Twilight's (Forced) Friendship Speeches

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pharynx, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Thorax
Length: 5482

Princess Twilight Sparkle tries to give a friendship-hating changeling friendship speeches. They go as well as you might expect.

Knowing Thorax had struggled to convince some of his follow changelings to change, Princess Twilight Sparkle decided to visit the changeling hive and check up on him.

It turned out, with the exception of one changeling, Pharynx, all of the changelings had finally accepted the new way and had transformed as a result. Even so, as the Princess of Friendship, Twilight took it upon herself to get Pharynx to change his ways and learn friendship.

No matter how many times Pharynx says "no".

Published 2020-06-29 16:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-29 16:20:00 UTC

Pharynx and the royal pain

"I hope Thorax doesn't mind me dropping by like this. Nah, friends love visits from their friends! Right?"

With joy-filled hops, Princess Twilight Sparkle had departed Ponyville and was currently approaching the changeling hive, home of the now-reformed changelings. It wasn’t like she had never hopped or pranced, but she did wonder what compelled her to do the motion, not her usual walking or flying. Twilight’s upbeat humming, mixed with words to herself, and big smile rivaled even Pinkie Pie’s.

As she got closer to the hive, Twilight pranced higher and faster. However, once inside, she calmed down her lively movements, but she continued hopping.

Patches of grass and moss grew in numerous spots on the ground and rocks of the hive. There were also several chambers, but in the hive’s clearing was an oak throne, which Thorax, the changeling's leader, sat in. He was a green changeling with orange mandibles on top of his head.

“Hi, Thorax! Here’s a surprise visitor!” Twilight cheerfully greeted.

“Twilight?” Thorax waved a greeting hoof to Twilight. “Hi! You look to be in a good mood! What made you come all the way out here?" Thorax gasped and covered his mouth. "Uh, not that I mind you visiting.”

She skipped toward Thorax as she answered, “Starlight was talking about coming here with Trixie to see how you were doing, but I beat them to it. Guess that means I win!" Twilight gasped and mentally scolded herself. She isn't usually so prone to cracking such jokes, unless it was from nervousness. "Sorry about that. Anyway, are you still having trouble with the renegade changelings you told Starlight about in your letters?”

“Thanks to Ember’s advice, I got them to accept friendship, share love, and they transformed…” Thorax leaned his head down and let out a deep sigh. “Except one.”

Twilight cocked her head, her smile flipping into a frown. “Except one?”

Thorax raised his head to face Twilight again. “Yes. Pharynx, my brother. You see, he's--”

Twilight straightened her head and rubbed the top of her head. Something about Thorax’s words was strange. “Hold on. Didn’t you all hatch from eggs Queen Chrysalis laid?”

Whether he intended to or not, Thorax mirrored Twilight’s puzzled frown to bear one himself. “Yes?

“Doesn’t that make you all brothers and sisters?”

“Oh, right.” Thorax gave an embarrassed chuckle. “I forgot changelings are...unusual about that kind of thing compared to ponies and other races. It is whether we are part of the same clutch of eggs that determines if we are ‘siblings’.”

Twilight grinned from the joy of new knowledge, her inner researcher being triggered. “Fascinating! There's still a lot I don't know about changelings, so maybe I should have brought along some notes so I could--wait, what am I doing? Hehe, silly Twilight!” She lightly slapped her cheek to punish herself. She was here to check on her friend, not collect data on the lives of changelings for ponykind. “Now then, you said Pharynx hasn't accepted friendship?”

“Nope. Pharynx is the most prideful of us and he’s not into -- in his words -- lame friendship. Not only that, he’s been irritable, caused problems in the hive, and some of my fellow changelings even want him gone." Thorax sorrowfully gazed upward. "I know Pharynx has good in him, but if he keeps it up, the other changelings might revolt out of frustration.”

“I see.” Twilight set a hoof under her jaw. There was a friendship problem that required her assistance, so she had to step in. “Well, as the Princess of Friendship, maybe I can help. Where is Pharynx?”

Thorax lowered his head to face Twilight again, still wearing a frown. “He’s out on patrol, but should return soon, and I sure won’t mind you talking to him. But, I should warn you that he’s not the...nicest changeling ever, so try not to take whatever he says too personally." Thorax formed a more cheery, friendly smile. "But in the meantime, feel free to look around and make yourself at home. I came up with plenty of fun activities to do, and it's almost time for some of us to swing dance in the dance room.”

“Well, I do have some amazing dance moves, but I can just stay here with you. We didn’t get to talk much during your last visit to Ponyville, so let's do that now."

“Good, none dared to approach the hive. Guess I’ll go back and report it to Thorax...if he’s not busy talking about ‘sharing love’ and 'friendship' with the others. Ugh, I would do anything for you, Thorax, but sometimes you...”

Pharynx, Thorax’s brother and strongest changeling next to Queen Chrysalis, had finished his patrol and was flying toward the changeling hive. Unlike the other changelings, Pharynx hadn’t transformed, so his exoskeleton was black and, unlike his brother, he had no mandibles.

Thorax had told him multiple times there was no longer any need to, but Pharynx had performed his patrols of the area for years and loved it. The feeling of knowing that if a threat approaches, you will deal with it. The exercise that comes with the patrol. Posing when you pretend to capture an enemy when no one is around and you’re bored.

However, in addition to those reasons, Pharynx needed some time away from his fellow changelings. He still cared about and would fight to the death for them, but their sickening peaceful change from learning "friendship" was too much for him. And the forms they had transformed into...horrible!

No wonder ex-Queen Chrysalis declared friendship off-limits under her rule!

Upon entering the hive, Pharynx “facehoofed” and groaned in disgust. Ridiculous bluish-white vines were wrapped around the taller rocks and dangled over walls. Not only was it a pathetic sight, but a resourceful adversary could use them for camouflage! With how soft his brothen are now, it had never been more crucial to not give potential future enemies an edge.

And to make the day even worse, in front of Thorax and his weak-looking oak throne, the hive had a visitor: a purple alicorn, one of the friendship-loving ponies. Pharynx had never seen this particular pony before, yet something about her soured his stomach, despite her not even looking in his direction.

But more importantly, how did she reach the hive without Pharynx spotting her?! The stress of the hive's "friendship craze" must be affecting his performance as a guard! At least the pony wasn't hostile.

“Hey, Pharynx! Come over here for a minute!” Thorax called out. "We have a guest!"

The "guest" turned her head toward Pharynx with a big, friendly smile, souring Pharynx's stomach even more.

Pharynx groaned. “What? You and 'smiley' over there wanna nag me into sharing love or accepting friendship?”

The mare scratched her head, her smile becoming a seemingly puzzled, yet more pleasant-looking, frown. Was it a sign that she’d keep her distance? “Hmm, this may be tougher than I thought.”

“Or impossible if you're going to try to get me to transform too. I’m just here to tell Thorax that the area is secure.”

“Uh, thanks, but I keep telling you that--”

Twilight hopped from Thorax and directly in front of Pharynx, now with that annoyingly friendly smile on her face again. “Hey, Pharynx! I don't know if you were there when the changelings...visited Canterlot, but my name is Twilight Sparkle and I’m the Princess of Friendship. How’s it going?”

“Awful,” Pharynx muttered, then walked away from this Twilight.

She followed him from behind. “Sorry to hear that, and I hear you’re...not a fan of friendship?”

“Nope. Call me a friendship hater.”

“I hear you. I used to be like that about friendship myself.”

“You don’t say?” Pharynx asked with a smile as he stopped walking and turned around to face Twilight. Maybe she could understand him more than he thought. He might have even misjudged her.

“I do say! I once believed friendship to be a waste of time, but after I finally learned its true value, it changed my life for the better. It can change your life for the better too if you open your heart--”

Pharynx covered Twilight’s mouth with a hoof. As his original impression of her was, she is just your nauseating bleeding heart type. “Let me stop you right there, Princess. No. I don’t do friendship, I eat love!” He removed his hoof from Twilight's mouth, spun around, and stomped away. “At least, I used to.”

Twilight sprinted ahead to cut Pharynx off. If he hadn’t known alicorns possess formidable power, Pharynx would have considered knocking her out of the hive here and there. “But you know, eating love the way you did is overrated. It was just empty calories.”

“Says you! It was a vital part of my well-balanced diet!”

Twilight swung beside Pharynx to wrap a foreleg around his neck. “Then how about you try a delicious diet of three courses of friendship a day? It's princess approved!”

He flung out a foreleg to knock Twilight’s foreleg off him. “I’ll pass and stay on a friendship-free diet.” Pharynx again moped away.

In both a “poof” and flash of pink light, Twilight teleported in front of Pharynx, cutting him off again. If only pony repellent existed. “No, you don’t want that. It's my former diet and it doesn’t come close to--”

“Ah! Will you shut up?! I don't want that touchy-feeling friendship! Now, I need to rid the hive of those stupid vines before an enemy tries to hide in them.” Pharynx stomped around Twilight and stormed off toward an entrance to one of the hive’s rooms. Twilight was even more exasperating than he thought, but at least she stayed behind.

Pharynx disapprovingly shook his head at the vines dangling along the walls of the room he chose to begin his work. There were no other changelings in here, making it the perfect place to start. Still, what was he going to do with his brothen? Perhaps some tough love would set them straight?

But that would be something for later. Pharynx bit and pulled some vines off a wall, grunting from the effort. He needed to let out some frustration, so at least those annoying vines were good for something. Letting his anger out on the vines felt so good, Pharynx didn’t even mind that he still had a ways to go before they were all gone.

“This would go a lot faster with a friend,” a voice from behind said.

Pharynx yelped and whirled around to face a smiling Twilight standing right behind him. Years of patrols had sharpened Pharynx's hearing to be extremely sharp, yet he didn’t hear her hoofsteps at all! Did she teleport there?

Pharynx spat out a bit of vine still in this mouth, then pointed a hoof at Twilight. “Where did you come from?! How did you not make any sounds?!”

Twilight leaned her head forward. It was like her blue eyes stared into Pharynx's soul. “Better question: do you want to hear about never expecting the worst from your friends? My friend Pinkie Pie once got the wrong idea when my friends and I were planning a birthday--”

A deep growl rumbled from Pharynx’s throat. “Okay, is there something wrong with you?”

“Me?” Twilight moved her head away, her pupils rolling to the top of her eyes. “Well, I had a headache two days ago, but other than that--”

“But I was--okay, fine, you wanna help so bad?” He pointed to some of the vines still on the walls. “Help me get rid of these stupid vines.”

Twilight's smile deepened. “I would be happy to! It’s what a good friend does!” Her horn glowed pink and the vines vanished. At least she was good for something besides being aggravating.

“Wow, uh...thanks.”

“You're welcome.” Twilight hopped to stand beside Pharynx and again wrapped a foreleg around him. “After all, part of friendship is helping one another. Pony or changeling, it's what friends do and the more we do it, the stronger our friendship will--”

Pharynx flicked Twilight’s foreleg off him with even greater force than he used before, knocking Twilight sideways. “Ugh! How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want friendship?! It's gross!”

Twilight looked down as she laid a hoof on her cheek. “Uh…”

“‘Uh’ what?”

“I'm trying to estimate how many friendship speeches you will need before--”

The yell Pharynx released echoed throughout the room. “Don’t you know when to quit?!”

Twilight shook her head. “I’m not the type to quit easily. Speaking of which, another thing I learned is that through thick and thin, friends stick together, don’t give up on each other, and always...”

Just what is she? It was inconceivable that a sapient creature could be so horrendous at getting the point! Ponies do have brains, right? Attempting to drive home the point with force to an alicorn would have been a bad idea, but might she respond to a different approach? Mustering a friendlier voice, Pharynx said, “I’ll tell you what: if you close your eyes and count to a hundred, I’ll give you a surprise.”

Twilight’s smile grew into a huge grin, her head leaning closer to Pharynx again. “A surprise? I love surprises! Is the surprise that you’re going to give friendship a chance?”

With a foreleg shaking from the restraint he was using, Pharynx gently pushed Twilight’s face away. “Maybe, but first, you have to close your eyes, start counting, and don’t peek.”

“Okay!” Twilight covered her eyes with a foreleg. “One...two...three...”

Pharynx zipped out of the room to head into the deepest one of the hive. It was time for some well-needed rest.

Near a wall in a room deep in the hive, alone, Pharynx wiped his head and released a relieved sigh. Unlike most of the hive, no vines dangled along the walls here. There had been a few changelings in this room, but they left when Pharynx ran in.

“What is that pony’s problem?! She’s acting like she’d die if I don’t give friendship a chance!”

Pharynx let out a deep yawn, stretched out his legs, and lay on the floor. Between the nauseating softness of his fellow changelings and the hive’s insufferable visitor, he needed peace and quiet more than ever.

Even so, he couldn’t just rest. As a changeling that understands the importance of being prepared, Pharynx had to think of a plan in case he had to face Twilight again.

“Now, what can I do about that pest if I see her again? Maybe I could--”

“Try out friendship?”

Pharynx shouted and jumped high in the air. When he landed, he whirled around to a grinning Twilight. For a second time, she found him without making a sound! “WHAT?! How did you know I was here?!”

“After I counted to a hundred, I used the magic of friendship to find you.”

This was unbelievable. Keeping his eyes on her, Pharynx stepped back from Twilight, a chill flowing down his back. With the power of so-called friendship, she could locate him, no matter where he went. What else was she capable of?

For that matter, was this mare even sane? Chrysalis had warned Pharynx about crazy girls, and he found himself face-to-face with possibly the most dangerous one. A sinking feeling filled his stomach and the brave guard was close to actually shaking. The creepy smile on Twilight’s face worsened the feeling.

However, his lips suddenly curled into a huge smirk. He felt much calmer.

He had thought of an idea. An awful idea. Yet amazing.

Pharynx thought of an amazing, awful idea.

And no, it was not to steal Hearth’s Warming.

“Okay, Princess Twilight, you win," Pharynx said with a chuckle. "There’s a place outside that will be perfect for me to accept friendship.”

Twilight’s wings spread wide, her grin at its largest yet. Could she get any more sickening? “There is?! Where?!”

“Follow me, future best friend.”

Snickering under his breath, with Twilight bouncing behind him, Pharynx marched out of the chamber and soon left the hive.

Similar to the inside of it, the vast area outside the hive had spots of grass and flowers growing from the ground. Pharynx preferred it when none of that junk grew when Chrysalis still led the changelings.

With Twilight bouncing in place behind him, Pharynx pointed toward the horizon. “Now, go off in that direction and don't stop for five minutes. Then, stay where you end up and wait for me to come.”

She stopped her silly hopping and turned her head toward where Pharynx pointed. “Why can’t we just go together?”

“Oh, i-it’s because friendship is brand-new to me." Pharynx twiddled his hooves, pretending to be nervous. "This will be my first time, so even if you’re gentle, you might overwhelm me if I don’t prepare myself first.”

Twilight turned her head back to Pharynx, her face wearing a...comforting smile? “I understand, but as a mare with a lot of experience and know what she's doing, trust me: it will feel great once I get going. Friendship may not seem important, but when you feel its magic--”

Pharynx swung behind Twilight to push her along. If not for the joy that she was seconds from leaving, Pharynx would have screamed. “Okay, I get it, I get it. Can’t you hurry and take off so I can learn friendship sooner?”

“Sure!” Twilight skipped toward where Pharynx instructed and soon vanished in the distance.

After Twilight was out of view, Pharynx shook his hoof toward where he sent her. “HA! Serves you right! Say 'hello' to my not-so-little ‘friend’ that’s out there!”

Wearing a proud smile, Pharynx strutted back into the hive’s chambers to resume getting rid of some of those vines. He was finally rid of Twilight. Even better, where he directed her led to a huge, aggressive, blue mole-like beast known as a “maulwurf”. Its hide is very thick, so magic blasts from even an alicorn would be ineffective.

Ten minutes later, as an aquamarine changeling ran inside in a hurry, Pharynx decided to step away from the hive and stared in the direction he tricked Twilight into going. A bunch of thin pink beams fired in the distance. Pharynx chuckled at the "light show" until the blasts stopped.

“Guess she’s done ‘making friends’ with that maulwurf. Should I go check it out or stay?”

Pharynx thought about the aggravation he endured from Twilight. Then he thought of her being injured, making a grin curl on his face. “Yeah, I gotta see how bad she got clobbered. But, so Thorax won't get too mad, I'll bring the broken pest back and say I 'saved' her.”

Pharynx flew off in the direction Twilight pranced in. Twilight getting her rear end handed to her by a maulwurf will teach her that “no” means “no”! Even if she got away, she wouldn't be visiting again anytime soon.

After nearly five minutes of flying, Pharynx spotted the maulwurf in the distance, lying on its stomach and facing the other away. This far out from the hive, the area was mostly barren. Grass only grew in small, sparse patches; a few isolated dying trees struggled to grow. But more importantly, Twilight was nowhere to be seen.

Did she escape? Or was the maulwurf blocking Pharynx’s view of her?

Pharynx flew closer, but as he did, a voice became audible to him. It was faint, but its tone was not only feminine, it seemed to speak in a lecturing tone. Forcing himself to look past what hearing it meant, he swerved to get a different angle of the maulwurf.

Pharynx’s jaw dropped at the sight now in front of him.

How. The. BUCK?

Twilight was standing in front of that beast, talking!

Pharynx forced himself to fly closer to see if Twilight at least got a little roughed up in the fight. Once the length of three changelings away, he landed. His whole body felt numb.

Not even a single strand of Twilight's coat or mane appeared out of place. She seemed to be -- physically -- perfectly fine!

However, it was a different story for the motionless maulwurf. Bruises covered parts of its body, but bandages partly covered them.

How could this be happening?

That ferocious maulwurf, a monster that would require the entire swarm of changelings to just drive away, was DEFEATED by Twilight Sparkle! Oddly, Twilight’s eyes were closed, though they still oozed pride. Pharynx could at least get behind having pride in themselves.

“...It may not always be easy, but no force is stronger than the magic of friendship. Its strength has seen me and my friends through the darkest of times. I wouldn't be where I am today without…”

As the agonizing speech went on, the maulwurf turned its head at Pharynx. It pointed a claw at Twilight and shockingly whispered in a male voice, “Dude, what is that thing?”

Pharynx gasped. Maulwurfs can talk?! He inched closer and asked in just as hushed a voice, “Wait, you can speak? Since when?”

“I always could, but just never had anything to say when not around other maulwurfs. But again, dude, what is that thing? She's worse than my ex-wife! She hit me in my secret weak spots in the fight we just had, and now she won’t stop giving ‘friendship speeches'! Help me!”

“You have weak spots? Good to--uh, I mean, her name is Twilight Sparkle and ponies call her kind of pony an ‘alicorn’. Technically, she's a pain.”

“...Rarity has taught me time and again what simple generosity can--” Twilight opened her eyes, saw the maulwurf's attention not on her, and frowned. “Hey, eyes over here! Friendship speech is this way, and I still have seventy-one more to give!”

A fearful gasp left the maulwurf's mouth and he frantically waved his claws from side to side. “No! No more! Please! I’ll take getting back together with Moleana over this!” He tapped Pharynx with a claw. “Tag, you’re it!”

"Hey, don't you pawn her off on--"

The maulwurf raised his claws and dug into the ground, scooping out huge chunks of ground with each swipe. In just two seconds, he had created a tunnel and was out of view.

Yes, two seconds. That’s how fast the former husband dug to escape from Twilight.

Pharynx stared into the blackness of the tunnel. This was becoming the worst day ever. “Wow. I should have stayed in bed today.”

Twilight dashed closer to the new tunnel, wearing a disappointed frown. “Aw! He’s gone! I didn’t even get to my best speeches!” She stared at Pharynx and eerily crept toward him, her lips curling into an almost predatory smile. “But since you’re ‘it’, I can just give them to you! Another of my friends, Zecora, showed me how it's the inside that matters, not...”

Pharynx snapped shut his eyes and gritted his teeth from both frustration and fear, but mostly frustration. It built up inside like a raging storm that grew more intense by the second. How much more of this unbearable menace would he have to take? “Why can’t you just be QUIET?!” He threw his forelegs in pure emotion.

One of them made contact with something. A grunt, then a thud followed.

He opened his eyes.

Lying on her side on the ground was Twilight. Her eyes were closed. Her muzzle had a big red bump and she remained still.

“Uh...you okay?” Pharynx asked, curiously poking Twilight’s back.

After more pokes that received no answer, it was clear. Pharynx, a simple guard of the changelings, had KO’ed the alicorn Twilight Sparkle. She is one of the top-five strongest ponies in Equestria, yet Pharynx took her out with ONE punch.

Even if the act was inadvertent, this is how legends are born.

“I...just beat an alicorn.” A humongous smile popped on Pharynx’s lips. This was too good to be true, yet it was. “Whoo-hoo! Yes! I did it, AND she’s finally quiet!” Pharynx flapped his wings to hover, pumping out his forelegs repeatedly with cheers mixed in. The other changelings claimed a feat like a changeling defeating an alicorn one-on-one couldn’t be done. Queen Chrysalis had admitted it would be impossible for even her, unless she was super-charged. “Yeah! Who's the changeling? I'm the changeling! I'm gonna go down as one of the greatest changeling warriors in history for this! BEST DAY EVER!”

The cheering and pumping of forelegs continued. After a minute, Thorax flew toward him, stopping Pharynx’s celebrating. The new arrival’s eyes laid on Twilight, forcing a deep gasp from them.

"Oh, no! Am I too late?!" Thorax asked as he swooped down to Twilight and leaned to her. “Twilight?! Speak to me! What happened to you?!”

A gust of wind blew, but no answer from Twilight.

Thorax lifted his head toward Pharynx and said, "Pharynx, Sclerite said she saw Twilight's magic firing from out here! Did you see what happened to her?! Was it the maulwurf?!"

Pharynx landed and faced his brother with one of the proudest smiles a changeling had ever given. “What happened to her? I knocked her out, that’s what! Your big brother is going to be legen--”

Thorax's jaw widened. His eyes screamed alarm, but he’ll get over it. “Pharynx, how could you do that?! She's not an enemy!”

“Because she wouldn’t shut up about friendship!” Pharynx answered with his smile waning.

“But do you have any idea what you did?!”

While rubbing his head, Pharynx replied, “Uh, I did the impossible and beat an alicorn all by myself?”

Thorax groaned and facehoofed. At least he has grown: sights like an unconscious pony or changeling would have made him pass out as a nymph. “Fine, Pharynx, we'll make a stone statue of you later, but did you forget that alicorns are also princesses?! This is bad!”

Pharynx moaned. Thorax just had to ruin his good mood. “Aw, what are those friendship-loving ponies going to do? Throw me in one of their little prisons?”

*Three days later*

“I can’t believe those friendship-loving ponies threw me in one of their little prisons! I didn’t even know they had them!”

In Canterlot Prison, in a holding cell, Pharynx sat on a long bed. His bed was along the wall opposite the cell’s tall, impenetrable steel bars. He stared toward the ceiling, bearing a grumpy frown. The hooves on his forelegs laid against his cheeks.

This simply sucked. Pharynx, a proud changeling warrior, found himself imprisoned by PONIES. But at least it was quiet.

In fact, a new thought allowed Pharynx to grin in pure happiness. “Then again, this isn’t so bad. That pest can’t teach me friendship now, so take that, ‘Princess of Friendship’! Ha ha!”

The taps of approaching hoofsteps broke Pharynx from his glee. After a moment, two guards in grey police-style uniforms, both male unicorns -- one blue, one brown -- trotted down the halls in front of Pharynx’s and the nearby empty cells.

However, the purple alicorn trotting between them sent a shiver down Pharynx’s back. It couldn’t be!

She was Twilight Sparkle! Her muzzle was swollen red -- though the swelling had shrunk from before -- and she was wearing a white ring around her horn. Oddly, her eyes were violet, despite being blue at the hive.

“Now that you are medically stable and taken your medicine, this will be your temporary holding cell," the blue guard said.

“Again, even though we can grant your wish to be in a cell near Pharynx, we apologize for this.” The brown guard bowed his head in courtesy. “We hold the utmost respect for you, Princess Twilight, but we still have to--”

“I understand, and I promise there are no hard feelings. You are just doing your job.”

With magical levitation, the brown guard opened the cell’s door from across Pharynx’s cage with a key. “Thank you for understanding. We have the green light, so we will come back later with not just the next dose of your medicine, but with some of the books you requested.”

"Thank you." Twilight stepped through the open cage door. Once she was in, the guards closed it and trotted down the halls until they were out of sight.

In opposite cells, Pharynx and Twilight were all alone. Even though they were technically in separate cells, he was nevertheless stuck with her.

This wasn’t fair! What did Pharynx do to deserve this? He had always been a good changeling that followed orders without question.

“Hey, Pharynx--”

He covered his face and screamed, “No, no, no, you crazy pony! No more speeches, you hear--”

“Wait, Pharynx, I’m not going to try to give you a speech again. I just want to apologize,” Twilight said with a frown. Her ears were drooped to the side.

Did he hear right? No speeches on friendship this time? Pharynx uncovered his face and asked, "Really?”

She nodded her head. “Yes. I am so sorry about how I acted. I wasn’t myself.”

This is one of the last things Pharynx expected. She was calling it quits! It alone eased his mood, and he even let out a chuckle. “Oh. Well, I know those days. Sometimes when I was on par--”

“No, I meant I truly wasn’t myself. At least, not completely.”

“Uh, you weren't?”

“No.” Twilight walked to her bed in her cell and sat down. “It must have happened about a week ago, but I caught a severe case of Ponkalitis.”

“‘Ponkalitis’? That some kind of pony disease?”

“Yes. Ponkalitis is a rare, weird, viral infection of ponies that makes the affected pony particularly cheerful and friendly, but also increasingly more persistent about something they are passionate about." Twilight fidgeted her hooves. “Normally, I would have left the matter alone after my second or third attempt to give you a speech failed. But, because of my Ponkalitis, I just got worse!”

“Wow. So, this isn’t some trick? You’re really not going to give me more lame speeches or force me to learn friendship?”

“No, unless you call my speeches lame again,” Twilight answered with an offended frown. It relaxed into a smile and a giggle left her lips. “Besides, even if I do nothing, you’ll learn the magic of friendship and transform sooner or later.”

“Ha, we’ll see about that, Princess,” Pharynx said with a chuckle.

The two shared more chuckles and each lay on their backs on their respective beds. Pharynx had no plans to learn friendship and transform, yet he gained some respect for Twilight. Handing that maulwurf its butt all by herself was an incredible feat, and the best way to gain a warrior’s respect is to show impressive strength. Owning a maulwurf was more than impressive.

And, while Pharynx wouldn't let himself admit it, deep down, he was beginning to accept friendship, though on his own terms. The fact that he was even willing to keep talking to Twilight was proof of this.

“So, what are you in for?” Pharynx asked.

“Assault with friendship speeches.”

Pharynx gasped, rose to a sitting position again, and stared in Twilight’s direction. “Huh? You can be thrown in prison for that?”

“Apparently yes, so I will have to be more careful when I give them from now on, or risk becoming a repeat offender. But, what are you in here for?”

“Assault on an Equestrian princess. You were there.” Pharynx fiddled his hooves. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I deserved it, and you won’t be here for too long. Equestrian laws state that ponies aren't allowed to throw anypony in jail for crimes if they are forgiven, so you will be released once I tell the judges that I forgive you. I just have to be declared cured of Ponkalitis first, so they’ll know for sure that I’m not being extra-nice because of its symptoms.”

“Cool. Then in that case, I’ll tell them later that I forgive you, so they’ll let you out early. As long as you lay off the speeches.”

Twilight rubbed her bed in circles with a hoof. “I would appreciate it, but I may want to stay here if Princess Celestia finds out I got arrested. Besides, it wasn’t you that they said I assaulted with friendship speeches.”

“Then who was it?”

Twilight rolled her pupils upward in seemingly deep thought. “Hmm...I think they said it was a maulwurf that pressed charges.”

Author's Note

Talk about two of the most unlikely pairs to be in prison.

On a different note, Twilight & Pharynx stories seem to be really rare on the site. Those two are two of the more popular characters in the show, so I'm shocked that they don't have more stories together.

Also Pharynx just might be the only character I've never seen anyone ship with Twilight.