Octavia's quest

It is early in the morning and outside the guards barracks in Ponyville, stood a grey earth pony with a long black mane and tail, and a regular guard who seems to be intoxicated. "Greetings guard, my name is Octavia." The mare introduced herself to the guard outside the barracks.

"Greetings, now will you hurry up and tell me why you're here, I have so many things to do, such as passing out in the mud after fucking a prostitute, or even beat the shit out of some random homeless pony, for fucking shits and giggles of course." The guard listed only a couple of things he wants to do while they're drunk.

"Um, okay..." Octavia said in a worrying tone. She felt extremely uncomfortably around this guard for obvious reasons "Listen um, you see I'm quite bored and I was wondering if you would let me go on a quest."

"Oh, so you want to go on a quest because you're fucking bored and in need of something exciting right?"

"Um, something like that yes."

"Well you came to the wrong place, if you want to go on a quest like all the other pissed stained murderhobos that come to this sorry little town, you need to go to Princess Twilight, only princesses can give out quests." The guard informed Octavia. Octavia was quite happy with the news because she can get away from this drunk and get a quest.

"Thank you, um , what's you're name?" Octavia asked politely.

"WHAT? Are you flirting with me or something?"

"No, you got it all wrong, I was just trying to be polite!" Octavia Panicked.

"Well if you really want some fuck, you have to lick my hooves first."

"No! Fuck you asshole! I'll just see Twilight Sparkle!" And with a small fit of rage Octavia speed walked to over to Twilights castle to get a way from the weirdo with a hoof fetish.

"OKAY FINE SEE IF I CARE!!!" The intoxicated guard yelled. "You facking tease." the guard said quietly before passing out in the mud. "zzzzzz." The guard snored loudly