Hoo-Ha!

by darf

Rating: mature
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Comedy, Porn, Sex, Big Macintosh
Length: 1032

Big Macintosh sticks his wee-wee in his sister Applejack's hoo-ha. WITH RESULTS. An experiment in writing porn without profanity.

♫loooooong description

yes it's a loooooong

description

oh so long, we can't even figure out what to put in-siiiiiiiiide♫

Big Macintosh x Applejack x stupid baby-talk = existential horror?

An experiment to see if we could write a porn scene without using profanity. 'Bum' is hereby available for substitutions.

Content Warning: consensual incest, general stupidity

If you enjoy our writing blah blah blah Patreon blah blah blah commissions. Please give your time and attention to valuable causes and concerns rn instead of us. If you want, anyway.

Patron shout-outs: Sorden, carcinoGenetecist, Jake, infernap42, & Nick. <3

Published 2020-06-04 22:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-04 22:50:02 UTC

Oui Oui

Big Macintosh was an earth pony with a bright red coat and a sandy yellow mane. He lived in Ponyville, a medium-sized town in the heart of Equestria.

Big Macintosh was an earth pony with a big wee-wee. He was called Big Macintosh because his wee-wee was big.

One day, while Big Macintosh was bucking apples, his wee-wee got hard. His wee-wee being hard made it difficult for him to focus on work, so he took a break from apple-bucking and went home for a bit.

Big Macintosh really wanted to stick his hard wee-wee into somepony's hoo-ha. The hoo-ha he most wanted to stick his wee-wee in belonged to his sister, Applejack. She was pretty and had a big bum, and Big Macintosh liked to look at her bum because it made his wee-wee hard.

Applejack was in the kitchen having a glass of cider when Big Macintosh got home. She waved and smiled to him as he walked into the kitchen, and took a drink of her cider as he sat down at the table.

"Howdy, Big Mac," Applejack said in her typical country twang. "How're the apples treatin' ya today?"

"Aw, not so good, Sis," Big Macintosh said. He pulled his chair out from the table so he could show his sister how big his wee-wee had gotten between his legs. Underneath his big hard wee-wee was a big set of balls, and they hung low and dangled when Big Macintosh walked. When he sat down, they just kind of sat with him, hanging out under his wee-wee.

"See?" he said, gesturing to his wee-wee. "I got a real problem." He smiled at Applejack hopefully. "Don't suppose you could help?"

"Now, Big Mac," Applejack said, pausing for another sip of her cider. "You know brothers and sisters ain't supposed to look at each others' wee-wees and hoo-has. On account of it's wrong."

"But AJ," Big Mac said, his voice tinged with whine, "how else am I supposed to make my wee-wee go down?"

"Why don't you just put your hooves on either side of your wee-wee and move 'em up and down? That'll probably help."

Big Mac sighed.

"I tried, but it doesn't feel as good as somepony's hoo-ha."

The brother and sister ponies shared a moment of quiet contemplation, together in the kitchen.

"Well," Applejack said eventually, "I suppose I could help you out. Just this once though! Don't go gettin' used to it, or we're gonna wind up in trouble."

"I love you, Applejack," Big Macintosh said as he got up from the table. He leaned over the table to kiss his sister on the lips, and she giggled and kissed him back, and her lips tasted a little like cider.

After the kiss had finished a few second later, Applejack hopped up onto the table and faced away from her brother, so her hoo-ha and big bum were pointing in his direction. His wee-wee got even harder as he stared at Applejack's big bum. He wondered what it would be like to put his wee-wee in her bum sometime. Maybe he would ask her later.

"Come on," Applejack said, turning her head to look over her shoulder and smiling. "I didn't wanna say anything, but my hoo-ha has been needing some attention too."

"Why don't you just play with your hoo-ha yourself?" Big Macintosh asked. He stood next to the table behind his sister's bum and lined his wee-wee up to go inside her hoo-ha. After he put his wee-wee inside her hoo-ha, he would move his hips backwards and forwards until his wee-wee got really sensitive and then shot out a bunch of sticky stuff inside his sister's hoo-ha. Maybe he would pull out right before then and get a bunch of sticky stuff on his sister's face instead. Big Macintosh really didn't understand why brothers and sisters weren't supposed to do this stuff. It always seemed really fun.

Applejack pouted at her brother, but broke into a gasp, then a small smile as she felt her brother's wee-wee lining up and sliding inside her hoo-ha. Her hoo-ha was all wet, because when your hoo-ha needs attention, it gets really wet and asks for somepony to touch it. Right now Big Macintosh was touching it with his wee-wee, and it felt really good.

"Mhm," Applejack said. "That feels really good. I like it when you shove your wee-wee in my hoo-ha."

"I like the way your hoo-ha feels," Big Macintosh said. He grit his teeth and grunted a little as he slid his wee-wee all the way into his sister's hoo-ha. Finally it was all the way in. The two of them were having mommy-and-daddy time.

Applejack and Big Macintosh said things like "Ooh!" and "Ahh!" and "That feels good!" and "Please keep doing that because it feels so good!" for about fifteen minutes, until Big Macintosh was feeling the tingle in his wee-wee and Applejack had felt tingles in her hoo-ha at least three times already.

"My wee-wee is gonna shoot its sticky stuff everywhere soon," Big Macintosh said matter-of-factly. "Where do you think I should make all sticky?"

"Why don't you make my bum all sticky?" Applejack asked. "It feels funny and I can bounce my bum around until I get all the sticky stuff off."

"Or I can lick it up for you," Big Macintosh offered.

"Either way," Applejack said with a shrug.

Big Macintosh grunted a few times, then pulled his wee-wee out of his sister's hoo-ha and put a lot of sticky white stuff all over her bum. Her bum was all sticky. Woo.

"Thanks, Applejack," Big Macintosh said. His wee-wee wasn't too hard anymore, and it was getting softer by the second. It was also a little sticky, and wet from his sister's hoo-ha.

"No problem," Applejack said with a giggle. She got off the table and stared over her own shoulders at her sticky butt, which made her giggle again.

After Big Macintosh and Applejack had both cleaned up, Big Macintosh went back to bucking apples, and Applejack had a nice evening reading a romance novel she'd been putting off for several weeks.

The end.