What the fwock, Twilight!?

by CrimsonEquine

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Rarity, Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1596

Twilight Sparkle goes on a date with the son of one of the Hedgetsons and shenanigans happen.

A new family on the block, The Hedgetsons have arrived in Equestria. The son, Tyrese Hedgetson is about to go on a date with Equestria's illustrious and beautiful Twilight Sparkle. But, not if Tyrone Hedgetson has anything to say about that!

Published 2020-06-03 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-03 03:30:01 UTC

What the fuck, Twilight!?

In the neighborhood outside of Equestria lived an african american family that recently moved in.

They are…

The Hedgetsons!

In the household with The Hedgetsons, is Tyrone Hedgetson with Mallary Hedgetson and their three kids, Cheryl, Pomice, and Tyrese Hedgetson.

This is their story.

Suddenly, oh my gaud, Twilight Sparkle broke through the house wall.

“What the fuck, Twilight?” said Tyrone with his arms crossed.

“Laugh Track”

Twilight Sparkle continued to smile with that stupid face of hers. No pony would understand such a fate. She had a bunch of africans living next to her home at Golden Oaks Library. That wasn’t so bad, but she needed to crash into the wall of their home because they invaded her personal comfort space.

“You have endangered the surrounding villages of Ponyville with your presence, prepare to die” said Twilight Sparkle with an ethereal sound. Not even her mouth moved, her magic did the trick.

“Hoooooooooooooooo” said Tyrese while flailing his arms. “I’m going on a date with Twilight dad!”.

Tyrone Hedgetson was not amused.

“Then why the fuck did she crash through the wall, is she retarded or somethin?” he said.

“No dad, she just wanted to make an impression is all” he said.

Mallary Hedgetson came through the living room after she dusted the walls with her swiffer duster. She felt that being in a new dimension, there had to be some spring cleaning.

“I like her style, she busts through walls just like me!” said Mallary.

“Well ok, go on and have a good time boy, make sure to come back after seven or...” said Tyrone.

Everybody paused for a few minutes with absolute distress in their faces. Mallary’s crows feet intensified by her soured expression. Tyrese eyes almost popped out of his head. Tyrone looked at Twilight who still had that stupid look on her face.

Then Tyrone smiled.

“Have a good time y'all!” said Tyrone as he waved.

“Oooh, I wish I could fall in love again with Ty-Ty, just like the good old days…” said Mallary.

Tyrone chuckled with his deep voice and gave a smooch on Mallary’s forehead. She giggled at the kiss and hugged her man.

Tyrese and Twilight Sparkle walked away from the hole of the house. Twilight looked at Tyrese and so did he do the same. Their love was a burgeoning one filled with the life of several kittens. With Tyrese and his long square fro, and Twilight Sparkle in a black dress, nothing would stop their love.

They arrived at Sugar Cube Corner and entered the site. Pinkie Pie, the overweight pony looked at the two and excitedly leaped. It caused the Sugar Cube Corner wooden frame to shake a bit from her force.

“Oh my goodness, Twilight you finally got yourself a date!” said Pinkie Pie. “Oh I can’t wait for them to get married and have half breed abominations, oooh, I’ll be the godmother”.

“No need Pinkie, for you see, I’m going to date him hard tonight so you will be a godmother!” said Twilight telepathically.

“Yea, Twilight promised we would go to…” Tyrese crept closer to Pinkie’s side. “All the way” he whispered.

Pinkie Pie became so excited that she started to howl like a wildebeest and jiggle her fat folds like she had an aneurism or something.

“Wow, that's amazing!” said Pinkie Pie. “I can’t wait for you to go…”

Pinkie Pie paused and then turned away.

“All the way…!”

“Did she just say all the way!” said Rarity, the reverse-transvestite. “I can’t believe it, our little Twilight is finally getting what she needs, a real man!”

Rarity appeared from the bathroom lane with her jeans, ripped shirt with the word “Cool” on its frame, and a baseball hat.

“Aw shucks guys” said Tyrese. “Well we're gonna go watch Big Momma’s House 3 on the big screen ya know, see ya later!”

The two ponies waved at them both as they disappeared, before making out in public. Tongues squashed against each other as their impermanent love lusted lavishly lo loving.

Twilight and Tyrese found the ponyville theater, Tyrese handed twenty dollars to the pony patron and they went inside with two tickets in hand for Big Momma’s House 3.

They sat together in the middle row. The movie turned on and Big Momma appeared through the screen.

“I’m going to suck out your souls!” said Big Momma.

They both screamed at the incredible special effects.

Tyrese threw his arm around Twilight as the movie continued. He was about to reach her pony shoulder, when suddenly, a fire started right behind them! Tyrese screamed a high pitched cry. Twilight raised her horn ready to protect her man.

“Get behind me Tyrese, the theater is being attacked by Antifa!” she said psychically.

A bunch of black masked people ran through the theater and ripped out the chairs one by one with their mighty strength. Then, one by one, they took and took, the others were shook, look and look, Antifa hook!

Trucks tore away the seats and pulled the chairs and projector into their large green trucks with large turn pullers. Then, they threw molotov cocktails at the cars and at Spike the dragon, no not Spike the dragon! His skin melted into the sidewalk and into the sewer channels, but he was still alive without his skin and he walked without a care in the world.

“What the hell, all they are doing is stealing shit” said Tyrese.

As the burning building tore apart, Twilight looked deep into Tyrese’s eyes.

“I love you Twilight Sparkle!” said Tyrese.

“I love you too!”

“You spoke Twilight, after all these years!”

“I was just faking it to get an easier life my love, so that I could get into reputable schools and shit while they think I'm retarded.”

“Oh okay, guess we're not going all the way then huh?”

“Who says we're not… lover boy…”

Twilight leaped onto Tyrese as the building burned.

They made love under the fire light.

--0--

As smooth jazz began to play, Tyrone and Mallary were watching television together.

“Oh Tyrone, I love this new place we get to live in, the ponies are so nice, and we get paid so much!”

Tyrone laughed.

“Yea, it seems having hands is more useful than they thought huh” said Tyrone. “Hooves just don’t cut it like real graspers do”.

Mallary smiled.

“Oooh, come over with those big hands”

They kissed as the show, Fresh Prince of Bellaire played on.

The sound of police sirens came from outside.

“Don’t worry hun, I’m checking it out!”

Tyrone went outside without a shirt. The police ponies shot a taser at his head. He screamed as it shocked his skull.

“You're under arrest for endangerment of a pony and for having such a big ass…”

“No, Officer Sweatpants, I told you we can’t be together anymore, I’m married to Mallary!”

Officer Sweatpants looked away.

“I don’t care, I don’t fucking care, I love you Tyrone, I want you forever, and I’ll have you at any cost, especially now with the riots, I’ll make you love me!”

Tyrone struggled, but her unicorn magic was too strong.

“Please, sweaty, please, you can’t do this to me!”

The door slammed and he was taken away. Mallary ran outside and saw the police cars drive away as she wore a towel.

She screamed for Tyrone as hard as she could.

-0-

Tyrone awoke to the sound of nothing.

His eyes peered into the darkness, a door opened and it was Twilight Sparkle with that dumb ass look on her face. She was eleven months pregnant.

“Twilight oh goodness, it's so good to see you!”

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath.

“I want to marry your son Tyrone and I need your blessing”.

Tyrone frowned.

“But Twilight, how… are you talking, but he is too young and how are you pregnant!?”

Twilight giggled.

“Because I turned your boy into a man,” she said. “I’ve had my share of secrets, for you see…, I used magic to make our baby grow nice and fast”.

Twilight grasped her large belly and looked down at the life within with caring eyes.

Tyrone gasped at the prospect of a grandchild growing so fast.

“No Twilight, you can’t do that, I won’t let you have my blessing unless you undo this!” he said. “Tyreses is too young to be a father, you have to do what's right!”

“If you don’t, I’ll let Sweatpants have her way with you, you don’t want that right married man?”

Suddenly, a declothed Sweatpants slammed her body at the window to the interrogation room.

“Oh please, anything but that, Sweatpants and her ravenous drive is what made me go for Mallary instead, she’ll tear myself apart!”

“Then you know what to do, father-in-law!”

Tyrone looked down with sweat in his brow.

“Fine, I’ll give you my blessing, but on one condition!”

Twilight smiled.

“Anything!”

“You gotta take me out of this stupid place away from that she-beast!”

Sweatpants pressed her buttcheeks to the window.

-0-

The sound of wedding bells played. Tyrese wore a white suit while Twilight wore a beautiful white gown. A little brown satyr ran towards her momma and she lifted her up in the air with her magic. Tyrese grabbed the little tike with the lower body of the pony and higher torso of the girl.

Tyrone sweated profusely while he sat next to Mallary and so did she as well.

Behind them was Officer Sweatpants with a horrific smile on her face.