Octavia's quest

by Violet_09

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Octavia, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 3226

Octavia goes on a fucking delivery quest

Octavia decides to become an adventurer. Too bad her first quest is a fucking delivery quest. She'll have to face dangers like angry little dragons, crazy ponies and other shit life throws at her. Who knew that being an adventurer would be this difficult?

Published 2020-05-29 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-04 18:46:56 UTC

Chapter 2: Start of the quest

Octavia entered Twilights castle, it was easy to enter the building because everyone in Ponyville always leaves there doors unlocked. Octavia walked along the hallway till she saw Princess Twilight reading a book on the round table, also known as the cutie map. "Hello Princess Twilight Sparkle, I know you're a busy pony princess but is it okay if you give me a quest?" Asked Octavia.

However, Twilight's mind wasn't listening to Octavia because she was reading. "H-Hello are you listening to me? I would like to go on a quest." Said Octavia.

"Sure." Twilight responded thinking it was one of her friends speaking to her while she still has her head glued to the book.

"Oh really that was easy."

"What?" Twilight questioned now that she's partially listening. "Who are you?"

"Um-"

"What do you want?" Twilight interrupted

"Fucking quest." Octavia answered

Twilight put a bookmark in her book and closed it. "Sorry miss, I was busy. So you want to go on a quest?"

"Well, duh."

"Okay then, just wait here." Twilight ordered Octavia "SPIKE! THERE'S SOMPONY WHO WANTS A QUEST! WILL YOU GIVE THEM ONE!!!?" Twilight voice echoed across the castle as she summoned her number one assistant, Spike the dragon. A very grumpy and tired looking Spike Came into the room with a look that says 'Whomst summoned the ancient one.' And Twilight continued to read her book.

Spike walked towards with a piece of paper Octavia and asked. "Name?"

"Octavia Melody." She answered her full name

As Spike wrote down on the paper her name, he then asked. "Have you ever been on a quest?"

"No, this is my first time."

"What level are you?"

"What?" Octavia questioned. Spike wrote down level one in disappointment.

"Okay I have an Idea of what quest you should have now."

"Really, what is it?!" Octavia asked excitedly. Spike gestured Octavia to follow him to the next room, when she and Spike entered the room, spike grabbed a small note book and gave it to Octavia, The musician looks confused.

"Okay, so Twilight wants you to go all the way to the Crystal Empire and find this guy named sunbeam, starburst, Sunburst whatever and give him this note book you asshole. Once you completed the quest you will be given a sack of bits or some shit, no one gives a fuck about loot these days anyway."

"... Are you fucking kidding me!? A delivery quest, is that all!? Look isn't there a bandit problem or a damsel in distress or some shit?" She argued

"Well yes but, actually no. You need to level up first."

"How the fuck do I level up!?" Octavia questioned

"By doing Twilights quest you dumb fuck!" Spike yelled in Octavia's face "This is a fucking starter quest, every beginner adventurer knows this, you should've done your research before asking for a quest! In fact, why are you even here!?"

"Because my life is in shambles okay: My girlfriend broke up with me, I got fired from my previous job, I'm broke as fuck, my parents want to marry me off to some rich bloke who I've never met, My favourite cello is utterly destroyed and to top it all of I'm bored as fuck and I need a fucking Job!"

"...Okay fair enough." Spike said calmly, it's too early in the morning for him to care. Spike pulled out a contract that will officially make Octavia an adventurer, he gave Octavia a quill so she can sign the contract. "Just sign here, here and here to legally become an adventurer, and you shall begin your quest." Spike pointed out the places on the contract she needed to sign. "Oh and if you die on this quest, it's not our fault and you need to complete the quest if you want to get paid, and trust me we will know if you actually completed it or not."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Fine, just give me the fucking notebook." Octavia sighed as she finishes signing the contract. Spike puts the contract on a nearby desk and gives Octavia the mysterious notebook.

"Oh, almost forgot, you need to go to the blacksmith to get your starting equipment." Spike told Octavia

"And how much will that fucking cost me asshole? Because if I remember rightly, I told you I'm fucking broke!" Octavia questions angrily.

"Nothing. You get your starting armour and weapons for free." Spike responded.

"Finally some good news." Octavia said in relief.

Chapter 3: The blacksmith

After becoming an official adventurer and getting her first quest, Octavia went to the blacksmith to get some equipment, after all it's free. The blacksmiths forge was built a couple of months ago because so many adventurers keep passing through Ponyville, and the mayor thought the forge would make a lot of money from the adventurers. "Hi, um, I'm here to pick up some adventuring equipment. Wait a minute, Derpy?" Octavia questioned

"Yep that's me. Oh, hello Octavia, how are you today?"Derpy greeted her friend. Derpy is wearing a fireproof apron and a wielding mask to protect her face, her hair is messy as well as her tail and body.

"Well I'm quite fucking stressed out at the moment Derpy." Octavia answered with a sigh. "Also why are you a blacksmith, I thought you were a mailmare?" She asked.

"I am still a mailmare Octavia, its just that being a blacksmith is sort of my hobby."

"Okay but why though?"

"Hmm, never thought about it. I guess I like creating weapons of mass destruction, along with other things like building materials, armour and creating stuff that doesn't exist, like this mini cannon." Derpy said as she pulled out a glock.

"What does it do?" Octavia asked curiously.

"Well it does this." Derpy pulled the trigger using her wing, Octavia dodged the bullet but it did hit Filthy Rich in the buttocks

"OW SOMETHING JUMPED UP AND BIT ME!!!" Filthy Rich yelled in pain.

"Sweet Celestia's holy shit!" Octavia cried

"See it's faster than any bow 'n' arrow I'm thinking of shortening the name to gun, what do you think Tavi?" Derpy asked innocently, not knowing that she shot Filthy Rich in the buttocks.

"Derpy you just shot the poor bastard!" Octavia yelled.

"S-Sorry Tavi I didn't mean to." Derpy apologised

"Listen Derpy if Filthy fucking Rich found out that you shot him you would be sent to jail, You may even get hung!" Octavia warned Derpy.

"Okay." Said Derpy as she threw the gun out of the window of her forge. "There, no one will ever know."

"Um that's good I guess? Anyway the princesses assistant told me to pick up some starting equipment from you." Octavia informed her friend.

"Ah, so you finally found a job?"

"Yes Derpy I've found a job that can get me money so I can buy food and pay the bills and tax."

"Alrighty then, luckily I have made some equipment last week." Said Derpy. "So here's your chainmail armour, a small carrying bag and an iron sword." Derpy gave all of the equipment that Octavia would need to her friend, but Octavia thought something seems off about this new equipment her friend has given her.

"Um Derpy, I don't mean to offend your craftsmanship, but all this stuff you've given me looks so weak."

"Of course it is you're level one right? Thus you get weaker equipment." You can't argue with that logic.

"B-But can't you make them stronger?"

"I can but it would cost fifty bits, and that's money you don't have."

"Isn't there anything you can do?" Octavia asks desperately

"Well since you're my friend I guess I can give you this green cloak, It doesn't do anything except make you look badass." Derpy says as she gives Octavia an old green blanket.

"Well thank you very much you asshole." Octavia thanked Derpy as she left the blacksmiths forge

"You're welcome... Wait? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME YOU LITTLE BITCH!!?"

Chapter 5: Threatening insults

Once Octavia ran away from the religious bandits she started climbing on a small cliff, she struggled climbing and she almost falls down twice. But when she got to the top she found a small orange dragon dressed in a cheap looking Viking costume. Octavia recognises the dragon from Princess Twilights friendship school.

"Oh hello there, smoulder is it? You go to that big friendship school correct?" Octavia asks the teenage dragon. Smoulder didn't respond to the adventurers questions, she just kept staring at her. All this staring makes Octavia slightly uncomfortable and she's concerned for Smoulders safety "So um... do you come here often because this cliff doesn't seem safe to be on the edge off. You should-"

"Shut it Pony, can't you see I'm busy making eye contact with you." Said Smoulder as she continues to stare at her

"Okay there's no need to act like such an asshole I just wanted to make sure you're safe."

Smoulder felt like her dragon honour has been insulted by the adventurer "Listen here you fancy ass, shit head! If you dare take one step closer I'm going to grab that mop that you call a tail and rip out of yer fuckin ass, then I'm going to make you choke on it! I'm going to cut that shitty looking tattoo on fuckin rump and bring it to an art museum just to get a little extra cash! I'm going to bloody break all of yer fuckin knees and use that little baby's blanket on yer neck to sling you of this damned cliff! And when you land yer face is going to look like yer grandmas fuckin dusty vagina! And you wished you were dead after that, because when I get down there I'm going to use your broken knees to beat the living daylights out of you! And when you die I will place you in a nice comfortable coffin, after I piss on yer butt ugly corpse you twat!" Smoulder insults and threatens Octavia.

"Okay then... I'll just leave you alone then." Octavia says as she tries to get pass Smoulder

"I knew you fancy types have no honour, no respect, no meaty foods!"

"G-goodbye dragon."

"Goodbye, have a nice day."

Chapter 6: A cult meeting

After being insulted by smoulder Octavia noticed the sun was starting to set. She continued her journey till she found a seemingly peaceful forest, as the sun finally sets Octavia decides to camp in the forest, that was before she realised she has no camping equipment so she has to sleep on the uncomfortable ground.

Octavia only managed to get around three hours of sleep before being rudely awakened by chanting in the forest. Octavia sighs loudly as she tries so hard to get back to sleep, to bad the chanting goes on for half an hour before Octavia forced herself to investigate "And I thought Vinyl was fucking loud!" Octavia said to herself "Can't a mare get any sleep? For fuck sake!"

Octavia trots forward into the forest, and she goes further into the forest her tired body only managed to trip on her own legs like a drunk seven or eight times, it might be ten actually. Anyways she continues to go through the trees till she suddenly found where the noise is coming from. There were seven ponies wearing black hooded robes sitting on stone chairs at a round stone table. This is obviously a cult, so Octavia hid behind some bushes

"-flott gammel fra glemt alder, vær så snill og kom tilbake og hersker over oss igjen. Å gamle fra glemt tid, vi er dine tjenere, og vi vil føre deg tilbake til denne verden for å regjere dette landet igjen, til større fordel." The cult continues to demonically chant.

Once the chanting has stopped and everything fell silent one of the cult members start to speak. "Before we begin I would like to tell everypony that my daughter has been accepted into Princess Twilights friendship school." The cultist told the rest of the cultists

"Okay you lot, you can all just fuck off now, I am trying to go to sleep, and I find it difficult with you assholes trying to summon a fucking demon or some other weird shit!"

"Octavia what are you doing right here? And what's with that horrid language?" The one who asked Octavia the question removes their hood, when they removed the hood their face looks similar to Octavia's except the mane and coat is greyer and the face is slightly wrinkly.

"M-Mother?" Octavia questions thinking this is a dream. "Since when did you join a fucking cult?"

"Language!"

"Sorry mother." Octavia apologised

"And to answer your question I've been in this cult ever since I was pregnant with you."

"What, w-why?"

"Because it's fun, and you get free ice cream, along with other benefits such as free healthcare"

"Mother what would farther think of this?"

"He's right here." She says as another hooded figure reveals themselves. It is a stallion with light grey fur, yellow mane and yellow eyes.

"F-Farther, why the fuck are you in a fucking cult?!"

"Well it's mostly for the same reason as your mother except I get to curse ponies I don't like. Also, Octavia! Where on Equestria did you get this language!?" Octavia's farther yelled at his daughter

"I picked it up from Vinyl before we broke up."

"Your gay?" Octavia's mother asked

"Nope, definitely not gay, nope I'm as straight as a tree." Octavia lied terribly as she sweats nervously.

"Octava we all know you're a bad liar, why didn't you say so earlier?" Octavia's farther questioned.

"Well I thought you'd d-"

"Disown you?" Octavia's mother questioned.

"Well yes and also the fact that you're in a cult."

Oh sweetie we would never do that you're my daughter, I know I'm a cultist and you're not happy about that, but almost everypony in Equestria is gay these days, and now that you've come out of the closet we can marry you of to some rich gal."

"You're still marrying me off?"

"Of course we are, because your broke." This is one hundred and ten percent true, she is broke as glass when cracked.

Octavia took a big deep breath"... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS CURSED LAND!!!" Octacvia screams in anger and confusion.

"Language young lady."

"Sorry mother." Octavia apologised again

Chapter 1: The Guard

It is early in the morning and outside the guards barracks in Ponyville, stood a grey earth pony with a long black mane and tail, and a regular guard who seems to be intoxicated. "Greetings guard, my name is Octavia." The mare introduced herself to the guard outside the barracks.

"Greetings, now will you hurry up and tell me why you're here, I have so many things to do, such as passing out in the mud after fucking a prostitute, or even beat the shit out of some random homeless pony, for fucking shits and giggles of course." The guard listed only a couple of things he wants to do while they're drunk.

"Um, okay..." Octavia said in a worrying tone. She felt extremely uncomfortably around this guard for obvious reasons "Listen um, you see I'm quite bored and I was wondering if you would let me go on a quest."

"Oh, so you want to go on a quest because you're fucking bored and in need of something exciting right?"

"Um, something like that yes."

"Well you came to the wrong place, if you want to go on a quest like all the other pissed stained murderhobos that come to this sorry little town, you need to go to Princess Twilight, only princesses can give out quests." The guard informed Octavia. Octavia was quite happy with the news because she can get away from this drunk and get a quest.

"Thank you, um , what's you're name?" Octavia asked politely.

"WHAT? Are you flirting with me or something?"

"No, you got it all wrong, I was just trying to be polite!" Octavia Panicked.

"Well if you really want some fuck, you have to lick my hooves first."

"No! Fuck you asshole! I'll just see Twilight Sparkle!" And with a small fit of rage Octavia speed walked to over to Twilights castle to get a way from the weirdo with a hoof fetish.

"OKAY FINE SEE IF I CARE!!!" The intoxicated guard yelled. "You facking tease." the guard said quietly before passing out in the mud. "zzzzzz." The guard snored loudly

Chapter 4: A very small group of bandits

After being chased out of town by a very angry blacksmith for over an hour, Octavia decided to put on her new equipment just in the middle of some grassy field. It was slightly heavy for her but she'll get used to it, plus the cape actually does look good on her, she'll have to apologise to Derpy next time she sees her right now though she needs to do the quest she's been given .

Octavia hoped that the rest of the day would be uneventful for her, sadly though life has other plans, as she continues to walk through the field a very small group of bandits consisting of four ponies spotted her. They all look like stereotypical bandits with war paint, leather armour and blunt weapons. "Oh would ya look right here boys, we have ourselves a fucking cunt!" The leader who's slightly bigger than the rest of the group yelled as they get ready to beat the shit out of the level one adventurer.

"Okay that was extremely rude to say you asshole!" Octavia shouted back

"Yeah says the one who's also being rude." The bandit leader argued. "Now if you don't get the fuck out of here right now, me and the boys right here are going to beat the shit out of you, unless you have any coin on you then we'll forget that you were ever here."

"Wait what, um, couldn't you beat the shit out of me then loot me?"

"Well we can't do that."

"Um, why not?"

"Well it doesn't say that in the bandits code."

"The what?" Octavia questions again

"The bandits code." The leader repeated to her. "You see if we beat the shit out of you and loot you shitty corpse then that's disrespecting the dead."

"And the dead need to fucking rest in piece!" One of the regular bandits told Octavia.

"So your telling me that you have certain rules on how to do things. And your afraid to loot the fucking dead, why?!" She asks in a confused tone.

"Because we would be shamed. By our lord and saviour, God." The bandit leader told Octavia

"I'm sorry what!?" Yelled Octavia. "You ponies are religious, r-religious bandits? I either dreaming or in a fucking asylum."

"We go to church every Sunday, and it has changed our lives for the better." The bandit leader happily told Octavia. "Now if you excuse us, we must pray, you are welcome to join us if you wish." The bandit leader and his group started kneeling and praying to God.

"Well fuck this I'm getting away from here." Octavia said to herself before running far away from the bandits