You laid in bed, full of ennui and sorrow. You did not want to get out of bed, you did not even want to shift positions. The energy required for such an act too much for you to muster in your sorry state.
You had been growing more anxious as the days went by. The tension was building within you, and no matter how much you tried to let it all out, no matter how much you tried to just let your emotions run wild, nothing happened.
The dam that laid behind your eyes remained forever strong, and would not break, no matter how much stress was put upon it. Some may call that a virtue; you called it an illness. It was like a cruel joke. Full to the brim with tears, yet none will shed.
You sigh, rubbing at your eyes. You just wished for it all to go away.
And in a sense, you also felt guilty for your feelings. Your work was stressful, sure, but so were many others. You had family troubles that will never be resolved as you were cast away to a far away world, sure. But, there were many others who too had turmoil in their family life.
In fact, to you, you were simply pleading for peace when there were others who deserved it far more than yourself, and that thought dug its way deeper and deeper within your being.
There was a knock on your door.
You tried to ignore it, shuffling in bed.
Yet another rapping upon your chamber door.
There was a pregnant pause as the air between you and the door grew more tense.
“Anon? Are you still in there? I haven’t seen you all morning… Are you alright?”
You did not reply, you simply let her words hang in the air.
“I’m coming in, Anon.” She stated matter of fact, opening the door to your room slowly. The creaking of the wood made you want to tear out your ears. You also beat yourself over the head for not locking the door.
“Oh my goodness!” she exclaimed. “Anon, is that really you under all those blankets?”
You groaned. “Please, Fluttershy. I just want to be left alone. Please, just leave me alone.”
“You don’t really mean that, Anon…”
You did not reply, and yet again the room was filled with silence.
The shuffling of hooves on the hardwood let you know she was making her way towards your bed. As glad as you were for Fluttershy letting you live as a roommate in her spare guest room, you couldn’t help but be annoyed by your personal privacy being pretty much a thing of the past.
When Fluttershy wasn’t around, the animals were. You loved animals, and you enjoyed being around Fluttershy, but with your turbulent mood swings, sometimes it worked against yourself.
You felt a pair of hooves atop your blanket fort, lifting them up to make you see eye to eye with Fluttershy.
“Anon.” She sighed.
You couldn’t look at her any longer and just tossed your head to the side. “Please just go. I’ll be okay alone…” Your voice cracked on the last word, not helping your cause.
“No you won’t.” She rebutted, not taking no for an answer.
You felt your breath hitch within your throat, as Fluttershy climbed into bed with you, pushing herself up against your side. A blush creeped its way across your features, and you dared not turn your head around to meet hers.
“I’ve seen how stressed you are, Anon. You can talk to me, please don’t be a stranger.” She rubbed her head against the crux of her neck.
You breathed out a heavy sigh. “I-I don’t want to, Fluttershy. I-I just… I.” you couldn’t find the words.
“It’s okay. Take your time.”
You felt her pushing herself further into you, and you couldn’t help but lean back from the affection. It felt so wrong, you did not deserve the pity. You were being selfish, always being a downer, and taking up your friends' time.
“We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. We can just have a nice cup of tea, or you can help me with some gardening. Gardening always helps me when I’m feeling blue.”
There was a chip in the dam.
“I-I… I… I just w-want to be happy.” You stuttered as another crack in your personal dam let out a few warm tears. Alone, you couldn’t let them go, but with her with you, it just found its way out on its own accord. You had no control of it, you had no control of what was going on and that made it feel so much worse.
You heard Fluttershy start to hum a soothing tune. At first it was slow, calm, and light. Then, as it began to pick up a quicker tempo, so did the power she put into it.
The dam broke, and you were freely sobbing into the blankets around you. You were embarrassed to do such a thing beside another creature. You hated being vulnerable, you hated feeling this way, but with each tear shed, you felt just that much better.
It wasn’t long, but your sobs helped wash away the tight grasp around your heart, removing its strangling hold.
The humming from Fluttershy stopped as well, and she began to speak again. “Anon. Listen to me closely. The pain of the heart has no measure, and what you feel is very real to you.”
She clutched around your midsection tighter. “And you’re not alone in that. I have feelings I find unwelcome, and they used to control me. But through my friends, and personal willingness to be happy with myself, I found it easier to be me.”
She sighed, the emotion evident in her voice. “I know I must sound a little preachy, but it’s honestly what I think, and it hurts me to see you feeling this way, Anon. It really does…” She trailed off.
“Thanks.” You simply replied back. Reach a hand around to cusp one of her hooves. “You mentioned tea? I’d like some tea, also, some time out of the house.”
You couldn’t see it, as you were still turned away, but you knew she was smiling from ear to ear. “I’m glad to see you feeling just a teensy bit better. Sometimes you just have to cry and let it all out, no matter how hard it is.”
You turned around, finding yourself staring deeply into her cerulean eyes. She looked so full of life, and it was infectious. You once again rubbed at your eyes, feeling more embarrassment well within you. You removed the blankets from around the two of you, and stretched your shoulder muscles before getting up out of bed. You then made your way to the door, Fluttershy was right behind you.
“You’re too kind to me, Fluttershy.” You stated.
“Everyone deserves a little bit of kindness, Anon.”
Author's Note
The world is in a state of unrest. My family and friends are at edge, and I find myself in much of the same position.
I just want people to be happy. I just want good to prevail in the world, and for all the feelings to be laid bare for all to see. I wrote this hurt/comfort short story with the intention of hopefully brightening up peoples days, and to let them know that their sorrows are not unheard and are worth all the time in the world.
No pain is without merit, my friends. Pain is pain, and it has no measure.
I didn't really edit this, so if there is any egregious mistakes, I apologize. If they are pointed out, I will fix them.
On a side note, I am writing a much longer story right now. It's a slow process, but it's going to be stronger than what I usual pour out onto the site, because I want it to push the boundaries of what I can do.
With love.
~ Not Enough Coffee
