The Lady and the Fae

by SigmasonicX

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Fluttershy
Length: 7062

In the deep woods, two fair folk make a contest out of a foolish human who dares trespass in their realm. She proves to be more wily than expected.

For hundreds of years, the White Elf of the Forest, Rarity, and the Lemondrop Fairy, Fluttershy, have quarreled in the deep woods. One day, a foolish human woman dares trespass on their territory, so they decide to make a contest out of her. Whichever fae is best able to use glamour and trickery to win her heart wins both the quarrel and her.

However, Twilight Sparkle proves to be a more wily quarry than expected.

T rating is mainly for Shakespeare style double entendres.

Writing style is inspired by A Midsummer Night's Dream and Much Ado About Nothing, including some paraphrases of lines from each. It doesn't go full Shakespeare, but there is a lot of old-timey dialogue and a sonnet.

Premise came from Undome Tinwe and Lingo.

Published 2020-05-31 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-05-31 18:40:01 UTC

The Lady and the Fae

Morning light streamed through the crown of a verdant thicket. Birds sang and squirrels chittered as the soil shifted. From between tree roots rose two troll-like creatures, diamond dogs, digging from opposite directions.

“Good morrow, coz,” spoke the dog approaching from the west, a brown-furred female of hulking size. “Peace be with you if you continue not past me. The White Elf of the Forest is of a foul temper, and has vowed to wear the next creature to cross her path as a coat.”

“Alas, no peace is found past me,” responded the other dog approaching from the east, a smaller gray male. “The Lemondrop Fairy released great trumpeting beasts on our mine entrance at daybreak. She never loved civilization, but methinks something has agitated her.”

The large one thought for a moment. “Rumors tell of one section of the forest unclaimed by either. A clearing where the sun shines bright and the breeze flows freely. The Elf wishes to display her art there, while the Fairy wishes to house rare creatures. For centuries they were at an impasse, but some say a human has dared to trespass there. This has ignited their passion for this place, and they will meet for a final duel.”

“A human, in this forest? Truly a fool!” responded the smaller one. “Do human schools no longer teach sense? Humans are—quick, coz, to your left! Could this be the rumored clearing?”

“Egads, you are right! And behold, the human in question!”

Beyond the thicket in a green field surrounded by trees was a clean white stone table and a white chair. There sat a woman with dark brown skin, long purple striped hair, and a dress with a purple short-sleeved top and a long blue skirt. She serenely read from a brown-covered book with a soft smile.

The smaller dog looked around nervously. “We have chosen a dangerous place to gossip. And what ho, footfalls I hear.”

The large dog lifted her ears. “Too soft for humans, fae-steps they be. Come coz, we must flee.”

Both dogs quickly dug into the ground and left the scene.

Minutes later, a woman with white skin, cascading curls of purple, and pointed ears stepped into view from the west. She was elf, and one of high standing. She wore an elegant turquoise dress with a plunging neckline that served to highlight a necklace coated in rare gems, and high-heeled shoes. Behind her flowed a long train of frail silk that uncannily caught on no root nor even gathered dust. Despite her garb, barely a sound came from her movement. She stood, one hand on her hip, and a sour expression sat on her face.

From the east came a woman with yellow skin, bare of feet and with large translucent insect wings sprouted from her back, exposing her nature as a fairy. She wore naught but leaves sewn together with strands of grass, and long pink hair with the fragrance of flowers sank to her hips, ending with a curl. Her steps bent not even a leaf, and she stood with a neutral expression.

The fairy smiled thinly and curtsied. “Well met, Rarity of the threadbare skirt. What a surprise that you yet live, and haven’t stitched yourself into a quilt of dubious art, displayed on the wall of a reputable outhouse.”

The elf, Rarity, chuckled. “So that is the fate you decided for me. Funny, I expected you to be in an outhouse too, at the bottom. But I forget myself.” She curtsied. “Well met, Fluttershy, rat-wife. I am told you married another rat just yesterday.”

Fluttershy frowned. “I married two rats, in fact, as weddings often go, but I am not wifed to any. You, however, truly should give a rat-groom a chance, though I fear you would fall below their standards.”

Rarity raised a hand and crystal spearheads appeared in the air around her. “I would strike you down here, but we gather for another reason.”

Fluttershy’s expression didn’t change as Rarity waved her hand and the crystals dispersed.

Rarity looked through a gap in the trees. “So the rumors are true. A human intrudes the land we both desire.”

Fluttershy looked at the human woman through the same gap. “Our interloper sits with foolish bravado. How shall she be dealt with? Animate those hair stripes into snakes, perhaps?”

Rarity hummed and perused the woman with a hand to her chin. “She has a lovely face, and her clothing falls in a way to betray a picturesque figure. I would like to keep her, to act as a model for my dresses.”

“On second glance, she is in good health indeed.” Fluttershy smiled and clasped her hands together. “I’ve been seeking a human to add to my collection, and I think she would look lovely among my stags and wallaroos. Yes, I would quite like to keep her too.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “So we seek two prizes now, but I believe we can use the same competition for both. How about this: we have the woman decide between us.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “The woman? Her opinion of her fate matters not, but surely life as a pet is preferable to that of a mannequin.”

Rarity laughed lightly. “We compete over both the land and the girl, so we determine the most skilled. Let us test our glamour and trickery by courting the woman in turn, thirty minutes each. She who best can manipulate a foolish human and win her heart, wins both her and the clearing.” The elf placed the back of her hand to her mouth. “Alas, I suggest a biased contest. I make a passtime of seducing men, while you prefer sultry-eyed hogs.”

The fairy smiled. “I do not partake only because there is no sport for me. Humans are simple and thus easily manipulated. I agree to your terms.”

“My, confident, aren’t we? I recall how you hid behind me upon meeting that wily sprite Pinkie Pie, so Fluttershy the seductress will be amusing indeed.”

Fluttershy puffed her cheeks. “Your mind is stuck five hundred years ago.”

Rarity giggled. “Five hundred years ago was when you were still fun. Very well, let’s begin posthaste. I shall go first, so I may witness your slug face upon seeing the human draped across my shoulders.”

Fluttershy sagely closed her eyes. “Slug faces are well moisturized, so I’ll thank you for that compliment.”

Rarity extended her hands forward and they glowed with blue light. She waved them to her sides and the light formed blue sheets that cocooned around her. Seconds later, the sheets dispersed and out stepped not a lady elf, but a slender and handsome male human knight with brown skin. She wore shining silver armor that both protected and served to highlight her abs, which were chiseled into the plating. This transformation wore no helmet, letting free long straight purple hair. Her face had light purple stubble, sharp features, and thick kissable lips.

The changed elf spoke with a dignified male voice. “A bit of glamour will serve well. I take the form of a knight seeking some small comfort on a difficult quest.”

Fluttershy tilted her head and put a finger to her lips. “The glamour is impressive, but I question the purpose.” She paused then smiled. “Ah, you said your passtime is seducing men, but could it be you know not how to seduce a woman?”

Rarity reeled back slightly, then stammered, “Yes, well, yes, those foolhardy enough to venture near Alfberg are usually men, so I have not had much opportunity to test my skills on women. However, they are simple to understand. All women wish to be princesses, and all princesses wish to be rescued by daring knights. Hearing my story, the lady’s desire to be rescued will grow, then I will magick a foul threat to menace her before I vanquish it.”

Fluttershy frowned. “Not an animal.”

Rarity frowned back. “It will just be an illusory animal.”

The fairy narrowed her eyes. “Not an animal.”

The elf sighed theatrically. “Yes, yes, fine. It shall be an antagonistic boulder. Now I leave to meet my soon-to-be dress model. Let’s be sure to enter the clearing from another point so she doesn’t think to look here.”

Rarity turned and walked away. Minutes later, the armored knight approached the reading lady. Hearing the clanking metal, the lady’s face twisted and then turned around with wide eyes.

Rarity called out. “Hark! Fair maiden, thy shape is nourishment to my weary eyes. My journey has taken me far and wide, and I now see it has taken me to thee.” She quickly bowed. “I am known as Sir Elusive, knight errant, performer of great deeds beyond reckoning.” She reached a hand out and slowly waved it to the side. “Tales of my chivalry are well known throughout the land, including in Canterlot, where I am known as the Glimmering Knight, for in addition to my courage,” she said, motioning to the chiseled abs, “I am regarded for my shining and fashionable armor.”

The maiden blinked, then spoke with an elegant and high class accent. “How unusual, good sir knight, to encounter one such as yourself here.” She raised an eyebrow. “I must admit, I am quite familiar with the knights of the land, my brother being one, but I have not heard your name. Tell me of your deeds, perhaps, and that may kindle my memory.”

Rarity froze. Watching from the trees, Fluttershy smiled, hanging one leg off a branch. “A knight’s sister? My dear sweet Rarity, you have chosen an ill target for your tale.” The fairy put a hand to her cheek and looked up in thought. “Furthermore, she spoke with the tone of a noblewoman. Have the nearby villages grown enough to attract such a resident? My last visit was two centuries ago, so could they have changed in status so quickly? Regardless, I am curious how the rascal cleans herself of this.”

Rarity frowned and put a hand to her chest. “Alas! My journey has sent me to the distant parts of the realm, so it is understandable my name has disappeared from the tongues of maidens. Knowest thee not of the fashionable seeker of the Crystal Camisole?”

The lady shook her head. “Nay, your name remains as elusive as that unfortunate undergarment.”

“What of the master of the bias cut?”

“Speaking unbiased, such a cut pierces not.”

“Hearest thou of the great dalmatian dog, whose fallen fur formed a full fashion?”

The lady frowned. “You hound me with spotty tall tales.”

“Indeed, I am forgotten, but viewed another way, there is much for me to relate. But what ho, I too have forgotten myself.” Rarity bowed with a smile. “Pray thee, informst me of thy lovely name.”

“Truth I tell you when I say it is Twilight, o forgotten knight.”

“Twilight! Sweet Twilight! Thy name summons visions of glorious eventide, the sun setting during dusk!”

“‘Tis the definition, yes.”

Fluttershy laughed. “A sharp tongue, this Twilight has. Rarity wished to play the part of a knight, but instead her costume is cut and she plays herself: a fool.”

Rarity put the back of her hand to her forehead. “Twilight! Truly thou art intelligent, so thy unfamiliarity points to a fate I dared not consider before. I journeyed into the fog where I stalked among the trees for what felt like an hour at most, and when I exited, I discovered thee. Now I realize that was no mere fog, but a fae-curse. A trick to make me wander the woods for decades or centuries!” She dropped to her knees and held her hands to the sky. “Oh, what cruel fate! Severed from my bonds of companionship and loyalty! Pray thee, tellest me that Celestia still reigns!”

Seemingly taken aback by the outburst, Twilight had leaned back in her chair a bit with widened eyes. She responded shortly, “Yes, Celestia sits on the Canterlot throne.”

Rarity quickly got up and adjusted her hair with a smile. “Joy, then my loyalty remains the same. What year is it, then?”

“The celestial year is 1403.”

“Egads! I have wandered four hundred years! There is much to catch up on, then. Destiny has brought me to you, to guide me in these strange times.”

Twilight raised a finger. “First, as a student of history, there are questions I must ask.” She crossed her legs and rested an arm on the chair back. “Describe to me the names and characteristics of the knight-captains circa 998.”

Rarity blinked innocently. “Knight-captains? I fear the term is unfamiliar. When I left on my journey, no such rank existed.”

Twilight paused. “You are correct, the term wasn’t introduced until 1032. I shall modify my question, then. Given your seeming preference for fashion adventures, tell me how Sir Rift Shield dressed in 998.”

Rarity grinned and narrowed her eyes. “Which meanest thou? Ornamental summer armor, ornamental winter armor, battle armor? Or perhaps what he wore in the barracks? Mayhaps I expedite my talk by drawing all these and more? Hast thee ink, paper, and a fine brush?”

The lady hummed and reached into her satchel, pulling out a bound notebook a wooden stick with a black pointy tip. “I carry a device called a pencil. It should suit your needs.”

The elf took the book, opened to a blank page, and tested the pencil with a stroke. “Fascinating! Yes, this will work well.”

Rarity quickly sketched an outfit and presented it to Twilight. “Beholdst, Sir Rift Shield’s ornamental summer armor.”

For the first time, the lady looked impressed. All she could say was, “Wow.” She took the notebook and looked at the sketch. “You just drew this?”

“Thou watchedst me, didst thou not?”

“Yes, yes I did.” She looked at the sketch more. “This does indeed match depictions I’ve seen. I have one question about it.” She turned the book to Rarity and pointed at a protrusion on the back of the armor. “What is this?”

Rarity waved a hand. “That’s his feather fringe, of course.”

Twilight stood up with a victorious smile. “Aha! I knew it! The other historians tried to debate me about that, but I knew they were feathers!” She paused and blushed. “I apologize. Do you mind drawing his other outfits?”

Rarity smiled, taking the book back. “Not at all, darling. Winter ornamental next?”

Twilight nodded, and once Rarity started her next work, she watched from behind her, with a curious expression.

Watching from her branch, Fluttershy blinked. “It appears I misjudged the elf’s methods. Her earlier foolishness served to bolster her claim of being out of time, and now she interests the lady. Seduction that makes not, though.”

The fairy adjusted her back against the branch and looked up in thought. “Four hundred years ago. That was when Rarity infiltrated the Canterlot court and seduced many of the knights, all in different guises, and eventually pitted them against each other. I was much amused when she described the scene to me.” She smiled. “That was when we often visited the Alfberg spa and she would describe her misadventures while I simply enjoyed her company.” She then frowned. “Though that was mere years before she turned to villainy and we portioned up the woodlands for our respective projects.”

She turned back to Rarity and Twilight, who were now discussing old court gossip with bright smiles. The lady laughed at a quip, and Fluttershy felt a sting in her stomach. She crossed her arms and looked away, puffing her cheeks. “They discuss the dusty topics we once did, but the elf appears more encouraged by the lady’s responses than she ever was for me. Not that I’m worried. About winning the contest.” She paused. “Surely Rarity’s half hour time limit has passed.”

A nearby squirrel chittered.

“Five minutes left? Time enough, then. Go tell the fiend to end her chattery. In any case, I recall she meant to do something with a rock. Throw some at her face as a reminder.”

The squirrel squeaked and ran off.

Fluttershy turned back to see Rarity finish a sketch and show it to Twilight. The elf said, “And here is the dress that Celestia wore to the Summer Sun Celebration of 1000.”

Twilight looked at the sketch with awe. “Starswirl’s beard! Celestia’s depiction is truly amazing. But wait, this hair isn’t correct.”

Rarity smiled. “I stated what dress it is, not who is wearing it. The model I chose for it is thee.”

Twilight looked at her with a start. “Me?”

The elf looked at her with half-lidded eyes. “The dress is far lovelier on thy frame.”

The lady blushed, and after a moment looked away. “I… you flatter me, sir. I, well, have something to tell you.”

Rarity leaned in. “Yes, my dear?”

“There’s a squirrel throwing rocks at you.”

Rarity’s expression didn’t change. “Yes, I noticed. Best if we ignore it.”

“But it appears its aim is improving, and—”

A rock hit Rarity in the eye. “Ow!” She covered her hurt eye and turned to the creature with a snarl. It dropped its next rock and meekly scampered back into the woods.

The elf groaned. “Pardonst me, m’lady. That rodent caused me great offense, and chivalry dictates retribution.”

Twilight nodded. “I don’t recall that from modern knightly codes, but I suppose you know better of your guidances than I.”

“But before I depart,” Rarity said as she took Twilight’s hand. She knelt and kissed the back of her hand. Looking up after, she noticed the lady failing to hide a smitten smile.

With a grin, Rarity stood, turned, flicked her ponytail, and walked into the woods, never looking back.

Shortly, Rarity made her way to Fluttershy and with a wave of her hand, her armor dispersed and she returned to her normal feminine form, flowing dress restored. She frowned at the fairy. “I was very close to being kissed by the lady, and don’t tell me that wasn’t the reason behind your rodent’s interruption.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes. “I was merely reminding you of your plan to frighten and rescue her, or did you forget?”

Rarity paused. “Oh, yes, the rescue plan, with the rock monster. I see the connection now.” She then stomped and clenched her fists. “But excuses! You were worried about your own chances, and that’s your motivation entire.”

Fluttershy opened her eyes and frowned. “I am not worried. You shall see. While I’m not capable of your illusions, my knowledge of the forest allows for more substantial transformations, which will lead to my victory.”

Rarity scoffed. “This I would like to see. Though first, one thing.” She blushed lightly. “When I was walking away from Twilight, did she watch me leave? How soon after I disappeared did she start reading again? Do you think she worries about her knight?”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes and examined the forest around them.

“What? ‘Tis a valid question.” Rarity waved a hand. “Fine, I won’t answer your next questions then.”

The fairy flittered from plant to plant. “A dash of poison joke pollen, the saliva of a stomach-sick poison tree frog—I’ll help you soon, dear—and lastly, scrapings of knave’s root.” A nail formed a jagged claw, then Fluttershy knelt and scraped bits of the plant root into her palm with her other ingredients. She swirled them together with a finger, and then dabbed the concoction behind her ears.

Within moments, the potion took effect. Muscles filled into Fluttershy’s body and her pink hair shrank back until it was mere inches long, shedding her wings shortly after. Her skin shifted from yellow to dark brown, matching that of their quarry. Her bones shifted into a masculine frame, and her bosom converted into a broad muscular chest, just in time for it to burst through her clothes. Left wearing only a skirt of leaves, Fluttershy flexed her powerful biceps to confirm her transformation.

Rarity hummed. “I admit, that is impressive. Do you really intend to woo the lady dressed like that, however?”

Fluttershy spoke with a deep booming voice. “Nature provides the answers for how mates are drawn together. Humans may ornament themselves however they wish, but the natural form is the truest form of attraction for them in the end. I have no need of your sodden-witten histories or skim-milk dandyisms.”

The elf crossed her arms and huffed. “Away with you then. May your naked form be pricked by a pox-ridden goat.”

Without another word, the transformed fairy walked past Rarity to the left and disappeared into the woods. Shortly after, she appeared in the clearing and walked to the woman from behind her.

Hearing the large male-bodied form’s footsteps, the woman looked up from her book and glanced behind her, only to double take then look away blushing. Rarity bit her lip. Was this an effective technique after all?

“This secluded clearing has become quite busy today,” Twilight noted, holding the book to her mouth and watching the stranger from the corner of her eye.

“Hark!” announced Fluttershy, stopping and flexing her arms. “Mine eye is enthralled to thy shape, sweet meadowlark, and surely thine to me.”

“Quite forward, aren’t you, good sir?” Twilight said, sitting sideways and turning to face her suitor, her legs crossed. She forced a smile “May I learn of your name?”

Fluttershy raised a hand. “There is no need.” She dropped to the ground and started doing push ups. “Witnesst my physicality instead.”

Twilight indeed watched her, wearing a placid expression. She opened her mouth to say something, but then chose not to. After some seconds, her eyes drifted away, and she glanced back at her book.

Rarity chuckled, peeking through the leaves. “So the fairy’s bluster was for nothing. All she knows of the art of wooing came from that pickled ass-head of a minotaur, Iron Will. An intellectual lady like sweet Twilight would never be won like this.”

After another half-minute, Twilight chose to interrupt Fluttershy’s grunting. “Good sir, I am impressed by your training, but if you wish to gymnasium, there is plenty of room beyond here, where you would not bother my reading.”

Fluttershy shot to her feet with wide eyes. “Thou mistakest my intentions, sweet, uh, sweet… meadowlark.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You repeat your song, peacock, and it isn’t even overcast.”

Fluttershy stammered and blushed, then looked away.

Rarity put a hand to her lips and smiled. “Ah, seems our contest is at an end already. Perhaps I shall erect a ruby statue where those two are now to celebrate this day, of the lady stepping on a newt.”

The fairy reached up to tug at her hair, only to be stymied by the shorted length. Looking at her hand, her eyes widened and then she used her fingers to whistle.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s this now? Switching to a different bird? A robin, perhaps?”

Within moments, distant barking could be heard, and shortly after, a large dog with a gray back and white belly charged into the clearing. Smiling with its tongue out, the dog walked past Fluttershy and toward Twilight. The lady’s expression immediately shifted to delight as it walked under her and the table, then back to Fluttershy. The dog reached up to her chest and she scratched behind its ears.

“Good girl,” said Fluttershy.

“What a friendly hound!” the woman said with new interest. “May I pet her?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Oh yes, please.”

Twilight got up out of her chair and walked to Fluttershy. The dog turned and jumped toward her, and the lady laughed as she pet it.

Rarity seethed among the trees. “What foul misplay!”

“I have more too,” said Fluttershy. She clicked, and shortly after, three bunnies hopped out, with Twilight squealing in response.

“Cheat! Scoundrel! Vile dastard!”

Soon they were joined by two alpacas, who nuzzled against the lady. She laughed and said, “Such a menagerie! I see your connection to nature is beyond question. No wonder you dress as a babe.”

Fluttershy nodded and boomed, “Oh yes! Speakest not of cities and buildings and fashion, for all of life’s bliss can be found among the trees.”

Twilight rubbed an alpaca’s neck. “I can sympathize. Though I am city-blooded, calm flows through locations such as these, and it’s easy to feel one’s place in the great community of the world. The sun-kissed tree tops to the life-milk decay of the fallen leaves, the connections formed by everything are what make our wonderful Earth.”

Fluttershy paused, then her eyes sparkled and she clenched her hands to her chest. “Such extraordinary insight! Art thou truly a human or a fair folk?”

Twilight chuckled. “Fair folk I am not, simply well read. Tell me, nature-clad, what know you of books?”

Fluttershy frowned. “Little beyond how they are made.”

Twilight walked back to her table and lifted her book. She looked back over her shoulder and asked, “Disagree with my habit then?” Fluttershy was about to stammer a reply, but Twilight continued, “Answer not, for I have no intention of defending how human society and nature interact, but books are additional links on the web of life. Are you familiar with the sphinxes of Southern Equestria?”

The fairy tilted her head. “In my years, I have not learned such a term. Be they fruit or flower?”

“No, sphinxes are great beasts of incredible intelligence, with the head of a woman, the body of a lion, and the wings of a bird. Wishing to test their wits, they ask riddles of men and feast upon those who fail.”

Fluttershy put her hands together. “How fantastic! Hast thou encountered such creatures?”

Twilight shook her head and lifted up her book. “Texts speak of these creatures and many more around the world. Now come.” Twilight sat on the ground, crossing her legs under her skirt, and a bunny quickly hopped into her lap. She stroked the animal’s ears and continued, “Sit with me, and let us discuss the creatures of the world.”

Giddy, Fluttershy too sat on the ground and they spoke vigorously.

Rarity gripped the bark of a tree hard. “What nonsense! If pets were a weapon of choice, then I could have brandished my dear cat Opal and entrapped the human when she reached for her belly. Perhaps I could have summoned my sister and all of Alfberg to assist.”

The elf stomped back and forth in the rich soil. “The woman didn’t speak nearly as much to me, but the quality of the conversation is different, to be sure. I am the victor in that area.”

She stopped and looked not at the woman, but at the fairy. “I remember when Fluttershy conversed with me like that, before our rivalry began,” she said softly. “When we were acorn-neighbors, and this forest was but a fire-cleansed plain. We were so tiny then, hardly larger than a thimble. She used to follow me like a duckling, and I’d fend off bats and birds that tried to make a meal of her. We’d snuggle together, and despite the night’s horrors, she was excited to talk about those creatures we saw.”

She sighed. “That is long ago, even for the fae. Wistful as you are, Rarity, that time can never come back. But what ho, in my remembrance, the shadows cast tell me that a half-hour has passed. What conversation have they moved on to?”

Fluttershy clenched her hands to her chest and had tears in her eyes. “Then the villain called my goats pox-ridden! What vile slander! They are surely cleaner than her, who would infect my hands should I strike her.”

Twilight put a hand to her mouth. “What horrors! The animals I see here are healthier than even much royalty. I am sorry that such an egg must devil you.”

Rarity gasped in horror. “Treason! If I am a villain, then thou art a double villain! A venomous toad poisoning Twilight’s thoughts of me! I didn’t even claim your goats were pox-ridden, merely a figurative goat!”

Looking around, Rarity grabbed a squirrel from a tree and looked it straight in the face. “Rodent, inform your mother that her session has expired, and we must regroup to determine the results of this contest. Now fly!” The elf pulled her arm back and then threw the squirrel out of the thicket and toward Fluttershy.

Squeaking as it went, the squirrel collided into Fluttershy’s face as she laughed at a quip from Twilight. The fairy grunted in surprise and spat out its tail.

Taking the intrusion in stride, Twilight smiled with her hands clasped together and said, “Joy, a flying squirrel among your party too?”

Fluttershy held the squirrel in her large hands. “Indeed, but this is not he. Payest me pardon, for I have business in the forest. A dandy knight has fallen into a tar pit with his bottom in the air.”

Twilight frowned and placed a hand to her lips. “Alas, I am familiar with that knight. Pray you rescue him shortly. Luna-speed, good Peacock.”

Fluttershy got up and walked toward Rarity, waving at Twilight. The lady waved back, then watched in disappointment as the animals dispersed.

Stepping past the trees, Fluttershy greeted her rival with a smile. “Such a lovely woman, both of visage and mind. It would please me much to know her further.”

Rarity hmphed with her arms crossed. “The lady deserves not to be known by swine. Now stand but a moment.”

The elf waved her hands and a breeze danced around the fairy. Stray webs and blue flower petals from the surroundings, and sapphires from Rarity’s own pocket, coalesced into a sky-knitted shirt that covered Fluttershy’s torso. The gift’s recipient examined it. “How elegant! Elf-made clothing is precious indeed.”

Rarity paused, considering whether to speak, then said, “In the past, you received many such gifts from me, as you recall.”

“Aye, I do,” Fluttershy said with a smile. After a moment, she frowned and continued, “I don’t suppose a curse was woven in with spider-silk?”

“Hardly. I simply grew tired of looking at your ridiculous form.”

Fluttershy looked at her muscular arms as though she just now noticed them. “Alas, I have forgotten myself. Worry not, for but a rosethorn’s prick will restore me.”

The fairy knelt down to a rosebush nearby and reached a thumb in. Quickly air rushed out of the cut and her body deflated into her nymph frame, skin turning to sunflower and hair forming elegant pink strands down to her hips. Dragonfly wings emerged from her back, passing through her new clothes. Turning to examine this, Fluttershy noted with a smile, “I’m pleased you recalled my hyalopterous nature for this dress.”

With a haughty grin, Rarity responded, “You are speaking to the Spindle-Crowned, forget you not. But enough pleasantries, our contest has ended, and it is time to declare me winner.”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Winner? Of a contest between dungmongers, perhaps! The lady and I formed a soul-bound connection, and we would have continued our talk past eventide without your intervention.”

“Pardon? She treated you as the plaguebearer you are while I was able to kiss her hand.”

“You place too much importance on physical affection.”

Rarity continued, “More than that, I needed no outside assistance, while you needed a great deal. In fact, perhaps I should receive another dozen attempts at Twilight as recompense.”

With a wave of her hand, Rarity’s human knight disguise was restored.

The fairy leaned forward, clenching her fists to her chest. “I did not agree to those terms!”

Rarity paused to consider this, then without saying anything, ran out of the thicket toward Twilight. She shouted, “Twilight, my dear, I return!”

Fluttershy stood there watching as she ran, then realizing what she just did, exclaimed, “That cur!” She rushed to gather the same potion ingredients as before. “Pollen, saliva—I swear, I’ll help you later, Mr. Frog—root, mix, and there.” She quickly applied it and magically transformed again into a muscular man, then ran out yelling, “Twilight, my task is over! Let me fetch a new animal friend for you to pet.”

Twilight looked up with wide eyes, watching her two suitors crash toward her. They stopped a few feet from her and grappled with each other. The lady put on a smile. “I am glad to see you both returned and have met each other. Tell me, Sir Knight, what of the squirrel you hunted?”

Rather than Rarity, Fluttershy spoke as the elf’s palm shoved into her cheek. “He failed and fell into tar! This knave is no match for the forest creatures!”

“Ah, I see you wear a shirt now. A reward for rescuing the knight, perhaps?”

Rarity responded, “Reward not! It was a donation to a miserable bum!”

“Ignore him, Twilight. This man is a fraud.”

Twilight tilted her head. “I don’t recall telling you my name.”

Fluttershy froze. “Oh, yes, I simply was repeating what the knight said.”

Rarity laughed. “No longer content as a peacock, you are a parrot too. Lady Twilight knows my name at least, unlike you.”

Twilight smiled. “What was the name you gave me, again, Sir Knight?”

Rarity blinked. “It is Sir Elusive, m’lady.”

Twilight got up and approached the two fae. She turned to the elf and said, “I know your name, but it is not that.” She raised a finger and pointed at her. “You are Rarity of Alfberg.”

That announcement reverberated and Rarity felt a shockwave enter her body. Her armor shattered along with her false skin, revealing her true elf form, dress waving in the wind. With wide eyes, Rarity looked down then back at Twilight. “That—that was true name magic! But how?”

Instead of answering, Twilight walked to the elf and lifted her chin with her fingers, looking into her blue eyes with her own half-lidded violet ones. The human said, “My, you are far more lovely in this form.”

Rarity froze and her cheeks flushed.

It took Fluttershy another few moments to respond, then she jumped back and exclaimed, “Egads! An elf! Good that thou exposedst her treachery.”

Twilight turned to Fluttershy with the same half-lidded smile, making her shiver. “Your disguise will take more to dismiss. Rosethorn, I suspect.” A small thorn appeared in her hand with a burst of purple magic. She walked to Fluttershy, both fae frozen in place, and poked her arm. The fairy soon reverted to her true self and before Fluttershy could react, Twilight lifted her chin the same way. “Fluttershy, fairy of the woods. If you wished to impress me with physical perfection, better you remained in this form. How shall I describe you? Oh yes.

“Thou maiden flower bloom and honey crown’d,
Birds and beasts comfort find in thy embrace.
Thy face is serene, sunlit space surround.
Thy eyes reflect the beauty of nature’s grace.

Thy sugar’d lips be rosy, full, and sweet,
Those petals draw to thee my buzzing flight,
To drink thy blessed nectar as we meet.
Kiss separates then yearns to reunite.

But flowers wilt and petals fall when aged,
Unlike thy coral hair and lemon look.
Oh blood of fae and rosen allure uncaged,
Thou art a princess from a fairy book.

How Gaia envies her pink blossom’d seed,
Awaiting flush; all thy pages shall I read.”

As the poem progressed, Twilight’s lips approached Fluttershy’s own. The fairy’s breathing quickened and her face became as pink as her hair. The sonnet ended and their lips just barely brushed. At this contact, Fluttershy’s legs gave away and she fell to her knees, head spinning. Wobbling, she mumbled, “Thank you for your compliment.”

Twilight looked over her shoulder back at Rarity, and the elf stiffened instinctively. With an easy stride, the lady approached Rarity and again took her chin, gazing into her eyes. “As for you, my darling.

“A nightingale could not describe beauty
Until it has seen thee, oh finest silk—”

Already Rarity’s head started falling. With a, “D—darling!” she crashed to the ground, face so red it seemed as though steam would rise from her.

Twilight giggled. “My, I didn’t even finish a quatrain. You two seemed to be in a contest to win my affections, but clearly I am the victor.”

With effort, Fluttershy started getting up. “Who—who are you? How can you know our true names? Were you truly an unsuspecting damsel?”

The lady smiled. “No longer thouing me, I see.”

With a wave, Twilight’s book appeared in her hand. “Going backwards, I was no damsel and I was quite suspecting. It was easy enough to learn Rarity’s true name, given her past interactions with the court, but yours took a few more cross references before I could confirm it. And last, I am who I said I was, a human by the name of Twilight. I did neglect to give my last name and quest, however: I am Twilight Sparkle,” she said with a bow. “A mage, taught by Celestia herself. I was asked by the local people to clear the forest of the fae that bedeviled them for centuries, so they may expand their town.”

The confusion on the faces of the elf and fairy shifted to anger. Rarity shot to her feet and spoke first. “What! They have no right!”

Fluttershy continued. “What of the natural habitats? Humans are demons!”

Twilight raised her hand. “Calm yourselves, I already persuaded them not to follow through and presented them with alternatives. However, I felt that for future discussions, it would be best to reach out to those of the forest. From my readings, long in the past, there was a time when you were friends to the town, if mischievous ones, and I believe such a relationship can exist again. I am well aware that fae do not appreciate being searched for, so I chose instead to wait to be approached here. And approached I was.”

The two fae looked at each other and blinked. They huddled close together and Rarity told the fairy, “It is no doubt heartening to hear how the lady chose to act, but it galls me still what the humans dared.”

“Quite peeving indeed,” Fluttershy responded. “I also feel another conflict. Normally I would never listen to a human, even a powerful mage, but something about her…” She blushed lightly.

Twilight continued, “I will admit, there was one other reason I chose to come here. I loathe to see broken friendships, so once I learned of yours, I knew I must help. If tales be true, your strife began when Rarity dressed up a badger in a suit against its will, correct?”

Rarity replied, “Correct, but town planning is one thing, our personal matters are another. Fluttershy was overreacting then and I have no apology to give.” She huffed.

Fluttershy huffed back. “You were inconsiderate and I likewise have no apology.”

Twilight said, “But that isn’t true, is it? Fluttershy, you mentioned to me how you’ve gotten your animals used to wearing outfits.”

Fluttershy looked down. “Well, just because they look cute.”

“And Rarity, you mentioned fabrics that sat well on fur, which would be an odd goal unless you were considering a certain someone else.”

Rarity looked down. “Well, perhaps.”

Twilight walked to the two of them and took their hands, immediately turning their faces red. They didn’t resist as she brought all four hands together. “We are all friends, are we not? We have much to discuss, so come, sit. Fluttershy, tell me more of your creatures, and Rarity, I would love to see a dress drawn by your own hand.”

The two fae looked at each other and, after a moment, smiled. Twilight summoned two more chairs for her table, then they sat and talked through sunset.

Much later, in front of the same clearing, two diamond dogs popped up from the ground.

“I hear peace has returned to your land, coz,” said the larger one.

“As has yours,” responded the smaller one.

“Remarkable that such a feat could be accomplished by a human, and she succeeded without the use of arms or enchantments. A fool, but her foolishness bore fruit.”

The smaller dog chuckled. “I see you have not heard. Witnessed by none but a mere breezy, the lady was seen coming back to this scene at night, dressed in a cloak. The breezy flew closer to investigate, but was quickly forced back in horror. Iron chains were buried in the earth, ready to ensnare the fae if they proved wily. And more than that. Biting traps! Binding spells! Even a great dragon enchanted with invisibility, feasting on gems to placate it! All were removed with her magic, then she returned to her human dwelling with no further sign of her presence. She may want the elf and fairy to think she came unarmed, but that was far from the case.”

The larger dog hummed. “I see. This is dangerous knowledge you have given me. Fae-peace is always precarious, but this is more so than I realized. Pray that this doesn’t reach their ears.”

“Let us forget it then and move to lighter topics,” replied the smaller dog. “They say a party is to be held in honor of the new union of the elf, the fairy, and the witch.”

There was a blast of pink smoke and the two dogs hid their eyes. The smoke spun and gathered in the air, forming a sprite with pink skin, hair, and dress. She spread her arms and declared, “Exactly right, and you’re just in time! Party in the clearing, woo!”

Dance

Exeunt

Author's Note

This started life as a quick little story, but I somehow got it in my head to write Shakespeare style, and then I felt obligated to write a sonnet, and here we are. I feel kind of bad that I didn't do more to emulate his style, but just the sonnets took a long time to write. I hope these shadows haven't offended the Shakespearites among us.

Credit to Undome Tinwe for the starting premise of quarreling fae and the story being RariTwi, seen in this tweet, and Lingo for the idea of the fae being Rarity and Fluttershy fighting over a mortal pony Twilight, while dodging their own feelings for each other.