up.” Anon announced. He stopped by the path and dropped the bag of apples near a tree. “All this apple juice is reminding me of something. Can you watch my bag for a sec? I’ll just do my business in the Forest and be out in a bit.” Anon was met with Fluttershy blankly staring at the bag he put down. “...‘Kay, I’ll take that as a yes.”

Anon walked into the Everfree Forest for a few minutes. He wanted the closest thing he could get to privacy as he could get. Also, it would’ve been nice to have a water source to wash up before having to touch the apples with piss covered hands. Speaking of which, he had nearly forgotten that he was still carrying an apple that was doing some pissing of its own. Anon tossed the apple and wiped his hand on his t-shirt, leaving dark wet spots on the garment.

“Shit, hope no one thinks I peed myself.” Anon joked. He found a suitable tree ahead of him and went about his business.

He attempted to whistle a tune, only to remember he was incapable of whistling. He settled on humming a tune, blissfully ignoring the rustle of the leaves behind him. It’s a forest after all. Leaves will rumble, animals will howl and chirp, and humans in alien worlds just have to grin and bear it. As Anon packed up Anon Jr in his trouser however, he heard something that got his attention: the rustling of his bag and the sounds of apples being munched.

“Damn it, Fluttershy.” Anon mumbled, as he crouched down to wash his hand in a nearby creek. He cleaned up quick and hurried toward the noise. “Fluts, these better be the “critters” you were intending to feed because I ain’t going...back.”

Anon fell into silence as he processed the scene before him. He saw Fluttershy, ass in the air like she just didn’t care, frantically going through his backpack and eating the apples within. She was eating as if she hadn’t eaten in days. If that wasn’t already out of character, her coat was much darker and desaturated, her ears were larger and pointed, and her wings were more reminiscent of bat wings. Anon cautiously approached her.

“Yo, are you alright there, Shy?” Anon continued to tiptoe forward. Fluttershy didn’t respond. “I swear if you are what I think you are…” Just then, a convenient twig snapped under his foot. Fluttershy shot up, ears perked.

Anon quickly reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He turned on the flashlight and pointed it towards her. The light came on just in time for Anon to see Fluttershy turn and bare her teeth in a frightening hiss. Anon let out a scream. He fell backwards over himself, reminded of similar encounters in the Everfree Forest. Fortunately, Fluttershy, or whoever she was, turned back around, picked up the bag in her mouth and took off into the sky, past the canopy. Anon took a moment to catch his breath and let the fear subside. He looked up into the sky, at a full moon staring back down at him.

“Oh come on!” Anon shouted. “The rules aren’t even consistent!”

Anon had to admit, it was kind of nostalgic. It had been a long time since he had been on a proper hunt. The last time he had done so was back when he first arrived in Equestria, when he was left stranded in the Everfree for months. That being said, it wasn’t like Anon was a natural at it or anything so flattering. After all, he came from a culture of smartphones, air conditioning, and UberEats. What the hell did he know about surviving in the wilderness?

Anon pushed past foliage, keeping an eye out for tracks. At first, he attempted to keep an eye out for hoof prints. However, he remembered that he was dealing with a pegasus, horses with wings that probably would rather stay up high then below. Yet, that didn’t stop him from noticing the apple cores that littered the floor where she passed. They were few and far between, but that coupled with the occasional sounds of wings flapping, chewing, and hissing, it was a reliable trail.

Anon finally found Fluttershy in a clearing, tearing open the backpack with her sharp teeth. Anon grimaced as he loathed the thought of telling Rarity the unfortunate fate of her gift. Nevertheless, he put on a brave face and left the comfort and safety of the bushes. He planned to directly confront her. After all, despite this weird shift in behavior, surely this had to be the same shy and passive pony he knew and appreciated, right? For his sake, Anon hoped so.

“Alright there, Flutterbat. Time to ski-fuckin-daddle.” Anon asserted. “Flutterbat” quickly jumped backwards and splayed her wings in a threatening manner. She hissed angrily, but left the bag alone in her surprise. Anon picked up the bag, torn and destroyed. “Aw man, I actually didn’t hate this.”

Anon turned the bag over and shook out the apple cores and loose gems contained within. As he did so, Flutterbat sniffed the air. In her feral form, she caught the intoxicating aroma of apple in the air and in Anon’s direction.

“You know, if you had told me you were a vampire from the beginning, I wouldn’t have talked so much shit about vampires in your presence.” Anon pocketed some of the gems as he talked. Flutterbat inched towards him, inched towards the smell. “Although, with the full moon, you’re actually more of a werehorse or werepony. Werepony, what a dumb name.” Anon looked back at Flutterbat, who was now just inches away. Anon, finding the pony getting uncomfortably close, put out his hand to create some distance between them. Flutterbat sniffed his hand and then took a bite.

“Ah, the fuck?!” Anon quickly retracted his hand and held it to his face. It wasn’t a deep bite, but it did break skin. Anon gasped incredulously. “You bit me, you ass! What are you, an actual vampire?” Despite Anon’s anger, Flutterbat continued to get closer. Anon backed away at an equal pace, as he grew more worried about his safety. Flutterbat’s wings spread and she hissed. She was preparing a lunge.

“Nope!” Anon shouted, taking off into the trees behind him. Flutterbat screeched before giving chase. She followed by hoof, as the trees were too dense for her to fly through without colliding into foliage. Anon, slightly more familiar with the Everfree, used that knowledge to his advantage. He took sharp turns whenever possible, crawled through holes, dropped from short falls, and briefly hid in bushes and up trees. However, no matter how many times he managed to evade the pony, all she had to do was sniff the air and she was back on his trail.

How ironic. Anon thought to himself, as speaking aloud would get his predator’s attention. The hunter has now become the hunted. Anon wiped the sweat off his forehead. As he did, he caught a faint whiff ofthe apple he had eaten earlier. Realization flooded into him as he began to formulate a plan.

While Flutterbat prowled through the forest, Anon retraced his steps back to the spot where he earlier relieved himself. He found the apple he haphazardly tossed aside a few feet from the tree. After he picked it up and sniffed it to make sure none of his “relief” tainted the apple, he stripped himself of his shirt. The cold air brushed past his body, which gave him a shiver but nothing he couldn’t bear for a little while. He walked to the edge of the Everfree Forest, where a nearby meadow met the tree line.

Anon placed the apple within his shirt and tossed it into the clearing and waited. He didn’t have to wait long, as Flutterbat flew out of the Everfree and sniffed into the air again. She slowly flew towards the shirt that laid alone in the meadow.

“That’s right.” Anon whispered. “Follow your nose to the fruity taste that shows.” He waited in the dark, the torn backpack clutched in his hands. Flutterbat landed next to the shirt and took a long sniff. She then started pawing at the apple within, wrapped in the shirt and denying her the easy opportunity to bite into it. As Flutterbat struggled to free her delicious treat, Anon slowly and carefully snuck up behind the pony. This time, he was careful not to step on any twigs or sticks.

Once Anon was right behind her, he held the bag right over his head. Then, he saw Fluttershy’s ear twitch. The very next second, he felt a sharp pain suddenly strike him within his gut. He doubled over in pain, winded from the sudden kick. It was only then he remembered Rule #1 of dealing with horses: never sneak up from behind. Flutterbat turned sharply and hissed loudly. She backed slowly away from Anon but also from her prized apple. Seizing the opportunity, despite his pain, he grabbed his shirt and the apple within.

“Oh no you don’t!” Anon dangled the apple in front of her. “You wouldn’t abandon your precious bait, would you?” Anon watched as Flutterbat’s crimson eyes stared at the apple swinging back and forth. Flutterbat leaned back and spread her wings, preparing a lunge. Anon readied himself, another idea in mind.

Flutterbat took up directly into the sky, at first flying away from Anon. Then, she turned back and flew straight towards Anon. At the last possible second, Anon jumped out of the way. She kept her momentum, flying back into the sky and prepared for another diving run. However, Anon merely dodged that one too. Again and again, Anon dodged each successive attempt. Flutterbat only became slower as a result of exhaustion and this made her more predictable to dodge. Finally, she landed with a tumble. She breathed heavily.

“Aw, don’t give up!” Anon taunted. “Not when you’re so close~!” Anon pulled out the apple, baring it for Flutterbat to see. This reinvigorated her, forcing her to stand on her feet. Anon approached her, the apple leading in front of him. She ran towards him, although not as fast as she had before. The night began taking its toll on her.

Anon sidestepped the pony and, with all the strength he could muster, tackled the pony to the ground. Anon held his full weight on her and attempted to hold down her forelegs, while avoiding her kicking hindlegs. For his efforts, he was met with screeching and hissing, as Flutterbat struggled from beneath him. Anon, meanwhile, moved as little as possible. He focused only on holding Flutterbat in one spot. After several long minutes, Anon could finally feel Flutterbat surrendering. She kicked less, her hissing low and quiet, her eyelids beginning to fall.

“Done throwing your tantrum?” Anon asked the pony, who only replied with a hiss. Anon smiled and initiated Phase 2 of his improvised plan. He gave the pony’s bare neck a comforting scratch. He was met with another bite, but not as hard as before. Anon grinned and beared it. After a little while, Flutterbat began to relax, as all ponies did after being scratched. Anon used his other hand to softly pet the pony, slowly picking himself off of her. Once Flutterbat was pacified, he reached for the apple by his side. Flutterbat nearly sprung back into a frenzy before Anon pushed down on her again.

“No!” Anon commanded. “No. Calm thyself, yellow one.” Anon slowly reached for the apple again and held it close to Flutterbat, still petting her. Flutterbat looked at Anon cautiously before finally taking a bite from the apple. She kept the apple in her mouth and sucked it of its juice. As she did so, Anon stood and picked the pony up in his arms.

“Well, this was not the night I was expecting.” Anon announced with a sigh. Flutterbat was far more focused on the apple than she was in being carried. Anon looked around in the stillness of the night. It was if the past hour hadn’t happened at all. Anon yawned, as did Flutterbat, which made her drop the apple. As she began to stir, Anon quickly bent down and picked the apple and gave it back to her. This time, she sleepily sucked on the apple, as one would a pacifier. Anon began the walk back to Fluttershy’s cottage.

“I swear you horses are gonna be the death of me.”

Extra Credit: Go on a Moonlit Walk with Fluttershybat? Never again.

Author's Note

Again, shoutouts to Dragonsboy97. May this story inspire him and other would be writers that anyone with a keyboard can cork out a decentpiece.