Kool-Aid man in Equestria!

by Star Plasma

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 3857

The title is pretty self-explanatory

Just a short, silly story I came up with today. Kool-Aid man is teleported to Equestria, shouting "Oh yeah!" into everypony's ears. He quickly gets most of the Canterlot residents addicted to Kool-Aid at Shining Armor's birthday party, and he now must run for his life as the hordes of ponies chase after him. This story is marked sad because of *SPOILER* (Fluttershy not included, sorry)

Kool-Aid man is a registered trademark of Kool Aid(duh) and My Little pony belongs to Hasbro. I do, however, own the hilarity of this story.

Published 2012-08-26 09:34:07 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-26 09:34:07 UTC

Kool-Aid man in Equestria!

"Okay Luna, are you ready to perform the spell?" Celestia asked, looking deep into the eyes of her younger sister encouragingly. Luna nodded nervously.

"I-I think so." Luna replied, trembling only slightly. Her horn began to glow as she focused on the pitcher of punch on the table in front of her. The red liquid began to slosh around sloppily, large splashes getting on the table.

"Easy now sister." Celestia soothed, trying to ease the tension and pressure Luna was feeling at the moment. Luna's face contorted in frustration as she tried her best to accentuate the deliciousness of the sweet drink. The glow of her horn began to falter as she lost her focus in frustration.

"I can't do it!" Luna yelled, unhappy with herself for failing to complete the spell. She sighed, and sat down on the kitchen floor. "I just can't do it..." Luna began to sob quietly; she loved punch, but the same flavor was just getting old. So she had thought of a spell that would let her accentuate certain qualities of the drink, hopefully making it richer, and more enjoyable. Luna remembered the first time she had punch: the wondrous holiday of Nightmare Night.

Unfortunately, the punch hadn't been invented before Luna was banished to the moon, and she now drank at least fifteen cups a day! But alas, all great things must come to an end. Luna had burnt herself out on the taste. Now the birthday party for Shining Armor the next day was going to have plain old punch.

"Take a break sister. The party doesn't start until tomorrow afternoon. You can try again tomorrow." Celestia said, cradling her younger sister with her wing. Celestia began to walk towards the doors with Luna close behind. Luna glanced back at the pitcher of punch longingly. She sighed, and turned off the lights before she exited the kitchen. Little did they know, inside of the kitchen, the punch began to swirl slowly...

* * *

"Hmm..." Luna said thoughtfully, looking up at her beautiful night sky. "A little dab here... A little dab there..." she murmured, poking the sky with her hooves to make shining, beautiful stars appear. A cool breeze had sprung up after Luna moved the moon into it's proper place. She always felt she needed to match the beauty of her night with the beauty of the weather. So tonight she found herself working extra hard to match the two.

"Aha! Right there..." Luna said. Just as she placed her hoof on the spot she wished for a star to appear, she heard panicked screams from the floor below. As a result, Luna's hoof slid all the way across the sky; making a large streak appear. Her artwork was ruined! "Whatever caused this will SUFFER OUR WRATH!" she bellowed. "DOTH THOU HEARKEN US MORTAL? WE HOPE THOU ART PREPARED FOR OUR DIVINE WRATH!" With that, she galloped out of her bedroom and down to the first floor.

Luna approached the doorway cautiously. The screaming appeared to be coming from the kitchen. By the sound of the screams, whatever caused it must have been frightening indeed. "I fear none who mess up the beauty of my night!" she yelled, pushing the doors open with both hooves. As soon as she opened the doors, a delicious aroma hit her nostrils. It smelled very familiar to Luna... like punch. Luna covered her mouth to suppress a gasp at the sight in front of her.

In the middle of the kitchen, several pegasus guards surrounded what appeared to be a giant, living beverage. Innocent bystanders stood off to the side, quaking in their hooves. One of the guards stepped forward somewhat nervously. Nervous as he was, it was his job to defend the castle as part of the royal guard. He pointed a spear at the red monstrosity. "W-what business do you have here? Do you wish to be thrown into the dungeon?" he asked threateningly.

"Oh yeah!" the gigantic beverage replied, shoving a cup full of red liquid into the guards mouth as the guard was about to speak again..

"Ack! What is this poison you have given me?! It tastes absolutely delicious, but nevertheless, GUARDS! ATTACK!" he yelled, about to leap forward.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man said, oblivious to what was happening around him. Luna quickly rushed into the circle of guards before they could attack the strange creature.

"Cease this at once!" Luna ordered the lead guard. He hesitated for a moment, looking past the princess to see the smiley beverage staring back at him.

"Princess, I don't think that's..."

"SILENCE!" Luna yelled, stomping her hooves on the floor. "Do you not think it right to inquire his presence here before you attack?" she asked the guard.

"That's all very well, but..." the guard was cut off again as the kitchen doors swung open. Celestia walked in angrily.

"What is going ON here?! Can nopony just be QUIET and let their princess sleep fo-" she quickly stopped talking as she saw the scene unfolding in the center of the dining room. "Luna! What in the name of me is going on?!" she asked.

Luna glanced around the room. "Everypony get out! I wish to speak to my sister in private." she said. Most of the ponies shuffled out of the room while the guards approached Kool Aid man.

"Thank you guards, but I think my sister and I can deal with whatever threat this creature has to offer." Celestia said, looking at the guards sternly. They murmured amongst themselves, casting suspicious glances over their shoulders at Kool Aid man. He just smiled at them as they too left the room.

"Oh yeah!" Kool-Aid man burst out randomly, alarming Celestia.

"Sister, what is this... this... thing?" Celestia asked, pointing at Kool Aid man with her hoof.

"I'm not sure, but it looks and smells like punch!" Luna replied enthusiastically, sticking her head over the top of Kool Aid man's head. He looked up nervously at the dark alicorn. He quickly walked over to Celestia.

"What?" she asked. He held a cup out. It was full of the red liquid he was filled with. Celestia held out her hoof uncertainly. Kool Aid man smiled and stepped back. Celestia sniffed the drink cautiously. It smelled absolutely delicious. She took a sip. Her eyes widened in shock. This was the best thing she had ever tasted! She eagerly tilted her head back, downing the rest of the sweet red drink. Kool Aid man smiled. Obviously the creature was enjoying his Kool Aid.

"Do you mind if I have some?" Luna asked, unable to suppress the longing in her voice. Kool Aid man nodded, and handed a glass of Kool Aid to Luna. She looked at him gratefully and drank without hesitating.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man blurted, watching Luna down the Kool Aid rapidly.

"What is this?" Celestia asked. Kool Aid man looked at her, confused.

"What. Is. This?" Celestia asked slowly, pointing at the drink with her hoof. Kool Aid man smiled, he understood what she was saying.

"Kool Aid." he said. That's it. His vocabulary consisted of four words. Kool Aid, and Oh Yeah! At least he could understand what was being said if it was said slowly enough.

Luna had just finished her cup with eyes wide with glee. This would be the perfect drink for Shining Armor's birthday party tomorrow! Kool Aid man was feeling dizzy from lack of being filled with Kool Aid. He needed to rest so it could be replenished. He swayed on his feet.

"Are you tired?" Celestia asked, noticing that Kool Aid man was looking kind of weak.

"O-oh...yeah!" he said, then abruptly staggered to the side. The princesses rushed over to him, each one using their magic to lift one of his hands to prevent him from falling over.

"Ungh! He's heavy, even for our magic!" Luna whined, struggling to get Kool Aid man upstairs. Celestia just glanced at her sister. For Celestia, it was nothing. Luna on the other hoof, was weaker since her more powerful side was split by the Elements of Harmony.

Eventually, they had dragged him all the way upstairs, only managing to get a few splashes of Kool Aid on the stairs. Finally, they had managed to get Kool Aid man into Luna's room. "Okay, how are we supposed to do this?" Luna asked, wondering how Kool Aid man slept without spilling Kool Aid everywhere.

"Hmm... I know! He must sleep standing up!" Celestia exclaimed.

"Yeah! You must be right!" Luna agreed. The two let go of Kool Aid man. He very quickly tilted to the right, about to fall. "Eeek!" Luna panicked, rushing to save Kool Aid man. Celestia grabbed onto Kool Aid man with her magic again.

"What shall we do now?!" Luna asked her sister. Celestia looked around the room thoughtfully.

"Hmm... There!" she said, pointing to the closet. Luna looked confused.

"But the closet is so big. He'll just fall over again..." Luna said, clearly puzzled.

"The empty wardrobe!" Celestia said.

"Oh yeah! How could I have forgotten about that?" Luna replied. Luna and Celestia dragged Kool Aid man to the closet, then opened it up. Indeed this closet was huge. It was about the size of a middle class pony's living room. And at the far corner was the empty wardrobe; made by Equestria's finest craftstallions.

Luna opened up the wardrobe. Yep, it was as empty as always. The two sisters shoved Kool Aid man in the wardrobe. "Well that takes care of that!" Celestia said, yawning. She was in need of a good sleep right now. "Get some sleep sister. We have a big day tomorrow!"

"But what about-? Luna asked, being cut off by her elder sister.

"He'll be fine. He's probably just in need of a good rest right now." Celestia responded.

"I suppose you're right." Luna sighed. "And I'm feeling pretty worn out as well." Luna and Celestia walked down the hallway together to Celestia's room, saying goodnight to eachother before Celestia retired for the day.

Luna trudged back to her room, deep in thought. How did Kool Aid man get there in the first place? Did it have something to do with the spell Luna had tried to cast earlier that night? Luna shook her head, trying to rid her mind of these thoughts. She was too tired to be thinking so much.

Luna opened her chamber doors, and headed to her bed as soon as she stepped inside. She jumped up onto the bed, snuggling deep down in the covers. Before our dear princess knew it, she was fast asleep.

* * *

Luna awoke late the next morning, letting out a royal yawn like the princess she was. She rubbed her very un-princesslike mane with her forehoof, and lazily shuffled out of bed. She had to get ready quickly. The royal ballroom had to be decorated. The party food had to be prepared. The invitations had to be sent. There was just so much to do! Hopefully Celestia was- THUMP! Luna looked at her closet alarmingly. THUMP! Luna walked into her closet cautiously, remembering what was stashed in the wardrobe. THUMP! "Kool Aid man?" she asked cautiously.

The wardrobe was shaking intensely. Luna approached the wardrobe slowly. As soon as she stepped in front of it, the shaking stopped. "Hello?" Luna asked.

"Oh yeah!" shouted Kool Aid man, blowing off the doors of the wardrobe.

"Eek!" Luna shrieked, ducking to avoid the flying doors.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man repeated, breaking out into a dance. He shuffled inside of the closet, nearly spilling punch everywhere. Inside of the wardrobe were several glasses of Kool Aid. Luna wondered how they got there, then figured that Kool Aid man was probably as physic defying as Pinkie Pie.

"What is going on in here?!" Celestia asked, barging into the closet, then let her jaw drop as she saw the shuffling beverage and the destroyed wardrobe. Celestia's vision became blurred, and all she saw was a crosshair mark on the still shuffling Kool Aid man. "Is this YOUR doing?!" Celestia asked angrily.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man responded.

"Agh! That's it! To the moon with you!" Celestia bellowed, lighting up her horn. Kool Aid man continued to dance, oblivious to the angry Celestia.

"Sister! Don't you think that's a bit harsh? He probably doesn't even know what's going on!" Luna rebuked her sister.

Celestia looked at the dancing drink and couldn't help but agree. "Fine." she said. "Let's go send the invitations." Taking Kool Aid man with them, the two sisters headed back to Celestia's room. Using their magic, they sent the letters out of the room window, and into the recipients homes.

* * *

Twilight and her friends sat in the library waiting for the party invitations from Celestia. They had planned to go a bit earlier, in order to decorate the ballroom, and help with the setup. "I wonder what it's gonna be like! Do you think there's gonna be a bouncy house? Do you think they're gonna have lots of cake? Is there going to be lots of punch? Is there going to be super spicy salsa cupcakes?" Pinkie blabbed, unmerciful with her barrage of questions.

"We'll find out when we get there Pinkie!" Twilight said, exasperated.

Rainbow Dash was quivering with excitement. The Wonderbolts were going to be there! Was she going to be able to see Soarin' again? Hopefully it wasn't going to be a repeat of the Gala!

"Should Ah bring mah apple cart?" Applejack asked, then decided against it as she remembered what happened at the Grand Galloping Gala.

"Well, we'd better head to the train station." Twilight said, getting up off her floor. The rest of her friends followed her over to the train station.

"Six tickets to Canterlot Castle please!" Rarity told the station attendant.

"Ahem! That's seven!" Spike chimed in.

"That'll be 140 bits please!" the station attendant said. Rarity opened her bit pouch, and poured out the money she owed.

After they got onto the train, Rarity turned to Spike. "If little Spikey-Wikey would have just been quiet, we could have just SNUCK you onto the train!"

"Sorry..." Spike mumbled, taking a seat with the others in their compartment.

* * *

"This looks very nice!" Celestia told the castle servants who were setting up the ballroom decorations.

"Thank you, Your Highness!" they replied, bowed, then scurried off. Celestia sighed. Why couldn't she just be treated like a regular pony?

* * *

"This is excellent!" Luna said, licking her lips. She was sampling food in the kitchen. She had just eaten some crackers and olives. And of course, what was food without punch, er, Kool Aid now. "Carry on." Luna said, walking away. The servants let out relieved breaths, and wiped the sweat off their brows. Kool Aid man had been walking around with Luna, making everypony feel uncomfortable. But as soon as they tried the Kool Aid, they quickly warmed up to him.

Luna and Kool Aid man walked outside into the royal courtyard. "Isn't it beautiful outside today?" Luna asked Kool Aid man.

"Oh yeah!" he said genuinely. Luna heard voices coming from the gate.

"Your invitations please?" the guard asked. "Alright. You're all free to go inside! Enjoy yourselves!"

"Thank you sir!" Twilight Sparkle said, trotting through the gate with her friends. Luna rushed over to greet their guests.

"GREETINGS TWILIGHT SPARKLE! WE ART VERY GLA-" Luna stopped herself mid-sentence. "Oops. My apologies. I sometimes forget to speak normally when I am nervous."

Twilight and her friends weren't paying any attention to Luna though. They were all staring at Kool Aid man. "Um... Princess? What is that?" Twilight asked.

"This is Kool Aid man! We found him last night! Say hello Kool Aid man!" Luna told him.

"Oh yeah! Kool Aid!" he yelled, taking out several cups of Kool Aid.

"Ooh! What's that?" Pinkie Pie asked, putting her face in front of a glass. "It looks like punch!" she said, grabbing it out of Kool Aid man's hands. She eagerly downed all of it. Instantly, she began to twitch uncontrollably. "T-that's absolutely DELICIOUS!" she yelled. "You know what it could use? CHILI!" she yelled, before anypony could take a guess.

All the others could only stare as Pinkie darted off into the castle. "Well, I suppose we should go set this up." Twilight said, and her and the others headed into the castle.

* * *

"Ah! Hello Twilight!" Princess Celestia greeted her star pupil.

"Hi Princess! Where is Shining Armor?" Twilight asked, looking around for her BBBFF.

"Ah. Well you see, this isn't a planned party, but a surprise one!" Celestia told them.

"A surprise?! I love surprises!" Pinkie yelled, seemingly popping out of nowhere.

"Yes Pinkie, a surprise. Set for 7:00 sharp!" said Twilight, looking at the clock. It was 4:45, giving them only two hours and fifteen minutes to finish setting up.

"Let's get to it!" Twilight said determinedly.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man agreed.

* * *

In a little over two ours, they had accomplished a lot. They had set up a full two tables with Kool Aid, and Kool Aid man still had some left to spare. Shortly after they had finished setting up, the guests had started to arrive. The musicians had taken their positions in the ballroom. Vinyl Scratch was at her DJ stand, bobbing her head up and down to some unknown rhythm.

All of the other ponies with no significant roles to play were standing around quietly, waiting for Shining Armor to arrive. The Wonderbolts had arrived, so obviously Rainbow Dash had met up with them as soon as they got there.

* * *

"What is it? Why do I have to have my eyes shut?" Shining Armor asked, covering his eyes with a hoof on behalf of his wife.

"Sorry darling! I can't spoil the surprise!" Princess Cadence said, giggling. "Okay." Princess Cadence said, opening the doors to the ballroom. "You can open your eyes now!" Shining Armor did as he was told, and his jaw dropped with surprise.

"SURPRISE!" Everypony yelled. Shining Armor could not believe his eyes. The ballroom was intricately decorated: a banner that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHINING!" stretched all the way across the room, several tables lined the sides of the room, and a huge birthday cake lay on a table along with several glasses of delicious-looking red liquid. To top it all off, more than three fourths of the room was filled with ponies.

Princess Celestia beckoned Shining Armor to the center of the room with her hoof. He trotted up to her obediently. "Happy birthday nephew!" she said. As if on cue, the other ponies came up to him and congratulated him too.

"Happy birthday BBBFF!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed, hugging her older brother.

"Thanks Twilight. You guys did all of this... for me?" Shining Armor asked.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man said.

* * *

Kool Aid man sat at a table with Spike as the other ponies partied to some of Vinyl Scratch's rave music. Strobe lights made the room flash multitudes of colors. "Dude... Wanna hit me up with some more Kool Aid?" Spike asked.

"Oh yeah!" Kool Aid man said. He handed Spike a cup, and he downed it instantly. A red flame came out of Spike's mouth when he burped.

"Whoa! That's new!" Spike said, fascinated by the ability to burp red flame. Kool Aid man was feeling somewhat dizzy again. Both of the punch tables had been completely drained of all Kool Aid, and now the only source for it was Kool Aid man himself. The guests were getting a bit antsy from the lack of Kool Aid. They had become addicted to it quickly, basking in the delicious flavor of it.

"Hey, Kool Aid man! Mind giving us some more?!" two mares called from across the room. Kool Aid man looked at them somewhat uncertainly. He knew if he lost any more Kool Aid, he would probably do worse than just pass out. Nevertheless, he walked over to them, and gave them more.

The minutes dragged on. By the end of the hour, everypony was looking at Kool Aid man thirstily. The music and dancing ceased, and the ponies' eyes were hazy as they looked at him with only one thought on their mind: More. They could care less about the life of Kool Aid man, all they wanted was more of the succulent drink.

Kool Aid man understood the look in their eyes. He got up suddenly. He needed some fresh air. He left the ballroom, and stepped out into the courtyard. He took a breath of fresh air. He then looked back at the castle. Many pony faces were pressed up against the window, licking their lips.

Kool Aid man took one look, and ran for his life. The castle doors opened, and the horde of ponies dashed out. Kool Aid man could do nothing but run. He ran and he ran, but try as he might, the ponies were too fast for him. He turned around to see how much they had gained on him. Just as he looked over his shoulder, somepony threw a rock. Kool Aid man's eyes widened as the rock struck him on his stomach.

The glass cracked, and red liquid began to seep out slowly. He dropped onto his knees, clutching his wound. The ponies were now about him, looking down at him, about to attack.

"Kooool Aiiid..." the horde groaned in a zombie-like trance.

"O-oh... No." Kool Aid man groaned, falling to the ground. As if on signal, the ponies gathered around his body, and desperately searched for pools of the red liquid.

* * *

Later that night...

"I can't believe everypony just swarmed Kool Aid man and drank the rest of his Kool Aid!" Luna said. "He was nice!"

"All he said was oh yeah! And Kool Aid! How would you know how nice he was?!" Celestia asked. Luna sighed.

"He just seemed nice, that's all." Luna said.

"Well, there's no point dwelling on it." Celestia said. "I don't know about you, but the party left me worn out. I think I'm going to bed." With that, Celestia left the kitchen, and left Luna there by herself. Luna looked at the drink Berry Punch had brought over. It was blue, but Luna hadn't tried it yet. She walked over to it, and took a sip straight out of the pitcher. Instantly, she spit the revolting beverage out, and rubbed her tongue off with her hoof.

It tasted a bit like blueberry, but otherwise, it tasted like alcohol. Maybe if she... Luna began to concentrate on the pitcher. The liquid sloshed around the pitcher sloppily. Luna stopped herself mid-spell. What am I thinking? She laughed, and turned off the kitchen lights before she shut the door and walked up to her room.

Little did she know, the blue liquid began to swirl slowly...