Inferiority
Twilight Sparkle was being irrational. For many years she had idolized Princess Celestia, the alicorn who brought daylight to Equestria every day; for many years she had loved Celestia like a mother--possibly like a lover, too--but that was irrelevant at this particular moment.
Twilight had been going through her old friendship reports for hours, heartfelt letters written to the Solar Goddess describing the incredible life she had made for herself here in the town of Ponyville. The good times and the bad times, the triumphs of good versus evil, the emotional and physical hardships she faced daily, even the chronicles of Twilight's many successful (and sometimes unsuccessful) scientific experiments made it into the one connection she had with her mentor.
Celestia had always answered in a timely and effective manner, devoid of the worries Twilight had seen the Princess ruminate over for hours upon hours whilst she was growing up in Canterlot castle. It was painfully obvious to her that Celestia went out of her way to spare Twilight the details of the royal schedule, and too be honest, she found it rather endearing. She liked to think that the Princess treated her like some sort of personal confidant, a shoulder that the alicorn could lean on when her tedious duties overwhelmed her.
Lately, this had seemed further and further from what Twilight liked to call her 'Twilestia head-canon'.
If anything, Celestia seemed to be growing away from her. She couldn't begin to understand why since she never did anything to upset her idol.
Except for that one time where you brainwashed the entire town, and made them dry-hump your favorite fillyhood doll...
Shut up.
And what about that time when you stormed into Shiny's wedding and accused Cadance of being a parasitic monster who fed on emotions?
It was justified! She WAS a parasitic monster who fed on emotions!
That may be true, but you accused her the same way a petulant child accuses her sibling of taking the last cookie in the jar. "But Princess, Cadance really is a parasitic monster! I saw her perform complex mind magic on Shining Armor when no-one else was watching! Her horn was glowing green for a second or two, and, and Shiny was severely disoriented for a few moments after that! Even though there is no way I can possibly prove it right now, you have to believe me! I mean, why would I lie? It's not as if I'm famously psychologically unstable or anyth-"
I get the point.
Do you? You've been talking to yourself out loud for the past twenty seconds or so.
"Wha--Well, that may be true, but that doesn't prove that I'm in anything other than peak psychological condition."
Oh, okay. According to you, I'm a sentient being.
"I never said that."
No, but you certainly implied it.
"..."
What's that? Cat got your tongue?
"How ARE you talking to me, anyway? I don't think an ordinary pony's mind is supposed to respond to every spoken thought with a deadpan comment."
That may be true, but you are no ordinary pony. After all, there are very few ponies out there who have saved the known world not once, not twice, but thirty-three thousand one-hundred and eighty-six times in twenty one years.
"That may be a slight exaggeration, hehe."
Nope. Counting all of your many fantasies where you save the day, get the filly, and deliver a lecture at Canterlot university about the ramifications of time travel on the Llama Empire in time for dinner, there are literally that many to be found. Did I mention that nine out of ten times the aforementioned filly you saved is none other than Princess Celestia of Equestria?
"You of all... consciences, should know that I may have a slight crush on my mentor."
That's quite the understatement.
"And why wouldn't I have a crush on on the Princess? I've known her since I was ten, she's been my surrogate mother for at least that long, and she was the one that convinced me to follow my dreams in the first place!"
Are you saying that your 'dreams' consist of being a tree-dwelling librarian in a small town on the edge of a sentient forest that tries to kill you and your friends constantly? Because those are some pretty stupid dreams.
"You're making it sound worse than it is. I'm going to assume that since you haven't been sentient up until this point something has acted as a trigger to give you that sentience."
Ah, so we finally get to the heart of the problem. Twilight, you love Celestia. Not as a mother, you grew out of that after about a year of drawing perverse scenes of you, the mare in question, and several hundred guards going at it in the throne room like there was no tomorrow.
"I was young! And she is undoubtedly the sexiest mare in Equestria! Every time I look at her I feel like dry-humping her leg!"
Understandable. She is pretty sexy. Unfortunately for Twilight Sparkle: antisocial recluse extraordinaire, you lack the necessary moxie to undertake a palace-wide orgy with the Princess. Mainly because you deem yourself unworthy of even a passing glance from you ruler. Regardless of the fact that you've been the only common pony who isn't an insufferable noble with a questionable family tree who she's been around for an extended period of time.
"Of course I'm overly cautious! One does not simply tell the ruler of Equestria that the little purple pony who she talks to sometimes is madly in love with her! That would be like walking into Maredor, land of the Changelings and the One Ring!"
Agreed. One does not simply walk into Maredor. Anyhow, one can certainly walk into a relationship with the one pony who loves a certain purple mare like Applejack loves oranges.
"You can't be serious. Celestia has never shown anything even approaching romantic love to me, and even if she did, I would probably just teleport into my tree and hide under my sheets for a while, furiously masturba-- wait, what? Since when did Applejack enjoy oranges? She's admitted several times that she hates the sight of them..."
Little known fact about Applejack: her parents wanted to name her Orangejack, but subsequently realized that they owned an apple plantation. Eating oranges is a guilty pleasure of hers. Anyway, lets move on to more serious matters, why don't we?
"What could be more serious than arguing with my mutinous sentient thoughts for over twenty minutes? I'm starting to believe I might actually be psychologically unstable..."
You are, but the reason I'm here is to tell you about how Celestia operates. Ever since you were born, Celestia has worn a mask. In fact, I would wager that she's been wearing it ever since that night a thousand years ago when she banished Luna to the moon. The mask she wears hides her deepest fears, her worries, and her fallibility from the world. You, like so many other ponies, believe that the Princess is an infallible rock, a ship that floats through the seas of time like a fossil weathering the elements. She uses it like a shield, a way to become what all of her little ponies seek of her. The average pony wishes Celestia to be a figurehead; an immortal and unchangeable thing that will forever be there, guilding Equestria from the very top. How far they are from the truth astounds me.
"I... I've always thought of her that way, admittedly, but whenever she needed me, I was there for her. I might not have known of the inner turmoil she faces constantly, but I've always been there for her. Always."
And so you must have seen the signs. The mask is cracking, Twilight, and you are the pony who instigated it.
"And that is a good thing, correct? I've always thought Celestia was rather rigid in her ways, especially since Luna got back. Polar opposites, those two. I suppose that might be what they're going for, what with the whole alicorn of the night and day thing they have going for them."
Twilight, you need to break her mask entirely if you desire her love. On a primal level, I suspect she desires your love too. However, she refuses to take off her mask. One day you will die, as all mortal ponies do. She does not want to become truly involved with you, because one day you will break her heart. The same occurs with all of the ponies she meets, but you are special. You need to show her the one emotion that she desires. The one emotion that she needs.
"I've always wanted to confess to her, of course, but I couldn't face rejection. I suspect I still can't face rejection. If she did say no... I would break. I would never be able to write to her again, never be able to talk to her again. If she said no, my entire life would be gone."
Some risks are worth it, Twilight. You think yourself inferior, not just to Celestia, but to everypony. You are NOT inferior, your many adventures have proven that. You need to tell Celestia how you feel, and you need to tell her now.
"You-- I'm right. I need to see the Princess."
The train leaves in ten minutes. And Twilight, if you put your mind to something, you can always do it.
~!~!~!.C.!~!~!~
Celestia was in the middle of a wonderful bath when she heard a knock at the Solar Chamber's door. Grumbling to herself a bit, she turned off the gold-plated tap and got out of the massive bathtub. It was more like a small pool, really. As she wiped herself down with several white towels, she started walking over to the large wooden doors.
It better not be one of those damn nobles again. If Blueblood bribes one more guard to get up here, I swear I'll buck his sorry head into next week-
"Twilight Sparkle? Whatever brings you to the palace at this hour? Our normal sessions are on Saturday morning, my dear."
With a slightly nervous smile, Twilight began.
"Hehe. No, Princess. I have something to tell you, something that's been a long time coming."
